Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - I Just Knew: Ally Stone

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

In this episode Dr. Jody and Ally talk all about team culture. From working in an organization to sports teams and how being vulnerable with those teams is so hard but important. Ally shares her story of her greatest teachings from when her husband suffered a traumatic brain injury and how she during that time the importance of great leadership.Ally Stone was a dynamic leader in hospitality for 17 years, and in that time had a profound impact on her businesses and teams. Now, as the founder and CEO of The Inspired Leader, Ally is on a mission to bring that same success to others. She now shares a successful leadership development model centered around the transformational practice of bringing humanity back to the heart of business. Ally is an Executive Coach, an inspiring speaker and a skilled workshop facilitator.Her accolades include being recognized as the 2022 Transformational Leader by the Universal Women's Network, she is also a certified Meditation Teacher, a Certified HeartMath Resilience Mentor, and an ICF Certified Coach progressing towards her Master's Certification.Ally's Links:WebsiteFacebookInstagramLinkedinYouTubeBitlyJody's Course 'Feeling Seen' Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

At the beginning of every episode, there will always be time for an acknowledgement. You know, the more we do this, people ask, why do you have to do the acknowledgement in every episode? I got to tell you, I've never been more grateful for being able to raise my babies on a land where so much sacrifice was made. And I think what's really critical in this process is that the ask is just that we don't forget. So the importance of saying these words at the beginning of every episode will always be of utmost importance to me and this team. So everything that we created here today for you happened on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made known as the center part of the province of Alberta.

It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pekinni, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakota First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. Our job, our job as humans is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast. You're in for an episode today, my friends. I talk a lot about leadership and culture and organization and what it takes, I think, these days to really set the tone in our organizations because so much has changed in the way that we do business, the way that we build our businesses. The world of entrepreneurship is so interesting and unwell documented and like, how the fuck do you do it? And all of those kinds of things. And so I wanted to sink in a little bit today

into a conversation around leadership and how do we become inspiring in that role? And I found the one who's gonna tell us all the things. I want you to meet Allie Stone. Now, she was a dynamic leader in hospitality for 17 years, Jesus. And in that time, had a profound impact on her businesses and her teams. Now she's the founder and CEO of The Inspired Leader. Allie's on a mission to bring

that same success to other people. She now shares a successful leadership development model centered around the transformational practice of bringing humanity back to the heart of business. She's an executive coach and inspiring speaker and a pretty skilled workshop facilitator. And I'm not even done like her accolades include being recognized as the 2022 transformational leader by the universal women's network. She's also a certified meditation teacher, which I need all the teaching I can get in the world of meditation, a certified heart math resilience mentor. I love her, and an ICF certified coach progressing towards her master's certification. Welcome in, my friend.

We met because I was on your podcast. We've had a little bit of an interaction together, but I'm just so excited to get to know you a little bit more today and for this audience to know more about, I think, something that we need to talk about so much, particularly in business. And so, as you know, this podcast is about where you came from, because I know to the core of me that we are way more alike than we are different. And maybe most importantly, the difference between empathy and judgment often lies in understanding where another comes from. So tell me, Allie Stone, where would we start with you? Where have you came from? Oh, it's a long story. I got time. I got time. The, the maybe entry-level version, Edmonton girl, born and raised, super grateful for that, except for when it's cold outside and then I'm good. But yeah, so a local Western Canadian girl

came up through, you know, a divorced family, my mom, my sister. My sister was a little bit younger than me and I always kind of feel like I kind of raised my sister, you know, it was kind of one of those experiences. Ended up living in the country for a little while as I grew up in Stony Plain, for people listening in Stony Plain. Spent some time on a farm, did all that kind of stuff. So I had a really kind of interesting upbringing, which brought me, you know, I realized that the farm life wasn't for me as I got out of high school and moved back to the, to the big old city. And that was kind of what brought me, um, into my career that you were talking about and into leadership. And I really, I landed in it really quick, really young, um, ended up with our first sharehold with

our original Joe's restaurants in, uh, I was 22 years old. Yeah. So it's a wild story. For those of you not familiar. So original Joe's is a restaurant. Um, is it a chain in Canada only or are you in the U S? Uh, yeah, just in Western Canada. Okay. So Western Canadian restaurant, really like cool, funky vibe, great food, all the things. And so you became very early on, um, sort of immersed in that, that corporate company chain culture. And Oh my God, tell me about it. Tell me about it. Well, it was a wild adventure because I at 22, are you fucking kidding me right now? I know. Right. I, so I got out of high school and, you know, coming from a divorced family, we didn't have a lot of money. So if I was going to school, I was paying for it.

