Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - Understand the Assignment: Kurline Altes

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

Kurline Altes is a woman on a mission and has dedicated her life to helping others achieve their goals and reach their full potential. Her dynamic approach to coaching and storytelling has earned her a reputation as one of the best in the business, sought after by individuals and organizations worldwide. In this episode, Dr. Jody and Kurline Altes talk about how showing the process of change IS the change. Radical change is hard but we are strong and can make it happen through determination, passion and belief in the process.Find Kurline here: https://kurlinejspeaks.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kurlinealtes/\https://www.facebook.com/people/Kurline-Speaks/100078377607776/https://twitter.com/kurlinespeaks/https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cgwi3UtgHNs/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton.

Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Let's start here, where I think the answer begins for everything and everybody, in the place of acknowledgement. Indigenous peoples in this country have taught me the most about what acknowledgement truly means. So everything that I've created for you happened here on Treaty 7 land,

which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home to the Blackfoot Confederacy, made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pikani, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakota First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. It is always my honor, my privilege mostly, to raise my babies on this land where so much sacrifice was made. And to build a community, invite a community in, talk about hard things as we together learn and unlearn about the most important things, that we were never meant to do any of this alone. oh my gosh my favorite humans come back in come back around we are so excited today. I mean, I have I recently started following this woman who I think is going to single handedly change the world. And she very much agreed to be on the podcast today.

This woman, Curleen Altez, has done some remarkable things in her life and is now in a place where she's a motivational speaker, an author, revamping so many things. A new book is coming out. And I feel so lucky to be able to talk to her and bring her to this community at a time where I think you're just going to, you get to come in at the ground level of somebody who has just worked so hard to get here and is about to tip into something fantastic. And I want to hear all about how you did it. So listen, welcome, welcome, welcome, my new friend. Yay, I'm excited to be here. Really excited, yeah.

Oh, I'm so glad. So I start every episode just like this. I always say that this podcast is about where you came from. And I know to the core of me that we are all way more alike than we are different. And maybe most importantly, the difference between empathy and judgment often lies in understanding where another comes from. So tell me, Carleen Altez, where would we start with you? Where did you come from? Yeah, very interesting story. I know, I love it. Yeah, Jodi, it's been quite a journey. And so I often say that I had the gift of motivational speaking and life coaching way before I recognized it and way before I had the ability to put a label on it.

Right. And so it stems from growing up in the Caribbean island of St. Lucia, where I gained the name of family MC. So with everything happening, I had to have the microphone. I had to kind of run the show and all of it geared towards putting people out there and helping them flourish and show the best versions of themselves. So if you can imagine an emcee kind of hypes things up and talk about all the beautiful things about people, all the beautiful things about the venue. So this is where I came in. So if you wanted someone to light up the place

and bring that high energy, there goes Carlene coming in. So that's pretty much what I did. I jumped around from job to job and in my career to pivoting, but all of that led to who I am today. I mean, I have worked from a living nanny for several years and then I moved into the human services field as a case manager. I work, continue to work to administrative children. So all of that just, oh my goodness, I'm talking about it. I'm getting the chills because it's like, whoa, I didn't realize that this would contribute

to where I am today at all. Oh, I can't believe the stories you must have. And I want to, I want to even take you back a little further because of course, as you know, we've just spoke briefly your work in the foster care system, case management, you know, hanging on to people who have really, really difficult stories is, I think, some of the holiest work on the planet. And I want to take you back a little bit to your story. So tell me, St. Lucia, growing up in St. Lucia, tell me about parents, do you have siblings? What was that like? Lots of fun. It hello it is sunny um i am the first of four girls so four children and yes and i am also the first

grandchild in the family oh you are a special soul no there's always been the pressure of doing the right thing being the example being I'm like, leader, what's that? I don't want to play in the sand. I just want to run around. So playing with dolls. So I always played what we call school and church. So that was my thing. Talk about an actress. Yeah, give me the role because I would discipline the students. Yes, I did yell a bit, you know, get things together, you know, come on, let's talk about goal setting. So that's something I did while playing school. Have you done your assignment? Where are you at the assignment? What's the plan here? So all of these things,

even playing church, you know, getting people to tap into that spiritual side, tap into that, you know, the whole person thing that I so love talking about, you know, we have different facets of who we are. Right. And so not neglected any area. So in St. Lucia, that was like my stage, I really call it. Right. So that was my preparation ground, but I did not realize that it was at the time because, you know, at the time I'm being my authentic self, just having fun and just, you know, kind of letting my gifts and my talents just, you know, flow and wherever it lands, it lands. But fortunately, it's landed where I am today. Well, yes, indeed. And tell me, I mean,

