Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The CHURCH: BEST of THEO VON, Vol. 1 | with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 17, 2023

#339 - Recorded live on 12/10/2015. https://youtube.com/live/Y4HF8ehmePU    #383 - Recorded live on 05/25/2016. https://youtu.be/ho3WFBqJSe4    #443 - Recorded live on 01/02/2017. https://youtu.be/XNRYlW-JvMw   #499 - Recorded live on 07/17/2017. https://youtu.be/PxCssAVJjpU    #529 - Recorded live on 10/29/2017. https://youtu.be/-pqm56Y85AQ    This podcast is ALWAYS presented by ONNIT!   Go to https://www.onnit.com & Enter PROMO CODE: JOEY, JOINT or CHURCH The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #TheChurch #TheoVon #LeeSyatt

Music We used to feel fucking we used to have this game where you would feel like people's two dudes were filled our mouth with sugar, you know? And then you would you you would you slap each other in my cheeks but here's a thing bro. It's hard to hold a whole bunch of sugar in your mouth. And keep it off. And keep it all in. Well, here's the thing, it starts as all of them, but you get parts because all your moisture is going to this thing, so your body starts to dry out.

So then you start your, you're basically holding the sugar in your dry mouth at a certain point. You feel like the desert. How old are you? I don't know. Like, he was a child point man. You feel like the desert how old are you? I don't know like he was a child. Okay, you like when I was like eight like eight. Yeah, like yes 7 8 11 and 14 even 14 even and this one in 18 year old We said this fucking girl who's probably 14 that went shirtless bros and she was like fucking four four to 14 shirtless bruh

went shirtless, bros, and she was like, fucking four, four to 14 shirtless, bros. Shirtless. Why was that? I don't know, it's just so, their whole family was pretty much shirtless and they didn't do any different by the girls, man. This girl was shirtless as fuck. And we all thought like, damn, she's like a long hair.

She's like the most best looking dude you've ever seen, right? We thought that till about 11. And then somebody's like, that's the girl, man. She just goes shirtless. And we're like, but nobody told her to put a shirt out in school without you. I don't know about school, but I never,

I mean, she was in a children's school. I was a little bit older than her, but I never saw anybody just be completely shirtless like that. There was a bunch of fucking sugar in there, Mark. Oh, yeah. Yeah. If I can, it was a cheap game, but I was like, if you don't have a bunch of money to go do something,

you fill each other's mouth up of sugar And then y'all just got to slap each other in the cheek And it was a kid in my name, but John Cline, he's not a bad kid. Always great since he had a brother Brian Cline And those days kids didn't have ADD and they don't have what this you were just retarded Well, you had the cheek guys Yeah, he just won you can't fucking eat You know, it's one cutting it man, and they used the torture Well, you had to check your eyes One Uncundin man, and they used to torture. Yeah, we call them gods favorite They used to make them drink piss

They'd piss in a beer bottle and close it and put it in the last bottle and he would take it Clammy beer and he fucking drink it I was never involved in shit with Brian Connie But did he handicapped? No, he just wasn't sharp. You know, wasn't he just wasn't a sharp kid nice kid Always said hello Brian Connie, but they did weird things to him like they used to make a meat shit like they pay him like 15 bucks To make a meat a lot of like we it's how much shit. Oh, I think an actual shit. No, no, no Like fill his mouth with pepper and shit like that And then this other kid the kid the guy who they just fired from Miami, hurricane's defensive coordinator

When he was a kid his brothers and all those guys named but you should time up on a bicycle make a meat roll eggs and blow them up With his mouth and all that shit like put the eggs in the shell and smack them below the egg of his mouth No one that I went I went the Penn State was an all-American tackle. They got it and I would've died in your town. There was certain people, which is good. Just got me over there. I would've been one of those kids.

The guy I got into it with when I did that club. Before I met Lee, I did a club in New York City. One of the first times I went to New York to do comedy on my own, I booked a music club in the village. Right. And I went there, and the guy that started a fight with me, his name was Brian Burns.

And when we were kids, when you were in grandma school, you already had a legend. What he would do is he had a gang of guys that would take you, tie you down, and they would put duct tape on your balls and fucking that glue shit from the tape and they would call it a table. Oh, yeah. They would give you a table where they'd lay you down and wrap you up with tape and pull the tape off you and shit like that. He was known for all that stuff,

for spraying stuff on your balls. He was a big time bully. And you know what happens to bullies, bro? They get beat up later on in line people. And I remember that night, like I was like, I could take this fucking down. And I had already a plan. He kept coming in to try and apologize.

And I kept going, you know what? I could take this guy I could kick him in the fucking knee you could see he got like three hundred something So but you felt like so it was crazy because the tide it switched with that dude like it in back in the day He was a bullet. Yeah, he was a bullet kid, you know, he was broke When I was in eighth grade or seventh grade he was already a high school Torturizing people they said if you play football be careful Because if something happened don't football practice that you hit him hard or something

He'd get his friends to give you the table Especially if you were Spanish or something. Yeah. Oh, it's got racial, huh? It was what it was. Yeah, I mean was what the fucking was I mean We had one Mexican kid that shut up when our time and having he Spanish people. We have one kid. Let me think about what this kid's name was. I think it was Nick, right? and I remember we all had science class and Oh actually in science class that these hamsters you could play with until the second bell rang or whatever Then you had to give you know put them in the cage and everybody could then we would do learning, you know and

This fucking one time, there, this hamster, right? Superman, we named him. And I was holding him in this fucking big sweatshirt I had, right? And after class, I forgot he was in there. He fell asleep in a little pocket, wherever you put your hands, right? So after class, I just throw him a book bag I'm running, next thing I'll get in the fight with two brothers, right?

Get beat up, pretty good. And one of them had fucking killed this hamster that was still in this palette he'd fucking punched it so I never had it like sometimes I've become fucking I'm not even joking bro I have dreams where I feel like I had an abortion poor Superman I knew something wasn't gonna be good yeah I think his name was Superman let me think for a second it might not have been Superman why would you take the fucking hamster out of class and put your fucking pocket for anyway? You know you could you was sitting at class you just nothing to do and it was nice to kind of have some

Next to that a town a couple away from there called a Covington, Mandaville and what you gonna college? I went to LSU and University of New Orleans. Really? Mm-hmm. Did you graduate from LSU? I graduate from University of New Orleans really did you graduate from LSU? I Graduated from University of New Orleans eventually I made it through you went to LSU. I still talk about pistol peat marvets. Oh, dude my tent the town of group and Get the fuck out of here. He lived and died in our town, dude Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, and Lee Harvey. I was well went to went to middle school in our in our town Get the fuck out of here. Where do I got a dude and I mean I say this a lot but in nineteen uh... and once in the

eighties and in nineteen ninety four a bunch of infected monkeys got out because tooling university had their primate testing facility center in our town and a bunch of infected monkeys got out and they let us out of uh... why mc a summer camp to the police look for them bro i remember they came to summer camp basically to get the police look for them bro. I remember around town they really yelling, I mean, this is fucked up. I mean, this is just shows you how far in the South you are. People were like, 90 monkeys just escaped from this place or whatever.

