Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - The Supermarket of Sin

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about having to go back to the hospital, why his roommate was worse than any roommate he's ever had before, and why he had to torture his doctor a little bit. Joey and Lee are also joined by Joey's nepew Nick A. Joey grew up around Nick's entire family including his grandparents and Nick grew up hearing these stories. Nick is the laugh you love on the podcast and is beginning a career in politics. Support the show and get $5 off your Magic Spoon order at https://www.magicspoon.com/CHURCH  Support the show and get 35% off your first 3 NYKD orders at https://www.NYKDPouches.com/CHURCH  

What's happening, beautiful people? It's Tuesday, the 11th of February. A beautiful day to be alive. Me and Leah here to bring you a little joy on a Tuesday morning. Let's get this party started, Jackson. Hey, Uncle Joey here. I want to talk to you about something. If you missed the cereal of your childhood, but don't miss the sugar,

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Get $5 off your next order at magic spoon.com slash church, C-H-U-R-C-H, or look for MagicSpoon on Amazon or your nearest grocery store. That's magic spoon.com slash church for $5 off. Welcome back to church! We're here. Uncle Joey's here, my main man Lee, the co-host of Dutt. How was the weekend there?

I had a great weekend. What'd you do? I did. Well, my show got postponed, which sucks, but I went and saw Russell Peters, which was really fucking cool. He was at the Beacon. And then I'm not fucking mush.

That's what I have to announce. I did well yesterday. Or two days ago. I did well at the Super Bowl. Okay. Yeah. I got lucky in a couple of, like, they had one for,

Like, since it was like Taylor Swift, they'd won if you had, if anyone, if they score 22 points in a quarter, it was like five to one. I got defensive touchdown twice. I had, I had just any defensive touchdown, and then I had each team. So I got, like, I turned, like, I turned like 200 into 700. I had a great fucking day. Yeah. Oh, dude, I was so ready to fucking lose it.

I told people, I was like, hey, just, I'm going to, I want, I did a live, Philly. Okay. I told people just bet opposite me and you'll probably win. for the first time ever, I did okay. I'm so happy for Philly. And it was, like, it was from the very beginning that they were just destroying. And I knew it. I knew it that for them to win, it had to be NFC East Football.

You got to go in there and go after the fucking quarterback. That's it. That's NFC East football. The Giants, the Redskins, the fucking Cowboys, and those fucking idiots. It's fucking NFC East Football. You're biting, you're scratching. That's what they're. the NFC was always about.

I think somewhere in all this softness of football, you know, the hate and love, hate, listen, it's football, I got to hate you. During the game, I got to hate you for an hour. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? I'm going to rip your fucking lungs out.

What are you talking about? There's no love here. After the game, we do the hug, yeah, yeah, I make more money than you do the whole fucking deal. You know, it's all the fake hugs and shit. It's like being in L.A. Like, they don't love each other.

No. I think that was going to happen, though. I thought I was just going to be like a huge... I was hoping everybody scored. I thought it was going to be a good game. I didn't think Philly was going to get in their ass like that. You know, I didn't like that they kept going to Chiquon and Barclay. They get it.

How many times you're going to go to Barclay? Enough. I wish he did anything. That's the only where... The only place I lost money. Even in the four... They were winning by 80 and they're still... He's still running.

Fucking... Get him out. That's it's over. That's it. Get him out. He's going to get killed for no fucking reason. He's going into the mouth of fucking debt. You know, I'm an old fucking man, and this is the difference when you're watching football.

When I watch the Super Bowl now, I get it. I get it because what you don't understand, even the news is entertainment. The news makes money on commercials. Does it not? Yeah, a thousand percent. They're an entertainment company. They have to entertain you with their, they put it together. Like the other day, I switched governments.

I went from ABC World News Tonight. There was like a hockey game, so I couldn't watch World News, so I went to Channel 4. It's the same fuck with Jose Diaz. I'm watching it, like, Jose's got a big fucking head. I'm like, this fucking guy's name is Jose. Then they called him Jose Diaz. And I lost it. I'm like, fuck.

I got to do something about my head. And it's the same fucking formula. They tell you all the bad news up front. And then at the end, here's the kid who found a drum amid the fire in California. You see a little kid playing his drum. You know, it's a little kid playing his drum. It's the shame formula Right, it's all the same

Last week they put on a Oh, listen to the un-man I love when they do this Because only white people fall for this Okay, when they go We found the lost Tina Turner out Listen, that thing was lost for a reason They put that in the back of the safe

For a fucking reason It was like one of those things And she's like, let's release this night Not right now Not right now We'll get that later on It's like a yokeo-o-all No fucking song.

Put in the back. And then you hope she dies before she ever brings it up again. And they die. And then some fucking agent goes in there and goes, oh, let's release it. And make ten times out.

You're not going to make it. It's a bunch of yelling. If Tina Turner getting beat up by Ike, yelling. You know what I'm saying? I don't need that shit. Nobody wants that shit anymore. And I love Tina Turner. I'm not saying nothing bad about it.

But all that, like, we found three more Beatles songs. They're terrible. The Beatles put out everything. Backwater, cookies. They were like Elvis. Like, if you hear Elvis had a missing song, trust me, it's bad. Well, now, like, I don't know if there's, I mean, there's obviously going to be missing stuff.

But I didn't, I saw that Scorsese is doing this, like, mini-series for Fox Nation, like, the Fox Nation app. And I have nothing against Fox. But, like, that's who's coming up with an app now. They gave Scorsese however many millions of dollars. And now, like, it's going to. I hear you all the director is you're all. Fucking doing a podcast. I know.

That's fucking ex-fellant. The fuck is going on with your life. You should be creating your own half. You should be Rupert fucking lease. If you let me do any of the ideas, I've given you high. You see Rupert at the fucking, at the game yesterday, the owner of Fox, sitting there with an Asian bitch. He had bitches behind him, bitches to the left of him.

That dog is old, but he can still hunt. Because with that type of money, you just get a prosthetic dick like that. I just got like a two-foot dick. Everybody's getting yumb-yums. Because everybody, listen, they're doing something, right? They're making men into women. In some country, Sweden, they've got to have. Have like a do you want a black dick that's white?

Oh, you want to like a transplant a black dick on to him? Fuck, but white, you know, it's a right, of course. He can't show up with a black dick at that age. No, no, that'd be terrible. I'm sure whoever's there would walk away if it was black. Yeah, those guys stay there, I don't give a fuck. Rupert Murdoch don't give a fuck if he cheats on his wife. He don't even know his wife is anymore.

That's how much money is that. Who's my wife? I don't know. I don't think she cares. No. No. He's 90. 90 years old.

Whatever fuck he is. But it doesn't matter. Wasn't he married? Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He was married to what's his name for a while? Rupert Murdoch was married to Mick Jagger's ex-wife for a while. The Texan chick, the big Texan. Jesus.

Jerry Hall. Look it up. Somebody was married to Jerry Hall. Some big motherfucker. After Mick Jagger, Jerry Hall came along and married another tycoon. I think it was Rupert Murdoch. because it's like that chick. You ever get that girlfriend that?

Yeah, Ruby Murdo. Yeah, told you. They just got divorced. Told you. And she left with more money than Mick Jagger. She's like, fuck Mick. Fuck Mick. I can take Mick's money and shove it up my ass.

This is big money. Rupert Murdoch was fucking Jerry Hall. Damn. That's why I like when women go. I'm sick of rich, guys. Yeah. It's time to date regularly guys. Oh, well, wait until he splits the check with you.

Wait through these places to check. Wait until you have to go and you drink the low-class wine. After about a month, he's like, we're going back to those rich dudes because this is bullshit. Did you see Bill Belichick got his girlfriend in the Dunkin' Donuts commercial? Fuck, dog, that's what old pimps do. She's like 24 and 25, yeah. Doug, I'm the only fucking old pimp that lives at home with his wife and has a kid and goes to basketball games. I have to fag.

If I had a brain in my head, I'd be on a boat right now. getting my balls licked throwing people off the boat Epstein style you know what I'm saying like Would it be the same people would you look at your balls and then you throw them off the boat or two separate Groups of people No I'm like fucking Netanyahu you keep they sick their dick then you kill them There's no ditty tapes there's no Nobody's gonna come back and I was on his boat

You were not on this boat you're dead you know what I'm saying Nobody talks about Netanyahu all his bitches because he kills them all Do you think Diddy's up? He must be upset about that. Diddy? He must have wish he killed all. Listen, I don't want to talk about Diddy.

We got so many good things in the fucking world to talk about And you want to talk about that fucking mort. You know. You brought it up. I didn't bring up Diddy. I brought a Rupert Murdoch. A big difference. Rupert Murdoch and Diddy two different fucking deals.

I had a hell of a fucking weekend. I got to tell you guys about. So everything was good. It was like being a lot. this trip club. Everything was good. She were in love. Then I ran out of dollar bills. Once you run out of dollar bills, the whole night's over. You got to, you break that rhythm. You know what I'm saying?

Right. Hey, give me a 20. By the time she comes over, she's talking to Julio down by the schoo yard. You're like, what the fuck? And now that he broke the whole, what are we talking about? You're having your weekend. It was like a strip club. All right. So everything was going good. I fucking get a call from my doctor. And she's like, listen, you got to come in for me to prescribe you this prescription you need. And I'm like, I'm not going in there. I was like fighting. Just give it, because she didn't have an appointment

to like March fucking 30th. And I'm like, that's not gonna work. You know? I go, forget it. I came out of hospital two weeks where I called you, motherfuckers. You told me to call back this week and now you're telling me again,

you have no appointments for me. She goes, well, you need this. I go, what do you want me to do? Where the fuck do you want me to get it? I got to wait until whatever. She goes, oh. And she goes, okay, I got you an appointment for tomorrow. I knew you had fucking appointments.

You just holding them out on me. Fuck you, motherfuckers. So when I got down there, she's like, Joey, your lung. But I saw something else. And she goes, let me touch it. And she started touching me. And I fucking popped up in the air. And she goes, I want you to go home, pack a bag, and go to the hospital.

You have diverticulitis. So I fucking did exactly what she said. Went to the hospital, packed my bag. I was just there for five fucking night. It was great. I'd tell anybody to go to that hospital. It was tremendous, but I didn't forget that. You have good weeks in life, and you've got bad weeks in life.

So fucking, I'm there Wednesday, Thursday. They're going to send me home Friday. And Friday morning I get a fucking Instagram from Paulytoons. And he sends me a cartoon of me talking about being in the hospital when I was 16 at Christ's hospital. And the guy next to me had a stroke on the side that makes the show. shit of your body, so he couldn't shit. So I was in there with him for like two days, like, ah, ah.

And they finally, like on a Friday night, they came in with a fucking, a court gun. And they weren't ready for it, and they put it up his ass, and they started shooting the water. And then the shit started coming out everywhere. He hadn't taken the shit in like four or five days, this poor bastard. He was overflowing.

Oh, no. His whole side was draining, like the hip. The hip. You can hear it on them going, oh, get towels and all this shit. So they put me in like a clean room and that was it. But I get this Friday morning in the hospital. I'm like, this is fucked up.