did mom and dad, mom or dad have this skill? Like who showed you how to do this? Who made you great? Honestly? Yeah. I, mom's did something different. Dad, well, Dad was a little chatterbox himself. He kind of, he likes camp. Yeah, he really, you know, bless his soul. He's, you know, he's left us, but he liked campaigning for, you know, politicians. He, that was his thing. So I want to say maybe I got a little bit of that chatty thing from him. You know, mom was always, you know, kind of like the disciplinarian, right? She was just making sure that everyone kind of, you know, did her thing. But mom had her own story. And so we kind of, you know, went throughout the years. It's been difficult, but we've been able to like really restore our relationship and,

you know, kind of move forward. Yeah. Well, and I love that. And I think sometimes we get into this motivational space and we sort of think about, okay, we are, this is what we've done. This is how we do. This is how we get people up. But I often think about this. You can't address what you don't acknowledge. It is so often the people who, I mean, we all have typically stories with our moms, our dads that, I mean, I would look at our three kids and I think like, holy shit, the therapy you're going to have to go through with me as your mother, you're welcome. Uh, but I, but I, I love that. And I love that. I think that some of the most healthiest

people on the planet can reflect on what those relationships gave them and took from them and helped navigate, you know, that sort of piece. Is that, you know, tell me about that for you. Did, do you feel like that too? Has there been a lot of reflection on where you came from? Oh yeah, definitely a lot of reflection. I think to this day, I'm always reflecting. I'm always looking back to see how far I've come and to see how the relationships in my life, how, you know, we've grown and, you know, personal growth is very important, but like you said, Jolie, it's, you know, how do we, how do we move forward if we don't acknowledge and address certain things? We have to. So, I mean, in the Caribbean growing up, it's very different than in the U S so we're able

to spank, we're able to discipline in a different way. Things are a lot tougher. Discipline is a lot, just a lot more tougher. It's harder. It's very hard. The expectations are real. And so, you know, being able to find that balance, you know, and transitioning from the Caribbean to the U.S., you know, that transition in itself was almost traumatic because it's like, oh, this is not how we do it. People are looking at you strange.

People are like shunning. It's like, oh, my gosh, I swear I'm not trying to offend anybody. How did you manage that? I mean, tell me about, because then you worked in a system, you know, in the governmental system that is, I mean, as messed up as they come. I don't know about in the US, but I'll tell you in Canada. And I think that, you know, again, who falls there are the babies who don't understand how to regulate emotion or because nobody's given it to them. Right. So, so tell me, tell me about that transition. Tell me, I can't imagine the warrior you were in that space. Yeah. It's be honest. It was hard, right? It was very, very hard. So remember I came from the island pure and clean a clean slate

that's how i look at it right yeah so i came here in this beautiful nation of america that we all want to be in and you know and i thank god for it right um but the reality of the transition it's it's it's it's mind-blowing came here not having a green card working as a living nanny so living in the homes of very elite families. So you can imagine. So some of the, you know, they were all not, not glamorous, right? I went through some verbal abuse. I went through some, you know, where not racism, right. Being given the biggest yellow bucket mop to mop the floor. It's like, why can't I get a regular bucket already? You know, things like that, you know, falling down a flight of stairs.

And instead of the family attending to me, you know, I got verbally abused. Leaving that in itself and even going into working into full-time ministry was another transition that was very hard because I've always been different. And so I always knew that I was different, not better than anybody else, but different. Right. And I it took time for me to understand and to own who I am. Right. And so doing certain things was always just some sort of offense to people. So while working in ministry, I had a very, very hard time as much as I loved it. And it was great. And I attended seminary school and had my undergrad and all that stuff. Yes. But it was hard because I was always considered the rebel.

