Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - Didn’t Want a Podcast, Now You Can’t Shut Me Up - Dr. Jody Carrington

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

I didn’t even want a podcast. And now? I can’t shut the hell up. Welcome to Unlonely Season 3 — where we question everything, swear a little too much, and try to make sense of this wild ride called being human.In this opener, I unpack the absolute chaos in my brain:My dad died and it cracked me wide open.Menopause is trying to ruin my life.Motherhood? A beautiful disaster.Entrepreneurship? Glorious. And also lonely as hell.Oh, and the institution of marriage? A f*cking lie.This season, we're talking about what it actually means to live, lead, grieve, mother, build, fall apart, and put yourself back together again in a world that makes you feel like you're never enough.So buckle up, babe. Season 3 is raw, rowdy, and ready to wreck you (in the best way). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, this is Landis from What the F, the podcast that's about adulting, but with epilepsy and all the what the F moments that come with it. From those awkward days in the office to dating disasters, med side effects to the latest science, there's nothing that's too weird to talk about here. So if you ever thought, what the F is happening with my brain, you're in the right place. New episodes drop Tuesdays. Pull up a seat. It's going to be good. Hey, welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome in to the official launch of season three of the Unlolony podcast. I, okay. First of all, I cannot believe here. Believe here. Believe me, believe you, believe where we're at in the world, all the things. That we're starting a season three of a podcast is beyond me because, like, to be honest, I actually didn't really want to do a fucking podcast.

So here we are. It has been the greatest gift. And I want to use this intro episode as a collection of the chaos that is happening in my head right now and that I hope gets to be represented in this season. So, uh, if you're new here, welcome. If you've been a, a faithful listener, thank you from the bottom of my bones. I don't really know what that means, but the bottom of my heart, my soul, my toes, any of those things, my bones included. And what I want to do in this episode is sort of explain how we got here and what you can expect in this season, and mostly because I have like, I don't know, five big things that have happened in my head and on my heart in this past year that I just want somewhere to put.

And guess what? It's with you if you're up for the challenge. So let's see, where can we start? Now, I, all right, so first of all, if you're new here, Dr. Jody Carrington, I'm a clinical psychologist. I really love humanity and dislike people in this season. of never feeling more alone in my quest to become a better mom, a better wife, a better woman, a better fucking paramedopausal survivor, and somebody who feels like they contribute to the

world. Most of the time I feel like I'm failing. Most of the time I feel like I don't have a plan for anything. There are very clear moments where I think, like, your fucking welcome world, I am pulling the shit together better than any time I would have anticipated it. And then the rest of the time, I am just desperately laughing at myself and trying to seek some kind of joy. So that's the mess that you're going to step into this season. And here's the deal. We named this Un Lonely in the second season. The first season of a podcast that we did as a team was called Everyone Comes From Somewhere.

That first iteration was really this focus of let's try to find, ridiculousness in the world that understand, like, we're all humans. We're all just here walking each other home, thanks to Ram Dass's brilliant. And can we find people where we can just sort of align and build a community? Okay. Brilliant. Second season, we decided to dive in a little bit more into the expertise around, like, what the fuck is happening in the world?

And we came up with the title Unlonly. Now, Unlone is a word. Turns out, I googled it. it is a word, but it's rare and non-standard, whatever that means, which is very much like us and anybody who gets to come into this community. You are rare and non-standard. You would not be able to use the word unloanly in Scrabble. So that's how rare and non-standard we are. Still considered a word, but just only in certain situations, which is what I kind of feel like I've been like as a psychologist, as a woman, as a mom, rare and non-standard. Okay?

