Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - Mastering Mental Toughness: A Conversation with Dr. Rob Bell

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Dr. Rob Bell is a noted sports psychology coach, author, and speaker. He has spoken to the NFL, PGA, Marriott, and Walgreens, and has written 8 books on Mental Toughness. His 8th book will be released this spring, the title is “I can’t wait to be patient.” In this episode, Dr. Jody and Dr. Rob Bell talk all things mental toughness and sports. If you are a minor, amateur or professional sports coach or parent take a listen and soak in all his words.Twitter @drrobbellInstagram drrobbellYoutube @drrobBellwww.drrobbell.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the season for new styles, and you love to shop for jackets and boots. So when you do, always make sure you get cash back from Rakuten. And it's not just clothing and shoes. You can get cash back from over 750 stores on electronics, holiday travel, home decor, and more. It's super easy. And before you buy anything, always go to Rakuten first. Join free at Rakuten.ca. Start shopping and get your cash back sent to you by check or PayPal.

Get the Rakuten app or join at Rakuten.ca. R-A-K-U-T-E-N dot C-A. Let's start here where I think the answer begins for everything and everybody, in the place of acknowledgement. Indigenous peoples in this country have taught me the most about what acknowledgement truly means. So everything that I've created for you happened here on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home to the Blackfoot Confederacy, made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pikani, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakota First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. It is always my honor, my privilege mostly, to raise my babies on this land where so much sacrifice was made.

And to build a community, invite a community in, talk about hard things. As we together learn and unlearn about the most important things. That we were never meant to do any of this alone. Oh, listen up, ladies and gentlemen and everybody, all of my fellow humans. I cannot tell you how excited I am today for this guest. You better buckle up because this fellow is going to teach us a whole bunch of things today. We are here with the most incredible Dr. Rob Bell. And I, one of my favorite things these days is to talk about mental toughness and coaching and, you know, how we sort of make people better, kids better in this place where I think

there's just so much, I don't, I don't even know if it's misinformation, but certainly there's not enough information. And specifically, I couldn't find anybody better to kick this off. OK, so Dr. Rob Bell is a noted sports psychology coach, author, speaker. He's got a new book coming out we're going to talk about right away. He has spoken to the NFL, the PGA, companies like Marriott and Walgreens. He's written eight books. OK, I know it just about killed me to write three. He's got eight on mental toughness. His eighth book will be released this spring. And he just

tells me today it's already out. The title is I Can't Wait to Be Patient. Dr. Rao Bell has recently been to a Taylor Swift concert. This is my deep dive in him. So I think like, I mean, we obviously got to talk about that. You've spent so much time on PGA golf courses, having very important conversations with high level athletes that I think even off air, we were saying, I am stunned that a lot of people don't have those conversations just yet, even at this high level of sport. And as we all know, this podcast is about where you came from. I know to the core of me that we are all way more alike than we are different. And maybe most importantly, the difference between empathy and judgment often lies in the understanding where another comes from. So tell my life and what we see, like if we focus on the differences, then the differences get bigger, right? If we focus on the similarities, then it draws us closer. Yes, indeed. You know, and it always, it takes more work to focus on, hey,

how we're similar than opposed, like how we're different. You know, that's why, you know, I love those 12 step rooms because they're always just talking about how, you know, we're all in the same room. So we're actually all in the same room dealing with the same issues. It just kind of manifests different, but yeah, sorry for the long answer. I get off on tangents as well. I grew up in, uh, in Maryland. I've lived in six different States and, um, yeah, grew up in, in a small town in Maryland is a railroad town, baseball town.

