Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Smelling salts and Brisket

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about his recent trip to Austin to be on The JRE and the fight companion with Joe Rogan, Eddie Bravo and Brendan Schaub. Joey tells Lee about how he got introduced to smellin...g salts and what happened the first time he smelled them. Joey also schools Lee on writing and how to deal with hecklers. Support the show & try Blue Chew for free when you use code JOEY at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com to check it out. The Check In is sponsored by BetterHelp. Support the show and get 10% off your 1st month of therapy at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 What's happening you savages uncle Joey here. Welcome to the check in. It's Tuesday the 23rd of January. I got to talk to you for a minute guys remember the days when you can have sex in the morning, afternoon, late at night and four times here. You were a savage. Remember those days? You didn't give a fuck.
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Starting point is 00:02:04 Co Joey to receive your first month on the arm. Again, that's bluetube.com. Promote Code Joey. And get your party started, get your freak on. You can bet you can put on some eyebrows and a cape, whatever turns you on. And now without further ado, let's see what the hell Lee's doing.
Starting point is 00:02:24 I love your TVs, run for your lives. It's over. And now without further ado, let's see what the hell Lee's doing I What up Tip top fucking Magoo ready to rock here. What are you doing? You know what Athena's kids call me What I swear, I swear to God mashed potato tits Okay, what are you gonna do? You got to turn them into hearts and potatoes now. You know what I'm saying? It's Tuesday It's Tuesday the 20 fucking thirdly you got to get to those kettle bells again. That's it I do walk a shit good, but it doesn't you know It's to get the fat off not to you know, you got to start throwing some weights around. It's time
Starting point is 00:03:32 Yeah, it's it's time for that What's the hot black chick that shakes her ass, you know the chick for right now? You can join for a dollar and a dollar for a month. Oh Megan the stallion or something Yeah, I go see Megan mother nature mother mother whatever she calls herself Go over there for a dollar lift some weights do some bench presses do some push-ups you shit I don't have mashed potato titties, but they're sagging a little bit like I had a kid You know, it's like a second cat, but're not pointy, at least they're not pointy. I continue to keep some muscle under the tissue there by doing fucking slant.
Starting point is 00:04:11 When I go to the gym once a week, I go to one gym and then the other one, when I go to the other one, I do bench presses, you know, on the fucking whatever, on an angle and then I do them minus. And then I do pullovers just to keep everything tight. But, and then I do them minus and I do pullovers just to keep everything tight but and then enough I gotta go get some Mexican fucking pills or some shit like that So it'd be 220 tip top magoo. You know what I'm saying? You need that Swiss Chris. I'll least Idyk was telling us about Yeah, Swiss Chris
Starting point is 00:04:42 Yeah, that another fucking lunatic with another fucking suggestion. How is Nashville, Tennessee? fucking really cool like a the city itself was just Like I'm not a music person. I know that sounds weird. I don't dislike it But it's just not that something I care about but it was just cool To see like like I like they look, they seem like me a little bit. Like they were just, you know, doing bar shows. Some of them were doing cover. Yeah, yeah, that too.
Starting point is 00:05:11 That too, trust me, there were guys in, in cut off tank tops and seven degree weather, but it was just a really fun way. It was just cool that like people came to see, like came to my show. Like I love opening for people, but it was just really, it meant a lot that people would come and do that.
Starting point is 00:05:32 And it wasn't, it was very cool for me, but it wasn't anything like glamorous or we didn't sell a ton of tickets. It was like the coldest it's ever been there and they had got eight inches of snow, but it was just so awesome. It was for the experience. And then the question is that you got to ask yourself when you're a comedian from one to five years, one of the things I forgot to do
Starting point is 00:05:54 that you overlook is the question of what did you learn tonight? But when you get upset about bombing or having a bad set, you don't think you learned anything, but you really fucking did. if you're honest with yourself. You're gonna come out and tell me the microphone didn't work or the sound system, but the guy behind you got a standing ovation. So you, well the guy before me pulled the rabbit out of his ass, so then you gotta pull two rabbits
Starting point is 00:06:21 out of your ass. You gotta out do the guy in front of you, you know what I'm saying? Well, absolutely, and and I was thinking I thought a lot about that this weekend because like the first night was good I had a like I would say be mine a set people were happy. I did fine But I noticed the second night Like the energy in the room was just better and like I like I fed off of it And I need to do a better job of like creating That energy if it's not already there, which is something like I think you were very good at
Starting point is 00:06:51 It's just like like making energy I'm I'm getting okay. Like if it's there I can feed off of it, but it's hard to create it To get energy in the beginning of a set you got to go off your set And you really got gotta pick up steam and have confidence with saying it, because if you fall flat, now you're working for minus. Well, those first two, you know, those first, that first minute, it's so weird how kill Tony's a minute.
Starting point is 00:07:18 I've been thinking about that. What can an open mic do in a minute? He could do a lot. He could do a fucking lot in a minute, because in a minute, you could do a lot. He could do a fucking lot in a minute because in a minute you can make an introduction so special that when you get off they want more. It's so fucking weird how you have to, but I didn't look at it like that then.
Starting point is 00:07:38 So that's how you have to look at it. You know what, I'm gonna go up there and make them more. How do I do that? So all those little contests and little things are planned out situations. It's like going to Jiu Jitsu and they say, today we're not going to row. You're going to start with a guy in your back with a hook in and all he has to do is close. What are you going to do from there? Working from there? And it's called situational training, you know, and that's the same thing in comedy You have situational training. So Friday nights. I
Starting point is 00:08:12 Hate Friday fucking nights Really? Yeah for comedy Okay, I'm gonna tell you why You got out of work at five. You drove to your mother's. You took a shower. You got dressed. You hate something with a you gave her the solitaire cards. You ran to a theme. Now you have to drop a theme is two children off and
Starting point is 00:08:39 then go do your show. Right. Okay, yeah. Well, watch this show at the Wilbur Theater. You get there at fucking 10 to eight, you walk in, you sit down, and you're huffing and you're puffing. You're huffing and you're puffing and you're trying to catch yourself. And all of a sudden, 10 minutes in, you realize,
Starting point is 00:08:59 fuck, I'm fucking tired. Right, yeah. Okay, you know, it takes, young guys, young guys, when I was fucking 30, I could fucking leave work at six and be there at seven and you're ready to go, but people overdo themselves sometimes. And they get there and something's not right, the air's not working.
Starting point is 00:09:22 There's always a lot of stuff that you can't control, but you have to go up there, summarize it, control it, and then work with what you got. Oh, you only got one fucking hand? All right, use the other hand. I can't break them all down because we didn't plan to have this chat, but it's just so weird. Sadly, I got the whole day to myself
Starting point is 00:09:45 I mowed the lawn when the kids are at food football. I eat mama's monkey I fucking have a few drinks. I go out to dinner with some friends. We're all in a great mood now We go see Lisa yet Bye bye. Is he on? Yeah, I got my arm. I could drink a little bit I'm staying at the hotel right down the block so I could walk. It's a better feeling. They're more loose.