And you literally have like, you know, people riding around guns, fucking Confederate flags. It's like, dude, these are animals, man. Like, relax. Like, the shit almost got, it was weird. Like people were like, these fucking monkeys, like they planned it. Like it was weird like people like these fucking monkeys like they planned it like it was great like it was I just true that name out because today in today's paper on Twitter it said that the basketball player from the lake is producing a pistol peat marriage that's awesome and I'm sitting there going you, what kills me about today is they're doing bio picks

about people that these motherfuckers don't even know. That movie should have been done 20 weeks after he fucking died. Yeah. But nobody thought about doing it. You know, do you know much about pistol people? I mean, I think I know a pretty good amount about them. I mean, I know he played, you know, I know he played it all as you. I know he played for the jazz. I know his two sons. Really? Yeah. They played ball like whenever I was growing up. So one of them like a little younger one of them a little bit older. So I mean, they were legends. It was kind of, you know, it was a small town like it was legends. Legends legends. Yeah, the biggest name in this fucking face. If he lost his father,

one of them sleeping in the house, we should We'll make him sleep in the fucking yard. This is Southern basketball Jack dude They had a half-corner a quarter court in their upstairs of their house above the look look in the attic They had a basketball The marriages didn't fuck around that old man didn't fuck around that dude. He had like that's why he drank himself to death pistol peep because he there was no childhood his father made him go out there and do windsprints and shit. Yeah. And that guy wasn't fast,

but his fucking handling skills were just phenomenal. He made up for it. In my life, I've seen two people handle a ball, fucking phenomenally. One was a guy named Pistol Pete Maravitch, who's an MBA player. And another guy was a kid from South Carolina. His name was Jackie Galeon. White kid or black kid. White kid. Hmm. Well, any play basketball and

acid. That's why you didn't get drafted because he was such a freak. But his handling skills, I saw him playing, I played against him when I got older. His handling skills were so fucking unbelievable what he could do with a ball. And unless you see that right It's really hard to explain right even if you see Kobe Bryant pass or whether the you know Stefan Marbury pass It was nothing or dribble the control that pistol P that for a white guy It's and he had a tragic life. I don't think you ever want a championship I don't think everyone a championship

I know I can think he still has has the highest average per game for college. Right. Yeah, yeah. Because he shot 90 times a fucking game. His father would do something. That's all that matters. His father would say fuck those four guys. Yeah, literally. Shoot the fucking ball. Shoot the fuck those four motherfuckers.

I heard he even tried to sometimes he would wear a completely different jersey. Like he would be on a team and they'd have a play in a team and then he'd show up on a total different jersey and be like, I'm going to play both you guys. And then be like, you be on a team and they'd have a planet team and then each open a total different Jersey But I'm gonna play both you guys and I'd be like you're out of your fucking mind Who was not bro, but yeah, man We got out to look for all types of champs that I got out of that out of that joint, you know You can still look for it online. They got some old stories about you know, it's crazy because They had a lot of oh I was going sorry. No, I grew up in New York City,

but in my heart, after I saw different places, there was a couple of places I wish I would have grown up. One would have been New Orleans, the other would have been Houston, and there was one other place I wanted to grow up when I was a kid. I don't know why. New Orleans, but I don't know why.

I always thought New York would be really cool. You follow me, like there's always places like I've got to be from Jersey. I love being from where I'm from But it would be interesting like when I go to New Orleans and I'm driving around I always go hmm I would I turn down if I were to grow up on this Well, I don't know but you but I feel like the self gets a bad rap of North But when I was driving I drove across the country three times. I love this health. I love everyone's nice Yeah, it's it has nice weather like I felt like I got a bad rap where I was in mass

People to fucking I don't know people are chilled on there, man But it's a lot of the same like you hear that you definitely notice it's a lot of old-fashioned ideas down there like people you know Concepts are slow, you know, but that's what makes the South the South. Right. Listen, that's what makes the South the South. I read somewhere that last week, when those guys, the terrorists, shot those people, that the neighbor said he suspected something,

but he didn't want to call the police because he didn't want to seem racist. Yeah. Because he was crazy. Because he was politically correct. You understand? We were at a point in our lives, we were too politically correct. Look what happened yesterday

Fucking Trump makes that announcement against Muslims his fucking rating is the highest attempt of events like 35% He's 20 points ahead of the fucking competition 19 points at the competition. I like you like sleepy black What's that I don't know that person oh Jesus I can't vote so I don't really know. Oh, you can't even vote No, I got families and I don't want to fucking vote. It's too much pressure. Yeah, I saw a brother Take a bite out of a Vietnamese guy once dude took a by huge bite out of it. I can't on bro Meet everything bro ripped it right out the Vietnamese guy was like writing them with all this karate shit And everything and his brother's crap fucking did right Did right into home, dude.

Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude.

Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude.

Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. Did right into home, dude. a main jab and fucking look at that one. Get the toss. Let me put my commoto on it. And they bite you ass, dude. And you remember that every time you try to fucking hug somebody and if you got a little divot in it, you know, you got a speed bump in your fucking hug. Why the hell did he talk me into eating mushrooms on a Wednesday night?

Look at your head. Look at me, bro. Open your eyes, bro. I can't help it. What the fuck? You're already fucked up. You're giving me 800 before they look like. No, we, bro. I can't help it. What the fuck? You're already fucked up. You gave me 800 before they left. Oh, we're training.

I told you, when you go down the fuck, when you join the Marines, I'm not saying that I am. You know, what a fucking seagull. No, they said he had a fucking Paris Island debt. What Marines did he put in the end? To my own private Marines. This is church, what's happening now? I love it, bro.