And I got a Mexican guy next to me. The nicest Mexican guy you ever met. His family came. They brought fucking Mexican food. I gave oranges. Everybody was fucking happy. It was a fucking, because I steal shit from the back.

So I'll be giving rice Krispies. Mexicans love taking Rice Krispies home. I don't know what it is. Fucking. So about 8.30. they throw him out of the hospital the fucking Mexican dude and I'm like oh shit

but Friday night I also Thursday night I said fuck this the last time I came to the hospital I played sober Joe this time I'm not doing that shit so I ate 300 milligrams on Thursday night

I was fucked up you got fucked up off 300 oh like we do here on Monday I fucking put the earphones on I had Led Zeppelin on I had a basketball game on I was writing Don't you got to see that notebook.

I wrote like 55 pages of shit. Nice. And now I looked at, there's two things I can read. It's like hieroglyphic. I thought it looks like fucking that Chinese book that came out today.

Same hieroglyphics and shit. So I'm sitting there Friday and I go, fuck this. I'm taking 400 milligrams. So I pop all four of those motherfuckers. There's one left. I save it for Lee. Thank you.

Because I'm a Christian. I'm sitting there on fire. And I hear this commotion. Man. Stop here. And some guy again, oh, oh, I'm like, fuck. I take my headphones off. Hold on.

I could tell something's going on in my room. They bring him in. And he's like, lady, before you put me in the bed, I have to go number two again. The guy's like fucking 80. And, you know, they had to flip him over and shit and the whole thing. Then he shit again. He shit three times in the wheelchair before he even got on the bed. Right?

Now I'm sitting there going, I need this. I'm supposed to put some medables. everything was beautiful. It's like now, you know, now you see the correlation between the stripper. Now everything was beautiful.

I had a flow going. And that's it. That's it. And now this guy, so they finally put him in bed, he don't touch the Betty shit to the game. It's 9.30 and the, now it smells like fucking exit 11

in my room. And I'm in the corner. So you got nowhere to go. This ass is coming at me. So I got like a cape on, like a little fucking, Wait, is all you had that little, like, curtain between you? The curtain between me?

That's all you had for the smell? That's it. Oh, no. I got the cake they put on you with the ass out. I never put those on. I get sweats and sneakers in that motherfucker. I got time for no cape with my asshole out. So I put that on around my head like a Turkish dude, like, just so I wouldn't smell the shit.

Wait, you put the hospital gown around the head? Fuck yeah, and let the eyes out, like fucking, you know me, like Alibaba in the 40s? I don't give a fuck, John. Why is there no picture of this? I wasn't going to take a selfie look like Alibaba and next thing you know people think I join ISIS

and that's a whole fucking so it's about 11.30 I get out of the room. I had a pastrami sandwich so I fucking went out in the hallway and ate it. I don't want to smell that shit all night. I come back about 11.30 quarter to 12

he's kind of like oh oh I lay down and all of some they stick because in the hospital it's like on the drive up here today. I'm home all day. I'm home all day.

When do the doctor's call you when you're in the car? I didn't want information. But can I get the information? Listen, I'm on Route 3 with sunglasses on. You know what I'm saying? Cutting people off. I ain't got time to go on my wallet. I sat there all day waiting for you the motherfuckers to call and you call it five o'clock. You know, as usual. That whole system, they bother you when you least expect it. So I'm fucking sitting there and I'm like, I'm too high to even go. sleep. So they start with their bullshit. Hi, Mr. Diaz, we're

here to check your vitals. That's the fucking, the oxygen and the blood pressure. Then they prick your fucking finger and get blood out of it for a sugar test. She comes in and she's got the machine away from me. Right? It's about midnight

maybe. So I can't see the numbers but I see her go and all of a sudden she's on a walkie-talkie and a bunch of white people come in my room. I got like three white people, two black people, an African lady, a Filipino lady, and they're like, what could be going on?

Are you okay? And I'm like, I'm okay. What's going on? They're like, your blood pressure is 190 over 100, and your oxygen levels at 80. How are you even standing? And I got up, and I'm like, I'm fine, I'm tip top. And they're like, we don't know what's going on. We have to call the head surgeon. And I'm don't thinking, I know what's going on. I got

400 milligrams of me, bitch. That's what's going on. So now I know what does you. It raises your blood pressure and lowers your oxygen level, so we're good. Oh, good. That's awesome. Did you tell them this at any point? Fuck, no. I'm going to let him guess. I'm going to let him call Mars. I'm having him call China for medical information. He was fine all day. Your blood pressure was 140 over 80, and all of a sudden now it's 198 over 100. What is going on? I'm like, I don't know. I tortured them, but then they torture me because that fucking dude shit again. I was going to say, he was making a reappearance.

They flipped them over and the bucket fell. So now there was shit juice all over the fucking floor. I didn't say a word. You know me? I usually fucking go, what the fuck is this? I'm going home, calling Uber. I didn't say a word. I just wanted to get healthy.

I was up all night. But the clinker is like I was asleep but up. I had the blanket on. I had earphones on. I had the sleep at me a mask on. I would listen to music because I was so fucking high. And they kept coming in and asking me creepy questions. Like at 2.30 they woke me up to ask me how much I weighed and I'll call it.

I was. And I asked that. I said, can I ask you a question? So this question came to you. At 3-4th, at 2.40 in the morning, you just decided, let me wake up, Joey, to see what he weighs and how tall he is. Then they'll come in again like at 4. Like, we need to take more blood out of your finger. Why? I haven't eaten a fucking thing. I've been sitting here burning on edibles because I can't walk out because the shit fog is on the wall. Finally at seven I got up, tiptoed by way of that bathroom And I took the most

Fucking the best shower I've ever taken Because I knew there were shit particles in the air The guy's been shitting for 10 hours Every fucking 15 minutes There's got to be some type of shit particles In the air So I took a nice shower I walked out and you can still smell the shit

The breakfast camera goes nah We're not eating in here Take them out I don't want shit on my eggs And fucking feces pieces All over the fucking place Pieces, fucking pieces Agravating.

You go to a hospital, relax. Not to get tortured. That's what they do to you in those hospitals. They torture me. And it's a great hospital. I love them to death. They called today and I gave them all 10 stars. That's not the fight.

And then the one day, we got this, listen, if Jews put an ugly woman on this planet, this was the one. She was there when I checked into the big room, a two-man room. She was the ugly. She had those eyes, like she had been in fucking Gaza for 200 days. She was a hostage.

She had like a black towel around her head. She had the stockings. She was a stinky, but I don't think she was full on. Right, only partially. So this fucking bitch, I go upstairs and go, thank God I'm in my room. And I start taking my shampoo out. My wife dropped off. And she goes, what are you doing?

I'm taking a shower. She goes, no, you can't. I go, what do you mean? I can't take a shower. She goes, you can't take a shower. And we get doctor's orders. That's going to take about. three hours. I go, I gave

him that Bronson line, that's three hours, too many. I'm going in right now. And she's like, but you can't. The doctor's orders. I said, the doctor hasn't given me no order. I've been in the fucking hospital for 27 hours. There's some odors coming out of me. I'm taking a shower. Bro, this lady went and got security.

And as she was walking into the security, I walked into the shower. They banged on the door for like three minutes. I was on, can't hear you. I came out there waiting for me and shit. Like, you can't do this. The doctor, I go, listen. There was a, I didn't say it in front of the ugly Jewish chick. I said it to the guy. I go, why don't you get the doctor to come up here

sniff my nuts out? He'll give you an order. To take me in there and bathe me. My nut was rotten on the left side. From laying on that, you have that. Sometimes you've got pee around your dick, that's one thing. You can wipe it off. But if you got that nut slam. I love that, yeah. You have it, and it's

your hand and then you can't wipe it off your leg because it just slicks. That's what you had. I'm not embarrassed to say it. That's why I take three showers a day. Because I know that's what comes out of my left nut juice. Wait. Because I lay out my left side. I figured it out. Right. Now, I do want to paint the picture. Is this before or after this guy shit himself? This is way before he came.

All right. So this is pretty, okay. Holy shit. Oh my God. And yeah, because you was going 27 hours without a shower. Never happens. Dog. come on. I took like three Puerto Rican ones where I got the hot towel and you wipe your armpits

and between your balls but that don't do it because you gotta use soap and fucking dove and elbow grease and your skin is dry you know your skin I took my pants off

right fucking it went poof from my legs how dry they were I need a fucking shower right put some cream on these fucking stilts dude I've been with you once

like once many times like we've done something in the morning had lunch went back to your house and be like I gotta take a shower

I'll be better That's what a shower is for to use it. Not to look at it and go, oh, it's a nice shower. What the fuck? You got to get in there. Right. You got to wash that ass, 24 hours without washing your ass. Right.

And maybe one or two shits. It starts to ferment. Oh, yeah. It starts to ferment. It turns into something else. After you get mushrooms and hemorrhoids and all the dirty shit around your ass. When you don't wash your fucking ass. How excited are you to get to be like 70 and 75 and like just really torturing doctors?

I'm not excited at all. No? No. I'm still thinking about all the people I can torture now. Right. I got people that call me every day that are just, they're looking to get tortured. And I'm such a Christian now, I just let them off the hook. That's really nice of you.

You bet your ass. What did you do to that guy who was shitting himself didn't do? No, he was in a night. Listen, it's not his love. Did he give him something to stop him up or? I kept saying, you want me to bring you something? He's like, everything goes through me. That's right.

Because I had to connect. In the back, I get coffees, I get the cereals, I get the fucking turkey sandwiches. That night I got so high, I must eat in four turkey sandwiches. The night he shit himself? No, the night before that, when I ate the three edibles, oh, my God. I ate so much in there that have these turkey sandwiches that are delicious. Don't eat the ham sandwiches. But you eat the ham sandwich while you're eating it, you're like, thank God I'm in the hospital.

I don't have to go far if this shit goes sour. But the turkey sandwich is unreal. You know, and I got that Divertelitis, whatever the fuck that is. Isn't that what the UFC fighter had? Yeah. But he had to take a surgery. I'm trying to avoid the surgery. So I got to stop eating seeds. I can't

eat fucking red crushed pepper. I got to eat the crushed powder now. Oh, damn. Hey, it's better than having surgery. That's right. And this is what happens. This is the evolution of man. All you young guys are like, why am I listening to this conversation? Because one day, this is going to be you.

Do you think I was going to have these conversations? Not at all. I thought I was going to be dead when I was 37. And I was good with that. I was good with that. I'm like, I don't need shit. But it didn't work out. I thought I was going to die during Y2K.

I really did. I really did. I'm like, I'm going to die. Like the year 2000? Like about a month or two and I'll die. Okay. I never died. So what would happen?

Like let's say when you got to the year 2000 and you were like June and you were still alive. Did you pick a new day? I was in shock. Did you pick it like, all right, it's going to be 2006? I didn't die and I ended up marrying, meeting my wife. Yeah. June of 2000. Wow, that's crazy.

