Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The real deal Holyfield

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt talk about why Joey Diaz does NOT like bats, Joey's plan to shrink heads, why Saturday shows are better than Friday shows, an update on Joey's fear of needles and much more! Support the show and try BlueChew for free. Just pay $5 shipping. Press in code JOEY at https://www.bluechew.com New DraftKings customers get $250 in bonus bets and 1 month of NFL+ Premium when you bet just $5. Download the DraftKings app and use code JOEY The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz See less  

Dare into this motherfucking house. You know what I'm saying? What up G money's everybody happy? Everybody's good everybody. Have a good day you bet. How about you? You know hunky-dory I See Lee didn't take his edibles again. Oh you are out of your mind What do you mean you can't go my eyes are barely open as it is And we've just started We just started. All right, let's do this shit beautiful fucking weekend. What's up with you? I Had a great weekend. I had a great ride one

Awesome showed in two great shows and one awesome show and two great shows at next comedy stop. It was just, it was an amazing, it was my first time like getting booked to headline. Like, and it was cool. Like, you know, like Lenny Clark, Bill Burr, like all of the Boston people at some point did it. And it was just cool to like have that be on my, like something I got to do.

And it was, Friday was a rougher show. It was in, Friday was an interesting, it just, it was Friday was a rougher show It was in it into Friday was an interesting It just it was into it would they the crowd was just never fully we had a lot of fun But it there's such a difference at Saturday show And I love everyone who came to Friday, but Saturday was just such a it was like a full room And it was just one of my favorite sets that I had You know when you're a comic you're so excited for the weekend and sometimes you die on a Friday night like I used to always die Friday night early and then you always get a chance

to redeem yourself and you notice you hate putting this as a comic you cannot say this like you can't say to me Because everybody will do it and everybody still does it like last week. I was told old guy. How was the club? It was dead because Brazil the Giants will put whatever Philly was playing Listen, we all have excuses. Oh, it was a hundred percent on me in the Wasn't anything to do with the crowd, but talking about you. Okay in general that You know people always have these comics and club owners have oh You know we're slow this weekend. There's a carnival in town what the carnival's got nothing to do with me

You know saying I'm like Myself on fire, you know, so we go home on Sunday. I I get could have been busier, but there was a carnival in town Whatever it starts with those and then you go on and I did this. This is how I know this is an experience I'm sharing with you and then you start this what sucks Like I fell into that trap that Friday nights early. We're gonna just suck Like I fell into that trap that Friday nights early were gonna just suck Interesting and it's a mental fucking faux pas as a young comic To go in there to any show like I did a class stress factory the first time I did it

It's a college club and they were like Saturday late show roughest fucking show you'll ever experience There's a summer in heckling and So I go out there and I'm driving, you know me I drive defensively, but I I'm aggressive I do 90 miles an hour, but I'm defensive, you know, of course You know Well wasn't fucking around So I used to always challenge myself To kill that fuck Friday

You know, whatever I would at least really try to kill on those Hard shows that we put in our minds that are gonna be hard You know and Friday. No, I'm not talking about you at all. We know I know I understand I didn't I we had this conversation now when're a young comic, you don't realize this. But as you're doing it, this is just some food for thought. And we've discussed this. Friday nights are fucking horrible. And I'm going to tell you why, Lee.

This isn't an excuse. This is just reality. I just worked 40 hours right I'm gonna get home at 530. I can't even sit and have a beer I don't want some my wife who made plans to go see some fucking clown I don't know this fucking guy. I know Lenny Clark. I know bill burr. I know no, I don't know this fucking clown I just worked 40 hours doing construction. So Now I'm sitting there and I got a meet frickin frack and I hate the husband because he's never fucking goes to the hip

You know every time the check I go to the bathroom So, you know, I just want you to realize and then maybe they don't have a babysitter and the babysitter is running 10 minutes late. That's why I hate Fridays, especially when you're on stage and they're walking in as a host. I hated that, but you have to learn how to work with it because you can't control people's schedule. But I always, comedy is a sit down thing. And I want you to relax 15 minutes before the show. Have a drink, go outside, smoke 10 cigarettes, smoke the joint, do a shot of heroin, whatever you need

to really absorb the comic, you know? But what happens? The emcee dies, and the feature act picks them up after, because they're still, the psychology of comedy is you have to analyze it but then again you can't use as a crutch right I think that's the difference between a comic at my level and like the next level is is like always having the energy that you like having the same energy at like a full show versus like a half full show and and just like

Being able to create it even if the audience is tired if the honor that's what I think sometimes I fall I Followed it that I think if the crowd has great energy I can ride it But I sometimes if they don't have it it's hard for me to pick them up You got to learn how to pick them up Yeah, how to pick them up is by making them wiggle in their seat like Cracking a joke. Okay, that's laps them in the face and they go I'm gonna comedy show. I'm not a yum yum donut fucking get the show from some homeless, dude Well, so manages so many

Get the show from some homeless dude. I'm so bad edges so many Two things I really admire a comedian for what he does because you have to change somebody's state of mind like Anthony Robbins They're coming in all their world problems, man They got problems their kids retarded This the car broke, you know And now they got to sit there and you got to take him out of that. That's a very powerful fucking thing, you know, and It takes time to develop that power. But once you get it, you'll see you'll see the differences you're in this for life Right. Oh, yeah I'm just gonna keep learning. This is you know, I look back at what I learned the comedy. You're in this for life. Right. Oh yeah. So I'm just gonna keep learning.

This is, you know, I look back at what I learned the comedy. It was great. But what I learned about them, the mind and how people work and how people perceive it. And I'm talking about from the comics to the audience. You know, I sit here once a week, I think of that comic from Denver, that Lee, there was not one laugh. They clapped when he came up and they clapped hard when he got off the stage. And I liked the guy, he was a great guy, but I mean, listen, we were all young.