Why? Not because I, you know, disrespected authority or, you know, what didn't support authority. I'm big on that. It is simply because I wanted to do my own thing. I always say, Jodi, people can only see this far into your vision, right? No one knows what your path is except you and God. There's already a blueprint that's already laid out for you. And it is your responsibility, not that of others, your responsibility to make sure that you walk through that, develop yourself, adopt a growth mindset and move forward and give the world the best version of yourself, leaving a footprint. Your legacy is important. So everything we do. So I've always tried to work from that mindset, leaving a legacy behind, leaving something that people value, people want to adopt, people want to

live by. And so being in ministry was hard. I was told to get off social media. I was told that, no, she can't make sure she doesn't use our name, our church's name to build up her brand. So all of that, what did it do? I didn't have the resources. It gave me that inner strength so I can keep pushing because I didn't have the help. So that itself was traumatic for me because it wasn't a one-time event. It's continuous. It's what is she doing next? What is she doing on Facebook? I'm like, I'm not working.

So no one should be worried about it. Just keep working. Don't worry about me. I know my calling. Don't worry about me. You know, I know my calling, like don't worry about it. And so Jodi, just even leaving that and going into working into government institutions was even harder because I, at one point I questioned myself. I doubted myself a lot, you know, talk about self-sabotage and talk about the imposter syndrome. Oh my goodness. I hug those. I embrace them. I'm like, oh yeah, let's have a pity party. Anybody want to write these for me?

Did you write these for me? Yeah. Right. Right. Let's have a pity party because I felt sorry for myself that, okay, why am I not getting the type of support that I am so longing for. What is wrong with leaving out my purpose? Help me. Maybe, maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm going wrong somewhere. Let's reflect. Let's do some self-assessment. Let's evaluate things, Carleen. And I've had to do this over and over and over again. And as a therapist, you know, Jodi, what re-traumatization can do to you. So you're going through this over and over. And it's like, goodness gracious. The holidays are coming.

And nobody wants to deal with seasonal bugs making their way through the family. That's where Maple comes in. No more scrambling for open clinics during holiday festivities. One membership covers the whole family, making it a gift that keeps on giving this season. And with over a million five-star reviews, Canadians are loving it. Don't let sickness slow down your season. Download the Maple app today. See a real doctor on your phone in minutes, 24-7. Get Maple. Get well sooner. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you.

From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at one your push. Find your power. Peloton.

Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. And I want to, I mean, let's pause there for a second because I think to everybody that's listening, here's the thing. You don't arrive. And I think particularly if you want to push limits or boundaries, I mean, what keeps coming to me as you're speaking is well-behaved women rarely make history. And I think that when we step into these places of pushing the limits, I mean, people say to me all the time, you, you swear too much. Do you ever spend time with your children? You, you claim to be a psychologist, but you, you know, you, you run over people, you do this, you do, And like, oh my God, there's nothing that hurts more when people question my character. Are you, are you, what? Huh? But those kicks to the teeth

were also the times that I reflected the most because it is like, okay, what piece of what they're talking about is something I need to think about or consider. And oftentimes it isn't a hundred percent right or, or as much as it pains me to say it, it's also not a hundred percent wrong. And I, that's dumb, but it is those moments of growth. Hey, and I, and I love that you can articulate that because I think so many times, particularly women, and I'm interested in your work where, you know, people want to be motivated and they want to do well and they, they see things and they just, they see the success of others and want that. But it's the hardest part to talk about is, is the journey to

get there. Hey, the journey, let's normalize the journey. I was going to say the fucking journey, but like, let's normalize the journey because it is like, I mean, particularly for me, I mean, Carlene, I sit here and look at you in awe. I started on third base, white, straight, able-bodied, extremely privileged. What you have done in your lifetime to build this brand, this piece of giving back to the kids and families you served has been, I mean, remarkable. I watch you in awe because as you navigated that and racism and trauma, like, oh, I'm just, you are phenomenal. Tell me more about that journey, right? And what is it that, you know, what is it that when you're at the bottom or you're questioning everything that has allowed you to sort of like, okay, dust myself off, let's do it again, right? Can you tell me, is there a way to articulate that? It's right. Is there a way to

articulate that? It takes a lot. Here's the thing. So, and I'm going to fast forward a little bit. People ask me, why do you do what you do? And the, why do you do it the way you do it? Why do you speak the way you do? Why do you coach the way you do? Why do you deliver the way you do. I said, here's what, oftentimes we say hurt people hurt people, but I want to say that healed people heal people. So that's the mindset that I took on. If we can pave that forward instead, the healing part, the motivation part, the empowerment part, then we can have a better society to live in. I refuse, Jodi, to repeat and to pay forward what's been done to me. Like you said earlier, quiet women, shy women, they don't make history. We have to become radical if we want radical change in this world. We're not just doing it for ourselves. We're doing it for the audience that are looking. Our children are looking. They need to see the highs and the lows, the peaks and the valleys. They need to see the

full transparency of what the process looks like. We so often talk about the process, trust the process. For me, I trust the God in my process because that's where my strength came from. And I always say, and this is my cliche that I came up with. When you understand your assignment, your fight is different because you understand the source of your strength, right? So I know where my strength came from. All of these experiences that we're going through, and you the listeners who are listening, I want you to hear me clearly.