Starting point is 00:10:09 How many of the people that come to it, how many of the 250 people that go to a Friday show have to work Saturday morning? Not many. Like I would sit there sometimes on Friday early show and go out to take pictures and I go, where the fuck are the people? They don't give a fuck about your picture
Starting point is 00:10:25 They got to go to work on Saturday. Oh, okay They got to go pick up the kid and go to work on fucking Saturday morning They got to drop the kid off at the mother-in-law's at 7 30 because yeah God knows what people have on this schedule you as a comedian you have to entertain them to take them off that schedule They just pay you to take them away from their life for an hour. When they get the bill for the night, it brings them back, you know, at the top of the chance at 200, you know,
Starting point is 00:10:58 yeah, but I it's crazy to hear you talk about that because it's I don't really know like this this like the headlining thing is completely like it's foreign to me I have no idea what to expect I felt like I was nervous like my flight got cancelled on Thursday because of the snow so I was like freaking out about that I was worried about if the show is gonna get cancelled because I talked to the booker who was nice but he was like listen man they don't have plows down here so like the entire every road is ice like the parking lot to the venue was ice and so like up until up until the day of the show I didn't know if the show was gonna happen it was just crazy what up you were in the same boat as the people coming to see you on Friday night yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:11:42 and it's just the fact that anyone, like, especially in like a place like Nashville, I love doing my favorite place right now to do shows are cities where there's not much to do because like they're fun crowds and like a lot of people show up. But like there's so much to do in Nashville. The fact that 35 people came is Like amazing to me and like it was a small venue was like a 50 to a 75 seat room, but it was just So cool and like the crowd was cool the guy who may or may not have given Some like acid in the past showed up with his wife from North Hollywood I'll ask you something. How crazy was that? We bought a box of sugar cubes
Starting point is 00:12:25 And we're putting acid on the sugar cubes in the office Dude at a point that wasn't even sugar cube. You just dropped it into my mouth That's right Every time I go into the mouse will eat one Use them. Oh my god every time I go into the mouse will eat one Oh one of the sugar cubes. Yeah, we ended up throwing them out We we did the hitter acid like in four sugar cubes now. I had 96 of them just sitting there like Bumps out a log and shit. What about all those cuz we all we used to get those stars But they would give us like six or seven brownies that were tasted terrible. So we never ate them
Starting point is 00:13:03 Six or seven brownies that were tasted terrible. So we never ate them Like at the end we moved out. We had like 30 bags of like moldy brownies that were two years old Those brownies were so fucking bad and those joints from the weed stores. We had about a hundred of those the free joints Oh, yeah, it's like sandpaper. They give you all the weeds and the stems and the fucking dust on the counter It's a fucking nightmare. Damn. When you said that to me the other night, I was like, liquid acid, what's he talking about? I'm like, oh shit.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Oh yeah, that was just like the start of it. Dude, this guy brought like six different kinds of weed and some like mushrooms. Oh yeah. I had a little we split we split them and then I gave I didn't want to fly home with them. What's going to happen? You put them in your fucking. What do you mean what's going to happen? Are you serious? Yeah, you put them in your shabby paranoid. What paranoid? You don't think they know about shaving kits. You don't have a lock on your shaving kit. Oh, yes, you do. You put them in your shaggy paranoid What you don't think they know about shaving kids you don't have a lock on your shaving kid. Oh, yes, you do you put on the You put it on the dirty underwear. I
Starting point is 00:14:12 Traveled for five eights on me different weed just in case I get stuck on the island. Yeah, that's good. TSA likes you They know you you say don't know me. I separate. Oh, you know they don't You pack it up good you cover it you get some rolling papers some light is you bring a lighter in your jacket Even though they don't want light is on the plane you always bring a lighter just in case the plane crashes How do I gotta find you you said just to get you down? Huh? Yeah, they patch it down, but they always Yeah, you won't I got metal in my knees So now it stopped me to hey and then they let me have metal under there. Yeah, I got a fucking metal foot
Starting point is 00:14:49 All right, stop bothering because metal in my knee. I got a redo you see the stitches. All right Yeah, I got a redo you want to you want to see the stitches So yeah, now that's why you can bring stuff on like it's my knee and they So yeah, now that's why you can bring stuff on like it's my knee and they're like, I established early on that I was not gonna go to a fucking town weedless. There's no way. It's too much to me. It's too much to my comedy. There's no way I'm going to a town. I used to travel into towns with no coke. Because I could always find a bumfucking coke dealer
Starting point is 00:15:28 But I can't count the weed that I smoke in every state So before we have a misunderstanding and I do buy an ounce and it's not what it is It wasn't grown in California was in my cousin grew in Arizona, but it was supposed to be cali I don't want to hear that shit. I just bring the best weed with me this week when I went to Austin I brought four different best weed with me this week when I went to Austin I brought four different reefers with me Do you not nervous at all? Huh, you don't get nervous. No, that's for your health. You know, they're not See you say this stuff like you could say it to the police and they would let you go You're like we established that I don't go weedless. No one established that
Starting point is 00:16:03 What do you mean? They don't they're not worried about the fucking you know, they're not worried about Fucking ate the weed you bring They're worried about the bomb in your gun and the electronic battery that might light under the fucking plane on fire So those dogs I've been next to those dogs with a pound of weed So those dogs, I've been next to those dogs with a pound of weed, fucking Boogaloo pills, the whole thing. And those dogs are fucking wag their tail and like they want to be my buddy.
Starting point is 00:16:31 They're not there for fucking reefer and for fucking Boogaloo pills. Yeah, for the one day they bring the one who is, I'm going to be there. I get so fucking paranoid. Nah, you'll be fine. The dog barks just tell them, fucking you're you Jewish dogs been barking the years since the beginning of time You know I'm saying
Starting point is 00:16:49 German shepherds and Jews don't get along. That's why they invented The whole the Jews against the wall and bark at them And the Jews are in the corner. We'll give you my pastrami sandwich. Oh no, oh Speaking of what do you think of the tunnels? What tunnels, the one in the city? Yeah. They're disturbing, it's very disturbing.
Starting point is 00:17:13 You know, I've heard different reports. Some people said they were storing kids down there you know, to fucking molest them like Epstein's Island. Some people said they were putting hookers there, you know, they would have left over kids from fucking Epstein's Island. So they were gonna put them down and hold them up They turned the belts didn't let them out. I Don't fucking know Lee Just the fact that the Jews because sitting Jews. I love them to death, but there's some creepy motherfuckers
Starting point is 00:17:42 They've taken over a town where I live here called Jackson. Right. Like on Saturdays, I just go through to see them walk the temple in the Russian shit like they got diarrhea with those gum shoe, that detective gum shoe that they have with that black fucking cape that they have washed in years, no head and shoulders, those fucking tassels, dangling fucking dust on the jacket. They're hysterical, but they they're perverts. They're perverts. You ever see their wives? Oh, you have to be a pervert to marry those women. They like make them marry each other or something. Because I don't know about those women. They wear those little shoes and shit like that Dutch ladies
Starting point is 00:18:27 Well, this is Jersey, I got those assidues in Jersey dad not fucking around Jack I Was just there's just a video I saw today of like this prostitute in New York talking about that about like a lot of her customers were hecetic people not all of them, but like they just they like They come in a little cap and they put it right back in the head like That's why they go bald because they got sperm on the circle of their head there. Oh They whack off into that little cap. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you talking about the younger one? Like the little small one? Yeah. The little one, the small one. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:19:13 They come inside the. That's why you never find DNA on those motherfuckers. They come inside the Yamaha. Oh, and then they put it on their bald head. Yeah. No, they put it on. They start with putting it on head But the acid from the sperm burns true to you know with all that pickle juice fade a lot of Did show fucking Rogan the
Starting point is 00:19:39 The fucking crack head toss. Oh, yeah, what did he think we put on during the fucking fight? How was your time down there? Honestly, yeah really good Nice, dude, except for the no fucking sleep at night Without the fan. I forgot to bring my little fucking Boy Scout fan with me and I can't noise and I was up both nights like four or five in the fucking morning, spinning around.
