Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - We'll Meet in the Kitchen: Fallon Farinacci

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

A proud Red River Métis, Fallon is a Speaker, Survivor, & Advocate for MMIWG (Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls). Fallon has cultivated an incredible community and uses her platform to share her story, give back to the Indigenous community, and raise awareness for causes and organizations close to her heart.In this episode Dr. Jody and Fallon chat about Fallon’s family’s incredible story of heart break and resilience which will blow your mind.Follow Fallon:Instagramwww.fallonfarinacci.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at one you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. At the beginning of every episode, there will always be time for an acknowledgement. You know, the more we do this, people ask, why do you have to do the acknowledgement and every episode? I got to tell you, I've never been more grateful for being able to raise my babies on a land where so much sacrifice was made. And I think what's really critical in this process is that the ask is just

that we don't forget. So the importance of saying these words at the beginning of every episode will always be of utmost importance to me and this team. So everything that we created here today for you happened on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pekinni, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakota First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. Our job, our job as humans, is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and stay connected to the good. welcome back welcome in humans i am so grateful that you decided to jump on board today. And I got to tell you, you are in for it because, I don't know, whatever brought you here today, you will be very grateful it did. Because I want to introduce you to somebody who, oh my gosh, we met once as she spoke, we crossed paths as she was walking out. And her presence was something that just about blew Marty and I both away. And we followed immediately and have watched her just do this most remarkable blowing up in this country.

And speaking about some of the things that I think the whole world needs to hear. Fallon Farinacci! Humans, put your hands together. She is a proud Red River Métis. Fallon is a speaker, survivor, and advocate for missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls. Fallon has cultivated an incredible community and uses her platform to share her story,

give back to the Indigenous community, and raise awareness for causes and organizations close to her heart. She has a story that, as I've followed along, has both crushed my soul, broke my heart, and made me really understand what resilience personified looks like. So around here, Fallon, we always talk about the difference between judgment and empathy lies in understanding people's story. So I know yours is a phenomenal one. Tell me, tell me, Miss Fallon, where do you come from? Yeah, absolutely. So thank you for having me on. I am so excited. I'm so grateful. One, that our dear friend, Jessica Jansen, who's a powerhouse, introduced me to you long ago, and I started following along on your journey. And then I was fangirling so hard when I realized

that we were going to be at the same event together and speaking, which was like so exciting. And so our paths did cross for a quick second in a lobby. Like it was just a whirlwind, but my gosh, it was just so exciting. And so thank you so much for creating the space to have me and to allow me to, to share my, my voice and my story. So my name is Fallon Farinacci. My spirit name is White Thunder Woman. The elder who had gifted me my name said that I'm here to make a lot of noise. And when he first said that, I always say I had no idea what that meant. I was like, oh my

gosh, can I ever fill these shoes? And then I quickly realized, oh, you're doing that. You are sharing and leaning into, you know, being a voice. And so, yeah, that's a little bit about me. I'm a mom of three. My husband and I raise our three children. It doesn't make sense because I have an 18-year-old, but I'm technically 29. Technically? Exactly. Yeah, holding on, holding on. And so we have an 18 to 14 and a six-year-old. And my two feet are planted in the Niagara region on the traditional lands of the Haudenosaunee and Anishinaabe folks. And this is where I've actually lived more of my life, although I call Manitoba home. So Treaty One area, just outside of Winnipeg West is my home community, St. Estache. And that's where I was born and raised. My father was Red River Métis. So that's where he was raised and born as well. But my mother was actually from

the Niagara region. And so I'm here with that side of my family. And this is where my husband is from as well. And so, yeah, all those things that you said, but on top of that, you know, just a mom. Oh my gosh. Just a phenomenal mom. Take me back to the beginning, Fallon, because I think that there's so much about your advocacy work, your desire to get people to hear and to listen and to unlearn is rooted pretty deep in that in that Manitoba place. And so what was it like growing up there? I want to know about those siblings and that story and how it all started. Yeah, absolutely. So I call Manitoba my soul's home. And I always, like, I literally just felt it. I can feel my heart. I don't know how to explain it. Pinch when I say it, like it's being pulled

when I say that. Like I genuinely feel it. It's something I can't explain. And I always confuse people because I will call two places home while we're speaking, Ontario and Manitoba. And I also acknowledge I'm very privileged in the sense that I have two places to call home. Many folks don't, you know, necessarily have that. And I still have my connection and I have a community that claims me, which is, which is really special. So yeah, I grew up out there. My dad, as I mentioned, he was Red River Métis. It's a tiny, predominantly Métis community. And my father was very, very proud. He instilled that in me in a young age. It wasn't anything different from where I live like now in the sense of, you know, as

a part of a community, except for this is a much larger community here. But I was a part of a tiny community where everyone knew each other. And oh, gosh, I go home still and there's still people who will say, you know, I knew your grandfather or like be able to relate it because so many of us are, are connected in our community. And so I grew up with a sense of knowing who I was, um, with my, my father and, uh, my indigeneity there. My mother was non-indigenous, excuse me. She, um, like I said, came from here in the Niagara region and they chose to live in our little community and raise us. We had what you would call, quote, a normal life. That's that qualifying saying, just because I lived a normal life,

