Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz - What Got Us Here | The Church of What's Happening Now

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

Download the DraftKings Super app now. New customers sign up with code JOEY & spend $5 to get $150 in rewards within 14 days @ https://www.draftkings.com/mobileapps #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #thechurchofpentecost Produced by Andrew Houston & Joe Russo

Kick this motherfucker, Neil Lee. What's going on, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here for another episode of the Church of What's Happening now. New Testament. I got my brother here tonight, Pedro Garcia. Hello. As my co-host, that's going to be real interesting because we're both Cuban.

Both of us grew up in North Bergen. So there's a lot of shit we can come from that. But everything is beautiful as usual. What's going on, Primo? Shit here. That last little mushroom took me over the edge, thought? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lock it a lot.

You can feel it coming in the future. But, hey, it's Monday night. You got to take a chance. Columbus did right. Why say the words if you only are going to live by those words. So, yeah, it's Monday. I wanted to lighten up the mood. It's your first time co-hosting.

I wanted you to dwell and be in a good mood. Oh, yeah. Once I start tripping, those sneakers are going to be a fucking problem. Oh, fuck, yeah. Oh, the zebra shit? Jesus Christ. All of a, man, last night he's twitching. Two nights ago, he's twitching, and I got to check up on him.

And he's got, like, this fucking fag suit on. It was a Batman suit. Batman. One year, fucking 2013. Yeah, yeah. He had these pointy shoes like he was dancing ballet. He had a switch to Rambo. Dude, that was torture.

I had this for Sam Ramble. My chat was going crazy. They were like, damn. Yeah, they were going at me too. They're like, take that fucking suit off. Yeah, it's two. Your ass was all tight. He was like you were running from somebody with a big dick and no conscience.

You know what I'm saying? No, though, you got me with that. I started thinking it was like, damn, this suit is mad tight. That was fun watching you do that shit. Like, Fortnite, dog. You could do fucking, you have C streams on the Twitch. Oh, yeah, yeah, brother. Oh, you were watching that too?

Huh? You were watching that for a little while. Oh, shit. I'm watching that white for some TV show on. I'm usually watching four things of once. Oh, yeah. No, dad. Yeah, yeah, man, man.

You could do all that shit, bro. I was your weekend, brother. It was good, brother. It was good. Get on stage. Got on stage a little bit, did a little time. Pedro's also an eight-year comic end. Yes, sir.

You know, so that's also great for us. He knows the game. He knows the struggle. Oh, yeah. He's living in it right now. Oh, big time. Going from MC to start featuring on the road is a big fop and jump. Absolutely.

You know, but what else did you do anything? You did a couple spots where it? No, I was in Jersey City. I did a couple spots there. Jersey City, there was a spot called Riff on the roof. Another spot, you know, pet shop, crock pot comedy is a buddy of mine runs it. That's great to have like these little independent rooms, you know. Sometimes they pay you nothing.

Sometimes they give you $10. Sometimes just give you a kick of the ass. You know what I'm saying? Tell you not to come back. Yeah. A nice smile on the hello is it goes a long way. Yeah, but those rooms just get you ready. Absolutely.

There's no people fight to get out of those rooms. Even when I was doing spots at the comedy store, I would still do those rooms because they bring you back to reality. We got than the comedy store was. Yeah. It brings you back for that world. And I never wanted to get out of that world because I know that's the real comedy world.

Not all shows are going to be perfect. Yeah. You know, some shows you open up and there's a drunk guy. The late shows, you've got to learn how to handle those fucking things. But that's a complete different animal. I had the week from hell last week. Yeah, what happened? I walked 10,000 steps for three days in the row.

Oh, my God. From Costco to, I mean, you name it. I walked all over that Domain Mall in Austin, Texas. And, you know, I had to get couches. You know, it was a reality check. Oh, yeah. We can't get your couch for four to 16 weeks. I'm usually taking that motherfucker to go.

Give me the floor. I don't give a fuck. Four to 16 weeks. We got that type of time. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. You know, I ain't got much time left. I don't want to spend 16 weeks waiting on the fucking couch. It was, and then if it wasn't the availability, I went to just, I saw a store.

You know, you're walking the more, you're minding your business, you see a store, and you walk in it. And all right. I go to a guy, yeah, you know, how much for the chairs? He's like, and all of a sudden he sat me down. Nice guy, great salesman, but I wasn't even looking for that. He started talking about ergonomics with a chair and weigh your arms and your back. And during the conversation, I'm like, dog, I did time for two fucking years, all right? I sat in chairs were completely opposite to the ergonomic.

And I'm fucking fine, you know, $2,300 for a chair, $2,000. That's fucking ridiculous. 1800 to play computer games. No, I'm okay. Then they had a nice table. I go to how much for the table? What soon as he tipped the fucking computer? It says $7,000.

For that last upper table, it was like the last upper table. I go to Israel. I go to Jerusalem and bring it back. You know what I'm saying? The fuck, 7 Gs. For 7 Gs, I could probably go to Jerusalem. Buy the fucking table, put some crazy goal on that bitch.

So it makes the journey. No, forget about it. That's crazy. Man. So I was, you know, guys, I don't, thank God. Thank God my wife was on top of it. She sent the Cuba. She sent what Cuba ain't got.

All right. Carpets. Oh, forget about it. Dishes. Glasses, knives. Oh, my God. She sent everything down there. The TV, the fucking, the TV we got was great.

They hung up the same day. I want to thank boring mattress on the show for providing the two mattresses and bed frames. You guys are fantastic. Once I get it off together, I'm going to make a little video for you guys. I mean, bro, I went to, they had my bed frame up. And when I get there, he goes, I go, what's the remote control on my bed for? I got no TV on my wall in the bedroom.

I thought it was for the fan. She goes, no, it's for the bed. Give me a shot. Oh, my God. What the fuck? Oh, my, put you up. Holy shit. Too bad I'm not 18, though.

Yeah, forget about it. in that bed. We're both dying there. Because it'll just close up. Oh, forget about it. You're like eating tamale and all of some of the bed becomes a fucking a taco. And it just went. Oh, my God.

I did it where it stretched me out a little bit. And I was ready. And I was a tap out. No, boring beds is the shit, guys. Check out. Listen, I think they got a few ads this month and I'm looking forward to it. Hell yeah. Because I laid in that bed for five minutes and I knew this is deadly.

This motherfucking bed. comes with Xanax in it. Like, you know, sit down. The Xanaic blows up like one of grandpa's fucking devices. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, I did my show.

The first show was great. It was my residency show, and it was fucking great. We didn't. We did in the little room. I just wanted, you know, before we go fucking crazy. I wanted to make sure I could put the chairs in there,

you know, fill the seats. And it was great. It was not my favorite material, but it worked. The welcome, like the way people. People were looking at me now and talking to me, and now that I moved in was great.