which is exactly what I think the world needs right now. So if that's what you're looking for and you want a place to reconnect in a community that I can quite honestly tell you is one of the finest on the planet than you found home. My mission, our mission, Marty and I is Marty Pillars, the producer, Jeff Lowness is our agent, my manager. this is produced by Snack Labs, three amazing humans who have been with us from the beginning. Our focus in each of these episodes, the guests that we're going to bring to this space, is around people that we have vetted that I feel like in this community you would benefit from, doing things, talking about things in a world where we are lonely and disconnected,

and the irrefutable truth that will always stay the same as the fact that we were never meant to do any of this alone. Okay. So I'm going to unpack where I'm at right now in my life. And it is a like a fucking disaster in many moments and then brilliant zips of clarity, whatever that looks like. Okay. So I've got a few stories that I've lined up for you in this solo episode. I want to do a few more solo episodes this season. We're going to launch an episode at least once, twice a month. And so I don't want to overwhelm you, but I think the, I want the episodes to be worth your time because I know how sacred it is. I am not going to stick to times this year. Like I tried to be very clear around, you know, we're only going to make it 30 minutes. No, let's do it on. Whatever. I also want you to notice what

you will not hear is like, how can we find you? I'm going to shorten up my intros because I think it's bullshit when I read an intro and then reintroduce them. So most of the information you'll find about our guests who were very deliberately sought and invited, a lot about them will be in the show notes. Okay. So if you love them, you will find more about them. And I want to try very hard to do my best as an interviewer to highlight their brilliance in this world, okay, and why I think they're contributing to ideas around how to

reconnect in this disconnected world. Okay. So that's that. And here's the things we're going to be talking about. Okay? We're going to be talking about women. We're going to be talking about life as an entrepreneur. We're going to be talking about death and grief because I think that's where I want to start.

So in the middle of last season, once most of the episodes were already launched, my dad died. And it fucking rocked. my world in so many ways that I can't even tell you I was not prepared for this who is not prepared for death it is the only thing that is a fucking sure fire bet in this life and I was like what just happened here and we had a long runway before he exited okay he this fellow had dementia and the caregiving of your parents the navigating of of, oh, my God, secondary relationships and all of those things, saying goodbye,

picking up the phone and realizing nobody is on the other end. There was lots of runway in this place for him, for me, and I still in this moment, as I'm taping this, he's been gone from this earth 152 days. And I, um... I cannot. I cannot believe this is a universal experience. I thought that I had said all the things. I thought that I did all the things.

I thought that as a 50-year-old woman, this is other fucking problem. I turned 50 this year, so we're going to talk about that in a second. But as a 50-year-old woman, I thought I had reckoned, I had a reckoning with what it would mean to lose your parents. now my mom is still alive and you know the solidest rock on the planet when I lose her

be prepared for 600 episodes um but I it's the foundation that my father provided that I didn't realize was going to make me question everything and by everything I mean everything which is why when we decided whether we were going to do this next episode or this next season and I'm sorry, of this podcast, I was like, fuck yeah, because I need somewhere to put all of this shit, okay? And why not, why not a community of people who no doubt are going through much of this? Now, the first thing that I've questioned significantly

is why do we need men? I think the institution of marriage is a lie. We're going to start small. I want this season to be some hard conversations about some things. Okay, I want to try this on for size with you, okay? So this is also the season where you're going to watch me unpack the next book. The next book for me, as I sat in the front row of my father's funeral, okay, which I think is a universal truth that everybody has to, and everybody will end up there at some point,

most of us, okay, I can't say everybody, obviously, but I think that, and it's a shitty spot. And as I sat there, knowing that this day would have come, you know, beside my husband, my babies were very close. My brother was right beside me. My sister, you know, I, I remember thinking, fuck. Nobody gets out of here alive. Son of a bitch. Even with all your fuck ups and your transgressions, look how many people you can impact in a lifetime. Hmm. You're not going to be perfect. Nobody's going to be perfect. All these like truce that I think I know to be true as a psychologist that I was like sitting

there thinking, oh, what is happening? And then I started questioning this. As a woman in this first generation of, I would argue the first generation where women can truly find freedom in roles, I do not take for granted that I'm in this generation. okay. In fact, it is the thing that gets me out of bed. I am never more excited to see how we are going to pull back humanity in a time where most opportunities that are developing in this world are set to blow it apart. Not because it wants to wreck humanity, but mostly because I don't think the intention is to wreck humanity with technological development. I just think it's far too lucrative to

