Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The CHURCH: BEST of RYAN SICKLER, Vol. 1 | with JOEY DIAZ & LEE SYATT

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

The CHURCH: BEST of RYAN SICKLER, Vol. 1 | with JOEY DIAZ & LEE SYATT   #307 - Recorded live on 08/10/2015 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btjzrMDmmzk&t=50s #326 - Recorded live on 10/18/2015 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vKnZ9yP0Hs&t=2354s #635 - Streamed live on 11/14/2018 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYfW6w1P7KQ&t=135s #710 - Uploaded on 08/15/2019 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwYUv7igFx8 #768 - Uploaded on 3/11/2020 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj6dEhoYH4U&t=4s #811 - Uploaded live on 08/10/2020 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikogZO3b7zo   This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!   Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH   The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz    #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #TheChurch #LeeSyatt #RyanSickler

Music Well, I mean, it's kind of hard for Ryan and I to really understand. Is it really, is it that terrible being a minority in America? I just, I think for white people we know it, but we really don't. It depends where you live, Lee. It depends where you live. Ferguson, Missouri is probably the equivalent to you know something like Harlem I've never been there it's like any other place USA where they have an African-American fucking community and then inside the African-American community they have

three blocks of fucking hell where people go to bike crack and there's hookers and God knows what else is down there. And listen, man. I mean, I'll be, I'll say this too, you know, I say, well, and let's, let's be honest, let's go off, you know, I am from Baltimore, but when I say Baltimore, not those neighborhoods of Baltimore, you know what I mean? So I can't speak intelligently on what's going on just because you're from a city doesn't mean you can speak intelligently on what's going on in those, you from a city doesn't mean you can speak and tell a trillion what's going on in those you know pockets and those areas of that city. People always ask me when you when people hear Baltimore they

think the wire. Yeah I have never hung out in a neighborhood like that I mean they're there that's all real but I'm saying I don't go into those neighborhoods there's no reason for me to be in those neighborhoods. Right. There's people is asking what's going on in those neighborhoods. People always ask me when they hear Boston, it's Boston racist. And I've heard stories and I'm sure in some parts it is, but it's just the white people. Just the white people.

I've never, I never saw it, but then again, I'm white as fuck and I probably wouldn't see it. When somebody says racist, it's a five guys in the bar, Gagelund, and all of a sudden they say, well did you see that nigga chick last night? Is it that type of racist or is it racist that people actually put a fucking hood on and go out and pick fights?

No, Boston everybody gets along because you got black guys in the Boston Celtics. See, what's the fucking black guys got put on the Boston Celtics? And big puppy. That's it. That's it. That was it. They were like, you know what, I don't know about these black dudes,

but they could play. Let's give them a fucking chance. You know, but in all seriousness, I mean In 1905 I used to hang out in San Francisco and Ace thing out with these Cuban refugees Cubans had just come over and they were putting them in different pockets And I remember that there was this one guy that they would give you 20 nickel bags was this one guy that they would give you 20 nickel bags. And let's say at $5 a piece, it comes out to $125 a son. They would give you like $50 out of $125.

And there were days when I was broke, and I just walked in just to hang out with the guys. You could do 25 nickel bags. And I don't know. So just to hang out with the guys, it's a give me a tank, and they give me to you. And you you'd hide them you'd hide them under bumpers, you know in cars You'd hide them so if the cops come you could just you know, you don't have them on you, right? And listen man every four fucking days cops pulled up

And I'm a white fucking dude on paper until you take my license as Jose D as in those days. I didn't carry a license but my My point is they would just pull up and jump out of cars and throw you against the war. It's tough to be a cop in America. Yeah. And what's gotten taken away from the cops when I was banging heads and I was out there getting pulled over and robbing all that shit is the sense of community. Okay, so Ryan lives where? Now? Santa Monica.

Okay, so you live in Santa Monica. You come up to the valley tomorrow. Let me see how I can do this. Okay, you live in Santa Monica. You live on a block that there's a roulps and all this shit and there's a neighborhood cop. Same fucking cop. Same fucking cop that's been there for years. And he sees you. He

waves at your kids and sometimes he pulls over and you get in the car and let the kid fucking beat the horn and you know. But you know, his name is Phil, Officer fucking Jones. And you get to know him. Three, four fucking years. Now God forbid you come up to the valley. You come up to the valley one day. We're all hanging out on the way out the door. you get into an argument with some kid and you smack them and you get in the car and they get taste your license plate. They go up to the valley here in North Hollywood, they do the paperwork, they come down to Santa Monica to put that warrant. Guess who's coming to your house with the cops in the valley? Officer Smith, because that's his

neighborhood. And guess what Officer Smith is going do? Officers, the guys that are coming down, fill, fill, is what he means. Officer fill, that's what we said he was. Okay, officer fill. Officer fill, the cops that are coming from the valley, they're coming from the valley with one side of a story in there. Do you follow me?

They're coming from the story that some kid was walking down the block on the skateboard, and my man, fucking Ryan, just bits slapped him and got and gotten his car and the cops could know that guy from the valley Okay, so it could be like it's right. So what a shame the kids are great kids now they're coming down He was what we're blood in their eyes All right, but guess who stops him? Phil, it's a Phil goes hold on one second to knock on his door. I got to come with you and He explains some disaster being misunderstood and I know him. I on his door. I got to come with you. And he explains some disaster being misunderstood.

And I know him, I know his wife, I know his kids. He's a stand-up comic. He's a decent guy. So now the blood gets tan. They want to hear your side of the story. They'll take you down booking. So you understand you had that type of relationship with the police officers.

I don't know what's happened the last 10 years. I'm not out there. But I know there's happened the last 10 years. I'm not out there, but I know there's no relationship with police officers. There's no more neighborhood cop. So I know what a black neighborhood is. I wanted them to get drugs. I know how they shake you down.

