Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - What Happens After the Worst Day of Your Life? - Chance Toder

Episode Date: April 2, 2026

If you’re walking through a hard season, or love someone who is, this one will stay with you.Dr. Jody Carrington sits down with Chance Toder for an unforgettable conversation about resilience after childhood stroke, medical trauma, and rebuilding a life that looked nothing like the one he expected. Born at 1 pound 15 ounces, Chance survived multiple heart surgeries, went into a coma after a stroke at 11, and had to relearn how to talk, walk, and breathe on his own.But this isn’t just a survival story. It’s a conversation about what happens next: the long rehab, the grief of watching other people move on, the fight for accessibility, the courage to keep asking for a chance, and the kind of family love that holds you together when everything changes.You’ll also hear about Chance’s wheelchair hockey journey, his lawn care business Leave It to Chance, his dream of public speaking, and the mindset that keeps him aiming for anything and everything.In this episode:- Chance’s resilience story after stroke and heart surgery- What recovery really looked like after coma and rehab- The emotional toll of disability, dependence, and delayed independence- Why accessibility matters in everyday life- How sport, work, and speaking gave Chance new purpose- The message he wants every listener to remember: just give people a chanceThis one is raw, practical, funny in places, and deeply human.---Links & Resources:• Dr. Jody Carrington: https://www.drjodycarrington.com/• Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington: https://www.drjodycarrington.com/podcast• Dr. Jody Carrington on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjodycarrington/• Dr. Jody Carrington Linktree: https://linktr.ee/drjodycarrington• North American VOLT Hockey Tournament / VOLT Hockey Canada: https://varietyontario.ca/event/north-american-volt-hockey-tournament/• Art for the Heart (Variety Manitoba / historical event reference): https://mayberryfineart.com/blog/96/art-for-the-heart-gallery-media-release-1 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, hey, welcome back. Welcome into another episode of the Unlone podcast. Friends, I decided we needed a little bit of inspiration around here with the heaviness of the world, with the overwhelm of what I think so many of us are having to carry every single day. I wanted to bring a family to you that completely and utterly renewed my hope in humanity. I got to speak a while back with a young man who, was so delightful. He opened for me. And I think I'd tell the story even in the episode, but this is a two-part episode. We've never done this before. This is the first time ever in the third season of Unloling that you're going to get a two-parter. And I really wanted to bring you the perspective of a son and a mom who have such a remarkable story around resilience and

connection and what it means to be a medical mama and stress. And, oh, gracious. So I was at this event and they were very, very clear to me that I had an opening person who was going to sort of draw the crowd and I was just there, you know, to sort of close it out. His name was Chance Toter and he, he's sort of a local celebrity up until the age of 11, um, as you'll hear, uh, led a pretty typical developmental course and at 11, um, in a fairly routine surgery, had a stroke and, um, significant complications ensued. So he's the oldest of, um, a number of boys and, um, just the cost of healing and, navigating a dramatic change in a family member to the cost on the sibling, on the marriage, on what that looks like from Chance's perspective and certainly from the perspective of his

mama, I thought was just so interesting. So Chance took the stage, got a standing ovation and the day that we spoke together and I just was taken so with him. And at the end of it, I just said to him, so like, what's next for you? And he's like, well, I'd really like to be on a podcast. And I was like, shoot your shot, bitch. Do you want to come online? And he's like, yes, I would. So I mean, this kid is remarkable. I can't wait for you to listen to what he has to say. And then just sink into a little about his amazing mama. You're going to know why this kid's resilient and brilliant

because he had maybe one of the most amazing humans on the planet to show him how to do it. So sink in, buckle up and feel all the hope and him to separation that I think is all we ever need in this world right now. Okay, friends, you just heard that incredible intro. I have waited for this episode of this podcast for some time because Chance and I met, he opened, and I had to follow him at a talk I give in Saskatchewan. And this rock star blew me away.

And so I want to start, I want this community to know about your story because resilience is the name of the game around here for Chance Totter. And I just, I want to know all of it. So can you take us from the top, tell me all about your life. and we've been this resilience, brilliance that you all, you know, to your core. Yeah, for sure. I was born 1 pound, 15 ounces, and like, when I was born, I could fit in my dad's hand. And, like, and I had, like, when I was three weeks old, and my first heart surgery,

and when I was 10 months old, I had my first open heart surgery in Saskatoon. And like with every heart surgery, there were complications. And it would be my luck on how those complications. Because you don't do anything easy. No, I don't. So you had some of those complications and then keep going. What happens next? When I had to spend months in the hospital, then my last, I mean, not my last, but like my recent heart surgery was in Emmington, and everything was supposed to go spend five days in the hospital, then like go, yeah, and then fly home.

but before the surgery, my cousins from Alberta surprised me at West Simpton Mall. And we took silly pictures in the photo birth. And then like I had the surgery, everything went okay, but I had a stroke on the table. You were 11. You were 11 years old at this point, right? Yeah, I was 11. So typically developing other than all of these kind of things at this point, right, you were able to walk? Yeah. You were a hockey guy. You were doing all the things in your physical body was sort of as capable as it always was.

You had this successful surgery and then a stroke happened while you were on the table. Yeah. Yeah. And then what happened when you woke up from that surgery? When I went into a coma for a couple weeks. Yeah, for a couple weeks. He's checking with the boss here. Yes, uh-huh. Confirmed?

And then like, when I fully woke up, got out in the coma, I couldn't talk, walk, or breathe on my own. So I had to relearn how to do everything from scratch. Wow. Wow. And what was that like? What do you, what do you, do you have some memory of those early days? Um, yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, what can you remember? Um, like, um, like, like, like I could talk in, like, stuff was going on in my head, but I couldn't express myself. Right. So like my mom was saying like the brothers came down.

I'm the oldest of three brothers. You're the oldest of three? Yeah, you got two younger brothers, right? Yeah, and then like, and like the only way that I could express myself was to yell. So I scared death. I bet you did, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and do you remember, I mean, have they ever talked?

you about how scary that was because I know it was sort of touch and go at some points. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And for your brothers, for mom, for dad, I bet that was really tricky. Yeah. And is that where, you know, resilient? What was that sort of comeback like for you?