you know, should this, my story have happened to me. But that's what we tend to do as a society is qualify people. So I like to call it out when I do it so that folks are aware of it themselves. They can just kind of ponder on, oh, what does that mean qualifying? And hopefully things will come up for them as they share. And so, yeah, so my dad was very involved in the community there. So was my mom, even though she was non-Indigenous, very, very involved. And my culture wasn't like something on top of, it was just a part of who we were. You know what I mean? Like sitting around the kitchen table and talking, that's such a, in the kitchen, that being in the kitchen is such a matey thing. Like many cultures, right? Like we sit around the circle

of the kitchen table. And so like that circle work of sitting together in community and I'm going home this weekend. I can promise you that is where we will gather. We'll be in the kitchen. Very rarely do you ever sit in someone's living room. I can, that just doesn't happen. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, so we would, I grew up with people all around me, culture, traditions. And unfortunately, at the age of nine, a family friend who was a part of our community, someone my dad grew up with his whole life, grew increasingly obsessed with my mom. This was back in 1992. And he started crossing

boundaries that really made both my parents uncomfortable. And in November of 1992, he had called our family home. And at that point, he threatened my mom. He was upset. My mom worked at the Misecordia Hospital in Winnipeg. And he was upset that my mom had went to a physician's birthday there instead of celebrating it with him, which she wouldn't have. So you could tell by the conversation. I mean, I didn't know what was going on, but as an adult now, he called and he asked my mom, where's my birthday cake? And my mom said, I threw it in the garbage. She never made a birthday cake. It was that like very curt, like I'm done with this conversation. I have to go. There was a community family event I'm done with this conversation. I have to go.

There was a community family event going on. So she said, I have to go. And she hung up the phone and then he called back and that's when he threatened my mom's life. And at that point, you could tell if this was a community member who they were comfortable with, they would have, you know, you, what we naturally do, we kind of push things to the side like, oh, it's not that big of a deal. It obviously had escalated to that point that my mom took it very seriously and my parents called the RCMP because he had threatened his life and her life saying that she wouldn't live to see her next birthday and he wouldn't live to see his either.

So they called the RCMP. and this is for anyone listening. If someone says that to you once, I'm not saying push it aside because it's not a big deal. I'm saying that that's probably what we would, most of us would do. We probably wouldn't take it as seriously right away, right? So especially someone, you know, you'd kind of be caught off guard but what I'm thinking is it had got to a point now at this that they were severely uncomfortable with it well and you could say even as a little girl in this moment you know being present around those things you could feel it right that into into you know mom was a smart woman yeah that was is a smart man the The idea to sort of be like,

something is not right here. You know, in this kitchen today, something's very different. Yeah. Yeah. So they called, they had the RCMP come out. They took my parents' statement. But again, we were on, as children, on high alert because we're such a small community. So seeing a police officer would be a community member, more than likely someone we would see all the time. So I remember it very clearly. And that probably wouldn't be such a distinct memory if, like you said, my instincts weren't telling me something was off. But I wasn't at the point of being scared because I didn't know what was going on. I wasn't privy to the conversation that was being had. My

parents were doing what most parents do, right? You're protecting your kids from knowing what is happening because they themselves aren't aware of really the severity of the situation at that point. So the RCMP came out. They took my mother's statement. And when they took my mom's statement, she told them she was concerned he had a 22 caliber rifle. They went before a judge, they arrested that man, and then they went before a judge that night. And they failed to tell the judge that my mom was concerned he had a.22 caliber rifle. And you have to remember, this is a hunting community. It's literally called St. Astache after the saint for hunting.

It's a Métis community. Very, you know, culturally common hunting. So having firearms, whether it be the the 22 caliber rifle or not um and also when someone utters threats you would not normally the situation would be there would be seizure of weapon a search of home and all the things but nothing was done because they failed to to tell the judge that um and so there was a restraining order put into place. And you have to remember, you can stand on my street and you can quite literally see his house. So a restraining order, as my grandma would say, my mom's mom was as good as a piece of paper. And especially at that time, I'm sure not much has changed, but especially at that

time. And so, yeah, it was really discouraging from what family members had shared from my parents' perspective and friends. And then in December of 1992, they got word again. Again, it's a small community. I mean, my parents' best friends, Ken and Debbie Bowden, they lived next door to my mom's stalker's brother. He's gone now, but they lived next door to him. And so, you know, everyone knows everyone. And so they got word that he was continuing to threaten my parents' lives, that he didn't want to see my mom with my dad and so forth. And so my mom wrote the RCMP a letter. I genuinely don't know, was it the time? Was it because it was 1992? Was it to have something in writing? We don't know. And so

she wrote them a letter and she stated that she was concerned. He had a.22 caliber rifle as well as a handgun. That letter was never filed properly. And so, again, no one was made aware of it. And now things are moving forward in their court proceedings to January of 1993. And it was then that they find out that a family crown had picked up their case instead of it going through like criminal court. This man was in no way related to our family. And honestly, in the documents, it seems as though it was just a mistake. They don't know why the crown picked it seems as though it was just a mistake.

They don't know why the Crown picked it up. He did. He continued to move forward. And by moving forward, his thought for solution was a mediation. So not quite sure how you mediate uttering threats and death, but that's, again, an accident that had happened. And then a court clerk was filing their paperwork and had accidentally switched the documents, and my mom received his, and he received my mother's. She was a temp at that time. That wasn't her normal position. So in the court documents, you read that, again, it was an accident, which I believe it was. Excuse me, I'm using air quotes because it's like how many accidents can you have?

