Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The Jew Snapped

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt are joined by Bianca from Brooklyn in an episode guaranteed to make you hungry! The trio discuss everything from the ranch on pizza, the worst thing you can say to people in Brooklyn, stupid food trends on social media, Bianca tries to convince Joey to become a food influencer and so much more! Show Notes: BlueChew: Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code JOEY. Zippix Toothpicks: code JOEY at ZippixToothpicks.com to get 10% off your first order. DraftKings: Download the Draft Kings Sportsbook app and use promo code JOEY to turn $5 into 200 in bonus bets if your bet wins.

Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. What's happening, beautiful people? It's a church of what's happening now, new edition with my little Bruce Lee, Lee Syatt, and we have a guest right off the top because we're getting ready for the holidays. And this is the only way to get ready from the holidays with my girl, Christina from Brooklyn.

You know what I'm saying? What's up, beautiful? Bianca. Bianca, what did I say? Christina. Oh, my God. That sounds like my cousin's name. I'm telling you.

No, because this fucking guy told me to send a text to Steve Murdo, my brother, and his wife is Christina. That's why, so I was thinking I was... It's my fault. I apologize. You're also... But this is how we know he's going to like you

because everyone he likes, he calls him by a name that's not their name. So you're doing... I can't have been to Christina. It's not too far off. No, Bianca. I'm very sorry. Bianca from Brooklyn.

All good. Jesus Christ. How fucking embarrassed? Right off the bat. What's happening? What's... We're good. I'm happy to be here out of Brooklyn.

Holy shit. Yeah. I'm happy that you're here. First of all, I love your accent. Oh, thank you. It's as real and old school. You know,

when you see these Brooklyn movies, actors have to go to like a linguist to sound like you. You're the fucking, that's the best accent ever. And your videos, you know, you're this shit, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's happening? Listen, the first, I have to, I'm going to get props with props to do. My husband introduced me to you. and leave when we first started dating. And we would just sit there on the sofa, cracking him for fucking hours, okay?

And I'm a little offended because I know you guys are professional comedians, but I think I'm a little funny, but I never got my husband to do that deep laugh like when he watches you guys. He fucking cracks up so much. And I've never heard that laugh, but it held a special place in my heart. But yeah, and then, you know, once you talk about your food in the videos, I'm like, you know what you're talking about. You know what I mean?

And I love it. You're great. And yeah, now we're here. now we're here. Well, there's going to be a good night because we got three. Well, two foodies and one guy that'll eat lizard me from time to time. Listen. And now he's married.

I'm trying to put that for 15 years. Yeah. I've been trying to get him on the program. I'm on the program. He's on the program, good for a week or two. And he slips off into the horizon. Listen, everything, I was on your page. I was doing research today.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But just looking at your page. You make, how many chubby dudes hit you up? Your DMs must be full of chubby dudes You made you made Italian wanton soup Oh yeah Oh my God, I saw that Yeah, did you believe it?

Oh my God What was in the wanton's? No, I put the same filling That you put like in What is that? Totally. Yeah, totally ravioli The wedding soup, wonton soup

So whatever you put in like the chicken meat That you put in Italian wedding soup I put it inside the wonton I love it's Chinese food The wonton so you know You mix it up multicultural over there. Let me tell you.

There's a guy in my town at Osteria that makes lobster shrimp fried rice or risotto. Wow. That sounds nice. And then another place around the corner makes lobster fried rice, but my boy over there chops it up. With the risotto.

With the risotto. And he calls it Italian fried rice. Right, right, right. Risotto. He's opening up another restaurant. That's going to be, he calls me J.D. It's J.D.'s rice. Oh, shit.

At the other place. Wow. So it's like a steak rib place. And he's going to have that as one of the side dick. Because I always torture him for that. Yeah. And he has to make it for me. And then customers like, you don't make it for me.

He's like, you don't ask. It took me a year or two to get him to make it. Somebody whispered to me one day. If you want to try, he made Kung Pow chicken one, no, General Tao one night. Steve Borda, unbelievable. Italian chubby dude. You know, you Brooklyn people just that last, you know, The last couple weeks, the last five years from me since I moved back here, Bianca,

it's been really weird because I haven't seen these people or whatever, but I realized how old I was. Like I'm still three generations, you know, even before me. Like I grew up with a time when everybody was older. And everybody complains now that Brooklyn doesn't exist. Yeah. The old Staten Island doesn't exist. It's all this, it's all that, you know?

Yeah. And then we see your videos. And you're like, fuck. feels good to be a gangster. Yeah. Well, listen, everything changes. You know what I mean? And someone said something to me, like a while ago and stuck with me.

You can either embrace it while you're there or run away. And I'm still there in Brooklyn. And, you know, I got to embrace the changes, you know, and got to do what I was, you know, taught when I from a young age, you know, everything's changed. And that's life, you know? And I feel like I'm also stuck. I forget how old I'm getting, even though, like, yeah, I'm in my 30s.

But still, you know, like, I still think about my childhood, the way I was brought up. And you want that to exist, but it's not there no more. You know what I mean? Who taught you how to cook? Honestly, my mother. My mother, you know, she always cooked for us. Every night we had dinner at home.

She was always cooked and we always had Sunday dinner. And, you know, she learned from her mother as well, you know. But it's just in her blood, you know, like Italians, we cook. We cook, we eat, you know. I feel like it just runs through our blood over there. So it's just something I grew up with. And it just comes natural almost, you know? When I was really young, I moved here when I was 10,

to North Bergen, this neighborhood that's around Clipside. And I started going to Italian people's houses. You know, I like fucking Italian. And I still remember something. When I was really young, you said something. You said my mother cooked every night. Say something.

That generation, that mother, they wouldn't pay for Italian food. Oh, yeah. They would. Why would they? You understand. Every once in a while you want to try something different? No, no, no, no. And there's something.

I've heard it for years. and then there's a movie that actually is such a great. It's called 29th Street with Danny Aiella. Okay. And he would complain, I ain't paying for the pizza. I'm making my own pizza. And the pizza was terrible, but he kept making it, making it. Because he'd go, it costs 10 cents to make.

Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah. But that generation would not go out to eat Italian food. If they ate exotic, Chinese. Yeah. That's as exotic as they got. Yeah.

Okay. Listen, when we were growing up, we were trained. If we had to go to anywhere, like an Italian restaurant for dinner, you don't order the pasta. You don't know the pasta was number one. It costs them nothing to make. And their sauce will never be as good as the sauce you have at home. And now I find myself, even when I go to, like, Italian restaurants, we never order the pasta. So what do you get?

You get a chicken, you know, you get something with meat. Like, you just never order the pasta. Like, I have never ordered pasta with, you know, sauce and a meatball in my life from a restaurant. Never. Right. Never. A girl. Like, ooh, no.

Would it just depress you if, like, you took one bite and it wasn't as good as yours or your mom? That's, listen, everyone's got their recipe, you know. I make my own. My mother makes her own. Of course, it tastes a little bit different, you know, but you go to a place and everyone's red sauce. Like, I feel like that's the number one thing. They can kind of get, not get wrong, but you could be like, no, not for me. And then, you know, turns you off.

And we have so many restaurants in Brooklyn Italian restaurants. Once one place you go there, you have a bad experience. Like, I'll go to the next one. I don't got to, you know, keep going back, you know, especially if you wanted to try the mound and stuff like that, but never order the pasta. Now, what's the, I mean, in your opinion of what you've heard, what's the, and let's just say your area,

what's the best Italian restaurant where it's still mom and pop, the daughter is there once a week, the son went to jail, you know what I'm saying? The fucking, you go there and they still give you bread with butter, you know, just that old field. Do you still feel that anywhere by you? There's definitely a couple that stick out to me. We actually just went to Ortho Bello the other day.

It's this little little restaurant on the corner. You go in there and you're like, this is old school Italian. Small place. You know, the weight is there. The owner's there right on top of you. You got the bread and butter. Everything was delicious there. Michael's a Brooklyn was another place that we absolutely love.

Brooklyn Roots is another place there more like old school. They have the big portions, you know, family style. You know, run, you know, these all run by families. and stuff. But every Italian restaurant has a different vibe. Who wants to be a little bit more upscale?

Who wants to be more of that homey vibe? You know, with the big portions and stuff like that. But those are definitely, you know, some of our favorites.

But when I go out, I never want Italian. I always, you know, we're going to Chinese restaurant. That's where we go, you know? The only Italian dish I crave on a regular and then it goes away

for a month that I crave and then I break down, I go somewhere I'm not supposed to go. But just eat it. And that's lasagna. Oh. I still like a nice piece of lasagna the next day after collagulate. Yeah.

And it settles and you put a little sausage in there too. Ba, blah, there's something about that shit. And when I was growing up, that's what you made on Thanksgiving. That's what Italian people made with everything else. But I would go, I don't know, turkey, lasagna.

I'm moving over to the fucking lasagna. And they put the extra sauce on it with a couple pieces of sausage. Stop it. Stop it. And you start hugging up to that bill. You start grabbing that pillow real hard. It's the best giant game I've ever watched. Do you like, do that, does everyone make you cook on Thanksgiving or do you like to do it?

It's 50-50. I always help out. My mother's still host most of the time or my mother-in-law. So I always do the side dishes. But, you know, they got cooking in their blood too. So they're not ready to let go of the reins over there. Do they make fun of you for social media? They're like, oh, Miss Chef now.

I don't know. No, my mother's like, oh, you're making me. look bad, you know? I'm not cooking nothing good over here. I'm like, all right, listen, it's okay. You cook every day. Listen, I usually cook during the day, like by myself when I'm at home, but by the nighttime, I'm like, listen, go order something. Like, the kitchen's clean, the kitchen's closed. But for the most part, I do cook, you know, like sometimes you order this takeout. It tastes like, shit anyway. I was better off cooking myself, you know? But I, for the most part, every day. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, it's crazy that this area is just the fucking king. Yeah. Like you could say whatever the fuck you want, Mondami, this, that, this, that. But at the end of the day, what you have here is a

fucking, and some of it is really bad and some of it is really good. They all got to be in a certain area because you're selling slices and shit. Yeah. So if your slice is shitty, you're not going to last that long. 100%. You're not going to last that long.

And look at how, like, I don't know, you're from Brooklyn. Did you ever eat Spanish food grown up? I mean, probably when I was older and, like, I wanted to, like, try new things. My parents weren't cooking nothing, you know? No. Once in a while, my aunt's Puerto Rican, she would make her rice and pernil.

Like, that was like on a holiday, you know, and I was like, oh, give me a tub away of that. We don't get that at home. No, you know. It's good, yeah. It's good shit. But, yeah, you know, my mother wasn't cooking. My mother was cooking Italian.

A couple restaurants. the piece. She got out of the family, a family magazine, you know, Americana, taco ring, this and that, you know. But my mother's, even though my mother's first generation, and the way she wanted to raise us, like, what her parents was be proud to be American, you know what I mean? So, like, they were always, you know, trying to teach, they didn't speak Italian. They wanted them to speak English, not Italian,

you know what I mean? So my mother regrets, us growing up, she didn't teach as Italian. But to them, it was like, we're here now, we're going to speak English, you know, stuff like that. So even though we're Italian, she still was still American you know what I mean like she stood at make craft macaroni and cheese no no we didn't do crap maybe there was a box in the pantry that was on sale for you know my father was like oh for desperate times we'll keep it and then he made it himself when he was home

by himself you know in secret no you didn't like your mom no he was in the hamburger helper when my mother wasn't home i wasn't allowed to look at that shit no my mom would not allow fucking mac and cheese i didn't like it and then the italians around me were like not in the fucking years. So I was like, okay, they don't even like it. It's bullshit. What's like the biggest? Like, what would upset you the most?

Like, I'm thinking of like, you know that shaky, like Italian parmesan cheese? Oh, the green catanas. Yeah. Yeah, like, is that allowed? Like, what would piss you off? What would piss your mom off the most? Come on. You can't, that, that's not cheese.

I know. It tastes good, but I don't. I had to say something to my wife. Because she's from Tennessee. She kept buying. And that jihad of polarisidic. Yeah. We get to Jersey.

And she go, boy, I made a mistake. Nah-da-da-da. Listen, there are no mistakes when it comes to that crap cheese.