And I was like, I don't know what I want to do. So I found myself in hospitality. And so that was a really interesting adventure for me. And really quickly, I felt like leaders in the different restaurants that I worked in just saw something in me, like an ability to lead that I didn't even know I had in myself. Honestly, Jodi, at the time I was like, Oh, I just want to show up and make money. And then they're like, you should train people. And I was like, Oh, you know, and so then, but then after a while, I started to get kind of serious about it. And I was like, Oh, I actually really like this. And

people want to come with me on this journey. And so it was a real kind of interesting thing of figuring that all out. And so it was in my really early years, I actually met my husband when I was 20, working in restaurants. And we were working together, of course, you know how that goes. And we fell in love with the original Joe's brand. We were working with another company and we both kept saying to ourselves, one of us should go work there. We should go, we should go see what it's all about, because it's, like, cool and trendy, and they're really nice to people, and so he actually went over first, and immediately was like, you need to come work here, like, we need to, and so what happened was, was a really young franchise,

right, so there was only about four locations at the time. And there was a partner in the original Joe's Terwilliger location on the south side of Edmonton, that location was under construction. And so anybody listening, if they're listening, and they're in Edmonton, I will tell you that we were looking out at a farmer's field. We built that restaurant and that side of the city is just insane now. And so what happened was the partner got cold feet. The restaurant was taking a long time to come to fruition. There was lots of, you know, delays in construction and things like that. He flipped out, asked for his money back from the other partners and the partners came to us and said, what do you think? And we were like, we've only been here a couple of months. We're babies. And then I remember Chris was like, Chris is my husband and he's like, we need $25,000. I was like, where are we going to get point? You know, at 20 years old, you're like, where are we going to get $25,000? So we went to his parents who like were petrified for us, but still wanted to support us. And they gave us the

money. And so we did it. And that was how it all started. And then it just it exploded from there. So I mean, by the time I was done with Joe's 17 years later, I think there was 98 restaurants in the franchise. And we have like there, our group has 12. So it was like a wild journey through that 17 years of like learning to run businesses, learning to expand, learning to deal with the growth. So, so many lessons, but so much of it was built in people for me, you know, like it was all about connection. It was all about learning the ins and outs of people, what you do, right?

And really learning how to connect, make people feel seen. I think anybody who's successful really gets that. Like, you know, I say this quite often and I'm so interested sort of in your model because I think that, you know, I said this recently when we're trying to look at our brand in this moment. And I was like, it doesn't matter who I'm speaking to, like funeral directors, farmers, somebody from the oil and gas industry, somebody who owns a multi-billion dollar company, somebody who is a startup. The slide deck doesn't change for me. It is really all about how do we get people back to the best parts of themselves? How do they feel like they matter? And you described that even in your original, like your initial position, which was I didn't even know what I wanted. And somebody saw something in me and sort of like, you know, we, we try to tee this up, I think for people as a, as leaders quite

often. And, and, and some people jump, some people don't sometimes they're ready. Sometimes they aren't, but I think some of the most successful people that I've ever supervised or, you know, have had on my teams have really been in this place where I kind of believed in them before they believed in themselves. And I think that, that, that becomes so critical sometimes in this place where I kind of believed in them before they believed in themselves. And I think that that becomes so critical sometimes in this place of development of people. And we're in such a paucity of relationship in this time of trying to create culture and, you know, leading that I think is so different than anything we've seen before us. And I think if you got that little bit of understanding, that magic of understanding of, you know, the, the, the piece about seeing other people, man, like it doesn't really matter the

industry. I don't think, I mean, tell me about that. So like, so after all of that experience, you bottled it and put it in to this company that, um, you are now you founded and are running with, and it's going to do great things. So tell me about it. Tell me about how it came together. Yeah. So, I mean, do you want, do you want the backstory as to how this, I want it all. I want it all. And like, are you still, so you're in Edmonton, you are, is Chris still part of the picture? He is. Yes. We're still married. It's a fair question, you know? Yeah. I don't know yeah I don't know I don't know um so essentially okay so let me back it up for you a little bit so the career with Original Joes was amazing for me I had all of this growth and really found my alignment I found purpose I found passion um one of the things that

Chris and I said to each other as the restaurant's crew was like if we're going to do this we're going to do this differently because restaurants were known for like, you know, unfair labor practices, stressful work, long hours, and like all of some of those things we couldn't circumvent, but we wanted to create an environment where people came to work. And again, felt like they were taken care of, like somebody cared about them and created a culture around this team that was really impactful. And so it worked, you know, like we had these incredible experiences and because of that, we were really creative and came up with like incredible ideas. We did things like build a food truck that wasn't a food truck. It is just a community vehicle and it still

exists within the company. And it only goes out to take care of people who take care of people. So like what a concept, right. And it was just built around our culture. And the, like, if I could tell you some of the experiences I had, like changed my life, right. Like going to youth emergency shelter, little warriors, going to like all of these incredible places and interacting with people who just do real hard work and just saying like, thank you.

Right. How profound is that? That's what happens in a restaurant organization. So this is amazing. I love it. I'm totally aligned. It's beautiful. I'm in the role of the director and I'm director of like leadership, development and culture.

And that's like all I do. So it's like beautiful every day. We come to 2018. And so my husband's a lot more like director of operations. He's like kind of boots on the ground and in the stores and we're working this all together. And we come to 2018. He's a competitive marathon runner and we go to Japan so he can run the Tokyo marathon and super cool experience. We've been all over the world running these marathons, but when we get there, something happens. So, um, he, nobody really knows actually it's never been diagnosed, but the best they can tell us he got a virus, uh, that got into his, uh, spinal cord and into his brainstem and cause swelling and essentially put him in a coma. So he did run the

marathon and it was the night after. And I woke. So he did run the marathon and it was the night after. And I woke up in the middle of the night and I was like freezing cold, freezing cold. And it was like, Oh my God. I remember I was like touching my body and I was like, what is going on? Like, right. Cause you're waking up and it's like, you don't know what's going on. And then I started touching the bed and realizing it realized it was like the bed when it was soaked, like soaked, Jodi. And I was like, what the fuck is going on right now? And so I flipped on the light and I realized it was Chris and he was completely soaking wet.