Because the ultimate comeback, I mean, started happening. I mean, it was the worst day of your life. Yeah. And the comeback started right then, didn't it? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of rehabilitation.

Yeah. Yeah, I had to go to physio and like, really learn how to like transfer myself, really how to like do everything on my own. Right. Goodness. And so remarkably difficult. Do you, what do you remember is the hardest parts about that chance? Um, just, um, just like, be learning how to use my body again. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And, and then what happened is you sort of started to get back into life. Were you ever a kid then that got back to, to school? I know mom and dad are relentless fighters and they like made you do everything and anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Call me again, please. I went to school.

that that looked different. Yeah, how did that look? Like, it seemed pretty normal, but like, I was in a wheelchair. Yeah, yeah. So it was so different. It seemed pretty normal, but I would imagine being in a wheelchair kind of changed a whole lot of things about life of three boys. Yeah. Yeah.

And are you, were you always a hockey family? Like, did the brothers play? Yeah, yeah. all my brother is playing. Uh-huh. And do they still play? Yeah, one brother and I do. And you do.

That's right. Okay, we're going to get to that. So you then sort of went through school. Did some of this, how did things have to change? Like what did, I mean, you now are a business owner. You now are a superstar athlete. So take me through all of those challenges and how that all came to be. like I wanted to do stuff like my friends but but I couldn't and learn that the hard way.

Did you? Yeah, tell me about that. How was that hard? Yeah, like I got to see like when it's time, we didn't know if I would be here to graduate, but I did. Yeah, I did. So I got to see my friends graduate, move out and start their lives, but I had to still, after I graduated, I had to go back to school for, they call it, independent living. And so for three years I had to go back to school, do like, classes and more physio and, you know, And like I got to see most of my friends graduate and go on with their lives.

Yeah. And what was that like for your heart? Was there lots of tears? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I kept on saying, okay, three more years, three more years until I'm gone. Two more years.

And like I finally got out there. And I was like so happy. Yeah, when you finally got out of that school place, hey? Yeah. Tell me, how old are you now? I'm 30. You're 30. And so since 11, I mean, by the way, you don't look 30.

I mean, if we're not watching this on a video, this handsome young dude does not look 30. And so you, you know, in that period of time, then now do you live independently? So after that? I live with my mom still. Yeah, yeah, perfect. And talk about the independence that is sort of introduced because you also have a business, you also play sports. Yeah, I have my own lawnmowing business called Leave It to Chance.

And in the farmer's market. I mean, my buddy and I started this farmer's market. market business called ZNC. We sell mini donuts and frozen lemonade to raise money for our hockey club. Uh-huh. Of course you do. And like, the shirt that I have on right now is my new Leave It Chance shirt says I'm sexy and I'm know it.

Okay, if you could just see this shirt, okay? The community, here's what I love so much about chances that, like, I, the sense of humor that this family has blew me away because let's create this lawn mowing business for this guy that is like so independent. You've got a, you've got a custom lawnmower, like tripped right out, right? Yeah. Like this badass mother, you see this kid coming. You are going to get out of the way.

He's going to do the best job ever. And he wears this. Okay, the shirt is red. with yellow lettering that says, I'm sexy and I'm mow it. Okay? So, I mean, I don't know. Like, you've got to be booked up till, like, 2030, are you? Like, I only do it in the summers, but...

Yeah, someone. But you're a very popular guy. I got it. Yeah. Okay, so what is the... Tell me about this hockey team. You know, you're raising money. I love that you have this, you know, this company as well.

Tell me a little bit about that. I play in Brandon for the Westman Fold Hockey team. Yep. And we get to go to tournaments and practice in the Mantoba room in the Keystone. and like each cart costs like $10,000 just for one cart. Yeah. And tell me what a cart is. What is a cart?

It's like kind of like a scooter or whatever. Yeah. It's like wheelchair hockey kind of. Yeah. And so wheelchair hockey in this cart, is it played on ice? Is it played on? It's played on. tiles.

Okay. So like it's in an arena. Kind of like in a gym court. Ah, awesome. And like how big is this sport? How often so you're out of Manitoba. This is the very important thing. This kid's out of Manitoba.

He's a phenom. And tell me a little bit about like what is that league like? It's a very, it's, there's only two Manitoba teams. and Brandon and like Winnipeg just started their Voltaque. And there's like teams in Ontario and like Alberta and a couple teams in the states. Wow, wow. And how like how well is your team done? Can you tell us about that?

Do you suck? Are you fairly successful? our first year I wasn't on the team yet but I mean I was practicing with the team but I didn't get invited to the tournament and like their first every year going to Toronto

everyone thought that they wouldn't score a goal wouldn't win a game So like first game happened, they scored a goal. And the one coach said, oh, well, that's good. If we don't, if we don't, if we get out in this tournament, at least we can celebrate our first goal. Then like we won, then they won their first game. And then they made it, then they won another one.

another one, then they made it to the, then they made it to the gold medal game, and then they won the gold medal. Stop! No way! Yeah. What was that celebration like? I wasn't part of the team,

but like the team was that my buddy sent me a video of it, and like they were like celebrating like they won the Stanley Cup. Well, and I, what I got to tell you is I think it was probably harder to win that than it is to win the Stanley Cup. And we know how hard it is to win the Stanley Cup, right? Yeah. That is amazing chance. And now you have been a part of that team. So you played.

Yeah. Do you still play with them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Last year we went to Toronto. My first time going to Toronto. in a national tournament.

And we thought we were going to do so good because we had a lot of veteran players from the last season and lost their game. Did you? Yeah. And isn't this a beautiful thing about resilience, right? Like, it's like sometimes you don't think

you're going to be successful and you are and other times you sort of think it's going to happen and you get kicked in the knees. Yeah. And so what was that like for your team? How did you handle that? It was a pretty long bus trip home, but the guy that started it, he said, oh, don't get down on yourselves.

