Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - Throwing Heat!

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

Thank YOU for supporting us through 25 episodes of The Check In! This week Joey Diaz talks with Lee Syatt about the bond he has with his cat Gray, how Shane Gillis made stand up comedy history hosting SNL, what it was like in the early days of the JRE success, and leaving Lee with a hooker who had bandage on her head. Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Lucy order. Head to https://www.lucy.co/joey & use code JOEY. Try Blue Chew for free at https://www.bluechew.com with promo code JOEY The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: http://bit.ly/TheMindOfJoeyDiaz

I didn't know she was a hooker at the time. Then you smell her neck. She smelled like you with the hummus I didn't know I wouldn't smell her neck. Who smells so they go to jail for smelling someone's neck. What are you talking about? What's up you savages it's Tuesday the 27th of February The checker is brought to you by Lucy. Let me ask you something. You ready for a party in your mouth Lucy, let me ask you something. You ready for a party in your mouth? Well, let Lucy in. Lucy breakers, nicotine pouches, have tiny flavor capsules inside them.

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Hey, buddy. What's happening you bet? Hey, buddy. What the fuck I'm strong with you with an hey, buddy What am I supposed to say? We're gonna go fucking play goldfish or something? Hey, buddy I've been in playing nothing but goldfish. This is the check-in motherfucker Hey, buddy, I've been in playing nothing but go fish. This is the check-in motherfucker Tuesday February 27. You come correct What's that shit fucking? Hey, buddy. What's going on there? That's I say That's why I always say we have an extra day this year that pisses you off when you like when you work a day job the extra Damn fucking pissed. We have an extra day this year. Let me put my ninth. We only get one every four years You're calling sick. No big fucking Yeah, they sleep you I ain't got time

Fucking you gonna worry about why are you killing me with this shit for this is the only year we have an extra day Oh, you think people jumping up and down. I got an extra day. Well, yeah If I can it wouldn't yeah, I bet they are holy shit If I can when yeah, I bet they are holy shit Now I'm doing good buddy. How are you? How was your weekend tip top? McGoo was a very fucking nice weekend You know that I had a nice weekend with the girls relaxing no drama got on stage Thursday night as usual nice, how did that? Friday went out to this restaurant char Okay, red bank one of the chefs trained Jiu-Jitsu over there.

I got, listen, when I trained as two chefs, Steakhouse 85 and Motherfucking Char. What kind of food is Char? Char is a Steakhouse. Oh, shit. And then Steakhouse 58, 85 is obviously a steak lobster, but I took my wife to Red Bank. It's like 35 minutes from here.

It's a whole different fucking fat man city, Lee. It's a restaurant roll, a fat meal, we'll die. But I went to this place Friday night. It was Friday, so it was lent. So I was a little confused when I walked in there. But then I made it work. Chef Phil fucking prepared these little yellow tail sushi tacos little ones. Right. Oh my god. And he had some lobster fucking dumplings. Nice. Not Chinese style

like white people style I don't know and then he had He sent over some calamar really good and then I Was full I was stuffed but my wife got the Short rib oh, I love short rib over gnocchi with a garlic cream sauce And she only took two bites of it and brought it home And we busted it out Saturday night Lee Fucking amazing that thing

So I gotta go back this week and get that dish just that dish with a glass of water No bread no fucking butter no salad just that dish that's like, because when you're eating, when you're fat, like you look at the menu, like when you're eating, when you're on a diet, it sucks. Like you try to look for something. It's gonna be okay, but it's not gonna be great. Like everything about that sounded good. Short rib, gnocchi and the cream, there's nothing better than a cream sauce. Fuck the great, my cat sucked the rest of it out of the fucking off the dishes. That's how good it was The cat I need some of that shit dog. You put it down for the cat fuck. Yeah, that's nice my cat eat that girl. I

Love her with all my heart. She's made She came into my life a year before my daughter Mm-hmm. I could tell she really dug me I dug her. You know, she was in a fucking house with seven cats that wanted to kill her. And she would fucking like take your chances bitches. And she used to help you know, it's really weird that my other cats at the time were very, uh, what do you call that? Like they were already home cats.

Like Fidel, a mouse could pass by him and he'll go, okay, you know, but Gray never stopped being a street cat. And I could see the differences. One once set of cats were raised with a lot of love and they had, you know, food and shit. This bitch had been fighting for her life for three years outside. When we got her, she had just got attacked by a possum or something. When she went into that lion's den, she knew how to maneuver them. They couldn't even deal with her. She would jump on furniture over them. She'd get to a dish and then walk right past them. There was nothing they could do. And one by one, they disappeared. And she kept hanging in there. And then once

Evie passed, God rest her soul, took her about two weeks to come downstairs. And now she's down here all the fucking time. I can't move my chair. Because I roll over her. So I got to look around before I even move my chair. Fuck. She's around here all the time, sleeps with us, fucking just ate some of my Cuban steak sandwich. You know, she doesn't give a Frenchman's fuck.

Have you thought about taking her out of the house? Would you ever bring her with you somewhere? No, I put her on the porch when I get sun. She sits out there with me like my fucking body guard. I know opens up. She gets the vitamin D. She lets the sun hit her stomach and I'm right next to a stone to the gills. Fucking beautiful son. This could be like a corny but do you like relate to gray? Like the way you were describing gray made me

think of you like a little bit. Do I relate to gray like the way you were describing gray made me think of you like a little bit Do I relate to gray? I don't know I just think that uh She just been a great cat She really is a great cat. You know, I told my wife yet that nobody gives me the love in this house that gray gives me You know I'm saying like when I take a shower, Gray's there with a head in the heater. There's a vet that comes up

and she'll lay on the fucking vent. While I'm in the shower, I can see her from the sink. It's, she's real close to me and I like it. I like her, you know, I like animals, man. Yeah. My next venture is a dog, maybe a couple more cats to end this fucking journey Because that's what people will get retired do they get a dog now you can walk with them

Go outside and feed them take care of them spoil them. They're like your fucking kid, you know It's gonna be strange to switch from cats to dogs like aren't dogs like I'm always gonna have a cat in here. Oh, yeah, central Jersey got trees all over me I see about South fucking shit my pants So there's always gonna be a cat here if that dies on Tuesday, there'll be a motherfucker in here by Thursday dropping sense Because you only have like a week before the set disappears then the mice start coming and there's field mice all around here People tell you enter you get field mice. I'm like, I see a field mouse. I packed my bag. I go to the fucking Hampton Inn. And

the next day I get more cats in Disneyland. I put them here. And that's it. And that's that. I feel like you're not even joking. No, you're afraid of mice? No, the experience I had with mice as a child as a child made me go I'm never gonna put myself in that position again What happened when I was a kid my fucking house in North Bergen got Just oh, yeah with mice these gray fucking mice and they were everywhere

And I remember like I couldn't fucking walk in a room without turning on a light with a broom. Fuck yeah, that would be that would be too much. You're a kid that sticks with you forever. I still remember going to my attic to get like something in the attic and they were fucking everywhere. And there was a row of just turds, like 10 feet of turds where they would walk back and forth.

