Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Say goodbye to Zoom!

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

If all goes well, this will be the final episode of The Check In...because next week The Church of What's Happening Now : The New Testament begins! Joey and Lee talk about the new show and the thought process behind restarting The Church. Joey also tells Lee what seeing an old picture did to him and much more! See you in person next week! Support the show and get 20% off your first Liquid IV order with code JOEY at https://www.liquidiv.com Support the show and download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. When you use code JOEY, new customers can bet $5 and get $200 in bonus bets. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/diaz and get on your way to being your best self.

What's up, buddy? How we doing today? You look depressed what happened? I look depressed. Yeah, what happened? And nothing. I maybe was the 12 p.m. Mushrooms. I took I don't know. I feel fine. I thought I looked happy I wear a bright sweatshirt for you You took a gram and a half of mushrooms Yeah, I usually do too. Nothing I'm wearing a bright shirt. I thought I looked really happy. Listen, I could give a French miss fucker by your bright shirt, all right?

Bright shirt starts in Rogan, look. Look, that's where he got it from. Wow, Jesus Christ. He's saying I'm wearing the same sweater as Rogan. Okay, what are you gonna do? Next thing you know, you're gonna have JB Vance on the podcast, you know what i'm saying? I'm doing good buddy. Hold it looks like you're it looks like your internet's

Acting up, but I don't want to Now you're back He's back. I want to start of it I'm back like herpes brother. Don't worry about nothing. This will all work itself All right, i'm doing like dude Today the delivery came from the furniture. We got carpets. We got to get some Some shades and that's pretty much it, you know now we just got to get it all set up and I'll tell you what I'm gonna burn this fucking zoom. I am so happy. I'm done like I'm done. I've been doing a podcast for four years That has basically been a disaster like you know I'm saying but

When I moved here, that's the best I could do. I didn't even think about a zoom I was zooming in guests, but they were painting the ass and the zooms wouldn't work and this has been a fucking, you know, it's like we had this podcast for like 10 years going eight years and then for four years I had like the, they put me back on the B leagues. It seems like, like I'm, I'm back on the farm team and I'm okay with that because now I just give you part with you know i'm saying And i'm sure a lot of people were disappointed but listen That was the best I could do

With what I had to work with for a year or two And do and to be honest i'm surprised Listen, I didn't like doing it. I was having a hard time with it doing it. That's why I cut it from two episodes to one it was fucking brutal, you know and you You have all these things you want to talk about when you have a camera in your face for an hour Until the camera gets put in your face and then you're like I'm out of shit to say you're putting me on the spot every week You know podcasts definitely work better. I mean listen God bless bill burr

God bless all people who do a podcast for an hour by themselves and just rent God fucking bless him In another time, maybe I'll do one with no YouTube where I just don't even have to look at a camera I just sit there and it's like ramblers It's like Marlon Brand on apocalypse now when he would make the tape recording of horrors and all this shit. That's my next podcast, The Horror. That's what it's called. I'm over 65. The Horror. And I'll play the fuck and me shitting my pants, me changing my diapers, you know, the empty in my colossal baby bag, whatever the fuck it's called. So, but it's okay.

But I, you know, this is why I'm so excited. You could tell the last two weeks, I was a little fired up the last three weeks. I've been very fired up because you have no idea. It's been like, and listen, over the pandemic, mushroom, mushroom, woo, podcast grew. And listen over the pandemic mushroom mushroom Podcast grew podcast grew and record numbers and The terrain changed the terrain really changed a lot in the podcast world in four years, you know fucking

The Chinese app twitch whatever the fuck they do, they jump up and down for a minute. What's it called? Tick tock, tick tock and all that. It's really changed. And now these are all elements that you could use towards a better podcast, you know. So we'll have to open up a church, New Testament, Tick tock, because these are are things that will lure people. But I don't want no, you know, in my world, there has never been no smoke and mirrors. I don't like it. It's like I watched, what's that show? Yellowstone last night.

Okay. And I had a feeling that the show was going to suck. And I'll tell you why. Because it was such a great show. And then they took like a two year hiatus, maybe even longer. And the writers have to come back, they have to get a last night episode.

They spun around the horse for 15 minutes. Then the guy played a banjo for 10 minutes. You know, it was like, I was lost. It was like the fifth season of Miami Vice. I think Miami Vice lasted six seasons. The last two seasons, it's like, what am I watching? Everybody quit. The people who stayed were high.

They didn't know what they were doing. And my point with that is we're coming back. So I don't want to come back weaker. I want to come back stronger. I want to come back doing things that we didn't do on the church because we were too stoned. I love your TVs. Run for your lives. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. I thought well Joey could do it. I could fucking rule the world.

Actually, you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to check in! Greetings from Podcastville. It's Tuesday the 12th of November Poop poopy-doop. I'm'm excited the check-in is brought to you by liquid IV listen you can drink all the egg not all Christmas that you want but you're gonna need to get hydrated all right and you can make those little pina coladas and jump up and down without this or Santa but you're still gonna need hydration liquid IV is to make it easier for you this holiday season. Liquid IV packets get you eight vitamins and nutrients, three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, and guess what? No artificial

sweetness. Again, no artificial sweetness. Just mix a stick of Liquid IV with 16 ounces of water, and it's the best best way to stay hydrated liquid IV even comes in sugar-free Versions also which are just delicious. I got you know me. I'm a white peach type of dude But I got a raspberry peach one. Oh, no, it's a raspberry watermelon Are you kidding me or what liquid IV is always non-gmo? vegan gluten-free dairy free Watermelon, are you kidding me or what liquid IV is always non-gmo? Vegan gluten-free dairy free soy free. I'm done everything free So do yourself a favor tear poor shake it up and live more

Stay hydrated through the holidays with liquid IV. I love this stuff guys get 20% off your first order of liquid IV When you go to liquid IV calm and pressing code Joey at checkout, that's liquid IV calm Pressing code Joey at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code Joey joey at liquidiv.com. Now, without further ado, let's get this party started on a Tuesday night. Bam! Listen, I love getting high,

but I look at those old church episodes and I break your balls. We're never going back there, Lee. Oh, I know. It's okay to get high. But I don't want to drool again. I don't want you passing out. Every once in a while, it's good to see you go through changes. Oh, yeah.

I'm not going to... For me to come back and put a bong at the circle and start that all over again, no. What I want to do is what I told you. I want to explore Hudson County. I want to put Mr. Barone on. I want to put Louis Hernandez on. I'm going to put my eighth grade teacher on. I'm going to put my sixth grade teacher on. I'm going to put my sixth grade teacher on.