All of you had a great experience, and we all got like petitions, like little medals. Nice. Participation, yeah? Yeah. Which, I mean, again, I think in this world when it's not as accessible as it is for everybody else, I mean, I think people really underestimate what it means to even just get to places like that. Yeah. How much you have to think about, does the chair fit? Do we have accommodations? Can we get around in a time? Yeah. Is that often a challenge for you and your family that you're thinking about? Yeah. Yeah. Like, if we go out to, like, restaurants or, like, hockey.

games or whatever. Yeah. I always, we always think, we always have to look ahead if it's wheelchair accessible, if it's like, yeah, in like other aspects. Of course, like in the snowy conditions, I'm thinking about this in Manitoba. I mean, the weather, I mean, in Alberta here today in this very moment, there's a blizzard happening. And I know it just, it just makes things, this challenge to sort of live in a world that isn't

often designed accessibly for people. You are the most remarkable human. And I think, you know, who's inspired you, Chance? Like my family, my friends, when I was in the Winnipeg Hospital, this amazing man.

His name was Wayne Rogers. He was head of Variety Heart, and, like, he took me underneath his wing, and, like, I got to do lots of cool stuff that people can only imagine. Like, I got to go to some many gala's, and, like, go to the Art for the Heart. and recently I just, my mom got tickets for me to go and see the Dallas and Winnipeg game. And I, and like Val, our good friend, set up something so I could go and see the Stars morning practice and meet the team. No! Yeah.

Stop right. Because here's what we love. We both share love for hockey, you and me. So I can't. Oh my God. Who did you meet? Like Jamie Ben, the whole team. Did you die?

Just so. Oh my gosh. And like did any, was, were they nice or were they kind of assholery-ish? They were all really nice. They signed my old Stars jersey and my old I mean, not old, but like

my Starz hat. Yeah, yeah. Who is your team? I mean, you love, I know you love hockey. Do you have a few favorite teams? Like is Winnipeg, your number one? This is, sad to say, but

not really. I like Dallas and Ottawa is my favorite Canadian team in Calgary Oh buddy you're going to have a tough season this year Hey Oh and like when I was at the Art for the Heart Gala I met Thomas Steen Oh

Okay And it's like he was saying to me his son used to play with with Toronto and St. Louis. He was saying to me, if I ever wanted a picture or like an autograph or something of Alex, just say to him and I said, he looked at me and I said, I'm okay. Listen, I'm not a fan of your son.

I mean, he's done good things, but I'm out. My God, listen, the confidence in you, sir, is one of the most inspiring things about you. And you've got to meet so many cool people. Yeah. Yeah, I love that about it. I love that about you. And what's next for you? Where are you going?

I know you talked about public speaking, and I know that, you know, this podcast thing was important to you. You want to start a podcast, is that I think that's what you're going. what you should do. Yeah, maybe down the line, but yeah, yeah, like one day I would. Yeah, so podcast maybe. What about, I mean, in the speaking world, you have talked a little bit about doing a bit more public speaking. How, is that sort of a hope for you? Yeah. Yeah. And like, I was saying to our friend, Val, that like one day I would like to go on a TED talk. and do you still speak there? Oh, you know what I think is really cool,

chance is that, like, Val is a force because you and I met through Val, and you said to Val once, I'd like to be a public speaker. Boom, you're on the stage. Yeah, like, um, the night, the day after my mom has, like, a favorite things party every year.

And it's like she, uh, She slept over at my house. And like, we went out at the breakfast table and she asked me, what, what's my dream? I said to be a motivational speaker. She said, okay, let's do it. And like, we got to talk about Val for a minute. Shout out to Val. Because there are some amazing humans who get shit done and she's one of them.

Yeah, exactly. And so we met at this event and I got to just tell you a side story about. about this. So, I mean, they fly me in from Alberta. They interviewed me for the newspaper, but they were very clear to say, listen, we're excited to have you, Dr. Carrington, but you need to know the star of the show who will open the day is Chance Toter. And I was like, okay, they're like, he's a local legend. And I walked in like, okay, I know why. Also, a local legend who travels with a posse because your badass grandmother talking about people who inspire you. Tell me a little bit about her.

Yeah, yeah, my, my nana, my mom's mom, she, she's really, she's really amazing. She, like, sports me with everything, and, like, yeah, she's just, she's just amazing person. I, you know, she was sitting in the crowd when you were speaking, and she stayed for my talk, and she is, like, you can tell you don't mess with her. And I, you know what I mean? Is that right? Yeah, somewhat. Yeah, somewhat.

Yeah, and I could just see how proud she was of you. And she just, you know, she was, you know, busting out of her shirt. And then we were all standing there chat later. And I said to you, you know, what is your next dream? What do you want to do? And this is how bold this guy is, okay? He said to me, well, I'd sure like to be on a podcast. And then he looked directly at me.

Like, uh-huh. You know what's going on. Yeah, you're right? And I was like, would you like to be on my podcast? What did you say? Yeah. And then right there, we sealed the deal. There was no going back.

Oh, my gosh. Like, so incredible. Do people tell you that you're inspiring? Do you hear that story a lot? What do people say to you about this? Yeah. Yeah, you're truly inspiring. You're so.

like amazing and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Do you believe them? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Is it hard to hear chance when people sort of say those things or do you like to hear that? I do like to hear that.

Yeah. Yeah, I like to hear that. Well, I bet. And I'm also going to guess there's a lot of things that people don't know. Because I'm, what are the challenges for you right now? What is the hardest thing? Is there some medical things happening? Yeah. What is the heaviest thing?

Actually, especially, let you say that. At the moment I just went to Winnipeg for my heart appointment and got some great news. Like, they couldn't find anything wrong with my heart. And so, like, the doctor said, see you next year. Oh, you got a clean bill? Yeah. Oh, buddy, that's amazing. What, I mean, tell me what that feels like.

What does your mom's face look like when you get that kind of news? Just, just like flabbergasted in it. Just amazed. Just amazed. Because life expectancy for you, buddy, what did they talk about in the beginning? Like, like with I have a pink heart. valve. So like every, it's supposed to last for 10 years this heart valve, but like I'm celebrating here today with my 20th year with the same heart valve. That was a good freaking pig.

Yeah. Thanks a lot, pig. You picked a good one. Yeah. Yeah, and I didn't even pick it. I know, right? Oh my gosh, 20 years, kid. And then to be able to say, and also we're still going strong. Yeah, and no one has ever seen 20 or 25 years with the same heart valve. Wow. And I want to be the first one to shatter that record. I love that. I'm going to guess you are going to shatter the 25. Yeah. Oh, kid. What is, I mean, I love, you know, your sort of slogan is about, you know, just give me a chance.