You know, in the old days, they have gone on their holsters. Now they're coming on shoot guys. And if they see any infraction, how many shootings have you seen the last three years? You're like where's the justification for this fucking shoot a lot? Where's the justification for this fucking shooting? There's none he got on the floor and the guy What's the one the guy shot him a couple weeks ago the kid in Cincinnati? I can't look at the stories anymore. Yeah one dude He told him to reach for his license. He went to reach for it then he shot him and he even said,

what do you, why he's hit what? He's hit and he's like, you told me to go for my license. I'm getting my license yet. So who the fuck knows the pressures that is to be a cop? But also a bit of cop. When you watch these videos, for me at least, when I see a cop's body cam and I see it from their point of view, to me at any moment, it's like the end of sopranos.

Who's it gonna be that's gonna, you know what I mean? I think that it's so heightened right now that I'd be scared out there. I'd definitely be scared. If I got pulled over today, I'd be scared. Yeah, I'd be the cop too. I'd be scared if I was the cop. My hands right out the fucking window.

Yeah. And let the body, the cam watch it, put my hands out the window. You know, I would do everything. Just, I was right out the fucking window. Yeah, and let the body the cam watch it put my hands out the window You know, I would do everything just I was thinking about the other day What if I get pulled over and they don't come home the commie store? I would just put as soon as I open my window put my hands on you and that's it That's the end of them when they get there. Can I reach for my license? Can I reach for my license? I'm Tom. I'm the same way, but even if there even if things weren't heightened

When isn't there always gonna be some sort of like tension between The cops and I want to say just black people, but it's like for right now in this part right now in our world today in the United States There's a hidden tension with black people and and cops and if you don't think I'm for you'd have to yeah, you'd have to okay You got a call tomorrow. There's some fucking Cuban dudes smack and Jews people He goes into synagogues and just smack she runs out. He goes into temples And I walk up on you as your defense gonna be up Or you're gonna be good glad to see me. You don't know from the smack you right same fucking thing every black person America right now whether they're a criminal or just a regular black person after you see the shooting

and Cincinnati yeah you have to be a little scared subconsciously you could say suck my dick they're gonna suck my white dick or my black dick but some conscious that goes into your subconscious mind so you have to be a little bit fucking scared I was always scared of cops. Always me too. Yeah, me too. I've never been calm to me too. My suck.

That was the name, you know. Right away you got to hit me up with the name. I wanted to go. I figured he was that a good one. No way, no fucking name. We were lip syncing. Singing the Beatles over fucking music with the Jackson Five. Like four fucking momoes.

But my point being, he said that he kept watching his kids watching TV and it was completely different. They watched television a different way. They watched it on demand or something and he went to sci-fi and kept telling them things to change and sci-fi was like, nah, we're gonna keep doing this so he quit and he fucking started this YouTube channel for horror people And he's doing great with it seven dollars a month unlimited horror. He gets it from all over the world He's been a horror buff since we were growing up. That was a stangu. I'm moving in Jersey City

They tell you and you're like Jesus He was such a nice guy and he had such a passion for what he did. And now he's making a living from just, because he saw the future. So, even as a comic, I'm very fortunate, you are too, that we're part of the podcast thing. I'm not a lot of comics still and go, you don't have a podcast and you're not part of one. You know, right now you're suspect,

even if your podcast sucks, you're suspect, because you don't have one. People like, why would you have a fucking podcast? Everybody has a podcast, your suspect, even if your podcast sucks, your suspect, because you don't have one. People like, why would you have a fucking podcast? Everybody has a podcast, at least, is trying to put one together or is a part of one of calls one in. If you're a comedian, I'm not talking about if you're, you know, a stock broke, a work in 12-hour days, busting your ass.

Well, fucking assholes like me and making people laugh. You guys work for real. You got no fucking time. It's just crazy how, like how much competition there's for killing, how much they have to know now, like I was, when I was talking to their, to the parents, I brought up Caches Morris and how he's been doing since he was 10, and like part of what I was doing, if there was training, like the 13 year old girls, to run the board and do everything that we're doing,

and it's just, it's, and they're already animating it, and it's crazy how much Stuff there is for that for them now and then and how great like if you started a podcast Like you said you met somebody this weekend who's been following you for 15 years if there's a comedian now who's 16 or 18 and starts a podcast By the time he gets to be 30 he'll definitely have people who are there from the beginning. How fucking crazy is that? I got a call from Roger Paul, maybe 16 years ago. Roger Paul's a fucking kinky guy,

and whenever the phone rings, there's always gonna be a by the way. So they want to hire you and the walking. I had worked with a guy on a Yoda run. Okay, what's the Yoda? Yoda? Yoda is a guy of Michigan. Oh, Yoda. Okay. 10 years ago, the father, old man Yoda, 15, 20 years ago. If you're a comic and you were from the Midwest, it was them and somebody else, but Yoda controlled the Midwest, It was them and somebody else but Yoda controlled the Midwest whether you were dirty or clean If he liked you you covered your nut. He had 63 rooms and

22 weeks like all those cities of Michigan. There was a comedy club that he booked That's it and there were all some were berooms some were fucking berooms somewhere a rooms and He had buffalo he had Cleve I mean he had so many rooms so I Did a Yoda run and I met this dude from Milwaukee and I said what I did again to that room Milwaukee and it was I recommend you and three later, some guy calls me and says, hey, they're looking for you to see if you want to work that room.

So I went up there and the debted of winter, February, Valentine's Day weekend, like that weekend. Oh my God, the fuck, by the way, it was the condo. It looked like the monsters. I mean, the fuck. It even had the gate and shit Oh fucking deal every day. Oh my god. I've talked about this. It was just horrific. But anyway When I was up there that time I met the lady who actually books that and she used to book that room at the time in

Appleton She's still around her door is now a booker in that area. Very small venues, you know colleges, shit like that. So when she offered me the week, she said, if you come in Tuesday, I got a show I do at Marchette. You could do the show, 125 bucks, one of those deals, you know. So I went and did the show, and in those days, all I did was snort blow, and I got out of the store. That's it. So my whole comedy routine was about fiending them,

and looking at windows, and you know, and nobody was laughing. But I'm not, I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't even listen sometimes. I can't even hear whether people laughing or not. I knew it wasn't my audience. But now this weekend in Minneapolis,

some kid pulls me aside from the Friday night early show. I says that he was there that night and he came to the comedy club that weekend, the song Seamy. And he remembered the girl with the red hair. And it was just really nice. And he was like, I made a mental note. I always knew you would do something. It was very nice.