I got cops. We got musicians that live in New Jersey. I don't want this to be. I'm going to interview a lot of regular people. People that are more interesting than any of these fucking celebrities that you see or these personalities. Because they didn't put tattoos to be cool or you know they wear a pink hat to step out. These are real people. They don't give a fuck about none of that stuff. They didn't cry when comedy lost. Yeah, they didn't do any of that dumb shit. You know what I'm saying? No, I think the smartest thing you've always talked about from like fighting comedy or

whatever is evolving. And I think because when you were talking about those TV shows I really like the show suits but the last two seasons are the unwatchable and I think you're right it's because they try to do the same thing. They try to do the same thing and you gotta dope it up and then after a while you have you know this uncertainty in a writers's room, which a lot of people understand about TV shows and what really happens. That if a show is successful the first two seasons, they're going to go after those, right?

And they're going to offer more money than you're offering them. And now your network, you know how much you need Lee, but your network can't cover the spread. You got to take a pay cut or you can't have an assistant or something like that because I'm one of higher league because I know how good he is, how efficient he is. And that's what happens to these things. You know, you know, my biggest question is now, I don't know if you noticed this, beside Kansas City in football, nobody has really won a World Series lately, or a championship, or a Super Bowl,

beside Kansas City, and really held to that number one spot for years. Last year, Texas Rangers won it. This year, they were fucking eight and 34. You know, what happened? They traded away players So you just the team to win a World Series and that's it now You're gonna trade away the players that got you there the chemistry that got you there. Yeah, one or two people gonna leave

But that's what I seems in sports and then BA every year something nobody's running a dynasty The Celtics are the closest thing to a dynasty but it's like People win they don't win for in a row no more You know, they don't write no New England's it's Kansas City now You know, and it's just really weird. I never understood building a team and Then breaking it up over money Right And that's it and I don't think that's what you're saying much want to make it clear for people watching that's not why the church

Ended that we never fought about my like no. No, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying that Listen the church had to head let's get this The more I think about it. I'm like I've made some mistakes in my day It felt like a mistake at first But it saved our lives. It saved our lives. It saved our friendship I've made some mistakes in my day It felt like a mistake at first But it saved our lives. It saved our lives. It saved our friendship It just saved a lot of things taking that Breathing people have no idea

How deep we were in and how deep I was in stand-up and how deep I was in acting and then To wrap this up in a bow, I got a wife and a daughter. You follow me? So it became, it's the law diminishing returns. Even at the end with the podcast pandemic hit and we were still doing it, but towards the end there it was starting to maybe get a little repetitive. People, it's crazy because people, you could put put when it came to us we could put The president on there and they would still say that was a great episode, but i'd rather just be you and lee Right, and then when we do two episodes in a row, they yell at us bring back a guest And you're never going to please everybody. So do what the fuck you want to do And the people who want to stay you stay and the people you want to do. And the people who want to stay, you stay. And the people that want to abandon shit, go.

Because eventually they'll come back and they'll see that, you know, a podcast and maybe an hour, 15 minutes, but it's better than sitting there for three hours. Just picking up shit to talk about. Cause that's when you get tired. That's when the people at home go, you know what, I've had enough of this. I'd rather keep the conversation fresh. when it's not fresh and this fucking thing

Sometimes I do a podcast for 40 minutes and I gotta get the fuck out of it. I got away better Yes, so many of them and you know why I'm so excited about like this new look the New Testament is And I'm not saying we'll never have a comic on but I like the idea of having other people on Because so that these comics have been on every podcast and told a lot of stories There's a lot of stories that haven't been told especially like add color to your old stories So it's not only gonna be and we'll still get high. There's not like we're gonna sit there like no Over and the right is you and me a mumbling If you look at some old podcast, we just ended them the last 30 minutes They're just us two mumbling about farts and ta ta ta ta ta ta and we could have got out of there

And then we'd stay another hour after that. That's what we were in the man. We just weren't doing a podcast It was a whole night. It consumed our Whole fucking night by the time we got home. we were like, what bar did I go to? Nowhere, you left the fucking bar. You know, so these are the things that people never really understood, that I never had time to explain to people. There was a lot going on.

You know, now till this day, there's still people, oh, the news is gonna come out, they left in a rush. We just looked around. We heard what was going on in our neighborhood and we both looked at each other, including Steve Simone and a bunch of other people and said, I'm paying 2300 to live with guns going off outside my fucking window every night and shit because it got stupid, you know. But again, I don't want to dwell on that. What I want to dwell on is what I want to do with this. The studio is perfect for us. I mean, it's definitely

a little bigger than what we looked for, but we'll take it. It's worth it. We got to get some heaters in there because I could tell it's going to be a cold winter. It was warmer outside than it was inside today. Oh, well, yeah, it's concrete. But yeah, we are going to need a heater, but it's cool. I like that it's big, too. We can do more stuff in it. It's like, because I think what people don't know is how small.

We had one, the office next to In-N-Out was decently sized. Every other office we had, barely, like you could be like that first one where they kept saying we were smoking weed and we weren't smoking weed Yeah, the people that we couldn't even get around it if you couldn't wait once you were in for the podcast you couldn't leave And then there was also They took one office and cut it into two. So our office didn't have AC coming into it It only had the outtake of the AC Like we didn't like it was that one was tiny and then the last office it was fine for all we needed but it was

There's only one place to put the table and it was tiny this one I remember going to a fucking podcast studio. Look at it and the ladies like yeah people do podcasts here all the time I'm walking in they go. No, they don't It was it was all the time. And I'm walking in there going, no, they don't. It was all tin, metal. Oh, wow. The ladies like, oh, it's cool here in the summer, lady. It's 80 outside and it's 104 in here.

Me and my wife are sweating walking through this. Ain't nobody doing powder here. It's fucking 11 in the morning. Yeah, ain't nobody doing cocaine and we're sweating fucking profusely And you're telling us that this place cools down. I mean I hate all that shit, you know me I condition I like it's got to be a little cold But this is gonna be a little bit colder than what we anticipated in January

So we'll have to get there a little earlier put the heaters on take a ride then come back Do your thing with that? Listen, I like the whole setup that we're doing. I like to meet you a little earlier so we could get a dinner, go somewhere and eat and bullshit or do the other thing, get the podcast done with, and then go get a bite to eat. And that's a continuation for YouTube or whatever, wherever we go to eat. So, and there's a lot of places to eat. Oh dude, that there's nothing that's gonna make me feel

warmer inside than one of those chili dogs from like that we had today. Those chili dogs, especially January, if we're cold and then just get six of them in two orders. Those things, I've never had anything like that. A Hyrum's hot dog, that was crazy. I can't believe- First of all, they deep fry the hot dog. That was crazy. I can't believe. Deep fry the hot dogs.

Yeah, they're good. I can't believe that that place, I went there for my eighth grade. After we took a trip, the pictures that I put up with me and Dominic, God rest his soul, and Louis Hernandez and Dave Ruiz, that was that day and we had the suits on.