And I'm like like nah, I Can't do this shit. This is not for me Jack So I always have a motherfucking cat in miceville What do they do? I've never had an allergic. Do they like what is it creepy to like see a dead mouse? Like do they bring it to you like isn't that isn't that scary? No, I don't have any hunters I have their own hunters, but they stay in a fucking house so but if I let Gray out and When I had Demi they would bring home shit, you know, that's how they please you by bringing home shit

That's why when you leave cats think you're going hunting Because if they left they're going hunting so when you leave the house to go fucking When you come back they want wanna see that you're carrying shit because you're supposed to go hunting. I had no idea. It's a fucking different world. It's such a intricate different world of the cat and the dog and the animal and the pet.

I wish I had more time. I wish I was 18 again and I would have fucking Learned how to be a fucking mountain time. Well, it was fucking Zigg fleet and roaring type mother fuckers. I'll attain the tiger and fucking You know sleep with them and pet his stomach. You know, I like them And you know animals read you did listen when I was a kid. I got always attacked I always gotta take my dogs and at a certain, I got always attacked. I always got attacked by dogs. And at a certain age, they just stopped.

I just stopped getting attacked. That means I was a rotten little motherfucker and the dogs knew it. But once my heart got pure, once I got hair on my dick and I got my thoughts down, then me and dogs got along. Cause I didn't get bit again after I was maybe like 11. Fuck.

But I was getting bit every two fucking years. And were you like going at him or they're just out of the blue? They're just out of the blue. Yeah. You're pouring up the dogs with a two by four and telling them, come on. No, I'm not taking him to hit him. I'm like, I don't know, are you rubbing him around? He would walk up with a chain, whatever, and everybody would be standing around.

And as the dog was pulling away, he'd come back and bite me in the ankle. I'm like, what the fuck did I even do? And that happened to me twice. A dog walked past me with his owner and then he came back and bit me and then went back with his dog and pinched a brother. I'm telling you, I had the worst, I got bit in the face and the Bronx.

I got bit in the hand. You know, it was just a fucking nightmare. And then one day I stopped getting bit. All of a sudden, dogs liked me. No, I stopped having fear in front of a sudden, dogs like me, no. I stopped having fear in front of them. That's the real truth. My fear, after you get bit three times,

you're gonna feel fucking dogs. So, you have that fear and they know it and they bully you. It's like, when you walk in a white and a black name and they're like, hey, honky, what's going on? You just walk down the street. I can't know. I would love to get called honky. I did my first sort of like, it wasn't a black room,

but like the guy I was opening for this weekend was black. And so he had a mostly black audience. It was cool. It was a fun weekend Listen man in a comedy setting brothers are the best, but you got to be funny Yeah, you better be funny and you better talk it went in Rome Okay, they don't mind if you talk about them to their face It was with a smile on your face. You could call a

black person anything. I don't know about anything. But I've been there. You sexy bitch. Oh, yeah. That's offensive. You tell a chick you want to eat that bro. Bad pussy. That's very offensive. I used to say it to their faces. And they'd start sweating in front of me like oh my god He's gonna eat my pussy this white motherfucker. That's a black girl's dream. You know a fucking slave owner to eat their snack Around with the hat can't trust it. Oh I didn't do that and I even asked the first night I did pretty well

But I have a joke that I haven't done in years about like I used to date a black girl I didn't know that some black girls wear wig sometimes and hadn't done it in a while And I asked the headliner about it and he was he was so cool about it And then he actually gave me a way to get into it and like the first show I did it's like You said like the black people cool with it the first show I got half laughs half groans and the white people were the people groaning Yes, I can show was almost not almost all but a good amount black and they it was like I've never had this happen that joke did so well that my usual clothes. It didn't do well. I

Should have closed on that one. Yeah, but you didn't know You didn't know that's how if I would ever go up and tell like a story I couldn't follow it Really like if I went up there and told like The hooker story or something at 20 minutes and I had 15 20 minutes left. I Couldn't follow it if I'd said something about my mother on stage. Ah But I found it dead. That's why when I ever did the one man show, it wasn't going to work. After I brought my mother's debt up, it just sailed along. And I couldn't put it in the beginning, which was I always really wanted to do. But that's a, that's a complete

different chapter. I want to talk to you about something because there was two very interesting things that happened last week. And common, that really will affect comic. Friday morning, a bunch of comics woke up from New York and they woke up with an email that they had been canceled. Gomez, Florentine, Kurt Metzger, Dave Landau, I think. Smith. Smith, Dave Smith. And it was a club by Capitol Hill blah blah blah, you know and

Couple people contacted me what did you think you were up in Seattle? What are you you know? and I was in Seattle 29 years ago. I was walking around Seattle in 1985 6 7 Basically because I left January of 2097. You know, in 23 years, in 20 years, the last 20 years, a lot of areas have changed demographically. And I hate to say it, half of these cities are getting, are getting infiltrated with the people who get offended, those type of people. Generified.

Yeah, with the dogs and the bullshit and the fuck, you know, and everything is a dilemma, you know, and Seattle has been one of those places, you know, and everything is a dilemma, you know, and Seattle has been one of those places, you know, that the other side of town is shooting heroin and killing themselves. But the other side of town is fucking sensitive, you know, to no end, you know, and then so that was Friday morning. And then Saturday, when I woke up, I was excited as a kid on Christmas.

Yeah. Because I knew what was gonna go down that night. I wasn't thinking about what happened Friday. I was so busy in my life with my daughter and we had to go somewhere. I was just excited for 1130. I put that mother, me and my wife watched, uh, especially because my wife had never known who Shane was.

So I go, let's watch the special. So you could see it. What's my name? Let's stay down and we all watched San I live, except for my wife went up about midnight, but she watched this monologue. And it was so funny. It's like it reminded me when I used to be a thief.

