Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The NAACP will be boycotting us soon

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Joey Diaz covers a lot with Lee Syatt on this week's Check In including setting a trash can on fire at work, the early days on the road with Joe Rogan, Ari Shaffir, Duncan Trussell, and Redban, what h...ell is for a comedian, Lee's first time making someone cry at a comedy show, and much more.  Get 50% off of Factor at https://www.factormeals.com/diaz50 & use code DIAZ50 Try Blue Chew for free at https://www.bluechew.com promo code JOEY Support the show & get 20% off your order at https://www.liquidiv.com with code JOEY The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz  

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Starting point is 00:04:09 I thought, well, Joey could do it. I could fucking rule the world. I think you gotta be thinking. Welcome back to Sheldon! What's the story, dog? It's good to see you, buddy. Good to see you, fucking Tuesday to 16th. We're already past the fucking halfway mark. It's over. That's it.
Starting point is 00:04:42 It's been going. It's snowed yesterday. It's gonna snow tomorrow. It's going to winter. It's gonna fucking let it snow dog. That's it. You know, people like Oh, it's gonna it's fucking January. What do you expect? What the fuck do you think is gonna happen? You know, the sun's gonna come in. People are gonna be dancing with fucking bikinis. No. It doesn't get higher than maybe 50 if you're fucking lucky. You know, do you see what's going on like Nashville and Texas? It looks crazy. Like they don't know how to do it. I think I got like stew finder was flying into Nashville today.
Starting point is 00:05:15 He got his like I can't feel they got like eight inches in Nashville. Oh, yeah, that's, you know, it's fucking January. It's not like it happened in fucking June. Right. It's January. They're telling you it's going to be a fucking snowy January. Talk. I can't stand. How is your week? My week was fucking fantastic, bro. It's getting better and better. I'm a, it's just been good loud. Just the last four
Starting point is 00:05:41 weeks or so, it's just been fucking dynamite. I could really have been, I'm sticking to my schedule. I got on stage last week again. You know, so when I do those little things, I always feel better about myself. Just little things. Little steps become big steps. Started out like the book, the new comedy book, when Erica, you know, we're gonna hook up tomorrow again. So, yeah, I can't complain, man. We've been getting a lot of fucking sleep,
Starting point is 00:06:12 but smoking good reefer. Did you get more delivery of that kind you got last time? Oh, I got a different back today. Today I got white, something white gumbo. I was tip top McGuid 415 today I was doing jump I did a lot of shit today I smoked three bottle hits of it next thing I had to take an hour nap oh that's bad I was to raise up the steps for my wife I brought them up and I'm like you know what? I gotta take a little fucking afternoon to see us. And that's not a quick hour. Got up, ate some meddables, ping-bong-boom. And here we are. How, and I know you just started, but like, have you noticed the difference in like the writing
Starting point is 00:06:57 process since you already wrote Tremendous? Like, is it easier this time? Well It's all fitting together the reason why I want to listen the night that I fell on my ankle That's saying night I was coming home To go to an open mic here. That's they do like twice a month and one of my buddies from Jiu Jitsu telling me about it And I was I know that it was a surprise. And then I hurt myself that night. I couldn't do nothing for three or four weeks. Then the holidays would come and I said, fuck it. I was parted till January.
Starting point is 00:07:33 And the reason why was because I want to write this book. And for me to write this book, I got to be in touch with what I was in touch with 30 years ago. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But the beautiful thing about this is it's time. The first time I got up, I did five minutes, the second time I doubled it with my fucking tent. You know, so I got something else I wanna add tonight. And it's just a process.
Starting point is 00:07:58 Natural people will never understand that way before we pop out a podcast in LA or with Rogan or with Sickler or with Burke Christia, we go through fucking hell. They just think we came out of the grave one day and started doing comedy and that was before we met you, there was 15 years of fucking confinement, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I feel like I'm in that hell right now. But I there's a difference between like being funny on stage and being funny on a podcast What what are you fucking yeah?
Starting point is 00:08:33 Yeah, there's a big fucking difference a Big difference where you just figure that out now. No, it's just different man Like it's with stand up like you get to practice it and then like, you know, refine it, try different words on a podcast, usually, at least the kind of we do, it's just whatever we're thinking about in the moment. Okay, let's say how many podcasters, you have to say any names or whatever, I'm just, you know, there's a couple of podcasters that got into this. And because of the podcast, they sprung into comedy. It's the next level.
Starting point is 00:09:08 And they've developed in front of their audience. They're not the best standups in the world, but they play to their audience. And so there's two thoughts there. When I write this book, I'm not talking about podcasts. I ain't talking about roller skating. This is standout. You know, right? We're thinking about what hell is the other day, you know, for some people. And what hell is for a comic? Okay, a comic will move. You will leave your house right now, your home, move. You will leave your house right now, your home. You will leave your girlfriend, you know, and you'll move to, I'm just throwing names here. You're going to move to New York, Austin, or whatever, as a comic. Now, you know, there's some people that have a little bit of money. There's some people that go, listen, when I moved to LA, I had $250. Five expenses, okay?
Starting point is 00:10:06 So once you fucking hook up with something, they're gonna go, yeah, you could stay on my floor for a month until you get on your feet and your grandmother sends you money, you fucking get a little part-time gig, you don't want it because you fucking do it. You're an artist, you're doing comedy. The only problem with artists is they got thrown out
Starting point is 00:10:28 of a lot of fucking apartments and they break a lot of leases and there's credit problems. That's the serious problem about being a fucking artist because I was thinking about this. I was in Seattle, I was living in a house that had a dog and the dog would shit in any room he wanted to. My bedroom faced a fucking highway. There was no air conditioner, there was a fan.
Starting point is 00:10:54 You know, my bedroom, the TV stunk like that. But what did the TV think? No, the TV rooms, stunk like that, the, we're all old and shit. And you know, I don't know what I was paying there, but I know I couldn't afford to rent. But I found happiness because I had three sets that night. Right. And one of them was a paid gig for $50. Not that they was even going to get me close to the rent. So why even try? You know, that's fucking hell for a regular person. That's heaven for a cop. Was it hard for you to go from, you know, like stealing and drugs, even like selling cars to having no
Starting point is 00:11:39 money? Yeah, because even when I was selling, I had been broke. Lee, I went over my everything. Like by 93, I was flat broke. When I came to New York, and then in New York, I got my hustling game back. And I was dropping phone packages. I was picking up Coke in the city for people. I was selling insurance on the phone. I did a thousand things.
Starting point is 00:12:07 I picked up a job doing a limo. And coming back here, got me in that hustler's mood again. I had been involved with, for God knows how long. And I got back into it. And doing the open mics in New York helped me figure it out. But when I was here in 93, I shared a bedroom with a man. Okay, he was my best friend. He's my brother.
