Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The CHURCH: Best of ARI SHAFFIR Vol. 2

Episode Date: June 26, 2023

Best of Ari Shaffir on THE CHURCH:   197 - Aired - 7/22/2014 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhJxoz26Oy8&t=1s   #221 - Aired - 10/14/2014 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhx8N0ksMyw&t=311s   #249 - Aired - 1/19/2015 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w5Nprnldr4   #362 - Aired - 7/13/2016 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho-7h1kqZkk   #629.5 - Aired - 10/12/2015 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-yu-hbdgl4 @arishaffir   @arishaffirsskeptictank6737  This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!   Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #TheChurch #AriShaffir #LeeSyatt

Music When TIG did that, that CD she did, it was all just a story about getting cancer and figuring that out. And she kept going like, oh, sorry, I gave you a joke. And the people in the audience were like, no, don't, this is fine. You like this, yes, like a slower, more like, like, a botical way of being. It's three years. It's a five to two.

It's a little bit of a once, I saw him, like talking about some of the stage and then he got to some people about his childhood and he was like, yeah, me and John Smith and Bill, whatever, whatever, we're diving down. It's other guy, Michael. Yeah, he goes like, oh yeah, Mike, man. I didn't thought that guy had like 20 years.

I hear members on stage and it's like, oh, it's fucking nice moments. So like that. It's very interesting to see the person live it. See, you could tell a story. I didn't even could tell a story. But right there, when you're talking about Bill Burr, he got a moment where he lived it. Yeah, that's great.

This story I told about the Bronx, there was a few minutes on stage. I didn't see an audience. I can't wait. I was on a street corner just telling the story. Like, I lost the audience. I was having so much fun. You know it's when you tell a story and people listen. Let me tell you what the best thing about being a comic is when you relieve the pressure off yourself that they have to laugh. Okay, sometimes a story, the story is funny. It becomes funny. The story is just funny. In the story you'll find the comedy, sometimes the story, the story is funny. It becomes funny. The story is just funny. In the story, you'll find the comedy.

But the best thing for a comic is when I come to you, Ari and go, hey, listen, this 10 minutes you gotta do, don't be funny. Watch what happens to a comedian. It changes you. Yeah, and then I, so I did get to a plus, plus comic, so I'm gonna lose the crowd at any moment if you're not funny. Yes, when we're coming, listen, when you're a comic, the first eight or nine years,

you're striving to be funny. Yeah. The first time I got on a belly room, and I did a stupid testicle test amount on the belly room. Oh, yeah, remember that. It was like, you know, like, the 99 I did three hours. Three hours? They got, they got the money. And I talked to 11 because every time I said, okay guys, I got to go, they go, no more. And we drank and that's the night. You ever hear Rogan talk about, Joey, something happened to you.

That you were very fun. And then all of a sudden you got fucking, that was the night. When I realized that you could take the pressure off yourself. There's a certain pressure we don't know it's there as a comedian until you take it. Yeah, when you pull that switch your life will change. It's like a tongue in the ass. It's like a chick that takes her tongue for the first time. You don't even know that's done I chick usually just suck your dick and lick your nuts and then you jerk off and she giggles and she gets a towel But then you meet a dirty fucking whore who suck in that fucking helmet and then lick your balls Otherwise, she's licking your balls every fucking hair in your body is popped up your ass

And also she takes that tongue and just wiggles it in your asshole and keeps jerking your effort You've never had that feeling before in your life. You get dizzy You get anxiety, you don't know what to do and then you just thought come and it's all over. It's a new experience This is the new experience as a comedian it really and it's fun to explain That's why I wanted you to call this morning are because there's a lot of Comics that listen to this and they're like we don't know how you become a storyteller. This is it And it's fun to explain that's why I wanted you to call this morning are because there's a lot of Comics that listen to this and they're like we don't know how you become a story thought this is it take the pressure off Yeah, well the thing is everyone's got stories every time stories at parties, you know at the time you and John I can you know all of them turn out of whatever some

Fenway so I'm like that and it's just like how you tell it. It's just how interesting you tell it. I'll be counting on it. They're just speakers. They tell these stories already. If they get loose, they get natural about it. Like you said, and don't worry about laughs, then it becomes sort of magical. Is it scary? The first two minutes of it when you're not getting laughs? Because like every little, every little laughs per minute and shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I used to it. I used used to believe that it would have like 30 40 seconds. You don't get a laugh to go I better make a funny face or something brutal you have you and you have to keep peddling and believing in your material you have to keep believing in your

story just believing your story and then clothe I love getting stoned before I go up there but not stone, like retarded stone. So I take away that fear, that little fear that you have. So once I'm up there, it's like anything else. That first minute is brutal. I'm sure, if you watch any of those things, that first minute for me is brutal. But once I get a little flame, I'm off and running.

Once I get a little flame, I'm off and running. Once I get a little flame, I'm off and running. And that's where it picks up. Like the fear gets out of the way. I don't give a fuck to you left. Yeah. If it gives you a couple of laughs too, a couple of laughs, cool. Now I'm comfortable. Now you know, if they're just like, if they're giving

audience and you get comfortable, our cool is fine. You know, we're going to bomb and cause already into it. Why don't you tell a story? Why don't you tell a story? Once you tell that story, and you eliminate the laughter, it takes the feeling of bombing, it makes it less because you control that. Now you learn also that you control your laughter, that you control your audience.

That's the other power about storytelling that once then again laughs and you're controlling them. Oh's the other power about storytelling. That once they're not getting laughs and you're controlling them, oh my God. Oh my God, you're for Del Castro, Europe, you're a present. That's a present. I don't dice, I don't dice want to do this at the LR2. And he goes on and it's when he wasn't smoking that he was so chewing cigarettes,

you know, he was like putting his mouth. So he came up, he put his drink on the stool, and then it takes his, he didn't say a word, it just takes his cigarette pack out and it taps on the microphone a little bit. He's like, pats him down, and he takes his jacket off, and he picks up his drink from the stool, takes his drink, puts it back down, goes over the microfiber, goes to the test, goes to make a lot of tests, all right, good. And he just keeps one word for about a minute and a half. And then he goes, see, I love these comics, they get up here, they don't get a laugh for

this long, they'd be terrified. They'd be in the corner of the shiver, it's because me, no, I know how this is going to end. He was right, the animal that happened, as soon as he wanted to, yeah, he'll ask, root up the hymn, root up the hymn. I don't know what nutto, how lucky were we to get the seed dice come up every night. You know, I hear these comics, oh, dice, just a bump up for two hours and shit. Let me tell you something.

I learned more in those two. It was like going to a college course. When you saw dice perform on Sunday nights and stuff. It really was. Sunday nights, he would be someone's ham and rock and something and Damon would all come down on a fucking Sunday night. It was random for an open loan money. You've got it in free, you've got it in before nine. It was something, it was like, I can't even throw it. Yeah, I was hosting. I was hosting. I used to call them and tell them,

please come down here. Because fucking, somebody's gonna be there on the list and I wanna bump him. So I would make that, see, listen, I would get there at seven and I would host the first, I would host, I would hang out for the first show, then the second show, I knew Dom Barris always wanted to host. So Chui would come, I'd borrow a 20 or two, I'd pick up two packets as a Coke,

dice with shit, Chris Rock would show up. I'd go there, I borrow a 20 or two, I pick up two packets as a coke. Dice was shit over. Chris Rock would show up. I go there, I do my 10 minutes, bring Dice up, my new Dice is gonna do 40. I go out there and tell Don Barr is done. You got it from here, and I leave. And they pay me, it's 25 fucking bucks. But I got an education.

I got the biggest fucking education. I remember one Sunday night Andrew was up there and he was going off He was going off and there was these two Chinese guys in the front row and he's just fucking Like you chink fucks You don't even know what I'm talking about He's talking about The TV show and after where he goes all right, he's talking about Kung Fu, the TV show. And after where he goes, all right, don't worry about it.

And he walks away, he goes, look at him. He goes, look at him, they're over there smiling. They're gonna call their cousins on the phone tomorrow and they're trying these food. I'm gonna shit blood for three weeks. These fucking chicks go to anything to your fucking food. They'll spit in your food. And they were laughing, they were fucking loving it.