We got our own Marines. They come in all shapes and sizes. Amen, well then, list me. Well, he's got to use own Marines they come in all shapes and sizes. Amen. Well then list me You've got to use the Marines when you know, you know, I know I don't yeah, we got we'll get three dudes to throw you to that fucking Playglass window with the guys in here. You come flying through with a helmet. You know, it's damage you could do yeah Lee Come on. Why are you gonna throw me as I'm not sleeping? I was just trying to imagine being like Why are you gonna throw me as I'm not sleeping? I was just trying to imagine being like a human battery. Yeah, but you could do that.

I could see that. We'll put some shoulder pads on you at a fucking helmet with no T-shirt on. You come through that window. You have no idea. You thought that black dude scared those three white kids. You ain't seen nothing yet. With a swat stick on your forehead, with a beard.

Nobody's gonna stop you. Aint no, people will put that gun's up and go now. Nobody's gonna stop you. You got to. People will put their guns up and go now. Yeah. No, it's not even worth it. This guy's got a swat stick on his head with helmet and a fucking pair of shoulder pads. He's showing up right. He's got bad intentions.

Yeah, well. Oh, he should run for governor in that outfit. What's up, do you have a good time, Les? I had a great time last night. It was a, it's fun. I've been in time last night. It was, uh, it's fun. I've been in the last few times because we, they've done, I think they did one or two seasons of digital. And then this is the third season of like TV. And it's just like the people I get to, like, I got to hang out with Steve Simone all night.

But then I saw like Brian Regan was there, which was cool. And they were big Jay Ocas. Big Jay Ocasin was there. Good time, Leslie. And Ari, shall. Yeah. Leslie, a lot of people just hanging out. Yeah. You know. Ocasin was there. Good time, Lesley. Where are you, show? Yeah, Lesley. A lot of people just hanging out. I don't know, you know. And who else was there when Josh Adam Myers had like six

bitches with him, fucking, you know, set food. Yeah. And are you going up? No. He's just there with six bitches, you fucking set food that culminates in. Yeah. He's like, I just took the bus over for dinner.

You don't give a fuck Josh Adam. If it's a comedy central, but he's dead now. He's in. My show over for dinner. He don't give a fuck, Josh. If it's a comedy central, but he's dead. He's in my show got picked up. I don't give a fuck around me. This thing of song. I'm doing it. I saw Vince Vaughn last night at the comedy store too. And it was going on. He was just hanging out. He went to see, I guess him is Steve burn his buddies. So he came out hanging out with them. And, and then him Sebastian and a scout. We were talking for a long time But he was super cool went right up to him because I did is wow West comedy fast last year So I'm right up to him. I was like vince And he was super cool

And then I was like I met you sister last year at the comedy festival and we talked about 10 minutes He was cool as hell, man Is uh anyway, so that was just kind of cool with the store But how I'm jealous. I didn't get to do the aure show man. This is a showcase for it. Yeah, did you showcase? What it's like the score every Tuesday's upstairs. Oh, I didn't know that just ask my one put me on a Dark I'm a stories you got. Yeah, I'm more stories than most people forget their fucking life. You know? Yeah, man. Oh, yeah.

And it's like I'm feeling high, I think. I watch your special and it's my favorite part about your special. Oh my God. It's just, you're so goofy and it just goes in ways. Like that's my favorite part about Joey's comedy. It's just sometimes when it goes ways that you don't expect right cuz like sometimes like if you watch enough Stand up comedy sometimes you can just guess the punchline right and when you can't and when it's especially when so goofy

It was great. It was like cuz it's going and I always talk whenever there's the new special up We watch it we would discuss if it's good and that yours is one of the only few that's been you and I really want Yeah, we won't kill the two but thanks man. I, dude, especially coming from somebody that's seen so many comedians in a worse with judgment. I appreciate that. Well, the funny thing is that you do your job, what we like, this is what I like. I think sometimes that people have too much respect for the punch line. It's not really the punch line.

It's that little stupid line you say afterward and listen Right now it's working today. They know believe better than you saying that little stupid line Afterward because that line that little stupid line It's a funny thought that most people get all day right. It's your inner voice. Right. I have the same inner voice I have a voice cracks me up all day. Yeah, what you think is funny He's so fucking bizarre. And then you throw that last little well, and that kills it. And people from this out do that.

They have that last little three word fucking sex at the end of it. That just fucking makes the whole joke. Yeah. Well, you inspire me, man. After seeing you over at the store, dude Cuz you just like cuz you're set like something you're selling But like my intention when I came out here was never to sell jokes I wanted to be me and then I forgot caught up for a long time

I thought like fuck then then nobody likes me. I got it. I got to fit in just like everybody else But then I saw you at the store one night dude. No fucking music went off, I'm like, what is this going on? I'm like, I need about to park a cruise ship on the fucking stage. We all fuck around, I tell you. And then you got up and fucking ripped everybody up on your fucking hamsters. And you left, I was like, I have never not gonna be myself again.

When you come out to Los Angeles, and you're here three months, or you're here two months, and somebody's interested in you, and they take you to lunch, and then they sign you as a commercial agent or theatrical agent or a manager, doesn't matter. They're going to send you off for an audition.

For most people don't know that there could be any audition, a commercial audition. And the first words out of your mouth. I don't give a fuck if you're classically trained is I don't know what to do or you're gonna say some and their response is gonna be Be yourself and you like thanks And you hear that guys for fucking 15 years before one day you go oh I know what they want now. Yeah. I wasn't getting it. The whole time I'm here, I'm trying to be Doug Stanton.

I'm trying to be Paul Mooney, you're trying, and I'm not saying that, I'm just saying it. I don't know. I'm trying to be Nick DePolo, I'm trying to be a Mitch Hedberg. Yeah. What if people go home and go, what if I could put Nick the Apollo and Mitch Headburn, but the funniest character in the Heiden is the character they're hiding.

Because that's the reason why they came out here is because of that fucking character that's gotten them through everything for 15 years, that voice. That voice that you only let out in front of your friends. And that your friends like that is fucking hilarious. Well, having a conversation at the store when I hear like last week, some guy got found with 30 pounds of hamster bones. You know, they did in my town that it's busted, man.

It just doesn't. Right away, you got to stop what you're doing in that conversation and giggle, because nine of the time people wouldn't be proud of that happening at home time. You know what I'm saying? Like they would even mention it. If somebody comes up and they go, are you from the wall? He's not really what I'm saying? Like they would even mention it. If somebody comes up to me and go,

ah, are you from the wall? He's not really. I'm from Texas. Wait a second. I gotta go. You know, you get to that point. Most fucking people would be embarrassed to say something like that, or would take them 10 minutes after everybody

told their story. Yeah. To say, oh, by the way, there's a guy, I'm like, no, we've been just talking. It's two days. Yeah. We've already gone home and you came out with it and I'm fucking me only with dying in the car like what's he talking about? Hamster meat. What the fuck is he talking about?