And call them, continue to call them accidents. Accidents, yes. Right? continue to call them accidents. And so, yeah, my parents were losing complete faith in the system at that point. And what was it like for you in that house to just feel the ramping up of it? Were you quite aware of that? Do you think? I was not aware. The most I was made aware of it was my parents would do what most parents would do. And that's, you know, if there's an ever an emergency, call the emergency number because it was a small community. So we didn't have 911 at that time.

So what's the emergency? What's your address? I just really remember all that all of a sudden being really drilled into my head. My dad and my younger brother or sorry, my older brother were volunteer firefighters for the like our community. So it was again, the same thing my dad would say, just tell them that you're Morris Paul's daughter. So because they will know where you live, you know, like those things. But I just wasn't made really aware. I do remember one time where I felt tension and now it makes sense. My mom's doctor was someone who had come over to my house. We lived in a Catholic community. This Métis community is a Catholic, like many are. And my parents had even invited a priest over for dinner

to hopefully help him. I don't know what they were hoping, maybe help steer him in a direction other than the, like he had 13 prior convictions, this man. So this was before it had escalated. Yes. So this was before, of course, it it had really escalated but I remember I had been given um from him temporary tattoos it was a box of temporary tattoos that quite literally probably were actually from the 60s but they actually looked like they were from the 60s like they were vintage looking like that there was like I don't know like hundreds in it and I remember I found it in the top left corner of my mom's closet and I I don't even know how I got it down because I was so little but somehow I got it down and I was like oh my gosh you know I was playing with it my mom must have heard that

I had banged like to get it down and she came in the bedroom and she was furious with me for having those tattoos. She was like, what are you doing? Don't touch those. And she took them from me and she put them back up in the closet. And I just remember thinking like, oh, why can't I have those? Like he gave those to me and and now it was because of everything that was going on now I can make sense of why she would never have done that before or like if he didn't make her feel uncomfortable why would she really care and do you know that it is something that actually had stuck with me my oldest and my middle will tell you that um they probably don't ever really remember putting tattoos on them my youngest now obviously now that i've been made aware of like mentally about time and all of it i mean he's uh we have a really fun project we're gonna do this summer

related around temporary tattoos for kids. But he's always covered in them now. I was going to say he's covered. Wow. Just go wild. Yeah. So, yeah, that's just like that was like that tension that now it makes sense. Right.

They were so healthy in that way to be able to sort of be clear about this is a big, this is a big people, big people problem. And I'm going to do my very best to, to, to protect our baby. Yeah. Okay. Tell me more. Yeah. And so then they were set to go to this mediation and they were like, absolutely not. Absolutely not. And my grandma would say, she would tell me before she had passed, like your mom had lost complete faith in the systems. Like they just were not there supporting her the way that she felt and your dad. And I actually recently, it was this past summer, I was talking with my dad's best friend. And I remember him saying to me, like, your dad was, I was like, do you think my dad like really thought, you know, things were going to go down the way they did?

And he said, yeah. Like, I remember your dad was, he was really scared. He was really scared. And I mean, as an adult now who's surpassed my father's age, I just think, wow. We do a really good job at hiding how scared we are. So how scared was he that he was visibly showing it? You know, you have to think like how much of us are scared of things and not necessarily really expressing it. Right. Especially when two men are having a conversation, you know, this long ago.

Like, you know, and he being able to, you know, and, and he being able to say now, like, no, no, no, no. Like I, I did see it. I did feel it. Oh my goodness. So they continued on. They actually had a mediation date that was set for, um, January 26th. My parents did not go to it. He did. Um, I think he, he has to. I would have assumed at that time he would have had to for court and they didn't go. So he was released yet again on bail. And that night he left the courthouse. It's documented that he went to someone's house and he was drinking and he was um popping pills um he somehow made his way from winnipeg back to our community and um it's believed that he had walked but no one believes that he could have actually walked that wasn't ever really properly investigated just because

it was january for what he had come to our house in to our house as well the path he would have had to have taken uh the amount of snow that would like there's ditches you'd have to walk through ditches and fields um so so there is a a rumor that he was actually dropped off by someone um and so and many community members believe this, but again, that wasn't proven. So that was just something that was said and he came to our house and it was January 26th. So it was exam time. So I have two siblings. So at the time I was nine, my oldest brother, Carson was 17. And my youngest brother was, he had just turned six, Clinton. And my parents, you know, I said my dad's name, my mom's name was Sherry. And my dad was 37 at the time,

and my mom was just shy of 36. And so my oldest was in exams. And so he didn't have an exam the next day. And so he was waiting for his friend to come over. Thankfully, his friend fell asleep and actually never made it. But when my brother heard the knock at the door, he thought it was his friend. So he opened the door. And on the other side of the door was my mom's stalker. And he was in fact the same.22 caliber rifle that my mom had told the RCMP about not once but twice. So he took my brother and he brought him downstairs. He held him hostage. We were all asleep.

We had no idea what was going on. My brother, he was ordered not to yell. And so I brought him downstairs and he tied him up. And at one point, he made my brother write a suicide note for him, just stating, you know, he was sorry and for everything he was doing. And then he thankfully left my brother and he told my brother just after two in the morning that he was going to go upstairs and he was going to quote, do the deed. So he made his way upstairs. And while he made his way upstairs, my older brother was able to untie himself and he escaped through the basement window. And he ran to my parents' best friends and my best friend's parents at Ken and Debbie Bowden's house.

