Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Smelling salts and Brisket
Episode Date: January 23, 2024Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about his recent trip to Austin to be on The JRE and the fight companion with Joe Rogan, Eddie Bravo and Brendan Schaub. Joey tells Lee about how he got introduced to smellin...g salts and what happened the first time he smelled them. Joey also schools Lee on writing and how to deal with hecklers. Support the show & try Blue Chew for free when you use code JOEY at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com to check it out. The Check In is sponsored by BetterHelp. Support the show and get 10% off your 1st month of therapy at https://www.betterhelp.com/DIAZ
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What's happening you savages uncle Joey here.
Welcome to the check in.
It's Tuesday the 23rd of January.
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And now without further ado,
let's see what the hell Lee's doing.
I love your TVs, run for your lives. It's over. And now without further ado, let's see what the hell Lee's doing I
What up
Tip top fucking Magoo ready to rock here. What are you doing? You know what Athena's kids call me
What I swear, I swear to God mashed potato tits
Okay, what are you gonna do? You got to turn them into hearts and potatoes now. You know what I'm saying? It's Tuesday
It's Tuesday the 20 fucking thirdly you got to get to those kettle bells again. That's it
I do walk a shit good, but it doesn't you know
It's to get the fat off not to you know, you got to start throwing some weights around. It's time
Yeah, it's it's time for that
What's the hot black chick that shakes her ass, you know the chick for right now? You can join for a dollar and a dollar for a month. Oh Megan the stallion or something
Yeah, I go see Megan mother nature mother mother whatever she calls herself
Go over there for a dollar lift some weights do some bench presses do some push-ups you shit
I don't have mashed potato titties, but they're sagging a little bit like I had a kid
You know, it's like a second cat, but're not pointy, at least they're not pointy.
I continue to keep some muscle under the tissue there
by doing fucking slant.
When I go to the gym once a week, I go to one gym
and then the other one, when I go to the other one,
I do bench presses, you know, on the fucking whatever,
on an angle and then I do them minus.
And then I do pullovers just to keep everything tight. But, and then I do them minus and I do pullovers just to keep everything tight but and then enough
I gotta go get some Mexican fucking pills or some shit like that
So it'd be 220 tip top magoo. You know what I'm saying? You need that Swiss Chris. I'll least Idyk was telling us about
Yeah, Swiss Chris
Yeah, that another fucking lunatic with another fucking suggestion. How is Nashville, Tennessee?
fucking really cool like a the city itself was just
Like I'm not a music person. I know that sounds weird. I don't dislike it
But it's just not that something I care about but it was just cool
To see like like I like they look, they seem like me a little bit.
Like they were just, you know, doing bar shows.
Some of them were doing cover.
Yeah, yeah, that too.
That too, trust me, there were guys in,
in cut off tank tops and seven degree weather,
but it was just a really fun way.
It was just cool that like people came to see,
like came to my show.
Like I love opening for people,
but it was just really, it meant a lot
that people would come and do that.
And it wasn't, it was very cool for me,
but it wasn't anything like glamorous
or we didn't sell a ton of tickets.
It was like the coldest it's ever been there
and they had got eight inches of snow,
but it was just so awesome.
It was for the experience. And then the question is that you got to ask yourself
when you're a comedian from one to five years, one of the things I forgot to do
that you overlook is the question of what did you learn tonight?
But when you get upset about bombing or having a bad set, you don't think you learned anything,
but you really fucking did. if you're honest with yourself.
You're gonna come out and tell me the microphone
didn't work or the sound system,
but the guy behind you got a standing ovation.
So you, well the guy before me pulled the rabbit
out of his ass, so then you gotta pull two rabbits
out of your ass.
You gotta out do the guy in front of you,
you know what I'm saying? Well, absolutely, and and I was thinking I thought a lot about that this weekend because like the first night was good
I had a like I would say be mine a set people were happy. I did fine
But I noticed the second night
Like the energy in the room was just better and like I like I fed off of it
And I need to do a better job of like creating
That energy if it's not already there, which is something like I think you were very good at
It's just like like making energy
I'm I'm getting okay. Like if it's there I can feed off of it, but it's hard to create it
To get energy in the beginning of a set you got to go off your set
And you really got gotta pick up steam
and have confidence with saying it,
because if you fall flat, now you're working for minus.
Well, those first two, you know, those first,
that first minute, it's so weird how kill Tony's a minute.
I've been thinking about that.
What can an open mic do in a minute?
He could do a lot.
He could do a fucking lot in a minute,
because in a minute, you could do a lot. He could do a fucking lot in a minute because in a minute you can make an introduction so special
that when you get off they want more.
It's so fucking weird how you have to,
but I didn't look at it like that then.
So that's how you have to look at it.
You know what, I'm gonna go up there and make them more.
How do I do that?
So all those little contests and little things are planned out situations. It's like going
to Jiu Jitsu and they say, today we're not going to row. You're going to start with a
guy in your back with a hook in and all he has to do is close. What are you going to
do from there? Working from there? And it's called situational training, you know, and that's the same thing in comedy
You have situational training. So Friday nights. I
Hate Friday fucking nights
Really?
Yeah for comedy
Okay, I'm gonna tell you why
You got out of work at five. You drove to your
mother's. You took a shower. You got dressed. You hate something
with a you gave her the solitaire cards. You ran to a
theme. Now you have to drop a theme is two children off and
then go do your show. Right. Okay, yeah. Well, watch this show
at the Wilbur Theater.
You get there at fucking 10 to eight,
you walk in, you sit down,
and you're huffing and you're puffing.
You're huffing and you're puffing
and you're trying to catch yourself.
And all of a sudden, 10 minutes in, you realize,
fuck, I'm fucking tired.
Right, yeah.
Okay, you know, it takes, young guys, young guys, when I was fucking 30,
I could fucking leave work at six and be there at seven
and you're ready to go,
but people overdo themselves sometimes.
And they get there and something's not right,
the air's not working.
There's always a lot of stuff that you can't control,
but you have to go up there,
summarize it, control it, and then work with what you got.
Oh, you only got one fucking hand?
All right, use the other hand.
I can't break them all down
because we didn't plan to have this chat, but it's just so weird.
Sadly, I got the whole day to myself
I mowed the lawn when the kids are at food football. I eat mama's monkey
I fucking have a few drinks. I go out to dinner with some friends. We're all in a great mood now
We go see Lisa yet
Bye bye. Is he on? Yeah, I got my arm. I could drink a little bit
I'm staying at the hotel right down the block
so I could walk.
It's a better feeling.
They're more loose.
How many of the people that come to it,
how many of the 250 people that go to a Friday show
have to work Saturday morning?
Not many.
Like I would sit there sometimes on Friday early show
and go out to take pictures
and I go, where the fuck are the people?
They don't give a fuck about your picture
They got to go to work on Saturday. Oh, okay
They got to go pick up the kid and go to work on fucking Saturday morning
They got to drop the kid off at the mother-in-law's at 7 30 because yeah
God knows what people have on this schedule you as a comedian you have to entertain them
to take them off that schedule
They just pay you to take them away from their life for an hour.