And they busted it man listen, they got him. What if thank God? No one glad they got him dude 30 pound back a hamster one. Like, I mean, that's, because there's not as much meat. There's very little bone in a hamster, bro. It's a hamster. A ham probably has, like a quart, like an eighth of an ounce, and it's chest plate, bro.

You can't even make a wish on their bones, you know? There's nothing in there. Where do you get all those hamsters from? That's it. Well, they breed them in our town. I used to work for this group. They used to sell tattooed hamsters and guinea pigs after they tattooed them. Yeah, they used to brand them with concerts and raves.

They would say it's tattooed to make people not be as sad about it. But it was a brand, brand, brand, brand of what? Well like a heat nink, bruh. For what? Like what did I say? Uh, 3-Eleven Green Day. Anything like a different bands that were coming to town. Toties? That's what I got, bruh. Toties, acid bath. 311 green day anything like a different bands that will come to town totes So I had a guy, totes acid bath

Well rave I have a rave We used to truck these hands and send it to city in fact and Vendom bruh He did man Because there wasn't much there wasn't much work in our town, dude You know you had to get what you could get and they had a man that bread hamsters and uh... and they had to do the tattoos and they fucking met up and that's a

merger that's big business you know and they started uh... a merger they started down man I got me some 300 miles of my house and shit some other guys like you know what man? I'm a pretty good tattoo artist. That's the way he's head up. And that's it. A merger is formed. That means someone listening to this right now

has had a hamster with a band label on it. He was like, why is a hamster? I fucked up dog. Those stars hit me hard. That's what happens. You know why they hit me hard? Because I train last week. I didn't need stars last week. Lee sprayed out of his face I didn't start this week at all. I sprayed it but I'm still I'm still here You can't beat the stars in shit. I'm brown. I had transmission Know you then you do a chapter

There's why I have to do everything on periscope Jesus, there's why I have to do everything on paroscopes Thank you At least fearless man. Let's see how you do it Lee a really don't really know He does like a little bit he goes like this in front of the camera because I'm an ancient chocolate He takes a bit like there. He choosing in this this 80 milligram whatever he closed this away And he tells people he ate it and today he ate the whole thing and it was coming to his fucking fingers. You should have seen him He was gelling out, huh? You know when you were telling your story, brother thing that I was thinking about the most with it the two hundred of those stories that I had that I

Wish I had the time I wish I had the fucking time to and I got 10 that rolled around in my head sometimes and one of them pop up in the middle of the night before I'm about to fall asleep. My whole body shatters, bro. Those are those type of stories, especially when it comes to drugs, especially when it comes to fucking drugs. And the next morning you wake up and you're like, that's fucked up. I get my life together. I I gotta call somebody and shit.

But, you know, 10 days later, it happens again. And, you know, and sometimes it's sex. Sometimes it's crazy sex. You go to a girls house, a lot of some assistant, a stepfather in the room. And everybody's banging and you're like, what the fuck am I a part of? You know, I just want to watch the fucking neck. Is that real scenario? Lee, you would be fucking surprised what you bump out into when you're out there. Yeah, especially when I started to do comedy, you'd be surprised what I'd bump into.

And I had you one night talking, my body was shaking. Yeah, my body was shaking telling me just Tribble towards just Boulder just you know That I thought life was a certain way when I lived in New Jersey. Oh, yeah, I don't know boy It was I fucking wrong. I've ever tried to fuck this girl on roller skates one time You ever try to do that dude? No No. That Halloween, unbelievable, bro, but that was drug-induced. I remember that we've been arrested.

Dude, I got arrested in Mississippi one time, we're all high at some house. And they brought a kid, the cops show up, and they brought a kid from down stairs, right? And they said this kid is here, everybody's going in for contributing to the frequency of a minor. And then you could but once you got outside, kids were paying and getting out of the thing. They put us in the like the slave shackles.

You know the things they put between two legs, you know, and then hook you to the person in front of you. I put us in that shit, dude, and they went and walked downstairs. So it was the dumbest thing ever. It must have taken us 40 minutes to get downstairs in these fucking leg shackles with these two stupid cops. But they brought this kid down and then later they was a room that they were this was this kid. This was a stage kid. They were hiding. They were paying somebody's kid to fucking they would sneak him in the back and put him in people's houses and come down to pajamas and then making money because they're busing everybody in

house because now they got a charge on everybody contributed. What else did I go in for? Nothing nothing real serious man. Oh God bless you man listen. But I was just saying I just wanted to get I just yeah part of me was like. You said you got a fucking career You're on the upswing right now You know what you fucked around you got you dig suck. I'm not telling you them Go get married, but it's time to start watching you back because this is when you're a good-looking guy Shows again developed and written you could be the number two dude pick up a check five years no drama You know you already did it. Yeah, I've had so much fun, bro could be the number two dude pick up a check five years no drama you know

you already did it. Yeah I've had so much fun bro. You know once you get everything out of the way this place becomes a complete different animal. Yeah. You know and listen Lindsey Lohan survived it. The fucking Hilton kid survived it. Some people don't. Yeah. Some people don't. Man I told you when I walked in here. I'm not I'm happy about the podcast. I'm happy I get to see Lee and we get high and we talk shit and he makes a living and that make a living and we sell tickets and you know, guys like you come on in and people get to hear you.

I like doing stand up. I don't think I could do this shit if I was doing blow. Yeah. There's no fucking way. There's this podcast would have been done. What a fell apart. Lee would have been to Lee wouldn't he would have been talking to me know more at this point. Lee would have gone. He left me there for fucking days in a row. You know, who's gonna come out of the house? Yeah. Yeah. Now is the thing. I was just like, how does don't I need to take a if this is where I'm kind of ending up once in a while even once in a while I just want to get nothing happened after the cab ride after that that shook you enough

Oh, well with seeing Darryl strawberries was shook me the next day because he was 13 years sober and he was like I mean, this dude was eloquent yet his life put together He's a multi-millionaire now and then he was pushing the documentary 30 for 30, the new one with Doc Goodin. But Doc Goodin wasn't sure what? Not goodin, but couldn't show up because he's sick. He's all fucked up, yeah, he's all fucked up. And I know my life is in their lives, but it made me think, okay, you just got him honored, what's going on?

