Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The Church Of What's Happening Now Live # 06

Episode Date: August 30, 2013

Joey and Lee are joined by Actor Nick Turturro for the sixth live podcast. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows, anytime, anywhere, on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash joey. That's huluplus.com slash joey. And buy dollashaveclub.com. Get high quality razors sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Go to dollashaveclub.com slash church. That's dollashaveclub.com slash church or just go to joeyds.net and click on the dollashaveclub banner. Nothing. You fucking sit there after the UFC. What are you going to do? Punch the fucking cat. You're warmed up. You ever watch a kung fu movie? After that, you feel like smacking the

motherfucker. You watch like Rocky too. You're like, I'm going to go kick somebody at the fucking bar tonight. It's over. But I ain't got no bail money. Sometimes before you kick a motherfucker in the head, you got to check with the bail money. Just in case. You never know. You jump bail and I'll never really fucking put bail up for you again. I went through that shit, but I always made it to court. The most important thing is you got to make it to fucking court the next day. What's going, how you doing, sir? Everything all right. Great. Thank you for coming out tonight. Look at this fucking gangster. Look at him. He came out with a knee brace. You think you got fucking problems? This guy put a fucking knee brace on. He said, ain't nothing

stopping me tonight. Nothing. Fuck the arthritis. I'm busting out the knee brace. I'm taking 22 leaves and I'm smoking a joint. I'm drinking some cough medicine. Fuck it. Wherever I end up, I end up. Because some people just get down. They just take a chance. You know what I'm saying? They go, fuck it. I got a ball. Because when you were young, that's how you did it. You took chances and you lived. You ever think about that shit? You lived. Like you were like, dog, I got. Remember like you, you were broke, but everybody's father had something to steal. And one friend showed up like with a stick of dynamite. This is all I got. Another guy has like wild goose. Remember like, what's that fucked up whiskey? Wild goose, it's fucked up. Wild turkey,

that's fucked up. You know, if they got doers or something, they're all white. When they show up with wild turkey, that's fucked up. And somebody else would have gin and somebody who had pineapple juice and you just mix it together and somebody would have like an amphetamine or something. My mother was 800 pounds. Now she's walking around like a skeleton and she ate these things. All right, let's chop it up eight fucking ways. And you went home and you puked on something because one time I puked on my friend's father's jacket that he was in the way of the funeral the next day. It's a true fucking story. I just passed out on the chair. But what's going on? Wednesday night, you guys out? I'll tell you what, I like you motherfuckers already. Because you guys don't

give a fuck about Thursday. Whatever happens tomorrow happens tomorrow. All we know is we're going on a 134. We're going to drive by Glendale. You know what I'm saying? We're going to wave at the Armenians, throw some kisses, vote for me. And we're going to get to Pasadena like a doctor. We're going to watch the podcast. We're going to drink a few cocktails and fuck it. Because sometimes you've got to take a chance. You're going to live like a fucking communist in Cuba. You're not going to drink and drive. Fuck it. You ever drink and drive and you get home and you're like, fuck it. Fuck it. I made it in shit without the GPS, bitch. Fuck it. I don't drink and drive. Listen, I don't drink and drive. So don't get me fucking wrong. I don't. I got scared when I was

like in 1981, I saw something. But that's me. That's just me. If you choose it, I love it. A good drinking drive story. But people tell you next day, dog, you ain't going to believe this. I drank a gallon of tequila and drove from San Diego to fucking Northridge with an iPatch on. I made it in shit. It's fucking great. You know what I'm saying? That's a soldier right there. That guy made a commitment to going, you know, pisses me off. Let me tell you what really pisses me off. Again, I don't fucking text message. I can't see. If I don't have these fucking things, your text message, I can't see. I don't have fucking time. I know that, you know,

the people who fucking hit me, I can't see. But I don't get pissed at people if they text and drive because I've been there where you got to take a call and you're in a flow. You're doing 85. You're flowing. You're in the HOV lane. You don't even have a baby seat in the back. Fuck it. You got Geico. Again, you're living in fucking, you're living on, you're listening to Bon Jovi, slippery wet, living on a prayer. You're combing your hair. Fuck it. And sometimes you got a call and you got to look at it and you look up and you know where the fuck you are. If you've been driving for eight, nine years, you know where the fuck you are. You look and you look up and you could dial. We've all jerked off in the fucking car one time and you keep looking, but you got to do a cappuccino

style this way. You get all angry. You're this way. You're rubbing it out this way. You're rubbing on your leg. You go right to the bathroom. I can't talk. I got to go right to the bathroom. I spilled some glue on my leg. I was building a model of World War II. You know what I'm saying? That's fucked up. If somebody comes on your jeans and shit and somebody's like fine, what happened to your leg? None, none. Is that fucking come on your leg? No, it ain't come. I'm going, I smell it hot. You dirty whore. I'll fuck you know what other men's drop of the hot shoe smells like. But I hate when they blame an accident on texting. Stop blaming fucking texting. I see today I was driving. I was in stone. I wasn't drinking. I was minding my own

fucking business. You ever driving and there's 30 yards in front of you and all of a sudden like something happens, you hit the cvd thing and you look up and now there's a car two feet in fucking front of you. And you curse at this guy, but it ain't his fucking fault. It's the mother fucking front of him. Taking the 20 minute left. That's the motherfucker. You know those motherfuckers. They put the, they don't even put the blinker on. They're just out there. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Fucking retarded. They probably got sandals on and shit. The mother fuckers looking around. It's a beauty. I can't wait to go home and see parks and wrecks. You're fucking faggot. And then they hit the left and they take their fucking time. And you're like

cock sucker. You fucking, you're, you're fucked motherfucker. Fucking cock sucker. What about when you're a nice guy and you let the motherfucker go in front of you and he's one of those slow drivers and you curse yourself for being a nice guy. You're like, I'll never be fucking nice again. I swear The next time I see a homeless bitch, I'm going to run it over for what this motherfucker did to me and shit. I was flowing. I was fucking flowing. I was doing 98 no motorcycle cops. And then I'm trying to be a nice guy and it's fucking scumbag with his fucking Obama bumper sticker pulls in front of me and shit doing 20. Another fucking guy. I got emotional about driving. As you say, when I leave here, I'm making an appointment with the

hypnotherapist first thing tomorrow morning, but I'm happy. You mother fucker. Listen, before we get this party started, I'm gonna big round the applause for the wait staff working very hard for you. Do me a fucking favor. All right. It's Wednesday night. Stop. No nickel and dimer. Order six drinks. So she brings them. I don't give a fuck. It's Wednesday. You went out. I don't care. Use the credit card. Fuck them all. Whatever. Don't take the phone call. You know the 800 number. Fuck you. You try to ever get so bad. You can't even take calls and shit. You're like, why do I have a phone? I can't take a call. They're all private and shit. Now those creepy telemarketers get like I love one's number and they steal that number and they call you from

that number. My buddy was saying, I see it on fucking CNN. So don't answer the phone if they call you more than twice a day. You know what I'm saying? It's like, well, I'm happy you mother fuckers came out. You know, there's a good podcast. How you doing Tarzan? Look at you. You're sitting there with attention. Look at you. You got your hair like you just got to rehab. Look at you. You're all fucking scared. It's all right. It's gonna be all right. Stop. You're fucking trembling and shit. I'll get you whatever you want. One hour. Flocko will be here. It'll give you a little bump. Fuck it. It's all right. You're hyperventilating. Look at him. Somebody grab his nut. Come on. Somebody grab his little pinguita. Let him know it's all right.

Coming to the stage, my partner in crime, one of the baddest fucking Jews out there, the flying Jew, Mr. Lee Syed. It's the baddest fucking Jew in the world, bro. Listen, you gotta be a, you gotta have a Jew in your corner to succeed, no matter what you want to do. It's a Jewish counselor, a Jewish attorney, a Jewish priest. You always need somebody fucking Jewish in your corner to get you to that next level. And this is what this mother, what's happening, baby? Tell him what happened tonight. Open up because it's going to come out tonight. I gave a little fucking piece of chibochu, a little tiny fucking midget dick chibochu. He took it in and he had tears in his eyes. Guys,

you should have seen it. You know when a girl gives you a blowjob for the first time and you shoot that jizz in her mouth and she's confused at first? She's looking at you. What am I going to do next? And you're like, you know what you've got to do and shit. You just can't tip your head because it'll kill her. But that was him. He had it in his mouth, a little piece of chibochu. It was a quarter of a chibochu. Now it's a quarter. Stop, that guy, egg is here and he fucking ate it. And he puked everything. He puked a little cheese burger. Oh, I can't take them fucking nowhere. You see what I'm saying? How you doing, Baba? I'm doing what?