I did a couple gigs at the sunset room. Christina Alvarado sends the love. The best. I love it. You know, I got to see Red Band came over one night. We were screaming. He was fucked up. He came from the better.

Yeah. And it's just a different type of place. But this building I moved into, you know, when I went there, guys, listen, not only am I getting a little older. I forget shit. you know, you look at things differently. Plus, I got so much going on in the coconut

that when you look at something, you know, like the first time I went back and looked at the one bedroom, I'm like, this ain't going to work. I don't know, I'm going to sell it to my wife, but this ain't going to work. And then I got the two-bedroom, and that works. And then you just forget the things that you signed up for until I went downstairs and I got in the red light sauna.

I would just get up, get coffee, sit outside for a while, shoot rinse, shoot downstairs, sweat for 35 to 40 minutes, jump in the cold plunge, run back upstairs, wash my pussy, put regular clothes on. I wasn't even eating breakfast. I was leaving to go look at furniture or chairs or fucking outdoor patio. I got the outdoor patio, which is bad fucking ass.

Again, I told my wife, don't even look at the credit card. Because you're going to snap. But it was that bad ass. you know, it's 100 degrees there. If you get Kmart's shit, it's either going to melt or something's going to happen in the sun. You know, this motherfucker poured a can of Coke, grease on the pad, slid right off.

I'm like, all right, I need one of those in white just to really get the party started out of here. You know what I'm saying? They had a sale on black leather. I'm like, dog, you ain't going to trick me. I look like an Indian buying New York here. What the fuck? So it was great, man.

That whole thing, just remembering what shit cost. Oh, yeah. Because my wife does all that for a reason. I don't want to see it. No. You don't want to see it. It's stressful. Groceries, you shit your pants when you get groceries.

I also got my first fucking, I could order groceries now on the app like a doctor. Oh, yeah? I just sit upstairs. He brought 21 or 20 items. What's that called? Instacart? Oh, yeah, yeah. I just discovered Instacart.

That's how old I am. Nice, dude. Just discovered Instacart. Fucking fantastic. Holy shit. Fresh blue, and then. the guy in the building works for in the card. Who's better than me? So there's a guy in the building

that works for in the cart. You follow me? Beautiful. So yeah, it was interesting. I missed my family, though, five days. Three's my list. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I don't miss nobody. You understand? It goes by so fast. Your excitement, the comedy, this, that. You don't get a chance to miss anybody.

But then you got two days to think. I had one day to think. Yeah. And already I was looking to leave Friday night. and landed Newark, like about 11 o'clock, there's a flight, and I was like, I don't know. So I stayed till Saturday morning. That was great, you know. I like what I'm going to do for myself down there.

I could already see it. Just these little shows, you know, like I was with somebody today, and they were like, well, no, the shows are everything that's included. If they're going to put pictures up on me performing, I want people to still know I'm doing it and I'm doing it. Absolutely, though. At the highest level. So, yeah. Yeah. you know, pictures from other places are nice,

but that place, he'll like people on fire, they get pissed off, or they get happy, you know? And that's it, Pedro, I wish I had more to you, yeah. I wish I was there to hear the crowd in there. Joe, he did. No, it was great. It was a little room, so it was no, ah. They ain't no fucking glad to either.

No cowboys taking the hats off and shit. No, no, there was no cowboys at that night. But there's an interesting mix of people there, because you have half the people who live there and half the people are out of town. And when you do comedy and you do it, in front of, let's say you go to Jersey, all right? We go to the dojo, Jersey.

Very nice club, but very rarely you're going to see an Australian in there, who just came from Australia for 10 days, who's going to be in New York. Maybe they're a fan of Danny Brab. Maybe they're a fan of Pedro, but are they going to do the extra joint? Not really. So you're going to get basic New Jersey people, a couple of Staten Island, a couple of Long Island.

It's a different feeling when you're at a club and you're talking to people, and you know 60% of that club is in town to visit, but they came to a club to see whoever. I didn't know about this until I lived in L.A. with the comedy store. The last two years of the store on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, it was people didn't even speak the language, whatever. you know, they had to speak the language to understand.

But you guys know what I'm saying? They were 60, 70% tourists. It felt better to them. And it makes you feel better as what we take for granted in America and all this shit. They come and see a comedian. They take pictures. They make a video. The cat, like the Irish, every time they've seen me,

we got to talk about the IRA. You know, we get that conversation going, Jack. But that's the difference than just the hometown crowd. When you go to the city and you do the New York Comedy Club or the seller, the seller, people that come to the New York City, they go right to the cellar. They want to see the best, they go to the cellar. And that's just to, at the end of the show, talk to the people. They'll tell you, we're in from Dublin.

We're in from Sanbagu, and all that shit. And you're like, wow. We came to see David Tell, and you're like, they got David Telling, Singbogway. You know what I mean? So it teaches you that who you're really performing for. And it's nice because their thought is this. I was telling Nick on the way up here. Their thought is this.

You're at the comedy store. You're staying at the Hyatt Riot House next door. And you're in your room and you're, you know what, let me go see some comedy. I'm a fan. I really don't know their names. But you do know Sam Kennison. And you do know Eddie Griffin.

And you do know Eddie Murphy. And you know Richard Pryor. and you know these particular people. They buy a ticket at the economy store $15 to Canada that comes with a bag of fucking popcorn. They look at the lineup. They don't know nobody on the lineup. Then they sit down.

In the middle lineup, they said there's a special guest. Richard Pryor. You're from fucking Iowa. The biggest celebrity you see is the Chilean mascot for the fucking AAA baseball theme. You know what I'm saying? You ever go to those games?

Everybody's taking a picture with the mascot. I don't even know it is. It's a fucking mascot. So now they get up afterwards. Let me tell you something. Richard Price in the hallway, smoking a cigarette, and they get to take a picture with Richard, even when Richard was around, nobody had cameras in their phones.

But you guys understand what I'm saying to you. This is when I think about the consumer. When that guy gets off stage and you go out there and he's, you're going to take a piss, and he's out there talking to people, and you go over and take a picture with him, let me tell you what happens at your job Monday. That motherfucker's going to come in there, and he ain't going to shut up about L.A.,

but beside Universal City, Mickey Mouseville, San Diego, he's going to go, I had a pretty good time at the comedy store. That was the best. Richard Pryke came in. Everybody in that room was going to go, what?

Richard Pryke came in on a Tuesday night. I didn't even know he was supposed to be there. Trust me, it's surprised the hell out of me. But the best was he took a picture of me and told me he loved white women. Okay, boom. That's it. That's their conversation every time they go to dinner from now on.