That is. It's like crap. It's wood-shaven. Yeah. It's not even in the refrigerator section. So what, you know. It's on the shelf right next to the dry pasta.

You know, that's not cheese. Do you ever do anything to piss your mom off? Like you bring something home? Like, like frozen pizza? No, she's not that crazy. Like, yeah, no.

I mean, like, you know, I mean, like, you know, What am I going to say? Oh, Jod sauce? Listen, she has a secret stash of the Jard sauce go for pizza night. Like, oh, you don't want to make the whole sauce? But there's different levels to the Jard sauce.

You know what I mean? She's not bringing, what's that rago? No, no, you're not going to raggoo. Pete, this kid in college tried to insult me by saying, yo, your mother uses raggoo. Like that's, yeah, like, we're trying to rile me up, you know. That's a Brooklyn insult. Yeah.

Because they're from all Long Island. You know, trying to get me riled up on a bad night over there. The mother uses raggo. Fuck you. You know. The Kakuchos never made a piece of tofu. Yeah. That's amazing.

What do you think about like the, because one of the Joey's least favorite things is people waiting in line. So like in Brooklyn, they have a couple pizza places that are like TikTok famous and you're supposed to like wait hours in line. What do you thought? Or is just any pizza place is fine. I don't go.

I don't go. Listen, my local pizzeria is crispy pizzeria. You might have seen them. They're viral now on social media. And good for them. God bless them. I will see.

Krispy. They're on the corner and they're in O'Bridge. And they're in Freethold. And are there places crazy out there too with lines now? In O'Bridge? It's a fucking zoo. Yeah. It's my favorite fucking pizza.

My hands down. Hands down. They do something. The brother's really good looking. Yeah, yeah. With the black hair and then that's his brother in Oldbridge. Yeah, yeah. And that burnt down.

Then I had to go to Freehold. And they were all over there. Oh, my God. And you know what I like about them? They got so many different types of pizza. Yes. So you get one cheese to keep everybody happy. Yeah.

You know what I got a plain cheese? Yeah, yeah. The cheese ain't going to be good. Mm-hmm. What the fuck am I wasting my time with all this other shit? 100%. Then they have like a ninth avenue. 13th Avenue.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So it's like you like the square or the regular. The square. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. The sauce is just like chunky and it has like the caramelized onions, I think.

And like the sauce is so different. With the little Zalabza, right? The regatta on it. Oh, my God. That's a good one. And I would, let me tell you something. I would go, when I first moved from California, I was a fucking gavone. I'd go in there, like, without my wife and daughter.

And I get. In secret? Two cheeses, one 13th to have two fucking meat pies. Meat pies. Like, why would I eat the meat pies? So you're making meat pies? Yeah. Oh, did you make him beef pat again?

So what I'm eating, I'm a fat fuck. So when I'm eating the pizza, the meat pies are cooking. By the time the pizza's over, you know, like when you're finishing, like, what else? He's coming in with the two fucking meat pies. And I would drink as much fucking Coke zero with ice as I could. They're the best. And I get pissed now because, listen,

God bless them. I'm happy for them that they're doing so well. But now we got to do drive-bys and see. Because if there's a crazy line, we're not waiting in the line. Then on a Friday night, you try to call up. You're not getting no delivery. You're done. You're done.

You're done. You're done. They're not getting nothing. So I'm like, oh, when we order Meskis, we got to wait for the middle of the week, you know, because they're wings too, underrated. They have great wings there. They're food.

If I tell you what I get from them, the potato and egg sandwich with a couple fucking peppers on their Italian bread. Oh, I never try that from them. Fuck, I tell them burn the potatoes. Oh, my God. I love all that shit. I fucking love it.

They got the quality. I say they got the quality. Yeah, they do. They got the consistency. Every time you go, you're getting the same thing. Always. Always. Always.

And they got the selection. You know, they're fucking nice. Yes, 100%. Those guys treat my wife like she's the fucking queen of our B. My wife puts an order in and she'll come back and go, Joey, you should have seen it tonight. It was a jam, but I went to the side. He called me over.

He didn't even take my money next time. It's too busy. Like their family, he told me, I'll deliver it to your house. You'll come up here at night. I'll deliver. I'm just ashamed. You know, I'm not like, You know what I'm like fucking...

I can't deal with it no more than I said my husband I said I have the line No I can't It's wild It's good for them but like holy shit Now their pizzeria in Brooklyn is by the Dika Christmas lights You know where people everyone's coming now

The big Christmas have you ever heard of the Dika Heights Christmas? Yeah yeah like So it's fun That neighborhood right with the lights It's beautiful So that's like if you're coming there to see the lights You're going to Krispy Even though it's a couple blocks over you know

So that's it Christmas season is fucking out We're not getting no pizza You know, but good, I guess it's a good problem to have. I just went. We didn't get it this time. You know, I grew up on pizza. Ever since I moved back, if I got a pizza slice to a month, like, if I eat mushrooms,

I'll eat pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you put the mushrooms in the crease. You can't taste them with the cheese. Fucking delicious. But wasn't I going to fucking say to you? You know, every place has, like, I went to Philly last time, and they had the tomato pie. Mm-hmm.

But it was Calabrian chili sauce. Okay. Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. You know, yeah. Yeah. She, I was sweating profusiously and shit. But the flavor and the heat all hit together.

Nice. When I was shooting a movie and we shot in all different locations in Brooklyn and they would bring pizza from the neighborhood. And I can't, you know, they were all fucking good. I'm not one of those guys who's going to go, well, this one had too much tomato. What are you, a pizza fucking ex-exper? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You know. Yeah. Like, well, I went there and I didn't give a fuck. I lived in California. Go out there for a month. And then come back here and tell me, well, I had a little bit too much sauce for my liking. How about I fucking stabbing in that? At least it was a fucking Italian making you a fucking pie.

His name is Julio. But that's for ice purposes. You know what I'm saying? He's Giovanni today. Oh, man. So what's the other? I mean, L&B, right? What is it?

L&B, they're square, of course. You know what I mean? But crispy, each place, like, there's a place, Nino's on 3rd Avenue, their grandma's, it's a, one of the best grandmas, it's paper thin, you know, I used to live down by there, so we'd always get that.

But, you know, who else? What is it, Mr. Phil's on Utrecht Avenue? Very good plain, you know, slice run in there. But yeah, I'm trying to think. Those are some of the top ones, but. Crispy, man. No, crispy.

I am. Yeah. All right. Now I just go to Krispy because for some reason I can't eat that many pizza slice anymore. But now I just go right for the fucking Sicilian. Yeah. A nice piece of Sicilian. That's such a, you know, it's like, I don't know about you, you regress an Italian food.

Like that's a good thing about Italian food. Same thing with Chinese food. Or any culture for that matter. But, you know, I could go to the same Italian place every day. and it's weird how you get hot on something and then you get cold on something. You know what? I'm going to get the tomato and mozzarella sandwich.

You do that for like three weeks and that gets boring. And then you go, you know what, let me try the ravioli. And then fuck the ravioli. You're good. Oh, shit. And now you're back on that.

And then, you know, and it's so weird. Like, I go back and forth on it. Honestly, even from Krispy, one of my favorite slices, believe or not, is their chicken balsamic slice and it's a salad slice. you start off with that, you feel good about yourself. Then you move to the 13 damn you.

But like people like, oh, salad on pizza. No, they do it a certain way, man. That I'm always getting that. You know, that's the first slice we wash it down, you know, to start with. But yeah, no. But then like, you know, after a while you're like, I want this then. Same thing.

You switch it up, you know. It's 2019 and I'm back here shooting a movie. Yeah. We would shoot in Brooklyn. On the days off, I was in New York City. and I'd walk around and I had a gym I went to. And one day I go to this gym and I'm just like, fucking, I'm tired.

I don't have to work tonight. I'm just going to walk home and maybe get so fierce. You've been kitchen. You've been kitchen. I crossed the street and I look in this pizza place. And they had something I had never seen before. Because again, I hadn't been coming here that often. They had a beautiful cheese slice with an inch of money got on top and cheese.

And I remember just, I ate it. for him. Thank you. Just for him. He sent me a pick. He didn't use to text pictures. He just texted me. He's like, look at this. Look at him. He kept like salivating. I can hear him texting like palms and shit. You have

no idea how much. Anything Ricotta I love, but you made something, another thing you made, you made pasta salad with ravioli. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he actually got, that was one of the first things, one of the first times I ever ate with him and he got it. He's still mad about it today. We went to a place called Rudy's, which

is an Italian place near here. It's the first time I went there. It's apparently known for seafood, but I was 20-something, 22, and I, A, wanted to be, I don't want to get the most expensive thing, but then B, if you give me cheese ravioli, I could eat, like, you know those butoni things

that's like a whole plastic? Like, it's like in the actual refrigerated section. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a green. I used to just, when I was 300 pounds, I would just take the whole, like, pour the whole thing and eat it. Give me ravioli, and you'll never hear from me again. So the fact that you made ravioli pasta salad.

Yeah. If I would have known, I would have brought a few. Thank God for you didn't because I didn't eat all of it. Next time, next time. Do any Italians get mad at you for this stuff or no? Some people, you know, there's always going to be someone who has a stupid comment. You know what I mean? Right.

But I'm like, I don't care. Do they get mad at you because you're being progressive with the recipe? Yeah, oh, it's not authentic. What are you doing using this and that? I'll tell you what, if I'm going through your page and I see something that authentic, I won't talk to you for a week either. I'm one of those fucking things.

I just just pissed off of people for the dumbest shit. That's all good though. Everyone's entitled to, you know what I mean? But I love like, listen, I love food. So sometimes I don't know what to eat. And I'll just go on Instagram and get a reel that's food and I'll just spin it. And something will happen.

Something will happen. Like you're like, holy shit. Maybe I should go to an Arabian restaurant. That little chubby belly dances there. I haven't seen him lately. The chubby guy. There's a chubby guy dancing? An Arab dude that.

Oh, I haven't seen that. A little restaurant. No, on the street. Oh. Like a platter of fucking. Oh, I've seen that guy. He's huge. He's huge.

Yeah. He's got like a stomach and he makes a wiggle. He does like a wiggle dance. Oh, but instead are in the neighborhood here. What are you talking? No, no, on Instagram. Oh, I don't like there's some guy around here. On Instagram.

Every fucking body. Everybody's cooking. on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. Some is garbage, you know, some, let me give you 110 grams of protein.

I got to use cottage cheese. You lost it. You fucking lost me, all right? I ain't eaten no, I don't eat protein that fucking bad. We can eat fucking steaks or pork chops. That's what I'm in a move for. That's another thing I don't eat a lot.

With cherry peppers. And you stuff with a little something. The problem is I go to these restaurants and they give you a fucking, You know, they give you a woman's fucking calf. They give you. And you're like, what the fuck do I do with this? And it's stuffed with fucking shit.

And, you know, and the, you know, I love all that stuff. But again, it's not something I can eat anymore. Yeah, yeah. The peppers, I stay up. I have dreams. I ate something. Talk, what the fuck? Oh, a couple weeks ago, I ate a steak like at 11 o'clock at night.

I was dreaming I was a cowboy. Like, I was watching fucking that. show with the costas and shit Montana I woke up to an ecstatic I was riding a horse my back hurts and shit my dreams who made you a steak at 11 o'clock a night Osteria oh you went to a restaurant I just imagine you called them up

I go I was it still open he goes yeah what do you need I go throw me a 20 ounce New York strip damn with a garlic clove and a half a little no no no I like baked pretzance but they don't have the upscale Italian you know they say Russell you know what I'm saying the same even though I love a big potato.

Don't get me wrong. But I always get the half of Caesar salad. Okay. A steak with salad, about a couple spoons of mashed potato. It'll keep everybody in balance. But you would, I don't imagine you're doing that at 11 o'clock at night. Oh, me neither. What happened is I take the edibles at six.

I want it to activate at eight. And they don't. I forced myself to eat. But then they activate at 10.30. I mean, all cylinders are gone. Pio, phew, pio. And I go upstairs. and she's got like entomintment cake.

