Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - REMEMBERING WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE | #233 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

Welcome to UNCLE JOEY’S JOINT..... It’s Monday, March 6, 2023… This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT! Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH This episode is also brought to you by Stamps.com, BlueChew & Manscaped… BLUECHEW Visit https://bluechew.com and use code JOEY to try it free! Just pay $5 shipping STAMPS Visit https://www.stamps.com & use code JOEY to get a free trial. MANSCAPED Visit http://www.manscaped.com and use code DIAZ for 20% off + free shipping on your first order. Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world  And don’t forget... The Mind of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz  #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #displate #manscaped #bluechew #CBDLion #HeartAndSoil #DraftKings #BetterHelp #stamps #RocketMoney The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... https://spoti.fi/unclejoeysjoint

All these people were blowing up, piano player, I believe that if I put hard work in that I would get better at something. What does that tell you? Jesus Christ, you know, just being a good guy. Because even when I was a criminal, my motto was always to make somebody's day. Some days it meant, yeah, me robbing you, but you know, I didn't make your day, but I made my day. And I was having a good time, but I wasn't really feeling fulfilled, you know, like, it was just felt like I went out to dinner. This podcast is brought to you by Onit. Go to Onit.com and look at the great selection of supplements. If you find something you like, press in Code Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your house.

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And thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the joint. Let's get this party started, Jack. What's happening, you savages? It's Monday the 6th of March. What does that tell you? Jesus Christ. Where is the time going? It's already March the 6th. It's crazy. But it was a great weekend. It was a great week last week. I'm feeling good. Everybody's doing good. Congratulations to John Jones last night.

You know, I made a video on Saturday for you guys. I talk a lot of shit, you know, and I always push DraftKings and whatnot. I love DraftKings. It's been a, you know, I didn't mess around with sports for the whole time I was doing comedy. I was so focused on it. And now, you know, I enjoy like the little fucking things I got left. I enjoy just to watch a game from time to time. It's not like I watch sports all the time, but at night sometimes, you know, you just, the game started at 7.30. My house don't get going till 9.

Sometimes I watch the first quarter of the game. Then I do something. I try to write jokes for Lee. I try to write in my journal, you know, shit like that. Nah, that's my little dog. I'm always writing jokes for Lee. Listen, I can't write in my voice no more. I don't even know, I don't even know what the fuck my voice is anymore. So I ghost write for Lee, you know, and that's it. And I push him like last night I gave him a joke. He was in Orlando Saturday night.

So all week I was thinking about a joke for Lee. And I'm like, what can I do for Lee for Saturday night? Because Lee's at a point right now in his comedy career. He's been doing comedy, let's say, for years. So what I try to do is I try to, you know, give him the easy jokes. But then I'm trying to write jokes for him that I wrote for myself at the four-year mark and I wasn't ready to say. And people like, Joey, what the fuck are you talking about?

Sometimes you write a joke that's so strong that you're not, you're at a level that you're not prepared to deliver it. And you'll deliver it and you'll say it 50 times. You'll giggle, but nobody else gives a fuck about your stupid joke and you'll throw it away. But in time you'll realize that that joke was maybe written a little too strong for where you are talent wise and it happens all the fucking time. So I wanted to test him this week.

So I go, you know what, let me give him like a fucking racy joke. He's in Orlando. There's a joke I've been working for like three years. I don't have the balls to say. And it came and it went. So it was an old joke, but you could still use it in a late form. And it was when the gay guy in the post-nightclub shooting in Orlando, he shot all those gay people, like 90 people.

So one day I was sitting and I'm like, man, if he shot all those people, there's got to be some gay ghost around. People got stuck on the fucking frontier who didn't make it all the way to heaven or hell or whatever the fuck their mission was to be going. I go, so that means when you go to Orlando, there's got to be gay ghost. Wouldn't that be funny if you're in your room at Disneyland? The whole thing you hear like, boo, you know, you're like, what the fuck? And it's those gay ghosts that got shot.

So it's not a great joke and I haven't set it up yet. But last night I called Lee at Saturday night. I called Lee and I'm like, hey, bro, fucking, this is a good joke for you to try. We were dying a laughter on the phone. I don't know what the final conclusion was, what joke he was going to try. I told him if you try this joke, they'll definitely not have you back, which is always a good sign. Sometimes it's a great sign when a club doesn't want to have you back.

You don't know that at the time, but sometimes it's just a dingy bar or some club with the owners fucking thinks he's fucking mits, he's sure and he's not. So that's part of my sometimes at night, I just write a fucking joke for Lee. I think of something, you know, and I'll open up his mind with it because sometimes it's not a joke that you could use, but sometimes it's the choice of opening your mind. You know, I subscribed to a betting newspaper. It cost me dollars on the sense just so I could read about sports

because I'm not having really caught up to it. Do you think I use their picks? Not at all. They send me picks every night. I don't gamble every night. Do you think I use their picks? No. You know why I read their picks?