I was doing comedy four years at that point, three and a half years, I didn't know what I was doing, but this guy would hit his tape recorder and go, you know, I got to get a new tape recorder. This ain't picking up the laughter. And I'd be standing there with another copy and we'd have to leave the building just to cry because you cannot be that fucking delusional. And then you have the audience members who you say something to and then they take it wrong Well, I'm not on a diet, you know, whatever the fuck you know, right? It's just very interesting. You're not learning how to be funny

You're learning how to control the mind how to you know It's fucking insane when you really look at the layers of it, but we're not gonna get into that I just want you to get on stage right now. You know, I look at the layers of it, but we're not going to get into that. I just want you to get on stage right now. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely I don't bulls jump up and down. You know, I always ask you when you call me, I always ask you

the same thing. I love I dog. We used to wait for Ralphie to get home from a gig. Okay. To ask him how to go when he go. I made out with two checks. I got a standing ovation. We would just **** die. We would die. We I'm like, I'm gonna ask him how So I always say that to you. I love it. Did you make out with two chicks and get a standing ovation? I Love you really got me that I had a really interesting weekend. I didn't do anything I went to softball game for Saturday night. I Went down a mushroom rabbit hole that was worse than a YouTube hole you ever going in your fucking life

You know I'm saying you know those YouTube holes you go and looking into fucking spirits and I found an interesting thing the other day though that I got a sent to TJ English, but I Got so fucked up the other day by myself and I went out for a ride and I felt it and I go let me go home And just to be safe. What do you think I did when I got home? I'm reading my go I think I need another mushroom. It was the ugliest mushroom in the bag It looked like somebody cut my toenail off and it made a cousin and glued them together It was

Like a soldier Now I get back here and my daughter's here with two of her girlfriends and they're sleeping over upstairs And my daughter's here with two of her girlfriends, and they're sleeping over upstairs. So I'm like, fuck, did I make a mistake? But we ate dinner together. All of us, they did it together. I took them for ice cream and Italian ice and all that. So when I was at the Italian ice place,

I was already feeling the mushrooms tingling up my back. But then when I got home, they disappeared. They didn't wanna hang out with Uncle Joey, they left. That's when I ate the rest of those mushrooms. So I don't hear from these motherfuckers all night long. My wife's tired. She goes upstairs. She don't know what's going on.

My face is red as a fucking tomato. I'm drinking water. I'm doing bonk. It's like they were my finger dogs. I'm just inhaling. And the next thing you know, I'm sitting there fucking seeing colors, thinking about my childhood. And the three girls come know, I'm sitting there fucking seeing colors thinking about my childhood and The three girls come down and watch the honeymooners at midnight

Let me tell you something This isn't happening much, but you can feel the mushroom spirit Jumped out of me and he said fuck this. I'm not gonna stay this. I'll come back when they leave Really? I don't know what happened. I even got double fucked up I had a hooded sweatshirt. I had to put the hood on me and I don't know what happened. I even got double fucked up. I had a hooded sweatshirt. I had to put the hood on it and I wouldn't even look at them. They were just giggling by themselves. 1230 they were like, we got to go upstairs with

Ty and I'm like, thank fucking God. I'm sitting over here hearing like there was three of them giggling. I could hear like 52 girls giggle. I'm like, oh, this ain't going to end right. I'm going to be running down the street yelling, save me or some shit. It was tremendous. I stepped up to about two reading after they went up. I turned the TV off and I was so involved in this mushroom trip.

I go, I gotta read a fucking book. So I read a little bit of a Led Zeppelin book about a tour in the 1973. I was fucked up. Then my phone went in the toilet. I was like, I'm a tour in the 1973.

I was fucked up. Then my phone went in the toilet. That always makes the spirit of mushrooms jump out of you. The fucking, the fucking, I mean, listen, whenever I go to that bathroom to pee, I always check my pocket from my phone. Trust me, this one time I didn't even go into I just wanted to get toilet paper to you to blow my nose I was gonna go do a bonnet outside I didn't want to get the old boogies mixed with the new boogies

right I didn't go in there just put it would have been a lot easier for me to put my right hand over and pull the toilet paper for some stupid reason I put the left hand in to put the toilet paper. My elbow went up, dog, when I heard that thumb going in the toilet, my fucking got. All I thought about was now I gotta get a bag of rice at one in the morning, I'm all fucked up on mushrooms. My wife's gonna wake up.

I've got a bag of fucking rice out. That's where I get my anxiety at. My mind goes right to where it's gonna happen. What's gonna happen now? It's like doing mushrooms and if I smoke in the garage the fire alarm goes off That's the last thing I need cuz I know I hide the closet like and those are the things Everybody I'll go hide in the closet, dog. From who? From your wife? Everybody. No real fun. I don't give a fuck. I'll show up later and laugh. I don't know about you. I went to Wawa. It was an accident.

Yeah, but your car is here. I took the scheme-o-bill. No. I walked. Oh my God. I love the fact that you hid or would hide. I would hide in a New York fucking minute, dog. I'm the king of hiding. Listen, I did coke for 30 years. Nobody hides like me. I hid from probation offices. I used to hide in showers and tubs.

I remember one time the cops came and I was under a bed, but I was so fat that my stomach was making the bed go up and down. They were like, Mr. Diaz, come up and under the bed go up and down. They're like, Mr. DS, come up. Look at the bed. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, t. Hiding places, yeah. Yeah, no, no, no, because you, you, you dropped your phone in the toilet. I remember one time I was so coked up in Vegas, I was hiding in the linen closet in the fucking, they gave me like a half a suite because I thought the cameras were on and I was trying to hide the cameras. I'm trying to snort coke in the little green room, bathroom, in the hotel room. It was a fucking nightmare. Like when you're that addicted and you get paranoid Lee

That's the that's the only thing I didn't like about getting high no more. But then I kept saying tonight I'm not gonna get paranoid tonight. I'm not gonna get paranoid and next thing, you know, I'm fucking looking out a door You know if you go Eyeball this shit I wake up in the morning from a little black eye over my fucking eyeball From looking out the peepster or my knees would hurt from looking out the window all night I thought there was somebody out there and I would peep and shit and then hide when I do coke and you gotta jerk off in the dark and you know, it's a nightmare. Addiction.

You gotta jerk off in the dark. Oh yeah. So when you take mushrooms you like to read a book? Yeah, I get all philosophical. I do math and shit like, no, the problem is that when I eat mushrooms, I don't wanna be watching TV or a movie first of all, by doing them in the house. Because I'm not getting the right energy

from them sitting in my house like fucking, that's why I go out when I do them. I control them if it's, I just want to get out. I'll go to a softball field and walk around and I'll come home. As soon as I see a bat, I'm out of there though. That's my fucking weakness. And every time I go for a walk and I eat the mushrooms, there's bats out. I live down here and fucking, you know, we're right. Real bats? I hate the mushrooms as bats out. I live down here and fucking you know, we're real bad No fake bats Japanese people control them with little puppeteers What the fuck you think I'm talking about?