So he made his way upstairs. And before my brother could escape, he heard a gunshot go off. And so he, he, my brother had said he heard exchange of French words because our community spoke French too. So he heard an exchange of French words between my dad and this man, and then the gunshot went off and my mom screamed. When my brother made it to Ken and Debbie's house, they called 911. Sorry, the emergency number. So if I say 911, it wasn't the emergency number. And they let the dispatcher know that by name, my mom's stalker had entered the home. They had a restraining order against him. They were holding two children in the house hostage. They heard a gunshot go off. He had a

gun and he was threatening their life. And they were in court too. He said at the time that they were in court with this man because of all of this. And the way the chain of command goes, the dispatcher would let the two officers that are the nearby police station. So the nearby police station is in Headingley, um, where our, our friend Jessica Jansen is about where she grew up. She was about a 10 minute drive from the closest police station. And so she, not she, sorry, Jess, the 911, the two officers that would be at that station were no longer there because it was after two in the morning. So they had went home. And, you know, there's this, this well-known thing in this country. We know Indigenous communities are over-policed, but yet under-policed. And so I don't know if this still is the way of things, but those two officers were now back at their homes, still on duty, but just not at the station. And they would

then call their constable and let him know what was happening, and then he would, you know, go from there. So they called, let him know what was happening. That constable, who's the only hostage negotiator for that department at the time, or also should have, you know, he could have sent backup, he could have himself went out. He told those two officers, go out to the Paul residence and by name,

see if you can talk to him, get him to come outside. Remember, they know everything that had just happened and see if you can get him to come outside and then call me when you get there. And then before he would call for backup or before he got up himself, he hung up the phone, and then he accidentally fell back asleep. So even those two RCMP officers have no idea that their next level of seniority is not coming and has fallen asleep. And so they make contact with my house. I don't know if it was an officer or a 911 dispatcher. I can't remember. But someone makes contact with my house. I don't know if it was an officer or a 911 dispatcher.

I can't remember. But someone makes contact with my mom. And this goes to show you the state of mind that he was in. Who would ever call my house at three in the morning and my mom just be chill on the phone talking with, right? Like she's answering one-sided questions. You know, they asked her, are you okay? I think she answers to are you okay I

don't know is your husband okay I don't know I mean my father was literally shot and killed right in front of her she's clearly in a state of shock as well she's answering very trying to be you know not obvious and then at the end of the call she says I have to go can you call me back in the morning and even the dispatcher was like kind of taken back from that. And it's like, what? And she was like, I have to go. Can you call me back in the morning? And they're like, yes, Sherry, help is on the way. So my mom hangs up the phone believing help is on the way. And that's all between 2.30 and 3.30 in the morning. It's taking now so long that they have to, my brother has to call 911 or emergency number again. Are you awake?

I'm awake. I was woken up from that first gunshot. So I don't know what's happening. I just wake up. I see my little brother crying in the hallway and I go to push my parents door open. And I met with resistance because there's someone on the other side of the door. I'm assuming it was him standing in front of the door. So then I ran to go to call for help because I was like, I don't know what's happening.

Before I could dial, first of all, I accidentally went to dial 911, even though I knew that was in the number. And then I could see a body coming towards me and I still didn't know it was him. And I ran downstairs and I'm now in my brother's room and I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I'm thinking, what's going on? Like what's happening? Who is this? Oh my God. Like what? Like just hide, hiding, basically in plain sight though, but hiding. And I was like, what is happening? They do come downstairs eventually. Um, and they make their way downstairs and now he's livid because he can't find my brother because my brother escaped, but he thinks my brother's hiding somewhere in the basement. And that's when he turns to my mom

and in front of my younger brother. And I say that, um, if we don't find him, you're going to have to pick which one of your kids are going to die. So I immediately, all three of us kind of like look at each other and just say like, I'll look for him. So we start looking and like everywhere I looked, he would follow behind. I looked in the hot tub because one time my older brother actually had hid in the hot tub with me. So I lift up the cover to see we had a hot tub inside. It was the 90s. So we opened up the hot tub.

I look in there. He's not in there. I look behind a couch. He's not there. I mean, like I'm looking in places where like it would be ridiculous for him to be there, but he's still following behind, looking. Hey, everyone. We all know how draining cold and flu season can be.

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Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. So now my mom wants to separate him from us, and she tells, whispers to me, I'm going to go upstairs with him. You stay down here and call 911. Call for help or call the police, and I love you. And I was like, at first I was like, no, no, no, no. Like, cause I didn't want her to leave me. I finally had an adult with me. Right. And she was like, no, no, I have to take him upstairs. So she went upstairs with him and I went to call for help, but he had ripped the phone cord out of the wall in the

basement. And I mean, I was nine. I thought if I plugged it in, I would get electrocuted. I was terrified to plug it back in. So I just left it. And we stayed in my younger brother or my older brother's bedroom. And I remember I was on my knees, almost like in the praying position with my arms up on the bed. And my younger brother laid on his belly looking at me. So we were face to face. And I remember thinking, oh my God, it's so cold in here. And I didn't realize the window was open because that's where my brother had escaped. And I remember the day my dad built that deck because that was when they were friends still. And he came over. And at 530 in the morning, I'm woken up by a sound. It's a muffled sound. I don't know what it is. It's just loud. So I run upstairs with my younger brother. And I try to again, push my bedroom door open at this point. And I hear what I think I hear my mom say is, why do you have to shoot me already shot me in the eye. I come to find out later, she said you shot me in the arm because she was actually shot in I believe the the upper arm,

