Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The CHURCH: BEST of GREG FITZSIMMONS, Vol. 2 | with JOEY DIAZ & LEE SYATT

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

The CHURCH: BEST of GREG FITZSIMMONS, Vol. 2 | with JOEY DIAZ & LEE SYATT   #228 - Recorded live on 11/05/2014 - https://youtu.be/fMfpq5nSut4 #336 - Recorded live on 11/25/2015 - https://youtube.com/live/PixZbBa_Azo #430 - Recorded live on 11/14/2016 - https://youtu.be/q1IVKjkHI0E #524 - Recorded live on 10/10/2017 - https://youtu.be/2y443WIRqlc #621 - Streamed live on 09/25/2018 - https://youtu.be/0anexYiUHB4 #726 - Uploaded on 10/09/2019 - https://youtu.be/ZByZJNYX7tA   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!   Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz  #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #TheChurch #LeeSyatt #GregFitzsimmons

Music I was telling Lee two weeks ago I went to Miami and as I'm walking the second show Friday night, a girl makes sure she comes to the thing, she's sitting at the table right where I was walking out and this girl turns around and comes right to the thing and grabs me and she looks at me and I look at her and she kind of looks familiar but not really. And I look at her and she goes, hi, meet my husband. And she goes, Joey and I were friends years ago. We went out for a drink one night after a comedy show and she looked at me and winked. And I looked at it and it was like I felt like somebody in the devil's advocate.

Yeah. Say a movie when he, whatever the chick would tell what's the name, which at least the Ron would talk to they turn into a devil and she go, that was me that night. One night, one night, one night, one night, where this chick took me home with a chubby chick. This chick was banging fake tits. She said she dated, and for David Lee Roth, she had pictures of David Lee Roth. I mean, the bitch was hot and went back to her house.

I had dead dick. I couldn't come. I couldn't. My I mean, the bitch was hot. And went back to us. I had dead dick. I couldn't come. I couldn't. My dick was small. It was embarrassing. But then I never forget these two girls in front of me. I'm sitting there watching Conan O'Brien make him believe. Like, I'm not even seeing this.

At this point, that's the other thing. At that point, when I would do code, pussy would be second. I was like those mice in the fucking cage. Yeah. That, you know, they're trying to feed them, they're trying to give them like fucking cheeseburger and and fingers and shit, but they rather snort the coke. That was me and I'm with them two chicks had a big black dildo, like a big black with two heads on it and one would fuck the one side and one would fuck the, and they're doing this in front of me. Mowing and banging this thing, and I'm just sitting there watching Conan O'Brien like, they're not even in the fucking room. Yeah, and then it's just turning into a nightmare.

The chubby chick wanted me to fuck. I had dead dick. I tried to whack off. I ended up eating the fucking good looking one that the chubby chick left. The good looking one had a period. It was just a night from hell. But then the me and the good looking one hooked up the rest of the week. Yeah. And then on Sunday then on Sunday she goes there something I gotta tell you. I'm getting married in two weeks Wow, so today when you go home don't ever call my number again No, it was fucking traumatizing. I was in love with it But I couldn't believe that you know, I'm a cat. I couldn't believe this chick was fucking gonna get married Yeah, and we're fucking sick. You feel like you should maybe do her husband a favor and go tell him that he's about to step and shit? Fuck no, he probably knew cuz he had to know he was some type of weatherman. So he got up early. So he'd had a deal

They wouldn't see each other during the week. Yeah So she was out she had father only some outy Import dealership or something just go ahead and I'm gonna say these and outy. She lived in the top floor of a building She had coke she had a rack which is dump her in young bottles in the Fuckin' rack. She was spoiled rich. You know she was spoiled rotten. So she would just go out every night and do blow. I remember she paid for the blow that night. I didn't even buy. This was a high profile trainer. This is like a this is yeah, but it's weird how I sit back and go. I'm not even a good-looking guy. I had no money that I can. Oh, Joey. I was a feature act. I was probably making $550 a week,

300 of it went to a plane ticket, 200 went to a plane ticket. You know, I didn't give you a plane ticket back then as a feature act. I had no money, I had no Mercedes, I had no clothes. I was just living on the road, a week to a week. And this girl took me home for a week,

went to either all the fine restaurants. She picked up very fucking tag. And she was young at night, well, she was maybe, if I was 35 maybe, she was probably at night was she was maybe if I was 35 maybe she was probably 27 yeah you know it was embarrassing what town was this this is my amy the only town shit like that happens yeah you know what happens other places but it's just amazing that you could be I when I left New Jersey I was a criminal but I wasn't a sex deviant so I didn't know about all these sex

things like I really didn't know. I thought people just fucked and they asked, and I find that people get tied up and they put balls in their mouths and, you know, whip them and throw darts at them. I didn't know that. That girl I dated, when they said to me, I don't know if you know this,

the guy who put me through college. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And she goes, I used to have a sugar daddy for six years. He still sons me once. Six years. She put sends me one. Six years. She put her through school. Damn. And he would put her to school, pay her bills, college,

everything. And once a week, she'd have to come over there and just go fucking off on his dick. He would bring other hookers over. And his whole thing was to see her eat another hooker and him would jerk off on her back. I mean, and she would tell me these stories. And my head would want to fuck.

My soul would want to cry. Yeah. I'd never been involved enough of my time to one one. I never did one three some. I think I'd be too embarrassed to do a fucking three some. Yeah. Why are you leaving with three some? No, but like I can imagine how a good looking girl would

do that. Have a guy offered you to pay, especially now when college is going to cost you 200 grand Not on top of a run. Can we did that? Oh, no, I got a I got a buddy who's he's got a lot of million You know billionaire friends and they've all got chick set up in one of Miami one in New York one in LA And they come to town and they buy them an apartment. They release some car They throw some money every month and they come to town and it's like they drop whatever they're doing That's the deal your mind for that week could be two weeks some money every month and they come to town and it's like they drop whatever they're doing. That's the deal.

You're a mind for that week. Could be two weeks and then I may not see again for six months. But for that time, you're going to be my dirty dog and you're going to walk. You're going to walk in a restaurant. The money I gave you means you got some decent clothes to wear so that I can show up with you and that's their deal. That's the deal. And it goes on. Like you said, six years.

You know, he says these things go on for 10 years. Women that are consistently living a life where they build into it that they're a prostitute for a little bit of time. And the rest of the time, they are, they're going to college where they're, that's right there. Who's he got a neighbor?