Hallucinating that no and you see him and then in my mushroom mind they're getting closer to me And I don't want to get a rabies shot. I don't want to get look at this fucking African hair I have. This, I got four hairs. The bat'll get caught in that fucking hair. Then I gotta go to a rabies shot. So I just avoid bats. I don't like bats.

I like Batman. I like Batman or Robin, you know. That's the same person. But I don't like bats, okay. I just don't like bats. I don't know why. They're staring up high. I get it. And for some reason, when I'm in the neighborhood and bats are around, they start flying lower and lower. They want to become torpedo. All of a sudden, now they want to put an aerial show for me.

And I can't. I'm like Hall of the Nodes. I can't go for that. You know what I'm saying? I just can't do it. I don't like bats. That's the worst thing. And that would happen to me. Like if I took mushrooms and went for a hike with Ari, like I get bit by a snake and now you got, you know, I don't need that shit.

So you know what? I hike locally. I hike on concrete. All right, so I'll have to bump and tug. And especially in my neighborhood, this fucking raccoons My wife saw two of them in the yard the other day fucking arm wrestling, you know, they're everywhere. I Go out at night. I see a fox

There's a father in my fucking neighborhood I thought was a dog and I tried to be a nice guy and save it So I drove up to one night that motherfucking car. I thought he was gonna attack me. I'd take off We got everything here. Somebody saw a dinosaur a couple weeks ago. Oh what? Let's get this show started you big dummy a dinosaur It's Tuesday the 10th of September the check-in is brought to you by September the check-in is brought to you by blue chew Listen when you're trying to have sex you don't want to worry about whether you're not your little penguin dick is gonna work or not

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With code Joey at checkout. All you got to do is pay $5 shipping. That's it at blue chew calm Check out all you gotta do is pay $5 shipping. That's it at blue chew dot-com Promo code Joey to receive your first month gratis on the house Blue chew wants you to shoot loads and doing your fucking thing. You know I'm saying so I want to thank blue chew For supporting the podcast and for being great Christians TVs run for your lives. It's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up Christians. Oh Shit oh It's a big week Lee's moving to fucking New York City this Friday. Oh my god. I alert I alert I alert I have to drive a van into New York City. It's gonna be

Scary shit thing is is not bueno What am I supposed to do? What story Lee with a van in New York City? These migrants somebody might take the van down to Venezuela now, you don't know no one's taking anything to Venezuela. What are you talking about? Listen if I see you driving a van to New York at 2 in the afternoon. I'm taking a chance. Okay? we'll try to project with a fucking pencil like John Wick and Then you know, I'll take the furniture the red as well. Thank God. I hired movers Okay, but they're waiting for you that driving with you. No. Oh, yeah, then you got no security What are we doing security? Yeah, you do you gonna have furniture and big money and I?

You know fucking treasures. They're gonna tell me when to meet them there. I'll meet them there and I'll And where you gonna park on the street? Yeah, let's be parking last time I know I won't get it again, but the last time I was there I got a spot the spot right in front of my building All right, that's the one we need so we gotta go early and stay out there with a $50 bill move the car 50 let me put this little van in here It seems like everyone double parks there I hope you got some doctor shows

Get those juice sneakers with all that padding to give you a bounce for the outs Jack Those are four floors. You know I'm saying I'm not caring. I'm going up once Hey, listen, they want me in their way and I'm like this. They're just gonna go boom. Boom. Boom I'm not you think I'm going up. I'm gonna be in the way boom Okay, I Am going to like a home deal or hiring some people I like I really like a regular company the over and under for Sunday Is nine trips up and down? Oh, I'm sure I'm gonna go up. Yeah, but not like a million But you're gonna go over nine you think so. Oh, yeah

I wonder if I can get like a thing that will count them. You don't have any mustard the I'm upstairs to the second floor. That's Give you up the mouth fucking throw water on you as you walk by to cool you off I'll be I'll just be so ripped by the end of this fucking migrants are gonna let they're gonna get you working one migrants I Would you have professional movies is that what you really think they're out professional movies, okay So you're gonna get people at your house, you know Lurches and convicted felons and shit There's no furniture yet. So what do you have? What are they moving up clothes? They're the one nice thing I got and it's not even that expensive anymore as a TV

I just have a lot of boxes of shit How many trips you think they'll make a piece with all the boxes what are you duck 15 to 20 Oh Lordy I'm guessing But that's good, brother. I'm gonna be I'm very happy that you're moving to New York. Thanks, buddy. You'll be close by. You'll be, you know, you got Ari there. You got a couple of people that love you. And it's good.

I feel nice. Feel safe now, except when you're walking around at night with the camera pointing to yourself. I don't know what the fuck you're doing. I won't do that anymore. No, because you're scaring me. All I know is somebody's going to choke you and shoot you in the head with fucking

Segovia we go V. They're gonna go you that's it get that fucking mound off my fucking screen That's what I should do the shrink heads shoot people in the head with that stuff I Like I would take it if I could just shoot it in my stomach to shrink it like and become like, you know Oh I wish it worked like that. That would be great just to shoot him problem areas my fungi toenail What up everybody get everybody at the club get whatever Not only helps you lose weight instantly, but also Smoking some heavy-duty weed

Heavy duty this shit is fucking heavy like you smoke you gotta take a nap You're in the move for caramel corn shit like that. I gotta control it When you've what is it is it coming cool? It's a friend of mine always just called me when he's got death. I tell him you got instructions. These are the this is what I'm looking for When you get that you call and he calls once a month with something. That's just Tremendous and he brings me like a couple pieces of hash. It's like a little package Fuck now when you When you get something like that that you love do you like ration it like a little bit every day or do you just go?