So it opens up my mind. Sometimes they'll just say, listen, look at this guy. He scored 30 points in four games. Maybe tonight he's going to go on the 30. I'll think about it. Sometimes it's just opening your mind. You can't tell that joke. It's funny because last week I told what had happened,

what the anxiety that drove me to, you know, just everything that was going on for the podcast, but one of the things that I also want to address is something that somebody else said to me recently. They said that about two years ago before the pandemic, they reached out to me for a spot at a comedy show, and I told them no, and they thought that I was a liar, that I don't help other comics. And I was reading the thing because I had heard that before,

that people were mad at me. Young comics were mad at me like when I say, pick up the phone and call people. And then I'd use a story when somebody called me. And I didn't know how to really break that down for people. And it's all broken down by the intention, the intention. Okay. When I was a young comic, likely four or five years, yes, I was impressionable. I was impressed by comics like, you know, Carlos Mencia, Doug Stanhope,

Wendy Liebman, Jackie Flynn. There was a complete different stock of stand-up comics that were on the working circuit than Rocky LaPorte. You know, Andrew Dice Clay was just finishing up a huge fucking massive arena tour. Roseanne was blowing up. All these people were blowing up. We didn't have the camera. We didn't have the camera.

We didn't have a lot of things. We didn't have the phone with the video in it. We didn't have a lot of those things. So it was hard work-based. Whatever you're going to do, it's always hard work-based. Whether you're going to be a fucking piano player, whatever the fuck. When a comic would come to town, like Felicia Michaels did in 94, I got a guest set to Felicia Michaels.

And afterward, I went up on stage during the guest set. I bombed whatever, but I didn't go down there for Felicia to save my life. Are you with me? I didn't go down there for somebody to save my life. I always knew that nobody could save my life. I knew that if I believed, I didn't know this, I believed that if I put hard work in, that I would get better at something. If I put hard work into anything, I believe I'm going to get better on it.

So the first big comic I met that wasn't big at the time, but he was big was Doug Stano. He was big to me. He was doing a lot better than I was. I was an emcee and he was a feature. In my world, he didn't need to be on TV. He was doing a lot better than me. When I met Doug, I didn't know that comics took other comics on the road.

I didn't know any of that stuff. I was right. I was just impressed with Doug and the skills. When we finished the show, Doug was talking about if I knew a hotel in the area to stay in, and I'm like, yeah, but listen, I don't know what you're getting paid here tonight, but it's probably not a lot. Why don't you stay at my house? When I offered that to Doug, I didn't offer that to Doug for him to change my life.

I offered it to Doug as a fucking, as a fucking, you know, just being a good guy. I want to save you 50 bucks, because even when I was a criminal, my motto was always to make somebody's day. Some days it meant, yeah, me robbing you, but, you know, I didn't make your day, but I made my day, but, you know, that was basically it. So I helped him, but my intentions were pure. When he came back a year later, he was headlining. I was still on MC and I was impressed with him even more.

And I still didn't ask him. I didn't even know what to ask him. I would ask him a few questions about stand up. I mean, what is this like, you know, shit like that. And then other comics, I became friends with, you know, when the trip will run, I worked after two years, two comics came in. That's 104 comics a year. That's 208 and two years I worked with.

And I don't remember any of them passed. Seriously, there were all those comics were headliners in 1991 and they were probably in their 40s and they probably went, it's a triple run. So when you're a headline, you know, a triple one, it's not that your career is on the way up. I don't mean to disrespect anybody. When you're a young guy and you're doing triple runs, your career is on the way up. But when you're an old guy like me doing triple runs is because your career is in the fucking toilet. So those guys that I worked with were probably moved on to something else.

I'm not mad at them. I'm not saying anything bad about them. And that's why I stood and I stayed on that path to whatever. I didn't open up for a comic ever till I got that way. I think Paul Rodriguez asked me to open for him. Rogan asked me a couple of times, but when they asked me to open for them, yes, I wanted to make a good impression so they could continue taking me on the road. But I wasn't going to commit to just them taking me on the road.

I was also going to do my work on the side, keep hustling work. And whatever work they had wasn't a cherry on the Sunday. You know, that's, that's all I'm putting it. So I went to the comedy store after that. And yes, I became friends with Joe. Joe was on news radio again. I did not become his friend because he was on a TV show. I became his friend because we were comics working on the same fucking goals.

He was a lot ahead of me, but that didn't change who my goals were. I still had to keep fucking working. And that's my story on that for some reason. And guys, I help anybody who asked me for help, comedically, and I'm very honest with them and I'll tell them what's going on. But I saw this the last couple of years that I was in Los Angeles and the last couple of years that I was on tour. People are looking to get saved.

That's a different story than help. Lee Syat was always looking for help. He was not looking to be saved. Mike was looking for help. He was not looking to be saved. That's a big difference. I became friends with a lot of when I was first started doing the church, you know, I would talk to what we had a Google messages like Google page.