Yeah. I was on the road. And then if you think about it, you said, you said I wouldn't make it to 50 and then you had mercy. No, I was on the road that year from November. I didn't get back until April. That's awesome. And I only had three weeks booked when I left. Everything else was fallouts from the road.

And I worked every weekend. It wasn't the money I wanted. but I work constantly. That's, and you were just taking a bus? Fuck, no. I was it a girl in a car. Oh, shit, oh, okay, that was that one. And I had to throw her clothes away because she would put her clothes in the backseat

and I'd be smoking cigarettes and I'd fling them out the window. So I thought, and when we get to the destination, I look at the back and her shirt would be burnt. So for years, she would always tell me, I don't know what happened to those three shirts. They just ended up burned. Holy shake. Dude, I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did in the hospital, especially now hearing it. Like, both times, I was surprised that you lasted as long as you did.

And then this time to hear, because you don't do well with weird smells, like even, like even a little bit. Sandals, little things just tick me off, ranch dressing. Then the one day they brought me salad with ranch dressing, I almost went off. I almost went off. The next day they brought me no salad, but with the right salad dressing. Wait, they brought you no salad, but they brought dressing? They brought me no salad.

Okay. But, dude, the fact that you survived, even just take out the dude's shitting, because that's actually kind of, at some point did it get funny? At some point, when you're in an hospital room, you think you're on true TV, and that people just fucking with you. It's like before when I got in the car. I was in the car 10 minutes. I just got the gas.

I just hit the fucking nine I'm just hitting the Jersey turnpike north and this lady decides to call me and she got to put me on hold and she wants to ask me questions and what medications are you taking? Listen, do you see my wife in the fucking car? If my wife's not in the car,

I don't know what I'm taking. You can throw off the names at me and I'll yesterday. I'm taking everything. Calipoline, they hit you with all this shit and you're like, guys, I don't even know what's in that cup in the morning. My wife puts a cup on top of the table

with pills. I just drop it. I take the other one on my own. I take one downstairs on my own. And I take the ones at night on my own. But the breakfast one, it's too many. Right. So I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

But you were saying when you're in the hospital, it feels like true TV. I asked if it never got funny. Oh, yeah, at some point I have to look around. Listen, what saves me is my sense of humor, even though I don't have one. What do you mean you don't have one? I don't have a sense of humor like that.

Like most people, like they, oh, it happens. No, don't... Why are you waking me up at 2.30? See how tall I am. What am I dying? You're calling the cast company? You know, the casket company? I mean, what the fuck?

You got to sit there and go, what the fuck was that about? That's got to be a fucking candid camera minute. That's got to be a candor camera moment. Did they really just literally like shake you, Mr. Deans? Dog, they ask you questions.

The one day, I got this fine little African chicken there that takes vitals. I mean, this girl was a sweetheart, and she was beautiful to boot. And she's taking my vitals. It's 6.30 in the morning.

We're kicking it. We're doing great. I'm playing fucking music for Cuban music and shit, talking about Nigeria. Yeah, well, all the saints came from. And fucking, uh, three people just march into my fucking deck. A woman and two fucking,

like, little assistants with the pads? You ever see that when a woman walks in And she's got two little fags or pads. This bitch just comes into my room. Now, the blood pressure machine is here. The chick is here, and the TV's here. She just walked into the TV, into my space. Hi, Mr. Diaz.

I'm Dr. Doolittle, whatever fucking name is. And this is whack and frack over here. These two fucking blow and hoe. That's what these are. And she's like, doesn't even say that to me. He starts touching my stomach. And I'm like, okay You know, and then she's like

Hold on, take his pulse. Well, lady, awesome the bell goes off And my blood pressure is one fucking 75 Over 90. She's like, it's a bit high this morning. I go first off, look at you and look at me.

Why are you there? Back! You came in here while she, a doctor, a surgeon, came in here while she's testing my blood. No respect for this poor fucking girl and no respect for me You just barge in here with your college-educated ass and started like, you know.

Right. And that's my blood, I go, step back. It's 140 over fucking 80. I go, do you see? I mean, you're a fucking surgeon. Right. There's days I was in there giving blood and there's other motherfuckers coming in trying to give you like another needle or back rub and you're like, enough.

Let's do this first. Right. When they all come in, they come in like, you know, you pull your car in, when a race, and all of a sudden everybody comes out, blah, bah, bah, right.

That's what it looks like. It's like, we don't, it's not a race. Fuck. It's ain't a fucking race. Why is that nine people in here? Well,

let me touch your legs. Why? Now, I got a thing on my arm. I got an IVOV. It's, it's humorous, man. Right.

Oh, yeah. It's humorous that. Well, that, that does sound funny. I would have, I've laughed. I've laughed in public bathrooms.

When people fart, I'm a little kid. Like, if that dude was shitting himself, there's a zero percent. I would have laughed the entire time. Listen, listen. Let me tell you something else. Because in life, you don't know how this sound. See, when we shit at home, we shit into a toilet.

And then it was like, bloop. Every once in a while, we get the 3D experience where the water hits you in the ass, right? Or you go to wipe your ass and your hand hits the shit or the water. You went a little too deep and now you got the black hand stain over here. All right.

But that's completely different, guys, and if you shit in a bucket and listen to the bucket for, and hear the shit, because as soon as it hit, I go, oh, that shit water. That ain't Agua de Olympia. That's not, you know, it's like when puke hits. When puke hits a floor, you know what it sounds like. And if you're not watching it, listening to it,

it's completely different. So when I heard that bucket flip over, it wasn't like a metal bucket. Whatever the fuck they put you in like a little, baby bucket and the bucket flipped when that thing went and it hit and I heard the nurse go, oh no. You know.

Oh no. Yeah. That's it. That's, uh, so when I heard that, that's the first time I was like, that's real. That's real. And I'm going to walk in it and I'm going to be fucking pissed. I put on two of those little hospital socks they give you with the little with little alligators on the bottom so you won't slip.

I don't think they would have done anything. Those are still cloth socks. Did what? Those are still cloth. Yeah, but I put two on just in case because you step on one of those little nuggets. It don't matter. You ever snap on one of your own nuggets or the cat's nuggets? It's not good.

You've stepped on shit before? Yeah. In what scenarios there's shit on the floor? I went to get up to wipe my ass. A little yum yum, it dropped the floor, and I fucking backed into it. It was on my heel. I didn't even know. You smell something funny.

Because that's another thing. When you shit in the toilet, it smells like what it smells. Like, go cut that motherfucker with a knife and leave it in there. It opens up the airways. That's why when shit breaks in half, it smells so bad. Plus, if he's 80-something and having, like, an issue, I don't think there's anything to cut in half. I feel like it's, like, all...

Listen, I don't know what his diet is. All right, I didn't follow him around, like, fucking muck and hook. How about, did they took you out of that room, he said, after that happened? No, I abandoned shit. I got up that morning of seven and told him what time it was. I'm like, get the paperwork ready. They're like, yeah, we're going to go. The doctor came in a little Arab guy, sweetheart.

And he goes, we discharge you. And he goes, everything good. I didn't say enough. I didn't make a scene. I made a scene when they told me I'd be out by 12, and there was 1.15. And I was still sitting there. This guy's still going, oh, oh, oh.

And I'm like, enough. It's sunny out. My fucking legs are swollen. Because I would walk around all the time in the hospital. I walk every hour. Right. You got to move around that motherfucker. You're going to die there.

Oh shit. Emergency was great. The first day I got to emergency, like an hour in there was already a fist fight. I'm doing. Four cops had to fuck some dude up. And then they were, he was like, in there, he was like, ah, fuck you. You're not a doctor.

Get out of my face. And also I heard 25, you know, like some of these 25 milligrams or something. Oh, no. And I heard him yell. Ah! And that was it. I went over and checked out of me. I blood all over his fucking thing.

A fist fight in the... Did you see the fist fight? I heard it. I heard a couple punches thrown and... Oh. Fucking wheels from a little chair spinning around, you know. All that fun shit. Jesus.

I can't imagine getting to a fist fight in the emergency room. That's the best place to get into a fist fight. You're right there. I guess you're right. Fuck. It's a crazy world out there, Lee. People get to fist fights in a lot of fucking places. I've never been in an emergency room.

fist fight, but that's the most second, most exciting place in the world next to Disneyland. To get a new fistfight? Just go to emergency room Manhattan. Yeah. I sit there for a few hours with a camera. That's a fucking art. That's a podcast. Yeah.

No, you're right. The people walk in, bleeding, shot, fucking yelling. That's a podcast. 15-minute podcast. Me and the emergency, and every week you go to a different emergency room. Could you imagine asking someone while they're fucking like, ah, ha. What happened? Get the fuck out of here.

No, you're not going to ask nobody. You're just a quiet spectator. That's the name of the podcast. The quiet spectator. Some nights you go to court. Go to midnight court downtown and see what comes in there at midnight. Do you think they still have midnight court? They got to have something.

Jesus. They have a bunch of that on Zoom now. Court. Yeah, but it ain't the same. No. I don't want to sit there on Zoom in much. You got to sit there and get the action, the odors. you know what I'm saying the guy comes in stabbed

you want to smell the blood oh yeah Jesus Christ Yeah Midnight You get stabbed That's why I was open Why do you keep asking but I don't want to get stabbed I don't want to get hit in the head

People send me messages now Like have you gone mugged yet No I don't want to get mugged eventually Please stop saying that They mugged fucking Jerry Rocha They're gonna mug you For I go They got mug twice

They took his jacket They took his jacket Yeah he had a one I don't have that kind of jacket. I don't have nice jackets. They don't care. $2 is $2. You know what I'm saying?

That's all they need. Fuck. So be careful. Always wear underlinings. Underlinings? Yeah, like a fucking Arctic t-shirt and Arctic pants. Oh, that'll really help. You don't know if they make you think of pants off and now you've got protection underneath.

We're going to take a break with that one. Poor Lee couldn't handle that. I don't know where to go from there. I don't know where to go from there. We'll be back, bitches. Hey, Uncle Joey here. Listen, if you want a nicotine pouch, it's going to rock your world. I'm talking about rock your world.

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Thank you for watching and supporting the church. I want to thank Nick for always supporting the church. We're back, bitches. We got my fucking a special guest tonight. He's the guy here cracking up in the back all the time, giggling, having a good time. My fucking nephew, Nikki A.K.K.A. K.K.A. Nikki, pork chops.

A.K.A. Nikki. We're going to go get some pork chops after this. We're vinegar peppers, potatoes and onions. Are you kidding me? They got the Rhode Island iced tea. The Rhode Island. Clam Chatter. Clam Chata on a fucking Monday night. Stop it. Come on. What's up, dog? Having a great night. How about you, how you doing? Always.

Listen, let's get some background here. So you motherfuckers, no. I didn't just pick him up at some fucking Thai bar. You know what I'm saying? One of my friends brought in Thailand and shit. I grew up with his family. You know, next week we're going to have, like in two weeks, we've got a friend of mine, Dennis is coming in.