Wherever you are now in life, this is not your end. Who's to say this is your end? Who has the final say, right? Trust the process. Trust the God of your process, right? Trust that and believe in yourself regardless of what anyone says. The things that you're going through today, they are designed to shape your character, to build emotional muscles, to give you mental strength so that you can succeed in your own right and define what success looks like for you. Not what everybody else, what success looks like for you, because for some, it may be the American dream, right? The house with the things that are painful, the things that are just so ridiculously embarrassing and take on a growth mindset and say, Hey, this happens, right? So

radical acceptance. I cannot change the things that have already happened, but I can change the way that I respond to it. I can change how I move forward. And I know that I can change my destiny by taking on that mindset. There you have it. Know that it happened for a reason. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. And what I really, okay. So I love, what I hear you say is that there is this place of shifting that mindset.

Because I think there's two things that are so critical in this conversation. One is you have to hold space for all the shit that has happened. You have to hold space and acknowledge, you know, when you talked about just briefly today saying, I experienced this. And when I think about this, I get chills, you know, my move from St. Lucia, working for those families that I know didn't value me, falling down those stairs, physically laying there thinking they think I'm less than, you know, whatever I'm telling you, the thoughts in your heads, right? And, and, and you're, you're feeling those things in your body. There is a space that has to be held for that, right? There has to be an acknowledgement of that. And I think sometimes

where we miss is we come up the other side and go, okay, woo, it's good. It's good. It's fine. Fuck. Try harder. You got to put your head down, girl. You don't know what you're... I think the two-step process is always so critical, which is look where you came from. I see you. I acknowledge you. What you have done to get here is nothing short of unbelievable. And all of us have this remarkable story. We all have our issues or our disconnections with our mamas, our dads, who, again, did the best they could with what they had. Right. And I wish they could do better. And sometimes, I mean, whenever I work in therapy, I'm always like, can I get your mama? Can I get your dad? Because I need it's not your responsibility to fix the fucking past. But how do we get you in there? And I think sometimes we just like, OK, what do we have now?

Do we have mama who can come to the table? No. Okay. Then it's you and me doing the best we can with what we got. And my most, my biggest motivation from that shift from this happened to me to now what you just said, which is so beautiful, who is watching? Because you can't tell our daughters, you can't tell our daughters, you can't tell our sons, you can't tell the humans that will come after us how to do it. You have to show them. And it's not just the good. It's not just the like, I am when, when hear me roar, I'm going to change the world. It is the, I don't have a fucking clue who I'm going to get out of bed today. Or I feel like, you know, they pushed me down the stairs or I fell down the stairs and now look at me and it's all of those things. Right.

And I, yeah, tell me, tell me. So now. Jodi, I, first I want to say to you, thank you for creating such a platform where we can be vulnerable and we can be honest. We can show up with our authentic selves and talk about our experiences without feeling that we're going to be honest. We can show up with our authentic selves and talk about our experiences without feeling that we're going to be punished. I believe that psychological safety is very, very important in this society. And we have to continue to create spaces. What we call, we label it safe spaces.

How safe are those spaces? Because a lot of the spaces that we label as safe spaces, they're also limited, right? Because it's only this much that you can say, because people are not used to the full story. Everybody appreciates the end result, the end product. They love to see the beautiful brand. They love to see that you're all over the place speaking. They love to see you pulling up in a G-Wagon. But who's talking about what you've been through or what it took? Grit is very important in this process of life. Yeah, Angela Duckworth. Yes, it's very important because I'm telling you, it's not for the faint of heart. It's not for the wick. It's not for the wimp. It's not for the weak. It's not for the wimp. It's not for the punk. I know. You tell me

about those places. Can you give me a sense of the psychological unsafety? Like when people are, you know, as you step into these spaces or you work with people who are, you know, transitioning their culture, their organizations, tell me, you know, right now, how unsafe does it feel for some people? I mean, let's give the reality. Even it 100, a lot of those workplaces are not safe. And we need to talk about it because the workplace is where we spend most of our time, pretty much all our damn day. And to go in there and to be, the workplace has the most trauma. When I worked as a case manager, so I worked with homeless families, right? Either going into the field, locating them,

whether they're in encampments, under the bridges, wherever they are, locating them and trying to get them housing, connecting them with resources, serving as a liaison between the organizations and the families. I loved it. I love putting in my data.

