Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - Let's Start There: Rob Kearny

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

Rob Kearney - the first and only openly gay strongman in the world, LGBTQ+ Activist and author, Rob and his husband (Joey) are on a mission to break the stereotype of what people perceive gay men to be. Through his athletic achievements including, being the Pound for Pound Strongest Man in the World, competing at Worlds Strongest Man, the Arnold Strongman Classic and many other international strongman competitions, he has been able to show that sexual orientation has no bearing on one's ability to achieve greatness. Along with competing in Strongman, Rob is a Strength Coach at HWPO Training where he coaches the world's best CrossFit Athletes. In this episode, Dr. Jody and Rob discuss what it was like as the first openly gay strongman competitor in the world and his thoughts on coaching himself and other incredible athletes to greatness. This episode will make you laugh and leave you inspired.Follow Rob: @worlds_strongest_gay Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. At the beginning of every episode, there will always be time for an acknowledgement. You know, the more we do this, people ask, why do you have to do the acknowledgement in every episode? I got to tell you, I've never been more grateful for being able to raise my babies on a land where so much sacrifice was made. And I think what's really critical in this process is that the ask is just that we don't forget. So the importance of saying these words at the beginning of every episode will always be of utmost importance to me

and this team. So everything that we created here today for you happened on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pekinni, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakota First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. Our job, our job as humans, is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and stay connected to the good. oh my goodness welcome back welcome in my fellow humans. Today is the day. I can't. Okay. When I woke up this morning, this next guest, it's a serendipitous, starstruck meeting. I want you to envision an airport in Las Vegas. Okay. Marty and I are barely hanging on and there's these two gorgeous human beings sitting beside each other. And luckily their seats are open in our six hour delay in Vegas.

We get to sit beside them. And Marty and I are talking about like, what do you think they do? Oh my gosh, they look amazing. Do you think they're married or do you think they're friends? What's their plan? And we had a whole story. And then my guest who is here today, we locked eyes when they made yet another delay. And we both looked at each other and we just, you know, shook our shoulders and said, what the fuck? And then I knew we were going to be friends. Rob Kearney, ladies and gentlemen, is here today. Now I'm going to tell you a little bit about this guy. He's the first and only openly gay strongman in the world. LGBTQ plus activist and author.

He wrote a children's book, you guys. Rob and his husband, Joey, who was the other hot guy sitting across from him, are on a mission to break the stereotypes of what people perceive gay men to be. And through his athletic achievements, which I can tell you are so long, including being pound for pound strongest man in the world, competing at the world's strongest man, he's just qualified once again this year, the Arnold Strongman Classic and many other international strongman competitions, he has been able to show that sexual orientations has no

bearing on one's ability to achieve greatness. Along with competing in strongman, Rob is a strength coach at HWPO training where he coaches the world's best CrossFit athletes. And I got to say, this is how it started because I know, I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I was a CrossFitter back in my prime and I still think I am one. Mostly I'm a good CrossFit games watcher. Okay. Like humongous fan, know all the people. And so we were chatting in this, um, starstruck experience in the airport. And I understand that now HWPO is Matt Fraser's company, which is Matt Fraser is like maybe like the god of CrossFit as opposed to Rich Froning. And so what I loved about this is I was like, you fucking.

And then, you know, it's Catherine Davis Stutter and all of these people who are like the most remarkable, unique humans on the planet. So we're going to dive into all of that today. I fellow humans buckle up because you're in for something today. And this guy is're going to dive into all of that today. Fellow humans, buckle up because you're in for something today. And this guy is now going to take over the speaking stage. We might have to go on the road together. We've decided, ladies and gentlemen, Rob Kearney. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. I think I just need to hire to do my intros at all these speeches now. Done. Done. I'm your I am your girl. I'm your girl. I'm your girl. So I was saying to you, this podcast is about where you come from. And I know to the core of me that we are

way more alike than we are different. And maybe most importantly, the difference between empathy and judgment often lies in the understanding of where we come from. So tell me, Mr. Kearney, where would we start with you? Where have you came from? Oh, gosh. You know, so when I look back on like who I am, and where I came from, and now what I'm doing, I think, I think I just had this, this realization every morning of holy shit, how did I get here? I was one of those kids growing up, always eccentric, always involved. Um, I was an athlete. I was in the school band. I was in the school play.

I was on student government. And that was from elementary school all the way through getting my master's degree. Um, and all of that was a constant for me. You know, in high school, when I started playing sports more regularly, I played football. I was also a cheerleader and was in the school band playing saxophone and then had my own band as well, where I was a lead singer and a guitarist and did all of these things that ended up being class president and like always focused so much on trying to be this exuberant personality, always doing something, never having a dull moment. And that carried around, like I said, through college, I ended up going to university and studying sports

medicine and working as an athletic trainer. Yeah. And even through school, I had a band, I was on student government, I that's when I started found my love for like lift competitive lifting, and kind of went on this journey to professional to be becoming a professional strength athlete. And I pinch myself every day because growing up as a sports kid, you always dream about being a professional athlete. Yes. And what I quickly realized was that was never going to be me. Because all I had known professional sports athletes to be was our traditional sports and baseball and football and soccer. And I knew I was a good football player. I was never great. I was a good baseball player. I was never great. I was a good cheerleader, but it wasn't my passion.