Starting point is 00:20:10 But how was Austin? It was an experience. It was great to see those guys. I hadn't seen them. I hadn't seen Brendan and Eddie since the pandemic. Wow, it's been that long? Yeah, since we all left. They are what they are. They were the little Yeah since we all left, you know
Starting point is 00:20:30 They are what they are. They were the little family we had in LA, you know, and it was great to see them The fucking fight companion was awesome, you know my podcast with Joe again, it's Friday 20 afternoon, but both tired, you know Yeah, I didn't get to watch the fight companion because but I saw the clip of you guys dancing with the smelling salts Oh my god, you had some moves do I like it was your old moves I think you're dealing with old moves that new moves. I got bunch of new moves. I get No, that's John Travolta had a throat in that respect. You know I'm saying it's It's molest your masseuse month, so I Wanted to do a little shot right January
Starting point is 00:21:15 Yeah, it's dry January and Fuckin molest your masseuse month molest your masseuse month, so I know Travolta's on there on a tear right now Hey rub this little thing under my nut. You know I'm saying But that's it's that's fun that you got to like do you think any of the reason you couldn't sleep is like you were just kind of Like pumped up from like your two days like No, there was something going on because I was sweating a lot at night even though the air was on There was something going on. I was sweating a lot at night even though the air was on There was something going on. I came maybe I had COVID didn't know it Maybe it's another form of COVID because dog the sweatshirt that I wore on saturday night to sleep When I woke up
Starting point is 00:22:01 It was a light hooded sweatshirt. I had no t-shirt underneath And I don't want to wake up the piss in the middle night. It's too cold to walk to the bathroom Okay, well I woke up Fucking Saturday morning. You thought like I had been running a marathon for four hours I put the thing in a baggie and I got home The bag was downstairs when I opened it up to put in the laundry my wife was walking by and I go feel this and She was like Joey what I go dog. I don't know
Starting point is 00:22:32 The blanket and there was a great fucking hotel. I'm not gonna name drop, you know, rogan takes K Yeah, the blankets must have been those high-level thermal blankets. It was like being in a sauna I Would be in the back and I couldn't lay in my spot. I thought I pissed a bed. I was drenched I hate when that fucking happens You get back in the bed, and it's like you're laying on a funeral fucking, you know Reason to death. You're like what a fuck am I freezing? Why not just take this watcher off and leave it on the bed in case you got up?
Starting point is 00:23:06 what Cuz couldn't that be why you were sweating as you were wearing a sweatshirt to bed? No because it was cold So I didn't have I knew if I got up in the middle of night the sweatshirt I was cold with the fucking sweatshirt in that room. I had the fucking head down to 60 with the fan on high That motherfucker dog. I was blowing smoke out of there. I thought I was in the exorcism. So cold. There's a great hotel. So it went down at 60. I remember going to see the computer and I had to put a fucking jacket on to sit by the computer at night just to check something out to see what time the airline was leaving or, you know, when you get back to the hotel, the
Starting point is 00:23:44 internet would go down. I have to reset it. Like I have to log was leaving or, you know, when you get back to the hotel, the internet would go down, I'd have to reset it. Like I'd have to log in again and, you know, I'd freeze to death. I go like, what the fuck is this? I'm sitting there with a hooded sweatshirt and a winter jacket on, but Austin was cold anyway, Lee. Really? Yeah, it was fucking freezing in Nashville. It was, when I landed, it was humid.
Starting point is 00:24:05 And I had an auto attack at the airport. When I walked off on that ramp, it was so fucking humid. And that humidity must have gone in my lungs. I started sweating profusiously. It was the humidity problem. Oh, damn. Oh yeah. It was still humid in January? Yeah. It was like I couldn't walk the baggage claim.
Starting point is 00:24:24 It was fucking a rough little walk. I had to stop and make believe I was talking on the phone. People were walking around me. What's the matter with him later? You know, so I got the lap, buggy, baggage claim, and then on the way back, I had no problems with nothing. I only slept two hours on Saturday night. I left for the airport at 6.15,
Starting point is 00:24:45 got to the airport, the Salt Salt Lake was open like a motherfucker. Oh yeah, you got barbecue for breakfast. You bet. Yes. I got I got two eggs with some brisket. Do you even use to me a picture of some barbecue you got this weekend? Doug Rogan took me to someplace and he ordered the ribs. I didn't order that I couldn't eat that But the I ordered the brisket with the smoked turkey and beans it was fucking delicious. It's so weird You move to like Boston, New York And your friends tell you about this barbecue place and you go there
Starting point is 00:25:27 and you go there and and you eat it and you go yeah, it's good, you know or it's like being in LA and somebody goes Joey, you got to try this pizza's just like New York and you go over there and you eat it and you're like, yeah, it's okay. And then you come here for something and you got a piece of pizza and you go oh no whatever the fuck I was eating out there I was it's the same thing as soon as I've been to barbecue there's a place here my wife gets brisket from I really like to bake beans with the brisket the burnt brisket in it the burned ends but dog once I went down there and tasted that brisket it couldn't even it wouldn't even hold on to the fork It was crumbling
Starting point is 00:26:11 Spectacular remember bad barbecue in Austin is better than good barbecue in New York And that you'd say New York is better than good pizza in LA you can't fucking loose I'm sure Rogan didn't take you to a bad place Which place? Whatever place you got barbecue this time. Yeah, that's where he took me I'm saying it wasn't a bad place. It was a good place. No, no. It was a good place. We went to do stem cells. I Shot it in my knees. I did a stem cell IV Didn't see a difference
Starting point is 00:26:44 Not yet. It's only been three there. You see a difference? Not yet. It's only been three days. I'm a little sore still. I hit the bag a little today, but I can't work out the whole week. Okay. I can walk. So I could stand in front of the bag
Starting point is 00:26:56 and just throw punches and sweat a little bit, put some fucking music on and get the party started. Or I get some more of those. I don't play around with smelling salts. I don't know what they're about. I only put them in my nose and I'm about to faint and I don't even have them at home. People put them in my nose when I pass out in the dentist office and shit like that. That's the first time I started out of a vitamin container. People in America are losing their fucking mind, but I guess bodybuilders
Starting point is 00:27:24 use them. A strength power lift is using Apparently comedian Josh Potter does it too When I open for Josh, he pulled him out And I don't know how you were sniffing at the clip. I saw that. How do you sniffing it for like 30 seconds? Who just not smelling you who you I was smelling it slowly I could take it because when I wake when I pass out they just don't do this to me They put them under my nose. They put one in each nose when I pass out when I pass out I go deep into the murky waters. That's why I like fucking
Starting point is 00:27:58 Going and giving blood sometime I got to go give blood this week Sucks and then you pass out that they have to wake you up with smelling salt? I knew you would pass out, but I thought you would wake right back up. It hasn't been years since they had to do the smelling salt. But it was smelling salt, happy duty.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Cause they gave me one more time and I fainted when I smelled it. And they're like, this motherfucker's on a different level. Wait, you were fainted. They woke you up with smelling salt and then you smell this smelling salt and fainted again. Again, then they put two of them in my nose. They were laughing when they woke up.