I don't know. We never do them at this time, so. It's so, yeah, and the rest of the time they're married or maybe they've got a startup business to try and get going. But if this guy's good for 50 grand a year and taking care of all their expenses, they're like, well, I think everybody's got a relationship

to their body. Like women either feel protective of their body and it's like they're sold in their body or won, or it's like my body is this thing that I don't really care about. If a guy wants to get something from it, he can and I'll gladly take money for it. And like porn stars, like they don't have any attachment to their bodies. They can let the things happen to their bodies and it doesn't affect them. So then you get the Irish girls who you just look at them

and they gotta go confess. I'm an Irish girl type of guy. Yeah. Since day one, I ended up an Irish girl. I'm an Irish daughter. Right. I love Irish girls. That's my whole time fucking favorite.

I got an Irish one. Well mine's half Irish, half Jewish. I love it. Oh, there you go, Lee. You gotta stake in this. I don't know where you're favorite. I got an Irish one. Well, my it's half-fires half-Jewish. I love it Oh, there you go Lee. Huh? You got a stake in this. I'm never gonna. I can't date. I mean, I'm surprised you did it in Irish woman Because I can't date Jews because you're full Irish 100% It's just it's too much it reminds me too much of my mother. Yeah, so I just can't I mean these out while you didn't date a like Like when I started dating a Hispanic girl you told me like right off like they're crazy like I won't even do it.

They're crazy they're crazy but I'm crazy that's why it didn't work for me. Yeah. A Hispanic girl for it to really work like I see a lot of Jews go for a Hispanic chicks and I see when a white guy dates a Hispanic chick it tames them it balances them off. Yeah. When you have two fire people it doesn't work. I went through that one time with a Spanish girl,

and that was a two Spanish girl. One for about a year and one for like eight months, and it was horrible. I was always in an argument. I was always tense up when I walked in the door. I don't wanna be tense up. I don't wanna be tense up at all when I walk in my house. In the back of your mind,

you always think your first blow of job is gonna be this fucking thing with angels, and birds are getting shot out into the sky and hear voices. That never should never happen for me. You know, I was like, I first blow job was just the opposite. It was just girl Linda and she was a great girl, but she'd been around town.

You know, she was confident, big tits. She called him Pride and Joy and she said to me, for my 16th birthday, she was gonna give me the best below job I would ever have in my life. And she came over to my house, parents were out, it's April. It's a nice spring day, I remember the windows open,

little breeze coming in, Linda comes up to my room. And she takes my pants down herself. I try to take them off. She stops me. She takes them off. Then she takes the underwear off. And then she works it on them. I mean, I didn't know that a blowjob included ball licking, that that was an option. I didn't know that it's circled. I didn't know that there was two hands could be cranked on the base of a decent size. could be cranked on the base of a decent size. And she worked it, and there was eye contact. There was intent eye contact throughout.

Checking in, she wanted to know how I was doing every second. I'd be so fucking embarrassed. It was unbelievable. Post-coital. I cuddled with her after the blowjob. And I feel for you, Joey, that that had to be your first blowjob. I gotta ask you something. Where is she today? She has kids and she lives a couple of towns

over from where we grew up. I think she did well. I think she married well. You still keep in touch with them the time the time send their little Facebook. It's always good to hit one of those freaks on Facebook and give them like a little reminder. I have one I'm working now, not because I want to sleep, but just because she was such a savage and such an animal. And now she's got a kid, but I want to remind her that she's such an animal. So I do that. I post this New Jersey.

First of all, the last time I had seen this girl was when Doug flew me through the touchdown Okay, and it was just a horror show. I robbed Louis Denato at this time. She was Louis boss. He was Louis What is a nanny and I saw it corkies on this bitch had a body They called a Laurie Jack because they said you know those days. She's got the Jack Yeah, everybody said she had some AC DC, on those days she's got the Jack. Yeah. Everybody said she had some ACDC rotors on them calls. She's got the Jack, which implied she had like eights, not eights at that time, but like...

Gunnerier, Climidier. Climidier, and all that. No, there wasn't even Climidier in 79. In 79 it was just syphilis and something came out of your dick. That's it. All of a sudden over the years, they've added all these dimensions and names to throw you all yeah It all started with funk the head of your dicks wells up blood comes out you know saying and that's a purple you go crazy

Yeah, you go crazy. Oh my god. You sit and go what did I fuck what type of animal that I fuck what planet is she from yeah And I'll tell you some knock on wood I can be honest on this show and never happened to me. I just shut up I had crabs I've gotten that's nothing and then I would fucking mind what these dirty college girls when you mess around with college girls Bro, you always want to get something your fucking whole campus. Yeah, you get foot fungus something I had this little leak is coming out of my helmet. Yeah, and then I noticed that both of them Like when I was sleeping with one for a while and then she moved and I started sleeping with the other one.

Both of them had this like white leakage from their little monkey, it was chlamydia. But I wasn't gonna bat with something. Tell them I just kept white, didn't kept eating that ass. You know what I mean? This got nothing to do with Uncle Joey. It's like fun in the hair and your hamburger. Yeah, who cares?

You're gonna be eating that shit. You know, people send a hamburger back. Come on. Before you send them hamburger back, think back how many assholes you lick. Right through home. You ever get these mother fuckers? I was hair in my food coming.

Let me talk to you, my son. You take the hair out of your proceed. You know, send the sandwich back, and now they're gonna spit it. You know, because that's what you do when somebody sends that hair in your food. Let's roll with hair. Let me put a fucking coke snack from Tuesday in that motherfucker. Wait till you crunch into that and think it's a grape. I got a hemorrhoid. Oh, I got to rub the hemorrhoid on your French fry. Not even you take you squeeze the hemorrhoid and you get that hemorrhoid juice

It's like that black fucking talk. It comes out. They think it's rommelade sauce. These fucking jerk fucking gentiles. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But that should drive me crazy when people act like that. Oh well, you know, they'll stop. Yeah. They fucking assholes. No, and I don't even like the guy

that has them pour a half a glass of wine. Pour the fucking wine and drink the wine. What are you gonna drink? You're gonna take a sip from half a glass and swish it around and then say no Caesar wants you Caesar wants you to bring forth another glass of fuck you I gotta tell you my mom bought some wine this week. She's after Thanksgiving She went to Ralph's and bought some wine and next night I come home and I go mom What would you get five ice cubes in your wine for? She goes, it's shit wine.