No, I'm just hearing you yelling about the driving. For people who don't know, he gets mad about blue cheese. If you're ever on the phone with him when he's driving, all of a sudden he'll just start screaming at a guy like he stole his last paycheck or something. He freaks out. It's like an old lady in a car. I was sitting in my park a lot of couple fucking months ago and some old lady just backed the fucking to me. And then she went to get away like a crime. And how the fucking crime stopped the bitch is Sherman Oaks. You know how embarrassing that is? How to hold on to the thing. Well, you go and cop suck up. I got your license plate, you fuck. And then she stopped and she's like, beg me, fucking please. He had fucked up

glasses on. So you got to watch. You got to watch. But there's a lot of fucking people on it. Listen, people don't cause accidents that are just driving money that business. It's those fuckers. Shut the fuck up. You know what I'm talking about? Some people drive for years and never get into a bad situation. And then something happens. Whatever a drunk driver, some guy cuts you off without fucking looking. Some guy, the worst things ever. I'm telling you, because whenever that happens, I always look in the mirror, I look where the fuck the guy behind me is. We get the 22nd, the 20 minute fucking right hand turn into the doctor's office. So whatever the fuck it is, you know what I'm talking about? And you know it. It's not this car in front of you. It's the

motherfucking front of him. And all of a sudden you're doing 40, you're in a flow, and all of a sudden it slows down. And all of a sudden you're cursing, your head's ready to blow up. And all of a sudden you just see some guy taking his time like he owns the fucking street. That pisses me off. That's when I get fired the fuck up. The only accident I ever was in was on the 405 during rush hour. And it was like what you said, when you look down and it's fine, and then you look down, you look back up in the right in front of you. This lady just stopped at an exit. I stripped into the barrier to miss her. My car was fucked up. Her car was fine. And my insurance is now like 400 a month. Sure. It's not you. If you drive, you got to drive defensively, but a little offensively.

You can't drive defensively like a fucking Momo. You got to cut. You got to weave. You know, fucking Asians do it all the time, right? You got to fucking Monterey Park. Don't cut your shit off with no blanket, no nothing. They don't give a fuck. Fuck you when you're dim sum. They're cutting you off and you pull up next to them. You're fucking. They don't give a fuck. They look straight ahead like listening to whatever the fuck they listen to, you know, they don't give a fuck. And that's how you have to drive some time because if not, people will fucking kill you. There's some fucked up people out there. You got to watch. You know, every day you wake up, you put on that KTLA news. Somebody always gets hit by a car every fucking night in LA. Crossing the street,

Sherman Oaks, Kanoga Park. What the fuck? What the fuck? And you know what? You think about it at first. Like I can hit somebody with a car. Like if it was late night, like today, listen, there's these two motherfuckers across the street from my house that are getting on my last nerve. And they don't know that I'm like fucking my favorite movies, Man on Fire. I live in that revenge world. Like I live in that fucking revenge world. Is it the transvestites? It's a transvestites, right? It's a transvestite. And they're like loser transvestites. I got nothing as transvestite. Like one of them is under construction, but she's ugly as fuck. And she lives with a guy that just puts a wig on and tries to trick.

When they put the wig on and she gets in the car and like a lot of times like I'll pull up and I'll get out of the car and he'll be, he'll be right there. You know, wanted to talk to me about subjects of the world and shit. You had a wig on last night. You know what I'm saying? How the fuck am I going to talk to you? It ain't me. It's this fucking guy. It ain't me. Fucking Moses, turn the phone off. Fucking guy. Comes out with. You were taking every pocket. You were taking pockets you didn't even have. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know sometimes, you know, but he's sitting there watching the

clothes make like it ain't me. Like it ain't me. You know what I'm saying? Like something, something, you know, and then something, you know, you could only, you pray to God every time you get in the car that nothing bad happens. That's all you fucking do. The best part, isn't one of the transvestites seem like big mic or something during the day? And the daytime at night is Monica. Like he tried to convince like, hi, it's Monica. No, dawg, it's big fucking mic. Just because the sun went down, you can't call yourself something different. You know what I'm saying? And they pissed me off and it all started when they lost my fucking cat one night when they were, these motherfuckers don't even have a job

and they got a handicap sticker in front of their fucking house. So they park in front of the house. They don't come out walking with a limp. They don't do nothing. They don't have a neck brace on. It fucking pisses me off. So they went down there because they said they won the construction and now they had to get like a handicap sticker. That's how they got it. And they park in front of the house. And let me tell you what they fucking do. They got little transvestite friends behind the building. So they pull up and pull the parking spot for them. So nobody can park in a handicap spot. This is what these, I know you look at me going, Joey, what the fuck are you waiting for? Take action, bitch. I can't because I'm, you know, you try to be a fucking, you know,

30 years ago, dog, I would have fucking gone to work. I start with, I start with the nails first under the tire. And then after that, you suck the guts out of the fucking tire. Then after that, it's the sugar in the fucking gas tank. That's a fucking beauty. And if you want to back it up, let's say you go for an arm bar and you can't get the guy, you always get the triangle. Same thing with that motherfucker. You put sugar in the gas tank, that'll hit him within how much gas he's got in the tank. But the killer is fucking Saram rap. If you ever want to fuck somebody's world you throw Saram rap in their gas tank, lights out. Let me, see, listen, this is what I like about these podcasts. She did it. She got so excited. This is what I love about this podcast.

Like a talk about criminal type shit. And fuck the CIA and the FBI. This is what Americans need to fucking know. This might happen. Your family might get kidnapped. The fucking Syrians might come over and they might tie you up tonight. I know you are and fucking wherever you fucking live, Harborville, sitting there, oh, fucking wait for something to happen. And you get away and you don't want the fucking Syrians to follow you. But you took a peanut butter sandwich and it's wrapped with Saram rap. Who's better than you? Wait, what does it do? Huh? What does Saram rap do? Let me tell you what it fucking does. You're talking about peanut butter for too long. You put it in the gas tank and then when the person puts the gas over it, it goes

into the gas tank and it just sits there like a jellyfish, right? But when that motherfucker starts the car up and the car gets hot, it expands and it goes towards the fuel injection, correct? Correct? The fuel injection and it covers that motherfucker. So meanwhile you're doing 90 taking it's a beautiful day to be alive. Listen to Cheryl Crowe and your shit shuts off and then you pull it over and you start it up and it starts up again when the car cools down. So this is going on in your world for a fucking week and a half, right? Then you take that motherfucker down the Ford and you go, here it goes. There's what's going on. They're like, oh, this happens all the time. We've got it figured out. We have a special trainer for this shit, not this shit. And they look into

it for a week and they keep giving it back to you, my lion. And then it goes back and forth and you're on the phone with the general manager, what the fuck is going on with my car? I demand a new fucking car, but they won't give it to you. They don't give a fuck. And you pick it up again and now you stall at your brother's wedding on the 405 on the hottest day of August with your fucking blue tuxedo on out there by the mall out there dumb up your fucking furious walking with those alligator shoes that the place gave you that a half a size too big. So your fucking toes are on fire. You know how pissed you are on fucking Monday. You take that car back and again, they take it apart and they can't find what's wrong with your fucking car. You'll be and I'll keep

you in fucking car hell for 18 fucking months till they give you a new car or you shoot yourself in the fucking eyeball. So if anybody fucks with you and you can't beat them up and you don't have spinach and you don't, you know, you got a blue belt and jujitsu, even grandma's got some ram rap, you know what I'm saying? And that's what you learn tonight in the church of what's happened now. Thank you for coming out. That's how we do it sometime. Not only about a podcast and now let me tell you guys something. Okay, just to explain something to you, just so you guys understand this form before I bring up this next guest in Hollywood. You guys watch television from eight to 11 and there's a sitcom that you guys like and that guy goes out

there and he says his line eight times and the same audience laughs for fake. This guy is a comedic actor. The guy that goes out there and says the same line eight times and they say cut and they say do it again and he does it again and the audience is trained and the PA is like ha ha ha and this fucking moron goes on to the real world and tries to do what we fucking do here because you don't see no fucking director standing here right saying cut our action do you? No, so what you see is what you get. So in Hollywood there's those people you see on ABC CBS Fox and the other one that you people look at and then 10 years from now you watch and you go what the fuck was I laughing at and then there's people in Hollywood who are genuinely funny who you'll never fucking get

to know because that's just the way the fucking ball works. The guy I'm going to bring up to me in my eyes one of the funniest guys I've ever been around. One of the baddest motherfuckers I got to meet him on the set the longest yard and I fell in love with him and he's called into the podcast. I'm going to give it to you straight and direct my little brother Mr. Nick Titoro. What's up buddy? Get in the middle there you got water there. What's up my man? Good how are you? Check one two look at you the bad purple shirt representing Prince. Gotta show up man. Bad mother fuck I love it. Fuck Prince. Fuck it. No I like you know I put a lot of thought into my outfit. No no you look beautiful so do I. Jeans got the vintage. So do I wore the white shirt. Yeah you

look good you lost some weight. Yeah I'm trying you know the savage and fucking heat freak without warning my appetite for sex makes me so horny. Me so horny. Me so horny. Me so horny. Me love you long time. Yeah I know that song. Did anyone see that picture he put on Twitter of like the three boxes of Chibichu's that he got the other day. This is what happens when you get 200 Chibichu's delivered to your door. This fucking crime stoppin. This fucking. What's up baby queens in the motherfucking house. That's right. The old school motherfuckers Yankee fans. I love it the whole deal here. That's it Yankee fans since 1973. Oh shit. I'm no hating the Dodgers man. Nobody's hating the fucking Dodgers here. I'm fucking true Yankee fans all the way. The colors are all blue

and white. Yankee sucked when I was a Yankee fan. That's right. He's been there since day one. I ripped out grass in 1976. I ran on the field and tore the grass on the cops were chasing me. I took it in my backyard and I planted it right in my yard with a pen. It's true story. I was on the subway crying. I had tears coming down my eyes. I had the grass in my hand. I was in high school. When you go to a Yankee game you get there at what time. Let's say the Yankee game starts at seven oh five. Well when I was a kid I used to get there early for batting practice stuff like that. Now what time did you leave? I would leave after the game. Okay and what time now what time do you I still stay to the end. Lee sayat tell these people what you saw at the Dodger

game to all these Dodger fans on Sunday. No no no not that you lost. Not about losing the winning. You motherfuckers walking in the third inning. Where's the respect. Walking up in the third inning and leaving the seventh or eighth. What kind of fans are that shit. You got to get there early and watch batting practice and stab somebody. That's what it's all about. And kick somebody down the stairs and eat one of those hot dogs and shit blood for 10 minutes. That's a real fucking fan. You know I go to Las Vegas. I'm very fortunate to have Joe. I go to the fights there. The fight started at four forty five. You know what time then the main event starts at seven. Then the main fight starts at nine whatever. You know what time people walk in in Vegas. Nine thirty like they

run the place. And then you get pissed off because they're sitting in your chair now they got to tell a wrestler who's got cauliflower ears. You're sitting in my chair and this guy's a white belt. You know I'm saying get there fucking on time if you're a fan. Did you see those Miami people leaving when they were about to be freaking eliminated. They were leaving the arena before Ray Allen did all that shit and LeBron took a brick and then they tied it and then it went ahead. You know I'm talking about. What are you doing. I'm just saying that you know as a sports fan you never leave because you never know what you're going to see. It's not like Hollywood. It's really you know you don't know what's going to happen.