He was pale. He was like sweaty and I couldn't wake him up. So it was like one of the most petrifying experiences of my life. And so by the time I got him to a hospital, he was conscious, which was a great thing, but I could tell neurologically something had changed. He had no idea where he was, what was going on. He didn't know where in Japan, even like he didn't know he ran a marathon, like none of this. And so they run like all these tests in Japan and they can't find anything wrong with him. So the only thing that they find is that he has the flu. He tests positive for flu 2018. So we're not in COVID times yet. Right. So the doctor says he's not going to have an aneurysm or anything like that. Put him on a plane, get back to Canada. Like this is really

challenging here for you guys. You can't speak the language and whatever. Can he walk at this point? Yeah. So you can walk and it just, it's a cognitive a cognitive okay so even when he ran the race was he feeling okay no i knew something was going on but he kept telling me that it was like not a big deal okay yeah and so it was really interesting yeah looking back i'm like oh i just knew you know when you have that like we talk about this as women like we need to pay attention to our intuition yeah totally and so, so we get back to Edmonton and you know, nobody can figure it out. It's like a whole thing. And Chris goes into this really acute phase of the injury where there's a lot of confusion. He doesn't know what's

going on. And essentially what happens is this affects the memory center of his brain. So he has no short-term memory. So I spent two months at home taking care of him before I go back to the organization. And in a culture, in a team, I'm going to tie this to Joe's because this is a really important thing, but in a team culture like this, when something like this happens, it disrupted 350 people because all of a sudden they didn't have Chris, they didn't know what was going on. And it was like devastating for everybody. Right. And so sometimes you can lose a leader, nobody cares. And then other times you lose a leader and it shifts their entire world. And, you know, we didn't know what to say to the team because we didn't really know what was going

on when we got home, but I would like go to my door and somebody from our team would have dropped something off, like baked a loaf of bread or flowers or wine or notes or whatever. And this was happening every day until one day I opened my door and like they weren't even talking to us. They're just leaving at our doorstep. One day I opened my door and there was like three months of freezer meals sitting outside of our door. And I was just like, so I was like, I have to go back. I need to go back. I need to go back. I need to talk to these people. We need to communicate. I don't know what's going on either, but I need, I need to go back and leave them. Right. And so going back without Chris was really,

really hard, really hard for me. And, um, it was, I only lost it two weeks. It's you. Oh, you know, you've probably heard the story lots of each other. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we did it for 14 years together. Right. And it was so hard. And so on my second week, I just had a complete breakdown. And I was one of those leaders who prior to that day, I was like, I was vulnerable. I would talk to people about what was going on, but I also believed that I could push on through and that I should push on through because I was vulnerable. I would talk to people about what was going on, but I also believed that I could push on through and that I should push on through because I was a leader. I was a leader of a big organization. I had a lot of people to take care of, like stopping and taking time to take care of myself. No, I'll tell everybody else to do it. Oh gosh. I mean, I, I said,

that's why I love being a psychologist because I mean, I'm like, how about you do this? And I'm like, meanwhile, I mean, I don't got time. I don't get that. I remember our podcast, you were getting over being really sick. Right. And I was feeling awful for you. And it's so we always see it in each other. Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Truly. So here you are, you know, instant caregiver to your partner and feeling so obligated to 350 people who you've built a beautiful family with, you know, essentially. Oh my goodness. Yes. And they felt very connected to you, to Chris and Chris's ability to communicate at that point. Was he aware of. He was aware, but it was really confusing for him. He was aware that he couldn't remember, which was really stumping neurologists

because normally when that happens, it's like Alzheimer's and you just don't really know what's going on. Okay. Okay. Super aware every day that his life was very confusing. So it was really challenging. Like an amnesia of some sort. So they never used a term, I guess, hey?

Maybe encephalopathy in the end. Maybe, but never. Yeah. So one of those really crazy things, right? Like our system and, you know, don't get me started about the healthcare system because I've been in a crazy way, but yeah, so it was pretty wild for sure. And so anyway, so I go back.

I'm like, I need to take care of these people. I last two weeks, I'm pulling up to the, to the meeting to run the meeting with O'Chris, right? Second week for the senior leaders. And I'm like, I remember I'm driving up and I'm like, oh, you know, I'm feeling like that, right? I'm like, I don't want to do this. And I get up to our office and I go to get out of my car door and I put my hand on the door and I'm like, and I'm like paralyzed. And then I kind of sat door and I'm like and I'm like paralyzed and then I kind of sat back and I'm like okay Ali like what's going on and I remember I took a breath and I just started crying and I was like whoa whoa whoa you know trying to push it all back and be like this is