Starting point is 00:12:29 He's still my brother, George. He slept on the couch and I slept on a fucking kids' bed. We had a fan. You know, it wasn't, we lived with his grandmother. That's not, that's not what you tell a girl when you're 33. And what is that like being because you? I was 30. You're 30, your friends already established
Starting point is 00:12:57 that get married, they're having kids and here you are sleeping in a fucking bedroom with a man with no TV, you know, no air condition or just a fan, but I was fucking happy as shit because I was doing comedy, I was writing, I was wearing a suit half the day, the other half I had jeans on it. It was a superb nine months of training. Then you get used to it. You're like, this is how I'm going to live from now on. And you'd be surprised again, as long as you keep doing those sets, people invite you over to eat the bartender will go, I ordered spaghetti.
Starting point is 00:13:37 I don't want the rest of it. You want it? Do I want it? And let me get the rest of those dollars that for the martinis. I don't care that Dale. I'll pop some olives and that's forgetting you know, it's fucking crazy what we think heaven is is a comic. And it like it could be hell for like a regular for a not a regular person, but just someone else. Someone who doesn't have that dream. I mean who doesn't have that logic when your brother comes to visit you And you're in a house with eight guys and the house smells like fucking doom and You know you got a beat up car You know the guys girlfriend lives there. She's been stabbed Yeah, and he's like leave. What are you doing? And you're like I'm doing comedy man. I'm happy and they're like Are you fucking because they don't see that?
Starting point is 00:14:27 They don't nobody will see that. Oh, so you're They was there was people that used to go out of that way to go. You did comedy last night what you make And they thought you're cute. Yeah, I think that's their first question Yeah, like what'd you make last night? Like people trying to be cute, you know, and I would It didn't matter what I made. It didn't fucking matter. I didn't care about making money. I cared about being funny.
Starting point is 00:14:52 I didn't care about my health. You know, I ate whatever was in front of me. If I didn't need, I didn't need, if I had cash, I ate good, if I didn't have cash, you know, it's a fucking jungle of a life. But you know, you're working for something. It's like going into the army and wanting to be a fucking sniper. You know, you got to go through three fucking wars. It's not the life people want to choose. You know, right? When you look at the first 10 years, and it was it was
Starting point is 00:15:28 finally I talked to you a little bit about this weekend, but I was having breakfast with Josh this weekend, and he was telling me about when you guys were caterers in Seattle, and he said he said a trash can on fire. You know, listen man, it was one of those NBC something in the afternoon. I forget what street that was, large mount. You know what large mount is, it goes straight down. Oh, there's an LA, okay. This was an LA, yeah. So if you go back to fucking LA, if you hit Santa Monica, you can only make a left door right there as a straight building off a large map. Okay, I didn't see it was having like some type of party.
Starting point is 00:16:08 It's gotta be 98, you know, I'm sleeping on couches. I'm doing a set at the store. Josh gets me some catering gigs. I got a couple of gigs on my, you know, it was just, you're just surviving. And we did this catering and it was Gentiles. Everybody was too cool, you know, and all of a sudden,
Starting point is 00:16:32 it was like, we had a catered like from 12, like 11 to two. It was like 11 to 230. And Josh had a leave to pick up with fucking kids, right? So we're wrapping up and they're like, well, you have to take the oil and walk down the block and train it and I'm like, what? I'm not walking down the block with a kettle of oil. I just get Josh get it, let's dip it in the garbage.
Starting point is 00:16:57 And I throw in the garbage and all of a sudden the fucking garbage can starts melting and flames shoot out of it. And you know me, dog, I don't know nothing. I just can't fucking like it's not a people like fire fire. Gosh let's get out of here and that was the end of it. Did anyone ever say anything to you? Nothing they call like an hour later. Were you there with a mob? I don't know. I don't know what happened. There was combustible material in the fucking I don't know, I don't know what happened. There was combustion of material in the fucking, I don't know. I didn't care, I didn't care.
Starting point is 00:17:30 That was not my job. Right, that's what I'm gonna say. I'm a comic. If you want to give me 50 bucks to come in and serve food, that's your problem. I'm not gonna be the best server. You know, I'm not gonna have a continuum on what can I get. You fuck you. Get it yourself, you fucking peasant. I'm gonna going to be the best server. You know, I'm not going to have a container on. What could I get? You fuck you.
Starting point is 00:17:45 Get it yourself. You fucking peasant. I'm going to fuck you. Me. Oh, is it? I was here. The joy I found in that part of my life, to the joy I found going on the road every week.
Starting point is 00:18:02 And people like you cigarette. It was two different worlds. The latter one I would didn't enjoy as the early one. All that walking in LA and shop with impacts of cigarettes and sleeping on Josh's couch and fucking, some nights you get lucky and sleep at her house and you fucking steal a box of fucking cereal for breakfast. It's a different world. But it's, it's weird. It's nice that you like it, but it's just, it's a scary thing to think about.
Starting point is 00:18:36 It's a scary thing to think, to think about having no money. For a lot of people, it's scary. How many people get 90,000 a year and hate that fucking job a lot of people How about I give you a job that you're not getting paid but you do it for free every fucking night And you know what I'm looking at you right now if I said to you listen I got a fucking tour of Fucking Antigua Take it to $10. I'm gonna take care of your expenses or your meals. You're not gonna need for anything Lee, but I can't pay you. But it's here for weeks. We're just gonna every night. Six nights. Okay. That's a fucking summer camp for me and you. Like we tell everybody, Ma,
Starting point is 00:19:22 see you later. I'm going to summer. Even though it's going to be hell you're going to have to sleep in the room with a sound guy. You know you have to smell his feet. He's farting. But even at night when you lay down you're like this is crazy. But you know I know I did really good tonight. Yeah. I don't And I, this is like the first time it's happened, but because I'm not like a really, I'm, I'm kind of a reserve person, but I did really well on Saturday. And I just, I found myself like kind of dancing. Like once I got off state, like, I don't know, I just, I, it was just,
Starting point is 00:20:01 I was walking over to my stuff and I just sort of like started over. It was, I got on like the confidence that you have or at least that I have one like I do well. I just I was literally just dancing. Was the music was playing for Josh to go on stage. You know, it's so much. I love when you call me at the end of the night when I I'm not sleeping already and we get to the good chat. And I can tell the happiness in your voice and that happiness is what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:20:33 Like as comedians, we don't think like most people. Most people like, hi Lee, it's Sunday. Let's go shopping. What would you like to do this week? And you're like, you know what? What do I want me loaf and fucking Thursday? I want lockers and comics don't do that. Real comics are like, listen, I'm living for today. I like that because you were have you were you like that before comedy? Like you didn't not
Starting point is 00:21:01 know you didn't plan because you always planned but like you just didn't really, if someone asked you what you were doing in a week, like you don't really do that. I do, but I don't. I have anchors. Everybody has anchors every day. There's something that you have to do every day and then you build your day around that. For us, it's a job, right? It's working for most Americans. It's working for us. It's writing It's writing, but then it's also like I'm at a place at least we're like right now It started to get out a little bit But for the most part like I people ask me to do a show like week of two weeks out. This is the game This what I said to you. Hey nobody nobody going to call you in September 24. That not in your world right now.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Right. You're going to get at the end of the year, you're going to look at all your notebook and see your work. 50% of it was planned. I guarantee the other 50%. You got to week up. You picked up on Monday. You don't have many times I'll talk to a real comic.