Into action. There's no rationing here. The world could end tomorrow. One bomb, I ran Israel, I'm over here. I'll save this for next Thursday. Fuck you, we're going deep now. Listen, I smoke bongs. We don't smoke joints no more. You know, I don't smoke joints anymore. Why? Because I just, I don't have the time to sit there and roll and go for a walk or a drive. So I just take the little freeze pipe. I fill it up. I clean it twice a day. You know, you want to always keep that freeze pipe clean and I go out there and I'll do

like three bong hits in the morning and another two after my shower and another two before I leave and Then before jujitsu or the jib If it's jujitsu, I won't do a bong it but if it's a gym or boxing I'll do three more fucking bondage Wow, it depends on my day is going with and then sometimes I won't do it all day because I'm still high from last night And then sometimes I won't do it all day because I'm still high from last night You know like one of these nights. I took about fucking yeah, I ate a whole container 100 tonight

What yeah, I just took it was stuck to it I just put my finger in there loosen just went through and they all came out my fucking Drank some iced tea and then I ate some shroomy shrooms. It's Monday night Jack. You know I'm saying Monday night football starting tonight. Well think by the time they get this don't know the score I don't know rat having Rogers is gonna pull the other kill ease who knows what's gonna happen And it was crazy. There was a lot of like Justin Fields came back. That was pretty awesome I can't believe the Patriots won. It was a wild game. I missed football.

It's great that football played. You know what? Listen, Lee, I can't, I go to the Florentines to watch the one o'clock game. Sometimes I make it to halftime. Sometimes I make it to the third quarter. Yesterday I watched the whole game because it was an exciting

game towards the end. But I'm sitting there the whole time going, dog, it's 80 degrees outside. The fucking sun was beautiful yesterday. There was a fair close to my house. It was Marlboro Day. I didn't go because there was too many people. By the time I wanted to get up there, there was no parking. But it was too nice to sit and watch football. I was losing my fucking mind in that corner. I had a good time, though. I laughed my ass off over there for three hours. Really? They had fun over there.

They had fun. They had like four or five TVs, right? Yeah, they got one TV, two TVs, but they got the NFL package, so they switch it. And the one crazy guys yelling The other crazy guy bring him I give them all like fucking like they're Indians. I give them whiskey. I give him gin I get them all going Correct cracking cracking inappropriate jokes, you know

So what do you have this week in terms of comedy this week? I have nothing this week I'm packing pretty much all week just to get ready for it. And what about Friday and Saturday? You didn't pick up anything in New York City? No, not this Friday or Saturday. Next Friday, I don't have this one. It's a show at a barbershop in Queens,

which I'm really excited about, but I haven't even started booking in New York yet. Actually, no, that's's not I have something in October Hold on. Yeah, but um the one I'm excited about is September 26th through the 28th. I'm with Josh Wolf and Winnipeg at rumors That's a close. That's like yeah. Yeah, that's like in two weeks. That's close to Cassius. I Think so. I think he at least was there at one point good good good good But no, do you take at least two weeks? Let me tell you something. You'll be out of Saturday night doing this fight. Oh

Absolutely great about New York City you wanted you got it. These are the advantages, you know If I sit here and in Central New Jersey, and I look at open mics tonight There's two or three of them and They all go off between seven and eight. Maybe one of them will go off at ten. There is one at ten It's no it's Monday. I don't think there's none No, this up north. There's a couple open mics, but you have an open mic every hour on the hour till two o'clock somewhere from like 2 p.m. To like Nightly I haven't been there to do comedy, but my fondest memories of doing comedy in New

York was after midnight. One, one thirty. Just listen, it's not Carnegie Hall. There's not 3000 people chanting Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee. It's nine people. You gotta assume five of them are drunk. They don't wanna go home. They gotta talk. But just the ability to go up in front of nine people to close out your night after you've done four spots. Let me go do one more.

See if that joke works. You know, that's the breakthrough spots. It's not the eight o'clock spots. That's what's great about New York. You got four spots a night. That's your goal for the next year. 80 spots a week, Monday through Friday. You know, Sunday, maybe I'm not saying that in a row, but you should be 28 Excuse me 28 spots. You mean 80 spots a month 80 spots a month. If you really said a week Did you move to New York? Oh, no, I had I you had said a week. So I was like, that's a lot Well, you should do 20 in a week. Okay. No, that's doable. Absolutely Well, you should do 20 in a week. Okay. No, that's doable. Absolutely

20 is two and a half spots a night. That's easy. That's a piece of cake because you're gonna bust now You're gonna come to me and go Joey. I don't even need to work all three nights I could bust out those four spots in four nights Well, anytime I'm in town, I'm I can't imagine being I'm sure at some point I'll take a night off or two That's it. That's the advantage you have over You know a lot of comedians right now is God will be saying The advantage that you have is When I'm working a joke in Colorado, or if I'm even working a joke down here, I

Have three options maybe two a night. Maybe one of them is a karaoke. The guy lets me go up You know, maybe I have to drive to Atlantic City it's work You have the advantage that nobody else has not even a comic in Denver or anything that you can work out a joke in one night. Going from spot to spot. If you have force, listen, when I did it, when I was in the original room in the, I didn't like doing all three rooms. I didn't feel like a fucking, I didn't want to be a gal bone, you know a fucking pig

so I would do the original room and in the main room, but I would do four spots and The nights I learned the most were those four spots, especially if my rotation was Original room main room early and then Tripoli early and then I would go up to the belly room to close out in the belly room complete different science sorry I said two OR's one belly room think about what I'm doing I'm basically taking a joke and I'm putting it wherever the fuck I want it's only 15 minutes doesn't happen but I'm working it wherever the fuck I want. It's only 15 minutes Doesn't happen, but I'm working that wording out Guy So do you understand I'm saying to you you could work a lot faster

Write a lot faster get yourself if you're in a writing mode New York City is the way to do it because you go every night and try that joke. Oh, I got a tag for that Now you could try both of them back-to-back switch them around I'm gonna fuck you want I Can't it if you don't do at least 30 a month. It's kind of crazy 30 spots Yeah

Listen depends on your area. Okay, I'm not gonna say well, no, I'm not saying yeah I'm saying in New York if I Condemn anybody because I was doing 16 a month in Colorado and you know my heart and balls, but that's all that there was And then I moved to Seattle and it doubled to 25 In a month and I was like wow, and then I went to LA Shit, I was doing 35 40 spots a month and I was like wow, and then I went to LA shit, I Was doing 35 40 spots a month Think what what I'm telling you in New York

Right, you know they have shows. I don't know. I may be wrong. I might be completely fucking wrong because It's an early city now Except for this what times of cell is they open to to they have a midnight show. Yeah So although there has to be some of the midnight show Not the seller and you want comedy all over the place dog that the night that I fucking You know you always think your career's on an upswing, you know, like you're like, yeah, I'm getting places.

