Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The CHURCH: BEST of THE BEGINNING, Vol. 1 | with JOEY DIAZ & LEE SYATT

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

The CHURCH: BEST of THE BEGINNING, Vol. 1 | with JOEY DIAZ & LEE SYATT   #001 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLZDpWsaPKY   #002 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPPRafk2rlM&t=4s   #003 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXRnxVXuUXI     This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!   Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH   The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz    #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #TheChurch #LeeSyatt

Music I Fuckin' Facebook look at the stock was going down Facebook's full of fucking ads You could smell the twins on there one of those two twins doing then they buy a house. They saw in the house Oh the Winkle Voss twins. Oh God. Winky Voss twins. These fucking mo-mo-so twice, these fucking mo-mo's. How surprised you even knew about the most, I don't think I'm going to be your target. What the fuck you think you're dealing with, though? I've seen social network bitch. I've seen it a couple times. I can't put up with the guy that plays the thief. I like Justin Timberlake. What's the kid's name that plays the fucking thief? Oh, Jesse Eisenberg? Yeah, he always has a look on his face like somebody fucking farted.

Oh, speaking about fucking farting We finished the podcast the other day Let's go get some fucking coffee some now the home morning, you know before you before you need to shit Like we get that burly right now, so I'm not even in my shit zone the shit so it starts about 7 30 Korea right before church So it's early so I gotta break this first three a few few cups of coffee, maybe smoke a number and I'm really gonna take a fucking dumpster and I walk outside with Lee and I had a rip one and I didn't want to go on this call. You have somebody farting and

bringing the fucking farting to their fucking into your car. Nothing pisses me off more than that and somebody fartes in the whole way and they bring it in. Air it out out there. So I blow this fucking tremendous fuck like I'm gonna blow right now. Listen. Arr it out out there. So I blow this fucking tremendous fuck like I'm gonna blow right now listen Just like that I blow a fucking number, but you can't he we heard it in the car. Oh my god I heard in the car. Oh fucking real Jew. I'm not gonna go in there with that ass stink around my muffler I'm out there airing the leg out. I'm pumping it like a fucking dog. And as I look, I see a lady about 30 feet away. And she's about 90 years old, like a Spanish grandmother,

and she's walking it slowly. Like picture any old woman walking across the street, that's her. I get into the fucking car and I go, leave this poor lady's about to walk into the fog of fucking dead. And sure enough, as she walks into the zone, I see her pick the head up and just start going like this like she smells it and she made a face that was perfect perfect now if you were inside the house and somebody

smelled your fart that's one thing but when you're outside this air and dreaming horror film it sucks up the fire to shit like that you still bump into a fight that was a fucking good for what about the one I just kicked right there oh my god there's no you're gonna have to throw that chair out but good fight. What about the one I just kicked right now? Oh my God. Ooh. You're gonna have to throw that chair out, but that, it didn't, what you just said, they didn't even give it justice. That woman, her face turned up and she was waving at the air,

like it was mustard gas or something. It wasn't just, oh, that's a bad smelling part. She was, you probably ruined her day. Let me tell you some people, I hope you're up. Don't forget, let's say church starts at 7.30, it's 6.18 right now, it's 9. 918 on these coast either you're walking out of church You're going to fucking Denny's to stand online like a mook or you're gonna go out to your car smoke a number and Think about what other fuck the priest or the fucking beacon or the fucking rat by had to say well the Jews go to church

Yes, they were gonna fuck temple. That's special. They go to temple with Prince So I Great now today I gotta get the fuck out of here, but now I'll go in there See podra throw fucking blessing on them put a couple dollars in the basket I'm out there the fucking half hour, but who else comes on before church to get you ready mentally for what the fuck They're gonna talk about only Joe ideas like today with the fuck they're gonna talk about fucking Peter Joe Ideas. Like today what the fuck they're gonna talk about? Fucking Peter and Paul, I don't give a fuck. I've heard the story 80 times, but I go,

I take a couple of rips off this, and that's it, it's all over, but the fucking shouts. And the funny thing was, now that's tremendous. Loving the church that was happening now, I heard the fart here in Wales, like technology. You know what I'm saying? That's how I'm like muffled. People always say, Joey, speak closer to the fucking microphone.

He's an airtight fucking microphone. You can talk anywhere in the room they get you. It's like a fucking FBI microphone. Jesus Christ. Speaking of which, man, let me tell you something. I watch some college football. What a lot of people don't know is one of the kids I grew up with is now the head defensive coordinator

of Penn State, Jesus Christ of Miami. Really? Yeah, they fucking one big guest there. It was pretty good. I watched that for a little while, but there's no pro today, right? No, no, it starts next week. Now let me explain something to you. If you see a, if you're, let's say you're a pro fucking gambler, a professional gambler, you're getting up right now. The first game could be a two. Who gives a fuck? You're getting up now. You're gonna get your day started. You're gonna look at the paper, you're gonna go online, see who's hurt, you're gonna do some fucking voodoo,

maybe throw a curse on the fucking court and back, and you're up early, fuck watching those dumb TV shows, they're staring you to a fucking loser, those cops are up, is that a kiss or death? You don't see them putting no fucking bets on nothing. So now you're getting up, you're getting early, that shit don't start this week, next week, is the fucking kill all these NFL junkie motherfuckers will be up,

ready to rock. Where's my cat's at? Is my fucking, these are the treats they like, right here, fucking temptations. It tastes like milk or whatever. They got all different flavors, look. Nobody's getting content for this shit.

These little cock suckers. They got it early with me. I got up, there was like two of them up already. Oh yeah, you said it up all night. Well, they're up all night if they get encouragement. I like, for they tap out, they go, fuck, there's nobody here that rocked the house. It was Uncle Joey with the back kinda.

But I tell you what, you have no idea when you come home and then you have cats. Because this motherfucker, this is my wife goes to bed at nine o'clock. It's not even my wife, I'm worried about it. So, fucking cats. I come home. I got a female cat that just sits there and harasses me You want to lower that shit in there Well, you know things about all of I just bought my info One of you little fuckers get over here shit? I got treats I'm giving out

Come here, Davey. Come here, Davey Temptations treats I got the fucking check this shit out. I got There's my boy, so he's all scared There's my boy, so he's all scared. I don't know what it is. There you go, Jesse. I got the cat. Yeah, once one comes in, they all come in. Yeah, now they come and they see me.

Now the one guy's nervous. You should have called me. I would have opened the door for you. When you're knocking, he goes fucking for the animals. Oh, okay. Come here, Harry. Say a little bit of people at home, kind of. Come here.

Not gonna say it, which get over here. This is what happens early in the morning. I say a little bit of cats, the animals are nothing. It's fucking Sunday. So don't forget to get your oatmeal. You want to start the week off right with the muffler. You know what I'm saying? Tell me how you're having.

Come say a little to the fucking people. I love this little guy here. Don't forget if you want to drive your cats crazy right here. It's on Amazon. It's called Pat Green Catnip Buds. These buds look fucking good too. Thanks everyone, drink. I come home with fucking roll.