not. And as a result of that, we are disconnecting at such rapid rate that our mental health is suffering. Our work lives are suffering. Our friendships are suffering. Okay. So in one of my thoughts around this process, I'm like, okay, let's back it up to what is an optimal human developing system. Do we have one of those? What is that? If I were to pick, like, I don't know, maybe, first of all, I didn't know how many things there were, but let me just tell you that I've landed on four, okay? There's four things that I think are areas of conversation, the keepers, if you will, of optimal human functioning. If those four keepers, the keepers of the keys to optimal human functioning are somewhat solid, you will do better in this world. And by better, I mean,

not survive, not avoid trauma, not get out of here alive because you can't, not any of those things, you will have the resources in place to ride the waves that is the fuckery of this human experience better than anybody else. Okay. So this is, this is the answer that I've come to in this lonely world. These are the four things that we're going to consider. And I am going to write a book about it. I'm going to talk about it in various ways. and I hope that this season will be unpacking it. Number one, the keeper of calm of emotional regulation is important to me. It all comes back to your childhood, attachment, how we understand how to be emotionally regulated,

the keeper of calm, okay? People always say to me, does it always come back to your childhood? Yes. Fuck yes. Not that it's going to define you, but you need to understand it if you want to have an appreciation for why and how you operate in this world, okay? so the keeper of calm how that was created or not created in your body two kin or community the keeper of your community understanding that piece of your world as a significant contributor to

your human operating system is critical exploring who is a part of your kin your community what does that look like? Okay. Third, rituals and timing. Those become, the research would say, some of the most important things in regulating the system, the keeper of time. That becomes really critical in understanding where we spend it, how we use it, where we stay connected in our communities. What does that look like for hockey practice? Church, where we worship, where we play, where we enjoy our people, okay? So we got keep calm, keep community, keep time. And the last one is around role clarity.

So it's about keeping your lane. What is your role in any specific area where you show up? If you understand those keepers of the human operating system, do a deep dive into any one of those four, if we can talk about those in various ways, you will do better in this world. And let me say, when you are operating well in this human race,

it means that you understand where you've come from and where you're going. And I think if you can take a look at those four things, it's all you need to do to get an understanding of while you're here. Now, let me unpack those just a little bit. I think that if I were to superimpose those four things, keep calm, keep community, keep time, and keep lanes, if I were to impose those four things into how you show up at home, how you show up at work, and how you show up in your friendships, we would have a script for how we operate in this current. world. And I think I need to do some exploration in this season of how and why those four keepers of

an optimal human operating system were designed developed for us in this human race, why at one point they were ideal back in the good old days, why they functioned, they assisted us in functioning well at home in our roles, either as parents or as in marital partnerships. those are two things that happen in the home domain, how those four things showed up in our original understanding of work and how they showed up in our original understanding and purpose and friendship. Okay. So exploring those things and how and why they were developed,

then taking those four things across those three roles into currently what this, particularly in the last 10 years, how the, current set of situations in which we're living in has blown many of those things apart, resulting in anxiety and depression and us killing ourselves at faster rates from emotional illness than from physical illness for the first time in history, begs the question about whether the way we are developing is beyond human capacity. Then, and only then, can we talk about the new script that is required. So combining what we were designed for in a time that no longer

exists, taking a look at the time that currently exists in this world that humans are designed for and putting those together to decide what we need to do now, what we need in this new script to do better and feel better. And that's the purpose for me, right, is that I want us to understand around here how we get the most out of this life. Not be happy. Okay, because happy all the time is dumb. Nobody's happy all the time. Stupid. Okay? And I mean that in the most respectful fucking terminology way. Okay. When you desire your kids to be happy, when you think you're going to be happy in your marriage all the time, fuck, is that dumb? I want us to have the capacity and understanding of why we feel the way we feel and where to put it when we do. Now,

Now, one of the things that has led me to this question is my question of my role as a woman. There's some data we're going to talk about in this season where it just blew my mind. And by 2030, 45% of all North American women aged 25 to 44, this is only five years from now. 45% of American women age 25 to 44 will be single and childless. I have never, in the history of my life, wanted to be single and childless more than I do in this fucking moment. I'm not even lying. And probably I should have given Aaron a heads up on this.