So I fell into this world of athletic training and sports medicine because I was like, hey, this is my opportunity where I could still be involved in professional sports. If I want to work at that level, I could still be around it. Plus, I have this amazing love and appreciation for the human body and biomechanics and injury prevention and treating injuries and rehabilitation. I was able to tie it all together. And while I was going on that journey of getting my master's degree and being in school, I also got pretty good at lifting weights. And throughout that entire time, it was, I had started lifting weights my senior year of high school. Okay. And

full circle moment, I started in a CrossFit gym in 2009. Really? That's how I found strong man. Okay. Okay. And when I got to college and started taking lifting more seriously, I was again, moderately athletic. I was decently strong, but I was never the strongest. And I was always told not like, you're never going to get to that level. So like, just do what you want to do, but like focus on your major and that's, what's going to be good for you. Um, but one thing about me is I don't like listening to people. Right. And I, I was really bad at strong men to start. I took last place in the first eight competitions I went to. And, and. And for the listeners, strongman, like, so the difference, I mean, CrossFit is this interesting combination between

lifting and gymnastics, right? So it's all sort of functional movements. I mean, this is, I mean, I'm making this shit up basically, but, and so strongman, you know, particularly tell us a little bit about specifically, it is about lifting the most you can without getting an aneurysm. Like that's sort of how I see it. But I don't know. Is this true? Pretty much. Yeah.

So it is it's what I consider one of the most hyper masculine sports in the world. Yes. Where all of these men and just for context for people listening, I've been the world's strongest man. I compete at the biggest competitions in the world at this level of the sport that I compete in there at about 30 men in the world that compete at this level. Um, so it takes a lot to get here. And the things we do include lifting logs over our heads, picking up cars, throwing kegs, 16 feet in the air, pulling trucks, trains, and planes, lifting the iconic Atlas stones, right? Yes, yes, yes. And it's just sort of this evidence of what the human body can

do. And it is, as you said, traditionally hyper-masculine, big, huge, bulky human beings who've ended up in these very almost fascinating bodies, just the combination of genetics and training to be able to navigate a car, a fucking truck, like whatever the deal is, yeah? It's phenomenal to me, right? And so you're in this elite group of athletes. You've worked your ass off to get here.

And you look around every day and go like, how the fuck? Yeah. And to me, it's like, it's because of a whole combination of things that come together. Right. Like I just talked about, like, I sucked at this sport when I started. Um, so I had to figure out if I wanted to keep doing this, what's going to be my motivation to get to higher levels. Right. And then also along with that, it's I'm not one of those genetically gifted monsters like everybody else, right? Like I'm an average size human average height. I'll say, you know, I'm five foot 10, about 285 pounds. So I'm a big dude. You are a big, when you say you're an average size dude, my sweetheart, when you walk through that airport,

I mean the crowds part, I was like, wow. And you know, I don't know if you're just, if you're listening to this, you can see this, like he sports a Mohawk and a Hawaiian shirt.

And so like, there's nothing small about this average human being. Okay. No, no, no, no, nothing.

But in the context of my sport. Okay. Fine. Fine. Fine. Right. no, no, no, nothing. But in the context of my sport. Okay, fine, fine, fine. Right. I, I am the smallest competitor. Really? So the average size of the competitors I go against are anywhere from six, three to six, five, about 350 pounds to look it out even further at the anomalies of the sport i used to compete against half-thor bjorksen who played the mountain in game of thrones ah right so thor is a good friend of mine i competed i played the mountain in the game of thrones this is who he competes against it's fine so for context and you know arnold schwarzenegger arnold schwarzenegger almost married you. But anyway, keep going. Keep going.

Yeah. Okay. Five, nine. Again, five, nine, 285 pounds. I lost to Thor at world's strongest man in 2019 by one point. At the time Thor six foot nine, 450 pounds. Six, nine, four 50. Right. So when I talk about like, I say I'm an average size. 650 pounds. 6'9", 450. Right?

So when I talk about like, I say I'm an average size. You come up to his belly button. Yeah. Every time I stood next to him, I'm like, well, that's a big bitch. And I'm going to fucking take you down. You know? So, so not only did I have like this lack of athletic ability, I also wasn't given this amazing genetic jackpot to be good at this sport. I'm just a stubborn bitch.

Yes. Yes. And once I set my mind to something, I don't let go of those goals. That's my motivation, right? And where does that come from? Where does that tenacity come from? How did you get that? I don't like being told I can't do something. And were you? Was there a point in your life, like if I take you back to the beginning, right? Where did you, tell me about this family system real quick. Who, where did you grow up?

So I was born in Brooklyn, New York. Brooklyn, uh, then moved to Connecticut when I was about six or seven years old. Okay. Um, my parents ended up divorcing when I was a junior in high school. Yeah. Um, and I have two wonderful sisters, one older, one younger. Um, my younger sister and I are two peas in a pod. We couldn't be more alike, both super outgoing and just involved in everything. Very similar personality types. My older sister could not be farther from us just in terms of she's more reserved. She's just quieter. She does her thing, does it really, really, really well, but doesn't really want to focus on anything else outside of that. Okay. So growing up, you know, besides the divorce and the family, there was really never any turmoil. I think it was just mainly because I was always an average athlete and sports was what I loved more than anything in the world. So the fact that I wasn't great at it made me want to be great at everything else I could do. That's why I played music. That's why I was in student government. That's

why I was in the school musicals and plays. And honestly, looking back at it now at 31 years old, looking at my life, I also think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I was overcompensating for a sexuality I knew I had, but didn't want to accept. Okay. I think by being so active and seeing all of my friends in high school get in relationships and have their first kiss and their first breakups and their first loves. And I could never sympathize with them for any of that. Yeah. Because I didn't feel that way about anybody because I didn't know what I wanted. So in order to fill that void, I just did everything else under the fucking sun. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And how was it, I mean, growing up, you know,

