Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The Joey Diaz State of Mind

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt how blown away he was by Pee Wee Herman, the steak that reminded him of the old New York City, and Joey tortures Lee about Buccee's! Support the show and get 20% off your first Lucy order with code CHURCH at https://www.lucy.co Relax and get 30% your first Cornbread Hemp order with code CHURCH at https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/church  

What's happening you beautiful savages, it's Tuesday May the 27th happy belated Memorial Day I'm here with Lee today. No guests just acapella We're gonna talk to you about the weekend and a couple other things that popped up. How was your weekend Tarzan? Dude, it was pretty good. I have to be honest. I saw I think the worst movie I've ever seen I know you told me mission impossible, dude. It was so bad that it was I'm not a negative person and I went there I haven't seen the last like five of them because I know but I like you know what it's the IMAX. Let's have some fun

Tom it was so bad that it's now funny like you ever watch like, you know Like Rocky Horror Picture Show where it's like the worst movie ever but people go and watch it like this one I might watch again just to see his biggest stunt was running real fast for like five minutes at a time it was like three times in the movie he just ran real fast with no shirt on it was in his face he must be on so much HGH that it's coming out his head his head is huge and they didn't do him any favors because night I'm not 95% of the movie is close-up

Just everyone not even just him everyone's face is floating around and they didn't I don't know if it's because it was a Scientology thing or if it what they didn't show anybody getting shot or beat up Scientology thing or if it what they didn't show anybody getting shot or beat up Now they showed guns firing not hitting anybody and then he had one thing where he hit the dude with a hammer and they Panned away and just showed the woman's reaction to the people getting hit with a hammer They didn't show not at no violence It was and it was three hours long The worst thing is you sat there like a fucking mook. After an hour, I'm tip-top, my goo, I'm out of here.

Either go give mama a stab and I go do a set of comedy or something like that. You wasted two hours of your life, you'll never get back. And here's the theory, you act surprised, it's a bad movie. Every movie you go to the theater is a bad movie. You make the worst choices ever. I remember a couple years ago. That Santa came out God damn it 20 years later bad Santa comes out, bro

He wouldn't leave it alone, and he was trying to double date then like he was trying to be like white Lee double date Mexican government that you know Fucking double dates okay like two fags Let's go see it and the kid canceled twice or something. Right there, you know. That's a sign from the universe. You're not gonna go see that movie. Things have already gone down the toilet,

not once, but twice. Does he go see Bad Santa? Oh, and he went all excited. With lizard meat on it. The first Bad Santa was really good. The first one was really good. The first one was. So was fucking analyze that.

The first one was really good. I went and was. So was fuckin' analyze that. The first one was really good. I wanted the second one. Have you seen that? No, there's a reason, okay? At least you gotta be honest with yourself. They get you with the first envelope. And here's the sick thing. Like I didn't hear good stuff about the accountant.

Right, oh the second one? Yeah. Oh no. It came and went. Yeah. Nobody said a fuckin' word about it. Oh, the second one? Yeah. Oh no. It came and went. Yeah. Nobody said a fucking word about it. So in my mind, I know that the things I saw on TV were the best parts of the movie.

Right. Whatever was in the trailer were the best parts of the movie, and I saw they were too goofy in the trailer. They hated each other in the first movie, and now they're working together, giggling with the FBI agent. I'm not buying that. Right.

I'll wait to go see it on HBO. My point is, it's very seldom. Like Godfather 2 is a sequel that was fucking, like as soon as Godfather 1 wrapped up, they were like, dog, we got an envelope. And if you ever watch that on Apple, that's how it went down. They decided at the premiere, Godfather 1,

that they were gonna. Really, that's how they went down. They decided at the premiere, Godfather I, that they were gonna. Really, that's how they did it? Yeah, you know, it went, you know. Well that's because they. Like Jim Carrey decided to bring Dumb and Dumber back 80 years later, when he needed money, that sack of shit, but when it was hot, he wanted to do something else.

And that gap, you're not bringing that magic back, Lee. Right, no, you're 100% right. You're not bringing that magic back, Lee. Right, no, you're 100% right. You're not bringing that magic back. Didn't they bring that white show back that was the greatest show of all time with the pedophile and fucking Will Arnett and all those people, the comedic actors, and they brought it back a couple years ago,

and then the guy got fucking canceled, the old guy on that show that played the father. Do you mean the the Connors? That's fucking Roseanne right right so hey no much. Are you tall? I'm not sure what you're talking about the white people with our net god damn it. Oh, yeah, I see development Yes, there we go They try to bring it back with those goofy jokes and their fan base shit themselves because they were like what's going on? Yeah, you're not gonna,

plus you gotta give them 20 million a piece. Now you're in their fucking head. You gotta do those remakes when the fucking, when they're in their head, you pay them a little bit of money, let them know they're gonna be stars, but once you got them apart that long and they all did ventures and they became

kinda semi-famous on their own, it's tough to put them back together. But anyway, back to bad movie league. You know what I'm saying? Why is it my fault? You just said that you were in the analyze whatever. Why is it, it's not just my fault. It's not that, I made it, listen,

I made a bad choice for rent money and cocaine. Okay, I'm not gonna be shy about that, but you had your choice. You had your choice to either go do comedy or go see this stupid fucking movie. I did do comedy that night. No, you went to one set. Saturdays are for five sets.

We're losing our discipline here along the way, Lee. I would love to have five shows. You're supposed to be leading me. This is New York City. There's always a show. To get on? I would love to get on. Always a show to get on.

Okay, it's Saturday night in New York City You got no time to go see fucking Mission Impossible Until Tom Cruise gives you a million dollars, then you go see Mission Impossible Do you follow I'm saying to you in New York City hang on the time to go see the disasters? Yeah, you got no time. Do you want to watch Richard impossible after you do your six sets and go home and watch it two in the morning. Fucking pay the extra 20 bucks. Don't look at the rating. The ratings don't mean shit.

These people, they get like blind, retarded people to go do these fucking things. You don't look at anything. Right, no, we got an applause break after the movie, which I thought was crazy. Yeah, because a bunch of hillbillies standing up, they're visiting New York from Arkansas, wherever the fuck they're from.

And they just happen to be in a movie theater with toilets. You know, I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. But you know, I would do I'm and I'm getting, I am doing more, but you're right. I would love to have. Yeah, no, Saturday night, you have no time for this shit. This is what you do when you when you when you fucking cut

They cut your leg off after you get mugged and you're recovering Do somebody gonna whack me in the phone. No, they're not you're what do we know they're not they know listen There's a this is a good, you know, like when your parents beat you up That's a controlled beating. You're not gonna die unless your father's an animal or he smokes meth. You're not gonna fucking die, okay? You're gonna catch a couple punches to the mid gut. You're gonna go down, then a few weeks later,

he buys you a new GI Joe and nobody knows nothing. Write that song, remember? "'My name is Luca, I live on the second floor.'" Is that song about him getting beat up by his parents? Some girl got beat up. I don't fucking know. Holy shit, dude. So what, you're saying I'm gonna get hit,

but not that bad? It's a controlled beating. I don't want a controlled beating. They just wanna smack you, kick you in the stomach, take your wallet, take your ID, and leave your money to fuck with your head. And then when you call the cops, but they took my ID, they left my money, that's the Joe Diaz mentality,

you know what I'm saying? That means that ID is on the way to fucking Israel. And in two years, there's gonna be 100 little Lee Syats walking around here with mustaches and goth. Dude, that's what you used to tell me. One time I let my, when I was dating the Mexican girl, I was dating her and her cousin came over, I wasn't there. Yeah, and he went away for the weekend and let the girlfriend and the fucking was dating her, her cousin came over, I wasn't there. You let her cousin.

Yeah, and you run away for the weekend and let the girlfriend and the fucking sticky-fingered cousin over there. You know, you gotta assume one of the two has gotta have sticky fingers. How do I know? Because I was always that sticky-fingered cousin. Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Yeah, but then he's like. Somebody's gotta have sticky fingers. And that means while she's in the shower, somebody's rummaging through your stuff. You gotta assume, that's the way people are. It's nature.

A lot of people ain't gonna stay in your house and not look through a drawer. And sniff your vibrator or whatever. You know, I go to your house and I find your mother's vibrator. I'll sniff it. I'll give it a little, just a little toke. You know what I'm saying?

Like a little coke bump like fucking. What were vibrators like back then like were they like did you feel like plug him into the wall? I don't fucking know. Do I look like a vibe? I thought you ran into vibrators. No, I don't this is a joke Lee Okay, it's a joke. You think I'm over here smoking vibrators on the weekend Oh my now vibrators gotta be high tech. Like they got everything on a sprinkler, on a alarm, they'll feed you intravenously. Oh yeah.

They stick acupuncture points in there while they're there. I mean, the acupuncture, the fucking acu- You can do a lot of stuff. There's one you can like connect to Bluetooth and it'll sync up with the music you're listening to. I'm not, fuck, I'm not even fucking around. They also have- The fact that you know this-

Oh, I know a lot about this is disturbing I know cuz you're a filthy fucking Jew You love this shit. This is Jew people stuff do they have they have God forbid. I give you a chubby black shit That's when you're real. What do you think I found this out? I know that because Once you guys get together with sisters, and you lose your fucking mind, it's like a ditty party. Get a Jew, I'm surprised there weren't more Jews at those ditty parties. Oh, they were, that's why they don't want

the list to come out. That's why they don't want the list to come out. No, Jews don't have that. Maybe one or two little Manhattan West side Jews, not high level echelon type motherfuckers from the Jewish National Guard. Anyway, I had a fucking, dog, all I could say about my weekend was acceptance is a motherfucker. And since we have somebody with political aspirations in this room, I'm gonna tell

you something that I didn't realize until this weekend. I always knew this, but I didn't realize it until this weekend. People over a certain age should not be in politics, especially when they're involved in laws or something like that. It's just, I'm too old-fashioned. Like in my mind, I'm nostalgic and I'm too old-fashioned. And if you have one of those, it's bad. If you had both of those, it's even worse.