From the minute I knew I was robbing Lee's house, as soon as I got out of my car, I was on a complete mission to just steal. There was no, I think about how it affected my comedy, how it was the same mentality. Like I think about when I kidnapped Bella, when I went back to get the coke It didn't matter to me who was there. I was getting that fucking coke

Right that fucking door down like I owned it and I went in there I just took it out and I just got my car and left and I did a thousand I did Maybe ten things where I got out of the car and I knew I had a mission. Nothing was gonna stop me. I don't care if you had 10 locks on your door. I was taking your door off the hinges. And then I would go in and even though you thought

you hid the coat or the money, I got it. That's just the way it was. And I'd walk out of there like I don't. And people from the area would look at the door. Like you just busted that dude's door and walked in there walked up It didn't even matter to me because if I ran out of there Then I would get their attention, but I walked out like I was walking my dog like I was looking for Lulu right, you know I'm saying and I

Just went I used to go deaf. That's what the whole point of this fuck you're locked in. Yeah when you get locked in you go deaf You get you go deaf your ears ring Whenever I would do something bad my ears would ring whenever I get excited My ears would ring Saturday night 1130 my ears were ringing Wow because I was so excited for Shane because I knew what he was gonna do listen Wow, I was so excited for Shane because I knew what he was gonna do. Listen, you Know, I don't know my wife just told me this morning. There was a lot of people bad mouth in his set This and that it really doesn't matter. You know what the fucking bottom line is

SNL had the highest ratings they had Saturday night for the last 20 years Definitely and everybody saw what I saw. That Shane was heads and tails above those people on that cast, whatever anybody wants to say. That was real comedy. That was somebody who started in Philadelphia and worked himself in fucking shith hole rooms and PA and wherever the fuck they go around here to fucking train.

It's no picnic. And they fired him because he said some shit on a podcast. It's us cracking jokes. But people can't let nothing be with this in this world. You got a job tomorrow, Lee. They're gonna bring up clips from the church. Oh yeah? 15 years from now you fainting and dosing poor when Benjamin you know the whole thing are you a part of a fucking cynical world we were

dosing people it doesn't matter they're always gonna find a way to take you down now you know they fucking took his job away. This kid didn't hide. He fucking went and shot a special in Austin. Yeah, from there, the gravy train didn't stop. He just kept, he knew exactly what to do and nobody could tell him he was canceled or nothing. It didn't, it went in one ear and went out the other.

What comics? We don't need the fucking system at all. We use the system because we think, we don't need the system. When you first got into comedy, you got into comedy because there was a guy with a fucking brick wall and a microphone. It wasn't because fucking Adam Sandler did 2000 movies.

That's why you're getting into stand up and tell me you wanna be a tour manager, you wanna do world tours. No, you're not because in tour manager, you know, you want to do world tours. No, you're not because in the meanwhile you want to be Adam Sandler and I'm not mad at you. But there's a guy that went up there and you know, his jokes weren't, I mean, to me, I was dying. He was great.

I love when people push a joke and then they believe in it, whether you laugh or not, they're laughing. That burns people. People get really, especially the people in that room. Oh, yeah. The band behind them was pissed. The band and the poor gay Chinese guy with the fucking, you know, every time Chappelle went on, let's see where Yang is.

You know, this guy went on. Let's see. You know, who Chappelle went on let's see where yang is you know this guy went on let's see You know who gives a fuck? What comics? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck has been forgotten? What has been forgotten? What has happened to not only comedy television the last five six fucking years? Everybody's had ammunition our program You can't do nothing. Poor Joy Coy, a month ago, fucking, you know, went up there. Oh my God, for two weeks they dragged him in the mud.

Little did they know he was about to sell out the forum two nights in a row. And all that fucking publicity made him sell 2,000 more fucking tickets, what 10,000 in his fucking world. So, you know, these people loved, every time they point a finger, they haven't learned from Andrew Dice Clay.

They never learned. What's that? You don't like Lee, you don't like Joey Diaz, shut the fuck up. If you know they're gonna be on a show, don't watch it. But for you to watch it and then fucking say how they ruined the show, listen, I've always believed believed one thing and I'll state it right now with anybody gets mad or gives a fuck There's the improv in LA

There's the laugh factory and there's the comedy store and I truly believe this the improv is a great company They're a great company. I love working Melrose and across there They made me who I am today the improv's. I'm not gonna lie to you. I worked a lot of their rooms The last factory was great to me. I always liked Jamie when I first moved to LA I went in there and did fucking Monday nights every Monday 20 minutes 25 dollars That was a hundred dollars a month. That was big in my world when I walked into Jamie's But I always believed one thing I don't know if I ever said this or not. I don't give a fuck When you pass through the comedy store not on a Tuesday night, I do the belly room with Lulu the magician

I'm talking about when you're in the original room banging out with these fucking animals and you're in the main room when you're in the original room, banging out with these fucking animals, and you're in the main room, banging out with the fucking animals. And again, I say the main room loosely because my first seven years in the main room, I fucking, my percentages were 10% of doing well in that. I would bomb just on nerves

and whoever was in front of me or whatever. But I'm gonna tell you what I believe then, what I believe now. It made me a comedy marine. And the people who were in there at the time when I was in there were comedy marines. What does that mean? We go in when nobody else could fix it. Okay, they send the Navy and they send the fucking army and they send the fucking Air Force in, but now we need some fucking grunts. Grunts who know how to work for laughter.

They're not the best looking guys. You're not gonna get no fucking host out of there. You know, America's funniest videos was 30 years ago with Bob Saget. It's not gonna be pretty, and it's not gonna be clean, but they're gonna give you 100%. And I know this because just being at the store would make me go on sets and it would make me feel the same way. I got to show these motherfuckers who I am.

It got you in that mindset. And that's how I've always felt about it, whether people agree with me or they fucking don't look at the people that came out of the store. Look at the people before me that came out of the store, from Hicks to Kenison to Dice. Just that combination right there tells you that comedy store was developed for savages like myself. People don't give a fuck.

People that either they could have been a comedian, a criminal in the prison or a mental patient That's the three outlooks of people like me But I knew that going in so Suck my dick and call me shorty I was born in 1940 you know I'm saying fuck it and And and what is it? How does this make you relate to Shane? When I saw Shane On Saturday night on an American fucking stage the biggest fucking television show on a Saturday

It reminded me that he was bringing comedy back single-handedly He reminded everybody what I already fucking knew Listen man, I loved that I joined Jiu Jitsu 10 years ago and I fucked around with it and I didn't know what I was doing, I was scared. And the bottom line is it was very hard. It was very hard. And you know, Lee, I do everything.