But I'm currently married and I have three children. And it had never occurred to me in my lifetime that I didn't have to do either. I thought the job for me, was to get married and have babies. Now, I, let me be clear before somebody cancels me. I, I enjoy motherhood. The greatest gift I think that I've ever been given is those three children. The hardest soul-ripping fucking experience I've ever had is being a mom. And I say this all time. I mean, I wrote a best-selling parenting book. Like, let's be clear. I got a PhD in a realm of psychology. And if you watch me with my own personal children, you wouldn't buy the

book. Kissy's days is so fucking good. Every time I read that, I'm like, God, why didn't I try harder here? Like, this should have been a New York Times bestseller. And every time I read, I'm like, yeah, that's right. That's how you got to put a lid on. That's like, yeah, that's right. That's why people, trauma fucks people up. And then if you watch me, like, you know, steer a child to their bedroom by their ponytail or be like, what in the name of all that is holy? Get in a car, rip your lips off. Like, you know, shit like that.

I'm like, what am I? Wow. Okay. Also, the institution of marriage is a lie in this current setup. All right? So here's the thing that really fucking bothers me these days. I was just recently, and maybe I'll talk about this at some other point, but anyways, just go with me here.

The double standard that is present for women in the dating space is beyond me. So if you're single here, welcome in to this conversation in this season because I will tell you what. I consider as many people often do, maybe don't want to talk about it, what it would mean to be single in this. Like, is it just easier, right? And like, there's so much data where people are like, they don't want to disappoint anybody or, and wreck their marriages. And one of the most traumatic things a kid will experience here at 18 is have their parents divorce. Like, all this data is true and out there. And I'm like, okay, well, then we got to keep this together.

And then, like, people have conversations in their head about like, okay, well, maybe if my part partner just died, then, you know, I would still uphold my expectation to be a good partner and all those kind of, like, these are real things. And maybe that you, if you haven't had those conversations in your own head, like, good for you. But for the rest of us, hypothetically speaking, where are we at in a time where there are so many opportunities on dating app erratuses that are leading to such unhealthy connections and intimate relationships that I am so fascinated by, and I would love to explore, mostly for the sake of my children, because I am so interested about what it's going to look like for them in the coming generation.

And I fight with the ideals in my head about how we are wired for connections. we do better in relationship if it's a healthy two-way street. Now, the data is really quite clear about this. Men in this season notoriously do better when they are married. There's a decrease in increase in happiness, a decrease in suicidal behavior, homicidal behavior, and they benefit far more than women. Who, by the way, when they remain single or choose to stay single, are happier, healthier, less suicidal, less homicidal.

And it just sort of begs the question of me. I'm like, okay, so what would that look like? Would I ever, ever want to get into another relationship? And I got to tell you where it scared me back into reality is I have some friends in the dating space. I have watched what it looks like. Just go to a country music concert. Okay, then bitches be crazy.

All right? And as a 50-year-old woman, I stood around looking like, holy Christ. Christ. Esther Perel talks so much about this, right? You have an opportunity. You will probably fall in love with somebody five times, about five times in your lifetime. And those people who, people who sort of understand that you will actually fall in love with the same person five different times if you're brave enough to figure out the iterations, it doesn't mean you need to stay with the same person. Okay. So let's be clear, somebody's going to refute this. But I think that we have never been we've been we've never been under the illusion so much in this season that relationships

are going to take worse work because we have so many opportunities to look away and when I look around at options like here's the problem particularly for women which the devil standard makes me so fucking mad that as a 50 year old woman as a 50 year old man you have lots of options to date younger in fact you can go 20 years younger and people barely blink I was thinking, if I was in the dating world, can you imagine, can you imagine trying to date a 30-year-old human at this point? A 30-year-old boy. No, it feels illegal. But the standard is different between men and women. And so I have this question in my head about, okay, so now we're going to, if we're in this lonely world, the tall girl problem, and I think I'm