I think Felicia set it up. I would wake up with 100 fucking messages a day and I would answer every one of them. And 50 of them were standups, wanting advice. And I would answer every which one of them. But then I started noticing I was getting this one email from this one guy. And he was the best comic in the world and, you know, like, I mean, it was fucking mind boggling the shit I was reading. And I had like 10 of these guys that they were the best comics in the world.

They were going to do this. They were going to do that. They were going to change the world with comedy. But they wanted my help. Like I can't wait to get to LA to get on stage with you. Okay, you know, I can't wait either. I can't wait to see you. I really can't.

From all this shit you're telling me. I am fucking excited. I am. Yeah. And then they come to LA and listen, when I went to LA the first couple of weeks. Yeah, I went up to the store one night and I happened to know. I knew these people from before I got there. I knew Mencia.

I knew James Stevens, the third. I knew Doug Stano, but I knew them from the road. They had seen me working. You follow me. They had seen me at different places when I see you at fucking Dr. Quinn's and fucking Lansing, Michigan. And then I see you three months later and you're where I'm in Miami, but you're working at Fort Lauderdale with a headliner.

I know. And then three months later, I'm in Tempe and you're at the, I'm at the Tempe improv and you're at the fucking Phoenix improv. And we see each other at the airport. I could tell you're putting in the work. I didn't know what these other guys were doing. So they would come to LA and then they would go. The first question was Joey, can you get me into the comedy store?

And I'm like, no, I mean, I don't even know you. How can I refer you? If I don't know you, you're a fucking scumbag. Fuck you. You told me you would help. I didn't tell you anything. I just told you, I can't wait to see you. And now you want to move in.

You want to fucking, you want me to fire Lee. I had people tell me fire Lee. I want to move in and I want to be a regular at the store. Just like that. I didn't know these people from the fucking road. I never bumped into them on the road or they call me and go, or they hit me with an email on Thursday and go, Joey, you're coming to fucking Kentucky this week.

Can I feature for you? Again, I don't know you. Number one. Number two, I know Dean Delray. I know Lisa Yat. I know the Agostino Zoyda. I know the one girl that works at the comedy store with a husband who's a doorman and she's the ticket girl at the store.

And I know that they fight every week for fucking spots. And I know that the Agostino's out six, seven, eight nights a week in LA. I know Dean Delray is out eight nights a week in LA. And I know Lee's out at a fucking comedy place, paying five dollars a show, doing three shows a fucking night. You know, there's the fucking truth here. I know these guys. I know what they're doing.

And I know they need rent money, even though they're working their ass off. So I'm sorry that I don't know you, Pete fucking Smith. And I can't give you a feature spot. And now you're mad at me and you're going to tell everybody I'm a scumbag because I didn't fucking use you. But I used one of my friends that I know is working hard and I know is putting the time in unlike you. I had no idea what the fuck you're doing.

You're just looking to get on stage, do good. And hopefully somebody brings you to Rogan and you're that. I wish it worked that way. I wish it worked that way. So for people to get fucking angry with me like comics, young comics, like he says this about comics, but he never helped us. Guys, we have our own circle to work with already. I have guys that I've known for 10 years that are doing the work in LA

and they are killing themselves. And they are taking planes to make $200 and lose money on a plane ticket. How many times I know for a fact Dean and Di Agostino were breaking even. Like they were going to drop two. They were going to lose 200 bucks by featuring at your club. So instead I give them money for a plane ticket. I give them an extra money because I know they're busting their fucking ass. So for you to go around spreading rumors that Uncle Joey never helped me with comedy.

That's pretty fucking bad. And you know how many guys I did help with comedy in LA and they all failed me? Do you have any fucking idea how many gigs I got for people? You know how many times I got gigs for people and they would call me and go, that wasn't a good gig. You just moved here from Iowa where you were doing gigs for fucking penguins or whatever the fuck you were doing. I get you a gig at Flappers.

Like I got a guy, a gig at Flappers and he was talking shit about me. And I got him to give him $150. This guy had never made a dollar in his life. So after that you're like, why should I help people? These people just, we have our own little fucking, you have your own little pen, you have your own little boat pen of people. And I love, and I had Eric Roker too, the gay guy. That motherfucker does five sets a night and sucks three dicks.

That dude is working seven nights a week. That dude was doing three fucking sets a night. Now he's featuring, now he's fucking featuring at the improv, Doc Willis, all these guys I knew they were putting to working. So for you people that I disappointed by not helping you, by not giving you a guest set because a guest set was going to change your life. A guest set's not going to change your life. And if you got to remember, I got, here's the other thing with guest sets.

I started giving out guest sets when I was on the road. Comics would come and they'd go, yeah, I've been doing comedy for two weeks and shit. I was in San Jose one time and some comic was emailing me. And even though I had a full lineup, I won against my best wishes on an early show and put this guy up. Me, the stage tech, everybody told this guy seven minutes. We got a full show tonight, seven minutes. Do you know what time this guy got off?