You know, just to see somebody of you making fun of them and you're dying, you're like, I can't wait to be able to do that. And then you go up and try it and it works. That's what dice was like going to jujitsu class. You learn some and then when you're spar you went and fucking did it. It was amazing. What I learned from him Chris rock Richard Jenny Damien, well, yes, I learned from you watching you you and Paulie actually with it

were two most two most like yourself on page and off page Paulie you know everybody else is like yeah you and Paulie could probably grow up you know he's doing it since it was right that's right so yeah it was it's not like he was good but he was the most I can tell. You and him, it's really, like you'd be talking to each, either one of you backstage and then you go on stage, it's the same exact person. There's no like, it's a little bit stylized,

the same exact person. Does I'm on stage now? But I'll find a change for my conversation up there. I would watch you, if you would look at that list, you had to bring up topics and you would look at the list and the employee, the next pop-in is, and you would, okay, I'm not going to co-cage, and you would move your hands open and shut, it would be like, why? Like five fingers wide open and shut over and over again.

It's opening and shutting, opening and shutting. And if you would do whatever your bits are, pretending like you were looking at the list, see you next. If you look at the list of 10 minutes while you were talking, hoping it's shutting your hand, and then you eventually go, coming up next. That's gonna happen to the next person. That's probably right now. Those open mics that were the most fun, you know,

people have no idea how much fun an open mic is. Listen, sometimes great to go see David Tauks, great to go see Joe Rogan, it's great to go see Louis CK you know yeah but sometimes guys you know you not doing that on a Monday it's a shitty baseball game Tuesday night go to your local fucking open mic smoke a joint in the car going it's always cheap beers always cheap yeah I don't even think they have a two drink minimum open mic, you know You know come a charge either

No, I'm a charge just go down there and watch a comic and it's early developments It's no different than what you people are doing in here. Whatever job you were fucking doing in the beginning It's just comics fucking awkward as fuck, you know But it's the same reason why I'm stuck it out Jiu-Jitsu. I go to Jitsu every day Ari to get beat up yesterday I was in the bottom and half guard the whole fucking day getting beat up I couldn't sweep anybody finally I pulled this purple belt though You'll come in though you gotta give me some fucking sweeps in the bottom, but Ari I keep going

Because of comedy Because I know that someday it's gonna come all together And I'm gonna sweep the motherfucker get on top room and get him in the Americana and it's lights fucking out You're following me. It's fucking Fred. You know what else I bumped into this guy in Denver Well, I knew Baba Baba gave me some good fucking weed But this guy here had an entire red tech these little vaporize these new systems these Electronic vaporization like the blue cigarette, but only with refit, NEOs.

Yeah, they're great. You can get refills from dealers all over the place. Deals? Yeah. They're awesome. That style of thing anyway. And you just buy the refill from the dealer or dispensary. And does the battery run out?

Um, mentally? Yeah, I guess so. Maybe it does though. Maybe it just works on that when you pull. I don't know. I don't know. I would have to. I would have to. I would have to work my face. Not them, but it was very nice. It was the food was great. You know, the hotel, the comedy, the people that showed up, but just Fucking tremendous. Yeah, I didn't really go into these Spencer

Rees. I didn't want to get involved. I Wanted just to do it the first time I went I want just to go to like you know, I'm gonna check my card or anything Yeah, and then it's great now As soon as you stop in No, I didn't go in nothing I just want to do what I had a fucking do with it. I wonder if the other of the airport at some point you would think so you what have Dispensors at the airport at some point. You would think so. You what? Have dispensers at the airport. Yeah.

I'm the man this. Mm-hmm. On the way out. In Mexico, they sold all the pills at the airport. No way. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking crazy.

And whatever the one is, how about it? Mexico was just so crazy. He's a nutty. I mean, my friend said he went down and there was something coconut on the beach. They sell coconut right on the beach. I'm the fucking beach. They combine by in the authentic little outfits and they go

See shop them necklace. See shop come necklace. You're like, oh no, it's okay This bracelet I'm like, no, it's okay like cocaine. No cocaine. We eat cocaine. That's Man relax. Get out of here. That's all the beach. And it's like non-stop They don't stop coming and pestering you. You gotta go off, you gotta go away. I wanted to give you 20 bucks, how much coke they give you in a mess.

I gotta give you like a pound of the two. I don't know, but I asked that guy for what about mushrooms. You got mushrooms in here, because the water was so fucking warm. And in the middle of the night, it was like, oh, it's great. And he goes, no, but if they, because I was buying wheat from them, so I guess he was like on my cycle.

If anyway, it tells you they have mushrooms, they're lying, we don't get them here. We try, we don't get them here. So I'll see how they cool motherfuckers. Yeah, he's way beechier. He's still being honest about it. He was a good, yeah, yeah, you get those. He even drove weed, he's out of the box, usually.

Yeah, it smells like an entire joint by yourself. It's time to pass out a joint to each person in the circle and say, go to work, because it's just gonna get your buzzed. You know, it's crazy, because this weekend, one of the underlying things I didn't think about till four or five days before when the demo was, I thought about calling my daughter. Just to look back on my mind, I think, oh yeah. You just call. Is she still there? I have no fucking idea. What happened? Did you call her? No?

Why? I just talked myself out of it. I guess I wanted to do it and talk about it on the podcast because it's that last Loose end in my life. How long has it been? It's probably been 10 years now I could have had a memory if you you contacted me. Yeah, it's it's probably been 10 years now. I could have had a memory of you contacting me. Yeah, it's all been, it was a misunderstanding, it was an argument, it was a lot of anger involved. Not 10 years ago? Yeah, it was like, you know, it was building. It was something that was building for maybe six years.

They were playing and they kept playing and I've got letters and I would get who shit man Or overnight box it was just hard. It was just a hard thing to go to and I tell you what I went to the work. I went to the do comedy They want to call And get to an argument or just have some weird feelings and it ruined my comedy for these people Right, right, right, so I said I I'll do it in another place in another time. You know what I reached out years ago? And two days later, the Facebook page was gone. So obviously, I'm not a fuck of this.

You know, so it's time to just move on. One part of me wants to move on one part of me, wants to meet Mercy. Mercy and from Mercy to meet her or whatever. But you know, right now now wasn't the time you know And that's it. I really wanted to be back on the show and go guess what I called and this is what happens I tell her she's got a sister now. Yeah, you know, I just I just didn't want to call the house. Sorry. I just didn't want to I Don't what is it her mom's house. Yeah, you know, I have a whole dish. She's 24. She's not so there Is she I have no idea, but that's the call I need to make to find all this shit out guys You know because I think about like time she's 30 she'll get over it

And we both have to get over it You know who knows what she said he lost her It wasn't what she said it was the position that she was put into This is what my beef was guys, just so you know, I didn't abandon her. I didn't talk to her because, no, I followed up. I remember booking that Taco Bell commercial. Again, like a bunch of money and going to Boulder and it was like one of the worst experiences of my life. I've had better experiences when I had no money and crashed on somebody's couch. Why?

What happened? I went, I booked a room at the broker, which was at the time, was you know, $100 and something. This is $10, 12, this is 1997. This is, this is when the decline started. 90, it was 97, that summer. It was the slow decline. We were okay for about two years.

I left Boulder in June of 80 of 95 and we were okay. I was sending letters. I was talking to her on the phone. I was going back when I did comedy. I went to backup my apartment. I saw her. You know, I wasn't seeing her guys for a day. I was seeing her for four hours. You know, it was just brutal. But I saw her. I put my time in. But then once I left guys, it's like anything else. You know, I would call her, she'd be sleeping, and then they moved to London without me knowing. They moved to London.

After that incident and bold up in 97 that I went and bought a hotel room, rented a car, I had to pay somebody 500 bucks and pay that credit card bill to use that credit card. And those days they would let Lee put his card up for me. Now they won't. Now you have to have a matching card.

Lee's driver's license has to match his credit card. And those days, Ari could let me his credit card. So the friend that let me his credit card, only had a thousand on his card, and he had 800 on there. So I said, how about I take the 800 off? Would you lend it to me if I paid that bill? So that's how I got to do. So everything cost me a ton of money. And I went to Boulder. She just doesn't want you in the kids' life. And for three days she kept telling me, yeah, yeah, later on, we'll do it then she

would say, no, she doesn't feel good. Oh, this is what's going on. And that was like three days. I couldn't really deal with that. That sent's going on. And that was like three days. I couldn't really deal with that. That sent me back in. I wanted to like this fucking cocaine thing because at that point in my head, it wasn't that the mother was playing with me. It's like the mother was, what's that one they,

you know, poke the fucking bees high. Like we have already been through 15 rounds. You know, on the judge told the next time time you don't let him see the daughter, I'm gonna get you for content record. And me, I'm not tired of the guy that I won't call cops on somebody for content record. So I went back to what I called and I said, listen, I haven't seen the kid in like four fucking months.