And it's like, buy another fucking bottle of wine. She's like, nah, finish this one. Club W, but here's the crazy thing. That culture never was sold to me. Okay, Lee, you're a very young man. My man Irish is a young man and I am. I came from a culture, affair courtship of at his father room 222

Combat in all those shows when men had a conversation in the 60s and 70s Lee in the early 6 late 60s and 70s on Television on CBS NBC a CB or a B. C when three two men had a conversation NBC, a CB, or a ABC, when two men had a conversation, there was always a bottle on the table with no label on it. There was a bucket with ice cubes or a prong. And as soon as two men walked in their room, what are we going to do about the DIA situation? Well, the first thing I did in the late 60s and early 70s was to turn around, okay, without even eye contact, without offering. You didn't even offering this time in the United States. You turned around, you took two glasses,

you'd put a nice cube in each right on TV while the camera was rolling. And he was saying his stupid fucking lines about how the world's gonna end. And if the Russians don't go out to the fallout shelter, and they'd always pour from a bottle, which you assume was whiskey, correct? Always. Do you remember this is something and they gave it to everybody and everybody didn't didn't go cheers or saluted they just drank it and they discussed their situation and throughout the show drinking was always acceptable as a young man for me for me that made my dick hard my mom had a bar

You know what next week when I go down there. I'm gonna go fucking drink when I scoop. How old you at this point? five six You know me dog It looks fucking tremendously cool. What kid doesn't get so what kid doesn't look at that and go I can't wait to be fucking 18 to do that the drink of fucking shot. I remember being a kid We had these shrimp cocktail glass my parents have by a six pack of shrimp cocktails from my god I'm a amp, right? Remember those you wash them off the top He wash them out and you keep the glasses and it's about the size of a

Scotch glass so I remember me and my brother, just we put one ice cube in, we put some Coca-Cola on top, and we'd walk around the house like we were in fucking mad, man. No shit. Sip in it. Sip in it, you know, and then we'd roll up pieces of paper, my parents, my dad smoked three and a half packs a day.

We'd roll up pieces of paper, we'd dangle a mat of our mouths, and we'd drink Coke with an ice cube. There you go, America. So you were, I don't know, it was like, alcoholism was acceptable, okay, whatever. Now my mom had a bar. I got drunk one time, shipped my pants,

they found me in a closet. That was the end of my alcoholism career. Did you know that? That was it. That was it. My mom had a thing before she got a bed, she do a little shadow of wine. I scoped to fucking red Italian wine.

Once she fell asleep I went, I drank the whole bottle of wine, my mom got up, Hos Antonio, Hos Antonio, Hos Antonio, she downed my one one, the cops came. They found me in a closet, puked, shit all over the place. I will do you? Four, five. That was the end of my alcoholism career, right? That's it. That's it Everything that was shit on my feet that had to put me in the tub. I slept for two days You know, it's always gonna fucking disaster and that was it and you never drank since no, I've tried I fucking tried What was that movie with oh Okay, the lake lively that broad played it to the fucking hill.

Just a dirty Irish girl the bar that goes out every night for a good time. I love those girls. Yeah, I love the only makeup Is just some blue on the eyes. You're not gonna fucking tell them not to go out every night. Yeah, that's gonna stop right there Because they'll knock the fuck out of you. You just take them home three nights a week and you have a great time with them. They puke. They always puke after you give them a stabbing, right? And you got to kiss them and shit. You don't give a fuck by that point. You did what you had to do and shit.

They wake up. What happened? I don't know what happened. They wake up. You're down at the bottom of the bed licking their dirty feet. Oh, loving every fucking minute. And I don't like toes. I don't like toes.

That's disgusting. And I like the dirty feet. But once we're getting the bed you got to wash those I don't I can't have those dirty hopes on my bed. Do you wash their feet? I got a fun. No, no, no, no What am I Jesus? I'm not a I got a fun guy told myself I'm walking around with duct tape on it Sometimes I get radio waves. I'm like a fucking antenna now with my little fun guy fucking tell Gonna get those those sneakers with the toes cut out of this fun guy toes killing me Yeah, because like for six months. I'll just rob at night the fun guy comes alive. It's not hurts Yeah, I don't just grow again This weekend I go in the tub and I just sit there for like I only do in hotels

I bring the heavy duty artillery to the hotels and shit the industrial nail cut is yeah, and the shit you clean the So I go on the tub I soaked that shit I cut those nails I take them and I sniff them real good Do you save it for after the show I leave leave it for the maid. I put a 20 right on top. There you go. Have a party. Cox, huh? She comes in the room. She listen to the couch.

There's a thousand little fucking fun night nails everywhere. All different colors. Green, purple. They're like the gay flag. They cut holes in the fucking cushions. She's so sharp. Oh my god.

Sometimes I cut them and poked my wife with them. I was telling her, yeah, I just poked it. And she'll go, what the f**k is that? It's a fun guy now. Keep it up. It's like a snake tooth. She's going to get an infection. I'll take this to a constant.

I'll stab like 18 people. 16-year-old starts scratching with 10 minutes. Six-year. That's why I should do. Take a fun guy now. I'll stab like 18 people 16 will start scratching within minutes That's why I should do take a fun guy nail I and do a show as me stabbing people with my fun guy there Can I stab you with my phone right now? Get them in the evening. Oh, that's it. I'm gonna let them grow I used to date this girl she grew up she used to grow up in a cult One of the jobs she had to do was cut the fucking master's toenail

And I go, what do you mean? And she goes they grew over his toe So once a week we'd have to go upstairs. He went like 500 pounds They all had a suckers dick. No shit. He fucked all their moms. It's a horrible. How old was she? 14, yeah, she basically grew up in that fucking cult and she still talks to her parents No shit he fucked all their moms. It's a horrible she 14 Yeah, she basically grew up in that fucking cult and she still talks to her parents I would fucking chip in with my brothers and have them hit by a truck You know, I'm saying dirty motherfuckers. You want to be freaks and moving to cult do it on your own time leave me with my aunt It goes to church on Sundays Yeah, you know, take me with you some fat fucks house. Yeah, I'm gonna fuck us all in the ass

Lip and tell me the father sleeping at night Well, everybody's getting fucked including his wife because they had seven kids, but three of them belong to the cult leader Oh, no, sure, but they took them with them and sold them as their own and when you see the whole family together Sold them like you know, they sold them the story that they were parents, you're crazy, where your dad. So four kids have a lot of teeth. And you know, three kids are just sitting there and fucking, we're regular fucking smiles.