Starting point is 00:22:04 And they'll go, I just got one week at the end of the month. You picked up on Monday. You don't only times I'll talk to a real comic, and they'll go, I just got one week at the end of the month. And then a week later, I'm on Instagram and I see them in Minnesota. I'm like, that's a real comic. You picked up a fallout. Right, it's amazing once you put your heart into it. The calls you start getting. I told you, I went on the road with a friend of mine.
Starting point is 00:22:29 We had four weeks booked. We ended up doing 10. I just got it while you're on the road. I can call on people. Hey, man, we'll close by. We're gonna be in the neighborhood next week. What do you got? Well, I got a feature in MC. Perfect. I'm bringing a girl with me. We'll take it. Yeah, 350 for you and 150 for how? What are you gonna do? It's a hotel for three nights. I get to do laundry. I get to eat with a discount and I get to make some money. That's how you look at it. And then Sunday morning you wake up and you're ready to leave and also you got a club from the call from the book and going, hey, where are you? Are you still there?
Starting point is 00:23:14 Good. What do you got next week? You're like, I got a Thursday night show at Taco Bell and fucking Arvada. I mean, it's like, listen, stay there. I'll pay for your hotel tonight. And Monday head out to Idaho and do the Boise run for me. It's five nights. And you're like, okay, I just went from picking up 75 hours in a free taco to 500 bucks in a hotel room for three days. That three days in a hotel. Me, well, I'm in my car. I'm looking for a $ a hotel room for three days. That three days in a hotel,
Starting point is 00:23:45 me mom and my car, I'm looking for a 20 dollar hotel room. Usually the hotels where you stay at in those little states like that, they'll say, if you stay the extra night, we'll just charge you half the rate, 38 bucks, a 44 dollars, it's about in the 80s. Yeah, I got a fuck.
Starting point is 00:24:07 They, they, a hotel in Richmond, because I went the night before charging me for two nights. It's not like it's quite like it. Did people try to fuck with you? And like, and I was just thinking, because I'm lucky enough to be able to pay for it. If I was broke and someone charged an extra 150 to my credit card, I would be pissed. Your head blows up.
Starting point is 00:24:24 People have no idea. You're expecting to pick up cash to hit you with a fucking check. You know, there's so many variables, that's part of the game. The end of the night when you're gonna get paid and they go, oh, your agent didn't tell you. We're mailing you a check overnight.
Starting point is 00:24:40 You'll get a Tuesday and you're like, how the fuck am I getting back? There's just so many fucking things but at the end of the day they're always fun. Every while you get a reality check you have to spend the night at Greyhound you know with some old guy next to you looking at your shoes and shit and fucking, you know, you know, you're on a 12-hour bus, right? And all you're reading is fucking junkly. Yeah. You're reading garbage.
Starting point is 00:25:16 And it's just, you know, I look at the other day, co-case was on. For the last year, co-cases on every fucking day. I don't know what time. I don't, and every one to the wall, I've catched it on, and I'm putting on to see if it was disco in front of. What's that? The co-case, it's an old show on CBS. Oh, I know that show, but what's disco in front of?
Starting point is 00:25:43 It's an episode. Yeah, disco in front of my guess my first guest star ever. Oh, shit. What year was that? 2002 2003. I swear to God, I booked that. It doesn't matter. I just want to give you an example. The other night I'm sitting there and I'm ready to go upstairs and I scroll and narrative disco and fertile. So I put it on, Lee, when I first came on screen, I just turned the TV off. Really? Just turned it off.
Starting point is 00:26:19 I turned it off and I sat there for 20 minutes thinking about that day. And what had happened was I booked that show on December 18th and I left for Houston, Texas on like the 20th. And that's when I used to do the two weeks before Christmas in Houston. He would headline me the guy because he liked me and he paid me good money for Ben, you know. Right. And I do the two weeks go leading up to New Year's and then Gaffigan would come in and I go to LA and do New Year's with Rogan at the improv or the comp we do we do the comedy store last. We would do something at eight and ten. So that was my schedule. I went down to fucking Houston on the 20th. And I came back, I was like 24 pounds heavier.
Starting point is 00:27:13 In two weeks, bro, when I went to put wardrobe on, the shit I had tried on for an hour, for wardrobe two weeks earlier, did not fit me. My stomach was bought. When you see this episode, you will fucking die. My stomach was bulging through the shirt. That was two weeks of fucking doing powder, drinking yaigamister, a bottle of night
Starting point is 00:27:42 we were drinking at that bar at the last stop. He would go through a bottle of night after the show. a bologna, we were drinking at that bar at the last time. He would go through a bologna after the show. Just from you were like at all the comics. Everybody, six, seven, five shots. Then I was waking up, I was going to that fucking Greek place and he would make me the biggest egg omelet, cheese omelet you'd ever seen in your life.
Starting point is 00:28:03 He'd give me like six pieces a week those buttered and a separate dish of crinkle cut Frank fries And I'd be drinking Coca-Cola's the whole time and that was every morning that was every morning and he was or Or I would get up and get Kalachis Like kind of with a can of doughnuts donuts right like don't some sausage or something at some days I would go get a breakfast and then make him stop at the Kalachi factory and get fucking a dozen Kalachis and shit and then for launcher we're hitting anti-Jet anti-Woods anti whatever's dumpling palace we would kill
Starting point is 00:28:42 it now fried rice why are you allowed to eat Chinese food in Texas? Because this was a good place. This was in Houston. I don't think they're any good now. But back then they made really good pork fried rice, a decent soup. The dumplings were okay. You know, not nothing like what we get with steady Freddy. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Well, fuck it. steady Freddy. Right. Or fucking this place, nah. But uh, yeah, that's why I was my lunch either that place or Papadose. Fuck, that's a good two weeks, but you put on how much do you think you put on? I told you, 20 fucking six pounds. 20 pounds. 23 pounds, something like that. To the point where my shirt didn't fit me. Like I went from like that's a time I went from like 350 to 379 or something like
Starting point is 00:29:35 that. What did the war drugs say? They were like what happened? It was a fucking week happened. You know, it was fucking weekend or two weeks in Houston. Two weeks in Houston, no sleep, drugs, no water, zero exercise, zero exercise. The only exercise was walking to the club, walking to the bathroom to do coke, you know, what a sad fucking life, but that was that was part of the comedy. It was all it all it was part of the gig You know, it was Jimmy Page's birthday last week. He turned 80. Okay. I'm like, how the fuck is this guy 80? You know 45 years ago this guy was hooked on everyone that he was a skeleton You know, and I'm like, wow, listen, man, you know, I guess the body heals, the mind heals.