And then we got another villo coming in. And, you know, if you say anything to Dennis, Colangelo, I always talk about Mr. Ascle's. You've heard me talk about Mr. Ascle's. Mr. Ascley, Mr. Ascley's, this is his grandson. And I grew up with his uncles and his aunts and his mother. And during the pandemic, I don't want to leave the fucking house. I get a call from his uncle.

He's like, hey, you got to do me a favor. My nephew, Nick is there. He's looking to see the devil. He says he wants to me. I'm like, during the fucking pandemic, he brought that shit from New York because I was still petrified. In June, I'm like, I don't want to talk to nobody from New York. and because the fucking guy who went skiing.

The Jew. The Jewish guy, that motherfucker. He was probably the ugly Jew's father down in the hospital there. Oh, shit. Fucking, you know, I went to meet him and I was like, wow, this is tremendous. And I came back when I moved back, there he was. And, you know, he's an adopted nephew the same way his family adopted me 45 fucking moons ago. So this is a different generation.

Like sometimes when he hears me talk, he's like, what the fuck is he talking about? You know, there's nobody getting mugged in Hudson County Park no more well. At one time, there was. It's funny because every Monday I come up here, and the wave sends me on a different route. And on every route, no matter what, I could find places I robbed, places I ran out of, places I lit on fire. Like, oh, my God, I robbed that place. I didn't know it was a pizza joint now. My first burglary on my right.

Yeah. It really is fucking crazy. It really Every time I drive on Daly Avenue A new memory comes to me I'm like I'm not even going to say that shit They have that in New York You could do that like I have those guys that do like the double-decker buses

To do the tours around You can pick up people into the Joey Diaz tour Of northern New Jersey Last week, two weeks ago I'm at home watching New Jersey 12 I'm waiting for the weather That's a little little news station here in New Jersey And that was the day the fucking truck went into the

Target on Tunley Target what went in there A truck some type of truck A dump truck went into the thing And they're showing it on TV So I'm thinking about all the shit I did there I'm thinking about a time when there was a pathmark there When I was a kid

And we got caught We were gonna rob the gas station But to rob a gas station I needed something, a gun I didn't have a gun So I go fuck it I called my friend I go let me go to Pathmark and rob a gun And we'll tape it

And then we'll go up there like a water pistol Where I get caught robbing the gun. I didn't even make out of... I don't even make it out of a box. Why not just buy the water gun? Because I went all-A. When you go all-A,

you're going to all-A. You've got a time to spend a dollar on a water pistol. Maybe there wasn't even a dollar, Lee. Did you think of that? I apologize. We're not considering... And I still remember arguing with the lady outside crying, telling him my brother died, and I got another brother that's a car

that needs a gun to shoot himself. She's like, okay, I'll let you go this time. She was like six for five, ugly and big. But then I thought about another night, because Tony Lickers used to be that. When I was a kid, it was basically pathmarked, and Tony Lickers was huge. It was like a supermarket of sin.

And you were just running in and out of there? We didn't. We couldn't get served in that. So we would stand outside and see somebody who was going in there. Come on, go. Give me a case of beer. Do me something.

But one night we were in there, I'm not going to mention no names. One of my friends goes in with somebody to get a, a case of being. He leaves three of us outside, and there was a well-known homeless dude in North Bergen at the time. He lived in Hudson County Park,

and he had leaves all over him, and he'd come out like, like he had like a bum leg. And I'd see him by Hashways. Like today I got pulled up Sunday Night Street. So I sat at that light by Gold Coast and had to stare at Hashways. And I thought a fucking a doozy of a story there.

So you just, your mind goes away. You're like, Jesus Christ, people are not going to believe this shit. So we're talking to this homeless dude. We knew him. He would talk to us. Now it's July and he's got like a painter's suit on. Like the whole body suit with the zipper up on top.

And we're talking to him. It's like three of us. What's going on? Bad, nah. Can you spare a dollar? Yeah, we give him a dollar. But if we gave you a dollar, three of us gave you a dollar, you were going to get tortured.

Like, we're going to tell you were gay. We want to suck your dick. So we're talking to this poor bastard back and forth. and my buddy's got a newspaper and I go give me the lighter and they give me a lighter he goes what are you going to do

and I get the newspaper I burn the newspaper and I put in his back pocket and he's there talking to us in front of backmark like six minutes go by and you see smoke and a little couple of flames

and we're fucking dying and probably some lady comes like like she goes hey you you're on fire you're the fucking best I swear this is torture story there was a

the summer we just tortured people. We'd get out of the car and just torture people. You know, we'd stay in Jersey till three, and then you went into the city, and you were in the city at 3.30 in the morning, in the village with a mirror on the hood, snort and coke, just drinking beers like we own the street,

and people would walk by, hey, how are you? Hey, nice to see you. Was that the one where, like, you had, like, not like a small mirror, like you had a big one? Yeah, we robbed the house. And it had, like, those, you know those things next to you where you put your night cap, you're like, no, in the bedroom, where your alarm

clock is, it was like one of those things and had a piece of glass, so we're like, we're like, we're going to use that, take the glass, take the glass, you know, but we would stop people, like, guys would come home and go, hey, what are you guys doing, nothing? And then we talked to them for like, tell me, you want a beer? Yeah, give my joint, you want to join. And then we'd start, like,

listen to me, ask you something. Have you considered being a fag? And they're like, yeah, no, like, why? You guys' facts all four of us. We're all two, 20. Duralas. And we're like telling this guy, hey, we like to suck dick and shit.

And that was every night we did that to some poor best. How long would they last? Like, if I'm smoking a joint with somebody or, like, I would leave pretty quick. 25 minutes, 30 minutes, and we could come on. Just chat with you? Just one time.

He wants to suck your dick. Take him out. And we would play it. Like, I want to suck your dick. Like, I would sit there, like, what the fuck? You know, we grew up in your grandfather's house. I mean, it's, it's, I mean, you could hear all the stories.

I know. But it's hard for you to... It was a different time. It was a different time when, you know... George, how many times I walk into the house at two of the morning? And it was like a fucking party over there. Mom was up, your grandmother was up.

You know, it was a different world. Like, if my house could change, I want it to be a... Like, I can't wait. For mercy to get, like, two years older. Where they come home and two and they try to creep in, and you come up like Joe Pesci's mother

and you're just a... Oh, look who it is. You guys want to eat. And next thing you know, you're cooking a steak. Oh, my grandma love to cook for a long. They love that shit at two in the morning. That does not happen in my house. If my wife has to cook something two in the morning,

you got a sour look on them. Come on, man. Go wipe some water on your face. I love my auntie Terry. Don't do it like that. It's a party. It's a fucking party. Get up.

What the fuck? There's eight people in your room. Come on, you gotta get up. Are you waking your wife up to cook? Yeah, I don't know. Terry's nice. I can see why she might not be that throw about. My wife would fucking have a heart attack.

10 times over. My daughter likes getting up in the middle of night. Like the other than I went to bed, like 11. I got up the next day. We went somewhere. She was like, did you hear me last night? I said, no, I didn't hear you. She goes, I made some popcorn.

I got a recipe offline. What do you mean you got a recipe? And she's telling me that she fried up butter with marshmallows. All right. And then you put the popcorn in there after another. And she goes, it didn't work there. I came out like one big brick. I got a jeet it all right

So Like what Because you just met Joey When he moved back That's when he met Um No I know

I know Joey when I was Really young He was like a baby He was coming back and forth To North Bergen Right And I would see him through that But then

Our first like real Encounter is when we were in California When I went over there for COVID He came to the office Right no no No I But I'm just trying to like what what's when you got to be older like middle school what stories did you hear about joey

god everyone in northberg and knows about joey coco diaz he was the craziest god people my age they like i can't believe that's your uncle like he used to rob my uncle yeah it's just he's the fucking man it's i'm gonna i'm honored to be here because when i was younger i used to watch you guys podcasts when you're like all me and all my friends were like 13 14 we would hear all the stories and were like, people would ask me, like, does he really do those things when he was younger? I said, listen, it's a different time now. It's a different time.

That's the people will never comprehend. It was a different fucking time. The mindset was different. You know, kids, we were different. We grew up with that metropolis right across the way. What did you think was going to happen in a time when New York City was free? Free. You can do what I am.

I think you meant money-wise. It's free. No, nothing is free. Okay. But it was for the taken. It was, if you wanted to hang out with Puerto Rico, you go up to Fort Washington.

Right? If you want to hang out with Dominican, you want to shoot heroin? You want to shoot heroin in both legs? And have a Chinese chick lock your ass? There's a spot on Cody Island. Right into the Ferris wheel. You know?

On the phone. They got everything for you in this town. Yeah. Everything. And when you're, That age and what was going on then. Like, when we were growing up, listen, I never went there. I'd love to tell people I was there.

What was the place we went into the city and fucked? Venus flytrap, remember? You got to have a couple to go in there. A girl, come on. Play those retreat. Shout out to them. You know, when I was a kid, I heard about Plato's retreat. Right.

When you're 12, you're like, I can't wait to go there. Smack on. I'm going to fucking fuck people in every room. No, you're not. Dude, they started. I just did a show with a female community. meeting and she told me that they have a place like that has like a naked comedy show. Oh yeah.

They want to go. Have you ever gone to an event that's naked? No. There's nobody there that you want to see naked. Right. That's the problem. Like I went to Jamaica to that naked beach. Not a soul.

I brought binoculars, a telescope, a pussy finder. There ain't nothing you want to see. Nothing. Okay. Miami, the Topless beach. They're throwing some heat. Some nice tities. But those chicks can't catch you while looking at them.

You just can't sit there. with a fucking heart on waving. Like a pedophile. Yeah, he gets it. So it's a cat, 22. In other words, why go to the naked beach? Right. And you're no fucking tip-top.

Magoo, neither am I. I don't want to go to the beach. If I had a cold 12 inches, dead, like, and it rolled around your leg a little bit. And it had three different colors to it, like a Neapolitan ice cream. I just don't think of it over 12 inches dead. What is it, how big is it alive if it's 12 inches dead?

You got to go for 15 cold, you know what I'm saying? Early in the morning, that's how you go out to a making beach. You're going to show me your little 6-inch guy. Within the hour, when you start feeling comfortable, Magumba's going to show up with 24 inches. And there you are, under the seat with a blanket on again, putting suntan. And your girlfriend's back making sure she's looking the other way. Don't look that way.

He got shot in the dick. I will say this My funniest encounter with you Out in public so far is when we go out to eat Every single time So this one time we're going out And You already know what I'm going to do

This Japanese guy comes up to Joey He goes Hey are you Joey Diaz? He looks at him He goes Are you Mr. Otani In the Dodger? That wasn't it Dude

It was almost The only different is that guy didn't come up to you. That guy was sitting across the restaurant. As he was leaving, the whole night you were like asking questions and then as he was like, nice to see you.

And then he was like, oh, he was actually excited to see you. Like, is it nice playing for the dog? I asked him, do you play for the dog? No, no, I have a sushi restaurant. He's like, no, I live around here. And he's like, oh, I thought you were Joe Hay, Otana.