So you stay to the bitter end because you might have something beautiful. You know what I'm saying. Let me I've been thinking about this. Do you think any of it's I don't want to say scripted but like the story lines that happen and the way the schedules works out so like the exact two teams that need it end up playing like don't sometimes you think like maybe they maybe this script and it'd be even more impressive if it was scripted. More scripted than maybe fixed. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I mean sometimes you just think you know the sexy choice maybe the political thing that somehow some way to heat won that fucking game. Well maybe the refs helped them. Maybe something else maybe some other dynamic that we don't know about Johnny Gumbaz in the

basement. You know what I'm saying. That guy might control the game. You don't know who's controlled in the game. We want to believe it's real but it might not be real. I've seen too much shit to know that it's really legit. I got a question a lot. Oh me too. That's why I stopped watching sports in time. I know but my heart says my heart says I think it's real. I fell into a trap of gambling for about two years of my life and it was the worst two years. Forget the addictions forget getting locked up. The gambling thing I went through was terrible with the people I was involved with. And it was too coincidental. You sat there and you said how the fuck am I given four and a half. And I lost by four on a Tuesday night. You fucking sit there you get

caught by a hook. After a while you start saying this is and I'm giving my money to somebody on a Thursday night that I can't even control. I'm betting on five fucking guys to slam dunk to bill pay my bills. How can I how can I think about this shit. And then that took away the fan thing for me. I grew up a tremendous fan of baseball. I would cry. I got on my hands and knees and tell Jesus if the Reds would beat the Boston Red Sox I would never fucking answer back my mother. I mean you know you know I mean come on but then you see behind the curtain or it seems at one point in your life you look behind the curtain and you go you know what fuck after Julius Irving retired and you know I don't I don't know. I just lost everything.

You know what the J was it for you. Dr. J. I was I was a big Lawrence Taylor guy. I was a big I was a big Cincinnati Red with the big red in the ABA. Did you like the ABA all my fucking heart. That's when they showed us fun. If you guys ever see the footage on the ABA it was like gangster basketball guys with minks and guns. There was a guy you guys are kind of young. There was a guy that played for the Detroit Plistons. His name was Marvin Barnes. That's right. Marvin Barnes. He threw him out of a Nick game. He came back with a 45 like this. Kick in the door. I mean this is this is fucking crazy. Hey Joe you remember him in college. No who he played with the Italian point guard Ernie Ernie D. Yeah but it was who else Albert King.

Albert King. Yes. Yeah. Bernard King. Oh shit. Oh shit. Listen let me tell you something and I believe in this shit. Okay. When I came from Cuba my first friend was a black motherfucker on 127th Street. I loved him with all my heart. I try to look for him on Facebook once a week because that's the loyalty of my fucking heart. I wish I could get him on Facebook. What was his name. I'm too hard. I forgot now. What do you put in Facebook then. Huh. What do you search in Facebook. When I get home and I get my baby's on Twitter. When I get my name. No wait. Hold on. No no no. Anyway he was my buddy and shit like that. This is your first black friend. My first friend in New York City ever.

In New York. How old were you. Five. I had a I lived on I lived on 89th Street. I lived on 89th Street but my mother had a bar on 127th and Audubon and I used to and I used to roam those streets and I became friends with him. He would take me to those projects where you see an American gangster. Those projects there and I would walk in and they'd say what's that white motherfucker doing here. And he would say fuck you he's Cuban and he go come on motherfucker and we walk in the building. I mean this kid had balls of steel but on Saturdays he would walk with his mother to my mother's bar and they'd say can he come over on Saturday nights. The big thing was they would have soul train. All right. And they would put jukeboxes on OK. And they would put

a jukebox on with slime the family stone. They would move the couches and the families would come together and some would bring big beans bread chicken meatloaf and they dance all night. They do the robot and the bump and shit and they never fucking with prejudice against me Doug. Like I always I always thought about like these people because they had the opportunity to say anything. What the fuck was this goddamn name. You can't remember. No no no no it was a long day. How many years was he your friend. A year and a half. Yeah. Yeah. This is on the podcast. I've spoken about him before. Oh you were talking about him. I've spoken about him before. You got to remember. Yeah. No it just it just blanks. Sometimes you blanks at night and then you go to

something and it comes back to you. Trust me. There's a lot of fucking names in my wedge and so are you. Yeah. We've met a lot of fucking people. How lucky are you. You know. That's true. You ever see somebody that you know. And you got to dig deep to fucking put a name. Yeah. Your face stretches out and shit. You can feel. And you're like yeah. How are you doing. What's happening. Yeah. How's and you're trying to get his fucking name. You're going everything. How's the wife. Yeah. I haven't seen you since that Laker game. You know. And then you're like yeah man. What's up. I saw you with Tony and then all of a sudden you put it together and you bullshit your way through. And then by the time you get in your car you remember and you remember the whole details. Listen you motherfucker

is a 25. You remember when you ate now. Right or wrong. I don't remember dick. I had a friend who was a black Puerto Rican and my father used to think that he was black but I said he's Puerto Rican. He said no look at his skin. He's black. And I said no he's Puerto Rican dad. I don't give a shit. Let him call from the street. I used to say he used to call from the streets to go nigga coming out. I said it's Julius Pacheco. I don't care what his name is. Tell that black you know spade to call from the street. And I was like come on daddy's Puerto Rican. I look at his skin. He didn't understand that Puerto Ricans were Hispanics and you go to the island as a mixture just like us Sicilians as I was in Italy looking for black people driving through the weeds of

Sicily and big black people came right out of the weeds and I said oh shit maybe that's why I got kinky hair. I mean you know you never know. I got dark skin so you know you wonder. I'm just saying you know but I get it. You know I get the whole thing with the black guy taking you around and he took me to the South Bronx through guys in the garbage pail. It's amazing. I know it's I'll never forget these kids. There was this family you know at one time I used to go to 148th street and Broadway to hang out with my godmother and there was these Puerto Ricans this uh Jesus the Sedenos. Remember the remember what was the basketball player. What was the baseball player. Sedenos, Cesar Sedenos. Cesar Sedenos. So these guys are the Sedenos. They were Puerto Ricans. They

probably had 15 kids in the house. And I'm not being cute. Nancy Sedenos sang was a backup singer for the new writers of Purple Sage. They even did like Saturday Night Live. She was beautiful when we were growing up. I remember going up to the apartment and seeing her. I would have sucked her toes. I was probably sick. She told me suck my toes. When you when you're six and you see somebody on TV and you see him on the street you suck that dick. You don't give a fuck. You don't even say molested six years later. You go fuck it. I sucked his dick. I was a soldier. I saw on my TV. He was on Wonderama. You know what I'm saying? A lot of people don't remember Wonderama. They give you a bicycle on Saturdays and shit. An Apollo racer with a fucking banana seat. Tremendous guys.

What was I talking about? I have no idea. I don't fuck. I heard Cesar Sedenos. No but anyway and I remember they had two little brothers. Nelson, who ended up being a pharmacy dude. And this younger brother. And they were the first people ever to show me a dead body. But when they told me about it, they were like serious. Like dog you want to see a dead body? I'm like come on. Like yeah he's been down there for like a day and a half. Like they knew. And I'm like come on. This is the 70s when they would have garbage strikes and they would take them like a week to pick up a body. Like they didn't pick them up like and I remember him being under like a wood and you could smell them from like 50 yards away. It was fucking horrible but who the fuck ever

showed you motherfuckers a dead body? That's true. Nobody. When the fuck does somebody go dog? Let's go see this body. He's been there for four days. Nobody knows about him because you go over and take a look and shit. Not now because now we're scared. We see CSI and our fucking business car to fall out. Next thing you know fucking Red Devils knocking on your door. You're doing 20 Life No Parole on ABC. Caruso. How did you get into acting next tutorial? Me? The first thing I ever did was like I was an extra on this movie. My brother was in Do the Right Thing with Spike Lee and my brother said oh I went down one day. He was filming the movie and his career was just starting. I had dabbled with it in college and I quit college all this stuff. So I said I went down

one day. I said look kind of fun. I said maybe I could be an extra or something. He goes oh I didn't know you were interested. I mean I know you're naturally talented but I could have maybe got you a little part. I said well I could come down because you want to be in a scene. I said yeah. So I went down like on a Friday night and I was hanging out with my brother and Danny and yellow. It was a cop and they were burning the pizzeria down. Do the right thing. So anyway oh whatever. So oh my god there goes the glass. So I went down. I had a good time and then Spike I was supposed to go back like on a Monday. It was a Friday. It was a long night for 45 bucks. I said fuck it. I got to go back to work. I'm a dormant. You know I said I'm you know this was