I ain't eating that shit. I ain't eating that shit normal. Tastes like dick. All the things I grew up on that used to be fucking sensational and you can't eat them. I don't even know what chemicals are bad. But I look at it now

and if I see a couple glaucominis and shit, I'm out. I mean eating that stuff. My white, what, yodles? I go, dog, this is like eating cancer. That's a stick of fucking cancer, yodels now. She bought them their first godhead.

I bought them through her. fuck away. So I've been a lot cleaner about food. Like, this is the shit. Like, if you keep eating, you know, this whole fucking country's concerned about fast food. Everybody. Some of this fast, I just read the fucking best protein fast food is the Chinese joint, Panda. Panda. Panda Express is good. The chicken terriaki. That's the highest protein dish you get on fucking food. I never even think of Panda Express. I love Panda Express. Because they got creepy people working there. It's always like, you know, when you go to Chinese, rest of them. There's Chinese people.

When you go to Pan Express, I don't know what they're like, they're like from a different Asian country. They're not from Taiwan, China, Japan. They're like those people in that movie with, with a Clint Eastwood, with Zaddy. Oh, yeah. Filipino or something? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Grand Torino, right? Yeah, Granterino. What were the, Mongols or whatever the fuck they are. No, no, Mongolia is. They're like Mongols or something like that. I don't know what the fuck they are. Oh, my God. You said that you and your husband used to like to watch Joey and I.

Yeah. Was any of this at all? Marijuana, like, infused? It was BC before children. Oh, yeah. No, I'm not saying now, but like some of the stuff you make looks like marijuana has to be involved somewhere. I got a creative mind. What do you want me to tell you?

That's amazing. You do it sober? That's even more impressive. Because like some of the stuff you invented, it's like, this is someone's high doing this. You have like a chicken marsala, orangeini. Oh, that was good though. Yeah, I love chicken Marcella. Yeah.

I never thought about deep frying it. That's a different texture. Yeah. I did Marsala egg plant of rotatini before. No, you were like that because it's got the regatta inside. I like everything. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And listen, going back to saying how like everything tastes like shit now, it does. So like when I cook myself like, okay, quote unquote, it's not the healthiest. I'm like, you know what's going in there. You know what I mean? Like I just made a. a crumb cake, you know? When you eat Edmonds crumb cake now, it tastes like shit,

just like you said. So I made him like, is it the best? No, I'm not going to sit here and eat the whole thing, but at least you know what you're putting in there. You know what I mean? But yeah, every, yeah. Eggplant roll atini masala. Does your husband ever get, like, is he ever on a diet?

And he's like, you got to stop cooking this. He got so pissed recently because now, like, it's the holiday season. So I'm cooking a lot of, like, baked goods and stuff like that. He's like, what the hell? I was doing so good. And I said, well, you got to get it out of the house because I can't eat it. Bring it to work something because, yeah. And that's another reason I don't cook huge portions.

If that shit's in the house, you're going to eat it. Oh, my God. You know, yeah. You couldn't stop me from me. I would tell you I'd bring you it to the office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just eating in the car myself. Oh, my God.

Because, like, I, my favorite apartment ever was in the north end of Boston, which is like in the Italian section. Yeah, yeah. Like, I had never had a steak and cheese with a tomato with red sauce on it. Oh, wow. That shit's fucking. I never had that yet. Italian food is like, I don't know.

I think it's like the fat man heaven. Like I can't even, there's nothing. When you're fat, there's nothing you want more than something like that. But you know what does bother me and we've talked about it is like I'm done with chicken parm. I love it. Chicken farm is great. But it's like it's the same everywhere and it's kind of boring.

Yeah. Like is anything that you're sick of? You know what you use a Fri-diablo sauce in the chicken farm? Yeah. Somebody uses something. It may not be for Diablo, but it's... Vodka. Or vodka sauce, I was going to say...

Vodka with a little spice. Yeah. Yeah. Spice vodka sauce. It's not bad. Not bad at all, man. Anything boring to you? You're like, if someone's like, hey, you want to come over and have penny or

like, what do you... Same thing. The pasta, you know, I don't want no plain pasta, but chicken porkms a safe meal. You know what I mean? If you go somewhere, you're not too sure. I don't know how this is. I don't know. that is give me the chicken palm.

That's like the safe meal without ordering the pasta because we know the pasta, you know. Oh, but that pisses me off. Yeah. If I get chicken parma and there's no, it doesn't come with pasta. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because they need a little something on the side. Yeah.

A little bit of sauce on the pasta. Not a lot. No, yeah. Just a little squirt of sauce. Mix it up nice. Yeah, if you want drowning. A little cheese and shit very, you know, you know, again, I'm way old than anybody in this fucking room.

And when I was growing up, and I go to a tiny person's house, they always offered you. Something to drink. But come on, they didn't even offer you nothing to drink. You're hungry. You're hungry. Don't ask him if he's fucking hungry. Just give him a dish, you know. And everybody gave you baked Monica Gott.

They made it on Sunday. And they put in a fucking tub of fucking tupperware. And your mom froze half of it. And she put the other... I didn't even think about freezing it. Dog geniuses Italians. So sometimes you go over and you're like, you're hungry? And you're like, yeah.

And they're like, well, it's frozen. It's going to take 20 minutes. But you know what? I got nice co-cuts and olives and shit. You're like, what the fuck? I came over here for a midnight snack. Look at me. That's exactly how it goes down.

Like King fucking Faroo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always got a stash in the freezer. Because you never know. Big Zidi. You don't need no sauce. I love Big Ziti. Just put in a microwave oven at two in the morning when you get home.

Let me tell you some, that thing starts wiggling. Like the thing from the little rascals. Oh, my God. And you take one fork. Like, when I, When I eat Ziti, I don't fuck around, okay? When I eat Ziti, I'm in Rome. I eat one piece of the time.

I put the fork in one hole. Watch me in Ziti. It takes two fucking hours. I fucking love Ziti. Oh, my God. Because, like, I grew up, I don't know if either of you guys watched it. They just had the 30th anniversary reunion of everybody loves Raymond. Which is like, it's a silly sitcom.

But to me, like, Marie and that is like, I don't know. I just, that's like, when I think about, New York Italian. That's what I think of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, was your grandma involved at all? Like, was she around? She was around.

She unfortunately passed away and I was younger, so I never got to experience her as like an adult. You know what I mean? Yeah. But yeah, like I remember going into the basement, you know? And it just had that smell of like that cellar basement smell, you know? And she would try to be like, you know, cool and make us the pizzas on the English muffins. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I needed an Italian grandma. Yeah. And so I've been looking at the whole. And I'm not, do you cook with nails like that? I do, I do. Sometimes they're a little bit shorter, but yeah. That's crazy.

You got to put on a little gloves if you're dealing with the meat, you know? It doesn't come through like it's. Oh, they're 100% too. I got to double up. Yeah. You ever leave a nail on the meat look? Your husband is shook. Thank God.

No, that's never happened before. He's speaking. He's speaking his career. I'm the lady who put the nails on there. I'm eating an hamburger There's a red nail across the room Oh man What about do you ever

Like I've always thought Like if you ever get pissed off At your husband Do you mess up on purpose Or cook something he hates? No No no I just talk to him in other ways

Like you know Everything you cook He pretty much enjoys Yeah sometimes like No allergies No allergic to peanuts No no thank you all No no

He's like to tomato sauce Thank God, no, we're pretty good. But, yeah, no, for the most part, whatever I make, you know, he has to say, too. He does a little cooking, so, you know, I'll give him a little credit there. But yeah, not everything, you know. You let him in the kitchen? I'm surprised. Yeah, if you want to go, go, do me the favor.

Like, you know. Oh, I thought you'd be like, get the fuck. You do the dishes. Well, it depends on the meal. If it's something that, like, I know I can handle and he may be a little shaky. I try to be calm, you know? You try like, oh, okay, you know, over the shoulder, you know, start sweating. And then I'm like, stop controlling everything over here.

You seem nice, but I feel like you could like throw it down if you wanted to. Oh, yeah. I'm the evil one in the house. Really? Yeah, he's missed a nice guy. I'm the developmental. The sister lives downstairs. That's always a fucking party.

That's always a party. You know, I don't even need to be there. I just know that style. There's yelling. Yeah. My mother's 10 minutes away. She comes off. I'm cleaning the basement.

What are you doing? I'm going. Why are you here? I'm sitting in your house without you knowing? Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is real type family shit. You can't leave.

But you can go to your mom and go, you know what? I'm thinking I'm moving to California. It's not even in your DNA. I did that during my college years. They make fun of me. I was finding myself. I was a fine of myself. I just went.

We went. Where'd you go? I went. to Italy. Okay. Because I studied abroad when I was in school there and then after I graduated, I had my degree in teaching. So I was like, oh, I'll go teach English. You know, I'll be ESL, whatever. I was like, no. English is just a second language teacher, you know. And I go there, I'm looking for jobs. They're like, oh, $4 an hour. You're illegal there. And I was like, oh, shit. I didn't think of, I need working papers. I thought I was just going there and getting a job.

So that didn't work out. I was there for like two, three months. Yeah. And then I went to Thailand for a month to teach English too. And now as an adult, I'm like, why did I do? First of all, God bless my parents. But now that I have a kid, I'm like, where do you think you're going? Absolutely not. Fuck, yeah.

Yeah, but it was cool. That was nice. At least you got out. Yeah. There's most people from Brooklyn that don't leave the fucking neighborhood. And they stay there to a mom. Real quick, I got to take a breather. I got to talk about some things, toothpicks.

You're going to love all this stuff tonight. nicotine toothpicks. Who's better than you? What's next? That you have to think about. What are they going to put in toothpicks next? Anyway, we'll be right back. Stay put.

Hey, Uncle Joe here. Listen, satisfy your nicotine craving anytime, any place, with zippics toothpicks. Listen, Zipik toothpicks are nicotine and flavor infused. You can try the sweet whiskey like this one, peppermint, watermelon, or mocha, available with either two or three milligrams of nicotine. Zippis lets you pick how much kick you want.

Listen, I love this little one right here. You're popping in your mouth with a cup of coffee. Start the day off beautifully. But if you want something nicotine-free, check out Zipping Energy Toothpix with B-12 and 30 milligrams of caffeine. Zip Energy Toothpix are great for midday pickup. Get some nicotine-infused toothpicks today at Zipix.com. Again, Zipix Toothpix.

dot com. It's like a tongue twister. Zippix toothpicks.com. You're going to get 10% off your first order by using code Joey, J-O-E-Y at checkout. That's code Joey at zippix, toothpicks.com. Get 10% off your first order. Listen, you got to be 21 old. Warning nicotine is an addictive chemical. Zip more, smoke less with Zippix, nicotine, toothpicks. What up, you savages, Uncle Joey, here.

Listen, to all the Blue Choo fans out there, I'm pleased to announce. You ready? Dun-da-da-da-da-da. Blue-chew gold. Blue-chew gold is a 4-1 tablet with ingredients to increase the blood flow and your arousal. You know what I'm saying? Blue-chew gold dissolves under your tongue. And since it works in as little as 15 minutes, you won't have to wait for the fireworks.

I mean, listen, you pop a blue chew, the wind blows. it's over. You know what I'm saying? Somebody's getting smacked on the face with the fucking pole of death. You know what I'm saying? Listen, if you want to blow some caps in that ass, you got to hook up with blue chew.

You follow me? Feel like a big man with a little blue shoe. I love it. Make life easier by getting harder. How easy is that? Listen, if you slung dick three nights a week with the Epstein files madded to you, did you ever think about that?

No. Discover your options at Bluetooth. And you won't worry about nothing. You'll never turn on CNN again. You'll be slinging too much dick. There'll be bodies. You'll be burying freaks. You know what I'm saying?

We got a special deal for church fans. You're 10% off of your first month with blue chew gold with Code Joey. Did you get that? 10% off your first month with blue chew gold with Code Joey. This is the move you need to make right now. Listen, this package will be in your house in a couple days. I guarantee when Santa Cruz

through the door, you'll have mom in a 69, you know what I'm saying? So visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And I want to thank Bluechoo for believing in the show and for sponsoring the show. Happy holidays. We're back, Jack. I want to talk to you about something

because we're very old school. I'm probably your parents' age. how strong, how fucking crazy is this, that, the way we eat Chinese food? You know, the other day, I was just watching in the afternoon. I don't know if you guys notice. Every day, Godfather 1 is on and Godfather 2 is on. And for two minutes a day, I get sucked in.