born into a New Yorkian family, Connecticut, Connecticut-ish, Tonians, what was mom and dad's perception? Like, I mean, middle child so motivated is fucking bizarre to me and amazing that you were just like, I'm not going to just do one thing. I'm going to do everything and I'm going to do everything like amazing. So watch me dance. Huh? Who, what, tell me a little bit about dad. Tell me a little bit about mom. Was, was there concern? Um, do they accept, uh, you know, how you show up in the world now? What, what is that like? Can you give me a little insight into that? So growing up, I will say like my mom and dad were, were fucking awesome. They

supported me and everything I wanted to do, no matter how ridiculous or stupid it was, they made it work. Right. So if that meant, you know, staying after school in sixth grade, because then I had, I had baseball practice until five and then, you know, the school play practice until seven, they were there to pick me up at seven o'clock so I could go home, do my homework, get ready for the next day. They, they were fully behind everything I wanted to do. Um, and you know, fast forward to me being 22 years old and finally accepting myself for who I was after, honestly, you know, what's, what's crazy is when I was in college, I got into my first relationship with a girl. OK, not till college.

Did you date college? Yeah. So I got into my first relationship and. She was awesome. Right. And her and I had a very strong friendship which then blossomed into I'll say a quote-unquote relationship um and ultimately there wasn't like a a moment that made us break up there wasn't an issue or anything like that I finally just woke up one day and realized what the fuck am I doing? Really? Because what I had realized,

I have been waking up every single day for 22 years of my life, putting on a facade, having to pretend to be somebody I wasn't. And it was really fucking exhausting. I was going to, that was the word that came to my mind, how much you would have had to battle. And I think about this, you know, as anybody explores their gender identity and you, I mean, obviously I'm so excited to get your insights on this because I listened to the conversations that I have with my children that we were never allowed to have at our kitchen table. And not because my parents weren't fucking awesome too. It was just not an option. And our kids today, I talk about this quite often, you know, we'll ask the questions all the time,

like how, how does this person identify or make sure we use the pronouns correctly? Or they will say to, you know, we, I often tell the story, we're playing the game of life a couple of years ago. And Evan said, our youngest said to Aaron, my husband, the farmer fucking up the line says, okay, dad, uh, you got to get married married here do you want to be gay today or what and his answer his answer and i say this to him today his answer dependent on whether we were going to stay married or not like i was like waiting for it i was like what are you gonna do you fucking dance here or not and he said yeah today i'll be gay i was like and we're together forever done i love that but you know know, like, it's just,

it's like, what a, do you, do you see this? I mean, I can't imagine how far we have to go when in this world of marginalization and people feel so unseen every single day. But tell me about that. I mean, did you feel this in your body? Did you ever have this space to wonder about that? Or was it, as you say that, you know, 20, you know, you woke up at 22 going like, fuck, this is, I'm living a lie here. You know, for me, I don't, you know, I kick myself because I look back and I don't know why I felt like I had to suppress this part of me. Um, my mom's sister was a lesbian. My entire family has been nothing but supportive of the LGBTQ community. So I never understood why I felt like I needed to, but I did. And

ultimately, you know, going back a little bit, when I talk about it being exhausting, I had to walk through life every single day thinking about how I would have interactions with people. Right now, you and I could shoot the shit. And I don't think, I don't really think before I speak, right? Like that, this, you're getting who I am. And I, I, I finally get to do that. But back then I was like, okay, how, how, how can I, how am I going to talk to my friends when they talk about a hot girl that they, that they're, you know, looking at? How am I going to navigate that situation? How, what is my reaction going to be? So I had to like pre-plan all these hypotheticals.

And ultimately, like, it doesn't allow you to lead a life that's true, authentic or happy. So, you know, finally being able to look at myself in the mirror and say, like, I'm a gay man. You know, it was one of the most exhilarating moments of my life, because I knew it for a long time. Right? Like Like here I am in a relationship with this girl, but when she's not around, I'm watching gay porn, right? Like there's a problem with that. And honestly, I didn't want to be okay with it. And I, and for the life of me, I don't know why. And I like, is it social constructs? Is it society? Like whatever the reason is, I just deemed that like, I can't do that. Yes. Do you think, is there a, is there a homophobia even in the, I mean, if we, if we

think about marginalization or if we think about like, even within marginalized peoples, there is certainly a spectrum of like, gosh, I'm here, but I don't, I understand how scary this is for some people. You know, I've had a beautiful conversation not very long ago with, um, you know, he said, I'm the straightest gay man I know. And this is like the, the, the feedback I get all the time. Every time I was dating, you know, people would be like, you know, are you sure you're gay? And he's like, I fucking know it to the core of me, but it's still so scary because I grew up in this world where it wasn't the place that I wanted to be. And so I still, I still, it's, he's like, I love sports. I love to wear plaid.

Like I'm totally fucking love this stuff. Like it's not that I'm faking that part of it, but there still also is to the boat, to my bones, right? Is this still okay? Like, and I, and I, I, his honesty blew me away because I was like, gosh, there is that stereotype even of like, okay, once you sort of, I'm gay. So then I'm fucking doing pirouettes in the corner. Like, you know, right. So, so tell

me about that experience for you. And those, I mean, I'm sure I can't imagine the conversations you've had over the years. You know, for me, I, I grew up a very heteronormative lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. Right? With the sports that I played, with the people I interacted with, the things I did. And I think you can agree, Joey and I are two very different people. Joey's your husband, yes. My husband is very gay.