We stopped there. Oh shit. The city, it was Hyrum's was next to Callahan's. So some people like Callahan some people like Tyrum's. So I'm still here. Hyrum's is still in I haven't been in there since 1985. I thought about it on the way home.

1985 was the last time I ate from Hyrum's. And I that hot dog today was off the fucking hook. The chili was off the hook. The onions were off the hook. The bun was off the hook. I ate two of them. I blew a fart like where the turnpike meets the fucking parkway. Now if you know that area, exit, whatever it is, it smells like a fucking dead

mule for like 10 miles. You look at each other, you start smelling your armpits. It's an odor you never smelled. And it's the birth of cancer. When you drive through that, that's when you put your fucking mask on. Not because people are breathing on you during COVID. You put your mask on when you drive through the birth of cancer on the Jersey, meeting the fucking Parkway. I blew a fart that I had opened the window. I'd rather smell that than the fucking fart I just blew from those two hot dogs. You know why? Because they were fucking loosened up in Hudson County water right there from the Hudson River. Oh my God. You think you could happened that quickly just on that ride home?

Oh, I blew it. I didn't eat anything else. I had fucking two eggs with a piece of toast and a fruit bowl for breakfast. It was plain this morning. So I didn't eat anything else. I ate those two hot dogs. I blew a fart. The fucking windows got fucked up. It was tremendous added I Ain't mad. I'm just saying oh Dude, I haven't had a sip of water Then thank you just so like there it's spicy a little bit You're gonna be high talk sucker. Well that those hot dogs taste good. Thank God. I got liquid IV as a sponge I brushed my teeth twice and Listerine after I got out of the shower. I had to come back and work out.

I did some right then. After the hot dog? I went to the gym at five. Why? Because I was sitting an hour and a half up and an hour and a half back. You got, I can't do that. And I couldn't lift this morning

because if I fucking swing kettlebells, I get in the truck, then I come back and I can't walk for three fucking days. And I knew I ain't that shit for lunch. So I was like, I ain't taking it. I got on the bike for 20 minutes. I pedaled that motherfucker. Like 10 cops were after me. And then I just got out in the gym. I stretched, I threw some kettlebells, I fucking did all the cables and I got out of that tomorrow. I'm going to boxing class So I feel better about myself Oh

And i'm I need to do that. I'll need to do the stairs an extra time But you did like my favorite you didn't like my favorite thing to do at a place like that Is you just got one hot dog to start? And then you finished it and you're like, I think I need another one. Yeah, that's my and it takes two seconds Why go in there all in for three of them? That's the first time I've been in there the first time. And next you know the hot dog tastes like a fried mouse. I don't need that either.

They'll just cut the tail off and put two of them together. I don't need that either. You know what I'm saying? So you always got to start with one. You always dip one toe in the pool, right? Right. Oh, yeah. You always dip one toe in the pool, right? Right. Oh, yeah, I'm paying you always dip one and you're fucking

but that's You know history man. Those places are fucking North Jersey history You were saying as we were driving up there that the across the street used to be like an entire amusement park and now Palisade amusement park if you're over 55 you remember it if you live in Jersey right now, I Think I went there with my mom a few times after my dad died when we came from Cuba and the thing I remember the most is the pool It was the largest saltwater pool, but it was like the ocean and it was a wave pool back then This was the early late 60, early 70s, you know.

They already had a wave pool, and they had vanilla ice cream that was better than fucking Dairy Queen and better than Carvel. And then one day they fucking closed it, man. They just broke everybody's heart. They built buildings. But it's too valuable. Yeah.

That landscape is just, you know, it's like today we saw that church that was beautiful and he says it's for sale. They got to knock, sell it and knock it into condominiums. You know, that's where the money is now. I tell all these people on the Sunset Strip and everything That eventually everything is going to change those new locations are hot people going to keep coming to you every year Where you take eight million where you take nine million and one year you just go, you know what? I'm getting sick of fucking sitting here nine million. Is that cash? Yep. Okay, or my attorney because i'm out of here. I don't want to see another comic laugh

I don't want to hear one of their fucking stories Yeah, I think it's why it's excited like You inviting your friends on has to be pretty cool you've known some of these people since you were in like middle school or maybe before and like now like To like get them all on the on a podcast, but you guys are still like young and okay Like that's pretty cool. I'm sick and tired of hearing that these stories are made up. I'm sick and tired of people saying that this never happened. I'm gonna put people on there that I grew up with at the same time they're gonna explain to you what was going on in

their home. The reason they acted like they did and the reason I acted like I did. You know we're all still friends, like Saturday. This Saturday is my brother, Chuckie McBreen is getting, they're gonna name the Ramapo college basketball gym after him. Oh, cool. We're all going up there, you know, and this crew has known each other since the fifth

fucking grade. And we love each other. I mean, we talk all the time time me and these guys, you know They have to come on the podcast to really You know Ralph Afuso has to tell the story when we went to basketball camp in the sixth grade and we were just Torturing the counselors putting shampoo in their sneakers. These guys were men We were in the sixth grade with no fucking worries No worries, you know. Chuckie McBreen, the coach of Rampe,

we're gonna have him on to talk about how many nights we played basketball till 11 o'clock at night. Up in this pool, and this pool was even dirtier, you know, from us jumping in there. I want to have Louie come in and talk about basketball, what it was to us. We didn't know what, like I watched my daughter last night. I wanted to stick a fucking screwdriver in my eye. But it's not her fault. Her generation doesn't even play when the sun is out. Never mind going

to the court after dinner and playing three on three till two in the morning. You know, I want to, I got to bring, you know, I'm going to try to bring Christie Lorenzo on boneheads brother. You know, boneheads brother, he lives around the corner from me, but you got to make sure he's sober. You got to get him a little high no alcohol. I Got a lot of guys that are gonna explain The state of mind we grew up in which is more important when you hear the state of mind You'll go. Oh, I get that story. I

Understand that story, you know, I bumped into John Regal last week What's the first thing he said? He talked about us robbing a gas station and he was the getaway man Did I say something to him watch now he said at first You know all those have a fuck. This is what to let you know. We were three hungry kids You know what he told me once I took the tape off He goes I was the getaway driver because my younger brother threatened me. And in those days he would kill me. I had to do it.

You know, this is the guy, you know, but I want you to understand where that state of mind came from. I'm gonna have decent kids, come on. I'm gonna try to have Stephen Villeau, come on, which is my brother, the debt. And he's decent as could come. He didn't live a life like ours

But him and I still breathe for one another he plays in that band the past masters, you know It was very interesting. I'm gonna try to put anybody that grew up like me on Lucio Fernandez from Union City You know, he's a big shot Union City in politics. We grew up together He had the fucking barbell fell on his chin. We were lifting weights in our backyard. What does that tell you? And he's got you know It was wasn't the stories It was the state of mind that people want to get there and once you listen to these guys stories You'll understand their fucking state of mind and why we did those things.

