Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - We're off and running with Joey Merlino and Lil Snuff

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Joey Diaz discusses why going to prison ended up slowing him down, what being cool really means, and why people rat with Joey Merlino, host of "The Skinny" podcast and the alleged former head of the Philadelphia mafia. Support the show and try BlueChew for free, just pay $5 shipping at checkout. Head to https://www.bluechew.com Support the show & download the DraftKings Sportsbook app with code JOEY. New customers can bet $5 to get $150 in bonus bets if your bet wins.

What's happening you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joe here with my main man Lee Syatt. It's December 24th Christmas Eve. We want to chit chat with you guys for a second before we start the podcast. It was a great weekend. If you came out, uh, uncle Vinny's last Tuesday fucking phenomenal show. Thank you for supporting. What's up with you cocklicker? I had a great weekend at mohegan buddy. Good to see you. Nice. Oh, yeah I love I love mohegan. Did you Good to see you. Nice. Oh yeah. I love Mohegan. Did you eat the mushrooms? Oh, did I eat the mushrooms?

Dude, you walk around with mushrooms like they're tic-tacs. I don't really... I'm 61. I got nothing to lose. The psychological is done, right? People are using mushrooms to treat fucking disorders, so I'm fucked up. Yeah? So when you're fucked up, you gotta go to the source.

I'm gonna sit with some fucking chick. So tell me about your childhood. That's not gonna do nothing for me. No? No. Therapy never helped me. Therapy is fucking nonsense for Uncle Joey. It's too deep.

The pain and the fucking trauma is too deep. It's just mushrooms now. Just mushrooms. You start with a grammar day and once you don't see something, it's like smoking a cigarette. It's like smoking pop with no THC. How long can you do it until you go,

why am I eating this? And then one day I came home and I go, let's really test the psychological effects of these mushrooms. And I started weighing them and I kept going up and up and up. And here we are today. I love it.

That's it. And what do you got planned for Christmas? Christmas, I'm gonna go to Texas. I'm gonna see my mom and my brother has two kids, which is fucking crazy. And then I'm gonna be in Houston with Josh this weekend. All right, I just got advice for you. Okay.

When you go to Houston, Texas, go there knowing that you're going on a diet on the first. Oh, I'm so, dude, you've been talking about Houston for years. Number one place in the country where people go out to dinner every night. Number one place, hands fucking down. Restaurants are packed because the average price is like $48 for a family to eat. They got all the Mexican restaurants, you got the Greek restaurants,

you got Auntie Chang's Dumpling Palace. You got a, what's the place we used to go to in Austin with the fucking crab seafood salad? Oh, um, Papadose? Papadose, you got Papadose, which I heard went down. No. Pandemic, that's what I heard. Papadose has a fucking gumbo,

and you could see people's fingernails from Katrina, like they were holding on to the wall. That's when you know you're getting strong, those little whatever type of fingernails. I don't want to... What do you recommend for Texas that I get? Because I've never... Fucking queso. Okay.

You know, you'll ask at the club. Chewies and the other places. They're very Popularized you don't want to hang out there. I mean, right fucking great But don't have a new one Okay, you want to have a cocktail you go to the taco places after two and they serve you and they just give you a coffee Cup so you're there till five eating fucking burritos getting fucked up. Holy shit. I've been excited to try collage. Oh That I've never tried one. I've been excited to try Kalachi's. Oh! That's, I've never tried one. I've been saving a Kalachi. A Kalachi is a redneck calzone.

All right? That's how you have to look at it. A Kalachi is a redneck calzone, and it's basically a hot dog. And it's wrapped in something. I don't know. I thought it was like a donut, kind of. Like a donut with a sun. Not a donut, it's a stick.

Like it looks like a little dick kind of. Like a donut with a sun. Donut. Not a donut, it's a stick. It looks like a little dick. Like a little Filipino dick. So you wrap it up and they have them in jalapeno flavors. They have this place called Kalachi Factory. Just go in there and get a dozen and get a 16 ounce Coke and let the diabetes kill you. Who gives a fuck at this point? Isn't that the home of like Doctor Now,

like My 600 Pound Life, isn't that where they do it? And that's an ironic thing. Remember in the fucking 80s, if you got in trouble for cocaine in the NFL, where'd they send you? The Dolphins. Why would you send the coke fiend, Hollywood Henderson, the number one coke fiend

of all fucking time, got fired from Dallas, he ended up in fucking Dallas, and Miami, his career ended. Career ended. Somebody else from the Broncos ended up down there. Another guy from the Broncos, and they shot him and his brother. Why would you send people?

So now you got these fat poor people. They can't control themselves in fucking Iowa with mozzarella sticks, dipping them in ranch. You know what happens to your feet when you dip mozzarella in ranch? Do you have any fucking idea? They get yellow and shit. So you get those people,

and now you take them to the circus of food, Houston, Texas, and you put them in a little apartment with that Armenian guy, you know, oh. How are you today? Listen, I'm breaking out of this bitch. It's the best food in the country. Why not, you know, why would you put a 600 pound dude down there, and they always lose 50 pounds, yeah,

because they walk to the taco place, they burn a couple calories, that's why, but after that they go fucking capuch. You just can't live down there if you're a fat fuck. Put them like in, I don't know, put them like in Africa. Where the fuck is, where? Where will they see those people send $5? Yeah, see those poor people?

Because they ripped me off years ago. I sent that, when I was growing up, there was a picture of a black kid, you could adopt him. And if you send $2.99 a month, you could adopt this black kid and they'll send you letters and pictures. They never sent me dick. I don't know, that kid's in college. He's never said thank you, nothing.

I sent him like $8 when I was like eight. $8 when you're like eight years old, that's a big fucking thing. That's all your money. I sent like 10 bucks, cause you know, I like, you know, maybe I'll adopt a kid. I didn't know where I was going in my life. I was 10.

Maybe I'll adopt a little black kid, bring him over, we'll join a band, whatever the fuck. I didn't know where I was going in my life. I was 10 Maybe I'll drop a little black kid bring them over with join a band whatever the fuck. I don't know Could you imagine if one of those kids from Africa saw like one of those 600 pound people I don't think they know is a human Because they're like eight pounds like if they saw like the motherfuckers that took over Captain Phillips boat. Oh Yeah, those skinny dudes with the bad teeth and fluoride. They got no toothpaste Like if they saw... Like the motherfuckers that took over Captain Philip's boat? Oh yeah. Those skinny dudes with the bad teeth, that fluoride, they got no toothpaste. That's the least of their problems. Being a fucking pirate. My friend's mom just went to Africa, an Italian woman.

70 years old, just one morning woke up and said, I'm going to go to Africa. I've been talking about it. Ten days she's been in Africa. I think she came back last night. Ten fucking days. What would you do if I think she came back last night. 10 fucking days. What would you do if I said I wanted to go to Africa? Anyway. I wouldn't even listen to you.

I'll make a call. Listen, I'll send you to Nigeria where scams were invented. Right. Okay, and you come back with nothing. They'll take your teeth, your shoes. If you think those fucking Arabs could sell, go to Nigeria.

That's the birthplace of fucking corruption. Jesus, you're right. What do you think all those people call you from Nigeria? And they say that your uncle left you $40 million. What do you think they're calling you from? They call you from those stations over there, scamming motherfuckers, pickpockets. They do it all in Nigeria.

What are you doing for New Year's? New Year's, I'm hoping to get a show. If I don't get a show, I have a dinner reservation and we'll take edibles. Korean steakhouse again? No, fuck. What's a steakhouse? Just a regular place.

I don't remember the name, to be honest with you. The Korean steakhouse is good, by the way. I believe it, I'm just teasing you, okay? Also, my eye looks better. No, it doesn't look better. It does. You know why? Why?

Because I gotta eat more mushrooms. You gotta, when you touch your dick, or you wipe your ass, you gotta wash your hands. Of course. And when you touch, listen, I don't touch dick. I'm at the age, I don't touch dick. The jacket touches everything, okay? I just went to get cigarettes.

You know, and you can tell it's a narco hangout, where they make the money orders to send to Columbia. I had to wait 22 minutes, that's why I was late. There was a little Mexican guy, looked like he had three dollars in his pocket. He had six inches of loot, making fucking money orders, eight, nine thousand apiece. That's why it took me so long.

I stopped at one of those fucking bodegas. And so you don't, when you're going pee, you don't touch your dick? No, I don't even put my dick in the, you don't touch your dick? And just. I don't even put my dick in the, when I shit, I shit with my balls in my hand since I'm a kid, because I think about the women in my life, I'm gonna stick my dick in some toilet

and then you gotta give it to your wife to put it in her mouth. Who does that? Who does that? You go to a gym, I go to a gym, I wash my fucking hands. You know, you get on that fat bike and everything else and everything everything and then you go home

and you finger your wife. That's my purple shit coming out of a pussy for two weeks. And you gotta tell her some story. So wash your fucking hands, cut your toenails, not your toenails, your fingernails. Women look at your fucking fingernails. Why? They wanna get finger banged.

If they see dirt or a hangnail, you're not fucking slicing my pussy, you know what I'm saying? Would you let somebody touch your pussy if you had a hangnail, you're not fucking slicing my pussy, you know what I'm saying? No. Would you let somebody touch your pussy if you had a hangnail, you nasty motherfucker? So your hands are the number one things that always gotta be clean. Right. So you don't touch your dick with a dirty hand.

I don't touch my dick with the dirt, but I don't hold my balls either. It's like people on the bathroom, they pee, they wash their hands, but then they touch the doorknob. You gotta assume that motherfucker didn't wash his hands before you. So how are you supposed to get out? Huh? How are you supposed to get out? You get a piece of toilet paper and you touch it.