One of these things is up. Look at this. It's not a fucking tree or something like that. Come on. No, it was big and I worked in Beverly Hills. The one night I'm out there a week, think of- But Justin Beverly Hills and hit that said, nowhere else.

Well, that's where the center of it was and there, around there, but yeah, right in center of Beverly Hills, yeah. Holy shit Hills yeah holy shit see that people fucking earthquakes I don't even know what the fuck's going on and you know what that's what it means to be part of the church what's happened now I don't give a fuck I was driving I was at a Mexican ball last night when they really killed the fucking anybody I'm lucky I got out of there alive I went down to do some benefit for some kid in the fucking wheelchair or some shit I thought they were gonna kill me but anyway I made the home home alive was gotten leave late, but day weekend nobody's got to go to work We're right here with the church of what's happening now sparking we got music we got movies

We got everything sports today. We got everything you know saying only there was no one that felt NFL Thursday Correct, I think I think the giants and the Cowboys are playing Wednesday maybe yeah, that's like they're getting the fucking gambling slaughter early It's a bad mother fucking economy. So let's spark the holy smoke. This is a white debt from fucking to find wellness I know you people saying Joey what the fuck they're supposed to close the weed stores this we've ain't close and dick What happened was I guess they had to have an addendum of 25,000 they got 50,000 signatures So they're pushing it back to a fucking St. Generos day. And you know what it didn't mean much to me, because I knew that we weren't gonna close.

And guys, look at all of you people, like, ah, you motherfuckers are out there selling weed illegally. Let me explain some to you. They voted in. Me, they wanted to have like people working on fucking their own grass as some shit. Like you had to do your own growing.

That's the new thing, they're gonna close the store as I guess and you gotta grow your own weed. Do I look like Dr. Green fucking Humpty? No one's gonna do that. I'm never grown fucking dick in my life. I try growing weed one time and I smoked it before it had. I smoked it like when it was real smoke I couldn't have.

I could, as I Christmas fucking day, I couldn't wait to smoke it and I let it dry. The only thing that's gonna do is make is Bring back the drug dealers and make it worse. They're gonna create more crime for them. They can arrest more people This is a fuck this still drug dealers. No matter what the problem is that you know what it's nice We're really used to it for me. I get we know matter what I don't do a fucking you close them Let them open light them on fire. I think I'm gonna stop mr. Flavort open right on fire and they're gonna stop Mr. Flavort. I've been smoking for so many nights.

Flavort ain't gonna stop now because you closed the stores and need a lot of people. Now let me ask you this, I smoke a little bit, but in California, since it's legal, are there still weed dealers? I mean, I know there's dealing other stuff, but do you think there's weed dealers still? Yeah, some people don't wanna get licensed,

some people don't want that. Oh, it's pays to smoke the best. Fuck the lung, you're saying. Fuck the lung. When you're smoking, good refa fuck. And I have to vaporize them. Try to keep it healthy lately. But for you guys in the morning, I smoke a bone

because hey, we're all smoking a bone. That everybody has a vaporized on this city. You're like fucking toast and how the third. Oh my god, I'm so fucked. You were all together on this one. So if I get the fucking cancer from the paper, you get the fucking cancer from the paper. Yeah.

College football on last night, I've seen that. Yeah, my, my, my, my, my, Amy one, right there when they're, when they're pretty big. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck that would be, who would play last night. I have no idea. I don't know what it's called. I don't think it was a fault.

I don't think it was a fault. That's the church of what's happened. It's too confusing, it's every week and some people. But it's, what it's all about it, it's where the fuck and money's at, man. A lot of people like college, I used to watch it, I just don't know what the fuck's going on. A lot of people like it better than Pro, and they say they like the players are playing

for more. I like watching professional, I like watching people who get paid or encounter the best. The play is play for white women. When you're black, that's what you're playing for. Those white little cheelies from fucking small towns. When you're a pro, you don't give a fuck. You got money. You get whatever color you want. Black, white, Chinese, Filipino, chicken, the hospital.

From the hospital? Yeah, that's something I never got into, man. But I don't understand how they, there was something in LA a couple weeks ago how the quarterback of USC was on a billboard Promoting getting to sell tickets, but it was near UCLA and they got all upset But I don't understand how colleges like this can make millions of dollars off of the players and then they don't get paid And and that's why some players have to go and do other things on the side and they got a suck

They can strip get the fuck out of you They get envelopes like everybody else. It's these little rats that you know There's little third bench guys that right on the other guys. Let me tell you something would you play for free? For a fucking education. Yeah, you know most Americans would but trust me They got some mouse going down there for you. Yes No, you have to buy fucking free. They got to give you some mouse listen Come on now play some ball. We'll give you a little for you. Watch a movie one on one. No, what's up? It's an all-more Robbie Benson

About a small time all American that goes to a big fucking school Mm-hmm And it's like nothing he sits at the end of the bench like he was this big-time fucking kid and all of a sudden they torture him He's too short, but he has a job, fucking $50 an hour, the teacher would suck his dick. You know, he had perks, you know what I'm saying? And in those days, the teacher could suck a dick with a clean conscience. Now a teacher sucks a dick.

She got a worry, she can't sleep, and then she got a toss and turn. These little faggot's are gonna rat it out. Yeah, there was one attack, she's like, God, God, having sex like five students. Listen, there was one, when I was growing up in North Bergen, that sucked everybody's dick She's still anonymous

Now everybody's getting caught all these kids go home and they fucking crack because she won't give them a game Or whatever and my day you got your dick sucked on the beer and everybody was fucking happy You know nobody fucking complain these little fucking packets today. They go home mommy The teacher suck my dick. what the fuck is wrong with you How you gonna cut to that shit? You don't say a fucking word somebody such a dick But these fucking weaklings today, you know What are you gonna do? They're too busy. They gotta get their dick sucked and get on the skateboard What do you think like why is it such a huge difference between female teacher beliefs with guys and male teachers and girls?

It's like because I female to suck your dick when you're 12 when I'm ain't creepy. A guy could touch your teddy and it's fucking creepy when I'm 14. He can't do that shit. But like I said, there was never, I grew up in a different time. There was never a fucking sexual deviant guy in my school. But there was some sexually deviant fucking teachers. I was a nuggly guy so the chick didn't want to suck my dick. She didn't suck my dick. I'm not gonna say the entire shit blue me the chick didn't want to suck my dick, you know, she didn't suck my dick