I was fucking lip-waste, you were right there with me. And it's hard work and that's why I stuck to it because it reminds you of whenever somebody says to me well, he's got a Taekwondo background or boxing background when they say jujitsu He's got two stripes on his black belt. That's a six-year black brother. Whatever the fuck it is, right? This guy's worked for that. I could see that guy in a gym on a Saturday with the windows fogged up, you know?

And fucking, he's in there wrestling on puddles of fucking sweat. I know what it takes to do that. I always loved my comedy career because I saw too many people that went to Montreal, got a big deal, came to LA and ate a bag of dicks and then never saw them again. Or, and then afterward, then it became the YouTube people

and all these people that I love when people just go do stand up and they think they're gonna go out there and do it. Listen, you're gonna get some laughs, but the 20 years I put in, with 30, you know, I started hitting when I was 50, you know, the 20 years I put in before I hit, that alone would have killed most people.

Right? Because it just wasn't a stand up and I had checks coming to me. It was stand up with a divorce and anger issues and fucking being broke. And it was a ton of shit that I couldn't do without stand up. Stand up was the only beacon in this fucking death that I was creating for myself.

But I know one thing, like that's why when I do videos or when I'm on a set, I take pride that I'm fucking good at what I'm doing. They don't have to tell me twice. You don't even have to tell me. You don't have to tell me. I'll be there without you telling me. And I got that from being at the store, but it was because I would look at the people that store, but it was because I

would look at the people that rocked the house in front of you before that David Letterman Was the store guy Bob Saget got rested so what's the store guy? You know Jim Carrey I Fucking loved that and every time As a comic every time I walked in there felt like I was in a church It was my church, you know It was and we I think it came out right as we left LA but that store documentary on showtime was awesome It was very good, you know, it was very I just have I'm just happy they highlighted the store They let people know what was really going on there.

But listen, that's every comedy club that you've ever worked at. Every comedy club has their highs and their lows and then a star comes out of there. Somebody goes to LA and makes a big and it's such a fucking great feeling. You know what I'm saying? So I hope that a lot of people learned something from Saturday night.

These fucking critics and these internet critics and all these people who think they have the right to, you know, well, Shane's joke failed miserably in a fucking room. You weren't even in the fucking room, bitch And it didn't sound like it wasn't like it sounded unless they like did something but it sounded great And then like it didn't matter dog. He made his fucking point and Some of the sketches he was in was a little more my wife went upstairs The only fucking problem I had was later on and got a little raunchy and my daughter was still up with me and I was hoping the 12 o'clock

honeymoon is episode was good but the fucking 1230 wasn't so I couldn't keep it there so I had no choice but to go back to fucking Saturday Night Live. But that was the only complaint that had When they fucked the plastic doll or something a little head You know, it looked like it was gonna blow the fuck. Oh my god. I can't I would have no idea what to do with that at 11 but I I only made it really I made it through a couple of sketches I thought the we watched they actually we watched the monologue at the club, which was great and it was dying.

It was killing in the room. Um, but like as a young comic, what I take from it is like, I'm sure Shane would have done great if he, if they got to be on an SNL, but I don't even think he can argue that his career is a thousand times better than it would have been. Better without no communism in it. You know, without having somebody looking over you, you get drunk in New York, NBC gets a call. No, I don't want that.

I'm as free as a bird. And when comedians realize that, listen man, Eddie Griffin told me the greatest story of all time, the greatest thing. He said, you've gotten to comedy, not to have a job. Yeah. And like, and Shane, I don't know if you saw, but they announced he has a TV show today and another special. Yeah.

That's it. Game one. It's over. All the people who, oh, he hates and listen. I've always told you something. Money talks and bullshit walks. money talks and bullshit walks. Money talks and bullshit walks. Now what I hope is this shows the country

that edgy comics could be mainstream. And some of the comics that they don't wanna use use for TV and they don't want to use in projects One of the reasons they don't want to use them is because they'll outshine their fucking people And that's not good when you come to me and you're fucking a little bummy Greasy cadets listen. I've always said it. I did the podcast two years ago and I spoke about it. Comics have been removed from the biggest forum. This is this 500 channels. When you turn on cable, how many fucking cable channels are there? A million a million and there's 30 comics working. And I mean guys that are raw guys that are funnier than half these fucking Harvey Homo types they put on TV to fucking sued white America.

It's gotta end. Listen man, I don't know if you remember this. This is a good story for the people at home in young comics. One of the best clubs in the country's wise guys comedy club. The one in Utah is one of my favorite clubs in the country If I was touring I would still be going there if I had to pick my 10 favorite clubs I would still be going that the guy that owns it's a great guy. I've known him since The late 90s on triple tours that guy's busted his ass. I Think he's got four rooms now. I think he's got

That guy's buffed up his ass. I think he's got four rooms now. I think he's got two in Utah and one in Vegas. He opened. I think he might have two in Vegas, to be honest. Yeah, two in Vegas. The guy's doing great. You know, I asked my agent when I first got to CAA. I go, what's going on with that club in Utah?

And he goes, I talked to that guy from time to time. He's just a little scared. You know, last time he put somebody dirty in there, the Chamber of Commerce got a bunch of letters and all this shit. And he's always been a little touchy. You know, he does good with magicians and people with tambourines and shit like that. and shooing And I remember driving through Utah and seeing that club, I don't know for what I think it was me and Rogan For some commercial. I don't know and I was like that's a nice fucking club and I told my agent to call He'll call this motherfucker and tell him this podcast has changed the game

People want to hear these motherfuckers the people that comedy central pushing nobody wants to hear them Right. There was a handful of comics that needed to get the fuck out there and I hate to say this. I was one of them What do you mean to get out there that was their their time now. You could stop fucking selling your fucking boring ass people. There's a whole list of comics that are doing podcasts that are starting to come up in a different way. They're starting to open up their lives, something that's never been done before. Talk about their addictions, going to prison, their fears.

It's a different type of comic coming up now. We were doing podcasts and all those guys in our neighborhood, from Ari to Brian, to Bert, to Tom, that was early 2012 Lee, 2013. Yeah? 2014, we were rocking and fucking rolling for us, for who we were. It was the Rogan satellite hemisphere. We had Mark Marin fucking throwing heat,

Mark still throwing heat, you know, and there was a bunch of young comics coming up. Our podcast was coming up, Ari's was coming up, Red Band was coming up, Ice House Chronicles were coming up. Yeah, those were fun days. And it was a fun period It was a very fun period and we grew like no other fucking group of comics ever that was a

Spectacular fucking growth, you know as a fan it was fun Like I remember like those ice house Chronicles and then like the early rogue like that's how I found you was early Rogan and then like early And then like the early rogue, like that's how I found you. It's early Rogan. And then like early, even all of your guys's podcast, cause you guys would just, you know, you were a guest on it, but like not like there was, every story was new and we, there was never anything like it. So I would love to know more about as a comic, what it was like, what did it feel like back then?

