Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - This could only happen to me

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Joey Diaz goes off on The Grammy's, the medical system, why he puts himself in time out and so much more! Support the show and get 15% off your VIIA order, plus a free gift for new customers. Use code JOEY at https://viia.co/JOEY Support the show and get your first month of BlueChew free at https://www.bluechew.com Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook app and using code JOEY. New customers can bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly.

What's happening beautiful people? Uncle Joey Lee Syatt here for the church of what's happening now. The new, what is it? Testament. That's what it is. It's Tuesday, February the 4th. It's a whole new month with a whole new set of rules. Get your shit together. Let's get this party started on a Tuesday morning. Yo, Uncle Joey here. Listen, I want to talk to you about something as your uncle. Get your sex life in gear with Blue Chew. They make it easy to be awesome in the sack. I'm talking about little bubbles will be coming out of your muffler. This company delivers ED meds with the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, Levesra,

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It's been a fun, it's been a busy couple of weeks, Jesus Christ. It is what it is. Hospitals, fucking, you know, I've been everywhere. Edibles. Dude, I found a bottle of the old ABXs at my mom's house. I feel like they get stronger if you just leave them around. They do get, you know my brother in Jackson still has stars and he's got them in his freezer. Really? And he still eats them in his freezer. Really?

And he still eats them from time to time. He goes, he gets fucked up. He says, I gave him like a bag of those big purple ones. Right. Two hundreds, he saved them. And you never save anything. You don't have like any like a safe anywhere with like your favorite of anything? I try.

What do you mean you try? You try, you know. I got a bag of weed that's really good. I'll split it in half and I'll put it away. And I'll go to the weed store next day and get another bag of it. But I always have that put away. What happens is, after I smoke that other eighth,

when I go back to this, I'm done, like two weeks later. My tolerance goes up. So that eighth I put away is fucking null and void because I already smoked four grams of it. Right, but can't you save it for like six months and then break it out? No? In case of fire, you gotta do what you gotta do.

You know what I'm saying? I ain't much of a saver. I started out as like a saver, like you try, but I did coke for 27 years. That shit never gets saved. You never, I'm gonna save this for my wedding. Fuck you. We're doing that right and I tried I had friends that go I buy a gram of coke and do a line and I put the rest in the refrigerator Okay, good for you. That don't work for me. No, you know

I Save I'm such a fuck. I hoard everything I I I save I'm such a fuck. I hoard everything I Hord I I probably when I left that late probably had like a hundred of those free joints Oh that they would give you bad breath. Oh my god That's it I got a free Jay. Listen throw that Jay away Nothing in that J but sticks and stems People gotta realize when you got a pound of weed in that way, like and stems. You know, people gotta realize when you gotta pound the weed in LA, like we lived there.

I know what they do now. They would take that weed, break it up into little buds, and then shake the keef out of it. That's the first thing they've done. They shake the keef out of it. Then they take it and they put the buds that they could sell or whatever. And then you got a bunch of shit and they'll fucking, how many times did I go to Kishmore and buy the shake

for 20 bucks, like single eye? I mean, at that time it was like 100 bucks for an eighth, for a quarter and for 25 bucks, they give you three grams of shake. And it was the same weed, you know, but they'd sell shake. Then they take those stems that you're not gonna use and they grind those up in one of those espresso machines with the shitty weed that's in the bottom and they roll free joints for you but they mix it with everything else every other Salamalinka fucking weed

that they have. Right. So by the time you get, I don't even smoke those. I'm gonna be honest with you, pre-rolls don't do it for me. I go to a weed store and go, give me the pre-roll that fucking killed Kennedy. And they'll fucking give me the, oh, this has stars in it, African toenails, high level weed, it's been dipped in weed honey. I go home and nothing fucking happens. You know what happens? I cough my fucking brains out with that garbage.

So I like looking at the weed, like people say to say to me what don't you buy pre-rolls? I'm like no first off. I want to look at that weed. I want to feel it. I want to fucking I want it to become one You know I'm saying these kids today anybody today. They don't do that You can't at least like in Massachusetts or even anywhere in New York. They're all like pre-packaged You can't smell weed anywhere, can you? No, but you have an idea. I go on the website and I go to the company, and I have an idea.

When I go into a weed store, I don't go in there to take their advice. I go up there with my own advice because they're smoking salmonella weed. Really? And then they were trying, well, this tastes good. Like I went somewhere the other day and the girl's like, I got this tremendous indica, 25% and I go, well, this tastes good. Like I went somewhere the other day, and the girl's like, I got this tremendous endic,

a 25% and I go, look, put that away. Put that away, they ain't gonna do nothing for that. And they start with the terpenes and. Right. Ah, I ain't got no time for these hoes. I just don't. I just don't. So I go in there prepared,

because they'll start throwing different brands at you. Shit that's on sale, or shit that looks pretty pretty or it tastes like a life-saver. I ain't got no time for that shit. Dude, I have, do you ever like just tell them to be quiet? Who? The dispensary people? No, I just- You let them finish their sales first?

First of all, I'm fucking deaf. So they can talk to their fucking mind's content. And I'm a professional. I don't know, turn this ear off or turn this ear off. You turn your earbuds off? No, not the earbuds, the eardrum. Oh, okay. I thought you didn't used to have the,

whatever it's called, the ear. Yeah, the hearing aids. But they're 2800 a piece. Oh. And during fucking COVID, you had to wear the mask and they fling off. You know, at 2800 apiece. And during fucking COVID, you gotta wear the mask and they fling off. You know, at 2800, I'm walking around like the man with one fucking earpiece, forget it.

They're in my shaving kit. I don't even bother putting those things on. They got a new thing that you put on your phone and you put earbuds in. Oh, just like the AirBuds, like yeah? It's an app that you could have and people think you listen to music. But again, what's going on in the world right now?

I don't want to listen to half this shit. No. You know what I'm saying? Like you just like, what the fuck is going on? I had a very interesting weekend. OK. It's a little bit ominous. No, but I always have a great weekend. It was to do with my daughter. OK. She was getting into albums

vinyl So I Gave my record player, but we couldn't figure out the other shit. I said don't worry about it I ended up going to Coles and there was a little fucking stereo on sale at Coles for buck 40 with speakers the whole thing I got it for her. We gave her some albums for Christmas. I go up there the other night and she's listening to the albums and she's opening them, you know,

like we did and reading the fucking, and dad, look at this poster they sent me and this and that. And I'm like, wow. And I'm looking at all this and the whole time I'm like, but she doesn't know what that album is really for. It's the roll joints and the seeds would roll

into the middle when we were kids. I don't think it's for that. Huh? I don't think it's for that. Ah, yeah. Unless you're a half a fag and you wanna look at the picture of a guy holding onto lightning, that's not what it's there for, you know what I'm saying?

No. No, in fact, I bought some of those albums in Burbank. Like if you look at my album collection, like half of them I bought in Burbank at that one store. There was a couple times I bought albums, double albums, they were still fucking seeds or rolling paper, and I'm like, this is a good fucking album. Okay. So, but what, Jesus Christ.

So what is she into now? So, but what, Jesus Christ. So what is she into now? So, excuse me. She sent to Billie Irish, which the one arm ain't bad. She plays in the car and I'm like, this ain't fucking that bad, you know? But the other shit is kind of weird. Chaparral, which is good, but not really, you know, and something else. So she says to me, Sunday, can we go... So we've been looking for an album

shop and, you know, vinyl records, the shops are going out of business. Another one went out of business in Summit. It's been open for 70 fucking years. Damn. And it's closing this week. So I don't know what's going on people aren't buying vinyls at the stores, they're going online and now that fucking Amazon and Evie no Amazon and Borders books, whatever. Okay, what's the book company? Barnes and Noble sell albums, but they sell like the Beatles They'll sell sound gardenarden, Super Unknown,

but you're not gonna find like a live album in there. You're not gonna find. It's a reprint, it's not the old original one. Yeah, they're all reprints. Half of these things you're buying are reprints. Anyway, we find the place in Red Bank, which is fucking dynamite. If you haven't been to Red Bank, New Jersey,

that is a cool fucking town. And my friend is the chef there, but he didn't work Sunday, that cocksucker, because he has, oh my God, Char. That motherfucker, Phil, Chef Phil, he makes these little, it's beef and potatoes, did you have that? With, it's these little fucking pieces of meat over,

oh my God, and you got the yellow fin sushi, but he makes it differently. Oh my God. And the dessert, look at Lee's already meltin'. I saw crab hands. No, that's not the place. No, Jesus Christ. Thank God not yet. So I took it to this fucking record store,

and it was great. They had great stuff in there. She's over here, over there, and I realized I got no fucking wallet. She's over here, over there, and I realized I got no fucking wallet, but I cashed, thank God. She drops 200 in this record store, like on six albums. Damn. We go home, she's playing the albums, she's having a great time. I went upstairs to watch it. She's a fucking 12-year-old kid, guys. So now the Grammys are on last night, and she's like, Dad, the Grammys are on.

I'm like, okay, you can watch them upstairs. I ain't watching no fucking Grammys tonight. I'd rather watch The Wire, anything but the fucking Grammys. So I hear her up there yelling, yay, yay. And all of a sudden at some point I hear her go, you know, yay. And I go, what's she yelling about to my wife? My wife's on the couch half asleep. And I put on Channel 4 and Chaperone won.