Yeah. And can you tell me a little bit about that? Like, what do people need to know when they're struggling? Like, everybody, everybody means just to say, give me a chance on like, let's just say a job interview, give me a chance. and like my mona you know my motto is like give me a chance like my business give me a chance and I'll you know cut grass or like um do other stuff all you just need to do is give me a chance oh friend I love this so much because particularly when people don't look or sound or act or walk or talk as we would expect typically people to do,

they often get less chances, don't they? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like they just see the chair and automatically they say no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have put yourself into places and on platforms where so many people who want to do the things you're doing, they're watching you.

And this is what I think is the greatest about you is you can't tell people how to be resilient. You have to show them. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And you show them every day because I want to tell you, you know, chance in particular, so many people don't take the chances, don't call their shots. And this kid, you know, I mean, I'm a small player in this big world, but I can tell you that he had every bit of authority when he was like, no, I'm going to take this stage. Nope. I'd really like a chance here. And like, that's paid off in big ways for you. Hey? Yeah. Yeah, it has. All right, so what's the next dream before we wrap up today?

Because you're crushing this. Anything and everything. Right? Stars full of it. Oh, my gosh. I love that. And I think that's what I want everybody to hear who's listening today, that no matter what challenges you have,

you know, Chance told her his story of rallying around, creating a family system that has never been prouder of their boy. I can tell you that. Yeah. And I think you're just getting started, kid. Yeah. Thank you. I'm your biggest fan.

Thank you. I cannot wait to watch what you do. I know this lawn mowing business always needs clients. So I'm going to put everything up in the links in the show notes so people know where to find you and know where to contact you. And particularly in this world where so many people need a little inspiration, you're it. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, thank you so much for me.

Oh, kid, I am so proud of you. It's such an honor to know you. I don't know that I've met a kinder human. I mean, you are fine, but your mother, your mother is a saint and a badass, and I met her first before I met you. She told me about you, as you know this story. She told me about you before I ever met you. And she said, I have the most remarkable son that I would love you to meet.

day. And she was right. She was right. This was my favorite podcast and I cannot wait to share you with the world. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Anything, anything you want to add before we wrap up here today, Rockstar? Um, nothing that I can think of. Just, um, just keep on giving people a chance and give me a chance. Listen, nothing better than that. That's all we need is just a chance. It's this world. It's how we do great things. All right, chance to order. Thank you, thank you, thank you, everybody. Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. And I'll meet you right back here next time for a little more inspiration that can't get any better than this. Yeah. Okay, I, so because you're the superest mom on the planet and I feel like the most

incompetent mom on the planet these days, I, my number one question for you is as a parent, what is your greatest accomplishment oh hands down my four boys and that they're good men that is if i can sit back and say one thing like and i look at them often and think like i had to have done something right because these kids are great kids like they're tremendous human beings they're kind they're compassionate they have so much empathy and especially when they have not had an upbringing and I have to tell you like I did a million things wrong and the fact that they held in there with me and at the end of the day I can say that you know as adult children they all road tripped with me to Red Deer Alberta for Lane's ACAC championship we're all in the

mini-vats like and then sitting there the whole time peeking in the back just like they were little boys again going oh this is the best part this is the best part hands down my boys yeah okay So tell me a little bit about them because I know, I mean, chances who we are going to meet. I can't remember which order we're going to sort of share these videos in or these podcasts in. But your son is, I mean, I met you before I even knew about your son. And your son is sort of the one of the sons is the one that sort of is the famous one. And yeah, he's exhausting. He's so famous.

But can you take me through a little bit, I mean, of your story and your words. I mean, I've shared it a little bit with our audience. but I want to know a little bit about, you know, the loneliness that can come with being a single mom, with a medical mom, with, you know, raising four boys. I mean, I am losing my mind in this world of teenagerhood right now. And I just know, I mean, regardless, kids are kids are kids. And they all have, they all break your heart and sew it back together. So give me a bit of a timeline, Jolene, about, you know, how this sort of this life has unfolded for you.

So it was, I guess I could start from the beginning when I found out that, um, that I was expecting. So first baby, you know, and we were excited, and then we kind of went on the pregnancy roller coaster. Everything was okay, then things weren't. Everything was okay again, things weren't. And then he was born at 32 weeks. And that's chance. He's your oldest.

That's chance. Yeah, he's my oldest. And so then he, of course, was born with an infallisil and tetralogy of fallow and all the stuff. And so we went through a huge. amount of time spent in a hospital for months and then at four we finally get him home after three months and then at 14 months later we ended up having another boy and so that's Cole who is now so chances 31 Cole is 30 so you know punishment punishment but they truly ended up being best friends after they almost killed each other for the first two years

They then did everything together. And then two years later, we had a few years later, we had Lane, who is now 26, and then we had our baby, who is 23. And so we kind of went through somewhat of a normal life until Chance was 11, and we found out that he was going to require another surgery. So we had many surgeries up until 14 months, and then everything was. was golden and you know life was normal and life was good and then they just wanted to repair a valve that they had put in when he was little because he was one pound 15 ounces and his first surgery was at three months old when he was three pounds so um you know his job was just to grow and get bigger and they needed to get changed that valve and through a lot of um you know soul searching we

decided that when they said it was time to do it, we would. And he had just completed the Terry Fox run. And so when they said, we should do it now while he's healthy, we're like, yep, let's do it. And so we were supposed to fly to Alberta for five days. And then he would come home and he would be in recovery just for a few weeks. So those five days turned into 141, 144 days. across three provinces. And so he,

so my husband and I were still together at that time, you know, although it was quite, we just dealt with things very differently. So I ended up, I stayed with chance for the majority of the time. And then when I flew, because I needed to get home to get to the boys.

So we stayed away from Chan, stayed with Chance, three months while he was in the hospital in Alberta and my mom who you met. Yes. I raised my boys at home. She moved into my house, raised my boys and the community rallied around and they looked after her and looked after those boys and made sure they got to every hockey game, everything.