Tommy's gonna put me up third on the list this week instead of 22, you know. And then you get to one of these open mics one night and you see a hooker giving a guy a hand job under a table and that's when you're like, you know, maybe I should have got that job at fucking that restaurant. I should have become a chef. This is, you know, that's the shit. But it's part of the journey. Getting, seeing the guy getting a hand job from a hooker

at a club on 48th street and something in fucking fourth Avenue. There you are like an idiot too. I, and I did it I saw it What were they doing just in the middle of the comedy club? Yeah, she was turning right around They were like in the corner. I'm on the stage and they're right here. She's getting a handjob How many nights did people pay the four dollars just to take a nap there Mike show? What and I would tell the people dog that guy's guy's sleeping. He paid the money. He's good till 4 a.m. He paid for the two drink minimum and he paid, he let him sleep till fucking four. At four, they kick him in the leg and they throw him out. Maybe he did heroin.

Hysterical. Hysterical. This is, this is the, so you're gonna be at the stand, New York Comedy Club, and then somebody's gonna take you to some dungeon where somebody got stabbed 22 years ago, and there's still blood on the walls, and there's people. I still remember going to a fucking pool hall in Harlem. It wasn't even a pool hall. They just broke the building in two, and they left the pool hall on the other side. I had to do comedy in one of the, like the kid lanes. You do not understand these things until you get there and you're like, this is it. This is where fucking Lewis

TK used to do comedy. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah when he started 35 years ago God damn it. I fell for the trap. Oh And I can't wait to see where I'm gonna do it, but it's like that's it's exciting That's why I'm moving to New York like I'll do it anywhere Yeah, I mean in LA you had good work ethic, you know, like I said, I don't know what it is to do four sets on a train, but now you got Uber, you know, so that helps maybe one spot you could Uber take two trains and take an Uber home, you deserve it. You

did four spots, but it's just you're in such I'm so envious of you and what you have coming ahead of you if you want it, it's right there There's no excuses. You got four shows a night. There's Sunday shows You could do a show at the park Right, you know that was I was my first When I was a kid, I liked prior and I heard the albums and shit, but my first ever seen Comedy was daytime comedy at Washington Square Park Was it clean?

No, it was that guy that was on Miami Vice that we talked about a lot on Right and Dave Chappelle was like 13 14 I'm not saying that my me and my friends go let's go to one of the square park and watch comedy and drink tea now It's only sale house and get pills and coke and all that other evil shit And we would walk over smoke a joint and take a walk over in those days and that's the only way I would go to watch the square park and I would go to watch the square park and I would go to watch the square park And I would go to watch the square park and I would go to watch the square park and I would go to watch the square park all these salehouse and get pills and coke and all that other evil shit. And we would walk over, smoke a joint and take a walk over in those days. And that's the first experience I really had one on one, which stand up comedy.

And I remember standing there for 20 minutes. When we get off, watch press that in. I forget what Charlie Barnett. Right. Absolutely. We showed it in the church years ago. That was my first experience with it watching comedy outside Right, but I and I just don't know his comedy that well was he clean or was he? That dirty in the park in you 1970 nobody gave a fuck Lee Really? Yeah, that's New York City. Nobody just watch the fucking thing

I'm gonna be ten times what they clean was it that who gives a fuck it's New York City It's a party wondering if I did a part show on the park would I have to be clean? No, you do whatever the fuck you want. It's a part. There's no rules. It's your rules Think about it. You're in a fucking park Yeah, but then there's kids in the park who gives a fuck they're not watching square park. There's somewhere else You're doing comedy. What do you think if you do comedy shirt the park somebody's not gonna say the word fuck Doing like a clean show no, there's no clean shows in New York stop with the clean There's no clean who wants to be clean. What do you want to clean something cleaner bathroom?

clean fucking clean You don't have to clean. There's no clean. Who wants to be clean? What do you want to clean something? Clean a bathroom. Clean. Yeah. Fucking clean. Two weeks ago, you're gonna go to the Apollo, stand there for two hours, get stabbed in Harlem to do a clean. Are you fucking? Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Just worry about doing the shows inside for right now. Alright, you're not an outdoor cat yet. He's moving here on a Friday to stand on line at the fucking Apollo in the morning to do four minutes to get booed. And then, you know, he hang out at work clean. Are you crazy? Give him five years and you'll have your agent call.

And they'll put you at the end and they'll throw a nice small tomato at you. How's that? I don't want to say, well, why do they have to throw a tomato at me? I don't fucking know. It's just an expression, all right. What's the matter with you? They might like me No, they won't all right. They won't you have to assume they won't you're the wrong color I won't like you even if I was sitting there. I knew you I wouldn't like it so Drag out of your problem. They get stabbed in the neck

You know Because you want to do a talent show that was a matter with you I don't know it seems like a cool thing Drag down your problem. They get stabbed in the neck You know Because you want to do a talent show? That was a matter with you You want to do something cool fucking Join a volunteer crew go to the gym and do kettlebells. That's even cool Don't worry about fucking doing an open mic for nothing. I was gonna get up and fine in the morning. Are you fucking crazy? in the morning. Are you fucking crazy? in the competition

It's a cop. That's great. You want to compete join jujitsu you compete every other sad There's a competition the Bronx Brooklyn Queen, Siasset the whole fucking whole island What are you bothering me for? Just focus what's what's on your plate like the guy told me, you know just focus with what's on your plate, but the guy told me no cheese stick with cheese Cheese So yeah, you're deeper than what I expect that you don't train no more But once you move here next Friday, I'm gonna have people training you and watching and dosing at those clubs No one's dosing me. I'm gonna have people dosing you they please don't dose me out in public

I will do that. I can kill us. I have no I have friends that'll dose you Professionally, they dose you professionally. There's no drama You're sort of call me in the morning. I don't know what happened last night. I slept downstairs I didn't make it up the force. That's who you should do. Leave a blanket downstairs. Hey This case you don't want to make it You take a little nappy note of under the stairs There's got to be somewhere that you could take a little cat nap upstairs and get energy back before you go up the stairs I should maybe get take a little cat nap upstairs and get energy back before you go up the stairs. I Should maybe get like a little

Chair, maybe you'll just sleep in my car that night But you can't drive you said you selling the Volkswagen of that I can't I'm selling that one the other one they want $12,000 to return So what do you sell? I'm selling the old one. Okay, so you can sleep in them What do you sell? I'm selling the old one. Okay, so you can sleep in them Then why'd you get this apartment you could sleep in a new car for free Joy the men's gay craw is they got a gym in the back you go back there You can learn how to sing in the men's gay chorus

Am I gonna live with them? What are you talking about? I don't know if you live with them. I know they'll give you a little cotton the back if you need it take a little nap Don't rub your back while you nap too. Don't make sure you get a nice wholesome nap. You get all your z's in You don't wake up with sleep at you know You know, whatever the fuck Yeah, if you're choking on the dick when you when you sleep it'll pull it out of your mouth Tissue paper you like fucker No disrespect to the men's gay quiet no anyway

I actually did you see something? Danny Braff opened for Bobby Kelly this weekend. Yes, and the smoke alarm went off during One of Bobby's sets and Danny said was going off like pretty much his entire set Did you ever ever have anything like that happen to you? Portland but the fire department came They made us get off the stage and then the fire department came then we just went up there and resumed the show like nothing happened. Four minutes the lights turned black and all people saw was a purple light. I thought it was Jimi Hendrix was making a comeback.