You know what I'm saying? And nobody's smiling, everybody's frowning. Yeah. Because everybody's confused. Why does he have blonde hair? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What a shame for this country. Oh my god, the cults. It's, part of it seems appealing to me at this point, you know, to start a cult, I just need to come up with some crazy shit, you know.

Like I think I would run a good cult. What qualifies it as a cult? I can't leave. Oh okay. Oh shit, you can't, I don't know. Yeah, no, you gotta stick around. But I think that, uh, I think I wouldn't fuck the girls. I'd let everybody get laid. You know, and I think we'd

raise some money. But, uh, I wouldn't hog it, spread it around, let everybody have some fun. But get a fucking, get some land, build some cabins, a lot of nudity, good music, a lot of doors. doors the doors That's what we are on tonight LA woman wonderful now. I'm gonna allow it's great album that really is a good fucking album Yeah, they produce good albums in the studio. Let me tell you something Growing up that album it retated me to know when My mom wouldn't listen to the whole album. She just listened to LA woman over and Over and over and over.

LA Woman is how I learn how to speak Spanish in a way. Oh yeah? Because she'd play and make me dance for the other women in the room. They play cards and shit in my mom would put on LA Woman. That sounds like a cult.

But it wasn't a cult. It was a bunch of crazy Cuban women playing cards. It's not blowing in the seventies. And it's crazy how when I was 13 I picked up the album on my own and I would play it. My mom's like, I thought you didn't like this shit. I go, no, I hate it because you tell me how hot Jim Morrison was. Yeah. When you're fucking five, you don't want to be here by the hot guy. And my mom would say, some day I'm gonna meet Jim Morrison and just eat him Yeah, she would say me'll walk on make them pilot and I would go what the fuck are you talking about wow?

My you know Cuban women loved to Steve McQueen and Jim Morrison they loved rock cuts until they found out he was gay. Yeah, not eat 85 They knew in the 60s rock was gay in the 50s when he would go to Cuba That's where he would go to escape to be gay. Because you could be gay in Cuba? In the 50s, you were a celebrity. So I could bring Joe Fag is my assistant. Yeah.

Get two rooms, but he's not there to sleep in that room. He's over in the room with me, rubbing my fucking fun guy toenail and sucking my toe and sucking my balls. And you know what I'm saying? His tongue would be by bidet. Yeah, and he'd make an eye contact. Yeah, that's it.

You know, that's how rock cuts, and I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to always tell me that, that rock cuts him was gay. Yeah. And I would go, fucking hell, how do you know that? And when I got older, like two years before she died,

she goes, right away now, I'm gonna tell you. Whenever rock cuts him came to town, it was a big deal. So I was a young girl. We'd go down and wait for him. He would stay locked up with the guy. Oh, we can't Who wouldn't who would go to Cuba not go out? Yeah, that's why you went to Cuba to see the fucking dancing and the Spanish women and the fucking Molotas dancing and fucking Betty Marrae singing and you gamble he wouldn't leave the fucking hotel. Yeah, and I would look at my mom and go, you know what? You're fucking crazy. You're crazy. She dies 60 years later. He's got AIDS. Yeah, and I'm like fucking lady. He was telling me the truth. Yeah, because when they were little girls, it was like Michael Jackson went to London and hung his

kid outside the window. There was 2,000 people waiting the same thing. It's fucking rock Hudson. You're a Cuban girl. You're fucking 12, 13 years old and rock Hudson the biggest fucking star in American Belliculas is coming to fucking Cuba. What's Cuba? The size of Bayon. Everybody knows if you're coming. Once you land at the airport, you know, in town you knew yeah, so you went down it It's what happened to the Bay of pigs you guys figured it out. Oh, who the hell knows yeah What's up Lee how you feeling dog? I'm feeling we went to legal seafood like 18 times. Oh, you know what I was gonna take legal seafoods for fucking taking good care of me Go ahead, okay That was actually one of my favorite parts.

Not just legal seafoods, Bill, the bartender. I meant, like, I'm not even a drinker. But I used my dad always used to take me to the bar. We always used to eat at the bar, sushi bar, any bar. And I miss guys like Bill, who just like have like a regular con. We eat at bars a lot. Bro, he came to our table when we didn't sit at the ball. Like, he became our friend.

I met some great people in Boston. The star of my world was at the hotel manager, Margaret, the restaurant manager. Yeah. She was as beautiful as she was smart and fucking, she was 24 years old. She started there as a bus girl. Boston accent? Yeah, dirty girl. Yeah, dirty Irish girl. A beautiful boyfriend, you know,

just set one of those girls that you look at and she'll be married in three years. We just spoke about the internet and her other business was the internet. That's what she really wanted. That's what she went to college for. She was trying to sell products on there. And we just spoke about that, but both conversations left me fucking like, wow, you know, finally you meet somebody who's dynamite. Then the bar bill from the fucking first day I got there. My name is Bill. Who fucking introduces himself anymore? Oh, you mean he was behind the bar? He was behind the bar. Right. And he came right over, gave me a menu and put his hand there. Fucking guys, what?

64, 265, hands that'll fucking crush your head. Bald, old. Yeah. You know, you don't need much. All he needs is one good fucking shot to your head. And you're hearing fucking a Boston Red Sides game. And it's fucking January and you got like I have to play is bring poppy

Yeah, you can put it you can put a lipstick on a pig absolutely You know what's I see the lipstick yeah, I'm done. That's when I told the sidekick a dead And then the cops come and I tell me try to Yeah, no, I did but but he got a lipstick on. I mean, it's not like kneeling on a fucking hotbed. And context, you know what I'm saying? They're gonna check your dick for lipstick. Oh, see what I need.

One day, I went to Jitsu, like two days in a row and I couldn't walk. Yeah. And I got up that morning, I knew exactly what time it was. I went, I dropped mercy off. I got breakfast. I sent to me emails and I left o'clock I went over there. I walk over there and every Chinese guy is busy.

But the best one over there is the girl. She's like a weightlifter. Yeah. Chinese weightlifter. Yeah. She's strong and she's very sweet. I really like it. And the guys are cool too, but don't go on Wednesday.