They did it all. They had socials. So then come January of that year, we had a choice to make and that was to, we could come home, but there was no supports. We lived in a community of just a couple people and so I knew I wasn't ready to give up

yet because when Chance woke up from his coma, he couldn't walk or talk or anything. There was virtually nothing left. And so, but eventually he opened his eyes and we had to work

through all of it and it took a long time. It was not an easy go and he continued to have many surgeries. I think he told you about they eventually, when they found out it was a stroke, they had to remove his skull cap. And he was the fourth done in Canada outside, to Canadians, outside of the people that fought in Afghanistan. Wow.

He said, I'm in a textbook, but I'm like, not for good reasons. You are, you are magic in so many ways. Yeah, but not that one. So we, in January, moved the boys, I moved them to Winnipeg because I wasn't ready to come home until we had all the supports in place and could get him further. And so I moved the four boys in to Winnipeg and I homeschooled three of them with the help of our little school in Elkhorn. And we stayed there until August of that year. So we were gone from October until the end of August. the fur, so it was, it was a long go. But, you know, it was, dad and you weren't together at this

point, is that right? Uh, we were. But, you know, it was definitely, you know, and I guess the, the most politically correct way to say this is that if you're struggling with mental illness prior to any big event, it's really hard for you to give anything, you know, and to be there for anyone outside of yourself. And so, you know, and this is where my boys have so much resilience and the fact that they rallied around each other, around us, around everyone, and made sure that Chance had the most normal life that he could have. And including, you know, them giving him the gears.

Like he wasn't getting away with anything. Those, you know, and so that part was truly amazing and you know we met a she reminds me so much of you but she was from Alberta and her name was Dr. Judy Dahl I think was doctor and she was a psychologist for the cardiac program and this little cheerleader and she was wonderful but she came and checked on chance before the surgery and then she came and I always had her check in on the boys with me because they she helped us reintroduced the new chance. So the shaved head, missing skull cap chance that the boys were going to come and meet.

Wow. And so there were many pictures sent back and very soft words were used to describe the situation. So with her help, we were able to bring the boys to Alberta to meet the new chance. And, you know, as much as you prepare, it was a colossal fail. and so the one that we were the most worried about and Cole being so close in age, you know, he was strong and resilient, but we forgot that little Lane when he kept phoning us and saying, Mom, it's okay, because Chance and Cole Lane were like mortal enemies. And so he goes, Mom, it's okay, I'm just going to get there and I'll sing, this is a song that never ends.

I'm like, okay, that's great, can't wait to hear it. and he'd say that every time we talk in the phone, don't worry, Mom. They were going to sing, this is a song that never ends. I'm like, yes, this sounds great. And, of course, this is before the days of FaceTiming and all of that. And so when he comes and Chance sees him,

Chance isn't talking yet. And he's not, he's laying, and Chance screams. And poor little Lane just starts the look on his face. And I'm like, oh, my God, you didn't know. And Cole was resilient and strong and all the stuff, but we didn't realize that we had missed this big part of trying to gloss over all the good stuff. You know, it would be all good. It'll be fine.

Just smile. Put a smile on your face. It'll be all fine. Yes. And doing it, you know, as much as we were alone in many aspects of it, there were some great people that came to help us not be. so lonely on days when we couldn't find it. And even when we failed miserably, and we failed on many times we failed. But it was, you know, it was always with the best intention and always somebody to say,

well, let's try again. Let's try this a different way. And so that part was probably the best part that kept us going. And luckily, and I tell you, like the stallery and the Glen Rose Rehabilitation hospital, those people made it, you know, and I could do a whole thing on Nurse Brenda, you know, with us back to Alberta on her own dime. She came to Manitoba with us on her own dime. Like I could go on for hours about these amazing nurses that we had and doctors that were just, yeah, yeah, yeah. And even our, you know, neuroscient or neurosurgeon was like hands-down.

on one of the most amazing people that we've ever met, you know. Yeah. Yeah. We had some good people. Well, and isn't it interesting, you know, as a medical mom and nobody really, a medical parent, I guess, or a human. I mean, I think about this even as those of us start to care for our parents in aging, you know, ways. Is it, tell me how remarkable it is to you, how quickly you get a vernacular around an entire

world that you didn't even know or you didn't want to know existed. the words that you're using even about his diagnosis just rolls off your tongue and and how familiar you become with things like lines and medication regimes and wheelchairs and you know how you sort of quickly go from this world of not knowing any of those things to becoming an expert in that I watch so many parents go from a world that is overwhelmed these days with many things and then you step into that medical world or that illness world where time stops and people become so critically important. Tell me, tell me about that shift for you, Jolene, because I know there's been so many worries about your boys and you carried on for all

of them so much. Was there ever a time? Maybe you even haven't done this yet, but where you just stopped and went, this isn't fair for me. Like what, how can I do this? Was there ever a moment, moments? There was, yeah, 7 million of those moments. And I remember thinking like after he was born, I didn't even know that this world existed. I just, all of our friends and family had healthy babies and they came home. Like there was not, you know, didn't even know that there was a NICU. Didn't know any of that. And I just remember looking at this one baby who was 12 pounds and here's our one pound 15 ounce baby. And I said to the nurse, oh my goodness, I would. I would, my baby look like him because mine was translucent and looked like a little alien and that one was like

just a big old fat baby and he was so cute and and I kept saying and she goes no no careful what you wish for and so then I looked and he was on a jet ventilator he was born to a diabetic mom and he passed away within 24 hours of me saying that so I was like okay careful what you wish for and just you know all points of just not, and I remember like sneaking into a library because our son was dying in front of us after his heart surgery and, you know, they thought, we didn't know that he was sick at this time. We were now in Saskatoon. So this happened in Winnipeg.

Yeah. We'd gone to Saskatoon and the cardiologist was fantastic. But the abdominal surgeon just left and he went on a vacation, which all doctors are, but our son was dying. And we knew that things were not okay, and his stomach was blowing up. So they would come take x-rays every day. And I remember just thinking, I need to put every bit of brainpower I have, and I need to fix this because no one is believing us. And so we stuck into a library.

