Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Ralphie May Reloaded: Re-release of #454: Ralphie May

Episode Date: December 17, 2018

The podcast is off this week, but we wanted to share one of our favorite podcasts with the late Ralphie May. Ralphie and Joey were amazing friends for many years, and some of our best podcasts are the ones with Ralphie and Joey. Have a great week, we'll be back soon, and remember to focus on the yellow.    Love you Ralphie. 

It's gonna be a good day. Oh shit Here we go cocksuckers This is Donald Trump favorite song what come on what this is what he hears in the White House every night This is what the Obama's left from what? Here you go cocksuckers the church of what's happening now Wednesday February 8th Who's better than you? Kick that horse Lee. Oh

Oh shit, and you thought this was just a podcast, huh? This is a fucking party wagon Here we go black people jump up and down come on black people Mexicans jump up and down Armenians do your thing Wiggle cocksucker wiggle Here we go the intensity. Oh Shit, there's a white chick suck black thick in the 70s. Fuck. Yeah. Here we go Some my cool side We say

Ralphie man, oh shit and Uncle Joey I Tell me what the fuck What's happening you bad motherfuckers Uncle Joey here the church of what's happening now? It's a beautiful motherfuckin night I'm happy you get to join us Lee sci-ats here, and yes again my brother mr. Ralphie may hi everybody if he's in town We bump motherfuckers a Ralphie man. I had to tell somebody today something happened Fucking studio burnt down. I'll call you next week. What do I give a fuck somehow I'm sure I got blames. Oh, you always get the blame

I always told you Put water on the computer people over there and shit I'm sorry about the periscope this morning. What happened was this let me explain to you what I the hell I live it, okay? Joe Rogan's my brother. I love him to death, but he gets a lot of creepy fucking people Yeah, that listen to him and the creepy people When they can't get through the him they start going down the line So they go to Duncan when Duncan tells him to fuck off They go to Ari when Ari tells him to fuck off they'll come to me when I talk the fuck off

They'll go to Brian when Brian tells him to fuck off They're gonna Tony Hinch clip when Tony Hinch cuz they'll go to Saratiana and it's on and onward and onward So this started two three weeks ago in Cleveland I had a flying early the night before right I Get there my fucking sleep apnea machine breaks at six o'clock at night. I gotta get a new fucking wire What am I gonna get so ready to go in the panic mode? I got radio on Thursday morning. I gotta be alert I can't I'm not gonna go to fucking season. Let me not deal with this Let me get something to eat with these dudes from LA that want to play with me

I know and I'll come back and I'll deal with this shit. I'll figure it out. I'll scotch tape it I'll do something, you know, right? I Go I eat with these two guys. It's cold out. They walk me back into the whole thing You know the whole town Cleveland where you stay right down the corner from I Walk in and there's these two people there. I don't think about nothing You know, I just see two people. That's my job is I'm talking to these two guys and all of a sudden they're looking over at us And they keep looking and looking and looking and as soon as it and I try to I go there here for a fucking picture

God damn it. I know and Next thing, you know, I go real loud I go listen my sleep apnea machine broke to the guys I go, let me go upstairs and deal with this. I turn around the guy chases me with the girl They come up to me like listen listen listen listen. We got your present, but it's in our car Right away. That's not gonna happen. Right. We didn't know if we'd see you and listen I'm not walking to no car. You come into the show. Would you like me to leave you tickets for the show? That's nice. Yes, we would I mean, that's how fast it was. I'm gonna rush guy

Yeah, I gotta go figure out to sleep at me a fucking thing. So do you want tickets for the show? We took a picture and while we're taking the picture. That's when he starts to shit the guy About fucking going to fucking some country the jungle of Amazon and doing fucking ayahuasca And all this shit that I don't know I don't need to hear this shit. This is not for me You want to take a chance go to the Bronx and get a $3 bag of heroin. You don't need to go all the way to fucking but Well, you know

Listen before you move to LA you see how these fucking idiots work. Did you but you're watching TV and you try to lose weight You're working real hard. You're doing jumping jacks. Also some Hollywood guy comes on he goes I have a new revolutionary way to lose weight We do this these motherfuckers always got the next answer. Well, guess what? I'm from the 70s bitch That was the answer you motherfuckers of steel live living off the 70s every TV show every fucking movie You guys are living off the fucking 70s. Okay, so when I see all it's like quailudes quailudes are great They became ecstasy. Yeah, that's what happens. They become ecstasy But it's the same cousin to the fucking quailudes the same thing that just evolved me

Listen, you want the answer? Take a hit of acid when my mother was dead Three four months. I think I recovered from the pain I had asked her every fucking night and that breaks down whatever problem you have you don't need to go to I waskin the jungle and have a shaman around your breathing stinky dirty Yeah, all you need is a three dollar hit of some good fucking window pain You put on black Sabbath fucking sad bloody Sabbath the answer to your questions will come to you I don't care if you put the Beatles help on the answers to your questions will come to you I'm telling you this as a man because this is what I did for fucking years when I was recovering off the biggest pain

You could possibly have and you're gonna die So don't fucking tell me my fucking job, okay, then this and I'm gonna tell you in front of somebody just so you guys know And he's gonna tell you this November. I'm gonna be cleaning off coke for ten years, Ralphie. I know ten fucking years Can you believe that fuck? Yeah, so they go to get Robo game. Did I go to Brazil? No, did I go get hugs? No, I need to go to fucking a you know, you know all these people in LA go to a a to get clean Yeah, but two weeks later. They go to a doctor. They give my stretcher pills Yeah, and also they have all these symptoms these fake fucking symptoms and they're giving you pills So you you just drugged up on pills, but you're still going to people telling me you're on a a yeah

Yeah, yeah, and not for nothing. I was there the last night You had a great fucking run and that was a great last night to go out on I had a great That was a great fucking 27 year run on fucking blow Yeah, but I was there at the fucking finish line, dude Let me do you smoked an ounce of mind fucking Manso G weed an ounce, okay after eating like for dinners It was terrific food. All right, and we're laughing our butts off and then I bring out mushrooms Oh after after dinner fucking get you started. Let the day go. Let's remember the Indians natives

Don't bring the fucking Indians With a tomahawk somewhere No, I know I said that kid to camp space camp. I'm fucking I'm helping out at natives I'm fucking saving them. Somebody's got to do it. Anyway, listen to this garbage. I We we did I bring out an ounce of fucking great mushrooms Hawaiian ones. Have you ever had the Hawaiian ones? I don't know. Yeah, that's him Okay, the the the regular ones are a little bit bigger the Hawaiians are smaller and the cap sticker All right, and I brought out a fucking ounce of the most deadly fucking mushrooms on the planet

Cocoa ate half an ounce of mushrooms Okay, half an ounce. Do you understand me? Why on top of smoking because it was Thanksgiving and he was goddamn thankful All right, he did all of that over the course of like six hours Okay, and then went to the comedy store into the set. I'll off the ova Zoom straight to the moon and the fucking lights in there were turning purple The whole original room was purple and I'm in there telling jokes on stage. Oh my god I was the only one in the room. I couldn't even see the audience members. I got my fucking car And I got the fuck out of there, but

No, oh my god, I feel like doing blow. I'm gonna read what's that? What's the word they use I'm gonna Re-relax relax fucking you talking about the decision Here's how you quit ain't doing that no more. I ain't doing it. No more. That's it. That's how you did guys With no 12 steps. There's no 12 steps There's no fucking I don't want this poor girl. I'm with to find me on the floor dead I don't want her to walk out of the bedroom and see fat little legs in the kitchen Purple because I want to do blow in front of I can't do it no more

And that's pretty much the fucking end of it dude. That was real shit, but it's like we had so much drama to getting high Like I like to just roll a joint. No, no, you got a roller joint and cut a matchbook and put a filter Yeah filter. Are you talking about what filter? Are you talk a matchbook cover? You got to be cool Everybody wants to be fucking cool. I'm through it cool, right? I didn't play that game I'm from they didn't play the cool game. You would just fucking either you were cool or you didn't nobody teaches you You putting on a t-shirt doesn't make you cool. No, you put the goatee and shaming it real tight You know like a fucking half a fag that don't make you fucking cool. You know what I'm saying, but it does tickle my balls Yes, thank you

Everybody in LA wants to be cool. Oh, no, I'm gonna go to Mexico City. I haven't talked to that That's how you watch shut the fuck up Just take it listen if you're not gonna do a hit ass or take a $3 bag of heroin just leave me the fuck alone It's not my world. It's not my world. I don't even want to listen to that kind of talk. I never did There's a reason people are just hand about it now. It's fucking stupid I know it's it and listen it helps people with opiate Updictions and it helps all these type of people and shit like this. I know Take it to somebody else. All right

I'm an old-school type of fucking guy and that's the way I'm gonna go out That's a Lee and me have conversations every night and Lee looks at me because he knows I don't give a fuck I don't know what you're talking about You want an adventure go to the boogie down Bronx? I'll surround you with 20 black guys and three Puerto Ricans and that's an adventure right there You don't need to make so you could tell your friends at Starbucks. I went to Brazil. Oh my god You're so you're so strong and valiant shut the fuck up People that were gonna go to Canada when fucking Trump became president

Man sick dog. It gets old man. No shit fucking old I come from a different fucking society of people and men act like men You know, I would not have turned the fucking TV on tonight that protesting again. How many times I'm gonna tell you There's no future and protesting. There's none. There's no future people They go down there to fuck with a hole in their chest. Just do drugs like I did You don't have to mingle and to be cool. So people go. Oh my god. You did you're marching it fuck you Fuck you. I got better things to do at my time. Yeah, yeah life. Yeah, you're creating traffic I know you don't like Trump and go fuck yourself. You're creating fucking making traffic you cunt

I'll hope you fall get aids in your mouth. Fuck you. All right. They're bunch of dicks Okay, I got stuck in one of that goddamn woman March and I didn't know why they were bitching Okay, all right, you don't like Trump. Hey, you guess what? Maybe you should have marched your ass to the fucking Voting booth. All right, cuz he told you three weeks before. Hey, I'm gonna grab you by the pussy And you know what most of America was like, I'm cool with that. That's all right I can overlook that nobody likes fucking Trump. Everybody's mad at fucking Trump. Yeah What they should have done something when they had the job, okay? You know what bitches me about being a Democrat is fucking

You have until the end of the game to win the fucking game Coco you have until the end the fucking last play All right, like fucking New England on Sunday. Yeah, New England on Sunday. You thought it was over. No, we had overtime No, we're gonna settle it. Okay. All right, and instead All right, these assholes these little fucking Democrat pussies are all fucking crying. I want to recount I want to fucking recount. I want to get to electoral college not to do this You You lose on Sunday, you don't wake up nobody from the Falcons woke up on on Monday and go man You know everybody I know we lost yesterday in the biggest, you know fucking choke. You could ever lose

All right, but we really wanted to win. So Now if everybody just agrees that we'll just say that we won that's cool, right? That's cool It's cool that we won the Super Bowl even though New England won, but we really won You know what I mean? It's like fucking. I don't give a fucking referee Val Ademir Putin blew the fucking car. I don't give a shit. You fucking lost your lost You know what bro? The way I look at this They had Bernie Sanders They had Joe Biden a man you had Bernie Sanders

But you drank the fucking juice of being cool. Mm-hmm a woman president You just up and down like a fucking Momo that you're right, you know You fooled the country one time. I'm not saying fooled the country But Obama was one of those weird presidencies. It wasn't gonna happen twice, bro You know, the who said it best we won't get fooled again Yeah, we won't get fooled again But the fucking smoke and mirrors and the Priuses and you know, I know people who are buying clothes To go to Hillary Party Clinton parties. Oh, yeah on the West side like that's how fucking