not a thing Ali you can't do this and then I sat there and I cried for like 20 minutes Jodi I was like oh my god and then I was like how am I going to go in and run this meeting right now? Like I'm not in a space where I can actually take care of these people, no matter how bad I want to do this. And so I called into one of my peers and I was like, Hey, just in my car in the parking lot, one of those moments, do you mind coming out and talking to me? And so he came out and he was so sweet. I mean, I've thanked this guy a million times, but he opened my car door and I remember he just kind of like knelt there and he put his hand on my leg and he just let me like blubber through my disgusting, snotty nose and the whole thing. And then he finally said like, he's like,

what can I do to help you? And I just said said I just don't think I can do it and he said this is so profound for me he said that's okay and I was like what do you mean that's okay like I don't have to do it all and he was like you don't like nobody expects this of you right now and so it was a really beautiful moment for me. And it was like, so pivotal because he took over for me that day. He was like, go home, go take care of yourself, figure it out. And it was, it was transformational for me because that was the day I started to decide that it would be okay. Number one, that I grieved. I was going to say that there's an emotion here that we haven't even talked about, right? Like the grief is heavy because you, you just lost your husband as you knew it,

he's gone in that, you know, and we don't know. Right. So, okay. Keep going. Sorry. Yeah, no, it's okay. You interject anytime. We could go lots of directions with this. But yeah, so, um, so yeah, so that was like a really pivotal moment for me. And I remember I turned around and I started driving home and I thought, oh my God, I can't go home because home was so intense at that time because, that weirdo. She's at work. And so she's like, yeah, okay, whatever. And I remember I went and I got on her couch and I grabbed a blanket and I just curled up. And I remember laying there and like crying for hours to the point where like I fall asleep. And then I wake up and I'm, you know, like I'm all gross. I like how I describe things. I'm all gross. My makeup's all over her beautiful pillow on her couch and I'm slobbery.

And I'm like, oh my God, what just happened? Right? Like, you're just like waking up out of like a bad dream. And I remember sitting there and I sat up and I was like, took a breath. And I was like, if I don't figure this out, not only am I not going to make it, I'm not going to be able to run this organization. I'm not going to be able to figure out how to show up for Chris in the way he needs. I'm not going to be able to do the things. I'm not going to be able to figure out how to show up for Chris in the way he needs. I'm not going to be able to do the things I want to do in my life. Like this could be like, I know stories of leaders who have these like major infractions or like the CEO has the heart attack to get 40. And like, I was like, I don't want to be that person. I really don't. I thought there was so much more for me than this. And so

I think that was the day I was able to shift my thinking and start to be like, okay, well then what's it going to take? And then it was the climb out. Now the thing about the climb out was that it, the fork in the road, like Joe's, like what happened with Chris, there was never going to be the same thing, right? Life was never going to be the same after, as you like already mentioned. So my career was never the same. And so I had to accept and also grieve the loss of what that was and then open myself to what was new, what was possible to come in. And that's how the inspired leader actually came to be,

which is pretty wild. Okay. So that was 2018. And so you settle into then this discussion about like then how to step away from the organization, what that looks like for you. How hard was that? Oh, so hard. I cried so many times. So there's three of us. We have another business partner and he was very close with Chris. So they were like best friends. So not only did he lose Chris, but now he was losing me. And yeah, it was like, it Chris so they were like best friends so not only did he lose Chris but now he was losing me and yeah it was like it was so hard and I remember I vividly remember the day I finally was like yep I'm doing this we're like sitting outside it's COVID time so we're like having a coffee you don't have to sit on the street corner to have a coffee yeah yeah those were the days

one days we will be like holy holy crap, that happened. But, and I remember he said to me, like, if you're going to do this, you should go do it. He's like, you have a lot to offer the world. And like, if you ask me, I would have you stay. But if this is what you want to do, you should go do it. And I remember being like, okay, I'm going to go do it. And then all the fear and everything set in, but I decided to do it. And yeah. So it was, it was a thing. So what does doing it sound like? Or what, like, so what, walk me through the next steps, walk me through, you know, Chris's condition just remained static, um, all those pieces together. And then I'm so interested in sort of where you're landing now. Yeah. So yeah, Chris never recovers.

So to this day, Chris still hasn't returned to work, which is like so unfortunate and heartbreaking. He's definitely finding new ways to live his life now, but it's never going to look the same for him either. Right. And so for me with the organization, it was super important after all the years and all the work that Chris and I did to create this culture that I didn't leave it in a bad place. Like it was not just walking out. Um, even though I felt ready to go, I was not walking out. So, um, I found a new

director to take over for me, a woman who I'd been mentoring the company for 10 years. And, uh, she was so excited to take it over and she's doing an amazing job she's been in the role fully on her own for over a year now and I mentored her for 18 months like really close and so had this beautiful experience with her as I exited the company and let her figure out what her vision was going to be for it so um you know Jodi I don't know if it could have been in light of everything that was so challenging I don't know if it could have been in light of everything that was so challenging. I don't know if it could have been more beautiful because I think we were just really open hearted about it all and just said, like, this is reality. We didn't fight, uh, what I knew I needed. And, uh, we just like made it work. So, um, yeah, it was a really incredible experience.