It is nice. You don't bump into people like that. No, I made a mental note of you a while ago. I mean, you know, I've known you, but I've, you know, I've always sort of kept to myself. We've done several shows together, but there was one we did. Tolly would have probably years ago at a girl went up, and she was pretty dirty,

and you followed her, and you got up, and you said, that's the type of chick that'll let your fucker in the ass pull it out and suck it. And then the crowd went nuts, and you laughed, and but that was your way of saying, like, I loved her. You know what, that's what you said out there.

Like, I loved her. I loved her. Dude, I laughed so fucking hard at that for like five goddamn minutes because it was probably 100% true. So funny. Oh my God. That was your just a walk up and say it off the top of your head. And it was so much harder. Not something you had to break the room up.

It was perfect. Listen, every, unless you're fucked up, you always, if you're, you come, if you have that little sarcasm gene, this thing's people say that no matter what aids they say, something comes to your mind and you want to crack a joke, whether it's to yourself, whether it's to the room, whatever the fuck it is, you know, today the baby was looking at me and she kept looking at me going, blow daddy, blow and I'm like in 20 years you won't be saying, you know, like you think

of things like that, you know, a hot girl goes up on a stage her tits her out, she's talking about getting fucked in the ass, you're sitting you're a man even if you're on a date what are you thinking about fucking in the ass and sticking your dick in them out all I'm doing is going on stage and saying what you think that's the reason why I got a laugh was because this is as I walked out this was everybody was fucking thinking everybody was fucking thinking. Everybody was fucking thinking. Oh my God. Who knows? I hate when comics go up with the set routine.

Sometimes you have to react to the fucking room. Yeah, I agree. You have to represent the wrong person. There's a comedy. There's comedy. There's natural comedy in the room. Nothing bothers me more when I see something coming. There's always, even just regular conversation sometimes, there's a great comedic banter in a conversation.

I know you that somebody else might not be laughing, but you might even feel that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All the time, a little comedy, light banter that you're like, oh my God, that's so that thing in a movie with such a brilliant conversation they had. You know, we're so, as people say say that's the stuff that makes me the laugh most That you say now because I'll come and see shows about it's all I'll get to know some bits But the stuff that makes me laugh is the stuff that you just say that you'll never say again

Yeah, that's the those are my favorite people in the world like my grandmother and her sisters were the same way I couldn't wait to hear what like you know We've all been through the situations, but I couldn't wait to hear what, like, you know, we've all been through situations, but I couldn't wait to hear their response. I got a question. Mrs. Obama, she gave like 10 pounds. I don't care how much she's looking on. Good knows polyester suits. You see here? I'm fucking good morning, America. Oh my god. She looks good. What's happening? You bad mother fuckers. Thursday morning, the man the legend himself is to Ryan Cicola straight out of Baltimore before the fucking wire. You know I'm saying he lit the wire. This motherfucker lit the wire and left. Thank you for having

me on. What's going on brother? Good to see. That's good to see you. Do you know, this is what I want to say first far say anything about myself. I watch your degenerate special. I thought it was fantastic thank you uh and I don't want to blow your cover but a lot of people know this and some people maybe they don't you're the nicest fucking guy like you really care about people I tell everybody like Joey Diaz you see that guy on stage that's that dude but you know what that dude also does calls you call not text you call how you doing right is it every time checking on me all the time and I can't

thank you enough for your friends. You're great though. A lot of people don't do that. You're really good at it. Man, I'm sick and tired. You're a sweet heart. Have no friends. You're a lot of fun. You don't you don't friendship doesn't come because you're such a nice guy either you can have millions of dollars and buy your friends, or you could earn people's friendship. And one way that earn people's friendship is when the peanut butter jar broke. The peanut butter on the floor, your kids yelling, you're late for an audition. You're going crazy. And also in the phone rings and somebody just doesn't want

something from you. They just call you to go, Hey, man, I was thinking about you. It's son right there in that moment. Even though everything's going on for somebody to say, dog, the night, the comedy store, I saw you and I forgot to tell you, your set was brilliant. You know, sat, something about Saturday night. Couple weeks ago, I went up there and,

it was the guy that had the show, and we first started comedy with the long head, Tom Rhodes, who's up before. Brilliant. The set he did was brilliant. Tom was great. Took me five days to remember to call him and call him and go, hey man, I'm calling you to say, hello, but I'm calling you to say that you're set the other night.

Was brilliant. That comedians don't humans don't have that normal. Well, I got a text message that says happy birthday or happy Thanksgiving. Merry Christmas. That I'm guilty of it too. I want to call you. I say, you know what? I hope guilty of it too, so. I wanna bore you. I say, you know what,

I hope your mother gets it by an M-track. Because you got no, she raised you wrong way. Don't you fucking text me, Merry Holiday's. You pick up that phone, you don't call. Don't even bother, don't waste your time. I wanna hear your voice. I wanna know what you're feeling, I'm friendly. I know what makes you tick.

I think it's beautiful. And if you don't do that, you're feeling. I'm friendly. I know what makes you tick. I think it's beautiful. And If you don't do that, you're not going to have everybody wants to have friends, but everyone wants to have friends. I want to have a friend that if I stab a motherfucker, my wife says Ryan Sickle called your bell is a half a mill, but he's got 25 that he can lend you to you. Get out and do a benefit. You know, on you. There you go. That's not friend. Those aren't the same people that come to your birthday party at Lamarajan.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh my god. To a wonderful man, let's raise our share of pain glasses. That don't happen. That's only in the movies. That's what you're looking for. You're going to die with nobody.