And she's a big Chaperone fan. Oh my God, when that girl stood up, I thought it was something out of a horror movie. She looked like a fucking witch. And I'm not here to say nothing bad about nobody. I get it. They try to stick out at the Grammys, whatever. I mean, it was just fucking not good. And she got

up and then she got the award and she's up there. Listen, I'm from the fucking, that dude school. Get your award, thank you God, and get the fuck out of here. Save your political statements for your little fucking white friends at a party. Chaperone starts going off about, when I was a starving artist, and you know, shut the fuck up. And then like 10 minutes later, I went to the bathroom, I left it on,

it was Lady Gaga with a fucking haircut like she got from a blind dude. Like some blind dude cut her hair with a fucking bow. You work millions of dollars. Who cut your hair like this? You know, they try to be different. This fucking thing. And it's a wig with some idiot cutter for them. Trust me, at the end of the day, that's a wig. She's out there like, you know, she gets the award and right away, you know, trans people are alive and all. Listen, again, this is a political, this ain't no political show. You got a black dude with a little hat on.

I mean, I've never seen anything like that. Black people were off the hook. They were off the hook. But the guy who stole the show was Kanye West. Did you see that? He showed up with him and the wife turned around. He's still like one of the security guards and public enemy and shit.

She turned around dropped a mint Naked and the Grammys at the Grammys with like a little bodysuit on but the monkey was right there Did she even win anything or why was she? She was just there Kanye didn't even go to the Grammys. They got right on the car and left Oh, this is on the red carpet. Yeah, she wasn't showed that little beaver It was shaved to the teeth didn't make it I think you they got kicked out of Amsterdam or something like she was blowing them on a boat in public. Like recently, within the last year.

Trust me, if you're blowing somebody on a boat, they're not gonna throw you out of Amsterdam. Well, no, it was outside. It was like on top of the boat. It wasn't inside the boat. They got hookers, they got fucking fine brownies. You can't get blown in the middle of the day. Who said?

Apparently Amsterdam. No, listen, some people are just so lucky. If I get a blowjob outside under the sun, I'll take the ticket. Right or wrong, I'll take the felony. What, you want to hit me with a sexual harassment? Then they'll make you a sexual predator. Yeah.

Because you got your dick sucked around the corner from the school. Everybody knows that's where to get your dick sucked around the corner from the school. That's the best where to get your dick sucked around the corner from the school. That's the best place, right? The kids are all in school. There's a pizza place, the bathroom's open, it's a little dirty, the fucking floor's a little dirty,

but suck it. You wanted the pizza. Right, and you're not gonna be on the floor. No, so I just had to call my daughter. Mercy come down here. And I had to read her the riot act. Mercy, you can't dress like this chap, or don't you? And she's like, well, Dad, people could do whatever they want.

Listen! People could do whatever the fuck they want. I agree with you. But not in Mount Brown, New Jersey. We're not wearing those crazy outfits and all that little faggy speech. Let me tell you what that faggy speech is, okay? All those little faggy speeches, at the end of the day, they don't care about anything. Those people don't care about anything.

They just talk the talk. And for you people who believe those fucking idiots, you should be shot and hung. Shot and hung and put under the fucking cemetery. That's how stupid you are. Those people don't care about anything. The reason why they utter those words is so some other wench comes up to her and says, you're so brave. Listen, if you were so brave,

how come you weren't fighting those fires in Malibu two weeks ago? That's brave right there. You know what I'm saying, guys? Like enough with this. And that's what I put up with for 23 fucking years. That kind of behavior where, you know, let me, you know, who fucking shows up with a naked woman?

I love it. If you're gonna show up, shows up with a naked woman? I love it. If you're gonna show up, show up with a naked bitch. You know what I'm saying? That's as smart as it comes. You want people's attention? You show up with a hot freak and like go, yo, and let her drop her jacket at a Cuban restaurant, salute them and walk out.

They're like, what the fuck was that? In fact, I've been thinking about it. Get me like one of these Japanese girls that don't speak English. Instead of joining OnlyFans, I'm gonna 500. Just come to the restaurant with me. Take the jacket off. Fucking take her hair off

and throw it in somebody's dinner and then just walk out. Because those Japanese women got those little long hairy bushes. You just take that hair, it's like you could use it for a... What do they call it? Floss? Floss. just take that hair, it's like you could use it for a, what do they call it? Floss? Floss.

Just take it and throw it out. No man is gonna say, hey, she threw pussy hair on my food. Unless he's a half a fucking fag, right? Everybody will eat a piece of pussy hair. Who hasn't? I don't give a fuck who. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. How do you think he convinced her

to take her clothes off on TV? I understand if you wanna take her clothes off on TV? Like that, like I understand if you want to take your clothes off, how do you convince someone else to take their clothes off? I don't know, Lee. You know, I don't know, but you could do it. Apparently. There's a lot of people out there. There's a lot of women out there. But if you go, what if I can get you on the, I just want to be seen.

I want to be heard. Okay. I'm going to the Grammys. What you do is put on a mink with nothing underneath it. And walk the red carpet and drop that motherfucker and then I'll drop a pencil and bend over backwards to pick it up because a couple reporters were actually zooming on a pussy.

And that picture's gonna come out. Those aren't the, the white ones are like, oh my God, she's naked, duh. The smart ones said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right, nobody cares about the titties. Nobody cares about the hairdo. And nobody cares about Kanye. Zero in on that fucking monkey.

Right. Did you see that thing? It was cute. No, I didn't. I missed it. Yeah, well you better get your shit together. Then why is that not like headline news? I didn't see anything about that today. Well, you're not supposed to, Lee. I would like to.

You're supposed to. You know what I'm saying? It's one of those things that you didn't see it, Lee. I would like to. You're supposed to. You know what I'm saying? It's one of those things that you didn't see it, but you saw it. Jesus. Like if your girlfriend says, did you see Kanye with his naked girlfriend? Me? Never. If you're with the boys, fuck you.

I saw a little dirty snatch. Jesus. Can you imagine how much you think those pictures would go for if they actually got one of her naked? What am I TMZ now? I don't know. I don't fucking know. That's a fucked up job.

Would you ever do that? Why? I think you'd be a pretty good, what is it called? What are the photographers called? Paparazzi. I wouldn't do that shit. No? No.

No, no, no. Another life? Not even another life. Okay. I think it's disgusting. You've seen them. I've never dealt with them. You've seen how they behave. Yeah, I've seen how they behave for sure. And they torment you. They torment you into doing something and now they got you on camera. They want you to crack them in the fucking head. They want you to punch them in the face. It's, I

used to go to a, what else with that farmers market in Studio City? they had like a little fucking a Little cage and the kids could touch Fucking sheep and you know a little half a fag amusement park, but they had the best fucking tamales and Next to that there was a Mexican family who made who's naturales. Really? Which was the natural juices. They'd make strawberry with milk, a little bit of cinnamon in that motherfucking whip it up. Oh my god.

I was there every Sunday with my wife. If I wasn't on the road, I'd go every Sunday to that place. And I saw them get into a fight with the black dude from Sons of Anarchy. He was also on Lost. Oh, the head black biker gang guy? The bald dude? No.

The one season five where they killed his daughter. Oh shit, yeah. Damon Pope. Damon Pope. And I saw him having it out. I saw somebody else up there having it out, a woman having it out. And then one day they started fucking with me.

And they called me big pussy and all this shit, and I'm like, I'm not even gonna say nothing to this dude. But when I got to the car, the guy followed me to the car. Really? I got my wife and my daughter here, you gonna follow me to the car? Well let them say big pussy, and I just went at the fucking guy.

And that was the end of that. My wife got mad, we had to leave in a hurry. I almost hit him with the car and shit. That was the end of that. I never went back up there after that. And then they signed like a law against them. Really? Yeah, but they're everywhere.

They're like at the, they would hang out at Jerry's Dally at night. With the one attached to the bowling alley? No, the one that was in Beverly Hills. Oh, okay. They closed it. They would hang out there. They would hang out at the Improv. I would see the camera and go, I'm going the other way.

TMZ would hang out up there and ask the comedians questions. I don't wanna talk to those people. Did you see some comedians walking towards them on purpose? Like getting ready to be interviewed? Oh yeah, they can't wait. I don't want to be on TMZ fucking, what are you doing out tonight? People tell you, listen, there ain't nothing to talk about.

No. No, I'm from the Led Zeppelin school. No fucking faggy interviews, no television appearances, not that anybody ever calls me, but still I don't want to do any of that stuff. No. I don't even want to go to weddings anymore. I made up my mind like two months ago, I'm like, because I was getting all these invites to weddings and I'm like, these people have no fucking idea. There's nothing I hate more than a fucking wedding. To sit there and make believe I'm happy, I'm not happy. It's Saturday, there's gotta be something going on.

Nebraska's playing somebody, right? There's something going on, and I gotta sit here for four hours. That's what you're trying to tell me. And I'm gonna be back here in two years, because you're gonna divorce the fat fuck. And then I'm back here. And I'm a positive guy, but seriously. Right.