Since I see you know, five hours a week or 10 hours every other week, let me just see it three days, five hours a week or ten hours every other week. Let me just see it three days five hours Well, she's got school and you know There's plans and she has activities and she has dinners with friends and what does she fucking eight? You know she's seven what the fuck are you talking about yeah? So at this time that's what really fucked me up. I went 97. Just didn't watch this here This time that's what really fucked me up. And I went 97. Just didn't watch this here.

No, I just got one. It's fucked up, but divorce does to people. Like my parents hate each other. Yeah, I know. And they were married for 20 something years. I mean, they shouldn't have been, but still. You're like just hating it. It was probably 10 years too long.

That's what I hate for this. They hate each other for wasting each other's lives. You start getting mad. You go, you made me old. Yeah, like you get mad at somebody and then that anger goes away and then you get mad at something else. Like Jesus Christ, I didn't love you for 12 fucking years, the last 12 years of our lives. You know, you didn't even sleep with me for eight of those years.

I could have been with somebody else. Now, who the fuck wants me now? You know, who the fuck wants me now? So divorce, the anger in divorce it's different levels of it first there's anger for this that it turns into something else that it turns into something else and that's you know right now I'm angry I was angry because I thought listen man in my mind I was thinking about this at 4th they're in the morning I just woke up last night was thinking about stupidity I was thinking about how at 4th, there in the morning. I just woke up last night. I was thinking about stupidity. I was thinking about how to see a criminal from me that was the same C in County.

I've used the C in the word criminal and applied it to the C in my comedy career. I'm like, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, it's like the hustle that I had as a thief. Okay. I go, apply it to the comedy thing like, oh, my hustle. And it's, what was I talking about? I was saying something. But why you were a man? Like your daughter and your wife? I'm not a horse. And it was I know for a fact like with me right now I'm not mad at her for I'm mad at her right now for cutting my legs off 20 years later that's what my anger is. You know I'm going to say the truth that's what it is.

She cut my legs off the mom the mom. You know, when when when when somebody came up to John Gadi and said, Hey man, we have a rat and they told me to send me the bullet of honor. He always fucking knew this is the way his end was going to come. He knew it. He said, the bullet, no, Gadi, what killed him was it was send me the bullet of honor. Out of all the different situations When somebody close to you cut your legs off, you know somebody was to remind you Goddy He died jail somebody reminded me the other day about dang cook that his brother robbed them Some million dollars whether it's a step brother or brother

Besides the money after a while you're not mad at the seven million You mad at the person who took it from you know how did this happen? Yeah, why did this happen? So for years you're mad at why this happened then you then you get mad at how did this happen? You know will lead gave me a numbers to the fucking thing so now should I be mad a fucking lead do for giving the fucking you know I'm just saying we know but you think like if you sat her down your wife or like someone else didn't, and like, why are you mad? Do you think she even know? Like it seems like at the point where you're just, you know you're supposed to be angry.

She's probably very upset also. I don't know. This is, we come from two different fucking different planets. I don't know how, her age or what. So much rage in there for like, what? You don't even know each other anymore. It's been a lifetime since you talked to her. I'm still, I still don't know how I react

if she came into a room and you sat us down. I still, I think I saw Travis Noah's in the hands of T-shirt companies, friends with Eddie, he dates a friend of mine. Who? Travis. He went, sat at a date to this thing, which was the world, whatever,

you just who told him it, which is a league. And then Sunday he was going to this thing which was the world Whatever you get to tournament which is a league and in Sunday He was going to go for to do another tournament the morning and he got armed barred at really at the tournament hours at It is like competing. Yeah, but he took a gold yesterday two categories. Wow. So that's the life we bomb We do good and it's all forgot again. Yeah, you just keep rolling So it was very interesting to see that I learned that I you know Obviously at this age I can't do it. What about every fucking week of prepare for a tournament I die, you know, I got it just to once twice a week I walk around so off a three fucking days So but it's very interesting in it. Listen guys. I said I was every time I went by and I said I want to make a

U-turn why Because it was bumping and bumping. What's it take to get the fucking over on a good day? 45. 45, yeah. It took me two hours. No. On a weekend? On a weekend. On a Saturday. Well, the five guys. You got more Disney. You got something. Disney. Whatever farms you got San Diego. You know, you got people going places. Viva Libre. What's up with you Negro, talk to me. So you got the special for me at last week. What do you have a Libre, I mean? Viva Libre, live fucking freely. So you special and last week.

Especially I don't worry, yeah, thanks. I got a tape that watch the first 10 minutes the baby's throwing a crime. So, wow, that's what I do the babies. I make them cry. That's like, how many is good for it? So, now Thursday night, you have storytiles coming on. Yeah, that's not happening.

K&P, no, yeah, key. It's doing it. How many is it? It looks pretty funny. Yeah, it's a good story, but it's not going to crack it. It's going to crack it. So, you know, whatever I read about this, this is not happening. Yeah.

The big push they say is, how you started this from ground zero. Ground zero. Ground zero. And then they got the television. Something that really doesn't happen in this town that much. Well, it was a show at the improv. It was a show in the side room of the improv. At the side room with no one in the whole hall.

No, no, no, I'll go. We're not even going to bring it in. Before I even met you, Joey, the first show I ever saw in LA was your show with job stories in Can was a your show with a job stories and Canadian went up. Yeah those the first show I'd ever seen in five bucks yeah yeah five bucks experimental try some shit I'm trying to break the bank try some shit the comics you know they'll feel like you have to yeah we did it in that side room 12 people were there you were on that show you were on

the first one made Made by Aaron. You made Aaron Steve Aggie. Uh-huh. Who else? Dylan Brody. Wow. He's like a storyteller and then a Dan Medonia. Eddie Brills, illegitimate son.

Was on the first one. Wow. Right now, liquid, it's become. Yeah. No, it's going to grow. What's the head's TV? It's going to be like a rap battle. Medonia didn't want about all it was all psychedelic stories

But don't you do about chasing his friend Benji outside on fountain that fucking 1 p.m. naked running trying to find Benji getting arrested on mushrooms Naked and arrested while you're on mushrooms Then that Brody guy talked about peyote and have these Indians gave him fucking peyote when he was 14 at Indian sleepboy camp They're like time it's time. Let's go and then You talked about the concert was a Z- Like a pink Floyd concert. Is that the one that got filmed and the trip to it? Yeah, yeah, cool That was the first that was the first one I got filmed in two parts I didn't know how to make a YouTube video. It's one of the shittiest fucking YouTube videos of all time

But people liked it though, and they saw it the pop off-off, that's what you were talking about, pop-off. Pop-off vodka. Pop-off vodka. And then AG talked about getting laced at a grateful dead. And I'm Aaron talked about taking some, some shrooms or some acid at grateful to. Amazing, that's how a fucking star would at least say it. Did you guys have any like idea when you were starting the show?

Maybe getting on TV or you trying to do a show? I just wanted to do one good show. We didn't want to get it going again, but everyone had such a good time. It was still fun and cool. 12 people were in the audience. Who's it? Belodona was there? Their husband?

She was one of the two of the 12. This porn star family. Yeah, it was one of the two of the twelve, this porn star family, yeah I was funnest shit and an Eric, Abraham, he's like, dude let's do that again, so we did it again, there's something else from other topic, we had this five years ago, I still have the poster the Kevin Christie made, the sweet fucking giant, like sides of that thing, hand painted, it's like Adelia and these crazy fonts. Save it, fuck that. Of course I'll save it. It says Joey D. S. D. Vagie. Put that in Brody R. E. Bair. Yeah, exactly. It's only two. I got one and what's the thing? Got one.

Error's got one. Yeah, that was cool. That was fun, man. We were there from the weekend. That's cool. Yeah. And then later later they were like let's do a web series We try to pick a picture to a show a few times like a couple years in but They were like maybe with some other host I was like, yeah last week on the Rogan podcast we spoke about when we first started going out with them together Yeah, how people hated us. Oh, I hated us. Why you bring these losers hated, but the main spokesman for those music contendants. There we go. San Francisco. Just there. I fucking hate that guy. And everybody hated him. I had heard about that. He was a dick for years. And all he did was

talk shit about us. Oh, he did. He's talk shit to all of us. Oh, Rogan's gonna bring his losers again. He talked shit to two people that came turn right around and went back to me. So I always knew, so every time, all these people talk shit to your friends and expect you to not tell you. Is this the booker out there? The booker up here. It's not a booker up here.