Like in the back of my mind, I left here. I don't know. I went and I got in trouble and I got into comedy and I got married and divorced and I went through a thousand of my own problems but I always held this area like a fucking sanctuary. This for me is like what, when you go to Israel and you go to that wall and leave a note.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, the Western Wall. That's a'm saying? Yeah, the Western Wall. That's a pretty spot on description, the Western Wall. For me, this is what this area's always been. Whether it's the food, how I stick up for the food, and how I live and die for Hutchins County food and New York City food to the state of mind, how it took me to the next level. it wasn't that I was better than anybody

We all put our pants on one leg at a time But I grasped I grabbed some good things from bad people growing up And I grabbed things that were gonna get me to the next level which made them successful Criminals or drug dealers or pimps or whatever the fuck they were for a living it made them successful But their stupidity got them caught or whatever. I picked up good things from bad people You know and part of those things is being nostalgic and your family and now you treat your friends and all this shit So I come back here after 35 years and I'm expecting the same So I come back here after 35 years and I'm expecting the same. And I don't see it in New Jersey as much.

I know that New Jersey changed and I come on the podcast and when I talk to my friends, I tell them how upset I am at times. But then this weekend I did something that I want to do something different. My daughter's been into theater lately, you know, fucking whatever the fuck you call it when they sing. Yeah, Broadway when they sing and they fucking musicals. So she was talking about this play and her and my wife were gonna come on a Saturday

and I go, listen, I'm not sitting here alone on Saturday. Why don't we just get a hotel room and go into the city. We don't do shit. It's not like we go to Hawaii or I go on a yacht and make believe on DJ Khalid. Get chased by a fucking dude. You know, showing. I'd like to see you pretend to be DJ Khalid.

Showing people I eat salmon on a fucking jet. That's not my bag, though. But I go, let me go over there and live how white people live for a weekend. And I got something up on the Upper West Side. Well, not really. And you know, I've always, yeah, I'm a Jersey dude and I love Hudson County, but before this whole party started, while I was falling in love with Hudson County, I was an Upper West Side kid. And that always meant something to me, you know. Those kids up there were dirty, but not fully dirty.

Do you know what I'm saying? Like they were dirty but not Jersey dirty. Like so Saturday I went up there just to walk up to girls with sleep in or something. I got up early like an asshole. I didn't bring a jacket to New York City. So I had like a hooded sweatshirt that was thin. I'm thinking it's gonna be fucking 80 all weekend. But I said, fuck it. I can't sit in this hotel room, it's early.

I drank some fucking high powered coffee and I went across the street and I didn't sit in this hotel room. It's early. I drank some fucking high-powered coffee and I went across the street I didn't roll. I didn't roll one joint I rolled two motherfuckers and I went to Central Park it had to be fucking 710 in the morning How great was that and I just sparked one numb and then I sat down. You know what? I'm a spark another one and that one took me to where I needed to go and I just started walking dog and I fucking made it all the way up to like 76th Street and I was like and I sat down I'm like wow look at this fucking neighborhood look how much it changed like look what the fuck it happened to this New York that I thought still fucking existed, you know

Is there anything that looked familiar? Well, yeah, the streets are the streets, but the people walk in them It was completely fucking different then I walked back and I did what I did and then that fucking night I Did some shit. Oh the girls went to Chicago, they went to the place Chicago and I Fucking uh, I Said I gotta do something with my life So before they left when they were they went to two players on Saturday So the first thing I did was I got up a bar went for that walk. I'm going back

I was fucking tired. I took a goddamn nap. And then I got up again and the girls were like, no, we're gonna take a walk. I said, fuck it. So I went to visit my niece's husband. He's one of the chefs at Willinsky, at Smith and Willinsky. Oh nice, it looked good. Dog, when I walked in there,

whatever I felt about New York City, that still had it. Like that was still nostalgia to the point where when you order a Coke, they give you one of those small Cokes with the high oxygen so it tickles your throat and shit. Ooh! Like a little bottle of it? Bottle ones.

Oh nice. You pop them with the fucking thing. Oh my God, these aren't Mexicans, these are the original ones from Pittsburgh and shit or something. And that was great, The steak was great. And I fucking, I said, fuck it, let me take an Uber up to my neighborhood. And it was about five.

And I went up to 88th Street, dog, and I was blown the fuck away. The first thing I did was I walked to Mr. Martini's house. There was a guy, Mr. Martini, sucked my weenie. I used to torture him. You found him, you remembered where he lived? Yeah, because it's Brownstone's. So I still remember, like I didn't know

if it was one or the other, but I remembered that his face the park, because he would run out this way. The other one, face Broadway. And that's when I started yelling, Mr. Martini, Suck My Weenie, but he didn't come back. I thought by now he had a nephew. That was my uncle.

You know? Yeah. Holy shit. Dude, your memory is crazy. And I walked up to the corner, and I walked up to my grandma's school, and they're still redoing that, but the sad thing was they closed that horse ranch,

believe it or not, believe it or not, on 89th Street, between Amsterdam and Columbus. The stables. For like the ones that take you around the city. No for fucking white people. I go we got so much money We're just gonna have a fucking horse in New York City. Are you serious? Yeah There were people with horses in the city not the people with no I understand what you're saying It's just like they're just people that said we got so much money We're gonna keep our horse in the city. I once in a while we'll walk in the Central Park,

we'll get ourselves a couple of migrants, we'll walk them down there with the rope, make believe we love the horse. And we'll walk them back, I don't know. But we would go in there as kids and take the horseshoes. They would sell you a horseshoe for like a quarter or something. And sometimes we'd just steal them and they'd chase us out of there.

That's done. My grammar school's getting redone the whatever building was there But the corner I went to the corner and I rubbed my feet really good because that's what the PAL was When I was a kid, that's where I learned about life to my first real fucking touch with American life and then I just went in front of my building and I could see the people who live there and It changed and then I walked a little bit and I go, fuck this. I'm gonna pass like 6,000 steps, that's it. And I fucking took the Uber home.

And I went back upstairs, I watched something with them and then they left. Then I went down and smoked another number and I just hung out on the corner of Columbus Circle. And I just watched people for two fucking hours. I was that high, I was like kinda drooling. For two hours? I just sat down, I didn't need a fucking thing.

I just drank water and one person said boo to me. Never, it's the best part. I had a hooded sweatshirt on, with the hood over me. My wife got me a windbreaker, a Target for 20 bucks. Oh because the other place while 1100 for a fucking windbreaker my wife's like I ain't splurged You know 11 on do it now looks like you're gonna freeze chubby Fucking cold that but then my wife went to target that they're like a clearance rack and she found that she goes it might fit It might not it fits. She goes for 20 bucks. We took a chance So I just sat out there and I looked at the people

that lived in New York City now, and I'm looking at these people going, they would have never made it here 40 years ago. Well, yeah. They would have never made it here 40 years ago. So I have a lot of thoughts about this and a lot of questions. Yes, it was touristy,

but I could see the people getting off the train. I saw those people. Another thing I made is that in 10 years, households will be run by women. Why? Because men are looking weaker and weaker. 10 years ago, I would need an eight ball to talk to a guy and to suck in my dick.

Today, I don't even need that eight ball no more. I could talk to a few of those guys and to just give me a blow job. Like, get in the car, I wanna talk to you about something. Really, what do you wanna talk about? I wanna talk to you about some political issues and the world, you know. And seriously, you can see that these guys, and listen,

we come and we go. Guys like me are never gonna come back. It was so disturbed, I talked to my wife about it. I'm like, where the end? Guys that are opinionated and a little crazy and curse, and you know, I'm not mildly racist, I'm whatever you call that. Bigoted. No, I'm not mildly racist I'm whatever you call that no I'm not bigot I'm I like saying racist stuff to get people going I'm comic about it you know but at the end of the day I'm gonna buy anybody dinner

at the end of the day I put my hand out to anybody right regardless of what color they are you know I talk shit that's what I'm trying to say, you know. That's not gonna be allowed. These guys just, you know, it's, it's, it's... I see women get more aggressive. You know, the other night I couldn't sleep and I got up in the middle of the night and you guys are gonna laugh at me. Cause this is what I've become.

I watched, and Georgia will appreciate this, I watched Texas against Clemson and girl softball. Jesus Christ, you have to see what these women are built like. You gotta see what these women are built like. My wife came on and she goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm trying to read, but this was on, so. And she goes, you're turning into my father.

She goes, I really, really, she goes, I really, I'm gonna lose my mind. She goes, I really married my father. I go, this is the only thing that's on. I mean, John Wick was on, enough. How many times did I watch John Wick? You know, that's it. This was interesting.

I was still reading the Rodney book over again. I took the Rodney book with me. And I'm looking at these girls going, look at this picture. And here's the funny thing, the picture was pitched in 70 miles an hour. The girl, Emma, she pitches 58. 61 they clocked her at. How old was she?

Emma is my daughter's age. Holy shit. So I'm watching this going, what the fuck? Look at these girls. And I'm'm like these girls are gonna beat the fuck Are these boys in 10 years? Dad one line was like a Roberto Clemente type Puerto Rican in the outfield a Puerto Rican chick she puts a red bandana on he was at Texas the balls The audacity they even you know, you're in Austin, Texas,

they don't even know where the Puerto Rican is. This bitch gives zero fucks. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm putting a bandana on and I'm wearing number 21, just to fuck you motherfuckers up. And then on the third base is a chubby Mexican girl throwing heat, throwing heat from third base like Wayne Garrett in 73. I mean, I never saw anything like that. Were you getting into the game? Were you getting pumped up? You know, it was game two, so it wanted extra innings.

And I'm trying to read this, and I'm watching this, and all of a sudden, I'm listening, and I'm like, this is getting interesting. But I was just blown away by what I thought I was going to see and what I ended up seeing. I would never stop listening. I mean, I was just blown away by what I thought I was gonna see and what I ended up seeing.

I would never stop this. But I go to Austin, so I wanted to see if I have to bring my daughter down there. That's cool. It would be interesting. And you know what, and it's funny because I didn't know about this. I watched one of those 30s for 30s this weekend

about Reggie Miller versus the New York Knicks. It's like 15 years old, like the documentary, but it's about the 95. Him yelling that. Spike Lee. Yeah. Oh, dude, the whole 30 for 30s are fucking awesome. The best. The best.

The best. The best. The best. Because I didn't know how badass Reggie Miller's sister was. They had a whole section in the documentary about how she was better than him, and he also worked very hard, but how she would fucking destroy him as a kid. She was the best player in the town.