Seriously. How many times have you been sitting at a wedding after three hours, And then I'm back here. I'm a positive guy, but seriously, right Seriously how many times you've been sitting at a wedding after three hours you're like This bitch is gonna fucking leave him for three hours in a long time. It's a long time They take a lot out of you and weddings are demanding now It's just not sharp at the BFW. My mother's cooking something at the house later on. It's extravagance and pigeons and you know. Fuck you. Fuck you. The only way I would give my wife a pigeon

is if I sent her to the hospital and she was a virginized virgin. Like approved, like pussies tight, mufflers tight. But anything slipping after that, like she had a little encounter when she was 18, listen, the pigeons are out, the white dress is out. We're going in there. Don't even invite your family.

You're a whore. Don't even invite them for. What are you going to invite them for? You dirty bastard. You ever go to a wedding and you fuck the chick that's getting married and you got to sit at the table and go, this is terrible. You went to a wedding of someone who you fucked, the bride? Well, she invited me to her wedding.

Why would she invite you to her wedding? Because white women are fucking creepy and crazy. They want to sit there, hey, we used to date each other. Oh my God, that's so cool. Meanwhile, you're looking at it going, I used to take it out of your ass and come on your face. And your poor boyfriend, this guy, this insurance salesman with white socks,

he don't do that. Where do I see the connection? Where's the fucking connection here? When I lived in Boulder, they all got together. We dated for eight years. Eight years, he did everything to her. He lit a pussy on fire, he knocked her up. She had an abortion, they left a half a leg in there.

You know? You know? And what do you wanna talk about? Eight years they didn't marry her. Eight fucking years these people want to get together and chit chat, about what? Fuck that. About what?

What the fuck we got to chit chat about? I can't, and now I mean, I know we've talked about it forever about you traveling to weddings, but after this week, can you imagine getting an invitation to a wedding that you have to fly to? That's not happening. That's not happening. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's crazy.

Three hours to a wedding, you're definitely not gonna see me. If the wedding's not in Marlboro on a Tuesday, cause I don't wanna go on a Saturday. Saturday's the best day of the week. You're gonna ruin it? But who has a wedding on a Tuesday? Well, get it together. Ha ha ha ha. It's the new best day of the week. You're gonna ruin it? But who has a wedding on a Tuesday? Well, get it together.

It's the new best day to have a wedding. I got married on a Wednesday. I wanted to get all the odds. And it was great. Fuck them. Wednesday before Thanksgiving. No presents, don't get dressed up. Just show up, eat, and get the fuck out.

And it worked out just fine. I was very happy. Yeah. No pressure, right? When you go to wedding, you got all this pressure on you. I got a, did she already get the toaster? You know, does she have it? Is a falling law gonna give it to her?

It's always pressure. You gotta go get a belt, right? Then you have to go to a wedding, George. I have to go get a belt. Now? Where's the fucking belt? You know what I'm saying? I gotta go shopping for a fucking belt

to sit in a church and then make believe like, there's a beautiful church. No, it's not. Then you gotta say it's lies. You gotta lie all day. There's a very beautiful church. Oh yes, 1800 the Napoleons. I need to rather be home watching football?

I'd rather be home stabbing my eyeball to death with a pencil. And then you gotta go to the reception. And that's always fun, but the food sucks. And they always put you at a table with some fucking hillbilly that you don't even know. You know what I'm saying? Like some aunt that flew in from Wyoming,

she's picking the toes at the table, and you gotta sit there. No, listen, leave me at home. I'll send you a nice envelope, and you can knock yourself the fuck out. I was just at a casino in the middle of nowhere this weekend. You think you've seen everything,

and then you see someone like, I saw, I think like three women with, I'm not talking about trans women, I'm talking about women with beards this weekend. Were they guys with beards? No, no. And they were just women that let themselves go? That just haven't, yeah.

That just had a couple, they were fully, they just had a couple of like really long hairs. Now let's put, let me add, let's back it up. Right. That they have one of those warts on their face with the hair. Not this one, I've seen that one before, like a little mole and it's like around the mole.

Where were you? I was in Springfield, Massachusetts. Well next time you go up there, bring razors for sale. I thought sure. Right? You'll sell a thousand razors, fucking, what's that thing? More mumble? What's that spot you put all over your body and it don't stink?

That new- Deodorant? Yeah, there's a new deodorant that you can put anywhere. Oh, okay. Under your titties, under your feet, your armpits, your fucking behind your knees. Dude- You ever smell behind your knees?

Not a good fucking day. You smell behind your knees? You have to. You have to check everything before you take a shower. Wait, no, you have to make sure you're clean, but I've never smelled. I've smelled. I've rubbed my balls and smelled that, but I've never rubbed behind my knee and smelled what my knee thing is smelling. Quiet, it's a lot. I don't know. I'm okay. Do I just wash it with a loofah?

Okay. You wash your toes and everything? Dude, I got a pedicure for the first time. Oh, they must have loved it. Were they Chinese? They fixed the Auschwitz toe. I don't know what they were. Were they, well, were they in the Chinese category? They were, they were in that category for sure.

Were they like sun tan? They what? They were like a little dark skin? No, not super, not dark, but they were Asian. And they just, they went at for Years you called my right big toe the Auschwitz toe because it went through my ghee And I think it stabbed you a little bit But they went they put some shit on it and then they cheese grated it that shit was crazy

I've never had that done before but the cheese grater. Yeah, did you save the powder? No, it isn't Can you imagine asking that poor lady to save the powder just tell it you know my religious Is the powder from the fucking toenails? I love listen my thong I told me I put like a little black paper And I scoop it up It's like a gram or two and I put a little bend on I save it for the mushrooms and sometimes I sprinkle on the reefer Jesus speaking of people losing their mind. Have you seen that lady in Pakistan? That lady, that black lady from America who just like went up,

she's like 40, 50 something has kids and a husband in America, like lost her mind and like went and met this dude, this 19 year old in Pakistan went over there to try to marry him and he like won't answer the door. She's holding news conferences in the middle of Pakistan with like baby powder on her face, talking that she wants like 5,000 a week from Pakistan. That's the same chick that gave Brad Pitt the money.

Really? I don't know, that dumb bitch gave her, some Brad Pitt called her from the hospital with an AI picture, said I need $800,000. She left her husband and sent $800,000. Yeah, I've seen a bunch of those, Monty. Come on, man. What is going the fuck on?

And this poor lady, is she attracted? No. Oh, okay, then. No. She gets what she deserves. She flew across fucking countries to go to pakistan. Yep, not fucking dubai or not brazil or not somewhere fucking cool She goes over there where god knows what's going on in pakistan and the poor bastard won't open up the fucking door. Well You know I know a lot of guys that have done that but not in pakistan

The gaffers women they make the bitches come over over from Jersey and New York. We don't know you Oh No, I had a couple I not only one woman once and it was Like you know how I made the bed one of the most stupider ones I had I had a woman hit me up At like midnight and I took a shower before I left and by the time I got there I don't know if she was looking out the window and didn't like me or fell asleep or had a different guy over there but like I was pacing on the block for like

Ten minutes because I wanted to get laid but then I was like wait if this is like how do you go to jail? If like you just if you're just waiting for like waiting, like walking up and down a block, so I just left. But she like, text me, text me, and then in that 20 minutes to take a shower, changed her mind or something, it was the worst. No, why are you looking at me like that? I have no idea what to say to that. You never, dude, what do you mean, you have no idea what to say to that. You never, dude, what do you mean you have no idea?

You've never had a girl disappear, nothing? Let a girl disappear? Yeah, like she never at a club, like come over and then you went to, and she went into the doorbell or anything, no? Come again? Like, I don't know, at a club, like you ever meet someone at a club?

Or you never really did online dating though? No. So, but like at a club. Like, you ever meet someone at a club? Or, well, you never really did online dating, though. No. So, but at a club, you never had, like, a woman, say, come over and then change her mind or do anything like that? Strippers, at Denny's. Yeah. Strippers always go meet me at Denny's. And you're in there eating flapjacks for two hours, wait.

For two hours? Telling your friend she's going to show. Oh my God. I did it once. I'm not going to lie to you. Telling you, telling your friend she's gonna show. Oh my God. I did it once, I'm not gonna lie to you. I did it one time, I waited for a stripper and she didn't show. But let me tell you the fucking adventure

of this fucking stripper. She got ahold of me a few days later. I have no idea how. I didn't even have a fucking pay phone. I didn't even have a phone. I had a pager. It was 91. I had a Pager a pager it was 91 I Just gotten separated

two months in I Go to the bus stop one night and she's beautiful and we're talking and I go you want to meet at Denny's and she's like yeah, sure and And she's like, yeah, sure. You know, I'll meet you at Denny's. And then she didn't show. Like two days later, she fucking got my page on, page me, and she goes, are we still gonna meet? And I'm gonna go, yeah, we'll meet, whatever.

What do you wanna do? And she goes, I wanna go to dinner. And these days I had no money. I was just living off credit cards or whatever I could. I'm like, all right, you to go to dinner these days I had no money I was just living off credit cards or whatever I could I'm like all right you want to go to dinner and next thing you fucking know I got a call from my ex-wife we're not even fucking divorced yet and she goes there's a girl sitting in my chair getting a haircut that she's gonna go on a date with you tonight. This could only happen to me.

That was the end after that. How did they find it? It was just randomly they went to your ex-wife's salon? The what? It was just random that they went to your ex-wife's salon? It was fucking as random as... And that could only happen to you, that's crazy. That could only happen to me.

