Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - Rewriting Your Story: Resilience, Redemption & the Power of Mindset: Melissa Monte

Episode Date: July 17, 2025

What happens when life takes an unexpected turn and the path you thought you were on completely unravels? Melissa Monte—host of the Mind Love podcast and a force in personal growth—knows this journey intimately. From trauma and addiction to a wrongful felony conviction, Melissa’s story is one of resilience, reinvention, and the power of rewriting our narrative.In this raw and insightful conversation, Jody and Melissa dive into:✨ The truth about resilience (it’s not what you think)✨ The stories we tell ourselves—and how to change them✨ Breaking free from generational trauma and loneliness✨ The power of mindset in creating the life you actually wantThis episode is a must-listen for anyone who has ever felt stuck in their past, wondering what now? Prepare to be inspired, challenged, and reminded of your own power.Follow Melissa:https://instagram.com/mindlovemelissa Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

At the beginning of every episode, there will always be time for an acknowledgement. You know, the more we do this, people ask, why do you have to do the acknowledgement in every episode? I got to tell you, I've never been more grateful for being able to raise my babies on the land where so much sacrifice was made. And I think what's really critical in this process is that the ask is just that we don't forget. So the importance of saying these words at the beginning of every episode will always be of utmost importance to me and this team. So

everything that we created here today for you happened on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pikani, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakoda First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. Our job, our job as humans, is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and stay connected to the good. is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and stay connected to the good. Well, hello again, welcome back.

Welcome in to another episode of the Unlonely Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Jodie Carrington. And I gotta tell you something about this episode, okay? I did not see this one coming, all right? I heard about Melissa, Melissa Monte, who you're fixing to meet here right away. And I, you know, she is host of Mind Love, which is in the sort of top 0.5% of podcasts.

And I was like, okay, cool, Fine. Yeah. I read like the history about her and I was like, okay, this will be great. I prepared some questions. She blew my mind. You need to listen to this episode because we start to have conversations about like spiritual quest. Really what happens? Let me tell you about her. Okay, so she is She's got this story where loneliness and disconnection sort of shaped her whole life, which has led her to what she does now You'll learn about this in our episode But her parents divorced when she was little grew up bouncing between homes Always by herself only child and when she was seven her mom got remarried and told her that God comes first Her marriage comes second and the kids come last. And in that moment, she, like many other kids, sort of don't

know where they are, where she fit. And that belief she talks about, you know, followed her for years. And she became the kind of person who moved around when things got hard, never fully felt like she was anybody that mattered or that she had anybody in her corner. And the kind of disconnection that she describes here shows up in sneaky ways, like perfectionism, people pleasing, emotional walls, even self-destruction. For Melissa, it looked like an eating disorder, toxic relationships, and eventually a felony charge for a crime she didn't commit.

Yes, you did hear that correctly. She now has focused so much of her work around stories that people have running their lives and how you start to question those stories. And if they served you at one point, did they still serve you? Because that's true for all of us, right? At some points, things that served us well kept us protected or safe, sometimes no longer apply. And that's what really kind of messes us up. I hope you love this conversation because she made me think about things

that I haven't considered for a very long time. And I have thought about this episode multiple times since I left her and I cannot wait to meet up with her again. friends buckle up. I I've been thinking a lot about, you know, talking much more about strategically this loneliness plea place is, you know, well, like, I mean, for lack of a better word, lonely and isolating. And I think sometimes when we're trying to figure out exactly, you know, the possibilities of navigating back, it's like in the stories of the people who have figured this out or who have lived

it. And when I was reading about Melissa Monte, I was just like, come on, um, a remarkable human who's with us today, who, you know, has her own podcast, who's blown up the world. But I'm, I'm so much more interested in this incredible human who is like been in prison has survived. And I use that term loosely, uh, an eating disorder has been such an advocate for getting people to understand the process of navigating through resilience. And, um, I want to talk about childhood narratives. I want to talk about self-worth.

I want to talk about why people keep getting stuck because, you know, that seems to be the thing, um, that everybody gets maddest about, okay, this is all fucking great, but then what do we do about it? So welcome. Welcome to the show, Melissa. Start at the top. You're a big bear currently, California. Yeah, we moved here in 2020 when we realized

why are we paying to live in LA when we can't do anything? So. Shocker, now this is amazing. So take it from the top for me, because I, I, your story is so intricate and complex as, as many of us are. But I, but I'm so fascinated on the journey that got you here to be a voice for so many. Um, how did you find yours? Take me back to the beginning. Well,

it's interesting how we view our story differently depending on where we are in our lives and the lens that I saw it through while it was happening is completely different than the lens I was able to see it through once I emerged. And I eventually saw that every single thing was leading me to the person I was meant to become and the impact I was meant to leave. And so when I was growing up, I had a big vision for my life. I always felt smart.