When they get the bill for the night, it brings them back, you know,
at the top of the chance at 200, you know,
yeah, but I it's crazy to hear you talk about that because it's
I don't really know like this this like the headlining thing is completely like it's foreign to me I have no idea what to
expect I felt like I was nervous like my flight got cancelled on Thursday because
of the snow so I was like freaking out about that I was worried about if the
show is gonna get cancelled because I talked to the booker who was nice but
he was like listen man they don't have plows down here so like the entire every road is ice like the parking lot to the venue was ice and so
like up until up until the day of the show I didn't know if the show was gonna happen it was just
crazy what up you were in the same boat as the people coming to see you on Friday night yeah yeah
and it's just the fact that anyone, like, especially in like a place
like Nashville, I love doing my favorite place right now to do shows are cities where there's
not much to do because like they're fun crowds and like a lot of people show up. But like there's
so much to do in Nashville. The fact that 35 people came is Like amazing to me and like it was a small venue was like a 50 to a 75 seat room, but it was just
So cool and like the crowd was cool the guy who may or may not have given
Some like acid in the past showed up with his wife from North Hollywood
I'll ask you something. How crazy was that?
We bought a box of sugar cubes
And we're putting acid on the sugar cubes in the office
Dude at a point that wasn't even sugar cube. You just dropped it into my mouth
That's right
Every time I go into the mouse will eat one
Use them. Oh my god every time I go into the mouse will eat one
Oh one of the sugar cubes. Yeah, we ended up throwing them out We we did the hitter acid like in four sugar cubes now. I had 96 of them just sitting there like
Bumps out a log and shit. What about all those cuz we all we used to get those stars
But they would give us like six or seven brownies that were tasted terrible. So we never ate them
Six or seven brownies that were tasted terrible. So we never ate them
Like at the end we moved out. We had like 30 bags of like moldy brownies that were two years old
Those brownies were so fucking bad and those joints from the weed stores. We had about a hundred of those the free joints Oh, yeah, it's like sandpaper. They give you all the weeds and the stems and the fucking dust on the counter
It's a fucking nightmare.
Damn.
When you said that to me the other night,
I was like, liquid acid, what's he talking about?
I'm like, oh shit.
Oh yeah, that was just like the start of it.
Dude, this guy brought like six different kinds of weed
and some like mushrooms.
Oh yeah.
I had a little we split we split them and then I gave I didn't want to fly home with them.
What's going to happen? You put them in your fucking. What do you mean what's going to happen? Are you serious? Yeah, you put them in your shabby paranoid. What paranoid? You don't think they know about
shaving kits. You don't have a lock on your shaving kit. Oh, yes, you do. You put them in your shaggy paranoid What you don't think they know about shaving kids you don't have a lock on your shaving kid. Oh, yes, you do you put on the
You put it on the dirty underwear. I
Traveled for five eights on me different weed just in case I get stuck on the island. Yeah, that's good. TSA likes you
They know you you say don't know me. I separate. Oh, you know they don't
You pack it up good you cover it you get some rolling papers some light is you bring a lighter in your jacket
Even though they don't want light is on the plane you always bring a lighter just in case the plane crashes
How do I gotta find you you said just to get you down?
Huh? Yeah, they patch it down, but they always
Yeah, you won't I got metal in my knees
So now it stopped me to hey and then they let me have metal under there. Yeah, I got a fucking metal foot
All right, stop bothering because metal in my knee. I got a redo you see the stitches. All right
Yeah, I got a redo you want to you want to see the stitches
So yeah, now that's why you can bring stuff on like it's my knee and they
So yeah, now that's why you can bring stuff on like it's my knee and they're like, I established early on that I was
not gonna go to a fucking town weedless. There's no way. It's
too much to me. It's too much to my comedy. There's no way I'm
going to a town. I used to travel into towns with no coke.
Because I could always find a bumfucking coke dealer
But I can't count the weed that I smoke in every state
So before we have a misunderstanding and I do buy an ounce and it's not what it is
It wasn't grown in California was in my cousin grew in Arizona, but it was supposed to be cali I don't want to hear that shit. I just bring the best weed with me this week when I went to Austin
I brought four different best weed with me this week when I went to Austin I brought four different reefers with me
Do you not nervous at all?
Huh, you don't get nervous. No, that's for your health. You know, they're not
See you say this stuff like you could say it to the police and they would let you go
You're like we established that I don't go weedless. No one established that
What do you mean?
They don't they're not worried about the fucking you know, they're not worried about
Fucking ate the weed you bring They're worried about the bomb in your gun and the electronic battery that might light under the fucking plane on fire
So those dogs I've been next to those dogs with a pound of weed
So those dogs, I've been next to those dogs with a pound of weed, fucking Boogaloo pills,
the whole thing.
And those dogs are fucking wag their tail
and like they want to be my buddy.
They're not there for fucking reefer
and for fucking Boogaloo pills.
Yeah, for the one day they bring the one who is,
I'm going to be there.
I get so fucking paranoid.
Nah, you'll be fine.
The dog barks just tell them, fucking you're you Jewish dogs been barking the years since the beginning of time
You know I'm saying
German shepherds and Jews don't get along. That's why they invented
The whole the Jews against the wall and bark at them
And the Jews are in the corner. We'll give you my pastrami sandwich. Oh
no, oh
Speaking of what do you think of the tunnels?
What tunnels, the one in the city?
Yeah.
They're disturbing, it's very disturbing.
You know, I've heard different reports.
Some people said they were storing kids down there
you know, to fucking molest them like Epstein's Island.
Some people said they were putting hookers there,
you know, they would have left over kids from fucking Epstein's Island. So they were gonna put them down and hold them up
They turned the belts didn't let them out. I
Don't fucking know Lee
Just the fact that the Jews because sitting Jews. I love them to death, but there's some creepy motherfuckers
They've taken over a town where I live here called Jackson.
Right. Like on Saturdays, I just go through to see them walk the temple in
the Russian shit like they got diarrhea with those gum shoe, that detective
gum shoe that they have with that black fucking cape that they have washed in
years, no head and shoulders, those fucking tassels, dangling fucking dust on the jacket. They're
hysterical, but they they're perverts. They're perverts. You ever see their wives? Oh, you
have to be a pervert to marry those women. They like make them marry each other or something.
Because I don't know about those women. They wear those little shoes and shit like that Dutch ladies
Well, this is Jersey, I got those assidues in Jersey dad not fucking around Jack I
Was just there's just a video I saw today of like this
prostitute in New York talking about that about like a lot of her customers were hecetic people not all of them, but like they just they like
They come in a little cap and they put it right back in the head like
That's why they go bald because they got sperm on the circle of their head there. Oh
They whack off into that little cap. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you talking about the younger one? Like the little small one? Yeah. The little one, the small one.
Holy shit.
They come inside the.
That's why you never find DNA on those motherfuckers.
They come inside the Yamaha.
Oh, and then they put it on their bald head.
Yeah. No, they put it on.