Because I just, yeah, I don't like to, I didn't like to party, I just like to put myself in a crazy situation. Fuck me too. You know? I was, that's what I was thinking about the whole time you're saying that I go Yeah, I don't miss the drugs. I missed a six o'clock on the dyno Waking up and some girl gives you howdy to drive home You like what the fuck just happened last night, dude? I was in Louvre one time I came out of a show they had a big group in a limousine

They invited me to go to a after party with them, right? I was like I'm only coming if my boy can come in like who's your boy? And I'm like let's said that a brother nearby right when this Louis Vuitton jacket, dude Probably about 60% homeless, right? And they're like that's your boy and I didn't even talk to this dude, right? I was like yeah, that's my boy and like all right He can come so I fucking walk over him looking right near us and I was like what's up man I'm Theo he's like the seder and I was like all right dude I told these people you're my friend you ever been in a limousine he's like nah I was like all right come get him with us just act like you're my friend right we're going

to a party he's like all right man so we going the limo while we're in there hot chicks dudes people fucking Lucidra kept saying we're friends That's what he kept saying out loud right? God of fucking not the best actor, bro But if we get to this house party tonight's cool fucking party, bro I'm downstairs. I'm in the kitchen. Somebody's making us a drink. I'm talking to somebody Fuck his six minutes later right here I'm fucking somebody scream I hear a window break right somebody

comes running down they said some dude just stole like four purses out of the coat room upstairs and fucking jumped out of. That would have been me, Doug. And that was fucking Lucidric, bro. And that was like, and everybody, there was a crying in pissed. And some girl was like furious, because all her tampons were in there. It's something I remember. She got pissed.

She was a tough girl. She was like one of those, what are those people that slide the thing on the ice, she said? Curlers? Curlers. Curlers? Yeah, she was a curler. And, uh, but I was in my head. I was like, this is the best fucking night ever.

No, that's, uh, so just shit like that where I just love to put life just in precarious situations, man. Would you black out of it? You don't want to get in the way to another house party? Oh, I blacked out one time here in Hollywood and that scared me. I woke up in my own bed, had no claw got there. I'd wet the bed.

I mean, I wet the bed all as about 30 anyway. Cause I, did you two? Not until I was like a teenager. Oh, that's nothing bro. And, and that was a pretty crazy night. Oh, almost like it. You wet the bed, see you at 13. Probably, I don't know, probably around there.

I would guess yeah. I gotta watch you like, oh, those people always are sinister. Yeah, it might have been a little bit like, maybe not 13 but close, maybe 10 at least. Well, 10 ain't far from 13 if you're talking at least. Oh, holy fucking. No, but yeah, I had a huge issue with it. It was terrible.

Dude, I used to have those buzzer underwear, bro. They put these underwear on you. When the urine would hit them, a buzzer would go off, right? Oh, my God. I'm not joking. Look on my phone line. Just say no joke, bro. So I went to my grandparents.

My mother didn't tell them that I had these, right? I'm really hoping these are real singing. I just like a tortured device. Your parents put on you got it all They made by themselves. This doctor gave to us. Dude, this dude was a bone of a Google. This dude was a bonafide doctor. So we went there. I got the electric pants on, dude. You know? What's like Google? I'm getting my my rest probably you know buzzer underwear for your neighbors Oh Google buzzer underwear for your naders um and So then but they didn't tell my grandfather, right? So he fucking had a small house, bro little bitty house

So my fucking crotch is just but like he he wakes up middle of the night, dude But like he he wakes up middle of the night dude Cuz I'd had apple juice man, I piss big one apple juice dude. I fucking spray out on the AJ So I'm in there just buzzing dude. I didn't know and he came in He didn't got him. Yeah, give me a pearly He didn't know what was going on. Oh my god. I'm that's what he comes in He scared brother. How loud is it? How loud is this? In a little bitty house you could you could hear from down the hall I just want to wake my wife up in the middle of it like twice a week. I would just do two drops and you and it goes off and And so my grandfather's in there right and he's all scared and shit and uh oh they sort

of been terrible when I was a kid and he's pushing me with a broomstick dude he thought I was dead dude he didn't know what had happened and we thought I was possessed or dead he's pushing me with a broomstick to wake me up and he was worried because he had one of those hard makers and uh he was worried he would get electrocuted he He thought something was happening. He thought the house is short-circuited Or the phone company had fucked up. That's what he thought the phone company had fucked up. So he thinks I'm fucking disallowing their buzz and like, I was a fucking misscreen. But he died, man, my grandfather ended up crying. He died. I love people. I love laughing. I love laughing shit like this I forgot about that

This has been the Batman opposite you had me on because I've been I was sick the past two days man What was wrong with you? Oh This has been the Batman surgery you had me on because I was sick the past two days man. What was wrong with you? Oh man, I had adult diarrhea brought up y'all. It happens. Those fucking flights. You're reading fucking Katrina left over the store. Yeah, I still got some guys guys in stock. Oh this servant fucking crippled pig pussy down there, bro.

And I was eating it by the handful. Fucking around down there, bro, and I was eating it by the handful man fucking around down there Jack oh Oh my god, I'm high on those stars because like I said I Ain't fucking transmission fluid and a couple of these moon things They're not I killed the cookies was the other 8th of transmission fluid and the moon thing And I was home all night. Oh my god. I fucking killed those cookies. I want some cookies, man. Dude, I ate half of a pot cookie one time.

I never had one, there's a couple years ago. I invited this casting director, right? Out to a comedy show. So she comes, but the comedy show was the next night. I had the nights wrong. So I felt bad and she was cute. I was like, well, at least I'll get her dinner because she came all this way.

I didn't want to be like, you know, just so like, you said like a mook, you know? So by this lady dinner, we're sitting there eating dinner. She gave me a pot cookie. And I got home and I never had one and I didn't know how we knew each other. And it was like a nice restaurant. And I started thinking that this was like my girlfriend, you know? I was like, fuck, dude, I'm the war. And I try to make a move on about a cab standard. And she's like, what the fuck are you doing? You know and she wasn't my girlfriend, man and

Anyway, that was it. That was it, dude, but yeah, yeah, it's substantially I think it's what I'm getting at here. By the way my suspension on Facebook is over My suspension on Facebook is over my suspension on Facebook is over. My suspension on Facebook is over. My suspension on Facebook is over. Thank God, they were trying to fuck with me, those people. Got it, Daniel. But no, man, I'm very proud of the year that you've done. This has probably been a tough year for you.