not the shoulder at that time the arm. And so I met with resistance, and then I run to my parents' bedroom. And that's when I go, I climb on my parents' bed, and I call 911, or the emergency number. And I don't know the order. I don't have that part of the transcripts of the orders of my calls, but I just know that one time I call and I asked for three ambulance because I'm thinking my brother's hurt somewhere

in the house. So I asked for three ambulance for my parents and my brother. And then another time I call and I'm hung up on by the 911 dispatcher. I call another time and I tell them, you know, where we are, what's happening and everything else. And then between those calls, they're the whole time in my parents, in my, my bedroom and I'm in my parents' room. And I realized my, my dad's beside me, but he has the blanket over him. So I'm like, oh, he's, he's sleeping through all of this. So I try to wake him up. I don't see anything, shockingly. I don't see a drop of blood, nothing. And my younger brother goes around the bed and he sees the front of my dad

because then he starts screaming. And when he starts screaming for whatever reason, I just leave. I do not even touch my dad after that. I just leave it alone. And then I just concentrate on now we're in this bedroom and we have to hide from him. So we get down off the side, off the bed and we hide on the other side of the bed. I had a broken arm and I had a shower that night.

And there was a garbage bag in with the towels. And so we're still waiting. And before I climb off the side of the bed, now it's just after six in the morning and my mom tries to escape the bedroom and she shot in the shoulder. And for anyone that knows how a caliber shotgun bullet goes, it spun and it instantly severed her spinal cord. So she died in front of me and my brother. And then I hear a really big bang. And I thought he knocked over my shelf in my room. I thought he was mad because my mom was hurt. Like, I didn't know. He had actually turned the gun on himself and had committed suicide at around 630 in the morning. So my brother and I get off the bed and we're sitting on the floor. I have to go to the washroom.

If I want to go to the washroom, I have to cross the hallway. I literally would have to step over my mom. So I use that garbage bag. And then we just sit there. 7 a.m. my mom's alarm goes off because she should be waking up. She should be getting us ready for school. I lose it because I'm so worried he's going to come into that room now. Like we basically, we just alerted him as to where we are with this sound. Right. So I take the phone off the hook. Eventually I put it back on. I'm talking to, I talked to a police officer and give them a layout of the house, which

you'll come to find out was actually like, why are they even asking me this? I give them a layout of the house. My grandfather was with them as well. So they already have the layout of the house. Come to find out, they actually already have my older brother. Witnesses said they were taking a ruler to draw out. So just so you know, those two officers were instructed at 530 to go get my older brother and take him to a command post that they were finally setting up in a neighboring community. This is 530 in the morning.

There's no officers outside. They take him and they bring him and they, quote, interview him with no adults present, anything like that. And my brother was actually at one point accused of having to do something. I think because he had opened the door. My brother had nothing to do with it. And yes, so there's still no officers. There's no SWAT team at our house. And I'm with my younger brother inside with three dead bodies.

And we're waiting for help. And we continue to wait for help. And it's not until 7 a.m. that SWAT arrives outside of our house and they continue to sit outside. They actually don't enter our home until 8.30 in the morning. And when they enter our home, they yell out, this one's gone, this one's gone, this one's gone. And followed behind them are two paramedics, two of my friend's fathers who were paramedics. And they carried myself and my younger brother out. They threw blankets over our heads and they carried us out. And we were put in an ambulance and were requested to go to the Misecordia Hospital where my mom

worked. Earlier that week at the Misecordia Hospital, a woman was shot and killed in the back of the head by her stalker. And another woman was killed by her stalker that week in Manitoba as well. My mom's instincts earlier that week was to go out and see the color of the woman's hair because she thought that it was her stalker that had come to her work to find her and kill her. And she thought that that woman had accidentally been mistaken for her. But no, that she actually had a stalker of her own, that woman. So we were brought there and it was there that we were, you know, assembled into a room and we were told that my parents had in fact died. I looked at my older brother and I said I'm not gonna cry

and his face was like I mean he was 17 he wasn't understanding why I was saying that and also probably like what do you mean he looked at me and said and I was just preparing I just said I'm I'm not gonna cry and um I mean obviously I cried but yeah we were all told then and then he my mom soccer allowed her to write a letter um so he wrote a letter um he and my mom write that he was sorry for what he was doing it was um beyond his control all these things um And my mom wrote in the letter, she wanted us to come here to the Niagara region to be with her sister, which even my grandmother, my mom's mother, my aunt's mom were like completely baffled. They had no idea. Not that they had a bad relationship, but they weren't close. No one understood why my mom said that. The only thing that they had a bad relationship but they weren't close no one and no one understood

why my mom said that the only thing that they could come to believe was that my mom had I mean my aunt had one child so maybe she'd be the easiest uh to be able to take care of three kids um so within a month I had to move from my community, which was really, really hard. I did not want to move at all. It was the only place I had known my whole life. I had been to Ontario once. I mean, sorry, I say Ontario once. I had been to Ontario once in like a couple of years before my parents passing.

And then a lot when I was, I was little, I was like my mom's travel partner to come to Ontario. So yeah, but after we moved here, I'm always generous. And I say, I mean, it was the nineties mental health wasn't talked about the way that it is now. Um, and it's still obviously not nearly enough, but I was always generous. And I would say we had two play-based therapy sessions. Even though I knew it was one, I was just always generous when I spoke before. And it was this past year, I was talking with my, in January of this year, I was talking with my, in January of this year, I was talking with my sister-in-law, my older, my older brother's partner. And I said, yeah, like about therapy.