All right. My wife gets pissed off. Oh, you don't pick up the toilet seat. Fuck you. You touching that toilet seat. That's disgusting. How do I know? Cause I pee on it.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Touch it if I fucking pee on it, I know. And then you go to a restaurant. When I go to a restaurant, let's say first of all I don't shit in touch it. If I fucking pre-hunt it, I know. And then you go to a restaurant. When I go to a restaurant, let's say, first of all, I don't shit in a restaurant. No? That's rule number one, never. That's disgusting.

I don't want my asshole in a toilet that don't belong to me. And that's fucking simple. If I got to shit like an animal, yes, maybe. Like when I eat, why you beef that fucking Japanese shit? It goes right through me in a restaurant. That's why I don't eat it. White Castle goes right through you,

bleeding 20 minutes later from your ass. So, what was the question? You're telling me why you don't shit at home, you only shit at home, but when you go to a restaurant. You ever go on the road? Here's a good one. You ever go on the fucking road? Right.

You shit moderately, all weekend. When you're away for like four or five days, you shit, but it's not the usual, you know, it's not that shit. Are you making that noise when you shit? No, as soon as you walk in your house and you lay your suitcase down. That's fair. Also, you get that little arch and it's a 22 incher. Why?

Because even your asshole knows the asshole has a compass. You know that, right? I didn your asshole knows. The asshole has a compass. You know that, right? I didn't know that. You ever get caught in a light when you gotta take a shit? I shit my pants a couple months ago. Right or wrong? You're about to shit and you're holding it, and all of a sudden you're like, stay green.

And the motherfucker, stay green, I'm coming around that motherfucker. That's what happened, it went red. And then it turns red and you get that pre-shit fart, that you can't take it. It's like that hot air comes out before you shit. And you're like, Grandma, open up the garage door. I'm running it head first. Oh, speaking of farts, you pulled one of the best pranks last week and your daughter handled

it like a pro. Like a soldier. Because first of all, you love farting and having people walk into it. Remember the store, that guy at the store? There has been two times. One, an old lady outside of your apartment walked into it, and I think she almost died. And the second one was at the back bar of the store, and this poor door guy, you farted, walked right into it, inhaled it. You could see his eyes change when he walked in. He was gonna tell me I'm up next.

He's like, you're up. And he just fucking froze. And I go, did you inhale that fart? And he goes, what the fuck was that? And he goes, I couldn't even blink. I go, that's a tremendous fart right there. But then last week you were at Uncle Vinny's and you were just talking about farts

and you just started playing with Mercy. Like, oh, it was you who farted. And like- First of all, it was a tremendous fart. It was a great fart. It was like a six parter. Bah, bah, bah, bah. Then it tastes like that little breather, and it's like, bah, bah.

Fucking, I had eaten pizza with mushrooms in it, like those fucking psilocybin mushrooms, and I drank a probiotic. You know, you got to take care of your stomach. And boom, the fucking, what we talking about? The fart you took. The fart came out and you could see it was strengthening. It was like a storm off of Cuba, it gets stronger, like it was cut and all of a sudden the whole room was like a fog. And I told this, like Thai weed in the 70s, when you bought Thai weed, you take a little hit and all of a sudden it was expanding your lungs and you would cough a fucking tuta. And I said to it, it'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, She didn't get upset. I said my daughter. She didn't get mad. I thought she was gonna kill me afterward. No, she loved, it's so cool that she's coming to these now. I love it. And so fucking cool. You happy? I'm very happy. I'm happy too.

We're gonna end 2024 off strong. We're not doing a show for New Year's week and then we come back like, I don't know the fucking date. We'll be in touch with you. But right now, let's get the Church New Testament started. Run it! It's Tuesday, December the 24th. The Church New Testament is brought to you by my favorite, Blue Chew.

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you visit BlueChu.com. That's BlueChu.com to receive your first month free. Visit BlueChu.com for more details and important safety information. And thanks to BlueChu for sponsoring the show. Merry Christmas. Send off your TVs, run for your lives, it's over. They didn't put you on this planet just to give up. They thought well Joey could do it, I can rule the world. That's what you gotta be thinking.

Shut up! Yes! What's happening, you savages? I'm here with Joey Merlino, my man Snuff from the Skinny Podcast. It's an honor for me to have you guys on the podcast. What's going on? What's up, my brother? Thank you for having us. Thank you for having us. We appreciate it.

I'm dying to get a podcast going to sit you down. You're the best, my brother. No, you're the best. I say that I love you to death because I always wanted to be an attorney. I ended up becoming a criminal. Right. You know, but in the process of becoming a criminal,

you become a great attorney because you meet other criminals and they fill you in on things. I love watching your show the process of becoming a criminal, you become a great attorney because you meet other criminals and they fill you in on things. I love watching your show because there's always an education. I was just watching the one yesterday. It was a piece on YouTube and again,

you're talking about a case you had and the feds did this and the wiretap. I mean, what world did we fucking grow up in? No, it's fucking crazy. Everybody says, my kids, dad, you should have been a lawyer. You should have. I should have been a lawyer. I would have been a good lawyer.

Because guys like you and I, we could fill the attorney's mouth. I could always fill a guy's mouth. Tell him this. Ask him this, because we've been there. We know where we hit it. We know all the questions. So I always thought about becoming a paralegal for years.

Even now, I do comedy just to do it for two years. It's interesting. Just to sit with a bunch of fucking dudes that are like all Harvard on you like, shut the fuck up. This is the way we're doing this, okay? They will open a law firm in you. I hope. That would be massive.

That would be tremendous. Well, you don't know nothing about it and you hear Joey's stories and people that are watching podcasts, they're amazed by it. Like they can't believe how crazy the government are or even you know, the corruption that goes along with it. It's crazy. That's the most common. They all want to hear them stories. Well, look what they did to Trump. If you can do it to him, they can do it to anybody. Yeah.

So you live it. You don't know until you live it. You live it. But it's how old were you when you first got into the system? I went away with my first case. No, no, not even going away. The first time they just said, you know, you're taking it down for misdemeanor. I used to get locked up. You start with a felony?

No, 13. Like shop, then robbing, spray paint. Yeah. Come beat the shit out of me. Right, no. Paint back, pay for, whatever. My first, I got pinched to, I think it was 19, 20. Got seven years.

Right off the bat. I never had a record. The fucking lawyer tells me, got for aggravated assault, he says to me, you're going to get probation. You never was, you know, no record, you're good. First conviction. We go to sentence, he said, wear a suit. I got the fucking suit to tie you on. The judge know, no record. You're good. First conviction. We go to sentence. He said, where's suit? I got the fucking suit to tie on the judge's

stand up. I stand up. He said, I'm sending, sentence you to Italian judge too. Your own kind is the worst. He says, he says, I'm going to send you to seven years in prison for count one. I'm standing count two, seven years in prison,

count three, seven years in prison. Count three, seven years in prison. My fucking life, that's 21 fucking years. He says, take him out of my courtroom now. He said, ironic and current. I don't know what the fucking current means. I went to fucking eighth grade. Fuck, I go down and the fucking lawyer comes, you know, through the glass.

I said, you motherfucker. I was only going to put the thing around his neck. I told him I was getting probation. He said, no, you only got seven years, seven years. I said, I got 21 years, you motherfucker, I was only to put the thing around his neck. I actually told him I was getting probation. He said, no, you only got seven years, seven years. I said, I got 21 years, you motherfucker. He said, no, it's concurrent. What the fuck's concurrent mean? I didn't know what it meant.

And I got seven years in my first bit. How long did you do that time? I did two and a half years in Jersey. It was Jersey, in Jersey. They gave it, it was like the old law, you know, you go to parole board and all that shit. I'll tell you what, it's cold up here, Joe. You think?

It's Jersey cold. I'm even, oh, Jersey cold. Oh yeah, yeah. It's cold here. In the office, in the igloo. Yeah, the whole, no, I love it here, it's beautiful. The igloo is tremendous, we're trying to get it together. Even outside's cold. Yeah.

I'm a Florida guy. Yeah, he's Florida. Listen man, that's why I always have a hood that's watching. I am constantly cold. Boy, you said wear a jacket, I said let's bundle up. Yeah, wear a jacket, because it's cold up here am constantly cold. Well, you said wear a jacket. I said, let's bundle up. Wear a jacket, because it's cold up here by the cliffs. Well, you'll become the Florida March, right? Yeah, March 14th, hopefully, if everything works out.

All right, good. So the other day, you were talking about some Fed case where I've heard, like, when I got arrested for kidnapping, they took me, it became, it was a Colorado thing, but they took me down to the federal building first, and I spent the night down there. And these guys were talking, and this guy had gotten pinched. This is my first night. I ain't sleeping. This is the first night I ever spent in jail. I ain't sleeping. And they're talking, I got involved with them. I think one guy gave me coffee. At that time, I didn't even drink coffee. And he was talking about that.

He was making runs to Florida, to Columbia. The guy would drive him from Colorado to fucking Miami. They'd pick up the stuff. He goes, he got pinched. He went to court. He was the undercover fucking cop. He goes, that motherfucker was doing the same amount of coke as me every fucking night.

Banging everything, snorting coke, shooting coke. He goes, the guy was crazy. And he goes, awesome, they take him, they pull him out, they put him in rehab, they fucking clean him out, and you don't have a trial for a year. They come in looking completely different. Yeah. It's fucking insane.