And I had to go up there, when I got there, they were arguing. Oh, your ex-wife got mad? Yeah, and meanwhile she's living with a dude. This is my fucking world. And then I threw the girl out, I said, come on, we gotta go. Trust me, I took her out that night.

It didn't matter. And then fucking, I took her out a couple times. She was dynamite, but that's what she did to me that night. That fucking girl fucked my shit up. Who the fuck walks into a chair that belongs to your ex-wife and says, I'm going out with a fucking comedian tonight or some fucking shit. Jesus Christ. And what did your ex-wife do?

She was pissed. You know, she she. It was a long time ago. Fucking my agents now. I just was watching, I don't know how I found it last night, but I saw that clip last of, of whatever his name is, that joke, I don't have a girlfriend, but I have a woman who'd be very upset

if she heard me say that. What's his name? I'm not sure. God damn it. It doesn't matter. Everyone, it's a one-liner comic, a fucking great joke. I don't fucking know.

Listen, I'm just fucking happy that, you know, man, I don't know what's going on with me. Today I had to yell at the doctor. You had to yell at the doctor? Like, I had to go off today. Why? Once and for all. Because, look, it's 2,000, it's 2,000 fucking questions every time you call a doctor.

You know, now, I was in the hospital for five fucking days. You know how many fucking questions they ask? And I would tell them, please don't ask me. If you don't see my wife here, make believe. I'm not gonna know. Fuck that. Three minutes later, are you on byazapine at the house? I have no fucking idea.

That's my wife's number. Call her, she'll tell you every medication I'm on, when I take it, the whole fucking deal, okay? I get out of the hospital and I call my main fucking doctor, the main, my escovita. I love her. Filipino, love her. Thorough, takes her time, fucking amazing. I got out of the hospital, whatever, on a Wednesday, I call the Wednesday afternoon.

Can I come in to see you? I got out of the hospital. Yeah, I got the reports, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I wanna see you, okay. How about March 18th? I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? It's fucking January. What is going on?

And I go, you know what? I'll call some other time. I thought that she prescribed what I needed because they won't prescribe something. You could be dead and they won't prescribe it. You gotta go down there and pay the 35 and waste an hour and let them check everything, you know, the whole fucking deal.

So I called back this morning and this is after calling, dog, supposedly I was dying, my lungs. Then I go to the aftercare and they're like, we don't even know what you're talking about. We're not even gonna give you a prescription. There's nothing wrong. And I'm like, okay. I'm like, why'd I go to fucking Brick?

I lost two hours of my time. To come all the way down here, you give me nothing. I'm trying to work them for the oxygen, to tank at the house. Forget about it. Why do you, you do not want to tank? Oh, fuck yeah. To do what? That's when the party starts.

That's when I take you to the next level. No, you know, whatever. I don't really want oxygen. So they send me home. Pulmonary, you're going to die. You got five funguses in your lung. February 26, I see these cocksuckers. So I might not be dying.

What's this fucking, you know, they put this fucking thing in your head. I'm not dying. I'm just bullshitting you people. And then today I call a doctor. You want, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll wait for your call. We got all the paperwork, 14 days. Okay.

We, you're not gonna see Escovita. We got another doctor for you. I go, listen, it's not happening. She's my doctor. Well, she's busy. That's why we belong to center state because we have a circle of fucking people. And I'm like, listen, it's not fucking happening.

And she's like, Jose, you know, that's your... I go, listen, I'll tell you what. Give me a date when she's open. And he goes, well, what about the prescriptions? I'll live. Just give me a date. She goes, hold on five minutes. Then she got back and on, can I call you in 10?

Yeah. How about fucking Wednesday at 10, 10 in the morning? Don't fucking lie to me. Don't lie to me. I don't give a fuck. I'm cutting into her coffee. She's okay. She'll fucking see me.

You know, it's so hard. Like RFK's gonna put the sugar back in Coke and they're gonna take back fucking Apple Jacks and we're gonna do all these great things. What they need to overhaul is the medical system. And it wasn't this hard in LA. No? Dog, I did what I wanted in LA.

I did what I wanted at Bob Hope Dope. But then my doctor retired and now he's gonna be thrown to the wolves. So I moved when he retired. And then my heart doctor retired. That motherfucker still calls me. Fucked up at night, coked up. I miss you, man.

He lives up in Northern California. Yeah, it's terrible. You can't get in. I don't remember the last time I've been to see like I got you. Just go to urgent care. I know we have a young audience here, but you all have parents. And I want you to know what, it's f**king, you just don't call the doctor. Like, listen, between us, this family, I didn't have to turn myself into the hospital. I could have done all that shit at home.

But I knew what the test I did in there would take me a year to complete. And insurance would balk. When you're in there, they're rockin' and rollin'. That's why I went in there. Listen, they stabbed me 10 times, they did this, they put a fuckin' metal in my wrist, they did a thousand things,

but I got that thought out of my fuckin' head. And that's peace of mind to me. I still got problems and it's gonna take time. I'm better than when I went in there and it's gonna take time. I just gotta fuckin' rest. I see it now. It's It's fucking different and like I You're you're a great. You're a nice guy. Like I do I never like

Really get upset or go go off on people at like offices like I know you don't want to do that I had but I told I know her and I go Denise. I love you to death What the fuck? I go this sucks lately and she goes well Denise, you know, that's my doctor Why would I want to go see another the first doctor I went into that office? Doctor I don't want to say his name Like twice I went to see him. It was like he was on a different planet Like twice I went to see him. It was like, he was on a different planet. Yeah?

He was questioning everything. Like, why, why are you on this medication? I don't know, call my wife. Call my wife, I don't fucking know. Why are you on this? Why are you on that? Why do they have you on this and this? Listen, I was in LA with a fucking pill happy.

And that's the other thing, here, they don't give you a dick. If you go for pain and Jersey, you're done. You're fucking done. Like they'll tell you, okay, take a pain pill every six hours. What's that mean? Four times a day, right?

Where I come from? It's Monday. You get your new prescription, they'll give you like 13 pills. And you're like, but wait a second. And so it's good for three days? It don't add up. Four times a day and 14 pills.

It doesn't do nothing here. That's how they start with you. And then the office won't call you back. You're sitting there in pain, fucking dying, and you got to like break them off and pee. Next thing you know, you're driving a fucking nuke. I had to call a friend of mine to get me a fucking pain pill is it is it any faster if you hit Spanish? I give you like hey, yeah, you go through but that's not the fucking point They're not gonna give me an appointment any fucking fast. Okay

Every time you call those automated places. Yeah, you're done for 20 minutes Yeah, you're done 20 minutes. You're fucking for 20 minutes. Yeah. You're done. 20 minutes. You're fucking done. Did you ever, when you were like coming up and broke, did you ever do unemployment in LA? Towards the end I did. Dude, when I left LA, it was so hard to call unemployment. When I got unemployment like 10 years ago, you had to call right as they opened at like 8 in the morning you could get through. Now they have robots that you have to like you can pay 10 bucks and they'll just keep calling because it's impossible to get through. You can call hire like you can pay for robots to call unemployment for you it's that bad. Well that's where I learned dial 2 for Latinos in LA because I like Latinos and I didn't do that.

I didn't collect unemployment until maybe five years until I started making money. Ari told me, you have to collect unemployment. You have to. What are you talking about? They're like, bro, when you shoot a day, you file the next day. That covers you for 13 weeks, and they give you like the top notch. I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

They would just send you an ATM card every month. What? And then you go to the weed store and they'd say, we do not take EDD cards, god damn it. So I didn't give a fuck, but it was just, you have to do it, it's your money. It's your fucking money. And you pay into it and you wonder what the fuck

where it all goes. Something happens to you guys. Check into that and you'll be in shock. They have money for you somewhere. And you have to fight it. Cause I got it during the pandemic. Like I didn't get the crazy ones they were giving out, but they gave me, it was like 300 a week.

But then it took them, took me like a year to get it. And then they gave you a back pay. Yeah, but I had to fight it. I had to do a, whatever it's called, like a hearing on the phone. I had to submit appeals and then they would lose the appeal. It took me like a year. I was pissed.

But then, dude, when that goes through, when you get back pay, that's almost better than getting it a week at a time, getting back pay all at once. Fuck yeah. Forget about it. You went right to McDonald's. Ooh.

And you went off. When was the last time you went to McDonald's, ConkSak? It's been a long time. That's the one reason, I don't even remember the last time. There's one by my house. I love McDonald's. I drive by it every day.

I gotta go to Starbucks with Mercy. I gotta go to the bank. I always do some of the last time. There's one by my house. I love McDonald's. I drive by it every day. I gotta go to Starbucks with Mercy. I gotta go to Bank. I always do some of the Judeleys in there. Yeah. So every day I drive by McDonald's and that one whiff gets you, but not enough to make the turn. You know what I'm saying?

Like that's a different turn. It depends, cause that's where I will get pissed off is if I go there and then I haven't been in McDonald's in like Six months and then the fries are our saw our stale that I will get upset about Like cuz they that you will not forgive no you can't we don't call Leonie Oh my god, if you go if you go and get cold fries when you're fucked up that that'll piss me off What's the last time you ate fast food?