Zero fucks we're giving. Zero. Yeah. Do you think you would have, like, do you think it would be possible to have the lives you had now? Like if you were kids now? It wouldn't be accepted. Kids are different.

We're different now. And listen, I didn't believe it, but I'm living it now. I'm living it with my daughter How many times do I get up fucking she come home at 2 45 and I go let's go for a ride at 330 There ain't us you go to the park. It's a bunch of sixth graders six-year-olds playing on swings You go to the basketball courts when there's no school listen, but there was no school We were at the court at 9.01 a.m. Regardless of the weather, if it was too cold, we played or warmed up.

And we'd stay there till three and take a break and then come back and then at seven o'clock after dinner, that was a complete different time to go out. That's crazy. My daughter, the kids in the neighborhood, there's one kid that rides his bike. What if Mercy came to you and your wife and said, hey, I want to go out at eight o'clock and I would you guys let her? Yeah.

If she had somewhere to go, not to hang out at a fucking Wawa and eat bubble gum outside and stare at your phone. At least stand outside a liquor store and try to hustle somebody getting you a bottle of Blackberry brandy or something. That's what people don't understand. There's no kids hanging outside liquor stores no more. No, no one would do it. That's what I was going to say is like, I don't. If you come to me with the right story, I'll do it. If you're a 15 year old kid and you're like, listen, though, I just want to smoke some joints and get a six pack of Budweiser.

I might buy a six pack and drop it off in the parking lot where there's no cameras watching because he was a gentleman. But if he tells me he wants whiskey, he wants to make Long Island ice teas and blow him up with gasoline, I didn't get that motherfucker nothing. He ain't drinking shit. Drink shoe polish like I did. Go home and steal your grandfather's whiskey. But who's going to tell you that?

Aren't people going to tell you the first one most of the time? The what? Aren't people going to come at you more respectfully most of the time? Well, they're going to come respect them, most of the time well, they're gonna come respect them But I'm gonna know what they're ordering if you come at me and say if you're a white kid and you say can you get me? Some wine. I'm just gonna say listen take your faggot tree somewhere else, but If you come to me like a nice kid and you buy yourself And you go, I just want to smoke some reef and I need a bottle of Boone's farm

I'll get it for them cuz they're gentlemen Spoken like a fucking true gentleman But you're not gonna come up to me and work me and tell me listen I want some kamikaze mix and I want pineapple What are you Puerto Rican pineapple juice relax, but if they are Puerto Rican Then they should have pineapple juice at the end. I'm saying they can have it. Okay Coconut juice pineapple juice coconut milk they got coquito at the fucking house Puerto Ricans got it down dog. Oh My god

Why don't we fucking put this shit for you? I don't know what a reasons are getting a bad rap lately enough is enough It was a joke What the fuck I am retarded as a motherfucker the other night What What do you mean? What? Put your glasses on took it off and said that. Yeah, because I can't see.

I need the, you know, not the teleprompter, but I got to see what time it is before I go into it. I was a sad, last week I did three sets. I'm very proud of that. Nice dude. You know, I did not want to go on stage tonight and not be prepared, you know, even though I'm not going to be fucking prepared, but at least with three, four sets under my belt, I could see where it was. Wednesday showed at the dojo was the set was okay. But it was like Bill

Burr's first two minutes on saying that lie. He like and also he just let loose and then I remember what it is to let loose and what people really want to see You know because of my age and because I just slowed down I go up there with a more whatever relaxed They don't like that Joey Diaz as a matter of fact. I don't like that Joey Diaz. I gotta go up Yeah, I gotta go up there I didn't say motherfucker at the end in the beginning You know, I gotta steal your heart right from the beginning. I got you gotta know where i'm fucking going with this But I tried some great jokes about my anti-depressants I don't i'm scared to sleep at night with the sleep apnea machine because I might keep spinning and choke myself to death

You know, at least i'm talking about different stuff. This is what I wanted to talk about This is the most important thing to me now going back up there and think listen You're gonna get a rotten-ass joke or something But I just couldn't I couldn't My life the last four years has been so peaceful. I ain't got no stories to tell Can you believe that like nothing really nobody got hit in the head? You know nobody I could go off about the baseball coach and Tell the story how he was looking up at the sky when the girls were hitting home runs and I was like time out What are you looking at?

You also have been eating mushrooms by the handful you don't it's not like you haven't done anything You are you have been eating mushrooms by the handful you don't think you haven't done anything But I eat mushrooms on the weekends today was an exception. I didn't even eat a mushroom either a bread strip Yeah, that was really cool. That was really fun. I just want to let you know what we got in store What the ammunition is that's coming for you? It's a different world now It's not gonna be two thousand and a milligrams of edible. I don't even need that much listen. I Got these new edibles somebody said Pretty good packages of 50 milligrams There's that each 50 milligrams, but when you look at it, it's 30 milligrams of THC

10 of something else and 10 of CBD For fucking bags. You know what I'm saying? It was an arm. Like 400 milligrams. I got to tell you, at first I'm like, these things suck. But last night during my daughter's basketball game, those motherfuckers came to life, right? I was like, oh shit. And let me tell you what I ate,

because I can always be honest with my people. I started with M&M peanuts from Halloween. These things were already old, breaking apart. It meant nothing to me. You know what I'm saying? I just started tearing up those peanuts. And then I had a banana milkshake No, you made a you made a milkshake yeah a little bit of vanilla ice cream two bananas

milk Boom, okay. I went downstairs Lee. I was still hungry. I had to go right back upstairs and make a fucking half a bagel with cream cheese and then Yes Half a bagel cream cheese Who why only a half? What did he do with the other half? My wife had somebody sent his bagels and she had cut one in half Okay

So half is better than a hole I Came downstairs. I smoked some more. I must have fed that a bull again. I ended up upstairs toasting white bread Getting chicken cutlet with American cheese tomato lettuce Mayonnaise on a heavy on the salt and pepper cheese, tomato, lettuce, mayonnaise on the heavy on the salt and pepper. I ate one of those. I was ready to throw two pieces of bread in the oven to make a second, but I said, ta ta ta ta. I ate the fucking chicken cutlets with no bread, just salt and pepper. That was my dietary last night. That's what I ate last night. So I had to go to the gym today. I had to burn that.

I can see that now. Tomorrow I got to go back and bang it out the boxing gym because you got to get your levels down, the fucking sugar. I got to take a test tomorrow too, a fucking A1C test. Tomorrow's my last diabetic class. I took a pre-diabetic class that's for free. I'm getting old. I need things to do.

You know what I'm saying? No, I'm not laughing at you taking the class. The class is pretty cool. That's the free Getting old I need things to do You're taking the class. Yeah, the class is pretty cool. And I'm doing so many kinds of ice cream But you opened up with a milkshake. I've never made a milkshake before Need answer. I love banana milkshakes. I really wanted to make a strawberry one, but we were out of the strawberry ones I had blueberries and Blackberries and raspberries, but I always had that with coconut water and put protein in it. So I really wanted something different.