It was great to It was great that My agent was caught now 2012 I start in 91 Mm-hmm. So how many years am I in the game now in two thousand well when was Mercy born two thousand 21? So 21 years I'm in the game and I'm telling this this guy signs me I do I did a bunch of one-nighters I think you came with me with Felicia the cobs We did a bunch of one-nighters me and Felicia and I sold our cops and I'm like Then I went out there and bumped but it was red ass people people. They wanted to hear the wig story, drug stories.

This is way back. And I still remember my aging. I'm telling them, call this guy. Like the bust people's balls that didn't like me. And it was still like, nah, we don't know. We don't know. Last time he was here, he fucking did this. He hasn't been here 15 years, but last time he was here, he did this and it was always some fucking

pushback. And then he, the guy would hear something. The guy would hear from another club owner, Duncan Trussell was here and he sold out the whole fucking weekend. Something's going on with those guys. And then I started like they started, but the money was real low. OK. And then like I would go in there, sell 200 tickets a night, five nights. That's a lot of tickets when you can't sell a fucking ticket, a thousand tickets on a weekend. It's a lot of tickets, even though you didn't sell out of show.

The room was 250. Whenever was, let's just say 2010. How many tickets were you selling a weekend? 18. That's a big difference. 18. And that was after the longest yard So don't believe the fucking height the longest yard. Just let them know

2010 I got married in 2009. I was already thinking of bailing and then I Think 2010 is when Felicia came along is when Felicia came along and we started the podcast. It went for about three months and nobody knew nothing. We couldn't get a sponsor. And then I told the story about mugging the hooker and lighting a wig on fire. And I booked Sal's comedy hall on 1010, 2010. And it's Sunday night, it's a quarter to seven,

the show starts at eight, and I'm on the 101 South I'm eight minutes away and my phone's ringing and he's telling me to hurry up down there Because we got a line around the corner and I'm like Just fucking tell me that you know don't tell me this line around the corner. He goes no We sold 150 tickets Don't tell me there's a line around the corner. He goes no we sold 150 tickets I'm like, what are you talking about?

And he goes I'm telling you man. There's a bunch of people down here And I went down and I was in shock and I ate a bag of dicks Because oh I bombed badly badly Badly Were you nervous I really wasn't listen at that time my podcasting was way ahead of my stand-up I Had brushed off stand-up. I was only doing stand-up on the weekends at the ha ha with the Agostino He was 20 years old 21 And I was going over there on Fridays and Saturday remember when I took you down in the hookah with the black eye is something tried to hit on you and it's on her head Yeah, a bandage on it had only fucking Lisa yet. So you left me. I did I wanted you to remember

But three's are fucking crowd. You get the memo cock sucker. Don't leave me with the one with a bandage on her head Yeah, that's what I do I'd hit on the chick. She's a a young hooker she wanted to suck your little dick I Didn't know she was a hooker at the time. Then you smell a neck. She smelled like you with the hummus I didn't know I wouldn't smell her neck. Who smells something gonna jail for smelling the neck. What are you talking about? Even a hooker they won't get me. Oh my god, but yeah, this woman I guess since we're telling it we were like right after I met you because we when we first started

I would just come meet you at the haha. Yeah, we'd sit outside you eat a like a box or two of Mike and Ike's And you would smoke like a puff out of one cigarette and then throw it away But it would just sit on like the furniture and just talk. And then one night this woman like came stumbling up Lancashire, which is like not Skid Row, but like the Skid Row of the Valley. Like it was creepy up there sometimes. That time it was very creepy. And there was a woman with a bandage on her head. And I guess she was a hooker. I don't, I just thought she was a crazy person with a band and she was just talking crazy She just got out of the hospital and then we were just sitting there talking. I'm probably 24

23 and like I don't know if you've even given me an edible yet. I think maybe we'd smoke bonheads I'm just so naive. I didn't want to throw you through the walls. Yeah, I didn't want you to pack Yeah, but then you leave me six months into LA with a woman with a bandage on her head And she's like and she starts talking about you want to go see a movie you want to go and I was like That's what people do it. Listen if it was a faggot with a big dick I'm gonna love it was a woman with a bandage on her head. What do you want from me? You know I'm saying It was a woman with a bandage on her head. What do you want from me? You know I'm saying Give me a heads up. I shouldn't I went to get a drink with her. I didn't know she was a hooker She kept saying about that. She asked you for I

Don't remember the money, but she said what happened was and I can't believe I did it because you would think I'd pay for it But we went to that bar. I think it was called Skinny's Across the Street. Across the Street. She got a glass of wine, I got one drink, and she asked me to dance, and I've danced one entire time with her. I don't dance at a bar, especially not back then, and she leaned in and she's like, I'll make you feel like the sexiest man alive.

And I was chubby, I was always chubby, and I was like, I don't pay for, and I walked out and I paid, I didn't even look at it like when you were talking about being in the zone I was in the zone. I was running out of that far Because I was like just the fact that she asked me that I like the cops are here I would have gone to the ATM if I was you and just paid it just for the story See if she had a bandage on the ass the first time I got herpes. What do you mean? What kind of story? She had a bandage on her hands. What, the first time I got herpes? What do you mean what kind of story? She had a bandage on her head.

So what? That's the story. Who came, whoever came to you and said, I just banged a chick who had a bandage on her head. She just escaped. I don't want that to be my story. She escaped from the mental hospital. You could have taken her right to that little,

she probably lived at that fucking hotel on the corner down the block. You know, what people understand is we lived in North Hollywood in Studio City. She probably lived at that fucking hotel on the corner down the block. You know, what people understand is we lived in North Hollywood in Studio City, and it was always supposed to be nice on this inside, on the outside, but the inside of it, don't I used to see, what are my first months in the valley? I was driving down Lancashire, and I see a chick with a robe with fucking flip flops running down.