I had a lot of people affirming that I was meant to do big things in this world. And so when I was a teenager and trauma hit me back to back, I was just not equipped to handle it. I thought that strength meant not letting it affect me. And so when I was sexually assaulted, lost a friend to suicide, and then my dad died within a couple of years of each other, I at that point was just doing whatever I could to not feel. And it's interesting also seeing how I was processing at the time, I remember almost feeling anger for people that would let big things affect

them. And it was really a mirror of how I was treating my inner world. I remember thinking, I can't, I can't believe somebody lets a rape bring them down like that, like just get up and go. And that's exactly what I was doing. And so when my dad died, it was sort of the last piece of me that was hanging on

and just whatever sense of myself was was gone after that. And so I was new to college and I just started drinking and partying a lot, keeping myself busy every single moment. And I couldn't see that I was spiraling. I actually thought I was doing this well. I was still getting good grades and then eventually I did drop out of college, but I got a good job. And so I was, I thought I was doing well. And I ended up in a relationship with somebody that I made a lot of excuses for because I was determined to love him in the way that I didn't feel that people understood me while I was going through things. His dad died the weekend that I met him. And so I just attributed everything to that.

The, and there was a slow unraveling of finding things out. And so it was like excuse after excuse, after excuse finding out he was cheating on me and making that, well, I'm, I must need to become more so that I won't, he won't need to find somebody else than finding out about his gambling addiction. And then eventually a meth addiction. And at that point, I remember thinking, oh, meth is the reason that he can't see me. I was almost relieved. There was a reason.

It wasn't my, it wasn't because of me and my worth. It was because of this. But then one day we were arrested and I remember seeing the, one day we were arrested. And I remember seeing the police lights behind us and I thought we were being pulled over for busted tail lights or rolling through a stop sign or something like that. But then they had us get out of the car so they could search it. And I'll never forget the look on that officer's face as he slowly opened the trunk and saw dozens of lock boxes, cases of stolen jewelry. Turns out his jewelry business was stealing it from homes that were for sale and easier to get into.

And I was deeply entrenched in this jewelry business. He was selling it on eBay. I was helping him take photos of it. I got to the point where I could like weigh gold in my hand and tell you about how much it was worth. And he, he had showered me with all of these beautiful things. And so at first, I just felt like he was sweeping me into his life and out of mine. And it was exactly what I needed. But when we were arrested this day,

this diamond necklace that he gave me that had made me feel valuable was the thing that implicated me because it was stolen. And so through the next few years, there were trial dates pushed back. And interestingly enough, right before this, I did go to Hawaii for six weeks to get away from him to sort of rebuild my life. My best friend lived there at the time, but I didn't do any of the inner work there. So when I came back, it was just a couple of phone calls till I was back in his stories. And so we're in the middle of these court dates.

And if I were to have taken it to trial to prove my innocence, which I very well could have, because apparently while I was gone, it was when he went on a bunch of, of burglary sprees. He was known as the biggest burglary ring in the Coachella Valley at the time. And so, uh, if I went to trial to prove my innocence, it would have been fairly easy because I had all of the records that I had been in Hawaii during this time. But if I went to trial, then he had to go to trial also because our cases were combined.

And if he went to trial, he was pretty much guaranteed to get 10 years in jail. And at the time, I was paying out of pocket for an attorney that was about five grand. I didn't even have any money, so I was on a long payment plan. He had a $50,000 attorney because he inherited a lot of money when his dad died. And I think he knew what was at stake for him. And so my attorney never even showed up and I was being coached by his mom and his attorney the whole time, afraid to bring people in for help because my mom worked at a church at the time. My stepdad actually volunteered at the police department and the homicide department. It was a whole thing. And so I'm just being coached by them about what's in my best interest, but really theirs.

And long story short, I took a felony to save him from jail. And at 22, this was a big deal. Like it really felt like everything that I had worked for in my entire life was wiped clean. How was I going to explain the crazy story on two lines of a job application or a rental application even all of a job application or a rental application even, all of a sudden I had to do everything through the back door.

And while it was happening, it felt like the absolute worst thing that could have happened to me. But later on what I could see was it was the very thing that I needed to slingshot me toward my purpose. If life had been easier, or if that hadn't happened, I probably would have gotten a good job. Golden handcuffs, you know, good money. But I don't think I would have been fulfilled. I don't think I would have answered my soul's calling. But instead I had to figure out how can I still create a big life for myself with no one else's permission. And through that,

I started really studying internet marketing deep in forums. And there was a bunch of things that happened in between then he ended up getting two strikes because he didn't get jail time, followed me to LA where I went to get away from him, threw a brick, threw my windshield, broke into my house while I was sleeping. I had to move again. There was a lot of chaos. But on my end, I was just trying to build a life, start clean,

desperate to make different choices. Well, a couple of years into being in LA, he ended up being arrested for another string of robberies and I was finally free. And so I started doing things differently. I knew I had to decide, like at that point my, my habits were so bad. I was like, well, what's my first instinct? Well, let's do the opposite. It was almost like that Seinfeld episode, you know,