When it comes to celebrities, well, I went to L.A., that's the impact that you put on these people. So when I go to Austin, I do the first show, I do that for a reason. I want to talk to these people after the first show. It's 250 capacity. It's not like doing 2,200 in a theater. They're crying. You remind them of their grandfather before he got leukemia and got hit by a car, you know. That's what they tell you, you know.

So I go down in, I mingle and talk to people. The bars are great. I'll drink a fucking spicy margarita if I have to. Oh, shit. But one, that's it. Two, I get fucking ajana. I get drunk. I can't deal with it.

But when you understand it as a comic, what these people are doing to come by watching you. Absolutely. Let's say you live in fucking, if you're in New York and they come from Jersey, that means you got to drop them off at somebody's mother-in-law's house. And it's usually the one that you hate.

man. Because when you get there, what are you guys going to do? Comedy. Oh, that. You know, that type of shit. And you got to haul your ass into the city. Pay for parking. Pay for the tolls.

Go to dinner. Come back. The babysitter. They put a lot of effort into a night to watch us do comedy. I mean, yeah. Sometimes they walk around and stumble into an open mic and you walk in and, you know. But that's to deal with that. So you always have to think about that.

And I actually like it. It makes my night when somebody comes up to me and says, I'm here from Turkey. I look at that motherfucker like, and you came here, I'd be at a fucking orgy somewhere with you T-girls jumping up and down. But so it just makes you learn about the human mind and how people go on vacation. If I'm on vacation, a comedy club is the last thing I was thought. I was too busy snorting coke or snort something, cheeseburgers. Snort cheeseburgs is hilarious.

Oh, yeah. So what else, man? No, you mentioned something. You said that you did some material that's not your favorite, but it worked. What do you consider like your favorite material was, like, what kind of material? What were you, like, what do you consider?

That makes me laugh. Yeah. Gets me excited while I'm doing it. And it's got to be new. In that newish room. Okay. I hate doing an old joke because that's the only thing you could think of at the time

and you have to figure it back into your set. It works because they probably haven't seen that joke. We heard that joke because it's been six years since I did it. Like I had an hour before the pandemic that was really good. I forgot all of it. I could have taped a special with that material. I had a whole hour chunked up. You don't have you.

I forgot. Well, as soon as I landed here in that fucking Xanax Fogg, and the fucking, the move and the whole thing. I forgot it. You know, I said it's like the book of Enoch. And I wasn't getting on stage, and I don't tape my sets. I don't take none of those things, you know. The last thing I want to see is my fat ass up on stage,

moving back and forth yelling at people. It's really just a voice. Sometimes, you know, you're on Instagram. And I pressed the wrong button. I'll hear my voice. I can't figure out a way how to turn it off quick enough. It's just the way things are. Some people like looking at themselves.

I'm the last motherfucker I want to see and especially here. I'm like that listening back to sets. I hate my voice. Oh, we all do. You sound like a fucking idiot. We all do. And I had a problem for years.

I didn't say shit about that. It's like I don't mean to fuck anybody here or say something out of the line. It's like going to a movie that you're in with other comics. You know what I mean? It's like I got to sit here. They're watching me.

I'm getting the fuck out of here. That's the last thing I want to see. And then let's say you do something stupid and the whole line looks for you. I don't ever want to live through that. I don't ever want to live through that. So I would go to the premieres, take my pictures and shit.

And then I go into the movie theater and I sat down. I get their little free popcorn and whatever souvenir they give you. And it's the movie you start. And I go, oh, I got to go to the bathroom. Fuck you. I'm going to go.

Because I lived next to that Chinese theater. Okay. When I lived in Hollywood, I lived like three blocks away. I would just walk home. Nah. And then I'd wait an hour and I'd walk back. When the movie ended, oh, my God, it was brilliant. You were tremendous.

I'm not sitting through this shit for two hours. I got a spot at the Gala bar or something like that. Because you don't want to watch you. Now you're watching you surrounded with fucking people. I'm going to forget. I took a bunch of my friends. on a Friday afternoon to watch Analyze that. December 6th, something that came out, like before Christmas.

I took, like, my neighbors, they wanted to come. So I was there for the first screening at that, the Dome movie theater on Sunset, that fucking Dome thing right by Taco Bell or whatever the fuck it is. We get there for the fucking 11 o'clock movie. Doug, I get shot in the first scene. Now we're all sick. sitting there watching it the worst movie we've ever watched before and they're like that was good

anymore i go no let's go and they're like no we want to watch the rest of the more we go listen let's get the fuck out of here trust me and that's what i did for that that's the worst when you get killed in the first fucking scene and then you got to sit there and make believe you enjoy the movie you didn't even like your fucking bart in the movie so i've had that so just to i was thinking about what kind of phobia was. And when I got home early, I'm not doing drugs. And I put on Letterman, and he has Johnny Depp on. Who's a good-looking, well-known, respected young man.

And it was during Pirates of the Caribbean, the first one. I don't know nothing about this shit. But it's Johnny Depp. Maybe he'll say something. And he goes, well, when you were shooting the pirates, did you ever look at the day? Dailies? And he goes, no.

And he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't look at Dailies? He goes, I don't look at anything that I'm involved. And Letterman was like, and I'm at home going, oh, shit. I'm not the only person that feels that way. And he's good looking. He can look at his own footage and shit like that.

He's like, I don't even go close to it during a premiere. That's where I got the idea. He goes, I go to the beginning, I take a walk, smoke a few, And then when the movie empties, I go in. That's why I stole that idea from. I felt so happy that somebody else was that way. When people, comics tell me they tape their sets. I'll tape it if you want me to, but I ain't going to listen to it.

You want to transcribe it? Go ahead. I'm going to listen to it. So, everybody's different. I'd love to be that guy at a party, at a Super Bowl party at halftime. He'd go, oh, my God. My comedy reel is in there. The H.S. How did it get that?

And in front of 20 people, he presses it, and he watches it the people, those people are in hell. Yeah, that's bad. People don't know that. That you're in fucking hell. You're just making me, this is an assault on my fucking central nervous system. That, you know, comics should say that. And I know, like, three of them, there's one of them motherfuckers going to tell me he's going to hit me up.

One of these motherfuckers died recently. But he went to a Super Bowl party. He was a teacher. You know those in the old days in L.A. if you were a comedian, you taught Driver's Ed after they got a DUI. It was like 50 bucks a class. So one of the guys that came in invited him to a Super Bowl party.

Thinking the guy, this motherfucker at George, Danny, Mac, Pedro, at your house. I'm just going to walk up and put the VHS in while, you know, the halftime commercials? During the halftime commercials. He put it on and all of a sudden he's like, oh my God, who has my tape? And everybody was forced to watch 22 minutes of the worst comedy

they've ever stayed in their life. I heard it from like eight people throughout my time. They were like, do you know this comic? And I go, I know. He put the soup bowl and they knew who he was from that fucking day on. Not in a good way.