You're going to die alone because those people only come when your pocket is full. They're not going to be there when your pockets are empty. I look at how many people are aware around me when my pockets were empty and I was struggling in comedy and I look at where they are. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Those people now come to the shows and juries like last week I did Gotham. I saw people there that I used to make go to open mics. You know when they make you bring four people? Yeah. There were kids in that crew that I would bring to those things. Like 20 years ago.

Really? You got to be a big favor. Before you go to the city, can I stop at stand up New York? I just pay for a ticket, it's eight bucks. And they would go, for you, I'll do it. They would bring like six of them would show up, and they'd spend 600 at the bar and then we'd snort in the bathroom and then look at the club all of a go. Listen, you could come here whenever you want as long as your friends come.

Like, it's been four, five, five years. Yeah, all right. I still talk to those people, you know, those people were there where when I was doing open mics. Dude, I'm still friends with guys from elementary school. I'm still good friends with guys from elementary school, middle school, and high school. There's a couple college people, but the core of my friends back home, and I see every time I go home,

I see a good chunk of them, you know, everybody's got kids and things now, but still we still have make time to get together, but they're all from back in the day, all of them. And every day I go, I got to call this guy. It'll take me three days to call, but in the meantime, I call a lot of people. It'll take me three days to go. I got to call this fucking guy. Wait a second, this guy works nights. I'll call him on my way to the comedy store.

All right, on my drive. You know, TV works nights. But that's beyond considering someone. It's also their schedule, and when you can actually think you've got a shot Getting a hold of them instead of just throwing on a voicemail that no one listens to anymore anyway You know what I mean like remember when it used to be like You had to be somewhere to get that fucking call yet to be right here to get this call then it came call Wait and you were like oh my god two people think enough of me to call me at the same fucking time like holy shit hang on a second then you got the answer machines like let's listen

to this message now I see people on their phone with 300 miss fucking calls and 80 voice mails I'm like what the fuck happened what happened I don't know if you guys have run into this it blew my mind just as I grew up on the phone not there's a lot of people especially my age and a little bit younger who say they get anxiety about being on the flak Not, there's a lot of people, especially my age and a little bit younger, who say they get anxiety about being on the flag, they don't want it, they won't make calls to anybody. That doesn't make sense to me, but people can get anxiety about anything, I guess.

But I like the personal aspect of life. I think that if you don't want it in your life, you don't have to have it. For me, I prefer that contact. You know, I like talking to my friends I grew up with instead of talking to these people in LA. Like, you could do so much in LA to have people in your corner and say, yes to you. You could hire four people and have a big payroll and everybody is saying say yes to you. Yeah. You could hire four people and have a big payroll

and everybody's saying yes to you and get your coffee and you could yell and make scenes. And he's having a bad day. Who gives a fuck? You know, well, keep speaking grounded is in the morning. Like all one of my buddies from my school. And like I told Brody Stevens, they deliver an affetics package package and they're making 12, 15

hour, 55. And they're running up and downstairs. And I go to the comedy main room on a Tuesday and pick up $300 or something like that. And I'm sitting at the myself. It brings my, it levels me. It does, it's a balance. We've, years ago, 10, 12, 13 years ago, a company on, a company rather, ran a commercial. And it's a sales force.

And the guy walks back in, and he starts giving everybody a plane ticket. At least I add, here you go. Ryan's sick, here you go. Tony Banana's here you go. Johnny Gumball, here you go, they're all looking at that plane go Johnny Gumball. He's going there all looking at that point tickets And he goes, ladies and gentlemen, I looked at the stats of the company and I looked at the national stats sales are down Because we do everything on these like this is a commercial and he goes we're going back up there talking to people

And we're gonna get back in people's faces. That's how you sell accounts Good luck gentlemen They were like looking around like at each other and it said like the name of the company if They're saddened make account, but it's true. We've forgotten All those personal little things that person knows little things when I sold cars I was two things guess what I used to do a lot A lot more than I do now. I was a letter writer. You were? I loved writing letters. To who? Whoever. You would do it for someone. Like I could say, Hey, this is a pen now. This is contact. Prison in May. I was going to say,

I'm not trying to make a joke. Was it from you being in prison? No, this was something that I learned from a guy named Carmine Malsano. When I was growing up. Such a kind of the most Italian fucking thing. This guy got caught with machine guns. This guy got caught with fucking, you know, not paying parking tickets, rip them, ticket stuff. You'd come to him and go,

I got a thousand dollars in tickets and he'd rip them up. This guy lived corruption. But what he did was write lettuce to add it is. And he would get his stories always printed. He was a letter writer. And I would look at that and he'd always say the pen is mighty and in the soul at some times. You know, he'd say in his words, sometimes the pen is mighty and the gun, you know, like he was like, he was a cop. And something he did something, just I got into writing letters. At least a little of why it's like fridge. Someone buy them or you just, no, we would get subcontracted.

Oh, we would deliver the walkers. We'd have to go to this place. We pull up the walkers. We'd have to go to this place. We'd pull up at the point. And this 30-year condition is on the water endop. I go in, I give the guy the bill, no cameras in those days. He gives me the guy the bill of lady. He gives me the pay for the retard kick Comejoba. Hope you would throw a fridge or any calories to this.

Then the guy gets in his car, one of his buddies, I'm going to get high. 50 fucking air conditions and the thing. I go, Michael, I'm going to the back of that thing. What do you want to do? You shut your mouth. We started putting the fucking air conditions there. 10, 20.