And she was like, yeah, she said, and even you kids, no one took care of you. You know, you had that one, you had that one therapy session. And I was like, wait, hold on. It was one. And she was like, oh yeah, it was one. Because if my aunt proved that we needed mental health support, me and my younger brother, not my older brother, because my older brother aged out. So he didn't have a guardian within two months of my parents passing, then she would qualify for one of,

I don't know if it's CPP or what it was that she would have qualified for. So she qualified for it and then never sent us for therapy. So I only lived with that aunt for a year and eventually I moved in with my grandmother. So none of us received proper post-traumatic care, mental health support. And I mean, obviously it showed. And at the age of 29, my oldest brother, Carson, he died by suicide. And most people don't understand it when I say it, but losing him was so much harder than what I had to go through the night of my parents' death. Because he was just, I mean, anyone could tell you he could do no wrong in my

eyes at all. Not that my parents could. It was just a different kind of loss, right? It was entirely different. So, yeah, it was really hard losing him. And the wild thing is the day I got, I had a bunch of missed calls. I was 20, just shy of 21, living in Ontario. And I got a bunch of missed calls. And I looked at my now husband and I said, I'm not calling them back.

And he said, what do you mean? Why? I said, well, because who do I want to be dead more? And he and he said what do you mean why I said well because who do I want to be dead more and he was like what do you mean I said it's either nanny my grandma who had taken care of me my whole life at that point afterwards or it was my my older brother and he was like no why would you say that I was like because I know I I just I know I went home I showered I got dressed I literally ignored my phone for at least a couple hours before I didn't even call I got in the car and I drove straight to my brother's because I was like, I'm not, I'm not calling. And it was then that I had found out that he had died.

Yeah, because the missed calls were from my, from my brother's house and from my grandma's house. So it was easy to distinguish. And when I got there, you know, everyone's just looking at me and I just kept yelling, who is it? Who died? Who tell me now? And no one would tell me. And finally my cousin, Shane, he's the one that told me. And yeah, my, my younger brother was there at the time, too. So in between all of this, I did move back to Manitoba when I was finally 14. I got my wish. I got my wish because my grandma was trying to go through court to see if she could get legal custody of me for my aunt because my aunt never really like she never gave custody over to my grandma um and so the reason why my aunt sent me away I thought it was because she was finally listening to what I really wanted and I moved back to Manitoba and eventually I ended up living with my parents best friends Ken and Debbie Bowden who I called mom and dad and who have only ever done the good, good things for, for me. Like everything always was led with

the heart and with my parents in mind. So, um, I got to move back home. I live, I mean, I had the, hello, I lived with my best friend. So I finally got to call my best friend, my sister. That's like every, every girl's dream. You know, you get this real life sister that you always wanted to be your sister, right? So we grew up and graduated high school together. And I was coming back because I was turning 18. My parents had life insurance money. So I would get that money when I turned 18. We'll come to find out the reason why my aunt didn't want my grandma to get control or not control sorry wrong words um custody was because my aunt had actually spent all of my parents life insurance money that was held in

trust actually held in trust. I can't even. No. Yeah. Oh my, okay. Yeah. So just a second. First of all, you're remarkable. And I want to know, thank you for telling me that whole story in detail. I've heard it, but not from your words in that way before. And I want to know what's that like in

your body to have to tell that story again and again and again. Exhausting. Exhausting. I can see it in you. It's exhausting. But then also I will say, I said to an elder once, I feel really bad. And they said, why? And I said, because when I speak, I leave with some healing. There's always something. I mean, for instance, the deck. That might sound really small to someone listening. But your pieces are coming back together. Yeah. Yeah.

And they're big because their memory is their parts. Like there's the good memory of him building the deck, you know? So, um, and I just, and I would say I feel bad. And then the elder said, no, don't feel bad because you're leaving something behind. And that's the hope is that people are listening and that they will take with them. Um, I heard one elder actually from Australia, an Australian elder, and they said, like, you can't unhear what I shared now. So what will you do with it? Oh. Right.

And so tell me now, what are you doing with it? I mean, yes, your advocacy is so beautiful. So tell me where you are now. Yeah. So, I mean, I always shared. And then back in 2017, my cousin said, you know, would you be open to testifying for the National Inquiry? And I said, yeah, absolutely. Any way I can help. So I went down that journey and I testified and then I joined the National Family Advisory Circle and it was really eye-opening for me because for so long you're fed this story that this narrative like it's my story that's normal that's just the way things are right so I believed that for so long and then I started hearing other

people's stories and how similar they are and I was just like hey this isn't this isn't right like more people need to be talking about this so that I. And when we're talking this, just just so I can be clear, the just absolute blasphemous care for Indigenous peoples, the overlooking of, you know, this was just they nobody came quickly, fast. This is such an experience of Indigenous peoples in this country. And so the conversation is why and how and how we've been so ignorant and horrific and murdered and missing Indigenous women. That is sort of the conversation, the purpose of May 5th, the red

dress, drawing attention to the fact that there is absolutely entirely different standards of care for people who are experiencing crime, mental health, poverty, if you are of Indigenous descent. Is that fair? Absolutely. Yeah. And people not being able to make the correlation from residential schools to then seeing Indigenous folks living in poverty or on the streets or with mental health issues and not being able to comprehend the connection where for me it's like it is so connected you can't give away something you've never received amen yeah you can't give away something you've never received and it was stripped through no fault of their own yeah and so that has been your work. You lived it. You experienced it on, you know, the fallout is still, I know, so much a part of everything that you experience