So sport became my entire life really early on. Like again, just being a professional athlete, that was going to be the whole goal. And then through some hinge moments and tangents throughout the life, I ended up still wanting to do that. But then I knew at some point, hey, I'm going to work with athletes, coaches, and teams,

helping them perform their best when it matters the most, and then how to deal, handle, and cope with the adversity, stress, struggle, setbacks that happen in life. And so I've lived in Maryland, Western Virginia, Tennessee, Philadelphia, Colorado, and Indianapolis, Indiana. I think it was five. Yeah. That's a lot. And so were you always good at sports? Like what was the deal? What, what was, tell me the family system. Like, do you have siblings? Why was that the thing? Yeah. Um, well, I think it was just always the common way to like bond. And I mean, it was, it's really tough to say exactly. Like, I mean, that was just, you went outside and you played and all your friends

played. And so, I mean, I've really, uh, baseball and soccer were my sports. And then, you know, the town that I grew up in was a big baseball town. I mean, multiple state championships, you know, throughout the years, a lot of great lineage. And it's a small town. But that was just what you did. I mean, you go out there and you play and then, you know, your identity starts to get wrapped up in, you know, how well you do is who you are sort of thing. Were you any good? Well, so I was good. I was good at everything.

Like that was the thing. Like my kids, my kids will tell me this. They'll say, dad, you're great at everything. Like, you know, you can play tennis and ski and, you know, bowl. And I tell them I'm quick to stop. And I say, no, I was good at everything. Like I'm good at everything, but I'm not great at any one thing. And the reason why is because I was a shiny object. I like,

yes, I'd like to be like really good, but then I would get attracted to something else. And so that was, so no one sport really drew my attention. Baseball did. And I reached the level of significance, but I didn't know about how detailed you had to get in terms of like getting to the next level. So I, I maxed out at what my level was, but I never got to that next level. Okay. So you knew so much of what you know today, had you known back then, do you think that would have increased your ability to even get to a higher level? Like, is that is that the missing piece that you figured out? No. So you had this phenomenal talent and what you were missing was this piece to keep your shit together?

Well, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I wouldn't say I had a next. I wouldn't say I had that phenomenal talent. You know, OK, so we're going to we're going to't say I had that phenomenal talent, you know? Oh, okay. So we're going to, we're going to pull that back a wee bit. You were, you were good at things. You were very good. You're, so you're an athletic dude, which so many people are like, you know, I think this is the point.

I was at the hockey rink last night. I was telling you, I, we have three kids and nobody's, well, I shouldn't say that. Probably if they ever listened to this podcast, I was just going to say, nobody's making the bigs. Like I, what I love the most about sport is the community. And I think so many people get messed up in this place of, you know, thinking everybody's going to make a big. They crush the souls of of kids in this process. And it way more stops people from being great than it does make them great. Does that make sense to you? Absolutely. I'd love to dive into that a little bit because I think there's so much pressure that parents, that people, that I even think from a psychological perspective that we miss so much in this building of humans to make them great at something, right? And we forget everything else about their personality and their family and their connections and all those things, right? The skill is one

thing, but my God, the robustness of considering what it takes to make somebody a successful and healthy athlete. Tell me, tell me the things. So a couple of points there. Number one, we get the test first and then we get the lesson afterwards. So the ability, just the fact that I participated in sport for all those years, I still draw on and I was able to take a 30,000 foot view and look at it and say, how does running that hill, how is that going to apply to life? And, you know, when coach stops you and says, Rob, you don't have to run this hill. You get to run this hill. It's little coaching moments like

that. And the beauty about sport is sport by itself doesn't teach anything. We think it does, but it doesn't. It's the sport teaches whatever we want it to teach. So the role of the coach, the role of the debrief, the role in failure and how we kind of frame that and look at it, that becomes the real teacher. So like the importance of you have to have people around you that are able to speak truth into it and realize, look, striking out with the bases loaded or you miss that, that penalty. It's a bruise. It's not a tattoo. That is not who you are. That has to happen in order for you to learn these lessons. So what better way to learn it now when you're 13, 14 than when you're going to be 24, 25? Because now, you know, I mean, it's still safe. And if we don't make it safe, like psychological safety is a big term, right? It's like you have to be safe to put yourself out there and to fail. That even becomes a little bit muddied today because of how much emphasis gets put on highlight films. And if you look at any Instagram reels, nobody's ever missing a shot when they're on an Instagram reel. I didn't know if you knew that. Like they are 100% of shots made.