He was telling us this shit and I'm like, you have no idea how they do. Well, they got uncountable money. They could give them all the money, let them party, do whatever they want. It's insane. There was a case out of Philly. It was a black kid, drug case.

They had an undercover FBI agent. You know, he didn't know, he thought it was his girl. And she fucked him. That ain't allowed, they ain't supposed to have sex. She fucked him and they threw the case out. Wow. They threw the whole case out just cause she had sex with him? Yeah, well.

They're not supposed to, well, you know, they lied, yeah, but it's not a true case. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. He must be really fucking smooth if you gotta eat atrivitational. Yeah, that's awesome. He must be really fucking smooth if you got an eight in his sleep with him. Yeah. That's James Bond type shit. Yeah, it is.

Bitches come over to kill him. They come to kill James Bond. Remember all those things? They come hot blonde, come to kill him. And two minutes later, he's fucking him in the ass. And then he's like this. Yeah. That's good.

Fucking classic. That's Sean Connery. I'm just kidding. Like a classic. That's Sean Connery. That motherfucker was smooth. Smooth as ever. You know, we were talking about like cool guys. Like these guys today have no idea. They just get dreads and they put on golf and they think that's cool.

And I'm like, you don't even understand what cool is. Like when we were growing up, like when you looked at Charles Bronson and the fucking mechanic, you're like, god damn! When you saw, I was telling them, when you saw Elvis, have you seen that documentary on Netflix about it? When that motherfucker walked out with the black suit, even guys were like, give me a piece of that.

Just take out that yum yum stick, I might as well get over with it. Fucking hilarious, we don't have that no more. No, nobody dresses. Nobody dresses, but it wasn't even, Steve McQueen. You see Steve McQueen in Bullet, you're like, what the fuck was this guy thinking? I mean, he's smacking his wife in the getaway,

and you're like, look at this fucking, nobody said a thing. Nobody said a thing, he was smacking the shit out of her, for real, she didn't even know she was getting beat up, because that's the animal he was. Nobody said a thing. He was kicking her. Fuck classic.

Ha ha ha. Why do you think it's, as a non-Italian, it seems like Italian guys are probably the coolest. At least they're like white people. Don't you think? Swag. Yeah. The way we dress.

Nobody dresses no more. Like years ago, my father, they wore suits every day. If you look at the old baseball, Swag. Yeah. The way we dress. Nobody dresses no more. Yeah. Like years ago, my father, they wore suits every day. If you look at the old baseball, like the fans, everybody in the stands had a suit. Yeah, that's crazy. Like Yankees. You couldn't fly without a suit when I was a kid. Dog, you were banging out some suits in the 90s.

Yeah, I used to wear the suits. You were throwing them to go buy a moon. I used to go buy a moon, fucking sneakers, jeans. I don't even own a pair of dress pants. I can tell. It's crazy. I can tell. It's crazy. No, seriously, like even like when you see people go to funerals now, they don't even wear black. They're red. It don't even matter.

They go like it's nothing. I went to a funeral. I should. The motherfucker walked in with flip-flops. Yeah. Baseball hats on. It's crazy. We lost. We lost it. We lost it. That gets to me. Yeah. Flip flops. Come on. New. Those classic fucking shoes. Or eating dinner. He's got a backwards hat on. That gets to me. Yeah. Flip flops, the nude, the plastic fucking shoes. Or eating dinner, he's got a back where it's had on. I mean, it's crazy. Crocs, you don't like Crocs? I hate them.

Oh, Crocs. You're a fucking weirdo. You got Crocs on. You got Crocs on. And now they're giving them to kids. And every time I go to one of my daughter's games, I see a bunch of boys walk in with fucking Crocs on. Yeah.

Well, you know what they give out now in jail? They used to get members of Shower Shoes to go to shower. They give the Crocs out. I fucking hate. That's what they're wearing in jail. I'd rather get fungus. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. They give the crocs out. I fucking hate that's what they're wearing in jail. I rather get fungus. Yeah. Fungus.

Listen, I never wear them fucking shoes. Yeah, now they got the designs on them. Sports team, Spider-Man, pole patrol. It's terrible. This country's fucked up. The kids are all fucked up today. They really are. Look at this kid the other day.

Oh, was it? Shot the fuck in. It was a girl, a guy. He don't know what the fuck he was. Now that was really a girl? No, it was a guy. Now it's a guy, he don't know what the fuck. Now that was really a girl? No, it was a guy, now it's a girl. I don't know what the fuck it is. Not a liberal, sick motherfucker.

Yeah, it's a problem. You know, I was just telling my wife about that shooting on the drive up here. You know, when you're a parent and your kid goes to school, it's in the back of my head. Yeah. Every time it happens, I'm not stupid. I'm not fucking stupid.

It can happen right in front of you. You always, when you see situations like that, you go, that'll never happen to me, knock on wood. You never fucking know, man. Yeah. No, it's dangerous. A fucking second grader called, you know, called for help. She got her phone on, now she got the phone.

Now it's fucked up. It really is. She got, I mean, not send your kids to school today. Seriously. I don't blame people. Yeah. But if they want to homeschool them because you never know what could happen. We can stick it, stop it.

They don't want to. I put fucking, all I gotta do is put, get, we got a million veterans out of work. Get fucking veterans staying outside the fucking school with AK-47. That's it. The guy walks up with the gun, shoot him. Kill him. That's it. End it. At the deli today, I was talking to a 77-year-old Italian guy, full head of hair, and he was telling me he was in Vietnam and all this shit, and he was interesting as fuck.

He lived in Irvington. He told me that three years ago, some guy went to carjack him and he had one of the Vietnam knives and the guy ran like a little fucking dragon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My God, I was dying. That's great. And people were looking at him, because he's out there.

He's 70 fucking seven, whatever. He was loud. He goes, the guy want to take my fucking car, you going to take my fucking car? Come here, you little cocksucker. He goes, I have a bayonet in the car. It's the one I gave to Rambo. You go to New Jersey doctors. I only go to New York City doctors. And my doctor told me to smoke pot. So I started about eight years ago and it changed my life.

I was like, I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey.

I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey.

I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey. I'm gonna go to New Jersey doctors. I only go to New York City doctors. And my doctor told me to smoke pot. So I started about eight years ago and it changed my life. Oh, with the pot? Yeah, he said the doctor in New York told me, the Jewish doctor told me to smoke pot. I went home, I told my kids,

my kids started bringing me pot, my life changed. Wow. He goes, I live stress-free now. God bless him. God bless him, 77 fucking years old. I never smoked pot, so now I get pinched with the case I got seven years ago. I go to the fight, I got pinched in a fucking fight.

They locked me up, they put me in Laney County jail, they gave me the top tobacco, that's what they gave me. Yeah, tobacco with the. I don't know how to roll. There's a guy next to me, he's rolling like a fucking machine. I'm fucking, we were laying on the floor in a mattress. So I finally get the motherfucker, I fucked five of them up.

I finally get it rolled and I went to lick it, the thing that was on the outside. And I said, I said, my man, don't be afraid because you rolled it for me. He pulled this fucking cigarette for me, he did it. Fucking funny. Remember when they give you that top? Yeah, they used to give you tops.

With a yellow patch. Yellow, yeah. With the rolling papers inside. Yeah, they opened it up with the rolling papers inside. And they give it to top. Yeah, they used to give you tops. The, it's a yellow patch. Yellow, yeah, yeah. With the rolling papers inside. The rolling papers inside. And they give it to you at orientation in county. Yeah, they used to give it to you in the county. It's a Laney County jail. I was at, this is a funny fucking thing.

When I first got arrested for the kidnapping, they put me in Boulder County jail. It was rated the number two jail in the country. Where you worked, babe? That fucking carpets. Carpets? Carpets. They had fucking carpets. Carpets? Carpets. You had HBO and Showtime.

You were allowed to stay up until two. It was fucking insane. Was it cells or dorms? It was a big, big cell like this with your own little private room. You had a TV in your room. County! What the fuck, let's go there.

Let's go skiing, you're gonna call her up. Oh, nah, nah, you the fuck, let's go here. Let's go skiing, you wanna call her out? Oh, nah, nah, you can't. You need a vacation. Nah, you can't. Now it's like, they're liberal out there now, so I can't imagine how those prisons are. They let you fuck, those people let you fuck, let you do fashion shows, who the fuck.

How long did you do for the kidnapping? Two years, like two and a half years out of my life. You know what I'm saying? Solid time, like two and a half years out of my life. Solid time, about eight months. And I loved it. I really did. Looking back now, it slowed me down. It opened my eyes.

I didn't smoke pot in there, I didn't do cocaine there. I did a couple hits of acid. You know. Which is fucking crazy. Yeah, because you lose your money, you gotta do something. You know, and then I already, like I had, show you a tale, you know, when you get arrested, you have evaluation points.

Do you have a license at the time of your arrest? Are you a high school graduate? Are you mad? Like, it's just a bunch of simple questions that guys, all of us answer correctly, but once you look at them, you're like, these motherfuckers are such losers, they can't answer like two or three of these. They didn't have the job at the time of their arrest,

they never had a license, they never got a high school diploma. You're 0 and 9. You're getting 17 points. You're back to 17 already. Right off the rip. From the walkin'. But I had a job at the time of my arrest.