22 minutes. And this is what I'm saying. When you have a sold out show and you're doing six of those shows, whether it's a theater in the theater, I would never give a guest set because it, no, but we're in a club. I'll give you a guest set. But the problem with a fucking club is that once you give out one guest set, you got to give out a guest set every fucking weekend.

And guys, my job is to get her out of there. My job is not to keep is by putting 20 comics up. And distancing self, me and me audience for an hour before I get up there. I'm going to walk up to a dead audience. Does anybody ever even think of that? No, no, Joey's a scumbag. He wouldn't give me a guest set. Does anybody ever think of that?

Does anybody ever think of how hard I worked to get that audience in here? And I'm going to have somebody just come in and insult them. Everybody people come in and go, you guys suck because you didn't laugh at me. These are a fucking, this is a real audience. This is an audience that I've been cultivating for 20 years through podcasts, other shows. And I'm going to let you come in here with your stupidity and go up there and say, I'm going to kick her like the fetus of an aborted baby. Is that what the audience wants to hear?

So do you understand me guys? You're living in a fucking, you know, I have to see you before I put you up. I have to know you. That's what anything, if you're doing a renovation in your house and fucking the guy, and you're going to give the guy fucking $5,000 to fix the door or sink or whatever the fuck, you're going to check a reference. Right?

I mean, am I okay to say that? You're going to check a reference. So what am I going to do? Make you audition in front of my thing on a Tuesday on a Thursday night. You're going to show up with eight people. And you're going to go up there and try to fucking ruin a show for somebody. We cultivated that audience, whether it's me, whether it's fucking Steve Byrne, whether it's Theo Vaughn, whether it's Josh Wolf.

We cultivated that audience since day one. And you want to come and poach, you know, nobody ever asked you to do a guest set when you have eight people in the audience. Let's just keep it at that. Okay. Let's just keep it at that. Where's the motherfuckers that call you up to fucking go? Hey, you got eight tickets sold tonight.

Do you mind if I come down and do a guest set? But you want to get your ass down there when I have 400 people. So people always understand we live on a fucking jaded fucking thing here. Something else happened this week that was really fucking interesting. You know, man, in life, you have great friends. You have a quake. You have so many different things. And you really can't put your finger on what it is with everybody that you that you have.

You know, I wish I saw Mike Moore. Mike lives fucking an hour from here. I wish I could call Mike and go, Mike, let's go to get a fucking subway sandwich. Mike, let's go do this. But it doesn't, it doesn't happen. You know, we live too far to fucking hang out. Right now I'm living around a lot of acquaintances and I'm enjoying it. I fucking love it.

But a couple of weeks ago, I got a, I got a call from a friend of mine. And she goes, hey, listen, I've been spoken to you in a while. I know you've been busy. I've been busy traveling. Do you mind if we get together for lunch? And I'm like, no, no. And, you know, when I moved back here, I thought I would see her a lot more and more than everybody. Her name is Lisa.

I met her in the eighth grade. We were in the eighth grade together and we had a sports thing in the high school. And I met her. Hello, how you doing? My name is Lisa. We had a mutual friend. And then that summer I would see her at North Bergen pool. And I thought this girl was beautiful, but I also had no confidence.

Like, you know, I just didn't think she would ever date a guy like me. So I never even got her into that room. You know, I, whenever I saw her, I would think of my mother that you can't fuck everybody. You gotta keep some women as your friends. And with her, yeah, when I was 14, I wanted to fuck everybody. You know, teachers, nuns, fucking bakers. I didn't give a fuck, you know. When you're 14, you want to fuck the bakery lady?

You don't give a fuck. But I don't know, something made me look at her and go, you know what, I don't want to even go over that line. We'll just leave it at hello, goodbye. And I would see her at North Bergen pool. We were kids and I would love to look at her in a bikini. And, you know, when she was like going into freshman year or something, because she was always a year older than I was. And I would just watch her to bikini and, you know, I never even told nobody. Like it's not like I liked her as a girlfriend.

I just thought she was good looking and I thought that nothing would have happened. So I kept talking to her and then freshman year, she got better looking and freshman basketball. I was playing freshman basketball on the track, would have practiced after freshman basketball. And I would sit there and watch her run hurdles. Her and a blonde girl that live, this blonde girl now lives in O-bridge and she's a fucking hottie too. I haven't seen her since high school. But I used to watch both of them and go, wow, they're fucking beautiful. The girl I had a crush on had great legs and not even a crush.

I just thought she was hot, but she was my friend. I never thought that nothing would happen. I kept being her friend and I was friends with her and all her little girlfriends. And then my sophomore year, right before my mother died, a buddy of mine started dating her. No, her girlfriend had a crush on a friend of mine and this girl came up to me and she goes, let me ask you a question on the slide. What if me and your friend Lisa hooked up with you and your boy D and I was like, are you fucking serious? And she's like, yeah. And I go, bro, that girl's not going to go on a date with me.