I'm not gonna say the entire she blew me for teacher that was sucking dick in high school never suck my dick, you know She sucked other people's dick, but I was nougat fuck so she didn't bother me But none of those kids till today that nobody knows about that teacher that teacher still fucking teaching and dancing and whatever She's about 60 now. She ain't suckin no more dick more dick but back on the day she was giving head in our school that's just the way it works out that's it what are you gonna do you know I'm saying I don't know about I don't know about no fucking billboards well you talk to me about billboards and quarterbacks this is the church what's happened I don't know about this shit oh I know is who covered the fucking spread that's all that you need to know about sports it's anything else is background

fucking music when I was a kid I'd sit there for hours and watch Bass when then as you get older you get a little shit going on and you don't watch that much I don't watch that much baseball till I told by light baseball But if you think I'm gonna sit there all fucking summer one with a hat like a zoo at my house Doing the wave solo and I went to a couple dodgy games. They're a fucking blast. I might go to one I go to Costco. I get two fucking tickets for 25 bucks. Yeah, they sell and you get four tickets and you and they give you a hot dog and a fucking soda Jesus Christ. Yeah, I love baseball, but it's just you can't you have to be there watching on TV is murder Ah, you go to the game you smoke a fucking number. I want a couple weeks. Well, let me taste them

Then those hot dogs they'll go right through your asshole Oh, you know hot dog and today and and they gave you like the first one. The first one, I took a bite and I would taste it like tofu. Then my uncle goes, no, no, no, no, no, don't eat those. You gotta eat the fucking more beef ones. The old beef ones tasted worse than the other ones. Then they had a higher level, the black angus ones. Let me tell you something, there was no angus in that fucking hotdog. It was just black.

I mean, the hotdog was even fucking great. So forget it, buddy, you know, think about digestive systems. They have like a, they have other type it buddy. No, think about that. Just stay in this they have like a They have other type of restaurants and they have mean garlic fries But you know what man you go to those things you know hot dog. So I'm already fucking full the games are at seven Yeah, you know, you what I did my uncle's a fucking peanut guy So he ate 92 fucking bags of peanuts my uncle, you know, he's 76 from Cuba old school That motherfucker. He's more peanut.

There was a, Irish affiliate is the only Jew that could either peanut. Like, this is the end of the world. The UFC will get fucking stoned and he'll buy a bag of fucking those peanuts with the shelves. My uncle killed them. My uncle did three bags and fucking nine knees. I helped them, you know, I'm not gonna sit here

and tell you that he was a fucking solo artist that he was, you know, he was Joe Perry where he left Erosman. Speaking of Erosman, you know what? I never broke down the arm the full way and I feel bad. The outmodel week this week, by the way, the church of what's happening now is coming at you two times a fucking week. Monday early to get your week going nice and Wednesday early in the

midweek. Sometimes you're full behind. You forget the wipe your ass. It's fucking Wednesday. And also, Uncle Joey shows up and says, Hey, ain't that fucking bad of a day. It's a beautiful fucking day to be in my bed fucking Sunday night so Monday morning I wake up play a little fucking Atonie Bennett I want to be around play a little Tony Bennett. I want to be around every Monday when I was a kid every day I'm going to be around every Monday when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid I'm going to be around every Monday when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid I'm going to be around every Monday when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was a kid every day when I was little Tony Bennett. I want to be around every Monday when I was a kid every day when I was a kid I go to my mother's bar and

She opened up the door turn off the fucking alarm and she go to the jukebox turn on that turn on the fucking little game that you go back and forth and On Mondays especially she get a glass of water put on a table and she play I want to be around because it was her and my father's song when they came from Cuba you know I don't know one Tony by that wrote the fucking thing but she would play that first every day I respect for my father. It says it was number 14 build war hit in 1963. That's tremendous. Play the fucking song.

Now you want to be Casey K. C. C. C. So, Cox, that's what it's gonna be. Two, all right. 63, that's the, I was born. I didn't know that it was in 63. So, every time my mother would go to the fucking bar, she'd play this song first, just to give a reference to my father.

So, every Monday mornings, what I'd do is I get up early, I'd make the coffee, I I clean the fucking little boxes and I get on hand, I play, I want to be around and I respect every fucking Monday morning. I love it. Sometimes I do it during the week too first and late. What are you looking for? Nothing, it's all on play. Give me a second. Keep talking. Yeah, it's right there. It's two clicks away. I'm click on it. It's just the video is not playing. Give me a second, keep talking. I think you got the fucking U verse. I did.

I got a cuck's. This one I'm talking about, I got a watch Lee. Even though he's Jewish, I love him to death, and I got a watch. We're bringing back the Yamaha people. This week we're gonna have it online. Fuck you, pay me the new Yamaha line from Uncle Joey. Tremendous.

Nice little white Yamaha with fuck you, pay me the exact way you're coming from. Cause let me tell you what the thing about it is in life You know a lot of people Kind of half a phony cuz they want people to know Or people of law or they they want people to think that that nice mother fuckers or whatever I always I'm how I am my curse in front of people on my end cuz I want people to know where they come from You're friends with me. this is what the fuck expect. This is why I'm like, here you go.

You have a good fucking mute mood in the morning. Cause I got a picture of these guys, see I grew up with. That's DomExpressio, Darren Regal, and Anthony fucking Bausano, and they died when we were young. And this is the first thing I look at in the morning, I get in the fucking good mood cause they're not here. So I gotta do what the fuck they're not doing. So I got to cover this spread today That's the mentality of the church. What's happening?

I think enjoy what a fuck your glasses my glasses I don't want to be like one of those black basketball players You see these motherfuckers first it all started about 20 years ago like all these fucking Actors once they get a little old they start wearing glasses and I can see the husband the wife saying you look so sophisticated And so smart where the fucking glasses so they started with that bullshit now I got Kobe I got the guy in fucking Miami everybody's wearing fucking point dexter glasses for nine thousand dollars To look more intelligent get it together cock sucka your basketball play not a scientist all right the fuck a little Halloween costume Ain't gonna work bitches

What are you gonna do? Knowledge on these cock suckers early cuz I'm not they think I'm over here fucking around did you work out yesterday? Yeah, I did I what you do I was supposed to have a training session But the woman apparently is too many trainers. So I went over to the gym in my complex And I'm just starting out guys. I don't know if anyone else that is starting out working out So I haven't worked out I wrestled in all throughout high school. So I haven't worked out. I rest all throughout high school, and I probably haven't worked out since wrestling season and stopped my senior year.

So that's probably like six or seven years. So I'm starting out fresh, and I'm doing the stationary bike for like half an hour, and I can do the elliptical for about 10, 15, and then I pass out. And so you fucking need to get the party started. What you wanna do is the fact guys, get the fucking blood going.

That's what I had to do. I mean, they proved me out of the wire the first time I walked in there. Really? The fucking little train, because you sign up for the wine Hollywood and you go down there and they give you like a, an evaluation to see where the fuck you're at. So I thought I was still like in high school.