I like cutting up strawberries and putting them in a bowl with milk. You put a little sugar in there, close it up and come back two days later and the milk is fucking red. You don't know what it's like. Hold on. Dude, I know you pretty well. Are you telling me that you make strawberry milk specifically for strawberry milk? Yeah, I never would have guessed you make milkshakes at night. I didn't make milkshakes

I started making them here because white Go to a place and get a milkshake that's loaded with fucking sugar at home If you make a milkshake, it's still not better for you. But at least you can control a little more, right? Okay You know you've got a milkshake. It's thicker than shit and it's got 2,000 fucking plus calories in it and then you can get briars vanilla ice no sugar the ice cream vanilla I think it's 80 a scoop

Eight ounces of milk. It is what it is. I'm old. You know i'm saying I like my milk for my bowl to my calcium So I rather control the sugar and I do make them at home. I Love me just and I'll use some of that fake sweetener, which is cancer, too. So you're not gonna win You're not gonna win man. I make the milkshake eight ounces No reason to fucking make a 16 or 22 or whatever even though a make the milkshake eight ounces no reason to fucking make a 16 or 22 or Whatever even though a couple days ago. I saw a commercial for the new It was like on instagram shake shack It's a new chocolate shake there

Are you lot shake bro? They're not fucking around. I'm not even gonna drive by there no more Because i'm gonna fall Stone that's on the way back from boxing and everything else. I do it's right there. I'll be home. You do You have to drive by it all the time Yeah, I don't really listen if I eat that shit. It's every two weeks of my daughter. My daughter likes it So she'll stop and then my wife they'll talk my wife into it I just you know, I like I do like the cheeseburgers there with a slice of cheese and onion raw onion That's it. I put a little mustard. I

Like mustard on my burger, you know saying oh you gotta do do you you said you saw it on Instagram? You said you saw the shake on Instagram? Yeah, it was like an advertising somebody was talking. Oh, do you ever look like do you look at a lot of food? I look at like a lot of food on Instagram. I'd rather look at a chef that's cooking something healthy or You know, there's a lot of food on Instagram. A lot of it is just the same shit It's the same shit. So You know, I got to watch what the fuck I'm doing I'm sorry must have put on five pounds last night with the bagel and the chicken cutlets, but

I don't eat much in the daytime. That's what's killing me. Anyway, let me talk to you savages real quick about BetterHelp. We'll be back, Jack. All right, Uncle Joey, back here to talk to you about BetterHelp. You know that they helped me out. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Here's a reminder to be grateful

It's easy to forget what a badass you are better helps online therapy gives you the tools to appreciate yourself Just the way you are they did it for me You know I'm saying they were there they gave me exercises and different things to do and my mind to change and here I am three years later like an auntie Molly Thanks to better helps online therapy. So do yourself a favor better help is completely online Nobody knows nothing just fill out the quick survey to get matched with licensed therapists and you can have video calls phone calls or messages Anytime that suits your schedule No running around no taking buses this home you go home

You put your rub on your robe on you get the cat you pet him You can even switch therapists on any point if you don't like the first one they gave you for no additional charge Until you find the right match. That's perfect for you. This is all about you better help holidays are coming we all fall into slumps knock it off everybody in the holiday thinks that their uncle or their mom or what could have been listen why go through the holidays like that again better help is going to ask you help you so let the gratitude flow and let better help get help you get through the holidays. What i'm going to do is this Betterhelp.com Slash diaz diaz to get your 10 off your first month. That's betterhelp.com

Slash diaz diaz You're gonna do fine. I love you guys now back to the craziest show on earth Where you need therapy after you listen to the goddamn thing. Stay black. We're back bitches. If you're feeling a little ho hum before the holidays, contact BetterHelp. Believe it or not, they did miracles for me.

Don't work. Me too. Miracles for you. Anyway, back to the show. I was just telling Lee, I got a doctor. And you know, because my name is Jose Diaz. They only text me in Spanish. That's why did you click a box by accident and say Spanish?

No, it's my name, but they fucking so now when I call them and they say press one for white people or two for Spanish, I press back. See, I make that work for me on certain things because, listen, no matter who you call, they don't want to piss off Spanish people. Always press the Spanish, whether it's United Airlines, the doctor's office, just a free little tip on a Tuesday from Uncle Joey. Don't believe that. Press two and the lady goes, are you Spanish? She's not going to make you get off the phone.

Not today. and they're listening So use your coconut from time to time. That's the Joey Diaz review on a fucking Tuesday morning Anyway, yeah, they keep texting me in Spanish like I fucking you know I only go to Spanish route when they want to put me on the phone for 22 minutes You call it done. There's 22 people waiting on the block. Well, not really. I'm pressing number two when I'm speaking to Dr. Juan right off the bat. You know what I'm saying?

I don't think you figured that out. Yeah, they've never made. Listen, I've been figuring this shit out for 20 years. I told all you motherfuckers never get always down the first class line when you fly always you don't know nothing. You don't know. I didn't know me. No, I blow Me, no, you know, whatever the fuck me. No, just I don't know. They're not gonna throw you out and embarrass you They're just gonna really kill you. They're gonna go next time Stand on that line. Sure. There ain't gonna be no next time and guess what the next time I'm gonna stand this line yet again Jesus yeah, what are these people talking about poor bastards, but anyway, I

Was talking to you about a picture I posted Mm-hmm Saturday night. I was driving home from Uncle Vinny's, I went down there and did a guest spot and somebody texted me with a number that I kind of recognized but not really and there was a picture of me and she goes thinking about you, hope you're well and I'm like and I didn't look at the picture I just saw it and then I called her back and I said, hey, who's this? She goes, Mary Koch. You know, these were dear, dear friends of mine in Boulder in the, from 89 on.

He was the pastry chef at a famous restaurant called Adesio. You've talked about him, yeah. Yeah, Joe. Joe's my brother, Mary's my sister. I love them both. And they did a lot to me, man. When I got out of being locked up, it was Joe who lent me some dough to do roofs.

Whenever I needed money to do roofs, I would just go to Joe. Joe cut me a check, so I did his roof. I took care of him. But he made me a deal when I started comedy When I started comedy was basically Tuesday nights So we go to he baked Monday nights He would bake all night till 7 in the morning and I decided I'm gonna write jokes with you all night So very early on from 991

night. So very early on from 91 till about 93 every Monday night I didn't sleep. I didn't do coke either. I would go to the restaurant. I wouldn't want to do coke. He was baking. So I was like he would give me everything to taste and all the mistakes. You fucking kidding me? You know I got a down dog. Even even then I had it down That was the purpose Taste my desserts Let me know how they are and not just sit there and I drink coffee, you know, drink sodas and shit but It was a very interesting time. No, it's that picture like when I got home. I Looked at it and I gotta be honest. I had to take my glasses off and cry for about three minutes

Why what about it? I just saw a different Joey Diaz there You know and how I'm And and like what were you in your life I was in Boulder. I had just gotten out of prison like a year before. And I was about to start to stand up. But it was not the guy you're seeing right now. There was a little bit of him.