just a fun thing to do. So that fall Spike Lee I guess got my number or something from my brother and he called me up like eight o'clock in the morning. So I speak to Nick. I said who is he? He goes Spike. I said Spike who? He goes Spike Lee. I said oh hey what's up. Spike Lee called me eight o'clock in the morning. He goes what are you doing. He goes I got your number from my brother. You know would you like to do some looping. I didn't know what looping was. I said yeah all right I'll loop. So I said okay. So come tomorrow and we'll do some looping. I didn't know what the fuck looping was. Right. So I look at the screen and Spike says you know watch this screen with all this you know racial tension. I want you to scream you know all kinds

of shit. You know mulling on guerrilla whatever racial obscenities. I want you to go off but don't hold back. Let it loose. Just react. So I reacted for like three hours. Three and a half hours whatever it was four hours. Anyway he calls my brother my brother say hey listen Spike is a big fan. I said really he goes yeah I brought that boy into the studio when he went off and he meant it and he said he said I think he's raw but he's got talent. So he goes you know he got a big fan so next thing I know is he goes Spike's writing a new movie and he's writing a role for me and playing two Jews by the way. Anyway and you and I said me really and the movie was Moe better blues and that was my first kind of taste of being in a movie with my brother and

Denzel Washington was kind of overwhelming but I kind of got you know kind of got the bug after that and I said maybe I could do this you know and then he used me in another movie so that's where I kind of jump started you know. Now first did you want to be a Yankee. What do you mean did I want to be a Yankee. Did you want to be a Yankee. I was born a Yankee I mean I just there was just I think that's what happened I mean I went to a med game I think in 72 I was afraid of heights I was holding onto the fucking chair and then in 73 I went to the all the original stadium before they closed and renovated went to Shea 74 75 and I went in there with the Boy Scouts of America and I saw the blue and I was like I just I had a love affair you know I mean I saw the

stadium I was overwhelmed the 73 was Yankee State I'd never seen a the smell the taste of it I was like shit this is it this is me the South Bronx Yankee Stadium Bobby Mercer they weren't even good but the romance of the Yankees and me that was it we were in love you understand it just happened so I mean I didn't jump on the bandwagon like a lot of people hey my Yankees you know when they won and shit but I really was born I believed to be a Yankee fan you were a fan when Reggie Jackson went off and all that shit yeah I was there in 77 was tremendous 70 I was there when he hit the three homers that night I was there that night really yeah I can name those three pitches too anybody can name those three pitches any baseball fans in baseball knowledge maybe my friend over here

Ken it's it's really crazy that I grew up different my mother was a Tom Siever and a Met fan so I used to go to Met games so I grew up a National League fan but I hated the fucking Mets not really I could watch the Mets but I love that they played Pittsburgh with Clemente and Stardew and Sankeen I love that they played you know that's a great team the pirate team my favorite team of all time was the Cincinnati Reds or the Big Red Machine because Tony Perez had grown up with my father in Cuba right so I was a fan all of a sudden and I was in can you name that nine name that nine Big Red Machine yeah yeah I can still name him yeah Johnny Bench was the catcher yeah Tony Perez was the first baseman you got it Joe Joe Morgan was the second baseman uh-huh

Concepcion was the shortstop that's right Pete Rose was the third baseman that's right yeah Pete Rose Ken Griffey junior that's right senior senior Geronimo Geronimo Cesar Geronimo doing good and there was one more that was just in my fucking Eric Foster the skinny home run hitter that skinny little black dude you mean George Foster George one of them but here's the beauty about that team that they go Sparky Anderson's if you watch if you ever get blessed and you're up stoned or you're sitting there you can't sleep you don't want to watch a fucking milkshake commercial or how to lose weight with a pill and and let's pretend they show us since what's the science behind the Cincinnati Red Baseball Sparky Anderson's logic was to when the pitcher walked off the mound

and he handed the ball to the coach and the coach would say great game sorry not this time no no Sparky's thing was for the pitcher to hand them and go I'm done go fuck your mother I'll never pitch again if you watch those games Cincinnati had no power they drove you crazy every but the first guy always got on he either walked bunted fucking slidhead first into first these motherfuckers were crazy and then he drove you crazy he started fucking and then Joe Morgan came up with a twitch in his fucking arm which drive you crazy at the fucking house and then they have like some like like bench would come up or something and then rows would be like number five which is a fucking nightmare people so and then the first guy would be there taunting you bouncing back bouncing

forward bouncing back bouncing forward now you throw the ball 18 times you're done you already threw it the first base 18 times what do you think you're throwing next you're either throwing right down the pipe or you're throwing a single now you got first and third and that guy on third you fuck with that motherfucker that's the big red machine he'll still home on you but then this motherfucker will walk it's a silent torture it's like if they tied you up and somebody put a feather in your asshole and didn't let you walk off sitting there sweat bloods coming out of your nose you know what I'm saying your dick's blue that's what they would do to you and finally like an after the whole rotation went up finally somebody would hit a home run like that they just went

around a time and a half and somebody just hit a home run you're sitting there going and you see the picture walking like the guys don't know fucking stay in there we're already down 92 runs and the pictures like I quit I'm going back to the hardware store now let me ask you this except for when they played the Mets how it wasn't on tv like it is today like how did you watch it or your local team would televise maybe 40 50 games and you had radio you fucking listen to the radio yeah are you kidding hardcore fans I did three four innings I could tolerate a radio but my mother had the cable at the bar so the game was always on somewhere my mother was such let me tell you how much listen I hate using this word but it's true my mother was such a

fucking Cuban spick baseball fan way before this shit that we had the victrola victrola is where the tv in the middle with the fucking photograph right the photograph on this side yeah you know my mother didn't she put a little Puerto Rican tv on top of that one and another one on top of that fuck you in ESPN 9 and 11 w o r and the other one w px fuck you that was it and one to the while you got the cbs game of the week and let me ask you something was your tv in black and white one of them would have to be black and white but did you have color we had color yeah that's pretty good i wasn't exposed to color and upstairs bedroom we had to remote control when it was four buttons i remember my mother went to miami and i watched taxi driver on tv when it was on tv

the first tv one day night remember they used to do sunday no wasn't taxi drivers midnight run midnight express when they ripped the guy's tongue out my mother went to miami smuggling in 1979 and we had the remote control i was laying up in the bed like a fucking savage i wasn't smoking i think i was eating like chicken delight don't cook tonight when i listen when i was 15 if i could order chicken delight i was a pimp dog you got those three little chicken breasts with that little bun and those fucking frozen french fries with jelly that's when i used to be disgusting i put salt on my french fries and dip it in the grape jelly and shit like that don't cook tonight call chicken delight who the fuck you think you're dealing

with i'm checking you mother fuckers back old school the fucking reds i can't believe the only one twice in a row but with that team but they were always there there was a pyrus there was always a tough teams in there the fillies nationally it was tough right they were freaking tough burdo clemente had these fucking savages he had willy stardust this guy that was hitting 400 feet 40 fucking years ago guys yeah before this guy did he was a black dude this was more liquor and steaks yeah and that's the dead ball era that's not a juice ball era that was a dead that's a 70s was fantastic that big black mother fucker he was six foot fucking six no no he corned he dipped it and eat the whole fucking thing fuck twisting around him daryl Dawkins right

or wrong he's thinking about right or wrong what's that what's that dude that fucking poppy that poppy or a kid he was a little kid that's a shrek he looks like fucking shrek to me i'm fucking corned his mouth like that fuck it those guys were tremendous they were great uh uh jackie anandes mani sanghian you know man sanghian still ran his standard you know if you ever watched that pittsburgh pirate thing after a burdo's plane come down he went down there mani sanghian i mean this this shit is fucking surreal you got to check into this this is this shit today listen man let me tell you some guys i go i i'm not gonna lie to you motherfuckers all right i got a dd but i ain't gonna sit here and tell you i got a dd and i take 92 milligrams i deal with it i smoke

reefer and i get eight hours a night and i make sure i got the sleep apnea machine on that's what you do and you shut your fucking mouth you don't tell nobody you're retarded you don't you never give in why are you telling people why are you telling me i got a dd mind your business don't tell me nothing just shut the fuck up and start it like this guy tonight right you are you all fucked up look at you you're all fucked up still i love you we're gonna go out and smoke pot after with all right we're gonna get some chick to suck your bugle tonight yeah that's what you need a a little cap a little thought i'm telling with a thing in your ass oh hey when was the last time something machine gunned your muffler like that without a nail we'll find you like a we'll find

you a black chick without a fingernail you know i'm saying she she got a caught in the car door fucking kicking the floor waving the far far oh you heard papa don't hit me no more ah fuck fucking tremendous tremendous dog you really are you know uh it's funny because it's 2013 uh at this time next year 10 years ago you and i met on the cell the longest yard yeah which was fucking craziness uh thank you you know it was just fucking crazy this i thought you were Italian man so that's fucking crazy fucking smoking pot every day i'm not trying to study in my lines this guy's getting high