And two minutes later I see some Mexican guy chased her from the hotel. She robbed him. She was a hooker. Oh Jesus. She robbed him and I'm like, you know, now I know he's gonna kill her, but I know she's pick up, you know, I know she's gonna pick up a prostitution charge and a theft charge So I had a crime stop so I just set up prayer for and kept driving Usually I see a chick getting chased. I try to hit the guy with the car or something block them off But I knew she had the wallet in the hand She was running down the street. It had to be fucking 715 the mortally and

Because of my experiences in New York City and other cities lurking at night, I know shit happens at six in the morning. So here I am on the up and up. I don't know, I think I was going to get blood. And all of a sudden, I'm just, it's a beautiful day to be alive and a chick comes running past me with flip flops

and a robe and not two minutes later, Pancho V is chasing it with a knife and fucking And you just kept going when to get blood taken What do you want me to do? I don't know. I just imagined you would use it like a stable all of a sudden I got a cape in my car. I don't know where that Mexican guy came from. I don't know. He maybe he's got a knife Maybe he's got two knives. Maybe don't like Cuban people, but I ain't gonna find out. They were playing in a hookah hotel and they get what they deserve. You understand? They're playing in one.

What is it? Judge Joey and I'm fucking making decisions of what goes on in the hookah hotel. Yeah, dude, I lived on my second apartment in LA was Sherman Wayne Sepulveda for people. It's like deep, deep, deep in the valley. And I would drive down Sepulveda to go to work and at like seven in the morning. It looked like Grand Theft Auto hookers. It was like people like I've never seen a hooker on the street before.

I never saw them up there. And that other street, they were always on that street street every morning I didn't go up there except to fucking bring my car to service so you know it was every morning and it was crazy I said and then one time when they pulled up to a gas station I think they get condoms or something like a dude who looked like me with a like a hooker and I like that LA is full. I can't imagine what it's like now It's funny we weren't into that world Thank god, you know where we were No, first of all, you gotta let people know the valley is the capital point

It's where they make fucking point and then it's also the capital of The massage parlors fucking point. And then it's also the capital of the massage palace. Right. And we were surrounded with massage parlors. Now, I'm naive at times. I was naive. But when I was when I first got into comedy, maybe 95, I was doing the road and I was coming back from Michigan and from driving my shoulder really hurt, you know, from all those years of shooting baskets. And I kept seeing massage, massage, massage on the drive back and I

said, fuck it, I'm gonna check to a hotel but I'm gonna go get a massage first. I got driven like 11 hours or something. I remember I checked into the hotel, you know, it was like a fucking nothing exciting, you know. And then I went and got something to eat, then I went to the massage parlor. And I remember when I walked in the door, there was incense burning, there was Chinese music burning.

And I'm like, okay, you know, Chinese music was on. And I'm like, okay. And know, Chinese music was on and I'm like, okay And what's on some girl comes out that was Chinese no American eyes very cute Very cute, you know If I was 30 something she had a B29 or something And she's asking me what I want I go my shoulder, you know That's it. that's all I wanted for somebody to rub up my shoulder, maybe bounce.

Yeah, they put me in the back room, they're gonna get naked and get on the table. And I'm already like, what are you talking about? I'm not getting fucking naked. So, you know, I thought it was gonna be her. Dog, they sent in this fucking Asian chick that had to be 55, her hair was all fucked up. She still had noodles in her teeth.

Smelt like fucking soy sauce. You know, she was like the cook and she came in. She didn't even massage me. She was like, listen, ttt and then $40 hand job. And I thought about it for a minute. I'm like $40 for a fucking hand job. You got some fucking nerve. Like, well that's $40 for a fucking sucky fucky.

No, no, no, hand job, hand job. Listen, I wouldn't have paid for a fucking sucky fucky. I didn't have the money. I didn't have, I was just picking up $350. And I had to drive back. But I remember going like, I gotta go. Like I just put my shit on and ran out of that $40 for a hand job.

Are you fucking crazy? You can do that yourself. Right. I'm gonna put that soy sauce hand on my dick and fucking make my dick salty. God knows if you ever had a manicure or a fucking pedicure or whatever the fuck they do back there But and that's what I knew. I was like, I didn't know those fucking things were

Handjob play people tell me about those places around here happy endings The last thing I ever want is a fucking hand job And it was a rain there getting a hand job and the cops come in there How bad would you feel how embarrassed would you feel for your family? But on top of that, I just don't want a fucking hand job. I don't ever want a fucking hand job. If you're gonna sell me on anything, don't sell me on a fucking hand job. You gotta be a lot more creative. You gotta go for the guts with Uncle Joey. What?

How would you be creative with sex? There's like three things you could do. Tell me you're gonna blow an arrow up my ass with fire on it and then suck it out of my dick. I don't know. You know, stunned me a little bit. I'll suck your dick so much, you'll fucking, your eyes will pop out of your head. Show me like an eyepatch and go,

I have a lot of them because every time I suck a guy's dick out of it, he loses an eye. But it's worth it. You have one eye, but that's a sales thing. I want to lose an eye Have you seen like the streets in Thailand? No. Oh, dude, they that's what they do there I don't want to go I'm not saying you're gonna go to Thailand Fucking beautiful 18 year old chick and next day you wake up and she's got a wig on and she's got a Fucking you and she's doing bad things here

There's a little kid in the corner playing the drums and there's a way to do with a camera. You know I'm saying I Don't think we're ever doing SNL Whenever people tell me they go on a Thailand I get a little weary like all of a sudden I smell like tears and perversions and God knows what Because you know, even if you're in a room with three chicks There's got to be some fat fucking guy like me in a room two doors down with two five year olds playing ping pong naked That's not I want to fucking see I don't even want to be in that building. I don't want to be Why I don't want to be I don't want to be around with Mike the Archangel comes around and just use lasers in those motherfuckers

I don't have time for that nastiness Right, I'm uh, I don't want that either But if they had like the prostitution is a part of what like there's big and they have videos of like women going like being aggressive Like that, but no that does sound pretty awful. You watch those videos. You got fucking problems. You know, I don't look for it I know you don't like far but you still watch them as shit. That's disturbing. Yeah, there's some disturbing shit I'm gonna fucking whatever they they the stitch a dick on They don't even use a strap on they just wait to one of their comrades goes down and they just cut it off and Stick it on like a Pogo stick and take their chances. Do you ever watch porn?

No Cuz I can't believe I'm gonna tell you this I'm too old Okay, I Don't know Lee I don't have a I have one Playboy magazine in my house. I have one know. Lee, I don't have a, I have one Playboy magazine in my house. I have one disgusting magazine in my house. And it's the one with Hollywood Henderson.

The story of Hollywood Henderson. Sir Joe Tega sent that to me, you know, 15 years ago. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not into any of that shit at all at all. I don't know why. Listen, and again, I like looking at a chick's hairy asshole. You know, I like looking at titties and all this shit. It's that's what we do. Right. I love women. I fucking love women. Love them love everything about them, everything. They all make me laugh in different ways, different sizes. They all have some type of something that you want.