Starting point is 00:30:37 Those from when I got to comedy, it gave me freedom. It gave me no responsibility. I don't have to get up anymore. Yeah, you were just yourself. And then when I moved to LA, I thought it was gonna calm down if fucking just expanded. Career or your health? Well, the health and the drug use and the drinking and the
Starting point is 00:31:05 fucking whatever came with it, you know, speaking of drug use, I found a video this weekend that I have to show you and you could you show Joey the video that I found it might be the best thing I've ever seen on YouTube. You know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you, you know, you know That's black on black crime don't wait to see this one look at this look at the muscles on this guy and the guy just let them throw them and then the guy comes over to like measure It's like measuring. Oh my God. What? What? What? What? What? I wrote a Crowder crackhead. It's a crackhead chucking competition.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Oh my God. And they're in the projects and like I had to show it on. He threw him 23 feet, 9 inches. Would you ever. If that was just a loopo to Martin Luther King day. One thing done, you know, if that was what you dug up on Martin Luther King day, I didn't think it up for Martin Luther King day, but Jesus Christ, you're going to get me fucking banned from the airwaves.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Why? As a PCP of be boycott in the soon as shit. Martin Luther King. You could show people black people marching and dancing and having a good time. A fucking crackhead,
Starting point is 00:32:54 chucking contest. Martin Luther King is spreading in his fucking grave right now. Oh, well, you, I don't think you liked the marching videos. So who the, the, I don't I don't think you would have liked the marching videos.
Starting point is 00:33:06 I'm the anything. Anything. It's the last thing you showed us was, I, I, I, I, I, dude, letting a firecracker in his eyeball. So yeah, it was a model of the king day. It wasn't too late. You know what I'm saying? It might have been.
Starting point is 00:33:20 You don't know. No, I sure if you on a Tuesday, it may. I love that video. Holy shit. Do you ever run in, what's the difference with a crack? Had you ever run into someone who would let you do that to them for money or do any crazy people out there? The craziest thing I ever ran into was I met a girl In a Miami I forget the name of this place. They had a great breakfast. They had a great bar
Starting point is 00:33:50 Miami news or something It used to be 50 yards from the condo. Okay, I'm still talking and I could see that she was doing blow And I go I got a I got some powder and she goes I have some tool or whatever and I go right let's get some beers and get out of here. And we went to the condom. We talked a little bit, you know, I had dirty thoughts. And her thoughts were dirty too. And she looked at me and she goes, if you could stand on your head against the wall, I have sex with you tonight.
Starting point is 00:34:22 And the Lord knows I tried. How many times do you try? Like three and she grabbed the bag and left. She actually left? Yeah, but she left her cocaine. So I didn't give her foot. I locked the door and put the chain on it. And I'm saying, you ain't coming back in. Holy shit. You can do a handstand. again. Holy shit, you can do a handstand. Lee comedy comedy when you get into the you know, I was outlining this chapter I was looking at it and I had to put it in the book about the universe. Okay. Okay, when you get into comedy you really really have to know that the universe is watching. You're getting into a karma business.
Starting point is 00:35:07 You're getting into a, you know, you're getting into a weird business. It's not being a carpenter and IT tech. This is all based on your performance and what you do. Nobody could get on stage for you, you know? Right. Nobody could do the work for you here. You could get all the headshots you want. You could be on all the podcasts you want. You can make all the videos you want,
Starting point is 00:35:31 but nobody's going to do that work for you. It's 20 sets a month to 50. Did you see Dean Delray list of sets? Yeah, he has like five months. Yeah, he does it every year for like every year he's done stand up. This is all important. So you know you did the work. So 10, 20 years from now when you're taking a $10,000 week gig and people downstairs are working for fucking 10 bucks an hour. You don't beat yourself up. You go, whoa, whoa, wait a second. For this long, I ain't fucking ask for this long.
Starting point is 00:36:04 I suffered for this long. When everybody else is jumping up and down, I ain't fucking ask. For this long I suffered. For this long when everybody else would jump up and down. I didn't do that. I didn't have the money or the means. So I decided to work. And that gives you peace of mind. You just didn't go to Hollywood and suck the dick.
Starting point is 00:36:19 And some guy put you on the show. I did stand up for a year. I didn't really know. Yeah. You know what you did. You know, it's so weird. I always wanted to know I did the work and I always wanted to be, I wanted to remind myself I did the work. It was the last three years very, the first two years that I got here were very hard, but the last year and a half, I processed that. I did the work. I did the work.
Starting point is 00:36:52 I controlled my destiny. I walked out on my own two feet. But I always did the work. I did the work. Before I got to the store, and I put on double the work when I got to the store. We were talking about you being tired last Sunday, and we were talking about what my hours used to be. And I would be, you know, I'd get home on a Sunday at fucking nine, sleep for two hours,
Starting point is 00:37:15 and then be ready for you seven o'clock on Sunday with 2,000 more at a bus. Yeah, I can't imagine jumping off of a podcast. No, there was never a jumping off of a podcast. No, there was never a night off with the podcast. No, there was never an AA podcast. There was never a sober podcast. There was nothing.
Starting point is 00:37:35 There was no podcast. No, we got especially when you were touring like, I don't know, like the last couple of years, not that you weren't touring hard, but you had started doing theaters a little bit. But like when you were doing weekends at clubs the whole time, I think the first seven years of the podcast, we didn't even take off for Christmas.
Starting point is 00:37:55 No, we were working it and guys, we were at a different level and we were still working it and you were watching me and you, you know, I appreciate that you were fucking like, you know, on my days where I had my workouts done for the week. When I would take that plane on Thursday, I had everything done. Sometimes I would lift weights on Thursday morning, get on the plane and tighten up. And then I would walk off the plane like fucking Iron Man and I, oh, and now I'm on gate, you know, you're, it's the only, it's the last flat of the fucking day and you're on gate 2000. You've got to walk 10 miles to get to the fucking train,
Starting point is 00:38:33 which, you know, people have no idea what it's like to wake up in Detroit Airport and think you're in the twilight zone. You're still buzzing from last night. Those animals are still kicking through your fucking system and you're walking under the airport with lights on and pictures of whales and life turning colors, and you're like, dog, it's too fucking early for this. Did you ever have, I had it this weekend, it was very nice, so I didn't say anything,
Starting point is 00:38:58 but just, I always have you in my head. It was, I got picked up at five in the morning to go to the airport, the uber guy was very nice but it was a half an hour ride and he talked for 29 minutes of it. And I just like whenever I start a conversation with them, you're like, shut the fuck up. Like, did you over have like, what were you doing that situation? Do you tell them to like, hey man, I don't want to tie it up? I open the window. It's cold. You open the window. You look open the window. It's called the open the window. He look out the window. And it gets called in that fucking car.