I was in the UPS man. I took every last air condition. We all broke that air condition on that bottle. Jersey, we dropped off the air fridge and we turned that motherfucker around. And we just drove down the boulevard 100 miles a piece of air condition. It's July. It was June. It was like Steve. Oh, yeah, we sold them with them I bet we split the fucking money. I went over to my grabs house my eighth grade teacher Football coach the running back coach slash book and I a thousand little grand bottles of coke from oh my god

And I went out with my friends. I told I was in the meeting with Joe and Marys But I took like a fucking coilood and me and my buddies got fucked up I woke up the next one I left the stiff so and we did the same shit every week Because they was mixorly sail out Chalely's was in Jersey City 30 cents for now. I'm aamma and five cents for a mug of vehicle 10 o'clock at 10 o'clock one five cents you couldn't find the friend yeah and I want the place was vacant it was fucking crazy we're out of here 10

o'clock at 9.45 people get three mugs and three drinks. I think you see people drinking on three straws and shit two Wednesday was ladies night the dome and Thursday was another ladies night, so we detect them because they were 50 cents straight So come here. Here's a 10 go by you $6.40 so for $7 you are a hell of a make-shot today. So I saw it down there and I apologized to him sorry. In fact I saw it on a Wednesday down there and I said I'm sorry about last night I fucked up. And she goes, I said how about dinner tomorrow I took a picolishy more for him.

He would judge like a doctor. There was a goat that had a minute to be at least. I forget what the guy's name was. The guy has a weird name. He's missing a stomach though. What? He owns the restaurant. Oh, he's always thought.

It's not a good sign. Hold on. That's a hell of a curse to own a restaurant. And be missing your stomach. The stomach had a dish called lobster fridayablo. No, he burned his stomach. no one he doesn't know okay oh frothy abloos his name of this thing was lobster throughout the ablo yeah his name was Johnny

by the go you know he on picolissimo and the stomach you know he's been fucked I'm like what are you doing and I go Johnny eat a my kid I can't you know I was a kid and I'm going up there fucking giving orders Because we get like a score and I go up there and drop money give them drink give them all a drink You know that don't worry about nothing and people get pissed it was like that scene when Balushi went to the restaurant and Blues Brothers, oh yeah, it was white people for me and I'm a cop there was 16 gorillas So I took her on a date up then they brought you a for dish. I'm not even exaggerating. It was just big That looked like a fish

The middle was pasta. It was surrounded by clams Muscles and shrimp to the deck. God They had a tummy. Who big lobster tails that would crack open with red sauce on top. Oh, no, no, no, no They're binga you put your little thing on she wasn't having she's eating this fucking thing Then we get out of there. I take it down by the Binghamton the Binghamton was a boat that you're going on and have a few drinks There was a movie theater. that's why I saw 48 hours and those buses. Oh.

But outside of the air. Your memory is something now. If you started Coke out there, after like 20 minutes, you'd hear ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. The rats from the Hudson River were trying to chip away at your car. It was fucking crazy.

At your car, or coming out? It was crazy. In front of my assosudo, I had a hole in his car. So we had to put a fucking piece into my floor We went down there to make out with jik's Who used to drink me isn't throwing my the hole And people be driving on what the fuck that's all that rust my buddy had a Volkswagen with floorboards rusted out to his foot felt through one time on a highway

Oh yeah Yeah, I'm trying to stop the cars So I take this little trick is her name was Lisa Tritches and she has this the name suit She looks like Pat Manitar in the first video of you better run with the red and white shirt I'm gonna get the red and white shirt. I ain't gonna get a red and white shirt. I'm gonna get a red and white shirt. You look like Pat. He's gonna swap and spit and I start eating a pussy. And she started, I remember she used to put

toppin' pot in the pussy because when I opened it up, a bunch of her came out and hit me with a face. You know what I'm saying? And I bitches on Facebook, she ain't dying to be variancanta. She's kicking, she's jersey. But she got a shot at toppin' pot to hit me in the face. on Facebook she ain't dying to be Vary and Kanta. She's kicking, she's Jersey. But she got a shot at Toppen Pada hit me in the face.

And I ate her push, she was banging on the top of the car. I was, I had her out there fucking both legs eating and I put a coke rock on her pussy. No dick. I cut her off from the dick, no dick tonight. I'm dropping you off at home and don't even look at me so I was. And then I went over that fucking Friday

night I dropped her off like a gentleman and we made plans sat in that day to put him. What? How late night I was on the fuck. And we went out going to a party, got to a fight in the party, my hand got stuck in a Bob wire fence right here as I was getting. He was taking me down, I stuck my hand in the fence and winning them. My god damn it cops came

Me and my boy and her and the piece of ass. She had Teja Romano Teja Romano was a hot piece of ass, but Teja Romano, I think you name all this this was one of those bitches that for six months you look good and for six months You show up looking like Lee So he used to call itajero man a big fat piano because she would go then fuck your six months You would not eat a thing and she'd puke and vomit my guest today is my main man And the best interviewer I know mr. Ryan sickle and thank you the flying Jew is also in house. Hello What's up dog?

Thank you for having me back, man. That's how I praise right there, the best interviewer, you know. Best, you know. I don't open up to nobody. You open up to you. You've wept on my show a few times. You have been moved quite a bit.

I'm very impressed by it as always. So thank you for having me back. It's really fun when you, people think, I love when people call you up and go, hey, I just wanna be on your park. podcast. No, I don't even fucking know you If you look at the podcast you have high numbers with It's people you have a feeling with that's right you share mutual love with because the love gets picked up on the airways and People call their friends and say I listen to this podcast, it's got to special. And it's not

special. They've already heard the stories. It's the electricity between two people speaking, which is what I like the most about podcasts. That's why I don't like fucking 18 people in a room when I do a podcast. I don't like I like the intimacy. I want one conversation. Yeah, you know, once you have six mics going eight mics going you have nine different energies and that it's that one-on-one love and people feel that when I'm with your podcast, the girl's podcast, Tripoli, Eddie Bravo, and numbers are always good because the love is there. Rogan and the millions. Yeah. Red band and the millions because the love is there. And people don't seem to get that. Us as podcasts is the last eight, nine years. You know, yes, I got hit up by some retard.

I want to start a podcast where we hot and spicy chicken nuggets Oh, yeah, the whole lineup was Watch that thing. I'll be doing two million down. Yeah, yeah, like nobody's done that before Eating a hot spicy chicken Fucking line like you know what I am like I don't only eat hot and spicy chicken online I really did hot wings. It's a it's on true TV now I got a feather in my cap. Yeah nominee ties and spicy chicken. Well, are you fucking retarded?