Okay. I just see what part is on, you know, if it's something coming. And the other day I turned it on. It's when they're going to go shoot the police chief and Salazzo. And he's six Italian guys at the table, you know, fucking old school Italian. And they got open containers everywhere at Chinese food. And I'm like, wow. What the fuck, you know?

All the, you know, because 90s and 72, Italians were a little bit more racist. You know what I'm saying? So those Chinese motherfuckers, you know. But they make a good fried rice. But it's like, I'm Cuban. You know, George Panamanian, Nix Italian, least Jewish. How much of an influence does Chinese food have it? Do you think about it?

Listen, it's something I could never recreate perfectly. You know what I mean? Like, not even close to it. So, of course, it's going to be one of those things that you're like, holy shit. Like, I want Chinese food. I will say the number one restaurant that we go to the most in my neighborhood, Red Bull, Chinese restaurant, 86th Street, 3rd Avenue. Shout out to them.

My daughter's favorite place. best Chinese food it's fucking great you know what I mean like nothing beats it what was the name of the place that you ate up as a child like your mom went to one place to Wing Fong Yeah yeah uh

Seshwon Delight Wing Fong Sash Lund Deli yeah But you never that Red Bull is a place You go there and eat you know what I mean But growing up as kid it was always takeout You know you had in the house I would always do the ordering too Walk around with a little notepad

You know write it down All right I had the money We put it by the rest radiator when the guy came to the door you know, yeah. My mother loved Chinese food. Yeah. And you know, when you're a kid, you can't say, well, I really want a hamburger.

Yeah, yeah. She just fucking backhand you in those days. Well, let me ask you guys. Because I've never heard this before, and I don't agree with it. But something going around now is like right now is apparently Chinese food season. Like you're allowed to get it when it's cold, but like you're not allowed to eat Chinese food in the summer. Like, is now Chinese food season or what do you eat Chinese food year round? look at your face

you fucking white kids no no listen I get it I know I know but right of babe she saw it and I get it to an extent

because let me ask you this okay imagine it's August 13th you're sitting there it's hot as balls out right sometimes don't you feel like it's a little too heavy for a hot day like that

to be having like that greasy heavy Chinese food or no steak a stick appetizer. Oh, you know what? You're right. Okay. You're fucking right.

Went in doubt. Went in doubt. Yeah. A steak on a stick and a can of Coca-Cola. And call me in five minutes. Yeah. That's when you used to take him, talk to the Chinese guy. He'd have them in the back.

You heard like an animal make a screech. And all of a sudden, he came out with smoking shit. You went three steaks on a stick. Yeah. When you broke as a comedian. Yeah, yeah. I knew. In 93, I came back to do.

comedy, I had new protein, you know, things get bad, you got the stick, has a sword, whatever the fuck. But, you know, Chinese has everything. Listen, I'm not going to go on an August day and get egg drop soup, the big bowl, and a fucking fried egg roll, but they have light, you know what I love in the summer? Like that lettuce with the Chinese dressing and some wantons in it? The chicken stuff, the, you like honest wrap? Why you always got to say chicken?

You like chicken? I like chicken, but... What else is lettuce and Chinese food? Chinese chicken. Chinese chicken, like pork fried rice. When I eat it, I know there's something in there. I shouldn't be. You know what I'm saying?

Some type of animal, there's a lizard. A mouse. There's got to be something in there. But you don't think about it. Even though you know you've gone to pick up food one time. You saw a mouse jump on top of a bird, you know. The pigeon population in Brooklyn has greatly declined. Where the pigeons go?

Where the fucking babies go. He's been, because I love dumplings and he's been torturing for me for years that people make it with cats. You grew up in Brooklyn. Oh, shit. Do they do that? Don't tell me they do that.

That's not like a, it's maybe a joke, but I don't think they're cooking cats out there. Let me ask you a question. And if they are, I don't want to think about it or know about it. No, me either. You're very intelligent when it comes to the kitchen and in life. But you ever taste something? It doesn't taste right?

No. When you eat a dumpling, you're eating in a rush. Yeah. You dope it. up with something. You never really ask yourself to question, what exactly is in that dumpling? Well, I tell you, it's pork. Okay. So it's a hot dog. Right? When you get an all-beef hot dog, it's like 82% beef. They got like a bone in there. That's where they get the flavor from. You know what I'm saying? Like they just got shit in that. It's not going to kill you,

but it ain't bad for you. And that's what I feel with dumpling. I don't know what it is. It's not a chicken. It's not a piece of fish. It's not meat. So we eat it and we just eat it and we trust it. We can't think about it. No. So I think it's the leftovers from the chicken.

They just put in a fucking blender. And a little something in there. They've been doing for 2,000 years. We're in there fucking eating it. Like it's ravioli. And it's some poor cat's eyeballs and shit and some fucking chicken hoofs and shit. I'm not saying nothing bad about nobody.

But people got to make a living. It's tough out there for a pimp. So if you're going to look with the food prices and shit right now, you better watch what the fuck you're reading. When you see fucking halal meat on 42nd Street, on the street, three little dudes looking around, like they could be selling halal or they could be making a bomb in that little fucking place. So please, look at fucking, it's expensive.

You can't get away with 99-cent burgers no more. That shit, those days are done. If you see a 99-cent burger, you better have Alka-Salsa or Briozky or fucking, you know. Yeah. You got to be really careful with food prices, how they are. So I'm not saying nothing bad about Chinese. I eat Chinese food once a fucking week, even if I don't want. Because some, like every Sunday night.

Really? Yeah, last night we had Japanese. We had Semporo Ro and fucking had the beef. my wife didn't tell him to do it well done so it came gooey whatever the fuck but I still ate it because I was hungry as a motherfucker

but on Sunday nights here's the plan we sit at about seven fuck football and shit and we watch Landman and then in between Landman at eight we go get Chinese food

devour it I smoke some dope and then we watch Mayor of Kingston and it's 10 o'clock see the small details I do miss that like did your family ever do something

like just a like a weekly tradition like yeah fucking a meal in a show that that was that was it everything growing up i feel like there was always like you know sunday we had our italian food but we would look forward to the chinese food you know if we got crazy my mother finally splurge for the pizza because you know you make your own pizza you know and stuff like that but um yeah i mean nothing like weekly like set on the calendar there but of course you know you don't know so it's always it's lingering. Yeah. I would always make, I always, dog, I came from the time when it was $4.99 for a soup. A soup. Chinese are coming. A soup, a thing of noodles, an egg roll, a fucking entree,

a combination platter, yeah. 495 with a can of Coke, you know. Yeah. Now try to get that, okay? So the, yeah, lunch special is a $20 some dollars. I still try to get. At one lunch special a week, you know, my blood is fucking shrimp and lobster sauce. That's my shit. If it's made good with the pork, you throw it on the pork fried rice and you stir it in. It's like eating rice with egg and fucking the place I go, they're from Staten Island. Oh, really? Okay.

Yeah, it's not, I don't go to Staten Island, but they have one at Crown Palace. Okay, all right. And they make fucking big prawns and that motherfucker. You cut the, oh my God, you eat that, and you get the pork from the lobster. thing and you get the pork from the pork fried rice. Tremendous. That's good, yeah. This is Independence Day.

When we get out of here, there's going to be Martians and shit. I don't know. Hopefully, I don't think they'll be able to hear it. Hopefully not. We'll find out. What's your Chinese to go to right now? Before, you know. So this place, Red Bowl, they make a crispy honey beef.

And it's like thin strips of beef that is like, kind of has like a general tau flavor to it. Right. I know what you. But it's nice. It's nice. Or even just like clay. classic chicken and broccoli when it's done right and it's not like slimy and weird nice you know

pork fried rice and egg roll maybe a little wanton soup you know yeah man i've omitted the soup lately uh-huh no yeah lately just i don't want to fucking my wife bring it in the fucking car what's wrong soup in the car soup because it might spill now the fucking car smells like i drop soup so forget it no soup to fucking call. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you got to take food to go. The Uber game four stars that night. The Uber driver, an Arab guy,

gave him one star. He stunk worse than the Uber. He brought Greek food. They got me fucked up. We ate everything in this place, and I was still fucking hungry, and they found a gyro place, and I'm fat and I'm Jewish,

and there was leftovers. I took it home. And, like, apparently there's no, you get to go food, right? Yes. Yeah. You were you going to throw it away? You throw it away?

Listen. Slash stipulations there for me. No, listen, there's no. I've, one time my... So what's the girl that you brought home? The gyro. And there was like the meat. It was like, it was like, but like, listen, this is how fat I am.

My ex and I, we went to Philly for the weekend. We got so much food at the market. We bought a cooler for the drive home. And like all respect, I got to be honest. I have to, I don't know much. about Brooklyn. Okay. Because like to me, Philly is like Italian fat guy having. Like Philly, but like

Brooklyn, I need to I need, uh, for people because people come into New, especially right around this time of year, people come to New York. If you were going to go to Brooklyn, like where where's your like day and best day in Brooklyn food wise? Do you have anything? Listen, I'm always going to be

my neighborhood. I don't venture out too much because a lot, not that I don't venture out, but like a lot of these neighborhoods, you got all the transplants now. There's so much gentification that like, sorry. Yeah, no, man, listen, it's different. You know what I mean? So I stick to the neighborhood spots that I know that have been in there for a while,

still doing their thing because you go, you know, go to Williamsburg. Oh, this gastropub with this and that. Not for me. With two different breeds and that's okay, you know, but. So come to my neighborhood. You go to Krispia, got some Italian restaurants. You want to go see the lights. You can stay in there like a dundaloon with everyone else.

Because now it's insane. It's insane. It's insane the lights over there. They bring them in by the restaurant. the bus load. You could take a tour. Why don't you just start selling some food out there? They got food trucks now on the Avenue. The people are complaining. People are hopping people's fences to go pissing their driveway.

There's no bathrooms now. Yeah, it's wild. It's wild. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, the local Facebook page for Dica Heights, you have to hear these people going off. And I get it because if you live on that block, like those blocks, you can't get in your house. Like, you're standing on your block in your car for like over an hour. because there's so many tourists now looking at these houses, you know? And I've been going there since I was a kid.

Right. We have pictures, like, they used to have the people dressed it up in costumes, you know, you take pictures with them, like the little characters and stuff. But now, like, I go with my daughter

before it even gets dark because you can't even freaking go near there. It's insane. It's insane. I've never had a problem with it with Italians, Italians, and Jews always get along. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But, like, what would happen if a Jew tried to move in a diker? Would that be a problem? Oh, no, you're fine. It's all mixed now. It doesn't even matter. Yeah, that don't matter. lights? No, you got a couple of measletabs on the block.

They don't put up the lights either. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're like those houses or something? Yeah, listen, people, I get it. People, you know, because people don't have any respect nowadays. Some of these people are come, you know, imagine you're in your house and you see this person pissing in your driveway, taking a shit in your driveway. You might say next year I'm not putting up one goddamn light because of that. What would you do, Joey, if someone pissed in your driveway? I mean, honestly, I'd blow torch a food truck. Yeah. Every time somebody fucking pissed in my driveway,

and that's how you get that handy. No, last year, someone put a porta potty, and they were charging $3 a person to go in. Oh, yeah. And they got in trouble, but that was... They got in trouble. Give them respect to hustle, but, you know... American ingenuity.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody ratted on them. Yeah, of course. That's what it was. That's fucking rats. You know, but that prevented the driveway nonsense. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. We had a video once when I was... I was living at home. Some woman went into our driveway. My parents car was still in the driveway. She pulled out of her pants. She took a shit in our driveway. Yeah.

I remember. That was like one of the first TikToks I ever posted years ago and I got taken down. I was like, this is pure gold over here. Someone just shitting in my driveway. She left her shopping cart right in front and went in, pulled down her pants and shit my driveway.

I don't know why I was sharing the story, but yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's really crazy. That wouldn't happen 30 years ago. No. Somebody takes a shit on your street in Brooklyn. in Brooklyn.