I wasn't like 70 years. I wasn't right after the long of the show. I thought I was still in high school. I could do a thousand jumping jacks. And she'd put me on the treadmill to start and put it on like 1.5 Let me tell you something my friend at the four-minute mark. I tapped out He was a little cute little gay guy. It was listening dog. I love you to death But don't come back here till he stops smoking cigarettes to you start getting it together

You can't even walk on the treadmill. So that's why fucking started. Yeah, you know I started at four fucking 15 where you walk a half a block and your joints hurt your knees hurt your feet So I put the whole training session in my head I I knew by going to the fucking wine that they have a heated pool So I just started going to the heated pool and I would run back and forth and I would swim But I was from 15 minutes 20 minutes then I got cocky and I over slept one night I jumped into the Olympic pool because it bolder used to be part of the master's swimming program What's that the master's swim program is where you go at six in the morning and at six at night and the lady's name

Was Jane and she would just work you like a fucking like a fucking slave in the water and she right before I got locked up in prison There was a UPS guy at the Hertz where I worked that and he was in great shape I said how'd you get in that fucking shape? And he goes I started going to the master swimming program. Stop fucking volumes already. They're saying it's too low. These fucking people always say it's too low. Put your ear in there to the fuck when you were getting your mother was on the other room. Like when you listen to Richard Pryon. So you go at six in the fucking morning and bowl the Colorado and the dead of the fucking winter. And the pool would be outside and

they'd be surrounded by snow where they shovel and you'd have to fucking dress yourself in a little hot and fucking run out and jump in the pool and you have to do two of those a day a day three times a fucking week and she would train you for little triathlon, not triathlon, the double ones, the ones where you swim and jump up and down for a half hour, not really like all three of them right your bike, that's a triathlon and mystery So I always like fucking sort of not to mention on Cuban, you know, you know me I ran around the fucking island is a young man like a savage cock sucker. Oh Jesus So I went back and I jumped into the Olympic pool and that's my almost drown

I almost drowned the whole not to scary story man I don't know if people heard it do you want to tell it again or fuck no? I almost drown that went to the wide jump the fucking the pool and you know what when you're going to a training pool It's heated but when you go into an arachylamic pool. It's not fucking heated Oh, that's it. That's it. It's a different it's dirty degrees. So first thing it's surround you along You can't fucking breathe here. I am in the middle of the pool my fat legs would just fucking move And I wasn't going away though. I just been around like a mother fuck up swimming is tough I mean, I used to swim in a store. I mean I was never really in shape

when I wrestled, but I was more in shape. And you run around the track and I play football and you run around the thing. And running in swimming are two different things. Swimming is tough, especially when you're out of shape. It really shows you when you're out of shape. Like, wow I'm out of shape. But it gets you in the best shape. Probably when swimming in the exercise doesn't go with you the rest of the day. Like when you run for half hour, six in the morning, that raises your metabolism, it goes that you release sweat.

When you go on the pool, it burns the most calories per minute. But when you get out of the pool, you don't take it with you as much. It doesn't burn throughout the whole fucking day. It's the problem with swimming a lot of people don't know that. Okay. So as long as I worked out yesterday, a good time. I went over there. I got in the treadmill. I hit the bag for half a hour, then I got in the treadmill and ran the

mic, Dolce, two minutes on and a half, and not 30 minutes, 30 seconds of running. And I got in the bike to close it out. Look at that shirt, fucking swellie right next to you. I'm going to eat some sushi. I got dig going on for you. You know what I'm saying? Okay. It's rough, man. I mean, it's, there's not much going out.. Yeah, I'm a little sushi ain't I like I dig going on for you You know, so it's it's rough man. I mean it's there's not much there's not much going out I mean I'm working on a TV show but everything that's gonna be in productions in production and I feel bad for you guys I mean, there's not much shooting right now. I don't do a fuck about that. We're always doing something What the fuck did that the show is about getting up in the fucking morning going there? Not to attack when the fuck everything. You just gotta make it happen. Yeah, there's always action on tail. You got to just get up

You got to get up with the fucking mentality. You seen trading places That's great. The brothers at the end of the floor Mortimer's on the floor dying because your brother's dying fuck them We got to do what the fuck we do here your father be so don't worry about the fucking weight watch Is it whatever the big topic that I've been hearing about lately is just all the bronchle. Let's break it down I've never been fucking impressed the cocaine cowboys.boy's, and I'll tell you why, because they're talking about it in 1979. You know, I would go to Miami in 1970 as a kid, my mother baptized a girl down there, and I would go down there and spend time with them in the summer. I loved them, Reddaw for Invivian. Vivian was a school teacher, Reddaw for a construction

mogul. He would go into, we built all that shit to the falls and Miami, it's the north, and Las Vegas, they say Southwest, the hundred, the hundred and thirty, I was seven and eight, and I go down there, we clear bushes, me and the sun, and the daughters, and we do the whole thing now at night. The three kids would go to sleep,

and I would hang out with Rodolfo. So Rodolfo knew my father, I mean, he grew up with my father, and he always assumed that I knew what my father did. So when I would hang out with Redo for so Redo for new my father I mean he grew up in my father and he always assumed that I knew what my father did so when I would go down that would stay with Redo for the middle of night he go come on let's take a ride and we go to La Roquita La Roquita in Miami is a little fucking it's a gas station that doesn't sell gases if they just sell beer, milk and bread okay and cigarettes and you can go there late night but it's the coldest fucking beer you'd ever had And we drive out to the market and he'd get in the fucking he'd get me in our soda But he let me drink out of his cold Budwears. That was like a big tree for me

Of course we both and we get on the boat. We go out like 10 fucking miles out and he pick up bales or weed This is the set Jesus and then we drive him back in like nothing It was like stealing. They would float into this thing. He knew the people and that's what he did for a living, you know? And I remember going down there, when you watch Giselle, the documentary, he talked about how she ran shit in Miami in 79.

By the fuck, 79 was when I started doing blood. What happened in 79 also? This was all went down. So now what happened? 79 was Mario Lito's came in. Those fucking Cubans that started killing to 130,000 Cubans. 79 was Mario Lito's came in. Those fucking Cubans, they started killing to 130,000 Cubans for that letter, my name is Jail's in 1979.

130,000? 130,000, 100,000, 100,000 of them were fucking in jail. And these were, you know, like for smacking their wife or something. These motherfuckers went to El Morro. This fucking jail where you walk around half naked, there's a hole in the middle of the fucking floor. And you gotta go pee and shit in that fucking home. People tacking and taking in the fucking home a hole in the middle of the fucking floor and you got to go pee and shit in that fucking Home people tacky and taking in the fucking home fucking the ass

That shit so these were the type of criminals that came up this is a type of criminal I you know when he and Scarface they showed the hand they call the Abba Quas and these people are fucking nuts For example my my step-father's name is when they took what Doriento, which means four wins and he had three brothers Two of them came from Cuba at that time and four of his nephews and three of his nephews within the first year, four out of three out of four nephews were dead and they shot his both his brothers. Jesus. Because it didn't know anything else that came out and he got into the fucking cocaine business and by that time it became baracuda, though. That's where her claim the fame was that she shot. Now, let me explain something to you. I watched the first documentary and I bought into it and bought it not and then the second one was just a waste of my fucking time