come on niggie let's smoke some chi bus no that's okay you do that with nellie i'll fucking i'll work on my i'll work on i'll tell you a funny story one day one day on the movie said you get wrapped like you're done for the day so early in the day one day me and joey got wrapped early like they said boom go home you're both wrapped so we're taking off i'm going to a spa and he's going somewhere they unwrapped us they called him they called me on the road they said listen come back we are you know we wrapped you but now we're unwrapping you so come back so koko goes yo dude what do you want to do they want us to come back i said i know we gotta go back fuck it they wrapped me so i fucking go back and koko never shows up then i

and i go back and they wrap me again but i did the right thing i said koko that's why you don't go back you fucking yeah i'm fucking about a week before but i said you know fuck you still gotta go back koko listen this is what they would fucking do to us all right wasn't fair okay this is what they would do to us like a week before they booked a movie during monsoon season so that means you could be there balls ass naked right having a great time shooting a porno with snoop dog right how do you how do you want it how do you need it right growing up whatever the fuck it is right and all of a sudden a black cloud would just come over you like just go like that out of nowhere you just hear boom and also a black cloud and it ran and you gotta get the fuck out and they gotta

pick up shit and pick up shirts so one fucking day they wrap us and i go home now for some reason i don't know who's fucking idea that was to put tattoos on us because that's what slowed your freak down you got a tattoo tattoos maybe you had to get this crazy little tattoos in the morning well you had one i had like 19 of them at first i go in there yeah i'll be sons of anarchy and they got some they got some white dude with a pen with a feather on it fucking drawing design an italian flags and he had a meatball you had a meatball with a fucking feather on it i had some crazy shit on so one day we get then a rappers we get in a bus now people it's not like you fucking gotta get in a bus go back to the hotel take your football stuff off put regular clothes on now you're

going Joey what the fuck's wrong with this is the 80th fucking time all right when i ain't lauren's tail i ain't got time for this shit on and off let's shoot this shit right but it's a big movie so i fucking go home i'm in the shower the whole fucking thing i've already whacked though you don't want you go home and you whack all fucking Godzilla ain't getting out of the house you don't give a fuck you just close the window and close your eyes and hold on to your balls there's like an hour and a half after you go home and take a you know what i'm saying when you go home and take a shower when it's hot it's on your neck and at one point you go fucking i'm just gonna jerk off in here why get out and then i gotta come back in let me jerk off and pee while i'm in here get it out of

the fucking way that's why i stopped jerking off at night because i gotta pee and then i gotta take i gotta take the sleep at me a mask off and walk and come back fuck it fuck it i just jerk off when i'm peeing now it comes out half pee half helmet juice comes out it's like a fucking broken york and shit whatever a little song for the spirits but we have fun huh that was a good time wasn't so they call us and we go back put the fucking tattoos on the fucking the line back and we get back and they're like oh you didn't get the call oh my god we wrapped it i'm like these motherfuckers now i know the next time you call me fuck you fuck you you'll wait here you know but i paid the cost you follow me we all we all but it was it was a great experience just to be sitting there

with chris rock like he's not a fucking stand-up comic and there he is next to chris rock there he is next to bob sap who couldn't pick me up one scene that's how fucking fat i was i was 415 pounds bob sap was 375 you know six foot fucking eight and he couldn't pick me up that one scene we had boz worth we had some fucking crazy people crazy roman house romanosca psychopaths you had to be careful around dog because i know you know you could drop a dish and he would go off fucking wrong but it was uh it was amazing as a comic for me a lot of testosterone man i didn't want to go in and shower with those guys because they were all like you know niggie you're gonna shower with us all right fuck it man i keep a little manhood you know i mean i don't go in with the fucking

shower with these guys because it's like a lot of testosterone man come on maybe just shower with us i said that's okay you guys are huge they're fucking big and they're huge and you know every part so i'm like i'll i'll i'll shower by myself thank you i'll keep my own dignity fuck that but it was an interesting you know like michael ervin one time we're doing a scene in the huddle he goes i wasn't feeling it i wasn't feeling it niggie i said michael you're a football player you know what that feels like yeah that's it you're a professional you're a professional he goes i go did you feel the next one he goes yeah i did i said there you go now you go you know but he was funny you know it's it's funny because i had done little parts by then you know and i'd done a

couple big movies but this was fucking huge yeah and here i am playing a guy in a jail thinking about when i was in prison how lucky i am and how i'm gonna fuck this up i'm gonna stab somebody and i end up going to prison how ironic would it be and i remember the i remember that they they flew us down and i was down there a week without working we're in san fe yeah we were down there a week without working i came down a week before you i just sat in my hotel room and every day i would call am i working tomorrow and they go no and i just sit in my hotel room go for a swim smoke pot take the bus over there eat a chicken cutler with buffalo burger buffalo no i didn't like the buffalo shit i like that buffalo shit i

don't like none of that stuff so i do then the second week was where they said this is your week and the whole week guys let me tell you something i was fucking scared shitless i was insecure i wrote those lines backwards and forwards and the first scene like this is not a sandler movie so we had this in my mind i don't know what the fuck it was in my mind it was supposed to be seen 47 and we were supposed to be in a church but that monday when we got there isn't that a sandler film it was scene eight and now we were in the prison yard so the first scene basically we were shooting the first scene for me was with you what is it tree out tree out tree out with tracy morgan chris rock yeah this is it guys and i remember him coming i hadn't met him already and i had met

chris and but this is it you know chris rocks a fucking actor and i started looking around nick's a fucking actor he was on a tv series i'm a fucking comic at the comedy store getting $15 a night doing blow upstairs on the third floor you know i mean you know what i'm saying also i'm fucking acting in this movie and i still remember doing it and thinking i was wrong and doing it i still remember that day i still remember the day when we had to do all that shit one two three hike when we were sitting who are we mean machine whatever fuck yeah i still remember the day when fucking burt reynolds man handled me he was 60 fucking he was 60 fucking something years old and he basically picked me up i was 400 pounds and he just twisted me around like a pretzel i mean

it was just like i remember that shit vividly you know were you in the scene with the mud like sliding through the yeah oh fuck yeah that was one take man that was one take one take dog fucking exhaust one take guys bad one take and that water was cold don't swallow that shit that water was fucking cold they were out there pouring it out there out there right in front of us it was on a tarpon shit that was our play remember the play we had yeah nely had to go to a concert that day so he was scared that his throat was gonna get sick he's like i don't know if i'm gonna go in there though i don't know if i'm gonna go in there play and they're like if you don't want to go in there you don't have to go in there and it was kind of cool but we gotta do what

you gotta do it's just one once we got in there it was fucking dynamite and then nely ran in and we did the scene but that was one fucking take wrap go home done beautiful yeah fucking like a sad I give a fuck my stomach was sticking out yeah I didn't give a fuck you were hanging out man I know that was a great time a great experience all the way around right I was watching it the other day and you forget how funny it was and what you felt like and what a hide I was and the water girls remember all that shit all the guys with the umbrellas the umbrellas the whole experience was great Santa Fe New Mexico I never went back like I like that place it was beautiful but I was I was having a smoke there cigar drinking a drink my first guy then I was shaking

because I didn't realize the fucking altitude was high I'm smoking a cigar having a cocktail and I'm like oh man I'm fucked up because I'm you know I shouldn't have been doing that that altitude you know I didn't realize that the guy that I I met on that that was the craziest in a way was Tracy Morgan yeah and if you think about it like they knew he was crazy they didn't let us know and they know no they knew he was crazy they know but they didn't warn you about Tracy Morgan like come here we gotta talk to you listen yeah Tracy's gonna be here on Monday don't listen to him don't engage him whatever bitches whatever you know his finger smells like rape don't get insulted this is a joke he did he's fucking brilliant he's funny he was there for

three weeks and they shot him in and shot him out and today is when I think about like how they knew he was crazy and they didn't want him to start going off no but he was okay I think he did it I mean no he was great he acted I might have to say to Adam you like he was he's a little crazy right Nick I said yeah yeah but I like him I said you know because we were acting together so as far as I know he was funny and shit but I mean I wasn't hanging with him but I know he's out there what do you want to do next brother well me I just I want to do something exciting man you know there's so much boring shit out there I want to do something that's a little bit groundbreaking you know what I mean like what I mean not a series but something something that's different

that will like knock people out like when I was on NYPD blue was different it was fresh I felt like a virgin I want that feeling again that high of doing just you know because there's movies there's TV there's but it's like a lot of crap a lot of garbage out there you know it's not about what's good I want to do something that where you feel like woo not just get paid but you know really make a mark you know what I mean something that's like funny and dramatic you give a lot of things a chance why are you like me do you watch a lot of TV or do you like everything I don't watch everything but I do give things a chance and I do like when something is good sometimes people don't even talk about and they go oh wow that shit's on stars look at that they're doing

some good shit there but yet people are not watching look at network TV they killed it they fucking killed it they watered it down nobody network TV is the last station they go to now you know what I mean you turn on what do you do you put HBO on I put a SBN you know what I mean it's not like an even a comedy now I put on channel 20 that's the best channel in Los Angeles they got mission impossible at 2 a.m dog I planned my night around that they got the honeymooners at 1 30 they got gun smoke at 3 a.m you understand me I got cojax I'm gonna shoot a motherfucker cojax on cojax good they got everything cojax is good whatever the fuck you were into as a kid that you watch at your grandfather put that fucking channel on and you better get the therapist on

speed dial because that channel will take your shit back there's everything on there channel 20 we whatever the fuck it is I know I was that on the other night because when you go to sleep early so you don't use don't call me that late he called me 11 30 the other night and said where's Lamar Odom let me call you right back he's missing was he in hell he wasn't Lamar Odom was fucking missing I'm concerned nobody's concerned the fuck is wrong with you people I'm sitting there going that's the end of the Kardashians that's it it's over Lamar Odom is out there doing fucking half grams off that fat fuck he deserves it they drove that poor black guy that shit she's the kiss of death that fucking family that kid was all right he smoked some reefer he mugged some kid

that was all right the fucking mother-in-law has tickets for life at the Laker games she destroyed him Jerry West is fucking fucking himself in the ass right now the Kardashian mother had season tickets Lamar Odom caused this what would you feel like what would the fuck would you feel like you made forever some fucking crazy deal they gave it to that woman yeah and listen I don't give a fuck you know what man that that middle Kardashian is fucked up the chubby one I don't like Kanye West I don't like Kanye West's daughter I don't like the wife she's the fucking she's just a whole of sperm that's all she is she's a bag of fucking don't you think that's what's wrong with TV she disgusted the whole fucking people like these Kardashians his low-lifes take