That's amazing. And do you still own, is there still some ownership shares like in you still have 12 locations? going to come in like the fun auntie. I was going to say, yeah, right. Like I think it's Mark Tuesday. Uh, mama's in town. So give me, Oh my gosh. Now I know that fire things up here. Um, I love, I love it. Oh, listen, the women in wealth gala, you and me. Um, but I, but I feel like, um, I feel like that's a really interesting as a woman, um, you know, be in business with your, your partner, your husband at the time. And now you're in this place of like having to make some of those decisions about what happens, of course, with your, your business. Right. And that's falling on you. And deciding to stay in that, how did that sit with you? How come you made those decisions? Like, can you, can you share that with me? Like, just, was it even a thought to step away from the company?

No, like I would have never left. You're like, ah, thank you. But no, I just, you know, and you already kind of said this there, like my family. So Chris and I never had kids and we always said we had 350 children, like we didn't need kids. And it was so evident when they were dropping stuff on our doorstep and like things that happened, um, just a little side piece, but like a year later, I, Chris wasn't get better at getting better. And found this like um kind of like newer neurological treatment in Portland it's $25,000 US to go and I was like sat down talked to Chris about it and I was like I think you're a candidate for this program they said yes it's this much we're a wanting family now like it's gonna cost us money but I think

that if we don't try I will feel I'll regret it so I think we should go and so we decided to go we packed everything up it was another like month of me away from the company to go do this with him anyway while we were away unbeknownst to us the team at original Joe's rally to pay for his treatment stop no yeah i came home and they handed me 25 000 joey the leader of the company like why i was like oh my god they had like bake sales bottle drives like there were photographers who did like free photo family shoots just for donations for Chris. They did like everything. And I got this like box of like money from my sister. Like she works in the company and she had, and it was like, there was like change and stuff. And then she's like, we're transferring you. Anyway, I was like, how do you even thank people for that? Like, how do you even say thank you? But also it's a super important

indicator that if we show up as leaders and we truly care about our people and we're authentic, that one day if we need help, that they'll show up for us. Oh, my God. Hey, everyone. We all know how draining cold and flu season can be. Waiting rooms, missed appointments, and that worry about whether a fever is something serious. But there is a better way. Maple gives you access to Canadian doctors and nurse practitioners in minutes, right from your phone. Get the medical care you need, including prescriptions when appropriate, 24-7 without leaving home.

One membership covers your whole family so you can add all your dependents to your account. And with over a million five-star reviews, you're in good hands. Download the Maple app today. See a real doctor on your phone in minutes, 24-7. Get Maple. Get well. Sooner. your phone in minutes, 24 seven, get maple, get well sooner. And I think that's the thing that, that sometimes, I mean, I'm just speaking of myself, but I often felt like it was so much my responsibility to develop people or to give them things or, you know, not only like the opportunity for employment, but it was really like, okay, what am I giving you? And I think

some of the biggest lessons that I've ever learned in a position of a leader is really what they bring to you. And I think switching that, because we're, I think many of us have been, you know, raised or I don't know what the deal is, but even if you worked in corporate in any capacity, there's a hierarchy that is indicative of the fact that those at the top of the hierarchy are the most important. They're the most valued. They come with the most knowledge and they should come with the most respect. And I think about, you know, for sure, any patriarchal organization. So when I work with police officers or fire first responders in any way, right? Like that, that's ingrained in the way that you show up, right? And, and to this day, it feels so archaic in so many capacities, but you're like, if somebody

outranks you, you fucking sit down. And I, I think one of my biggest lessons is really like, like relationship knows no hierarchy. And when you treat yourself, your people like that, like, I think this is so profound your experience because it's like, you know, I can't remember if we said this on your podcast, but it was like one of my favorite quotes of all time is like, you should see how fast I could get a kid to skate when I know the name of their dog. You did. Yeah. Right. And I and I just fucking love that because it's like you you don't do it in sort of like building a refuge or a battalion for when you know you're going to fucking hit that. But like, it's like, if you just un-excusedly provide goodness to the people you're leading, believe in them, you then have the capacity to sort of like kick them in the ass when they need it, A, but also they're relentlessly

loyal. And I think, I think that's great. I think it's also Mary Poppins-ish. The thing I want to talk to you about is like, what happens when, even when you're good, when you feel like you have served and you be kind and you do all those things and they fucking leave anyway, like, have you also had that experience? Like, let's talk about that. Like, I'm really glad they served, you know, everything. And that's like, so great. But like, what the fuck do you do when we're in this place of like really bringing humanness? And what if you are like a really good human leader and then people keep leaving? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Who's the, who's the problem? Tell me it's them. Tell you it's them. Okay. So, um, I will just say that that pisses me off worse than anything happened.

Because I'm like, you know what? Fuck you, right? I was so nice to you. And we didn't feel seen. I wrote a fucking book about it. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm such a fraud.