What was her first name again? Cheryl Miller. Cheryl Miller, yeah, Cheryl Miller. His best game as a kid in high school, he got in the car, he's like, I scored 40 points. And she's like, oh, good for you. And he expected her to have like a bigger reaction. He's like, what about you? She's like, I scored 105. This she was a fuck apparently a fucking beast, Cheryl Miller. But it like it, and it made me think

because I watched they had that whole documentary and like, the biggest thing that I saw in it was like Patrick Ewing dude He was a fucking tank and I and I was watching the playoffs this weekend. They're all skinny like The whole the Knicks had a thing that you weren't alive They were if you went down the lane you were gonna get fouled and I saw people get fouled by Patrick Ewing It was like a football hit like Thomas and now and now and I saw people get fouled by Patrick Ewing it was like a football hit it was like Thomas Hirst and now and I'm the Nick I actually like the Knicks but

why is Carlson thing towns taking threes they just it was the biggest like I think players are getting weaker now in basketball than like every other sport they're getting bigger and stronger and more basketball it's like they're getting weaker I disagree with you. You think? Okay. I went to a few live games. I have two arguments for you. I went to two live games. And both live games, I'm a basketball player.

Right. You know, I grew up watching who I thought were the best. And at the same time, as a kid, I used to write letters to all the ACC colleges. as a kid I used to write letters to all the ACC colleges and I would ask for their training routines. Okay. And they would write me back you know you sit on the wall you do 50 file line sprints you do a George Mike drill and then for weights they did like curls bench presses shoulder presses it was like a standard bodybuilding routine.

They didn't really know where to go with it. And I did it, you know, and it put some weight on me, whatever, but when I went to see the Celtics against the Sixers in Philadelphia, I focused on two players, one being Maxey, who was thin. And the other one being Jason Tatum, as much as people may not like him or whatever.

I was blown the fuck away. By what? Now, you gotta remember, when I was a kid, I was in love with Hudson County basketball, primarily Bayonne, St. Anthony's, Hudson Catholic, and there was somebody else in Jersey City who played, oh, Hoboken, Hoboken had Charles Du Bois and the other two guys, and Jackie Galoon,

but fucking, I still remember Hoboken led the county and slammed dunks. Okay, and I still remember Hoboken led the county and slammed dunks. Okay, and I still remember him coming up to lefties and I'm going, just slam on me. You know, just to get the feeling. You wanted to get slammed? Yeah, he was six foot three maybe and his partner was six foot five. It was Juice and Bob Du Bois, or both of them, whatever. They're both the same person. Juice is Bob Du Bois.

And then there was another one, Charlie, or something like that. One was 6'5", one was 6'3". They led the county in slam dunks. The strength he had under the basket was superb. And then I go back to a guy by the name of Bernard King, who had a spin move? That was it was perfect But if he got you with that spin move the strength and how he did it

How his body moved to the I don't know where he got that strength from if he got you you were going down There was just some strong Maurice Lucas Charles Barkley Moses Malone, they were just some strong Maurice Lucas, Charles Barkley, Moses Malone. They were just naturally strong people. What's the other kid that plays for, he's still active, he's old. He was in the playoffs this year. East Coast or West Coast? He played for the Lakers for a while, then they traded them to the Clippers. I went to see whatever team he was playing for when I first moved here.

Is it the dude with the spot in his head? No. No. George, the power that that man goes to the basket, and I was like, you know, I wasn't on the floor, but I was like in the first up, and I just zeroed on him how he got the ball He was a point guard and he came down and all of a sudden it was like it wasn't a thin shake

It was a power shake but back to Jason Tatum and Maxi the speed that Maxi had was Like I was like but I gotta remember, we're gonna make him faster, we're gonna make him stronger. When they rebuilt the $6 million man, that was the beginning of it. We're gonna make him faster, stronger,

and that's what's happened in the last 40 years. Training techniques have gotten stronger. People know how to train the body, how to recover faster. You know, right now, when we were kids and Achilles tendon injury, you were done for two fucking years. The fact that Aaron Rodgers came back after fucking eight months is amazing.

Oh yeah, and- And that's PRP every day, that's cryotherapy, that's a Chinese chick rubbing your leg, that's fucking constant. And I may have misspoke, but I'm not, like they're obviously in amazing shape. I'm not talking about anyone being in shape, but I'm talking about just the size of the ... I like when there's one or two... I've talked about it.

One or two three-point shooters. I like when people go down... Indiana does a great job of and I actually do like I like heart on the Knicks and and whatever the point guards name is a Brunson is it is super but like seeing fucking Patrick Ewing and you had to go and Go for a layup against Pat. No, like are you serious? I would be afraid To run at Patrick you haven't even seen Moses Malone that I'm of that was six foot eleven To something and he did not play he never smiled and they were throwing punches these guys look at Moses Malone Smile he went from high school right to the pros. Yeah, and his attitude

He's making millions of dollars. He looks like he's not a mug shot. No, he wasn't making millions then. This was the 80s. But then, I want you to see something else that you guys don't notice, but I've noticed. I'm sorry that my niece is in the room and she has to hear this. Go get a Playboy from the 60s. Go get a Playboy from the 70s.

Go look at women's bodies in the 70s and 60s and get back to me Go go back and watch the top movies of the 70s and watch look at the actress opposite delete whether it was Ali McGraw or the fucking girl or mailman rang twice with Jack Nicholson whatever her name was take a look at those what was her name Jessica Lang I'll give you ten of them they didn't need fake lips they didn't need anything

right they just walked on a set and they were electrifying you know when you saw Ali McGraw in 1973 and he's smacking her, but she's got this innocent look and you're like, should I shoot McQueen in the head now or do I mind my business? Look how sexy Jessica Lange was. You can't put lips, she had no lips. She had no lips, look at her.

You know, this is a different beauty. But then I'm talking about when you look at naked women in the 70s in Playboy and the 60s, they were different. They were more voluptuous, the aorta was bigger, the circle was bigger, everybody's aorta was bigger. So women's body have changed, we've changed, we've gotten stronger. Look at women, look at fucking Mobland.

Take a look at Alan Merrin, she's 79 years old. When you're 79, you're supposed to be at home praying to Jesus that you're not dying. She's telling the kid last night she's gonna eat his fucking eyeball out, you know? But did you read her time interview a couple weeks ago? She did some of the New York Times. She fucking laid it down.

This is what needs to be done when you're in your 70s. This is how I do it. I still drink boo. Look at her. She's fucking beautiful, Helen Mirren. She wears the craziest outfits on this show and then she's got another, she's 79 and she's on two hit shows.

Who does that? She's on that other show with 79 and she's on two hit shows. Who does that? She's on that other show with Harrison Ford. Shootin' motherfuckers. Look at her. She's fuckin' stunning. Yeah, she's beautiful. Shootin' motherfuckers. When you watch that show, her nails are done

fuckin' to the T and her toenails when she lays back. Her feet, she's got grandma feet. She's got grandma feet. our grandma had pretty feet. She's 79. But you like, you're very impressive. It's not how you age anymore, it's how you age gracefully and look at her, drinking wine, she's a fucking savage. She's a fucking savage.

She told Pierce Bronson last night to check his balls and shit. She's a fucking savage. She told Pierce Bronson last night to check his balls and shit. She's a fucking savage. So, just to see, Helen Mirren or Diane Sawyer? Those are the... Both of them. Just me, them two, and massage stuff,

and plenty of naps and milk, and maybe a shot of stem cell surgery. Oh my God. But I gotta talk to you guys about something that I watched the last couple weeks for anybody who's into fucking creativity. You know what, I gotta go to the bathroom. Let's take a break and then we'll come back

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and I saw something this weekend that blew me the hell away. I had always known the story. Number one, let's get to the basics of it. I always loved to read about how something was built. Don't tell me, don't come up to me and go, I'm worth $200,000 million, I got a rocket ship to the moon, that's great. For me, it's how did you even get the 20,000 to dollars. I got a rocket ship to the moon. That's great for me

It's how did you even get the 20,000 to start this fucking idea? And how did it come together and about a month ago? I realized Dean Delry was on the show and I asked him when You know about the Led Zeppelin documentary and he goes go on Amazon I went home and I watched and I had a watch in two parts because it was overwhelming because this documentary is not about the women and this. It focused on how they put the first and the second album together. But the most important focus of this was the focus of how four of them came together

and what they were independently doing and what Jimmy Page was doing. Oh, that's cool. Okay, but Jimmy Page was already going Led Zeppelin with the Yardbirds. He was already going Led Zeppelin with the Yardbirds. The other two guys were doing something and fucking John Paul Jones is on his own planet playing a fucking organ and a bass and fucking. And all of a sudden they get together and they become this powerhouse. But you see the steps and you see the evolution from their first live performance to the third,

to the fourth, and your fifth, and you go, holy fuck. And yes, it's fate. Sometimes it's fate. You think it's fate, and it's interesting. One part of it is fate because all the stars have to align. And if you've ever been involved in anything ever in your life, you know that when you break something down and how you're gonna do it,

and all of a sudden you get some people on board, all of a sudden, everything has to be perfect. If one thing goes wrong, it's like my mother used to say, if it sucks in the beginning, it's gonna suck all the way through. Okay, so if you go to me, oh yeah, we had fucking Nick, but Nick wanted 85,000, so we couldn't afford that.

That's not what we discussed. Nick had the vision, so now you're gonna take 75 grand out of Nick to pay some schmuck that did theater, and now we, everything has to align. How many projects was I involved in that were ready to shoot on Monday, and Friday night you get a call, like listen, the investor pulled out.

It happens a lot, Jesus. Look, it's happened to me, you know, in 30, no, I've been active in whatever, 20 years. It's happened 10 times. Oh no. And you don't, but you know when you get the script. I know, you just the script. I know. You just play this mind fuck.

I didn't because I was serious about it. But when you get a script that's kind of like, that doesn't have Universal or MGM or fucking HBO on it, anything can happen anytime. Even with those things, anything can happen anytime. So when you watch these things, yes, you see things aligned but These motherfuckers are working towards something and they didn't even know what they were working towards And then through the fucking you know, he met john paul joe. No. Yeah, he met john paul. Jones and then he hit because he did jimmy page and did the song to go finger

Jimmy Page and did the song to Goldfinger That's Jimmy Page playing the guitar and John Paul Jones is on the organ and some chick is singing and then they hooked up doing Some work on the fucking film and then I don't know they met fucking The singer and then he brought John Bonham with him. He said well, I got the drummer for you You got to go see this fucking animal. It was John Bonham. And you watch what they became. And I thought it was fuckin' interesting. I'm gonna rent it again, I just need two hours of my time. It's 20 bucks, so it's a fuckin' investment. And they might move it off of Amazon.

And when it came out, it was on fuckin', they put it on those projection screens. It came out on HD, on fucking in order with the sound. Oh, in the movie theaters? Yeah, it came out to shit. And it went right to, you know, it was only like limited run, two weeks. That's cool, it sounds like the biography of the band.