Georgia does the opposite of what he wants to do. And all of a sudden his life is amazing. That was kind of me at that moment. So I, it was a slow climb out, but one thing led to another. I ended up learning how to do everything for free because I didn't have money. And so I was really like in the back door of internet marketing, ended up winning tickets online to traffic and conversion summit. And I won the wicked smart competition at the end of that in 2010, and it ended up setting up my freelance career for two years. I did still get jobs because I was good at things, but it was like the jobs would come

to me. I now understand my human design, and apparently that's exactly how it works with my type. But I got a job as a social media marketer for a startup, And within a year I moved my way up to vice president of that company, but I was still not fulfilled. I realized that, um, I didn't want to live my life building someone else's dream. And so I started a side hustle and that was mind love where I really got down to the purpose work of like, okay,

instead of just chasing these different hustle opportunities of what I think could make money, what would actually fulfill me to do? That time I wasn't really looking to make money. I thought it was going to be a side thing to keep me fulfilled so I could stay at my job. But when I found it, it clicked in. Within just a couple of months, I knew that this was what I was meant to do, and I was

good at it. And so six months after launching my podcast, I had sponsors reaching out to me. I was speaking at podcast conferences on podcast growth. And from there, I ended up quitting my job and making it my life's purpose. And so without that crazy story, I don't know if it would have led me here. And so I'm at the point now where I can look at my story and really see what I believe to be the sole contracts of it all, you know, the people working in my life,

playing the bad guys to help me become all that I was meant to so that I could leave the legacy I came here to create. Oh my God. Now let me just take you back a little bit because there is a lot to unpack there. I have a question about soul contracts, but I first, I loved the depiction about, you know, all of this happens for a reason kind of thing that I think there's so many of us that Don't get there that stay in that beginning place of like what the fuck because as you said, you know Like I can see it now. I certainly couldn't see it then and I think this is true of addiction I think this is true of you know patterns of relationship that we get caught into that

We're just like seeking the validation from another human being. What would you say, now that you look back on this, because again, I guess what I also think is true is that some of this is a rite of passage. You don't know what you don't know until you garner some experience. Some of us, it takes one shot around to get it right, and then other ones, we're like, okay, nope,

you're a slow learner. We're gonna have to give you that lesson 877 times before you really come out the other side. What was it as you sort of look back, what do you think those turning points were? Were there certain people that assisted you in that process? That best friend to land into in Hawaii? Was it something you read? Was it just a shift in your life that sort of was like, made that go on? Like, why are we still not back there is the question. When I look at the big picture of my story, I can see the little inputs.

My dad paying me to read self-development books when I was a preteen and a teenager, seven habits of highly effective teens. He paid you. He would give me $50 to write a report on it. And so tip for free, tip for free. My mom joining a multi-level marketing scheme and it automatically put her in a book club that had some really good books, like who moved my cheese and how to win friends and influence people.

And so I had these little inputs and I remember even when I was 13, I was like, mind over matter. I'm going to choose not to have asthma anymore. So I refuse to use my inhaler at physical ed. And then I actually like within a year for some reason, I still believe that my mind overpowered that asthma. I've never dealt with it again. These little inputs, also my family life. My parents divorced when I was about six months old, which is one of the reasons why loneliness had really just been such a theme through my life. But I also got to observe

how different families were. My mom had, my mom's side had zero trauma really. And that side of the family seemed to make drama out of every little thing that happened. My dad's side on the other hand had a significant amount of trauma. My dad was the oldest of seven and when he was 18 years old, his dad killed his mom and then died by suicide and blamed my dad and the suicide note. And I watched how those seven children dealt with it all differently. Some of them, it crushed them. Schizophrenia, even suicide, mental illnesses. And then the other ones decided to make meaning out of it, which was my dad included. And he broke some of that ancestral trauma, but not all of it.

And so these little inputs that I didn't know I was processing, but they were there. And so when I was at my darkest, I also fell into victimhood for years, especially right after my dad died and with the binge drinking and the party drugs and doing whatever I could not to feel what I was going through. But at some point, especially after the felony, I had to face what I didn't want to face and realize the choices that I was making weren't working for me. And so I needed to do something different.

And I just, what I knew how to do is read. And so I just started reading books and getting these different worldviews and these different ideas. And then as I could handle it, making small, instrumental changes. Now through this, this was about a 10 year journey. I really look at like my age 19 to 29 as when I was figuring shit out and that eating disorder was rampant through that whole time.

It was still, and so even when I was making better life choices surrounding myself with different people, there were still a lot of things that I was doing that weren't serving me. And so little decisions showed me different evidence. And through that, I started to create a new worldview, a new way of seeing both myself and my place in the world. And the final thing for me was actually finding love.

That was the thing that helped me step out of my eating disorder, which was the one thing that I really wondered if I could ever get through. I had just been told a lot that it was something that was going to be there with me through my whole life. And so I think it was experiencing a new way of love in my body that that helped me see that I couldn't live in these two split worlds anymore. Can you tell me more about that? Because I'm so fascinated this as a psychologist, I do a lot of work in the world of trauma. And the question I get asked quite often is, you know, do you always have to go back to go forward? Right? Is it always about your childhood? And I say vehemently without hesitation

every time? Yes. Yes, fucking yes. You need to understand where you come from, in order to figure out where you're going. And when you talk about, you know, sort of reflecting on how you got there and, you know, again, the good and the bad, right? Dad really investing in your understanding of education, of knowledge, of gathering those things, mom as well. And, you know, those experiences that sort of shaped you in addition to the fact that like, I felt lonely

because mom chose God over me. I read that part in your bio or you know, dad sort of, you know, depiction of like this divorce was so early and you know, what does that mean for you? When you talk about understanding, you know, what your body needs, soul contracts, it sounds to me like there is this belief that that some of this is bigger than you. Um, is, is that true? And can you tell me how, how that's played a part in this process and what that means actually to our listeners? Cause some people are like, what the hell is that?