She's not on there on Wednesdays. And I went in there and I'd been going in and I took my wife there when she heard it back and now we go together and it's a great time. They're gonna TV, we watch Lord on the Chinese people love Lord on us, they love it. Like people like Red Lobster, Chinese people love Lord on us, they love you.

Go to any Chinese restaurant, they got this video on trying to figure out the crime. Oh, they know it already. They wrote the script. You know what I'm saying? These New York cops, they're looking for details. They know exactly who raped the bro. He's just fucking Chinese people.

The savages. You go down a China town. That's when they're really stuck. They take that fucking... So I go over there the one day, about 230. This is like a... Like I was high, and I was kind of bored.

And I said, let me go kind of fucking the side. I'm gonna do this. I had to fly the next day, something. And I went over there, this had to be a hundred, four months ago. And I went over there, there was no parking, and then fucking thing, and there was no parking on that street.

And I was like, I'm fucked. So I found parking like a block away. I walked over, sure enough. Come back in 25 minutes. Or sit for 25, I go, fuck this. And I go, that got to be another one of these. They don't want a fucking sucky dick. You know what I'm saying?

And I made it. I went down a location. And I made a U-turn. I saw like two of them. I went to the Taiwan first and the chick was too brown for me. Like she was something was wrong with her. She had gotten like somebody left her under the fucking sun tanning boot for three days. Something was wrong with this chick. Wait a minute. I won't go to a masseuse because she's too dark and Asian. No, no, I said the word wrong.

She was wrong with it. Oh, okay. Something was wrong with skin. Right. And Greg didn't even get up when he saw the dude. She had a bee. Right, I know. She had a bee. No, no, I said it wrong.

I'm very sorry if I insult him. But she was like those people that you put under a suntanning thing. Yeah. And they went under for 30 years. Oh, like dried out and wrinkled. Yeah. She was orange. Yeah. I never saw anybody that skin color, you know, and I wanted to, and I just smelled the sperm. Yeah. Yeah. I had a mild, smell, smell the sperm. You put out your black light. You look at the face. Yeah. And I just took a menu. I just said, look,

I want to come back with my wife. I took a menu. Okay, thank you. It's time you open, too. And I got the car and I split. And there was one, two blocks down that I've always wanted to check out. I've been going to that fucking ha ha for nine fucking years. And that spot there, I've heard a thousand creepy stories, but I've also heard that there's chicks in there that give great fucking massages. Yeah. I've heard prone kind of that they try to give no, no, I've also heard that there's chicks in there that give great fucking massages. Yeah. I've heard prone kind of that they try to give no.

No, I've heard both. Well, it took me three minutes to know I could smell the air asperm. Oh, yeah. There were two chubby dudes sitting there waiting to get massages. And they have like an embarrassed look on their face. Yeah. Like somebody would go, Joey, is that you? These guys didn't want me to know who they were and then they want to know who the fuck I was to let you say, you ever look at 30 minute

weight, I said, I'll be back paying, and that was it, my curiosity was settled. Yeah, if this is double door with a lock on it, and you're paying between like some bullet proof class. Yeah, I have friends that go to those things, something's gotta be like, I don't try, unless you have like condom the whole sack and around the nuts like that The bump to your stomach. I found something out Well, because you know how red-banded a while ago said the thing about saran wrap Yeah, they do that because a condom in that place is like it it shows what you're going in there for yeah So they get charged if you have condoms. That's where they have this ram. What do they charge you with?

I don't know probably Has to be like yeah her for them. I don't know what it does for Yeah, it's probably after There's a problem with your fucking life you know saying Well, they got a second big with sarah rap. You know sticking all with saying? Were they gonna suck it with Seraa rap? You gotta stick it in the hole with Seraa rap. Something is not psychologically corrected. I don't know. I see them today. I wouldn't get gas just now. I got left the house in a quarter too. And as I was pumping gas there's one over there. I have my gulf over there. That's my favorite gas station across the

Mexican car wash across the Potato Taco's Denys and the fucking massage parlor. That massage parlor has been there since day one. If you look at it, you're like, they've killed people. Yeah. They've sent the Chinese mob boss in there and they've stabbed them in there. Yeah. It's creepy. I've never ever seen a customer. Oh, is it? It's like on the side of the street. There's like what apart from Scientology. Yeah, yeah, it's been there right for 20 years. You've never seen you have to stop that. That's a busiest light in the valley. So you always stop there. You look around the gas station. You look at the denies. You look at the potato taco place. you look at the car wash, then you look at the massage bar one go Who the fuck would step in that? Yeah, it's in between like an engine rotary place and like a fucking something else It's like a lawyer or a traveling to the community. Something crazy. Yeah, and it just says massage with the fucking thing now What is Tom Arnold looking for this fucking show? What is he looking for? I haven't seen it.

I just saw the commercial for it. Jump's on a desk. He's looking for a p-tap and all the missing tapes. Yeah, I thought he was looking for the N word tape. That's what I'm trying to say. For the apprentice. From the apprentice, all that shit. What hurts more, the N word tape getting out

of the p-tap getting out. P-tap. None. That's also true. You know, yeah, they were talking about something. What we forget as a country is that we've hated every present or less. As I came from Cuba, your mother fuck has been hating

presence. Yeah. All right, you hated Kennedy so much, you shot the mother fuck. Then you impeached Nixon, whatever. I mean, I still remember the night he fucking was on TV I was a kid and I was crying. I really believed in America. I'm gonna pray. I didn't understand Watergate. I didn't understand that shit, but we were always crying. We've never been happy.

The only way we're happy is if somebody brings us we want the president that every day we wake up and just check the $20 that's it. That's the only president we want Yeah, just put the 20 email box every day unless it's that we're always gonna cry a complain about something so you're trying to figure out Listen dog if you put the fucking tape on in here all day You just looked on a tape recorder in here for a week But didn't you hear? You made before the podcast starts? Before the podcast. Yeah. When I'm going to talk about before when me and

Lee sit here at night, you could make millions listening to it. Yeah. But anybody who listens to it knows that whatever is said, isn't really coming from the heart. First of all, you're dealing 50% with a comedian, 50% of our humor comes from Connie, which comes from pain. When I found my mother on the floor and her arm was purple and I could see that by the shoulder it was just like you got hit with a train purple. She had a massive heart attack. I cracked a joke to myself. So why wouldn't I crack a joke about anything else? The most sacred thing in a man's life is his mother

And I'll never forget to defuse that shock I crack like a fucking joke. Yeah, like I cracked a joke to myself I shall never know I got left back in the seventh grade. I knew it like just stupid shit. Yeah Like I said that we got a thing sent to us from Reddit like a, we got things. And the guy said that I made a joke about Mexican little boy crying in the cage. And then you should've seen like 15 people said, we're going to forget to see them in the immigrant. I never forgot I was in the immigrant. Well, convenience, what we say is the first, the first,

when you see something, Greg Fitzsimmons, that first voice, you know, your reaction, that's the reaction the audience wants to hear. We just don't have the balls to say it. Right. I'll never forget 9-11. 9-11 was on a Tuesday morning and Monday night I was at the store and Paul Mooney was on stage and it was the week that the black guy was going to break the home run record. Barry Bond's Barry Bond's against the white dude. Mark McGuire. Mark McGuire.