They thought he was a fucking idiot. No, no. Who would sit there like, oh, this guy's great. The fucking freakiest story I ever heard was sitting on this podcast. And it was Stephen Bauer. I mean, me and Lee looked at him like, ugh, because I knew exactly he was doing. But at the time, he was young, he didn't know what he was doing. You know, sometimes when you're young, you just think that this is the way I'm going to be seen. So they were at a party, and Oliver Stone was there.

whoever developed the Doors movie. So in his mind, Stephen Bowers like, and I love Steve. He was my neighbor in North Hollywood. He's like, you know, I really wanted this role. People have been telling me for years that I resemble him and I could sing like him and all this shit. So he's at a Christmas party with, you know,

Will Smith in the room and all these people. And he decides to actually put on the door doors and he gets on top of the table and starts singing. That's cocaine. Cocaine will make you do some fucked up shit to ego. He never got the role. They gave it to Val Kilma. So what an embarrassment.

It's like going to a jet game and they lose. Oh, my God. You're going to get in the train with the jet shirt on. I'm like, with 10 million other fucking morons. When does it end? You know what I'm saying? When does it end?

But that's what, you know, some people think that's groovy. It has to work. So you got to do it slick. There's a way to be slick and there's a way to, like he was either prefabricated. Is that the word I used? Yeah, pre-meditated. I'm not good with words. I'm not good with words, Danny Brad.

Premeditated. Pre-meditated. Yeah. That's rough, man. So it's fucked up that some people would actually do that. I couldn't bring a tape to the dojo on a Wednesday and goes, guys, watch this, you know. I know a guy that tried to do that at a party will. but with a football highlight.

Everybody looked at him and said, no. And the party kept going. The hell out of here. Let me ask you some, Pedro, a few questions. Yes, sir. Young comics. When you got into comedy, what was your motive? What did you think you were going to get from it?

Because I'm asking you for me. Right. You know, like me, not to, I want to know your answer, but compared to what my motives were. I wish I could say, I could sit here and be like, I had a motive. North Bergen. Right, yeah.

Yeah, grew up in North Bergen. Did you, was there any, any comedy influence in that high school? No, man, I just love for it. They never knew nothing about. No, nobody knows, nobody talked about it. The counselors, they didn't say nothing about it. They thought I was an idiot. You would have a last year's career as a stand-up comedy.

They don't say nothing about that. No, no, there was not like, oh, Pedro, that was a great joke in class. No, they'd be like, shut up. I was even for the fuck is your problem, stupid. They can make you feel dumb for even saying. But that's why there's no, we're like, you know, we're from, there's no, nobody even talked about it. I thought somebody had.

to pick you. Like, hey, you look like it could be a comic. Let's teach you how to do comedy. Like, I thought that was like that. Because every time I saw somebody on TV, it was a guy with glasses with crazy hair. I was like, yeah, that's a comic. So I didn't think like, you know, I could, a Spanish kid could fucking be a comedian. And then, um, fucking, I started watching, I started, I don't know when I was like eight years old. I started, I turned on Comedy Central because I was curious about it. So I turned on Comedy Central from there, it took me away, bro. Friday nights, it was stand up. I saw like Greg Gerardo for the first. time. Ralphie Mae, premium blend. That's the VH1. Bro, I got into all that shit.

My favorite special when I was a kid, Paulo Francisco. That, bro, ouch. That was a good... Pollo fucking strong, man. Bro, I would see, I would watch him and be like, damn, I'll do anything to be able to fucking have, be able to switch voices like that. I thought that was the coolest, funniest thing in the fucking world to be able to do that. I thought that's, that's fucking comedy. That fucking movie voice. Oh, forget about it.

The movie guy and all that stuff. And then the Arnold bit into the movie thing. Into the movie thing. Unbelievable. I've been a fan since I was a kid. Let me ask you this. Not to interrupt you. What do you think about when you saw people doing Premium Blend?

Were they walking down the street and they just walked in there? I thought those people lived walking around L.A. or New York and walking the street. And the agent said, you got the look. Let's go get you. Let's train you how to do this. I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know you could fucking go to an open. I didn't know until fucking 25 when that chick told me at the bar.

She was like, yeah, there's an open mic here. I was like, okay. And then I fucking wrote jokes for three years. Didn't touch a stage because I was too a pussy. And then I did it. And one day I never looked back, bro. But comedy is, I always been trying to, like, and I had a friend group, bro.

If you bombed, like we all, you all had some, like you used to say, everybody had to be funny. If you said something not funny, everybody would raise their hand like this and then punch you in the arm. Yeah, they would turn on you. Yeah, yeah, it was like that. They would turn on.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I got hit the most. I fucking bombed the most, dude. That's how it was, man. It's funny. I thought that you just walked down the street and said, I'm coming over to do stand-up and you just walk in and somebody,

oh my God, is that a camera? Yeah. And you just did an hour and they sent it to HBO. That was my knowledge. I was stand-up comic. It's not till. And even it took me three years to realize four years what the process really was. But did you ever see yourself on a big stage?

Like you went home at night, you bombed and they goofed on you, your friends. But when you went to sleep and at the end of your tears, you know, that little bomb cried, did you go to yourself? I'm going to show that. I'm going to be at the garden someday. You know what I'm saying? And you're like, because we all went through that shit. Yeah. Eight, nine beers after a bombing.

then you've got to go home and look at yourself and live by yourself. And you're like, God damn it, I'm going to show these motherfuckers. I'm going to work at the garden. I never had that. I had such a fucked up life up to that, but I just wanted 10 years of driving in a car. You know, 10 years, just going from city or city, no advertising, just dropping some open mics,

maybe somebody would give me 50 bucks or something. I was prepared from that. Yeah. Like, I never saw myself, like, that was just a different level of that. So, hey, it's Uncle Joey. I want to talk to you about something. Football season is heating up, and every week feels bigger with Draft Kings. Draft Kings is now live in all 50 states, Jack.

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21 and over. Void in Canada. Bet with Draft King's Sportsbook to get bonus bets that expire in seven days or trade with draft king's predictions to get predictions dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer in New York. Non-withdrawable rewards issued as $50. Click to claims every seven days for 14 days. Terms at dkng.org slash offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free to play sports contest availability. Varies by state. But it's so weird. Like what? let you know that you could do it. When I got my, when I, my first open mic, when I got a bunch of strangers,

I don't know what the fuck I was. And I look like a, you know, that's fucking, you know, a fucking, you know, a fucking, fucking, fucking, that's fucking, you know, these guys were like, you know, comics. And I was there, like, just a new guy, fresh face, optimistic.