God like Had to sit there and watch that fucking teleprompter, you know me. I don't give a fucking I think we were doing a podcast me Yeah, we were yeah with a tutorial with the tour. Yeah Man, it was a little Nicky. Yeah, we didn't give a fucking two dicks about nothing, man You know, if you know how hard we've worked in our lives and what we went to there wasn't a president there to help us Fucking time When I was fucking I still remember when I got thrown out of the benders it was a day fucking Reagan got shot Yeah, do you think when he was laying down on the floor? He goes, hold on Joey. I got a place for you to move

That's why I learned about bureaucracy was when my mother died. That's when I really learned Yeah, what this country's all about. It's we're gonna give you your money We gotta do 82 papers by the time it's like what they do to you now when you call Sprint Yeah, to tell them that you have a bill problem. They put you on hold so long You just hang up and pay 40 hours for what I time is worth You know I'm saying with bureaucracy when my mother they wait down there. I gotta go down every other week Oh, you have to bring the mortgage from now. I'm fucking 16. Who's got the mortgage book from the fucking house? Yeah, my mother's dad what mortgage book every week. It was like more and more shit and I was taking a bus out to Newark

Sometimes I get a ride But most of the times I take a bus at three o'clock in the afternoon and come back at seven eight o'clock at night I learned about bureaucracy and our government the hard fucking way Yeah, because when you need something, it's I gotta fill out paperwork and more paperwork and come back three weeks from Thursday You know, it's like you get hurt on the job. It takes you three weeks for your disability to kick in most American families They can't wait three weeks. I don't have fucking no none at all. They ain't got fucking three weeks You know, everything's a fucking by the way. Everything do that. That's why it take the smoke your week That's why I took the place at Harris

I got offered a bigger place that would have to charge more for tickets and and and I said no My fans can't do that and I won't do that to them. Okay, you want to fucking go pay a hundred and twenty dollars and Laughed fucking sock jokes from Jay Seinfeld. Hey, there it is If you want thirty five dollars me banging you in the face and talking about teabagging bitches. I Got you covered. I'll give you way more fucking laughs than he will But if you want to spend that money, it's there, but man, my fans are coming from everywhere, dude Do the church people you guys are fucking showing up like nobody's business Nobody's business. They drive we they get vicarians do they go they go and and they're coming out

And and because of all the love you show me my first two weeks church We're gonna do a giveaway. All right, where we I'll be talking to Lee. Let's fucking get all you fucking the real deal motherfuckers, okay, all right the end and we and You fucking where you start tweeting about me and mad flavor and the flying Jew Tammy's the official winner. She's the first one. Oh, yeah Good to go she's good. She's one. That's no problem, but we gotta get we gotta get some more Larry out there Just cultivating he hasn't even gone through the show. Well, noble D. I'm bringing okay, so I'm bringing Darren from

Yeah from, Colorado, so I got that party going all right I'm gonna bring George out under the auspices that it might be a sports show Of course George from fucking Georgia. He ain't going nowhere, right? Oh, no, he's got a girl He's got this little thing. Oh fucking stuff George. Hey, bring me the chicken franchisee. Let me French easy pizza and just keep it like that I think it goes there no more. What you know, I go there the chicken franchisee pizza. Yeah, it's okay Did you guys see what y'all Romero put up today? It I must have left for ten minutes So is busy been fighting him or not, I think it's the next fight I don't know if it's fully been announced yet, but I guess it's

Oh I know you love this thing. I love my I love this thing too, but just Like that. I love trash talk so just he made a go on me page for his his future medical bills and Who I have nothing against Mike. I like Mike, but it's just it's just funny It's so fucking funny that MMA is getting fucking funnier and fucking funnier my fucking Irish brother Conor McGregor suck my big Irish balls. Oh Cry I

Like I want that on my phone. I want t-shirts. I want that everything suck my big Balls Yeah, who knew who knew we had a church and I Okay, me and you has anything been going on when I don't even know what's going on with MMA the last two weeks I haven't seen no, I saw that today played. I said wow, that's the first time I've seen anything on MMA Yeah, that's all because there's a fight this week. Yeah, it's Brooklyn Anderson Silva I placed money on him. Nobody even knows nothing like nobody said nobody's called. That's why I didn't know I'm like, what the fuck's hold on whatever man, and also I've seen the fucking thing today

And I go wait a second. There's a fight this weekend. Yeah, nobody's talking about this fucking fight Brooklyn, New York I Haven't heard one fucking thing I don't know what it'd be a better fight the one in the ring and they like the guy are the ones With the people leaving. Okay, that's gonna be a great fight right outside. All these guys get all fucked up on Brooklyn it's not gonna be your typical Brooklyn nights. It's gonna be those tickets gonna be high Oh, yeah, they're doing it up there cuz they can charge a little more. That's that's JZ's neighborhood

So it's not the Brooklyn that we left 30 years ago with knuckleheads hitting each other and shit It's a new civilized Brooklyn where they're probably gonna bring, you know, stevia soda and that's drinking Nobody smokes, but if you like a joint at one of those things now, they look at you like if you're Hitler Yeah, did you know that man, especially in New York's? I can't believe it. I grew up in New York I used to smoke everywhere in New York like yeah, like a joint down New York People walk on the other side of the street They look at you like you take pictures of you on their fucking phone. It is crazy There's a lot of cities I go and I travel and people get mad at me. You don't periscope. Listen guys. It ain't the same

I know you can periscope, but I know where you can't yeah There's some places you can sit behind outside and smoke a joint I put the fucking the phone on a fence and nobody sees me. There's some places They're watching you stick out like a fucking sore tongue. They're watching. Yeah, man. What's the matter, Lee? Nothing's a matter. You're really going through changes. I started the sweats starting. Oh my god. It's a What do you mean it's what's done? It's just obvious. I'll be I don't know what it is. I don't know it Does it make you sweat too? I don't know what what what are you talking about Lee? This the sugar cubes make you sweat the sugar. It's not what it is. It's not the sugar cubes

And it's not the sugar. It's what's in the motherfucking sugar cubes that makes you sweat. Oh shit. Oh Shit Look at your fingers. Did they get no wavy? Not yet. The fingers I got maybe but everything. I'm gonna do your favorite My daughter she made this for me and I'm gonna wear all right. I just want you to look at that every now and then It's gonna be a safe place for you. All right, Lee. Thank you. All right. If you need to look at anything You know, look at that focus on the yellow focus on the yellow. Okay, just find me the yellow All right, I got the all right when you were a kid and people spoke about acid. What did you think? No, okay? It's not even that I was scared of drugs or people talking about when you were 18 in high school

fucking weed and Drinking and maybe some pills and I don't know. I was a nerd So maybe they were doing and I just wasn't invited but I didn't see fun I didn't see any of this and maybe some maybe so much rooms in Boston that I think some ecstasy ecstasy Yeah, ecstasy coke pills. Yeah, I didn't even see much. I didn't see coke till I got out here Where'd you see coke out here the first time? Party of a guy I worked with you just and I didn't really see it. I saw them in the room putting and that's

That's why I told you the only reason I have a Volkswagen is cuz I like this key I'd like them and it's this is the key they were using I Was like 22 or something. They're doing key bombs. Yeah. Yeah, I know what's working key thing and it's uh It was Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, I just like the button but uh, I think newton, right? I'm hot um Yeah, that was it was mostly just that I never really I think my introduction to like psychedelics is the podcast with like you Were you talking about a roguin talking about I've never

Even dreamed of it. Let me tell you at 12. We were we were fucking doing mushrooms Oh, my every weekend every weekend in Clarksville, Arkansas. All right, Boy Scout camp didn't fucking matter Like anything camping deer hunting fight didn't matter fucking shrooms were on the menu Everywhere everywhere everywhere Everybody a car cow pastures Everybody you just go pick keep them dry so you don't get milled out. All right and and do you're done Okay, and then we get then there was like the creepy guys who were like over the 21 Who are always trying to fuck our high school girls who had parties like the red cup party?

Bonfires and that's when I first smoked a joint was there at that party my buddy, uh, Joel Joe God damn it. I forget Joe was cool motherfucker. He had long hair hippie motherfucker. Dad was a Vietnam vet Joe penny. I knew I'd get it Joe penny rolling and rolling for your pinners That's where I thought that that name came from the little penner joints was from Joe penny cuz he wrote little joints All right, and he saw me cuz I eat that guy that guy wouldn't he thought I didn't pay for my red cup And I'm like you dumb. I was a wise ass. I was like you fucking dumb fuck Like I'm just walking around the woods with a big red cup and who I just happened to fucking bump into you You fucking dummy. All right, and he wouldn't fucking give me any beer and fucking cocksucker

So Joe saw it and then when we were leaving by the way, I smoke I thought I was it He was like this is marijuana man. Is it gonna kill me? He's like no and he was right cocoa He was fucking right Jack. I I smoke five joints that night of that Mexican dirt weed Okay, we even played that game where you where you load up one joint with a big-ass seed and everybody takes a joint We all power smoke until the seed blows up blows your face That's a great sweet game nobody can play it now because there's no fucking seeds in the wheat and

We did mushrooms that and and you'd always save up your money for Wine cooters so you could try to finger bang girls. All right. That was our fucking move Finger banging the chicks with the bottle Bartles and James mountain berry was the You are getting slightly Right, oh yeah, I'm fine for now. I'm just having a panic attack too. So breathe out of your nose Lee Right there. Hey, cuz I'm not on my put it on to Put it on Yeah, add me to the to the full thing so people can see this about the church cuz I didn't know the church's Twitter handle

All right, and and Ben before you get too fucked up Text Aaron to to Reese send it out. Okay. Yeah out the ass I want everybody to know because I want all my fans if you ain't down with the church You need to be okay. All right, and that's that's number one. All right, you got to get down with the church All right, and number two I want I want everybody to have more chances to win a free vacation To come to fucking Las Vegas, Nevada Jack. All right, and we'll have a fucking blast I like it. I like it. I think it's either Lee. All right. Oh, it's uh

The breathe out of you know, I'm getting another cheapo chew drink. No, it really hasn't started kicking in yet It really hasn't so what are you sweating from cuz it that's that's the that's the anxiety you're you thinking about it I'm not thinking about it. No, I could see it in your face. I can see it too. He's right. I'm not thinking it's just I just What your face is so fucking red shut up. Yeah, you're not thinking about it. You're thinking about it You sit there and you fucking boil in it until you know I Looked at the yellow look at the yellow on the fucking yellow, right? Don't Look at the fucking yellow. Look at the yellow. There you go. All right. Good man. Little sugar night. I know he's all right

Yeah, he's gonna be all right. How's every shirt I have a sugar night shirt because come on That's your street name. She'll white. She'll white. He's bad. He's bad So who else is on the strip over there on Friday night today? No, no, dude, I think I'm the first one to have George Wallace isn't a big George Wallace isn't there anymore. They've got that piece of shit Vinnie favorito Is got some the oil lanes or something. I don't even know where his fucking piece of shit Ass is that guy's the worst fucking human ever to get by in a microphone and call himself a comedian