And we photococop, so we did all the research on. And so I remember going to the intern, who wasn't a really good person, but there was a million other good people there. and he just he he was going to be a surgeon and so sometimes as much as we love our surgeons and I will say the best surgeon we ever met was Dr. Meta from the stallery but this one was not ever going to be a Dr. Meta and so we had photocopied papers that said just because you do not see the air that doesn't mean that the bells have not exploded and so and he wouldn't even pick up the paper and read it. He was eating his grapefruit and he's like, turn the page. Turn the page. So, you know,

but he came back the next day. So I give him some grace here. And he came back the next day and he said, indeed his bowels have burst. He is dying. And this is, we are going to try to get surgery. So we had to wait still continue to wait. But the cardiologist, this is what a good human she was.

She's like, I don't know anything about the bowels. my specialty is the heart, but I will get in there and give him a drainage tube to keep him going until the surgeon can come home. And so they did. And he survived it. And so there was always somebody that was willing to hear us, even though we might have sounded like the dumbest person in the room, you know, that heard our voice. And so we might have, you know, we might have had to sneak into a library, But we did it and, you know, it was not easy because we always said we felt like everybody else had the book of chance. And we don't even know what chapter we're on. We didn't, you know, so we're, you know, tell us where we're at and give us the information.

And so, you know, that was how we continued. So we felt like everybody else was on team chance, but we're the ones that want to be there. So there were times where we felt like this is really unfair. but there were also times where people stepped up and said, they're right, they should be in this team. That advocacy that you have to do for your own family systems while you're walking the line of, you know, there's a professional group of people here

who, for good reason, are trained and, you know, bring all of their expertise to the table. And I would argue, I mean, I feel like this is such a tricky balance and it's nobody's responsibility, but it is a relationship game in any place that we play. Right. So in the medical world, when people get ill, when you know, you're asking people to look after your family members or you're trusting that they will. And it's often the most stressed environment. So even though you want to be kind, even though you're trying to be understanding empathic, you're like, this is is literally life or death. And, you know, this is my baby or this is my loved one. And so it's like, you know, what are some of the things, Jolene, that, that, you know, I mean,

I mean, I want you, I mean, this is sort of like maybe a hard question, but just rising above, like your three big lessons as you sort of take a look back, I mean, you've been doing this with his baby for 20 years. And he's now this remarkable young man who has blown apart every expectation of him, including his longevity, right? And he's just, you know, we're not stopping. For you as the mom in this journey, you know, what are the three things that sort of, rise above and give them no thought other than just what sort of comes to you.

So I think the biggest thing for me is to find your team, like look for the people. And so, you know, and when something doesn't feel right and someone's not listening and find your team and it's taken us a long time and we have probably the strangest team out there. And, you know, and we did, we didn't, there was no straight line to it. we traveled back to Alberta for years, for years and years and years until because we were heard and they would bring all of their specialists into a room and they knew Chance. Like they knew who he was and they never met Chance before. So they didn't know what we were fighting for.

And, you know, so the biggest thing was us to find the best team that we could find. And they weren't always, they weren't always with the highest degree, and they weren't always, but they had so much empathy and understanding that they, even if they didn't know the answer, they would go get it. And they would. And tenacity. Right. And, you know, there's nothing better than a nurse being a dog with a bone. You know, she's, I, our nurses, I tell you, we had some of the absolute best nurses that even, and I remember when, you know, nurse Brenda came. back with us to Manitoba.

And it was not an easy transition. And she came back with us. And I said to her through all of this, I knew I wasn't, I knew, there were times where I thought, maybe I might have a nervous breakdown. Like I have to schedule this in. I can't have it just yet. But someday when I do. But when we came back to Manitoba and everything fell apart with the medical part of it,

from what we had there to what we have here. And that was the first time I thought, I'm a lot. might just lose it because we had nobody on our team. Nobody was nobody knew what we were fighting for and nobody knew what we needed to get back. And so, you know, and the, we now have this boy and they're like, well, this is what you, what you get, go home. We're like, but we, he doesn't know how to walk yet. He doesn't know how to talk yet. You know, we need all of it back. And so that was probably one of the biggest things that I would say would be to find your team. But I would also say that you're not here to make friends. So sometimes being an advocate for chance meant that

I had to, you know, and I'm not someone who likes to confront anyone or anything, but there's been times where I have had to stand up with, like to a doctor and, you know, and I don't, I don't think he likes me much, but I've had to stand up and say, no, you're wrong. You know, you check the record, you're wrong. And I remember. whispering to a young, we were in Saskatoon at the time, and the grandpa had come and told this mom and dad who had just found out their daughter was profoundly handicapped, me saying, you just be quiet. They know better than you. And when he left the room, I leaned over and I'm like, actually, question everything, question everything. They don't know everything, question everything.

And then I quickly ran out of the room, but I thought, no, don't listen to that, question it all. And so, you know, that was the old school way of thinking, like the doctors know more. And they do. They're way smarter than I am. But I know that little boy, you know, and you know that baby that's there. Yeah. Yeah. And those are two things.

So find your team. I really love that. What's number two? Found your team is question it all. Question. Ask so many questions. And keep writing it down and keep researching. And even if you don't know the medical world, now thank goodness with Google, that you can.

You know, and one of the, and probably the third thing that I would say is, which I didn't do very well, is ask for help, you know, and make sure that people know, don't just say you're fine because you're not. You know, so when people ask, it's okay not to be fine and it's okay to cry and it's okay to not have it all together all the time. Can I ask you a question about that? Who? How did you learn any tips about learning who to ask? Because I think a lot of times people say like reach out and ask and then I think what we learn is we get we get sort of deeply disappointed by that. That there's lots of offers like we got you whatever you need and then and then you sort of push on that a little bit and it collapses and you're like fuck you. So did you start to learn who you could ask? And what is what does that look like?

What were your tells? So, and the thing that I learned through all of this is that the ones that are closest to you, who you would call your best people, often fade away when something bad happens. And they don't make the phone call. They don't. We had people that we knew, but I wouldn't say that we were best friends with on the plane chasing to get to us, you know, reaching us. you know, reaching out to the boys, taking them to, like, so it was the ones that you least expected were, and what happened was the ones that we were the closest with faded away and didn't know how.

And it's nothing to do with their person. They just didn't know how. And so when something is so big, there will be ones that will step forward and ones that will step back. And it doesn't mean that they're bad people. It's just that they, what do you say? What do you say to a mom? that can't lift her head for 10 days

because she's crying nonstop. You know, what do you say to that person? They may be somebody, somebody. And I think that that is just, I mean, it's because of who you are in your empathic ways. And maybe in this moment when we're not in crisis, but I think it's like you, you, I love that point so much.