I said a joke, and it worked. Several jokes worked. And I said, oh, shit, I could do this shit. I was like, oh, fuck, I can make people laugh. And then I got in my car. I cried because I said I found it. I found what I want to do in my fucking life because I've been my whole life.

Yeah. I'm lost, man. I was fucking letting the fucking the waves take me, bro. I had no guy. Like I have good parents, good parents. I was in the street, bro. Like I wanted to be outside. And so like I, that's where I wanted to be.

When you got into comedy, what were you getting good at? What job were you getting good at? I mean? Anything quite y'all. Bro, not, bro. I was in a fucking cubicle, bro. I was in a cubicle, click, click, click. What'd you major in college?

Accounting. I cheated the whole fucking way. The whole fucking way through. I joined up with all this computer knowledge. I think you're like a computer program. So I used to work with rappers and shit, like local rappers. Okay. I used to help produce the music.

So I used to know how to manipulate audio and shit like that and know how to do the programs. And then from there, but I always been like a computer guy. Like, like, I always played online games, like with the computer, World of Warcraft. I've been playing since I was, like, fucking, I don't know, high school. Like, shit like that. I always been in tune with technology. I always was good with it.

Like, I don't know what it was. I guess because I was the oldest, so I had a lot of time on myself. I don't have an older brother, nothing like that. So I just fucking, I stayed at myself. I had video games with my shit. I even learned how to fucking take apart Blackberries and shit and put them back together. Yeah. I was in a

I wasn't a Like I wasn't a cool kid I got cool around like Started getting You know I started getting pussy around I started getting pussy around Late 16 Early 17

But before that bro I was just good at baseball And I kept to myself And I was just like that's it Tranquilo smoked weed But like I was chill I was chill And after that once I started

Yeah That's when North Bergen took a hold of me At 16 You know, it's crazy. I was stuck, and I was like 12 or 13. I just got left back in the seventh grade. I don't tell you how bad I felt. And I just turned on a TV when I was watching college basketball,

and they put Michael Corrin's name up in Jersey City. And I remember like shedding a tear, like going, if he could do it, I could do it. Yeah. You know, like, you always hear about these success stories from French-Lick, Indiana. He was a garbage man, right? When he got discovered, rediscovered Larry Bird.

You hear all these stories, but you never heard them from within. You know, we had Danny Callum Joe. That was great. But there ain't nothing like seeing somebody from Jersey City in the semifinals of the NCAAs starting as a fucking freshman.

You were the only one. You were the only one that you were the guy when I was growing up. Really? They made it out of the fucking hood. Yeah. You were watching. you actually me early on? Joey? Yeah, Doug. And when I came, did you know I was from North Bergen? I knew all of it. I know. How did you find out? Brother, I've been a comedy fan for all of them since I was eight years old.

So I naturally, I always know who you were. Testicle Testaments. I didn't know. Yeah, brother. I've been a fan since I was, for a long, very long time, Doug. What did you think when you're like, he's from North Bergen? He's me. Yeah. That's what I fucking thought. That's what I said. You could do. I could fucking do it probably. I started doing it. Because of you, cocks, okay. No comedy from this area. Because I didn't even know. The only guy talked to comedy about growing up was George. Yeah.

George was hip to comedy and I would ask him creepy questions. But he was more of a movie buff guy. And I was the comedy. Not really. I was not a comedy guy. I did not even, comedy never entered my mind until I saw splash. Yeah. I kind of knew that John Camden.

Andy was a comic, but to see him on film was beautiful. And then I knew about Robin Williams. And I knew about, I loved Richard Pryor, since I say I was probably nine or eight. At my mother's bar in Union City, we used to go to this kid's house, Doom Buggy. And fucking, me and his nephew bought like a beetle album, like the yellow submarine. And he was a heroin dude. This is a true fucking story. He's an heroin dude.

He's not in George. He's got the cigarette in the one hand. Yikes. And he was walking his house and he goes, that's my older brother. He's fucked up. Don't listen to him. Yeah.

So for like 20 minutes, we would listen to the, you know, we all live in the yellow submarine. And all of a brother, I was out of that heroin high. I think the cigarette burnt his finger or something. He's like, what are you motherfuckers listening to? And we're like,

the Beatles. We were all proud of us. I was like, get that shit off. I know we go, and he put on Richard Pryor, was it something I said? And I was blown the fuck away. I went home. I don't even think I told anybody. I got money out of my piggy bank the next day, and I wanted somebody on Bergen-Line somewhere, and I picked up that one out, and then like a week later, bicentennial or whatever came out, and I picked that one out. And I was sitting in my room, like an idiot listening to these albums religiously and mimicking his jokes. Like, that was it. I loved Richard Pryor.

I was introduced by George Cullen, but Pryor was more me. I'm not as smart as George Cullen or try to be as smart as George Cullen. But Pryor was speaking my language. Dick sucking, cocaine, you know, fucking goofing on Dracula when you're high, you know. So I followed him. And I went to see the movie, but I never saw myself or thought about myself doing stand-up in no capacity at all. Throughout the years, I knew I said stupid shit because I was crazy to make people laugh. But then when I went to prison, like four months in, I went to a camp.

And that's where, you know, it was just like I was in the kitchen. so I was always talking to a crowd of people and then one night the fucking projector broke during some old, you know, they only had like eight movies and they replay them. PT 109. I can recite that fucking movie, okay? Every Monday, or Wednesday it was Pt109.

Like out of the eight movies, six of them were black and white. That was the library of the prison. So you had, and they had them on like, not even VHS. To real, to real. then the camera would break. And one night, one of the black guys that was orange, I can't remember what his name was, from the kitchen.

He goes Cuba, go up there and talk about that nonsense you were talking about today. I don't even remember what it was. I just went on a tangent about tomatoes or something. All those black guys were laughing. I went up then, I tried the tangent, and I fell on my face with it. But then I decided just to roast each different guy.

And it worked. So every Wednesday they would go Before the movie comes on Our man Cuba's gonna go up there And say some And I recapped the week in the prison This motherfucker thought 25 pounds is heavy Look at him now

He's got stitches, you know Just a bunch of shit And there was this one nerdy motherfucker That I went to the library every day After my job was over at 8 I'd run to a library to read the paper So I would go to early and he never said a word to me for about three months.

But then a black guy started going in there from the kitchen, and I would go chicken hawk. I'll meet you in there. Chicken Hawk? That was his name, Chicken Hawk, and I would meet Chicken Hawk in the library. And then one day the guy busted, and we started talking every day.