He just said, my husband is very gay we are very different people i just gotta tell marty because she's in the room and she is in love with joey yeah and i mean he is my favorite human to ever walk this fucking earth and we met at such a weird time in our lives and him and I have gotten to talk about this, about like how different we are in simply like one physical appearance. Yes. You know, I'm a 285 burly man. He is a gorgeous, you know, olive tone skin, Portuguese, you know, beauty. And, but just like our mannerisms, the way simply even going down to the way we speak, right? Like Joey has that quote unquote gay accent to him when he speaks and you laugh, but it's true. I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh or not. So like we talk about this a lot. And when we met, we were 22 years old. I was a few months out of this relationship with this girl who had been dating for a year and a half. I was in my first year of graduate school. He had just finished his undergrad degree and had moved home to figure out what his life was going to be. And I mean, in the most millennial gay way possible, we met on Grindr. Yeah, you did. You know, I mean, honest, honest to God, first thought he messaged me first and I shit you not. I thought he was catfishing me because I thought he was way too hot to be messaging me. Really? Hands down.

And so we end up talking, and we ended up talking for almost like two or three weeks before I even asked him out on a date. Because here I am, still closeted, still figuring out. I had never had an interaction, like a romantic interaction with another man by this point in my life. So here I am like, okay, like flipping the script on what I thought my life was going to be right up until a few months ago. Here I am thinking I'm, I'm living this, you know, white picket fence life with a white fin kids,

you know, later down the road. And that's just not what I can expect out of life anymore. And one, like becoming okay with that was a journey. But two, now it's navigating relationships with another man. Yes. Something that's not taught. Something that is completely just learned. Yes. And here I am at 22 years old being like, fuck, should I know this already? Yeah.

So we end up going on our first date typical dinner and movie type thing um i will say we didn't watch much of the movie and we we we look back on this uh on this now because here we are nine years later still together yes and we're like we met at such a weird fucking time. Like, how did we, how did we stay together? You know, 22 years old, graduate school, figuring out life, who we're going to be, what we want to do. I'm still in the closet. He's been out since, since he's 17. I'm a professional strong man at this point. He has no idea what strong man is and our lives are are so so different but i think so much of that and i'm honestly like so much of the reason i am who i am today is because

of his support from the beginning okay yes um six weeks into dating um is when I came out publicly. Okay. Prior to that, I came out to my family and my close friends. And I have such great coming out stories because I go to my mom. And now I wasn't terribly nervous to tell my mom. Like I said before, like, right, her sister was gay. She unfortunately passed away when I was younger. But like, so I knew like, mom's probably going to be fine about this. Yeah. So I go over mom's house.

I sit down. I was like, hey, mom, can you have a seat? Like, I have something to tell you. She goes, oh, fuck, who's pregnant? I was like, well, quite the opposite. I'm gay. She goes, oh, thank God. Oh, my God. I'm gay. She goes, Oh, thank God. Oh my God. I love her.

And now Claudia is my mom. She is a, she's a sharpshooter, right? She, she wears everything she's thinking on her face and we'll let you know in a moment's notice. And so like, I knew that was like, okay, that was a genuine response, you know, like we're good there. And then of course, you know, I tell her like, so Joey and I had been dating for a little bit for a few weeks. I was like, you know, I met this, I met this guy. Um, and so obviously she wanted to see pictures and, you know, we talked about all that. And so that was good. Dad, I was a little bit more nervous for. Irish Catholic man from Brooklyn, New York.

Right. Like kind of a hardo. Didn't really show emotion when I was growing up. Was also an alcoholic. That's the reason for my parents to divorce. So I didn't know what this was going to look like. So I was stressed about coming out to him. And I remember we were going to lunch. I was sitting in his truck and I'm sitting in the front seat and possibly the worst time to do it was while he was driving, but that's when it had to

happen. So we're stopped at a red light and i look at my dad and like the tears start going i was like you know i i need to tell you i'm gay he takes this big sigh and there's a pause and he goes so can i still say gay jokes i was like i'm crying and laughing but also confused I'm like that's what you're concerned about now he was like are you good like are you happy or like is anything changed I was like no I just wanted to tell you I was like okay so can I still like can I still be me and make jokes about shit I was like yeah as long as it's not fucking offensive, then yeah, that's fine. So that was my coming out experience. I am over the moon fortunate and so lucky to have that experience because I know that's not everybody. And shortly after that is when I decided to come

out on social media. So again, up until this point, I had taken second place at America's Strongest Man. I had been a professional strongman competing. Everyone in the sport kind of knew who my ex-girlfriend was because she had come to some competitions. So I knew this was going to kind of make waves. So I came out. I remember I was driving home from school one Monday afternoon. And I just felt this overwhelming urge that I had to do it today. Yeah, today was the day. I don't know why.

I have no emotional connection to October 20th, 2014 whatsoever. God, but you know it. But that was it and um i had walked in and um i had met joey and he was staying with it at his mom's house at the time and i walked into his bedroom and i just handed him my phone and i had the post all written out and he looked at it he read it he was like if this is what you want to do like you can do do this. But he was like, but you need to do it when you're ready. And before he could finish his sentence, I hit post. Wow. Wow. Cause you had him. He would, he would catch you no matter what. Absolutely. And he never left me a doubt of that. And you'd want to put a relationship under fire really fucking quick. Come out as gay

six weeks in as a professional strongman athlete and shit hits the fan real quick. Oh, how was that? You get a call from a friend of ours who was a writer in Boston. And he was like, Rob, I don't think you realize what you just did. I was like, well, like I do because I did. He was like, no. He was like, you're the first openly gay man ever in the sport of strongman and to be honest to that point that had never even crossed my mind right right that