Starting point is 00:39:31 And he starts like, do you want me to turn the heat up? No, not really. Just. No, really. And they usually get the message was not chat. You could put like something on there on Uber. I don't want to talk to the driver. I think that's the rudest fucking thing in the world. I would never do it. It was just it was five in the morning. And I went to bed at three. So I was like, no, they know
Starting point is 00:39:59 Chitty chatty. He don't know that, you know, just tell him, listen, I got in that thread. There's some battery acid last night. I'm just coming down. I don't know if your you know, just tell him, listen, I got in that thread, did some battery acid last night. I'm just coming down. I don't know if your name is Hugo or Hugo. It don't matter. We're taking this motherfucker to the next level here. You know, I look at the comedy's fun, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:19 Comedy's fun with your peers. And you build the best thing about being a young comic is the peers that you, you know, like with you you have two clubs and they kind of scattered. There's really no, it's weird when you're associated with a club in the beginning, like I was associated with the comedy works in the beginning and it was great. They did things. I just wasn't ready for them. When I went to Seattle, the underground also gave me a fucking friendship and a camaraderie that was awesome. Awesome.
Starting point is 00:40:56 That's something that I'll never ever forget. Those years with Josh and the other guys and Brody and Taina. with Josh and the other guys in Brody and Tana. And what about like the of being on the road those early days with Rogan and like not even, like I'm sure I know you and Rogan are close but like the other openers. Like I've gotten pretty close with Jot with Jacob
Starting point is 00:41:18 just because like you know, we're there. We chat when he's on stage, we watch a show together. Sometimes you go to eat like what was, what being on tour like what were those days like? You know, it's kind of weird that I care a lot about a lot of my friends, but there's two guys in the county world that I care a little bit more than others. And those two guys are harry, she's fearing Duncan trust. and those two guys are harry, she're fearing Duncan trust. We were Rogan's openness and even Red Band. Right? I know one thing in this world. I know one thing in this world.
Starting point is 00:41:54 There's gonna be one motherfucker crying for sure by funeral. And that's gonna be Red Band. Red Band and me are very tight. I love Brian very much. You know, and Ari, like, listen, Ari's made some mistakes to some people, to others, he's just a fucking nut. To me, I know Ari, like, nobody else because I know him as a child. I know him as a kid. I know what his heart is. I saw him work. I saw him get rejected by Mitzi over and over. I saw him just break out one day and go fuck all you motherfuckers and he did the amazing racist
Starting point is 00:42:35 People still talk about it. People go listen. Whatever he is the amazing racist was fucking tremendous He did all that shit. Then he sold that character to a movie. You know, guys, people have no idea. My brother Duncan Trussle, again, another guy that was the talent coordinator at the store. We were friends before that. When he became the talent coordinator, it was fucking club Coco.
Starting point is 00:43:04 You guys meet at the store? How did you meet with Rogan? We met at the store. Okay. Right. I still remember a door guy telling me that, I still remember this night like it was, he was really young then and Duncan.
Starting point is 00:43:18 Duncan was a kid. I had to be, I don't know, in my 40s maybe. Okay. And we'll wait and go up. There used to be a pay phone at the bottom of the stairs. And this comic was working the door. And he was talking about how he wasn't getting as many spots as he wanted to.
Starting point is 00:43:38 And Duncan was a talent coordinator at the time. And I was like 10 minutes away from going on stage. Duncan didn't know this is going on. When the kid came to me, I go, you want more spots? You didn't know what you got to do here. He goes, what? Sleep with Midsie. I go, no, you got to pay the big. Jesus. He goes, what are you talking about going instead of taking the $15? You got to pass the envelope to one of us and we'll pass it to who it goes back to. And he's like, what if I want four spots a week? I go then,
Starting point is 00:44:10 we'll get you got to give him 60 bucks a week. And he goes, when does this start? And I go, next week if you want, and right there Duncan walked in. He was the town coordinator at the time. And I go Duncan. And he's like, no, please don't say that I'm dunkin'. And I winked at dunkin', I'm like, this guy wants more spots. He says he'd like to work something out. When does he leave his money? He goes, dunkin' is like, leave it by the cash register
Starting point is 00:44:37 on Fridays, and I'll take a look at it. We'll see how many spots you get a week. Bro, we had this kid goin'. For like two hours, even after I got off stage, you came up to me. So, what about the main room? How do I get the main room? This guy going. I was like, oh, $2. That's for the fucking belly room. You want the award? Oh, that's 25. And he's like, what about the main room, like I said, 150. All right, I think a main room. We were fucking dying. That's the best.
Starting point is 00:45:11 And like how, how many shows are like, how many years were you on the world with Ari and Duncan and Red Ben? Had to be five, six years. Five years. All because we started doing it before 2007 with him. And then Rogan went on the men of comedy tour. Okay. That's where he met Segur and those guys
Starting point is 00:45:32 on the Max and Men of Comedy tour. And that was like we started branching out after that because he was gone for like six months. So me and Ari started doing the different things and we would fill each other in. I still remember fucking call on Ari. In the middle of the afternoon, going, Ari, I need 200 bucks and him going, come down to 200 South La Braia. I'm here right now additionally. There's an envelope here. I got 200 for you and he goes,
Starting point is 00:46:01 some else. There's a commercial here with your name on it. I told you, some commercial or something. I ran down that park my car. Ari gave me the 200 and I went and I signed up for the fucking commercial. I went in there and I booked it. And they're like, what do we call? And I called Ari, I go, Ari, you got a commercial lady and he goes, fuck yeah, aqua.
Starting point is 00:46:23 And that's how I got what aqua Because you came with a gig. Yeah, you show up on an envelope like a real Jew Sometimes you got a show with an envelope And that's exactly what I signed with Aqua talent agent. That's when are we read that fucking talent agency It didn't he how get like a bunch of commercials a bunch of a bunch of them to be getting hurry with the king of fucking commercials I remember a key or one that's it's so It gives me hope a little bit But also it should give every comic hope
Starting point is 00:47:02 Listen when you touch the stage as a young comic, an old comic. I don't care what anybody tells you, you're looking for something. That's something you're actually looking for. Self-respect, trying to get back at society, you know, whatever, whatever it is, you wanna be famous, you wanna take pictures with fucking, you know, with cat Williams, you know, whatever the fuck it is that you want to do.
Starting point is 00:47:27 So it's a journey, man. It's a fucking journey. You enjoy it because what you're going to enjoy from this journey is going to be completely different than what you think. And what you think, because like, for me, whatever the fuck you think is going to happen, whatever you want to happen will probably happen, not the path that you're thinking you're going to get it. And that's strong. That's what really makes you go, what the fuck? I worked for this and I ended up getting this. I didn't want this. I wanted this, but I got this. Or it's fucking the main, you know, I was reading something about
Starting point is 00:48:18 a Clint Eastwood couple, about how, you know, he had to leave the United States and go to Italy and shoot movies Because nobody would hire him here and then he would fuck and come here and do the The He would double in English. They would send them the reals because they were made in Italian You didn't know that. Yeah, so it's just really weird. I think everybody wanted him Charles branch and all those guys just wanted to come up the American way. When the American way didn't give it to them, they want a different way than came back on it.
Starting point is 00:48:52 That's not, they didn't want to live in it, at least shooting fucking Italian movies. But that was the journey. And that's what comedy is, man. Comedy is a fantastic journey. It's a growing experience. And it'll get you, I don't know, it'll get you this self, no matter what level you get to.