Starting point is 00:28:34 And I remember talking with the smelling salts in my nose and they were like, that is fucking crazy. I didn't know it was smelling salt. I didn't do it together. I didn't know it was smell and salt. I didn't do it together. It's just like, just because of the cocaine, like, what do you think it doesn't affect you? Because I fucking fainted so many times that,
Starting point is 00:28:56 I just got used to the smell of ammonia like that in my nose. Wow. Those things, like, I would take like one little thing and it would like knock my head back. The first time I did did it knock my head back, but then I got used to all that First time I did it was powerful. It hit my lungs. I could feel it in my nutsack tingling like fucking put somebody put acid in there But you know what man? We had a good time. I Got to see my friends and now I come back and my mission is a little clearer Okay, whatever what you want to do this year.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Yeah, yeah. Now you I know I like you did the podcast Friday. But did you think about doing stand up out there? I was considering it for Friday night, but I didn't hear from everybody. So I was very. I don't know, Friday night, I was pretty fucking tired. Right, Friday night, I was, I had just gotten up early and sleep the night before. So at six, Eddie wasn't coming into
Starting point is 00:30:00 like 830. So at six, I got some Cuban food. I took an Uber to get Cuban food, which is pretty good. Place called Havana. Okay. And then I went back to the hotel and I started watching fucking Rambo eight. And I never heard from Eddie till about 11. And Eddie had gone to the club. And he said nobody was down there. No, Tony Hinchcliffe got there late.
Starting point is 00:30:26 So he came home. So I didn't feel that bad. And then Saturday we were shooting, you know, we went to dinner at seven and then we shot that at nine and we were there till one. You know, there's no audience at one. Right. Oh yeah. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:30:43 And did you do stand up at all last week before you left? Yeah. Yeah, I went down on Covini Wednesday night Tomorrow I'm gonna go to Sam's Club, but my daughter's got some tonight. I Was gonna go to Sam's Club, but I had my daughter's got a recital at 630. She's playing the fucking drums You know, oh shit, that's cool. Yeah, she's been playing them for years in the school band. Since the third grade or something. Yeah, she joined in the third grade. Tomorrow, she's doing the drum and the motherfucking triangle.
Starting point is 00:31:17 So if you don't know, so yeah, I'm going to go with that 630. If I get out of there early and they don't want to do nothing afterward, then maybe I'll take a ride somewhere else around here. That's the Sam's like an hour from here Yeah, yeah the the dojo. I'm excited to I'm going out there a couple weeks. That'd be really cool of you. I mean It's just an open mic guys, that's fine. Are you, but are you enjoying it still? Oh yeah. It's great to do. Listen, what I'm doing, it's a plan. And if it doesn't work,
Starting point is 00:31:52 then you move on to the next chapter of your life. But this is how I need to do it for right now. I'm not rushing. I'm not booking dates, none of that shit. No, I'm just, I wanted to see how it was going. No, just keep getting on stage having a good time laughing with Gagelin Coming up with material
Starting point is 00:32:11 You know, like I said the thing I missed the most wasn't the Stand-up it was the creating my mind needed to create again You know, I got no more stories to tell You know, I have to do something different So this is the That's awesome dude, I'm just happy That like you're enjoying it. It seems I didn't hear from any of those auditions last week Oh, I knew I went to the producers on one row
Starting point is 00:32:43 But I never heard from them and again, I was sitting there today and I go wow, that's weird on one row, but I never heard from them. And again, I was sitting there today and I go, wow, that's weird. And I go, you know what? They got a better plan for me. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not gonna get upset. I work hard on those auditions.
Starting point is 00:32:55 So I had it, you know, because it was for the same people. So I had to wear three costumes and hide myself a little more. I did, you know, but what are you gonna do? It just gets you better for the next time. This is, I wouldn't have had this attitude when I first got down there.
Starting point is 00:33:10 I used to take a personal, go to the store and snort an ounce of coke. Now it's like, you didn't get it. No big deal. You watch the show, the episode sucks. You're like, thank God. They just take your fucking favor. And like, has it ever happened like that you waited,
Starting point is 00:33:26 you know, a couple of weeks a month or two to get, to hear back about auditions or they usually pretty quick. This is like a law and order type show. They shoot these, they're on the schedule. If you don't hear from them in four days, they went to somebody else cause they start shooting, you know, 10 days, then they take 10 days off. Those one hour dramas, They shoot ten days, so
Starting point is 00:33:46 But maybe they won't call me till day eight Who know, you know, I listen you wake up every morning and try your best for that day. That's the that's If that's all you could do that's all you can fucking do Yeah I'm glad I'm glad you're enjoying it and not getting caught up in things. It's really crazy that there's a stand up page here and one of the guys on there asked, you know, he goes, it's Monday, you probably got on stage this weekend. What did you learn? And I go, I used to ask Lee that all the time, no matter how high we were, when we did the ice house, any gig together on the way home,
Starting point is 00:34:27 I'd ask you and Eric, what'd you learn tonight? You know, I want you to think about what you learned. So that stays in your mind. Then when you go home, you write something different. And I was sitting there today and I'm like, wow, where did I learn that from? And I had to think for a minute and I thought of you because you once told me you had a couple of different
Starting point is 00:34:50 podcasts going and you're like, these guys can't get it together and they have professionals and they have degrees and fucking all this money. But the only guy that's consistent is a felon, you know? And I remember when I was doing comedy about three years, I met this comic named Rick Currence. The reason why we attracted to each other was because he was crazy like me.
Starting point is 00:35:14 Gambled drugs, you know, and just loved getting on planes and doing comedy anywhere. He would do any fucking gig. He was very funny. He was one of those guys that was funny 100% of the time, because he was just naturally funny, you know. And when I moved back to Boulder in 94, you know, I was very fortunate. I got to work with him a lot. And I got to work with another master of writing Todd Jordan Todd Jordan was very professional. He was the HBO comic of the year. Oh Shit, I remember the name, but I didn't know he won that. Yeah, he was he was a special writer. I do On the other hand Rick had came in fourth in San Francisco comedy competition that year. He was very hot, but at the same time, he was very crazy.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Rick is fucking 100% crazy and 100% heart. I haven't spoken to him since the pandemic started because he called me up when I moved in, he wanted a loan and I'm like, I'm not worth it. He just didn't want a small loan. He wanted a big fucking loan. I'm like, I'm not worth it. He just didn't want a small loan. He wanted a big fucking loan. I'm like, I don't have that number. I just bought a house.