I didn't know what the fuck was going on and it was making a weird noise like a guitar noise. And it was making a weird noise like a guitar noise I'm like what we were smoking dope with three hands in that fucking green room and the place lit up Jack. Oh my god Were they smoking cigars? I know Danny I have no idea I didn't ask that But it seemed like it went off the whole time But they just did the whole show. It's crazy. Yeah, you keep going You keep going

Unless people get up I can't hear you know It's like when the fire department goes by and they close their ears when you stand on the corner in New York You'll see a bunch of those people See them I think about you They oh my god the siren makes so much what are you talking about You grew up in fucking Brooklyn and now a siren hurts your fucking ears. Give me a breather Give me a fucking breather my friend Well, I'm happy. It was it was a good weekend for everybody you involved you did Nick's I'm very proud of you Thanks, buddy Football went the right way for but like I said, I didn't even put a bet in yesterday

Neither not a win not lose nothing. I didn't even gamble all weekend. I don't think I Remember with the Colorado Nebraska game was on and I went when I got home Saturday night and I turned it on like who they got didn't bet cuz I would have to Colorado and they got fucking beat the fuck up Dion Sanders will be out of there quickly. That's it. You start losing like that in Boulder They find some way to fucking shoot you the head cuz even the other guy won a championship And he created a men's Christian group and they weren't the best but you know His men are growing up to be Christians. Well allow that shit. They're not gonna be fucking national champ, but I'm just teasing You think they get rid of deon? I don't think that I think he's too valuable as like a celebrity

I think the other move on Really? Yeah, you know, and this is not saying he's a bad or a good coach. It's a different world right now, guys. It's a different world to coaching. It's a different world to play football in. It's not the world I grew up in the play football, you know, the late hits and, you know, unnecessary roughness. These are tackles 10 years ago these are just

regular sacks ten years ago and now they're calling things and i get it safety and you know you don't want everybody fucking shooting their brother in the back you know i don't know who the fuck knows i just watched the game i don't know i don't look at things like that anymore. I look at things Football for me on Sunday now is I put a $25 bet in If I'm lucky I put a parlay in if unless they're given a deal, but they don't you know I don't want to just bet parlay's all day And then if I win that game that gives me the privilege to bet the 7 o'clock game at home And I usually take a total on that. I don't kill myself. You know, I'm saying What's that brother there's little ones to make it more interesting I rather do that and you know

What if I pick the games like I'm greedy too. Don't think I just pick somebody they got to give me more than I got To double my money. So if I put 25 I want to pick up 54 So if I put 25 I want to pick up 54 Okay, you do and I hold that I don't give a fuck how much I like it If you only pay me the small 21 to sweat out four quarters that ain't worth it to me You know I'm saying you got to give me the home. I got to be part of something I gotta get a profit boost something speaking of which let's take a breather. I'll talk to these animals about draft kings Let's take a breather and I'll talk to these animals about DraftKings. Yo, you missed out the first week of football and you missed out Monday Night Football. But listen, next week DraftKings will be there.

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slash FT ball NFL plus premium offer available only to new and former NFL plus subscribers additional NFL plus premium terms at NFL dot com slash terms What's up bitches? We're back. Don't forget Draft Kings is the way to go. Everybody's looking for a new fucking home Lee is looking for a new home after next week after the first week Oh boy You know the worst thing is if I ever fall or if I ever get hurt The first thought is gonna be

Fucking Joey's never gonna let me live this down. No It's gonna be we're suing I'm in for the small. I'm gonna super super walking Huh? How can I sue if you're walking up the stairs? If you're gonna fall you're gonna fall I'm gonna break a shoulder We're gonna get your foot caught in the stairways or brace three different ways You gotta walk with a limp the rest of your life, so we could collect the big check here. I Would never not the goal I would never be disappointed at you for falling and slipping the rest of your life so we could collect a big check here. I would never- Find out the goal.

I would never be disappointed at you for falling and slipping as long as you stayed. Don't say a word, wait till you get to the hospital, then hit them with, you know, my name is Abraham, that I pass out and then fake it again, that's a hundred thousand and then, you know, you know the deal. I don't know that that's crazy. You got the whole system down.

So don't just fall in line, you know, I'm okay. Fall, go down, how many flights there? Four, go down five of them. Who gives a fuck? Go down an extra one. Backwards, tuck your head in, they teach you in grammar school, tuck and fall, they're in a fire.

Just do one of those too. two that thing I get you big money Poorly he has no idea what he's getting himself into I've lived on a fourth floor before I Went to my old apartment in New York in Boston. I didn't remember that. Yeah, but you 100 pounds lighter I was not 100 pounds lighter than this Yeah, you know, I've never been 100 pounds lighter than this as an adult. Yes. Yeah, knock it. Oh, I haven't yes You don't stop me. All right I call the people today in New York to see if they can build the dumb way that I said listen I don't know. Hey, it's look at this broke the zipline. I brought up zipline. I'm not worried about it

I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about it mind. Don't worry about nothing. We don't want to get worried about it, but you keep saying I broke the zip line I brought up zip line. He had a joint fucking online It's what it's fucked up to break a zip line. It's what? It's fucked up to break a zip line. You did it. I don't know how you did it. It's not my business. I wasn't there. I heard everything third hand, you know. So anyway, the future is that this September fucking wow. Wow. Like in a week,

I'll come out in my backyard, there'll be leaves everywhere. It's crazy how fast this has gone. When you grasp ahold of it, like you were talking about New York in June, here we are. And you were like, I don't know, maybe October, November,

well, here we are September, motherfuckers. It's crazy. It all happened so fast. I've been looking at my daughter for like a week. I'm not a fucking fucker. Yeah, I'm gonna do comedy this week. I just don't know where. I'll tell you the best thing about and I told you the truth that I woke up Saturday Sunday morning, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom,

I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, you the best thing about and I told you the truth that I woke up saturday morning And then those mushroom jokes will work. There was maybe two of them that were okay, you know, but it's oh for me It's always been

This is why I love that write the joke. Try the joke Write the joke. Try the joke right? That's We just become a joke factory try the joke. Write the joke, try the joke. We just become a joke factory at the end of it. I fucking hated when people didn't write. I hated when people are, yeah, I write all the time, and then you're doing the same old joke from two years ago. That fucking burns my craw to no end. I like that process.