I know you work on yourself or not. I know you suffer from anxiety like I do when you deal with it. Yeah, how many meetings you're going to a week? I'm probably going For are you fucking them up at the meetings you make them laugh sometimes But sometimes I got to be careful not to get caught up in that kind of stuff because You know, I want to make sure that I'm Be in a part of what's going on. No, you're just a funny guy, just talking. So I can, you know, you would be like, but sometimes, yeah, people start talking,

you know, the other day, you know, there's a black guy, and my building always calling me the inward and stuff, and I'm telling them about that, and how it's upset at me and people laugh, and so sometimes you just don't even know what people are gonna laugh at, you know, but, but I mean, yeah, I go, and it's good, man, it's a good sense of brotherhood.

I mean, some of the reason I get in there is because I need some structure in my life. That was the thing. I never had anybody, my whole life I've made every decision. No one's ever told me anything to do, or any why to do something or not to. I mean, I've never had anybody. I've never listened anybody or cared to, really.

So a lot of that, I'm just learning how to coexist with others and to listen to other people to take direction. And, you know, sometimes I feel like a kid again, but sometimes I feel like I'm more like a man, you know. And it's a journey, bro, and I'm happy to be on it. Like, I'm one of those people that kind of feel like I want to experience everything a little bit, you know, which made one of the reasons why I even used to do cocaine or party, you know or party. I would put myself in crazy situations because I just wanted to have a story. I wanted to experience. I just want to be a part of the story.

I just want something I need something. So it's nice to try and not need something and just be. But you check in and when you're mad, it makes me feel good and it seems like that that make me feel supported and stuff like that And I appreciate it man and even just getting a note, you know, I've met some neat people through you and getting to know you and It's inspiring also to see some fucking hammers on the stage again, you know No more of these joke right and mathematicians. Let's get some fucking slinging dick out there and let's see some entertainers, bro I'm sick of this. You need to support

entertainers, man. We're supporting all these fucking muppets, you know. You got to wear your words, brother. Sometimes I'm learning from you tonight, man. And it's good to see you, Lee, bro. I always love seeing you, you see. I'm disappointed. I'm happy for you that you're going to, I'm on trouble. I'm going to Vegas and next week so oh disappointed but next time we would have been there together. Way go to Vegas Friday. Yeah. It's a birthday this Friday correct.

Thursday yeah nice. And you know between that and you know. Yes sir. You know that that people at home know that I tore me up with the animals and shit. I like to play myself last week that That if I didn't do these things, there's a part of me that looks at Lee and he knows I love the debt and I'm happy he has a girlfriend.

It bothers me when he talks about marriage. Yeah, because he's not ready at all by no means. You know, that's true. We ready on these 34, 35, he has to play this hand out. He has to see if he wants to open up his own business. But the other part I always wanted Lee to do something. You know, he's not the type that's going to crisscross the car of Thailand like R.E. Schuffeier.

Yeah. Lee's not going to do that like that. So the last five years I've been trying to get Lee to find something that's an adventure for him. Low extra, yeah. Low something. They threw him off the fucking line. I was not going to throw him off the zip line. People keep sending me.

Let's not bring it up. We don't need to open up all sorts, but it's weird. How? Champions of Blimey. You know, I look at my life some time. It's pitiful. Last night I laid down and I thought of a part of my life. It was so disturbing.

I actually had to get up with my robot and go in the fucking office and sit there for an hour. I had to actually fucking think like a Valley of Mazzanix, a little white 2.5 because I thought about something. I don't know how I'm going to attack something. I did in my past and I I either avoid it or Confront them and actually here or someone explain what I did why and maybe Who the fuck knows And I'm tight with this person. I feel fucking horrible, you know

I'm saying that I have to confront them and shit. I bet they'll understand man. I think anybody will understand coming from you, you know No, it's not a fucking bad time. And people do weird fucking things. Yeah. I get it. I fucking get it. Big time. This time's in your life, a divorce shit like that.

That I went through. I didn't know that. I found out years later that even the divorce fucked me up a little bit that made me do a couple little fucking outland these type things. You know, so I want to go straight up with them. And that's it, man. I'm just trying to put the pieces together,

just like you brother. Good for you, man. I'm happy you got you one. Thanks, dude. I got my time without blow. Dude, that's huge, man. That is happy you got you one. Thanks. I went 10 without blow. Dude, that's huge, man. That is huge. If you fucking think, I remember there was a time that I had accepted it. Like in 93, once I accepted comedy, I said, listen, part of this comedy deal is I'm not going to fight this in a demon. No more. This bullshit again. I, and then for four

days, shaking and not, it's not worth the aggravation. And either I'm in or I'm out. I got no responsibilities. I got zero responsibilities. I'm a no mad. I live on a pager. I got a PO box and Boulder. And I got a $400 month department.

That's my bills. I had a $500 month nut. I had a fucking car that all you had to do was change the oil and it thought. Yeah. When it came a fucking no man. You know what I am? And part of that no man is that all those songs you hear about life on the road and wanted that are alive by Bon Jovi or that's what it became for me.

To become a fucking solid comic, you got to go back to front the mentals and sometimes you got to go to hell and do comedy and Really like I came out here. I thought I was Johnny slick from Seattle and I had enough to do spots at the store At one o'clock, but I didn't really have I got eaten alive at the improv Yeah between Doug stand open nicked Apollo. I felt and I saw the holds in my game. And I knew to get those holds cleared. You got to go to hell. Buffalo, you got to go to all those towns. And once you rock them, you come back to LA and you can't see what happens. That's a training camp. Yeah. I just took everything I could. Michigan, Ohio, Atlanta. Yeah, that's what I've been doing Tampa, you know, I would do whatever I could by a Murdo Beach and I lived week to week every

Monday I sent out faxes 200 100 faxes and I get a week somewhere by Tuesday I get a week somewhere fucking Theo Vaughn. It was crazy. There was somewhere I got a week somewhere, fucking Theo, Vaughn. It was crazy. There was somewhere, I got a week. In fact, I was just telling, I was in St. Louis last week. And I went there a year before, and I went to the year before with Arby. But before that, I hadn't been in St. Louis since 2000. I was on the road living like a monoma

and with this brother. Me and this brother on the road is a headline a feature act We're not fucking but we're fucking like savages and slot and blow yeah, but we're actually sleeping in separate hotel rooms But I would stay in her to hotel room till five we do everything she was crazy. I loved I still do And we got a call from Roger Paul. You know that? I think I was like, I got a week free in St. Louis. Call me back. How much is it? 500. The feature gets 250. That's it in those days. We were like in fucking Miami. Yeah. We got that car and drove up to Fairview Heights Illinois. It was a hotel and then they had a comedy club

That was part of a Yoda run. Uh-huh. Yoda also booked it in the owner booked it. I think the guy's name was Paul Fucking Johnny bananas over there Lee knows the bro and I'm talking about We walk in that place on a Wednesday. It's Wednesday through Sunday. You know, those places give you three beers a night. Those places give you three beers a night. I got a hook up for Coke. Who's I got there? First of all, somebody at the club, I was seven, four days for, you know, it was like seven tenths of a gram. And I would, I got an advance of 200 bucks. I figured I'd walk with 300, 200. We'd last me the whole week to give you free breakfast

at the hotel. Yeah. The club gave you dinner. So all I had is scavenger four. And those days was a lunch, which is a subway veggie and cheese. I went light those days. Yeah. Bag of chips and combo was a fucking big day.