I love all of that. My clients think I'm lit. But the problem is, yeah, and don't forget I get cursed out all day because you don't do anything for me. Where's my food stamp? Where's my this? Where's my that? I'm like, you hold up. Where is the documentation that I asked you? You need to come through. So I'm giving you goals. Hello. I'm giving you a little timely goals here. I said, bring it in a week. It's been a month. Where is my stuff? So they're like that energy. I mean,

cause I'm like, Hey, where's my stuff? And they're like, Oh, Ms. Gurley and Ms. Gurley. I'm like, just hand it over. Let's go get this thing done. I love my clients. It comes from the territory. I don't care. Curse me out all day. I'm here for you. However, when I leave my clients home from doing home visits and I enter into the office, I really don't need the bullshit, right? The gas, the constant gaslighting, not being able, not respecting each other's boundaries. That's common sense. Enough is enough. And we're talking about it and we're creating workshops and seminars, but who's following through? We have to become intentional about that because people, lives matter.

Jodi, there was a time when I struggled very heavily with anxiety and to the point where I was experiencing tremors. So I used to shake. And so certain things on the job would trigger me because I had previous job where I worked as I had a job in the suburbs of Pennsylvania at a mental health institution, whereas the only black female there, and I kid you not, the only black female. And yes, you can imagine what I went through because when I step into the doors, you know, I got my tracks in my hair, my lips. You know, I believe in presenting the best versions of myself. I don't believe in wearing my problems. So if I'm struggling, if I'm going through a hard time, I don't need to wear it. It's not makeup.

So get dressed, take a shower, get your head done, do your thing, smell good and go and serve the people. Go and make impact into somebody's life, right? So this is me. So when I step into the space, it was always a problem. It's always the eye rolling. It's always my paperwork disappearing. It's always people whispering the N word when I'm walking up the stairs. It's people telling the clients that don't talk to me. It's just a whole lot of stuff going into HR, the gaslighting. Oh, but what about this? But did you say this? Oh, it's just, oh my gosh, it was just nonstop. And so I had severe anxiety as a result of that. And of course I went through therapy a lot, right? I went through the MDR,

you know, I went through a lot of stuff. Yes. So I can, we can scale, take that nonsense off because Carleen has a purpose. I'm purpose-driven. I am mission-driven. And so my thing is always, I'm dealing with the bullshit, but I got to move forward because people's lives are depending on what is inside of me. And going into the case management, working with human services, it's a lot of nonsense. It's a lot of supervisors just always gaslighting. It's like, what happened to supporting your team? The people. Yes. We are humans and no one's exempt from any trials and tribulations. What happened to empathy? If we're dealing with the BS from the clients, why are we dealing with it with coworkers and without supervisors?

That's trauma. That stuff makes me want to run away. And it makes people want to jump over a bridge. And it's real because we're talking about helping the clients to stop, you know, help them to prevent them from committing suicide and all of that good stuff. But guess what? We ourselves need to make sure that we're not also wanting to jump over the bridge because the clients are people. We are also people helping them. Yes. So, hello. Let's make this thing a train reaction. Let's make it a domino effect that we're passing good to each other instead of the negativity. So I want to say, and this is why I do things the way I do. And this is why empathy and self-empathy is one of the pillars in the book that I have coming up because it's

important to me. So why are you speaking the way you do? Why are you writing the way? Why are you coaching? It's because of my experiences. I can, I'm not, it's one thing to read from a book, to go to college and to learn all these things that are teaching you, but life lived experiences is a game changer because you know, you've been there. And so you understand, having that understanding of what people are going through, where they are and being able to validate them is powerful, Jodi. Powerful. There is powerful, Jodi. Powerful. There is no replacement for experience. And the one thing I love the most about you is there is this experience that is so raw and so real, and you've done the work to make sense of it at this current chapter.