No, yeah. It's crazy. Now there's, you know, like there's all these sections now. Obviously, I don't know where the deep Italian section is anymore. Who knows? But I forgot what I was going to tell you. Holy shit.

I know. I saw your face when she was telling the story about the woman shitting. It looked like the numbers were flying around your head. Like you couldn't compute. He was a woman shitting in your driveway. That was. No, no, I wasn't even concerned about that because I've taken some shit. in some weird places.

I'm not going to be hypocritical, okay? And tell you I haven't been in weird places and stuff. But not in some of these driveways. Yeah, I mean, listen. The last year, I took behind a Jewish daycare center in the back about two months, three, four months ago. It happened. Close enough to the driveway.

Had some wagging beef, that shit goes right through me, that fucking. Can't imagine one of those kids walking around just seeing that? What's that smell? You know what's really good. I know what I was going to say to you. You know, all these areas that are kind of gentrified, there's always one old school pizza place. Yeah.

Old school Italian plants. And this is what, again, I'm a fucking old man. But can you imagine having a pizzeria 30 years? You may be bought it off your uncle, who had it for 22 years, but he lost an arm in the oven. Yeah. They put his head in the oven. because he owed on the Knicks.

And then, you know, you picked it up for all those years. And you're sitting there busting your hump working hard. And you see these three college kids walk by with two dominoes pizzas. And that's what I don't, that would take the heart out of me to keep seeing young kids or even adults with kids getting domino's pizza. You know, that's no respect for anybody involved. Like nobody's getting respectful. And okay, if you live outside this, everything. you want to eat dominoes, that's your prerogative.

But even, I remember coming here from California, working Long Island, being in a hotel in Long Island, and a kid came in with his dad with fucking sandals on and a domino's pizza. I had to do everything I could not to kick the kid in him in the fucking stomach because, you know, I mean, come on, you're in Long, fucking Island. There's got to be something.

And it was. There was something right down the block from the hotel. So that type of shit has got to be like, that shit kills me. I feel bad. I see a lot of that. Yeah, in the neighborhood. Just because, like I said, there's very few, like, the businesses, like, just like you said, the business that have been there 30 years, like, someone I feel like are hanging on

by a couple strings, you know, just because the neighborhood's changing so much. And then, you know, social media has, you know, is very powerful in the sense that, like, people go there, promote it and may help them out, you know what I mean? But then there's these places that, like, people are just hyping up that just popped up, you know what I mean? And then the old guy gets overshadowed. Maybe they don't know how to use social media. Maybe they don't believe in it.

You know what I mean? I get that too. And it's like I feel bad because like I see some businesses out there that are older and like they're pushing. They're pushing the social media. They're getting it. They see it works. It makes me happy for them because like, but then there's some of these old school guys

that like, ah, make a video. You know what I mean? Like they don't understand the power of it. And I feel bad for them because it could possibly like help them out, you know? Because when the neighborhood changed like that, like you're not going to have your customers that we hear 30 years ago. coming to you. Like, if they all moved out, who's coming to you now? You need to get a whole new audience, you know, in there. And that's hard. That's hard. And I feel bad, you know, but that's why,

you know, people laugh at these influences. Oh, they're going here, they're going there, they're sharing this, you know, makes a difference for these small guys out there that, you know, need that extra push. You know, I would love to go out there one night a week. Yeah. That's like a 4.30 in a restaurant. Yeah. You know? Listen, yeah. Put a camera on and talk. I would love to be able to do that. My problem is, number one, I don't know. You got, let me, they're missing,

you need, I know you're a busy guy, I know you got your own thing going, but you would shake up the freaking food review world, let me tell you. You would give everybody a run for their money. But here's the problem, like I feel, I don't mind you talking about food. I don't mind you talking about whatever the fuck

you want to talk about. But you know what? You better know what the fuck you're talking about. Okay? You know, I don't know ingredients, guys. I'm not a cook. I fucking hate the kitchen. If I have to pound the chicken cutlet out,

I'd rather fucking slice my jugular than have to look at that chicken raw. Really? Oh, my God, and over the years it's gotten worse. I just have like a food phobia. You know. Touch raw chicken or no? What's that?

Can you touch raw chicken or you don't like... I don't like any of it. I don't know that. I'll eat what you fucking cooked. If you put in the refrigerator and you got leftovers, I'm in. But I ain't touching. those leftovers.

I don't like taking the lid off. It makes me fucking sick. It makes me gag. It would be my favorite dish in the world. Dog, I don't know what happened over the years. After I went to prison, you know, I was the, I was in charge of the kitchen. I had to sniff the foods and I just destroyed. I don't know.

I really don't know, guys. I just don't like it. I don't like it. I don't mind doing dishes and all that shit. I make, you know, every once in a while, I make nothing. Nothing. You guys, you know. Make nothing.

Yeah. If it wasn't for my wife for a restaurant, I wouldn't fucking eat. Yeah, but you got credentials from going to places, good places, you know what I mean? So even though you're not going and talk about the technicalities behind making a dish, but just knowing good food, like the people that come here from freaking Iowa and they've only been to Olive Garden now they're coming here telling me the best Italian restaurants in the city. It's like, what are your credentials there, you know, respectfully? I like you, thank you for putting these businesses like, you know, out there.

But you got credentials just because you're not cooking, you know. Listen, we need you out there because you're going to tell it how it is. Well, number one, I can't do Italian because I'm Cuban. Doesn't matter. You got the credentials. No? I think you give it a goal once.

There's a lot of fucking people being disrespectful out there. I don't want to see an Hindu kid talking to me about pizza. I have nothing against Indian people. I really don't. There's sweet people. Do you know what I'm saying? There's just certain things I don't want to fucking see. and that's what you see.

Some kid from, and I'm not badmouthed in Chicago, you're motherfuckered, I love Chicago, but a kid from Chicago badmouthed in New York pizza, eating it. You know, you don't really know. I want you to go to five suburbs. I want you to go to Staten Island.

I want you to go to Brooklyn. That's what I'd have to do. And I wouldn't do that on camera. I wouldn't do that on camera. I pick one day a week, Staten Island, I'd ask around. I wouldn't go online. Yeah.

That's loser. You go to the deep, you do. You go, they got Billy goat cheese. Go fuck your mother, all right? But I'm not going to go ask fucking, you know, a dude as he's getting chased by ice. Hey, where's the best Italian restaurant? Do you know what I'm saying? Like this, it's got to stop.

So that's my other beef. Like, I could go do samples of, like, sandwiches. But I don't even like fucking sandwiches. Yeah, yeah. I fucking don't. You know, I could go do like roast beef or cats. Everybody does that shit. I want to find that little Italian dude.

Which one? Anyone. Oh. That special dude that's still talked to town. Yeah, no, I know. Not Tony Soprano Jr. No, I know what you're talking about. You know, what are you talking about?

You know, I want that guy. I know who you're talking about. I want during the video, he yells and his son calls him a retard in Italian. What are you fucking? Yeah. You know, the whole fucking thing. That's the guy I'm looking for. You know what you should do?

You should look and find like just go for one thing. Like if I know you, you should just do reviews of only chicken cutlets. I'm sick of fucking eating chicken cul-ins. You're sick of that? Because my wife has murdered me with her chicken cutlets. What does that mean? That means that my wife butcher's recipes. She doesn't know.

Listen. Okay. Uh-oh. We had this conversation a couple weeks ago. I don't know about you. I grew up when I only trusted two or three delis. But when I went in that deli and I got a fucking cup of macaroni salad, it tasted like macaroni salad,

and it smelled like macaroni salad. Fast forward 40 fucking years. I go to the Italian deli now. Any salad in that fucking thing smells like everything fucking else. The chicken colors, when I came from California, I was buying chicken colors everywhere. If I went to a fucking supermarket, LaBodees, whatever, I was buying chicken colors.

I drew them all away. Yeah. And I go, what the fuck is going on here? They got Mexicans cooking chicken colors. Okay, again, I got nothing against Latinos. Everybody got to make a living here,

but they don't understand what a chicken cutlet is. They don't understand how long you really have to dip it in the egg and bring it back in the flour and go back. They got learned old school. Like, here, dipping it.

Like, I would do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dipping in the egg, dripping in that, and then throw on the frying pan. there's levels to a chicken colored, Jack. If you're going to add that, you know what? I'm the type of motherfucker.

I'll pay top dollar for a chicken colored. Believe it or not, this motherfucker here makes the best chicken color. Really? Oh, my God. He still uses 1940, whatever. It's love. It's different things. You eat a chicken color.

It's just breadcrumbs. Come on, man. You even asked the guy, did you put fucking Italian brick? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they're not. This is fucking. And what's that shoe we were kids? You put the pork chop in it.

Shake and bake. Shaking bake. Yeah, that's what it is. Shaking fucking bake. It's shaking fucking bake. So all that shit that doesn't cope me anymore. Deli eats salads anymore. It's over.

It's different. It's over. It's, they're all tastes like cardboard chicken colors. Anything in that fucking freezer tastes like dick and fucking. I love sandwiches. But again, how many fucking sandwiches do you eat before you eat? you die. I know. A lot. A lot. Yeah. A lot. I know. I get it. So I would love to do that. But, you know what I like to do? I like to go to your restaurant every week and preview something different.

I feel weird going into a restaurant, getting something there, and then going to another restaurant and hyping them up and then another week over here. I'm like, I don't trust you. I know what I get what you're saying. You know what I don't trust you. You can jump around too much. trying something different that they got, yeah. Do you just want to be loyal to one place? I'm very loyal. Have you ever thought about opening up a place? Yeah, yeah, that's what I want to do is struggle.

Not you cooking. That's what I want to do is put my life savings into a restaurant to compete with, you know, people are going to go in there to see me for a year. Yeah. You know, and then they're not going to come normal. The food's got to be accepted. And would you open up a fucking restaurant in this climate right now?

I don't know. Every fucking eight feet, New York, there's something to eat. Yeah, that's true. You know, I love Italian people. I love Italian. But the Italians are the only people in this economy, brand opening to our pizza plate. And you sit there.

You're like, I'm sure it's a great recipe. They're so proud of the way their grandmother made food and now they want to sell. And I ain't mad at you. But dog, your grandmother will get. eating alive today. Because they don't even eat grandmother's food. Don't eat anybody's fucking food.

I just heard that Nona's in Staten Island, isn't really Italian grandmother some weeks. Oh, it's a mix, yeah. It's a mix. I didn't know that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not the mix we're talking about. Okay?

So, again, you know, I just, I'm so old school. Yeah. I like what I like. Mm-hmm. you know, what do you want to do? Going to the city and go to a place that the chick's throwing knives up in the air and there's a chick dancing in a cage. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With that John Wick movie, you know, with the music in the back. Oh. And hold on. It's chef Armando, you know, and he comes out, walking, you know, God knows, you know. And you're like, I don't need this. I just need a good fucking meal. Yeah. And if you know anything about me, I'd rather have that older dude.

that comes over, you know, everybody today's an investment. I'll come in to eat. Listen, if I go in, I got to buy, you know. Yeah. And I take a picture. You wouldn't have I got audited from this food. Yeah.

No, I look fucking bad. Yeah. How many times does it take you guys, both of you, like if you go somewhere, how many times do you have to go there to be good to like make it a recommendation? You have to go like three times, two? Like what's the minimum amount of times you have to go before it's like it? This is cool now.

If I go once and I'm blown away Like I'm like okay Like you could tell right away If a place is making good stuff You know what I mean If you get like I agree but sometimes I've gone one Like I've gone to like there's a breakfast place

In Massachusetts I went to two days in a row Because the first day was amazing And then the second day wasn't good So like sometimes I think you need a couple of visits To be like really confirm that it's good A valid Yeah Just a couple times

Because if I if I record if Joey's going to Boston and I recommend something, that's why I only ever recommended legal seafoods. Like, because if I recommend something to him and it's not good, he'll get pissed in me. He won't call me. Yeah, I'd rather you not say nothing. Yeah, yeah.

I'd rather get up there yourself and ask. Yeah. Ask as you're getting off the plane. Yeah. But again, look at that person. You know, if you go, I don't eat that kind of. Yeah, I don't need that. I'm going to go to somebody who's talking about food on the flight.