God, that was so fucking funny. Listen, my generation, they love you. Just know that forever. Let me explain something, man. You know, that whole, and I could say this to that whole Italian, whole broken, funny mentality was all over the place. You know, we're quick with it, like this. Your grandmother was quick, dog. She was the king of quick.

I heard I say a couple things that were fucking so quick. But a lot of people. I grew up in a fucking area where people were naturally funny. You know, George is naturally funny. These people are fucking naturally funny. Forget about the shit with your uncle. I mean, he was like the nicest kind of in the world of me growing up. I always went over there and he always hungry.

You know, I was just thinking about a fucko over here. When we used to Friday nights, when me and his uncle during the week, I had no money. And your uncle would come get me and take me the chance. When I have no money And you take me the chance I got a kill for you on a daily basis I gotta stab motherfuckers I'm a soldier

You know we go over and get the steak on a stick The pork fried rice The roast pork Yacamee the slices With the sesame seeds on top And get beers and a zombie And shit I'm ready right now

You have no idea At the ball with Charlie God rest of soul Or whatever the fuck happened to him You know the Chinese bartender That guy was there 30 years We bought them a house. Those guys bought them a house in the cocaine days.

You know. Is it 20? Is it 20? Yeah, at 20. Those motherfuckers were giving them everything to lock the door. Remember that, a quick route. You know how many times I was there at Chance? And we ended up going to the city three times for three different eight balls.

It was only 20 minutes away. When you really think about it Friday night, we would do a collection and somebody else would go and come back with the owner of chance. He's like, come on the owner of chance. Come on. We used to destroy all these fucking restaurants. Like, we went to Piccolissimo. You know, I still talk about that shit. That was a place up in Fort Lee where pimps were hanging.

Pips. And we were going in there at fucking 19. I was going off. The dish was 20. We had 25. We ran the joint. Dude, it blows my mind when people, because there's a lot of people now who are around your age or younger, who are like, I started listening to you when I was.

11. Does that blow your mind at all? People like I had a guy at the weed store yesterday. But I usually, when people walk up to the truck, I take off. Like I already see you walking. So as you go like this, I'm like, hey, can I get a picture? Fuck you.

Picture. I got to get out of here. Well, yesterday for some reason, I was talking to somebody on the phone. And he came on. He went one second. And also, he got off the phone. And this guy, his name was Drew. he was a pleasure.

Look, I remember his name. It was a real pleasure because he was the real deal. He had episodes, names, events, the time you fucking puke. Whatever, real fan.

You didn't puke on camera. No, I know. But, you know, he just, and when you talk to those people and they tell you one thing that connect to this, they're not going to tell you, but they're going to tell you their story.

And in that story, it was addiction. He got clean. I started listening to us And he told me He goes I come to the wheat store all the time It's not a drug It's the other shit that was taking us down

And that's it And when you look at it that way It was listen man I talk to a lot of people In the daytime And some people Just don't come off the right way And some people just have that

I'm sitting next to them for an hour At a restaurant As I go to leave They open up on me And they tell me Hey I didn't want to bother you but I came to this show at the Stress Factory. I saw you with Rogan at the State Theater.

I saw you in the city, you know. And it does something to you. You're like, what the fuck is this, you know? Yeah. You think it's not weird that, listen, everybody's got a following, okay, when you've been around for a while. People see your movies and they try to connect you.

But what we had with the podcast was that when you see Adam Sandler, you don't know what Adam Sandler's about. He's doing a funny movie. podcasting changed all that and it tapped people if you want to tell somebody you have to be very honest to do this podcast shit

because when you're telling people you can't come on and go I sold eight kilos and I made eight you're a fucking liar why would you even try to sell me that story tell me about when you failed and I got tons of those fucking stories do you know what I'm saying

professional tell me when you failed and how you fucking overcame that That's what we want to hear that That's what people want to hear They're in the same fucking debt you are They're in the same predicament you are They're all in the same predicament

They're all in the same predicament They did drugs, their wife, whatever How easy it is to get hooked on drugs In this country now? Oh, they push the pills down. How easy, bro. Can't get mad at somebody because they're junking it up It happens just like that

You hurt your knee Next thing you know you're on pain pills Next to know you're in Newark shooting fucking heroin in your fucking legs. Who knows? I don't know. Yeah. I'm just telling you what I hear. So that's the connection. Our connection was that we weren't perfectly.

You and I were far from perfect. Yeah. I didn't come on here with a hairdo or the glasses on or with an eyes-eyed shirt on trying to... This is it. And this is as good as it's going to get because this is how I walk around in the daytime. Yeah. You're real.

This is it. And it's funny because I wouldn't say I fell back. But when someone who's 25 was telling me that when they were 11, they were watching me do acid, I felt a little bit bad. Like, you know, it's like, oh my God, I can't believe you were. But then, yeah, that's a better way of looking at it. But also, Lee, it's not just you. Like, look, I'm doing this, do it too. They just seen you get fucked up on it like, I guess I'm not going to do acid.

Let's hope not. Yeah. You know, listen, when I see a 28-year-old or a 22-year-old, it's great. It shocks me a little bit. I try to be as nice as I can be. I'm going to tell you who throws me off completely. I'm going to tell you who throws me off that I lose my breath. Really?

I already know. Women. Yeah. That is very surprising. From 25 to 34. That's the age gap with me. That I just don't get it. You're too nice.

And they fucking go off when they're next to me. Even the boyfriends are like, they go off. Oh, those are fun. Those women are fun because They'll come over Say hey man I love the pen the boyfriend standing like What the fuck is this mook

Yeah listen like I guess you're gonna her and her girlfriend Listen to Rogan or something And she listens But they pull me aside laying They go bro You were my uncle He's dead He was a gangster

You're the same fucking person That's when I go Holy shit Because I get that all the time Oh dude it's fun And it's not bad Like when guys come up to you and say cock sucker

I get why I know why they say it's funny the women say it when they say it I can always tell they're going to be great it's going to be that woman who says she'll scream it from like right in the bag so much fun they don't care oh yeah I was a 618 with my wife

and there was the hottest blonde in that joint yelling cock sucker I'm buying your drink I still got the drink on picture I show it to you it was the fucking martini with the church What's happening now? No, I don't think so.

Come on, dog. Holy shit. And she goes, I saw you at the Bayside and you ran from me. I go, look at you. You're 6'1, you got double D trees. You look like a fucking model.

You got to ask for a date. The boyfriend didn't say a word. He just sat there like this. And she's like, fuck yeah, I'm from Staten Island. You know, what am I going to tell you? They love you, man. And you know what?

At the end of all that cloud, me yelling. Don't pull me over. Dog, I know a girl from a restaurant. I talk to this girl all the time. Great kids. She works. The doctor I go to, she works next door. Okay. And we became... She goes, I saw you there one time. And yeah, I got that doctor. We started talking shit one then.

I'd known it for like eight months, nine months. I went somewhere and she goes, Joey, this is my mom. And I introduced to mom. The mom was cute and shit. And later on, she goes, I go, what your mom's thing? And she goes... This ain't crazy. This isn't crazy.

This is a regular girl. This ain't crazy. Shout out to crazy. No, this ain't crazy. This is just a regular girl. She goes, my mom pulled me aside and said, now I know why you like him. He reminds you a dad. Because a dad died 10 years ago.

Nick. Nick's friend. It's Nick's buddy. I'm all friends with them. That side of whole bridge. That's nice. And that type of shit always makes me go, you saw the book signing. Yeah.

I did the one in Staten Island dog. I had a girl that walked in there, a Italian girl that was a friend. that was a fucking 20. And she had six guerrilla brothers tatted from shoulders to nuts. They stopped eating steroids. They were just eating the syringes. At this point.

And the mother was throwing heat. That's awesome. And they came in, and she came in yelling and screaming, cut in the line. Cut in the line. Shout out the Italians. She's like, here's the deal, motherfucker. My mom wants to cook for you.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. Blah, blah. She just started going off. And then she went and talked to the mother And the brother came on when he goes Listen My father died four years ago

She became a retard She heard you on some podcast Talking about shit She went crazy She goes This times I get home She was in high school Listening to you

Oh shit I mean he goes And to boot It's real You do remind us of our father Holy shit Are you sure You're not Italian

We had to look at you Everyone says that They're like Dog they were like We had to look at you And look you up Because maybe our father Flip

Cuban Ali and tell them. And you sit there and you want to cry. God damn it. You know, I thought it's because I told the joke about Selena Gomez or something like that. That shit went viral. And we were just talking about that the other day, Unk, you continue to go viral even with your old clips. We use the karate man, 600 pounds. Or even that clip, the Selena Gomez, you didn't try to do that.

No, we didn't have the conversation. You never try. People who try to go viral. will never go viral. I'm not trying to go viral. I'm just trying to do a podcast. Never. To hang out on Mondays to get,

to meet new people for the audience to meet who's in the fucking background. So where'd you go to college, Nick? So I went to John Jay, criminal justice in New York City. And then where'd you go to high school, North Bergen? No, I went to Paramus Catholic. Shout out the Paladins.

How come we got out of North Perkins? You know, it was time to meet some white women. I'm just, no, it was just, I always wanted to go to a Catholic school compete for sports. And that was the best opportunity for me. And what was your major out of college?

I went to criminal justice. So I was thinking maybe go to law school and become a lawyer. And I was working at a law firm for a little bit. And I wanted to do a follow what my grandpa did. So now I'm entering the world of politics. So we'll see where it goes from here. Fuck coaching. No coaching.

Just making moves, making money, and support him my uncle, whatever he needs for me. I'm here for him. So can't wait for you. Start going on the road and get these shows done. I gotta get healthy, man. Yeah. You know what I get,

like I got some good dates. They threw me some good places. Right. Except one, I don't want to go to fucking California. I was going to be a mystery. No, I love California. I love California.

And I love to go back there, not to this particular place. Right, no, I know. But besides that, it's all gravy and stuff. But it was just nice that you know the only connections I really have to North Bergen now

a couple people my age like your uncle Lisa Gallo and the rest you know Chickarelli who I got to have on this fucking podcast I forgot to call him today

oh man Mike Chickaurelli shout out to him you know all the kids I grew up with her and fucking what's that town you got invited to for the Super Bowl

Nyacka no where'd you get invited your sister. Oh, ma-a-a-ma-wah. You know, everybody I grew up with, there's a ma-wah stuff like that. They got money.

They want to get out of here. Yeah, no, and you can't blame them. I mean, listen, man, I drive through North Bergen. Today, I made a left somewhere, and I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, because it pulled me off Columbia Avenue. It pulled me off to three and took me to Columbia Avenue, which is great for me, because that's my grandma school, and then I got the hotel with an ice man,

put the guy under the bed. And then you go under and you got that crazy hotel. That's been there since I was a kid. That hotel was there in the sixth grade. Oh, wow. And it was still a hooker hotel. And the only thing, differences, they had like an old fucking potato chip. Are you talking about the Supreme Aid on the, of, uh...

Dog, I don't know. There's a Ramada. But we stayed is now a Ramada. Okay. That's what we had our junior prom. They threw us out because people were snort and coke off their dishes. They threw them out. You got to go.