I like that they got over you gotta applaud people like that because you gotta you gotta question the people of mentality who watch that and believe that bitch who sit there and go that's a bad bitch I want to grow up to be like that but to put those fucking people on a pedestal what are you gonna do it's not me not you but TV what's the fucking what's that fucking skinny guy what's that fucking skinny guy what skinny guy who's this who's the producer of that show who that secret yeah you listen oh that guy email Ryan secret that's what's wrong with he's it's not us listen first we got infatuated with the Osborns which is a little entertaining but listen guys what it was about it was about got a fucking ex-singer I was into Ozzy Osborn

you think I was into going to church no I was into doing acid and mugging people and fucking doing fucking blow that's who Ozzy Osborn was and they put him on the Osborns and also we're all fucking watching him he bit a fucking chicken's head off in 80 and we forgave this motherfucker but he was the most watched television show he beat I love Lucy when Ricky was fucking born so then what did we do we put the fucking Kardashians on there to show people how and people in LA live a fucking Bruce Jenner my idol when I was a kid who was on a box of fucking Wheaties Wheaties and a box of fucking Wheaties I want you to take a shot and hit yourself in your head with that fucking beer bottle that fucking young Frankenstein looking motherfucker was on a box of

Wheaties that man was drafted by the Boston Celtics as a joke and shit that's how good he was as a white dude they just drop fucking Bruce Jenner get him over here I don't give a fuck if he ain't got a jump shot he's gotta be able to do something dribble something are you fucking kidding me that monster's on it the mother listen I ain't no disrespectful but you could tell when a woman sucked a cock and taken abuse that's that mother and god bless her she said listen that lady swallowed that you know they say OJ fuck the you know that's a nasty fucking bitch right there I don't know I don't know I didn't read the book I'm just telling you what's up Ryan's secrets told me all right what that's a fucking evil woman yeah she's the manager now she's gonna take the fuck little young

kids and pimp those little bitches out she don't give a fuck down everybody she's gonna get the young one to fuck Justin Bieber and they're gonna make watch I really see you watch they're gonna get the highly watch oh yeah you don't need to you don't need to be a fucking fortune teller that's why we don't need to fucking do nothing about trust me they're gonna get Justin Bieber and Bob Justin I actually like Justin Bieber he's got a fucking talent he's got a little talent he's got a little talent he does he's got a little talent I know come on he's not a complete fucking I'm talking about Justin Bieber

well whatever you said about Justin Bieber you're a fucking broad mom the fucking organ and the fucking black guy that plays the bass this got nothing to do with we're talking about the Kardashians here and if you really think of the fucking like listen man I go listen let me explain some to you guys I'm 50 years old I try hard every day I get up two three days a week at six in the morning five and I want to do a podcast I travel I get to a hotel room in a fucking town sometimes you put TV on your smoking number you forget you put the remote control on if the

Kardashians comes on I don't like the chubby one that's married to Lamar Odom but then take a fortune teller no he was gonna abandon ship in time Kanye West will abandon ship in time like the little one the little one that's the one I like who I want to tie up you want to tie that bitch up and you know that she's the dirty one that's a sex tape I'll pay like you you know that you can like put your fingers in a pussy and pick it up by the hoof and you can and you can hit him in the face with your dick and shit ask me you like this don't you talk to me talk to me you dirty filthy animal oh they love that shit are you coming to squeeze your balls at the same time oh that's a party I haven't done that like I haven't done that like 18 years I

oh my god it's it's it really is that's the one that's always that's the one that you look at and you're like that little dirty bitch there and the husband let me tell you something I'm gonna tell you guys I love to talk to me to suck on my dick that guy right there just for general purposes like that just because I know that somebody like get him out one night like what do you think about sucking dick and he would say why why are you asking me you're gay no no no I'm just what some people talk about politics I want to talk about your views on sucking dick and I guarantee he would like look at you and say why what are you having in mind look at I got a car back there I led Zeppelin to in the fucking juke let's go back there you do the lemon song you lick my fucking

juice till it runs down my leg you don't have to swallow you you little fucking flamer from fucking collar bosses lick that muffler you dirty bitch and he would lick it too I guarantee and then he would pop up and he said don't tell nobody fuck no I'm a soldier like Gekko he's a fag I think he I don't say he's a fag but I know you could talk him into it or act like or like smack him twice like you know what I'm saying like bah like fake it I'll fucking kill you suck my dick I don't give a fuck give me the fucking knife suck my fucking dick I'm not gonna fucking tell you again don't don't ask me open up the zipper open it up open it up get on the fuck get on the fucking knee mother get on the fucking knee you're sucking bitch and that's American

me type shit that's my man that's that's that's what's his name from sons of anarchy type shit what's this what's him what's the Mexican from sons of anarchy the bad he's really Puerto Rican but he does he's been fucking playing mex he was on this Jimmy Smith's he's tremendous on fucking sons of anarchy when he killed the fucking Mexicans last year and he goes you bought those one of me back I'm back and you sit there and you watch a guy like Jimmy Smith and he's making out with the fucking lady from all you know the mother on you look at this and you see Jimmy Smith with a fucking beard and you see Jimmy Smith with a white and his beard and I'm thinking about the first time I saw Jimmy Smith was outside a

fucking hotel talking to Don Johnson on the pilot of Miami Vice with a white mother fucking suit on in 1984 when to be a Puerto Rican you had to come in with a mop you understand me you had to show up with a mop or a conga drum and here he is on MB fucking C and my lion dog and and he got killed the first episode you look that motherfucker up tonight he got killed by Calderon that's my dog right there you're my fucking cocktail right there nobody knows about Calderon I love you cocksucker Calderon was played by who another oh no I got you another dormitory who played Calderon he's in fact in fact he's the he's supposed to be a ghost rider Miami Vice Martin Pinero the Puerto Rican fucking poet the poet play Calderon yeah yeah

come on now he wrote that thing no no short eyes come on short who you fucking what I invite you to Puerto Rican if I wasn't throwing heat people you think I would invite you here because I had like no you know about Pinero huh yeah come on dog he's a come on dog that Puerto Rican tremendous he doesn't listen the guy from uh law and order plays him they got like $200,000 oh yeah they're good looking kid they're looking dude but Benjamin Brad it's nobody won an Academy Award I think they shot the director you know I mean it's but it got on showtime and there's a scene in that movie you know I grew up in that you know like I said my my my we lived on 205 West 88 Street though my godmother was into Santeria I was into Santeria so I ran up on 140

A Street with all those crazy fucking Puerto Ricans and one thing you would see is people not let me tell you something the gift of nodding has been forgotten this they say in Heterines making a comeback no it ain't I don't see nobody nodding nodding is when you see a guy in the street corner waiting across the street without the fucking peep peep he don't give a fuck about the peep peep he's smoking a cigarette out there he's looking around and also at some point he just starts falling asleep they'll just sit like this and people in New York would just walk around these motherfuckers and eventually they would fall or they would wake up and go fuck you bitch I'm a Yankee fan motherfucker

you know I see that all the time here you don't see that where I don't see people everywhere I see all like bus stops and like I lived in like Van Nuys like Jordy Van Nuys so you look at people in the bus stop yeah when you're driving in traffic yeah you're looking for little runaways and shit with with a guitar with slippers on and shit with with a fucking juicer and no kale these motherfuckers didn't get that you see I'm saying a a juicer no kale I'm throwing heat yeah you people I love you guys I don't understand I threw up and I'm still fucking high how the hell because it went into your mouth so when you bit it a couple times those juices it goes into your skin and that's it goes into the pores in your mouth and it goes into your androids and your

peland reads and your fucking lung devices and and it's in there till you pee or you do 25 jumping jacks until you break this shit up so what's next brother talk to me you know I love you yeah I like we gotta do some we gotta do we do gotta do like a little show or something but whoa I forgot to tell you I'm sorry so in this movie which is horrible talking about heroin they show Miguel Pinero after he gets paid on Miami Vice he would just get his check and go to these wild parties and there's a party he goes to where he's balls ass naked and they got both his arms out like Jesus Christ he's got a needle and each fucking arm and some chicks sucking his dick and the other one's licking his ballsack that is his gangster when I saw that I had to put that on pause

and make like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'm like holy shit man I was like if I didn't like needles that's a party I would have right there right up there one of those little fucking that is true that you gotta watch that he was in the movie he's that crazy he's that fucking crazy but he did so many things and he wrote and nobody knew because so he did a nice job yeah well brad brad did a good job what's that might benjamin brad you liked it yeah he was good benjamin brad played a very fucking good junk you know like I said it's not it's not that's my dog right there it's not gonna be an academy award winner you know probably it's like the hechtel of all movie you know that wasn't that good and they're gonna do they fucking lied the guy didn't do heroin