He's a boy, he's fired. Okay. How come we're gonna say, and he, we went out every time, and it was funny because the last time I saw him, he pulled me aside and he goes, hey, I might get you this gate. And I'm a methane can look at this fucking guy coming around. Yeah, he goes this is show

And I really want to get you on it, but your ripple doesn't want you on it But I've been pulling for you like a motherfucker, you know, that could easily triple wants you Yeah, it's so And it's such a feeling that guy must feel bad now like there's so many people that got to feel fucking bad There's still a lot of people fucking hate me. I hate them just as bad. Like the other night I told them. I know it's you.

All right, I guess, but you know what? They don't even think they think about it. I just think they go, oh cool, that guy's doing great. And they don't even remember how much they fucking said you were going nowhere. No, they remember. There's certain people that I fuck with them now. If I see, listen, the greatest thing Madonna

ever did was about eight years ago. Madonna. Madonna had a raffle and a thing of all her rejection letters. Oh, really? And they said people were running for fucking cover. That bitch saved every rejection letter. All these people, all these fucking, you never be anything. Your voice is horrible. What do you think you are? Rejection Rejection and not even until she recorded a first album even after that she was a superstar for 25 years She's still saved them you guys were both too young to remember

1985 30 years ago. No, right now Madonna had this country like it was her Michael like she was telling my I remember Everything that the gloves I was 11. Yeah, yeah, everywhere that the stocking gloves. Whatever they're called and although everybody is just like a virgin Everybody every check had gloves glasses the blind and then she switched it up with Vogue and all that shit You know, wow she was massive her book when I was in Israel her book came out of like Yeah, I'm a two yeah, she put this what this bitch did She put the book out with the pictures her naked she made Rodman look good. Yeah, she took the she made the Pepsi video She got five from putting the black Jesus. Oh Yeah, oh, yeah, and then her thing was the one of the first things to get banned and go massive massive

She sold so many actual copies all GHS copies of that video she do she was gonna fuck with them They wouldn't plan to be so fine. I'll sell my own and be a millionaire office She's fuck she did all and then you'll play it you'll play it eventually just to find my love Just was like yeah, she was fine like a geez Yeah, just to find my love Was like yeah, she was fine by like a jeez. Yeah, put them getting a bunch just to find my love She's they all agreed they were all down at the same fucking people to down there What happens with down into Arizona and how to go up on fire?

But it's the weirdest thing because they try to put them a look at They put them a like I'll be you know, I'm a like so fucking done. What do they do? They just stand me down. Oh really? Oh, so then you get work because you know they don't like you Yeah, so they like Yeah, it's a performance environment yeah you know you just know the other night it's like when I went to that place for the other night I felt the heat from people look like oh that copy is right I love just too many people didn't like me that we just too many that was in the storm they were like what's this rust about fuck is this shit there were a lot of

people it did like you no when they showed that preview video you're the only one that got claps you and miss Pat Let me taste like audible claps. I wanted to tell the darkest story You should have fucked those people. You should have that's the show. Oh, no, whatever you want those people were not gonna Hand me hit somebody with a bat his eyes wrong That was great. They did it. Oh, we killed them. That was great They did it. You got to an eventually. I loved it And it's funny because I have not seen a picture of D.D. the kid about But yeah, he didn't really have it. Did he come Sarah? He's got HIV. Oh, no, that's way worse than hepatitis

Yeah, I don't even know what hepatitis does. I know HIV does well the body who died and hepatitis C from shoot steroids you die from hepatitis C you could die. Isn't that pre HIV? Yes Well, I don't know I'm sorry. No, it's not so sorry. There's two epithets There's two hepatitis is I think they could be a car. I don't know how I'm I had a friend who had the really bad one The one that you can't drink out. Oh, you can't do it ever again Yeah, but he did whatever the fuck he wanted to he was like borderline fucking we have to go do the thing with your blood every week He hooked me up from head to toe with equipment goggles gloves really t-shirts jackets. He was brilliant, man This was my brother and I was going and it's he goes just go out that way and walk he goes you know how to do this

You've seen the films at my house, you know And I fucking walk that took me an hour To walk from sport-caling to the first lift it was embarrassing boy. What do you mean how far was it? On the street I never ski like that before. I got on the thing and took me to the top of the mountain. I just tried my best done. You know what? I got it at first.

I was going down that mountain, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop. As people pulled me over and taught me how to snow plow, how to stop and shit. But I started with like 185ss they put me on 185s at first now that doesn't even exist and I went all the way up to 2105 something really fucking weird I could ski our eschuffian those days and I got hooked right away and there were these guys in the building that said listen we work

wait what are 210s and 205s what does that mean I don't even know that is that's a ski length the length of the skis. Oh Right, so There's dudes from Mancayton, Minnesota That lived in the building and there's a listen We'll teach you how to ski We're all fucking pro skis. Let's go. And then we take me in the mornings, like at seven in the fucking morning. And just take me and teach me the thing and little moves. And I would ski with them. And I forget all the different colors and shit, but

they had me from the beginning with thing to the intermediate thing and like, we can have, like they fucker. Yeah. And they would trick me. They would take me into into those things I'm ogles that I couldn't do in the beginning. That's Moke'll suck they suck. That's what fucks up your knees. Yeah, that's what fucks up me. You see people in the procedure And they go yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing? That's not my game right there. Yeah, I could go in that medium hour to get down those moguls I picked four or five of those medium ones that I likely, and I would hit a beginner one from time to time just to try shit and Lee, I would get up there

as soon as that mountain opened, and I would ski till 11 missed commute. At the time, I worked at Commando Video, and I would fucking take my skis and fucking stash them in my house and drive down the Commando Video and work. And that's what I did four days a week, man I Loved everything about fucking skiing. I didn't like all the drama that people I was a fucking dude

I went up there with jeans skis long underwear You know a belt Long underwear top a t-shirt over that a jacket with a hoover goggles and a throat thing so my throat wouldn't get cold That's how I ski I saw people who drop on his a thousand miles in clothing For all that drama get the fuck once you ski two times you ain't cold You ain't fucking cold. What's your legs are cold? Fuck no if you ski two times, even with jeans, even with jeans

it's long underwear on. Sit long underwear. If you take two fucking route runs, after those two runs, your body is so fucking warmed up, steams coming out of it. You'll be begging to take your fucking clothes off. Trust me what I'm telling you. Because once that sun comes out in Colorado,

you're up, you know, whatever this 1300 more feet 13,000 more feet once that Sun comes out it hits you bro. Yeah, when I was skiing and lifting weights I was in some of the best shape. I was ever in what if you fell I would get up Get I would get up. I would get up knock on wood I never fell and broke my leg like fucking you know Arabia's here But he went up that cold he hadn't skied in a while and he got cocky. That's not true I had skied the two weekends before no, it's not gonna work The answer for you said I am 40 tears. Oh, no, we just did it. I did three days two weeks earlier

No, we just did it but I did three days to be earlier 42 you know 28 but I wasn't doing the Macraiden we forget it was a little fall. I know yeah And if you were smart we'd be in the bed right now in the hospital collecting a couple fucking six freggies The mountain shit the whole thing. No. After mountainhood have been mine at this point. I mean, I would have been the Colorado hospital right now. Even pod companies. I think I would buy them with the skills and shit.

When they take the castles. As you ran into the first time, we were up in Colorado doing it. And I was going right into the woods. All right, all right, all right. First run. It's the first run. Just wait I was going right into the woods. All right. All right. All right. First run It's the first run. Just wait a minute, right? You should wait a minute. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You went for it. That's why I listen, man. You get so long. I didn't know it was after lunch.

Well, I'm the one you're gonna do it. You only get two days. I'm gonna get two days after lunch the first day. That's the right time to do it. Okay. I stand by my decisions. You take a little beginner run first. I did that to get to warm up yeah that's right you take a little medium run yeah I need to do another medium run and then you call it a day what because you're 42 and you have shit to do you go back you take a nice hot shower you take some leave listen yeah yeah you take a little leave you have a nice fucking steak stomach you style after three four runs you're out of oxygen what your legs get all fucking acidic you know you can't move them they

feel heavy it's your first day there you don't want to burn it all the pilot Sony were like two to three to four runs, you're silent like a motherfucker. You get oxygen to gravity it makes you, makes all the muscles burn to the same ratio and then you're gonna be able to last a lot longer. Really? Yeah, that's up here there for six weeks and you acclimated. Yeah, that when you just throw into town like don't get to the beach. And you go up there and look what you're fucking, you know, like fucking hop, fucking hop along, guess what, you know, you're fucking walking around with

still. You're the first Jew, it's still to A's doing. You don't even know what to suit. You don't even know what to start with a state of that hell. I would have stayed on the hill if I'm Jewish with my leg up, the yellow and the screaming obscenities. So long, cause I ditch. How long did they take them to get you down the hill after that? It took me like two hours. How embarrassing is that? I didn't ask them to take me down.