You can't be doing coke off the dishes It's for food Right there You make the right there And there's a hotel There's McKinley So if you go all the way up All you're passing is the hotel

And my grandma's school If you shoot down You hit Tunley Avenue Yeah, no exactly you talk That right there That hotel has been there We used to go there To get potato chips

Not the fucking Seville The Yorkers with a dice man Iceman Kill the guy And then there's one underneath. Skyview. One of those nasty motherfuckers. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway. I'm sure they're going to be throughout to hear this. Like, what the fuck? You didn't get them. 80 years that hotel had been, they've taken kids from McKinley and killed them in there and had sexual relations and shit.

No renovations. Why is that hotel still there? Oh my God. Yeah, that's because that could be McKinley Parkin lot. And you know, you look at McKinley, it's great. But even my area, they built it up, it looks beautiful. Yeah. But it's like you put a suit on somebody who hasn't taken a shower in 30 years.

Like, they didn't fucking fit, you know what I'm saying? Like, when I go down by when my mother grew up, I get upset, man. Because it still looks like 1975. Nothing has changed. Now, they didn't look to the future. They didn't know what was going to happen was going to happen. Because right now, North Bergen could have been the new fucking Alpine. Yeah.

North Bergen has a lot of potential. A lot of potential. You should have all that 88 area, knock it down. Like the fire in L.A., that whole hill area? That's mansions looking out into the fucking horizon now. That's it. These people can't afford it anyway. Exactly.

The taxes aren't going to, you've got a bunch of people moving in from New York. It's amazing how much my town has changed, but at the same time it stayed the same. But there's nobody on the streets. Yeah. The kids are fucking old. I've had babies. They don't go out. Outside. It's a shame now. I'm glad that my generation was the last one to, you know, go to the basketball court and scrape your knee. I got a few scars, you know, now look at these kids.

The other thing was, that was the bottom by Tunley Avenue today, by Bathmark, wherever the fuck that is. And I looked up that hill, and I was like, if that hill was there when I was a kid, I'd think I'd be staying on too. That is fucking murder. Heavy hill. North Bergen with the hills. That particular one is a mile straight And you ain't done yet, bitch It's a mile straight at a pace Forget that fucking You know the thing you walk out? You ain't gonna be doing that shit up that hell

Have you seen anyone slide down it? Dogg Just focus on going up it You know what I'm saying? What the fuck is wrong with you? Sliding down would be I would just sit at the bottom of the water If you want to slide down, I'll take you the hill behind the police station.

I'm not planning on sliding down. We'll wrap you up in aluminum foil. Okay. And when I get like a foot of snow, it will just roll you. And just mark what point you're going to die at. Not from hitting, but from the heart attack. Because that hill is like this. I don't want to have it.

And the one down one is like this too. It's 246 and the police station hill. Oh. And even that street. You got to go around. No. You pass by egg disease. and they go down now.

Doug. Those hills. You're dying. They call Dead Man Hill. Dead Man Hills. Dead Man Hill. Who? Carlos has to have.

Yeah. When we were kids on 46... Two people died on that body. No, there's cemeteries there. Oh, yeah. So 30 years ago, you know, 40 years ago, 50 years ago, they didn't know what. The cemeteries are on the hill.

It would rain and it would wash the graves out. And one time a casket flew out of that. Oh, no. And came flooding down in 46 and hit the bottom with Carlos Cantaro with. It's fucking insane those hills, dog. What a desire? I still remember being a kid. There was a softball field behind that.

Okay? There was a baseball field or something. Right. No, 46th Street field. Yeah, the baseball field still there, yeah. Okay, there was a field there. And one night I was about 12, and I went over to Anthony Balzano's house.

Because you want to talk about times changing? Let's lay it on the fucking line right now. And we're talking about a... We're playing basketball. It's about eight things. And also, you know, Anthony, I'm going on, man. I see him on. And also, Anthony comes to the gate.

And he goes, Coco, before you go home, my father wants to see you. Perfect. I go over there with the Giddy salute. You're hungry. You know, you're hungry. We make sandwiches. We got meat, you know, all the things. He always was always very.

He was always very. You want a T-shirt? So he's like, can you tell your mom you want to sleep over there? I got work for you tomorrow. and I go, yeah, he goes, what kind of work? It was construction work. You were working with Frankie and Peter and Jimmy and Anthony and Dominic and a bunch of kids from the block. He gave us all work for a day.

Oh, well. Okay. He goes, I want you here at six. So why don't you guys just stay in the fucking house? So we all went and got our shit. He set up, we listened to Kiss Records all night, you know. He had fun. Faggotry, yeah.

Young kids. Someday, I'm going to fuck a chick like that. Yeah. Nobody's got hair on their dick yet. He got the same condom in your pocket. So we got up at six. We gave us a great breakfast. It was summertime.

So it wasn't even cold out. We all went up there. Tons of water, tons of sodas, tons of sandwiches. Then he had a meeting. He goes, here's the deal. You're going to break everything down. But if you see a cop car or a city car, you got a duck. And ever since that time, I knew I wanted to be a gangster.

It was fucking hysterical living down there And that's how I met in your family Because it was DeMocos Against somebody else And at that time you rented out a truck You sat behind the truck And played bongos So they had a had a spick on there

So it was like team A And I was growing up at Carmines pretty much So I was political And in those days you didn't go out I don't like the facts This is how you're voting whether you like it and that I like that Two or the three of the guys

Went to knock on my door and they talked to my mother And they talked to me And I remember like that That was just nice Whether I was gonna vote for them anyway They didn't have to go to the whole room But they knew my mother was involved with numbers So that had to be a little piece of the action

You know, yeah But I understood all these things growing up But that was with no And I remember we we tore that place apart. But every time a cop would go, we'd have to fucking, we'd have to hide like Rambo and two. You know what I'm saying? Behind the mud and shit. It was just so

and that's how we grew up. And then the summers, like, you just went over there, the last day of school, like in the sixth grade and you're like, well, what are you going to do all summer, Coco? And he'd just ask you. I don't know, Mr. Balzano, what do you think? Hmm. How about a job? I'm going to make a little scuttle. Yeah, make a little money.

You don't have to go. You don't have to go. You don't have to go. Just go down to six street. Go down there and I have a check for your town hall every Friday. That was it. My whole job was walking the town hall getting a check and walking home. And my mom's like, where are you getting these $48? It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. It kind of matters. Are you like 12 years old? And then I got older. I think freshman going into sophomore year, I went to him again. Every saw my god at him. What do you got from? I got a job out here. One day,

week you go out there and watch them sweep the roof that was what he'd say to me just go out there and watch them sweep the roof 12 bucks an hour I'm fucking 12 it was 450 for fucking whatever whatever that fucking thing is the age gap when they give you your Cuban

they give you 15 an hour now there's something my uncle guys it was hysterical so that summer he got it was hysterical He got me a job at Horace Mann

as a fucking janitor Shout out to Horace Mann You know how many times I went there? Two Maybe four to pick up a check Then they said We'll just leave it at a time hole That's better for me

I don't take a bus all the way up here And waste my time But I still remember walking in there Being in shape And there's a bunch of old guys With all got limbs Ah, my back And they were huffing out the floor

And moving the chairs And I'm like, what's going on guys? And they were just look at me Ah, it's him He ain't gonna help us This young crop. You guys need help? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll be right back. I'm going to put my soda away. Get the fuck out of me. Pee-you! I'd run right down. That was, you know, and you hate to say these things. Listen, we were fucking kids. Who knew if he was paying me out of his pocket just to be cool?

You know, but it was just, that's the mentality we grew up with. We were always robbing something. We never got in trouble for it. When you don't get in trouble for robin, you keep robbing. And you were the king of that. That's true. Especially when you got an eye for shit. People are.

like when you rob. This guy's got a nice eye. He's bringing good money. Yeah. He's an urge. I'm not coming to the house with a stereo with wires on. I'm coming with a box designed. Newest TV. You know, a presentation. I have presentations. I think the biggest fucking joke of my career.

I'll tell people all the time. This deep, deep, deep, listen, you have those moments in your life. You have to think about what the moments are and that define you. There's like two, maybe three of them. It wasn't the kidnapping. But one of the things that put me on the map and it made people go, I don't know about coach, was when I robbed Michael Jewelers in 1981, I was fucking 82, I was 19 years old,

you know, I lost a bet. I had to pay the bet. I had to pay the bet. He was a coach. You know, he was one of my coaches. I loved him to debt. I had to pay the bet. I couldn't stiff them.

It was two grand. Oh. I couldn't stiff them. And that was my only option. That's what people never knew. That that was my only option. I couldn't stiff this guy. I could stiff anybody else.

If it was anybody else, I would have told him to go fuck themselves in a heartbeat like I had done before. Right. But I couldn't do it to him. So, and... And I called them like a man. I go, listen, man, I'm trying to get your money.

You're going to have it on Thursday. But if I get into beef, I need to know that you're going to help me a little bit. And he goes, what are you talking to? I go, if you get a call from somebody, which they will call you, I need to know that I have your support on this, because I'm going all out to get you this money so you don't look bad. I'm going all out. Now, he didn't have no idea what I was talking about. No.

And I robbed that juvie store 11 in the morning, that Thursday. And by 3 o'clock, I called him up. Let's meet. And I gave him his money and I gave him a gold chain. And I said, this is my souvenir to you, you dumb fuck. I robbed Michael's jewelers. Even he looked at me like,

no, you didn't. I go to lunch with that guy once a week. Like, it was fucking absurd. Oh, my God. You know, we robbed that 11 in the morning. I'll never forget this. We robbed that 11 in the house by 11. Breaking up jewelry.

Nobody knew you. Breaking up jewelry. Yeah, like there was cops. You could hear the sirens, and it was us three just taking the jewelry out and straighten it up. Then we picked our own shit. And we were fucking, I hate to say the word. I'll say it for the Spanish people. We were spicks.

And I was the only Spanish guy there. It was three white dudes. All of us were white, but I was the only spick and all of us. From that moment, we put on the thickest bracelet. And we had the three thickest, longest golden chains. and I'll never forget walking down what's the top of your grandma's block?

Grand Avenue. Walking on Grand Avenue. It's three in the afternoon. We just robbed this place. And we're walking on Grand Avenue. With the jewelry on. With a bag of jewelry, like to sell on the street like Puerto Ricans.

And I'll never forget, two dear friends of mine were driving. And as they pulled up, they even uttered the words. Like, look at these motherfuckers. They pulled it off. Because usually when people tell you shit, they don't do it. What happened?

We're down there. I'd rob that place two times already. I knew all the insult doors and out. For me to rob it a third time took balls, but I was desperate. That's dangerous. And I'd been setting that up. It was one of those things that you look at and go, you know what? I'm not going to do it today.