That's really awesome. But it was really interesting how you're going for something without even knowing you're going for it. And then, the other night I'm in the hotel, my wife's reading, the girls were doing, it's like 10.30 at night, and I knew it was last Monday night, I was going through the thing, nothing was on TV, me and my wife were like, what the fuck am I gonna watch? And Pee Wee's Big Adventure was on. Now that was a big year for me, 1985.

I was leaving Jersey, but that winter, that whole pre-winter, I settled in a movie theater. That was my escape, to just go to movie theaters and watch as many movies as I could. George will tell you, I would go to Double Features. I love movies, that's my fucking world, you know? You smoke a joint, you go to a movie a movie to eat some popcorn. Nobody bothers you Nobody bothers you especially up in New York City like those hundred eighty first street movies

I would go to the movies by where you went once in a while, but that's not entertainment Those are tame people right you go see what you do is you go in those days Like one day I'd be bored and I go go to the white movie theater on 44th Street, but the next day I'd come out of the bridge and I would go to 181st to the black movie theater and watch the exact same movie to see what the reactions were from two different audiences. Like if you went to a black movie theater

to watch your movie, sat Friday night, you'd be on the floor laughing because black people don't tolerate that shit. It's like black people don't like magicians. You ever see a magician, you will not see a black person because they gotta say shit. They gotta say shit. Just, and I quote that, black people don't like magicians.

And neither do you. No, no, no, but I have personal reasons to hate. I got personal reason because there's a magician who hates me. Black people generally, if you see a magician, you'll never see a black person with his family going, whoopee, wow, how did he do that? They'll be like, what the fuck? I see that motherfucking pigeon.

My grandfather invented that magic trick and shit. So anyway. So what we talking about? I don't know. Who gives a fuck? Oh, Peewee. Peewee, so I put it on Monday night and dog, I'm like in my back of my head when I clicked,

I go fuck, I missed the best part of the movie. And do you know that that part was coming on? It's like whenever I see God loves me. You know why God loves me? Because every time I see Goodfellas is on, whenever I click on it, it's always the Billy Bats scene. When they're in the bar, buy him a drink. No, you drink it with an Irishman.

I'm like, fuck, Jesus loves me. I got a time now. If it's on a regular fucking channel, it's 52 minutes in. If it's on pay TV, it's an hour 10ing with the commercials. So if it starts at eight and I see good fellas, if it's nine o'clock, boom, Billy Bats is a, sure enough, it's, you know, oh, you know. Always dream the one I love will come along,

you know, with all that shit. So anyway, back to Pee Wee Herman here, because this is interesting shit. Have you ever watched Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Nick? No. I don't think so. Have you ever watched Pee Wee's Big Adventure? I've seen bits and pieces of it, but.

George, you know what I'm talking. Okay, there's a scene in Pee Wee's Big Adventure where he goes into a biker bar to make a phone call, okay? Look at this motherfucker, right? He goes into a biker bar to make a phone call. And I don't know, they start goofing on him, he answers to get him back, weird. No, no, Danny Trail was in prison fucking washing dishes

at that point in his life leave Danny trail alone and He's on the phone and he yells at these poor bastards and they're like who the fuck is this guy yelling at us and they go over and they're gonna rough him up and all this shit and They fucking you know, they just threatened him that they're gonna fuck him up. Let's kill him, no, no, no, no. Let's light him on fire, no, no, no, no, no. Let's beat him up.

And all of a sudden under his voice he goes, why don't we let him go? And this is like, I'm watching this the first time in a movie theater. I'm like, why am I going to see Pee-wee's Big Adventure? When this movie came out, I was like, hi, I had to kill time. I owed's Big Adventure? When this movie came out, I was like, hi, I had to kill time.

The cops were looking for me something that made me go into this movie theater and I didn't know what to expect. And I went into this movie theater and it was okay for like the first 20 minutes, I must have been really high. Then this scene comes on when he walks into that bar and he knocks over their motorcycles.

After they fucking throw them out they're gonna threaten them and and he they're gonna kill him and all this shit and he goes one last request and they go okay and he fucking goes up to the Mexican dishwasher and he borrows his white shoes or the platform shoes and he plays tequila and he gets up on stage and starts dancing, and let me tell you something, the first time I saw it, I was 21 years old, and I think something came out of every orifice. My ass, I couldn't hold my pee, I was spittin',

I was flustrin', look at this, look at this. This mother, and it's pure comedy, guys. Look when he looks in the ceiling, look when he looks in the ceiling. He's beautiful comedy guys. Look when he looks in the ceiling. Look when he looks in the ceiling. He's beautiful. What? Da da da da da da da. It's fucking the most prettiest thing and he's geeky,

but he's selling it. This is what matters in life. He's fucking selling it. Right here. Look at his little head bouncing up. That is genius. That is comedy gold without saying a fucking word. Look at him. Then he starts smashing the bottles and shit. This is fucking comedy 101. If you want

to get into any level of comedy, all these Will Arnett's and these people, look at this. Then he starts doing this shit and I'm lost. By that point, diarrhea's everywhere, okay? I got my leg up, I don't give two fucks. This is gonna sit there and rot because I'm sitting for the next showing. Like that's how funny this scene was the first time I saw this fucking scene. And after that, it was like Pee Wee's Big Adventure 2

and then something else happened. Then he got caught in the bathroom with some kid or something. No, he never got caught. Then he got caught in the bathroom with some kid or something, no. He never got caught, he never got caught with a kid. He got caught in a movie theater, whacking off. And then in Florida, which inside of a soda or something like that.

Where would you go, you know. But this is the take when he fucking, they give him a bicycle and he takes off with the bicycle and he goes through the thing and shit. I mean this movie is very, very funny at levels that you look at me and go, Joey, come on dog, I know you. You wouldn't laugh at this shit.

I was dying. So I see that it's on Monday night when the movie ends, they say Friday they're doing a documentary on Pee Wee Herman. I'm like, fuck, I didn't make a mental note. I did kinda, but who knows what I'm doing with Girl's Softball and Memorial Day and barbecues and shit.

This was on, and I was blown away because look at that poem, portrayed by Pee Wee Herman in Sarasota. Right, anyway, Decent Exposure. We all went through one of those at one time in your life. Thank God the camera wasn't on, you know what I'm saying? But somebody's always got Instagram, like my nephew said. I'm watching this shit and I am fucking,

I got tears coming out of my eyes because everything I wanna hear, how he was in LA, he was starving, he was going from place to place. So you did watch the documentary? Oh yeah, he's talking about how he didn't know what to do and he was part of the Groundlings. Okay.

And then he goes, let me give Stand Up a try. He goes, I'm gonna do a show where I play a stand up comedian that's not funny. And Dog, he went up there and fucking murdered with little animals and shit. I was dying, okay? And usually I don't like that, like the guy who cuts the watermelons and shit. I was dying, okay? And usually I don't like that. Like the guy who cuts the watermelons and shit,

you know what I'm doing? I'm gonna leave there with watermelon seed on my neck. I don't need that. So I'm watching this thing and he's doing this and then he goes that he wanted to do a standard comedian to commit to or something. And he came up with this character, Pee Wee Herman. And the people loved it and then he character, Pee Wee Herman. And the people loved it,

and then he just lived Pee Wee Herman, like he dove into it, and he became Pee Wee Herman. And this is interesting, George, because I don't remember this, but you will. And we were talking about this a couple weeks ago with Nick also, how Pee Wee Herman started, and then he put Pee Wee's show house together. Before the Saturday morning show,

he put a little fuckin' act in it. They said, they laughed at him. They said, okay, do it on a Sunday at midnight. Remember we discussed about that? And he goes, I didn't care. This was my only shot and I was gonna do it. And he fuckin in Phil Hartman Was his writing partner at ground links just brilliant shit and two other guys now they put this together

The the mailman wow bill and this and they put characters and the show started at midnight and people were yelling and all this fucking And he's coming out there, but he committed to character with that little fucking suit on Lee come on Come on Lee planet the bombardier Lee's over there looking at that picture like it's Israel He's like fucking what is this Gaza's catching up with me anyway? He fucking just they just break down The levels of what and it's never you know guys like you you see things on TV You're like man. I'm not even gonna act cuz I'll never get famous like he will it's not about being famous It's about fucking committing to something and going you know what?

Either I'm going what's that expression you know I'm going big I'm going home and when you watch somebody break it down to you And he goes I got sick and tired of my hands being another, my career being other people's hands. He just broke it down to the level that, it was the same thing I felt. Me and Terry were like, Terry, do you remember when I used to bother you

to show me what to do on a computer? Like, I didn't know. She's the one that got my MySpace for me. And I didn't know how to do a message or how to put a picture up or my resume. they spoke you gotta put your comedy resume online I'm fucked right I would get to audition that we never got it I thought I sent it I never sent it I never sent anything I even know how to send well dude that's why I was I was just listening because I I know I've heard of Pee Wee Herman but it

just it was a little bit like I wasn't the right age so like I I'm blown away that it sounds like there's like a lot of like a lot of like he was really good at I just Stupid and he started that he started at That's like a serious thing he started at the groundlings right and then it got so big they moved it to the Roxy. Oh shit. Okay, this is what I'm saying. It's like Kill Tony. Whether you love them or you don't like them or whatever, Red Band, I got a problem with how they picked a contest. Listen, you're missing the fucking patois this. So what? They don't have you on. Now go create your own fucking tent. What would you do different?

If you were killed Tony, what would you fucking do differently? Instead of sitting there and criticizing them, okay, since you know everything, what would you put your life to? What would make you pack up your bags, tell your mom to sell your car, move to LA, because you're that fucking committed to something, and that's what you see with this motherfucker. But then start seeing the growth how he went to the Roxy then he went somewhere else and then HBO showed up And gave him in the old days. What was that? They had that show to get on that show We're like stand up something. No, this was a different series They had something pop up stand up. They had like a stand-up series once a month on one channel HBO when everything was HBO like when you hit HBO That's when you were fucking successful and I forget the name of the fucking show

Is a comedy have our something like that and they gave him one of those and he fucking blew up and then He got the movie deal and it was Phil Hartman and him and somebody else were writing the movie deal and They were writing this idea Writing this idea and it just didn't have it But one day Paul Rubens was sitting there peewee and looking on the line going where the fuck do people get these bikes? Everybody's going around on bikes and it's the truth when you're on a studio set you're walking you're fucking 90 degrees and these people blowing by on a bike and then

some guy that works they'll come by you like what the fuck what am I chopped liver? Right. Give me a fucking bike if I would have known it was on the other side of the studio I wish I would have had something, roller skates. But it's the truth. At one point when you're walking on those lots, you're like, what the fuck do people get these bicycles from? And he said that he made a big stink about it. And that the studio gave him that bike, P.E.R. Herman.