And this is true in grief, that the one sort of you expect the most to be there, sometimes can't. Because they cannot manage or navigate, which is so unfair, but to see you in that level of pain. Yeah. Or to wonder what it must be like for that baby.

And so they may be more able to be somebody for somebody. When it's somebody's cousin twice removed and no problem. Right. No, I got 16 misanias and I'm doing it. But when I have, you know, been deeply in love with this family and we've spent 10 years together traveling or raising each other's babies and now in the moment I seem to disappear, it's like I almost wish there was a bit of a story where we could sort of see that in all of our lives because I bet, you know, I'm not saying it's true for all of

us but I think that you know many of us sort of have dropped a ball or not been able to do the things when we can and I love the idea if I were to look at these three things sort of all together find your team be curious you know question it all right and ask for help I would almost like if I could put these in order I would reverse them right which is sort of like I want you to be able to be regulated the most and who is it that you even can ask because oftentimes we don't want to burden people the most. So it's kind of like, you know, our best friend's, you know, mom or like, you know, your mom's best friend.

Can you get her to do some cooking? Fucking right. Because, you know, what else is she going to do? Really? Right. Versus you know like your sister or your best friend who just cannot navigate because they're equally as distraught. Who can we start to sort of farm out some of those things to?

And then all of a sudden you can be curious. Such a good point. you can then organize your team because even knowing to who to organize is so overwhelming in the beginning. They say organize your team. I don't fucking know. Who's my team? Is he good?

Is she mad? And I love that so much. You know, your wisdom is beyond Jolene. I think just in terms of that idea of like being even able to articulate, right? When people say you've got to reach out and get everybody, it might not be the people you think. Oh, every time. And like the nurse Brenda's of the world. Like, I mean, I'm sure you can give me a million examples.

Chance, you know, is shared with me kind of, you know, our mutual acquaintance who sort of got him into speaking. Right. Who got him in the jet dressing or the Dallas Star dressing. You know, those people who you're just sort of like, huh. And gathering strength in those places that then allow you to sort of stay curious and, you know, what could we be doing different or better? Or am I looking after myself? Yes. Yeah.

You know, even having the expectation, because I didn't think that, you know, I didn't think it was one my boy's journey to be having to look after chance or doing all of those things. And it's funny the way that my kids have even become the most important part of the team. And especially now they're all, because I always viewed them as kids, you know, protect them. They are kids. And even from, you know, Dr. Judy Dahl. She was so cute. And she said to me, I said, you know, can you check in with these boys and just make sure that they're doing okay. So she sits down with them.

She makes me go sit away because she knows I would say something. So she makes me sit over in the corner. So she said, because my way of fixing this was you put a smile on your face and you just pretend. It'll all be better. It'll be okay. So like don't look at the boy that can't walk and can't talk. Just we're okay. We'll make this okay.

And so she sits down with them and she says to them, so, you know, you guys have had a pretty rough go. So what changes have you had? And I was like, oh, no, stop. Like, stop. Oh, God, she's pointing them out. No. Oh, God.

And then she's like, so, you know, your friends have maybe got a new pencil case. You have a brother that doesn't walk or talk anymore. And you've had to move to Winnipeg and you don't get to go to hockey with your friends. You don't. And all I could think was, Shut up. And I never wanted to throat punch anybody more than this adorable little lady. And I thought, like, shut up.

What are you doing? Don't say this because this is not the way we're dealing with this situation. And I thought you were my team. And what are you doing? You're ruining these boys. And then she said, at the end of it, she said a lot of stuff, but at the end of it, she said, I just want you to know that you boys have dealt with more. in your little lives than most people have in their entire lifetime.

So you have already earned your coat of armor. And it's got hits and it's got marks and it's got scars. But you have it. So when people have this happen when they get older, they don't know how to deal with it. And you've dealt with it at your young age. And I remember thinking, okay, I don't hate you anymore. I don't hate you. But it was those people, because my way of viewing it was so one.

inside it was so singular that if I just pretended that I could get through this and we would be okay that it would the boys would join up and then to have somebody you know come in and say actually what you're what you're doing isn't isn't the what you need to do you need to be honest with these boys and share in their grief well it's interesting yes and and maybe it is what you needed to do but your team saw that they needed somewhere to put it and quite often we hope that that in grief, in loss, that people, that our kids will give it to us, but they won't. Because I don't want to make mom sad. And the expectation is I don't want to make it worse, right?

And so they're like, we're good, we're good. Yes. You know, even the loss of parents, of grandparents, you know, you see, you know, it's so interesting to have that, that group of people that can just take the kids for a drive or a slush or a something and be like, what's the suckiest suck of all of the sucks? and you know you never want to give your kids that permission because you don't want them to be sad you don't want them to be very sorry it'll be fine it'll be fine and parents ask me this all the time right like I just want my kid to be happy and I'm like I get at me too

but the direct pathway to happiness is a capacity and opportunity to feel all the emotions because you have to name it to tame it and you're scared we're going to get stuck there yes yeah And even saying to one of the therapists that, you know, my boys don't even fight. Like, they're doing great. And she's like, is that normal for that? Oh, no. And she goes, because they don't want to put anything else on you. And I thought, here's like my three-year-old.

Like, how does my three-year-old know that? You know, and it was, chance was 11 when this happened. So, you know, 11, 10, 6 and 3, I think is what it was. But, yeah, and that they all knew to adapt. behavior at such a young age. And so if we hadn't have had those people come in our team and they weren't expected, you know, I mean, I was ready to never speak to her again. And, you know, then to be such an important part and years later remember that.

I can't remember what happened yesterday, but I remember that. Is that interesting? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And just to know that, you know, that just because I want it to be okay doesn't mean it's okay. You know, it doesn't mean that I can fix it by pretend. ending it away, you know, we're trying to gloss over it. Yeah.

And I think our intention is always lovely, right? The intention is to protect our people and to keep optimism alive and hope alive. And it feels really like asinine to go backwards, to shine any light on why we're not lucky or, you know, what could possibly go wrong or how hard this is. And I think the intention is we don't want to stay there long. And the truth is you don't. You will always come back up the other side. And often if we don't give even just a little bit of time for ourselves or anybody else to sort of be like, this is not fair.