I hope he gets three types of cancer in his ass and his mouth not the fast kind the slow kind So they think they could cure it. All right. He's a fucking pestulence on fucking humanity Relax, relax. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I get I get overheated about that Vinnie favorito. It's a piece of shit. All right He paid his dues. He paid his fuck. He did his time. He didn't pay his bullshit He didn't pay his fucking bookies. I'll tell you that fucking guy welts us on bets, too That you didn't fucking and people are taking action for him still you dumb fucks. Okay. How about ask all those boston comics? You got fucked out all that money. He fucked them off with all right It's a teacher comedy class

Dumb suckers. They should have known you either have it or you don't you don't go to class You don't go to focus on the yellow focus on the yellow And everything now he sees it now you see it, right? I can feel it. I'm not freaking out though. I can feel a kick. It's definitely kicking in. I like it I like us. I'm not like it's just I see what I'm talking about yellow Yellow just yellow baby. Just think about yellow. That's all I'm thinking about the colors Just yellow. All right, that's it. I like you know, you know, it's my favorite color stay in the man stay in the zone, baby Oh, okay. We're it's funny that when I got into comedy

Especially when I came out here. I go. How long is it gonna take? For me to fuck up like how long is it gonna take for me to Hit somebody with a chair or fucking Rob one of these comedy clubs, you know Because you could just sit there and look at 10,000 for so long for so long before you have to smash My mommy if it was anybody else's wedding. Oh Oh, you know, it's it's like If they only knew if they only knew

You know, it's like it's like it's so crazy how you we sit in we fuck around And you crack jokes, but how sad is it that like Keep Richard's I'll live fucking Whitney Houston. Oh, yeah, like like Ozzy Osbourne's out living everybody And he's still doing blowing pills She's tried to dump him two months ago because he was still getting fucking high And fucking the hairdresser. How old is this guy? They don't stop what people don't realize is I just figured this out too. Me and my tour manager Ben We were talking about this. How the fuck can

Ozzy you not understand a goddamn word he says But but sings like a fucking bird. How the fuck did that ever happen? Lou Graham, there's an English people. That's what they do. They're fucking bad at the bone check I'm sorry. I'll cut you off. No, no, no. I'm just thinking about how these people, you know I sit here and I go, how the fuck did I outlive Whitney Houston? Like especially during the martel cartel day. Yeah, and I always felt bad like I I never knew When the trust was gonna end like I never knew at what point

I didn't know if it was gonna be being on the road at mark babbitt one day You know like No, no, no, because when I heard he's lost all his tea. Yeah when I first moved here, he used to book these shows with carlos and and uh When what's his name was still very hot. What's the mexican guy that you know the paul rodriguez and He was booked in george lopez. Yeah, george lopez. I mean that was Mark babbitt mark babbitt was driving back to texas

With 30 40 g in cash Yeah, because he was like he would take the money from the safe at the lab stop And use it to finance his tours She was at a millionaire. She's somewhere. Is she still alive? No, no, no, he he bought it. I mean, he didn't buy it He didn't buy it. It was it was an old lady who was no, no, no, you're thinking of Of the austin woman, right? What was the name of the lady in boston because pete was a step-son or something. Yeah, yeah, right And um, uh, she was she owned a bunch of country bars

But she just thought it was a good manager and she bought it. She bought it from um, uh, the uh, uh, sandy marcus Okay, and sandy and her husbands are the ones who started the lab stop And then sandy sold it when she wanted to get out to this, uh, lady Who was a multimulti million or probably worth probably a hundred and 150 million dollars more because she owned Like the men's club. She owned the biggest country bars She had a majority of thinking gillies when gillies was hot and fucking the urban cowboy This this woman had so much fucking money and this was just one of her things

That she liked comedy, but she wouldn't even come in and that's how she got pete in there But before pete man with three hands mark babbitt was taking money out of that place So he was taking the money out of the bank and then he was pulling what I was doing as a kid You borrow 25 grand on friday As long as you have it back monday before the bank opens You didn't back 30 grand Like I said, I had a friend who worked at a bank in the early 80s That was the deal

friday at three monday at nine He but I had my money to put back in that fucking bank vault But i'm getting five grand off the top and he did it every fucking week this kid Yeah, but he could never be light on a monday. He only Wow You couldn't even do that now. No, no fucking way. No fucking way. You can do that now Let me tell you how good that had it wired This kid that i'm talking about in particular

I knew him. I grew up with him and one time when my mom died He worked at a bank And I was telling his younger brother. I got these checks. I got this credit card. He goes talking to my brother Talking to my brother. So I called the brother. I met him I gave him the two checks the credit cards. He calls me two days later Meet me at nix So, it's a you know, my mother had just died they had just shot John Lennon Oh, wow

It was just the week when they shot John Lennon like they shot John Lennon on a monday night football During monday night football. I picked up that envelope on tuesday Like I gave him those checks on saturday Yeah And the next day when I was in school his brother came up to me and said Call my brother. He wants to talk to you about something. I called one because meet me up at nix eight o'clock I went up there. He gave me an envelope. There was four inches deep All fucking bills were a hundred dollars. My mom was dead, but we'll just take care of things for a while

forever forever I got I got that money and I put under my I moved in with this family and I moved on and I put the money under my underwear And they would never fucking know I would just It was like it was like a real ATM machine Like I hid my jeans on top of it Yeah, and I would just dip my hand under and take a hundred dollar bill and go out at night Like that's how spoiled I was like that at that point. He never thought about saving any of it. Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah, I thought about saving it 17 years old Yeah, I'm gonna invest in what? Getting them blowjob from fucking Gabby that's what I'm gonna invest in Lee There's no investments Lee. You took that you took that to the bar and you invested You you would hear something full fucked up Lee Is that is that not only did he just say oh, that was fine. He was still working

All right him and his buddies they would they would drop out of trees on unsuspecting gay guys and beat them like gorillas till one flag They weren't unsuspecting gay guys. They were perverts perverts and pedophiles What they wanted to do you Because listen man those guys would drop out of the fucking trees like gorillas You want me to tell you something for me to tell you something my friend just went to My friend just went to my friend just went to the mayor's boy To my buddy's ball. Yeah, he's done

My friend just went to my buddy's ball on friday venery. Yeah had his first ball on friday 175 dollars a ticket Oh, wow, why does he have a ball like friend is like because he's a commissioner. Oh, he's an assemblyman I love it. And uh, he told me that the guy we used for bait as kids was dead. I go, how does he look? He goes, bro That dude has an age a fucking day. He said he still looks like an italian model. Oh, wow We used to take this kid and the reason why we used him is because he had a connection I know that if we ever got arrested this shit would get squashed at the end Right before they really pressed charges this kid had too much juice Right, that's the reason why he's a taker might split right 50 50 right down the middle

But all he had to do was just bait That's all he had to do was just bait. We did the fucking kick in and the pull All right, so so explain to him. Okay, so he'd be out there and then horrible horrible dark fun time Did you ever say that to yourself? Like someday when you guys would be 50 that was a terrible horrible

Fun time in my life It was that dark and terrible like it was like if I think about it now, it was dark Like even the daytime it was dark like there was no sunlight in my life then And it was my my it was like my junior year It started my sophomore summer going into junior year Where you heard rumblings. There was this uh, davie thomas There's thomas family and they were the kings of it the family who owned wendy's they were the no These kids had not owned

And they were the first ones that 64th street crew were the first ones that started going to Boulevard east and then the words started getting out. You can make some money If you know how people drive lift now. Oh, yeah, that's how it was then You were spending that some money going to the boulevard east, didn't it? Oh my god, like that's how fucking it was sown well known spare change You know, it's crazy when I read when I read the iceman's book When I read the iceman's book. Yeah. Oh my god. The iceman used to live in west new york, new jersey And he said that in the 60s. He would just kill people for practice

on boulevard east Get the book get the fucking book He goes I can't he goes I really couldn't give an actual account of how many people I killed Because there was three years I was just practicing He goes I go to a bar on the west side Yeah, and tell a guy I was gay or whatever and he'd follow me to jersey and I kill him on the jersey side He goes just for practice Just to practice control tactics. Oh my god. This guy was the real fucking deal. Why do you read this book?

This book sounds like a terrible. No, it's fascinating. It was very fascinating Let me tell you something. Why do you look at tigers in dessert when the iceman popped up 10 15 years ago? Like people called you the next day. Yeah, it was fucking disturbing. Yeah It was disturbing like even the first time I was I'm like because you live near him or just no It was disturbing that I always thought that you kick somebody in the stomach and you had some fun and you called them a cock sucker This guy had it to This guy had it to a complete different level. What was he doing? He was a hit man that

I Forget the whole fucking story He was working on a porno thing Yeah, he was he was editing. He was making films. That's right editing films and the guy wouldn't pay him and uh and uh He fucking whacked him And then and he liked his brother raped the 12 year old girl And killed him and then he threw the girl off the roof. I mean the whole family's rotten. Oh my god

The family was rotten to the core When I when you read the book there's times you're reading the book and you have to shut the book and go Right. Why am I reading this? Oh my god. His first wife dumped him and he cut the nipples off Yeah, I remember you told me that story he cut the nipples off and he used to he used to live right there Where the co-factory when we were kids that was it we went behind the co-factory if you go to the co-factory tell They vacuum it you're gonna find rocks of coke from the 80s until I I'm I wish I was kid It was every night You knew that if you were gonna come over and you wanted to get coke and you was coming from the city

Go to the co-factory. There'd be four cars there and somebody in that car had well Some behind a tree behind the dumpster somewhere in this area. There's an ounce of fucking coke. Wow Yeah, that the first interview with the ice man was very fascinating what happened was leaf that People took that interview sucked it in and then started hearing other things and also put them together And they were all really tied together All like different stories. No all the mafia hits were tied through him Yeah, he began doing hits for one family and then he kept going to different families and

Yeah, it's for different captains and nobody knew what the fuck he was doing Then he got really crazy the third phase of it is he got really crazy And he started saying that he was there on every murder like when kelly got shot. I was up the corner yeah, right When uh, the guy from the fucking bananas got shot at joe mary's Restaurant in brooklyn and that summer he says he had one of the tables that he was one of the backup shooters If the original shooters fucked up, that's a lie. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, all these that was an inner family thing They weren't really gonna fucking pollock to step it on that one

There was just a lot of things he claimed but at the end He said something that I've said on here, you know, all these people like conspiracies You know, like every last week Eddie Bravo was my dog. He loves conspiracy. He's another one for you He on his last thing said that he shot a cop In westwood, new jersey or something. What's the fucking thing on hbr? It's on youtube. It's got to be on youtube all three of them on youtube But he tells a story on there very monchalantly About that. He got to kill a cop Paul peter something and he shot the guy and he goes who gave you the other time in the booger ron

Right there. There was a fed watching that And part of the fucking witness relocation thing is that you've never shot a cop Or ever contracted a murder on a cop and their statement. They read through the statement sami never Contacted that hit Do you follow what I'm saying to you like they figured out that sami never told them by this point They had so many people coming in telling their stories and they were throwing them out because they were going You're a liar sami told us something different

But one day they figured out after eight people came in He was lying to us. Yeah This motherfucker put them, you know sami was genius because he turned himself in first So they're gonna believe his story before anybody and he knew the nuts and bolts. He wasn't no henry hill faker He knew the nuts and bolts of what was going on So when he went in there they bought his story hook line and sinker They got so they didn't even care what he told them. They just wanted john gotty Yeah, they got so blinded by getting john gotty that they took whatever. Oh you killed 24 people. Don't worry about