was never even a thing right like for me I'm coming out because I'm ready and also I'm really fucking proud of this hot dude I'm dating and it's not fair to him that he's been out since he's 17 now he's in a relationship with a closeted 22 year old like that's not fair to him that he's been out since he's 17. Now he's in a relationship with a closeted 22 year old. Like that's not fair to him. And I want to show him the fuck off to the world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I was like, so I told our friend who's a writer, I was like, I honestly didn't even think of that. He was like, do you mind if I, if I read an article about it and put it out there? so Joey and I were like yeah sure why not um within two days TMZ was requesting interviews BuzzFeed um Perez Hilton tweeted about us Conan O'Brien talked about us uh there were hundreds of articles circulating throughout the internet um within days of me

coming out wow and um i remember one night joey and i were laying in bed and we're just like realizing what is going on and he looks at me well, I can't fucking leave ever now. And you're like, and it worked. Yep. Yep. Right where I wanted them. Um, so yeah, it was, it was a crazy, crazy whirlwind of a few weeks. And, you know, obviously that was never my intention coming out, but we quickly realized like, holy shit, like we, um, we have a platform now, like we're going to have something to stand on. And we had to make a decision of like, what did we want to do with it? Where do we go from here? Hey, everyone. We all know how draining cold and flu season can be.

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respect, the people that have come to you. I mean, I'm sure there's a million and one awful shitty stories, but I'm, I'm really interested in, in, you know, in the lives that you've saved. I mean, cause you know that, Hey, you know that just by showing up and being you, right. That you've just transformed. That's, that's what I don't think we realized what happened. Okay. Um, you know, I was fortunate that, you know, we got a pretty good social media bump from coming out and doing some really great things in strong man. And I still, I will never forget this moment. Um, it was in 2016 or 2017 is when I got, again, you know, you'd mentioned like social media is a beautiful and terrible thing all at the same time. Yes. And I, you know, constantly receive hate and you know, whatever bullshit people want

to throw at me, that's fine. Yeah fine yeah um but in 2016 or 2017 i was going through my messages and i see one from a page i didn't recognize and you know i just felt compelled to open it and read it and it was from a 16 year old kid who was battling with his sexuality. He lived in a very conservative home and knew he wouldn't be accepted for who he was and had contemplated taking his own life multiple times. And it got to the point where one night he had actually planned to do it.

He had notes written out to family and friends. And he said, I was going through instagram one last time and i came across your profile and um seeing me and joey and the things that i'm doing is the reason he decided not to and like every time i tell that story it just um it it's one that has impacted my life so so profoundly um and i never imagined like I would have that impact on people. And once I read that message for the first time was when it really settled in that, like, we have to do something good in this world with what we've been given. Yes.

We have to do something good in this world with what we've been given. I, there is no more truer words that have been spoken. You know, I, I heard this week, I was listening to somebody talk about, if you really want to think about the strongest ability to be mentally well, the two things that you need, the, the, the groundbreaking structure of strong, uh, of being mentally well is agency and gratitude. And when you tell that story, I just think about like, you know, think about you stepping into your own, who I am, agency. I have control over this now. I get to decide, you know, who I want to be in a relationship with. This is something that I want and what I can do with my platform. And I'm so grateful, as you said, every single day,

this place of gratitude doesn't mean like, you know, there's not shit and there's not like people telling you all the things all the time. And you do those two things and suddenly look at, right. There is then people who are like, okay, okay, I can. Right. And I, you know, I think about this all the time. Like, why are we fucking here? Like, what's, what's the point to it all? When nobody gets out of here alive. I often talk about this, this Ram Dass quote that just changed my fucking life. He said, we are all just here walking each other home. Wow. Isn't that good? And that's great. I love that. And I just think, you know, this kid in that moment was like, okay, this is it. And the fact that he then would

reach out to you and be like, I just need to tell you, right. This there's hope. I believe then that maybe this can happen for me too. Like, come on, come on. Yeah. I mean, it talk about just like flipping you on your head real quick, um, in, in such an amazing way too, right? Because I think like you, people always tell you like, oh, what you're doing is such a great thing. You're going to change so many lives, right? Like we get told that off the cuff so many times. But until you see a message like that

and you understand the gravity of what you're able to do with the platform and the message you're able to put out there, that's when reality really sets in. And honestly, that's what really gave me my purpose to be the world's strongest gay, to be unapologetic to me every single time I'm on social media or talking to people like you or at a competition. I never want to have to hide who I am because I know that is going to give other people the strength to be who they want to be. Yes. Yes. And isn't that where purpose lies? You know, so many people say to me, I've lost my passion. I don't know how to find my passion. I will always then say, listen, passion rides shotgun to purpose. If you have a reason to get out of bed every morning, if you have a reason to, you know, if I remind you, you can not only, you know, change a life today, you can save it. Well, fuck you'll get out of bed. And I love this. I mean, talk to me a little bit about then this, this competition place. Okay. So, I mean, you've been surrounded by the Katrina, like, I mean,