But it's funny because the other night when it happened I read it in the afternoon and I went out and I'm not thinking nothing of it And I went out and Rogan called me that night and he goes he he they shot his own bronchle Michael fucker And we started laughing. It's like, you know what, the lady killed or supposedly killed all these fucking people. Two-year-old kid, you know what? She was walking around knowing it was coming. So speaking of opium, one of the things we want to talk about is losing weight. It's right. Joey's lost a lot of weight and you guys can't see me, but I've lost about 40 pounds,

but I need to lose about another hundred something like that. And Joey's been one of the best guys for me Since we've gotten together Taking me through it because like the the usual diet. I'm sure a lot of guys out there listening or girls right now listening Have weight issues and a lot of the diets and like when working out. They just sucks So Joey has the oatmeal. What else do you usually eat all every day if you're I put a banana in me. I'll fucking put a little oatmeal in me, a little special K. And then I go for a little walk, about 8.30,

when I take my wife to work, and then as the day goes, I'm basically a weight watchist guy. I'm always looking for new fucking recipes, you know? I got the Dolce Bookstore. Listen man, it's like my religious beliefs. I'm a Catholic, but I try to borrow from the fucking Jews after a little Buddhism in there You know Santa Ria. I put it all together. It's like the G Kundoh or fucking religious. It's like the G Kundoh at diets So I do the doche diet and I do the weight watch that I put together and then you work out like a motherfucker

And on the other side, you know, it's funny because when I first I was weighing 415 and for a month I would go box in the morning and fortune's jam and I'd hit the bag and I fucking the Macafoli would train me in the ring and I did that for a while and I was a loot I lost 15 pounds and 60 days and then I read something online I talked about that you could jump up and down for 92 fucking hours a day but if you're not eating correctly, that's the whole thing. You got a heat correctly. And I read it and it made sense and I had gone to a heart doctor and that's fucking guy said to me, you know, he goes, Joe, you even coming in here for a while, my heart strong but he goes, you're too heavy, your heart strong but he goes you too heavy. Your heart's strong. He goes

you should do something. Why don't you go to see what said die. Now when they put the fucking staple in the Islamic but the other one when they throw it in the Islamic gastro bypass. He goes you should look into it. And he goes that he would he could talk to adopt them, give it to me a cost and they could do payments. And I said you know what, that's about 90 fucking needles. That's two thousand fucking, I could see me fainting the whole fucking week. I go, forget about that shit.

So before I looked into it, I had a friend, Marilyn Martinez, who died a couple of years ago, cancer. God bless us all, but she was on weight watches and she lost a ton of fucking weight for a while. So I remember just walking into weight watches and it was just making little fucking changes. It wasn't making a ton of fucking weight for a while. So I remember just walking into weight watches and it was just making little fucking changes.

It wasn't making a lot of... Bro, let me tell you something, a fat fuck like me, stone, I could lose weight. Anybody could lose weight. Because it's basically just switching it around. I went for meeting, you know, this was my old breakfast. My old breakfast was like three eggs, sunny side up, a half a pack of bacon, you know, toast,

about three cans of Coca-Cola. That was my old breakfast. Yeah. It was like whatever, what I would eat with my wife at, at eight o'clock, you know, 730. So as soon as she went to work or I smoked a fucking joint, I go to make Donald's and get a number one with a fucking Coke. Cheese. You know, and two apple pies. And then I'd smoke more pot and I'd go eat Chinese with my friends. You know, and Chinese will fucking, will fatten you to fuck up with. You know, especially the Chinese I,

and then I'd go home and eat the leftovers from the night before. And then I'd have dinner with my wife. Now my wife is from the fucking South. You know, my wife will fry it if you let it. I'd have bitch or fry a fucking piece of bread if you fuck up with that. You know, so we've gone if you let her that bitch will fry a fucking piece of bread You know so We go home and she make a huge dinner okay, and then I go out

Mm-hmm go to the comedy store and I drink Coca-Cola's oh Jesus killer and I drink 10 or 12 Coca-cola's, you know all night at the bar with no alcohol Then I go home in the way home You got to stop me to the taco and milk shade something. So it was really easy. So with weight watches I went from that diet to basically one egg, a piece of toast, three slices of bacon, and a bowl of oatmeal, a bunch of fruit. See the weight watches diet I did before see I write everything down. So the weight watches diet I did before they had fruit was points but I'm setting that going fruit to no point. Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

So I cheated. I just ate as much fruit as I could. I went from fucking apples to bananas to to to peaches like I just ate a banana. This my fruits the key like if you're over 350 pounds Weight Watches says to eat fruit seven fucking times a day. And that's tough man. That's tough but not really. That's an apple here, banana there, a pineapple fucking here, you know, that's really tough. But, you know what, I dropped a hundred pounds. I want the way to 270.

In the last 14 months I've put on 30 pounds. I'm up to 300. I walk around at 298 to 97. By the time the baby's born, I'd like to be down to 50 to 45, you know My head's gonna be fucking ginormous if you think you know my head my nose all you see is fucking nose and ears And that's one thing they never had to die for is the fucking coconut Yeah, and let me ask you because you're a comic and you would on the road and being out at night my big problem is I work a lot and and the I

Would there's nothing easier than a drive after you work eight ten hours a day You don't really want to go home and cook now you're not doing that But you're out on the road you're out of the store You don't want to come home and start cooking a meal so you stop at McDonald's or whatever Is it just changing your mindset or how do you get to doing weight watchers with that sort of stuff? You just have to decide what the fuck you want to do. If you're going to McDonald's and all those places, you're shooting yourself in a fucking

foot anyway. You're shooting yourself in a fucking foot. If you're going to McDonald's constantly, you know what, I don't understand how McDonald's and still in business, what everything I read. I don't understand how McDonald's and still in business. What everything I read I don't understand how you got these little fucking kids and I see him going into McDonald's one thing about me guys If you look at my pictures if I could find pictures of me as a child. That was always scrappy. I was skinny I didn't get fucking fat though my 35s 30 to really yeah, I used to walk everywhere I would walk you know

I believe in fucking exercise But I got what's called sleep at me with one of the worst things you could fucking do is stay up late Especially you have to get up early, which is part of your problem. Yeah, I'm working nice too. So It's it's tough. But here it is man plain and simple. It's whatever the fuck you want to do You want to lose the fucking way you lose the fucking weight I'm telling you that it's not hard at all to fucking lose weight. It's harder in your mind. It gets harder in your mind.

Because weight watches teaches you, for example, there's a place where all my fucking pizza appear that they make sandwiches, okay? Now, you can go in there. We can get a sandwich, two sides, chips, and a soda. Or you go in there and get split of the sandwich, get one side of red peppers in olive oil, which you don't think that has points is the olive oil, which is good for you. And maybe get a glass of water or something. You could still eat, I could still go to fucking, in our burger and get a burger, a cheeseburger single with lettuce tomato, no mayonnaise and no fucking special sauce, I could eat a half-order of fries

because the burger with the points is 8. I could eat a half-order of fries which is 4 and then get a diet soda. So I just want to add it out for 12 points. As opposed to two burgers, the large fries. Two burgers, a double-double fries, a milkshake or soda. And you don't want at first you look at this meal and you go ah I'm gonna be fucking hungry But you're not after you finish there. Mm-hmm. You're not hungry at all You're like what the fuck man if I could do this all the time it wouldn't be that bad You know what I'm saying? Yeah, one thing you said to me when we started is going to go in a subway Which is you can get healthy food there But when you go in there, I always think, oh, I'm gonna want the foot long.