Starting point is 00:36:31 All my fucking, we didn't have it Lee, you know? Right. He got mad at me and I've been thinking about him ever since that, you know what I mean? We all go through different things. He ended up getting the money and it worked out for him and stuff. And he's doing well now, God bless him. But Rick was fucking crazy. So let's say we had a gig at eight
Starting point is 00:36:50 o'clock in Wyoming. Right. Right. He would fucking like either take a bus to me and I would meet him like in Boulder at five and the first stop was at a liquor store. Oh, okay. You get a Gatorade, you get a big Gatorade and a bottle of vodka right there on the road. He threw the fucking Gatorade out. He'd leave like two ounces of Gatorade and he poured a whole bottle of fucking vodka in there and we drink it on the way up
Starting point is 00:37:20 and then we'd stop and get another one and somebody always brought powder to the show and it was just But on the way home No matter how fucking high we were he'd always go What did you learn tonight? And I'd sit there like in a walk Because I didn't think I learned anything
Starting point is 00:37:38 But at the end of the day you did learn and you learned a ton of things not to talk to the manager Now, you know, you just learn little things. But what did you learn on stage? And even though, listen, when you kill, you learn, and when you bomb, you learn, that's what's great about fucking comedy, that you learn both ways, you're going to learn something by yourself. You know, you're going to learn something by yourself. You know, I felt really bad for Joe Coy a couple weeks ago. Because again, it was people criticizing him
Starting point is 00:38:10 that didn't know the art of comedy. And then somebody made a joke about that he flipped on the writers. He said, hey, I didn't write these jokes, you know. If that was any other situation, that's a very funny line. Right. It's as a standup. It's very funny. It's very funny, but on TV and in front of those muckety mucks, it's not a funny line. And then the press ran with it and whatever, but it's really funny. He didn't write that like he wrote that on the spot because he wasn't doing well.
Starting point is 00:38:42 And he was trying to get out of it And he was trying to get out of it? He was trying to get out of it, you know, and he, Comet could see that. He did great considering the fact of where he was. He had just forgotten where he was. We perform, you know, we work for years and you build an audience. And every time you do a show, it's your fucking audience.
Starting point is 00:39:06 When you step out, yeah, it's it's it's very weird. So when you step out, that's why I fucked up, but I wanted to feel that that before I shot the Netflix special, I was going to the fourth wall and I was going to flappers. I should have been at the store in hindsight, but I wanted to work differently. It was a different, I didn't want people to see me. I had a bunch of reasons why. I forgot why I brought this up for the story,
Starting point is 00:39:39 but it was just, I don't know. You were talking about like what you learned. Okay. And then at a current site. I learned that I should have done it at the store. I should have worked on my special at the store, sharpening it, even though they were an audience that was familiar with me.
Starting point is 00:40:01 The reason why I was going to Flappers in the fourth wall was to go in front of an audience that wasn't familiar with me. The reason why I was going to Flappers in the fourth war was to go in front of an audience that wasn't familiar to me. I would do the fourth war first to get the wording down and then I would go to Flappers in front of a show that had nothing to do with me. It could be a Polish show and I'd go there. And I'd go up and out of the 30 people in the audience,
Starting point is 00:40:23 one guy would go, Uncle Joey. the rest didn't know me from fucking Adam. And that's enjoyable because you could really test your material. Right. I can see that. And that's, and that's, you were talking about Joe Coy and his experience. He felt bad for him because of what happened to him at the Golden Globes. And guess what? Even though he's a 10 time millionaire, even though he sold out the garden he learned something that night
Starting point is 00:40:48 He learned self that night So whether it's good or whether it's bad You're gonna learn something and Joe Coy's been doing comedy. What 25 years. He's a fucking veteran Have you ever had it because that happened to me a little bit this weekend? I did I had a better show and we talked about what days they were but my better show was in front of people who didn't know me That's kind of strange Lee because you sold it When I would go up in front of an audience that knew me I could use
Starting point is 00:41:20 Both podcasts I go on the podcast with the church and Rogan I had so far to my realm it's like living in Seattle and then moving to California you're you lose 10 minutes of material because you're talking about Seattle right site a fucking you know geological a fucking threeological, a fucking three-quarter, a certain restaurant, you went in front of a mall, what goes on up at that fucking airport, C-TAC, whatever. So you lose material, it's the same with that. It's the same kind of concept.
Starting point is 00:41:57 That's why I said to keep writing. It's so important that after your show to keep writing, and before your show to tune up your set. I don't really think you should start, you know, exercise and always do some writing exercises right about a situation in your first grade. I don't give a fuck. You know, I don't give a fuck.
Starting point is 00:42:19 I used to write the weirdest stuff just to warm up. So I wouldn't sit there with a pen in my mouth. Fuck, that's an interesting way to start. Okay, so- You said that before you just start writing. Why am I gonna sit there with a pen in my mouth for 45 fucking minutes, doodling, Athena calls, my wife calls, mom calls,
Starting point is 00:42:42 and you're sitting there the whole time with a fucking 45 minutes Right, how do you get to the hour your hour 15 deadline? You started getting hot the last hour But for us two minutes But if you got there right off the bat opened it up and just went into a story any story I don't give a fuck You know, you don't how long do you want to sit there with it? And maybe that story, now let's, let's turn that funny.
Starting point is 00:43:11 And you start scratching words out and putting words in and blah, blah, blah, blah. Lee, it's fucking amazing. It's really fucking amazing. And it's I listen to what you taught. We talked about it a week or two ago About watching yourself and I really don't like doing it, but I've been trying to do it I have a phone that I record on now and I noticed For some reason the Friday show I just had my hand on the stool for like a good portion Again, it looked like not like like I was scared, but it didn't look as confident as like if I don't know why I was touching it
Starting point is 00:43:48 It was just like and I it was just something I don't really I Know that's where I noticed my energy was down when I was watching it because listening to it. It wasn't as noticeable You learn a lot from tape it's tough to watch But you'll improve a lot from tape. It's tough to watch, but you'll improve a lot faster. I really believe if you look at, I mean listen, I don't want you to go to Mike's fucking snack shack and tape your open mic set and get upset with yourself.
Starting point is 00:44:18 You're opening for Josh, you did what you did on Friday and Saturday. You know, that's when it's worth it for you. So you get an honest, an honest reaction from the audience and it's you working under pressure. Yeah. When I go to know the mic, do you think I sit here right before the open mic?
Starting point is 00:44:39 I go there to actually put a gun to my head to make me say shit, to make my mind work instead of why sit there with the pen in your mouth. It's also like the, how long did it take you to get comfortable to do 45 to an hour? To go from 25 to an hour? What do you mean? I noticed that I was focusing a lot on my set list
Starting point is 00:45:14 and the order of things similar to when I started doing 20 instead of 10. All right, let's focus your set down to a 30 minute set. Before we can do 45 You can do 30 minutes the education you got from that was actually doing the 45 and it's not easy Nothing bothers me more than when somebody goes I did 45 last week. Yeah, the fucking bar and You're not a headliner No, you could call these club owners and tell you're a headliner.
Starting point is 00:45:46 And somewhere along the line, you're gonna crash because you don't have your feet under you. Trust me when I'm telling you, I've seen it a thousand times. And it might be so devastating at the third year that you don't recover from it. Those are the guys that quit right there. And yeah, after they bombed for 45?