That's the process. People want to follow a comic who's always got something new to say. And I got tricked. I got tricked by Rodney Dangerfield as a kid. I didn't know he had a notebook with five years of jokes in there. So every time you saw Rodney, he dropped bombs on you.

And you're like, wow, this guy I just saw him two nights ago, and he had something different That's wild They're all great Everyone of those jokes he quit comedy and but he kept writing material and He kept writing to a level that It was just brilliant. It was fucking really brilliant to watch what he was fucking writing and The speed of it and that's what it was people were thinking this guy's great He writes every day now. He had a notebook with five years of material. I

Got a notebook. It's got like 62 days of jokes because I rip them all up I get so Angry I just broke rip them up and throw them the fuck out But yeah, it won't like why did you start back up why you said you stop for a little bit I just don't like what I'm writing. I Get so fucking high some nights like You know after I've written like the jokes got to be in there and they got to be tried Okay, before I throw a notebook out. These are jokes that I tried and I wrote Last january till may

And I tried them in austin in a couple different places. I just wanted to start again. They had no hook to them I had no anchor in those jokes Do you mean like didn't never was working No, they were working. They were working because they were funny jokes and I Hate to say this but You know at this point if if you're a half a fan and I say something you're gonna laugh So it's kind of weird for me to note the joke I didn't really like the jokes They were funny jokes. You know, I told I talked about it before it doesn't matter why I didn't let I just there was no anchor to them. I

Didn't want to go back in that direction of being cheap I got to go back in there and now I got a couple of hooks that I could work with. At least they could be 25 minute bits and I don't have to fucking work that hard. That's crazy. Something I didn't do before, Lee. I don't want to do the same shit I did before. Nobody wants to do that. Everybody wants to be a little better or if I'm wrong, then I suck. But I'd rather be wrong and try something different than be the same old person and try to take your fucking money with the same old fucking stupid jokes and stories. There's a ton of comics I recommend to you that, you know, I don't

want to do that. That's just the way I don't know What would you do differently like why would your show be different? Oh a show is a show a show is lights camera a fucking Microphone and your heart and balls out there in the front row I'm not gonna go out there to ask you where you work what you do for a living or Talk about the election because none of that shit means a goddamn thing to me. So I gotta figure out like I'm working on something like when you get over 60, you choose your debt. You get to choose your debt

because you do mushrooms all night and you think about the different angles of dying. And now you're like, okay, now I know which way I wanna go. I'm working towards that street over there. So I'm putting together something like that. So this is shit that works for me right Talk I got bit in the fucking back of the ankle by what

Listen about a week ago. You're involved. You're outside You're talking to people and all of a sudden something bites you You go, and you ask for the off or whatever the fuck they got like I got a can off in the car So I got up and I'll go get it When I came back it kept hurting and it was itchy and I kept scratching it scratching it scratching And they were biting me in other places too. Like they always bite my hand New Jersey mosquitoes are the worst. They bite you in the sneaker. I don't know how they get into the fucking sneaker and

they'll bite you behind the ankle like in that area so you can't get through it. You're like cursing all fucking night because it's itchy. Anyway, one got me right above the sneaker line and brother it was hurting for four or five days. And I go, Terry, I know I asked you before, take a look at this. And she was like, holy fuck, something bit you, like a hornet, something. She had to take the thing out last night. Oh no.

The little fucking thing, and there was blood and pus. She felt bad. She was like, oh my God, I had no idea. I told you, it just, I know what a mosquito bite feels like after two days you move the fuck on it shouldn't be Infected and bleeding and like posse it that's not a mosquito bite. That's a fucking Could be a bat and did you pass out? Huh? Did he pass out? Oh Why would I fucking pass out? I was a blood Now the blood was dog. I'm getting used to shit. I get shot twice a week now. My wife shoots my knee

Easy three times a week now right in front of me. In fact, I take the needle and prep it for oh shit for you Yeah, the PBC 157 I shoot that right in my fucking knee And I look the other way the first three or four times it bothered me when she's shopping But now she's so good at it. It's a diabetic needle. You don't even feel the needle going in No It's terrifying. Do you get dizzy at all? No, nothing. Nothing those days of like listen This little needle shit just don't bother even like to take blood out of me and don't bother me anymore

It used I grew out of it And I just accepted it I knew that being married to this savage I can never get out of it like I Used to tell you I'm going for a blood test and then we'll go to McDonald's. I would never go for a blood test for years. I would go to the doctor. And how do you, what do you say? Huh? Same shit. And then what would happen? And she'd forget about it.

And then one day, okay. And one day she called and she's like, you ain't taking those tests. I'm going to start driving. Fuck. And she's like, I'm going to go to McDonald's. And she's like, you ain't taking those tests. I'm going to start driving. Fuck. Yeah. And I had to go and sit there and she had to watch me faint

about 20 times with a dentist one time. And now I just drive myself. I'm like, I overcame that shit, you know, but if it's like an intravenous or something, I got to schedule color color last to me Thank you for reminding me I'm gonna do that shit. I don't even like those things because that's when they put that IV in your hand That's always been a struggle with me. If you put it in my arm, remember you drove me to my colonoscopy Yeah, yeah 445 in the morning. I went't let a fart with other old people. It was tremendous