He lives in Boston. Yeah. He lives in San Antonio. the fuck he lives is I'm flying into. And then you get to the hotel, you ask some questions there. You're not going to ask the chick with the fucking missing teeth. Where does she eat? She just blew it all on crack.

Okay? And you're going to ask her directions to, you know, whatever the fuck you're going to ask her. It's like my wife, we went to lunch today. My wife is the king of that shit. You got to stop it. You got to see who the fuck you're talking to. The waiter is right there. We're at the bar.

The bartender is right there. But in between the... bartender, a Mexican walk right by that. I mean, you could tell he was right off the boat. He's like an ice replacement. How long he's going to last or ice gets him?

In the middle of all this, my wife who was white stops. This poor Mexican guy goes, do you know where the sugar is? The kid it was like... Taco let. Yeah. He didn't have a fucking clue. And my wife's like, Joey, I think I just

hit a leg. She goes, what? I go, Terry, that guy don't know a lick of fucking English. And you're asking him for the fucking sugar. Well, why is he working? Listen, I don't fucking know. Don't start a fucking ride with me over a fucking poor little busboy here. I don't know why he works, people. Look at him.

When you told him sugar, his head almost fucking long for his fucking chalters. I mean, it's fucking crazy. I don't even know what my point was. Uncle Joey here. Listen, the octagon isn't just in Los Angeles. Vegas. It's in your hands with Draft King's Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of

the UFC. Get ready for Drazoville and Yan to face off again at UFC 323. Every punch has the potential for a payoff. Listen, new customers. Again, new customers. Bet $5

if your bet wins, you're going to get instantly paid 200 and bonus bets just like that. Okay? For all you guys, who live in the Show Me State. Draft King Sportsbook is now live in Missouri. Show Me State, we're here. It's time to lift the rock, Jack.

Stop eating ribs. Download the Draft King Sportsbook app right now. Use promo code Joey. J-O-E-Y, that's code Joey, to turn five bucks into 200 in bonus bets instantly. And if your bet wins. Listen, you know me.

I'm always in partnership with Draft Kings. Because I love them. I'm loyal to them, and they're the best out there. So with Draft Kings, remember, the crown is yours. Love you. Happy holidays. Gambling problem, call 1-800 gambler. In New York, call 8778-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-6-6-9-7-7-7-7. Or visit Coup-Gent. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boothill Casino-win Resort in Kansas, pass-through of per-wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one and over. Age and eligibility vary. by jurisdiction, void in Ontario. Restrictions apply.

Bet must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required. Four additional terms and responsible gaming resources. See dkng.c.com slash audio. Limited time offer. You know, how many guys, like, from where you grew up, how many guys are like Joey? Because that's what I hear a lot.

It's like, oh, Joey reminds me my uncle. Like, I didn't grow up around a lot of guys like him, but it's like half of Brooklyn, like just many Joey years. Yeah, the old school guys. Like my uncles, like my father. Like, you know, I laughed because. Because, like, some of your stories are so wild, you know what I mean? And I think about the stories, like, my fathers and uncles told me.

They always definitely told me, like, the PG-13 version, you know what I mean? And, you know, so hearing it's, like, it's crazy because shit's, like, not like that nowadays. And, like, you know, it was funny to hear. And now what are you hearing? Nothing, you know? But, yeah, no, definitely all the old school guys that, you know, around the neighborhood. But a lot of them are gone. It's so weird and I'm attached to food.

Like to have that diet What's that diet? It's not white watches. It's one that's the mental one. I lost. Oh, Numa. Noom. Noom, okay?

Like, they didn't, listen. That ship sailed, Noon. You could send in your top fucking team of frogs. They're not going to get it out of me, okay? I'm never going to fucking eat broccoli, and I'm not going to reprogram to not eat Chinese food. You know, that's what it is. You have to reprogram your mind.

and I appreciate it. But this, you know, this mind has already been covered. And you can ask George, I was the same way when I was 21. And he would look at me and go, what are you talking about? I don't give a fuck what you got to offer. I knew when I was in 1985, the best Eschwan beef was the enchanted Lily in Fort Lee. I ended up robbing that joint and went back in there two weeks later, okay? That's how strong they were in there for lunch.

And people always, because Fortley had a ton of, Chinese food. Everybody had great Chinese food. Not the fucking Seshwam beef. How do you know, Joy? Because I've had Setsuan beef all over fucking Hudson County. It's all I eat. And I'm telling you, I still think about them. Like, I

still have little dreams about them. Like, I could get that particular Seshwam beef. You're my favorite chance. Could not duplicate that Seshwam beef. It was fucking perfect with white rice. And what happened? They closed? Yeah, I left. And I went to prison, I came back, they were closed.

You know what I'm saying? It's a Chinese flower place now. Whatever the fuck it is, you know. But it doesn't really matter. I'm just saying it's, uh, it's just, I've always been very stubborn. Mm-hmm. Even when I had nothing, like homeless, like I was fucking stubborn, you know? I remember being like having dollars in L.A.

And the worst thing I ate was I'd have a bowl of chili from Chili's with the junior You know. Wendy's. Wendy's, Wendy's, yeah. The Junior Bacon Cheeseburger? No, no bacon. You motherfuckers love that shit. That ain't bacon. You don't even, you know, since when don't you eat bacon?

Not from those fat food places. Okay. I eat bacon that my wife fucking gets from a nice place. Gotcha. Not shavings from some guy's dead foot. That they fucking spray paint brown. And you're in Burger King. Oh, this is great bacon.

I don't trust bacon on the odds. I want to see that motherfucker. You cover up bacon. It's a different. You ever fly out? You'll never, everybody has that fucking cancer egg. It's just a pile of egg.

Yeah, the hockey puck. Yeah. I want to see the fucking egg. I won't eat it. Even the Mexicans, like when you fly, if you eat tacos, they give you like half a cancer egg.

But I'll take it because the salsa kills the fucking cancer. You know what I'm saying? Cancels it out. But yeah, you have to, you know, when I told me this, that when I was out in California all those years, you had to stick up for something.

You know, in your life, you have to believe in something. I don't believe in politics like most people. I don't believe in a lot of hocus, focus, but I believe in food. You know, and here's the other reason why I can't be a critic. Because there's very few restaurants that when you go there, after the, you go to a restaurant, we're really excited, we go to a restaurant, on Monday night. And then we fucking all love it.

And we can't wait to go back to file on Monday. Then we take a breather. The holidays, this day, and we don't go back for a while. Then you go back the third time. And while you're there, you're eating, and everybody's moving around, and you're looking at the waitstaff,

and the owners coming out talking to people, and the chick's coming out with wine. And at some point, somebody comes over to you and says, Joey, do you want us to take this jacket? And you're like, you know what? yeah, thank you. And you're sitting there, you're like, oh, my God, it's not even the food. It's the magic in this restaurant.

Okay, there's just a magic where at one point you're like, you know what, I'm with family. Even if I don't know these strangers, these people that own this restaurant treat me like I'm family. Like, how do you want that? We could take the eggs out for you, you know what I'm saying? Like, that type of shit. And that's the magic of a restaurant that, as people anymore, we don't give a fuck. We want to go to see the belly dancer

and to pay 19 for the martini and to tell people we're expensive and we're cool. That's it. Everybody forgot that little corner joint that you take a corner table. And there's, you know, I don't give a fuck was in there, Chinese people, whatever. We're all eating as a family.

We're all eating as a fucking family, whether it's meatloaf, a basic spaghetti and meatball. listen, spaghetti and meatball, the type of shit you leave the house thinking about. Nobody leaves the house going today. I'm going to have spaghetti with meatballs. But wait until you go to somebody's house. Listen, I just made a fresh batch of spaghetti and meatballs.

And even though you want a Chinese or you're going to go to your grandmother's cooking, you know, I'm here and it's ready. You know what I'm saying? She's pouring right now. And she's going to give it to me whether I like it or not. And even though I'm not eating that much meat these days, I can't tell her.

I'm not eating three meatballs, and hunker sausage and a piece of braggot. That fucking dish, better go back like I just got out of prison. You ain't going to go in that kitchen and say, oh, mom, mama. No, the meat, no, the meat, no good. Yeah, yeah, you sit down.

They just piled on you and you eat it. You fucking eat it. I can't do that no more. No? No, I can't eat like that. But my point is that's what I look for in a restaurant. After the third time, I'm family. him and I, there's a restaurant we grew up in a Chinese joint called Chance.

They knew us. I didn't know their names. I knew a fucking bartender. But every time I sat in that corner table and I looked out at the door, it had fucking, you know, the fucking, the set was from 1940 in Hawaii. Oh, I love those. There was no Hawaiian in there. You went to Chance, you remember?

Yeah. You know, but there was something about it. I'd gone there for so long. First time I went in there was probably eighth grade, freshman year in high school. What are we now? 50 and we're still going in there? That's what I like in a restaurant.

If I want to take my shoes off, in fact, I'm not going to take my fucking shoes off. But if I want to, because I got a corn on the right foot and I want to scratch it on the table, I could. And if you ask them, listen, my foot's on fire. You want a piece of that? What do you want? You want a line of Coke?

What do you want? an ice cube, but he wants a cigarette. You know what I'm saying? We got you. And that's what we're missing now. We're not doing that. We're going to this restaurant, the city. It's got a name.

It's fancy. The food ain't bad. But you're shipped in and out of there. Unless you're a sports celebrity or an actor that's big time, you know. So that's what I miss, guys. So when I do go to Rudy's all the time, George, I'm talking to you. That's why. I feel kind.

If you're going to shoot me, shoot me at Rudy's. Because the guard is completely down. You know what I'm saying? My guard is down. I like Las Bresas. My guard is down. I like it. Listen, I know.

Yeah, yeah. There's a place on the cliff. I know. I know. But I could park outside, double a triple park. We show up with eight cars. And everybody double part.

Okay? I mean, not once if they come in said, move your car. We're going to, what do you want me to tell you? I got a valet now. I got to pull up in front of a bunch of people. When I come in, they hit a big drum, you know, I'm high as fuck.

If you want to start yelling in Japanese behind my back, I'm to Otawa, you know, all that shit, like I'm too old. Yeah, yeah, that's too much. The glamour and the food has ended for me. You know, do you want sparkling water or regular water? Just give me fucking water. I grew up in fucking Jersey. Yeah.

Just give me whatever the fuck you're drinking. Give me water. Oh, no. You know, I'll give you half and half. Listen, what I just tell you, Bruno, whatever you fucking take is. Is there a place that you'd take your daughter to that you went to as a kid? Honestly, like all the old school places that we would go to, they're not there, really. All of them closed?

Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think. I mean, Spamoni Gardens, we used to go there on the weekends. We would play soccer. And then after soccer, we would go to Spimony Gardens. I was like a little treat. Yeah. We've been taking her there. But a lot of the places, New Corners was a place we used to go to.

It was an old school Italian place. They're closed. I'm definitely missing a few, but not too many from my childhood, you know. Do people ask you to start a place since you do all the cooking or you just want to do it on social media? It's just, you know, everyone comments this and that, you know, oh, cookbook this, that, you know. But whatever feels right will feel right, you know. I'm not, restaurant. Restaurants are a whole different ballgame.

Not for me. You know what I mean? that's it's a lot it's a lot to run a restaurant you know you think cooking online oh yeah no no you know you build up your name if she opens something up in brooklyn right yeah you know you open something up in Brooklyn but it's just you know we're we live in a different world bro because the first three months it's going to be standing room now we go into a different zone now guess what there's a martini bar it opened up down the road and they

jump up and down. And now that's what happens. We lose our attempt. And everybody's always like, oh, you like the chicken from there? Have the chicken over here. No, no. This is where I grew up.

This is where I'm eating the fucking chicken. I know these people. I know the people who are here before them. I feel, because someday they're all going to be fucking gone. They're all going to be replaced. And I don't want to tell you who's going to be running those fucking places. Okay. And yeah, so you better dig in now while you can instead of fucking around with fucking Olive Garden and all that stupid.