When you eat the foot long, you're full. If you had gotten the six inch and waited 10 minutes, you're gonna be full, it's enough food. If you eat the six inch butt, let me taste something, man. And I'm a fucking, I've always liked the best food. I always, that's one thing about me. My mother did not like me eating fast food. Okay.

You know, I'm from Jersey, I had fuck, I grew up around Great Dally's. Oh, yeah, I would never let myself on a fucking like I was Nashville And there was a subway and I go let me go get a tuna. How back of the fucking to be it's fucking bad Yeah, you know, I'm sitting there one day like any other stone on fucking the world and I'm watching Conversion they talking about the turkey jalapeno avocado sandwich. Delicious. It sounds delicious. It's a delicious sandwich. If you take Thuumins, fucking other roasted turkey, you slice that motherfucker fan, and you get a nice avocado and shmere, you put some jalapenos, maybe a piece of provolone. Yeah, that's a fucking dynamic sandwich right there.

But when you go to fucking uh... subway or quiz. Subway. Yeah. Subway. You taste that sandwich and it's that fucking turkey salami shit. Yeah. How do you call this a spicy Italian? This is a spicy fucking turkey. We're saying no spicy Italian. All that. You leave there and then I will later you burp and fucking cold cuts like a mother fucking. You're not supposed to be burping fucking cold cuts. Never. Yeah. So that's the reason why I don't go to subway I know that Jared said he lost weight with subway wait five years now so he's got a hemorrhage the size of fucking mount you look this coming out of his ass hole yeah cuz all that shit of fucking key and and the letters is petrified

sometimes it's just a little petrified you know you would see the fucking people that work in subway if we get to put the gloves on The worst thing for me. Just customer service in restaurants is to an all-time fucking and that's not even customer service at a restaurant It's customer service fucking anywhere You walk into these place and these kids just look at you like you're a fucking three-headed fucking monster You know just either help me. Don't fucking help me The store is looking to fucking spend the dollar, and I look at who's working there and how they treat you,

and I've always said that in this economy, right now, customer services are just gonna prevail. You know, everybody has a cheap price. Look at fucking Amazon. You could do, you could fucking do Amazon for fucking nothing. Go on and get delivery to your house, you don't have to leave. Shipping's free.

You can just stay home and mind your fucking business, and that's it, you know what I'm saying? Do you think it's commission? Because like best buying all those places, they don't make commission anymore. So what is their incentive to sell? What best buys? Best buys.

Any of those electronic places, any store, I don't know if any stores that work on commission anymore, do you? Yeah, people work on commission. I used to work at fucking footlo you? Yeah, people work on commission. I used to work the fucking footlox. That's what I was saying. I think in the past, I do, but I know at least at the big electronic stores, they don't work on commission. So that's why they don't know anything and they don't actually was on Louis the other night.

He went into a store and a salesman didn't know anything about it. And then when he got, when Louis didn't want to help him out, he, the salesman tripped him. And it was hilarious, but it brought up a good point that what's their incentive to sell? It's why, at good restaurants, when servers can make money, you're gonna get your service. At least in my experience, I don't know what do you think? Who the fuck are you talking about?

I don't know, man, I've been up all night. Well, if you go to a nice restaurant, and they know you're gonna fuck, listen, you should always fucking tip, babe. A lot of my like my mother remember we get into a cab and throw the motherfucker at 20 just to know where she stood with the motherfucker before she even put the pedal to the metal cock sucker you know so they know where you stand you know where you stand you go to a bar sometimes the bars packed you throw that bartender a fucking ten spot and a button to rock some they could

stand around me yelling, me, me, me, me, me, me, you're gonna still get the fucking cocktail for us. That's all school type mentality. That's church of what's happening. Now you walk in there, you give that fucking guy a bug, you slip in his hand like a soldier. And you see what happens.

Speaking of fucking church of what's happening. Now let's break over for some fucking, Jesus fucking cookies here. I got these things last night. They're like one two thousand grams of fucking Reef, right? A little these are a new church or what's happened now? Is that an edible? Yeah, these little Edibles, oh, holy shit. They're really, they're really what do you call those? Jolly Ranch is what you call them. Oh, kids, Lord, you fucking take them like this. And right now if you're at home, get on your hands and knees, so I can throw fucking blessing on you. Jesus took the fucking juice, passed around his friends and said, drink from me. The holy blood, this

is my fucking blood. The new and everlasting blood. Drink of it and you'll live for fucking ever. And then he took the after dinner, he took the fucking bread and he broke it and he gave it to his disciples and said take this all of you and drink of it or eat of it this is my body the true and that last thing body of mad mother fucking flavor holy so here it is boom the church boom throw it in contact that's how we're running here today where these cats come see your dad your fuck come on mom now these cats are coming on leaves here today. Where's these cats? Come see your dad, you're a fuck. Come on, mom. No, these cats are coming out. Leads here today. Wait, wouldn't you get a hooker last night or something?

You got the fucking, you came in here that you put them aloo on them. You know what I'm saying? I'm sorry, man, usually they like me. I don't know what's going on. Come on, come on, Greg, man. You don't want them to say hello to the camera, cock sucker? And I'm gonna show you, this is great.

This is my girl. Mm-'m gonna show you this is great. This is my girl. Mm-hmm. Oh, great, great. This is my great-great, guys. This is my little girl. She's not that little here. She's about fucking 10th. Well, I love it with all my heart.

This is my little great-great. Say hello, cock suckers. Say hello, Cox. I just say hello, gray, gray. What's happening? I know I'm not in the mic, Lee. So what? I turned it up, man. Yeah, they get it.

Jesus Christ. They got to see what the beautiful cat is. I can't help it. Say hello, mama. Now, gray has an interesting story, right? Because when I first came over here, she was like living in this room mostly. Yeah, because gray used to live outside.

And when I moved here, Gray started coming up to stairs and saying hello, scratching the door in the mornings and shit my other cats with good fucking piss. But then Gray got attacked by this douchebag fucking cat that I've seen last night. He ripped open a little back. So I couldn't find the she wouldn't come home. So me and my wife and hunting for grain we found her around the corner and we brought her back and the landlord

downstairs took her to the vet. But the problem was, once she came back, she wasn't allowed to go back outside. Okay. She's already got dogs downstairs. That's right. Isn't my little girl. So I brought her up. I didn't want to leave. She had grown up around here. She knows the ends and I she's not allowed to go out no more. Besides, I couldn't have her out. Look at it. She's my little black and white girl. Who says I hate black people? My friend Cox Rocker. Oh, there's always a lot of over here. I work nights and that's the best part about working nights is on two o'clock, 10 T TBS,

two or three, but they cut them down, they've been replacing them with the fucking mental list. They pissed me the fuck off lately, a little fidget guy with a fidget fucking girl. You know, I like the show, it's a good show, but Law and Order is a staple. Been around for 25 fucking years, you gotta change it up on me now. Two o'clock sometimes I come home and run around on that. I want to see Law and Order. I got up here and there's no fucking Lord Lord. No and they that show was on for 20 years. I can't believe I can't