And he went in and go throw away the script. We're gonna write it based on this. But right there, you're in the middle of a deal, they already settled, and now you're switching the idea and you're hoping they're gonna love it. You're like, listen, it's not what they paid for but we're gonna give them something 3D. And that movie made a shit load of money. They even put him on the road. No, before that they put him on the road and he was selling out theaters. Fucking selling out theaters because the networks wanted to make sure he could sell tickets. The same story everybody has. The same fucking

story, the same shit everybody has. Even though he had this hot show he was gonna sell they're like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. now we're gonna throw a different curveball. Oh, no no no no and That was before this They called them to audition for sign that live And he said he walked in there batting the motherfucker everybody knew who Peewee Herman was but when he was in the audition Gilbert Godfrey Walker and He realized that him him and Gilbert Godfrey were the same type and that Gilbert Godfrey was friends with one of the producers sons or something and he goes I knew when I went in front of him I didn't get it so I

went back to LA and recharged my career again and that's when the agent said well fuck it do the show and then take it on the road do a stand-up act on the road and he would basically go out there with the suit and go ha ha ha, and shoot lizards at people. Oh, he would throw out, no, he would throw out tootsie rolls. And people went fucking nuts if they grabbed it. Cause he wanted to make the show like, uh, brilliance. He wanted to make a deal.

When we were kids, let's make a deal. The guy would come out and give you you have brown shoes on yeah Give me 20 bucks. Hey You got a big dick. Yeah 20 bucks. He wanted to do the same thing. So when he gave you the The the chocolates people went crazy He was getting standing ovations at the same store everybody in the middle of all he's gonna get a deal They're like nah, you gotta go on the road and sell tickets So I had to go out and do a 27th City tour It was so amazing they showed the lines and the standing ovation then finally

HBO gave somebody went back there Somebody big went that's the same thing somebody big went back there and they said what's he going back there for if he's walking back there We better get our mitts on him and that level just stopped and they gave him that fucking movie and And did you know this about him before you started or you just wanted to be? That got me into the comedy store god rest his soul Rick Dukeman told me That he was going somewhere one night Rick Dukerman told me that he was going somewhere one night and he goes Bill Rubin whatever Paul Rubin's like oh Peewee Herman really and he goes bro

Peewee Herman is a dangerous motherfucker he goes that guy's a great writer he goes I've known him for years nice guy blah blah blah and then yeah I remember like the first week I got to LA, George Michael got caught, like close to where I was staying in a bathroom in Beverly Hills, whacking off, some undercover cop caught him in there. So yeah, I don't know, I don't know the whole story. I wasn't there, you know. He was deep undercover, what was he doing?

That's when you're deep on the cover, you're lurking in bathrooms, I guess. I don't know, I don't know what happened. And they talk about this in the documentary, but they broke it into some weird segments how what happened next was devastating. They swarmed his house, and they went into his fucking magazine collection,

and they pulled all this shit, and said that he had pornography in there. And they pulled it all out and he was gay. So it wasn't pornography, it was like men's magazines from the 60s, the guys with bikinis on posing muscles, you know, muscle and fitness, that type of shit. But in one of the pictures, it was a kid in the cover

and he was like 17 and a half, 17, so they got him for one count. That they researched everything, they went through every magazine, his whole house, didn't find anything, but the new DA said, no, he's gotta get charged with this, and he has to be a sex offender for three years and blah, blah, blah, and it took a lot of wind

out of his sails. And then he laid down for a couple years and why I was telling you, I think before the podcast I was telling you about a story with Garrett Morris, a guy from the Saturday Night Live. He had a club. And why I'm telling you this, because when I was down there there I met a guy and he goes can I call your agent on Monday and whatever year that was that was the year that Paul Rubens was gonna do bring Pee Wee Herman live back and they were looking for

funny characters and this guy thought it would work for me for me to audition for him or whatever I was pretty fucking excited. At first I was like, you know, what are you gonna do? But somebody gave me a deal to do it in LA Live. You know where LA Live is downtown? They wanted you to audition. I did a show there. I did two shows there. I did one with Wheeler Walker.

And then I did it by myself. And then I did it by myself. And then it was there or something like that. Well, no, somewhere where it was like a stage. I'm sorry Lee It's like a stage it's like a theater and I told my agent they're gonna call you and they never called So who the fucking knows what happened? And that's my PB Herman story, but I Like that Lee and it makes me think about you know

writing jokes with George in the back of a of a bedroom where there's no air conditioner why and George just threw the fan out the window and it makes you think about what you go through and how everybody thinks that you just, I was talking to my nephew before and he was telling me, I go, you know, all weekend I've been seeing these people, you know, putting up pictures of down the shore. And not one of them, well, I grew up down the shore. Again, I left for 40 years and came back.

But before that, about 10 years ago, I saw a picture of the shore. Before, Sofia, whatever the hurricane was, Katrina. Sandy, Hurricane Sandy. Before Hurricane Sandy, somebody showed me a picture of the beach, and I was like, there were people on top of people. That's not how I remember it, but that's what my prom is.

That's why I can never be a politician. And that's why I don't believe like Nancy Pelosi or all those old people like that old dude with the long face and the glasses. How am I, bro? Don't gotta talk to me, bro. You're 80 years old. You're still listening to doo-wop music. You're out.

You're out. If I play Biggie Smalls the second album you have a heart attack Like you know, I know that guy with Natalie snap out of it. I'm watching you. I'm you're getting sleepy Look at Lee that I'm doing this is why you know, this is what is happening again He leaves here and he goes back to the minor leagues Then he comes home to pop on Monday and he gets smacked around. Now he's been staring at me with the Japanese. He's over there looking at it like it fucking.

I'm trying to know what it says. Yeah, I know, because you can read Japanese. Get the fuck out of here, you fuck. Yeah, you can read Japanese all of a sudden. Those edibles are pretty good. No shit, that's why we eat them, because they're good. And I think I I think I like it. I think I had like two of them on the way up here What do you think I was like, how do you think you had an animal? I had two hundred before I even got in the car before I left my house

Jesus Christ was feeling good. I was out of the shower. I don't I was out of the shower. My wife made some chicken cutlets, not really chicken cutlets, chicken breast on the grill with arugula, with hot peppers and a little mozzarella cheese. It all melts together and you burn it. She stole the idea from a restaurant around the corner and had it. Wow.

But they gave you too much, you know when people give you too much bread? It was a pizza dough bread. That pizza bread that people think is cute. They also got the best Italian tuna in the business That's how I started eating Italian tuna. I don't get the sandwich there, but I go I don't want bread. I don't want I just deal with tuna. I Just need a little slice of white bread something thin. You know I'm saying right to sustain the tuna

So you made that with a chicken sandwich? Your wife made a chicken sandwich. No, I didn't eat the bread you fuck Bam, you know I'm saying why eat the fucking bread because it's delicious. I say tonight I had eight pieces of meat right but one with bread so you bounce I got my protein but then the bread brown side everything the other way I'll get my pickle I got the vegetable, you know Especially with water especially with stuff like this, you do have to like, decide what you wanna eat more of.

Cause like if you have, let's say you had two or three buns, you wouldn't be able to eat that much. Wait a second, before we discuss eating, I gotta talk to you guys about the review about this fucking Smith & Wazinski. Okay. So I know my appetite has windowed, again ever since I became a softball dad

Everything's going downhill. Okay Now my appetite I'm down at two fucking meals guys Now what are you not before I live on the East Coast? I want to be a fat fuck. You know I'm saying I want to be able to go eat Cuban food after we do the podcast So to go eat Cuban food after we do the podcast. I thought it was a good little thing. So, what we talking about? We're Smith and Molenski. Oh, so I went to Smith and Molenski. I only ate breakfast and it was a light breakfast.

A big number for breakfast, but two of the skinniest eggs I ever saw in my life. You know, again, I'm used to going to this hotel, no names, somebody always pays for it when I go down to Texas. And you go there and you get the breakfast special. They give you two eggs on one fucking plate. Okay, and the egg yolks look like a orders from the 70s.

What are those things again? Areolas from the 70s. They just don't give you two pieces of bacon. They give you a dish covered with bacon. I love that. And they give you a basket with with bacon and they give you a basket with bread with all the different breads all of them multi right fucking granola and fucking white toasted with a jar of melted butter on the side they give you

a protein powder milkshake with a like a, protein smoothie with chia seeds in it. You feel them in your teeth the whole time. You know what I'm saying? And then they give you fresh squeezed orange juice and they bang you out with some coffee. They leave the pot with extra sweetener. That's how you live it up in London. That's a good breakfast.

No, who would take, you think Uncle Joe would take you out to bum breakfast here? Well it sounds like you want to. And a little cup of fruit to boot. And if I smoked and came up and had the room service, I'd make them send me some fuckin' oatmeal. And after that, you go down, smoke, and you come back up, pray to God there's a law and order on.

One of those ones you've seen 20 times where the guy stabs the cop but not really. That's a good one. That's always a good one. So, but then what happened with this breakfast? It was skinny, it was light, it was like for an AIDS victim. Somebody didn't want a big breakfast, you know what I'm saying? Well, that sucks, but then you went to Smith and Willinsky? And then I held on, I went to Smith and Willinsky,

and I walked into that motherfucker, like when I said I want to give a shout out to my nephew, Joe Lopez, I went to Smith and Malinsky, and I walked into that motherfucker, like when I said I wanna give a shout out to my nephew, Joe Lopez, I called my niece, and she goes, he's working. I said, I'm going over there. Foof, I took an Uber, talked to an Indian dude that was interesting. He gave me a tremendous ear beating,

I have no idea what he was saying. But he was funny, he was funny. I worked six hours, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. I go home, boom, boom, boom. He was making noises, I'm like, all right. At least, I don't know how to do that shut off. Some rude people, you can shut the driver up. Like, right when you order an Uber,

there's a switch. Somebody told me, somebody asked me once, I couldn't see, and they're like, you wanna talk to the guy? Talk about what? And he goes, there's a switch. You can tell the guy to shut the fuck up. No, I'm not like, you wanna talk to the guy? Talk about what? And he goes, there's a switch. You can tell the guy to shut the fuck up.