But I can't be in those places. They make me feel like, if I'm in a strip club, I feel like fucking, I went to dinner Friday night. Okay and the table two down from me with four guys Anywhere from 40 to 45 Expensive watches These fucking suits that they all look tailored and they're all the same Right glad and they all had the brown shoes on and they're all dolled up.

It's just four guys. And they're in there doing whatever they do, being a little loud. You know, they want people to look at them, I understand. But after a couple of minutes, I'm like, what are these four fucking idiots doing here? You know, and you know what I thought it reminded me of? When I used to do comedy at the Diamond Cabaret.

Diamond raised a strip club in Denver. In Denver. And when they first opened in 95, they used to have comics come down on Monday night or something. And I always noticed one thing, like I was very fortunate they hired me and then they give me a steak

And I would eat the steak on the fucking rail. I Would eat the steak in a table farthest from the stage, but there was these idiots That would get that fucking 20 ounce with a baked potato and and they and the place is gorgeous And they'd sit there in their fucking soups and they'd eat. And when the girls would come over, they were going, no, no, no, no, we're here for business. I'll go over there and I'll share over your head. Why are you doing that to this girl?

She's fucking beautiful. I mean, this Diamond Cabaret had CU students. Denver, I mean, they had the baddest motherfucking girls you ever saw in your life That place and the other place across town Now Choku Charlies of the Alaska But there's a place in Denver that It's known And that diamond cabaret and but I saw 20 of those guys and every time I go there like once a month until I left

They were always there not the same dudes, but the same act We're here for business then why the fuck you sitting on the railing and Why are you making believe then the girls would come over and sit on their lap and he was flirt with her and they talk about a boat deal Why would you say that from front of these fucking girls? All four fucking dickless dudes, right? Right. Tell the girl, listen, I got a, what boat? What boat?

I got two G's in my pocket. That's going to private room and let me suck champagne out of your fucking monkey or your titties or, that's it. But they sit there like trying to impress him. And it's so weird. That shit drives me fucking crazy. When guys get dressed up to go to a strip club,

but they're there on business. I want to see the guy that's got, as he's walking in, you can see a little puddle in his pants. Like he already came just thinking about it. When he walked in, he smelt the fucking, that Greek pussy in the air and he gave him the ID. He got a little jizz on his fucking pants. That Greek pussy in the ante gave the ID. He got a little jizz on his fucking pants.

I'm sorry. What? You don't like strip clubs? Listen, I just told you I love women. I love to see naked women. I love to see women in heels, not those plastic strip club heels. They make me feel like the women don't wash their feet, and it drives me crazy. Whenever I go to those strip club,

I always worry about the women's feet, because they wear those leather boots up to their fucking, above their knees. I know as a kid, you know, if I dressed up like Batman, and I had my boots on, and I took off my little fucking boots right at that calf and that foot was stink for fucking ten days You know so while I'm there watching them dance. I'm like, what if she takes that boot off? Like I'm fucking dead so I don't like none of those dress up places

Come out with heels. I want to check you out. I want to make sure you got no lice Come out with heels and fucking the bikini on I don't want to see nothing else Cat woman do that on your time. Why are you why are you worried about it? Do you think their feet are gonna smell? I Don't know listen After I smell my own feet. I don't trust nobody no more. You understand me I Look at my foot today in jujitsu. It's like the guy toenail grows every fucking day in a different direction Tonight I finish you I gotta go out there and watch the fucking game Cut my fucking toenail tonight unbelievable. So I always feel there would be others feet

Are gonna be fucked up. I feed that smell is fun guy co-nail mixed with the fucking you know But anyway back to naked women. I love them Just I just don't want to go to a fucking strip club. I get it but it's How where do you see it if you're not looking at porn? In my mind Okay, that's what you just go back in you. I just I don't need to I Don't need to look at that shit, right every goddamn day

I'm okay with a bikini shot from time to time. I'm 61 What's the fantasy about now that I'm gonna show up at their house and Show them my balls and they're gonna promise to say, ooh, it's beautiful. No, you just fucking shouted my hopes and dreams. Because you saw my dick at 61, you're not gonna get married though. You know that.

I would never do that to anybody, Lee. I'm not that type of person. You think they just give up if they saw your dick right now? They do something. Holy s- Any woman, any 22-year-old, any 30-year-old that saw a 60-year-old dick in balls, that's not good for them.

That's not good for them. What happened when you turned 60? It's when I turned 50. I smelled the odors. I saw what the balls looked like. It's a different game. You have drippage off your little. What?

The years if he came out of my hole, it would get quite the turtleneck and I would drain it like a fucking like a misogyny bag. Those people that bag on this shit. A colostomy bag. people that bag on this shit Yeah, Colossum we back but that is I got old I don't know the the rubber the rubber band and the turtleneck Something happened to it. So, you know life changes fuck That's terrifying, but speaking. I I don't want to forget But we were you were talking about like Seattle early. You see you put up a You sent me a pretty cool picture this weekend. Yes, I did.

Put it up. Put it up. Oh, shit. Dude, I guess maybe on a bigger screen, it's a little bit more noticeable, but when you sent me that, I was like, oh, shit, Rita O looked good. Rita O was the original when everybody's trying to be today and be a fake about Rita oh did it in 1960 Rita oh was Japanese and Irish

Okay, she was born a man and She decided to have the operation dick tits whole thing. She changed the headline. She did that, put the picture back up. I got emotional when I look at her. You know, she changed everything. And yeah, it fucked her up. She was like four foot nine. Really?

Ooh. Oh, Jesus, Joey. Did you hear it? Yeah, no, of course I heard it. Your neighbors heard it She was like four foot nine and she used to wear heels and She got dialed up every night of the fucking week. She had to you know look at it She looks like fucking God knows what she was like. I don't even know but she was a sweet woman

You know, I loved her. I ain't gonna lie to you. I fucking loved her She made me laugh harder than a lot of fucking people on the natural You know the night we got coked up and she got thrown out of the club for being dirty in Seattle And she goes I'm gonna report them and I go call the White House and this bitch did. What? She kept calling the White House over and over. I wanna talk to the president. I had four in the morning, coked out of her mind.

Holy shit. And, you know, we just had a blast. She died because she was a man and she became a woman. But like you see the side of her head. And the picture looks small, but that's a big fucking watermelon. And she was four foot nine. So that's a big head to have on that little frame. Right. And she would fall like, uh, like Willie Wonka. What was those things?