I told them I had a high school diploma, I didn't had a GED which I had to get later and There was something else I had so I think with the felony whatever they gave me four years It was a four to six year plea bargain. They gave me four years sentence Which again I went to court George was there when I got sentenced my brother George when I walked in there thinking George get the eight ball. There's gonna be a party tonight Yeah, you're getting ready to go, you know, you hear me being loud now The one thing that'll never change I'll never forget is when they see told me to stand up Yes, then he goes four years Department of Correction

And I looked at the attorney and I go what the fuck and he goes do you have something to say? I lost my voice right my pussy just and I looked at the attorney and I go, what the fuck? And he goes, do you have something to say? I lost my voice. Right. My pussy just, it's what it was, I'm telling you. It was like my central nervous system shocked because I walked in there thinking one thing, but I knew it was leaning

because they called me that Friday and said, community corrections didn't accept me because of the machine gun. Right. When there's a weapon. Yeah, the machine gun probably would've dead. In Jersey, I would've got off. In Jersey, I would've got eight years, halfway house or whatever the fuck,

and then they would've thrown me out after three years. But in Colorado, they had to give me something. You know, a machine gun? Joey, come on. Probably the only one with a machine gun in Colorado. Yeah, it was a thing. No, no, there's a lot of Rambos on there. Yeah, they're ready to go.

That's why they send the Vietnam vets in the hills. They keep them up there. That's what they send. Well, that's what the lawyer told me, I'm getting probation. I had the suit on, I'm telling my friends, oh, we're gonna go out the night after I come home. Go to saloon?

Yeah. Put the handcuffs on, they'll be driving me right out of the courtroom. Did you get probation when you got out in a couple years, in four years? Yeah, I had to get probation. I heard that's worse than being in jail. Parole, probation, parole, yeah.

Isn't it harder? It's a fucking, the state, not bad, the feds, the worst. Every time I was on federal parole, I got violated fucking 10 times. You're not allowed to talk to a felon. So me and you could be in the cell for 10 years together. We come home, you're on supervisor lease. They call it. I'm on supervisor lease. I see you in a restaurant.

I can't, I just got away. I can't say hello to you. How you doing? How's your kids association? They call it. No, I know. I got an association. I have a location.

That's a revolving door. I mean, how could you be in a cell with somebody for 10 years and seat them out with their family? You can't say nothing. I'm at ridiculous. You I got a report to the parole guy. You can't travel Yeah, I could leave the state. I could leave the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. I don't even know where fuck that's it Where the fuck's the Eastern District of Pennsylvania game? He gave me a map with a magic marker. Yeah, like here I don't know what if I'm just gonna stay here then another time when when I got shot my friend Michael died and the cemetery was in Jersey.

So I was on supervised release. So I called my probation guy and he says, oh, you can't go to the burial. She can't go to the burial. She said it's in Jersey. I said, well, fuck you. I said, I'll be there. You can lock me up at the cemetery. And then my lawyer called the judge and the judge said you could go to the burial and come home. That's amazing.

But he, he wasn't letting me, he said, no, same thing. My father was dying. They like the jail, where was he? In Texas somewhere. They called my mother to counselor. She was nice. She said, you got to come. He's, he ain't going to make it any, you know, whatever.

So I was on probation. Again, supervised release, my whole fucking life I was on it. And I told the probation guy, I'm gonna go see my father's dying. And they won't let me go visit him ever. They had me separated from him. He said, well, I gotta get approval or this. I don't know.

I said, listen, well, you can lock me up in Texas. I'm going, I'm getting in a fucking, when I'm playing, I'm getting in a car, you can lock me the fuck up. And then they asked the judge and the judge let me go, take my mother and he died the next day. At least I got the scene. Yeah, at least you got the scene. That's crazy.

Fucking nuts. To go through all that. You know, last time we spoke, we spoke about, I don't know, there's something, once I got locked up, I knew I wasn't going back, Joey. Just me. And I had it nice. There was a Chinese restaurant, because then they put you at a prison camp.

A prison camp for a guy like us is like, you're putting this back in the mix. It's like warm up to get it. They're warming you up. Cause I had, as soon as I got to that camp, everything was cool. I almost burnt down the jail. They put me in the stock room and they go, you know, stay out there, don't touch nothing, blah, blah, blah. And that gave me some juice

because I could hide people's steroids and all that shit. And syringes, you know, they want to hide the syringes from dogs. And then I met this little chubby Italian dude. He had just done 20 years. And he used to make, you know, cheese, nachos at night. He had a done 20 years, and he used to make cheese, nachos at night. He had a fucking business in a fucking prison camp, man.

$2 for nachos, whatever. He figured out how to make green chili in his cell. Yeah, they can make anything in there. Dog. And then the Mexicans would bring in the good real shit, and you'd be trading tacos with them. My girlfriend would bring Chinese food, which is driving crazy.

Bringing 20 egg rolls to the joint, you're the fucking king. And it's funny, nobody's ever accused you of racism, correct? They can't. Even if we say something racist about African Americans, they go, not that guy. Not that guy.

Because when I got locked up, my best friend was fucking crap. And till this day, I yearn for him. I miss him. That time we spent together, he had seven girlfriends, a kid with each of them. All of them drove a Mercedes. Seven baby mamas. Seven baby mamas. His visitation started Friday at seven, nine, two. He had them all. And he had them all.

One of them was Cuban. So he told, here's my Cuban. So she would bring in Cuban sandwiches and Nutter Butters. We can control the jail with Nutter Butters. Black people love Nutter Butters. I don't know what it is. They lose their fucking mind over Nutter Butters. So don't know what it is, they lose their fucking mind over this. So Sundays, it was a feast, right?

After visitation, we all got together. Let me see what you got. Ah, my mom made me baguette, come on. Now you can't bring in food, no. The feds, you never get nothing. When I was in the state in Jersey, back in the 80s, you were allowed 50 pounds of food a month and they could- 50?

Yeah, they were bringing in, they'd, they go through and we had everything. We had fucking chicken Savoy from the ball, Montana. That's great. We, and we would put it like it's each in me. So there's a lot of like black guys, Mexicans that they didn't have nothing, they had no family. We put on their name. You know what I mean?

We had fucking 400 pounds of food. Yeah. Give it to them. Fuck. We ate like kings. Yeah. You used to have a hot pot. They had to be allowed a little refrigerator, you know, it's like that now for the fed you can't get nothing nothing can't get underwear sneakers everything comes again

You know how many people reach out on the podcast and say that Joey gave them clothes in jail Joey gave them food to Joe and they had nothing fuck we do every day. We do it out here Yeah, I mean we just gave 120 bikes out to the kids. Yeah the kids. I've been in Philly for a week. We knocked on doors. We gave all nice coats. Gave 120 bikes, 120 coats, sneakers, toys to the kids. We did it our whole life. And a guy commented the other day, he says,

oh, you know, Snuff puts it on Instagram. You just do it to get on Instagram, video to video. Motherfucker, I've been doing this since 1989. There was no phones, no cameras, no Instagram in 89. I've been doing it my whole life. Yeah. I didn't go to go on fucking Instagram. But there's-

And the worst neighborhoods in the world we go to. I go in neighborhoods, black people don't go in. That's what I know. Black kid I know. He said, man, I see you in neighborhoods, I won't go in. Yeah. The giving back, that's something that we were instilled with as children. I saw it.

Yeah, 100%. I saw it. I saw it. One of my most successful friends ever, I see what he gives out every month. Yeah. Because that was part of it. I see how, you know, and you go, wow, and that's part of the whole thing. You got to give something back.

You got to give the kid. Look, when you were eight years old, you send the kid in African money. That's right. Who the fuck would do that? Seriously, an eight You gotta give the kid. When you were eight years old, you send the kid in African money. That's right. Who the fuck would do that? Seriously, an eight year old kid. When I was fucking eight, I was going to Hudson County Park once a year

with the Heart Association. And I would go to fucking neighbor's house, hey, come on, you gotta give me 25 cents a mile, or 25 cents a lap. Right there, we can walk from here. Right to Hudson County Park, right down the block that way. And I would walk and I'd give him the money.

I did that for about four years. And I'm like, what am I doing? I'm showing up with $800, I pay a Julia service sneakers. The price went up. The covers were the red with the star. Oh yeah, the Libuzines for the feet. Because it went from, sneakers went from being $11.95 to Dr. J signed with the sixes,

and all of a sudden we were off and running. Now they were $21.95 and they made the commercial, hey Dr. J, what'd you think of those moves? Oh, you were in magic shoes. Tell them to insert that video in there. It's okay. But you gotta give to get. You gotta give to get.

You have to. Always, you gotta pay your fucking. Yeah, you have to. My brother George, he has the four star frame, You gotta give to get. You gotta give to get. You have to. Always. You gotta pay your fucking. Yeah, you have to. My brother George, he has the four star frame and he fucking, oh he pisses me off because he'll call me, I gotta drive to Cambodia to drop off a picture and I go,

George, what the fuck? But I know, I bust his balls but I know, that's how you pick up real business. People just wanna sit there, let me get five Facebook ads, I'm gonna open up a business, I ain't gonna do shit for you. I ain't gonna do shit for you.

You gotta get out there. You gotta get out there, stick your hand in the dirt. You know, so. Every night you go out, you gotta market yourself. You always say that. You gotta get out. You gotta go out.

Well, nobody's gonna knock on your door and hand you nothing. We're just talking about this. The Bluebird of Happiness, that motherfucker died about 15 years ago. And the dude, Vince McMahon, he used to knock on your door with a big check. All ugly white people.

Never in the town. African, white guy in Iowa. Nobody knocks on your door. That's what the American public, a lot of us are confused. Not me, because I know how hard it is to get from point A to point B. And a lot of people in this room right now know how hard it is.