Starting point is 00:49:14 Everybody just wants to be a fucking star today. And this is why with this book and what we're doing here, it's about stand up. The fucking podcast don't matter. That's what people think. they want to get into comedy into Comedy 50% and stand up 50% you got to pick a fucking evil Either you're gonna be a podcaster or a fucking comedian when I'm trying and you're gonna go well, Joey You did it. Oh, not how is established as a comic already
Starting point is 00:49:41 When I started podcasting I was already 20 years into comedy When I started podcasting, I was already 20 years into comedy. That's a hell of a fucking cushion. Let's say 19 years into comedy. That's still a lot. I had movies under my belt. I had been on a set before. I knew how a set worked. I knew how a lot of things worked before I walked on a podcast.
Starting point is 00:50:03 20, that's 20 years. That's what I was on a podcast. It's 20, that's 20 years. It's what I was thinking about earlier, because it's just I put so much work into, I put work into both, but just the way I'm able to like see if it works on a on a on a stand up, but I had something happen this weekend that I wanted to talk to you about,
Starting point is 00:50:21 because I never like my, I'm never, I'm not a shot comic. I'm not really even that dirty, but I made someone cry for the first time. Like, I don't know if she left. I don't think she actually left. But like, I like, she was so upset at my joke. And like, I didn't sleep that night. I stayed up. I was going to rewrite it. I get it fucking really hurt my feelings.
Starting point is 00:50:42 Like, no. Once you strike a chord, fuck it, run with it. You didn't go out there and put from what I heard from what you told me, you didn't go out there and just go fuck we touched. Well, I think more on the track than whatever. You told the story about a guy checking into a hotel. I'm on the hotel that you were on the spectrum.
Starting point is 00:51:10 There's a joke on you. Right, yeah. All of a sudden, on anywhere, she turned it into her night crying and I've never been so insulted. I got a kid away, paint chips. That's not my problem. That's not my fucking problem.
Starting point is 00:51:24 I didn't insult them. It felt like I went up there and said, I hate kids who wear helmets or, you know, on the spectrum or whatever. No, no, it's right. You have to, you know, listen, man, sometimes a joke might hurt. It's a funny joke. Somebody listen, as long as you're not doing a abortion,
Starting point is 00:51:44 hitler jokes, anti-Jew jokes, you know, I heard it's a funny joke. Somebody, listen, as long as you're not doing a abortion, Hitler jokes, anti-Jew jokes, you know, there's so many fucking things that you could be saying. I mean, I've gone to places and the things I've heard out of comics mouth and you've heard shit out of my mouth. And when I hear that coming out of,
Starting point is 00:52:02 I just cringe sometimes. Oh yeah, there's definitely, but do you have, like how do you decide what your line was? Do you have a line that you won't write jokes? I know you just said like, you know, a portion of stuff. Absolutely, there's a couple lines I won't pass. And I'm sorry, as a comic,
Starting point is 00:52:21 I talked about this my the first time I got on stage. The night that night, there's a comic, I talked about this the first time I got on stage. The night that night, there's a comic, 70 of us, 70% of us are religious, so we're brought up religious or whatever. When I got into comedy, there was a line I wouldn't cross. I did Jesus jokes like a motherfucker and whatever. I laughed at Kenis and doing them. I didn't like the abortion reaction from the audience.
Starting point is 00:52:48 That was one thing I didn't ever want. I didn't find any jokes and the abortion of a baby or Hitler jokes or you know, whatever like that. I never found that type of stuff. It's just some stuff that doesn't even know I was crazy on stage. And I know I've said things that most people won't fuck and say, you know, they look at me and go, Jesus Christ, I would never say that.
Starting point is 00:53:15 You know, there's a couple things and you'll see it. you have to read the room. And definitely reading the room, but it's also the part that like I was going and Josh talked to me for a while about it, but that's never, and I don't judge anyone whose style is that, but I'm never, almost all of my jokes are making fun of me, almost all of my jokes. Yeah, no, no, no, no, I don't want anyone to feel bad though. No, no, no, that's what that's what a professional does You're looking to fuck when you go to an open mic, but you go to all like a even at the comedy store one night. I was hosting Okay, it's most in the open mic. I was sitting next to Mitzi. I have the 20 comics that go up six of them had this thing that
Starting point is 00:54:09 It's a stand-hole perfect. They want to be stand-hole, but they didn't put the years in. They don't say it right. They don't deliver completely off. And they go up then they want to be stand-hole. And they don't understand that I wish we could tape it for them. Tape them saying the jokes and the reaction from the audience. It's so what? You got us with that first one. There was a point in my life when I did that. Really? Not to that extreme punch in New York. Kicking the soul of an aborted fetus.
Starting point is 00:54:41 I don't want to hear that shit. It's rough. You know, so once you see it, they don't work. There's a comic in LA. I've known for 20 years. And he's still doing this walk fucking same joke. And it is the worst joke I have ever heard in my life. The joke is bad. The noises he makes are bad. It's just a fucking long night. And it's like as long as bit. It's like a seven minute, and he's had as a closer
Starting point is 00:55:14 and didn't work, he moved it to a fucking middle and didn't work, and he opens with it. And that's when people started running out of the store and he stopped getting sets. Jesus. For 20 years. And then one day I got out of the store and he stopped getting sets. Jesus. For 20 years and then one day I got out of the store for like seven years so I hadn't seen him. So he's, you know, on Facebook at the time
Starting point is 00:55:36 and he's writing that he's blowing up this, that, this, I kind of believe him because people and LA do blow up and then we were put on a show together one night somewhere and he did that fucking joke. Eight years later, he did the joke that still not working for him, he opened up with it. And I could see people's reaction and today I think he works out of fucking factory
Starting point is 00:56:00 in the valley. Do you ever, have you ever said anything to a comic about that or do you not really bring up other people's family? Let's go back fucking brother. Unless you're my brother, you understand comedy, how I do. You know, people have come up to me and said, hey, change that for a second.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Do I get offended? I'm taking it from who the fuck it is. If it's some open mic who can't get arrested I'm not taking this fucking advice. I've never taken it. And my life somebody wrote a joke for me. One person said this joke would work for you and it turned out the joke was stolen and a bunch of fucking arrow. Yeah. The guy accused me of a joke he did 20 years ago. I'm gonna talk. I don't even know you. This went on for about six months and the dude died. Fuck him.
Starting point is 00:56:52 Someone gave you a stolen fucking joke. Yeah, and it was a stupid joke. And when that I was in a pinch and I did it. And then it started working. I was like, oh, that joke works. And then one day I get fucking a soldier that'd be in Prague. Hey, you got my joke. That's, I haven't been accused. I have had, I've seen a couple other comics have like the same,
Starting point is 00:57:14 it was not that they stole it from me by any means, but like we had the same joke. And it bum me out. Like I don't really do that joke anymore. Listen, when you go to a comedy club, right? Your jokes are going to get stolen once for a while. When you go to an open mic,
Starting point is 00:57:27 they're gonna pick your shit apart like a buzzer on the road. You've had something stolen? No, because I never had jokes like that. I never had good jokes. But when you're an open mic, you'll be doing comedy one day and fucking Indiana. Okay. In six years later, somebody will call you with a tape and go, look at this guy.