We were. She would fall like a weevil in the weirdest places. And then she fell like three times in two years on a head She was on the speaker at a gay club Up in Capitol Hill jumping up and down and she fell off the speaker. She was buck wild She was fell into it still get on the speaker. Why don't you get on the speaker? Listen because they're fucking out of their minds But I loved her she gave me my first money to get headshots. Oh, that's nice in Seattle Was she a good comic she had more balls than half the people today because like I said she was working from a different place

She was working from being real She cut a dick off She was working from a different place. She was working from being real. She cut a dick off. She wasn't one of these guys that was still walking around slinging dick and fucking assholes and you know. So I don't know what the rules are and stuff, but I love to read all. Read all, open up my world to a, you know,

she told me about her world and she told me how much she suffered and she was like, I'm fucking 22 medications because of what came with the surgery. Really? You know, when you go to the doctor and you go to the pharmacy, you come home with one container of 20 pills, they could come in home with 30 containers. When she go to the pharmacy and come back on the first or the second, it was like a fucking grocery bag guys. And this was what year? 90 what 93 94 96.

I became a veteran 95. We would be at the open mics on Monday and we would steal her nachos. Oh, yeah lose her mind It's People to have a surgery it's really weird because I see her and I'm at peace when I saw that picture I'll tell you why Because she was sick of being an open mic or and all she wanted to do Was do a gig with somebody. And I would take her to be my opener,

even though I knew there was going to be drama. Even though she was going to curse somebody out, it made me laugh my ass off. I didn't give a fuck if they wouldn't bring me back. I mean, these like these one night of bars, you know what I'm saying? They weren't like Madison Square Garden or the improv. So I would bring them.

They'd give me like 25 bucks and dog just to see people's reaction. I would bring her to watch her and I would learn. I would watch the audience. And then she would have a joke that she really cut a dick off and it's in a jar and it was she was great this guy this this god rest his or her soul that's all I want to fucking say I'm very sorry too all right you could bring the picture down I'm getting all sentimental and shit. Thank you guys. I'm very sorry that we didn't talk about your sets at the Providence. That's

okay. I'm not actually comedy connection. It's a fucking great club. Is it not? It was a dude. It was one of and I've been like, oh, that little room is fucking fire. Yeah, it was a fun. It's it's very small and all four. The guy who I opened for Zach Fox were great. Sold out four straight shows and like so it was full.

Like I've done the room the only time I did it was probably like half full. And it was still pretty fun, but like sold out. Every audience was really cool. And they were young. And I hosted, which I have bombed usually hosting I usually I have not done well hosting and this was my best weekend hosting I keep doing it and you get good at it now you become more of a quarterback you see what I'm talking about if the the headliner is very clean and the feature

act is dirty you do an extra minute or two and you keep it clean so the headliner doesn't have to walk into that disaster. Interesting. There's so many fucking things that I was watching Ray a month ago, the last hour when that guy comes on and he was at the country, he was at the, in Georgia or somewhere, the lights were on. And the guy came out and said, lower the lights and raise the, and at the end of the show, he goes, who did that?

And he goes, I did. He goes, who told you to do it? He goes, no, it needed to be done. That, but you know, anyone. But did you ever, did my only thing that I would be nervous of is like as a host, I'm like extra conscious of like time and not doing time between people and Listen man being a host is back to Back to rule another water comedy that you're never gonna learn after you've been doing it at least 20 years and that's be yourself

You're never gonna learn or understand what that is. I can hire a computer, right? AI is coming. Right, oh, yeah, it's here. Okay, so I can hire a guy to go up there and do 12 minutes of material and three minutes of ads to the tee on time. And then in between, he could just go up and go,

keep it going for Paul Harvey. Don't forget he's selling stuff after the show. All right, let's give a big round of applause for the wait staff. Don't forget the tip these girls, Louise, Melissa, Tony, Johnny the black dude, you know, you're giving the room color now, right? Right. And then you could or you could just go up there and go do that and go don't forget

Joey Dears is here May 28th and Paulie sure is here May 25th or not out to the show I can hire a fucking robot to do that Right. I want you to go up there and play with him. See what's happening. How you guys doing? Welcome to the comedy connection. My name is Uncle Joey here. What's happening?

You bad motherfuckers. Any parties, birthdays, and at first they'll get like a little shot. But there is coast people. They feel you. Boom, boom, boom. Listen, don't forget you ever see Carlos Mencia? You ever see fucking Fucking what's his name? He's gonna be here Memorial Day. We got anyway. Listen, you know what happened to me last Memorial Day weekend. I did one of those fucking Zad exes and I thought, you know, whatever

Right, whatever. I did an adaboo and I passed out and and now when you go up there, let's say this feature act bombs Okay, you can't leave that fucking headliner with that. You can't just go up there, let's say this feature act bombs. Okay. You can't leave that fucking headliner with that. You can't just go up and then go, let's keep it going. That was a great set. And they're like, boom, we just lost credibility. Why are you lying to us? The guy just got hit with 22 tomatoes in 20 minutes.

You know what I'm saying? He failed the test. And then you can't just bring up the headliner. Okay. And then something, and now you got that two minute bit that you can bounce off who's coming this weekend, bring up the headliner. Okay. I did something. Now you got that two minute bit that you can bounce off who's coming this weekend. What the weather, something. You got that two minute bit that you'll learn how to,

and it's just got the party started. It's Saturday night folks. We got one more headline. He's tremendous. I know you all want to get out of here. You want to lick mama's monkey. That's if the headline is fucking dirty Okay, the headline is clean. You got to be yourself and be funny and this is when your own natural funny comes out

But we don't know that don't think I knew that 15 years ago. I'm lying to you if I tell you I did I learned that maybe five years ago looking back at things Right I Still I am not playing like you're not you weren't doing crowd work But like I don't really interact as much as I should no host go out there No, I want you to go out there and bang them. I don't want you to ask people where they're from or what? No, I don't I never do that. do that Who are you married to what G for no?

If you're gonna say something to you tell them something dog, would you get that fucking wig from? Anyways, you know, and you go back whether they feel it or not Remember if they don't feel it now you got to dig yourself out of two holes, right? So your words got to be banged and you know what that's what this whole thing is about, is digging yourself out of holes. So just say whatever's on your mind. I gotta take two steps to the rear and get outta here. You know what I'm saying? We've been here talking shit for how long?

It's Tuesday morning. People don't wanna hear this nonsense. Love you, buddy. I love you too. Have a great week. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsor, Jack O. The Check It is brought to you by Lucy. Let me ask you something. You ready for a party in your mouth? Well, let Lucy in. Lucy breakers, nicotine pouches,

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