They start with putting it on head
But the acid from the sperm burns true to you know with all that pickle juice fade a lot of
Did show fucking Rogan the
The fucking crack head toss. Oh, yeah, what did he think we put on during the fucking fight?
How was your time down there?
Honestly, yeah really good
Nice, dude, except for the no fucking sleep at night
Without the fan. I forgot to bring my little fucking Boy Scout fan with me
and I can't
noise and I was up both nights like four or five
in the fucking morning, spinning around.
But how was Austin?
It was an experience.
It was great to see those guys.
I hadn't seen them.
I hadn't seen Brendan and Eddie since the pandemic.
Wow, it's been that long?
Yeah, since we all left.
They are what they are. They were the little Yeah since we all left, you know
They are what they are. They were the little family we had in LA, you know, and it was great to see them
The fucking fight companion was awesome, you know my podcast with Joe again, it's Friday
20 afternoon, but both tired, you know
Yeah, I didn't get to watch the fight companion because but I saw the clip of you guys dancing with the smelling salts Oh my god, you had some moves do I like it was your old moves
I think you're dealing with old moves that new moves. I got bunch of new moves. I get
No, that's John Travolta had a throat in that respect. You know I'm saying it's
It's molest your masseuse month, so I
Wanted to do a little shot right January
Yeah, it's dry January and
Fuckin molest your masseuse month molest your masseuse month, so I know Travolta's on there on a tear right now
Hey rub this little thing under my nut. You know I'm saying
But that's it's that's fun that you got to like do you think any of the reason you couldn't sleep is like you were just kind of Like pumped up from like your two days like
No, there was something going on because I was sweating a lot at night even though the air was on
There was something going on. I was sweating a lot at night even though the air was on There was something going on. I came maybe I had COVID didn't know it
Maybe it's another form of COVID because dog the sweatshirt that I wore on saturday night to sleep
When I woke up
It was a light hooded sweatshirt. I had no t-shirt underneath
And I don't want to wake up the piss in the middle night. It's too cold to walk to the bathroom
Okay, well I woke up
Fucking Saturday morning. You thought like I had been running a marathon for four hours
I put the thing in a baggie and I got home
The bag was downstairs when I opened it up to put in the laundry my wife was walking by and I go
feel this and
She was like Joey what I go dog. I don't know
The blanket and there was a great fucking hotel. I'm not gonna name drop, you know, rogan takes K
Yeah, the blankets must have been those high-level thermal blankets. It was like being in a sauna
I
Would be in the back and I couldn't lay in my spot. I thought I pissed a bed. I was drenched
I hate when that fucking happens
You get back in the bed, and it's like you're laying on a funeral fucking, you know
Reason to death. You're like what a fuck am I freezing?
Why not just take this watcher off and leave it on the bed in case you got up?
what
Cuz couldn't that be why you were sweating as you were wearing a sweatshirt to bed? No because it was cold
So I didn't have I knew if I got up in the middle of night the sweatshirt
I was cold with the fucking sweatshirt in that room. I had the fucking head down to 60 with the fan on high
That motherfucker dog. I was blowing smoke out of there. I thought I was in the exorcism. So cold. There's a
great hotel. So it went down at 60. I remember going to see the computer and I had to put
a fucking jacket on to sit by the computer at night just to check something out to see
what time the airline was leaving or, you know, when you get back to the hotel, the
internet would go down. I have to reset it. Like I have to log was leaving or, you know, when you get back to the hotel, the internet would go down, I'd have to reset it.
Like I'd have to log in again and, you know,
I'd freeze to death.
I go like, what the fuck is this?
I'm sitting there with a hooded sweatshirt
and a winter jacket on, but Austin was cold anyway, Lee.
Really? Yeah, it was fucking freezing in Nashville.
It was, when I landed, it was humid.
And I had an auto attack at the airport.
When I walked off on that ramp, it was so fucking humid.
And that humidity must have gone in my lungs.
I started sweating profusiously.
It was the humidity problem.
Oh, damn. Oh yeah.
It was still humid in January?
Yeah. It was like I couldn't walk the baggage claim.
It was fucking a rough little walk.
I had to stop and make believe I was talking on the phone.
People were walking around me.
What's the matter with him later?
You know, so I got the lap, buggy, baggage claim,
and then on the way back, I had no problems with nothing.
I only slept two hours on Saturday night.
I left for the airport at 6.15,
got to the airport, the Salt Salt Lake was open like a motherfucker. Oh yeah, you
got barbecue for breakfast. You bet. Yes. I got I got two eggs
with some brisket. Do you even use to me a picture of some
barbecue you got this weekend?
Doug Rogan took me to someplace and he ordered the ribs. I didn't order that I couldn't eat that
But the I ordered the brisket with the smoked turkey and beans it was fucking delicious. It's so weird
You move to like Boston, New York
And your friends tell you about this barbecue place and you go there
and you go there and and you eat it and you go yeah, it's good, you know
or it's like being in LA and somebody goes Joey, you got to try this pizza's just like New York
and you go over there and you eat it and you're like, yeah, it's okay. And then you come here for
something and you got a piece of pizza and you go oh no whatever the fuck I was
eating out there I was it's the same thing as soon as I've been to barbecue there's a place here
my wife gets brisket from I really like to bake beans with the brisket the burnt brisket in it
the burned ends but dog once I went down there and tasted that brisket it couldn't even it wouldn't even hold on to the fork
It was crumbling
Spectacular remember bad barbecue in Austin is better than good barbecue in New York
And that you'd say New York is better than good pizza in LA you can't fucking loose
I'm sure Rogan didn't take you to a bad place
Which place?
Whatever place you got barbecue this time. Yeah, that's where he took me
I'm saying it wasn't a bad place. It was a good place. No, no. It was a good place. We went to do stem cells. I
Shot it in my knees. I did a stem cell IV
Didn't see a difference
Not yet. It's only been three there. You see a difference? Not yet.
It's only been three days.
I'm a little sore still.
I hit the bag a little today,
but I can't work out the whole week.
Okay.
I can walk.
So I could stand in front of the bag
and just throw punches and sweat a little bit,
put some fucking music on and get the party started.
Or I get some more of those.
I don't play around with smelling salts. I don't know what they're about.
I only put them in my nose and I'm about to faint and I don't even have them at
home. People put them in my nose when I pass out in the dentist office and shit
like that. That's the first time I started out of a vitamin container.
People in America are losing their fucking mind, but I guess bodybuilders
use them. A strength power lift is using
Apparently comedian Josh Potter does it too
When I open for Josh, he pulled him out
And I don't know how you were sniffing at the clip. I saw that. How do you sniffing it for like 30 seconds?
Who just not smelling you who you I was smelling it slowly
I could take it because when I wake when I pass out they just don't do this to me
They put them under my nose. They put one in each nose when I pass out when I pass out
I go deep into the murky waters. That's why I like fucking
Going and giving blood sometime I got to go give blood this week
Sucks and then you pass out that they have to wake you up
with smelling salt?
I knew you would pass out,
but I thought you would wake right back up.