Matt Frazier's, I can't, I just really want to come to CrossFit with you next year. This is, this is my new goal. Um, there's an open invite for you. Oh Jesus. I'm in. Okay. And because I, there's something, yeah, I know. Wait, just a second. Let me check with my husband and children. Um, I, there's something about the psychology of sport that has always had my soul, my heart, because I love sports. I love, I mean, I'll watch fucking lawn bowling. If you give me somebody to cheer for, like I am, I will watch hours of golf, anything. I mean, I, I said to you when we first met about this, you know, idea of like watching

the CrossFit on, um, I did download an app to be able to watch it. And then I could like, I didn't want to watch watch anything else because I only wanted to watch every single lift. So I didn't want to see who won. And then I would back it up and go through every single one. And I love so much about what it takes to be a professional athlete. I think it's the discipline that you can create. You can make so many choices as a human that are difficult, so difficult for 99.9% of the world, but that it is possible for you to train that hard, to work your body in ways

that you then, you know, are capable of doing such remarkable things, right? I mean, as a coach, how do you, what are some of your biggest lessons around getting people to find that motivation and to keep it? So for me, it's, I'm really fortunate because I'm an athlete and a coach at the same time. You know, so I can draw a lot of parallels with my athletes about, you know, what we need to do in the gym to get this certain result. Because I've lived it and I still do. And what's crazy to me is to have this full circle moment of starting in CrossFit to get to Strongman and then I'll be coaching back in CrossFit full time

and working with arguably the most impressive athletes on the face of the earth. Yes, yes. They have to not only be strong physically, they have to be able to do endurance workouts with the best runners. They have to be able to do the swimming workouts with the best swimmers. They have to be able to do high level gymnastic skills, um, and put all these things together. So for these athletes, not only is every training day a daunting task, but to be able to put together quality training, multiple hours a day,

consecutive days over the course of months to get to one event. Yeah. Yeah. And what I do is I pull from when I started in strongman, I briefly mentioned, you know, I took eight last place in eight competitions. So what I needed to do was I needed to find one goal that I could focus on that I knew was attainable and don't look at anything else that I'm doing except that one goal. So that one goal, my first goal was don't take last. It was that simple. It wasn't become world's strongest man. It wasn't get to this crazy level because from where I was to that as an end product is a really long road with a lot of exits to throw you off. And it feels so overwhelming. I mean, I think when anybody says that, okay, I want to lose 50 pounds or I want to be able to, you know, run a half marathon. I think the derailing, I love that

is it happens so quickly when you think about the magnitude versus, okay, pick my one thing. I'm just not going to be last. What the fuck do I got to do to not be last? I like that. Okay. Tell me more. Tell me more. And then from there it snowballed into, okay, I didn't take last in competition number nine. Great. But in every show since then, every show I've done, I've, I've zeroed an event, meaning I haven't done a single rep or completed the event. So my second goal was don't zero. It wasn't about getting on the podium. It wasn't about winning. It wasn't about any of that. It was personal things that I knew were within my reach that I just had to change and work a little bit harder to get there. And once you stack those on top of each

other, holy shit, is that motivating? Yes. Yes. Yes. Hold that from when I started competing and it's still what I do in my current competitions. And I use that with my CrossFit athletes because for them to come into the gym in August or September and say, I want to win the CrossFit games next year. We have 12 months until we get back there. Yeah. So what are you going to do today that you, what, what do I want you to do at the end of today that you couldn't do at the beginning of today? Let's start there. Right. And taking that approach where it's like, okay, one of the athletes, you know, um, you know, gymnastic skills weren't her strongest. Okay, great. There's our goal. You can do three muscle ups by the end of the week. Let's try to get five in a row.

That's your first goal. Don't think about the podium. Don't think about the CrossFit game season next year. Think about things we can control in the gym, in this moment, through this week, through this day, whatever it is, to give you that little extra kick in the butt to be like, you know what? Fuck, you're right. I can do this. Yes, yes. And from there, we snowball. See, and it reminds me of this James Clear quote. So he wrote Atomic Habits, and I think about all the time he said it. You don't rise to the level of your goals.

You fall to the level of your systems. And I mean, who doesn't, I mean, I, I, as soon as I was going to say this out loud, I know I'm not wrong. I was going to say who, who doesn't want to be a CrossFit, win the CrossFit games. And then I was like, probably about like 95 fucking people. But anyway, who, who doesn't want to, you know, be successful in business or, you know, get fit and healthy or, or be a phenomenal partner. Like who doesn't want those things. in business or get fit and healthy or be a phenomenal partner? Who doesn't want those things?

And I think everybody wants these lofty goals. They all say, I want to do this. I want to do that. I mean, me included. And then it's like, OK, then where we fail, I would say the vast majority of the time is not if you want those things. That is the thing that you've got to start somewhere. OK, got it. But the second most critical infrastructure to any success, I think, is really then, okay, so how are you going to do that?

What's your strategy? I mean, Marty and I talk about this all the time in our company. What is the strategy behind these things? And I fucking hate that word. I remember when we had built this company out of nothing, and it just sort of took off because I'm a charismatic speaker and I know a few fucking things. And then we sort of looked around at our team team and people are like, what's your strategy? I was like, just fucking like flat out and hope for the best. And they're like, I feel like we need a little more. I'm like, I don't think we what that word means. So I've quickly understood that if you are the dreamer and the believer and the big goals and I think about, you know, even in the world of sport, is that it often isn't skill that is the issue, particularly when we get into our higher levels. And I mean like AAA hockey or like, I mean, it doesn't even have to be massive.

Like anything you have to try out for. Your skill becomes less important because the margin of building skill doesn't come nearly as great as the margin of building your internal sense of self and your psychological capacity. And it blows my mind, Rob, that so many professional organizations do not consider the ability to stay emotionally regulated and build those systems from your internal self to be able to build the skill. Right? Because, I mean, I say this to my hockey guys all the time. You can have the greatest fucking wrist shot on the planet.