I started bringing coffee over. I used to bring him, like, stolen coffees, whatever it was, and he loved that shit. Can you bring me tea? Can you get me honey out of the cabinet? I would bring him honey. so I had the library, you know, and it was just me and Antoine,

and we'd go in and talk shit, and one day, he goes, I've been watching you for a long time. He goes, you're a funny guy, or something he was saying to me, and then he goes, hold on one second, I have something for you, and he had a notebook,

one of those old school notebooks, and he goes, that's for you in a pen. Wow. You could write your jokes in there, and I go, Doug, I don't write. He goes, what do you mean? You go up there and goof on the people? I go, yeah, I don't know nothing about stand-up comedy.

I don't know. I just go up there with the week's event, process them in my head, and go torture each different inmate every week. I never got beat up. They loved it. Listen, there's one thing about African-Americans, a.k.a. blacks, aka Yams.

If you keep it fucking clean, you could destroy them, and they'll love it. You could call them fat, black, this, that and they'll be slapping their fucking ankles, feet goes up in the air. It's when you get in that danger territory as you would with anybody. Whether the Chinese, Cuban, Puerto Rican, Jewish,

it's the same thing. But African Americans on the whole love to be tortured in a comedy room. They think that's the best thing in the world. So I would talk about them and they loved it. But this white guy gave me that notebook and he said that to me and I go

yeah, I don't have jokes or anything. They start Thinking about it for a minute. And he's like, I'm going to get out of here in like three years. And he goes, I'm going to check on you. And if you're not doing stand-up, I'm going to basically slit your neck. This little nerdy guy that used to roll his cigarettes and shit. Dude.

So when you were doing that, when you were roasting everybody on the little stage, you didn't realize you were doing stand-up? Nah, you were just fucking having fun. It was a stand-up to me. It was roasting, big difference. Look at this motherfucker Jerry Curl. What I do to the black guy at the comedy club, Alex Quo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.

You keep it. What's going on with your natural? Because when they know that you know the terminology for their lingo, don't you read Jet Magazine? Show me one picture of a black guy that's got your fucking head, do. They go nuts. They go nuts. That's what I'm saying.

Keeping it clean about their fucking afros. my way in and then from there they had a jiggle tooth or a gold tooth and you just attacked that shit you know what I'm saying and that's what I did so then right before I was checking out he told me that he's gonna kill me but I asked Antoine the kitchen hey man what the librarian do he's so cool he goes that motherfucker killed his wife and the mailman oh yeah oh there you go yeah he shot him both and the dog he shot everybody holy shit He shot everything in the house. They came like 30 years.

30 years on a job at the library. He was like 50. He was young, 25. Fuck. 26 when he went in. I never asked him, but they were like, yeah. He went home one day for lunch. He was fucking the mailman.

He went in this truck, came in, and shot everybody. Damn. You could push a man so fucking long, you know. Golly. And he meant that shit then when he said that. Yeah. He looked at his eye like he was like. I knew he wasn't joking.

You know, you know when somebody's not joking with you. So. You ever check in with you? Huh? You ever check in with you? Nah. I never heard from him again. I'd be dead.

Yeah. You know? He probably helped me down for a percentage at this point. Yeah, that's right. He's the manager, 15%. It was so weird. It was my little stint in there. But then, like Pedro, I came out in 89.

And I kept telling myself. No, no, no, something weird happened on the way to dance. I got a job with my brother-in-law's roofing. And the first January, I worked at them, it snowed for a whole week. You couldn't roof. We were the commercial roofers. So I had to stay in and watch movies. And that movie, that day on HBO, was about punchline.

And when I got it from there, I went right in the yellow pages, and I hunted down the comedy clubs in the area. and I called off three or four of them, I remember. And they're like, we don't do that here. We have an open mic night. On Tuesdays, you have to call on a week before. And that took me about six months. And then I was actually working for my brother-in-law in the field.

And they sent me for coffee when they had snowed. I got there because I was an estimator. I didn't even go on the roof towards the end. I was just getting there and bringing supplies for them. They go, broke. And you get some coffee and some green chili. And I go, yeah. And I went into this place.

And the Rocky Mountain Post was on the counter. I always sat at the diner that. I would eat my food and I'd get their order to go. I'm not eating outside like an animal like them. Fuck that. I would sit nice and warm, take my scarf off. But this is what God came in. There was on Rocky Mountain News.

And I opened it and just went like that to the middle. And right there is how to be a stand-up comic. Because Roseanne had just blown up in Denver, maybe a year before I got on stage. So Andy Payton, he was on the cover of that. And I remember reading the whole thing twice. And they offered classes, but they said the best class of University of Colorado on Sundays.

It was 33 bucks. I still remember to teach his name. Jeff Harms. He lives in Florida now. He does cruise ships. Nice. So three weeks. And then he pulled me aside.

He goes, I think you got a career in this. Let me get you a job. And he got me a job as a doorman and a comedy. club. Then I became the DJ and the MC and then I became the barback in that bitch. But when I asked if I go on stage, he says, you can't perform here and have a job here. So I quit. A week later, I went to the Comedy Works. I kept calling the Comedy Works, but I kept chickening out. Every time Tuesday came, I call him and say, my cat got hit by a car or it was always something. And one day, my ex-wife heard me. and fucking, my ex-wife heard me,

and she actually hid the babysitting. She took my daughter to her mother's. So when I got home that night, she goes, I'm able to drive you until I wasn't going to go. Surprise, too? It was like, surprise? Yeah, when I walked in that night, she goes, get dressed. I'm taking you to Denver.

She could be your open mic. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And she goes, I put the baby in my mother's house. We got a date night. And I went to Denver and did my first three minutes with her and almost shit my fucking pants. You're nervous? Fuck, yeah. I was nervous.

Fuck, yeah. But once I got up there, I felt real comfortable. Eight seconds in, I was home. Yeah. I was a little mumbling words, and I did my three minutes. And when I got off the club owner was there, and he told me, keep coming back. You have great presents. And then some kid goes, no, tomorrow and I got a gig for you.

It's up for the Broncos. I was like, oh, shit. It was like the rookies or something like that. So it was still a game. And then, you know, I want to ask you a question after gigs, once you go into your bed at night, you're ready to lay down. As you're taking off your stinky socks and shit, you say to yourself, what the fuck made me go up on stage?

Man, I don't know, man. I guess I was just a weird kid, bro. I don't know. I never found, I never clink to something. I played football, baseball, jiu-jitsu at boxing. I did everything too. I did everything and nothing clung, nothing. There was nothing I could.

I love this. I clung to. Nothing made my heart beat right off the bat. Right. You got a job doing some. Everybody's nice the first week. Nobody calls you a fucking idiot. And you're like, okay, I think I'll be a cook the rest of my life.