Starting point is 00:46:03 Yeah. No, they go up and think they're gonna do 45 and they go into the wrong room And they eat a bag of dick They don't know how to get themselves out of it and that's 45 minutes to get yourself out if I am seein I bomb I only got 10 minutes to learn my lesson if I feature and I bomb I got 25 minutes to learn my lesson if Ilined it on bomb, you might as well fucking trade places to Jesus. It's the same amount of time. They're going to kill you in the fucking hours. So this is why I don't like that. I want people to understand. And guess what?
Starting point is 00:46:37 This is one of the things I never did because I knew a headlining, like being a feature, like being a host is an art. All three of them are distinctive fucking arts. And yeah, you're young now, you're a new comic. They're gonna tell you how to read these ads and they actually fuck with you when it messes with your material. But there's one day you're gonna figure out how to read the ads in your jokes.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Oh, as a host. As a host. Right. They're not gonna sound like ads. Coming next month, Cheech and Chong, the month after that Tony Tanoosia, the month after that Joey, nobody cares. They're drinking They're drinking. Why you hit them with three dates? Let's focus on Cheech and Chong
Starting point is 00:47:32 We'll come back next week and fucking vote on Jimmy Tooch But for right now, let's focus on fucking Cheech and Chong. All right You just learn shit. You just learn shit from being there These little things that you just pick up, you know So when you attack a MC spot, the owners of the clubs are gonna be there. You usually feature Lee But tonight no feature spot, but the guy that runs the club. He's got 18 clubs. You're gonna be there tonight This is like stealing for you. You don't go while I'm gonna feature I'm usually an MC shut your mouth and make the best of what you got.
Starting point is 00:48:07 You're an MC tonight. You got 10 minutes to rock. Right. So I suggest you write that fucking set out. You got a minute to greet him and welcome him. Maybe go into some crowd work. Maybe, maybe are you pregnant thing? Happy birthday.
Starting point is 00:48:22 And then from there, bam at the seven minute mark stop and do Do a fucking whatever ads he wants you to quickly like it's part of your material And then you attack this the last party is set like a fucking manic Like they just gave you fucking smelling salts up your asshole. And then you wrap up the mic, you got that last minute now. And now is when you're going to bring up the next guy. But don't forget next week is Cheech and Chong. Two weeks from now is Lee Syat, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, coming to the stage, the very funny Lee Syat. Now the guy that the features also have to look at his style. What is my style? Is my style high energy? Is it low paced? If it's low paced, if I'm high energy and you're slow
Starting point is 00:49:16 paced, you're actually going to do, I don't know, 30 minutes of material in 30 minutes. I'm gonna do 45 minutes of material in 30 minutes. Just joke, joke, joke. Breathe, watch your next target. Unleash, watch your next target. Unleash, talk to them. Let them catch their breath. Bam, ended one last time So it's all a strategy Lee
Starting point is 00:49:51 Yeah, I know that's What I'm hoping what I'm looking forward to improving because I don't have I do try to like I have a set list I think it flows. Okay, but it's just I Thought about you you because you I would ask you sometimes like There was a difference between you doing 20 minutes at the store and doing it headlining Like you would slow them down a little bit and that's what you told me like you'd be like you They can't I couldn't do that for an hour straight. It's an hour. So you have to slow it down I only got 45 minutes of material
Starting point is 00:50:21 So I know I could rock them 45 heavy what What I'm praying for is for something to happen. Because I'm praying for some chick to say, I love licking ass. So, you know, some crazy chick in the audience, and then you run with it. You know, we're praying for and you will get it because your material struggled running with it. You want to be like, because I was just thinking when you're saying run with it, like crowd work or reacting to
Starting point is 00:50:50 something like I can react to something and go into material reacting completely improvised. It's not that I don't do it, but it's not very long. It's like two minutes. Okay. Like, did you ever die doing
Starting point is 00:51:04 that? Like, or were you always good at that? That seems like something you probably were pretty good at. The prom I started improvising by mistake. I was a house MC at a fucking restaurant. And I had to be there every Tuesday. And the first two rows were the same fucking people every week. They came in to get the prime rip of 1599. Right. So about two months, I was in my beginning stages.
Starting point is 00:51:26 I said, I can't keep doing this with the same material. So I would write the whole week. I would come up with five new minutes every week, then seven new minutes. And I remember there was a time I was doing 10. And it was because I was doing crowd work. And I got into a bad habit with crowd work. And then I got into the worst habit.
Starting point is 00:51:48 I moved to New York. And this is the town of, hey, where are you from? Oh, you were a truck driver from the Bronx. What do you sell? Ovens, you know, fucking, it just went on and on and on. And then I went somewhere and a club corrected me and they said, you can't do that in. And he goes, I know you can do it,
Starting point is 00:52:10 but I don't want you to do it because I want you to work on your material for the next time you come in. Wow. And then you get really good. You know how to improvise and take it back to your material. Then improvise and take it back to your material and improvise. So I always like when people learn how to your material, then improvise and take it back to your material and improvise. So I always like when people learn how to improvise, like once you get stand up down for two years and you're comfortable, go off the limb a little bit and learn that round.
Starting point is 00:52:36 And then you, after a while, you'll find your whatever. For years, I thought I was funny if I didn't write and went up there. Guess what? I had 40% good sets Well, and when you at that point were you taking like an improvised something and turning it into a joke you were just No, I was improvised go up there and talk to the audience Wow, that's crazy Even to me having 40% good sets doing that is pretty fucking high
Starting point is 00:53:07 No, you want to be at 80 90% you want one bomb out of 10? Oh Well, yeah, but with material. Yeah But if you go up there with no plan and just being funny off the cuff and in front of an audience well, I was doing a lot of that shit at the Seattle underground on Mondays and Tuesdays. But then when I wanted to work Carvys and all those other clubs, they were like, gotta do material, man. And there's some people who are really, really, really good
Starting point is 00:53:38 at it, but you'll see after a while that, I don't know. I mean, Jeff Ross is good at it. So I could be really wrong. You know, Hollywood just doesn't react to it after a while. You know, not Hollywood, but just there's too many people doing it. I don't want you to ever get in the habit of it, but I want you to know what you're doing real quick. Let me talk to these people about better help.
Starting point is 00:54:02 I'll be right back. Lee. Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen, the checking is brought to you by BetterHelp. You're saying, Joey, what's BetterHelp? BetterHelp is an online therapy that's very helpful for celebrating your strengths, working through your weaknesses, and learning to set boundaries, and taking action in your life. I don't know what that means. All I know is I was fucked up and I contacted Blue BetterHelp and they put me with some woman and she taught me coping skills. I
Starting point is 00:54:30 don't know nothing about weaknesses. I don't know nothing about learning to set boundaries. All I know is that, you know, I was fucking out there when the buses don't run and they brought me back in. Listen, BetterHelp is tremendous. Why? Because it's completely online. So you could talk to your therapist through video chat over the phone or by message. Whatever works for you. For me, I spoke with, I want to see who I'm talking to. What is this? Some bar and some, I don't even know. Just fill out a brief question there. You get matched with a licensed therapist and you could switch therapists at any time For no additional charge. You know, listen better help is here to help you. They're a great service
Starting point is 00:55:16 I believe in them 150 percent. Why because you know when I got here. I was getting flashbacks of Vietnam I was you know people would chat. I don't know. I don't know but anyway, don't worry about me right now I'm back because of better help. So celebrate the progress you've already made. Again, I don't know what they're talking about. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Diaz today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash Diaz. Trust me, BetterHelp is gonna help you get there.