yeah he didn't do heroin not fucking Veronica Lopez's husband whatever Jennifer Lopez Jennifer Lopez's husband so speak oh hold on the black kid's name was Jasper Williams motherfucker how's that for you see yeah you guys can't fuck with me yeah that's you know how about your how about your man pwig man you know that's your homie pwig I tell you what I've watched have you gone out kubano man but you see he's already starting to snap he's he's a little local right you see he's already gotta teach him guys I love but I like him I like listen I'm gonna tell you the truth papa there's a truth I understand but look so what's can say go

and now he's putting on wrestling now he's wrestling next month you understand what I'm saying it hurts you in the fucking heart it hurts me in the heart when I came when I came out of prison in 87 he was a stark and say go in the back of my mind I'm like if he could fucking do it I could do it and now look at him he's fucking Sammy the bull junior he's over there writing books ratting them out you know I'm saying fuck all that shit it's a truth how would you fucking feel that's who that's who that who do when you think of a Cuban person do you think of Jose marti was a great revolution that no you think of fucking Scarface and no fuck that shit and you think of listen I this is I go to jujitsu and this is the funniest

man in America is this little Filipino kid who I love his name is John and he always says to me Joey you're Cuban I'm like oh yeah he goes they love Cubans in the Filipino they love Scott that's how he says it they love Scott face so that's what you you know some people say Ricky Ricardo but besides that who the fucking you kid when somebody says Cuban to you like yeah bro Scarface bro what do you say Aquaman what the fuck do you people say no you say fucking Scarface so let's be honest with each other you know what I'm saying it's true it's true you don't think of Jose marti or fucking Hotway they got a fucking Columbus killed when he went down to the head Indian and shit that they killed down there

everybody who always cries the Columbus killed the Indians he killed us there was fucking Indians in Cuba the fucking hot way chief at play in fact the Cubans named the Malta after the motherfucker it's tremendous with evaporated milk you've been there Joey you've been to Cuba I was born there but we got the fuck out done there's no you know can you go back no I won't go back though I don't know I'm scared if I got my passport I would be scared to still go back I think that I would have a nervous breakdown you would I feel that I would fail it that I failed it I failed my sister who got stuck there I have to go looking for my fucking dead father's body at some cemetery you know what the name Diaz is like in Miami do you have any fucking idea got suckers Diaz is Smith in Miami

okay do you know what it's like in fucking Cuba you're there for 10 million days and my mother didn't fly I'm like a regular white person she flew him through Mexico so God knows under what name they buried him under God fucking knows where I'm gonna get him I gotta go to Kamaua and look up to Diaz's and Kamaua that's like looking for the Corleones and Corleone you know you're fucking Lord so I know my sister's there I'm 50 my sister's 57 or 58 I haven't seen this since I was three you think I want to see my fucking sister now and to hear her last struggle of 30 years and for me to put my struggle of 30 years I have a nervous breakdown guys I called like two times and it's hard for me to even talk to her I don't even understand the Spanish

you know so I give my uncle money and he mails the money and I'm gonna call again it takes a lot of strength for me to call my fucking sister so it's tough who's the baddest Cuban Ricky Ricardo fuck yeah fuck yeah no dog Ricky Ricardo Ricky Ricardo got the party started that's Desi Lou productions when you couldn't walk on Hollywood right when you couldn't walk you ever seen LA Confidential when they got the Mexicans in jail and they're beating them up this is way before they got on Sons of Anarchy they were beating them up there was a beating fucking Emilio Rivera and Danny Trayho don't you guys fucking remember and here's Ricky Ricardo one day stopped and said whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa why are you fucking genius is shooting with one camera

this is a fucking spic he was the first one to do multi-cam really that's it that's it guys so a fucking spic no no nothing here's the beauty about Ricky Ricardo let me drop it on you motherfucker married a white woman Ricky Ricardo's family Ricky Ricardo's family man was gonna get taken over Batista Batista listen people talk about Fidel Castro Fidel Castro was nothing to Batista Batista was the real buck butcher in that country Batista would take everything from you fuck your wife give a chlamydia I mean this guy was a bad motherfucker but he's remembering godfather when they go down he's got his greasy fucking hair that guy took off with him and Lansky split 250 million dollars in 1959 guys Lansky took 250 Batista took 250 million dollars that's a lot of

fucking money Batista was butchering motherfuckers all right what were we talking about Ricky Ricardo Ricky Ricardo man so somehow Ricky Ricardo their family sent them to a private school in Miami okay this is a beautiful story they won't lock it up he sent to a because I might cry he sent to a beautiful school in Miami guess who his schoolmate was Capone's motherfucking son sure right so Capone's son is going home to Chicago and he looks at this little Cuban kid and he goes where you gonna go he goes I got nowhere to go and he goes I'm gonna bring you home mm-hmm and he brings them home and whatever what would a father say who's this fucking spit kid it's Christmas come here let me talk to you what are we gonna do with this

spickaroo and the kid made him laugh you know and later on in life he called on Capone and Capone got him a job in New York and that's how he hooked up with Desi Lucio Ball read the fucking book people your motherfuckers are too worried reading Lord of the Flies whatever the fuck you're reading this is shit you gotta read Scientology ain't gonna help you out they do nothing they're gonna take your money don't take the IQ test ask them to take the IQ test you ever tell them to take the IQ test when they come up to you in Hollywood Boulevard would you like an IQ test no you take the fucking desk I suck up you're the one that's waiting for a martian or whatever the fuck you wait for get your shit together what why does it why is that so emotional for you because take

about it he opened up a fucking door waving the 4-4 a fucking Italian opened up a door for some Puerto Rican brother to his home you know how tough it is how would you feel in 1960 if you're you and your father with the fucking yamacan your mother's eating your mother's the mother's dressed in black they're eating white fish you know I'm saying they got the door open they're waiting for the spirit to come through the fucking door and all of a sudden your brother shows up with a fucking six foot four black chick with an afro like Julia serving banging with a mini skirt with an afro between her legs what would happen to your mother and father I did that I brought I know you did that you're 50 fucking animal freaked out I know they freak out you can't do that to

old people bring like a civilian home like that you can't do that you could bring your own color home for a couple weeks and break them in slowly I'm kind of nervous but you can't go right now oh forget it wait to wait till the fucking wait till the Jew mom's got the yamacan and she's got the barbless tricein alms on you know I'm saying I've always loved you but my heart belongs to me we're fucking thinking dealing with I have no idea thank you motherfuckers for coming out you got any questions what type of questions you guys got tonight hit me he's doing like 30 of life that's it yeah but that's what happens when you're fucking

it goes into your head and you become you think you're really a colombo associate Robert De Niro yeah they found them on a beach in a Bronx still they found them on a on a beach yeah murdering somebody by mistake he was part of a where a guy killed somebody he was part of the crime with the guy so that's 20 of life no parole I got a question for you did you did you ever do pcp what's pc yeah I smoked it because they said there's I haven't read the article yet but they said Aaron Hernandez was doing pcp and like he was carrying a gun around with him like does that like kind of excuse it at all like I don't know what pcp does but fucking

listen dog listen I gotta tell you man there's nothing worse there's nothing worse when somebody tries to give you a bullshit story there's nothing worse of a feeling I got listen the day I kidnapped Ken Vella I kidnapped Ken Vella one in the afternoon this kid Ken Vella in 1987 I kidnapped him for two kilos of coke and they arrested me and shit but here's the story at nine o'clock that morning I went to this dentist called Dr. Kevin Sessa and he took a tooth out and he put metal fillings in my mola but he gave me the gas I can't see needles and I was very sensitive then so he gave me the gas first then he shot me when that those reports I never even said nothing they had asked me about my day the attorney my attorney then I told him the next meeting

he said we got something here he goes we're gonna go in there with the defense that the gas made you you know what bro at that time I was 25 I had been chuckling jiving for like six years I knew they were gonna get me eventually I figured if they did this I'd pay for all my sins type fucking deal you know what I'm saying like for everything so I came clean but that was the last thing I thought about PCP really what the fuck you're a fucking New England Patriot now you're gonna fuck now you're gonna fuck with the NFL's drug policy now they're gonna say why didn't we catch you oh you had somebody pissing for me who the fuck was he the kids are puke whatever he did bro listen man who the fuck am I but I just wanna throw some man I don't know

none of you people what the fuck you come from but close your eyes and think about somebody throwing 10 million dollars at you and you listen to ice tea and you hang out with people who carry guns and you're smoking dope and you're really in your mind think you're fucking what who did he play in uh in uh do jack city what's the guy's name he played the character yeah what did he play what was the guy's name yeah nino brown you know sometimes that shit you know fucking it comes you know what my cousin said to me that football was his hobby that he really wanted to be a fucking gangster this moron he's a retort he's retarded I'm telling you think about his fucking brain he's a retort because like he just said 10 million you're gifted 40 million whatever 40 million

you can play football you get the life you got your life by the balls and and you throw it away because you want to be scoffing you're a fucking retard somebody needed to save him he looks retarded I looked at him and he looks really fucking stupid if you look in his eyes I feel bad for him because I go this guy's retarded he's a retort he's a he's a Spanish kid from Connecticut yeah which right there whatever I'm just saying it's fucked up as it is fucking stupid trust me man stupid you got one shot in his life and he throws it away because he wants to be a tough guy what the fuck is wrong with that guy all right you cannot you cannot you cannot I can't get over I watch it over and over and think what was he thinking but then I look at him and I go he's