in your life. And now your biggest focus is, you know, okay, so keep going. Sorry, you started there. I'm sorry to stop you, but I want to be clear, like that, that's why you were called upon because you experienced it. You had this story and you have this most beautiful capacity to advocate and speak and be a voice for even in your pain. And so they started to, you started to become a part of that process. And where thing I'm going to throw out there, and I feel like this catches people off guard sometimes, is he was Indigenous as well. So what systems failed him? You cannot only think about my side of the family. What systems failed him? You can't help but think. I mean, he had 13 prior convictions. He had alcohol and drug related issues. What was going on here? It's just absolutely mind blowing because you have to think of it. I can't say all these systems failed us when I'm saying that they're failing all indigenous people. I mean, he was indigenous as well. Right. So I'm not excusing his behavior of course of course there's a big difference right between and i think that's where we get so stuck sometimes is that we're not condoning excusing but when you understand why what happened here yeah just ask those questions like actually try to figure that out. That's the context for empathy.

That's how we understand, right? And it allows then to sort of the barriers between us versus them. Our DNA as human beings is 99.96% the same. Babies are buried, I say this all the time, in your province and mine that are the same heartbeats to the babies I get to go home to at night, right? When we understand that this is a human race and that certain people, because of the color of their skin, that's what it comes back to, colonialism, Westernized understanding of this, has then perpetuated the inability, the inaccess to things that are privileged, which is emotional regulation, supports, connection, resources.

And so when you're continually as a entire group of people pushed to the corner, and then the question is, how come? I'll fucking tell you why. And so I think your work is this beautiful advocacy around help us see this is why. And this is how we get out of it. Tell me your work with Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women. So it's transitioned nicely into that. Or how does that come to be?

So when I started advocating and speaking and the inquiry process, all of that, I, you know, I wasn't, like I said, really aware of it. And then I grabbed my husband's leg at the closing ceremonies. And I share this all the time because it was such a pivotal moment. I said, I get it. And he said, I literally whispered, I said, I get it. And he said, you get what? I said, I'm the girl. I was this perfect package for assimilation. I would forget my community. I was removed from it. If I moved here and I didn't fight to go back to Ontario, you wouldn't be speaking to me today. And people might be listening and think, oh, that wouldn't happen.

Well, guess what? My younger brother, he didn't go back. He went back like a handful of times. He felt no connection to the community. I know he wanted to be connected, but it's also that work of like, how do you do it? Even me, I was always like, I don't even know how to, to like help people when they'll like message me and ask like, how do I get connected? It's like, take the journey. Like, you know, you got to advocate for yourself, like all the things I help them with that step. But at the same time, I still don't even know. Cause it's not, it's not easy. It's not an easy journey. I

have to be, I mean, I don't want to say you have to be's not easy it's not an easy journey I have to be I mean I don't want to say you have to be willing to do it but it takes time it really does and it's something that you have to just go on so I started you know really walking down that road I didn't even have a connection here for the longest time I would literally say as an adult I want to go home I said it since I was little, when I would be here, I would cry instantly. My first instinct, my mentally, I would say, I'm going to go home. I didn't know what that meant. And now I know what it means because now I have a connection with a community here. Whether they like it or not, they're never losing me. I'm going to always be a part of the community here. And I love so many of the folks here in the Niagara region.

And I'm just so grateful because it isn't my culture and my traditions here, but I get to be a part of it. And I get to, you know, just learn from them and, yeah, just grow and be welcomed. And so it's just such an honor. It was in 2021. I was I was speaking, sharing my story for Red Dress Day for February 14. There's a few red dress days or days to honor. I mean, every day should be but February 14. And I didn't even know because you as a speaker, you get the back end link, right? For those that don't know this, you get a back end link. So I don't get the same link that other people get. So I didn't know that people who were watching could donate to an indigenous women's organization here in Niagara. So I'm on the call and I'm thinking,

oh my gosh, I need to donate. I literally am like texting and like, or not texting, but making my donation. Cause I was like, this is incredible. I want to learn more about it. So that was in February. And then in June, I had always like, I had been telling a couple of my like really close friends, I said, I want to start like a fundraiser of some kind. I'm going to be turning 38. 38 was a really significant number for my family because I would be the first person in my family to turn the age of 38. My younger brother was younger than me, so he wouldn't have turned that age, obviously, before me. So I turned 38 and the idea was start a GoFundMe to raise funds for that organization, Abbey House here in Niagara, and the other one was my community to give back to you there. And the goal was to raise this is where

Jessica I mean, I've known just before this, but Jessica Jansen, I had set a goal of $3,800 3838 hundred sound like good number to me. She went live with me on Instagram. And she was like, No, we're raising that number. Let's get it up. Help this girl raise $10,000. In 24 hours, we raised $10,000. And then we raised it again. And within a month, we raised $38,000. And then two months. And so now today, I never took it down because, I mean, people, they want to donate.

They hear me speak. And I mean, these organizations need the funds, right? So to date, we've raised over $107,000. And I always host an annual fundraiser here in the Niagara region. I love Christmas. We get together, we make a Christmas urn, like a decoration. And all the funds from that night go towards Abbey House because it's local. I mean, the GoFundMe still goes to both organizations. And so I just really got, you know, really wrapped up in that. And then I noticed, well, people were listening on social media. And I thought, well, I'm going to use it. My story

used me for so long. I'm going to use the shit out of my story. Yeah, you are. If that's what it's going to take, then yes, I'm going to get people to listen. I will share it. And so that's kind of where we went with it. The process of the fundraiser, was it easy? No. I mean, yes, I use it as a crutch totally to avoid my feelings of turning 38 that year. And it came crashing to a halt when I felt like crap at one point. Oh, I bet.