I stopped today and I got a drink, but I honestly haven't been eating fast food. I honestly don't- When was the last time you went to Subway? That's not what I heard. Subway's been years. Subway said they saw you. Subway's been years. They saw you at Subway with a chick with a beard. No Subway, but what did I do?

I did, I got breakfast at Cracker Barrel yesterday. Oh my God. That was pretty good, you don't like Cracker Barrel? Did you smell that shit yet? Sniff your asshole, see if you want to go to Cracker Barrel again. It was pretty good. Huh?

The breakfast was pretty good. What did you have? I just had bacon and eggs. Were the eggs fresh? Oh, easy, of course. Okay, you saw the yolk. Yeah, oh yeah. Okay.

Oh, I did, this is what happened. He's learning. And people are gonna get upset at me, but, all right, so there was one time in Vegas, we went gambling, and you got mad at me because I was doing well and as I came back I stayed I stayed at a table and a little person came and I lost all my money and you're like it's bad luck you gotta be kidding yeah yeah so as soon as the midget shows up you give him a fucking token you tap him on his little head

and you go I gotta get out of here. And he stood behind you. He was at the last one. Lesson number one, you cannot let when you're gambling, no midgets and no Chinese people standing behind you. I love Chinese people. I have nothing against you. You know me, I eat Chinese food once a week. I Bruce Lee movies, Happy New Year, the year the the fucking, my favorite restaurant gave me an apple,

an orange last week. They did for New Year's, I went in there and they gave me two fucking oranges. I was in there saying shit, Guilo, the whole fucking thing, you know Uncle Joey. But you let, like when you're gambling, and I don't even gamble, but I've seen it. I've stood there and I've seen a nice white guy with a wife.

They're on a honeymoon, they're up 800, and all of a sudden, like some Chinese guys behind them. And all of a sudden, you see the guy getting wary and he's pulling his jacket. He's going into the wedding envelope, where's the money? I can't take it. And at the end of that, you turn around, there's a little Chinese guy watching you. That's it. Yeah. A little of that, you turn around and there's a little Chinese guy watching you. That's it.

Yeah, a little person came right up and I left. I'm having a big time problem lately. I go to my favorite restaurant three nights a week. I sit there, I get water with lemon because I'm a boring fuck. And they usually have the game on. I love the bartenders. I love the blonde, Michelle that.

But I always have a problem in them. If I sit next to somebody, like I always sit next to a girl. I always make sure that the owner's wife is there, or two girls, Tricky Nicky Nikki or my other girl fucking Gabby They're solid that that they're fucking soldiers at that These are my fucking girls. They keep me a loop They'll let me know what the bitches are saying in the bathroom if one of them is getting crazy

And I get in my car and I go to fuck home But every time I'm there, the bar could be fucking empty. And if a couple comes in or three guys come in, they'll try to sit next to me. And then they try to like fuck and then they'll make a call to one of their friends. And three more friends come and now they're standing behind me. And they don't know that I'm boiling. I'm like Charles Bronson at those minutes. Like, do I go to the car, invite them out to smoke weed and run them over?

Like, cause you don't understand how much that shit bothers. Do they know it's you or no? No, no, no. They just gather around because- Cause one of my favorite things happened. I love when they stand behind me, would annoy me too. But it doesn't happen to me nearly as much as it does with you.

But I love when they walk by and they go, Lee, and like, but they do it quickly. They do it to see if they can get a look. Do they ever do that? Like, Joey. Or no. Yesterday, I was at Mercy. We went to Red Bank on the way back, we stopped somewhere. And as I'm walking, I hear, is that Joey Diaz? Now I hear it, but that don't mean I hear it.

But I just keep walking, you know what I'm saying? I just kept walking. He said it again. I walked into the place. I didn't see him when I came out. Today, he texts me and he goes, dog, what the fuck was that yesterday? He goes, you didn't hear my voice? I go, listen, I don't turn around.

I don't have the time no more. That's it. In your world, I didn't hear you. I'm talking to my daughter. So in my world, I didn't even fucking hear you. I love it. So I'm sorry, so what happens at the bars when they're standing behind you?

They fucking stand behind me and they torment me Till I fucking get my car and leave And what is tormenting look like just being the minting is just being in my fucking patois When the whole bar has spots you could go to. When people are trying to leave the restaurant and you gotta move every time, you're in the fucking way. Right. Do you follow me?

It's just fucking common sense. So it drives me fucking crazy. So now I sit in places where you can't sit behind me. I'll sit against the fucking corner with my nose in the corner like my own time out But you're not fucking sitting behind me no more. It drives me crazy dog You're in that, you know, and life has changed a lot like men's respect has changed men's

It's weird what I see Like I'll be talking to fucking one of the girls. I'm in there sometimes, like I went in there Friday afternoon and I saw my fucking the chick that works with prescriptions. Okay. V, I love her to death. I've known V since I moved to fucking Marlboro. She's the woman that comes in and says,

why are you taking this? Let's eliminate you from this. So she did it for me on the arm, helped my friend out with a job. She's dynamite. I go to eat lunch last week, I'm sitting there, V's on the other side. Now, if it was one thing about this woman is she could eat. Oh, nice.

She's Vietnamese. I've never seen anything like this. You see that? That's Greece. That camera stand. Okay. She had a steak. And I heard her tell the waiter,

hold on, bring it over to the other side, I'm gonna sit with Joey. I was having a Philly cheese steak on semolina bread. Nice. Jesus, with steak fries on that motherfucker, with red hot, not the long ones, but the cherry peppers. You have no idea. You have no idea.

And what did she have? She had a steak and cheese with you? She came over, she already ate a steak. She came over and got another chicken milanese with the fucking big chicken cutlet and the rugel on top. Nice, oh. I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about.

What the point of this stupid story? The stuff you see with men, I saw. Okay, I'm talking to her. I must have been talking to her, you know, 30 minutes, then I had to leave. I don't know how many fucking people interrupted us. Like, I can't tell you. Now, this chick is married, kids. If you go on Instagram, it's her and her kids She's Vietnamese and her husband's jack American Taiwanese. Right? The kids are beautiful. I said I met the girls

I know the girls I see him out this chick is out every fucking day Rocking it with a hundred dollar shoes on you know, she's one of those and this ain't credit card This is real. In fact, she bought me lunch that. And this ain't credit card, this is real. In fact, she bought me lunch that day. Damn, she's like, I'm coming over here to bother you, but she was like telling me she's happy to see me alive. Doug, I don't know how many times people want to interrupt this, I don't know how many times a guy sat next to her.

And I told her, like, I went home, she sent me a picture she took. And I go, it was great seeing you, thank you for lunch. You know, but Jesus fucking Christ. She goes, that was annoying. And I'm like, these people have no coot anymore. If I walk into a place and I see Sean, George, Nick or you talking to a woman, I'm not coming over.

Do you understand me? That's the school of thought that we were raised like. If you're talking to a woman, I'm not coming over. Do you understand me? That's the school of thought that we were raised like. If you're talking to a woman, I'm not coming over. Why would I even come over? He's telling his life story. You ever been to a bar, you're telling a chicken your life story? You need me coming over.

I just saw you Monday night. It was great. And the chicks like, who's this retard? Why even get into that? If you bring her around again and you want to introduce her, that's fine, but if I see you with somebody I've never seen you with, I will refuse to go over there. And that's the way I was all my fucking life.

I was gonna say even like it doesn't have, I mean a woman obviously, but even a guy, like I don't like interrupting anybody. Almost ever do I go up. They don't give a fuck. It's like nobody raised you and it's just fucking buck wild. But it's so weird that I could be talking to a woman and we're just talking about prescriptions,

my hospital stay, you know, her daughter fucking won a thing of ballet. I mean, you know, it's not like I'm hitting on her or talking about, you know. And I go, you don't know how many guys will stop over there. And I'm like, who fucking raised you? I can look at you and George, and no, George is telling you a story about Pepe the Chef.

I could go over there, but there's something that you guys might be interested in. I'm not gonna go over there and interrupt or ask a stupid question. No. And as a waiter or whatever the fuck I'm doing, I'm not gonna do that either. Go to a restaurant with your wife, try to propose to her.

Try to tell her you wanna eat her asshole, but take three minutes to do it. The waiter will come and interrupt you with something. Do you want water? Listen, I'm trying to throw to eat her asshole but take eight three minutes to do it the waiter will come and interrupt you with Something do you want water listen? I'm trying to throw water in her asshole And you want to come over and ask me if I want water you not read the fucking table Are you not reading the fucking room right? What though? Do I even pee yet? I don't think so. All right. We got to take a breather here number two

I got to talk to you about draft kings is soup, it's Super Bowl weekend, shit's going off, crack-a-lacking this weekend. You got invited to a Super Bowl party? No, I don't think so. You, anybody here having a Super Bowl party? You having one? I'm doing one solo. Are you having one?

Really? I got invited to that, the Florentines have one every year. It's huge. I go, oh, that's right. George went to one of them. I fucked them up. And I kept saying to him, George, go tell him a story. He didn't want to say a fucking word that day.

There must have been a hundred people there. And I made George eat like the strongest fucking edible I could find. And he was fucked up and there was pizza Food everywhere and I'm like George get in there. He's like I don't want to move Anyway, we'll be right back. What's happening beautiful people? Listen, uncle Joey's here to tell you it's gonna be a huge weekend you could win a few bucks on the big game on Sunday and Get in on UFC 312, 312 action at DraftKings Sportsbook.