A man in my position who's a fucking felon and a bum, I don't make mistakes when it comes to that. I don't even give it a chance. I don't want it in my fucking round. My girlfriend wanted to go and she goes by herself with her friends. She's got friends, right? Let her go by herself and, you know, whatever. I don't want to step foot in there. And I don't.

And I don't. That's just the life, the way it is for me. And it is crazy when a place like that closes. I get sad like an actor died or like someone like a family member died. Me too. Like a good place. When Chan's closed and I was going through all the other shit in my life, when I got this knucklehead, well, I got another restaurant, Lynnert.

Listen, it's over. It died. It's never coming back. He's going every day sending me pictures. like, it's never coming back. Stop taking fucking pictures. It's over. That taste will never be there again.

The ambiance, the egg roll. And let me tell you something. I got arrested one night. 40 years ago. April of 85, I got arrested. I was getting transport to Bergen County Jail. And I told the cop. I started dropping cop names and shit.

And he goes, what's going on? I go, listen, man, I haven't eaten since fucking, and now you're going to take me to night court at midnight. I'm not going to eat. And he goes, what do you suggest? I go, why don't you stop a chance dragging in? And this cop started telling me shit that they were on a stakeout one night.

They were waiting for a guy who broke safes and they were all in there. And after 10 minutes, I had to put the lights on. It felt like somebody was breaking in and it was all the rats in there. Oh, my God. Now, I knew this. But I'm still going to argue with you

because I'm not going to be up chance. When I eat there, I omit that story from my mind. okay, I omit that fucking story from my mind because that's why I grew up. That steak on a stick, you think I invented that? They were the best. You wanted it for an appetizer, you got a steak on a stick, maybe I said best a nice little cold beer.

And after a couple minutes, the steak on a stick will propel that appetite. You know what? I'm in the move for chicken chamein. I'm in the move for this. That's how it works. So, I don't, fucking know what I'm saying anymore.

I just, I just love to eat. And I love food. Are you a fusion person? Like, you like Italian. If you like, you'll cook it. Yeah. In 1984,

it was an Italian Chinese restaurant. They closed down. Yeah, it was too early for fusion in those days. No. But I forget what they had that was kind of Chinesey.

It's got to be done right. Like, it's got a sound appealing to you. Like, I don't know if I would go there, like on a whim. You know what you mean? I would have to look into it. because I'm not sure.

If it's done right, yeah. But I don't know. There's not too many places like that around there, especially with around us, especially with like Italian food fusion. Not too many. No. Yeah.

Who would eat that shit? For a good reason, I guess. The same people eat dominolews. Yeah, they eat. Those idiots. We wanted something different. So it's an Arab, Italian place. Oh, my God.

I went to Des Moines, and there's a place, like, well-known in Des Moines that does, like, orange chicken pizza, like Chinese food pizza. Look at his face Yeah Like at

Yeah Sometimes the dude like to piss him off But let me You tried it? No No, no he'd kill me He'd find out He found he used to have

I used to live two blocks From a subway He had spies in the neighborhood If I used to walk Next to the subway He'd go What are you doing subway Within

Because it was Laurel Canyon So everybody that lived in the valley Went up and down Laurel Canyon There's Lee With like an overcoat on it Fucking Going a subway on it fucking

Going a subway boy, and that whole block was food debt. Venus, Fitchell, that. Popeyes. It was just debt. Yeah. And I think, I don't know. Jack in the box. Jack in the box. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, he was the king of all that shit. I'm like, come on, you can't keep eating that shit. Another thing, that's my other problem. We can't go into it now, but I get the people who piss me off the more.

Like when I walk into it like Krispy. Krispy, I fucking love Krispy. I don't want to see creepy food on pizza. Creepy food? Yes. So when I walk in a pizza joint, if they have all those different pizzas, I don't look. I make believe like it's somebody I love and they died. They got hit by a fucking helicopter.

When I go into Krispy, I already know what the 13th Avenue looks like. Yeah, yeah. So I zoom it on it and I know what the cheese looks like. I don't try to look that way or this way because I know I'm going to get pissed off from walk out. That's how pissed them. They're not serving chicken money going.

I see a ton of them. Like Buffalo chicken pizza? Does that piss you off? Buffalo chicken pizza. In Naples, if I go to Naples, nobody has Buffalo chicken pizza. Why are you selling that? You're catering to a whole different audience that in reality you really don't want in here. They put ranch on pizza. Enough.

I don't want that person in my store ever. ever and I'm Cuban Can you imagine if I was Italian I'd be in prison in and out because I'd be shooting kids in the head Don't spread this ranch on pizza There's just so many things I don't believe it Yeah yeah yeah

Like not that it's cool No it's never been fucking cool To put ranch on a fucking pizza Okay Okay in California for example This is how picky I am What's your definition of a slice A slice?

A slice plain slice what is the experience like that's a different definition what's your definition of a slice he's asking you like what your experience is when you go to order a slice you go you get it's uh it has to have a crispy undercarriage right has to have a nice hold to it good amount of sauce good amount of cheese you get one slice i agree with you but you walk in some guys wipe his hands on his apron right i don't give a fuck you think when i was growing up on pizza you think when i was growing up on so people weren't picking their noses and what else. Who gives the fuck?

That's the, yeah, light and a cigarette as they made the pie. The smoke is going right into the fucking pie, okay? They're flipping it around. What were we talking? Ordering a pizza. So to me, and I grew up in 88th Street and then we moved to North Jersey.

To me, walking into a place is, hey, what's going on? How are you doing? What are you having? Let me get a slide. Let me get two slices. They're brand new out of the oven. All right, let me get two.

those and let me get a Coke. Anything else? No, no, no, no. Let me get some extra cheese on one of his slices. Pa-pa-p-pah-pah, pa-pah. He turns around. He puts him in the oven, slams the oven. He turns around. That's going to be $8.50. Boom, you throw $1.50 in the tip jar. It was a small tent. He says, here you go. Is that this slice to go?

No, I'm going to eat it right here on the move. I was always an on the move guy, not to go on the move. I got things to do and people to see. That's a slice. Go to a pizza place in California. How are you doing? How are you? I want a cheese slice.

You know what I'm saying? They take your money. They take the tab, the check, and they put one slice, and they put it on some, and they send it to the back in the Mexican. Now, he's got to read it. Think about what's going on in his life.

Take the slice, put it in the oven. Now, that takes whatever, eight minutes, because he don't know the temperature of a slice. He don't know what a crispy slice is. He doesn't understand that concept. You just hire them to make pizza. We don't understand that concept. Then he takes and I puts on a dish and leaves it there for another three minutes

and then fuck all the vegan comes to the back and finally decides to give you a slice of pizza. That's a 13 minute experience. It should be what? Five. It should be five. Five, six. If there's two people ahead of you. Because everybody knows in the East Coast is step to the fucking side.

You got a ton of people behind you and I'm out of. side is 20 below. You know what I'm saying? Move, move. And when you get your pizza, I don't want to hear. Hey, tell Nikki. I said, yeah, I'm going to stop. Get the fuck out of here.

Tell Nikki later. Send them a fucking email when you were to talk to Nikki. I want to fucking Nicky now. Fuck yourself. Talk to fucking Nikki. Honestly, like a slice isn't even a meal. Like a slice is just like I'm a little hungry now. It's on the go.

Oh, it's great. I'm taking the bus to Jersey. Yeah. You follow me? As I'm passing Penn. station, whatever. Yeah. There's a little joint in there.

There's a little joint in there. The guy's Italian. He's training two little Mexican dudes. But they got it. They're spinning the pizza. You go on there once a week and the pizza's gotten better and better and better. You know what?

Your body becomes acclimated to it. I think fucking the kid said it one time in the episode of Sopranos, and people have no idea. It's true as fuck. You know, when you're a kid and you eat that fucking slice every day. Because we eat slices every day

when we were kids. two slices a day. That goes into your fucking DNA, dog. You could drink all the NAM 1500 and all that shit they sell you now. That's in your DNA. You're raised with that type, that sauce. That's when we go to college or you go to prison. Or what the fuck you decide to do?

You come back. You go to Roma's. You taste a slice and it takes you through a fucking adventure. It's like eating 20 pounds of mushrooms. Yeah. You know, it really does. It's like a psychological. spiritual. This is what you fucking grew up on guys.

So for me, that that's what it is. I didn't grow up on Krispy, but I grew up on pizza like Krispy. It's important to you. Like, was it hard for you when you were day? I don't know when you met your husband. Did you date a lot or no? We were dating for like five years and was married five years. Was it hard before? Like if you dated, would you ever date a transplant? He's like, let me take it to this place. And it's like Olive Garden. No. No. No. Different breeds. You had to be someone from Brooklyn? It's just not my thing.

Like different breeds. I don't understand them. They don't understand me. You know? Because it makes you, like food makes me happy. Honestly, you could take everything else away. When you were talking about food, there's a pizza place down the street from where I grew up called Rossini's. I have no idea if it's even still open.

It probably isn't good compared to New York. But like, I take a bite and, oh, it was like fucking, and you're going to laugh. but like Rattatooie, that Disney movie, where the food critic takes a bite of the, whatever the vegetable thing is, and he's a kid again. Like, that one little taste of something, like it just brings you back for a second.

And really, it's important. What do you think I'm talking about? That's what. Even though I'll go up then I'll leave. This piece of tastes like fucking dick. Oh, I'm sure it does. Like shit. Who made this fucking Jody Arab?

How do you? Did you know? Man, we're doing this podcast for the love of food. Nobody could just, I could go another eight hours. Oh, I know. We could take it to different locations in the Bronx and do video checks. You know, we can do all that shit too, but we ain't got enough time. But that's just what we love.

And I can see that in your videos. The first time I saw you doing the fucking sliced lettuce thin and shit. You got it. Because it's so true. Like, not even, like, it's just so true. Like, have you ever got, like, I think about places. I saw a place making a sandwich. They put a whole piece of the freaking iceberg.

And you're like, imagine biting into that shit. And the whole slice comes out. Yeah, and it's all slimy. And now your sandwich is all fucked up. And you got to eat it all at once like a fucking animal. Because if you do put it down, you're not going to pick it up again. Yeah. It's already broken.

So you got to hold on to it and take bites. No, no, no, no. I don't like none of that shit. Yeah, so that's why that one made me like, so I laughing because, like, it's just so true. And if you know, you know, you know what I mean? If you don't know, you got to feel bad for them because they don't know. Like, yeah. I don't understand how I gave my daughter every experience.

You know, like, whatever. Pry it, no, you know, little by little. You're not going to get them to eat sushi and all this shit when they're ate, so stop it. Yeah. Yeah. Your kid eats it good for him. Some people have to get in the quiet days. But you want them to, you know what I'm saying?

But the other thing, you want them to eat good. Yeah, of course. I get pissed off. My wife lets her get fast food. It tries me fucking insane. I'm trying to raise a racehorse. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

I'm trying to raise a thorough bread. You're giving a fucking shitty fucking fuel, you know? So all that shit pisses me on. Like, I'm just such an old-school fucking food dude. Yeah. But you love, I can tell in your eyes when you, like when you said, you know, even when I go salt, light with the salt, heavy with the pepper. A lot of people understand that concept. You want to give a little flavor, but you want the salt to take you over the top.

You don't overdo it. As a matter of fact, put the lettuce on it and then put the pepper on it. Okay, so it tastes. Makes a difference. I go to get a sandwich today. Everybody goes for the big show. He makes me a sandwich like this. You take two bites.

It's on your fucking lap. Make me a customized nice sandwich that I could eat like a gentleman on a nice roll cock. I put it down. I take a peppercini. I take a bite of that right or wrong in my lion's here. Right. But no, you're going to make me an idiot.

Look at this sandwich. It's fucking tremendous. I got brocolini. I got localini. I got decorini. I got pecorini. I got every reini. Okay.

that's not necessary. No, honestly, I feel like they do that now. Like, they do stuff that they say that people like, but we don't need that. No. It's too, like, as much as like, and I know where's Rutgers, like, where they have those, like, the fat sandwiches with, like, mozzarella sticks inside? Every once in a while when you're like stoned, yeah, maybe. But like on Instagram, like, because that's, your food actually looked good.