But there's people that, look, I get the weirdest questions. Like, how do you become famous? I don't fucking know. Do you think that, I wasn't going to become famous I was just doing this to stay out of the joint right this made me stop stealing right this made me stop doing a thousand Little stupid things. I still snorted cocaine like a motherfucker But it didn't it's

Listen, I didn't go back. Yeah, the proof was in the pudding right? God bless you. I know how to Rehabilitate somebody it's by giving them something to wake up to one in the morning. Yeah But if you're just gonna put me out in society with a felony and you're telling me I can't get a job Yeah, then you fuck me in the ass. That's what we were saying yesterday. You fucked me in the fucking ass. You're forced, I mean. I'm done. Can't move nowhere, nobody gonna rent your house. No, you can't do dick. And that's what they enforced in the poor felon.

So I don't know what recidivism rate, I'm sorry. I'm a little high in my two turds. I got this little brown tooth over here. It's a little cocaine tooth. You was eating them gummy bears. I thought it was chewing gum. No, these are gummy bears. Yeah, like Tic Tacs.

What the fuck you eating? These are our sponsor, Vaya. Nice. And they got 10 milligrams, euphoria, 50 milligrams, and then they got day drift, that's the 100 milligrams. What's that? This is a nice little thing. And you take it and you eat it and then.

Yeah, you eat it and then you turn to Rick James. And then things happen. Yeah, you're as high as Hunter Biden. Oh my God, these things are phenomenal. And we used to eat like 10,000 milligrams a night. We broke the record on the internet. Oh, I know. We're proven, nobody can fuck with us

when it comes to reefer. Even Chang was like, I ain't going. Yeah, Chang. Do you remember that? He had like his assistant there and his assistant was like, please, just don't give him too much. We have a long day. Fucking you even took down Chang.

Yeah, we took down Chang. Oh my God. Have you been to Philly recently? Oh yeah, for the, yeah. For, for the comedy show. Hey, I showed you one through a game and I fucking don't. That's what I wanted to say. Don't get me started. The Sixers. I went to see the Sixers. I'm sorry. They'll give you another one there. Uh,

Maxie was there. Yeah. He didn't go in. Paul George. Poor George was hurt, God forbid. Now he's back, he's back. I know he played last night, Maxie came. Maxie did something good last night. Maxie went off last night. Maxie's great. He's a great player.

Well, he's the one who called that in beat. Yeah, he called him out. He said, you show up to practice late every day, you don't wanna do nothing. What the fuck are you doing? And it breaks my fucking heart, because I love going there, like I told you on your podcast, I love going there. Like I told you on your podcast, I love going there.

Like I love everything about, when I think about tickets for baseball or fucking basketball, the first place I look is Philadelphia. Football, I can't. I can't go down there no more. I'm not in that shape. You got to fight. You got to be in Philadelphia Eagle shape. I'm not in Philadelphia Eagle shape.

That motherfucker's trying to bear with you. That requires a certain fucking... Yeah, you got to fight and fucking throw. shape around Philadelphia Eagles. That motherfucker's trod bear. That requires a certain fucking... Yeah, you gotta fight and fucking throw. They're there at four in the morning. Huh? Starting four in the morning, they're barbecuing outside the tailgate, not inside the tailgate yet,

because the gates don't open, they're outside the tailgate. It's unheard of. They start eight in the morning, the game ends at eight, eight fifteen at night. Eight fifteen at night. You don't even know where they're at by eight fifteen. They don't know what they're watching. They're fucking bombed, they're fucked up.

Fucking eight in the morning, 12 hours of drinking. You never did that. Yeah Well after the 12 hours of drinking that are gonna stop and get a cheesesteak and skinny Joey's cheesesteak that will sober them up That's all we got to worry about. I can't wait to open that we can't wait to have a podcast studio in there We're gonna do it all there. You're gonna do all it'll. It'll be live air. I like that concept, man. Yeah. And Joe, we called good money on Trump. I know you did. So did you. Yeah.

Yeah, we called that. Lancelot. It was fucking crazy, man. The people spoke. And you know what was crazy? I couldn't see a lot of things happening. And I said this as a joke one time. I don't know.

I just went off. I'm a felon, dog. Even if I was not a felon, I don't wanna get into that game. It was always a game. Your buddy here, my fuckin' old brother there, Mr. Charney there, fuckin', we grew up in a town where we got exposed to it,

and we got exposed to the horrors early on. Right. Ha ha ha! We saw some shit in the sixth and seventh grade that people didn't see. And when I tell these stories, you know, I told the story here with my seventh grade teacher. Our eighth grade teacher was the Mayor Weehawken,

and he did 13 years for murder. Can you explain that to me? Now I got TJ English coming in with an attorney to explain to us what happened there and how it affected the Menendez thing a year ago when they found the gold. This is just crazy shit that ties in. So growing up and all this shit,

I was like, this was so devastating to me as a child. This Hudson County politics, ripping signs down, choking people, dog, I saw fucking craziness. I saw craziness. You know what I was thinking about? My senior year, well, I quit high school, but I went to the parties. There was a graduation party.

Not gonna say no names, he's gonna know who I'm talking about. It was the captain of police who I loved dearly at the time, Italian dude, loved him. This motherfucker made the best chili and rice. Italian made chili and I went there with his son one day and he goes, give it to the fucking Cuban kid.

And I held him to it. Then he's gonna make more chili. What the fuck, who's this animal you brought to my house? But when an Italian feeds you, no matter what they think, they're feeding you, they like you. Just eat with the Cuban kid in the other room, which makes me nervous. It's got sticky fingers. They'll say something in Italian,

I'm talking about you. And they'll, you know. Yeah, they're talking about you. So he had a graduation party. There's 150 kids on the street. It's 11, 30, 12 o'clock on a Sunday night. There's 150 North Bergen kids on the street. These neighbors were calling the police department.

The police department was just hanging up on them. Yeah. Just hanging up on them. Like that's how down. We had a cop in town, Phil Simms. He looked just like Phil Simms, the football coach, the quarterback. This guy, you love him,

because you disagree with him on something. What do you want to do, Joey? You know what, fuck you. No, no, fuck you. I'm about to take my gun off and we go three minutes. Dog, right on Kenny Boulevard, he's fighting. You're driving down, you're like, what the fuck is that? And then he take you into Nix and buy you a slice of pizza,

wipe the cut down and tell you, next time I'll fucking strangle you, and then I'll book you and I'll bust your fucking head next time, and you go, okay, that then I'll book you, and I'll bust your fucking head next time. And you go, okay, that's more. That gives a person more than anything. You think about that cop. For people watching, they're going,

what type of cop was that? Oh my God. He gave me a beating, I turned out okay. Yeah, on the right. Yeah, the world's fucked up today. What did you get a beating for? Because we were torturing him one night. We were high and we kept calling him Phil Simms.

And he's getting the stick in the back. He hated it when you called him Phil Simms. Back in the day though, didn't the priest though, like, he would give you boxing gloves, like, go fight. Oh, the priest used to beat the fuck up the pricks off. My father used to say it all the time to me. Listen, if they did today what they did to us in school, they'd close the school. They'd cave. They'd cave.

Yeah, they'd close the school down. They'd cave they caved. Yeah, they closed the school down. They caved, listen, my mother loved me with all her heart. And I think about it, why the fuck did she put me in that school in Kearney? Because they knocked me out, I'm a regular. And she didn't wanna know about it. Like she didn't wanna know about it, but she knew. And then it went down, like I got thrown out.

But if I think about what they do, what they did then, like they hit me in the head with a fucking lunch tray. Anything, yeah. She poured the lunch tray on my head because I wouldn't drink fucking milk. They could fuck us up. Listen to me, today forget about it. No, done.

Because I used to go home, I got beat up, it didn't look good, my mom good, you deserve it, you know good, but you know, they locked me in a convent one night, every night they used to keep me at the school. So we got out of school at three o'clock, I go to a convent, they would let me stay there until five o'clock, I would have to listen to the fuck, they get piano lessons, the fucking kids playing the piano.

One night we had this nun, Sister Josephine Delores, she was fucking big. They locked me down in a basement in the convent, she forgets me, she goes to bed. It's fucking 11 o'clock at night. I can't get the fuck out. I'm locked. It's like them fucking the old commons with the doors like a dungeon. My mother's looking. She came to the convent. I was downstairs.

She had to go nuts. They do that today. They'll fucking sue them. They'll get the nun locked up. Could you imagine if a kid- We got beat up every day in school. A kid comes home and they say the nun locked me in the convent till 11 o'clock at night. There'll be SWAT outside that river.

Dog, she made me kneel on beans in the fucking stock closet one time. The stock closet where they had the supplies, the pencils and the fucking, it was just like notebooks, black and white notebooks. The pieces of paper that told you one times two is four. And you had to know all 12. 12, 12 times 12 is 144, like a motherfucker.

G's up, O's down. Yeah. Yeah. See? Joe, they used to make us stand in the back of the classroom with our hands out with two textbooks in our hands. You know, look.

That's torture. And I had to stand here like, I'm fucking shaking, I'm shaking like fucking Joe Biden on Jeopardy Don't you drop the books like I'm fucking fucking nuts That's fucking crazy Fucking funny shit. I always think about that. I never really got into that how much that bothered me. That's why When that nun told me to go in the stop room, I got so It was like a molestation kind of thing. She made me kneel down and she turned the lights off

and made me kneel on beans with the lights off. Like two fucking hours and I heard mice in there and shit. And that stayed with me, man. I'm like, I'm gonna fucking kill this cocksucker. Eventually this shit's gonna go down, but I'm gonna give her a break tonight, because I'm hungry like a motherfucker. You know, when you get out of there.