Then two days later, everybody's a scumbag and shit. Or you just don't like it. That was the story of my life. I always went into a job, excited. But after three days, I'm counting hours. I'm like seven hours, seven hours, seven hours, that's 21 times fucking 10. I might as well steal for a limit.

Right. I'm doing a lot better out there robbing drug dealers than I am with a fucking job. You know, digging a trench like fucking. So that's why jobs didn't work out for me. When I did comedy, it hit my central nervous system. Like I went on, I'm in the car going, how am I going to pull this off?

How am I going to fit this? into my fucking life that I got to go tell my wife and this six-month-old, this 18-month-old kid that I want to start going on the road and start going out four nights a week, which I already have a drug problem and a half. They're just going to fuel it. How am I going to pull this off? That was July and 91, September of 91. I came home.

I spent a week with George. I got this car, and they gave me a police car. So I'd take George, the cop in the city, and everybody would run away. Shit. And I came back, and I think I did comedy one night when I was here. Something didn't feel right. I went home. I started doing some comedy.

And one day, I was at work, and I was just embold. I go, let me stop by the house. See what my wife is doing it when I walked in, she had a piece of paper in her hand. And she's like, you took a loan out without telling me. I go, yeah, I paid that loan off. A week after I took it out. Yeah, but where's the love?

You're supposed to tell me, blah, blah, blah. And she looked at me, she goes, I think I want to get separated and move with my mother. And I'll tell you, I'll never forget that day because part of me was fucking about to jump out of window. I was so happy. I just was sad by my daughter. She was going to go through this.

I didn't know. Maybe we rekindle it. but I knew it was too late. She had seen behind the curtain, and she was done. You know what I'm saying? This was not a happy relationship for her. You know, I was sad, but man,

I got a second chance to do what I wanted to do. And I'm like, you know what? This is definitely on the agenda now. This wouldn't happen if God didn't want me to do it. Exactly. Or Houdini or the universe. Somebody fucking played the cards here, whatever. When they do the fucking puppeteer,

the great puppeteer in the sky said it's just falling in your lap now whether you do it or not that's your decision but you have no excuse and that ate at me but that night I remember looking at the paper in Boulder and there was a comedy contest it all happened like

fucking it's how it is when you're supposed to do something that's how I got into the contest and two months later I won the amateur contest for Bex they gave me two grand and I got to hosting job, I made them fire the magician with the pigeon that wouldn't fly.

Because all those open mics out there, they got a guy with a bird that, you know, he gets stuck in the lights and shit. He's got to go. You know what I'm saying? This ain't the ASPCA. This ain't no fucking circus here. You know what I'm saying? This is a stand-up fucking

comedy. Why does that guy have a bird up there? You know, you want to put a hypnotist in or a bird once a month? That's your business. A Milan around. I don't see no fucking bird. You know what I'm saying? This is stand up motherfucking comedy, Jack.

So it took you three years to get on stage. Three years, man. I was shook, scared. After the first year, what did you feel? Regret. And I said if I keep doing it... Oh, well, first year of comedy or first year of waiting?

After the first year of comedy. Oh, first year of comedy? Oh, shit. That's why. I felt like I was doing the right thing because I felt like... I felt like I was a comedy. accomplishing something and getting better at something I really love.

Okay. Because I never, like I said, like nothing ever, I never really loved anything like I love stand-up. I always loved it when I was a kid, but I, like I mentioned, I thought you had to get chosen for that. I didn't know you could actually try to pursue it. I didn't know what an open mic was until I heard when I was 25. I didn't know what an open mic was. I thought rappers only go, because I knew that. I knew rappers did open mics.

They rap in front of four people. They clap to two girlfriends with sideways hats and shit. You know what I mean? Like that I knew, but I didn't know you could do that for comedy. You didn't know the process. I know. Not at all, dude.

I didn't know the process. See, I chased the process. That was my main question to comics that have been doing it. Yeah. I want to know the process. And that took me like a year. It took me from July of 91 to like maybe August of 93. When I saw Legosamo,

had a small thief that really understand the process. and how, for the time being, this is how I was going to work it. 30 sets a month, don't look back. Keep writing. Keep going on stage. Yeah, you're going to have a day, John, just the way life is. And that's the plan I stuck to. What is it?

A lot of the way, I don't want to fucking keep, keep, you know, blowing smoke up, up here. But, bro, a lot of the way I do things, the way I write and stuff like that, established structure early on it's just listening to you. Yeah, that's right. You gotta sit there? Yeah. But then I figured out how to make that time even more valuable. Right. Instead of sitting there waiting for a thought to pop into your fucking head.

No. I'll write something. I'll write about when me and George, I used to walk out of the ground round. Never pay a tab. I'll write a story like that. I'll write when I go to Jiu-Tit-Class, but loosen up that muscle. We'll hope you go, oh shit! Oh,

shit! There we go. We'll have to something. For years, I sat there. And then it becomes boring, and then you don't do it. You, you, you depend too much on the stage. And that's what I did for a while. Once I started putting it together, it really helped. Like, I'm reading my book again, because I don't remember no more stories. I told that last story and I was done. Now I don't remember shit. I always go, when I'm on stage, I'll tell a story. It's great, but I don't remember none of them. They all. fucking vanity somewhere. So the journey is interesting, the movement is interesting.

After three years, what were you failing? What am I doing? That's what I was feeling. Like, I love doing this, but nothing's happening. But I said, fuck it. I just kept bearing down. And not going to lie, a lot of support from the outside, too. Now, once you get into comedy, you do get support from a lot of people.

Yeah. What's the big picture for you? What do you, where's your ending spot? It's going to sound weird. No, a television show? No, no, no. I just want to be, I just want to be the funniest. I just want to be the funniest. I just want to be as funny as I can fucking be.

I just want to be known for being good at this, at this craft. That was very important to me. I didn't want to be a YouTuber. No. I didn't want to go on last night standing or whatever the fuck of it is. Last Comic Standing. I didn't want to do it up this way. I wanted to always have the backing

because from doing TV shows, I learned that, like, I can't stand. One of my pet peeves is like when you're talking about stand-up comedy and some woman will go, you know who's funny? Joey from some suck my dick show on CBS, and you're like, first of all, lady,

get the fuck out of my face. Number two, you can't compare apples and oranges. We're the real deal. We go up there by ourselves. We're not even an improv troupe. What we do is beyond television because there's no director. There's no producer. There's no cut.

There's no redo. So when you're in front of a real audience, this is it, motherfuckers. And all those titles people take, we take them all. We don't even know. We're directors. We know how to direct the fucking set. We're writers. And we produce our own fucking show.

What else do I got to do? to do for you, motherfucker. If you're an improv troupe, it's you and five other guys switching chairs and, you know, all that shit and a bunch of wife. Oh, my God, get the fuck out of here. That's hobby comedy. You know, when you're on a set, those idiots that you see standing around, they get paid extra to laugh to give that stupid comedic actor comedy chops.