Right. But eventually, I'm coming back to the end of getting mine. I checked it out. It wasn't connected. It wasn't plugged in. There was no lock on it. There was nothing. But I know for a fact, when I, in my,

I will tell you this today that when I did that that day by 3 o'clock we already were walking down Grand Avenue by 5 everybody was paid I had already cut a deal for a pound of tie stick which I'll get to you later and we had already bought like

fucking an ounce of blow by 8 o'clock and we still had two bags of jewelry left and that was Thursday and I'm walking down the hill I got 5 in the morning with the jewelry We coked up out of my mind, and I bump into God rest of the soul, Kurt DiLorenzo. And I go, Kurt. And now I trusted Kurt, like I trust you guys.

I can give Kurt this, and it'll be there with the water at that level. I go, I don't want to bring this home in case the cops were able tonight. Smart. Put this in your grandmother's apartment downstairs. I went home, I took a nap. Dog. Now, Kurt was built like a Greek God. I get up, I eat my breakfast

I call Kurt I go I'm on my way over He goes good good good good There's some people over here that want to see I'm like fucking Kurt I'm probably gonna walk into the cops Bro I walk in Kurt has got a

You know those dealer tables You know the fucking mink It was black He got on his mother's table He had all the jewelry Put out He had no shirt on And he had like 10 gold chains on

And he had a pocket full of cash And I'm like Kurt and a bunch of people were there. He was having like a yard sale. And he was asking people for more money than I would. Because each chain had a label on it. Like if it said 1800, I'd say, give me 800. Kurt was like, give me a thousand.

So I get there, he just hands me a bunch of money. And I gave him a chain and his mother. And even Chris, the brother tells me today, she died with that chain. She loved that fucking chain. I gave everybody a fucking chain. I was like Johnny Chene. It was, you know, just to,

think of what the fuck we were doing at that age, just to put in perspective. Like, we had just graduate, I didn't graduate. The dudes I ran with, I just graduated in June. None of us had jobs. We were just getting off the fatal land the whole summer. We were

walking into places that had 30 air conditions. We had 30 air conditions at one time. At 200 a piece. Those went like this. I took them up to Nick's pizza and put them in front, Nick was out there. Come here, come here. Come here. A little cigarette. Two 50. Two 50. Cigarette.

Everybody made an angle. But the gold chain thing was just, like, after that it just spread like fucking wildfire. We were like kings for three weeks. We were eating fucking, you should have seen us eating breakfast, eggs and steak every morning,

like gangsters going down seaside. We're fucking getting a big room upstairs, you know. Are you doing? Yeah, no more 18 room and a guy. And then, we were having, like, it was, we robbed it.

September. 18th of 1982. Bookmarked. We had like, yeah, because it was that Monday was Pittsburgh fucking Dallas. We lost on Monday night football.

That's tough. To the coach, we had nobody else to put the bed in and win. We're like, it's a lock, let's do it. Call the camel. Call the camel. And we put the fucking bed in. Oh, God bless that man.

Oh, my God. And I had to pay him his money. That's the, well, a lot of people never fucking knew about me. Now, the camel had a partner. Another gym teacher, and I one day was with the camel,

and the camel called the main house, that's in those days you had to call them and go, they would ask you before you signed up with them, what type of car do you have? And he would have to, you'd have to say the black Tesla. That was your coach. And you'd call, who's this black Tesla?

One day he called, and he said a different car name, and I didn't know. I just took the name to go in my memory bank. And I was calling that place every night, banging that. And one night I get a call from the camel. He goes, hey, man, somebody banged up like a $8,000 fucking bill on a different gym teacher. Do you know who that is?

Not even a soul. I would come back. I would leave for 10 years, come back, and they'd bring it up to me, Doug. He's really hurt. He's hurt. Terrible, man. Is he the best thing? Well, of course, but

But you were saying that was like one of like the Like stealing was like like a changing moment in your life That situationally From what was going on and how I was living My mother had died for two years earlier I was out there fucking running wild And this was just It let me know I was alive at that time

I was dead for two years And as stupid as the story is it let me know I was alive. Because that's another, because what I was thinking was, like, you had a buddy who you gambled with, and he lost, and, like, he spent, like,

a summer working three jobs or whatever. And, like, I was going to ask if you ever thought about doing that. But I'm not saying you're proud of what you did, but it sounds like it was kind of good for you. Is that what you're saying? At that age, I had nothing holding me down.

It's not like I had a mom and her dad, I had a report anywhere. I was basically a nomad living in my friend's basement. Right. Okay. And they were either going to beat me up or whatever. I couldn't do it to him. Because he had to go to his people now and go, this guy, I don't have the money.

And he's got to, I got to put him on a payment plan, which is worse. Because they juicially for 10 points. You need those points. Seven points. And that's even worse. So it was just a bad, this is 82. Fucknut Got in trouble a year later

And he lost $160,000 God rest his soul He wasn't my brother that kid And he was a great kid He lost, bro He was up A ton of loot Going into the Redskins

Against the Dolphins And he went out the wrong way And sat on people's action And it was not a good morning That next morning It was not a good couple weeks And then he had to tell his parents But I already

had to leave. I had already an out. I was robbing a bookmaker in West New York. I was going to pay a few people and then get the fuck out of here. I already had an out. I was leaving with the kid named Jimmy Burkle. And Jimmy couldn't wait for me because I kept saying Jimmy, if I

get this bookie, it's a big difference from me going out there with $500 to $50,000. I can't keep waiting for you. Jimmy left on a Thursday. I'm like, I'm dead. I went to the, they used to be a travel agency next to a recruiting station on Bergen line and I went to the fucking travel agency

had a choice. I could join the recruitment station or I could go to Colorado so I went next door and I got one way to Colorado to take me out there. Right. And two days later I walked into the bar and there's Jimmy Berkel the transmission broke in Pennsylvania. I had to get towed back.

So fucking that's God. He had to wait for me. I was like when are you leaving? Tuesday I'm in that fucking call with you. And then I went and robbed the bookie but I and break in, that's when the dog turned on me. After I fed him for five days, Burger King. I wasn't even eating.

I'm feeding this fucking dog. And now I want to go get a German Shepherd. Like all of a sudden I forgave them. You know what I'm saying? You're a baby savage. So this political game you're getting into it. Yes, sir. Rough game.

Big payoff. Definitely big payoff. You know, it seems like to me, listen, I don't know anything about politics. So when I talk to you about politics, we're talking about here, Hudson County. And it seems to me, listen, everybody knows every mayor in Hudson County the last 80,000 years has ended up in prison, dead or electrocuted. I mean, it's no. Even Menendez. When are you going away that poor bastard?

Oh, man, you got 11 years. But, you know, it's like, one thing I do have to admit, I grew up here. So George grew up in Bergen County. I grew up in Hudson County. I grew up in Union City. My mom had the bar there. We had a lot of contact there with people. Exactly.

North Bergen. I was in the hub downtown. I was the fucking hub right there with the 18. You know. I still remember how good Peter Marco was to me as a kid. You know? And I never forget that. Like how never...

I didn't know Joe then. I didn't deal with Joe. I always dealt with Peter. And this is what I remember. I was a basketball player, guys. And there's nothing like going to a basketball place. And the fucking, there's no net. Or the net is broken.

Especially if it's made out of metal. The worst. It gets caught up there. Now you got to do fucking, you got to jump around to every fucking shot and get the goddamn. I swear to my mother's grave. I would go to 38th Street Park or any other park I was at. But 38th Street, I would go there and the kids tangled the net at night. I would just fucking cross the street, ring the Balzano bell.

Mary Ann would go, what's going on? Nothing. Can I use your phone? And I would call fucking Town Hall. I knew the number in the back of my head. Can I get the mayor's office, please? Yes, who says? Coco Diaz.

Hold on. Boom, who do you want to talk to? Peter? Six minutes. Coach, what's going on? Mr. Michael, I don't want to bother you. I know it's hot, you got a lot on your plate. But my fucking net is down over here. Come on, man.

But the time I hung up the phone and went outside, there was a truck, some point of he can do with a ladder, with another guy giving him a wrench. You know, when you're a kid, you don't forget that shit. Of course not. On a hot day. I also don't forget how, you know, he used to go, do you guys play there all day?

Yeah, I'll have something for you about one of people. And a week later, he always sent the prison sandwich. You know, the baloney with the American cheese you brought the Sanders. He brought the fucking, you know, the fucking, the peeling eat cheese, this fucking go-goots. An apple, a

drink. Came in more like a sugar cooking or something? Yeah, there was like a milk. An orange drink. It wasn't orange juice. It was orange drink. Right. And it was still, you know, but I remember, then they used to send down those buses. They took it to Yankee Stadium, bitch.

with no seat bouncing shit Dump it up in that Yeah you know These little fags today got seatbelts Air conditioning We had that hot tin motherfucker Nobody ever died like that There's a case right now in Jersey

Where a lady left a little retarded girl In the back And she died in the bus Did you see that she's suiting it She's gonna win I don't know what's going on I don't mean to bring light on it like that So that's what I'm going to

You talk about fist fights Like you talk about fist fights An emergency room Right I saw a fist fight In my grammar school Not once Not twice like three times

Reason? And nobody had fucking trauma Nobody had to see the school Counsel Oh back then I can't come to school tomorrow I saw Louis and Andrews

Beat up the principal You just went home You didn't tell your parents How was school today You didn't tell your parents You can tell you parents You don't see it any Like you've told stories

Fuck a fistfight at your school You saw parents coming to beat up teachers in your school. Tremendous. North Berger in the late 70s. And this is why I say to people like, and I know you heard a ton of this shit from your uncles. Because that generation,

like you have three generations of uncles. Let me tell you something. Your Uncle Mike, that was fucking 80, 81. They had their own issues. And then Vinny showed up, and that's a crew of 84, 85, with one of the states. And that's animals.

Savages. Animals. Because they picked up what we were, like, we're going to go our own ways now. They're like, well, we're picking up that torch. Bring out the fucking shovels. We're going right in that. They were 85.

I was, no, yeah, 85. I left in 85, but the winter of 84, those kids won the States. And North Bergen had become... Powerhouse. No, it wasn't even... The football added to what was going on in the city of North Korea.

And the city of North Bergen, like every other city, in Hudson County was going off because this was the main shipment of the drugs. Lincoln cut a hotel, all those hotels you see out there? All those fucking remodas and all that shit. They had the old lady upstairs and two machine guns with the kilo and the family of six downstairs. It was a family vacation.

That's when they bring in 10 kilos of coke. You went to the hotel, you met them, they took it. They went to fucking, there wasn't no American Dreamwall. They just went out there and looked, ooh. and then they got back in there. You know, I mean, that's where all that shit started. That's where all that shit started.

All those dirty hotels, you see on Route 3, what do you think they were staying? They're still there. That Howard Johnson, you walk in there, you test positive. They used to be Howard Johnson, right, on Route 3, Seac caucus. It's not close to anything. And they have a restaurant in the building.

I knew 10 dudes that would set their coke up there and then stay in another hotel with their wives and kids and put like a mule there at that hotel until you get up to Union City and then they expand it and then this whole fucking town was fucking twitching for three fucking days.