I love that percent. Can I dive into that a little bit? Because I think I often say this as a psychologist, right? You know this. We need a script for everything. And we really want, we get the highlight reels of the wins and the national championships and all of those kind of things. I want to see more about the kid that gets his soul crushed. I want to see, because I am such a believer that not, we shouldn't give everybody a medal. We have went very hard in trying to keep everybody happy. And what we have risked then is giving them a script for failure, giving them a script for when the ref makes a bad call and you

want to throw punch him. When you're on the bench and the coach benches you. OK, you you cannot you cannot prepare for that with words. You have to prepare for that with experience. And so I want you to lose. I want you to do those things. And I have to say for that with experience. And so I want you to lose. I want you to do those things. And I have to say, you know, as our as I watch our little guys, you know, there's a hockey tournament with seven teams and they lose all six and they still get a medal. I'm I'm like, oh, no, you suck. Somebody needs to say your goal is to save. I mean, maybe not in those particular ways. Right. But it's like I know know baby doll, this was sad. Right. Let's figure it out. I guess we could, if this is where we want to be and we want to beat these teams,

we're going to have to do a little better. Hey, I know, but it's so sad, mom. I know. Let's feel it. It's sad and it's disappointing. And it's all this, right. I need the names for those emotions so that I can tame them and then get back on the proverbial horse. What do you think about that? Absolutely. Because it's the now what the now what so even if in some of the real tragedies then become even after the successes right hey man we we won okay great well now what now that team that finished you know fourth or whatever even though they got like the participation trophy and all that

participation trophies like they're more about the parents than they are the kids anyway. Amen. And so, and we, we have a whole show on that one, but it's like, yes, it's always like, I tell my kids and every athlete that I work with, I want you to be the best at getting better because it is going to be about what you do after the failure, but also what you do after the success. I mean, I've seen it so many times and that was probably my detriment is once I reached success, that's it. That's the feeling I wanted. And I would rest and I would, well, okay, now it's on to the next. So I always wanted to stay up on that mountaintop a little bit longer, but you got to come back down off that mountaintop. And what that would do is that would chip away then at what had got me on that mountain to begin with.

Okay. So, but it's always the now what, now what are you going to do with that? Right. You failed. Okay. Now what, you know, we get the test first, we get the lesson afterwards, right? Okay. What did we learn from that experience? Like, okay, I was in a pressure moment and I focused on the outcome. I focused on not messing up. Great. How are we going to tweak that next time? Because that demon is still going to show up, right? It's not going to be like, we're never going to think about that, but how do I get back to them focusing on the process piece?

I got to add one more note if I can, because you know, it's your show, but you take it any way you want, but I tell parents this, if you knew what it took to be a pro athlete, because it's your show, but you take it any way you want. I love it. I tell parents this. If you knew what it took to be a pro athlete, you would never have your kids sign up. You'd never have your kids sign up because the only ones you're looking at are those, Chris Chelios, those that were able to make it to the absolute highest level.

You're not- Right, we're worried about the Tigers or the Brooke Hendersons or the people that like they look fancy and shiny and they got all these endorsements and like that's what we want. We want them to have money. We want them to have freedom. But tell me about that. What do you see behind the scenes? What do you see when we talk about broken hearts and broken families? I mean, the amount of, what's just the amount of time, sacrifice and effort that you put into that with, with there being no, um, you know, with, without the payoff happening. Um, I never want sport to get in the way of the relationship. Like you can never let sport get

in a relationship between your kids. And that's the important part. Like you always have to keep the relationship first sport has to become second. Well, that takes a lot of effort when there's so much time and effort that is put into like what we're doing, you know? Yeah. It's always about practice. It's always about what you're eating. It's always about getting into the next camp. Yeah. I, have you seen people do it well? And what is, what does that look like? So I think what it looks like, and this was, I'm kind of citing research along with some anecdotal stories, but it is home is not the fan base. Like when they get home and this is what athletes like, this wasn't the time to, um, I mean, they were back to, well, you still have to do the laundry, still have to take out the

trash. Like you still have to do these roles that you have to do, like as a kid growing up. You're not a superstar here, my love. Yeah, exactly. You know? so that grounding piece was fundamental. And then it was, you know, I think, I mean, there's so many different factors that go into it. That's the thing. That's the one piece that I always get back to is it's,

it's what we do. It's not who we are, because if it is your identity, and it's a big part of your identity, don't get me wrong, but if it's your whole identity, what we're saying is, is that the outcome is your identity, not you being an athlete, not you being a competitor, not you, how you deal with, uh, uh, setbacks, not how well you communicate or lead others or how well you can focus in the moment or even train. Like we're not talking about that. Like those are all positive that are going to last way beyond when sport is over. We're just talking about how you perform your outcome and results is who you are. Like if, and once that starts leading it, that really becomes difficult to peel that stuff away. Oh gosh, I bet.