But it wasn't the same person. When I looked at the face, I was like, I remember that dude. That was a different world, man. That was just a different world. Yeah. I would love to... Guys, if you can pull it up, I'd love to see it. It's just a sad thing. It's very sad to see who the fuck I was. You look at the picture, you're like, Joey, he looks just like you, whatever. I know. But that look in my eyes was holy shit. That was after the kidnapping plus 10,000 other bad things I did back then.

In that mind, nobody gave a fuck. Like I just did not give a fuck. It's so scary to look at that picture. And I was big, I was healthy, but I really wasn't mentally stable at all. You figure, yeah, I just was not there. I Was just about to get separated when I got that picture I could tell because I had some sun from roofing That was the white shirt I would wear when I would roof and where were you Boulder

No, no, I didn't know it was like a party. It's amazing to me that the one picture hadn't like give you this much of a reaction. The picture was taken at the restaurant in the back with a shitty camera. Obviously, but it was just a, I was just a different person then. And I was weaker. I was just a different person then. And I was weaker. I was very weak. At that time, I applauded myself for doing comedy, but at the same time, I was just waiting for somebody to save me.

At that time, I wasn't serious about comedy. I was just doing it to see what would fucking happen, you know? And now like it's, yeah, it's sort of like, it really fits into like the theme of the new podcast, dude. Well, I look at that picture and I see the man I was, I see a man that procrastinated a lot. I see a man that made excuses when things didn't go his way.

This guy didn't like me. They were older. They've been doing comedy longer than me. You know, like when your friends come to see you and they're like, hey, those guys are way funnier. You're like, well, you got to remember that guy does this. There was a guy who gave excuses. There was a guy who had more mind fucks and the mind fucks weren't going to be the mind fucks. Like when I got

a mind fuck now from somebody, I have an audition Thursday. I can't say for what, it's pretty big. I had to sign paperwork and shit. But I would, I just avoided everything, Lee. I was tiptoeing through life because I knew deep down inside I was just a fucking sack of shit the criminal So it didn't really matter

By that time My daughter was already born And that's why I know Yeah, my daughter was born at that time already. She was about a year old But if you look at that mind, there was no dad in that fucking mind at all. There was nothing that screams dad out. And I could be thinking like too far into it, but like you weren't smiling in the picture. Like do you think, and now you smile all the time.

Do you think was that just like a random picture or you weren't smiling? I didn't smile too much in those days. I just came out of prison. Life had done it to me again. It wasn't me. God forbid I didn't. And that picture, that's what I thought about. God forbid.

God forbid. I never took the race car. It threw me in jail because I was Cuban. No, no, no, no. God forbid. They threw me in jail because I was Cuban. No, no, no God forbid they threw me in jail Just that wording is loser talk And when I got out I changed that wording immediately I knew it had to start with how you thought And your words they didn't throw you in jail. Nobody just comes to your fucking house and throws you in jail

You know, I lost my job. How do you lose your job? Well The quarter fell out of the pot. We laugh These are all Crassination that we tell ourselves and other people and the people that you're telling that to and they don't go stop That's wrong. They're the same type of people they accept that behavior and They're the same type of people. They accept that behavior. And that was the money that I had back then.

That's why I had no success at 30 years old. Because I involved my past too much in what I was doing every day and I had nothing to do with it. Today's Monday, get the fuck up. Cut your shit. Nobody cares about your story. At the end of the day, Nobody cares about your fucking dead mother You know, that's how I would talk to myself

Because that's the only way to really get into yourself That no claiming responsibility. You're gonna end up where you were 15 years from now And I've seen it now now that I'm 60 and I've lived life, all those people, all those, the guy from the Laugh Factory didn't like me, you know, all the excuse people, who knows what they're doing. That was the biggest change. I did that. Never mind stop being a thief. I did that. Never mind Stop being a thief and stop doing that. I mean three years after that I was still

burglarizing houses and I was back here doing comm and I was eight months of just pure crime So thank God I bet the the Jets Against Philadelphia they not Randall Cunningham. Uh, anyway speaking of Jets, let me do something about DraftKings I'll be right back after we talk about DraftKings. Stay Black. All right guys, Uncle Joey here for DraftKings Do I got to talk to you about something? This is the fight that fans have been waiting for two epic battles on back-to-back nights Get it on the action with Draft King's fourth book.

You want to get in on this because on Friday, the baddest man on the planet, Mike T, stepped into the ring to take on Jake Paul. That's what you got right there. And then on Saturday, you got John Jones who takes on Steve Aimee O'Chick, and you got a tremendous UFC card. It's a huge weekend if you're a fight fan

So do yourself a favor if you're new to draft Kings, let's get the party started Listen up new customers bet five hours to get 200 and bonus bets instantly. Did you hear me? 200 and bonus bets instantly so you could bang out the rest of the UFC So if you bet the Mike Tyson fight boom you bet the fight hours and on Saturday, you'll have $200 to go bananas with for John Jones steep in mayor check that poor guy that waited forever Michael Chandler's got I don't even know he's waiting for this week Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now and press in code Joey, J-O-E-Y. That's code Joey. J-O-E-Y for new customers to get 200 in bonus bets when you bet just $5.

You understand me? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. $5, 200 in bonus bets. DraftKings, where the crowd is yours. when resorting Kansas 21 and over age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction void in Ontario bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance for additional terms and responsible gaming resources see dkng.co slash MMA. Anyway, download the draft King sporting app. The what is it? What book and just don't forget about your uncle joey. Anyway Yeah, so that's what I saw when I saw that picture. Leah I got all the answers of why I hadn't done anything with my life Not only was that a thief, you know, I had warrants people were looking for me the police thing

Going to prison then that locked everything down. So now i'd gotten that off my My fucking back, you know? So I was free to do stand up Tommy those three years. I just fucking procrastinated. So you live and you learn guys, but I'm telling you how it was when I look at that picture, it broke my heart because I don't know that person anymore. No responsibility. Didn't give a fuck about your rent. Didn't give a fuck about your car payment. I had it when I fucking had it. Shut your fucking mouth.

Didn't give a fuck about that I was on probation or parole and how do I know it? Because I kept snorting coke and I had a daughter in the house. When you don't care about your kid and you're still fucking around, you're in no danger. Anyway, let's talk about something happy. I got to see Steve Simone this week. Bro, let's talk about Tampa. Okay. You hit a gold medal with Tampa and I'm very proud of you. The problem that you were doing was, you know, anymore, it's not worth it.