But it was, if you think about it, today's children, whatever, and listen, I wouldn't accept it in a way. I don't want my daughter getting punched in the head by one of those nuns, but they didn't really clock the girls. They did something else to girls. They hit them in the hand with clockers or something.

The boys did it, but the girls did it really. The boys, it was a fucking backhand. That bitch would turn that ring around and come in backhanded and just get you across the face. And then if you put your hands up to block, what do you put your hands up for? Bah, bah, too quick ones. And all of a sudden the kid would just drop. You laughed your ass off.

I had some sick shit. I went to a Catholic boarding school, and listen, that was the worst experience. Yeah, it was. But the best experience I had was the third grade, Sister Anna. There was 12 kids in the dormitory, and there was a kid that at that time, Octavio Fernandez.

Ooh, ooh. His uncle was Jackie Hernandez, the shortstop in the Pittsburgh Pirates. While I was going to that school, this is 1971 guys, 1972, he used to take us to Pittsburgh to see, and this is the days when Pittsburgh was fucking rocking. Roberto Gleamani. Willie Stardew, the whole fucking band.

He was the nephew to Jackie Hernandez, little Dominican kid with a little Afro, put his hat on, but the Afro. The Afro was tough too. They didn't have that type of Afro sheen those days. That motherfucker, you couldn't put on a helmet. You gotta shave it. Or you had to wear your hat to the side.

Then one night we're in there talking, talking, talking, shooting spitballs. Her, she had like the, it was just like this, but the top was open. And every 10 minutes she goes, I can hear you. I can hear you. And we kept giggling and giggling. Octavio weighed 300 pounds.

He went right to bed. He had cookie. He was like the fat dude in full metal jacket. You know, what do you got? Your locker. Oh, jelly doughnut. Yeah. You know, it was on the end that I watched it again.

Every time it's on, I watched the beginning. To the hooker, you know, what was on the end that I watched it again. Every time it's on, I watch the beginning. To the hooker, you know, what do you get for $10? And the movie goes down the head. You know what I'm talking about? Which movie is that? Full Metal Jacket. Oh, Full Metal Jacket.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great movie. It's what? I don't like the second part. That's what he said, two movies in one. Yeah, I don't like once he becomes a writer. Joey, you gotta give him a shorter chair. I know, but he's okay.

He keeps raising it. Listen, I give him edibles and he thinks he's in the carnivore. Yeah. He's just zooming around the air. He gets taller when he eats them. What's that? He gets taller.

He gets taller. I wish. Oh my God, yes he does. If it made me taller, I'd take eight million milligrams. I would do whatever. We were talking about something that I wanted to finish. Hernandez, the kid. So they're throwing shit,

and all of a sudden she gave another warning, and they're throwing shit, she gave another warning, and all of a sudden she came out with a pointer, okay? And she started whacking all of us. Bah, bah, bah. But Fernando, whatever his name was, Octavio, was big. And by the time she got to Octavio, she hit him and the stick broke. Now, Octavio had big. And by the time she got to Octavio, she hit him and the stick broke.

Now Octavio had been sleeping for two hours already. Poor Octavio, he got hit so hard, the stick broke, and she got so mad that she kind of stabbed him with the stick. So we're like, oh shit. Benny and the Jets was the song then. That was the hot song, That's how old I am. Benny and the Jets are played every 20 minutes on W-A-B-C.

I had the button, so if you bumped into them in New York City, they gave you 25 grand on the street. I had like a thousand times. I'd be walking all over Broadway with the little radio, with the fucking one thing, and I'm over here on 44th Street. I run to 44th Street, my mom's like, enough, enough! Yeah, it ain't happening.

No home. I forgot. We say, oh, so we wake up the next morning, Octavio, the lights come on, and Octavio's got two sticks and splinters all over his fucking bed. And he gets up and he's like, what the fuck was this? We just busted, we're like, Octavio, sister Anna beat the fuck out of you with that stick last night. And you didn't even wake up.

You were sleeping the whole time. The whole fucking time. And she did stab him. Yeah. Because he kept saying, I got a splinter in my back. It's 300 pounds. You know what's funny, though? Did you ever, now, back in our days in school,

you never heard of a school shooting? A what? A school shooting. You ever hear of one? No. Never. So I never heard it until now. Like, you know, now back in our days in school, you never heard of a school shooting? A what? A school shooting, you ever hear of one? No. Never, so I never heard it until now, like you know, last maybe 15 or whatever.

There was never school shootings. Very disturbing. Sick. I like going to school. Yeah, we had fun. We had some lunatics. Yeah, we just broke balls a little bit. You had a couple fucking lunatics, we all did.

I failed handwriting in gym. My father beat the brakes with. Well, he said you don't know how to write How did I fuck you feel him writing? He filled gym I passed him I didn't go I never went you know how fucked up it is now when we're going to pick out these toys for the kids right now There's no toys like a ten-year old, they're like, oh no, they really don't play with toys. Well, what do they play? iPad or iPhone? What do you, nobody, what do you mean? They have to do something. What about a football or a basketball? Toys are us ain't open no more. It's sick. FAA Schwartz, remember New York? They closed.

They opened back up. There's a line, there was a line outside of that. It's down in Midtown now, but, and they had to put toys of us inside of like Macy's Yeah, I seen that. Yeah. I mean come on. It's ridiculous. They don't even there's not even toys The world's fucked up a different fucking world Yeah And with that let's take a little breather because I want to talk to you and them Afterward about we're gonna talk about here and we're talking about draft kings All right, and these are the kings of picks right here. My man Snuff, he went like what, 2-22 last weekend?

1-22. No, I'm teething. You know I love him to death. 4-1, 4-1, 4-1 baby! The last time he had a winner, Ronald Reagan was in office. Yeah! We'll be right back. First of all, myself and DraftKings wish you a Merry Christmas. So let's make it for you.

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Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Thank you, and please support Draft Kings. You know I love them. They've been working with me for years. Speaking of Draft Kings, Snuff himself is a little empresario on the sports betting world. Part of the skinny.

That's right. Part of the Patreon package is that. Yes. You give a couple of picks out. These are relief picks. What I want from him is what's going to happen on Christmas day. Christmas day. We're going to go with a parlay, two team parlay.

First, first game. We're going to go Steelers over Kansas city. Steelers are home, must win game from them. And then we're going to go with Houston over Baltimore. Houston's home, they gotta win. I love CJ Strout and Baltimore does nothing for me. Here's your two locks for Christmas Day. Have a black Christmas.

No you won't. Santa's gonna be stuffing them stockings for you. Ha ha ha. Make sure you bet on DraftKings. Oh my God. What's going on with you, my brother? Who do you like Christmas Day? Oh God. Fuck you talking on with you, my brother? Who do you like Christmas day? Oh God.

Fuck you talking about. I like Pittsburgh. I like Pittsburgh. I don't like the Texas game. I like Baltimore a little, but I like Pittsburgh. They got to win. And Kansas City, you don't know if Mahomes plays. Yeah, Mahomes might be, yeah. We don't know if he's going to be in or out. Wentz is the backup. They're teasing you anyway. They're teasing you. They're setting you up.

He'll come back for like the, the playoff and throw the ball that Kelsey catches. And he proposes to the bunch. Taylor Swift, that motherfucker. I can't stand him. You know, that's what's going to happen. They're not going to have enough though. He proposes to her on national TV with his little faggy fucking mustache. Yeah.

Yeah. The fuck. It's the truth, it really is. It really is sad what they wanna do. And it's, you know, not fair. The NFL wished her a happy birthday the other day. When the fuck did the NFL ever wish anybody a happy birthday? Never, never been done.

They didn't wish Tom Brady a happy birthday, you got fucking 10 Super Bowls. Yeah. They wished fucking Taylor Swift a happy birthday. Beside the court cases and just the funny shit you say, one of the things I admire about you the most is when you just go off on the rat of the month. It's December. I know you have some, uh, jingle enjoying your heart.

Obviously I know what you do. You know, you fucking just donated. Who's the rat of the month this man? And take it easy on him. Just, who's the writer of the month this man? We just did the kid, what was his name? Anthony Arlotta, from Connecticut. We got a pick, we got so money,

we're gonna pick one out of the hat after the new year. I'll let you know. Oh my God. What is going on even there? They don't wanna go to jail, it's the bottom line. They try to justify it. I didn't put nobody in jail. You're fucking told, that's the bottom line.

I just never understood that whole thing. I just never understood it. You know? They get in trouble, they got nowhere to get out. They all fucking lie. I mean, I mean, every one of my cases, we caught them lying. Like that's what helped us. That's what helped us.

We weren't by them lying. They lied. Anybody, everybody who told on me never got locked up with me. And ain't like me and you robbed the bank, you know, and you told on me. They got caught doing their own thing. Like the guy wrapped in the tally. He was his fourth conviction for selling meth.

He was getting life with no parole. I didn't get locked up with him. He was a drug dealer. And then he came in and said, I did this, I did that, I did that. And the government let him go. He got fucking eight, 10 years, had to fight for my life. Sad, ain't it? It's a fucking different world out there. But what's always intrigued me is the witness relocation plan.

Like how you have to move your kids, your wife, everybody's got to pick up the fucking gun and everything's got to change. And now you got to learn how to do it. And you have to learn how to do it. And you have to learn how to do it. And you have to learn how to do it. And you have to learn how to do it. And you have to move your kids, your wife, everybody's got to pick up the fucking gun. And everything's got to change. And you got to live, you know, with somebody watching. Usually they, you know, some of them, a lot of them live.