Tell me a little bit. So so right now, what's what's your you got your hands in a couple of different sports, right? I've been watching a lot of your golf stuff. Tell me a little bit about that world. Tell me about who are you working with these days? What does this feel like? I mean, I'm my husband's a massive fan of golf. I'm a huge golf fan. I cannot hit a hole to save my life, but I really like the beer cart and I really like that's my favorite part of golf. Okay. Just like, you know, it's really usually nice out there, but tell me about what it's like. I mean, you've been at all of these major championships lately. I love watching you there. Tell me, tell me about some of those experiences. So I answer this the right way. What is it that you exactly want to know?

Cause I could go in eight different directions. You take it. You just, you tell me what you think we need to know today. Oh man. What a loaded question. See, you did a really good job there. Just, Hey, you take it. I mean, do you want to golf specific or do you want it like just in terms of mental training and the different athletes work with? Yeah. You tell me that. Well, I know you go anything. I want to, I want to know. I mean, this is a community trying to figure out some of the things I think about, like, you know, what do you do? How deep do you have to go? What, what are some of those stories look like and sound like, and feel like you tell me anything. Yeah. I'll start with this. I mean, I think with, you know, not being married to any one sport, um, and not even, I mean, I didn't even play golf growing up, you know, and my son beats me now and he's 12 years old. So it's like, um, golf is without a doubt, the hardest sport that there is because you can't hustle. You know, there is no hustling in hardest sport that there is because you can't hustle.

You know, there is no hustling in the sport. Every other sport you can hustle, you know, you can mask it. Sport in golf, you try harder, you're going to do worse. I'd never thought of it that way. Right. That's contrary to how every other sport is. I mean, you just effort your way through it. Even in tennis, like you can do that.

You can't do it in golf. You have to be disconnected from the outcome. You have to commit to what you can commit to, but you beat that game through, you know, committing to the shot, being staying focused, moving on from mistakes. Like that's how you battle it. And that's why it's so similar to life when it is. I'm going to do like a little, I think like infographic on like, hey, this sport, what is the life skill that it gets from it? You know what I mean? Oh, I love that. Yeah. That would be phenomenal. Yeah, I should do that. Like what's the specific life skill that you get from golf? And then, you know, because every sport by itself is always going to have issues to it. You've got good old boys network that come to it, you know, because every sport by itself is always going to have issues to it. You've got good old boys network that come to it, you know.

So and I just think golf in particular, I mean, it's the one sport where the social aspect is so important. You know, it's so important. You know, if you beat somebody a couple of times, that's great. I can tell you what, that coin is going to flip and you're going to be on the bottom at some point on your journey because of how golf is. Can I ask you a question? So this is what I think about every time I watch a PGA tournament. How much preparation goes into who you get paired with? Because I'm thinking about the high level people and I think about like, do you sit and wait?

Like, is there even some strategy behind, you know, I really want to get paired here because I can imagine you, as you say, the social aspect, the relationship, I've got to be so focused, but I'm sure if I'm paired with an asshole or if I'm paired with somebody who is positive and connected to me, is that going to help my game? Is there any thought about that in these high level places about, you know, how we contribute to that understanding? I mean, because, I mean, oftentimes you're playing with two or three people, yeah? Yeah, absolutely.