Oh, it was a Tamey Sosa? No, no, no. It was so, so it was later. It was Mark McGuire and the white dude going head to head. And I'm not going to forget that then he opened up with, and never got enough, that nigga break the record. Like, he just went off on a tangent and he went off on it so deep that it actually wasn't to my fucking some conscience, okay? Like they're never gonna let that nigga hit a whole bunch. That's never gonna happen homey.

They're gonna do something to make so that nigga's whatever you know return. So the next morning I wake up to my wife going oh my god. Oh my god, my wife was really like I had just gotten with it. She was overly emotion and I'm waking up from a cocaine fucking hangover. And I'm seeing the first tower go down and I don't know if you get laying back down go, moody was right. They're not gonna let that make a break down run wreck it because it was like on a Tuesday when he was going to do it. That was the first thought that came to my head. Then the second thought was the giants didn't cover last night. The giants did not cover the night before and I go that's commonly that's what you wanted to hear. Yeah well my dad died with they had a priest come by and say a few words but he handed out a

he handed out a the prayer on a piece of paper to everybody like a little, like a little missileette because they know I have to people, you know, we're Irish Catholic, but there's some of the other tribes snuck in, some of my dad's friends that were Jewish, so they gave them all a cheat sheet and we say the prayer and then we're done the priest goes,

okay, if you could hand those back into the front again and I go, I go, he lived like, he died like he lived. Cheap. And everybody started laughing. And the priest got fucking pissed. And I was like, good, you should get pissed. Collective the fucking prayer. That's the reaction, that's the reaction.

Yeah. It's really weird that that's what comedy is. Comedy is your first, the first thing you really say to yourself. Yeah. That's the comedy. And then that thought, you're a, you're smooth side. Whenever that part of your brain comes in and smooths out the joke. And you see, you talk to yourself out of doing the joke and stays that night. But that first thing that comes to your mind, that's the joke they

want to hear. That takes you a long time because you don't have the balls to say, but that's the truth. He kept saying that nigga ain't gonna hit the home run, never gonna let him hit the home run. And as soon as that building down hit with the first plane, that's all I can think of about was he was fucking right. Because there was that night when he was gonna do it, that Tuesday night. Yeah. Dude, I was on stage last Thursday night and I did this joke.

I did a stupid new joke. It wasn't like anything I thought much about. It's probably not a joke I would have kept, but I just threw it out there because I had a piece of paper with new bits written on it. And it was Thursday night, it was fucking 12 people there. What was this?

A DM prof. And so I go, and the joke was just, you know, my nephew's complaining, he can't get me pussy at college. You know, I said, well, don't worry about it. I go, I go, this thing called the freshman 15. I go, you find all those girls in the spring.

You're good to go. And this girl, this woman stands up middle age woman. Fuck you, fuck you with that fat shaming massage and his dish. But I mean, Joey, she went zero to 60. She didn't she didn't ramp up. It the second I'd finished that joke. She was on her feet screaming. A whole crowd turns around and looks at her like, what the fuck is this?

A terrorist attack and the bounces come over. And I'm throwing gas on the fire because she's with her two daughters. I'm going look at mommy getting thrown I go that I go that's how you burn calories Getting that angry and they drag her out screaming and I have to fin I got to do another 10 minutes and the whole room is fucking awkward at this point So I I joke about getting big laughs, but then I still got to eventually go back to my material. And so I come out front and I'm standing there talking to Owen Smith and a couple of the people and all of a sudden the woman comes out again full head of steam again. Fuck you. You fucking you're not funny. I would never

fuck you. Like I go, what are you talking about? And so I'm standing there and I'm going back and forth with her until I realize she's not deescalating. Like her pitch is staying at 10. And I'm not gonna stand on Melrose in front of the improv screen with this crazy lady for any longer. So I turn around, I walk away down the street

to go to my car, but she's screaming at the back of my head and I feel like a bitch. Like I'm walking away from her, all the comics are watching. I'm not even turning around. I'm just beligning back to my car. And so same thing, the next day, it got tagged on some social media mind and she wrote this fucking letter. The daughter wrote this letter saying that I was a misogynist what I said about her mom and blah blah blah and Blue it all up and then of course all the comments are like I would have kicked his ass and all this shit like nobody

They were right there. They're here at a crazy and so Yes, it was a whole thing it was a whole thing What do you think of this thing that's going on right now? Well, but I could come out after 36 years and say that you chose me at a party or you showed me a dick. What the, where are we going with this? Where are we, this is what I was scared of. This is the first time that I, okay, so now it's not about what we did two years ago or that I showed you my dick in the room and not like that now it's something that happened so for 36 years while I was a judge you didn't say nothing

and there's already women fucking saying no like they don't even know the whole fuck nobody knows the whole story nobody was there well I think that's a scary part is that just because of the way things are now is that not that they can't say it, but it everyone immediately goes guilty and you can't really recover from that. So I don't have as much of a problem with them coming out. If he did it, if they didn't do it, like I think they should be a punishment if they didn't do it and have some repercussions for that. But if he did it, I don't have a much of a problem with that, but I just, it's scary to think about like someone could just say anything online

and if you get enough people behind you, no matter what the truth is, people are always gonna, like I just saw one comic is gonna be in Boston, it's pretty coming up and they said, coming back after assault allegations, even though it came out that he didn't like it. No, he never did it. I was like, that's crazy. Well, here's the problem is that when there's a movement, there's momentum and people get swept up into it.