Oh my god, 24 was when he killed the one year. Yeah, you know, well, he was responsible for the one fucking year Jesus christ. So they put it all together and they because of that documentary on hbo Gravano was already in jail for the ecstasy with the fucking neo-nazis and phoenix They picked them up And they put him under the fucking jail in denver But he was them at the super max at the super max, but here's the beauty of it. Yeah The iceman died mysteriously in his jail cell a week later. Yeah

You know people like conspiracies there you go cucksuckers take that to the moon. Yeah, right take that to the fucking moon and back I love it. I love it. Well, how you feeling buddy. I'm at the moon. This yellow thing is helping though How did you know that would help no because it's a calming effect. It's a common effect yellow You're from the generation. Yeah, but you like french poodles But you're also talking to guys who've done acid like a lot Okay, and you got to have focus and something in 10 years that yellow won't do dick for you. No You'll throw that in my face. You know what i'm saying, but now but now tonight you'll need that yellow Yeah, you're helping it. Yeah, man. It's happening. We won't even turn the lights off

For the rest of the podcast and just talk to each other with a candle It doesn't sound fun Just come up with stuff on acid We come up with stuff even without acid. Oh my god, Lee your little head is shiny. Oh my god I just I'm not so I can't stop sweating. I can feel the heat. See this is this is the and I'm not like last time Monday this I was freaking out at this point. This is now like I'm still a little nervous We know the chibichu. Okay He's like, okay

It's just burning straight through it. What do you have tomorrow my son? Uh, nothing now. Nothing now. Nothing now. Okay. I'm about to kill you. Look, we're powered by chibichu Chibichu's transmission fluid. Lee, we're done. We're done. That's it. We can't keep doing this to ourselves That's what you keep saying, but then next time Monday, we'll be back here fucking 18 drops coming To have a new setup. I'll be I'll be happy. We lost that strip of acid We've been loot. We lost that for six months A sheet of acid. Oh my god That's the shit. That's the shit that goes all the way back to london that acid

Kid who gave me that it was a chip chip chalio dude. That's the shit that pink floyd took when he quit the band That's the shit. That's that's the cousin to the acid. Yeah, take a piece of paper home with you. Give it to the hotel manager I come in tonight We're talking about the acid talking about the acid I look on the shelf. The acid's been on that shelf right there for the last six months. See people. I don't steal it sticking I thought he clipped it so we didn't have to do it See if I was smart enough, I would have done that and I wouldn't let him find it I thought he clipped it and sold it on ebay and some fucking. Oh my god, I should have

How you doing, Lee? Can you open it for me? I knew you needed help I'm surprised Lee will even eat those. That was the beginning of Lee's downfall. Oh my god. Yeah. Lee was a great kid until Cheeba chees Cheeba chees and those cookies. Oh, they're so kind. They're so kind cookies. I don't think that I don't even make those no more Do they oh, they don't come up here. Maybe so kind still on they just don't come up here Cheeba chees everywhere though, man, and it is fucking good And I don't like this fucking having a hard time with this too and I just

Do you think we cheebie chees? We don't do that with 180 millimeters. Nothing. Nothing I got it. We don't do nothing with 180. Cheeba chees is still a great product. I miss him. I missed eating that one It was delicious. It's like a fucking tootsie roll, but two hundred milligrams. Fuck it. You know, we need five of those today Me and Lee, you know what they should look like Look at Lee. He's getting sick already and stuff. You're right. I'm fine. No, but I'm gonna eat that. So yeah, you're not gonna eat it No, give me one like give me I will eat but just give me one. Fuck yourself, Lee You made me open it. You're eating it. I'm gonna eat it, but just you don't want me to puke on you No, I don't want you to puke on me motherfucker. You better not be puking. I got spare t-shirts here tonight. We got spare

Yeah, like you got spare t-shirts for me, but Great, I'll use one of those size fucking medium to wipe my titty. Fuck it. I put two strings around those pillows and shit Like one of those guys from the 50s and shit Circus is in town tonight. You have a little go boy and shit Fuck it. I'll take you to the car every time I come here. I gotta tell you this the other day I was I turned on my tv and and And I got this new fucking cable in Nashville where you just I call it stevie tv It's like from x vanity

But you just hold on to it and you say it and I go out loud. Josie wells Boom out loud. Josie wells Anytime I fucking want it Boom for free. All right, listen to me When he's talking to fucking 10 bears and he's talking about that's the most Okay, go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself these people today All right, you kevin costner's and all these assholes go fuck yourself. You want to take acting school It's too much drama for what they do. It's fucking amazing to what it's the people now make a big deal about

And they never gave clonies with any credit. No, you watch that scene shit When he's talking about 10 bears and about about they're fucking, you know, his mark on they and will jerk beef Every spring and fuck that man Motherfucker talk about let's I'm listen. I want to be an actor if it's on I have it on for 10 or 15 or 20 minutes I can't I can't turn it off. Josie wells comes on It stays on till I gotta make a move. Yeah 20 minutes 30 right right, but the last three weeks the part's been coming on My all-time favorite with the kids bleeding. Oh, yeah

And he goes like give him the bucket Give him the bucket or is the bucket over there Give me bucket. He's starting to see the devil touch the rope yellow yellow yellow You ain't the cheap at you. I'm trying to right now. That's what I'm doing. Oh, that's why you're getting sick. Yeah Drink the water quickly. Let's go. Come on. Come on. Let's go leave. We got a podcast 10 years He's still fucking drugs. You can truck with you. I was trying to eat him and silence and No, there's never no silence for you. There's always gonna be a noise. There's always a grunt. There's always a Stop giving me all those fucking drugs then. Oh, yeah

You're the only guy who complained about that ever complaining at all. I'm having fucking fun Don't give me all those three drugs. Do you love it? He loves it. I'm having a great time. What? There's nothing to complain about I'm telling you my daughter's my daughter made the yellows helping in it. It's helping a lot It's helping a lot. She's a good girl. Whenever I see that fucking scene I always I always watch listen, whatever Lately I've been catching the other scene now I go for a stretch like in three months where every time I turn it on

It's a scene right when he sees The young bucks and then he goes down there. Yeah, and he gives them the sign of the whole thing That whole fucking spiel like I said that's deadly. That's an acting class. That's it. That's that and the godfather Is all you need to watch all you need if you don't get it after that then I can't help you I cannot help you when uh brando is at the meeting And he's talking about his son. What's what happens? I'm not a superstitious man. Yeah, all that stuff something should happen Listen, all that stuff. That's an acting. That's acting 101. That's as good as it fucking gets in my world It wasn't till this moment. I knew it was Barzani the whole time

Oh my god, that's so deadly. Oh, when you when you watch that you just get shivered So HBO even after 80 years the godfather still the oldest movie They still talk shit about it HBO is doing another thing about it now It just released the other day. Just so HBO. I was watching HBO and they said new announced HBO Francis Ford Coppola HBO are teaming up again to do this The unseen foot or just a ton of shit. They're gonna do again. Wow. The movie's that fucking interesting. I guess I meant you know, I never knew when uh

when when um, uh Oh god, I'm blanking out because of those drugs. Um When uh, they'll get the cannolis Okay, that he goes in and sits down and has a whole spaghetti dinner. All right. It's a he's like guys I'll be right back. I'll be right back. He goes in. All right, and he's he's obsessed down It's a whole huge plate of pasta All right, all right It was Bruno Kirby's guy and the and and one remember, okay

All right, and he's uh, he gets the cannolis and everything and has a meatball the fucking all this shit And his guys are waiting on him like it's some big transaction. He's having fucking dinner before dinner It's hysterical. He's he makes them all go that guys keep your eyes open. All right I'm gonna go in here and see these people. He walks in. It's the back of the kitchen He takes his jacket off. He hangs it up and shit. There's a little table waiting for him. He sits there It's a fucking three course meal Meanwhile, they think the mafia's coming. They're out there with guns Blazing he comes out 20 minutes later after a good meal, man. That was uh, that was a hectic meeting

Oh, it was how you don't leave breathing heavy. Oh, yeah, the cops are coming everything. Do you think they're coming for you? No, they're not. I'm not there yet, but Why aren't you there yet? I don't know We need another sugar cube. No more sugar cubes. No more sugar cubes, Julie. Not tonight. We do another sugar cube, Lee They're gonna find you at the fucking zoo naked Holding onto a tree and shit That would be hilarious. You gotta take a picture like that, dude No one wants to see me naked holding

On a tree hanging down. That'd be fucking hilarious. Oh, when I listen, I went for years without doing this shit I hooked up with lee and since lee didn't know anything about this. I kept busting his balls So someday somebody actually brought one. Yeah to the show. That's what happened. We talked about it on here We talked about mushrooms or somebody showed up at the show with chocolate covered mushrooms Yeah, you know, it's always fucking something at those shows, you know, and I'm not gonna say no What the fuck I bring him back and me and lee experiment and we try him out I was just breaking his balls with the acid. Also, people started showing up with liquid acid And people started showing up with blood. You know, I I hadn't heard that acid acid apparently was made out of a huge comeback

Because there for like like 10 15 years acid wasn't real fucking big Well, people scared the name of it is acid. Yeah, right. It's got such a negative fucking thing when you get acid, you're like It's so funny. We did the same thing. Yeah. God damn. We've been friends for 20 years now Yeah, when you get acid as a 13 or 14 year old, you're like, I'll never do that shit And all of a sudden you're the Rolling Stone concert And you read the fucking acid and you're like fucking start me up. What the fuck has happened to my life? The two there was one particular there was one night that was horrible Likey like there's coke nights and there's

Pill nights and there's alcohol nights There was two acid. Oh, yeah yellows moving now. So that's not good. Yeah, that's not good. That's good It was good to them. It was good to them. It's good up until the until it starts snaking around Lesson one down. Okay, good. Leave the snake out for me. All right, leave the snake Oh, Jesus Christ, it's slipping around the table At least I had I had it was my 17th birthday party Right is my 17th birthday party and we broke into my house The one where I lived in as a kid. It was a monday afternoon

We walked in there about two in the afternoon no heat Yeah, no electricity february 19th Heavy birthdays coming two in the afternoon. We got our jackets up in the attic We're drinking fucking beer. We could hear the mice running around because the electricity was off and the power was on We started eating those micro dots hits acid man We started popping we probably ate like three of a beach We were gone We walked in there and the sun was out

When we walked out of there, it was dark And people were tripping their balls off and I was one of them. Yeah, you're in your fucking old house, man At that time I didn't live in my house. Oh, yeah, I broke into my house. I know I was living with the benders Right, that's family. We went up there as a party. But one thing I remember. I was tripping so hard I went I went downstairs He's going through the changes ladies and gentlemen I went downstairs to pee. Oh my goodness and louis hinandez was was puking

Louie hinandez was the only dominican kid in the neighborhood and but he had an afro so they called him louis a nigger And he would have to say a thousand times. Listen. I'm dominican. They didn't give a fuck 1970 Fucking crazy how racist it really was that these people do nothing till they don't know what they went through Louie was dominican. They called them louis a nigger Unbelievable to his face. Oh, man, if he still pops up in north bergen, they go, oh, look what is louis a nigger? And you like stand there like yeah, I'm 50 years old. They're still calling me louis a nigger I don't think I've ever heard about louis

Move to north bergen in the seventh grade we were fucking Oh and seven Basketball and all some god just started dropping things on us. He dropped louis hinandez on us I got left back and I practiced all summer. So I got good. We had david ruiz And we just had this great fucking team. I forget who all we had dominic speciale and chuckie mcbreon That's how deep we were you know, you know, that's how deep I go with chuckie seven fucking grade I Always say