So are we talking about PGA Tour or are we talking about, hey, I'm going to go out here and play? Well, I really want to talk about PGA Tour. Okay, so PGA Tour, PGA Tour, they have different pairings. They have A pairings, B pairings, and C pairings. And that is why your A pairings, you're going to have Rory McIlroy, Jason Day, and Jordan Spieth in one group. Yeah. What if they hate each other? Like, relatively speaking, right? Like, you know what I mean? How much prep is there? Are you sitting there after the first round and you're just waiting to see where everybody's going to land? And you go and you're like, son of a bitch, I got those two. And it happens. Yeah. I mean, absolutely. It's like, man, you know, I kind of know how this one's going to go, but this is the part about it that is so difficult, right? If we get paired, you know, with a couple of pricks that are out there or a couple of people

that just want to like, you know, whatever it is, you learn so much about that person in one round of golf that their best friends aren't even going to know about them. Right. I'm not even saying I'm the best model. Like when I start playing bad, I'm not as talkative. I'm not as sharing. I don't want to joke it up because I'm kind of in this hole right now. So the thing is, once you get the people you get paired with, it's actually just showing you more about yourself. Am I letting that person right there bother me why am

i letting that person bother me right where is my focus my focus is going on you know trying to quick and hurry me up just because i got people behind me that are waiting you know what i mean so it's like your focus your focus can get off very very quick in the game and um and that's why yeah it's totally different than if you just go out there and play by yourself oh god you know and there's part of that and that's enjoyable as well. Um, but if you're playing like tournaments and wise, that's, that's not going to fly. Cause you're going to be playing with people that you don't like. Um, and you've got to be able to just focus on what you're trying to focus on. Yeah, absolutely. Who's some of the favorite athletes that you've worked with?

Who's, who's taught you the most? There's so many. I mean, I learned, I mean, I would even learn things from my athletes that are in like high school today. And the reason why is because, you know, they're teaching me something that, yeah, that, you know, something I forgot. Or one piece of, okay, yeah, I can see like how they're talking about. And then I kind of make the crosswalk over into, yes, that's, that's, that, this is the skill that they're kind of talking about. It's not verbalizing it the right way, but, um, I mean, I've learned so much from, I mean, all my athletes I've worked with, and I think that's the best part about coaching is, you know, just being able to like learn from them. That's the best part.

Isn't that true? Hey, everyone. We all know how draining cold and flu season can be. Waiting rooms, missed appointments, and that worry about whether a fever is something serious. But there is a better way. Maple gives you access to Canadian doctors and nurse practitioners in minutes, right from your phone. Get the medical care you need, including prescriptions when appropriate, 24-7 without leaving home. One membership covers your whole family, so you can add all your dependents to your account. And with over a million five-star reviews, you're in good hands.

Download the Maple app today. See a real doctor on your phone in minutes, 24-7. Get Maple. Get well. Sooner. If you're at a point in life when you're ready to lead with purpose, we can get you there. The University of Victoria's MBA in Sustainable Innovation is not like other MBA programs. It's for true changemakers who want to think differently and solve the world's most pressing challenges. From healthcare and the environment to energy, government, and technology, it's your path to meaningful leadership in all sectors. For details, visit uvic.ca slash future MBA. That's uvic.ca slash future MBA.

I think that's what makes the best coach. And we often don't talk about that very much. Like, we really think we need to know it all, all the skills, all the training, all the review of the tapes, all of those kinds of things. But like, when you switch that dynamic a little bit, I think, I mean, I'm excited to hear you talk about that. Like when you really sort of recognize that they come with their own story and you have to know about them. I mean, I often say this quote about, you know, one of my favorite hockey coaches said, you should see how fast I can get a kid to skate when I know the name of his dog. Isn't that something? Yeah. And so how much do you get to know about your athletes? Yeah, absolutely. And that's where it's like as mental coach, like, you know, being able to spend

time, you know, at the weight room or spending time on a run with them or like a workout outside of, you know, just them performing, that becomes the most crucial time. Because then you're able to kind of have those shoulder to shoulder conversations instead of just always like the face to face conversations. I think the shoulder to shoulder conversations are like where like the rapport or the jokes kind of get made where you learn more about that individual yeah okay i love it i love it um just before we talk about your book i want to have one more question how was taylor swift i mean it's just absolutely fantastic you know i mean just a uh i mean it's the third time i've

seen her no you're a major Swifty. Well, I guess I am now because my daughter, like going into the concert, she made me learn all these. Like I had like four or five different roles that I had to play for different songs. Like you have to sing at this part. This is the line. No way. That's awesome.