Starting point is 00:57:48 And you go, holy shit, he's doing my material bit by bit. He's some guy that works in the rooms. He just thought he was an open mic with you. And he did all your fucking material. Did you get his flavor to it? Just did it. Word for word. I'd be pissed. I don't know if you think about it. Okay. Okay. I don't want you to think about it because people get bent over over a stolen joke. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:08 It's been, if you know the motherfucker stolen, you look at him. You say a breath for him. I don't know if you're going to think about it. Okay. Okay. I don't want you to think about it because people get bent over over a stolen joke. Okay. It's been, if you know the motherfucker stolen,
Starting point is 00:58:26 you look at him, you say a prayer for him, and know that he stole a fucking joke. And if he stole one joke, he stole five jokes. And not today, but in two or three years, it'll come out, or something else will happen. He won't get to that place. Well, you were talking, when you were talking earlier about, like you wanted to know you did the work,
Starting point is 00:58:51 something that I, not that I worry about, but that's important to me and I wonder if it's important to you, is I don't, I don't necessarily need every comic to like me, but I wanna be respected, like I wanna be respected as a, does that at all plan to, like you want other comics, so looking like yeah that's a good comment. I'm gonna tell you something, how long have you been doing calmly?
Starting point is 00:59:09 Five years. Okay. Number one, right now you're very fortunate, you have something to show on the road, but right now you'd be you'd be getting into comedy clubs as an MC, couple clubs beginning your feet, your spots. I want you to stop being in your fucking head. What if a guy steals your joke? What if just do your comedy? When you're an early comic, this is what I wanna stress.
Starting point is 00:59:39 Do your comedy. Don't worry about three months from now. What's going to happen when somebody steals my joke? I'm not going to know what to do. Listen. Write another one. OK. You can take a month out of your life, wasting time and crying.
Starting point is 00:59:57 Because you write another one that's even better. You know, when you're a comic, you cannot be in your head every day. What if, with the what if, cannot? That's how you don't feel a comic. That'll stop it. Huh? How do you stop it?
Starting point is 01:00:13 Just do a fucking set, smoke weed. Smoke more weed and do more sets. I want you to always think about where you are and never forget. You're a five year comic. You're five years away from, you know, in your mind, in your mind, you were calling Joey's wrong. I could do this in seven years. Listen, 10, five more years, you'll be in the rotation. You'll be in New York or fucking L.A.
Starting point is 01:00:43 And let the, let the game come to you as it comes to you. Don't start thinking about shit. Like what am I going to do when I get an agent? Listen, if anybody approaches you now, they're full of shit. Okay. Because what are you going to book? They're going to cancel fucking the Indian and put you in there at the improv to have a line.
Starting point is 01:01:04 No. So anybody who comes to you with that shit now. Don't worry about any of that shit right now getting to a habit You know, I wanted you to yesterday. I was working with this guy and He was young, you know, he was a new white belt And he kept grabbing me here and I said grab me here. He goes, yeah, but I'm not going to choke. I go, don't matter. Getting to habit Of sticking that hand deep in that collar. Get in that habit now. Get in that habit. Now is when you get these habits in Now is we spoke two weeks ago about writing You ask me what mistakes did you make this is it? about writing. You ask me what mistakes did you make? This is it. You're a great writer.
Starting point is 01:01:54 This time you're wasting on the what ifs, the jeopardy mind. You're wasting your fucking time. Right now your result is to do comedy, write comedy and log it down. That's it. That's it. You're going to step over that and it's going to come back to fire you. Stick to what you're doing right now Don't worry about 20 years from now. That's the best thing about a comic. We don't have to worry about it We're not waiting for a promotion. We're not waiting for a rage. You know we got all those things when we earned them This is old school Jiu-Jitsu. The saint every year I'm going to give you a stripe or a belt. That's the beauty about fucking comedy. That you want to knock out of this tax bracket? Yeah, but it's going to take time. You know, it's not going to happen in six months. It's going to take time and plant that in your head because I did, and I'm the most
Starting point is 01:02:51 unpatient person in the world. I knew by the time I got to Seattle that this is going to take time, Jack. Holy fuck. This is going to take a lot longer than what I anticipated. What, what, what, what made you realize that? Holy fuck. This is gonna take a lot longer than what I anticipated. What made you realize that? Just how much work you have to do to get five minutes? The shit you gotta do, the places you have to sleep. The saying gonna be easy, you know, the saying gonna be,
Starting point is 01:03:22 when I used to watch Rogan, they would party in the afternoon and go eat dinner yet. That's not what it is. You guys saw the after product. You guys didn't see the beginning product. Right. And not that it seems easy because I, I never, when I was watching that, I didn't think it seems easy because I never went even when I was watching that and I think it was easy. But it's like, yeah, you know, it's hard for me to imagine you as like a 20 year old. I don't know, I just met you when you were 50 or 40 something. I think even doing comedy. I was still robbing clubs, not comedy clubs.
Starting point is 01:04:05 So my mind at 30 was I had done everything. I had been a felon. I was in my mind that was a loser. I didn't have nothing going on. So why not go into something now that you really want to do? Oh, absolutely. I'm married. I lost my child.
Starting point is 01:04:24 I had one bill every month, which was child support. I didn't have a car payment. I barely paid insurance. It was just something that it worked at that time. But there was one day I realized like, this is just comedy. Your life is fucking stand up the first 10 years. And I want people to know that it's not about headshots and going to a premiere and taking a picture on
Starting point is 01:04:53 the catwalk. That's all great. But that ain't going to do dick for you. Getting on stage and writing those jokes and listening to your sets, that's gonna get ready that you're married to comedy. But Joey, I'm already married. Well, get ready for a mistress, tell her that you're sharing because somewhere along the line, you're gonna have to put the work in. Somewhere along the line, you're gonna have to fucking get up at two in the morning and right to four somewhere. And this is not driven by money. This is driven by habits. This is why I tell you to get in the habit now. It's a lot easier. I didn't take it. I used to write in the car, drive and listen to music, smoking, doing a little paper. And I would come up with a subject and then go on stage and rewrite the rest of it.
Starting point is 01:05:45 That's why I didn't have a career. At the beginning? Yeah, that's why I was a mediocre feature act. Because I would improvise and do stand up and they got to know who the fuck you are. When you get into the nuts and bolts they don't want to see a guitar, they don't want to see voices.
Starting point is 01:06:03 That's cute and you could do a voice. Go on, sign that live. This is you, a stage, bricks, and a microphone. It's midnight. And there's eight people in that. Right. When you were living in your home in Indiana, thinking that I can't wait to go out to Hollywood.