Right? But you know what's funny? They don't tell the people. No, they don't tell you a lot. No, they don't tell the, like, like, say, I'm in a bull. He can move next door to you. You don't know. They tell you his name's fucking Vinny bull. He can move next door to you. You don't know.

They tell you his name's Vinny Vito. Oh, nice neighbor Vinny. You don't know he's a fucking serial killer. You got a fucking serial killer. They don't have a story to you. They don't tell the people. Yeah. Why don't they move in next to the FBIs?

Yeah, make them live next door to them. Let them be their neighbors. If you, like, I know you wouldn't rat, but like, let's say you had some really good information. How much could you get from the government? Like, could you get them to put you in a mansion? Can you get a... Oh, they buy them houses.

Houses, they pay for them. The one guy was making how much a month, Joe? The other guy, in my case, a million dollars in cash. He said, I gotta be paid cash. Yeah. A million dollars to put him in jail. My lawyer said, why do you have to be paid cash? He said, well, I don't want to get a check in case I went to the bank and it was from

the government, they wouldn't know I was informant. So they paid him a million dollars cash to get him. My lawyer said, private eat a fat motherfucker. My lawyer said, you pay taxes? He said, no, I didn't get around to it yet. You didn't get around to it yet. He said, well, I made a deal. He's, he's got to pay you. You got a million cash.

He had to pay a couple thousand a year. My lawyer figured it out. It'd take him 530 years to pay it back. My lawyer said, then who the fuck's your, who's going to pay just a couple thousand a year. My lawyer figured it out. It'd take him 530 years to pay it back. My lawyer said, then who the fuck's your, who's your account in Al Capone? I wish I could get that fucking deal. That's crazy. Most of them that go into witness protection get thrown out. They wind up committing more crimes and lying again and ratting on somebody else.

Then they get thrown out. Look at Sammy the Bull. Yeah. He got five years, which he only did fucking two years, just a rattle on John Gotti, lied about him, put him in jail. They gave him five years. He did about two. He wasn't, he might've been in jail a year. He got relocated to Arizona and him and his wife, his son and his daughter opened

the next C ring, saw an exit. And he got, and the state, Arizona was smart because they knew the feds were going to come. They never told the feds about it, about it. Cause the feds were gonna make, they would've, they would've tipped them off. So listen, just stop, you know, shut down. The Arizona pinched him and they fucking buried it again 20 years.

I came home, I give out Christmas gifts to kids. This motherfucker saw an X to the city kids. I'm the bad guy. Say hello to them. He got a TV show, the city kids. I'm the bad guy. I love them. You got a TV show, you just got a TV deal, I think, right? Yeah, TV deal. It's a hell of a deal, guys. Yeah, it's sick.

It's a big deal. That's a hell of a deal. Antoine Fuqua and the guy from Boardwalk and the Sopranos, he's gonna spend that book beautifully. It's a fucking sick thing. Something that they need. It's sick, listen, it's a sick thing, but right now something has to save the mob genre on television and film.

Something really has to come along soon. I like the, uh, the Stallone thing for like three- Yeah, I like Stallone. Tulsa King. Tulsa King's great. We need something to represent pretty soon. He'll fuck it up though. He fucks up everything. Yeah. He's a piece of shit. No, but he's got serious people behind him,

got a serious station. All the money he makes, they should give to the kid he killed, the kid's family. Yeah. The cars, he killed a 16 year old innocent kid. For nothing. Yeah, sick. And they slid it onto the road.

He killed his brother-in-law too, nice guy. You look at, that was 30 years ago, and you look at what was going on then, and what's going on in today's world up there. And it was, those guys were, they were playing for keeps, and they were making a lot of fucking money, man. A lot of money. I used to work for a roofing company.

I married a girl, a family at a roofing company. And after a while, they started taking jobs in Colorado. They were from Colorado originally. And I asked them once, I go, you have the fucking, you could work in Jersey and New York and you guys want to work here? And they're like, you see that dumpster? That dumpster in Colorado cost us 2,000 for the day. No, 200 for the day. If this was New York, it's 2,000 for the day. He goes, it was impossible. No, it's hard, yeah.

It was very impossible. Especially with the traffic though, you know what it costs to get that shit out of New York? Oh, yeah. Listen, the gas, it fucking takes you fucking, we was there last week. What the fucking? Yeah. We had to go fucking eight blocks.

It took us almost an hour to drive the traffic. Like, yeah, 1.5 miles was like 40 minutes. It's got to cost major money to build a building in New York, like the concrete trucks and then the fuck, how are you going to get there? We'll see New York, New York. We'll stick in Philly. Let's just stick in Philly. This is all going to change if gambling gets legalized in New York city. Yeah. Okay stick in Philly, just stick in Philly. This is all gonna change if gambling gets legalized

in New York City. Yeah. Okay, just remember that. That's all gonna fucking go out the window. They're gonna have, it's gonna put it right in my heart to fucking yards. They're gonna have gambling, gambling's gonna be legitimate and they said in five years and that, except two states,

you told the Mormons and somewhere else, I don't know where the fuck it is. You could be able to go to, like say you go to 7-Eleven, play lottery. You go and give me the Eagles for 400. Yeah. And bet right there. Yeah. 100%. The stadiums you're going to be able to bet right in there.

That's it. Listen, the new crack, the new crack is the Parleys. See in Philly, the fucking line's around a corner. Yeah. Around the corner, everybody bets Parleys. Girls, guys, grandmothers, wives, kids. Everybody. I was with my friend Wags, who were out with his son. We were in New York with the Mets game. Around the corner, everybody bets parlays, girls, guys, grandmothers, wives, kids.

I was with my friend Wags, we were out with his son, we were in New York with the Mets game. We're eating dinner, he says, the kid, he's 13, Eddie, my nephew, he said, Dad, give me your social security number, he said, what the fuck do you want my social security number? He said, I'm gonna open a DraftKings account. My social, you know you gotta be of age.

On that side, Joe. Every kid's got one. Yeah, everybody. Every kid bets. Every kid in school. They put a casino right in the middle of our neighborhood to bankrupt all of us. Unless they're gonna bankrupt the whole state.

They're robbing houses, they're gonna go gamble. Yeah. It's fucking sick. The casino I can throw a fucking quarter at it. Listen, I don't know if any of yous, yeah. I by mistake got into college. I hate when that happens. You know, on a C-U-O-P program, you know, there's no Spanish people at the University of Colorado, Boulder, and they, yeah, we'll give you a Pell Grant, this and this and this. I'll never forget

that when you go on the first day to orientation, you walk down, there's a bunch of tables, and there's like, talk to us about becoming a lawyer, talk to us, and then as you go deeper, it's come talk to us, sign this, and get a 250 Discovery card, and they're all there. You get like a grand out of them. You get Discover, Visa, and something else at that day. Whatever.

The one that you could eat at the restaurants. Remember there was a card in the 80s? It was just diners club. Yah! That's when you were big pimpin'. Yeah, you had the diners club piece. The diners club, that one. So they gave you about $750.

You open up with a $250 account. 11 out of 10 kids blew their credit right there. That's where your disaster was, okay? Now, I'm hearing, and I don't know how true it is that when you walk that table now, all the services are there. Come with us right now and we'll give you a $50 credit. All you gotta do is keep walking. And they know that you went to talk to this guy and that guy, but you're walking out of there with a,

you're 19 years old and they're giving you, you know, 5,000 free credits. What are you gonna do? I'm gonna save them. Not me. No, you're going right to the Six of Game, which you're gonna put on the card too, yeah! You're gonna bring a little enchilada with you,

you're getting a fucking half G-bo. So by half time you get a little twitchy. Okay, okay. And B, why are you in there? And then. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Put it in there.

Dog, I swear to my mother, not this time and not the time before that, I wanted to tell you, not this time, and not the time before that, I wanted to tell you about this. I forgot when I came on your podcast, I went to a sixer game. This is, you know, and weirdness is growing. The one game I took my daughter,

and fucking there was a black guy making out with a white guy. And my- A black guy making out with a white guy? Right there in the middle, right there. In Philadelphia, and I knew this wasn't going to last. I just mind my business. At that situation, you just look because you know the bomb is dropping.

Yeah, you know it's coming. You don't want to be looking in that direction. You know what I'm saying? I'll never forget that. Like three minutes later, I look over to give a popcorn, disappeared. They were gone. One before that, I took my neighbor, Luke, I took all the kids. Like there was four boys, two boys, my daughter, my wife, me.

And that time there was a live hooker working it. Oh, I've never seen that in my, and I've gone through thousands of events, you know guys, I was this. She was a little Asian girl with fake tits, and she was tweaking, so she kept walking up and down, holding onto a blouse, the one tit was bouncing out. They took like eight or nine walks and somebody came up to listen, you gotta go. There's a guy in the third floor that wants to talk to you.

He's watching you. They got a t-shirt for you, you know what I'm saying? They scored her out of there. I'm telling you, she was working it. And she was with some schmuck. They dressed up and they're going out to talk. After they threw her out, the schmuck walked up there. You know that wasn't his girlfriend.

He went the other direction. He's like, woo, thank God I got that messed up. Like a gram of Coke. You could tell. She kept going up for a drink. There's a guy who will at least bring you a beer. I got into one of those games, I got coked up, I'm just sitting there.

Oh, that's what I wanted to tell you before. You were talking about these Philadelphia people, how crazy they are. In 1993, I come back here to do comedy, I'm living with my brother George, I'm barely fucking making it. And the Jets were playing somebody in that late game, the seven o'clock game.