And that can be used for good. That can be used for bad. In this case, obviously, it's for good. You know, this movement is trying to help women see that they should be believed when they come out that we have to not marginalize them right away. But then people get swept up in that and they suddenly go, oh, this is part of that as opposed to let's judge each case on its own. Let's not say, oh, I'm already riled up because, you know, there's been all these cases that have been proven about men abusing women. So I'm already

angry. And now I'll scrap this guy and put him in that, that same energy as opposed to let's look at this one individual case and try to judge it by those merits. This morning I spoke to a friend of mine, Cholucci. And I met Cholucci probably in the eighth grade and the band, the area where he lived was the wildest area in my hometown. There's five or six grandma schools. That grandma school by far takes everybody away. Like they were doing shit in the eighth grade that nobody was doing in the time. And everybody had to catch up over the years.

Like they were the real deal. They had the field. They didn't just have Lincoln School, but they had the field, they had the rocks. And they were on the rocks every 90's guys, which meant they were out there drinking, smoking, fucking ghetto blasters with music. They were crazy.

You could only have four in the morning and five people. Like if we lived downtown, we go, let's cut through 64 street feel. You'd find eight motherfuckers tripping on acid. I mean, they were just deep. And he goes, I'm coming to the show to see you in West Palm Beach and I'm bringing my wife. He goes, should I bring my daughters? What do you think?

And I go, no. I don't know unless you want them to know that I owe Deed and you're back here. I mean, it started out. I went to his part. I was a junior in high school and I went to his part like at six o'clock at night. His party started like at four in the afternoon.

And I got there like at 6 with a gram of blow I was in high school and quay lutes But they were the counter quay lutes. That's when I started eating the ones that people were making at home Yeah, which is the table of crooked right which means that the the thing leaks Into the bottom ones and these stay weak. So I ate one of the weak ones first, and then I ate the second one, and all our members waking up in an alley at four in the morning were drooling puke all over me,

and the next day hearing the stories. Yeah, how are high school kids a lot to be drinking in front? I mean, obviously, anyways, but 4 p.m., like when I did that, we tried to hide it. His parents owned the bar. Oh my God, was that a bar? His parents owned the bar, so there was always, they his parents owned the bar. Oh my god. It was at a bar his parents owned the bar So there was always there were always at the bar. Yeah, so he would have parties in his basement that were just legendary

But his legendary parties were where before concerts So I still remember going to his house You ready for this joluch August 4th of 1979 they would start it for. You'd get there there'd be a can of beer and there'd be 12 guys and 12 girls and 20 girls or whatever the fuck and people were smoking, snorting, blowing, eating pills and then in about 6.45 we'd walk the county boulevard, take the bus into the city, and walk

the man as a square guard. F**ked up, f**ked up, and go watch. We went to CACD, C&TAD, and he said all that, he goes, that was a rough one. He goes, I remember just Angus running through the audience on top of whatever but then we all have the same trait. He goes, I started doing that tradition way before anybody, before Council, like me at my house in three because the first party I had was Monday, December 6, 1976. And he's my age. So he had to be fucking dirty. He was 10, not 10, 13. And he goes, I went to see Black Ted Nugent open up a black Sabbath when he released Freefer Altura.

And he goes, guess what else happened that night? The Cleveland Browns beat the whatever in the month that I football. I mean, that's how good his memory was. Yeah. But I was just thinking about how, could you judge me from that night? Well, you can't judge somebody from what they did 30 years ago or I'd be under the prison.

Beautiful story. Yeah. Not gonna ask you a question. Yeah. You're a pretty smart guy. We love each other. We really do. I know you can say right now. Why the fuck don't I wanna go there? I gotta call last night from Joshua. Well, let's start the story straight. Yeah, they're watching TV. And

well, you know, we come back, we'll show you the first new Hollywood marijuana restaurant cafe. And they flashed to it. They show a bunch of white kids online, vapor in, and they show people inside, aha, and smoking a blunt, and they got high powered fans and right there. The foods all got part in it. I don't know. I don't know. But right then, I knew like you would never see me close to that.

Yeah. Like I knew what that decision was last night, I suppose, talking to Josh Wolfe, and he goes, have you gone to it yet? It's great. And he goes, you should go. And I go, Josh, how long do I know you? You do know that I would never step foot in that's great. And he goes, you should go and I go, Josh, how long do I know you? You do know that I would never step foot

and then fucking place. You know, I've been smoking dope since I was 12. I got none the proofs and hope, but I got one I want to rest her on. It's smoked dope. I show these asses over the smoke dope. Yeah. Fuck out of my face.

And that's all anyone's talking about, it's smoking dope every night. It's, it's, but no, back to the, why do I feel this way? I mean, you're a smart guy. Like, I sit at home at nights, like I schedule myself because I know I'm at an age, I can't go out to nights in a row at the county store. It's too much excitement for me.

Yeah. So now Thursday I gotta take a nap. So I'd rather go to the store Tuesday and Thursday and space it up. But when I'm sitting at home Wednesday, it's 8 o'clock. My daughter's going to bed at 8 there early. My wife doesn't give a Frenchman's fuck what I do. And I got 20 options. And I don't want to do any of them. It's so weird not to offend you, you know, I'd dealy love you. I've seen like pictures in the fries club and how they act and Billy Crystal. I would stab myself in the eye after five minutes in there.

I don't like that that shit. You know, it's like I still remember one and they're going to mantra you all so bad and saving up the money and I talk slate and to put me on during the dirty show. And I took a flight to Detroit and I checked into the old Taroum Detroit because I was going to go to Montreal on the morning. I was like, what the fuck am I going to go there? They didn't invite me. I'm not a part of those people.

And even if I go there, I don't want to be there. Like, oh my god, you have such a great time at the bar. Yeah. It's the same jerk, all the second, see how I'm Tuesday at the comedy store. Right. I just see them now getting drunk in there and they're in there, environment.

I don't know what it is about me. Like, I do not want to go there. Well, you're an outsider. That's your identity is you did it your way. And maybe you weren't embraced by the mainstream You weren't given the same kind of breaks that somebody else might have gotten and I don't know why I mean some people could say it's Maybe because people are afraid you you're you know, you're aggressive on stage. You say shit nobody else says It's not politically correct could be racist. You know, you're not you're And you know, you're, I'm not, you're

a felon. Do it. You're an outlaw. Isn't the security that I have? Or is it a character that I've created for me? It feels like I've always felt this way. I remember the night you came down. And this this might, this might have felt like that environment to you as I was doing a I do a benefit show every year for the best buddies were doing at the improv. And it was like for whatever reason I ended up booking I usually book it because I'm I'm at somebody's house and they got people over and I think I got a book this fucking thing except for you who I just call Anytime I do a benefit, I call you straight out of the gate. And I was there, it was Zach Alfinakis and it was Sarah Silverman. And I think it might have been Brian Posein. So it was kind of like, I think it might have represented

like that kind of Largo world, that alternative comedy world that maybe you never felt a part of. And I remember seeing you, you didn't come in the room, you were standing in the back, you don't wanna come until you went on, and I think you were feeling like a little bit trepidacious, you know, and I hadn't seen you like that before.