If you are pissed off because, okay, in CrossFit, you can do, you can be the strongest fucker that anybody's ever seen. If you get so mad because somebody called a no rep, you now lose access to every ability, every ability to throw yourself over that bar because you didn't spend the time to be able to figure out, okay, how do I get back to

this sense of my internal self and what I'm capable of? What is my strategy in my system to stay connected? Do you understand? Is it, I mean, this is what we started to talk about, right? Can you imagine? And when we have coaches that lose their fucking minds, huh? How many times in professional sports do we see coaches that are screaming at refs, yelling at people, screaming? I mean, as an athlete, if my coach, my dad, I mean, this is the equivalent of a parental figure, loses their fucking mind. I mean, I love that you're competitive. like, I love competition. Don't get me wrong, but talk to me about that. Like how that ability, that psychological capacity, which I think you were born with, but I think, do you train that into your fellow coaches? What do you see on the floor? You know, when those systems aren't in place for people, I will say that is one of the things we are very fortunate with at HWPO. So obviously Matt Frazier is our head coach. We also have this amazing man, Matt O'Keefe, who's our CEO.

And he has this amazing saying is how you do something is how you do everything. I love that. How you do something is how you do everything. Right. And we talk about all the time, especially when we were going into the CrossFit game season, where it was like our jobs as coaches are pretty much done by the time they're stepping onto the competition floor. We've prepared them.

We've gotten them stronger. We've gotten them fitter. Their nutrition's on board. Yeah. Like they, they have such a plan. So tight. We've gotten them stronger. We've gotten them fitter. Their nutrition's on board. Yeah. Like they have such a plan so tight. It's ridiculous. Yeah. And we had a very long and frank conversation before the CrossFit Games where it was saying like, hey, if they freak out, you need to stay calm.

If you feel like you're going to freak out, you need to get the fuck away from them. Yes. Because it doesn't help anybody. Okay. And so this is what's amazing to me, right? Like at the highest level of competition, these are still the conversations that we're having, right? Like this isn't, you know, embedded. I mean, at least you are, I mean, imagine so many people that just don't. Oh, and there's a lot. You know what I mean? Like that's the thing. And you and I've talked about this. Like my dream is to work with HWPO and have these conversations where we can, you know, talk a little bit more about this with your coaches, because I love it for me, the psychology end of it. It's, it's like how easy it is for you to physically train your body or get your

athletes to that place is equally as easy for me to think about the psychology behind it. Right. There's not a fucking chance that I could step into that and do a muscle up like never in my mind, like eventually maybe, but like, like, but the other side of it just makes such clear sense to me, which is why I'm so passionate about having these conversations, right. Of like, how do we, even when we think about that kid who wants to come out to their, to their family, when we think about, you know, the, the, anybody who are you surrounded by people that can regulate your emotions? Are you surrounded by people that can make you feel safe enough to do the hard things? And I love that conversation. You have, you know, you looked at Joey and just said like, okay, post, because in that moment, there's your regulating other, that's how you feel it. And you then have the ability to do anything, even if you go on that floor and you get your ass kicked.

How you lose, what that does to your psyche is fucking amazing. Because even with all the prep in the world, even if you are the world's best athlete one year, it doesn't mean you're going to be the next. That's even more important than what am I doing to your brain. It doesn't mean that we didn't do everything that we could have, should have, would have in the moment. Right. I want you to be psychologically sound enough in that moment to be like, OK, we shot for one and we came in eight. Let's take a look at this. Right. to then go home and look at our partners and our children or whatever and be like, I did the best I could fucking do in the moment, in that sense, in that room, with who was there, all the things.

You know, and I think there's such a piece to that, not only about whether you're going to perform exceptionally well, but how you're going to heal after. Yeah. As a coach, you know, it's great. Like we are going to celebrate your wins harder than anybody else on that floor right because we were with you during that but when we have those losses when things go to real quick and they do it's our job to be like okay that sucked it happened but we can't change that outcome. The only thing we can change is how we approach this next event.

Yes. So, you know, like, so even with me as an athlete, like I've fallen into this a few, just at my last competition, I did this where I, the second event was a dumbbell clean and press event.

Yes. One that I should have walked through with ease. And I fucked up on the fourth dumbbell, a weight that I could do in my sleep. And that mess up caused me to miss the final rep. I started to spiral. And because it was an event I was confident in, it was an event people were expecting me to do well in. And I dropped the ball.

And I went for a little walk. And Joey knows in those moments, he was like, you know what, I'll give him a couple of minutes. Absolutely. You've got to know your athlete. You've got to know your people. Because I want to slow you down right now because that is the critical piece is that you actually have to acknowledge that emotion because so much of the time in sport in particular, we're like, shake it off, get back on. You're good. It's all right. And I like, holy fuck fellas, look at my eyes. You cannot, you have to hold space for that emotion. What did it

feel like in that second? Tell me, where did you feel it in your body the second you dropped that weight? And that's what I want to hang on to. You know, like it's like do not shove that because that is where our power lives. And so people hate it. People fucking hate it because it feels so shitty, right? There's nothing worse. All the prep you were supposed to ease through this one. And then I, that question is, where did you feel it? And let's just give it some light.

Let's hang on to that and not let it be, you know, and that's the piece that we miss so much. Hey, tell me more. And, and Joey, again, like he knew to give me my space, knew to give me my moment. And then, um, he came up to me, I was sitting outside on a staircase because we had a little bit of time before the next event. And he goes, hey, it kind of sucks. But you have three more events. And you didn't do as bad as you thought. You took fourth place, right, like out of 12 athletes. Like you still beat eight of those guys.