I'm going to talk about this in an upcoming episode is really like women have never been this educated and typically speaking you want somebody as educated or seemingly as productive, educated, I guess, worthwhile of income earning potential worth not the worthwhile, it wasn't the word right word, but you know we had income earning potential at least as equal as you or better, which means the pool is smaller, okay? Not true for men. So casting a wide net and being very disappointed in the options because you have so many of them. We are also not good at knowing that if we have more than one option, we should maybe not settle here because they're, what are all the potential opportunities we're missing? So I'm going to talk this season a little bit about how dating

apps are actually not apps, they're like meeting apps, and they are designed like a casino. They're like slot machines where you're like swiping and dingin and you get points and all the shit that's gamified. That's what we're doing with relationships. And what always comes back to me, and I don't want to live in this illusion of grandeur, but I think what's really clear to me is the quality of your life is determined, this is Esther Peraldsler, the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. I love that. So if this is true, how are we expecting, I mean, monogamy is a social construct. When there's so many opportunities, how are we expecting our children to be in a place where we are going to dive deep into relationship and forego

breadth of relationship that's going to be easier and easier to come by? I don't fucking know. that's one question I want to explore okay back to this idea of of being childless like okay I don't know if you know this but I went on a holiday um we decided to take our children on a month long holiday and one of the only ways I could survive okay so first of all let me just be clear. The privilege of that opportunity is beyond what I can comprehend most days. And I want to acknowledge the fact that I am in a very privileged position. Okay. So I really don't ever want to underestimate that. And I also want to talk about how I am very grateful to this community because I needed to put this, I started a thing during this, this, um, road trip with our children

called bathroom confessions because I fucking hated most days. Who does that? Who's on a vacation with their children and they like dislike it? Because the kids I felt were ungrateful and spoiled and like what was I doing and like, was I, did I even want to be on this, this trip with my personal husband and like what is there any joy and like k i would plan all these things and a i was also responsible for planning all the things and organizing all the things and nobody fucking knew where anything was and they were like mom what about what about what about what about i was like okay now i know why women are happier when they are single and childless i could be on this fucking vacation frolicing with marty the allure of that

was beyond sexy in the moment. Now, when I got home, I got to say that the whole experience was better in my memory, okay? Because I did have to, on purpose, slow down, shut my phone off, leave it in the car, look into the eyes of my children, my very ungrateful, life-sucking children who are probably going to take all of this for granted

and why was I doing this anyway? And notice when Liv Asher and Evan were laughing in the backseat and I haven't seen that. The twins are very connected because they're this. I was just going to tell you, the twins are very connected because they're the same age. Fuck. You know what?

If you're here for hot tips, there's one. You should probably write that down. The twins are the same age. Listen. If you're looking for fucking drops of wisdom, there's one for you. I write that down as a tip for free. But our son, our oldest son, who is different than the two of them in so many ways, as most of our children are, but he's two and a half years older.

And I often felt like he feels like he's disconnected from them oftentimes. And so I loved watching the three of them figure life out when there was no other opportunities to go with their friends or on their devices and belly laughing. over stupid something, watching their dad try to dance in the rain, making a fire, and none of us being very fireworthy humans, you know, somewhere in Ireland and, you know, getting lost and doing all these things that I know are the only things that they're going to remember made me have moments of humanity or clarity about what it means to be on this journey to becoming unloany.