This is all the shit you get this with the jokes. I gotta talk about you gotta go to the door Oh that see I made a plan. I made a plan like the Japanese people in Okinawa You have two choices when you hit 60. Do you go to doctor you go to the gym? Well you're not going to get any money. You're not going to get any money. You're not going to get any money. You're not going to get any money. You're not going to get any money. You're not going to get any money. You don't get any money. You don't

get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any

money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. You don't get any 90% is fish There's no fucking that much meat and you got to get Sponsored to move on to the island Like you have to know somebody who will actually vouch for you To for you to become a resident of the fucking island. So you're only bringing cool people on Yeah, I wouldn't bring nobody on fuck them the rest of them could die my wife

Maybe you if you're lucky, you know saying if you do you play your cards, right? I feel you try to throw people off What I feel like you try to throw some people off the island. Oh I would be there. You're thinking about my friends. I'm not fucked up I can't change that mind and make a person I can't move to Japan. I got no fucking passport I know you can't move to Japan. I got no fucking passport It's the same thing Okinawa is like a continent whatever the fuck next to Japan I Know I thought we were joking around No, but I'm joking around here I'm dropping knowledge on these people so they know that Okinawa is a place to be if you want to be healthy

See this election that's coming Excuse me. I'm gonna have a chicken enchilada, plus I'm getting the gas in those edibles, you know, gives you that first burp, tastes like bicycle oil. Oh, but the ABX's, you know what I'm talking about, that first little burp. Yeah, bicycle oil. Whatever they taste like, I don't know, I'm just assuming. Relax, all right. Sit back, have a ginger ale, fucking Sydney. So. Yeah.

What we're saying? What we'll be talking about here? I don't know. What the fuck? You know? I always know everything, but you're not helping me the fuck out, Haley. If you, I always know everything but you're not helping me the fuck out of Italy if you

I'm to the part of my life Where why would you invite your friends to help you fucking destroy something? Because that's all I invite my friends to go to that island to be healthy They're just gonna drop that you know, you know like fires. They're gonna smoke cigars. I don't need that aggravation I'm not bringing that with me. I make an offer to two or three people You're one of them you want to change your life you you're sick of walking up and down these fucking stairs You move to Okinawa with me and my wife and my daughter. All right, we learned Japanese we get sandals We fish you become a fisherman. You have to wear and then on a Friday and Saturday you can do comedy somewhere All right, you could become a fisherman. You have to wear it. And then on a Friday and Saturday, you can do comedy somewhere, all right? You can become a fisherman.

I appreciate the opportunity. Take all the possibilities, my friend. No more walking up and down stairs. I haven't even started walking up and down the stairs yet. Yeah. Wait, wait. No more selling Volkswagens to white people, 12,000. What the fuck is going on here?

I didn't even know you had two cars, but every day I'm like the last one to find out about anything anymore And then I find out it's got four floors I still can't get over that I would have taken you over there said no way cuz I know you but anyway Why beat the podcast up with four floors and fucking? Who gives a fuck these edibles are hitting me the mushrooms are hitting me. I'm feeling good That's the way we're gonna start off a fucking Tuesday and a new week cocksucker. I Love you, buddy. You got nothing going on this weekly. Look at you. You look like Johnny. How many now? I think I'm gonna go to the season open at Thursday out of the Jets

That should be fun. Yeah, that's what I'm looking for. You know Aaron and at the Kiltani right? I met him a couple times that doesn't matter. He told me to call him for tickets So I'm gonna hit him up a ticket, but I want to hit him right now He's in San Francisco jumping up and down, you You know probably people looking to shoot him like the other receiver, so I don't even want to talk about that But once he gets back, maybe this week. I'll get my holla. I Don't want to ask him for a bunch of tickets No, I kind of wanted to go with me and my neighbor's kid

I thought his mom had tickets, but now she's like I want to go and I'm like what the fuck You know maybe my daughter like I want to go and I'm like, what the fuck? You know, maybe my daughter wife want to go Right a night. It's an 830 at night game They want to go out there and shut them bump of the bumper with people and eat cheeseburgers I don't want to do none of that shit. I don't I just want to go to the game and leave it half time You know me I leave it had too late to be out fucked and watching football game. I could be on my couch right now, petting my cat, like an evil dictator. I'm over here freezing, making believe I'm enjoying myself. Oh yeah. It's going to be pretty.

At least it's one of those games that it's going to be. This is the week. One thing about New York, this is the month you want to be there. And remember you land for the San Gennaro feast. You go down to the feast and eat Chinese food and all that shit next week. Isn't it Italian festival? Yeah. Sends the feast to San. Chinese food because they're Chinese people to cook an Italian food, you know,

you know, some of them are Mexican. Yeah. They're over there making veal scallopini. I That is so much good food there. Yeah, no, so you're coming in a good week, and it's just uh If I was ever gonna There's the time of the year to move here. This is the time of year you want to be here and You know there's a lot of shit the Yankees get hot now want to be here and you know, there's a lot of shit.

The Yankees get hot now. There's football, there's play starting. You could walk. You could walk everywhere. It's huge. Yeah. So I'm happy you're coming my friend. Thanks but I'm really,

I can't be, I'm more so, so excited. I'm envious. I'm envious for you because you're, this is an opportunity that people dream of. I'm letting you know how, you know, like you could do fucking 20 spots a weekly. Everything we discussed. And then right on the week, whatever,

you know, tighten your shit up. What goes, what comes. This is like going to football camp when you're 12 for a week. You're eating pizza till one with your friends. If you get those good friends, they'll tell you, oh, Lee, you got to get rid of that joke. Yeah, that's what you're talking about. I know you got to get up at eight 536 to wash my one white shirt and wait for it to dry and then I would get on the bus and go to the city to sell

fucking cars so this is what you want to do my friend this goes for anybody is the way to do it now it's time to roll up your sleeves I'm done roll up my sleeves this is rolling up your sleeve time and going Fuck everybody and on top of that I gotta walk four stories So you got your hands cut out for you that four story Lee? Oh, if I don't get if I don't get so much better and like every six months I should be so much better Yeah, I did that every time I'm in New York. I see a difference Between New York comics in New York. I see a difference between New York

comics in New York and comics outside of New York now. Yeah, go to Jazz Club one night. Go to the cellar, but I don't want you to sit at the cellar like you know, don't go to the cellar yet because you don't know which way to attack it. If

you're paying, you feel jerky and if you get for free and you have to sit with our you feel jerky. So just but now you could go see entertainment Right. Oh, yeah, there's so much to go see so much to go see There's the town to get fucking entertained. But anyway, stay black. Have a great week. All you motherfuckers. I love you and That's it Welcome back to church! It's Tuesday the 10th of September

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