Yeah. And I don't expect everyone to end up with the same worldview, but I landed on this one because it served me the most. And I tried a lot on for size. I was raised in a really religious home and it never felt right to me. I always had questions. And when I bring some of these questions to the people who were supposed to have the answers, I was shamed.

It's like not having enough faith or. It's a convenient response, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Like you just have to have faith. And I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me. Faith will come when it makes sense. And so, or when it feels right, or when the God that I'm being shown isn't, doesn't have an entire old Testament of like killing people for thinking for themselves. And so I had a lot of questions about my religion. And so for a while, especially after my dad died, I was like, well, there can't be a God.

And that didn't feel right either. And it took a lot to learn what truth felt like in my body, my personal truth felt like in my body, because I had spent so many years disconnecting from that, really starting from the sexual assault. And like, it didn't feel safe to be in my body, so I lived in my head. But when-

Oh my God, I love that story. I need you to say that one more time. It didn't feel safe to be in my body, so I lived in my head. Yeah. Brilliant. The definition of trauma not integrated, right? Yeah. Brilliant. The definition of trauma not integrated, right? Yeah.

And the bravest thing anybody can do is slowly but surely integrate those two pieces. It's never about what happened to you. It's what happened inside of you as a result of what happened to you. And that's what I love the most about your story, is that when you started to feel again, the integration of that part allowed such freedom. Hey, yes. Yeah. So keep it, carry on. Sorry. I love that. That was the most brilliant thing I've ever heard. Keep going.

And so I started seeking. I've always been obsessed with finding the truth. And what I see now is that the truth may be different for different people. What my inner truth is, is different from someone else's. And what I do now is help people process their own stories. And I think that story is so powerful because so often we use, we go to logic and analytics trying to prove something to ourselves, but it's the story that touches our hearts. And so that's what moves us and, and creates the behavior change.

And so I needed to see my own story through a lens of empowerment so that that would move me into a place of power. And I think I've spent a lot of time studying the religion that I was born. It's actually one of the religion I was raised in. It's one of my favorite explorations. I've gone deeper than some Bible scholars at this point to really understand what the, what happened. And what is, what did you follow? So I was raised Christian and, and now I,

I see, I see the history of how the Bible was crafted, manipulated for power. The Romans took over, killed all the original Christians, and they needed to add legitimacy to their reign. And so they created a book that was full of methods of control and disconnecting people from their own power. That's my personal beliefs. And so I needed to understand that story so that I wouldn't have this like instilled fear of hell anymore.

Hell wasn't even, Christian literalism didn't exist until 300 years after Jesus was born. But my whole point is Jesus spoke in parables. God, I love you. Jesus spoke in parables because he knew that stories moved people. And he knew that three people hearing the same story, they'd each have their own meaning that was meant for them. Story is so powerful because when you can tell it in a way that people see themselves in your story, regardless of if they've gone through the same outer manifestations, that same inner transformation is activated. And so I activated my own inner transformation by

reframing my story to see what came out of it. And so what makes sense for me with soul contracts, as you asked, is I believe if a soul is eternal, then that means it had to exist before we were born also. What was that soul doing? Why did it choose to incarnate into this world? And what impact was it meant to create? And so I imagine now the man I once saw as the person that ruined my life, holding onto that story keeps me locked in with him in that place of rock bottom

versus seeing that he played the exact role in his life that he was meant to. And that doesn't make him a victim either. But maybe we both chose to come in and he, he play the bad guy. And this is what his life turned out to be so that it can activate me, potentially his own mother, potentially his brother. These people play a role and it's our choice to step up to the plate and become the hero of that story or to stay the victim. And if you stay the victim, then you don't have any power in your own life. And who does that serve? But if you realize that you are the hero, then you get to play the transformation in countless other lives. I also understand even on the quantum physics and the neuroscience aspect of it,