It hasn't been years
since they had to do the smelling salt.
But it was smelling salt, happy duty.
Cause they gave me one more time
and I fainted when I smelled it.
And they're like, this motherfucker's on a different level.
Wait, you were fainted.
They woke you up with smelling salt
and then you smell this smelling salt and fainted again.
Again, then they put two of them in my nose.
They were laughing when they woke up.
And I remember talking with the smelling salts in my nose
and they were like, that is fucking crazy.
I didn't know it was smelling salt.
I didn't do it together.
I didn't know it was smell and salt.
I didn't do it together.
It's just like, just because of the cocaine, like, what do you think it doesn't affect you?
Because I fucking fainted so many times that,
I just got used to the smell of ammonia like that in my nose.
Wow.
Those things, like, I would take like one little thing
and it would like knock my head back. The first time I did did it knock my head back, but then I got used to all that
First time I did it was powerful. It hit my lungs. I could feel it in my nutsack tingling like fucking put somebody put acid in there
But you know what man? We had a good time. I
Got to see my friends and now I come back and my mission is a little clearer
Okay, whatever what you want to do this year.
Yeah, yeah.
Now you I know I like you did the podcast Friday.
But did you think about doing stand up out there?
I was considering it for Friday night, but I didn't hear from everybody.
So I was very. I don't know, Friday night, I was
pretty fucking tired.
Right, Friday night, I was, I had just gotten up early and
sleep the night before. So at six, Eddie wasn't coming into
like 830. So at six, I got some Cuban food. I took an
Uber to get Cuban food, which is pretty good. Place called
Havana.
Okay.
And then I went back to the hotel and I started watching
fucking Rambo eight. And I never heard from Eddie till about
11. And Eddie had gone to the club. And he said nobody was down
there. No, Tony Hinchcliffe got there late.
So he came home.
So I didn't feel that bad.
And then Saturday we were shooting, you know, we went to dinner at seven and
then we shot that at nine and we were there till one.
You know, there's no audience at one.
Right.
Oh yeah.
It's fine.
And did you do stand up at all last week before you left? Yeah. Yeah, I went down on Covini Wednesday night
Tomorrow I'm gonna go to Sam's Club, but my daughter's got some tonight. I
Was gonna go to Sam's Club, but I had my daughter's got a recital at 630. She's playing the fucking drums
You know, oh shit, that's cool.
Yeah, she's been playing them for years in the school band.
Since the third grade or something.
Yeah, she joined in the third grade.
Tomorrow, she's doing the drum and the motherfucking triangle.
So if you don't know, so yeah, I'm going to go with that 630.
If I get out of there early and they don't want to do nothing afterward,
then maybe I'll take a ride somewhere else around here. That's the Sam's like an hour from here
Yeah, yeah the the dojo. I'm excited to I'm going out there a couple weeks. That'd be really cool of you. I mean
It's just an open mic guys, that's fine. Are you, but are you enjoying it still?
Oh yeah. It's great to do.
Listen, what I'm doing, it's a plan.
And if it doesn't work,
then you move on to the next chapter of your life.
But this is how I need to do it for right now.
I'm not rushing.
I'm not booking dates, none of that shit.
No, I'm just, I wanted to see how it was going.
No, just keep getting on stage having a good time
laughing with Gagelin
Coming up with material
You know, like I said the thing I missed the most wasn't the
Stand-up it was the creating my mind needed to create again
You know, I got no more stories to tell
You know, I have to do something different
So this is the
That's awesome dude, I'm just happy
That like you're enjoying it. It seems I didn't hear from any of those auditions last week
Oh, I knew I went to the producers on one row
But I never heard from them and again, I was sitting there today and I go wow, that's weird on one row, but I never heard from them.
And again, I was sitting there today and I go,
wow, that's weird.
And I go, you know what?
They got a better plan for me.
Everything happens for a reason.
I'm not gonna get upset.
I work hard on those auditions.
So I had it, you know,
because it was for the same people.
So I had to wear three costumes
and hide myself a little more.
I did, you know, but what are you gonna do?
It just gets you better for the next time.
This is, I wouldn't have had this attitude
when I first got down there.
I used to take a personal, go to the store
and snort an ounce of coke.
Now it's like, you didn't get it.
No big deal.
You watch the show, the episode sucks.
You're like, thank God.
They just take your fucking favor.
And like, has it ever happened like that you waited,
you know, a couple of weeks a month or two to get,
to hear back about auditions or they usually pretty quick.
This is like a law and order type show.
They shoot these, they're on the schedule.
If you don't hear from them in four days,
they went to somebody else cause they start shooting,
you know, 10 days, then they take 10 days off.
Those one hour dramas, They shoot ten days, so
But maybe they won't call me till day eight
Who know, you know, I listen you wake up every morning and try your best for that day. That's the that's
If that's all you could do that's all you can fucking do
Yeah
I'm glad I'm glad you're enjoying it and not getting caught up in things.
It's really crazy that there's a stand up page here and one of the guys on there asked, you know,
he goes, it's Monday, you probably got on stage this weekend. What did you learn? And I go,
I used to ask Lee that all the time, no matter how high we were, when we did the ice house, any gig together on the way home,
I'd ask you and Eric, what'd you learn tonight?
You know, I want you to think about what you learned.
So that stays in your mind.
Then when you go home, you write something different.
And I was sitting there today and I'm like, wow,
where did I learn that from?
And I had to think for a minute and I thought of you
because you once told me you had a couple of different
podcasts going and you're like,
these guys can't get it together and they have professionals
and they have degrees and fucking all this money.
But the only guy that's consistent is a felon, you know?
And I remember when I was doing comedy about three years,
I met this comic named Rick Currence.
The reason why we attracted to each other
was because he was crazy like me.
Gambled drugs, you know, and just loved getting on planes
and doing comedy anywhere.
He would do any fucking gig.
He was very funny.
He was one of those guys that was funny 100% of the time, because he was just naturally funny, you know. And when I moved back to Boulder in 94, you know, I was very fortunate. I got to work with him a lot. And I got to work with another master of writing Todd Jordan
Todd Jordan was very professional. He was the HBO comic of the year. Oh
Shit, I remember the name, but I didn't know he won that. Yeah, he was he was a special writer. I do
On the other hand Rick had came in fourth in San Francisco comedy competition that year. He was very hot, but at the same time, he was very crazy.
Rick is fucking 100% crazy and 100% heart.
I haven't spoken to him since the pandemic started
because he called me up when I moved in,
he wanted a loan and I'm like, I'm not worth it.
He just didn't want a small loan. He wanted a big fucking loan. I'm like, I'm not worth it. He just didn't want a small loan.
He wanted a big fucking loan.
I'm like, I don't have that number.
I just bought a house.
All my fucking, we didn't have it Lee, you know?
Right.
He got mad at me and I've been thinking about him
ever since that, you know what I mean?
We all go through different things.
He ended up getting the money
and it worked out for him and stuff.