I just skied down. Broken ankle. Okay, and then what? Why didn't you ask for them to take me down? No, I was broken. And then you got back to the bottom. Did you drive yourself to the hospital? No, took off my skis, walked to the bottom. You drive yourself to the last one. No, took off my skis. Walked to the fucking

Plot rental place, walked down the stairs. People were behind me, not one person helped. Not one person helped, some struggling down the steps. Some fucking foreigner came up and said, Excuse me, do you look like you're in trouble? Do you need some help? Yeah, that'd be great. And I got my boot off and then I walked around for a couple days. Swallowing went up, then I was swallowing one down.

And then bruising started, and I was in Vancouver. It's four days later, five days later. And you flew? No, and then I went... Then I saw the hospital next to the Vancouver Comedy Mix. So I went there. Sat next to fucking drug addicts. Well, you've gone to the hospital if it wasn't right next to the comedy club. Probably not almost definitely not almost definitely not.

But it was getting out of control and I did that might have actually in why I went because I was like it's not He can get more convenience in this. I'm on the road with nothing to do. I'm as well as it's going now. That's terrible, Ari. That's fucking terrible. You could've... Yeah, broken.

Broken. You guys walking around, five days. God wouldn't know. What? God wouldn't know, you know. When, uh... Boarding in that bag, you flew from fucking Colorado to Vancouver.

Yeah. So that means you could've got a blood clot in the air. the air You're a lucky dude, man. It happened after Vancouver That's when Whistler so you broke it. Where were you broke it where and Whistler? Oh, so you went all the way to Canada I did a fucking genius here You went all the way to Whistler to break I thought you broke in Colorado. No, I did Colorado with no problems That was easy and easy out great time good run Fucking awesome. Yeah, how many days? Three days how many runs a day all of them all of them?

No, you get more than that. I'd like to back balls and shit. Come on. Yeah, you can just you ski Yeah, but you're like 10 10 or 12 because you just get back there for a long time Especially if you get back there first you got a couple runs before anybody even gets on the line It's a weekday Yeah, you get a bunch Smoke right on the lift Try to get that only you you know Now you gotta get with people no only you then you can light up. How are you gonna get people listen to me?

What most interesting times I've ever had, have been in those things. You know, I, one of them, I have a couple vivid fucking memories of that ski and stuff. Like a lot of the shit, or I'm one time taking out a line of people, my first, the second day of skiing, I thought I had that plow down to stop. And there was maybe 20 people. I took like 14 of them down. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no know me like I never have a hangover no, I know I woke up with a hangover not even drugs at that time. I wasn't doing a coke I was on a strict reefer alcohol only but it's only weird just happening

What let me win? I don't hear that either Wow, no back to the show. Are you hearing things? Yeah, what you hear Like pop maybe a speedy top on low Any what's the dog yeah? I Yeah, I'm fucking on over to the girls And I get on what I was gonna, you know, to look at that here to look at two and two What so there's two guys looking at you and two fucking looking at them, you know, I'm saying and Whatever a fucking gondola. It's in three dudes. So I get in there put my skis I said at first. They're very how are you and I could see this dressing up

they're kind of like What's someone doctor takes out? He I didn't know he was a doctor yet one of the guys takes out a fucking joint Those do you mind and I go no not really like to why I want to mind? He's like come on. No, let's do this. He goes we got like 13 minutes to get We started smoking on the gun no no whatever, let's do this. And he goes, we got like 13 minutes to get to the top. We started smoking on the ground, and whatever the fuck it was, God, all that. Yeah, hotbox. Whatever, and we've smoked them, smoked them.

And that's when I asked them what they did. They were darkness. They were visiting. They only smoked, and they went out of town. They were lit. What? They were lit. Even then, I was getting some shifters.

And when he creeped time time and what I do wrong. My main man, Kato was picking up a bag a couple of days a week. And that's one of my most favorite memories getting off the guard a little with them. And how fucking stonet were. And like seeing them make two hours later in that little hut in the middle of the cheeseburgers, and fries, and drinking drinking and fucking like buying me fucking lunch. Like, why am I watching this?

You take a couple of ones sober? What's that? What do you take a couple of ones sober first? Cause I don't like driving. I would watch. Once I went skiing maybe four times. If you want to be a liar, I'll lie to lied here once I went skiing four times. I figured out Hey, I didn't want to walk me. I wanted to hear nature. Yeah, I don't like the walk me the idea of the walk me

No, no garbage garbage garbage. Yeah, I want to hear people around me garbage. Great. Totally garbage I agree. I didn't like music when I skied Yeah, I agreed that I wanted my hat in my head covered But I also agreed on one thing that I was getting stoned To the fucking you before you even got on the first lift please. Oh, I would love to say a word before that Way before I go on the phone. Okay, so one or two lit skis lift Let's get down to basics. Yeah, and then when you find a place Let's go. Let's get down the basic. And then when you find a place, they go. Let's get down to the bottom basics.

I can't third. When I lived that Cree side, D12, that whole building was skis. On the drive up, because they had a scam. What they did was they, in the winters, they drove the bus back and forth for people who went white water rafting and

In the winters they all had jobs at different mountains So they could all ski at different mountains. There was a scam these guys were one. They were beautiful They were beautiful. They were you at 18 it was listen. I Wish I was lying to you guys. It was 37 guys from the same neighborhood I wish I was lying to you guys. It was 37 guys from the same neighborhood. All around the same age as some guys I went to college, it didn't work out, they were a little confused, they didn't know what to do with their lives.

They all picked up and they got two apartments in the same building. And they slept everywhere. And that's all they did was work in the kitchen industry or whatever was that at night and skiing the day time. And I admire that today. I remember those guys. That's pretty cool. I don't remember that name. So I remember one guy, Todd Bachman.

Keele's was the girl. I don't remember the two boyfriends. There was, but I think about them so much because they would force me to go up there and the other ones that taught me that those first 10 day in and out where the ski where not the ski where you get high in those days where you couldn't get high And Lisa I sorry, well late, but that's what happens. You know what I'm saying? It's Sunday night. You got no work tomorrow unless you're a part-time fucking slave It's Columbus day we We got the day off You know everybody even black people everybody got the fucking day off tomorrow. Does that mean I have the day off?

You have the day off tomorrow. What do you mean the day they bury the devil's seat? That's the devil Very devil's seat. Is that a time in London or is that somebody else or you just talking? So yeah, if you guys want to be on our level like take acid and like pause this for half an hour What's going? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?

What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? What's that? They don't know that you're over here getting stronger by the fucking day out of it. They're just learning the rubber god. You've taken it up to three fucking levels since then, you know what I'm saying? What's up, Irish? You're here. How are you, man? How's it up, buddy? I just finished all that stuff. I've done what's worked for a while. Going to Australia. What's in Australia? How many weeks?

Three weeks. And comedy? Yeah. How many weeks? Three weeks. And comedy? Yeah. How many shows? Seven? Okay, that's not bad. Yeah. And the rest is when I'm just going to let Kangaroos run around.

I don't know. Go hang out. Do some shit. Absolutely. I don't know. Yeah. I go look at some Kangaroos. Challenge one. Learned my 10 planet white card. Well, how long is the flight? Frankie Barker's down there waiting for you. Where's Frankie Barkas?

Melbourne. Melbourne. Are you Melbourne? Yeah, that's the first person I go to. The 10 planet Melbourne? Got to stop by Frankie Barkas house. They'll feed you the Italian food. All right.

No legs locks. We'll get a hold of Frank. And one online. Now you have to season four and shit. Yeah, two online, two with the team. Yeah. Yeah, this was great. It went so good. It went so good. You were great. Felipe was great. Henry Rollins.

My Rollins great. Who else did you say Wednesday night? Brewer. Brewer. Ron White. Yeah, that's good. Good little fucking line of the great. Yeah, some on there. Some on there. Some on there. Broken cherry. Yeah, magical. That bad motherfucker. Steve some old. Good little fucking line up Yes, I'm right on there Some on there Some on there Broke his cherry Yeah, magical That bad motherfucker Steve some old Six months in Six months in Fucked up to the gills with shorts on

Haha Yeah, that's right I love it What is he wearing? I don't care Is everybody wants Are he laying his belt free? Jack and he got

From like, it was like, the NFC playoffs From like, 90s and then Yeah, they weren't going to the night before I was just like it's just as Jack that he wears around It's like whatever fine. Come on relax It's fun. It's a fun to talk then tell a story sometimes. It's kind of liberating Especially when you've held it in for years. Yeah, you know, I don't wanna give the plots to a lot of the stories, like already story, all those stories, the fucking great stories that you all know. You don't know who the fuck you're gonna tell.