How old is your daughter? She just turned 15. Oh my gosh. So fun. I have a 10 year old that is like so. So she's coming. Taylor Swift's coming up to Canada not till next year. Tickets are, of course, all you think we could? And I'm like, okay, honey, like I cannot, the phenom that is, huh? Was it just, was it remarkable to sit in that presence the third time? It is just because of, um, you know, I mean, I was aware of her back when she was just singing karaoke, like as a 12 year old, you know, so I've got, um, kind of that inside information and it was just, I mean, she's a savant. She really is, you know, about her ability to take the words in music and just create such a product from it, you know, and, and it's just her being genuine. That's the part that that's why it works,

right. It's just her being authentic and, and just the absolute skill and mastery that she has of it she's in control of it all you know how tough do you think she is mentally oh incredibly well you have to be because of how much stuff happens on the outside this is how this is how i knew when taylor swift was really tough was when um and this was again i get my years mixed up now right it was pre-covid post-covid now that's all yes that's all you got yeah so pre-covid um at one of the shows there was a dj that like you know grabbed her ass do you remember that and like yes yeah so um that went into a lawsuit because he got fired and then he sued Taylor Swift. So Taylor Swift easily could have been like, hey, that happened.

I'm not dealing with it. But no, she went to a court and testified. So that alone right there, like defending your integrity about who you are because the lawsuit then became for one dollar and to take that amount of time and effort to go into something because you know this is what truth is and this is reality right i'm not gonna let that happen um that's when it was like really solidified yes absolutely that's how tough she is and the fact of when you were in that kind of light um that everything you do i mean geez man there was like a 10 minute segment on CNN because a bug flew in her mouth when she was in a concert. You know what I mean? I'm like,

what are we talking about here? Like, Oh, let alone when you go to an NFL game, my gosh, you're in trouble. So what, what do you think? Yes, that, that part is so mentally tough. And the same thing that Tiger Woods has, like you have, you don't understand like how deep the rows are for Tiger and everybody that Tiger walks by, they're yelling the same thing. The ability just to stay in your own lane, in your own bubble, is an extreme amount of mental toughness. Well, I watched you sort of say that to the other day. I remind me which golfer it was who said, you don't have the stones for this.

And he said, this was the greatest motivator because you have to prepare for those experiences or just even be knowledgeable of it. And when when you can center back in yourself, that becomes motivation instead of the debilitating thing. Can you can you tell me a little bit about that for, you know, successful people like Taylor, like, you know, the people you work with? So even Taylor Swift was rejected at the age of 15. She got one of the beginning contracts at RCA. And then she's like, okay, I want the real deal now. And they're like, well, you know, we're just going to think I'm going to hold you on another developmental contract for one year. So basically what they were saying was, Taylor, you're not good enough.

Yeah. Yeah. Even Taylor Swift was told that she wasn't good enough. So the story about like Brian Harmon winning the Open Championship, somebody said, you don't have the stones for this. They're telling him you're not good enough. Now I believe in what I have seen from all successful people at some point, either through their circumstance or by somebody else, sometimes somebody close to them would tell them, you know, that's a bad idea. Don't try it. You're not good enough. I mean, they told Elvis, he should be a truck driver. You know what I mean? They told the Rolling Stones, Hey,

these guys got two weeks. Um, so anybody who has reached that, that level, and it's not always about proving them wrong. It's about, these are these moments that are very, very painful that we're going to go through, but you're either going to prove that person right, or you're going to prove yourself right. And what you're going to prove yourself right. And what you have to believe in yourself. And it's only when that gets challenged, does it then come to fruition. If it's never challenged,

if you're just told how great you are all the time, understand it, right? It makes sense. But you have to have that part that if it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you. And that's the part where every great person, every successful person was all told that. And I've yet to come across somebody that wasn't. And it's, and it's, again, it's not about proving wrong. It's about proving yourself right. Oh, I love that. And there's almost a message in here,

like expect it, right? You see, I mean, we talked about earlier, the highlight reels of everybody and everybody looks so great and everybody seems so great. I mean, that's all that we're putting now in this inundation of social media, I think has really become a huge detriment to this mental toughness game because the expectation is this is what you need to do to get all this glory. But all we see is the glory, not the 6 a.m. practices and, you know, the sleepless nights and all of those things that it takes to sort of get there.