We'd talk it about uh acid and and then in your old house when you Broke it and so that's how back I go with louis hinandez louis hinandez was puking In the toilet and I basically pulled them by the aphorist of louis. I'm sorry. I put my dick in the door like this And I put his head back in and I go go ahead But I left there that night And it was just chocolate and it was the first birthday without my mom. I was cracked I was cracked and I walked into that bender house

And they're like, hey, you want dinner and stuff and they don't know that i'm on fire I'm burning on acid. They're talking to me and I see wigs on fire I see everything that they're not seeing I go right into that bedroom above the subway It's seven o'clock at night. I fucking go into that bedroom. I like myself in there lock myself in there I'm like, I'm not even leaving this room. Yeah, right and the fucking phone starts right In those days people that have phones in their rooms or cell phones You had actually leave your room and come downstairs and louis uh lisa. Yeah, here's the beauty. They had a mirror Right in front of the phone and I went I'm like, hello, and I started and they're like you coming out tonight your birthday

I'm like, yeah, I'll be out in a little while and I looked at the mirror And all of a sudden my face took the mouth in the mirror and shit And I'm like, hold on. I gotta call you but don't I'll never forget that I started tripping right there I couldn't look at anything. That's when you're like, fuck. I'm going to my room. Yeah And you just go in your room You don't even look at nothing Lee because everything you look at starts shifting That's where I am right now and it's just a little bit. That's what I was saying on monday It's just because I can't even close my eyes because then you close your eyes

No, because then the color start moving to it doesn't I There's like a 20 minute period where I'm fucked I'm in it right now. So it's just dog. I'm starting to see little dragons. I just saw a little fucking Thing behind your head though There was little bats the other night. There was a little there was a little mop like a little thing What do you call those? Moth like a little tiny one And it was everywhere Lee was the other night

Like it flew in it'll do he was tripping for like a half hour I watched this moth just to a mentally dead. I didn't even know it was there. Let me you said I just saw a bat Was no fucking bat. It was a little moth Oh my god, it was a moth Oh, okay. I know and um back in houston, all right, and uh This was this was like late 90s

Uh, we did acid and mitchhead burg All right, it was over at the house and and it was like me and john westling and and uh one other person and dude, we did acid and Fucking greatest time of my life But one guy was nervous that a fucking dragon was gonna kill him. All right, and you had to tell him No, there's no sense. It's dragons. They're not even real. They're not even real. They're not even real. What do you say? Dragons are not real

No, no, but pterodactyls, they were real. No, they're not. They were real. They were All right, we keep looking keep looking. Listen. No, fuck the lead because we can't lose lead, dawg If there's pterodactyls, I'm gone. I'm going back. I'm gonna lose the first round draft pick. We can't lose lead Oh my god, I'm turning. I can't bring up dragons and pterodactyls I don't know That's right. My tour manager's like, no, fuck that Leo being a hotel fucking the hospital telling my fucking dragons He's just a church communion over here for the first time. How you feeling my tour manager ben

Are you loosening up a little bit? Yeah loosens up. Yeah, right? He's smoking a cigarette drinking water getting a little feeling about it. I'm sure ben and i got the same dose Don't wander. Don't wander. No, west. Stay where you are. Okay. Yeah. All right. He's a wanderer He's always are the first time they don't know fucking find a couch let life come to you Yeah, yeah, it's like when we walked him took him to the chaco factory He didn't take him on as it they got on the fucking boat and fucking just hit it. Oh, I cannot Listen bro that 170 north is close by you got lost on there. It's all over though They won't fire at the Sherman way you shit

What is it about la that causes people to run from the cops? I've never guys you see that black guy today It's every day here. It's every day guy today. Or how about the stupid fucking white guy? There was a stupid white guy in a white minivan today They drove up on two cops said he had a gun in the car and then took him on a fucking eight mile around the world Slow chase like he's got oj in there. All right, and then gets out and just and at one point A guy with a camera. Yeah, I saw that walks up to him He's like, hey, why are you why are you running from the cops and the guys get the camera? The guy supposedly says he's got a gun and you're fucking over there with a camera

You dumb fuck and where were the cops if a fucking fat ass with a beta cam can get right there by the guy Why couldn't the cop go? Hey, you want to get the fuck out the car? All right, please Let me just stop this. I saw that too when the when I saw the cameraman literally he must have been following Where you throwing those cigarettes? I don't throw them over because they'll evict us The helicopter don't think it's leak. Oh, yeah, they will. Yeah, I get blamed for everything in this in this city for everything No, Hollywood. I'm blamed for they got we'll pick up everyone up. But uh Well, we're talking about we're just talking about the the fucking people wanted to run from the cops. Oh, yeah Like I just I never saw that and oh everyone's faces are moving now. Um

I never saw that anywhere else in my whole life running from the cops We never ran from the cops fuck. No, really? Not even as a kid. I haven't run from anything. Let's say you That's strongly Fuck it. I hate running. I have short legs It's not fair. Dude. I can't even walk next to people. I can't you took it You took it from a fucking the greatest of all time. I don't run from anything All right, dude, I got short legs. I'm a dumpy, too. Okay me too. I got

No, but you never got chased as a kid with spray painting Fuck no light in the fire at the park and somebody go hey you little bastards and you run away nothing No, I was like, I guess I might mean my town was super white as it is but I was like the whitest of the white in that town. Nobody you hung out with one of the light of fire or a fucking Set like a cat on fire or nothing that these kids weren't normal No, we didn't set cat on fire. We would set like little fires in our yards or in the Driveways, I don't know. What about the bullfrogs with the firecrackers? No, we didn't do that. I didn't do that Oh, man. Okay. Well, y'all ain't from the south because let me tell you what you get some of them straight from fucking teowana m80s

All right, I'm strapping fucking bullfrog on that motherfucker. Oh my god Boom, bitch get out the way. Are you kidding me? Those things went all good I was like a quarter stick of dynamite. He says, oh my god. Oh my god, like we have to do shows for pedos Frog just went everywhere everywhere Well, they're not in danger. Come on. We're spreading the love. All right. We're feeding the other animals, bro You never know not in today's world They might show up with something that they might show up with something

You already million for fucking three frogs you killed. I hate frogs When I was I'm a new york city kid. I'm gonna go down to Miami and the first like the first frogs in there are fucking big Bro, Miami those I couldn't sleep at night when I was a kid. I couldn't sleep. They're loud as shit No, no, no, no, no, listen. I don't want them around me. I don't want to eat them. You're not gonna be wrong Not never not even close not even by mistake Not even do I want to look at that thing when you tell me you got this car go out the table. I excuse myself I gotta go I just want to go to snails. Fuck man. It's dressing, right? Can we just say that? I mean seriously, I've been saying it for 20 years

Nobody listens. I I'm okay. You never had it in my house. It was always blue cheese in my house Motherfucker. Fuck it always blue cheese in my house. Shit. I don't respect the buffalo What? Oh my god, we are fucking synchronizing. Oh my god Fuck it a little shout out the buffalo Fuck the fuck doves and our anchor bar Hey, don't leave you going through changes when I put on some black Sabbath. Nope. No, I do not want to put on black Sabbath That's okay. What can we put on by Sabbath to really take you to the next level? Oh, man. Great assing music. Yeah, um No, no, uh

fucking uh led zeppelin You need No, no, you're scared. You're scared. Oh, I got you you and dean del rain. It's all over You end up in the hospital room Don't wander don't wander. They're saying they're getting able to wander. No, no that train. They'll take you downtown It's all over one minute. You're in a protest and next minute you're sucking dick with a drum around your head Saying free the fucking Villanova's What's up, Lee? I'm doing good. I'm just it just hit it just hits me strong. I'm enjoying it

I'm just enjoying listening to you guys talk Oh, okay I'll tell you what when you were smoking before I could smell it. Oh, yeah I thought something was burning. I'm like something's on fucking fire or building. I'm like this mother fucks up to smoke I don't like the music with it. It gets my heartbeat. My heart's going a mile a minute right now Then you need you need some you you need some red zeppelin right now Because let's up and let you go a little high and then it'll slow it down You know and then a little high and then a little a little up

No, but they do the bass the the bass and then it's fucking get your heart going It gets me it's when them drums kick in when that fucking when them horse tranquilizers fucking drums hit That's when the shit's over deck. You got to be ready. You got to be on the train or you're left to the station That's all I'm saying, right You Come on Well, you didn't know it was gonna be an easy night. Come on, Lee saying this is training week This is like shark week in the podcast business

This is like shark week in the podcast business for us We got to go into fucking that's it every week is this week. Yeah, it's not like we take an easy week But that's why people love the church because it's it's the real shit every week You never know what you're gonna get this week on the church. We're doing kill shakes and That's never gonna fucking happen. No, no, it's all right now. Okay. All right now. We have three kinds of acid. All right Let's see And listen people gonna start selling it from all over the world now About a month. We're gonna have

So much acid stuck It's all over. You got you have isis acid Okay You got to take it you got to point towards mecca while you drop. They're not gonna put us under the jet We don't know nothing. Oh my god. They're gonna flavor your falafel. All right. They're gonna give you that shit straight from a fucking I don't give you falafel No, have her on or whatever that is that fucking Where's your people from over there in israel come on my people from russia. I oh you're a dirty russian

Yeah, i'm a dirty russian. Oh christ. Thank god. You're a jew. I wouldn't even stand near you. Oh my god I ain't never gambling with you. Lee. I love you. But if you're a russian I can't gamble it didn't work out for fucking densel. It ain't gonna work out for me. You know what i'm saying I went to see john week two. I haven't seen it yet. It comes out this week, right? I don't know I think it comes out this week. I just saw it. So i'm happy because The guy who trains him is in it. He put him in as a cab driver. He gave him a child though So i'm happy for him. Dude, how about how strong was uh, uh, what was that place we used to go have breakfast on sunset? pats not pats

the place the diner There we go on Down the strip by the rocks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The classic one. Yeah. Yeah, and keanu would just all the time just fucking Just roll right in cool. Like a motherfucker. Dukes Dukes and he was always cool as shit cut french fries nice cheese omelet Stop deadly coca-cola. If you want to be fat, lee, that's where you go to breakfast Dukes I eat the fucking and i tell them forget those home fries. Give me an order of regular fries

At seven in the morning, you could switch up to regular fries lee. Who's better than you? That's fucking awesome. I do that at denny's wait in the morning at seven in the morning I don't really go. I mean if I get the uh, the one of the sandwiches. Yeah, I fucking I don't like hash browns Oh, god, damn Lee, i'm a southern and you're spitting in my face. Yeah, but don't like hash browns. Danny's hash browns got aids Yeah, that's okay. Danny's hash browns got aids. All right, but you come down and i'll put you out some hash browns Oh, i'm sure that i'll i'll bring you to jesus. That's how i'll take you to a past jew Right, it's our cream and he'll put fucking cheddar cheese. Oh stop

Oh my god, i'll turn that thing to fucking a thousand Who farted this motherfucker? It smells like an animal in here. Should we fart it? It wasn't me That candle can't even sustain it that That means it came out of you If i'm about to get blamed for it, bet your fucking sweet ass it came out of Don't let him blame nobody. All right. All right, but you're the one who first said it's something so eventually It's gonna come to me and you're gonna fucking hit me like you did in fucking El Paso with your best shot on payback All right, that was your birthday. That was your birthday. Yeah, it was your birthday