And she's like, dog, she wants to go on a date with you. You've just been playing like possum with her, trying to be her friend, but she wants to go on a date with you. And I'm like, come on. I was all fucking excited. So we were going to meet on a Friday night or something. That was the schedule meet, but we had to be, it had to be on the down low because the one girl had just broken up with a high school boyfriend and he was a lunatic. So she's like, we've got to do this on a down low. So if we can't do it on a down low, we can't do it.

So that Friday it didn't work out that Saturday was going to be a Halloween party. And the girl Lisa finally called me and says, listen, I'm looking up with you tonight. And I'm like, what the fuck is she saying? You know, I had Kelowna and you know, when you're fucking 14, 15, you got Kelowna and the whole thing. Yeah, there was no man scape or nothing. So and I went to a party and somebody came to the party and said, she's around the corner of another party waiting for you. And that girl that came to get me as we were leaving that party, her boyfriend pulled up. I told that story and got into a fight with her and jumped her and I had to pull him off her.

That was the night. So I never got to this fucking girl to swap spit with this girl or hold hands or whatever I was going to do. Then my mother died and we went to a different fucking dilemma. I didn't see her. Then she started dating a guy. And then one time we were down the shore and we were talking cause we were good friends. Like we were just friends. I had never hit on her.

All this shit had happened like a year earlier. We were supposed to look up and now it's a year later and we're still friends. But she's dating a very dear friend of mine, a fucking guy that we used to call like Godzilla. He was so fucking big. And I'm talking to her down the shore and somebody told him they were up like all night talking. And we weren't up all night talking. She had gotten back from something at like six in the morning and I was still up in the night before. And we were in a fucking living room down the shore at a fucking house just bullshit.

And somebody told the guy, so he came and threatened me, stopped talking to her. And I'm like, Doug, I was sitting there with three friends and she came in and started talking to us. Which was the truth. And then she was embarrassed. So we didn't talk for like another year. It was the craziest fucking thing in the world. Then they broke up and they started breaking up in high school and then she would talk to me. And I was still a little upset about the fucking thing when I talked to her and I didn't try to hit on her or nothing.

So I kind of stayed away from her one day. She just fucking, I was living with the runnies and she just came over and she's like, listen, man, I know we've had a bumpy history. You know, but I'm very fond and I'm sitting there going, I got no money. I'm living on my friend's basement. What is this girl talking about? You know, why does she fucking continue to, I don't know. I don't know. We never had sex, nothing.

But we used to talk. And then when I moved with the runnies, she lived around the corner. So we made a deal that we'll work out every night. Like we would get back in tune and work out. So we would go to Hudson County Park where the Martians landed and we'd run around the lake every night. And then on the way home, we'd stop at Carvel and we'd smoke pot and we'd just talk. And if anybody knew my deepest, darkest secrets at the time, it was her. I was going through hell with my stepfather.

I was going through hell without my mother. I was telling all this shit that I was going through. And then it came time to graduate high school and she was dating a guy. I guess she went back with that same boyfriend. So she was, it was like an apprehensive relationship with me. But finally one day she told the boyfriend who was a dear friend of mine, I went to grandma's school with what the fuck was up. And he finally goes, I get it.

All right, you guys are friends. And we were, we fucking definitely were friends. And the whole time there was one time we thought about swap and spit. We were friends, man. And good friends, like just good friends. And we started going out at night. We were all going out in a group, me, her, six other girls. Nothing ever happened.

We'd go out snorkeling, smoke pot, eat play ludes. I mean, we were having a good time. We were fucking kids, you know. And then I went as I was getting ready to go to Colorado in 83. I started talking to her more and more. She was unhappy with her boyfriend at the time. She was unhappy with like a career and shit like that. And we were, you know, we were talking the afternoons.

We go get a halfway sandwich once a week at night. We'd be together. I mean, two nights a week she was with her boyfriend, but the other five nights she was always with me. And I don't know. It kind of got a little weird before I left. We started going through those conversations of dating again. But you know what?

I had to get the fuck out of here. I was dying. I wasn't making any progress. So I fucking left. And I left on April 25th, 1983, which is her birthday. So I still remember getting in the car and giving like a birthday card and hugging her in town. I'd be back soon and shit, but I wasn't coming back.

I didn't know what I was doing. And when I went to Colorado to ask them, we talked every week. We were talking the phone for like an hour. How are you doing? And she was struggling. I was lonely, not being around my North Bergen friends and shit. And finally I came back. And I mean, if I got back on a Sunday night, I saw her an hour or two after I landed.

And we weren't separable for those two weeks and nothing happened. And that was, she was one of the reasons that I fucking stayed. It was her and let the music play in that song. I heard that song in my friend's house. And I'm like, how can I go back to Colorado with this music playing? The Coke is so good. The Quailudes are bumping. What am I gonna do in Colorado ski?

But the real reason was I wanted to get, you know, I was ready for a girlfriend, a full-time girlfriend. So when I came back, we made the mistake and started fucking dating. And I loved them and she loved me, man. We were having a great time. But you know what? We went to drugs. I was into drugs.