I, you know, your new book is called I Can't Wait to Be Patient. And I'm assuming that one of the keys to some of this success, whatever you determine that to be, you're going to make the A team or you're going to just try out or you're going to make that NCAA team or whatever the deal is. Or, you know, kick off your music career. How big is this role of patience? Well, patience is really, it's trusting the process of time. And time is the most precious resource that we have.

It is the one thing that unites us all. We talk about like the similarities, like everybody, and you kind of hear it, but everybody has that baseline of time. And so we all start out with it and it's really becoming like, well, then how do you invest your time? You know, how are you spending it? I mean, there's so many different avenues we can go in, but the role of patience is, I mean, the product and what we're trying to do requires patience. It really does. Anything that you're going to be worth doing in life, it's never paying off right then and there. It is not a slot machine, right? There is so much time that goes into it. And patience for the product is what's required. lot of people because I don't have results here in two weeks. Like, what do you mean I'm out? Um, and that's why the process requires perspective. So the process requires perspective,

the product requires the patient. So you have to have a different perspective with the 6am practices, with the ability to put in, you know, I know people would say, put in the work, but you know, and it is that, but it's like to put in the process, um, they understand that the day that the sea is that day that the seed is planted is not the day that it's harvested. And so what our job is, is to make sure we're planting these seeds and make sure that we're taking care of the soil, watering it, focusing on it. And the outcome is going to basically take care of itself. And I can go in so many different directions, be happy to, but I mean, patience, I just think it's really the new frontier of mental toughness. Because if we look at any of

our problems, any of our issues that we're dealing with, it one way or another we got to go through time right i just don't have the results i want right now um i'm getting bombarded with these code blues and these urgencies right now where if we have the ability to take a step back to reflect breathe take your time think um we just don't start working you know we actually stick with the plan in terms of like what we're doing. And that's where it's like urgency trumps the important all the time. And many times we're changing directions because something's urgent rather than important. Oh my gosh. I love this. And I, and I think it speaks to, can I just say this as I was thinking about the building of my

own company, as you're saying these things, because it's like, you often have the people who are the dreamers, the creatives, the athletes who are like, let's just go, let's get it done. Sometimes the importance, I think, of finding the people who can surround you that are good at patience, because when you're a goer, a doer, you're talented, you're like, no, I got it. Right. When you're a high level something, it's like, no, I don't need it. I mean, let's just push through it. Or you always have all of these ideas. How about how about what about what about what about which makes you great. Right. And you almost need that coach, that partner, that I don't know, CEO that sort of is like, OK, OK, OK, what's the plan? Right. And I was thinking about that even when you're talking about Taylor Swift, right? How critical it is to choose the people who surround you. How critical it is to ensure that you have different people around your table

that can do the things you're not. Not just the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we're amazing, you're amazing. Let's go, we got it. Versus, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's drop those shoulders. We don't need to get it today. What we need to get today is blah, blah, blah, right?

How critical is that dance? It's, you know, if you have psychophants and a real homogeneous group that's around you, then change is not going to happen. It just won't. And in order to progress, like, you have to be able to change. You have to have those diverse viewpoints that come in there from the boardroom to the locker room. I mean, it's absolutely essential, you know, and well, who wants to be told, ah, you know what? It's really not a good idea that

you spent this time into. Nobody really wants to be told that. Or you're not ready. You're not ready. Right. We need a little bit more of this. We need a little bit more of this. Right. Versus like, I think I am. Right. So trusting that relationship, I think, I mean, I love this. I can't wait to dive deeper into your book. So I can't wait to be patient. What is, what are we going to find there? What is, what is the reason everybody needs this in this, in this world right now? Because I love how you describe it. Okay. Page one. Going to get a read. The key about it is this, is since we are designed as human beings to get from point A to point B as fast as possible, right? You punch it in your GPS.