I have learned that our transformation affects more than just the people that we're in contact with now. There are studies that show that it potentially has a ripple effect on even people that are no longer in our lives. just by us blossoming into our fullest potential. We're having a ripple effect that we will never fully grasp the true magnitude of. And so now, especially because of where I came from, what my dad went through, what I saw my life turning into, I could feel those, I don't know, you can, some people view them as entities. Some people view them as just ancestral trauma or epigenetics that still lives in

your body. I could feel the curse. And so if I was going to bring children into this world, it became my number one goal to just take the role from where my dad left off. He got me as far as he could and there was still more work to do. And so if I didn't want to pass that on to my children then I needed to make sure that it ends with me. Wow. So okay, so two things I think about that. So I want to tell you this and see what you think about it. Okay. So the first time, and this is a bit ironic to me, but irony is really

relative. So, um, the first time I really understood soul contracts is I was meeting with a woman who was mentoring me in this space of speaking and writing, and she'd been on Oprah a few times and she'd written some books and she'd done all the things and her father murdered her mother and then took his own life in front of her and she said to me and we did this one-on-one I remember I was like in LA in her house and like it was the beginning of my career and I was like I don't even know how I fucking got here but like this is amazing and she started speaking about cosola construct contracts and I was like, Okay, now we're gonna light incense and fucking who shit's gonna start

happening, right? Because I'm like, No, I don't know. I don't know. I'm here. And she said to me, she had to believe in this space that, can you imagine if this is her question to me, could you imagine if these souls, my souls in my world, world we all sat together the one who then became my mother became my father became my sisters All sat together and said to each other. Okay, here's what we're gonna do Here's the lessons that we need to learn and we need to teach this Go around here's what I'm gonna do. She's like and can you imagine how ridiculous is but you know, we're like How are we really gonna get this lesson? Good? OK, here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to kill you, and you're going to do this, and you're going to do this. Are we up for it? And we're all like, yes, because you can see the greater purpose of the potential lessons for learning in this way. So we have this contract between these souls about what is going to happen in this world,

because this is what we need to learn. This is what we need to learn. This is what we need to teach. And it was the first time ever that I thought about this concept of being on this planet. And I mean, I too am very interested in determinism and like, do we have free will? And what does that look like? And, you know, how does how does how do we change this and this is what we so contracted to believe what if we get here we're like fuck that i'm out of the contract like what happens to everybody else and like there's so many questions in that space and then catholicism comes in on the side and it's like no that's right you know it like it's such a ride is it do you Do you keep reflecting and learning and growing in this space? Or how do you, tell me more about this evolution for you? Yeah, I'm always going deep. I always have like nine

books going. One of my favorite is Second Coming of Christ. I have it right next to me, The Resurrection of the Christ Within You, and it's actually written by Parmahamsa Yogananda, who wrote autobiography of a yogi. And he goes through the New Testament and he gives a difference, a deeper understanding of what was actually being written. And so this, from my research, is what was stripped from the Bible. When you look into books like Secret Mark or the Gnostic Texts, you can see deliberately the narrative that they were trying to craft to control. And I think that it was to sever us from our own divinity, from our own understanding of the true nature of ourselves.

And so this book even identifies like different scripture, like in the beginning was the word. And Christianity teaches that word is another word for Jesus, which doesn't even make a lot of sense. The fact that we've been convinced of that is interesting. But think about what word is. Word is intelligent vibration plus meaning. That is a word and that is what spoke the universe into existence. And that's exactly how we create our own realities. And so my understanding of this,

a book that I always recommend to people that want a deeper understanding of this, there's a pretty famous book called conversations with God by Neil Donald Walsh, but he has a children's book and I love sending this to people because it's so deep and profound. Anytime I send it to somebody, they're like, Oh my gosh, that hit me deep. But you send someone a book and it's a pretty big investment. Rarely do people read the books you send them. I found, but if you send someone a children's book, they don't really have an excuse.

And the way it shows this soul, it's called the little soul in the sun and it shows the soul talking to God, saying that, just talking and saying, I want to experience forgiveness as he's going down into this life. And then this other soul comes and it's like, I'll help you experience forgiveness. And basically says, here's the thing, if I'm going to do this for you, I'm going to have to become so dense that I'm going to forget who I am. So I need you to witness that in me, to hold my vibration. And I get chills whenever I say that because that is my role with my ex,

who at one point thought was destroying my life. He's going to get so dense that he's going to forget who he is. And it's my job to see the divinity when he can't. And that's the only way we elevate one another is by choosing to witness another's divinity, another's true power, the love that they actually are, so that we activate that and they are more likely to step into it. And it's the greatest gift that we can give anybody is just by witnessing the truth of who they are when they've forgotten. And that's what I hope that other people give to me. And so yes, I'm always reading a book. It's always evolving. What I know now is not the

truth that I've sealed on. It's what I understand and it's what's true for me now. But I trust that in my life that's going to continuously unfold. Oh, I love that. I'm also quite fascinated right now in this season of, of epigen, you know, around ancestral trauma, trauma, generational trauma, epigenetics, there's lots of words for it in the, you know, in the research realm. And I've just done some work to, you know, with some of my favorite stuff in the world of trauma is around EMDR or ART therapy, where it's, you know, again, what viscerally in your body, what are your cells remember? What do you, what have you inherited from?