And he's doing well now, God bless him. But Rick was fucking crazy. So let's say we had a gig at eight
o'clock in Wyoming. Right. Right. He would fucking like either take a bus to me and I would meet him
like in Boulder at five and the first stop was at a liquor store. Oh, okay.
You get a Gatorade, you get a big Gatorade
and a bottle of vodka right there on the road.
He threw the fucking Gatorade out.
He'd leave like two ounces of Gatorade
and he poured a whole bottle of fucking vodka in there
and we drink it on the way up
and then we'd stop and get another one
and somebody always brought powder to the show
and it was just
But on the way home
No matter how fucking high we were he'd always go
What did you learn tonight?
And I'd sit there like in a walk
Because I didn't think I learned anything
But at the end of the day you did learn and you learned a ton of things not to talk to the manager
Now, you know, you just learn little things. But what
did you learn on stage? And even though, listen, when you
kill, you learn, and when you bomb, you learn, that's what's
great about fucking comedy, that you learn both ways, you're
going to learn something by yourself. You know, you're going
to learn something by yourself. You know, I felt really bad for Joe Coy a couple weeks ago.
Because again, it was people criticizing him
that didn't know the art of comedy.
And then somebody made a joke about that he flipped on the writers.
He said, hey, I didn't write these jokes, you know.
If that was any other situation, that's a very funny line.
Right. It's as a standup. It's very funny.
It's very funny, but on TV and in front of those muckety mucks, it's not a funny line.
And then the press ran with it and whatever, but it's really funny.
He didn't write that like he wrote that on the spot because he wasn't doing well.
And he was trying to get out of it And he was trying to get out of it?
He was trying to get out of it, you know,
and he, Comet could see that.
He did great considering the fact of where he was.
He had just forgotten where he was.
We perform, you know, we work for years
and you build an audience.
And every time you do a show, it's your fucking audience.
When you step out, yeah, it's it's it's very weird.
So when you step out, that's why I fucked up, but I wanted to feel that
that before I shot the Netflix special, I was going to the fourth wall and I was going to
flappers. I should have been at the store in hindsight,
but I wanted to work differently.
It was a different, I didn't want people to see me.
I had a bunch of reasons why.
I forgot why I brought this up for the story,
but it was just, I don't know.
You were talking about like what you learned.
Okay.
And then at a current site.
I learned that I should have done it at the store.
I should have worked on my special at the store,
sharpening it, even though they were an audience
that was familiar with me.
The reason why I was going to Flappers in the fourth wall was to go in front of an audience that wasn't familiar with me. The reason why I was going to Flappers in the fourth war
was to go in front of an audience
that wasn't familiar to me.
I would do the fourth war first to get the wording down
and then I would go to Flappers in front of a show
that had nothing to do with me.
It could be a Polish show and I'd go there.
And I'd go up and out of the 30 people in the audience,
one guy would go, Uncle Joey. the rest didn't know me from fucking Adam.
And that's enjoyable because you could really test your material.
Right.
I can see that.
And that's, and that's, you were talking about Joe Coy and his experience.
He felt bad for him because of what happened to him at the Golden Globes.
And guess what?
Even though he's a 10 time millionaire, even though he sold out the garden he learned something that night
He learned self that night
So whether it's good or whether it's bad
You're gonna learn something and Joe Coy's been doing comedy. What 25 years. He's a fucking veteran
Have you ever had it because that happened to me a little bit this weekend?
I did I had a better show and we talked about what days they were but my better show was in front of people who didn't know me
That's kind of strange
Lee because you sold it
When I would go up in front of an audience that knew me I could use
Both podcasts I go on the podcast with the church and Rogan I had so far to
my realm it's like living in Seattle and then moving to California you're you
lose 10 minutes of material because you're talking about Seattle right
site a fucking you know geological a fucking threeological, a fucking three-quarter,
a certain restaurant, you went in front of a mall,
what goes on up at that fucking airport, C-TAC, whatever.
So you lose material, it's the same with that.
It's the same kind of concept.
That's why I said to keep writing.
It's so important that after your show to keep writing,
and before your show to tune up your set.
I don't really think you should start,
you know, exercise and always do some writing exercises
right about a situation in your first grade.
I don't give a fuck.
You know, I don't give a fuck.
I used to write the weirdest stuff just to warm up.
So I wouldn't sit there with a pen in my mouth.
Fuck, that's an interesting way to start.
Okay, so-
You said that before you just start writing.
Why am I gonna sit there with a pen in my mouth
for 45 fucking minutes, doodling, Athena calls,
my wife calls, mom calls,
and you're sitting there the whole time with a fucking
45 minutes Right, how do you get to the hour your hour 15 deadline?
You started getting hot the last hour
But for us two minutes
But if you got there right off the bat opened it up and just went into a story any story
I don't give a fuck
You know, you don't how long do you want to sit there with it?
And maybe that story, now let's, let's turn that funny.
And you start scratching words out and putting words in and blah, blah, blah, blah.
Lee, it's fucking amazing.
It's really fucking amazing.
And it's I listen to what you taught.
We talked about it a week or two ago
About watching yourself and I really don't like doing it, but I've been trying to do it I have a phone that I record on now and I noticed
For some reason the Friday show I just had my hand on the stool for like a good portion
Again, it looked like not like like I was scared, but it didn't look as confident as like if I don't know why I was touching it
It was just like and I it was just something I don't really I
Know that's where I noticed my energy was down when I was watching it because listening to it. It wasn't as noticeable
You learn a lot from tape it's tough to watch
But you'll improve a lot from tape. It's tough to watch, but you'll improve a lot faster.
I really believe if you look at,
I mean listen, I don't want you to go to Mike's
fucking snack shack and tape your open mic set
and get upset with yourself.
You're opening for Josh, you did what you did
on Friday and Saturday.
You know, that's when it's worth it for you.
So you get an honest, an honest reaction from the audience
and it's you working under pressure.
Yeah.
When I go to know the mic,
do you think I sit here right before the open mic?
I go there to actually put a gun to my head
to make me say shit, to make my mind work instead of
why sit there with the pen in your mouth.
It's also like the,
how long did it take you to get comfortable to do 45 to an hour?
To go from 25 to an hour?
What do you mean?
I noticed that I was focusing a lot on my set list
and the order of things similar to when I started doing 20
instead of 10.
All right, let's focus your set down to a 30 minute set.
Before we can do 45
You can do 30 minutes the education you got from that was actually doing the 45 and it's not easy
Nothing bothers me more than when somebody goes I did 45 last week. Yeah, the fucking bar and
You're not a headliner No, you could call these club owners
and tell you're a headliner.
And somewhere along the line, you're gonna crash
because you don't have your feet under you.
Trust me when I'm telling you,
I've seen it a thousand times.
And it might be so devastating at the third year
that you don't recover from it.
Those are the guys that quit right there.
And yeah, after they bombed for 45?
Yeah.
No, they go up and think they're gonna do 45 and they go into the wrong room
And they eat a bag of dick
They don't know how to get themselves out of it and that's 45 minutes to get yourself out if I am seein
I bomb I only got 10 minutes to learn my lesson if I feature and I bomb
I got 25 minutes to learn my lesson if Ilined it on bomb, you might as well fucking trade
places to Jesus. It's the same amount of time. They're going to kill you in the fucking
hours. So this is why I don't like that. I want people to understand. And guess what?