We we were in El Paso working. We had the red devil with us giving shit to mincea Okay, and we fucking That was 99 99 and we fucking went and saw payback And and because me and joey both wanted to fuck lucy loo and she's throwing sidekicks and had a little asian pussy Just looking at you just winking. You know that little pussy just winking. Oh my god. That was 99 jack All right, and then and you they got quiet and joe dis You fucking let out a fart That was

As a man to a man, I gotta tell you and I've had phenomenal farts. Ben's been a witness ricocheted off the chair In between the two lines The actor had just said his line and right before mel Gibson was about to spit his line and went And everybody everybody fucking heard it like Everybody heard it in the movie theater I'm hollering because they're looking at Ralph. Yeah, and then he said he started Ralph. God damn it. Ralph. Why didn't you do this? And everybody's fucking looking at me. I'm like god damn it. Coco Jesus. I didn't know it was 99

Oh my god. Hey, we all are now again really fucking old. We all are How's that yellow cheek? It's on the snake right now. So that's okay. It's not a snake Motherfucker That's an old school bird, bro It's been an hour and a half Fucking team fucking bust your balls concentrate on the yellow He says concentrate on the yellow as soon as it starts moving last 20 minutes. Like I've been doing this

And you're going oh my god. Oh my god I could torture you to death on acid Everything I could torture in regular life What I could do to you on acid. I'll have you call 911 You'll be like that dude chris heather when the cop showed up He got out of the car And gave his own wrist that's what we'll do You understand me? I could take the mother. I could take a motherfucking real life in tormento

What do you mean that you could do that's what you're doing to me On a daily basis Dragon fire Fucking dragons hilarious hilarious. Oh my god, Lisa. You're so fucking funny. I don't try to be I know that's what makes you great. If you tried you wouldn't be near it. It's funny Holy shit Oh my god before Lee I'm surprised when I'm pulling your little poor head

Can't throw a snake at somebody on that Look at the first one That's the first one acid It's like it's like a fight club First thing about acid club is you don't do snakes No snakes no fucking lizards pterodactyls Ladies and gentlemen, this is it

This is the thing that This is what you did when you were 16 You dropped a hit of masculine. You went to somebody's garage. I went to the movies, you know And this is what this is it went to the movies. This is it for four or five hours. It's a constant Gigglefest torture this poor kid. They torture me. Did your mother call my mother's dead? Why would she you know? It never ends. It never ends You know, that's what you do. I mean dog. Like I said, I'm the master of tormenting you. Oh my god. All right I was gonna tell you this one time Lee. This is how much I got it before you got it

I'm like we need to come back or I'll face order. I survived the fucking 2017. Oh my god Uh, come on anytime in town if you got me in a thousand seconds. No worries, dude This this shit was so funny Coco would drink all the juice and then we come out and go Who fucking drink all the juice And I'm like god damn cocoa. I just made some juice. I thought oh fuck like I want one more can I make that juice up Stir it up If I swear to god be watching a movie. Hey, Rob. You want something from the kitchen and get a glass of water?

He drank all the chocolate juice Okay, you are vitamin C. You were orange. You were drunk before Trump. You're not in coke. Yeah, right? You gotta get in there. That's your fucking lifeline. You gotta get it when you get it Oh my god, and then you go like, homie, what the fuck? What the fuck? Who drank the orange juice? I don't know. Ask this guy who drank the orange. I would blame on everybody but me I'm looking for a lily. It's good. You're good. You're solid. I'm good. There's no purple walls We'll just shut the podcast down in 10 minutes. We'll put music on Put the purple lights on for you the whole thing. Yeah, right? We'll play the a guitar

Play some cream white room. We'll play some fucking. We'll smoke some cigars and shit You know how we do it, Lee? Yeah, nice and easy for you if you're gonna have it go cream What? The the band cream. Leave him alone, please. No, no, no. He don't know music. He don't know music All right, you put music on he'll jump off the balcony and then we got to talk to the cops at four hours And tell him what happened. No, no, nigga. You got to talk to the cops before I go. I don't know We're gonna be pew when gone. I like this dude. I'm fine When Lee and his mother fuck out. Hey, I'll get you out of here as fast as I did right now in Dublin's

When you ate that coke rocking the fucking fridge. You think I'm kidding? I would like this I would like this building on fire so all the satellites will fucking melt on the sky There won't be no footage on google maps. Nobody Because I was thinking about that you can't If they're really looking for you they found If there's a murder on 1482 smith street at 10 o'clock All they gotta do is get that google map soup it turn it back 10 minutes. Let's see who walked in the fuck out of there It's crazy, dude. It probably cost a lot of money to fucking do right off the bat, but I go

I can't see they don't already have it You know, they have it, you know, they've had it. What do you mean had it if we thought about it? They already have they already they're already on to the next fucking level and they don't need google earth. They have streetlight cameras and Yeah, right cameras all the businesses. They don't need google earth We're doing it for them the camera phones. Yeah, you're camera The head of the nsa before I only I don't even do it But the head of the nsa before said we should all be putting tape over the cameras or a laptop. Oh, yeah, they watch

Fuck it. I'll go over there and dance in front of them and just have the camera on for nothing That could dance and fucking tea bag it Fuck yeah, like I'll give a shit. Fuck you. No, you don't want to have that camera. You gotta tape that shit That's why listen. They know where to listen. You have to know everything, right? At this point they got everything everything they've pushed on you is consumed for you to give them a credit card. Yeah, right? You could put any credit cards any slot now within 30 seconds your whole credit history comes that was creepy I had a I had an issue where it was a thing that pipe. Oh

I had an issue where a credit card I had to change that had the numbers changed and I went to my gym to switch the numbers They're like, oh no the bank we already they already contacted us and switched the numbers For the automatic payment. Oh, motherfucker Like it's it's I guess it's okay, but it's fucking weird It's like the bank is working against you And every supposed to be working for you. Is that what you mean? Well that but it was just weird that like they were giving my information to the gym and then and then it was

It's weird every time I get a card from Bank of America. It's somehow magically gets stolen Every time like I don't even get it. I don't even open it. You just heard about man Bank of America You just heard what happened. No, she's what I'm saying to you while you're watching parks and rec Yeah, Bank of America just got in trouble for what they getting trouble for fucking no as well as Fargo Fargo was making they they were gave. Oh, yeah Artificial I'll you the heavy open all these accounts and they charge you and you didn't even have these accounts and people were Fucking and they weren't even fucking going through

The uh, they were pulling some kinky shit. They were pulling kinky shit. That's shit from the fucking 80s and 70s too That's that shady shit, man, and and they just got busted on but you know what? I mean, I'm fucking I'm tired of hearing people Fuck it if we if we can't you know, we will shoot a black guy who stole fucking ham sandwich Okay, but we didn't do anything to those cocksucking bankers All right, and now Trump's got them all in their cabinet those cocksuckers should be in jail They're fucking bigger thieves than any of us They're bigger thieves than anybody and they just fucking stole and we just let them

Motherfuckers. All right, and they call us fucking criminals and outlaws and we smoke reefer You know what I didn't do take your grandma's fucking yum yum money. Okay. I didn't do that. All right I didn't fucking I didn't uh, I didn't make sure that you're fucking. Oh, shit. Where you go, Lee Yeah, the whole walls behind you is moving now. So it's All right I love it. Lee. Lee you need to take a hit. Sure. I know you did Now you think about it all your information is gone It's gone dog. It's all gone. It's all gone. It's all gone, man. It's all gone and it's sad to think I don't mean to

And to you know, put anybody in a bad mood, but it's the reality. Yeah, once you type once you bought those parachutes Or you got those fucking that plane ticket online and you use your mx. That's it Yeah, they got everything when when you call the phone company when you call the airline already Their security system is so high tech that while you're talking to them with your phone number and stuff Everything comes up. Right. Everything comes up. They already know what card you're gonna use Which is so pissed it pisses me off when they like they make you go through the whole system and they already know who you are Yeah, they already know. I don't know what the whole fucking I'm sorry

No, man. We're we're fascinated I'm with you. I'm over here too fucking burning up. I just know how to cover it up Lisa You know I'm not seeing fucking ghosts or you know spirits and shit Take a real hit though. Come on. I might as fuck I don't know for a wednesday night for some reason whenever I do this. I can't take a deep breath I'm off this week, bro. Yeah, and I always seem To forget that like I always

When I go to Nashville when I go to these cities You know, when you work you work, man. Yeah, I'm a grown fucking man. I get tired those fucking early morning flights kill me You know, so when I'm fucking off I'm off Right, you know, yeah, I write jokes and I send my emails. I take care of my business But I'm nice. I'm off. I'm not in training camp. I'm not thinking of shooting anything a tape or anything That's the most distant thing from my fucking mind. I'm off I'm just doing a podcast on a wednesday night with two fucking savages. That's it. That's it

Let me give some shout outs before I forget real quick To some bad motherfuckers Hold on one second Bam there you go, I know I ain't fucked up Jenica jones brandy lin I'll see you in Minneapolis in two weeks Trapper welton gravity king many Moreno

Jay unidos ukie spooky our girl. I love her ryan scott and finando Zerilla What's happening you bad motherfuckers? There you go And that's it. That's that. Well, hey, uh, oh, okay I gotta tell him about the thing I want to fucking forget, you know, I just want to give him some shout-outs easy I love these guys, man. We were talking about my buddy enforcer He's paul march down in a little rock fucking is a member of the church. Okay. He's he's deep in love I want to give you moonshine and watch you fucking get all fucked up on that. Okay

Like a paul's fucking great people Um, uh, also I heard today from ricky cruise down to florida his boys out of the hospital His boy had of uh had a sinus infection and uh, and and uh, he took it to the ER The doctor said oh, it's a virus and the sinus infection got so bad But there was an abscess and the little boy's sinuses. All right. There's a boy seven years old. God bless. All right And so the little boy had he was an icu for like nine days had to have surgery Okay, and and and he does all this and he and he and I'm talking to him I'm like, well, mickey. What can I get you? Where are you? Are you okay?

You know, I said everything for kids. Okay, and and he goes Uncle raffi you uh, maybe like legos or something I said that kid every kind of lego they had I said him everything the kid goes to that all he wants is a lego God damn it. You got heart kid. You almost died. All right, that doesn't ever nine days nine days, dude The abscess got so close, you know the little bones in there They're so close to the brain and and this these dumb fucking er doctors who don't give it to shits All right, you know to look, you know, take five minutes. Look at a kid. All right. What's the color of the snot?