And what is your sense in that space? Because I think, you know, so many of our grandparents, our great grandparents survived war torn experiences and lived a lot of their days in terror. And what I find so fascinating about that is that it wasn't talked about. And what I know from a neurophysiological perspective is that you have to name it to tame it. There there is some space if you know we don't want to sort of repeat that. It becomes important to sort of step into that. And and what I love the most about, you know,

I think my work in the family systems world is that very few of us, none of us are able to do this alone. And so, you know, you can't give away something you've never received. And so oftentimes it is, how do we find relationships, humans to walk us through these things, books to give us more wonder and curiosity about those kinds of things. What's your sense of sort of the generations that have come before

us and the impact that then affects us, as well as the soul contracts that we may have moving forward? I can feel my family's trauma. There's something that feels connected or inside of me. But what changed is when I changed the meaning that I gave it. And so at one point I thought, well this is what I'm destined for. And now, while I still think this is my destiny, I see the choice points of which one to take. And so the way I look at the world, because I remember when I was understanding like this idea of creating your reality and manifestation, I was like, well, does that mean like every,

if I do something becomes something, it affects plenty of people, whether I realize it or not. It's kind of like how, you know, in movies they always show it's, you're going to go back and change history. You just choose Pepsi over Coke and like, you never know, it could kill somebody. You know, like, it's so funny how in movies we totally accept that one small choice might significantly alter the trajectory of the planet,

but we don't see that in the moments that we're living them. Like we think, what I do doesn't matter. It does. But the way I see it now is I think that there are infinite dimensions, that there's a version of me experiencing absolutely every choice that I could have, like the Gwyneth Peltrow movie, Sliding Doors. And so when I make a new choice, it's not that I all of a sudden change the lives of everyone, it's that I shift timelines and now I'm experiencing a different version of everybody else. And so my process of elevating is shifting timelines to a different outcome.

There's still a version, there's probably still a dimension there of Melissa who never realized her power and probably is, I don't know, like living in a dungeon somewhere, kidnapped, sex trafficked, I don't know. Like the choices I was making were leaving me down a very dark path. Got it, got it. But I elevated, like I'm experiencing a new reality.

And so now I see the gift in the lineage I chose to incarnate into. There was a lot to go through, but I also think that I came here for big transformations and big impact. And you only really get there if you're dragged through the mud. It's so funny because I used to tell my story from the way I was experiencing it,

where it was from victimhood, and I would get the victim reactions of, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you went through that. And part of my ego liked that kind of attention. And so people would meet me exactly where I am, but now I, I own my truth and I know what I've gone through and people don't really give me the same reactions anymore. But if they did, I tend to look back and say, I'm so sorry you haven't gone through anything. Nothing to shape you, you know?

Right, well, and so one of my questions then is too now, you know, I think there's so much about this loneliness epidemic. You know, we are, we're wired for connection, neurobiologically we're wired for connection. We disconnect from an infant, they die, okay. So we will never automate relationship to that degree. And I'm, I'm interested in your take on loneliness. So how, how is loneliness shaping us? You know, if, if, if this realization of who we are and what we are really, you know, comes down to sometimes

our soul contracts and our interactions between each other, how does this loneliness thing, um, how's that playing into it? Why did we desire this? Did we, did we, you know, tell me your takes on it. So loneliness has just been a big theme through my whole life from the time, just being an only child, divorced parents, going back and forth between parents by myself. My mom, we mentioned this earlier about my mom got remarried at one point, told me God comes first, the marriage comes second. And I remember just feeling like this severing of the other person that I

thought made me whole. And I realized I, I, well, the meaning I gave it at that moment was that it was up to me. I couldn't rely on other people. I had to do things on my own and I lived by myself a lot even. And so loneliness has just been this thread through my whole life. And I remember feeling like it was one of the last things where I was like, I wish that

could be different. Like I was wishing for change. But as I processed the rest of my story and the meaning that I found from there of like, wait, what if these things aren't aren't punishments, but they're gifts? And it's showing me what I need to overcome. And I learned at one point that the depths of my pain also created the heights of my joy. And which is partly why those people who never have an extreme or the other,

it's hard to really appreciate the beauty that this world is. And so if I'm looking at loneliness through that lens, we have these sort of inclinations or we're pulled towards the opposite of what we actually yearn to experience. And so now we're all like living behind our screens, connecting less. And even though it seems so sad,

I think it's awakening in us just how important connection is. And so you can either sink into your loneliness and decide that it's this thing that's going to be with you forever, or you can see what it's trying to show you. Maybe it's a value that you're not leaning into. And all of our pain is just the shadow side of what we're meant to lean into. And so if people are feeling lonely, we need to take proactive action toward undoing that. Now we know what it feels like. And that connection is going to feel that much richer and that much more important.

And we'll get to a point of realizing we can't lose this again. Wow. Like what if this was the collective contract? Let's get Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg. Like this is, I was looking at this the other day. I Googled this for a company I was working with because I was like, why is this so incredibly hard for so many people? Right now, the big four, and I just made these big four up,

but like Apple, Uber, Meta, and Amazon control $8.49 trillion of market share capitalization in this moment. So the desire, the interest in keeping us disconnected or on our screens is like beyond imagination. Okay. And the wherewithal it will take for us as a human race to push back in this particular realm that we may be in is going to be so massive and what I'm

interested in is watching how it is affecting some youth. How there's now conversations I mean just very you know I think about John Hite's work about you know like let's ban cell phones in schools and watch what happens. Like, where, you know, kids are like, you know, creating these spaces where they go to restaurants and nobody takes their phone. And like, everybody wants a flip phone, not everybody, but like, this is the, this is the thing, right? And I'm just like, you're, I think you're right. I think there's going to be this collective understanding and a shift back to like, fuck you. We were not made for this. And I never thought about it that way.