No, I'm not rude, you know what I'm saying? I'm like the bow. What happens, he gets a gun to his head, and he can't say run? You know, I go, hmm, that's the dumbest thing in the world. I wanna talk to the guy. He ain't gonna talk to you anyway. You don't know how to talk English, do you?

That's what we talking about. So I took an Uber down there and I smoked before I went in there. And then I smoked some reefer before I went in there. I went up to the bar. I was the only man at the bar. There were some people in the tables. I had an Irish bartender. How you

doing? Very polite, gentleman, fucking dressed, ba ba boom. Everything was tight on this motherfucker, you know what I'm saying? I sat right in front of it like a whiskey thing where they had all the whiskey selections. I don't know what they were, I can lie to you. I just know they look expensive, you know what I'm saying? Like those whiskey, but everything looked good. It was clean, The bottles were clean. I Opened up with a fucking wedge salad. They gave me a wedge But it was different that bacon on it blue cheese But then they gave me two fucking tomatoes with two onions on top Oh big come on dog if I was a little that's a meal right there

I put pepper on that motherfucker and just started whacking it I go let me get a glass of water and a Coke because I was feeling frisky. He goes no Coke zero here. This ain't no pussy bar. This is New York City. Either you're in or you're out. I said I'm in. He gave me the fucking bottle of Coke. Great dude too. The general manager came over. I said hello to him. I dug into that tomato. They were both fucking those big tomatoes with the onions. Unbelievable. I ate into the wedge and I knew both fucking those big tomatoes with the onions, unbelievable. I ate into the wedge and I knew.

I go, this is not gonna be good, Uncle Joey, because I can't finish the fucking steak. But there was a grilled steak on the menu, and then my nephew came out, he goes, what do you want? I go, I want that grilled steak like 12 ounces. He goes, I got a 14 ounce, I go, kick it. He goes, how do you want it? I go, medium well.

I want a little pink, but not really, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, I can't say it. He goes, how do you want it? I go, medium well. I want a little pink, but not really. You know what I'm saying? Like, I can't say what I want to say. But anyway. Ha ha ha. Anyway, my nephew goes perfect. Now, I was watching the fucking game. I was watching the, I think, no, no, no, no.

I think the Mets played the Dodgers the night before and they went into extra innings so it was Saturday. Maybe I was watching the Yankees against Colorado because that's right, because the Yankees had lost the night before, even though Judge had a home run. I didn't watch the game, I just read the fucking thing on a little tracker, you know what I'm saying? I ain't got time for that.

People are like, look at Joey, he knows about sports. No, I just know how to read the fucking thing. The steak came within like 15 minutes and it was fucking beautiful. When it came by me, it smelled, now he told me. He goes, Jesus, we don't age our own steaks. You know the whole thing. We get 30 day dry, whatever the fuck all that means. you know listen just give me the state let me try the first bite

I've been to like the fatty it was perfect I'm not gonna lie to you guys you know what and and you you have to take care of yourself from time to time because you watch and times you know I gotta take the steak and you eat it you know it's a good steak but they're doing between a good steak and a steak that you go, Jesus fucking Christ, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, they come with the dessert tray and you're like, there's no need to, I need a coffee. That's it, give me a coffee and a bill,

because we don't need no dessert. Next time I go in there, I'm gonna eat like 800 milligrams, and I'm gonna go in there because they have a strawberry shortcake. But it's not the strawberry shortcake we grew up on. The people with the ice cream company with the belt. Good humor, strawberry shortcake. It's a strawberry shortcake, find the picture.

Strawberry shortcake with a- Oh, like the bar? Huh? Dog, it Like the bar? Huh? Dog, it's the bar, but they give it to you, the bar and the cake and it's gigantic, and they give you a fuckin' upside down cone with vanilla and some sauce on the bottom. Dog, come on, who you think you're fuckin' dealin' with?

Joy Banana? That's it, I signed up as Smith and Walensky. I'm with them from now on. Some people with the Irish, I'm with the Italians, some people with the Puerto Ricans, I'm with Smith and Walensky. I'm with them from now on some people with the Irish I'm with the Italians some people with the Puerto Ricans. I'm with Smith and Walensky. That's how I'm rolling I haven't been there find the slices Smith and Walensky Strawberry shortcake cake you're fucking Lee forget about your old Zempik. It's over even the Ozempik will tap out The Ozempik is all the fucking shooting in your arm. What do they do chocolate one, too? Or just the strawberry shortcake. I'm gonna talk about chocolate

They do so we just take the strawberry for right now and then move on to the other shit Okay, but no what I wanted to talk to you about besides strawberry fucking shortcake Was that I was talking about this a few episodes ago? How people look at things and they go, you know what, it really doesn't matter because that's never gonna happen for me. And when I heard it the last time, I was like, you know what, this is what pisses me off about people

because I never thought, there it goes, there he goes. Look at it, look at it, Lee. Bam, no, he just had it. Buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh. Keep trolling. Buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh. Look at it right there. Oh my goodness Lee All these shit Lee. Look at that baby girl. How many fucking milligrams would you take? Lee I gotta go in there eat that right off the street. You wouldn't even eat the entree. I know Lee Lee

We're going to you know, I'm really really hungry hang I was gonna ask if you were gonna do that coke Pepsi There's exactly leave it order. You know what? I'm not really hungry. I'm gonna have a diet coke and I'm gonna have the strawberry shortcake cake cuz I'm not really hungry and I'm gonna diet Well, look at that. That's a six layer strawberry shortcake with a full scoop of ice cream. That's a meal That's for three gorillas But the shame was at one time I could sink that and give it back and go You know what? I'm debating another one when I was three fucking whatever when I was 400 pounds Yeah, I would fucking eat two of those things easy after the fucking

19 ounce steak bread clam chowder the bread bowl 19 ounce steak bread clam chowder the bread bowl mashed potatoes and not a Vegetable around no dude that looks like something like you order one and you eat like half and you're like, let's order another one Like that looks so good And then and that's a I love eating in New York Cuz like it's it was like it sounds like the service was really good Everything was very good. How everything was good. Even looking at the salad, how were the vegetables? Did they look nice?

Fresh, the tomato was fucking, and they didn't give me, everybody else has been giving me red onion. They gave me a white onion to really flip. I know George is like, I wouldn't eat that shit anyway. But George knows what I'm talking about. That's awesome, too.

But you know, Lee, honest to God, like, you hear all this shit, listen, yes. There's a lot of stand-ups, and there's a lot of people in the house right now playing the guitar. And there's a lot of people in their homes right now in the garage playing the flute. And no, it's the truth.

Some people trying to get a scholarship. Some people are trying to get a scholarship, some people are trying to learn an instrument, and some people are going, you know what? Someday I want to be the next Eddie Van Halen. And you see them, they're kind of confused, they're kind of goofy, and they just, you know, and one day they just disappear. And then you fucking see them, and they're on TV or You know whatever and you're like how the fuck did that happen and you get it because people committed to something they put the work in They didn't let nothing distract them like when you listen to P we talk he's talking about how

You know the levels and how he struggled and he was sick and tired of people telling him to do this and to what? They showed all his movie roles like he was everywhere and he's like I did that wasn't getting me anyway That wasn't getting me anywhere. They showed Chi-Chien Because Chi-Chien went down to groundlings and hired him as a bartender They showed him a different movie. He was fucking shooting movies, man. And he was like, and I get it, you just get stuck. You get stuck. I was fucking stuck as fuck from fucking 98 to 2004.

I shot, you know, 80, I don't mind 80. Everything I shot was like a TV show and I was getting co-stars I was always that guy that said hey, what are you doing here? I would get shot in the beginning of the show and shit like that and then I got lucky with spider-man Like I got really lucky. I thought it was just an ordinary scene I didn't know was gonna fucking you know I just got lucky and then out of that role, I got the longest shot, which allowed me to play longer in a movie. That was like a relief for me,

because I was like, finally, I didn't get shot in the beginning of the movie. You know, I break my leg at the end, and they cut me out and shit, but at least I'm in the fucking movie. So for me, it was great. So I get it now. One day you wake up and go, for how much longer am I going to be a fucking co-star? How much longer? What do I need to do

to get me out? And he bit into that. And I respect that type of shit. I really do. I just saw what he did and then seen what Led Zeppelin did, how it all came together. That's what's interesting to me, not when you're on a plane and you're smoking dope and doing drugs, you know. Those are the stories that have always fucking let me know, you know what, we got a chance at doing this shit.

We got a fucking chance at doing this shit. Right. And it's, and it's so, We got a chance of doing this shit. We got a fucking chance of doing this shit. Right. And it's so, there's, because there's so many of them now, especially since podcasts have been going on. Like we've followed careers of people from all levels. Like some of them started as headliners

and are now doing arenas. And then some people were doing podcasts as features and are now doing arenas. And then some people were doing podcasts as features and are now doing, you know, are now headlining across the, and it's just cool. Like, that's actually what it, it sounds like what we were talking about at the beginning, that movie that you watched. Like, you can follow a lot of comedians' careers,

like the history of it, through podcasts now. Like, it's like eventually gonna be a bunch of documentaries about people this thing I can name your name a comedian that you can have a decade of their weekly career updates it is the same but it's not the same way it is the same but it's not the same way. It is the same, but it's not the same. If you think I could have gone through that struggle, what did I tell you when we first started the show?

Quote me, what I told you, when we first started the show and I said 6 a.m., tell them at home without me saying a word to you. What was the first thing I said to you? You wanted to do it at 6 a.m. to get to them first with something? No, I told you that if I was still doing coke. Oh, oh, it would never would have worked.

It never would have worked. Four weeks in I would have called him and said he would have been there in the studio. Where's Joey Diaz at? And here I am in Hollywood at the Comedy Store in some hotel room with a chick. Yeah. So for me, podcasting showed up when it did.