Who you gonna tell? Who you gonna fucking tell craziness like that? I was on a phone with Rogan the other day talking about Coke and shit. I was talking about when I used to put fucking pool clean on my dick. What? When I was in a halfway house.

That's like Coke. Because I'd snore coke for a day and Saturday and I wasn't going to beat the test. So I'm on the circumcised. So I take pool cleaner and I put on the insides of my dick and I'd fucking put the skin over it. And then when I go pee, I pull the skin back and the pool cleaner would go into the fucking piss test

and I'd still come back positive. Like, who do you tell this to? That's going to say Joey, what the fuck? You can't tell that to a therapist. Don't die, don't die, don't die, I'm one one on you, though. I remember doing something to my dick one time, putting something on my dick.

I don't know if it's pool cleaner, or like that shit you unclog a drain with. Drain it? No, drain it. And I'll never forget I was working construction that, and it was hot out. And I went into one of those plastic bathrooms, you know those things that you piss out I poured a potty and I took my dick out and it was just blistered

Like it was one big blister like a cabal It was pissing on the like three holes Where the fuck did you put Drain on it? I put Drain on it. That's what I would do to pass a fucking urine test What's it look now? Huh is it back to normal? I don't know let you sniff it later You tell me What's up, any Bravo look at you? He's fucking He just throws the giggle and goes right back what's happening? Are we hanging out all right happy you're here so people know that

What you guys yeah, that we did I'll sit what the fuck well here wait We got to eat my friends asked me to tell us me's like wait, what if I do that? I'm like I don't know cuz Joey said you have to do it. I didn't say we had a Do it come on. Oh here we go. At least admit that you make people do it I don't make nobody do it. Then nobody's got a gun to their fucking head. I said Ari. It's right Wait, I didn't do something. I didn't do nothing. I go. Let's do it. I don't make nobody do it. They know it's got a gun to their fucking head. I said, Ari, wait, it was Sunday night. He does nothing. I go, let's do it in a fucking ass.

I was like, you're okay. And let's just set it up. What the fuck do we do? It's fun, though. You guys feel in an arrowhead? A little bit. It took a little while last time, you know. A lot of, I would, I would, I would,

I took it a really tall, a fine room. I don't know, we're gonna find out. We're in the fuck out of here. They might come up point, why can't take them? I just run the fuck out of here. There was a point in my living room Monday night, Tuesday night. Yeah, that's fuck out of here. They might come up point where I can't take them. I just run the fuck out of here. There was a point in my living room Monday night, Tuesday night. Yeah, that was a nice, nice, nice, nice, nice.

I was pretty fucked up, so. Oh, I was pretty fucked up. You wanted to call it? No, I've never been able to, never been able to, already called a tap out, never, never, ever, ever. I used to, when I was about 17, I go back to the house where I lived, the bend is, and I go to the back and I take my shirt off, and I'd be on fire from the acid.

There's a point like the third or the fourth hour where you're seeing shit, whether you've got the lights on or not, you go to pee and your pisses pale. Everything is tripping what you'll be like, I'm coming down off this shit, nothing's happening. Well, that's what happens. And then you walk into the living room, it's dark, and you start like, I'm coming down off this shit, nothing's happening. What? That's what happens, and then you walk into the living room and it's dark and you start seeing fucking shadows and you're tripping your ass off. And I would put on like black Sabbath volume four with your phones in the dark and just

sit there at least I had for fucking the both sides like a soldier on a track. I'm taking it back to the A track. You just had mad visuals like you were. Oh my God. Fucking crazy. You just didn't see any shit. Yeah. Some nights we'd sit outside and just look into the New York City sky and we'd just sit

outside, man. Look at that fucking... Look, I remember the best night I ever had as a youngster, one of the first times I tripped. We went to the soccer field. That's where we used to hang out, it's called Shitton Park, it's a German banquet area, but they had the soccer field. That's where we used to hang out. It's called Chitzen Park, to German banquet area, but they had with soccer field. And they used to have sheep met them. We used to go up to the party.

I swear to God, we brought Louis de Nigger with us. Louis Hernandez is not black nor anything. He was Dominican, but he had an afro. And we all split a little piece of ass and we started tripping on the daddy. So all of a sudden, what we realized was if he let us blow smoke into his afro The smoke would go into his afro for like two minutes, then it would come out slowly And we'd be tripping would be all look at that look at that look. I swear to God. That's how fucked up we were back

I love Lou here then he's a psycho. It's a psychiatrist today. He really is Northberg. Thank you. We called him up to talk to him about it. No, I saw him about 15 years ago at a deli and we spoke for a little while. He's a really good kid. Wow. So wait, I have a question. We've only done mushrooms like a little bit. Is this the same as mushrooms? Like do you start like the stuff to move in? No, it's different. See, I grew up on the asset in Jersey. Well, not the Colorado was when I started eating shrooms. I didn't really like it because they gave me diarrhea. All right.

So I didn't like it. So I never really did anything ever again. And then I ate it one time, then I ate it with you. Yeah. I went to see Pink Floyd and they were fugues. We went back to my house and watched the Colorado. Yeah, I got a little heavy in the middle there. Did it get heavy for you in the middle? at the pantry at the pantry, okay, but

You're looking a little fucked up right now, you know, you know, you're looking like center place You're looking like something looks now. Look at you sit down. So Lee you've never done it before I've done it twice now Okay, all the past a week and a half Okay, all the past a week and a half It's fun. It's just we did it two weeks ago when I went to New York. I went to the stand Right. Yeah, what's the stand and some comic came up and was like man. I love you that that you want some acid I go you got some he opened up his wall. He had a hundred hits. He had a sheet of Ben Franklin What so I said when he got to him he goes yeah, take, give the other one to Lee. That's exactly what good. Huh. And then we ate that. And then I went to Toledo and some other nice gentleman came up and take these.

One of those and he goes, I'm on five of them. Oh my God. He was on fucking five of them. So I ate one of them. And I was like, Oh my God. If you fucking five of them, that guy's got it. He's got my tolerance for this shit Cuz I could eat five of these back at 82 not now. Yeah It was weird like because the first time it didn't really have that much on the fact It was like kind of goofy, but this last time was same stuff What was the difference? I had a lot more energy. It was weird. Did you want to close your eyes? Or do you want to know like I should I fucking pulled? It was weird. Did you want to close your eyes or do you want to know like I should I fucking pulled You know, you know like the why they run a coaxial cable when they put in cable. Oh, I

Pulled it out of the wall, okay, but I'm capable anymore. It was dangling. It was bothering me I got really amped up for some reason. He started clinging as a part. I clean my entire apartment the next day Played fucking maple. He made lots my name made maple Hazel whatever fucking name But I think I was talking to you at I brought with your death me over something now. I'm enjoying the conversation I can't believe I'm sitting here with three dudes who We ever thought it yeah, it's gonna start I know it's gonna start looking forward to it all three What's that gonna be like? I might have to take over the show. I'm here for the remainder.

I'm here for two, three a.m. I'm gonna start taking calls, everything. You take calls really? We'll take them, what the fuck? We're tripping, they might wanna talk to the audience. But you told me I was gonna be able to like, eight in the morning, so like, you know. You might be.

I'm probably not gonna make my comedy source, but. When tonight? No, you're in no day, no. I'm gonna have to call them now and say they have it. I'm gonna enjoy you getting me Went tonight? No, you're in no day now. I'm gonna have to go and call him now and say they didn't have it. Uncle Joey, you get me a hit of this fucking debt. No, but it like, if Hummst you know, doesn't it, Asin? What's got rap poison in it? So it's just fucking lips your spirits.

You understand? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's really my point. Yeah, strict nine. What's retail label? I said I got I tell you read the label give me a piece right now. I give you Give me a fight. Oh, there's you go find strict nine on there. Oh My god, it's gonna get ugly and It's gonna get fucking ugly in here. I might have to go outside and get some man. My palm's just wetting the shit. Palm tree, on spaghetti. Oh my fucking goodness. But tremendous. War here together.