This is one of the things I never did because I knew a headlining, like being a feature, like being a host is an art.
All three of them are distinctive fucking arts.
And yeah, you're young now, you're a new comic.
They're gonna tell you how to read these ads
and they actually fuck with you
when it messes with your material.
But there's one day you're gonna figure out
how to read the ads in your jokes.
Oh, as a host.
As a host.
Right.
They're not gonna sound like ads.
Coming next month, Cheech and Chong,
the month after that Tony Tanoosia,
the month after that Joey, nobody cares. They're drinking
They're drinking. Why you hit them with three dates? Let's focus on Cheech and Chong
We'll come back next week and fucking vote on Jimmy Tooch
But for right now, let's focus on fucking Cheech and Chong. All right
You just learn shit. You just learn shit from being there
These little things that you just pick up, you know
So when you attack a MC spot, the owners of the clubs are gonna be there. You usually feature Lee
But tonight no feature spot, but the guy that runs the club. He's got 18 clubs. You're gonna be there tonight
This is like stealing for you. You don't go while I'm gonna feature
I'm usually an MC shut your mouth and make the best of what you got.
You're an MC tonight.
You got 10 minutes to rock.
Right.
So I suggest you write that fucking set out.
You got a minute to greet him and welcome him.
Maybe go into some crowd work.
Maybe, maybe are you pregnant thing?
Happy birthday.
And then from there, bam at the seven minute mark stop and do
Do a fucking whatever ads he wants you to quickly like it's part of your material
And then you attack this the last party is set like a fucking manic
Like they just gave you fucking smelling salts up your asshole. And then you wrap up the mic, you got that last
minute now. And now is when you're going to bring up the next guy. But don't forget next week is
Cheech and Chong. Two weeks from now is Lee Syat, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, coming to the
stage, the very funny Lee Syat. Now the guy that the features also have to look at his style. What is my style? Is my
style high energy? Is it low paced? If it's low paced, if I'm high energy and you're slow
paced, you're actually going to do, I don't know, 30 minutes of material in 30 minutes. I'm gonna do 45 minutes of material in 30 minutes.
Just joke, joke, joke.
Breathe, watch your next target.
Unleash, watch your next target.
Unleash, talk to them.
Let them catch their breath.
Bam, ended one last time
So it's all a strategy Lee
Yeah, I know that's
What I'm hoping what I'm looking forward to improving because I don't have I do try to like I have a set list
I think it flows. Okay, but it's just I
Thought about you you because you I would ask you sometimes like
There was a difference between you doing 20 minutes at the store and doing it headlining
Like you would slow them down a little bit and that's what you told me like you'd be like you
They can't I couldn't do that for an hour straight. It's an hour. So you have to slow it down
I only got 45 minutes of material
So I know I could rock them 45 heavy what What I'm praying for is for something to happen.
Because I'm praying for some chick to say, I love licking ass.
So, you know, some crazy chick in the audience, and then you run with it.
You know, we're praying for and you will get it because your material
struggled running with it. You want to be like, because I
was just thinking when you're
saying run with it, like
crowd work or reacting to
something like I can react to
something and go into material
reacting completely improvised.
It's not that I don't do it, but
it's not very long.
It's like two minutes.
Okay.
Like, did you ever die doing
that?
Like, or were you always good at that? That seems like
something you probably were pretty good at. The prom I
started improvising by mistake. I was a house MC at a
fucking restaurant. And I had to be there every Tuesday. And the
first two rows were the same fucking people every week. They
came in to get the prime rip of 1599. Right. So about two months,
I was in my beginning stages.
I said, I can't keep doing this with the same material.
So I would write the whole week.
I would come up with five new minutes every week,
then seven new minutes.
And I remember there was a time I was doing 10.
And it was because I was doing crowd work.
And I got into a bad habit with crowd work.
And then I got into the worst habit.
I moved to New York.
And this is the town of, hey, where are you from?
Oh, you were a truck driver from the Bronx.
What do you sell?
Ovens, you know, fucking, it just went on and on and on.
And then I went somewhere and a club corrected me
and they said, you can't do that in.
And he goes, I know you can do it,
but I don't want you to do it because I want you to work
on your material for the next time you come in.
Wow.
And then you get really good.
You know how to improvise and take it back to your material.
Then improvise and take it back to your material and improvise.
So I always like when people learn how to your material, then improvise and take it back to your material and improvise. So I always like when people learn how to improvise, like once you get stand up down
for two years and you're comfortable, go off the limb a little bit and learn that round.
And then you, after a while, you'll find your whatever.
For years, I thought I was funny if I didn't write and went up there.
Guess what?
I had 40% good sets
Well, and when you at that point were you taking like an improvised something and turning it into a joke you were just
No, I was improvised go up there and talk to the audience
Wow, that's crazy
Even to me having 40% good sets doing that is pretty fucking high
No, you want to be at 80 90% you want one bomb out of 10? Oh
Well, yeah, but with material. Yeah
But if you go up there with no plan and just being funny off the cuff and in front of an audience
well, I was doing a lot of that shit at the
Seattle underground on Mondays and Tuesdays.
But then when I wanted to work Carvys and all those other clubs, they were like,
gotta do material, man.
And there's some people who are really, really, really good
at it, but you'll see after a while that, I don't know.
I mean, Jeff Ross is good at it.
So I could be really wrong.
You know, Hollywood just doesn't react to it after a while.
You know, not Hollywood, but just there's too many people doing it.
I don't want you to ever get in the habit of it, but I want you to know
what you're doing real quick.
Let me talk to these people about better help.
I'll be right back.
Lee.
Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen,
the checking is brought to you by BetterHelp. You're saying, Joey, what's BetterHelp? BetterHelp
is an online therapy that's very helpful for celebrating your strengths, working through
your weaknesses, and learning to set boundaries, and taking action in your life. I don't know what
that means. All I know is I was fucked up and I contacted
Blue BetterHelp and they put me with some woman and she taught me coping skills. I
don't know nothing about weaknesses. I don't know nothing about learning to set boundaries.
All I know is that, you know, I was fucking out there when the buses don't run and they
brought me back in. Listen, BetterHelp is tremendous. Why? Because it's completely online. So you could talk
to your therapist through video chat over the phone or by message. Whatever works for you.
For me, I spoke with, I want to see who I'm talking to. What is this? Some bar and some,
I don't even know. Just fill out a brief question there. You get matched with a licensed therapist
and you could switch therapists at any time
For no additional charge. You know, listen better help is here to help you. They're a great service
I believe in them 150 percent. Why because you know when I got here. I was getting flashbacks of Vietnam
I was you know people would chat. I don't know. I don't know but anyway, don't worry about me right now
I'm back because of better help. So celebrate the progress you've already made.
Again, I don't know what they're talking about.
Visit BetterHelp.com slash Diaz today
to get 10% off your first month.