So me and my buddies, yeah, we're gonna go to the game. One of them got tickets, it was five of us. We're gonna go to the game. What time's the game? 7.30. It was Sunday night football. What am I saying? It was Sunday night football. What am I saying? There was Monday night football. So we get there early, a case of beer, and someone, a guy says, I didn't tell you, I

picked up a half ounce of Coke. So we start snorting the parking lot. Right? And now this fucking it's, we didn't, everybody's outside grilling. We were in the car. Frozen. Nobody would even get out the piss. we were like sitting in the car. Do you know the game started? And we were still in the car. Yeah. That's when we got out to pee.

And then we were too fucked up to go in the game. So we crawled back in the car. And listening to the radio? Huh? What you listening to on the radio? Oh my God, radio, we were yakking to one another. It was just a cloud, there was cigar ashes, and cigarette ash all over us.

You know the game ended, everybody went home and we were still in the bar. That's how much fucking coke we had. We were like, what are you gonna do? Oh, fucking crazy. That's tailgating, motherfuckers. Yeah. You're gonna, I'm gonna go out there and get a hot dog.

Oh my God, get the fuck outta here. Are you gonna suck Nick on the Lord's Day or you're not, you know what I'm saying? So what else is going on? I'm excited. How you doing with the blue chew? Blue chew, what do you gotta get me started for? I thought I was gonna get you started

with the fucking ride of the month, you were getting emotional before the holidays. Now I'll let you know next month. I'll let you know what it is. Keep me posted. I was, you know, I I'll let you know next month. Keep me posted. I was, you know, I keep an eye on your sagas and shit and I fucking love everyone. I don't want to get you started. It's not holidays.

So holidays we're gonna. It's a nice joyous time. You're in a good mood. Thank you, my brother. But I love you to death. I love you. Thank you, we appreciate it. I appreciate you guys coming on here anytime.

Yeah. Anything you need me to do. I love the studio, beautiful? We're trying Fuckin perfect. Yeah, I feel at home right here fucking right. This is nice. We gotta get him another chair though Joe Yeah, I think we should go higher. Yeah, just like you like him like a barbershop chair. Yeah the chair Put the camera from the top and I think can see the evolution of the edible working out I love it. You guys got anything going on? Well, what we're gonna do is just gonna celebrate Christmas, you know We everything that we got going on for New Year's just watch the mummers like we do every year

We're usually in the parade this year. We're taking a year off. So we'll be back next year bigger You know and just we'll go from here. Joey'll go back to Florida and get in the warm weather. Some warm weather. Yeah. That's it for you? Yeah. Fuck this. It's too cold. You don't want to go to Colorado and ski? Colorado. Yeah, I go skiing with you. They say it's beautiful skiing over there.

My God. Aspen, they say Aspen, they say Aspen, more people go Aspen in the summer than in the winter. I don't have a computer here, but where they tape the shiny. A little bit far from there. It's where you go up there and you feed the chickens, come up to you. That's the most visited place in the United States. Wow.

What is it? Estes, Estes Park is it? Wow. Yeah. Colorado's the shit. I went up. That's why I did time. Yeah. That's why I did time. The fucking county jail sounds nice.

Oh my God. They had fucking cable. Maybe I'll go there for New Year's. Yeah. We didn't take a little break. Yeah, we're going to New Year's. Because you had to go, it was like first you were, first you got put to bed at nine o'clock, and then if you behaved yourself, your bail didn't get lowered.

Right. And you mind your business, they put put to bed at nine o'clock, and then if you behaved yourself, your bail didn't get lowered, and you mind your business, they put you in until the 10 o'clock block. And that wasn't too bad. And then if you were good good, they put you in the midnight block, and those guys just let you go till two or three in the morning. They gave you a cigarette stand.

It was like an after hour club. I was locked up in county the night that I was locked up in county the night that Bo Jackson Ran over Brian Bosworth. Yeah, I was in when he fucking drilled them kept running Bosworth didn't know where he was. I read him, you know, you remember those moments. Yes. You know I'm saying Those are tender moments you like I love it. However, I'll remember where I was at this time. Mount Hood? Listen, that's where they kill people.

I'm gonna take you there. It's okay. Oh. What does that say to you? No, Colorado man, I got up there when I was 19. By coincidence, a buddy of mine had fucked up. You know, he got thrown out of college and he goes, I'm going out there I was 19 by coincidence. A buddy of mine had fucked up, he got thrown out of college and he goes, I'm going out there to be a garbage man.

You're fucking savage. And I'm just fucking. My other brother's out there, so I had nothing going on here. We drove out there, it took us about 48 hours, all we had in the car. His name was Jimmy Burkle, my brother. God rest his soul.

You gotta mention that, motherfucker. And we drove out there with a barbell, 140, you know, the fucking big bar. He came here for barbells and speakers. That's why he came back here. Then the car broke down in Pittsburgh. I just tried to rob a bookie and it didn't pay down. It was one of those nights when I told everybody

to be at the bar by midnight, I owe you that 300, I owe you. And bring another eight ball. And I showed up there like at midnight with the glove, my hanging was tangled, everybody was waiting for me. I had to rob the janitor. The janitor from the high school would come up there at night on a Friday night and he would show up with a container and he put it in his pocket.

And it was always those pill things to tell you what time to take your pills. But one of them was always filled with like, at the time, Valium. So I would take the Valium out and put them in his pocket and then give them out to my little fuckin' geeky friends at the bar. And then they'd expect it from me every Friday.

Tell them, relax, wait for the fuckin' dude. Well the dude caught on, and I went in there one night, there was no Valium, but he had these other pills, and they looked like Quaaludes. So I took all these Quaaludes out, people were like, what'd you get? And I go, I don't know what they are, but they look like baby Quaaludes.

Take them by your discretion. Everybody was fiending, so they go, let's go, give it. I even took one. That was the biggest mistake of my life. I went down on a Saturday night, I didn't wake up till Wednesday. As a matter of fact, when I woke up, I was broke. And God rest his soul. You know who fed me?

Mr. Chardy, because I lived with Fernie. And I walked right to the fucking, right there. And I would put, I would go in there with no money, planning. I would put the tab on the arm and go, Mr. Chardy, I have no money, but I'll be back by the time you close the floor with the money. And from there, I'd go rob somebody.

Because I knew I had to give Mr. Chardy his money because if I fucked up, I wasn't eating breakfast on the arm. It's not bad enough you wake up broke, but to wake up, at least have a breakfast, and then I could figure out what the day's gonna look like. What the fuck kind of pill did he give you? What was the pill?

You slept for two days. Epileptic pills. I didn't know. Listen to me, when I woke up, I was living with Fernie Basasuto, rest his soul. We had those old answering services. Beep, beep, the red light, the red light was going off. And I looked at him, beep beep, the red light, the red light was going off. And I looked at him, beep, Coco, you fucking suck.

What was that pill you gave me? Blech, call me back, beep, Coco, what the fuck? I haven't stopped shitting for like four days. Boop, Coco, call me back. Boop. Coco, you got any more of those pills? Yeah. They were tremendous. I mean, I'm like, so what happened?

I know I went to bed on a Sunday, Saturday night, and I got up at Sunday morning. I couldn't even walk to the bathroom. I was crawling. I had vertigo, fast. I just shit myself and wiped myself and went right back to bed. Woke up Monday, I think began vertigo, puke, woke up on Tuesday.

Got up, washed my ass, took a shower, went to see the diner on the corner. He fed me and fucking, I had, there's two kids that still hate me from that occasion. Every time they're around me, like, no, no, no, I, no, nothing from you. Last time I took something from you, I went down. I love it.

Sorry, good friend. But always good to fucking see you. Thank you, my brother. You make me feel at home. Stop thanking me. Yeah, fucking thank you. I love you to fucking thank you. I'd like to say thank you.

What are you trying to get rid of this? No, I'm coming home with you. All right. Where'd that go? He's talking. Sky's on my back 24-7. You need me, brother. If you need me for something, let me know.

24-7. I definitely want to go to Grand Opening. I'll try my hardest. Yeah, I'll give you a couple weeks. Please, please. I'd love to go down there. I'll bring. Oh, you got to bring him.

That's Michael Wajim. Yeah, I will bring everybody. They'll go crazy down there. Lee, I can't believe you've been sitting there. I've been watching you staring at that last calzone for the last 10 minutes. I put my thumb in it before the recording just to know what day it was. You looked at it. Look at that last calzone. It's calling your name. Oh, yeah.

You can see that little piece of sweat beating on your head. Tremendous. It's 20 degrees in here, but I'm still sweating. My feet are freezing. Listen, the Church New Testament to you, to Mr. Merlino, to Listen, the church, new testament to you, to Mr. Merlino, to my man Snuff, Lee Syatt, the whole fucking crew here, Georgie fucking, Dr. Evil, Nicky Nick, Merry Christmas to you and your families.

Happy New Year, you know, we're gonna come back fucking even stronger. Like when you get herpes the first time and you get rid of it, the next time you get it, it's fucking the real deal. Damn it. You show up like the exorcist. Wow.

Speak to me. It's Parker Jobs. Anyway, I love you guys. Merry Christmas 2025 is everybody's year. Stay black. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. God bless.

Happy honey. Stay Black. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. God bless. Happy Holidays. It's Tuesday, December the 24th. The Church New Testament is brought to you by my favorite, Blue Chew. Listen, you want to sling some Big Dick McGeek in 2025, then you need Blue Chew. What, you're like, Joey, what are you talking, Blue Chew is an online service that gives you the same active ingredients that you'll find in Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but for a whole lot cheaper and chewable. And it tastes good too. Bluetooth tablets are made right here in the USA.

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