Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - Everyone Comes from Somewhere

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

In this episode, Dr. Jody will talk about how we all come from somewhere and why empathy is the thing that can change everything. In this disconnected, often lonely world, feeling seen can be the most powerful, life-giving experience. Those who can do this well for others will become some of the most important in the decades to come. Knowing where you come from is often the key to greatness. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton.

Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. This podcast for me is always about creating a safe and sacred place to talk about hard things and to understand the stories of people. And some of the people who have taught me the most are Indigenous peoples in this country that I've had the privilege of growing up in. And before every episode, I always want to draw attention and acknowledge the fact that everything I created and will create happens here on Treaty 7 land, also known as the central part of the province of Alberta, Canada. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, including the Siksika, the Pikani,

Kainai, the Tatina Nation, and the Stony Nakoda First Nations, as well as the Métis Nation Region Three. See, it's my honor and my privilege to live here and to create here and to raise my babies here on a land where so much sacrifice was made. Our job moving forward in everything that we do, I think, is to simply acknowledge those of us walking each other home. So you'll find it here each and every time. I'm a registered clinical psychologist here in beautiful Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended to specific therapeutic advice. The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, some education, and hopefully a little hope. Welcome in, everyone. This is the first episode of a podcast.

We've been talking about this for years, and I just got to tell you, I'm glad you're here. This first episode, we're going to dive into a little bit about why, why now, what is this podcast about? How did we come to the name? And just what you can expect as you step into this community. I hope it's a safe place to land. I hope it's a place where you will invite the people you love the most and the people who you think might need to learn a little because I want to make it safe to do all of those things in this very spot. So everyone comes from somewhere. Listen, we wrestled with this for a long time about, you know, what do we call this? What does it mean? And I read this not very long ago and this really solidified it for me. The difference between empathy and judgment lies in our understanding of where you came from. So let me tell you that one more time. The difference

between empathy and judgment lies in our understanding of where you came from. It's not about what's wrong with you in the words of Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey, it's what happened to you. And rarely do we ask what happened to you. We ask all the time, what's wrong with you or what's wrong with this person or what's happening here in this, but we never ask the story. And the power of knowing somebody's story can in a heartbeat, change your understanding of them, your appreciation for them. And certainly, I think empathy is the most life-giving emotion that anybody can have, and we've never been this far away from it. So when I was thinking about what would be a good use of your time and ours as we develop a weekly podcast, wouldn't it be cool if we could orchestrate an hour, a half hour,

where every week you got a dose of how to get back to empathy? Because it's a skill. Nobody's born with it, right? And if the segue to get there, if the route to get there is story, if the route to get there, context is a prerequisite to empathy, then let's tell that story. Everyone comes from somewhere. So I think about this all the time. In the noise of the world these days, we have become radically disconnected from the stories we all carry. Like those we love and we care for. Sometimes I forget that that has been my brother's experience or, you know, a patient that, you know, I've worked with for years and can't seem to move.

I forget where they came from. If I think about how frustrated I get with my own personal children or my own personal husband, I think about that all the time. I lose the context of the story. And that maybe doesn't change anything because that's not the point. We can't change the facts, but you can certainly change the way you respond to them. And knowing the context, knowing the story gives us so much power, but we're really losing our ability to learn how to do that. So why don't we do that here? Why don't we do that together? Because the consequence I think is so great. It is a mental health crisis like we've never seen because the more disconnected we get from people,

the harder this world feels. Words like burnout and depression and anxiety, exhaustion, an inability to understand our purpose. We've lost our passion. I don't have the, what's the fucking point to any of this is what I hear all the time. We've never seen suicide rates this high because when you don't feel like you matter or there is a point,

when the only option is to check out, we have to do something radically different. And I think the most powerful tool to combat loneliness and to recultivate an empathy for each other lies in the creation of a safe and sacred place where we show people how to get back to the best parts of ourselves. And I can't think of a better, I mean, I, I desperately want to create a place where I can use my privilege, my experience, my resources, my access to a beautiful community in a way that will serve other people who struggle to get maybe,

who can access mental health, who feel safe enough to access mental health because we hear this all the time, right? I don't do, should I go for therapy? It's still not so cool. There's such a stigma around having a safe place to understand why we think the way we do, why we hate people, why we feel exhausted,

why there's such a divisiveness in this world, despite the fact that we all started in exactly the same place. Every human being on this planet started in exactly the same place. Our DNA is 99.9% the same, regardless of age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, or gender identity. We all started hearing the same sound first. What was it? The heartbeat of your mama. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. The emotional regulation that is in all of our bones and in our best selves, in our quietest spaces, that's where we go back to. And in our most terrifying disconnected moments, that's what

we need somebody else to get us back to. Okay. Okay. Okay. We were never meant to do any of this alone. And if we're getting more and more scared to get connected to each other, we need to create a safe place where we remind each other, hey, we were never meant to do any of this alone. You will never automate relationship. Hey, everyone. We all know how draining cold and flu season can be. Waiting rooms, missed appointments, and that worry about whether a fever is something serious. But there is a better way. Maple gives you access to Canadian doctors and nurse practitioners in minutes, right from your phone. Get the medical care you need, including prescriptions when appropriate,

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Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power.

Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. So I have to tell you, in the Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast, you're going to find episodes where we get to the vulnerable parts of people's stories. I mean, this is like a therapist, a psychologist dream that I get the opportunity to sit with people who I think are remarkable. And I promise you, we're going to do our very best to vet some of the stories that I think not only deserve to be told, but will leave you in a place where you will see parts of your stories in theirs. It'll make you think about things differently. I hope that, you know, I mean, I can tell you already in the episodes that are coming up. My hope is to always sort of provide value to other people. But even in the first few interviews that I've already had the honor, the privilege of conducting, I see the world differently. And that I hope is going to be the thing, even if it's just a slice that we can bring to the people who would spend your very precious time listening here. Because I know there's lots of options, but if you would choose to land here, I want to make sure that you leave here with so much more than you came. And I think that guest episodes are a piece of it. And in the week sort of in between those guest episodes,

I want to explore some of the many reasons that keeps us from knowing very much about each other these days. Like what is it that makes empathy so hard? What is kicking our ass when it comes to anxiety and depression and wanting to throat punch each other? Why are we so divisive and hateful? And why is racism still a fucking thing when we have all of the research and evidence to indicate that nobody gets out of here alive? How come? Why?

So every episode, I'm going to leave you with a few insights to help you see and feel seen, um, in the relationships that matter the most to you. Um, I hope this serves you, but I, as I already said, I mean, this is for me as much as it is for you, because one of the favorite things I love to do is therapy. And in the last few years of, you know, Marty and I have traveled around the North America, you know, written some books, done all those things. I mean, I'd love to give you insights into all of those experiences too, because it's been a fucking ride in so many ways. And it always comes back to this idea of story for me. And in Feeling Seen, I use this Richard Wagamese quote. He wrote Indian Horse, one of the most profound books that I have read. And so the question becomes, you know, story is a prerequisite to empathy. So why does story matter? What becomes so critically important to that? And listen, this quote, I'm going to tell you now what Richard Wegme said, because this took my breath away. All that we are is story. From the moment we're born to the time we continue on our spirit journey, we are involved in the creation of the story of our time here.

It is what we arrive with, and it is all we leave behind. That's it. You are nothing more than the story you create. Now, some of us come into this world with remarkable stories in our bones, right? Intergenerational trauma. I'm going to use this podcast as a platform to talk a lot about trauma. Because when you understand the story of somebody, if there are significant amounts of trauma involved, that context is so important when you're addressing behavior, making judgments on how you show up in this world or why you're struggling with mental health or poverty or homelessness or whatever the deal is.

Context is the prerequisite to that empathy. And I think we really underestimate the value of our ancestors and the stories that they bring in our bones. What we were meant to learn, what we had the opportunities to see and perceive and experience and witness really gives you a sense, I think, a determinant on where you start in this world. And then I think what's so critical about that is at some point there's got to be this shift in understanding that it's all you leave with as well. So what do you do with what you've been given where you start? How far do you have to climb to even get back to a place of whatever this equal playing field is supposed to be like? And then what do you do with it?

You know, already in some of the interviews that we've conducted, I've talked to people who have survived war-torn countries and racism and marginalization. And I think about just what it takes to persevere in this world, what it means when people can do it and what it means when people can't crawl their way out of addiction or mental health concerns, or when there's neurodevelopmental conditions that then debilitate you for the rest of your life, physical injury that debilitate you versus people who can seemingly rise. What is the factor? And I have to tell you, I think that there's so many things involved in that, but so much of it comes down to who we have walking alongside us. And my other favorite quote that I talk about all the time, if you've ever heard me speak, you've heard this quote by the dead guy named Ram Das.

We are all just here walking each other home. The first time I read that, I had to read it 150 times and it hangs over my shoulder in my office. It's in our home. I think about it all the time. Our job in our best and worst moments is just to walk each other through it. And it is so much easier to be a walker as a police officer, a teacher, a father, an aunt, a grandparent, a leader, a colleague, when you understand the context of another story. And I think being able to experience a place once a week, you just got to meet me here once a week, where we're going to talk about other people's stories, other people's contexts, it will allow you to dive a little more safely, maybe a little bit more vulnerably into your own.

And if we can accomplish that in this podcast, I think it might just be some of the most important work we do. So I think that part of the thing that gets in our way is so many barriers that sort of stop us from leaning in to people, to making it not safe in this concept of relationship. And we're going to talk in many of the solo episodes about sort of what gets in the way or, you know, what are some of the things that we experience like boundaries and then neurodevelopmental conditions that make it difficult to do that, like ADHD or autism or, you know, some of the things that then maybe grow out of trauma, like personality disorders.

I want to talk about all of those things around here. And mostly, I think my hope is that we can draw an awareness, truly acknowledge and hold space for somebody else's story. And the more we do that, we create the ability for you to see the power in that too. So that's it. That's what this is about. That's why for the rest of the foreseeable future, every week at the same time, you will find me right here. The Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast by me, Dr. Jodi Carrington, is produced by Brian Seaver, Taylor McGilvery, and the amazing Jeremy Saunders at Snack Labs. Our executive producer is the one and only,

my Marty Piller. Our marketing strategist is Caitlin Beneteau. And our PR big shooters are Des Veneau and Barry Cohen. Our agent, the 007 guy, is Jeff Lowness from the Talent Bureau. And my emotional support during the taping of these credits was and is and will always be my son, Asher Grant. or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals.

No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.