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For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio. We're back, bitches. It's gonna be a tremendous game. We got Philadelphia against Kansas City. What time's this fucking thing start? Yeah, by that time, you know, I've already, you know, you lose your enthusiasm.

Really? Six fucking 30, I gotta wait all day. Florentine's party starts at one by six o'clock. They're fucking crawling over there. Yeah, it starts at one o'clock. They probably get together at one. People still bringing food, you eat. I never stay for the fights, too

I just sat here for three hours, right? You think I'm gonna sit here now and then the halftime show, you know, you're out of your fucking mind man Yeah, do you fucking mind? I'm just not in the mood this year. I Love Philadelphia and Kansas City. They just it's like the chick the dude It, it's too much from good joke. Taylor Swift and Kelsey?

It's just too much as a whole. It's just, it doesn't feel like football anymore. I get it. See, that's why I'm all set for- It feels like a fucking after school movie, you know? So that doesn't make you excited for Philadelphia? Yeah, it makes me excited for Philadelphia. I hope Philadelphia fucking kills them, but you know, I mean, right now, they, listen,

they might trick you. They gave you, everybody was complaining about calls last game that the refs didn't call it. Maybe this fucking game they call it and Philadelphia steamrolls them. You know, everybody will like the bet. I don't even know, I think Philadelphia's giving one and a half. One, Philadelphia's getting one. So who knows?

Who fucking knows, you know? I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do for the soup bowl. I don't wanna be out, out like an hour away from my house because when this shit starts getting wild, I just wanna zip in the car and pew, you don't even know I'm there. And you won't even see me leave.

I'll tell you, I gotta go upstairs for a can opener How long does it take for people to realize you're gone? Would you ever get a call like 20 minutes later? Like where did you go? Listen? I had to go All right, when you gotta go you gotta go. I'm one of those dudes and as I get older this started with me when I was a kid Just so much that you could fucking take Like I could just sit. Just so much that you could fucking take. Like I could just sit here for so fucking long. But why don't you say goodbye?

You can leave but. That's another 35 minutes of bullshit because they're all drunk and I'm not. When are we getting together? Call me, we're gonna listen, I got a house, it's got a yard, I got penguins, you could swim, bring your kid, you know. And meanwhile, they're doing coke and they're fucking, you know, what the fuck is wrong

with you? Before I take that ear beating, I make an excuse. I went to this, a villa who was on the podcast a few weeks ago, did a show in Bay Ridge, it's by Seaside Park. It's an hour from my house. How can I not go not support the kid, right? I'm not there fucking three minutes and I got the whole wait staff on me and my guys. There's a band after the fucking show and the way I go into the kitchen, the fucking show and the way out, I'll go into the kitchen, I'll take pictures of all these, all right? All right, I come out, they're being cool,

you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. A villo did one set, I sat behind, I talked to a lot of the guys I hadn't seen for years. Then for the second set, I said, let me go over there. I walk over to the bar and I hide, and they're playing, and the villos fucking great. I gotta go see him one night. He's fucking great. And he's been doing this all his life.

So he's gotta be great at it. And I'm sitting there getting into the music, and all of a sudden, like high school people come up. I want to take a picture of my son I go give it a breather let me take the fuck and let me watch the villas bad and then they're drunk so they don't understand what I'm saying to them if I take a picture with you right here I'm never gonna get out of here can you please not take it here no we want to take it right now I just

walk away from they have no idea I just walk away from them. They have no idea. I just walk away from them. And then one of the kids from North Bergen, who I love, started dancing. And rule number one, when he starts dancing, it's time to go. And it wasn't even late yet.

What kind of dancing is he doing? That's not even discussed at dancing. Like disco? No, no. So as I'm walking out, right? I hear a fucking commotion. I'm like, what the fuck is that and Baboom and I look down. It's one of my friends from high school. He just got knocked the fuck out I used to love this guy. I used to run with this guy. We used to snort coke together We went to concert together and guy. We used to snort coke together. We went to concerts together.

He's on the fucking floor like this, like fucking shaking and shit. Listen, I ain't no attorney and I ain't no fucking whatever. So I just, the ambulance wasn't there yet. They were yelling. I went over and looked at them and it was like that scene from Friday.

You got knocked the fuck out. Right, it was that scene from Friday, right? And you know, what am I gonna do? Everybody's involved in it. I'm like, this is my time. And remember, in the old days, that was the same. George, remember, when you had to leave, you had a tip. It's time to tip.

Tipping doesn't include fucking saying goodbye, hugging Pierre Cardin and making a scene. Tip, tipping doesn't include fucking saying goodbye, hugging Pierre Cardin and making his feed. Yeah. Oh, man, we love you. Make sure you come. I don't need that. Right. Let's zip.

Let's zip. And that adds to the fucking patois. He was just standing right there. Right. Just saw him smoking a joint. What do you mean he left? I'm still a little bit held up on your buddy getting knocked the fuck out at a concert. Hold on, this wasn't a concert,

it was an outdoor event in Jersey and Seaside. Which listen, anybody who knows Jersey knows all those events, it ends when somebody gets knocked out. There's always a good fist fight at the end. A good fist fight. Yeah, so he ends up on the floor. And right away, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm like, I got to pee anyway. And I was like, right, I got to pee.

I got to pee. It's over. I'm fucking 60. I got no time to stand around. I got to fucking pee. So as I walk to the back, nobody says a word to me. And I go to the bathroom. I pee, I walk out and I go like this. And my car's walking distance. Ain't no reason to walk back.

No, you've gone too far. I'm not gonna walk 100 yards now to sit there and get tortured. And as I was getting in the car, the ambulance was coming. And I'm like, I ain't got no time for these hoes. Dugudugudu. Why did he get knocked out? I ain't got no time for these hoes. They got the, they got the, they got the, got the, got the. Why did he get knocked out? I don't know. You have no idea?

He got knocked out, he said something to somebody. Nobody really got the whole story. I never really got, I know he went to the hospital and they checked him out, you know. And it was funny. Do you see him in flowers or anything? No. No? No. He got knocked out. You know, and these in flowers or anything. No, no, no.

It's not out. He was the dude that. We did. I was about 17 and we did. Double sunshine acid. Jesus on the blotter. It was two hits of acid rolled into one really. That's why they call it double barrel, whatever the fuck it was.

We ate it and we went to that movie in Fairview where George's office is right now. It was next to a Carvel. We walked out of there by 1.30 the morning. Right. And the acid was on fire. And we got to walk down Bergen Boulevard to North Bergen border and then walk to where Louis lived at the time on 83rd Street. It was me, him and Curt DiLorenzo, God rest his soul. And we're right about where the old diner was. It's still a diner that.

And right on Bergen Boulevard, whatever that diner is, right there where we went. Boulevard diner was. It's still a diner that. And right on Bergen Boulevard, whatever that diner is, right there, where we went. Boulevard diner has been there since G's Deluxe Chicago. And it used to be open 24 hours. It was a great, they had a great cheeseburger deluxe with the mozzarella. That one, the point? Where's the point? Fairview. Tom's. Fairview. Uh. Tom Sillings. Tom Sillings. I don't like the one on Seventh Street. But anyway, were we talking about him? We're not sure yet.

I don't know. Do we know? What were we talking about here? Come on. No, no, no. Who got knocked out? No, you were. Oh, okay.

You went to a movie. So we're walking down Bergen Boulevard, and I don't know, I looked at Louie at fucking Kurt, and I go, on the acid, I go, you hear that? And Kurt looks at me and goes, yeah, I hear that. But Louie goes, I don't hear that. So we just played with it, we just ran with it. We're like, how the fuck don, I hear that. But Louie goes, I don't hear that. So we just played with it. We just ran with it.

We're like, how the fuck don't you hear that? It's burning my ears. And then Kurt started with, I'm telling you, I can't hear either. They went back and forth for like 10 minutes and it had just rained. And there was a huge pothole and it had two inches of water.

And this motherfucker dropped to his knees and started throwing cold water in his face. We're on the acid fucking quack quack quack quack we're dying. And this guy's splashing water and he comes back and he goes, I still don't fucking hear it. I'm like, it's loud. And this motherfucker took off down Bergen Boulevard to Kennedy to wherever his destination was. We just walked home. We're like, we don't know what happens. That fucking dude. What if he never he might never have recovered from that. No, he recovered.

Yeah, but then you tell him eventually that that no, but then he moved to Miami. You know, that's like getting a concussion and moving to Miami and putting 18000 coke rocks in your head. That ain't going gonna help it either. You know? What is dull? So you're doing two hits at once? This was every weekend.

We did something different because the people we bought the acid from, always, this was a college. There was a, bro, somebody came up to me recently and they go, East Stroudsburg. You know, I started laughing and I thought about it like how creepy that was that point my life was fucking creepy my mother had just died I'm living with my neighbor you know I fucking do a move and I end up with 20 grand

right and I'm like how does this happen and a buddy of mine was selling mescaline. I got sick and tired of buying it from him. So I asked him one day, I go, I'm looking for more exotic type shit. And he goes, well, I'll take you to East Strasburg. And I remember we went, it was like a two hour drive, we were kids and he was older than I was. And we knocked on his fucking door, but what I remember,

there was all Jersey and New York City plates. I'm like, what the fuck? When you went in there, it was a house. This big, a little bigger. And you sat on the couch and took a number, Jack. And when you went into the war room, it was real. It was like acid, black beauties, which made you fucking lose your mind. And this was just a house?