Right. Do you follow me? If it would have showed up five years earlier, it would have never happened. Right, no, no, no. There's no way I would have spoke up about my drug problem at the time because I thought it would have ended my career But at the same time it would have looking back if the podcast would have came in

2005 and I showed them how low I was and then quit in 2007 and stuck to it and I'd be dr. Phil Yeah, I'd be dr. Phil right now if you think about it. Oh my god And there are some people who are that honest on podcast and I'm not saying like I'd be Dr. Phil right now if you think about it. Oh my God. And there are some people who are that honest on podcasts. And I'm not saying like, yeah, obviously, like there was a lot of luck to make a successful podcast. But if you just look at the, you know,

the top 20 comedy podcasts out there, most of them are like getting to be about 10 years old now and like you have and it's a career update was like just a minor part of what you have for a lot of comedy podcasts you have like it's like a diary of that person for 10 years it's like it we don't even realize what what we've done it's like really crazy I'll tell you as a dire in this podcast And you'll never think about that's my daughter. Yeah, dude. So we started the podcast. We started in her bedroom And we're doing it was around lunch. My wife's like I'm pregnant. You guys gotta get the fuck out of here. I

Mean we got a tworoom like when we moved I Was to that it was to that Thanksgiving or 2009 we go, you know, let's get the fuck out of here Everything was changing in Hollywood Fucking when you got up at night like we moved to Hollywood beauty. Ah You know good you hear a gunshot every three weeks or something. No. By 2004, it was boom, boom, boom. And we were surrounded.

We were right in the middle of Hollywood and all these rooftop bars were opening up. Plus these backyards, everything went outside. So you go pee at three in the morning? Oh my God, my window is open. You walk to the bedroom and it would just fucking boom boom. It's a small bathroom So I was down there. So we were like we gotta get the fuck out of here Man, I forget my wife call me go listen We just lived in a place for fucking nine years and we barely made 800 a month rent.

The only place I found is one bedroom for 1200, but I found the place on a street called Cumston by a horse stable or something for 13.50. She goes, Joey, if we get this, it's gonna be a big commitment. Think about it for two days, what do you wanna do? And I'm like, you know what? I gotta put my big boy pants on, I can't store coke.

By that time I was two or three years clean already, I was three years clean. I'm like, let's put our big boy pants on. And we got a two bedroom look, because at the time, I didn't know what was gonna happen. I didn't know if your older daughters was gonna come out to California and play softball. I didn't know if Mike Runny's daughter,

was thinking of going to USC or some shit, at least some Messina's, some, I had like four moms who called me going, hey, I'm gonna talk to you about something. My daughter just got accepted to UC Berkeley. How far is that from you? I don't fucking know. It's in Berkeley, I don't know.

So I got the extra bedroom, from you, I don't fucking know. It's in Berkeley, I don't know. So I got the extra bedroom thinking somebody was gonna move in. In the back of my head I'm like this is my turn to help somebody the way somebody helped me when I was growing up. Somebody's gonna call me and go Joey, my daughter is going to school out there and she's gonna live an hour from here.

Just to be sure can she stay in your bedroom absolutely but the whole podcast thing popped up we get the fucking podcast room we're just getting started also my wife gets knocked up fucking two months later and she's like you could stay like another month but then you gotta go because I gotta clean this room and sanitize it you and me you and this fucking Jew in here telling you disgusting stories. I know we started the podcast and that thing

and we brought my old podcast host in. Remember when she came in one morning, I'm not coming in to take pictures. And she came in and the content we were talking about on that podcast and the content we were talking about now and that my daughter's future bedroom was two different worlds. That poor lady when it got on, she called me later,

she goes, that was very interesting. I go, fuck yeah, that's what a podcast is. A motherfucker throwing his fucking heart out, letting people know that I fucked up. What do you want from me? You want me to sit in my bedrooms with the fucking curtains drawn. I gotta get out of here. I made mistakes, what do you want from me? You want me to sit in my bedrooms with the fucking curtains drawn? I gotta get out of here.

I made a mistake, so what? And that's the same thing Pee Wee Herman did. He didn't make a mistake. They nailed him, and then once you come out in Hollywood, like listen, I could tell somebody that hey, Lee plays with four year old boys. Jesus Christ. You know?

Ha ha ha ha. I can't. Ha Jesus Christ. You know? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. How can we not say that? Believe it. We'll scratch that, but yeah.

No, we don't. Lee plays with eight year old boys. Oh, thank you. Okay, so. Oh, God. Me saying that and somebody saying that we broke into Lee's house with a warrant looking for child pedophile material. That's two

different things. That means every endorsement, everything. You go home and there's one last check and you're lucky you got that. It's like don't call us, cast a check, have your mother cast a check for us. We're too embarrassed, you know I'm saying? Like that's it. You lose everything. Everything goes out the fucking window. And that's what happened there. And then it took years to overturn whatever happened and then he started doing his thing again. But it was interesting, and I'm not gonna spoil the beans here.

Watch the documentary, see what you get out of it. He was very honest, he was very real, and man, he touched me, like it was like, not like fucking, you know, but he touched me in the sense that he told the struggle and how it's supposed to be. It just didn't happen. Like, can you imagine Sinai Live calling you and going,

Lee, this is what Sinai Live was, Sinai Live calling you and going, Lee, this was Sinai Live, was Sinai Live. Again, for the cheap sheets. Tell them, George. In like the 80s? Yeah. It was like the height of it. It was you and Lawrence Taylor. Right?

It was Sinai Live and Lawrence Taylor. After Sinai Live, they have that little party, and then those kids go into the village, they just walk around like Brad Pitt naked. All the students come up to them, sucking that Yum Yum stick, and the girls, you know, it's insane. And the same thing went like Lawrence Tale,

that's how big their personalities were. You know? And the same thing went like Lawrence Taylor. That's how big their personalities were. And at that time it was a television every Saturday. That generation was home, watching the sign out live. He was doing all this work in LA, and he comes to New York and he fucking, what are you, you've been to fucking things where you showcased? Now those are little things.

Can you imagine the magnitude of you going into something thinking finally me and my girlfriend could get out of that one bedroom basement and live like normal people. Think how much pressure that does to your psyche when you go in there. So. And do you know, did he say if he saw Gilbert before or after he auditioned He said he saw him at the audition when he walked in which it listen

You know, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you how many times I can't even remember But how many times that I had or how many times did anybody in this room? Or anybody who's listening to this podcast going to a tryout for a team or a fucking Job going to a tryout for a team or a fucking job interview where they're like, you got this. Your uncle's sending you in there. Yeah, he knows the guy that drives the truck, his cousin is married to the sister. You're like, yeah.

And you go somewhere and all of a sudden there's a fucking, it's a wild reckoning for you. You went in there thinking, I got this, and also I made tryouts. Did you You went in there thinking, I got this, and all of a sudden, I made trials. Did you go there as a kid thinking, I got this? And all of a sudden, some kid from Edison in Union City with a fake birth certificate comes up, and he's jumping over you.

Next thing you know, you see his family drive up with his wife and the kids. He's fucking 16 with a family and shit. Meanwhile, he's playing bitty basketball, slam dunking backwards and shit You know that always happened as a kid where you thought you had a position You thought you had something at the last minute they throw somebody else in if you're in a career Get ready for that where you think you got it licked. They already took you out to dinner

They signed the contract you ever ever see the Green Book? It's been on a lot lately. You ever see the movie The Green Book? Yeah, of course. The guy who, they take his hat. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the gangster. The gangster, they take his hat. You ever see The Green Book?

No, they take that guy's hat. That guy was the original Don Johnson They signed him on a Monday Don Johnson came in on a Friday They had already given him $750,000 Once they found Don Johnson. They said keep it. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we'll call you And that's what happens sometimes he had the job on Monday You don't have the job until you have a job Shane Gillis had the job on Tuesday morning

And on Wednesday some Chinese kids sends a telegram and now you're done. You know I'm saying yeah, it's It's you on the phone ordering Chinese food, and the kid sends a telegram and tapes you. That happens to everybody. And it's not how it happens or what happened is how you handle that fucking obstacle sometimes. And Pee Wee handled it. Led Zeppelin got hit with drugs and God knows what else.

Stamina juice, hepatitis, they were onto a different level We handled it, you know Led Zeppelin got hit with drugs and God knows what else? Stamina juice hepatitis they were on to a different level of sex drugs and rockery and nine albums There's people today who can't keep stay together for three hours And not just and let's have one really do ten hours. I don't count coda because by that time I was off the reservation but nine hours Tell me about a band today. It was got nine fucking alms to 10 albums. I don't count Coda because by that time I was off the reservation. But nine albums. Tell me about a band today that's got nine fucking albums. Four different personalities that are fucking stronger than debt. And that's what I like to see. That's why comedy is so much easier than music. Because I got to deal with four of you motherfuckers. You might might come in and go I don't really like my guitar work on that.

What do you mean? We already laid the album down. Yeah, I wanna play a violin and blow a spark out of my ass at the same time to get the full effect. Okay, now I gotta deal with this fucking hump. When I do comedy, I'm the captain Kirk of the enterprise. That's why comedy is so strong because I make the decision, I'm the fucking man on charge.

I'm the producer, the director, and you got all these people going, I'm a director, I'm a producer, you haven't done dick. Shut the fuck up. You haven't done dick until you become a stand-up comedian at all levels. You're a producer, you're a writer, you're a director, you're an arranger, you're a promoter. How are these people gonna get in? What are they gonna do? What are they gonna pay?

You're gonna hire a publicist for 8,000 a month? Yeah, good luck, bitch. Good luck. So what are you gonna do? You gotta go out in the streets and pass out flyers when you believe that much in yourself. But it's 2025. You don't have to go out there and pass out flyers

and be a politician. There's the internet, and there's different ways. There's a thousand different platforms. So what the fuck are we talking about here? Let's take another head of bone and call it a night. Happy Memorial Day, you fucking savages. It's gonna be a great week here. Lee's in Pluto again, as you can tell.

I'm doing fine. Because every fucking week he goes on. No, you're like, every time you go. He plays, look at him, he knows. No, no. He goes, I did some, I called him Saturday morning. Oh yeah, oh no, Sunday morning. He sounded like Medusa. Yeah, what's the matter, Lee?

Oh, we did some medibles and went to see Mission Impossible. How many milligrams did you do, Lee? We did the medibules and went to see Mission Impossible. How many milligrams did you do Lee? 50. No I didn't, I did not do 50 at all. I did I think 200. No you did not. But not the ABXs. Not, not, not, not, you did that other thing.

No, you didn't do the ABXs. And the sad thing is, you have ABXs. I can't walk around with an ABX. Do you understand me, ladies and gentlemen? Don't just think I ride them for no reason. Can you just say, take 200 ABXs. He goes to a dispensary in New York where it's a bunch of kids.