She didn't know how bad I was into drugs. And after a couple months, it just didn't work out. You know, I was fucking homeless after time. Sometimes I had an apartment. I think the worst thing I did was after she, we broke up, she fucking hated me. And I kept trying to force the hand. And I'll tell you what, it wasn't that she hated me as much as she was disgusted at me. Because I had the world by the balls and I was doing drugs and I wasn't paying attention.

And everybody was trying to offer me jobs and I wouldn't take them. So I'll never forget, I took it to a New York net game. The nets were playing the Sixers or somebody out here. It had the metal ends. It had to be November of 84. I was in bad shape. I had picked up an ounce of Coke at 11 in the morning and now it was 7 o'clock at night. And I was down to a half ounce of Coke.

And I took it to this game. And at the first period, I talked about this before, I got up to get his drinks. And I ended up getting the fucking waiter coked up at the metal ends for arena. I got up in the beginning of the first quarter and I didn't come back. There were two minutes left in the game. She was pissed. She made me drive home.

She told me to fuck off and the whole thing. And I was fucking heartbroken. And then, at the end of my homelessness, I ended up going to a party like December 29th or something like that of 84. And she was there with a new boyfriend and I made a fucking jerk out of myself. I started crying, the whole fucking thing. I'm not embarrassed to say so. We're all fucking idiots from time to time.

Listen, man, I was homeless. I was in bad shape physically and mentally. And I just put a lot of hope into it. And I knew how much she liked me. You know, in that night, we had a little bit of argument. I said, fuck her. I'm not going to talk to her anymore. I can't believe she did this to me in my lowest point.

I moved to Colorado and years later, when I was about to get married, one of my friends came to the wedding and he pulled me aside and he goes, amen. I talked to Lisa the other day. She sends her love and she says to call her before you get married. And I was like, what? And she goes, call her before you get married. She wants you to call her and talk to her before you commit to this marriage. And I'm like, I'm not calling that fucking bitch.

You know, I'm not going to call her. I ended up getting married. And then years later, I got divorced. And then when I came back here 30 years ago, I got a job working at a deli. I was embarrassed. I didn't want anybody to know. And one day as I'm walking out to get in the car, she's outside and she's like, hey, man, what are you doing? She's like, I heard you're back in town and you're working here.

And I told her how embarrassed I was and and the fucking whole thing. And, you know, we became tired of it. She picked me up that night and she introduced me to a husband. She goes, I want you to meet my husband. You know, he's a good guy. He wants to meet you. I told him all about you and I met him. I got it.

You know, I got. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't upset. I wasn't anything. She had done great with her life, you know. And then I left and I started doing comedy and she would come to my shows with her husband. And I wasn't very good then, but she would support me. This is before anybody would come to my shows.

She would come to shows when I was a fucking feature acting shit. She would go to bananas and fucking the other place in West Orange. I forget what his name anyway. She would go to all those clubs. She went to see caucus to hula hands to see me once. And I got booed and she was always my friend and shit, you know, and and then like about maybe 15 years ago. My friends were at a barbecue at some party and some other guys were talking some shit about me and she fucking read them a fucking riot act. Like she's like, fuck you motherfuckers.

You don't know what he's been through in his life as a kid is that far. I mean, she knew everything. She knew what I was suffering. You know, I would always I would only tell her, you know, and I got back to me that she stuck up for me and I called her up and I go, Hey, man. I heard what happened at that party. I know who was talking shitty about me and I know that you went on a fucking hook for me. Thank you. And she's like, don't worry about it.

They don't know dick, blah, blah, blah. So this girl, I had my back when there was nothing. There was no storytelling. There was no longest yard. There was nothing. She was already telling people go fuck yourself. He's going to do great. Shut the fuck up.

What have you done with your life? I mean, she was already batting for me. So when I got Spiderman 2, I got invited to the cast and crew. I really couldn't do nothing. You know, I just took my wife casting crews like a fucking washed up premiere, you know, without the lights and the photographers and shit. You just go there. They don't give you nothing to eat. They don't give a fuck about you.

But I, you know, I don't give a fuck. But for the longest yard they told me I had, I could bring eight people. I don't know if you guys know this. I brought seven guys and one girl and that girl was my friend Lisa because she believed in me. So fucking much. I couldn't, I didn't even take my wife to that fucking premiere, but I took this girl to that premiere. That's just to let you know. I took her for that one.

I took, I think six of my friends and one of the teachers. I think I took Mr. T to that one. And then for the grudge match for me in New York City, I brought Mercy's Godfather. I brought Mr. T, no, I brought Mr. Barone, my other teacher. And I brought Lisa. She never brought a husband to any of the premiers. She always went with me. And for the many saints in Newark premiere, I brought Lisa because I don't, I don't forget shit guys.

So when we got here, when I got here, it was COVID and I really couldn't see her even though she lives 25 minutes from me. She has parents that are old and she was like, Coco, I'd love to see you in the baby and your daughter, but I can't because I got to go see my parents and they're old. You know, everybody was scared about their parents. Now nobody gives a fuck. But, uh, so we didn't really see each other a lot during the pandemic. And then we got, I, she came to the premiere of, uh, she came to the premiere September 22nd. She came to my house here one night, uh, to dinner with her girlfriends and I had a little get together here. And she said, she'd stopped by.