Okay, you know what? Hey, he's seven the let's give him antibiotics. Anyway, just to make sure he's okay All right, it's fucking miami. Trust me. He'll need extra antibiotics for something. All right You know, he's only seven but he'll still need it. Okay And it's like and that little boy Ricky and I were working together. We're in west palm and uh, and he left Every day and every night and it was like his his wife was like I took it to the er He had a fever and spiked and oh my god. He looked like something. Oh my god. That's terrible. It's horrible. It's horrible but god bless

Is he okay? Yeah, he's okay now. Thank god. I know thank god Ricky Ricky's a brother, you know, Ricky's Ricky's family in the old school old school family 1440 I still remember beating Joe Chadwick and Ricky was Ricky was like, you can't do that. Fuck him. He pays us $300 to host Fuck you Joe Chadwick He wanted me to emcee and I told him send me the plane ticket. Yeah, send me cash And I just said fuck it. I broke down in Vegas. I'm not coming

And me and Ricky split the doubt What the fuck is it with the planes? Oh god, they're coming for Lee because he's unasset. Oh, Jesus Christ They're probably looking at all them pterodactyls flying around outside and wondering what the hell was going on At Jurassic Park pterodactyls pop out of here. What's going on? What's happening, Lee? It sounds like the pterodactyl is coming home Should we close the door? No, fuck it. I don't Unless you want to close the door. No Oh my god, it's so funny

Yeah, right Okay His eyes look weird now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, both y'all are finding the right spot Aren't you? I'm good. Yeah. Yeah Burning calories like a motherfucker, but I'm good. Yeah, right As it's fun If I didn't have court drama, I'll take somebody Save save me some save me some of the listen. Let me tell you something. It's not like

I don't think they're making this stuff Or first of all, my tolerance is off the chains. Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, right? My tolerance is off the fucking chain. Yeah But, you know, he's sitting there like he had a cup of coffee. He's like, huh, Ralphie, that is interesting. Oh, no Trust me, this is a little kick to this little kick in this meal right now. I'm not seeing devils or fucking Snakes. Yeah, I just felt somebody tickle my arm though Oh It's fucking good

So fucking funny. Yeah, everyone's why you just gotta break out of the ordinary. I love doing Different types of podcast man. I really do. I love experimenting in here There's nights we eat mushrooms. There's nights. We just fucking smoke mushrooms. We smoked mushrooms. Yeah smoked mushrooms Well, yeah, we put a stem in there like an animal. Oh, we did that a few times. You put stems in there Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you don't give a fuck. Yeah, right. Fuck it. It'll burn some ice. It would be all right It'll burn some ice It's kind of good to fucking just get fucked up from time to time Yeah, right. I think if I eat the mushrooms, I'd be having diarrhea

Like I said, this shit don't I go home. I force myself to eat something. Yeah, and that kills it. Yeah, that kills it On the drive home, you know, listen I'm old school. If I see something I just walk home I'm from the old school. I just walk home or who but you know, I can't believe I just drove home went home I sat there for 15 minutes. I watched tv and I go, you know what? Let me see. I think she went to routes I got some salami and a piece of american cheese and a piece of wonder bread Like a doctor 10 minutes later. That was nappy new

That's fucking it was fucking nappy new. He told me he stayed up all night Yeah, but it was you stayed up all night on acid. Yeah all the time. Oh my god But then the one time I did it with Ari when went to see that kid were to see the pink floyd Same thing happened that night. I never sleep on acid. We took the acid at 6 30 By eight o'clock. We were kind of burning by nine. We walked into that. What's the famous restaurant downtown philips Yeah, yeah, we walked into philips tripping our balls on We ordered food the food came and we looked at each other

Like who's gonna eat this shit? Like who's gonna eat this shit? Who would eat this? Who ordered this shit? How did we get in here? Give us a tab. We're out of here because like you want boxes. Fuck no Fuck no, we got on the train. We went to the house and we ended up watching something stupid on tv Oh the bounty hunter chick with the fucking with mickey roark and uh Oh, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah bounty hunter whatever the fuck with mickey roark and the black dude dwindle lingo whatever his name is. He was the black dude at uh

What's the big movie movie? del rint del lindo Not pope friction. What the fuck was he in? The one with uh travolta And fucking get shorty. He's the black woman Del re lindo or something. Yeah something like that. I like that guy Yeah, he was great and that gets shorty. Yeah I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about. No, no, no, but you get me mesmerized by which black guy it is

Like this is like, I don't know which one like I'm talking about something How you doing? I'm doing good. I'm trapping my balls off, but What are you seeing Just a lot of mixing. It's a lot of like twirly mixing Like like swirling like this Or like that

No, the first one like this. Yeah the the wheels like starry night like starry night ones. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, because this one That's bad This one's the good It's both it's both I don't know it like even in my pee like the last time Like I have a picture on my phone of one time I took acid and I shaved my my head and my beard and I thought the hair looks so magical and I took a picture of it on my phone. It looks stupid

It looks like a sink Whatever works for you that night. Do you have a good time? Don't don't shave anything. Okay. I'm doing your salad Oh, yeah, it was weird that it felt weird. Wait till four in the morning middle of the night when you have a good time Shave an eyebrow. Take a chance. No Just shave an eyebrow Take a chance. You were a 12 year old Shave an eyebrow then fill it in like a Filipino on the weekend Just put like a little purple thing in there. Take a big sharpie and make it a high and make you look real surprised

Every weekend is a different color. It's the yellow rooster. You know what I'm saying? You got you a little red. Yeah, you got it high Oh my god, right here Lee Oh They used to do that shit to people all the time when I was growing up putting air on you when you were sleeping Oh, and then you take a shower and the head Oh man, oh my god, they used to have some wicked shit. They don't do it no more people lost them remember lemon up Remember that shampoo that you put it in your hand. It was lemons and your head got lined up. What wasn't like lighting up Yeah, yeah, lemon up light no we're lighting up

There was a shampoo in the 70s. Yeah, it was fucking huge Everybody once june came you got that shampoo and you put it in your hand Your head got all light and you got sexy for the summer. Yeah, but by some time you like a dirty hole That was the first invasion of the dirty hole was the lemon. Yeah from there it all went downhill Oh god I gotta tell you what is the fucking deal. All right, what do you do? You gotta tell stories about When you go to gavons the producers apartment and and clog up a shower Are you gonna tell these people

You clogged up someone else's shower He took a shit in there that was so good and powerful In the shower, but he couldn't push With his toe and it was such a good turn. It wouldn't go down. It had heart That's exactly that And so you wash your feet in the clean because it was disgusting You know, like I can't look I can't do this and you got out of there and you're like And then you came over to my face just in your fucking in your little towel gavons towel

I got that towel back. I think that became my towel. All right, and then you finished your shower I don't remember that shit I'm like Mike Kessler three weeks ago Mike at least stop fucking with the wiring and shit you the microphones. You're gonna electrocute yourself Then we're gonna have all the problems You okay killed I'm okay All right, how about this one? Come go go

Have you ever told him how you have you fucked up jaymore with the fucking myzines? We told him two weeks ago. Oh you did? Okay, all right I got more I got more All right. All right. How about how about that tag watch room gavin? I know you didn't I know you didn't clip it. I know you didn't clip it, but You and me with all the ones who knew you didn't clip it All right, I think you fuck He was fucking

I'm gonna be as honest. I can't I didn't give a fuck At that point in my life, right? Do you remember he came up to the store? Yeah, he tried to get tough on me with keith Yeah Are you fucking crazy What Listen, I made some mistakes, but what really happened was That a certain girl came up he hooked up with her right and He fell in love with her. She told that he was gonna move up here

You don't remember that story, but six months before that they hooked up skype And they would whack off on the phone and talk dirty to each other and dildos and shit You know that was 1998. Yeah Skype wasn't 10 cents a fucking minute that you know what I'm saying So he started getting these bills and going all the bills are disappearing You know who's putting these high fucking bills on my thing. He was on that whacking off He couldn't come to conclusion then the watch disappeared. There was like three or four things the watch disappeared five Then he came to my house one morning

I was living with terry. I was sleeping with terry's and he knocked on my door one morning that morning. I looked at him like a Dog Don't ever knock on my fucking door again You want to see me you call and we'll meet you later. Goodbye. And I that was it Yeah, and that what time was about the watch. Yeah, the watch was stolen. He left it on top of that, but then he found it And he couldn't make face Right, he couldn't tell anybody then somebody saw it on his wrist and said isn't that the watch he stole Yeah, and he goes no

I bought a fake one So wait a second. You had a real watch It got stolen and you went and bought a fake one the exact kind the exact kind You know the odds of that and we're not talking fucking Listen, man. I was no saint. No, but you weren't that but I wasn't the devil of you there And you know what at that point in my life I was playing that role For 20 fucking years by that point. So I already knew I grew up in north bergen where those guys would go

Uh You know fucking Ralphie He stayed here till eight in the morning snorting come really you didn't help him You didn't help him. Oh, yeah, I did a few lines, you know, I mean, what the fuck I drank a few beers So it was all Ralphie. Yeah, right when I was growing up that was every morning when they walked into hashways And for the biggest speakers in the city, they go Fucking cocoa kept us out till six in the morning. Really? Right. You weren't it was your car Yeah, you could have threw me out of the fucking car three hours earlier, but you didn't exactly

It's just uh I want to I want to add another candle for mama hashways, uh rice pudding god damn that was delicious She's still alive. What a shame, you know, billy her end the move to town We talked from time to time That's why nobody goes home no more Yeah, right because there's nowhere to go There's nothing good. I mean you can go to chance dragging in and still get a strong egg rope Okay. Oh, no, no those places are still but our base

Yeah, right that the one down the corner where everybody went and got a roast beef sandwich And you knew mrs. Hashtag you could put it on the arm for credit Right and you went behind the counter and put your own salt mayonnaise. Yeah, make it make it nice pickles, you know No, no, no, no, no that was that and that's what happened. I spoke to another friend of mine that called In regard to something else about a month ago and I go you've come home a lot and he goes He goes after hashways closed I moved down in and I never came back again. Yeah I think it's important

Hashways was so fucking good, dude. You get you get you a fucking Was it chocolate sodas you used to get me was it egg cream or something? No you who's the you who's Okay, I get a you And a chocolate water a roast beef on on the row. All right on the row Why do you change the hot chocolate milk? What chocolate milk is better than you who I think Well, I had to get the full You want chocolate milk when you want a motherfucking you who?

You want a motherfucking you? I was going strictly 11 got you this nights. I stop here and I go and get a you when I'm good for the night You think a you who you're good It's amazing. What are you who would do to you? It was 16? Aren't you? Very fucking new I I did I did everything that was before one of the hashways had the lump Okay, but mama still came in and great rice pudding and then that was my first time at hashways This is how cool this place was six months later eight months later I

Am going through and going fuck it. I don't know any place. I'm going to go into the city I don't know any place. I want to park over there I'm going to fuck JFK Boulevard. Fuck yeah, man. I get off right right before I go into the tunnel I go JFK and then boom pull right into hashways They I'm there. I got to say hello. I got to tell them to tell cocoa. I they said hello and then Mama has way not only did I get my roast beef sandwich She made me an extra one and then I she goes I heard you love my rice pudding So here take a bigger thing and she gave me extra rice pudding

And what are those with the fucking what's the chips that they had there? Yeah wise chips potato chips with that with the owl, right? Yeah, that's the ones that's the fucking ones It's funny Lee one day we were having a conversation years ago and you were talking about that pizza parlor in your neighborhood Right. Yeah, that is the best pizza in the world to you Like to you like when you go home No matter what anybody says no, you got to go to johnny's on fifth street You still go there and it still tastes as good as it did when you were a fucking kid. Absolutely That was hashways only with yelling and screaming and people giving gossip and you know

Man, how about that heart attack on a roll in the morning that morning sandwich that she'd make us Oh my god, you picked up two of those. I started eating that I mean I started eating there. You got a figure in 1975 Doc raffi. I went up there. I was a downtown kid and I went up there The word on the street was if you want to get better in basketball, you got to go up there and play the rough games in the daytime And one day his kid foovio pygliario Phenomenal man slam me he was the catcher on the baseball team by mistake slam me And he goes man. I'm sorry, you know

So he got me a roast beef on rye with swiss cheese thin shaved lettuce Let me tell you something when I bit into that it was all over. I've never tasted anything like that in my life I went there every day after that too If fucking cool, yeah Till the end we did the documentary Yeah, absolutely. That's I didn't we didn't go in that time. We went in there at two o'clock