Like this is how it was supposed to go. Do you think? 100%. That's what I think with everything. This is how everything is supposed to go. And the timeline you end up on is dependent on the meaning that you give it. So I fully expect that there's a timeline of people that get destroyed along with our planet

and this AI universe where everyone loses their soul. But collectively, all of us are awakening and there's gonna be a completely different experience for those of us who choose it. All right, well, you've just blown my mind. I feel like that is so true God what does that give you? When you believe that to be true. Tell me about the freedom that comes with that or you know any other emotion that that

accompanies that well freedom is my number one value. I Don't feel disempowered in my life anymore Even this last year was the September was the hardest year I have gone. Well, the hardest month I've gone through in my adult life since my last rock bottom. I, um, I had two miscarriages back to back and one was further along. And it was when I was, I actually had a retreat planned that week and then the fires came and we had to evacuate and I had to move my retreat and my husband was having a medical emergency all in the same week.

And I really thought I was going to break, but it was so interesting going through trauma in a higher state of consciousness because it was like I was observing my human experience. And I had, I wasn't in a place, I wasn't sitting there in my grief finding the meaning in it, but I trusted the meaning would come. And I was curious as to who I was going to blossom into after this pressure. And that had never happened to me before on that level. And

so it was just, yes, I felt my pain and I refuse not to feel my pain. I do not override it. I let myself sink into the grief, but I was very aware of the meaning that I was attaching to it or choosing to release from it. And so I wasn't giving meaning about my body failing me or my place as a woman or, or that the universe was against me. Instead, I was like, trust what is meant for me in this? Who am I going to become? And just allowed it to be. And I'm still finding the meaning of that, but I feel stronger and I don't necessarily need to know exactly the highest perspective because I think my human brain is limited in that capacity. But I can feel a deeper resilience and an understanding

and a compassion for people. I can feel like this almost cockiness I had about like my ability to get pregnant the first time and I would just release and it's like it opened me up. If I'm here and meant to be a bridge for people, which is really how I see my place, I'm often kind of that middle ground helping people understand things that were too spiritual or too scientific. For some reason, I've always had this gift in like seeing, oh, she needs to hear it this way. If that is my place in this lifetime, then of course, I'm going to go through a lot of shit. You know, I chose that.

And so I have to be okay with that also, and just sort of step into my role here. If, if that's the legacy that I want to leave. And so with big dreams comes big responsibility. And I just kind of see that as it. You have no idea. Like this is just resonating so deeply with me on so many levels, because I think that I love that line that you just said, right? With big dreams come big responsibility. And I

think that that is, that is the scariest thing for so many people, right, is that that responsibility that it carries to fully step into yourself or to become successful or to take on this position of whatever it is, you know, and I think that there's some solace in knowing that you will no doubt have the capacity to handle that responsibility. If you step into it fully in that way, right? If this is, this is the, you know, okay, I, you, am I ready for this? Are you, do you think I am ready for that? Am I ready? It wouldn't be offered to you if you weren't.

And I think that sometimes we step away from those things with the expectation of, okay, so maybe when this happens, like if I do this or if I, maybe I need to get my body healthier before I get pregnant again, maybe I, you know, maybe it's this, maybe when I lose 10 pounds, maybe it's like when I do these things. And I think that oftentimes that inner work of like,

okay, what is getting in the way here of blocking this becomes such a bigger question than the timing of it all. Yeah, what do you think? I'm, I completely agree with that. And I think that people need to become very aware of the story that they're telling about any situation. One study that's always fascinated me is there was a study that showed that people with lower vocabulary, whether it's less education or whatnot, actually experience a lower range of emotions because they don't have the word for melancholy. They might default to anger. And so that's why

toddlers have tantrums, you know what I mean? They don't have this breadth of understanding of these more nuanced emotions. And so if you think about that, just by understanding how to say something or how to tell yourself, your inner world, a new story, you're going to have a new experience. And so I mentioned my September experience and every message I was getting from the outside was expecting a breakdown from me. But I refused to say breakdown. It was my breakthrough. And it felt the same. It was still a break. And I felt like I was crumbling. But the difference in that word choice was the possibility I was giving for rebuilding. And the breakthrough assumed my rebuild. The breakdown could have left me in the rubble.