I see years ago how they started treating feature acts. Hotel, this and that, this, I just saw it. When you're a feature, you go out there, but if you're not making money, you're going out there to at least be seen. And yeah, if you're doing 100 tickets a show, you're getting seen, but it's not like a feature could survive. You were working all these clubs up and what's the really club, the really good club and Providence I like.

Oh, comedy connection. Yeah. Comedy connection. Great club. But if I call him tomorrow, he'll tell me the same thing. He tells you everybody brings a feature. Yep Everybody brings a feature act. Everybody brings a feature about but And when they do come the headline is paying for everything. I got to pay for their hotel. I got to do the whole thing I don't mind doing that at all

but when you're in on like when you're going 70% of the clubs, the people need to see you, they're not there anymore. Never. In fact, let's raise that even higher. Because I know there's a lot of comics who watch this show. 90% of the people are going to book you are not going to be there. If you're not with a big agency or something as a feature, they're gonna treat you on the bottom rung. I understand you win because you get to go on stage and at the long run it made you better.

But I also want you to think about the investment you're making, the four hour flight, like we discussed last week. Tampa, I'm very proud of you because you made the owner get up and talk to you about giving you a week before you left and even giving you a special night on your own that fucking Sunday. Those are the clubs you want to go to where the owner is there and he's involved enough with these, these corporate clubs. They're not going to see you. The feature

people will tell you, you did great great and we'll talk to the manager but you know no i'm sorry i'm gonna do some no i i was really cool dude i was i've heard about side splitters forever and i've been to a lot of cool clubs the last couple years and they're like there've been some really cool managers i i'm almost positive other than I guess the dojo This is the only club I've been to where the owner is ever there Yeah It's like this and he wasn't just there for like five minutes. Like he was running one Like he wasn't he wasn't watching he was just

He was out there. The reason why his club has a great reputation Is because he's there Yeah, it was it was really cool and the comics were great. The staff was awesome And yeah, it was the first time I didn't he just came up to me We talked and he rebooked me and I've gotten to do more clubs more than once but I've never had a Like a booking before I left the weekend That was really fun I'll call on tuesday mitzi. I'll talk to her and you know what? Thank you. Thank you

There's another brain dead fucking weekend. I don't get no response. I did that all the time. That's why Look at the early churches Gotta make the call. Yeah. Is somebody here this week who booked me? No. Okay, next time. Next time when it's too late,

you're gonna have somebody there. Now it's gonna cost you. Now you get me for four bills, five bills a week. But the next time a name comes up, you're gonna have to pay me, bitch. In fact, I'll just send you a bill. I mean, these are all the things that you have to look at. Why am I there?

Why am I taking a five-hour flight so the owner had to go somewhere with his kids this weekend? Right. You know? That's true. And that can always happen Yeah, but but this one This was like I booked this in February. I like I've reached out I

Remember I was pretty much is shocked when you told me I thought you were headline. I was like, oh boy, but no No, he the right channels. He featured, come again, let you headline, and then it starts with a great other feature act, go headline you. And you grow with the club. These are the clubs you wanna go to. That's not gonna happen to you on improv. Unless there's one, unless you live in Virginia, or you live in Houston and you're an hour away, they develop you little by little and then you I start headlining and you had line 4th of July

You had my Thanksgiving you had line the day before Christmas Christmas You eat a thousand bullets for them, but after two years people start coming to your shows because you talk about local spots and after you do it like twice you got to make a decision because now this club owner is looking at you going we did everything we could we've headlined you four times six times with the holidays for two years you got to go on your own now you got to graduate to theaters and a lot of people get comfortable at the home club. Oh yeah. This is where it starts. They start getting cute at the home club where you're building at a home club. When you go to that club next time the feature you're gonna fucking not from the stage.

You got to figure out a way for you to get people email on the list. So the next time you go to tent, all you've got to do is click a fucking switch and people come watch you. I'll never forget. I was a feature act. Dave Vittel came up to me in Florida. He goes, I think what you're doing is fucking smarter than fuck. I could tell you're building a market.

And I go, yeah, that's what you're doing. That's a feature act. You can't build a market everywhere. So if you're working 20 clubs, you gotta pick the 10. The 10 that is perfect to launch you. It could be Chattanooga, but you're gonna headline there first and people get to see the picture you're headlining and blah, blah, blah.

So do you understand what's happening, brother? Oh yeah. And it's just so cool to see like a club that really cares and like to think about because some people messaged me like a couple people like, hey, we had a really good time, had no idea who you were. And it would be crazy to think of people coming to shows in like 10 years. Like I see that all the time. Don't we? People put up pictures of you. They've seen you 10 times or whatever it is. Like that's crazy to think about. Guess what? There's still people that come up and go, I remember when you came with Rogan.

There's a lady who came up to me the other day. She goes, I went to see you in New York with Rogan when you did something about a nun. she goes, I was fucking dying. And that's what happens. You build the following as a feature act, but later on, when you're really hitting mother, you're featuring when headliners are complaining about you. That's when you know you're doing a red job. When they're saying this motherfucker, and there's a the fucking guys that are gonna go, you know, he he talks to the audience and you just making excuses Don't book yourself as a headliner next time learn him watch what he's doing and work against it

I'm not switch with him and taking bullets as a man. There's no pride here Always I'd rather sweat like a hero Then die and look like a fucking zero because of my pride. Speaking of- I've never even thought about people switching. Switch. Switch. Doesn't mean a thing to me.

Wow. I can't believe we didn't talk about you. Right. But I'm gonna congratulate you and let you know that you did great because You made the show better. You didn't fucking look at your ego and go well I'm gonna you know stick around because now this is what people do is what a team player does for a club When you get a home club, they're also gonna call you one day and go,

Doug, we're gonna bind here, I need an MC. You're not gonna go to the Bury the Fucking Feature Act. You're gonna go to the Enhances Act. You know, like help him out a little bit. And this is the other side of comedy. These are the people that don't run the light. These are the people that respect the other comedians in the room and they're not fucking arrogant.

And let's talk about something real important before we close up because I think it's time that people know how I felt about this shit. We had an election in this country and it was, we've been very lopsided as a nation for the last eight or nine years. I don't speak about politics because I don't know about politics. I wouldn't bring a politician on the show to ask him his policies or whatever, or the DOJ. I don't know anything about these people.

But over and over, I told you on this podcast, I know people, Lee. I know Pete. Last Monday night, I took my daughter to get pizza at 930. I realized my wife was out, and we were just sitting here. And this has really bothered me all week. And we were sitting here, and I go, Mercer, you have no school tomorrow. Let's get the fuck out of here. You hungry? And she goes, you?