That's BetterHelp.com slash Diaz.
Trust me, BetterHelp is gonna help you get there.
You know how I know?
Cause they took care of Uncle Joey and now without further ado
Back to Lisa yet. All right. See, I don't even know what we're talking about Lisa
I interrupt you but I had to tell these beautiful people about that better help and
How they get a little help every once in a while, you know should happen
talk to people
absolutely You were talking about improvising, but like I was, I was also, I wanted to ask you.
I don't know if, if you've ever dealt with this, like, uh, the wrong reaction to your jokes.
Like some guy was very nice.
He came both nights, but I'm, I'm kind of self deprecating is my style.
And like he was
Like he like he would laugh, but he would also go on a lot
And it was like a it's not something I knew how to deal with I
Don't know if anyone's ever like had a weird reaction like a little wrong
Not the reaction you were looking for to your joke. Was it his face or was he talking? He said it a couple of times.
He wasn't rude, but he was just like, he,
that was his reaction.
I think he just like liked me.
No, he was fucking rude.
He was rude.
I'm not gonna sit there and analyze
each of your fucking jokes.
He was rude.
And next time, don't pay him no fucking mind.
Don't even look at the mother fucker.
Look at him one time and then look the fuck away from,
cause those people go out to ruin your night.
That's some fucking snobby dude.
That's some snobby dude that nobody invited him to dick.
Not even his mother invited him over for dinner
cause he's so fucking annoying.
So now he's going out of his way to break some of these
balls who's trying to do something with their life.
You know, it's like when I shot the thing in Chicago,
that fucking kid, you kick him in the fucking face.
I mean, it was horrible.
He was hammered, he did not want to be there,
and he was jealous that his girlfriend wanted to be there.
So she was 30 years younger than me.
I'm not going to hit on her and she didn't want to.
She just liked that whole group.
There was a ton of girls that spoke to one of the road that came with their
boyfriends and they were the primary fan.
It wasn't a lot.
It was a lot of, that's why I always brought a woman to open for me. Because I had a lot of people guys that will come
a lot of women would buy tickets for their boyfriends. And I got
three people three guys going up. I got the whole room filled
to women. So I would have a woman go up before me. So they
could get something to right every one while a woman who wants
to come.
She watches Rogan.
She watches whatever she knows what's going on and she wants to hang out.
You know.
And yeah, but I remember that couple fighting in your special
alone.
That's I can't believe that happened.
It was horrible.
It was fucking horrible.
And there was a point where I was ready to fucking kick him.
I could not believe that you work so hard all your life
to get a special for somebody to pay attention.
And tonight is the night some fucking drunk shithead
wants to come and ruin your night
because she bought tickets for herself, but he didn't trust her. So he said, I want to come and ruin your night because she bought tickets for herself, but he didn't trust her.
So he said, I want to come.
Why would you want to come if you don't like him?
Well, because, and they come.
I learned that when Rogan was on Fear Factor,
that was one of the openers.
I saw that a lot.
It was a table of girls and there'd be one husband,
that fucking loser. And he'd table of girls and there'd be one husband. That fucking
loser. And he'd be sitting there glaring at you glaring at you, hating on you,
hating on you. Well, what'd you do? Instead of fucking getting caught up,
you just looked into the audience and made them laugh their ass off. So he
hated you even more. You want his wife to go,
isn't he funny?
And for him to go,
boom, boom.
So that's how you work those dudes.
Don't even look at them,
do your show, be as funny as can be.
And after a while, if you pay him attention,
they're gonna keep doing that.
Right.
Always talking to you, you don't talk back to them.
They're gonna eventually stop
You There was one time that I like I saw you deal with like it was it's probably like the best
dealing with a heckler I've ever seen it wasn't
And it was similar like I was we were in Denver and
After every joke you did this moment. Yeah
And you just didn't react to it.
She was not hiding it, she was laughing,
but then she would like just do, yeah,
after every joke.
And I don't think you said anything,
I don't think you said one word to her.
I was like, Jesus Christ, how does he handle that?
Let them, listen, first off,
when you're young, you wanna battle the audience, remember?
Right?
A bad habit to get into.
Unless the guy throws something at you,
a knife, a bottle,
listen, they go, I like the shoes,
if you get into it with them you're going to get hot. And the audience didn't pay there to see you get mad or to see you shut down.
I shut down a heckler for 20 minutes to say everything.
You know, I don't go to your job and knock the dick out of your mind.
You know, it's the same shit.
So I decided one day, don't say nothing to him.
They go away on their own.
And after a while, the laughter does us.
And after a while, security just throws him out.
They're either drunk.
I saw one time when Joe was on Fear Factor, we did Brea.
And do you remember the doorman at Brea
was a real muscular guy?
I think so. He was a guy that was bald and he looked like a fucking door. I
Don't know if it was prayer or Irvine. We'll go to Ohio
No, no, no, it was an improv. Okay. It was an improv
He was a big guy. You could tell I mean this guy probably
Hey, the box of steroids a day, you know,
he even had a heart attack years later.
He lived, but he lost all the weight.
He came to an improv and he was walking with a cane.
I mean, it was bad.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He was fucking big at one time, a little too big.
And he was tough.
And I opened up.
It's probably online.
God damn it.
Even when I turned the phone off, I get these fucking things.
I don't understand.
I'll figure it out for you.
Yeah, I got to turn it off on the computer.
And now all day I don't hear from these fucking losers.
And now at eight o'clock at night,
they want to fucking be my friend.
Get the fuck out of here, stupid motherfuckers.
So when I got up there,
this guy was already being a problem.
He was being a problem when Ari was up there.
Ari was opening and I was the feature act.
In fact, if you go online, you'll find the video.
It's hot.
Somebody taped it and they attacked me
for going off on the guy. And it was probably that tape that made me go
I get it now
Instead of arguing them and then I would see other commerce get into an argument with and it just shuts the show down
Right. It does it's awkward. It's complex to show now. You got to work from zero again
Now I'm in the bottom of the grave and I got to dig myself up to the top. You know, it's, you know, whatever the expression you use,
but I remember I went off on the fucking guy.
And finally Joe went up and he went after Joe
and that's when it got ugly.
I mean, the security guard came and choked him
and he was yelling police brutality and they beat him up outside. And as I walked outside, the security guard came and choked him and he was yelling police brutality
and they beat him up outside.
And as I walked outside, the wife looked at me
and she goes, this happened like six weeks ago
at a different comedy show.
Then why would you bring it to another fucking comedy show?
Jesus Christ, he goes to different,
that's one thing I normally don't get like heck heckle heckled but I don't like that it's
just a crazy thing some comics invite it and I don't get it like that's like my my worst nightmare
I don't want to get heckled okay everybody's different everybody's looking for a different
every like I said what did you learn tonight what did you learn tonight I learned that I went after a hacker and he left and I'm better than you know
Think about was this business or is this a fucking rep?
There's a thing called whatever that challenge. What's it called?