And like you got a combo for lunch. Sometimes I have to get the 12 inch and eat the one for lunch and the other one for dinner. So if I had geese to eat one 12 inch for lunch, those are big time days right there. I was living big, you know what I'm saying? I got a 12 inch shit like that. Living live. A fancy car. Do I fucking jump up and down and jiggle for love at this point in my life you know me a long time bro I got my own views I live my own fucking life I don't give a fuck about what you know directors and producers think before you came here you're a fucking man and you gotta leave here fucking man

yeah if you become what they want you to become those are the fucking people that that were the fuck, never came here. They never should have came here. Yeah, those stories I told last night, the ice house on stage, they're true stories. I told you gotta go fuck himself on the set of this fucking high line commercial.

Like I shot this Arby's. What is it again? Are you sure you wanna say it? No, what's it gonna come for? Hardies. I love hardies, bruh. It's the name of the cousin to Hardies. Oh, calls Junior.

Calls Junior, so years ago, Bryce shot three national commercials, three weeks in a row. Like in my 20 years here, that's here, book like 10 commercials. But in 2009, 2000, one of those years, I booked a fucking three national sprint.

Wow. Something else in this Arby's, which was fucking money. Yeah. Because they pay you from both companies and they put the ads together. You have no fucking ideally. Dude, I did a shitty internet commercial one time a 25 grand over three years Bro how many crazy how many people stay in the front of a cup with several of them 25 grand over three years Is a gift. Oh, it was I could not get I couldn't imagine I thought I was gonna make $600 You know, I could never imagine that what I made that much money over that time. Oh, yeah

They give you right totally free. You know leave stop this shit go get your head shots go give that guy Go to Aqua telling me what a wild for commercials Jesus Christ I'm gonna do put you in some shit. Her she kisses snacks I think that people eat jumping up and down gas with a jersey on You're what I do you know you know you resemble looking motherfucker Yeah, you could be the friend You're gonna have got a chip, huh? You're right. It's a good fucking dog garden the condom is dude a fucking sitting there with some pussy on your leg

It's I love that that's not great Come on somebody don't lie to these guys. I already said some of me said to me that they stopped going out for the act When they just focus on commercial I was like you know what I think it's time for Uncle Jerry to get a commercial agent again. Yeah. Because I'm gonna book a mafia commercial once a year or a cook Or a chef or a pizza guy or a garbage man. Yeah, if you don't you if you're not in the game You're never gonna book the game. Yeah. I signed with a check and a week later I get paperwork that I got to put my bank account information on there and. And I go, what do you do my bank account information for? She goes, well, if we have anything, you gotta take that off the contract.

Papa just gives you a name and a head shot. Go to work bitch. And then we'll worry about fucking bank information, social security numbers, suck my dick. I gotta give you a credit report. Who the fuck are you? Let me see your credit report bitch. Boom.

I thought a bitch is made here for all the time. Not me, man. You're clean, you're sober, you look good. You're gonna shoot a special, what do you wanna do? I think we're gonna do it one more time. We'll see. If not, Doug, listen. You see that album right there?

Yeah. What's his name? He sold a bunch of those. And you know what bro? You get yourself leave you throw the a couple of times We put the guy a little team you take it to the everyone improv we blow it up on a few podcasts do it Ice house and you do two shows it doesn't matter material material Guess who owns the material who's got the money on fucking night tones. Yeah, you do when you monitor it

And you know what this whole business is me anyway. How many people I free into that and how many people I've showed time? That's meant, let's take a fucking vote. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So if it's gonna be show time, you're gonna say yourself for show time, fuck it.

You know what, let me go, let me put a fucking arm out. You were pictures in there, you lighting case, that's all I'm fired. Yeah. You were your buddies at the Communist Communist wall come down to support you Doing the night when we're all in town People rather have that and a fucking CD and guess what you're the captain Kirk and the enterprise and you run it because you know

These people gonna listen to you at work and laugh their ass off. Yeah More than they're gonna tap into show time go and yeah, I agree you're making them go to places They ain't there and you know what they love you to death man He went to show time fucking yeah, I'm gonna somebody who's on iTunes for two dollars and 52 sides Like I listen to that work in giggle and what about the video? Could we also put the video on iTunes you think? Yeah, absolutely You can do whatever fuck you want with With the video I rather you control it. I rather you pay that's what I think. Well, I pay the G-note, let them get the video and then pay another number and let them get a

G-note and let them get the video and the behind the scenes with Lee and Dustin, Smoke and Reefery, you go at home and showing your father's grave and you bowing. Yeah. Let's go show me the camp where you assist the strip the first time and low kicks. Let's go see what they're doing today. Low ceiling then then developing a bunch of surface strippers.

You know what I'm saying? Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da man like my pussy like my day man that that day day day day day what was some of your Halloween costumes when you were young dude the fuck is happening how the fuck no man one of them was probably Batman you couldn't even have a fucking a boy scout couldn't even be next to me because those those days you were flammable as fuck when I was in kid people used to light on fire all the time for no fucking reason though you got a school on a Tuesday the next thing they come in with bandages and a jar full of Vaseline and no eyebrows what happened to you were you letting

people on fire just a wild night dude listen if a car was driving okay people don't expand anything to combust up just, yes, they did by those suits. They were made by some material. Caracena, right? The dog, this shit was blown up. So let's say you were walking with me, you, Theo. We got a couple of idiots who were 10. We're walking across the street with our little fucking.