Yeah, let's go to Osterring and a peek and watch Monday Night Football. So it was the night before the election. And there was a couple couples at the bar having a great time. Having a great time. I had gone earlier. After the podcast, I take a ride just to cool off. And I stopped in there. And there was nine people at the bar But there was this couple that I remembered they were having a great time

So I come home thinking I'm done for the night and mercy tells me she's hungry So I bring her back to Austria to get a pizza the pizza is fucking sensational there And as I walk in they said did you see the ruckus outside? And I go no, there was no ruckus. I walked in with my daughter. What happened? They go you see a couple at the end. I go yeah, it was their fourth wedding anniversary And He was getting drunk and talking about how Trump's gonna win and his wife just said honey Calm down. Well, the fucking guy held off and started yelling at her

that she wanted Kamala. He doesn't even know why she's married to her no more, that she's a fucking puke. And he got up and he left his wife there. Holy shit. And she was outside crying, waiting for an Uber, waiting for a friend to pick her up. Listen, man, I don't understand that.

I've been banging my head off the wall all week over something like that. And then the reaction I got from people, like if you ever watch Led Zeppelin or the Eagles or all these bands, I like to never stop in the middle of a show to make a political fucking statement. All these bands are like they never stop in the middle of the show to make a political fucking statement The first band I ever see do that was fucking YouTube and I never can do you too and I've never gone back You're playing music. You know, whatever his fucking name is you too Bono Yeah, loved him. I just won't go see him Cuz I want to see him about 15 years ago. It was all politics

My friends shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. And the reaction of people and the reaction of friends of mine that I knew in LA, they have their problems, they're fake people. But there was two particular women that I've known for over 30 years They've always been very fucking promiscuous That's how they got to having a fucking career And I wish you could have read and I'm not outing them. I'm not you know, I

Wish you should have read what they were writing after all the dicks you sucked After one girl used to take it in the ass from every fucking comic in the midwest After all the dicks you took in the ass now you want to talk about sexual assault victims and You know the hypocrisy is so fucking big now It's so big It's like I don't even know anymore where are these people, what happened? And I'm just happy about one thing,

that we got the fuck out of that. Because I think that's what was driving me crazy at the end of the day. The fucking hypocrisy and the bullshit, they were just talking. These people don't even know what they say. One of them wrote a thing after Tony Hinchcliffe did that thing that actually won him the presidency.

They wrote a thing about, just, Lee, I'm not gonna out her, but if you would have read this, you would have gone, what was the point of this? This is 10 pages. And I see three people who said you're brave, you're articulate, you're a great writer, but at the end of the day, you just wasted two hours of your fucking life writing a blog that nobody gives a fuck about. You're just going to have people going to tell you, yeah, how great you are and how

strong you are. What the fuck is wrong with people? You know, it's like, I'll never stick a finger in your pussy. No, he fucking read these contestants pussy on a fucking Miss America. Those chicks love that pussy. I mean, you know, I don't know I don't know but I consider those chicks just as creepy as the comics we came up with and the actresses that complain about fucking You know The fucking dude who used to make him come up to his office and read scripts my point is it's we have just uh

The pandemic didn't do any favors to a lot of people. And I never forgot who the fuck I was, you know, and these people just forgot that they sucked 80 dicks. And you know, they blew every fucking manager in the business. They forgot like, and then they're going to post shit like that. And it drives me crazy. So I'm congratulating Trump, JD Vance. Yeah. Listen, this is our country and who we are already January one. He's coming out the box.

He's throwing people out. He's stopping wars. He's, you know, the stock market went up. So the proof is in the fucking pudding And I didn't want to aside anybody or didn't side and I'm not here to be a political fucking You know what? I'm ready. If you listen to me, you're fucking retarded more than anything Because I really don't know what the fuck they're doing. So, Astola Vista. With the great endorsement? Yeah, and after the Vista Zoom, because hopefully after this, I don't care if we have to sit on the fucking floor

next week with a blanket on and do the podcast together. I've had it. I'm coming up early. I'm doing fucking everything that's old. I got a two gram mushroom that looks like my toenail waiting for you. I was gonna say, I don't know which are like worst, the mushroom ones or the shit ones you used to send? No, these are clean Bobby. Clean Bobby. I'm excited to do it in person. So we got an extra show we added November 20th at the Dojo Comedy.

Hopefully I'll get Paul Burzy and Lee and different fucking people. Tonight it's New York City. I also, I'm adding December 26th at the Vogel Theater, not the Count Basie, I'm doing the little one, get in at 730, get the fuck out of there by 930, go to a bar, bang your girlfriend, you got those little cards, you know, knock yourself out. But those are the dates I added. And I'm doing an open mic November 26th at the American Comedy Company in conjunction with Uncle Vinny's and the

wheat store and Jayleaf out of Fairview. They're my home base wheat store. They're very good to me and this is gonna be a couple of pros and then we're gonna pick out of a hat to get a couple open micers and everybody gets to go up together and you guys could see it's a different open mic for you guys. So hopefully you'll get on this week. If not, uh, we're going to do it once a month. And then they have their own open mic that we're going to be at anyway. So it's time to get out of the house on Tuesday nights, wash your pussy, smoke some dope and watch some fucking comedy.

American Comedy Hotel, November 26th, I think they got a handful of tickets left. If you want to come, come. I'm not headlining. I'm doing 20 minutes. Lee, you know, we're going to get Aaron Berg. Hopefully we'll get Vic Cedeno, you know. That's it. This is about the younger generation, not some old white

head pale looking motherfucker. Love you, motherfucker. Stay black. I want to thank Lee and everybody. I want to thank our sponsors and I want to thank the people who stuck it out with us. This is fucking real. We're going next week, cocksuckers. So get ready.

We got about six shows before the holidays and we're we're gonna try to make your holidays fucking better this year Stay black. I love you. I love you guys See you next week The check-in is brought to you by Liquid IV. Listen, you can drink all the eggnog all Christmas that you want, but you're going to need to get hydrated, all right? And you can make those little pina coladas and jump up and down without this or Santa, but you're still going to need hydration.

Liquid IV is going to make it easier for you this holiday season Liquid IV packets get you eight vitamins and nutrients three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink and guess what? No artificial sweetness again No artificial sweetness just mix a stick of liquid IV with 16 ounces of water And it's the best best way to stay hydrated Liquid IV even comes in sugar free versions also which are just delicious I got you know me I'm a white peach type of dude, but I got a raspberry peach one Oh, no, it's a raspberry watermelon. Are you kidding me or what liquid IV is always non-gmo Are you kidding me or what liquid IV is always non-gmo?

Vegan gluten free dairy free soy free. I'm done everything free So do yourself a favor tear poor shake it up and live more Stay hydrated through the holidays with liquid IV. I love this stuff guys get 20% off your first order of liquid IV When you go to liquid IV calm and pressing code Joey at checkout, that's liquid IV calm Pressing code Joey at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code Joey joey at liquid IV code Joey joey at liquid IV Dot-com now without further ado. Let's get this party started on a Tuesday night