And it was like maybe a little bit of a take on an old thing. They, I'm a fat ass who will eat anything. But they, like, when they, there's a place in the. that does like chocolate sauce in the outside of the cup of the milkshake. Uh-huh. That pisses me. I'm like, I don't want to lick the cup of a-

Oh, I'm fat. Yeah, I'm too embarrassed to lick the side of a milkshake cup. I can't do that. I think, I honestly think there's like some Instagram people like do stuff that they think is going to make me like come in my pants.

And it's not like that. It's like I would much rather have just like really good simple. I love a simple, just basic. food. You said no one like, you know what you said earlier? Big Zidi. Big Ziti is like if I only had one Italian thing for the rest of my life

and it was Big Zita, I'd be happy. It's quick. It's in the refrigerator. Let's rock and roll. It only gets better in the fridge because you can put it in the oven. Heenny. And you can always dope it up with something. Yeah. Because the Big Ziti is there, but maybe your mom made two pork shops. They're hidden behind the fucking day. It goes with everything.

And now you're thinking so Big Ziti is a fucking staple. Yeah. Big Ziti. I had a friend that I lived with for a year. I loved them dearly from North Bergen. And he used to make tuna fish with elbow macaroni and fucking mayonnaise, salt and pepper. Okay.

Again, you know, like, what do I want that? Okay. Get home from work at 5. See what the first thing you go for. It's fucking, it was delicious. I don't know what he put in it. Lemon, something else. It was fucking delicious.

Like a tuna pasta salad, right? Like a tuna pasta salad. Really fucking good. He put some peppers in there. Nobody does that no more. Like, I don't know. I don't fucking know what's going on. You'll let me know, man, all right?

I'll let you know. Listen, before we get off, I really, really want to thank Raw Crown Staten Island. They hooked us up with a six-pound chocolate bread, okay? Not one pound, not one loaf. Six-pound chocolate bread. You'll see the pictures. They're on my IG feed. Look at Lee.

Lee's already having fantasies and shit. They sent- We already got into this. They sent a tub of butter. Wipped fresh butter, a tub of butter. They sent jelly. They sent a prosciutto bread, everything bread. I've been digging on Royal Crown for the last five years

because my neighbors all of them from Staten Island, they dropped it off. And then I didn't know that Bianca from Brooklyn was in with fucking them. She realized how great they were too. How long have you been eating the chocolate bread for? Honestly, every Christmas, the bread basket always had chocolate bread,

olive bread, and your Italian bread. So, because there used to be a royal crown in Brooklyn, right by me on 13th Avenue, and that was the go-to in the morning. You got all three, and that was there. We always had it for Christmas, Christmas Eve, actually, and then the leftovers for Christmas Day. For me to put butter on it,

it's got to be like, I have to box for two hours and shit. I don't try to put... Well, now you have the butter and jelly. Do a nice little combo. No, no. No, just the butter. Sorry, just the butter. I'm Cuban American

Not how many gone The wheat's jelly I don't put jelly on shit Okay Jelly only runs with fucking peanut butter Because my wife is from the South She thinks she put jelly on everything Chicken and fucking you know

That other shit Marmalade I used to throw it away Like the orange right? Oh no I threw that shit away Yeah She'll come in the room

Did you see what the what happened to the jelly She knows every six months I throw the fucking jelly. You would not throw it away in the house? I thought you mean at the restaurant table. If she buys a jar, you just throw it away. Couple days. I keep looking at the refrigerator.

One day, I keep looking at that one day. I go, fuck this. And I just throw it away. She don't know nothing. What do you even put that on? Orange moment. She puts it on fucking bagels. Not the marmalade.

The marmalade's something she bakes. Huh? I don't fucking know. I don't even want that around me. I can't believe that. It's disgusting. Do you like seven layer of cookies? like rainbow cookies with the jelly in it?

Or Italian cookies here. I like all that stuff. A nice jelly donut from time to time. Yeah. But when I'm eating fucking eggs. Sunny side up, you know me, dog. I'm an old school gangster.

Fuck you and your egg white and your fucking bullshit. Well, another thing, everybody thinks because they eat an egg white, they put broccoli to healthy. Go fuck yourself. There's nothing healthy in that fucking egg yolk right there, okay?

With a piece of fucking bread, with a piece of butter on that, motherfucker who needs bacon? Three egg yolks, four egg yolks, with some Italian bread. That's 28 grams of protein. An egg. Where are you going?

The bread, a little cholesterol, a little bread to get the peppiness step. If you're an old school savage, a 16 ounce coke over fucking eggs, no, you can't do the Coke. Omit that, motherfucker's, you know, water with lemon, whatever. But I love, you know, that type of shit. Like that Italian bread?

That's my junk. I'm the type of motherfucker and I'll wake up tomorrow, put that bread in the oven and ask my wife to make six egg yolks. And when that thing comes out, I'll take a whole tub of that fucking butter and put on an Italian bread.

And I'll just eat one yolk on the bread, but I want the yolk to break. So it drips. So after I eat this loaf, I did this loaf with butter, I dip it in that fucking little yokey yolk. And after I break three or four yokes, there's a little pile of fucking egg yolk.

Boom, you know what I'm saying? You go in the shower. What, fuck, I love all. You like eggs? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Listen, I would make myself eggs since I was a kid, like in junior high, high school in the morning. Yeah.

Never really into cereal, you know? How do you like eggs? Scrambled. I like scrambled. Yeah. I can't do the yolk. I can't do the yolk things. I know.

That's not for everybody. Yeah. A little scrambled egg with a little calian bread. Yeah. You put ketchup on it? I'd get in trouble for putting ketchup on it. Oh, my God. A little ketchup.

A little hot sauce. A little Frank's hot sauce. Yeah, yeah. A little Frank's hot sauce. I'm scared. A little pieces of maybe some fried potatoes. Oh, yeah. You bake the night before you chop them up into little cubes

and you flatten them down and you put them in there. Oh, potato and eggs are so good. Yeah, we don't fuck around here, ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn't have a professional if I wasn't a fucking professional. You know what I'm saying? Like I see these places now. You go in there, they have in Jersey. They have a lot of these places where it's like $12.95 for the kitchen sink bagel.

Who eats that? Who eats that? Two eggs, a potato pancake, sausage, bacon, Canadian ham, tomato,

cheese, it's like this. Avocado, I don't know. Avocado, no, who eats that? That sounds good. You can't fucking listen. Just push it. No disrespect.

You and I got big fucking heads, okay? That means we got a, big fucking bite. There's no way I can bite into that bagel legitimately. Even if I cut it through the middle and cut it again, there's no fucking way. I agree with you a little bit. A little hash brown.

We're taking you tonight to 42nd Street. We're opening up our own review. Because if your mouth could bite one of those bagels, then you're wasting your career. You know what I'm saying? Don't tell you. You're wasting your career. You put a little hash brown on an... Listen, you're not a fat. In my opinion, you don't earn fat guy status until you're getting an egg sandwich.

and you get two hash browns because one goes in the sandwich and one goes on the side. A hashburn has to go inside. Look, what are you talking about? A hashbread has to go inside. Who invite what a hash brown? When you go to a bodega in Brooklyn

or Sula Manati, whatever the fuck they call him, and the guy makes sure, and they ain't no potato pancake. What are you talking about? There's a nice fucking seated roll, a Kaiser roll, and some dudes make either tight.

I don't like my fucking scrambled eggs soggy. No. They got to be tight. Prison ones are soggy. You don't know what you're eating. But when they're tight, and then you put that salt and pepper on it and mix it up nice, and then from there,

the world's yours. Yeah. You could document that motherfucker. You put a little ketchup on it, but again, don't put fucking dollar tree ketchup. No, Heinz. Hines.

Put Heinz. 50C. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Put the fucking best. You're the best. Right? Yeah. Why are you fucking around with packets that you stole from fucking

Taco Bell? Oh, this ain't hot enough. Thank you for coming on. Where can they find you? Thank you for having me. Bianca from Brooklyn on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Bianca from Brooklyn. Yeah. I appreciate you.

Happy holidays. Thank you, you too. And this is it. It's official. We broke it down from September. How many Mondays we got? You're down to like two and a half Mondays. And you're going Christmas shop and it's all over.

We told you to be prepared. We told you. you open up a Christmas club to put $5 a week away. She got at least have 75s. She has something for grandma. Did you listen to me? Fuck, no. You bought tickets and go see the Rangers.

Go fuck yourself now. Now I got a pole in your fucking guitar and your drum kit. And the ring your grandma gave you, disgusting sloth. Anyway, we love you motherfuckers with all our heart. Lee, where are you at this week? This week tonight, the second I'm at, She visits at the Three Monkeys.

But the most important this week on the fifth, we're in Virginia. The Pantheon at Caesar's Palace, Danville. Are you nuts or what? 8 p.m. 9 p.m. 9 o'clock show, late. Perfect.

Have some dinner. Get relaxed. You don't have to rush from work. Smoke some dope. Go play some blackjack. And then, no, there's no blackjack. There's no lottery tickets. There's nothing.

There's nothing at the casino? No, we go right from the stage, right to the car. Only know us. Right to the fucking helicopter. We're back in Belmar at 1 a.m. dog. Bop, but,

but, but, but, but, taking a fucking helicopter we got we got Chuck

Norris shooting people. I'm telling the nice people in Virginia to do that. Now, come on

out Friday night. It's going to be a great show. We're going to have a good time. I just got Becky's passport.

Keep your fingers crossed. You know what I'm saying? She could be an operative for lioness or one of those fucking organizations.

I'm not affiliated with them. But that's it. I love you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for

introducing us to your family. Of course. And for bringing us some raw. Look at the piece of that chocolate bread. God. Holy fuck. I love you guys.

Have a great week. See you next week. Stay black. Hey, Uncle Joe here. Listen, satisfy your nicotine craving anytime, any place with zippics,

toothpicks. Listen, zipic toothpicks are nicotine and flavor infused. You can try the sweet whiskey like this one, peppermint, watermelon, or mocha.

Available with either two or three milligrams of nicotine, zippus lets you pick how much kick you want. Listen, I love this little one right here. You're popping in your mouth with a cup of coffee. Start the day off beautifully. But if you want something nicotine-free, check out Zipping Energy Toothpicks with B-12 and 30 milligrams of caffeine.

Zip Energy Toothpicks are great for midday pickup. Get some nicotine-infused toothpicks today at Zipix.com. Again, Zipix, Toothpix.com. Again, Zipix, Toothpix. Tootpix.com. It's like a tongue twister. Zippix. Toothpicks.com.

You're going to get 10% off your first order by using code Joey, J-O-E-Y at checkout. That's code Joey at Zipix, toothpicks.com. Get 10% off your first order. Listen, you've got to be 21 old. Warning nicotine is an addictive chemical. Zip more, smoke less,

with Zipix, Nicotine Toothic. What up, you savages, Uncle Joey here? Listen, to all the Blue Chew fans out there, I'm pleased to announce. You ready? Dun-da-da-da-da-da. Blue-chew gold. Blue-chew gold is a 4-1 tablet with ingredients to increase the blood flow and your arousal. You know what I'm saying?

Blue-chew gold desires under your tongue. And since it works in as little as 15 minutes, you won't have to wait for the fireworks. I mean, listen, you pop a blue-chew-dew-law. the wind blows, it's over. You know what I'm saying? Somebody's getting smacked on the face with the fucking pole of death. You know what I'm saying?

Listen, if you want to blow some caps in that ass, you got to hook up with blue chew. You follow me? Feel like a big man with a little blue shoe. I love it. Make life easier by getting harder. How easy is that? Listen, if you slung dick three nights a week

with the Epstein files madded to you, did you ever think about that? No, discover your options. bluechoo.com and you won't worry about nothing. You'll never turn on CNN again. You'll be slinging too much dick. There'll be bodies. You'll be burying freaks. You know what I'm saying?

We got a special deal for church fan. You're 10% off of your first month with blue chew gold with code Joey. Did you get that? 10% off your first month with blue chew gold with

code Joey. This is the move you need to make right now. Listen, this package will be in your house in a couple days. I guarantee when Santa Cruz through the door, you'll have mommy at 69. You know what I'm saying? So visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And I want to thank Bluechoo for believing in the show and for sponsoring the show. Happy holidays.