So get up. We have to start warming up. You have another event in 15 minutes. I go out there i took third place in the next event an event i was supposed to do terrible in that event after that i ended up taking sixth place which was a grip event which is historically my worst event which a year ago i would have taken 12th i took sixth and then the final event i had the best atlas stone run of my career. Really? And end up finishing tied for third in the show.

Oh. And all of this, the first time this happened, and I want to talk about this because it is so important, is the Arnold Strongman Classic in 2022. I was in first place after three events. Was having the show of my life. There was a grip event. I zeroed brought me down to third place.

Oh no. I tore my hands up. My, my hand, my palms were bleeding. My calluses were ripped off just in a really, really bad place mentally. And the final event was this big stone that we had to lift to our shoulder and before i had gone out seven of eight guys didn't even lift the stone up off the floor and that got into my head because i'm like well these guys are better at this event than i am that is one heavy bitch okay and. And Joey came up to me.

He came behind me. I was sitting on the bench. He kind of like rubbed my shoulders, gives me a kiss on the cheek. He's like, Hey, just go have fun. Wow.

You know? And it was like those two words where it made me realize like, fuck you're right. Like I get to go do this shit. There's your gratitude and there's your agency. Right? Like I'm going to go step on a floor in front of 5,000 fucking people and I get to just go lift some fucking weights.

Yes. And you know what? Yes! You did it! I zeroed. I didn't pick up the stone. Yes! But I got to stand there. I got to stand there.

I got to stand there and look around that arena and still see people standing and cheering for me. Yes. And what I realized in that moment was my career is not defined about wins and losses. Yes. My career and who I am is defined about the people and the people who see me and the character they see on that floor every time i step out on that competition floor yes yes there's a

reason that i am usually known as the fan favorite and i know that sounds fucking cocky and no i would expect nothing less but there is a reason why I get amazing responses from the crowd. Every time I compete, it's because I'm the one person on that competition floor that no matter what the result people can tell I'm having fun. Yes. I love it. I love it. Oh my gosh. I love that. I love that. That is, uh, I I'm looking at our time here because you're so amazing. Um, let's wrap it up for today. Uh, I could do this for like 87 more episodes. So you absolutely have to come back. Um, listen, uh, the, I want to talk real quick, the children's book, what's it called? The children's book is called strong. Yes. Um, it is this, it's God, it's

probably the coolest thing I've ever done, right? You know, like, we see, yeah, I've been on TV. That's great. But things you remember most from your childhood are the books you get to read. And there was something so timeless and so special about that. So when I was approached by my co author about doing the story, I was immediately on board. And what this story is really about is the strength you find in yourself, when you able to accept yourself for who you are and you have somebody supporting you along the way. You know, the story really kind of timelines mine and Joey's relationship a little bit along with the sport of strongman, how they both tie in together and really the end result of what comes from that message. And it's not a coming out story, which is something I love so much. It's not what we wanted when having when writing an LGBTQ plus children's book, we didn't want coming out to be an obstacle. But we wanted to be a part of the story.

Yeah, the obstacle was me not accepting myself and being myself. That was the obstacle, not being in a relationship and coming out, right? Because all too often, like we see LGBT plus children's books or books in general. And the obstacle is like the moment that the book leads up to is them coming out. And that's just not what we wanted the story to be about. Oh my God. And I love that.

And I, it reminds me, I'll just tell you real quick. So one of my best friends in the world, Joe Dombrowski is a comedian and he, he's gay getting married in June. And I, I, he's one of my favorite people on the planet. And in my episode, uh, on the podcast with him, um, I asked him about, you know, coming out and he said, um, you know, people ask me about that. When I came out, he said, I'm always coming out. I'm coming out to, you know, the person who knew me as somebody else, or when I started new, he's a

teacher. And so every new class I'm coming out, every new, you know, if the people don't know my story, he's like, you just don't end. And he's like, this, this is true for everybody. You know, we always are establishing relationships again and again and again with the people that we meet. And I just, I love that, right? That it, that's not the thing. It is mostly about how you show up in your body makes it so much different about how you navigate your world thereafter. Yeah, exactly. You know, coming out, it's a lifelong journey. Um, and it really just, it has so much power.

Uh, once you, once you accept it and realize it and, and understand how amazing you are because of it. Well, listen, and speaking of powerful people, uh, you, uh, I hope you know how amazing you are because, um, I, I, I, the minute I, you know, saw you and that energy and you just really are such a light to this world. So I cannot wait to watch, um, what happens in these competitions. I will be watching and cheering and now we have the same agent. So we're all going to travel the world together and everything's going to be amazing, but thank you so much. Where can everybody find you? World's strongest gay on Instagram.

Easiest to find me is world's strongest gay on Instagram and all social media platforms. And then you want to be a part of the training, go to hwpotraining.com, check out my HWPO strong program. You know, that's really the best place to find it. And then the children's book is available on Amazon as well. Amazing. All right, everybody, take care of each other. And until next time, I can't wait to see you back here. Take care of each other. Bye for now. The Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast is produced by the incredibly talented and handsome team at Snack Labs. Mr. Brian Seaver, Mr. Taylor McGilvery, and the infamous Jeremy Saunders. The soundtracks that you hear at the beginning of every episode were created by Donovan Morgan.

Our executive producer is Marty Piller. Our PR big shooters are Des Veneau and Barry Cohen. Our agent, my manager, Jeff Lowness from the Talent Bureau. And emotional support, of course, is provided by, relatively speaking, our children. For the record, I am a registered clinical psychologist in Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice. The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, education, and maybe even a little bit of hope. We'll see you're not. Just workouts and classes to

strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.