Oh, man. Okay, so all I can do is give you my reflection. For sure, this has happened to me. I'm like, what scenarios could I tell you without it being too like direct to like, I wouldn't want somebody to know I was sharing their like personal experience. Right. But make a combination of stories. Yeah. Okay. So, I mean, a few different experiences, but things where maybe people had things in their life happen are definitely coming into mind right now where maybe we

supported them, we paid them for time leave. And then they come back and they say, Oh yeah, I'm not, I'm off. I had a vision while I was gone and now I'm going to, and it's like, what? Right. And so I kind of had to plan the whole way, which is not untrue about like, if I think about Matt leave and you know, like things like that, where I'm like sort of considering, you know, that, but like, again, right. Like it's like, God damn it. I thought, I thought we meant more to each other. And I think like, that's been my biggest concern around creating a system around feeling like it's a family. And I think one of my biggest mistakes, not my biggest mistakes, I should say, you know, like really almost like putting so much in the people that I love and care for and lead

and expecting that they have the same hopes and wishes and dreams that I love and care for and lead and expecting that they have the same hopes and wishes and dreams that I did. And taking that very personally, which often, I mean, goodness, like we're a small portion of everybody's story, right? Everybody comes to us with their big histories, but like when your work becomes your life with so many of us as entrepreneurs, I think that's what happens. And especially as you can say, we didn't have children. This was our, these were our babies. When one of your babies like kicks you in the vagina, you're like, listen, bitch, you know, like I can imagine it lands a bit different now. Oh yeah, for sure. So, so even though it's personal, so here's what I just started saying to myself over the years,

and maybe this helps or not, but even though it's personal for me, I kept saying to myself, it's not personal for them. Like, it's not that they, it's often not that they hated me, or they're pissed off at what I did, or how I took care of them while they were there, what our relationship was like, it was, it's like, they had a different vision. They had somewhere else they had to go. And so in the time that they spent with me or with us, they saw their self-actualization and now it was time for them to evolve into something new. And so maybe that's just the story I needed to tell myself, but it put a little bit more of gratitude in my heart instead of anger. I mean, like, thank you for the time. Thank you for the time. Don't get those minutes back. Right. Yeah, no, I love that. And I think like, okay, so what I try, you know, Marty and I talk about this too. Like there is obviously the, the self-reflection part reflection part that is also good. Like if I'm going to grow as a leader, like, should I have been more clear in my communication? Should we have been this? Like, did I, did I blur roles by, you know, taking everybody on vacation? Did I

like, and I think like, this is probably not maybe so true in the corporate world, but I would say like in many entrepreneurial startups, we start by borrowing people's time. We start by borrowing people's expertise. We start by pulling our friends together. And if you are then moving into something that is successful, you often then have to, you won't grow people or you level up, or you have to be in a position where you can commit the time to grow together. And I think like that, just like any successful marriage is a fucking crapshoot because there's so many stories that have to collide just at the right time, right experience. Um, you have to communicate clearly enough that it's not misconstrued as something else. How do you, like

all of those things are going to play out in a business that, um, you know, like I joke with Marty all the time and I really think we should take this more seriously, even as I speak about it, we should be in therapy together. Right. And then when you introduce spouses, like I think about like Aaron, you know, for a short period of time played a fairly significant role. That's my personal husband in this company. And it like did not work. I'm like, I'm so proud of you and Chris for doing it, but I'm just like, no, this is my deal. You can zip it. And I like, which was so unfair. I mean, I would never speak to anybody the way that I spoke to him, but when he conducted himself in meetings and I would watch the team go like, oh, okay. And I'd be like, oh, wow.

Not today. Sit it. Zip. And Marty be like, okay, mom and dad are fighting. And I'm like, hey, you know what? Like, you know what I mean? Like it was so, it's such an interesting dynamic. And I would often speak about this, like, listen, how do family farms run it? Or how to like, you know, historically people often that's all they had was like organizations

within their family system. So anyway, suffice that to say there was so much in that place there where like, you know, you start usually together borrowing your expertise of each other, of your best friends. And then pretty soon you're like, you know, if you're going to get to that next level, it often requires some shifting in those dynamics. Is that, is that fair? Yeah, totally fair. And I also was screaming at Chris across the dinner table many nights. We were screaming at each other. So to be fair, it wasn't perfect.

We just wanted to make it work, right? Yeah, yeah. So, but yeah, it was just, it was crazy. But yeah, no, I would agree with you you for sure like the support I needed to get the inspired leader off the ground was way more than I thought right yeah and my friends and my family supporting me means the world to me but yeah there's this shift you have to make where now you're like okay am I just going to always be the startup or am I now going to be a viable business in the world and that's when you start paying people. And when

you start paying people, I also was connecting there because I think when you start paying your first couple of team members, they're still trading time. Like they're still working extra hard because they believe in your startup, even though they're a part of your team. And so I've been super cognizant about that because I feel like I'm in that phase right now. I only have two people on my team. They're like, sometimes they're putting in a ton of hours. I have a woman who's like running here right now after this for our event this weekend. And she's like picking all this. And I'm like, oh my God, like make sure you sign up for these hours. Right. But I don't know if she is. And so I got to get really clear about those things because those things can create resentment. Now it's not all about money because

our conversation has been so much more in a different place today. But I think that that's an important thing to remember too, like the pay, the benefits, those are just the ante into the game. Like if you really want to create a good team, if you want a good culture, if you want to take care of people, you have to do that part well, and then do the other things like amazingly. Because it's competitive out there now too, right? Yeah. So, and, and I think like, I've always been in this place too, where it's like people operate different. Like they, they put different, I really thought like if I was the fun one, if I would give gifts, if I would sort of like do all those things. And then it became really difficult when that wasn't enough. But I forgot that even if it was perfect, people still have, you know, sick children or