How do we get there as fast as possible? Great. Very, very few of us are taking the slow route and it makes sense. I'm not denying it. That's why this book was so hard to write because there's such a dichotomy that comes to it. Like, yes, you have to be urgent towards what you're doing right here and now. You got to be urgent towards it, right? As long as it's important. But because we're designed to get from point A to point B as fast as possible, what that means is, is now we have a sense of urgency towards everything. And everything is not urgent. That's the thing. You really have to decide, hey, how are you approaching this practice? You got to approach this practice with urgency. You have to approach this game with urgency. No question about it. Do I need to approach my relationship with my wife with urgency? Do I need to approach this conversation with urgency? No. And that's the problem is

because we're designed to get from point A to point B as fast as possible. And we romanticize and value speed over everything. My alternative to that isn't saying speed isn't bad. Speed is absolutely great. When you realize that look, rhythm is still more important than speed. Like if we look at farmers, farmers put the hustle and hustle culture, right? They were the hustlers before hustle culture was even a term. No one is ever going to say, yeah, farmers, man, they don't really work that hard, right? No one's ever going to say that. It's ridiculous. So, and again, I'm sure there are some farmers that don't, but the majority of farmers are the hardest workers. Well, look at their day. Their day is, yeah, they're up at 4.30 and they're doing their work, but you know what? It's 7.30. They're still having coffee and

breakfast with friends. Then when they get done with that, then there's, they've got the work that they're doing. Then they're having dinner, not lunch, but dinner. And then they have the afternoon where they're mending the fences, you know? So're having dinner, not lunch, but dinner. And then they have the afternoon where they're mending the fences, you know? So they work really, really hard, but it's not at a frenetic pace. They realize that there is a rhythm to the day and a rhythm to what they do. And that's the way that that's how we need to approach things is as long as, Hey, we're setting up our day. So there's a rhythm to it, right? There's a cadence to it. And that's the part of like, look, rhythm is more important than speed.

I love that. And that's where the book goes into, hey, what are the killers to urgency, right? What are the laws of patience? Why do we do something instead of just do nothing? Like, why do NFL coaches call timeout to ice the kicker when we know ice in the kicker doesn't work? Because we have a bias towards doing something, an action bias that drives everything. And it influences then how we're even making decisions.

Wow. Yeah. So that's what we get on the book. Oh, okay. So I love that. I love this conversation. There's so much packed into those pages. Where can people find the book. Oh, okay. So I love that. I love this conversation. There's so much packed into those pages. Where can people find that book?

Yeah, absolutely. So the book website is can'twaitbook.com. And then my website as well is just drrobbell.com. Amazing. That's where we find you. That's where we follow you. I also love your Instagram. Those videos are fantastic.

You're doing a bang up job around that. And you can just catch so many any like tips on there that I think is really accessible to your community. So go follow this guy. Check it out. I think it is your message is what we need, particularly in this world of sport. But it's so applicable across, you know, just being able to be successful. Whatever we want to do, it takes time.

It takes patience. And who you sit with really matters. Listen, thank you so much for joining me today. It was such an honor and everybody, I am, I'm so grateful that you now to get to know this human in our amazing community. And I say one more thing. Yes, do it. So if anybody wants to go to the website, either can't wait book.com or drrobbell.com, they can just download a daily focus roadmap. It's kind of laying out the roadmap in terms of, Hey, how we need to structure the day. So rhythm is going to be more important than, than speed. Oh, I love that. Okay. We'll put all of those links in the show notes as well

so that you can easily get those if you're listening today. And wherever you are today, drop those shoulders because that is, I think, the key. Pay close attention to who you're sitting with today. It really matters. I'm just so glad you chose to sit with us. And I can't wait to see you again real soon. I'm a registered clinical psychologist here in beautiful Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice. The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, some education, and hopefully a little hope. The Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast by me, Dr. Jodi Carrington, is produced by Brian Seaver, Taylor McGillivray, and the amazing

Jeremy Saunders at Snack Labs. Our executive producer is the one and only my Marty Piller. Our marketing strategist is Caitlin Beneteau and our PR big shooters are Des Veneau and Barry Cohen. Our agent 007 guy is Jeff Lowness from the Talent Bureau and my emotional support during the taping of these credits was and is and will always be my son, Asher Grant.