So there is this sense of like, as you said, I mean, all of us, particularly somebody who has experienced trauma, when you step into a traumatic workplace, it's triggered. And it's not that we can't do hard things. It's like, what do you, what's your awareness around this? And what do you need? What are you not going to stand for? How do I support you so that you don't have to do that shit? I mean, this is the conversation that I have all the time. Like the kids don't stand a chance if the big people aren't okay. And, and we spend all the time, right? Like I would say, I would see kids in therapy in, in the foster care system. They'd be like, you can't see the family. We only fund, um, you know, therapy with the kids. And I was like, I don't, the kid is not the problem.

I could, I could see them every day for the next 65 years. And if I send them back into a war zone, it's a fucking waste of time. So let me see the mama. Dad's in prison. Okay. Let me go. Let me go see this dad and remind him that his baby looks just like him. And when he gets out, here's what we're going to do because his child cannot wait to see him. Do you want to send me a letter from you? Yeah, let's do that. How do we repair family systems, right? We get the big peoples. And then when we come back, if we don't look after each other, it becomes very, very difficult to serve. And we know as we enter into this mental health crisis in your country and mine, the loneliness epidemic, I was talking about this the other day, your Surgeon General,

Vivek Murphy, talked about there is a loneliness epidemic. Kids these days have never felt more disconnected or lonely, and including those who are. Kids these days have never felt more disconnected or lonely. And including those who are doing the serving have never been, rates of suicide have never been this high. And it's like, so the problem's not going anywhere because we've never been this disconnected. And the work is not in the kids we're serving, the families we're serving, it's in the people doing the serving. It is holding up our teachers, paying them more. It is loving on our therapist, bringing them meat trays and snacks and the reminders. I mean, you know this better than anybody on the planet. We are wired to do hard things. There is famine and war and we're wired to bury our own babies. We're never meant to do

any of this alone. And when we come together, you come back into that office after spending a day under the bridge, being peed on and told to fuck off. And I say, Curleen, look at my eyes. I got you a snack and a coffee's waiting here. Can I tell you what you're doing is you are changing the world. I'm so grateful you're on my team. What can I get for you today so we can go get those guys again tomorrow? They need us, right? Can you imagine? Can you? Then we'd be like, yes. And we come into work and we would like high five and we would have a snack. And I'd be like, I meet you back here at four. You go get them, get them, finish their paperwork. We got them.

And then they love it because as you said, I show up and I treat them. I treat them how I would want my babies to be treated because guess what? There's somebody's baby under that bridge. There's somebody's daughter on sitting on the side of the street. They, for some reason, mostly because of privilege, people end up in different positions. And I just think we all started in exactly the same place. We all heard the heartbeats of our mama. Our DNA is 99.9% the same across this globe. And when we do work like, like you do, I mean, I'm just like,

I mean, okay, what's next? Where are we at now? Next book. Tell me about that. What's coming up. What's next for you? Yeah. Um, I'm very, very excited because we are releasing the book called stop punishing yourself, allow your purpose to be greater than your past. Um, I'm very, we are releasing the book called Stop Punishing Yourself. Allow your purpose to be greater than your past. I'm very, very excited about it. And it's going to be out for pre-release on Amazon. And it's going to be on the website, carleenjspeaks.com.

It's going to be so exciting. It's an authority book. It's powerful. It really validates people. It really gives you practical steps into moving forward. It's just amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. We have so many people already talking about the book. I'm like, oh, slow down, slow down, slow down. No, you jump in. You jump. Stop punishing yourself is the name of the book. My fellow humans here. And so check it out. It pre-sales right now, probably by the time this

airs, it will be on shelves. So I'm so excited to read it. I did get your first book that you said you're also going to rework called Moments. And I think that there's so much great rawness in this tiny little book. And I think, as you said, as you grow and refine your career, that's reflected in your writings. That's reflected in what you're offering the world. Is that, is that fair? I mean, I've written three books and they all, I think get better. Yeah, I think it's very fair. I mean, you know, when I wrote moments, I wrote moments at a very difficult time in my life. I wrote moments when I actually worked in ministry and I actually went through a very difficult time, you know, that for legal purposes, I won't share the story, but I went through a very, very difficult time working there.