tell me. I mean 25 years. That's a lot of residual money right there. A lot of criminals. Yeah but then they tried Lord Lord LA for a while and that it's not on. I don't think so. They canceled it with I love cool Jay and if they did and they're about to, no one else about fucking real stories We were talking what's the one we're talking about last night? Where wasn't it you were talking about long on episode? No Don't fuck with me. They're gonna put some mouth in and you're trying to change it up on me cock sucker Church of what's happening now Monday morning. I'm happy you fucking here last week. We were talking about Errol Smith, you know, I was telling Lee

yes, I was telling Eddie Brawler last night that, you know, sometimes you have all your life to have a great first album. Yeah. Then your second album usually tells you what's going on. The reason why I like those older guys, especially Errol Smith was, that third album is a masterpiece, but so is the second album get your wings don't get us confused here The first one was dream mom with walking a dog You got one good song and the other one the second one was get your wings Which is a fucking masterpiece because they didn't come out fucking throwing heat right at it There's a lot of slower balance on that same old song and dances and slow ballad

But you got trained kept a rolling where they went from a studio version into a fucking live version But Jesus Christ fucking rocks, you know throw me a song from rocks anything not back in the saddle but there's gotta be you got back in the saddle you got nobody's fault let's see what else you have the full album on it yeah they got the full out rocks here we go full album all right you press in rocks there's a Lash-trial rats in the seller combination Sick as a dog Do you have one you want to start with?

Let's start with nobody's mother fucking fork go to the 20-minute mark right there It's gonna take a while to link up. I know that but these motherfuckers you do Let's see that's my main man Lee leaves up one of the baddest motherfuckers I've known you know that a lot of people always said yesterday me huh? Leasing let me tell you something about Lee. We got the ball going leaves the executive producer on fucking It's either you or the priest Lee also helped me with the documentary the man flavor world the mind of Lee He's a crazy motherfucker. he wouldn't be doing this, he'd be doing fucking arson, he's that type of, he'd be lighting buildings down to the fucking nub, that's how he rolls, Jewish lightning motherfucker.

If you, you know, one of the reasons and why I got out of crime was one thing, you never want somebody not going to go when you're 50 fucking years old. You know, whatever you do at 20 is great, you don't wanna do time as fucking 50 and above. If don't want to die in the fucking can. That's a that's a bad fucking life. What is that? I'd go to the ghost of the come over. Get Zelda. Get Zelda. That cock's sucker. So you don't want to end up in

that. That was the biggest deterrent I had was seeing my uncle Miami go to jail at 50. And you know, when he went to jail, he was a millionaire. And next thing you know, he's got to move into an apartment out of Atlanta because the federal penitentiaries in Atlanta even though he was rocking in Miami, he got to move to Atlanta and put his kids in a two-bedroom apartment, three fucking kids. So I see what it does to you and I see what it does to your family. But the worst thing is that you don't want to die in the can and that's the worst thing

about Connerman that you're walking around when you do something like there's a people in front of my house here that park and then go to work instead of parking for free parking they park back here because they don't want to do the sticker or some shit and they park in front of my house every fucking day I wake up and I see the same cars and I'm gonna go over and stick a nail in front of them I flatten their fucking tire or scratch their door you know my stepdad was a fanatic about the spot in front of him, a flat in their fucking tire, a scratch dead door. You know, my stepdad was a fanatic about the spot in front of his fucking house. Oh, yeah. On his, on his, his mind, it belonged to him.

Was it in New York? It was in Jersey, little Bergen, New Jersey. And he would sit there all fucking night watching the spot. When somebody was barking, he got there and flatten his fucking tires. He got to the point where nobody would park them the fucking block because they know their tires would be fucking flat. What do you look at the fucking thing for them talking to you come No, that's so I said out there sometimes I'm like, you know what I'm a flat in this guy's tire today

I'm just thinking again catch shit and putting it on the door handle You know at 49 I know one thing if I do that I'm gonna walk around I got something coming to me Oh, yeah, I never want something coming to me. That's the problem with fucking karma. So Jacella, whatever, Rest in Peace, but dirty bitch, you knew you had a coming. You got this, Linkin' Blow, getting your fucking little black pussy suck or Columbia and pussy suck,

they killed her in front of a door, they're in law, some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, two people rolled up on a motorcycle and chow her on the head. Yeah, fucking New Jack City style, you know what I'm saying? That's nuts. I had a question, I was thinking, cause I read read that article and I was thinking about it the other day

Do you know of anybody who's like? Has been a drug dealer or doing that stuff for their entire life life and actually gets away with it Like doesn't go to jail end up dead or other people can do that for like a lifetime or something Every lot of people do it for lifetime, but there's never you always pay somewhere Okay, you're always going to pay somewhere, somewhere you got to pay for your fucking sense. So you might rock them wrong and make some money, but you might have other heartaches that are associated with that. And you know, you know, when it's kind of my landscape made a bunch of money,

but he had a retarded son and his wife always blamed that really on the retarded. So you know, what he had done on a nation say retirees he was fucking mom or whatever I don't fucking know but they she always blamed on that you got to come always remember that the church or what's happened now let's play some fucking music what are you in the move for today you want to play more black Sabbath or you want to play something else I don't know I'm in the mood for something exotic what are you fucking think

Lee like hmm you know what I mean real the mood for something exotic. What are you fucking thinkin'? Like, uh, hmm. You haven't done any real, we've done a little bit of rap, but not really, or any country. Country, that's not fucking bad, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? What do you know about country? I love fucking country. I don't know, shit about country.

I like this, uh, the fucking chicken, the guy, the lady, out the bellum, I like those fucking two of this. Savages, don't forget, Mr. T's calling call and today my high school teachers calling in about 20 minutes Mr. Tease a very interesting guy. I love this guy and I've spoken to him I keep in touch of him. He was my teacher from freshman year to senior year in high school and Pretty much after that he kept me out of He kept me from fucking taking a swan dive as he would call it, you know Joey I hear through the fucking ranks. You're taking a taking a swan dive as he would call it you know Joey I hear through the fucking ranks you're taking a taking a swan dive and they weren't it so I didn't see him from the time I graduated in 82 and in 84 I

see them on the street corner he pulled up next to me and he goes you looking like fucking mortal vanda one dogma look at you filthy fucking savage look at his bad mother fucker So He said you know you got to get your life together. You can't keep hanging out in corners and the next thing you fucking know I had a leave I had a leave not bergen New Year's Eve 1984 New Year's Eve 1984 because I front to the half ounce of blow so I figured I had half ounce of blow. Keep the pocket money and start a new life.

I called them about six in the morning. He picked me up and took me to Cresco, New Jersey about 15 miles away. And he took me a few AA meetings and he believed in me, you know, and I had a job in the city and I got a job in a liquor store and I kept fucking doing my thing. So after two months, one day go, I got a call from the cops, do me a favor. Don't come back to your pull up with a fucking cowlack. That's fucking tense now. I went to Rascals one time, I called him, I ain't got no cowlack, but I'm getting on stage.