There's people who made costumes. Yeah. But then there were parents who bought them. They came in a box. And they came with a mask on top of the fuck The mask would cut your fucking scale the mask would cut your skin It was like razor blades was for tough kids. Yeah, and then the suit you were gonna live when your mom gave you that suit She signed them for a liberty national insurance Because let me say let me put it to this really

You're crossing this street. You got the hand that goes like this, you know, right right But at that first light there's a car and by mistake. It's like in the 1960s six-year-old if it backflights You're going up and flying him see who's say Dude they had some textiles going around our area that I care a scene and I wish Lee I was lying care scene in the clock. Yeah, you were burnt. He were burnt up in every Christmas. You see a group of kids, one of them were like a fly suit, a Batman. You're like, that kid's not going to school, though.

Yep. Somewhere along the line, those poor bastards were fucking combust. Chevy Blazers would always do a fire off to at the end, you know? My uncle used to get out and run back to the back of the car and it would go off and he would actually get shot of him, you know, when he'd fall on the ground. Because a lot of this cars were

backfire. And they had a lot of clothing back in our area, somebody was making bag clothing, I'd care of seeing in it. And kids were fucking getting adults too, a lot of adult men, we were smokers were getting fun. I'm hilarious. I forgot all about those fucking. No, the boxes, I forgot about the box. You forgot about the box. And they had all different sizes, all different colors. And they were called take your chance Halloween. Making a real Halloween. Make a Rooney. So I got totally the other days. People want to get scared. You want to be Halloween? Show them a

dick and yes. I'm gonna mirror in front of your face and look at your reflection of your mouth open. You'll be scared. How is this supposed to be more around more than one year? be scared. How was this company more around more than one year? They went to states where they endorse fucking hard. They endorse fucking what he call those people. They endorse flammable people. Yeah. They endorse Douglas Whissons. You took your dude, they had a girl in her neighborhood. Dude, she put that mask on and her head was so big. It would like smash her face in a like a shape

of like a cookie, right? And it would take three days, even after she took the mask off, it would take like three days for a fucking face to go back to form, bro. I'm gonna fucking pass that. She looks like Mickey Rooney, dude. This girl look like fucking Mickey Rooney, bro. I told you, when I was growing up you were growing up every day you live for you

You struggle for your life when you're rich or not Because those are the kids who bought those little half-effect suits, huh? Well those kids that had the flammable fucking Batman suits you shit The kids that just put like I put a sheet on my head when you're yeah, you know, whatever everybody's a fucking ghost I'm a loser One year I was a garbage man when you as a fucking the boy shit, you know, whatever everybody's a fucking ghost. I'm a loser. One year I was a garbage man. One year I was a fucking the boy shit. You know, I'm a fucking student.

But yeah, you put a sheet over your head and you're the fucking hanger right now. I just do not. You know, like a fucking moron. Yeah, like an Italian nun. Yeah, so that's what, you know. So that was the fucking story. I dressed up for five.

I probably got dressed up fucking four times and fifty four fucking years. Yeah, I wasn't a big Halloween dude that dressed in up shit scares me. Yeah, this week's scares the shit out me. Man, like fucking Wednesdays, deal or more toast. I went this weekend in Hollywood forever. For every cemetery. Yeah, you people, you people do it the white way. You go up there. you think somebody's gonna come out with a boom mask And I think I go deep into the voodoo world. Yeah, I know deep. I know I can't was I put a cigar out I'll probably put some Cuban food out for these fucking spirits this week and drum crazy. I got some guinea's on there I got to take care of it. I got a meatball from rail I got some Irish people I got a pretty shot of whiskey after you got the old thing you got to put a shadow whiskey. I

Got the old thing you gotta have the fucking the fucking author for you people who fucking kept you alive over the years I got Balzano rego Dominic special I got fucking Jesus my mother my father my godmother. I got Zerrider My stepfather, he could burn it out. I don't give a fuck about that. Oh, come on, dude.

Yeah, I don't toast him for dick anymore. I used to toast him for dick, but I was like, you can just toast so many people. You know what I'm saying? I got people dying left and right. I got Ralphie now. I got to get a picture of Ralphie and put like a fucking jalapeno papa out of respect for that fucking cock suck. I left me here with these fucking Gentiles.

Kowkow. I had a rough time. I had a nice podcast because he showed up to the office the other night Wednesday night. Yeah. So you heard the horn go, we were talking about him. We were talking about him.

I go, you know what gave us that Lee? That speaker, he gave it to me. Wow. Look how long ago was it? by that company that you get a magazine, showbizman, sharper image. Oh yeah. I got that in my house on the box. I didn't even know what the fuck it was. I go, honey, I got this in the mail. She goes, Ralph, he sent it to you. It's an iPad. iPod charger. I still got the, I'm so old school. I still got that iPod. I brought that here because the speaker's a sensational and Right as we were talking about it you felt like a little breeze and

All the sun I could feel I can just remember him. He was just there three fucking weeks ago four weeks ago sitting there And the fucking Mexican fruit guy came and goes blah blah blah blah blah blah And Ralphie always would go ping up a pile up ping up a pile up for years Ralphie's been saying that shit whenever you play that and do yeah, first of all everything he said is exactly how went down but also we're here every night that truck that's that sound is never here that's always it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's It came by to say goodbye. That's reality guys. They stick around for 30 days They just don't go into fucking the next image. They want to see your friends one last time and touch it and Listen, but I had a friend Jimmy Birkel that I loved And I never get in the car from him on that Friday. He was not supposed to already

And he's like cuck's what's happening. I can tell him his voice. He was done He had fought we would wrestle we can't swim, we can't. And I never forget getting a call that Sunday saying he died Sunday morning and fucking, he was saying goodbye, man. When Carmine Bell's anodine, I missed his call. When I called him back, he was dead. Wow. A day later, Frankie called, he goes, yeah, your phone, you just called him. He must have just gone to the bathroom, got up and died of a heart attack. Damn, they call you to say goodbye.

Nobody says goodbye, believe me enough. They all say goodbye in their own way. And if you talk to people who've had somebody die recently, hmm, give them 30 days. They give you a signal before they leave just to let you know that they got you back. It's the weirdest thing about life. Yeah, I believe that man.

They'll give you and I know it sounds crazy. I'm talking about flatterer and whatever. I'm talking about the spiritual world. I was raised in it so I get it. I believe that my dad opened up a lot of doors for me and closed a lot of doors. I was there a lot of nights man without a lot of choices to run and I always made the right choice and not I wouldn't be in this fucking chair. Something makes you make the right choice.

Yeah. Something. thing. ʻ‿ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿‿ ʻ‿‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿ ʻ‿‿ You