And so we need to be aware of what we're experiencing and the words that we're giving it because we are creating the path for where we're going to come out of. We are the only species that thinks about all the potential things bad that could happen. We're the only ones. So we create an infinite narrative of all the things that can go wrong. And the data, as you said, I mean,

I can talk about this to the ends of the Earth because the data is irrefutable, particularly, for example, in the world of sport, which I really love to speak a lot about the difference between sort of the people that are in the point five percent of successful athletes and those that are in the twenty five percent of athletes actually have nothing to do with skill or money or how much training you have. It actually comes down to the narrative that occurs in the 15 seconds after a failure. And so when I've just missed a shot, for a tennis player for example, when I just missed a shot,

what is the narrative that comes into our head in those next 15 seconds? I'm a piece of shit. Fuck! I missed that, you loser, goddamn you. Versus like, huh, nice shot bitch. I'm coming back, watch me. Changes everything. So from a neurophysiological perspective, you know, I mean, people talk about this all the time, but what you fire together, wires together. And if you've come from a long line of people that have suggested to you or you've lived in the space

that sounds like you're not enough, the color of your skin is not enough, the way you identify is not enough. You can imagine the wherewithal that people have to be able to fight back from that narrative. And one of the first things, and I love this about you, is that really being aware of that narrative becomes one of those first steps.

You can't address what you don't acknowledge. And that is the thing, we unconsciously repeat some of those patterns until we take a moment, either have somebody reflect with us through it, or we come to those realizations and what we read or what we talk about or in the book club we're in. Is that fair? Because that, I mean, that's really how you've built your podcast. That's how you built your courses. Can you tell me more about that? What I wish I knew when I was in my darkness is that even when you think you're stuck, you're still creating every single moment, every choice. And I think there's this huge misconception in the self development world. It's like we, a lot of our entry points is we,

we read the secret or we follow some manifesting accounts online and suddenly we're like, holy shit, I've got this magical power to create my reality. But then we treat it like it's optional. Like it's this special tool that we can just pick up when we want something and put down when we don't like, Hey, I'm going to manifest on Mondays and the rest of the week, I'm just going to wing it. But the truth is you don't like, Hey, I'm going to manifest on Mondays and the rest of the week, I'm just going to wing it. But the truth is you don't get to opt out. You can't just put your creator powers on pause when you don't feel like using them

because every thought is sending ripples through your reality and every belief is shaping what shows up in your life. So when you're not consciously creating, you're just strengthening your unconscious patterns. And so the only choice that you really have is whether you're gonna create consciously or by default, by your algorithm, by the story that you're attached to. And when you realize that everything changes because you're not just putting something on hold, you're creating to. And when you realize that everything changes because you're not just

putting something on hold, you're creating in that moment. You're creating the self-belief if you're the type of person to take actions on your dreams. If you're a victim, if you're going to keep the story that you were born into or create your own. So good. You have to do it on purpose is what I hear you say. Wow. So listen, if you haven't pulled over in your vehicle yet, if you haven't stopped on your run listening to this episode, I cannot wait to hear what you fucking think of this because this is the best. Oh my God, Melissa, you are a gem. I want to thank you for being here today. I'm so, I'm so inspired by your work. I'm so, I'm so interested. I cannot wait to follow more and watch, watch all the things you're going to do. Where, where, where do people get you?

I know you, you have like a free offer. You say you have like courses, you have, I mean, just tell us where they can go. I'm going to put it all in the show notes, but say it anyway. courses you have. I mean, just tell us where they can go. I'm going to put it on the show notes, but say it anyway. I have all the things, but my, where I'm at all the time where I share all my stories is my podcast, mind love. You can find it on any of your favorite players. And I do have a free gift for your audience for those people who are having trouble reprocessing their story.

They kind of feel stuck in one and they don't know how to reframe it. I have a free AI tool that I built by hand. And you can go to mindlove.com slash reframe. And so it's just a short little form. You can put one word in each of the answers, or you can write your whole life story, whatever you want the robots to know. And it's going to send you a personalized reframe from a place of empowerment, from seeing patterns that you may not have seen yourself. And so everyone that I've sent this to has been like, oh my God, this feels like magic. I feel like it's speaking from my soul.

It really is a cool tool. And if you want to join my community, you can go to mindlove.com slash join. There's over $5,000 worth of content in there all for just 120 a year. And it'll take you through the vision work, through your beliefs, through manifesting, through mindset alchemy, all of the the tools that really made the biggest impact in my life. Amazing. Listen, thank you. Thank you for tuning in from California and for bringing all of this stuff to this community. I couldn't, I can tell you everybody who makes up this lovely little community up here in Canada

are some of the most brilliant souls on the planet and I'm so glad they get to know you and I can't wait for them to become a part of yours. So thank you for joining me and listen to the rest of you. Take care of yourselves and take care of each other until we meet right back here again next time. The Unlonely Podcast is produced by the Canadian Association for the Deaf, other until we meet right back here again next time. The Unlonely podcast is produced by three incredible humans, Brian Siever, Taylor McGilvery,

and Jeremy Saunders, all of Snack Lab Productions. Our executive producer, my favorite human on this planet is Marty Piller. Soundtracks were created by Donovan Morgan, Unlonely Branded Art were created by Elliot Cuss, our big PR shooters are Des Venot and Barry Cohen. Our digital marketing manager is the amazing Shayna Haddon. Our 007 secret agent from the talent bureau is Jeff Lowness. And emotional support is provided by Asher Grant, Evan Grant, and Olivia Grant. Go Liv. I am a registered clinical psychologist in Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in

this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice. The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, education, and the one thing I think we all need the most, a safe place to land in this lonely world. We're all so glad you're here. Thanks for watching!