Grab that motherfucker and bring them down at a comedy store, watch him pee his pants and shit is something. Yeah. In eight minutes. That's the confidence I come from. When you're a stand-up, you could do anything. I don't give a fuck what plate that's in front of you. Because you've done it all.

And you're up there by yourself, which is the greatest gift God could ever give you, knowing what it feels like to be by yourself with a brick wall behind you, like you're about to get asked, what cigarette do you smoke? You're about to get shot in the head. A lot of fucking the same similarities.

When they shoot you, They give you a cigarette and put you against a wall. They don't turn you around. They shoot you right to your face. Fire! B, blah, blah. Same thing. You're going up there to get fired.

So that's where my fucking courage come from. Your courage comes from. And then the other fucking stand-up coming. So one thing you could vouch for is, you know, like that old Cuban thing, I came out of my mother's pussy alone. Like, that's an old. You're only, you sold on my oil.

Same fucking thing. You're by yourself, motherfucker. And that's what these comedic acts, How many times you've been on a set? Let's do that again. You mean to tell me at the 28 take, it's funny than the first take? Listen, it wasn't even funny the first time.

The whole line ain't fucking funny. We're just getting duped into it. And that's where my confidence comes to stand up. That's what we could do. You got to hone it. You got to hone little pieces of yourself. It might take, for some people, it takes two years, and for some people it takes 15.

I'm happy. It took me 20 years. Because there ain't no turning me. back. When you show up with your bullshit, I show you with this, motherfucker. What can we do on stage? You want to duel on fucking stage like little kids? No. But you understand. You got

20 years of experience. And this isn't getting on stage twice in front of your relatives. Oh my God. You're doing an open mic with 16 of your fucking co-workers coming. This is night after night at the comedy store at the stand at fucking Julie's panties. They don't even

have a microphone. You know what I'm saying? They're lucky how many times if you showed up, they got no microphone. What do you do? You go home? You deal with it, motherfucker. You raise your fucking decibels and give them out. It's the same thing. I'm very proud. And I've always been very proud to be a stand-up comic. I'm very proud about the work I put in it. The sacrifice, forget it. I did everything except suck a dick or take it in the ass. Everything, right? You sleep on a floor backwards. This guy gives you a bed for the night. There's a window open. Crack addicts, look through a hole at night. Hey, you're there.

It's a free bed. It's a free fucking bed. You know, some comics are broke. When I say broke, there was none in the ATM machine. There was no bank account. What was in this front pocket? Was it? No mommy, no daddy. You know, again, that's all the shit you need is a stand-up comic.

You have great supporter on. You had George all those years. Had great support of her. But George didn't go on stage with me and the drums. I went up there solo. So this is where your pride comes from. And once you have that pride, you can do whatever the fuck you want. It takes a while to sink in. By the way, I didn't write this. I heard Roseanne yell at the guy one night on TV. She interviewed him and he goes, why did you throw all the writers out and didn't let none of the staff into your Christmas party

in 2000, whatever, when she won, when she knocked out the Cosby's. And she said, because fuck them. I went and hired all my friends and the writers I thought that were funny and brought them in and we got the number one. Now with the shit they were supplying. And then she told the same spiel. We're producers, were directors,

were writers, with directors, were everything. Then she went on to say that Oprah put a gaming device in their neck to steal our ideas. So I was like, okay, there's GTA going on in my brain. All right. We got to end this.

Think about that thing. And then a well-known fighter once told me, Benny Curdo said, be proud of what you do. Everybody else gets a cut, and they cut over it, and they do this. You guys go up there,

and this is it. It's like boxing. You could do all the cardio kicking you want, you know what I'm saying? Cardio, Taekwondo, then you go to Starbucks and tell your white friends. Yeah, I just came from cardio kickboxing. You've been punching a little fucking bag

bag with a trainer called Almondo. Yeah. What the fuck is going on to shit? You guys not even from Thailand. His name is Armando. He got a ponytail. Yeah, he's from fucking Kingsburg. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you think, though? I think, I think, I think, I think, it's very important to, to go after it, man. With everything. That's what I think. Because it's the only thing you're focused on. That's it, you got it. The only thing I have a focus, though.

I didn't give a fuck about the world. I didn't give a fuck about the world. fuck who was getting bombed as long as this area here like kempokarotti was good yeah my world so that fucking matters you know what i thought when i first found when i started when i first found comedy i said oh shit all right i found i found it no girl could ever fucking get to me bro she could leave and be like fuck i got an open mic tonight got open mic oh that's that's the one relief that gave me if something good happens yeah you could talk about it and if something bad happens you could talk about it. It's up to you.

Yeah. I just came home and caught my wife blowing a midget. I don't even know what I'm doing here, but I wanted to get it off my mind. You know what I'm saying? The first few years, the comedy was me on an argument on the phone screaming, you fucking bitch, fuck you, blah, blah. To my ex or whoever the phone? On the phone on stage? No, no, on the stage.

No, no, outside of the venue. I knew. You become, I think you were pulling a Vinnie Brand down. That was my first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my first five minutes. Danny Brab over that. No, no.

You know, fucking arguing outside and then fucking walking right in and going to do stand-up. That was the first few years. And you know what? Never bothered me. No, it helped. It's good to get a little annoyed. Why do you think I bring Georgia up the road? He always gives me that little annoying push.

That last push when I go on stage. Everybody else has eaten lobster tail. He's over there. There's sweet potatoes drink. By the way, George. are available for parties. You want somebody to go there and just get under your skin and torment you?

George is the man. 4-44-4-4-4. Holy shit. You got any dates this week? I'll be at the dojo with you Wednesday. Wednesday night. We're at the dojo. And next Wednesday, the 30th, we're at the Brooklyn Improv,

special guest, that type of shit. And then I got the regular Chicago Comedy Festival, Riverside Theater in Wisconsin. Yeah, Milwaukee, Wisconsin on the seventh, and we got fucking my show on the 17th in Austin, and then we've got the kickoff to Thanksgiving. What's the name of the casino? Fuck, I got too many casinos in my head.

Parks, Cassino! Parks, Parks, in Philadelphia, going home, bitches, to get some real cheese steaks. Not those artificial Cuban steaks George brought last week. Worst cheese steak, evidentie. The lady made a mistake. George.

You were talking about cheesecake all fucking day, all right? Anyway, I love you guys. Let's welcome Pedro to the family. Thank you guys. Danny Brad to the family. Mack has always been family. And you know about George already. But we got a crack team.

We got guests next week. And this fucking train is going to keep rolling. I love you guys. Wash your asshole. And have a great week.