And the roast beef wasn't ready. I knew the end was near. Yeah, right You know what? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? The roast beef used to be done a ton in the morning earlier earlier We'd be back here eating their roast beef. So it's like when they first got us that first bounce check You know the first time they hit you with a bounce check and they're like, oh my wife didn't deposit the funds Listen that that that that that that that first bounce check means to boogie with nuggie It's only gonna get worse after here. Don't make me give you references. You know what I'm saying? That first basketball means run

Even if they give you even then they'll cash it right away. They make themselves look solid What's going on? I don't know. Don't wander. Don't wander. Don't wander. I'm gonna watch you like oh Let him wonder fucking he's got a coat on it. It'll be fine. He just goes down some stairs. Who hasn't you know This is a very interesting night of podcasting. I have no idea what happened. What it was said I think we had fun, man. I know I left my balls off And at least I hadn't got to scare the snake That was tremendous. You got to say that for the fucking hot eye real All right, dude, the only way I'll forgive you Ralphie is if I got a $10,000 stake at the bad harrows with the blackjack table

Not 10,000. I'll get you. I'll come on. I'll we'll sit there I don't know. I gotta start high. You're Jewish. Relax. We're gonna work. We're gonna work. I'm rubber toe Look, man, I love you I'm not gonna let you not sit there at the table and not fucking play with me. I mean here. I'll give you money I'll keep you there. No, I'm you. I'm not asking from you. Oh my god. Oh my god The snake the snake Focus on the yellow. Yeah find the yellow So funny when you went out there was out there with the car

Don't look now. Now you can't fucking look see what I'm saying Now I don't need you to look I could stick my hand over when you went out there casually I want you to cash out of the left eye to see what was No Now watch that shit later. I'm watching them. You know, that's a da wait line. You're out there. God damn it He said no, okay. Yes. Just so everyone else knows this isn't for anyone who is listening to the podcast This is just for him. He's just putting that in my head. He's gonna call me in three hours This is a da outside

The kiss of death was at the airport today and they canceled to his flight and he's still there. Who do you think? Slate I didn't go like Bobby Slate And he'd be sitting after Bobby go to the fucking suitcase Over there Listen when they canceled he's ready to sniff some of these asshole at this point Bobby Slate I could torment him right now. I think about him every day for quick pleasure and I go. No, I can't do this No, you can't fuck him up and they go listen. I can't take it no more

I've been clean for nine years this bullshit. I hooked up with a Colombian. He's Armenian too Hahaha He's a Colombian Armenian this guy's got the goods and he'll buy right into it. Like what do you mean goods? Like what do you mean? What type of goods? I'm talking about new york city 19 fucking 73 He is numb the flake your nose a num flake. It's yellow. Chinese people licking. It's yellow. I'm saying Come on. Really? How much a gram? He's just kidding with outrageous price. Give me 2250 I was like bam, you're hooking him right there. I go to the yellow box right there

Oh I'm telling you man When you look okay fucking was late was funny. All right, but when Joey doesn't like somebody That's even funny your torture it. Okay. All right. How about How about the telling the story about how you tortured my blackjack wilson? All right with the guy when you remember when he was we found out that he liked the cross dress Of course, you know someone named blackjack wilson What was the chick with the kid

She said what's the name was the kid's father At the comedy store. She was dating bob baker. What happened to that broad? Oh Oh Where is she? Oh, I don't know anything I haven't heard anything nothing. Yeah, I was sitting there going and I see the dude Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're walking around. Yeah, I feel like saying what happened to him, but Why don't maybe the body is that rock closed? Yeah, that's what I figured. Yeah So funny

Coco when when you don't like somebody Folks, he'll he'll find out where they're working and call up as somebody was complaining All right, I was at the uh, the nine o'clock show show our show started at seven Then it was the seven o'clock show I suck it. All right, and you just be so mad and so mad and then okay It hang up call. All right, and then and then like an hour later. He picked the phone back up And call the guy who hates he hates Yeah, what's going on another hey, man

Nothing nothing, but the uh, the club just called me and asked me if I wanted to come in and do your week Oh my god, they did let me talk to them So he would make sure that they would talk to the club and then he's like, yeah, we heard some complaints Okay Then the guy gets scared. Hey, yeah, man. They already got me at the fucking airport. All right, you're gonna lose your job All right. Yeah, yeah, they're gonna all right. Hey come pick me up and I'll have them let you feature All right, you did that twice But the best of the best you've ever done

Is when you used to fuck p out of the fucking from the last stop out of out of those fucking out of that fucking airfare money Like like I want to say probably 10 15 times You just beat beat up For fucking airline money like hey red's tight. Hey p. Yeah, fly me down I need the money now though. So here send me the money. I'll buy the ticket. I'll be there. I swear to god. I'll be there No, no I was burying motherfuckers for a while

You're burying him. That was for a while, but the best was your boy bowman Well, he can say you got Joey this weekend and you're like, I don't think so You started talking to my wife, baby I don't think you got it. I saw Joey at the store last night. He bowman was not on his mind Exactly. Oh my god. Okay, dude, dude. You had you had p Up at the fucking old intercontinental airport waiting on a continental flight. All right And and you're like no and he's like joey. You're hearing these leaving messages and joey can hear baggage from phoenix Is on carousel three carousel three for phoenix

All right, and you can hear this and then that's what made you laugh. You're like, Robbie mate. Listen to this And we're in my apartment smoking weed as fucking you're supposed to be at the last stop you fuck I'm I beat him out of 800 Listen to this and we keep on hearing the bag and tell the carousel I sent Pete from airport What are you? No, honey That's a 60 mile fucking trip. And then when you get the hobby, I'm like, no, wait a second. No, fuck

So, where are you right now? Wait a second. Let me call you back in five minutes. That's it. That's it. You'll never hear from me again We were in my kitchen table and you know about me, you know, this is and I go what it's Pete driving home from the airport I sent them to three different airports because Houston really got three airports They got another one that you go all the way down. That's a small airport And if you get a ticket on like a cheap fucking Puerto Rican ticket service, yeah It's 8 45 a.m. And they won't tell you you got to get all the way down there at 8 45 again And they put you on additional

Let me tell you something. It's like putting you on a plane from Hollywood to North Hollywood making you get up. Oh, no Oh, yeah Yeah, shuttle Brutal brutal Cocoa when you fucking get into people And you don't even you you play nice Like like nothing nothing

Them clintons should be calling you and giving you putins like all you need is his phone number All right If we really find out how much he fucking got into him It's like Fuck a fat guy on a bed Or oh, oh fucking cyber attacking. Let let cocoa have like a number Yeah, I was telling my old drug dealer. Which one? I would know with I mean like what street? No that hollywood. Oh, okay. We always talk. We talk once a month

But we talk extra heavy around the super bowl And we're both talking talking talking and he gets off the phone and Whatever and knowing when wins I call him back and we're talking And that morning I wake up. I'm thinking about I'm like, how many years do I know this motherfucker? This relationship started by him getting beat up and me giving him my gun I stole from 1440. It was a piece that was there an old piece in an apartment It was a 38 and and I and I yeah

It was in a top shelf and I gave that to them for protection Plus that bought me like 10 bags of blow from you know what I'm saying? Yeah, just to keep me alive I gave me that gun give me a couple fucking bendles here Yeah That relationship's been on since 19 I've been buying I was buying coke from them but now we've been friends since Yeah, damn near 97. Wow. That's how long I know those brothers for yeah, so 97

I was fucking with that man, and I'm still friends with them today And what I did to them I used to torture him. Oh, yeah, I used to tell him come to the store. Here we go. Make jaggers here James Brown is here Listen, if they snore coke, they're here get on down here motherfucker. I'm lying down Not for nothing. You also had a lot of credibility because you had also knew Bobby fucking brown and Whitney Houston All right That was none of that but they never came to the store. No, no, no, but they I kept that completely

Nobody even knew even existed But it was funny how that's how I would get this particular guy down there because I always owed him a thousand bucks Yeah, he go. Why am I gonna come down here? You owe me money. You got my money. Fuck. No, I got you my I got a $15 check for you, but I'm telling you to come down here Because you could sell a fucking ounce down here. Everybody's here. Rick James is here. Rick James is dead. He's here. I'm telling you I just saw him. He's looking for fucking package So I would make him go down there. I wouldn't make him go down. Look at poorly I would make him go down there

And he would go where's all the drug deals? Where's everybody? I go they just left Huh But while I got you here, give me a 60 till tomorrow Mother fucker. I knew you were gonna trick me. You know how many times I did that, Tom? Are you serious? You would bring a uh I would make him come down at one in the morning and tell him that at least I had said with a fucking Stack a hundred stack a hundred two bitches who are no hungry Even if I just held on to that one skinny dude. Just give him a 20. Yeah, bro

A 20 that's better than nothing. Let me get hold on to that 60 till tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? I got a shit happening. The producer's calling tomorrow I gotta go by I gotta go by Wait for the mailman to come and shit Dog tell Lee that we knew the mailman by first name little filipino. Oh my god. Yeah, dog. We were scared with a marifa We were out there. Okay. We're outside of our apartment complex He would tell me if I had a check. Yeah, like an hour before he go. I gotta I have check And then he come back that meant party time Lee

You heard the fucking guy Now lee at that time it could have been a check for three dollars Or it could have been a check for three thousand dollars. Nobody knew but in my mind. It was the three thousand dollars So tightly you're gonna learn something right here. What and I would just 36 dollars. Jesus Christ I'm gonna fall all the way away from three G's I will make it work. Let me cash this check at the wilcox. Yeah, that means they take a dollar 50 I still got 23 and change. I can still stop stop on my buddy's got a 20 spot. I still got three dollars for gump That's better than you who's better and the two dollar for a tip for water at the company stuff

Amen Yeah, man, we would sit out. We knew that guy So well, I mean, we just be sitting out there pimpy would be playing around and uh, this was way before It wasn't before baby. Yeah Well, no, we still knew the we knew the mailman. I listen. I got mail there till 2005. What? Yeah easy When did he move out? When did he move in? When did he move in?

He just opened the door. Can I stay here? Yes Well, it was on the road. Whoever didn't come home. Yeah, the door was open. There was always a A cigarette something something was gonna happen in that fucking building It was what kept us alive for two or three years bro, bro I'm sorry, bro. I'm just I'm losing it right now. What happened though. I know you're fine What'd you see nothing nothing it just what'd you hear?

You don't need to remake cranky anchors Oh Listen, it's 2017 This has to become a show soon three dudes just take And topics coming up and you just dying to smoke somebody or buy that Somebody or buy that even at three in the morning. We'll start at three in the morning. Nobody does nothing. No, I bet This is this is a green

You we can buy we can buy and we did a season of these we can pull a Byron Allen Duh, we can pull by someone who's gonna last a season of these things After three days, we'll take it to a hotel room Don't leave me but you're gonna take me here. I'm not gonna go to no hotel. I'm not gonna take it to a hotel I can't believe you still don't feel it for a thing and you should be This is like our mascot, man. It's like what we always needed I don't want to fucking seeing things Give me the paperwork. What do you mean? You don't want me seeing things. No, I don't need you seeing things

Do you want me to read some of this shit? No, I'll read it. All right. I'm gonna go to jail Do not say nothing during this one. I ain't go. I don't believe it. I love them I want to thank hello tushy.com. I want to thank Ralphie May. I want to thank the flying jew This was a hell of a podcast. Oh podcast. I'm starting to see things too And I take two steps to the ring and I was motherfucker right here. It's been a hell of a night. I love you. Stay black Oh Oh Oh

It's Oh Oh I got the Oh Oh Oh You