commitments that they, they actually don't want to work at, you know, answering emails at seven o'clock at night. Like I'm, and then I was like, what do you, what do you mean? Like, we're changing the world. Isn't this a good time? And they're like, well, no, cause I'm like, I really love my children. I was like, you know, I fucking do too, but like, no, you're cool. Okay. And I think like, it's, it's such an interesting thing that I, you know, I'm so, I'm so excited to see what the inspired leader does, because I think so many women in particular need sort of this, this roadmap of like, you know, I think you've got to go through it, but it would also have been nice, I think, in retrospect to be able to say like, is this, do you, are you, do you ever feel like you're the only one fighting this battle? Like, do you ever feel like you expect too much of your employees? Do you ever feel like, you know, you hope they're

charging you for their hours, but you kind of hope they're not. And you like, should we talk about, like, what if we don't talk about it? What if not. And you like, should we talk about like, what if we don't talk about it? What if we do? And like, when they talk about it first, before I talk about it, then I'm mad. And if I don't want to like, is this the thing? And I think like somewhere to put that because they're, you know, every business is a bit different, but it all comes down to a P&L. It all comes down to like, are you in, in terms of time invested in terms of resources brought in, you know, is this viable? Yeah. You know, and I think that like, that's the piece. And I talk about this all the time. Like I had my craft figured out, but I had not a fucking clue

how to build a P and L I, in fact, I didn't even know what that was. And I still don't, to be honest with you, what do you mean you got to pay taxes what like sorry I I didn't oh fuck okay like and so we would like in the weekend sell shit I would be like what mama's dinner's on mama tonight I'd like grab the cash box Marty be like I was like what do you mean like I mean did we keep track of this anywhere and she's like oh man seriously and so then my personal husband comes into the end he's like Jodi you owe whatever it was in taxes and I was like how do they know and he's like holy fuck okay we're gonna settle you know what I mean so this is I think so true about like small business owners is that like whatever crap you are good at like I'm I know that I'm skilled in the world of psychologists, being a psychologist.

I know that I have some skill in this place of speaking. And so, you know, give me a stage I can do it well. But oftentimes I don't find that there's, as you even described in your relationship with Chris, like there's usually one of, you know, your business partners that are very good at the organizational piece of getting the numbers correct, getting the system, the schedule all in place. And then there's the dreamer, the big idea person, the one that can sort of bring it back together and, you know, sort of blow it up big and we're going to go home. And, you know, Aaron and I certainly in our marriage, that's how it works. And it works OK for a period of time in our company. But, you know, my marriage with Marty is very much the same, right? Like I, you just put me on a stage and like, I don't even know where I'm going. I don't even know what I

have a fucking bra on most of the time. I don't even know like where we're going to next. And like when I travel without her, you should see how competent I become. It's ridiculous. And when I don't, I'm like sort of like following behind like a puppy because my brain does not need to, to deal with those things. Right. And so you usually have to start this, being able to do all those things, at least in some way, well, until you can get to a place where you can then bring people in who are better at the things you're not. Yeah. Is that, is that, so tell me how your model aligns with that. And like, what are some of the key things that you sort of learned as you created this company that you would, you know, that, that people get to learn from you? Yeah. Well, I think there, there's definitely indicators along the way as you build your business, but it's

time to make those moves. Right. So first and foremost, I think it is important. Like, I think we need to know how to build a P&L. I think it's important, right? Like it's important. I'm sorry, but you do. What is P&L's app for? Profit and loss? Profit and loss. It's really unfortunate. Profit and loss. So dumb. Apparently you have to have more profit than loss. That's, that's the only goal though. That's all that really matters. I mean, it's not that complicated. You just gotta like keep track of it. Well, you know what? People just make it complicated.

It can be so simple in and out. But anyway, I do think, but not even that. Like, I think we need to know, like, what is it? So you and I do a lot of the same things. What does it do to take to book a contract to create those meetings, to get a keynote, to like write all of these things? I think we need to understand what the process is so that we can then teach other people. Yeah.

I think when we get to the space where we're starting to feel like, oh my God, again, I don't know if I'm wearing a bra today. Yeah. That those are the, that's the time where you need to start bringing people in because if you don't, your business like will energetically stop. And if I can like, so one of the biggest lessons I had early on, it was like, sort of like I am very competent at doing everything. So you learn things in the beginning of that. I think you could do everything from like, take the garbage out to, you know, balance the books to

like book a gig and all those things. Like, I think that's, that's so true. But I think that, um, I struggled with that transition because nobody could do it as good as me. So I would just do more and more and more. And somebody explained this to me once, right? Like you only can work at a hundred percent capacity. Like you, it is not physically possible. Even if you stayed up later, longer, did all the things like that, you've only got a hundred percent to give. Yeah. If you then get into this place, even if you find two people that can work at 75% capacity, there's now you at a hundred, them at one 50, you now have 250% to sort of level up to the next, whatever that looks

like, right? Whatever that goal is. And for some people, 100% of you is just all you ever want and hope and dream because you don't want to manage other people or you don't have any, you know, whatever. Cool. But we were really clear in that growth phase of like, no, no, no, like a global thought leader is where we would like to go, right? In maybe two decades.