stupid he's really stupid how old was he guys he's retarded 23 at 23 you could talk me into killing somebody yeah but joe I wanted to we all but you didn't have that going on in your life what he's got I didn't have 10 million that's what I want right or you play for the Patriots no I wanted to yeah no no I understand he's walking around with guns and cameras I mean how stupid can you be he's not only you know and I mean whatever I don't know what else what at his house he's filming himself this guy's insane or he's really dumb like that is pray when where's he gonna end up they're gonna give him 40 fucking years he's gonna come out of there when he's 57 58 if he comes out and for what people that people go after and for what the guy insulted him the fucker people go

after him over what you know how bad he feels right now there you go to do you know how bad that fucking guy feels in that cell right now it's august 28th he should be on the fucking field he's in a six by l cell with a fucking metal cot with a black and white tv with a jumpsuit on with slippers your feet are itchy you ain't got no fucking cream there ain't no fucking air conditioned a dog there ain't no fucking air conditioning in New England think about what this guy feels like right now in that fucking six by eight you can't even imagine so fuck them you play with fucking guns you don't know you're gonna get fucking hurt he had everything all he had to do is stay home he could have had a woman come over have a bodyguard stabber and throw

do it the old school way you know you read about the charges in the fucking mid 70s and 80s when they had Dan Fouts and when Fred Dean left and Chuck Muncie and he used to call him a bunch of free basin motherfuckers they said that one night Chuck Muncie was all pat no the other guy Dan Fouts was walking around all paranoid and the gun fell and it shot him in the arm and he couldn't play that sunday and they made it up they wrote up that he got here he fell and torn his ligament you know these guys had ways to cover shit up you had a liaison you fucking paid but that guy's up there thinking he's need no brown fuck him he ain't even worth your time just sit there you go what the fuck you know fuck him what are the questions that's right

how am i what fuck she makes she makes she made uh so i've had homemade tacos enchiladas and pozole which was scary pozole what what's that okay it was good what sometime they have bagels i didn't know that they have like mexican bakery stuff when and like she called she called croissant something and baguette something like something different and they don't call it by the actual name listen let me tell you people what happened lee was on that fucking juice remember lee on that juice his head he looked like a fucking victim remember that shit he looked like he went through preseason his head it was all loose like a little juggernaut and shit he came in he was pale he went down to that fucking mexican ladies house

and that poor mexican woman took a look at that little fucking skinny head and that fucking body and she goes you're missing something cocksucker and i'm gonna i'm gonna give it to you i don't have a son i'm gonna take you under my fucking mexican wing she made the big heart he you've heard you've heard it come here i'm gonna rock your mother fucking world and stupid throw that fucking blender away with the juice mexicans don't fucking juice okay they buy that white thing from telamundo it burns it burns like an outside shit away fucking spanish people buy that shit by the millions at night they'll drink that white shit you'll see him out there you're in no danger paco it's over for you that should have killed you just do a jumping jack and lay off

cocksucker look at you you're a savage look at you you're out there her aunt just came from mexico and she brought like beef like special mexican beef like they don't sell here through like customs and stuff to cook it on saturday i don't understand i don't even know what's going on sure but like you've heard him talk about the bacon hot dogs that the guy makes she made those but she like wrapped it three times how many bacon hot dogs did you eat she just two but she did she did it because she came out with a basola basola how do you say it it don't matter you ate it it don't fucking matter it's higher a pot and she got mad when i finished like one bowl of it and she like she's like it's like a jewish mom but she's making enchiladas oh she's fatting you up

for the kill you ain't going nowhere dog by the time listen you she's gonna dope you up to like four hundred and thirty eight pounds and then you're fucked you got to marry the daughter then you're done you're fucking done that's all over where you're gonna go you're missing a fucking ankle you're walking around with a roller skate on your ankle and shit you got to shoot your fucking other leg and shit you're beating prosoles and sandwiches cocksucker those those enchiladas with the tremendous what the i don't know what kind what kind of cheese is it i don't know that's what kind of cheese it is no it's fucking glass like cheese it's not it's not it's the shit you drink to melt like a lot size it's not it's not it's not the case of fresco

it's a fucking it's like crumbly crumbly kind of cheese yeah yeah oh you should have seen them they took like an entire brick of it in between three of them oh please oh no it's a body oh and i went to l l super in england wood that's not i don't belong in l super england wood i don't know just the main right right by hollywood park casino listen when you go to weight watches this is a funny thing when you go to weight watches they have a breakdown of all the the different foods from all over the world cuban food and you know chinese food and japanese food for mexican it don't even have a breakdown when you can like when you walk in if you're mexican the lady will call you come here it's not gonna work out for you i'm not prejudiced but it don't work out for you people

it's like eight weeks then you tap out anyway you drop like eight pounds but then you come up with like 92 just pops up from nowhere mexican women they're a blast once they start tipping the scale there ain't no looking back it's over i see them i go to the ymca late night now and they got those zumba classes not one of those women they haven't lost an ounce i watch them i while they're in there twisting they take breaks they're eating sandwiches and shit well i danced for 30 minutes so i could i could eat a fucking thing the mexican truck pulls up it's it's classic it's fucking classic they're out there drinking machaca juice uh you're leaving how are you back well that fucking noise i'm what the fuck wait sexy mother fucker there's the mexicans here right i heard

like yeah what is mexicans everywhere what anywhere you go now you go to listen 10 years ago i went to green rapids south the coast snake river grand rapids michigan no shut the fuck up you said great rapids michigan well a lot of people don't know is like the second biggest population for mexicans is michigan northern michigan sagan all right all up there you said fucking detroit i'm talking about that more if you weren't gently they wouldn't have given it to you so snake river and swat dakota i was craved and this is like 15 years ago i'm up down a triple run this is those things that pay you 75 bucks you got to pay for your own gas and gas is like 62 so you made 13 dollars for cracking jokes then you got to come back to colorado

that's how you start out but i was over there scratching i'd been on the road for a week i couldn't find a package or anything and shit i didn't give a fuck i buy laundry detergent and sure enough man i'm at some fucking white diner eating and i seem like a little you know anyone clearly used to what comes in they have like the revolving door that just opens up like and he goes back like a mexican popped his head to the thing like and i'm like oh my fucking god and he saw a man he's like is it really and we hugged each other like oh my god i haven't seen a latino and fucking eight hours and i'm like tell me you get coke and he's like yeah come back to my house i got it right there

i swear they went to after he introduced me to everybody he had coke in the back room like the whole family like the whole family lived there like i had to input because we had to walk through their room like step over she how you doing that's millie how you doing i have to see you he's leaving is he staying long now he's leaving i'm in the back room i just burned 80 calories the coke is melted it's all the way in the back i love you guys thank you very much for coming tonight you bad motherfuckers thank you guys so much for listening and uh these really are the my favorite night of the month and i don't know it's one of joey's favorite nights too uh huge thank you to nick de tarot for coming

and uh thank you for everyone else who came to see it live it really it means a lot to support us and we're going to start doing more of these at the ice house and we have the one in portland next month so keep your eye out for it and we really love doing it uh just really quickly we have a few sponsors to go through um and they're not really sponsors the first one on it is uh is family they've been with us from the very beginning they were the first people to to support joey and myself and it means a lot and they have uh the products that really help you out they have uh we all the supplements joey does hem force he does the strong bone he does the shroom tech immune and sport um it's really amazing and we can get you with it with the church uh

promo code we get you 10 percent off on the supplements and if you if you're looking to do more workout stuff they have the kettlebells and they have the battle ropes and all that amazing stuff and on it dot com we can help you out with the supplements i like new mood really helps me fall asleep um so please go check them out and use promo code church and of course you also know we have hulu plus and they've been with us for a while and we've talked about all the shows that they have they have the sponge bob they have the daily show they have family guy all those shows but uh they they've also started doing their own production because they're they're bad motherfuckers that's what they do um they bring you the shows you love but they also are trying to introduce

you to new stuff and something i've talked about before is the awesomes and it's uh it's really that it's an awesome show um and it's an animated show and it's hilarious and it's only for hulu plus so use your two week free trial going to huluplus.com slash joey or the banner at joeyds.net and try it out for two weeks after that it's only 7.99 a month if you want it if you don't thank you for trying it out but uh if you if you sign up for the free trial i'm sure you'll i'm sure you'll keep it uh and the last people that we want to think as always is dollar shave club they uh they understand what i'd like to work hard for a living and uh they want to take one of the things that you have to worry about and remove it so you don't have to worry about getting razors anymore you

don't have to worry about oh shit i ran out or i don't have any more they send it to your door every month i just got the notification last night actually that they they are sending my new box out soon and they have three plans for you they have a dollar a month plan a six dollar month plan and a nine dollar a month plan and then they have things you can add on like the shave butter or the one wipe charlie's which are great um bathroom wipes which trust me joey and i need some bathroom wipes we just regular toilet paper won't cut it if you go to dollar shave club dot com slash church we'd really appreciate it uh and huge thank you to all the sponsors and all you listeners it really means a lot we've had a crazy run for the past few the almost a year we're coming up on a year

pretty soon and it means a lot that you guys have been listening well thank you so much and i'll see you guys on monday now that the show's over don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet support this podcast and get an extended free trial of hulu plus when you go to hulu plus dot com slash joey or go to joeyds.net and click on the hulu plus banner and don't forget to sign up for dollar shave club dot com you'll get high quality razor sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail we love these guys and you will too now go to dollar shave club dot com forward slash church or go to joeyds.net and click on the dollar shave club banner