And you went on stage and you fucking ripped it apart, and you were doing the bit about the chick pissing in your face and you just didn't give a fuck. And I'm sitting with them in the corner, and I'm curious to see what their reaction is gonna be to you, you know, because this is not Largo. This is not, you know, pro feminists, you know, with their use and they, they're fucking jaws were slacked. They were like, what, what just blew on stage?

What fucking storm just settled over the microphone at the improv now and they they fucking loved it. They were like, this is unbelievable. And I remember you walking out and I knew that I don't know that you saw them or how they reacted. But I think you felt really good that you just did what you do and that whatever anxiety you were feeling before that didn't come on stage with you. It was pure Joey Diaz on that stage. Well, I always have anxiety. Yeah. you do and that whatever anxiety you were feeling before that didn't come on stage with you. It was pure joe dee as on that stage. Well, I always have anxiety. Yeah. You know, once I walk into the battle zone, the communist or the anxiety goes up 150%. Right. It's like one Michael, you know, one of the greatest things about the Godfather

Is what whatever whoever the director was or whatever the idea he got When Michael goes into the bathroom before he shoots a lot to get the gun. Yeah, in the Bronx to train That train If I know great-crit Simmons is sitting in this office and I got to put a hit on great crids Simmons and I have to do it myself at nine o'clock at night when he's doing a podcast lately. As I walk up to stairs, your adrenaline goes so high because I've been in that situation before where I robbed somebody or robbed jewelry. When any time I did anything that was that creepy, like Rob in the house or Rob in a drug dealer, you go deaf.

You hear a, like that's all I would hear. Like your heart is pounding so much, there's so much adrenaline going into your body that that's what you hear. You kind of hear a simulation of what Michael heard on that train. The other one to the store. I went made chicken collage. She went to church. She made chicken collage when she came back. I like to chicken collage. chicken college when she came back I got like two chicken college. Wait for eight to chicken college because what do you want for dinner? She gave me the menu for dinner. I was like, you know what?

Don't worry about it. I gotta go to store anyway. I'll stop at Joe's pizza and get dinner. I'm just gonna slice. I got it. I had 14 points left. So I get to the comedy store. Yeah. And I some dear kid that I've known for 20 years is talking to me. I really couldn't hear him. Even with the hearing aids on. I couldn't hear him. And to be honest, I didn't want to hear him. There's nothing to talk about. When I walked in, there was two boxes of Joe's pizza.

On the piano, in the main room. I didn't eat. In the green room. In the green room. I didn't touch him. Right. And I remember going on stage and getting over with no one I came back. I got the other kid Mm-hmm. Now I got to have a conversation with him. Right. Why are you talking to me? Right? I'm about to go to war. Yeah

What are you talking about Well And I like it here. He sounded like Charlie Brown And he kept talking until he finally got it that this guy doesn't want to be bothered or he's not even hearing. Like I'm going up in the main room. I don't kind of put small talk. I don't give a fuck about whatever the fuck where we met. I did a guest spot on your show in St. Louis four years ago?

And you're supposed to remember, I got a jog my memory about somebody. Yeah, all I got. It's like, if I remember you, it means you were memorable. If I don't remember you, let's not rehash something that wasn't that important in the first place. That's why I hate doing two shows.

Because I want to talk to the people after the first show. The crowd. But if you have a second show, you really can't. Yeah. Because that's an hour of a quick, and all of a sudden it's fucking Japanese. Right. You know, it's Wesley.

What do you remember when you said an episode 274 The Rogan Podcast? Why did you say this on great fit sentences podcast? Just take the picture and shut your fucking mouth. I don't even know what the fuck I just said on stage. And you want to know what's with the fucking questions. Right. Take the fucking picture. And then they get the camera out. And the the the fucking lock is on the girlfriend's trying to open it. Yeah, you know, the code

boss. You just wait to eight minutes. Yeah, with your stupid fucking question, which I have no idea what you're saying. We're in a room with 300 people on a line waiting to take pictures. I got no fucking idea what you said. Yeah. Come over here. Let me put my arm around you. Let me give you a compliment.

Take a picture. Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Right. And then they come back and they tell you stories. I can't fucking hear you. Even with the fucking ear piece. I can't fucking hear you. There the fucking a earpiece. I can't fucking hear you

There's 300 people in the fucking room. So before I go on like I really like the Communist law after my little Netflix the buckle. I made a decision. I'm only gonna become a star and I have a bit like tonight. I love my friends, but you know what? Leave me the fucking world on Tuesday. You don't want to come to this store on a Tuesday night. It's chaos. It's chaos. It's two sold out shows in the main room, one in the original room, and three sold out shows in the belly room.

That's a total of 1,200 people in that building, not to mention 100 comics lurking, the suck on blood, or whatever the fuck they do down there, and the staff and the waitresses, you know, you want to come down and have a fucking Tuesday night and talk, well, I wanted to bring you to script, you know what, Tuesday night, I worked right, right. You know, like about Tuesday night, what I told told you that night when I called you, we saw magic that night. You're right. I go in that. I get two orders. I fucking get high. I think I'm at a busing time. And I want to sit in the original room and watch the three comics perform me. And I want to learn. And I don't want to be bothered. Guess what? Get the fuck out of here with your stupid fucking questions. Yeah. I'm watching Ali Wong. Get the fuck out of here with your stupid fucking questions. Yeah, I'm watching Ali Wong

Get the fuck out of here. I watch Ali Wong is okay. Yeah, you know, I like when I see you You just sit next to me we hug each other and we both watch and laugh right there's people like I never forget one night I'm sitting in my own business and somebody bent over and whispered in my ear who you're taking a Charlotte with you. And I just gave him a look like the cow killer gave that white guy at the diner and heat. That moment, that's right. Man, I have to go down. ʻ‿ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo ndo you