So if that's going to be the case, then what do we want to do to sort of reach more people and, you know, be more available, get the message more, you know, mental health issues, more sort of something that can be navigated, that the information is reachable, all those things. It's really like, okay, so let's think about this in this sense. And I think that that's really stuck with me, that you will sort of like come to those places of plateaus and build and build and build and build and build. And then you've got to almost reach it because I think it's like, you don't think you need to burn yourself out to exhaustion every point to be like, oh, fuck, here I go again. But I think that there is sort of that expectation that like you, you will get better at learning that in and of yourself, but you don't really know that until you get there. Is there a fairness in that? Or like, how do you feel about that? Yeah, I totally think there's a fairness in that. And I totally think

your comment about the entrepreneur who wants to just do it all and doesn't want to bring anybody else in, that's totally fine. But sometimes that's also a control thing and they have a peer vision, right? And so, yeah, for sure. I think we bump up against our edges. And if we're self-aware, if we're constantly growing as leaders and we're working on ourselves, because I always just say we have to lead ourselves first. We cannot lead other people until we first learn how to lead ourselves. And so part of leading ourselves is knowing that we're going to bump up against those edges, starting to pay attention, becoming aware, getting introspective about it and saying, OK, well, like, well, that was a shitty week. What happened there? Right. But don't let that be shitty six months because that's really going to affect your business. Okay. So that's, so now Inspired Leader, what you do is you coach people and, and now you were

telling me two events are going to be a part of like, you know, cause individual one-on-one work is really fun, but when you can bring people together and share some ideas. And so is that sort of the next step for you in this company or you already do events? Tell me, tell me where. Well, I'm doing my first event this Saturday. I know I'm so excited and it's sold out and it was amazing. So I'm super excited. Yes. I've had this vision. What I've come to recognize, let me say this, what I've come to recognize in working with the women that I work with is that we need to balance wellness. That's taking care of ourselves aspect and our development aspect. Some of us focus solely on one bucket or on the other. It's not very often we bring these two buckets together and understand what these two buckets

married together can do for our lives. So my hope is to help more women understand the power that we can have, the success that we can have, the self-actualization that we can have in our lives if we learn to integrate these two pieces and integrate them well. I often work with women who are super burned out, right? And you're like, well, okay, you're not taking care of yourself, or you're working with women who are very like into, you know, wellness and taking care of themselves. But then they're like, I don't know some of my businesses isn't successful. And so it's finding a way to bring these two worlds together,

I think could really help women step into their personal power and to come here what they came to do. And, you know, I think everybody came here to do something. And so these events are hopefully going to bring some awareness to that, help women access that, and just create a space for women to build community and be a part of that. And, yeah, and so my hope is one day you'll be on that stage. Oh, me too. I'll be a part of that too. Oh my gosh. I love it. I love it. And I think, you know, thank you so much for this conversation

because I think I'm, I'm so excited to see where you take this company. I think that, you know, your wealth of experience is sort of second to none, like as, you know, as young as you are, as much as you've accomplished, you've navigated this while you're hanging on, you're sitting shotgun to grief the whole time. And I think it's just, it's so remarkable. And so in the notes, uh, team, uh, you'll be able to find, um, all of the ways to connect to Allie. If you're in, um, Alberta, um, watch for some events that are coming up that she's going to do. I, you know, I often speak and I think we spoke about this prior, you know, on my episode with you was really around like the future's female in so many ways, because this idea of a human connection, an emotional connection, a people connection to the things that, you know, how we

lead or create organizations and companies really come with a skill set that many, many women have, and I think don't utilize nearly enough. And I think that, you know, having somebody like you at the table that can coach in this regard is really such a gift for so many people. And I think that I'm just so grateful. I'm so grateful for your time and for you and wishing you and Chris both the best. And I can't wait to be on a stage with you someday.

Thanks, Jodi. Thank you so much. And thanks. Yeah. Thanks for inspiring me today. And thanks for the conversation. Oh, I love it. All right, everybody. Hang on to each other, inspire each other. It's all we really need. And I'll see you back here next week. Hey, after this episode, if you're thinking about what do I do? Where do I go to do the work? Where do I land? I'd love to listen to Jodi's voice more. Gosh, I wish she had a course where I could just do the work with her on my own time. Whenever I'm ready.

Guess what I created? It's called feeling seen the course. And it's so fucking good. I got to tell you that it's really good. If you want to have a place to land where you want to think a little bit more, you know, we talked about some really important things on this episode. And if you want to dive a little deeper with me, you can go to drjodicarrington.com and check out my courses. Feeling Seen is one that I think I created for everybody who wants to just sink in a little more in this time of disconnect. So go there. I'll put a link in the show notes and I'll meet you there when you're ready. The Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast is produced by the incredibly talented and handsome team at Snack Labs.

Mr. Brian Seaver, Mr. Taylor McGilvery, and the infamous Jeremy Saunders. The soundtracks that you hear at the beginning of every episode were created by Donovan Morgan. Our executive producer is Marty Piller. Our PR big shooters are Des Veneau and Barry Cohen. Our agent, my manager, Jeff Lowness from the Talent Bureau. And emotional support, of course, is provided by, relatively speaking, our children. For the record, I am a registered clinical psychologist in Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice.

The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, education, and maybe even a little bit of hope. you