And, you know, I wasn't allowed to work, you know, my file cabinet was taken away from me, my keys, I couldn't work. So instead of, you know, that again, that psychological safety, instead of that empathy is, oh my goodness, instead of that, people were taking a punitive approach. But I want to say that people centered leaders, really they're intentional about the employees, right? Their retention, right? Their, their growth, right? Their health, their wellbeing, they're intentional about these things. So it's not just the task at hand, right? It's not just finishing the project, but this we're, we're, we're whole beings. We're whole beings. So every facet of who we are matters. And we need to, we really need to understand that what we're dealing with others. So when I wrote moments,

it was very difficult. I didn't write as many pages and chapters that I would love to, because Jodi, it was very difficult. There was a time that I stepped away and I went into the bathroom and I vomited, right? Because, and I, and I polished the words because I was making sure that I didn't offend people again at that time. That's all I cared about was people like, oh my gosh, I can't, I can't put that out. I can't give the full story. What are they going to say about me? What are they going to judge me? Are they going to receive me? And so I did my best with moments because it really is, it gives you a sneak peek into my backstory, my life. people who were asked to babysit me, their friends being excluded out of the church. You know, again, the rebel, which I'm so proud to wear that label right now. Hello. Don't tell me what you think I'm called to be.

Hello. Right. Who are you? How dare you? First of all. And so, you know, I wrote moments and I and I and I said, I just got to put it out there. So I'm big on telling people, take those said, I just got to put it out there. So I'm big on telling people, take those ideas out of your head and put it out there. You know, eventually as we grow, we evolve, right? We begin to discover other areas of our lives and what we're really placed here to do. And things are going to shape up. But don't worry about not having all of the resources. Don't worry about everything not being together.

Who says it has to all be together? Who says it has to be perfect? What the heck is perfect, right? Go into another planet because Earth is not. We actually don't want perfect people on Earth because, you know, it's not going to be really cool. And there isn't one. And I think with the inundation of social media,

we are now in this constant state of comparison thinking that everybody is perfect. But what I love the most about you and your story and folks, as you follow along in Curleen's story, what you will notice is the rawness and the growth in real time. And I think that that is that demonstrating that work. And, you know, I said to you, you know, when we started this podcast, this was the whole purpose of can we show people how to do it? Can you, cause you can tell them all the time, you got it, you do this journal and drink your kale and do your fucking yoga. But if you show

them the steps in real time, that there are days where I questioned my ability to be a mom or an entrepreneur or a business owner or a wife or any of those kinds of things, right? The imposter phenomena. I don't think, you know, that's the issue. And I love the most about your work is that it is there. It is this process that you can watch unfold. And I'm just I'm just so proud to know you. You are just such a force, such a force. I mean, you know, and again, I'm going to go back to the psychological safety because that's so very important. I think psychological safety saves lives. It saves lives. Give people an opportunity to be themselves and to share in the way that suits them. It's not about us. And I always say it's never been about me. If it was left to the money, if it was left to the big stage, if it was left to the accolades, I would not be here today. I would have given up a long time ago because I never had the support that I so longed for.

But I stayed in the game because I understood my assignment. I understood who I was becoming. And Jodi, I didn't say I have arrived because I know you're big on that. Becoming, because we've never arrived. Never, ever. We are constantly, daily becoming the best versions of ourselves. Until I'm six to eight feet under, however deep you know, understand the assignment. I thank you so much for that reminder because I think this, this is never about you. This is never about me as you know, understand the assignment really take some time today to reflect on what that assignment might be for you because we all have them and they are massive and important and so critical. So understand the assignment. That's what I'm going to call this episode, because I think that is the best reminder and I needed it today. So thank you, thank you, thank you for joining us today. Where can everybody find you? Oh, yeah. You could just run your Google search, Curlene, K-U-R-L-I-N-E, middle initial J, last name A-L-T-E-S. You can also find me as Curlene Speaks

on every social media platform. But my website is one of the best places that you can find everything that you're looking for. It's CurleneJSpeaks.com, K-U-R-L-I-N-E-J-S-P-E-A-K-S.com. I can't wait to connect with all of you. I love you guys. Ah, you're amazing.

And I'll put all of that in the show notes, my dear one. So thank you for joining us, for tuning in. I can't wait to see you next time. In the meantime, I'm going to be cheering you on. Thank you for doing this for us. Take care of each other and I'll see you back here soon. I love you, Jodi. I'm a registered clinical psychologist here in beautiful Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice.

The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, some education, and hopefully a little hope. The Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast by me, Dr. Jodi Carrington, is produced by Brian Seaver, Taylor McGillivray, and the amazing Jeremy Saunders at Snack Labs. Our executive producer Thank you. And my emotional support during the taping of these credits was and is and will always be my son, Asher Grant. era or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not, just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push, find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.