When was the first time you guys did acid? Yeah, well, how were you Irish, if you? Um, I don't know. I think... I think with you. Can I get me a foot? No. That's a f***ing thing. You know what? How you gonna do acid with your own foot? I think with you How you gonna do acid we young fetish for taking young Jewish men like do No, I'd be what it was no wasn't for acid was the first time you I've done acid made the I don't know twice but small doses So I just barely out of the visuals like the walls of Breed, the little shit like that. Wasn't intense at all. But I've done mushrooms

before in large quantities and totally had a tremendous experience. What are you going to do? You got to over it? I don't know, you brought a car wheel. Yeah, but I'll just leave that there. I liked it. I always like tripping. I always tripping. I really like it. You didn't scare you the first time? Do you know what was going to happen? No.

I fucking couldn't hear you. So it happened. No, yeah. I fucking knew it. I don't know. I didn't know what was going to happen. No, I didn't know. I didn't know at that time.

But at that time, I didn't really care about that point. Because I was trying to text and all the letters started floating away. Oh, fuck, yeah. I knew that could happen. And so I was OK. Sure. That's what you supposed to fucking happen You're supposed to see shit move But that's the whole thing I've taken you from one place to another Oh my god the only thing that takes you like this your mind is like this is like solitary confinement

Like if I can find you for nine days for just food no fucking talking Guess where your mind goes your mind goes on weird places man Your mind goes somewhere. It's never been before. It's like fucking acid. Guess where your mind goes? Your mind goes on weird places, man. Your mind goes somewhere it's never been before. It's like fucking acid. That's why I love this shit. Take shit deep into the murk you want is it in the world? You ever listen to music on an acid? You can just hear the symbols playing.

Tremendous. This is what they invented this year for. Like I was telling you fucking guys the other day, look, if right now any problem was to pick up a t-shirt, a rash guard right now, and I took to have to picture you and we put a million retweets on Instagram with Joe Rogan. You'd sell 10% of that, right? It's a recommendation of a rash guard, correct? When I was growing up, the recommendation of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the ass of the And he paged at it and I heard like other people did it wasn't all that bad right they make great fucking music They rock stars if they use this to write what can we do with it? I swear to God that was my

That was the reason why I did acid the first time I didn't do it because other kids were doing it. I thought about it I knew the Riefer and the music was too strong for me When I first got high and heard music, it took it to a different level. I always enjoyed music. But the music on the reaper is something completely fucking different. So you went from reaper to acid? So no, we did a couple of little THC crystals,

which is like fucking gorilla biscuits, it's whatever the fuck you call that shit. Angel dust. We would do angel dust like a line to $10 for a package three of us would get high. That doesn't make your trip but it makes you gum beish. You can't really feel your body. You just feel like you're fucking floating. We would take it and go into New York City as kids are and walk around. That's a lot of

stimulation for your mind. And then the next level was micro dot acid. I think the first time I did acid was a rolling stone concept. Really? Just like that. It was in my eyeballs. That shit. When it was real fucking acid.

Wait, they drifted in your eyeballs? Two hits. One of each eye. One of each eye. One of each eye. One of each eye. A little bit of a sugar cube. What?

Bam! What? Jesus. It's all over. Are you sure? Like, vizine. You mean? Like, vizine. Night night. What if you get, sometimes in put vizene, you want to put like, two drops, but you put like, five?

You go for broke. I guess one eye's gonna seem more than the other. You know what I'm saying? Ha ha ha ha ha ha piece. What's the last time you saw a taxi driver? It's been a while. I had to show the guy for the haircut. What's that? I had to do a haircut. He wouldn't do it.

Show off the last scene of taxi driver. See if it's in this. This is the most radical fucking one. He goes bananas. Whatever is in show on the big screen. Sure, I'll say. This is a big thing. We don't fuck around here on the track.

I thought you fucked around. No, no, no. Oh, because I've been hearing around. You've been fucking around. No, you's another big thing. We don't fuck around here on the trip. I thought you fucked around. No, no, no. Oh, because I've been hearing around, you've been fucking around. No, you want to eat this other piece. No, no, no. Just do the three ways and they probably, you know. What do you all mean? No, no, I'm good.

Oh, the last scene of a taxi driver when he goes bananas, final scene, whatever it says in there. The guys does it. You know, I kill you, I kill you, I kill you. Fucking tremendous people. I'm happy you're home. I mean, I kill you, I kill you. Fucking tremendous people. I'm happy you're home, I'm not doing dick. It's Columbus Day, grab some beers, get a couple of bonhits, Irish affair.

Take a chance. And my main man Eddie Bravos here in the house, Lisa Yatt, we took some fucking guerrilla biscuits. I don't give a fuck call to cops, we ain't got nothing here. Just win them on, this one, this one. I got a, a career. Just want something, don't know.

By this time he had already done godfather to oh really he had already done fucking no way you tell it all for how does it over what how does it is the end that's no then he picks up in the cab and wakes up as a hero he thought it was a hero yeah we got to watch it again it's so slow at it you fucking you're falsely good movie though but it's a good movie though. Well, it's a great movie if you know that it won an Academy award. I'm sure it.

It's hard to watch anything after Narcos. After watching that. How do you talk that? It's a true story. It's pretty damn accurate. Narcos? There's massive killing. It's true.

It's a game of thrones, but it's actually true. Don't he fucking. Why did you kill that guy the one you showed me He took a country hostage He told me that you do it my country. Yeah, not fucking the state not 10 people not a gang Country a country and he had more money than they have a dream of having 60 million a daily More than GM. Yeah. What was he losing? He was losing money and miles money. She might for just eat a certain amount of

million. He married a million. 60 million dollars a day. 60 million. That's more than corporations back then. Blombo. Blata. That's speed. That's not man. If you know either bullets or fucking fucking money take your choice. What do you want? There's only two ways out of this. I know you love your family And then you want to upheld the law. I know you went to law school and your father's a judge, but here it is You haven't seen this Narcos. We just I just turned the line. Oh, you're gonna be it's you can't watch anything else You go back to empire it makes empire look like those arc-killing in the closet video that show It's a show about

Yeah, I could do to like part Jay Z part Dr. Dre show how to I thought that show had something It's good if there's nothing else. There's nothing else is on I'll watch it, but it's it's like It's a soap opera with what it went occasionally someone good shot Palm to or best But after I'm looking for I don't see any no kind of a word nomination. It's nothing Taxi driver I re-lost your mind. I know he got something like that. I'm looking for it. It's fucking those are crazy fucking movies that they will make it. Yeah, they can't blew up like it was a China at all.

What movies? What movies have you seen that you thought were just the greatest movies of all time but then you haven't seen them in 20 years and you go back and you see it. You're like, oh my god is a piece of shit. Do you have any of those? Okay, The movie... Any of those? I think your attention goes somewhere. I just tried to watch the French connection the other night. It didn't stand the test the time. And it was very interesting for a while then I was home. Listen, if two chicks are banging each other with Dildo,

I lose interest at the 25 minutes. You know what I'm saying? But I watched the parts that mattered. Like I taped it and I watched it while I was taping it on like some weird channel. And it was interesting to see because I remember that movie. That movie meant a lot to me because I was just learning English. And it's the same when he's running up the stairs and he goes, pop my doll of freeze. And when he shoots him, it says, film the New York where it happened. And that like I lived in New York City, daughter.

I wasn't, I was a Cuban. Very happy. That was the trailer. Film the New York where it happened. And here I am, I live in New York. Like my head almost fucking exploded. So I fucking went to see that movie in the movie theater. Okay.

And those scenes when he shakes down the fucking bar When Jean Hackman those are movies. I made Jean Not it was nominated for best picture, but I don't think it won no, no, I think Robert De Niro got best You know it's just a time and it's hard for comedies to stand the test of time think about comedy from a comedy movie from the early 80s Because I can find movies garbage. Yeah, it's all garbage But there's a lot of all of them. There's a lot of them except for fast times the Ridge one high which isn't a total comedy That stands attest the top train fast Normal bills is stronger than that. I just watched blast you know that with John candy John candy is a fucking genius some of those

Moves some of them are good dog. I'm gonna go with the garbage You gotta watch it. You gotta watch it again You bit of garbage. You got to watch him again. You got to go back. You got to go back. Go back and check. You know what I tell you how it is. You know what I got stuck on last week. I'm going to watch the Fernandes.

I don't wear a gigal. Ferris Bueller's day off. I don't give a faggot. I was gigalin. For two minutes, I caught myself going. Listen, listen. He's so cocky at my partner. He's so cocky.

The part where the part where Listen, I'll tell you a scene in a movie. I'll put up against anything today. And yesterday Yeah, the part of you the part where P. We Herman goes to the Mexican at the bar. He takes his he a high heels And he puts the fucking heels on That Battle with scenes watch right? You're putting in? You're putting in.