Do you wanna come and we, and that was about 15 years ago, we've been tight. And whenever he sees me on TV, calls me, and he's my school teacher. Wow. Mr. T, and I love him to death. And this is the reason I do this shit, you know, to make people like that proud. They want an all-in for me.

So I'm trying to go on a fucking limb for them, you know what I'm saying? Now looking back into those times when those people would help you out, and you were still doing crime, or still doing drugs, did you feel bad doing that? And you just couldn't stop or you just didn't even... No, I think you were fucking. Why do I give a fuck? You're your thing though when you do your thing you can make you know fuck don't look back when you gotta pull out a fucking gun and so what are you gonna do I mean you know you you caught up in different things in your life you know I made

mistakes like everybody fucking else some women suck 50 cops you know I tried to roll the fact what are you gonna fucking that it happens sometimes your life, but I'm here to tell you I wasn't not happy about it now, I'm gonna have a child. I don't want the fucking kid to know, but what are you gonna do? The kid's gonna know and you live with it, you stick with your decisions, the things we do. When you ain't got a fucking gun, leave. How about a little fucking Allison Chains this morning, down in the hole, direct from the from the murky waters of the underworld where there's H this fucking everything in the stamina and if you find the live one do it but just go off a dirt just to get people in the fucking mood

today because it shows about getting up and six in the fucking one we think I'm doing up here I'm here for my fucking health or what when I was a kid and I got up to be the news the news and Jack will end doing fucking fucking sit up in a body suit like Bruce Lee without the fucking stripe here You got a bunch of shit you know fuckers got 800 channels and then you got mad flavor you guys what what Allison James on your place Down in a mother fucking hole Okay Great fucking album dirt one of my all-time favorites. I mean

Let me tell you something man. I was down and out with music after the 80s I was like fuck this shit and when all that stuff came out of Seattle I was never so fucking happy. I like that shit so much. I made a girl move to mother fucking Seattle That's how much I liked it. Sound guard now. It's in chains. I mean all that fucking shit Pearl jam. It was just a beautiful time to be up there. And I was very fortunate to bet I was on probation the whole fucking time. What are you gonna do? What are you looking for? A fucking crystal ball over there? That's loaded man. Give me a four second loading. What do you got AT&T versus for? What are they

fucking loading? They're not fast enough. Some other fuckers, they charge you for fucking everything. It's gonna be the speed of light and then nothing fucking happens. They're the biggest fucking rip-offs without a gun. AT&T and sprint I love him to death I love my fucking sprint phone I don't like this is wrong. No I'm saying running. Oh who gets a fuck leave you don't do that leak as you throw me off. Okay when you move your head and you tell me I don't know what the fuck's going on you're in the middle of dropping fucking knowledge what are you doing? Look who's coming. Cox suck is here. Where the restaurant Terry Clark?

Just remember he goes into office. We're really gonna get down here. There's gonna be no reef or no nothing but I don't give a fuck. Look at this. I got the paper pen. In worst case scenario, you know me, I've smoked these fucking cat buds. I want all of these from fucking Amazon. Go to Amazon. Pat Greens catnet buds. I love this shit from my cat. They're getting used to it though now. See they get the in my cat. They're getting used to it Don't know see they get the resistance like we Every once in a while you paying attention for the phone. This motherfucker my call. It's on whenever he's ready Yeah, he might call in a couple minutes

So that's how lucky we are so I still keep in touch with my high school teachers Cock of something. We're gonna have to get barone to call if anyone wants the documentary Barone was on in the guy with the red shirt and the blue background. He's great. That's a good fucking idea. I'm gonna have a rucks that the stripper call I call to this morning, she ain't fucking answering. I'm gonna see what her deal was.

Wait that fucking freak up and talk about hand jobs. I'm gonna have to fuck she does. Who's this motherfuckers sending email is early about travel. They sent you this fucking about travel.com. Who gives a fuck? If you just keep sending me emails after a year and I don't get back to you,

what are you sending me? What are you wasting your time? You think I'm gonna change my fucking mind about your product? Now I got Boston Markets sending fucking emails. You get their emails? No, I don't think I have them. Come on to Boston Markets.

Yeah, listen, man, when you were fat, fuck Boston Markets got great turkey. Ha, ha. Be good, you get a little slice of fucking turkey, with a little stuffing, you know, you get double sides of meat, you get extra protein, you put that trip to fucking all, when you're system, you go home and take a nap,

you smoke a fucking blood. So it's not bad because you're not gonna make a fucking turkey every week. Turkey's dry too much, though, man. That tends to stay away from it like a turkey dinner. I have turkey sandwich, but Turkey's dry too much. Yeah, but the problem is, because you're under a turkey dinner on a fucking Wednesday by that anything's fucking dry her ass holes

Fucking you gotta eat the turkey dinner when it's fresh on a Sunday Even a no-host CC down the fucking coin. I know host CC no-hold Diner Which you wanted to spaghetti and find out how bad the fucking food was They got a great turkey on Sunday slice it then the mashed potatoes blow the fucking gravy was like pimple juice Like right head pimple juice that hits the fucking mirror it's thick but he's calling no not yet what are you looking at me for like I'm on probation cocks up looking at you wherever I get yelled at when I look at the chat I get yelled at when I look at you what the fuck you're doing you're confusing me and everybody's

everybody everybody that you saw last night listen I don't know how to break this down for you because people gonna get pissed off And I don't give a fuck and here goes there ain't well, I turn out that democratic conventional last night And I seen that Puerto Rican Mexican dude in his last name as Castro I'm more shocked myself That was a fucking weak move putting up a fucking Castro last Castro that fucking talked to people took over a fucking I'm gonna shove it up that fucking ass and it's never gonna, I hate Castro, everything. Yeah. Castro convertibles, I hate the fucking, I hate the old Castro, I hate them fucking all.

So I got pissed off, but thank God, my God, and you know what, I'll tell you what, I always think this election was gonna be won by the women on this one because they're fucking close. I thought Obama's wife was gonna go up to the throat Pete. I love Mrs. Obama So don't get me wrong. Oh that fucking thing was brutal She that was that that fucking speech just give me and he'd be talking about her family and Walking up the stairs and seeing her father who gives a fuck all right, let me know your husband's gonna I got a sit through this fuck me. That's one of those cocaine ebbs when you want to check the suck your dick Husbands gonna do I got a sit through this fucking me. That's one of those cocaine ebbs when you want to check the suck your dick

But you gotta let her tell a story to get there. You know what I'm saying? She's talking about her father coming home and she'd be on the top of the stairs Do I need this fucking aggravation in my life just like my nuts and move on with your fucking long story? Yeah, no, I can't stand this time here I get yelled at all the time because I just don't vote. They're all live You gotta go fucking vote, but they're all fucking lies. At least you see through it. I mean, you know, the big question is, how much is your life changed the four fucking years? ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi ʻi you you