You ever see those kids? It's like the kids who wait in line for pizza and they're smoking a vapor pen and one takes three hits. You're crazy, oh my God. Oh my God, you took three hits. It's gonna happen to you. What are you talking about? I just ate a cockroach before I got here,

you know what I'm saying? No, but the difference is I can't Uber everywhere. I can't Uber everywhere. Listen, if I took 200 of ABX, I'm not walking anywhere. You're going to a fucking movie theater, okay? It's an Uber to the movie theater, up the fucking escalator You send your wife to get the fucking popcorn you sit down

Okay, tell me the uber. Tell me what bullshit you're encountering. Okay And you go so now you're telling me you ate a bogus 200 And you go so now you're telling me you wait a bogus 200 You wait a figure medical Medical What medical what dr. Gavis to name it? Let me see the doctor's name Oh, I can find you bought it and some guy on the west side again some guys five milligrams And he had to go to therapy Yeah It opened up my ways my my chakras will never be the same again Some guy eats five milligrams and he had to go to therapy.

It opened up my ways. My chakras will never be the same again. No, you gotta five, you wanna, listen, you gotta sharpen metal with metal. And this is why you go through this every Monday, it's this breakdown. I'm not going through, who's going through a breakdown? I'm doing fine, I do get really fucked up. You staring at the Japanese thing.

Yeah, because. Four fucking times, you took Godzilla was over my shoulder. I had a little cold one. What the fuck is going on with this dust? You never know when he's gonna pop up. And he was petrified. Look at that Godzilla. I'm like, and now I just caught you nodding.

You were sleeping before. I was not sleeping. You were doing something. I saw drool on your beard oh I don't know. I don't know ladies and gentlemen This is why you people get mad at me, but you don't know what I live with and he shows up here He Monday, I just got hundred milligrams at the house. Yeah, I can't take those every day They're very good. They're too good But then you can't come here and be. They're very good, they're too good.

But then you can't come here and be like, you know. What am I doing? I'm not foaming at the mouth. You're foaming at the mouth. No, I'm not. You're foaming, you're like one of those autistic kids in Jersey, you know, fuck that. I am in Jersey.

It's like I'm at a hot dog stand in North Jersey with that kid with the whistle Wish I'd a whistle 40 years old with a Mickey Mouse shirt Lose the fucking no more fucking What is that shit it Lose the fuck, and no more fucking insignia. What is the one? No, Mickey, it's Buc-ee's. What the fuck is, what is that shit? It's Buc-ee's, all my Texas people will show up. Buc-ee who?

What the? What's Buc-ee? We have 40 years to go. It's the gas station. What's next? What? Save that shit, take that shit with your orange sneakers and fuck and just put them in the Austin thing.

And you can be like Bert Kreischer. Every time you go into a different town, you bring up a cowboy hat Next time you got a vest with the Bucky You say I live with And I'm not being disrespectful I'm being this dude. You might not go south. Look at this fucking guy. He's a grown man I love you a Bucky Bucky fucking fuck. He's everything

You lose in New York by a boy to know why he's gonna get mugged right there Right there would you mug this fucking? Get a house if you saw this fucking momo on come on Bucky shirt on what you kick him in the start? I love Bucky's you don't even know I know people from Texas love Bucky Yeah, I'm not this you wanna why cuz it's fucking awesome. Don't disrespect Bucky. I understand, but a black dude with hunger and food stamps doesn't know about Bucky.

Yes, they do. He sees that shirt and he goes, look at this fucking pigeon right here. I guarantee that guy has a Bucky sweatshirt. Look at this guy. He's gotta have 50 fucking bucks. He just came from a Bucky festival. I'm gonna kick him in his Bucky

and I'm gonna take everything he's got, this fucking half a fruitcake. Lose that shirt, please, you're a grown man. I like this, I'm gonna get 13 of these things. No, wear it when you're in Texas, you can sell eight tickets. I'm only wearing Bucky's shirt. You can take a picture in Texas eating barbecue,

that's how you sell tickets. But for you to wear that shirt in fucking Jersey, when you live in New York City, you're gonna get the shit kicked out of you. Why? Why do you think every night I pray? Every night I get on my hands and knees. Dude, you look as in New York City to tell a pussy they on.

Before I put my sleep apnea mask on, I get on my hands and knees and go, God, tonight please don't let my phone ring. Don't let my phone ring when Lee getting kicked. Because somebody's gonna, even a Hasidic Jew, even one of those who sees when things get bad that before they move to Jackson, those who sees when things get bad, before they move to Jackson, New Jersey and they got a getaway, they're gonna kick you in the fucking stomach and take something from you.

And that shirt is a giveaway. So knock it off, that's what I'm talking about. Men don't wear those shirts. That's for little kids. It's a men's shirt, what are you talking about? Wear it when you're in Texas. Men don't wear that shirt, especially in New York City, you know, and especially where you go to do comedy.

You're gonna get beat up. What do you have these rules, dude? This is a whole new brand of rules. What do you, I can only wear a certain sort of. Rules. Dude, they have Buc-E's in Florida. They have Buc-E's everywhere now. I understand, Lee, but you're a grown man.

You live in Harlem. It's who cares. Okay? Okay, there's no Buc-E's in Harlem. Go ahead, go ahead. Go ahead, hey, nephew number one. Go ahead, Google Buc-ee's in Harlem. Go ahead, go ahead. Go ahead, hey, nephew number one. Go ahead, Google Buc-ee's in Harlem. All right, this is what I'm talking about. They know Buc-ee's in fucking Harlem, Liso.

Please, why you offending me? Why you? This is the shit that worries me in the. This is the shit that, look at it. Look what you got for Buc-ee's, those two. What does that mean? Somebody's getting fucked in Oak. Somebody's getting fucked in Oak Hooloo. Look at them, got for Buc-Eyes. Those two. What does that mean? Somebody's getting fucked in Oak. Somebody's getting fucked in Oak Hool-O.

Look at them, look at them. He didn't spell it right and he's in Buc-Eyes. Look at these beauties. That's Buc-E-Buc-Anon. Look at this beauty. There you go, that's your buddy Buc-E. It's called B-U-C-C-E-E-S. Seymour, look at this poor bastard on Instagram,

jumping up and down. Hi Buc-E. There's what I Instagram, jumping up and down. Hi Bucky. This is what I'm talking about ladies and gentlemen. I'm just trying to raise my fucking. This is the closest thing I have to a son and he's got a Bucky fucking shirt on, okay? You might as well put a fucking Boston Red Sox shirt on and walk around New York City.

Why would I want to get killed? Okay then, what's the difference? Bucky, Boston Red Sox, they both start with a B. Okay, what? What yeah what the fact that the Bucky's gas station is chained You're wild up, all right, I'm sorry, I'm gonna go wild up and then say no. I didn't get you wild up, all right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Hey, I haven't had enough. No. This is the light one, this 50. No it's not, I thought it hit eight of them. I'm good on edibles.

There's Bucky, but he ain't in the fucking Bronx. Look where he's in, Iowa, he's in Texas, he's in Richmond, Virginia at a gas station, he's in St. Augustine, Florida. Nowhere does it say the boogie down motherfucker Bronx or nowhere does it say close to Kara's house around Dominican people, okay? Because they would stab you 18 fucking times, Bucky.

No disrespect to Bucky at Texas. I gotta toughen this kid up. He's walking around with these black juke-killer sneakers and fucking a Bucky shirt on is not gonna work out for him All right. Anyway, where you gonna be this weekend Tarzan this weekend? I'm gonna be in That's where you're gonna be fucking sing-sing with a Bucky's fucking cast on your own Look at it looks like Lee Bucky. Look at look a Bucky's fucking cast on your own. Look at it, it looks like Bucky. Look at Bucky right there. Where you gonna be at this weekend, Mike? I'll be in Virginia with Josh Wolfe.

When do you go? Friday and Saturday. Uh oh, you're doing Mushroom Friday? Sure, absolutely. You're gonna give him one of those hemophiliac mushrooms? Absolutely. You gotta eat them with honey, because they're not bad,

but by the time you get in the back next week, the shipment is on the way, you understand me? This ain't coming from California, I got a migrant with a backpack, bringing me a bag on ice. We love those. These are good, I tell you that thing in my ear, so last week I went, the doctor again

says to me tremendous story, he goes Joey, I don't really wanna do surgery, I want this thing to fall on its own he goes I ordered this special stuff it's like a cement it's gonna lock in your ear and then we'll go out in a different direction he puts it on I don't look at it he puts a band-aid on I thought I'm take the band-aid off it's this big white thing on my ear right and I'm like oh about day one you know me I love my showers

for two days everything was beautiful I went I did whatever the fuck and I shot home like I can't leave the house like this let me wash one more time I took a shower and I've had the shampoo in my head I look at the floor and I shot home and I go, I can't leave the house like this. Let me wash one more time. I took a shower and I had the shampoo in my head. I look at the floor and I go, holy shit, my fungi toenail fell off by itself. The whole one, what'd we? Did you just see him, ladies and gentlemen? He was all zombo'd up.

He was all zombo'd up. Did you see him? Anyway. The whole, which one fell off? The fungi one, the right one. He was all zombo'd up. He was all zombo'd up. Did you see him? Anyway. Which one fell off? The fungi one, the right one. I started looking for the blood, but there was no blood. I looked closer, I wasn't sure.

My fungi toenail is still on. It was the fucking stitch from my ear. It looked like a fungi toenail, it just fell off, and there was just a little root in there. So anyway, nothing happened, all right? Just letting you people know what's going on with my ear. If you have, even give a Frenchman's fuck. I don't at this point.

So where you gonna be, Richmond, Virginia? Richmond and Virginia Beach. I know, Friday and Saturday, what about Thursday? Where you at? I'm at Fear City Comedy Club at eight o'clock. Where's that? Lower East Side. Okay, there you go.

Tell the people that, they wanna see you. What about Wednesday then? Wednesday, I don't have anything right now. Where's Fear City Comedy Club Club on the Lower East side It's a fun club. I do Mike's there a lot It's again and this shows On eight o'clock Thursday night. There you go. You have it me. I got dick this weekend next weekend next next something

What are the dates? The dojo. Next Thursday, June, I'm at the dojo on the 5th? No, no, no, no. It's the 27th, the Thursday the 27th, and then two Thursdays before that. So there's one Thursday and then me. The 12thth June 12th

I'm at the dojo along with the dates on a 27 pre warm-up for fucking nj pack Sir, everybody gets their shit together. Nah, this is nj. This is whatever 30 bucks We'll get a fucking rat pack down there and that's it. I love you cocksuckers. Thank you for watching Hope you watched the documentary Hope you watch Led Zeppelin and hope you see what the fuck I'm talking about And hopefully this guy will start training again like a soldier. You don't say I love you guys Stay black. Have a great week You