They still at the store where you tear each other up upstairs on Tuesday a roast battle roast battle go rule roast battle. I
Actually had that written down. Have you ever done like roasting jokes? No
No, okay. No, I think it's always been fucking stupid. I don't want to get into a
argument with nobody
Because they're gonna take it somewhere that I'm gonna take it somewhere and it's not gonna be fun for either for him or for me
Maybe I'll say something to get under his skin
Who say something to get on the my skin because there's a thin line, you know I'm saying
There's like a thing and then somewhere along the I remember years ago. They were doing a series about that
It was I was fucking
Ralph
Right if you look at early Ralphie, he did a series
Right if you look at early Ralphie, he did a series
Okay, remember well, I think one of the girls Jody went off on Ari because of his nose and shit. I
Didn't want to do it. I didn't get it. I
Don't like roasting celebrities not the Comedy Central always asked me, but I don't I
Didn't like doing that shit no roast. I like stand up. I'm a stand up fucking comic
You know That's it. It's that simple
And that's what you define as you're as you're getting into the business
You know, I was when I did the podcast with Joe. I told him I said there's gonna be a time
But I just want to do stand up again. There's not gonna be any podcast there's not gonna be any acting for like a year or two. I just want to
write and perform. It's 10 minutes a week, 20 minutes a week, just to see what it was like to put all your attention
and to stand up, you know,
with the social media and the videos and everything
somewhere along. And I told told Joe even with the sponsors
Somewhere along the line you forget what you got into this for this is the reason why years ago
30 years ago
Bill Hicks went after fucking
Jay Leno
and he said that Jay Leno
should get a gun and shoot him sticking in his mouth and shoot himself
And blow the back of his brains on the mbc peacock
You know and you think about that. I remember going to houston one time
and a bunch of young comics who like oh fuck that man you do commercials like
I got an addiction
Money at a hundred dollars set
You know, I don't have a rich mommy and dad like you motherfucking driving up here with new jeeps and shit
You know, it's it's different for everybody
I didn't do commercials because I wanted to I did commercials because they fucking paid and I got insurance out of it
You know, I really enjoyed doing movies and TV certain projects I did commercials because they fucking paid. And I got insurance out of it, you know?
I really enjoyed doing movies and TV, certain projects.
I really enjoyed-
When was the last time you-
When was the last time you did only stand up?
1997.
Five.
So from 91 to 97, I didn't get headshots till 95. Never.
Just focused. Just focused on stand up. Writing stage, writing stage, writing stage. There
was no nothing else. There was no distractions. And that's why when I'm writing
this book about stand up, I have to make it clear that you could take all the pictures with funny
comments that you want, you go to all the award shows, you could, you know, you could do all the
shortcuts you want. But at the end of the day, all they're gonna give a fuck
about is the one thing.
Because once that gets up,
then everything else gets noticed.
You know, and some people have a lot of success
with videos and stand up.
You know, Eric Alessandro is great with that stuff.
I love Eric's videos.
Have you ever watched Eric Alessandro's videos?isandro's videos? I don't know if I have
He makes the best videos any comedian can fucking make
That end up a big time director some day
Comedy is just a stepping stone for him
If he doesn't direct in 10 years, he's gonna be in 15 years. I call he directs a big movie
That's gonna be his path. He makes these little videos
They're tremendous and he's getting popularity from many rights and he performs and he goes on tour, you know, but it's
Some people I don't want them to get I see a bunch of comedians at my level a a little, that came like five or six years after me,
they're trying to go to award shows,
they hire a publicist,
and they go to all these Latino women and this and that.
Look, that gets you nothing.
The people that go to those things
are all looking for the same thing a fucking handout
So that but if that's what you think your career should be doing
What would you rather do go do three sets in LA or go to an award show and
Sit there and dream of being next to Brad Pitt
You know and hopefully get into the back or go to a party. Yeah, you could pay your publicist
3000 a month
and she get you those.
She, you're not gonna get into Elton John's party.
But you can get into some kid that plays, you know,
I don't know, one of these fucking terrible shows
and he's like the eighth lead,
he'll have a party and they'll let you in there.
You know, it's just so weird what it became
when I saw the waste, you know, it's just so weird when it became what I saw, the waste, you know?
I enjoyed just doing stand up, but I enjoyed podcasting.
I really fucking did, you know?
Now it's going somewhere different all of a sudden,
you know, it's changing, it's going a shorter podcast.
It's, you know, so it's very interesting.
Even for you and me, sometimes I sit there there and I go it was completely different when we started
It was so different, you know
and now
People got in it and they just I
Don't know it's weird now
Everybody's got a podcast and I ain't mad at nobody. It's the way it is
But it was a different market when we got in there was only 10 drug dealers on the block
Now there's dealers everywhere
There was only all of them
Huh?
I was gonna say not all of them, but like some of the biggest podcasts are
My favorite like there were no like the most famous person on a podcast was Kevin Smith when we started. Yeah.
Like that.
And, and now fucking bait me like, like there's so many podcasts that are hosted by movie stars.
And it's just this week I'm in Vancouver at the house of comedy with Josh.
He's filming a special.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
I'm going, I'm doing shows on Friday. He's
filming on Saturday, but I'm going up on Friday and Saturday at the house of comedy.
And you have shows on Friday. Yeah. And Josh is filming a special on Saturday. So make
sure you go to that one. Two shows. I think so. Yeah. Good. Good. See, that's the other
thing now. Comics have freedom again with specials. Everybody wanted a Netflix special. Everybody wasn't going to get a Netflix special.
You know, a lot of people didn't. And it stopped people from growing. They're like,
I got to shoot a special. I'm waiting for Netflix. Shoot your own shit. Break it down
into seven minute routines. You know, it doesn't have to be fucked. That's what's great now.
You could shoot one of these with a fucking iPhone.
Straight on you.
Connect yourself to a mic,
get your buddy to come down with the sound board.
You want it to sound.
I want it to sound like Richard Pryor.
One of his albums were fucking, you know,
something by Paul Mooney early, you know,
I want it to sound like a red fox.
I don't want it to sound like everybody makes
this shit sound today.
Because then you're not different. You're the same fucking, you know, to different world, my
friends. And then you're going up on Wednesday, you think if her recital gets over? Well,
Tuesday is the recital tonight. Got it. Okay. Well, tonight it's 630. I think it starts at seven. You know, we're not going to get out until
830. And then 830, if I drive an hour, it's I'm walking up to
go do a set and an open mic and bump people or whatever I don't
want to do. I want to get there early talk to some of the
comics, you know, I don't want to get there in a rush. Like I'm
Johnny Gumball and just, you know, would you like to go on
stage? No, I came here to fucking
It was good to talk to you man, and we'll uh, we'll talk tonight or tomorrow
Absolutely talk later. All right. Have a good night. Thank you brother. Thank you for watching the show
tonight. The check in with Uncle fucking Joey and Lee
Slayat. See yous. cocksuckers next week and now for the
ad of the week.
What's happening you savages uncle Joey here welcome to the check-in it's Tuesday the 23rd of January I gotta talk to you for a minute guys remember the days when you could have
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