She went to El Nido and then she came to a, with a husband to El Nido and she stopped by. She came up by the house and I talked to both of them, but then I haven't seen her. You know, so it was weird cause I was like, you know what, man, she's one of my friends that this just went away. You know, listen, we all grew up. Everybody's busy with their own lives. And she called me for my birthday and she goes, Hey man, I didn't forget it's your birthday. I'm going to be busy this weekend and next weekend. But can we do lunch on a Wednesday?

And I was like, absolutely. At first I'm a little apprehensive. I didn't know if I had to do the fucking audio book or what the fuck I was doing. And we went and met guys. I got there at 12, 15. I forgot I was there and at three o'clock she says it's three o'clock. I had a fucking run out of there to meet mercy. That's how involved we were in our conversation.

It was like, it was like, I had, it was like we had no time between us sitting there because we were sitting at the bar. We used to go to Hudson County Park and we used to sit at the park bench and we'd look out into the river and we just talked without looking at each other. So a lot of times this week when I was eating my meal, I was talking and we were talking and I wasn't looking at her and I could thinking about us being kids at Hudson County Park. I was like, wow, this takes me back. I mean, this is 1980 fucking for three. We used to walk around that fucking lake in the winter to something we're going 40 back 40 fucking years with this person. That's 40 fucking years. And you figure five years before that going to clubs and eating quailudes and jumping up and down and fucking.

But she knew my frame of mind for a long time and I told her I never liked her. I told her what was in my head, what was in my heart and she used to go, Joey, I'm just going to Coco. She doesn't call me Joey at all. She goes, Coco, I'm going to fucking pray for you. But this Wednesday we just talked about life, family, what happened, all those years, you know, what happened to our friends, what happened to our relations with them. And I left there. I don't know. I can't even tell you what I felt when I got in the car and I can't even tell you how I felt that night.

But the next day I woke up and I had a missed call from her and I called her back and I go, Hey, man, did you fall asleep after lunch because I came home. I played with Mercy for a while. My wife got home and I told them all I got to take a nap. I think I got all protein up from the meal. I don't know what the fuck happened. I think just we were both so excited. We hadn't seen each other that after we left, she said she passed out. She couldn't keep her eyes open and I came home and fell asleep for a fucking hour.

That's how great it was just to see her. And I tell people all the time, man, listen, I really enjoyed talking to my therapist when I needed Dana from bed out. I had a great time talking to her. I think the best therapy is just seeing somebody that knows you inside and out sometimes and just talking. We didn't discuss any of our problems. We just discussed what we had been through the last year. You know, what she had was going through with her parents. Her dad's 85.

He can't drive. I remember working for her dad. Okay. Our dad was a fucking animal. When I used to bartend in the city, you know, I'm snorting coke so I could use every dollar I can. It didn't matter. I was making 600 a week and 300 and tips. That wasn't enough for my lifestyle.

You know, so I had to paint bathtubs. You never heard me tell them those stories. And her father got put in a halfway house when he was younger for bookmaking in New Jersey. You can't book make as a felony. Great fucking story. And while he was at the halfway house, they brought him to a small business convention and he bought a franchise on bathtubs. Like people who come to your house and instead of you buying a new tub, they resurface it and they paint it and they guarantee it. And you got a new fucking tub.

And when I met him, he had been out at a halfway house like 15 years already, 20 years, but the business had grown. He had like four guys working for him. So one day I'm over there with him and he's like, you look like a big guy, you know, Lisa's boyfriend, you should come work with me. And I'm like, okay, so I would do it Monday nights and Saturdays and Sundays. Fucking great job guys. He showed up with a truck. I pulled out paint and another fucking milk container and a compressor. I would go in the bathroom.

I would wash the tub with fucking, you know, women's gloves, those plastic gloves. I would wash the tubs and then I would dry the tub and then I would have to put some acid on it for 20 minutes. And then I would have to wash the tub off. I do all the prepping. I would wash the tub out, get all the acid off the tub, make sure all the old paint was off. And then I'd have to paint, you know, when you paint anything, you got to fucking tape it off and put paper. I would do that. And then I go get him a 12 pack of Budweiser and cans.

I go get two six packs of Budweiser cans, the coldest ones. And I bring them back and he had a cooler already with an ice block on the bottom. He's the guy who taught me how to drink Budweiser cold. I love Budweiser beer. I don't give a fuck about your HMO. I don't give a fuck about your IJE. You know those beers people drink. What are they?

What are they called? IAB or whatever the IPA? I don't give a fuck. There ain't nothing better than Budweiser. When it's cold in a can, there's no beer that's better than that. Or, second honorable mention, a fucking freezing Heineken. A freezing Heineken that gets put into a ice cold mug. Listen, go fuck yourself with your IJP or whatever the fuck you call it. Nothing better than a can.