And lastly, what I'll say in this introductory warm up, because if I haven't lost you by now, this is why I love you, is this world. of entrepreneurship and serving in communities and how lonely it can be to build a business, build a company, lead a company. And so I think there is three roles that we play every, all of us show up in some capacity at work, at home and in our friendships. And I think as a female entrepreneur, somebody who has become as successful as I ever thought I could be. And in my best moments, I'm only just getting started and my worst. I think it's all going to fall apart tomorrow. I want to explore some of that this season. And it's interesting how closely related

that is to me to friendships. And the importance of, you know, if I take you back to the keeper of community and kin, I know that the quality of your relationships determine the quality of your life. And I think we really need to take a deep dive on friendships, how we start them in this disconnected and lonely, I mean, lonely space, how we keep them. What are the rules around old friends? Do you keep them just because they know you? How sacred are the ones that know you without words? and why probably all of this has never been so difficult because we're overwhelmed and we've lost access to the best parts of us on most days. So where that leaves us is that it sounds like there's not a lot of hope in the world,

but I'll tell you what, I've never been more hopeful. I've never met so many people who have answers, who have figured out pieces or all of it, who have given me the desire to put it all in one place in the next book to unpack this gorgeous experience of being in this lifetime and finding the moments that crack you wide open and hang on tight even when they're ugly and then blissfully dance on the rain when they make you,

belly laugh. I just think that's why we're here. And there's so many, many, many opportunities to become lonely in this season, but you cannot, cannot do it alone. So that is the purpose for me of why we're going to dive in deep in this season. And I'm going to do a couple more solo episodes coming up where I'm going to try to unpack some of the things that like just crack me open. I want to do an episode with just Marty. If you don't know, Marty has been with me for 10 years. She is now sort of like she is the production manager on every talk we go on. She is, she runs my company and it's this very interesting mix for me between a deep friendship and a entrepreneurial business relationship that we've had to navigate, not without failure

on some levels on many times. So, I mean, I want to, I always, what you see is what you get around here. I mean, as authentic and vulnerable as I think it's fair to be. That's what you're going to find around here. And I would love you to build this community with us, to share it and like it. And I don't, you know, all of those things. Please, if there's something you love, I love to see when these show up in your stories or on your LinkedIn posts or any of those kind of things. So know that when you build a community, you often have no idea your impact.

And so each of you are doing that in your own respective ways. If you have a baby little platform or none at all, you're showing up in your community for, you know, with your calmness, with your kin, with all your rituals and time and just keeping your lanes that are so beautifully important. And I'm going to leave you in this opening episode with a quote, probably a quote that I don't know that is often attributed to John Lennon, but John Lennon did say these words.

sang them, said them, when you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle, and yet most of the audience still sleeps. Do not underestimate your power in this lonely world, and as a community, my job is to gather people so that we can feel a little less unloony in this human experience. So I'm glad you're here, buckle up for a season that's going to be as chaotic as this intro, but I hope just as fun. You know, the more we do this, people ask, why do you have to do the acknowledgement in every episode? I've got to tell you, I've never been more grateful for being able to raise my babies on the land where so much sacrifice was made.

and I think what's really critical in this process is that the ask is just that we don't forget. So the importance of saying these words at the beginning of every episode will always be of utmost importance to me and this team. So everything that we created here today for you happened on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Piquet, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakota First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. Our job, our job as humans, is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and stay connected to the good. by three incredible humans,

Brian Siever, Taylor McGilvery, and Jeremy Saunders, all of SnackLab Productions. Our executive producer, my favorite human on this planet, is Marty Pillar. Soundtracks were created by Donovan Morgan, Unloney Branded artwork created by Elliot Cuss, our big PR shooters, our Desvino and Barry Cohen.

Our digital marketing manager is amazing. Shana Haddon. Our 007 secret agent from the Talent Bureau is Jeff Lowness. And emotional support is provided by Asher Grant, Evan Grant, and Olivia Grant. Go live. I am a registered clinical psychologist in Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice. The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, education, and the one thing I think we all need the most, a safe place to land in this lonely world. We're all so glad you're here. Thank you.