Starting point is 00:55:42 You know how I know? Cause they took care of Uncle Joey and now without further ado Back to Lisa yet. All right. See, I don't even know what we're talking about Lisa I interrupt you but I had to tell these beautiful people about that better help and How they get a little help every once in a while, you know should happen talk to people absolutely You were talking about improvising, but like I was, I was also, I wanted to ask you. I don't know if, if you've ever dealt with this, like, uh, the wrong reaction to your jokes.
Starting point is 00:56:16 Like some guy was very nice. He came both nights, but I'm, I'm kind of self deprecating is my style. And like he was Like he like he would laugh, but he would also go on a lot And it was like a it's not something I knew how to deal with I Don't know if anyone's ever like had a weird reaction like a little wrong Not the reaction you were looking for to your joke. Was it his face or was he talking? He said it a couple of times. He wasn't rude, but he was just like, he,
Starting point is 00:56:50 that was his reaction. I think he just like liked me. No, he was fucking rude. He was rude. I'm not gonna sit there and analyze each of your fucking jokes. He was rude. And next time, don't pay him no fucking mind.
Starting point is 00:57:05 Don't even look at the mother fucker. Look at him one time and then look the fuck away from, cause those people go out to ruin your night. That's some fucking snobby dude. That's some snobby dude that nobody invited him to dick. Not even his mother invited him over for dinner cause he's so fucking annoying. So now he's going out of his way to break some of these
Starting point is 00:57:25 balls who's trying to do something with their life. You know, it's like when I shot the thing in Chicago, that fucking kid, you kick him in the fucking face. I mean, it was horrible. He was hammered, he did not want to be there, and he was jealous that his girlfriend wanted to be there. So she was 30 years younger than me. I'm not going to hit on her and she didn't want to.
Starting point is 00:57:49 She just liked that whole group. There was a ton of girls that spoke to one of the road that came with their boyfriends and they were the primary fan. It wasn't a lot. It was a lot of, that's why I always brought a woman to open for me. Because I had a lot of people guys that will come a lot of women would buy tickets for their boyfriends. And I got three people three guys going up. I got the whole room filled to women. So I would have a woman go up before me. So they
Starting point is 00:58:20 could get something to right every one while a woman who wants to come. She watches Rogan. She watches whatever she knows what's going on and she wants to hang out. You know. And yeah, but I remember that couple fighting in your special alone. That's I can't believe that happened.
Starting point is 00:58:39 It was horrible. It was fucking horrible. And there was a point where I was ready to fucking kick him. I could not believe that you work so hard all your life to get a special for somebody to pay attention. And tonight is the night some fucking drunk shithead wants to come and ruin your night because she bought tickets for herself, but he didn't trust her. So he said, I want to come and ruin your night because she bought tickets for herself, but he didn't trust her.
Starting point is 00:59:08 So he said, I want to come. Why would you want to come if you don't like him? Well, because, and they come. I learned that when Rogan was on Fear Factor, that was one of the openers. I saw that a lot. It was a table of girls and there'd be one husband, that fucking loser. And he'd table of girls and there'd be one husband. That fucking
Starting point is 00:59:25 loser. And he'd be sitting there glaring at you glaring at you, hating on you, hating on you. Well, what'd you do? Instead of fucking getting caught up, you just looked into the audience and made them laugh their ass off. So he hated you even more. You want his wife to go, isn't he funny? And for him to go, boom, boom. So that's how you work those dudes.
Starting point is 00:59:52 Don't even look at them, do your show, be as funny as can be. And after a while, if you pay him attention, they're gonna keep doing that. Right. Always talking to you, you don't talk back to them. They're gonna eventually stop You There was one time that I like I saw you deal with like it was it's probably like the best
Starting point is 01:00:12 dealing with a heckler I've ever seen it wasn't And it was similar like I was we were in Denver and After every joke you did this moment. Yeah And you just didn't react to it. She was not hiding it, she was laughing, but then she would like just do, yeah, after every joke. And I don't think you said anything,
Starting point is 01:00:38 I don't think you said one word to her. I was like, Jesus Christ, how does he handle that? Let them, listen, first off, when you're young, you wanna battle the audience, remember? Right? A bad habit to get into. Unless the guy throws something at you, a knife, a bottle,
Starting point is 01:01:00 listen, they go, I like the shoes, if you get into it with them you're going to get hot. And the audience didn't pay there to see you get mad or to see you shut down. I shut down a heckler for 20 minutes to say everything. You know, I don't go to your job and knock the dick out of your mind. You know, it's the same shit. So I decided one day, don't say nothing to him. They go away on their own. And after a while, the laughter does us.
Starting point is 01:01:31 And after a while, security just throws him out. They're either drunk. I saw one time when Joe was on Fear Factor, we did Brea. And do you remember the doorman at Brea was a real muscular guy? I think so. He was a guy that was bald and he looked like a fucking door. I Don't know if it was prayer or Irvine. We'll go to Ohio No, no, no, it was an improv. Okay. It was an improv
Starting point is 01:01:58 He was a big guy. You could tell I mean this guy probably Hey, the box of steroids a day, you know, he even had a heart attack years later. He lived, but he lost all the weight. He came to an improv and he was walking with a cane. I mean, it was bad. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:15 He was fucking big at one time, a little too big. And he was tough. And I opened up. It's probably online. God damn it. Even when I turned the phone off, I get these fucking things. I don't understand. I'll figure it out for you.
Starting point is 01:02:33 Yeah, I got to turn it off on the computer. And now all day I don't hear from these fucking losers. And now at eight o'clock at night, they want to fucking be my friend. Get the fuck out of here, stupid motherfuckers. So when I got up there, this guy was already being a problem. He was being a problem when Ari was up there.