The host is the kiss of death and the two other guy what are you doing? I'm doing it for me get the show started and get back to me What if you do three episodes and somebody dies when that fucking Chinese chicken yourself? Gotta be a part of that when the coke is very sweet. Yeah, I'm in the fucking in the fucking you know people just don't get it. That there's a limit that I disappear once it comes to podcast.

When you call me like a fucking game show type podcast, you're in no danger. Oh yes, you did that whatever. I'll put you. You know, if you're gonna be that stupid I gotta call from a dear friend of mine that wanted me to do a podcast on a Sunday in a fucking like a sauna with no clothes on. And I'm like, hey, yeah, first of all, Sunday is the Lord's day. Number two on Sundays, I don't really know what I want to do today. I'm just flying back from the show the night before 50% of the time. I really don't know what I want to do. Sunday mornings, I'm afraid in the world because my wife and baby leave the church at night. Not the my type of church, some other religion, whatever that fucking Christian. There's no chickens

of all. Yeah, there's no chickens involved. There's no rape and no crackers You know what I'm saying my daughter brought home one of those Catholic chocolates the other day it tastes like Prius penis She's like look daddy. I go on flavor is it and then my head I said Prius penis and I could tell how that I ended up using the chocolate later on when I woke up from my She's like that. He said it was a dick chocolate somebody ate what if my chocolate? I said the priest took it down. Yeah, no, no, he was a tight spot My god, that's what well, we're gonna get your full life story. We're good doing it

I mean I I don't you cut this is probably gonna come out the same week or or your episode All with which we've already recorded will come out. No, this is a week and about two weeks after If I'm saying your episode for mine We already recorded you another episode with you on the honey do Yes. And that's probably gonna come out in the same about a week or two. Right. And I think we're only, I mean, what do we, where I call them the Denver days,

we just got into Denver, so your early 20s, I think. And we're gonna do your, we're gonna do your whole life story until we get to current. We're gonna cry. Every day I put away an hour to write something. And I've been pretty successful with it lately. It's been working well. And your memory, this is your memory doesn't

really open up until you start opening it up and reading it back. I've been catching the coffee shop where I go and he had to know one hour daily Just one hour one hour and fifteen minutes I park I get a green tea and I just write out and I was started on drugs and It's hilarious Like this night's I city with Lee and I'd torture me believe it knows I love Leo Kormann extends I got so fucked up on the helmet. We go. I don't know how you did it until this day people cannot realize the

Even I feel it like when people give me a pill that says a pill that says kill them. I did a fucking I did two pills about a year and a half ago. I went to do a podcast and the people were junkies and they had a bag of pills and they gave me like a pill and a half and I am like I'm sitting in one I got fucked up but that's the day your oral marrow came in. And I had to do a podcast with your well then we had to go eat chicken, Cuban food, and I was surprised on how well I kept it together. It was a percuss set and a viking, I came up. Something else.

I was high for eight hours straight. But from my experiences as a young man, I kept it together. And I started writing this thing for March 25th at the comedy store by the Diction, you know my addiction throughout all this story I haven't mentioned to you guys what at 14 if you were to come up to me and said Joey, are you ever going to be interested in doing coke or whatever. I'd probably beat the fuck out of you. But at 14, I probably started smoking by the 12 and a half. Let's just be safe. Let's just be safe. Yeah, I'm lying to each other.

12 and a half, 13. Very subtly. Once a month, it went from once a month, and is this floating through the bar or is this through school? This is like our kids in a neighborhood. This is the neighborhood downtown. We had the thing called the woods and we would grow three joints and smoke them in a glass pipe that you held on to

Like a carburetor. You sucked down and then you'd have to think on all the airways you were making with toilet paper rolls. You do the same thing with toilet paper rolls. Like gravity hits. With a little bit of force. So we were doing all that. In those days it was very hush hush.

It was me and three other kids and same age kids. Yeah, we had the vaccine the binocca The kit yeah, yeah, and then we'd go we'd walk to this diner on Toneley Avenue that did not exist and it was a real redneck trucker diner And they have like the music on the wall. You know like when you spin it. Yeah play songs and we'd go in there listen to Margarita though and just fucking none of the way to just to come and she'd be like 40 and ugly She smoked like a thousand cigarettes and she's was three

And fucking we laugh at him. We just start laughing at she'd She'd give us the menus and say, I'll come back when you grow up. Like shit like that. It started like a fun thing. And then we start by the eighth grade, we're doing it in between classes sometimes. Like three of us would get together and smoke a joint, go back to class, lit up and start making noises in class, and giggle, and the whole thing. And then it was just a slow process.

I knew that I just wiped marijuana. I knew the dangers of cocaine, I knew the dangers of heroin. But then a friend of mine came to me and he said, let's do it, and ask it. I was the Rolling Stones. In eighth grade, my eighth grade graduation, that was his prize in forming. He wasn't taking you to see the stone, but he got a head of window pain, I said,

I'm like, oh, here we go. I go, how bad could it be? It was bad. But I went to the concert, I, you know, and then I kind of liked that. I liked where it took me. I liked to like to go home and listen to music. And I would pop acid again once a month for a while.

Then it became twice a month. And then it became a thing that we would do three nights a week. Damn! Which rip in three nights. For how long? How many years? This one. This one?

This one? This one? This is so crazy to me. Yes. This is half the week is on acid. This one up this for a year this year so crazy me Week is on acid Year about November we were doing hits acid three a week Three a week and is it just one hit a night or you're doubling up on those Oh no, okay one all right one would take you if you did it six You'd be cooking to three and I mean cooking like you could go home by yourself

Some might tell me a story one time acid Shrooms opium things like that didn't come through our way until the grateful day came to town We would all go to the parking lot we party at the Capitol Center back in the day, where they did heavy metal park in a lot, that's the Capitol Center. We're there for the grateful dead and I didn't smoke or anything, but everybody I hung out with did and I never minded that they did. I kind of enjoyed like seeing what happened. I'm like, okay, well, I'm not going to do cocaine, well, I'm not going to do fucking

rails. But one of our friends, somebody told me this, I hope this is fucking true, but I guess he had bought a sheet of acid, put it in his pocket to take back with us later that night, and it rained. And the rain washed the fucking acid into his skin,

into, and he was, they said he was, he had to take to the hospital Can't really have it. Come on. That's you can see I guess it could right? I don't know that I was cleaning sober I was cleaning sober. Okay, I was cleaning sober. They threatened me with fucking going back to prison and finishing my sentence and One day I get a call and I test a positive for cocaine. And I go, I don't, I don't snort the cocaine. I just sell it. And I told that to a friend of mine.