Starting point is 01:06:21 I'm going to do spots at the store. And all the guys will be there. The guys are home. I'm gonna do spots at the store and all the guys will be there. The guys are home. It's you at 115 at the store for six people. This is not what you thought. You go home those nights and you're like, maybe it's time to go sell apples with dad. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 01:06:39 Maybe it's time to get into the family market. That's where you test yourself, who the fuck you are. And you make a deal with yourself. You know what, if I stick with this, I gotta do more of this. Okay, I'm gonna give myself six months. In six months, if I'm not doing this, I'm gonna fucking quit. Guess what? You won't hit that in six months, but something else will come up. That'll keep you in the game. If you keep working at it, that's. And because you have you talked about with me, like right before we met, you almost not fully equipped with one and got a job. Listen, man, it's a journey.
Starting point is 01:07:22 They're not going to give you nothing. And because of the success of the podcast and what you see with Joe Koy and Bert and Tom and Rogan and fancy cars with a lot of comics, these people getting into this. And even podcasting people getting into this thinking, where's my $200 million deal? And then they realize that this is called fucking work, man. This is work. The same old Michael Jackson, and this ain't motherfucking thriller.
Starting point is 01:07:54 This week I'm going out twice. Oh nice. Yeah, that's my goal. Two times this week. That's it. That'll put me at four. I got six more to decide what my fucking faith is. And how long have we gotten like two weeks in? How is it going? How was last week? Tremendous. Tremendous. It was seven minutes of you didn't think I even quit. The energy was really, I was happy, I was enthusiastic, and I was having fun again.
Starting point is 01:08:31 I had fun. What was it like the last seven minutes of the set like where was it? It was just fun, you know. The whole set was fun. I did the bit, I did the week before and added a new bit So it was fun creating and then taking it to the stage Delivering it, you know, it's been really a lot of fun. I just finished putting three auditions on tape
Starting point is 01:08:57 I put an audition on tape yesterday and one today and I got to put another one tonight at some point, you know for three different two different shows but you know it's like it's it's nice that I had a day to look at these and create one guy that I auditioned for was a guy who won the laundry place and he gets questioned by the cops the other guy is a restaurant owner and this one I got to put tonight is for a gangster but you know and it's great thinking about the roles going on. I got to wear white shirt for that one. Oh this one I'll let my hair messed up you know. This one I'll put a med hat on and put a yeah a gold chain on or something. So all this creating stuff always is very good for you. And I didn't have this for a while. I would get these auditions and I would fucking dread them.
Starting point is 01:09:55 Really? You know auditions? Yeah, because you got to learn the lines. My mind wasn't retaining lines. And then I started getting better at them. Then I started getting like, I was like one out of every three were good and now I'm getting back into it. So thanks for you for inspiring me. You know, get me on here once a week talking about this shit. Help me write a better book so people can understand. And you know, I just want people to understand that they're confusing podcasting with standup. Don't confuse the two.
Starting point is 01:10:27 It's two different, complete, different fucking muscles. And one will help the other one in time. But for right now, you need to focus on the building blocks, which is standup. And what do I always say? I'm thinking about doing stand up, but I really want to write them. You're never going to write dick. I'm going to solve that right now for you. You're not going to write dick. So think about the day. Think about you driving your mother to the doctor
Starting point is 01:11:01 or whatever, write it out and walk down, just tell the story, and see where you could sprinkle it. And that's your first time on stage. You know, that's it. It's that fucking easy. It is when you're doing it, but like making that jump, there's a lot. I just remember, because I did it a couple of years ago. It's like, there's just a lot of anxiety, at least for me. Like when you're saying turn your brain off, if I figure out how to do that, I'm going to be sure to get to my whole life. Eat more fucking animals, my friends.
Starting point is 01:11:35 I've been having fucking years. What do you got this week coming up, Tarzan? I'm going to Nashville for the first time. I'm doing, it's going to be my first time doing an hour. I'm going to be at the East Room on the 19th at 7 p.m. I'm going to Nashville for the first time. I'm doing it's going to be my first time doing an hour. I'm going to be at the East Room on the 19th and 7 p.m. I'm very excited. And then you got two shows or something or just one show Friday, one show Saturday Saturday.
Starting point is 01:11:53 Saturday is I'm just doing a local Nashville show. I'm not even sure where that is yet. I'll put that up online when I find out. But if you could come out, take it to 10 bucks at the East Room. I'm just I'm excited to do an hour at the East Room, I'm just, I'm excited to do an hour for the first time. I've hit 40 minutes. I want to see if I can do 20 more. And I'm just fucking really excited. Are you taping them? Oh, yeah, I bring, I have a, I bought a phone to film it. I filmed this weekend in Richmond. I, uh, I listen, I always do audio, but I've been
Starting point is 01:12:26 trying to film recently. No, no, so you could watch the, uh, watch the body language learn what you're looking. Maybe yeah, with to your head. This is becomes interesting watching tape. That's a complete different episode. We'll talk about. I was not good at
Starting point is 01:12:43 watching tape, but whenever I didn't have the courage to watch three, two minutes, I would always go holy fuck. I gotta do something. I gotta wait, I gotta stop twitching, I gotta stop moving, you know, so that's what's good about fucking tape, my friend. I'm well saving for that episode, but yeah, it's I've noticed a lot.
Starting point is 01:13:08 I've started I tried to do on Saturday that I used to just have the leave in the mic in the mic stand for like the first three, like up until like six months ago. And then I started to take it out. And I'm trying to start to move around a little bit. I never really moved. And like it's crazy how like the I have a joke now where I look and I like I'm just starting to act stuff out a little bit. I've never really, but it's crazy how can get laughs. It's a move and can get a laugh.
Starting point is 01:13:37 This is it. This is it. For me it was using my hands. When I first started I would move and I'd make you fucking dizzy. And I could see you, I stopped moving. I'm right there, I'm a target. I got my hands explaining the joke. It's like I'm a fucking Cuban sign reader. But yeah, I'm looking forward to this week's sets. Nice.
Starting point is 01:13:59 I'm congratulating you on an hour. I'm sure I'll hear about it that night. Oh yeah. And that's it. We just covered another week of fucking the check. And this is what we would do on the phone. So, I love it. I'm having a great time. I'm one that I'd talking about this.
Starting point is 01:14:14 And it excites me as you can tell. It gets me angry. This is one of the only things I ever cared about, man. Right? It's in film and shit like this. It's one of the only things that I really dove in. The film is the second. Let's face it. I love everything about film, but again, when I first started, I thought film and stand up were the same. And they weren't. And it was just an extension. So your big muscle is stand up. TV, films, commercials, podcasts, that's all extensions of your muscles.
Starting point is 01:14:49 That's what makes you a superhero. But the building block is what we discussed, Cox Sucker. I love it. Thank you, buddy. I love these talks. Me too. I love these two. I don't get a fuck. If two people get it, some comic is is gonna come up to me when they go Hey, I heard that episode and you were right or you were wrong or thank you for doing this and this is what a labor love is all about I love everybody great to talk to you. All right. We'll talk during the week. Have a great week. You too. Back to Shuriken! Shuriken! Shuriken! Shuriken! Shuriken! Shuriken!
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