And then I'll let that. What's his movie? What's the movie's name? I got a C.P.E. We Hermann's Big Adventure. P.E. We's Big Adventure. P.E. We's Big Adventure. Watch this, dog. P.E. We's Mexican dance.

La Bomba. What a fuck is you? Oh my god. What's happening, Eddie? How you feeling, my brother? I feel great, man. Tingo Jiu-Jitsu in the fucking room, tell my ladies and gentlemen, Ari Shafir.

This is not happening. Started with a little brain fog. Look at you now, you're a fucking brand. And, yeah. People telling stories all over the world. This is not fucking happening. Heavy Rollins didn't want to, man. He was so good.

Did what? Story of my show. Really? Yeah. He did a story, like what does he do? Told story. That was on a psychedelic episode. Oh, he was on your show.

Yeah. I told the story. How did that go? Great. It was really good. It's on a psychedelic story. Yeah. Yeah.

It's cool. Is that what the show's about? Like you're telling your own trips? Different episodes. Different episodes. Different topics. Oh, shit Okay, that's a good topic. Yeah, everyone's got good especially comedians. Yeah Well, sometimes you know Some time I know that was gonna tell you guys the kid that got shot last week in Miami

The air conditioning in here. I know leap of the It's on high. It's on highest point. It's really cold in here, you guys. One night, we'll do a hit of acid. And we go to this place in the fairview. It was in the fairview cinema. That's what it was called. And there was two movie theaters.

At midnight, they would always play a band, like a song, a movie from a band. Like, Crosby Stills, Nash and Young, or somebody's concert of the song remains the same, or the Stone Sticky fingers, and any other movie theater that would play the Rocky Horror Picture Show. So we all went and did, this is when it was called the Double Barrel Sunshine Asset, and you were supposed to get it and split it four ways We got it split it two ways and we went to see apocalypse now

We left there blown away, but I had just rained at it So me this kid that got shot this other kid Louis Castellito We got like a three-quarter mile walk home And we're walking home and for some reason Louis Castell the looks at me weird and he goes do you hear that? And I play into it. I go I hear that do you hear that and also I'm like oh my god. I hear that I hear that too and The kids look at the bolt of the cycle fucking crazy wall tripping and we start going Jesus Christ Desire and what the fuck and my friend young the sirens Desire and we're both young, the fucking sirens.

All of a sudden my buddy looks at me and he just takes off, and I'll start running. And like, I have a block of way with that one, concrete breaks a pothole. It was filled with rain water. I don't know. And then I forgot he stopped, he got his hands and knees, and he started hitting himself with a rain for it. I don't hear the sirens, I don't hear the sirens. We're just fucking with him. We don't we don't hear no fucking sirens.

We hear sirens. Not yet. He kept saying there were rats in the trees by his house. There are rats in the trees. You see him and sure we do as it's showing. What's that? A big of squirrels? Yeah, but they sleep at my house see the fucking squirrels and you see the rats in the possums in my neighborhood You see a couple raccoons I saw fucking huge raccoon who got hit by a car on low-cane and mess week

I had a pullover But he was fucking dead now. You don't want those things to bite you So you just keep fucking driving the money your business. This motherfucker was a huge bro. Yeah, they get big up in those hell. So the fuckers will fuck you world up. You got a whole family that come in entire backyard all the time. Where do you live? Yeah, in Sherman Oaks. I'm staying at Echo Park and I saw a skunk. Yeah, we get skunks all the time in the backyard. We see them because we have a big black. Are they gonna spray you if you just get us to come by near them? Or are they? I think they do that when they're when they feel threatened when they feel threatened usually when they see you a skunk will turn around and leave on

It's own pace right who's taking a couple steps on his own pace. Have you ever seen a skunk turn and spray you? No, it's fucking terrible. It's a terrible situation when they turn when they turn Yeah, get this way and they spray it, and they fuck it up. Yeah, they get their tail up. Right, it's not good. You know, I just realized, I always thought that they use skunk as a word for weed because it's smelly.

I just realized that it actually does smell like skunk. It's strong like that, too. I've had, you know, when you're driving around the neighborhood and you pass like a spot where a skunk is sprayed, you could smell it through your car. You know what I'm talking about? When you smell skunk, you ever drive through like your windows are rubbed. You run high on high.

It goes right through the goddamn car. What the hell? That could probably save the world right there. It's a powerful shit. They gotta look into skunk piss, study that shit. They do have it. They have it. They have it at sporting goods.

What? You go to a sporting goods and buy skunk piss because you can do it for something to lure something. You can stay away from your camp right now. There's something weird. I bet it's just a little jar. Just a little jar. It's a little thing and it has like a swab

and you just dump it to keep the bears away. I'm not correct. I'm not correct. I'm not a hunter or nothing like that brother. I don't fucking know. So you do know this thing. You're not walking around looking like Mad Max. What? You're walking around looking like fucking taxi driver. Oh yeah. You know this. I know. What's this? I don't know man. This movie. See, I had his, at his younger than I am. Yeah. This movie was fucking strong. This set of message. 77. Really? This was after Berkowitz. What is that? I stand up for yourself. This was after Berkowitz.

This Berkowitz got the set of the set of the. Not the 44 caliber killer. Look, that guy. I think that was a little early. I may be wrong. But this was like weird. Like a guy went in and saved his younger year old girl. People were fucking like people were still mad about the exorcist, like them using the young girl to put a cross in her pussy. Now they got this check who had already been on the toilet.

It's all the sacred things. What's the young chick that's in this movie? Come on guys, she's a lesbian. Sounds so lame. I'm working. Hustle girl. Rachel, something. I know.

Contact. Yeah, yeah. That's being here. The Jody yeah, yeah, yeah, Jody Foster Jody Foster Jody Foster has been on television since she was five she was on the courtship of Eddie's father It's Eddie's girlfriend. That's show. I remember being a little kid so when she crossed over a few years later I was like oh what you was the coach go ahead Jody Foster what you was the courtship of Eddie's father? How old are you in 77?

14 What year was the court ship of Eddie's father? How old are you in 77? 14. I was, so I remember going to see this in the movies and I left there a little fucked up. Like I'm not gonna lie to anybody. Like there's a couple movies I left going, wow. That could happen. But that movie I left there going, that's fucking dark. Cause he played it.

He was one guy in the beginning. 69 to 71. Yeah, she was already in TV, bro. She's been on television for 50 years, Jodie Foster. Yeah. 60 fucking nine, my friends. She's been on TV for 45 fucking years. She played what's his name's girlfriend. So she was already visible, you know. So she was like America's little fucking sweetheart. That's a lot of people don't fucking remember. And also, they tossed her into this mix with the nero shooting motherfuckers after godfather and now he's playing a crazy cab driver in New York that's all they need in

New York is some guy to be a fuck how does she in taxi driver how old is she fostering taxi foster yes she is the girl she's the hooker so she's at least she's she's got to no Yasun if he hasn't got right for you shoot some how was born in 62 So she's 53 right now, so when she shot that she was 14 or 15 let's 16 correct them No, no, no tax driver was 76 a poly 75. Yeah, so she was how old the 14 13 guys So she was America sweetheart. So see I'll say, I remember this shit. He took America's sweetheart and put her as a hunker in a fucking movie.

So that's what I knew. It wasn't going to win. I knew it wasn't going to win an Academy Award, but he was going to win something for it because he was brilliant. He took America's sweetheart. He remember like when that pervert, that fucking idiot told the black chick that ended up marrying the black guitar player. Mama said, what's her name?

That's who? Who? What's the black guitar player, the Jewish fucking black guy? Lenny Kravitz. Lenny Kravitz married the girl from the Cosby show. Who's daughter is a mad fucking Max. That little black girl in the fucking car.

That's Lisa Blanay and Lenny Gravitz is fucking daughter with the car with the cute little, yeah, that's what you get when I'm a fucking good looking to get family. Yeah, there's that much hot. You get people like me and leave you. There's that much hot. It's so hot.

When she was on a, she was number one family. Thursday night, when you were Mexican, white, black, in 19 fucking 80 you turned on the Cosmies. That's it. It's like somebody said to me that day listen, I don't give a fuck who the funniest guy because we're talking about DeLia who were at a cookout and somebody with those things where they have the food trucks on Thursday and the kid goes something about bubba bubba the wife is like I I like the Lea he goes listen in my book I grew up on Martin and I thought about how many people grew up on Martin or what people watch that sitcom

Martin Martin was great okay so it was one of the most underrated yes so he's this guy's like fuck the Lea and fuck this guy and fuck that guy in my world because I grew up on Martin and that weekend that one award and watched like four episodes of Martin on that was it fucking great oh good holds up for the end of time ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo you you