He was, he were tarnished. He was every time he touched those rocks. That stuff goes through your skin. She ain't gonna test it. One time I test the positive. I wasn't even doing it. It was from touching it. So yes, I do believe that story. Especially back then. Yes, it was thicker. I never fucked it. Look, you gave me shrooms. You just gave me shrooms at comedy store. At the the last okay, they were good good

Yeah, I had them that I had some that night and then I still have what you gave me to take home with me I got a bag of doubt But I want to I'll tell you this so when I first moved out here Because I've only done shrooms like five times and at one point I enjoyed it But also I'm just like I'm the guy that's like all right. It's been five hours get the fuck out of here You know, I'm like that with company. You know, I mean get the alright. It's you know, we had a good time Get the fuck out of here. You don't need I don't need still be here in my music. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa After five fucking hours, you know

You know, I get it but back when I first lived here this was This was in the 1900s, man. This was 97, bro. Late 1900s, 1997. I first moved here to go to college. And that was the whole Northridge quake. I was coming here to go to Northridge when the quake hit and destroyed the school. So I ended up going anyway, but I was I found an apartment for a month then moved in in February and Pink Floyd is coming out to the Rose Bowl and I Love Pink Floyd and I want to go see Pink Floyd and I want to see him at the fucking Rose Bowl So my buddy and I get tickets and he tells me

A married couple that he knows is I was gonna meet us there and sit with us as well It's like great. So the four of us are hanging out. We're all smoking weed and three of them Decide to do shrooms and I'm like I'm good. I'm just going to smoke weed and drink. Get into the show. The show is fucking bananas. I don't know if you ever seen pink. I got to see him here in and DC at RFK when that was still there. Same summer. And the pigs are fucking bouncing, you know, they're all tripping over there on their, oh, sorry, on their shrooms and shit. And I looked to my left and you've been in the Rose Bowl, you're packed in there, you know, and I look back to my right and my friend Kevin, he's gone. He's gone. And I, and people start yelling and shit, I look back, this motherfucker passed out, okay? And it's those bleacher seats. So when he went back, his feet got hooked

under the back of the front one. And he bent in half and people instead of catching him, they got scared and they jumped out of the way. His head hits the bleachers behind him. He goes into a full-on seizure, okay? He's going crazy, his eyes, and they're like, is he epileptic? I'm like, I don't fucking know, I have no idea.

The shit, were you tripping? No, I only smoked weed and drank, but the three of them, they're all, is he epileptic? I'm like, I don't fucking know, I have no idea. The shit, were you tripping? No, I only smoked weed and drank, but the three of them, they're all to my right. It's him and then the married couple. She sees it. And I think guilt got to it and everything because she's the one that gave him the shrooms. She starts throwing up in her like $50 concert shirt.

She, they're all having a ban trip and she's having a full off fucking seizure. Welcome to the church of what's happening now everybody. I'm Ryan Sickler sitting in tonight, not really in, but in and next to the one and only Joey Coco Diaz here also, Lee Siette. This is a special edition, I guess, of the church. You've never had anyone do this before. This is an honor. I'm gonna tell you. Let's say, I change the lady, Freddie Prince.

Yeah. And we'll go in with Joan. Joan River will come on. Yeah. I'm your first guest host. Yes. The fucking love it. And I love that you're here for it, though.

A lot of times guest host and you're not here. Somebody else in host. No. So we have been documenting your life on the Honey Do. We have done about 40 hours of early at 1980. Fuckin' six. We got through 1985 and 86 last time on the Honey Do. So why don't we pick up here with January of 1987.

January of 1987, I found myself working at a car wash and bolder dry and off cars That was one of those guys outside freezing Freezin dry and off cars. I started the job Like the second week of December and I worked damn minimum wage plus tips All right, so just let me refresh here. How old are you in 87 now? How old are you 24? Okay Yeah 24 63 and 4 24 so

I'm wiping down windows washing non-cause and the only hustle I have are The tips how can I steal the tips? I steal the tips. So, you know what I'm saying? If you break up the tips, I go from making seven to like nine, 80. That's not going to work for Uncle Joey. I hate to kick up my income. So I figured out that if I drive the car and the guy tips me, if nobody's watching, it goes in my pocket.

Oh, he's a hateful tip. Fuck the jaw. You know what I'm saying? Oh, sorry, everybody. Get in the hole. Get in the hole. Yeah. You hear I am getting a nickel.

And I got a shirt with these fucking mooks that are moving after speed of me. So that lasted for a few weeks. And I saw an ad or somebody told me about a body shot that was hiring detailing apprentices. Now, I wasn't fucking getting rich at the car wash. I went down to this, uh, whatever the fuck it was, and I apply, and the guy happens to be from New York. Just a body shop, the body shop, paint shop, detail and shop. And you. I got a position for a position called the shaker and

where you watch cars, you help the body guys, you got to be here at six in the morning, it doesn't pay overtime, it pays like 220 a week and you're here to, you're here and you work hard to become a detailer and that's where you make your money. Well, I started there like in November, January, right before the Super Bowl, the Giants went to the Super Bowl, we got somebody. And maybe the Bronco, somebody went, I started the week or two before the Super Bowl,

because they invited me to their Super Bowl party. I mean, nice guys and you know, whatever. I fit in, but I didn't, you know, I did my job. I was really good at it. I used to have to go to Card Dealers. So this particular body shop worked for a chain called the crouches in Boulder at that time that Suzuki Subaru you know Accura he had like four or five Mitsubishi he had like four or five different chains and we watched those cars in Honda Metro Honda we had a something Honda so I became friendly with all the guys. Hey, hey, Dylan. What's going on? I would help the detailers and pick up cars And I became friendly with this guy from Jersey and a Subaru dealership I would go to a Subaru dealership like the ice cream man got there