Starting point is 01:02:51 Ari was opening and I was the feature act. In fact, if you go online, you'll find the video. It's hot. Somebody taped it and they attacked me for going off on the guy. And it was probably that tape that made me go I get it now Instead of arguing them and then I would see other commerce get into an argument with and it just shuts the show down Right. It does it's awkward. It's complex to show now. You got to work from zero again
Starting point is 01:03:21 Now I'm in the bottom of the grave and I got to dig myself up to the top. You know, it's, you know, whatever the expression you use, but I remember I went off on the fucking guy. And finally Joe went up and he went after Joe and that's when it got ugly. I mean, the security guard came and choked him and he was yelling police brutality and they beat him up outside. And as I walked outside, the security guard came and choked him and he was yelling police brutality and they beat him up outside. And as I walked outside, the wife looked at me
Starting point is 01:03:49 and she goes, this happened like six weeks ago at a different comedy show. Then why would you bring it to another fucking comedy show? Jesus Christ, he goes to different, that's one thing I normally don't get like heck heckle heckled but I don't like that it's just a crazy thing some comics invite it and I don't get it like that's like my my worst nightmare I don't want to get heckled okay everybody's different everybody's looking for a different every like I said what did you learn tonight what did you learn tonight I learned that I went after a hacker and he left and I'm better than you know
Starting point is 01:04:28 Think about was this business or is this a fucking rep? There's a thing called whatever that challenge. What's it called? They still at the store where you tear each other up upstairs on Tuesday a roast battle roast battle go rule roast battle. I Actually had that written down. Have you ever done like roasting jokes? No No, okay. No, I think it's always been fucking stupid. I don't want to get into a argument with nobody Because they're gonna take it somewhere that I'm gonna take it somewhere and it's not gonna be fun for either for him or for me Maybe I'll say something to get under his skin
Starting point is 01:05:03 Who say something to get on the my skin because there's a thin line, you know I'm saying There's like a thing and then somewhere along the I remember years ago. They were doing a series about that It was I was fucking Ralph Right if you look at early Ralphie, he did a series Right if you look at early Ralphie, he did a series Okay, remember well, I think one of the girls Jody went off on Ari because of his nose and shit. I Didn't want to do it. I didn't get it. I
Starting point is 01:05:40 Don't like roasting celebrities not the Comedy Central always asked me, but I don't I Didn't like doing that shit no roast. I like stand up. I'm a stand up fucking comic You know That's it. It's that simple And that's what you define as you're as you're getting into the business You know, I was when I did the podcast with Joe. I told him I said there's gonna be a time But I just want to do stand up again. There's not gonna be any podcast there's not gonna be any acting for like a year or two. I just want to write and perform. It's 10 minutes a week, 20 minutes a week, just to see what it was like to put all your attention and to stand up, you know,
Starting point is 01:06:20 with the social media and the videos and everything somewhere along. And I told told Joe even with the sponsors Somewhere along the line you forget what you got into this for this is the reason why years ago 30 years ago Bill Hicks went after fucking Jay Leno and he said that Jay Leno should get a gun and shoot him sticking in his mouth and shoot himself
Starting point is 01:06:47 And blow the back of his brains on the mbc peacock You know and you think about that. I remember going to houston one time and a bunch of young comics who like oh fuck that man you do commercials like I got an addiction Money at a hundred dollars set You know, I don't have a rich mommy and dad like you motherfucking driving up here with new jeeps and shit You know, it's it's different for everybody I didn't do commercials because I wanted to I did commercials because they fucking paid and I got insurance out of it
Starting point is 01:07:23 You know, I really enjoyed doing movies and TV certain projects I did commercials because they fucking paid. And I got insurance out of it, you know? I really enjoyed doing movies and TV, certain projects. I really enjoyed- When was the last time you- When was the last time you did only stand up? 1997. Five. So from 91 to 97, I didn't get headshots till 95. Never.
Starting point is 01:07:51 Just focused. Just focused on stand up. Writing stage, writing stage, writing stage. There was no nothing else. There was no distractions. And that's why when I'm writing this book about stand up, I have to make it clear that you could take all the pictures with funny comments that you want, you go to all the award shows, you could, you know, you could do all the shortcuts you want. But at the end of the day, all they're gonna give a fuck about is the one thing. Because once that gets up, then everything else gets noticed.
Starting point is 01:08:34 You know, and some people have a lot of success with videos and stand up. You know, Eric Alessandro is great with that stuff. I love Eric's videos. Have you ever watched Eric Alessandro's videos?isandro's videos? I don't know if I have He makes the best videos any comedian can fucking make That end up a big time director some day Comedy is just a stepping stone for him
Starting point is 01:08:58 If he doesn't direct in 10 years, he's gonna be in 15 years. I call he directs a big movie That's gonna be his path. He makes these little videos They're tremendous and he's getting popularity from many rights and he performs and he goes on tour, you know, but it's Some people I don't want them to get I see a bunch of comedians at my level a a little, that came like five or six years after me, they're trying to go to award shows, they hire a publicist, and they go to all these Latino women and this and that. Look, that gets you nothing.
Starting point is 01:09:41 The people that go to those things are all looking for the same thing a fucking handout So that but if that's what you think your career should be doing What would you rather do go do three sets in LA or go to an award show and Sit there and dream of being next to Brad Pitt You know and hopefully get into the back or go to a party. Yeah, you could pay your publicist 3000 a month and she get you those.
Starting point is 01:10:06 She, you're not gonna get into Elton John's party. But you can get into some kid that plays, you know, I don't know, one of these fucking terrible shows and he's like the eighth lead, he'll have a party and they'll let you in there. You know, it's just so weird what it became when I saw the waste, you know, it's just so weird when it became what I saw, the waste, you know? I enjoyed just doing stand up, but I enjoyed podcasting.
Starting point is 01:10:30 I really fucking did, you know? Now it's going somewhere different all of a sudden, you know, it's changing, it's going a shorter podcast. It's, you know, so it's very interesting. Even for you and me, sometimes I sit there there and I go it was completely different when we started It was so different, you know and now People got in it and they just I
Starting point is 01:10:55 Don't know it's weird now Everybody's got a podcast and I ain't mad at nobody. It's the way it is But it was a different market when we got in there was only 10 drug dealers on the block Now there's dealers everywhere There was only all of them Huh? I was gonna say not all of them, but like some of the biggest podcasts are My favorite like there were no like the most famous person on a podcast was Kevin Smith when we started. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:26 Like that. And, and now fucking bait me like, like there's so many podcasts that are hosted by movie stars. And it's just this week I'm in Vancouver at the house of comedy with Josh. He's filming a special. Oh, shit. Yeah. I'm going, I'm doing shows on Friday. He's filming on Saturday, but I'm going up on Friday and Saturday at the house of comedy.
Starting point is 01:11:50 And you have shows on Friday. Yeah. And Josh is filming a special on Saturday. So make sure you go to that one. Two shows. I think so. Yeah. Good. Good. See, that's the other thing now. Comics have freedom again with specials. Everybody wanted a Netflix special. Everybody wasn't going to get a Netflix special. You know, a lot of people didn't. And it stopped people from growing. They're like, I got to shoot a special. I'm waiting for Netflix. Shoot your own shit. Break it down into seven minute routines. You know, it doesn't have to be fucked. That's what's great now. You could shoot one of these with a fucking iPhone. Straight on you.
Starting point is 01:12:27 Connect yourself to a mic, get your buddy to come down with the sound board. You want it to sound. I want it to sound like Richard Pryor. One of his albums were fucking, you know, something by Paul Mooney early, you know, I want it to sound like a red fox. I don't want it to sound like everybody makes
Starting point is 01:12:42 this shit sound today. Because then you're not different. You're the same fucking, you know, to different world, my friends. And then you're going up on Wednesday, you think if her recital gets over? Well, Tuesday is the recital tonight. Got it. Okay. Well, tonight it's 630. I think it starts at seven. You know, we're not going to get out until 830. And then 830, if I drive an hour, it's I'm walking up to go do a set and an open mic and bump people or whatever I don't want to do. I want to get there early talk to some of the comics, you know, I don't want to get there in a rush. Like I'm
Starting point is 01:13:20 Johnny Gumball and just, you know, would you like to go on stage? No, I came here to fucking It was good to talk to you man, and we'll uh, we'll talk tonight or tomorrow Absolutely talk later. All right. Have a good night. Thank you brother. Thank you for watching the show tonight. The check in with Uncle fucking Joey and Lee Slayat. See yous. cocksuckers next week and now for the ad of the week. What's happening you savages uncle Joey here welcome to the check-in it's Tuesday the 23rd of January I gotta talk to you for a minute guys remember the days when you could have
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