This was a house. And the two kids made this shit during the week. And on Saturdays, they had their big sale. And kids came from New York and New Jersey to cop from this fucking guy. This went on for years. I don't mean, listen, I outg grew fucking all that stuff like sophomore year. But let me give you an example of how much money I was making. The ups, the black beauties, with $35 for a thousand, I would sell you a hundred for $35. And I was selling them for a dollar a piece. They go all day. The wrestlers, they gotta lose weight. So I had the wrestling season, that's my big season. I got those motherfuckers TikToking.

I had them all doing Adderall before they knew what Adderall was. This was black beauty made by two albinos. These kids did so many drugs, they lost the color. They looked like they were 80. They were 28, they had no color in their eyes they were like fucking clear eyes they were those albino people you know I didn't ask questions it was it was $80 for a hundred hits of mescaline you sold them for three dollars a piece if you went to

school three days in a row in high school you sold those every day by the time you'd walk in there'd be ten chicks chicks. Hi, do you have any masculine? We want to go to Hudson County Park today and drink. Okay, 10, here, I'll throw in two more. Would you test it like before? Not test it, but like would you take one to be... Fuck yeah, that's the first thing I did. I loved those motherfuckers, loved them.

Lee fucking loved, I went on a fucking... The pills are the dealers. The what? Who do you love? I loved the whole idea of doing acid. I loved it. Life was simple. Life was very simple.

You went up to Kenny Boulevard by hash ways. You walked into the pinball place, Wizards. There was always a creepy guy in there when you were young that, you know, he knew he molested a kid or something. You know, in those days, they didn't have, like, whatever the fuck they have now. You didn't know what was going on. And then, you know, you went to Hudson County Park and whatever.

And then it became bigger, like, in freshman year. So I was eating all this mescal and I just said fuck it It was just a little thing and aluminum foil and it was a circle and some of them were purple Some of them were red and you took your chance every fucking weekend. You lived on the edge bitch you fucking took him and walked down Burger Line Avenue and you know stopped at Sal's Pizza and Carvel and walking into Schlesinger's and you know went in there and looked at sneakers I can't wait to get those here. How old were you? Your father, your father didn't even have a job

how you gonna get those sneakers? This is Schlesinger's motherfucker. How old were you for this? From the age of freshman summer to... So you're like 14 and you have a hundred to fucking from the age of freshman summer that whole summer I tripped that whole summer everybody was eating mescaline three nights a week and I loved it and then there was another drug you did you did fucking gorilla biscuits you did THC crystal, which AKA was Angel Dust, and you had to go to the city for that shit or the bar on 22nd and, it was in Union City, it was a bar down there.

I'm not even trying to be funny. Was that like the turning point of your life that summer? I can't imagine tripping every night and doing more other drugs. I fucking worked for a Mason that summer. That's kind of normal. Right. My freshman going into sophomore year was one of my best summers.

I worked for a Mason. I lived at home. I wasn't eating steak homes no more. My mom was cooking and I would get home at six. I think I made 75 bucks a day my freshman year and I would fucking go out at night. I was in great shape, I played basketball, I lifted weights, you walk these fucking hills. And then, I don't know, I liked the music.

Then I fucking got into Pink Floyd. And that was it, dog. I'm not gonna fuck around with smoking numbers. We're gonna go deep into the murky waters of the underworld. At 14, you had graduated from weed. By 15, I already had a full-fledged up mescaline business, acid business. Okay? And I got rid of everything at the high school.

It was like, just go to school and you'll make money. That's how I looked at it. I went to school to make money. Ah. You always had I looked at it. I went to school to make money. You always had a tab at Hashways. You paid on Friday. You know what I'm saying? So you could run the mill a little bit. You keep saying things that really aren't like a tab is cool.

But you're also talking about having a multiple drug dealing business that... And my mom had no idea. I would hope so. And how I really fueled it was my freshman February, I hit the number on my birthday. And it was a $5,000 number. I had to give the bookie 500 and I had to give my mom two grand. And she made me put two grand in the hub, the Hudson United Bank on 32nd Street in Bergen, L.A. Who do you think you're dealing with? I even had my own little safety deposit box. There was nothing in there. I'm the only idiot that had a safety deposit box.

You didn't put one thing in the box? Nothing, nothing. I was going to put my diploma, but then I didn't graduate. So what the fuck? And then I put the $2,500 in there. I put So what the fuck? And then I put the 2,500 in there. I put two grand in there and she would get the book. In those days, they gave you a book and they'd tell you. So it stayed at two grand. I was pretty good. And then I said, fuck it, if I buy bulk, I make more money.

I have other people I could sell it to. In those days, I had a guy in Guttenberg that would sell anything. Guttenberg was a creepy town. People did anything in Guttenberg, and this guy was the fucking main dump. I remember one night bumping into him with smoking weed out of a pipe.

First off, we're fucking freshmen in high school. It's 90 degrees out, it's three in the morning, we're on like one of these corner blocks, and there's 10 of us out, and he's smoking, smoking, smoking. And he goes, you got any masculine? I go, yeah. He goes, let me get three hits.

And he took two right in front of me at three in the morning and he was taking the other one and he was crunching it up. I go, what are you doing? He goes, I'm gonna put it in the bowl and smoke it. You want a hit? I'm like, no, I already did like three of these motherfuckers. I still gotta walk to the cemetery. At least we used to put ourselves to the test too.

We weren't these little faggy guys that went to a rave. If you're gonna go deep, but Uncle Joey, we're gonna go deep. We're gonna take you to the projects and park and go behind the fence and walk behind that little cemetery for a little hike. On Mescaline. Oh yeah.

Woo! You see like devil worshipers and shit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That explains a lot. Holy shit. Life was simple. I'll tell you why. It doesn't sound simple to me. Listen, let me tell you how simple it was, okay? You went out, it was three dollars.

A six pack was two dollars. Anybody had five dollars? Your father would give you five. You got to mow the lawn. I didn't see you take the garbage out. Dad, just give me the lawn. I didn't see you take the garbage out there. Just give me the fin Right so you could in those days you went off for five hours and you had Nick you could put the pizza on the arm And Nick so I want you to think of the whole fucking scenario here, right? We were having a great time for no money. You went to Albertsons. You robbed it. You went to Hudson County Park

It was that easy. What are we robbing? I robbed a fucking kettle of wine one time, but I didn't know it was that Julio Gallo red shit. And I drank it with the kid. Oh, the cooking wine? With the kid. I told him he was deaf, and he ran. That idiot.

I'll never forget. We drank that whole thing at Hudson County Park. I had a headache. I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow. I never drank wine again. I don't blame you. I was like, Jesus Jesus on Thursday. Jesus So you're saying like it just it was

Cheap to go out so that's why they're cheap and for me. I was getting for 80 cents apiece So I can eat four of them and I built my tolerance the same way I did with edibles right when I was 15 I was building my tolerance with that shit when I met George We were going fucking off. I was going off on that shit Why wouldn't you yeah and cocaine was on the horizon? Okay, okay cocaine was lurking But there was another drug that intercepted in there and it was called the quail Okay, and that's when we really went fucking off how How often were Quailoots happening? Every time you wanted them. But at that time, I would only do them on an off night.

I wouldn't do them on a Friday or Saturday night because those are busy nights. I didn't want to do a Quailoot around a lot of people. So I would take them on a Tuesday night, like ladies night. You know what I'm saying? Right. And you take one of those and you drink two Alabama Slammers, bam, bam, you know what I'm saying? The love drug.

The love drug. Jesus Christ. I think if I, you were, the first story you told about you being out at 3 in the morning with 10 of your friends smoking weed out of a pipe. And it was like, I was with one person. These were all neighborhood kids, like three from 88th Street, two from the projects, and three from Guttenberg.

And all of a sudden we just meet. We just meet. That would be the coolest thing I did in high school, just that. We didn't meet on purpose. We would walk in the streets, because if you walked on Kennedy Boulevard, the cops would pull over.

Right, because you're 14. We were fucking 13, 14. So you got to walk the side streets of North Bergen. North Bergen had a lot of side streets. Woo woo! Oh my God. That's two years away from how old Mercy is. I know, it scares the shit out of me.

You know what I was thinking about the other day? Mercy's 12. I mean, gosh, she hears me talking. She hears me on the phone, she knows. We got, we get into deep discussions lately. We got into one the other day about promiscuous women. Yeah, in the car, it was fucking deep. And she kept looking at me like, Dad, you're serious. We just talking shit. And damn, I was looking at him like she's

fucking 12. When I was 13, I used to walk home with a girl, hold her hand, and I would swap. No, we didn't swap spit. We just kissed and held each other. That shit wasn't even in my mind. But the last day of school, she was supposed to make out with me. But she double crossed me. God damn it.

She left me for a guy on roller skates. And she met at the Paramus roller skating rink. Circa 1977, you know what I'm saying? She was really skating on the rink and met a guy? Yeah, because that was the cool thing to do then. There was no Quailuids, you had to fucking lure men on charm. Or you had to dance, or you had to fucking, you know, dress nice. So why weren't you on the rink?