What's up mother fuckers? What up? Oh, oh shit there he is Jersey Joe? Oh shit, there he is. Jersey Joe, oh shit. There was a skinny guy from Detroit that looked like a junkie real good looking. He was cool. The guy's name was Peter Pinto, the manager. There was a dude named Carlos. And I just became friends with him, the lot boy there

was working a tremendous scam. He was selling, he was getting like, he was one of those guys that was making 350 an hour, but he was making 80,000 a year. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he was one of those guys because. You got it above ground pool, man.

He was fucking, he was getting maybe 10 an hour, but he drove like a Porsche, because he was taking the Subaru's, the SL10, the IN stereos, and you bought the car, he would come up to you and go, and you talk to him about something. What do you want to do to you? The stereo sucks. What if I could put an SL-10 in there, if 100 falls out of the pocket, and he would to all send the bank came when they're like, all the SL-10 fucking radios are missing. They're all shitty AM radios. It's fucking hilarious.

This place was a bank. A sea paradise. When AM radios employees, not even to something that plays the same on it. This place is crazy. So now they yell at me, what are you gonna become a salesman? And I'm like, I know fucking car salesman. Stop that shit. That's the third guy, and like that, three years I kept bothering me to go so cars. I'm like, I'm not gonna go fucking sell cars, you people are fucking crazy. So I kept, and I got promoted to a detailer.

And that's when you get like, I have to get what the pay raise was huge. I went from making 220 to like a thousand a week. Now I'm doing some powder. I got a little apartment in South Boulder. My girlfriend would come over, I'd give her a couple bumps, eat a little monkey, she'd go home and I'd redo the rest of it. I'd hold out on it. I only got a little bit of a up. I have to go to school anyway, you suck. I thought you got more, get the fuck out. And then I do my thing. And it was great.

I loved detailing. I really liked it. I liked it being alone. I liked listening to music. Everybody there smoked pot, you know, it was really cool. But one of my best pieces of work that was once I started leaning, I became a detailer right away. But one of my best pieces of work that Was once I started leaning I became a detail right away like they said it takes 90 days

It took me like 24 days and they had no choice. I was not working everybody I was just one of those dudes that he went a monkey on my back. I'm not working it. I ain't working for two 20 a week The thing that kept me there was a burrito lady. It was a burrito lady that came every day at like nine o'clock with green chili and mashed potatoes. In a burrito lady, your head would explode. It was in a blender. She put it in a blender, you could taste

the little pieces of pork in there. So she said, tortilla with that. And she let you run a tab and you can pay her on Friday. Oh, shit. Oh, she was beautiful. I loved it, but then I was getting hot cigarettes. At the time, I had a friend who was giving me hot cigarettes. I go, he's so cigarettes on the road to go.

And she goes, yeah, I'll trade you cigarettes for fucking burritos. So I had all the cigarette burritos. Okay. It never ends. The house will never end, dog. You don't understand., man. It never ends. The house will never end, dog. You don't understand. It never ends, so.

What's the conversion? How many cigarettes for a burrito? I don't know. I forget those days, I don't know what she was giving me per cart. And then I would get the burritos for like a dollar off. They were like two dollars a dollar. Dilly delicious.

I mean, you couldn't live without. That made me hungry. And you said it. I would you couldn't live without that made me hungry. I would I would not go hard for me. I would snort co thinking about that burrito I'm getting six of those motherfuckers of breakfast and guy every once in a lot she'd run out of them be sure what you get to my stop like wait I'm gonna make a six potato I'm all out what do you mean you're all I you know I need to make this party happen here I don't want the red pork right look like I want red pork I'm trying to fucking you know I'm saying that was like the and I became partners with a dude who was on steroids and one night I went to his house after work he's like you can't

tell me you wanted me to do him a favor put Put, wait, I'm just told him one second. Partners in the detailing business now. Now he was a, a detailer. Okay. Big yo kid. And you went all off and did your own thing now. Me and, no, no, no, me and him were goombas. I see, just got it.

It's got it. He watched my back. I watched, he was a big white boy. Good fucking dude, good family. But I went to his house. He was, can you come over with me now? I'm using some stuff at the house, I go, yeah, I didn't know what to expect.

I go over there, I go, listen man, me and my girlfriend broke up and she's gonna make a shoot, maybe steroids. Huh? Can you shoot me with steroids? I don't listen. I don't know the body shooting nobody. I can't even see needles.

I'm like, here we all I could do it. You could do it. I'll talk you through it. I don't want to do it. I mean, and then I'm like, I don't like it do it, you can do it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it.

I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it.

I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it.

I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you through it. I'll talk you So this is I'm talking I'm fucking. I'm not in my mind. I'm not in my mind, guys. I'm snorting coke on the weekends. Miley, I scratch a whole container deck of the roblin. One of those little syringes. God knows what's going to happen. So it's supposed to be shot into a penis.

So this is how nuts. I was at the time. I'm living with like Another couple and they're just doing coke all the time She's walking around with a panties. He would pass out. She come talk to me with a panties And I you know, it was just a not a good scene. So I got my own apartment. I moved somewhere else And it brazed me up a little bit like my numbers. You know, like now I had to pay real rent. I was paying like for a room in a house. Now I had to pay real rent. And I was making money detailing, but

this cut into my fucking cocoa local time. I used to go to fucking that one place to serve the French fries with the endless my Robin Red Robin used to make cocoa locals. I'd go to fucking that one place to serve the French fries with the endless bread robin red robin used to make cocoa locos I'd make a tip like two extra vodka's in there. ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi you you