This motherfucker would put two cases, two six packs of Budweiser and a fucking cooler on a sheet of ice and then put a bunch of ice on top. He'd have like three or four left. So by the time I come back with the beer, we could start on that one. And by the time we got to this one, and I shouldn't say we, unless he had a mouse in his pocket, because I only got to drink one of those motherfuckers. He would only give me one. I was only allowed to drink one after I did that whole process. I would crack that fucking Budweiser and he would do, he would drink the another 11 Budweiser in the time it got to paint it and seal it. And then once I did the fucking whatever, I was done.

I would just take the tape off. He would fucking wash it with some water to seal it and we would get the fuck out of there. So it was three hours total, maybe two and a half hours, three hours if there was stairs and he would pay me like 85 bucks. So I was making 250 a week just from her father. And if I, if I got into a coke pinch, I could ask her father to give me an advance and I would work it off. So one time we broke up and I owed him money and she's, I'm like, I'm not paying him. We broke up and she's like, you got to pay my dad. I don't care if you don't want to date me no more, but you got to pay my dad.

So I had to fucking do the bad tubs while I wasn't while she was dating somebody else. That sucked dick. But it was, uh, yeah, she called me the next day and she's like, can we talk? And I'm like, yeah, she goes, bro, that was fucking phenomenal. She goes, I go on away with trips. I do this. I do that. I go to concerts and that's the best three hours I've spent with somebody.

A long fucking time. And we just talked about our lives and what had been going on. But like, I'm here to tell you, man, I love therapy. I love talking to people about shit when I have it going on. But there's always that one fucking friend that is better than therapy. She really is better than therapy. You could just call her up, tell her what's going on. And she would just tell you what's happening with your life.

And that's what happened this week. It took an outsider to look at me and go, this, what's going on with you? And she goes, I see it right. I see you. You're right in front of me. She goes, I saw you before you went to prison. I know you when you were a kid, I saw you before you got into drugs. I saw you while you were on drugs.

I saw you before you went to prison, before you were homeless, after you were homeless. And she goes, you're doing the best that I've ever seen you. She goes, you shouldn't worry about anything. I mean, she goes, you look healthy, which thank you. You guys keep telling me, I don't feel that fucking healthy. I got a P every fucking 15 goddamn minutes. I don't feel that fucking healthy, but it's just great. I think that when I said I wanted to come back here and reconnect with friends,

I think it meant friend. I think it meant I really like her a lot. Since Wednesday, we've talked like maybe three times about different things in life. She's, you know, she's thinking of retiring. Her husband is retiring in April. I mean, it's just like we met each other at a different part of the fucking bridge. And it's just great to know that you've had friends for that long that you've kept it together. You know, I was starting to feel a little, I don't know, ever since I got back here.

You know, my friends all have their own lives now and stuff like that. And I had to put that all into perspective. It's not when we were kids and we were going to fucking six of games and three nights a week. It's all changed. We all have families and we all have obligations. But I gotta tell you something, man, it's important. And, you know, when I got back here, I was going out to dinners with friends, like three or four buddies at a time.

We would go out to dinner and I was having a good time, but I wasn't really feeling fulfilled. You know, like it was just felt like I went out to dinner. This year, they felt like I think I have to do more one-on-one. Like I felt I got something out of it and she got something out of it and so did I. So if you have a good friend, maybe this week is a good week to fucking call them. Somebody you haven't spoken to in a while that knows you inside and out because we don't really think about these people a lot in our fucking busy worlds.

Maybe they're going through something and you haven't called them in a while. Maybe it's time to call that person. Maybe that just sometimes talking about just talking about what's going on in your world with somebody who knows you with no obligation. You know, sometimes you're up like an aunt, they're related to you. You know, I could talk to my wife. She's known me for 23 years, but this girl knows me when I was the happiest I was when I had a mom. She knew me in my darkest time.

She knew me in the struggle and now she knows me now that I accomplished becoming a man. And with all the doubts I had, and I didn't have many of them lately, but I think meeting with her and just talking with her for that three hours made a big difference. And all I want to tell you guys, the Monday motivation is that, you know, those friends you haven't heard from in a while because of the pandemic, the pandemic fucked up shit for a lot of fucking people. And it fucked up shit for me and my communication with some people, some people took it the wrong way or whatnot.

Listen, if you haven't talked to somebody in a long time and you've been like a breath to this person, check up on them this week. In fact, I'm going to check up on a couple guys this week. That's time that we were friends since grammar school. And ever since I got back here, I've said we're going to get together from Ray Canelo to Mr. Barone, my teacher, you know, I'm going to bring him a copy of the book. So I think that doing that last week really put a fucking really put a wind in my sail. And maybe it'll help you out.

Maybe you don't need a wind in your sail. I don't need dick, Joey. I just need to sling dick and smoke pot. Maybe you can have that too. It's March fucking six cocksuckers. This is the month Monday motivation. Have a great week. Stay black and don't forget Amazon.com.

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Love you.