I'm just that blow it because I go to hotels now and they like you need ID you know all that like I can't imagine just getting all these hotel rooms. Name and name. Just a name and cash. Name and cash. You kept it simple. All those hotels on Tunley Avenue

those are sex hotels filthy. You ever I've been to two or three of myself. That's where you take your girlfriend. You start scratching when you leave there. Everybody's itchy in the car. I've never, I've never been to one of those. You know, crabs is like,

you walk in there, you get crabs. Those are the dirtiest of the dirties. Dirty. Still there, the domino in, right down the block from my girlfriend. They have a tub in there? You know how many times I went from fucking your grandfather's over there?

I know one night, particularly, I went right from Right down the block. And they had that jacuzzi. And you can see little kids in there, like what they were going to look like 10 years from that. Oh! That place was fucking disgusting. You walk up in those places,

you didn't know what was worse. Like your life. Like, when you open your eyes in one of those hotels, you look over, you're like, all right, that must have fucked her. And then you look at your money, that's gone. You look to see if there's Coke left, that's gone. Everything's upside down in the air.

The mirror's broke. The straw got broken in hand, and your fucking pages going off. You're all like $10,000. You're like, what are my options? Let me call. And she's waking up. Did my boyfriend call? I don't fucking love your boyfriend called.

I was going to say, is this a place you bring a girlfriend, or is this a place to bring someone who, like, you don't want it? If you picked them up at corkeys. Right. There was like two girls I picked up at corkies. I was homeless. I was homeless. I take them there, get a shower, shower them up.

Nobody knew nothing. Nobody knows nothing. The next morning, everybody goes home. There's no breakfast. There's no buffet. It's $30. The towel is dirty. There's blood on it.

$30 a day, Lee. Oh, yeah. Oh, you buddy out? Right? If you get closer down to the Ramada, that's the first time I ever freebase. It was down in those hotels and shit. Fun memories.

That's where the guy invented the word, Tremendous. By the. hour. By the hour. Do they just come and knock it on your door at 55 minutes? Like what do they do? Five minutes late.

You pull you up. Get out. You pay. It's always an immigrant guy. They know one guy named Chuck working behind the window. It's somebody you don't understand and you're in midnight. Because they don't know what they were getting into when they got a higher. You don't figure up your ass.

And also this guy wants it's 1850. And you're like, you got to be fucking seriously. Is it three hour minimum? That's a step. Trust me, I don't even need three hours. At the end of the day, you don't even, at the end of the day, I saw that list that Americans are like the worst. We last like six, that minutes are average.

What's the three hours? I want to talk to you for two and a half hours? About what? About the three channels who are looking at? You know, I'm watching fucking... You don't have to stay in the world. I'm watching the fucking low-ranger. I want to say one thing.

I got a call from my uncle the other one. Like, probably around Christmas. He goes, you see that thing on the news? I was like, what are you talking about? He goes, the band that's blind. They're up and down. They're jumping up and down in front of the tree.

The band is blind band? Who's the blind band? Oh my God. It was put a bunch of kids. I think you might have been lying. You were tormenting me. Hold on days, I don't know what I was saying. Dog, I want a deep tan for like 60 days of mushrooms.

I want a deep, every other day I was eating. I would push you. the envelope more, more than I would experiment. I do like seven grams, then two hours later. Once you do the mushrooms, you're going to eat them straight. If you do more later on, it's not going to work for you. Right. At least it didn't work for me.

It was deep. But I'm back now like fucking, you know, tip-top Magoo, a couple days at the hospital. He's in his prize. And now we've got to go for it, and that's it. Little by little, you get healthy. I'm happy for you doing. I'm taking my vitamins. What are you happy about? Not in the hospital.

Oh, thank you. I'm happy. and the only thing I'm not mad about but when you're talking about that band there's only like three or four of them but when you find a video you like there's nothing that gives you more joy like I was just thinking about that black dude who put the firecracker in his eyeball that video that got sent to us on acid church with the dude just dancing

like there's been like three or four videos that you really like on YouTube Oh, yeah, that one was fun. Jesus, but that fucking, you would send me that dude with the dynamite in his eye. Like three in the mornings sometimes. Nothing ever shocked me like the Duncan one on acid that night. Because I was on fire from the acid. And all of a sudden I get a text mess.

I'm like, what's this rat with on my phone? The fuck. And I look, I open it up, and it's this fucking Spanish dude or so. thought. We didn't know what it was. A big mustache with clothes on. And also, he started tap dancing. And he says, taking off his clothes. And this guy had no dick. It was like a vagina. He's dancing.

And I sent it to everybody in my phone. West Coast, East Coast. I didn't care where you were. And you don't even text. Me and Ari that night, I go, Ari, teach me how to do this. He said, teach you. Send it everywhere. Send it to the Pope. Whatever we can send it to me. The next

day, only one person put me back. That ain't right. That ain't right. I'll have to see if I can find it somewhere. It came on my phone about 2.30 in the morning. I had to wake up. My wife, the kids. It's terrible. It shocked us and shit.

We got to say a prayer. Oh, my God. That one was scary because it wasn't that he, he, like, it was like pixelated. So he was in the back a little bit. He looked like, oh, this dude is dancing. Have a good time. And then he gets closer. And his dick looked like a, like, you know those balloons that can blow up into animals?

But before you blow in. And it was just like stringy and just kind of hang in there. It was, and he's just fucking flopping it around. And that, like, I think those are like those videos are the hardest they hear you laugh. Like those. You know, Nicholas, it's funny because I still remember you being young. Your brother being two, three years older than you. And you being at your grandma and your mom with the stroller.

And then I bumped into you somewhere else with her. And this time you were walking. You guys are going to a game. Always. an athletic event. My mom was always taking me to games everywhere across the country. But I grew up with your mom. You know, it was your Uncle Greg that said,

listen to the dirt album. I already liked Allison Chains, but I wasn't sold. And I'll never forget. Every time I put that album out, I think of Greg at that bar on top of, on Kenny Boulevard on the top of 90th Street. Whatever that was there on the corner. Yeah.

Now it's a diner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember when that bar was there, the annoying guy. I'm friends with the biggest comedy manager. They had a chick that worked there. They had a woman that worked there that had to be 40. With like fake tits, the whole thing. And her husband was set at the bar.

She was doing tricks in the men's bathroom. Trits. And I remember one that I got fucked up. And I'm like, dog, I'm going to suck my pipe. She's like, listen, come home with us and wait for my husband to fall asleep. We'll fool her on the basement. The basement. And I'm like, what are you fucking?

Come home with me. My husband for 50 bucks. What the husband's up there snoring? What the fuck is wrong with people, man? Your life is different. It's crazy how I just grew up in your house. And I'll sit here and tell

you shit that I still remember like just dying of laughter. The first time I walked in your grandfather's house, just to put this in perspective, it was probably 1977. Wow. That's the year you won a state championship.

Yes. Yes. because that's how we had. They weren't there. I was there with Michael who listened to Ted Nugent. And Greg was a little boy on the couch, sleeping.

Downstairs had like three beds. And Greg was just a tiny four-year-old boy. And he was passed out. And Mike had 15 people in the room with music turrets on it. And I'd go, Mike, what about this guy? The Lord.

He woke up the next morning and I'm none. He was covered in a cigarette smoking shit. My grandma was probably finding that hysterical. When they won the States, it was a complete night out. Nobody came home. They ended up at a diner or something. They would go to a Fuso's dugout. Yeah.

Those are your Fuso dugout days. Back in the day. That's the day there. You know, so it's really nice to see that you've grown up to be a man. Thank you. I appreciate it. Your grand fucking father's footsteps. Yes, sir.

He's trying to. The savage of his own right. Keep the Aeschelis legacy going. And we'll keep it going as much as we can. because it was about at the end, the Ascleese legacy, he was a great, he was a great coach. Thank you.

He was, you know, I don't have to tell you that. You read the accolades and shit. But it was, they weren't politicians, though. They were going to do this for the kids no matter what. That's their job. Yeah.

When you gain kids trust and they can't talk to their parents because that's the kids who, their home lives are shit. Yeah. And at one point, these coaches, they find out. what's going on. And now they got to step in, and they did.

My grandpa, my grandma, definitely stepped in. Doug, they stepped in, and I'm talking about at every level here. I had a coach, John Barone. I had him on here. He's like an uncle to. My mother died. I mean, these are people that didn't have to do this shit. That's why, you know, when people talk to me about politics, now you want to know why?

Because that's a relationship I want. I'm not going to get it. So why you bullshit me? Why are you wasting my fucking time? Exactly. You know, you don't look me in. the eye. You don't shake my fucking hand. You didn't go to my

mother's wake. Half those guys. Went to my mother's wake. They walked in and ran the fuck out when they saw people were doing blowing shit, but they showed up. They went to church. They were Italian. They have to show up. So, you know, this is the world I grew up in.

I say a lot of fucked up shit about this world. But that's the flip side. Guys like his granddad. Even the guy who, you know, Bousano, I talk about him, Mr. Bender. These guys raised this, bro. There was nothing that...

They didn't have to come... You never had to go up to them and go, I'm hungry. They fucking knew. They took the pressure off. They could see you walk. Hey, duck! You're hungry.

Come on. Yeah. And that's, you know, that's what means everything to me. Not eating, but that gesture. Right. And that's what we've lost. Let me get that water before.

I'm sorry to bother you. So what's the ultimate goal, Nick? Like, what is... you know, 20 years from now? Not 20. 10 years from now, I like to be a mayor. Okay. That's my goal.

By the time I'm 35, I want to be a mayor in somewhere in the county. Cool. And like, because I don't even know. Like, how do you get started in politics? I was just happy to be. Watch the wire. Yeah. Councilman, then you go up against Tony Gray.

Yeah, but I was just born in. to it, I could say. So now that I'm old enough to understand it, it's, uh, I'm just happy to be supporting the sheriff in Hudson County and we're going to win this election in June. That's all I have to say about that. That's awesome, dude. Thank you. I appreciate that.

What do you think, Lee? What do you think? You're going to vote? What are you going to do, Lee? I'm like, I, if you, if you want to get me at a residence in this area, I'll vote for you. Absolutely. This is not Bergen. You already lived here.

What are you talking about? He loves here for 20 years. We got an apartment upstairs. Right here. This is your apartment. Perfect. Nobody knows nothing. We'll finagle the numbers a little bit.

You've been here three years. You're the Irie. You're the fucking director from Israel. Anyway, before we just go on and on, these edibles were on fire tonight. We got to go. My nephew, Nick, Ask Elise. Thank you. Vote for him.

Lee Syatt, the director from Israel and Uncle Joy. What we got coming up this week, Lee? We have two great shows. in Jersey City on Wednesday and parks on Saturday. Oh shit. We're on the road.

Gessimee Paluso's coming in. Uh-oh. Fucking Augustini's coming in. It's going to be a nice way. Hopefully I'll make these fucking shows. You'll be there, you know what I'm saying? I'm going to try my fucking hardest.

You'll be there. Because I only got a few steps. I got to get to the microphone and then pace myself and then attack it. Tranquilo. So that's what I'm doing. Tranquilo.

La-a-Chucho. Uncle Joey loves you. I want to thank George Lee, Nick and myself for being here. and a beautiful fuck on Monday night. Stay black. We love you.

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