What? Why weren't you skating? I did go there one time, but there was a guy with a wig and he fell and the wig came off. And people were skating around him and he kept trying to put the wig on. And I'm like, you know what? I ain't going there no more.

I'd rather go to Atlantic City, have a midget stand behind me and play blackjack and lose all my money, you know what I'm saying? What do you got this weekend, Lee? Talk to me. I'm gonna be in Poughkeepsie, laughing up February 8th, 7 p.m. show, I think. It's gonna be a great show. Poughkeepsie? Poughkeepsie.

Oh, you got a hotel up there? No. You coming right back? I believe so. Because, yeah, the Super Bowl's the next day. So I might get one, but I'll probably just come back. Nah, you don't want to watch the Super Bowl and Poughkeepsie. No, I'll come back either way.

What are you going to do for Super Bowl Sunday? We're just going to have wings, I think, and Nach are just going to eat some stuff and watch at home. We're just going to have wings. Fuck it. You're not looking forward to that? You don't have anything food-wise you look forward to for the Super Bowl?

Because I don't get to eat wings that much anymore. anymore. I don't get to eat wings that much anymore There's good wings by my house guys There's one spot that nobody talks about their wing first of all the blue cheese is off the hook in that motherfucker Nice, that's right next to the Jewish place, but we'll talk about that next time Next to the Jewish place, but we'll talk about that next time. You know what I'm saying? Love it So far so good I'm alive and kicking I'm huffing and puffing but I'll get there So we're still on for February 12th in Jersey City and then the 15th in fucking Philadelphia Jessamay Paluso is showing up. She's flying in for the show. Nice. Smoke some weed with that skinny bitch.

Take her out to eat a couple nights cause she's too skinny. I saw a video she made today. I'm like, Justamay, stop eating the fucking, what's she eating out there? Peanuts and fucking, what's going on in California? That's terrible. And what about life?

We forgot about the whole fuck, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. I know we got sponsors. We got to get out of here. But did anybody see fucking Will Smith, son? What happened to him? I didn't see anything. Was he at the, was it at the Grammys?

I really should have watched the Grammys. Dog, he wore a house on his head. But listen, once you wear a house and a white chick shows up naked, listen, he must have sat this like, it's like going to a jet game, they lose, you gotta get back on the train, on the way home with your jersey.

J-U-T-S, they lost 82 to nothing. And they're still there with their jersey on. I fucking zipped that jersey off and light on fire at the stadium So he was wearing like what like a like a Barbie like dollhouse on his head or something Dog it is disturbing that this parents let him out of the house It's disturbing what people do for attention now It's disturbing like I saw three minutes of the Grammys and how they acted like and you see yourself going, man, I lived in that for 23 fucking years. I felt

really bad because when I first moved here, I was angry. I was just angry and I wasn't angry at California, but it came off like that. I was never angry at California. I was angry in the world that I had lived in for fucking 20 of those years. And how people would never understand that the cut where I come from and that world, they don't mix whatsoever. My world and that world is not mixed. For me, it was a job. I'm an idiot. I'm a felon. I had to do something. I picked stand up. Oh, they want you to audition for a movie. Oh, judge a millionaire. I'm an idiot. I'm a felon. I had to do something. I picked stand up. Oh, they want you to audition for a movie. Oh, Judge the Millionaire. I don't fucking know. This could happen to anybody.

You understand what I'm trying to say to you? Right. It just sort of happened. It just sort of happened. Okay. So you come from this, you know, now I got to change my views as a human being. You know, now I got to change my views as a human being. I got to vote for Kamala because if not, I won't be in the cool circle. I always got to say something to get people like wearing that fucking hat. Where's your father? He smacked Chris Rock, but he won't smack this fucking kid. This is the kid that needs to get smacked the shit out of 10 times.

Kick, punch, you fucking cocksucker. Get out of this fucking house, but you can't do that to your children today. They'll throw you under the jail. Look at him. I'll be by the door, where the fuck are you going with that thing on your head? Dad, it's the Grammys, come here for a second. Honey, can you please go down the fucking path,

do whatever you need to do. You want to leave, go. Let me talk to you. And right there, you just start punching them. Like punch them, like what the fuck is wrong with you? Half those people that were there. It's really sad because I told my wife, those people will never leave LA

because it's very hard. They got to take that mask off. Once you put that mask on to live, once you start wearing the glasses, once you start believing your hype like that, it's over. It's over for you. You just, you buy into everything, dog. Next thing you know, you're free Palestine, dog.

I'm over here trying to get my dick sucked. What you got to do with free Palestine? This is not the time or the place. Do everybody else. Go down to NYU, jump up and down. You know what I'm saying? What are you bothering me for? It's fucking insane.

We lived in that, Lee. We saw it. You saw it. Oh my God. You saw it. And I would look at you and go, what the fuck is this? Two years ago, this guy wouldn't let me in here.

Now I'm Jesus Christ, they wanna rub your feet and give you, oh, we bought you a gift. Two years ago, you wouldn't book me, but now you're selling tickets. I saw a ton of those guys. Right. Thought they had to look me in the face, but I was a great show.

No, it wasn't. You know what I'm saying? So for years, I lived with that. Then I moved here and it was, it took me about a year to see what the fuck had happened. Even to me for a while, it got me with the videos. I'd get up in the morning to smoke dope at six in the morning.

Who does that? Who does that? I looked at that one day and I go, my mother didn't hug me. What the fuck happened? And that was it. I go, my mother didn't hug me. What the fuck happened? And that was it. I loved doing the podcast, I loved doing this. I just, you know, and it's so weird.

Like now I see people and how hard they're pushing it. It don't stop. Look at Instagram. How many fucking people post all fucking day? And not just one picture, it's 22. Them going to a day bagel shop, them petting the dog. You know what I'm saying? Them, you know, it's not a picture of them taking it

in the ass, nothing, not one good fucking picture. It's just, I don't know, what the fuck is going on? That Grammy really bothered me. I can see that. And that fucking, because my daughter was watching it, and I don't want her to buy into that shit. What does she think when you say all these things to her? Because I feel like you've said most of this to her.

I didn't say it in this manner. She's 12. I can't talk to her like this. I'm scared the fuck out of her. I talk to her like a dad. I keep my fucking thing. She doesn't get snooty with me. She pushes the mom.

Oh yeah? Oh yeah. She called my wife. Because my wife took her to a concert. First of all, it was my responsibility to take her. But my wife said, I'll take her. Okay, take her. My wife took her and some other girl

and they all got dressed up like bears at this concert and she walked in there. I'm not gonna say the concert in Philadelphia. My wife came home was crying. You can't do that to my wife, dog. What? She's a fucking Christian from the South. It shocked her central nervous system.

Oh, the Bears. I don't know what's happening. Men, there were three guys in front of her with beards and a dress on, jumping up and down. That destroyed her insides. It was just one after the other. They stopped the show for Free Palestine. It was like nonstop, it just destroyed. My wife had a bottle at home on the way because there was another little chubby girl in the car, another one, and they had a bottle at home until my wife dropped the girl off.

And then she went off on Mercy in the car like, Mercy, what the fuck is this? Are you part of the LGBTQ? No, mom, but you have to let them be free. And by the time they got home, they were arguing. And she called my wife a, whatever, when you hate transphobic, whoa, did that house blow up upstairs

for like 10 minutes. My wife came down crying. She goes, you better talk to her because I'm about to bang her head off the fuck. I said, listen, take the wallet, get the fuck out of the house. She was upset. Like she, her central nervous system locked down.

My wife ain't built like that. Rock me when I'm telling you guys. She ain't, she doesn't come from that school. That's why I didn't keep snorting coke Because I didn't want her to find me dead. She don't come from the school where we came from. So it was like, it shocked her. It just really did. And she's like, that's it. You know, and so I don't know. I think my wife had a talk with her too about last night. Damn. Because I don't want, you don't want your kid to sway in that way at all. I liked the chick until she said, you know, I will put away for starving artists.

Can't you just, what's my boy that used to host the awards, the funniest host of all time Ricky Gervais. If you watch one of the clips, one of the funniest things he says, so my advice to you, you know, Nella Thunberg, Greta Thunberg, he goes, you know, you actors are not educated. Greta Thunberg went to more school than you losers. He goes, so when you come up here, grab your award, thank the guy, thank your maker, thank your agent, and get the fuck off this. You never seen him do that?

And he goes, get the fuck off the stage or something. What? And then he goes into the bit about that. If ISIS starts a streaming service, they would all have their fucking agents on the phone. Oh, my God. And it's the truth. At the end of the day, they're just going to go look at them. Anyway, let's not get politically. I love you, motherfuckers, with all my fuckers. I don't know nothing about politics. I'm going to stick my listen. I's not get political here. I love you motherfuckers with all my fuckers.

I don't know nothing about politics. I'm going to stick my... Listen, I know about Quaaludes. I know about Double Barrel Sunshine. You know what I'm saying? We might do... I got some asses at the house. I got two hits that have triple X on them, blue ones.

That's the next episode. All right. I love you guys. I want to thank fucking the Italian princess she was fucking great last week. I am still blown the fuck away with it You know what? She gave me hope for my daughter that I could That's cuz I'm fucked up jack Monday That's because I'm fucked up, Jack. Monday, Tuesday, have a great day, have a great week. We're done, we're out of here.

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