Well, you really need to practice what you preach and like go back to therapy. So I started down that journey. And yeah, it hasn't been easy by any means. And I often think, man, avoiding all of this a long time ago was really great, not paying attention to it. But I wouldn't have met the people I met on this journey. I wouldn't have had, I mean, I still have, healing isn't linear. I will continue to heal. And I, you know, I've met incredible people and I get to, I get to, it's a privilege to still be here and to, to speak because statistically I wouldn't be here speaking. So that's something that I'm going to continue to talk about. And I mean,

I have talked about mental health and I know I will continue to talk about mental health. I haven't really dove down that too much because I'm still healing myself. And in this past year before he could turn 38 in November, my younger brother died by suicide. So I am the only one. That is a huge load to bear, little girl. Yeah, I know. That little girl needs a lot of healing. Well, I'll tell you what that little girl has created is an entire village of people who will hold her up. Because I often think about, you know, we're walking each other home.

And I can't imagine, you know, what your mom and dad must think of that little girl. And I think the advocacy, the work is all part of you can't tell anybody how to do it. You got to show them. So when you're in the middle and it feels heavy it it is heavy it should be heavy though days when you don't feel like you can't do it or you will do it or you can do it and the boys in each of their own stories too held as much as they possibly could and part of why it is such an honor to sit in your presence uh Fallon is because there are very few humans as resilient as you and here's the shitty thing about resilience is that it's rarely anything we choose it's what's fucking doled out to us right and people I mean I wonder if people say this to you sometimes you know you're so strong and you're like what I didn't have a lot of choice here

you know I wouldn't want to be doing this if I had my choice in any other way. And so I think... And you're not even aware of it. I just want to say that. You're not aware of it. Because I grew up thinking, I remember thinking like watching shows or something happening. Just say someone had a death, something happened, or they had to move, or just watching. I'm saying shows because I was little.

And I'm just thinking I would literally always think, oh my God, you only get one life. That's it. You get one life and that's the life that they got. I feel so bad. And I swear to you, I didn't realize that I thought that until after my brother passed away. And I thought, oh, my God, I only get one life. And this was the life that I got. This was the one.

Right? When you are living it, you're just so unaware of it. And I say to people like, don't, please don't feel sorry for me because I am, I'm grateful for my, my family, my nieces, my nephews, my kids, my husband, um, everyone who's walked into my life. One of my favorite things to do is to make that connection with that person. Like, okay, so how did I meet you? How did I get to be on this podcast? Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful for Jess. Wow. If that didn't happen, then how would I have met Jess, right? Like, and that might be a crutch, but whatever people listening might be like, you're crazy, but I love it. I think there's so much,

I think there's just so much magic in it because it's that, like, how did I meet that person? And just going back to that. Our souls, I mean, and I believe this to the core of me, right? Our souls are connected. And I just think so much about Indigenous peoples understand this better than anybody. Your culture is older than anything that we are ever aware of. And the belief in this story that, you know, your story in this time on Earth matters so much, right, that you have been sent here for many reasons, right, to endure this and to show your babies how to do it and to create a sense in other souls about what needs to happen. And can I just tell you, I can't even find the words, but I can just feel, you know, as you said, you know, at the beginning, you can feel when you talk about being home, I can just feel your family. And this wasn't a coincidence. I can't tell you how much I needed to be reminded of this today and I know everybody who is in this community has just been so lucky to look into your story today

because I cannot tell you, you will have no idea, baby girls, how many people you are inspiring. That's the thing, right? Very few will be able to say thank you or because of you, but just know that to your bones today, that because of you, because of your brothers, because of your mom and dad, this is how we change systems. This is because, I mean, I love your name. How do I say it again?

Your indigenous name. My spirit name? Your spirit name. White Thunder Woman. Okay, so at the beginning, friends, when we listen to that, White Thunder Woman, I bet you're like, mm, means nothing. Does this not mean everything right now? Watch her make some noise is really what's going to happen.

And I am forever in your corner, your biggest fan. If there's anything I can do to help with the fundraising and the advocacy. Oh, you have helped just so listeners know you've been a huge help of my fundraiser and I'm so grateful for it. Listen, we're just getting started. Everything will be in the show notes in terms of how you can, you know, be in Fallon's world, assist, use our voices. And I'm, I just cannot wait to see what you do in this world. I am so grateful I got this front row seat, girl, because you're just getting started. Thank you so much. It's such an honor. And friends, listen, everything you need to know to find out where this remarkable human is, is in the show notes.

I know this isn't the last time we're going to speak. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for this. Thank you. And to the rest of you, take care of each other. Take care of yourself. And I'll meet you right back here again next week. The Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast is produced by the incredibly talented and handsome team at Snack Labs, Mr. Brian Seaver, Mr. Taylor McGilvery, and the infamous Jeremy Saunders. The soundtracks that you hear at the beginning of every episode were created by

Donovan Morgan. Our executive producer is Marty Piller. Our PR big shooters are Des Veneau and Barry Cohen. Our agent, my manager, Jeff Lowness from the Talent Bureau. And emotional support, of course, is provided by, relatively speaking, our children. For the record, I am a registered clinical psychologist in Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice. The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, education, and maybe even a little bit of hope. We'll see you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push.

Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.