This isn't, nobody is going to understand this. What if nobody wants to play with him? What if nobody wants to play with me? What if I never, ever date again? What if my whole life is given to these babies and I don't have a life like how unfair is it? When we don't even name that, it doesn't mean we're ever going to do anything with it. But it's to give it some light so that it doesn't overpower us, the more. exhausted we become, right?

The more, you know, and again, like, especially with kids, they can only hold their shit together for so long. So, yes, in this moment, I am not going to lose my mind because mom's not going to do it, but I'll tell you, right? It's coming somewhere. Grandma's coming. And so I really like, you know, Dr. Judy's take on things, which was so much about, like, if I just give them a little bit of an opportunity here, even with mom in the room, as hard

as this might be, you know, we got it. As a team, we got it. And you just, you know, I mean, I think it's, it's remarkable to me, Jolene, just about how, how you have, you know, you knew sort of intuitively so much as a mother, as a human, how to build the right people, even if they didn't always say the right thing or do all the, the right thing. Like, everywhere, any time I've ever met with you or the people around you, they just, they're, they're such bright lights, you know, and your mom, she follows me, the up, now. She's probably commenting a lot on everything that you say. Oh my God. Her and me and he had a rivalry.

Listen, we're now talking about a gay love story and she's like, this Nana needs to learn something new. I was like, you aren't the best. But I just, I mean, it's good people attract good people.

And I think, I think you just, you know, your son, I'm so grateful that this community gets an opportunity to sort of see a little snapshot into his remarkable life. you know, navigated, you know, so primarily by this family system that is just, that just adores

a human that doesn't function typically in a world that often doesn't have a lot of opportunities for, for non-functioning, you know, humans. And, you know, we're going to step into special Olympics right away into, into the Olympic world. And just watching what opportunities can be provided or not, that's not true, what light can be provided to people who don't show up in this world the way everybody would like us to. Right. is just what chance has done so much for me and for this community. And I mean, I guess if we could just sort of sum it up, you know, what is, I could talk to you for 500,000 days because you're so frigging brilliant. Which directions are regalue?

I know, I know. You just tell me. I mean, and I know, I mean, there's a place, you know, people can continue to stay connected to your family and you and like all of the greatness that is to come for this human. But, and if you ever need your lawn mode, he's sexy and he mose it. Jesus Christ in the Manitoba area. I guess what is sort of biggest on your heart right now in this world where, you know, it's not going to get any easier for the vast majority of us. What do you know to be true?

Well, and I think the hardest thing is trying to make sure that we all have quality of life. So what does that look like? Because my mom part of me wants chance to live with me forever. You know, he never has to move because he'll always live with me. And then when you ask him, he's like, oh, God, no, I don't let it grow. I'm never living here. I want to move on. And so it's trying to figure out that balance between what gives all of my boys their quality of life.

And yet I'm not bulldozing over top of them and going, no, it should be, you know, you should be this way. and trying to figure out what can get chance to wake up every single day. Because thank God he is the kid he is, that he's the one who doesn't feel sorry for himself. He knows that the things that have happened in his life have brought him some amazing things. I mean, he gets to talk to Dr. Jody. I mean, he gets to meet the Dallas stars. He gets all of that stuff. So, you know, although he's had some traumatic things, and sure, you know, he'd love to be, you know, in the background,

not having any of this and just have a normal life. He embraces the fact that his life was never meant to be normal. This was never there. You don't come into this world, one pound, 15 ounces and expect your life to be normal, you know. You're a fighter. Yeah, exactly. You are a fighter. And so he, it's trying to find that balance right now of what does this next chapter in our life look like.

And, you know, so we're trying on a bunch of different hats. And, you know, some of them look ridiculous. And some of them are, you know, they're coming, they're, they're okay. And we have to figure it out. But thank goodness he's so, you know, when he said, well, maybe someday I'd like to move away. And I'm like, in six months? Six years?

60 years. Oh, I love that. And he's like, I don't know, like whenever. And, you know, that's truly the essence of chance. Like I want something and when it will come, it will come and I'm never going to feel down that I don't have it. But when it's here, I'm going to embrace every part of it. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't hold back.

You know, he really is such a kid with direction. And I just, I admire that so much about him. And I know where he gets it from. Where, what's next for you? Where, I mean, I always hear the focus on your babies and what's up, you know, just the epitome of a loving mom. And what about you? I mean, I feel like many things are just getting started for you, too. I feel like that, too.

I do. And I feel like I'm trying to, every year, you know, I do the, you know, when I turned 55, it was 55 things that I'm grateful for and 55 things I want to do. And so, you know, even this year, because I am not a public speaker and I, you know, I was visiting with Marty before and I'm like, I like to be in the back row. So I just was at a wedding. last week in Mexico where I officiated a wedding for my good friends. Oh, it was, yeah, which when they asked, the answer was no, no, no, get a hold of yourself.

So that was huge. And so like just trying to push myself a little bit further, you know, and to figure out, you know, and to be able to, so do all of that. And even today, I'm like, you promised self-care. you were going to do self-care so going down and forcing myself to go sit in the gym for a little bit and pick up some heavy weights

and so trying to manage my own stuff and whether that's between my business whether that's through my boys or through my own self but getting healthy on all aspects of it so that I can get this next chapter and be able to

take it at the best so we'll see what We'll see what that looks like. I don't know yet, but I'm also not scared of it. Oh, that I. Well, I, I'm here for it. And I, you know, you have a big fan, the biggest fans in Marty and I. And now, you know, every time we come to Manitoba, it, uh, yours is, is a stop for us.

And now you can't shake us. So. Well, Jim said, does Dr. Jody know that it's my birthday on the 31st? Would she like to come to my birthday? I said, chance. Oh my God. I would love it. I would freaking fly.

Oh my God. But he's the big thinker. We're the small steps. Like he's like, you know, what if I saw the Dallas stars? Like, why can't I see them,

you know? And I'm going, well, chance, they're a big team. But then you get someone like Val on your team, and Val just makes everything happen. Oh,

Val's a dream. And he, listen, he calls his own shots. I mean, I told this in his episode, but I was like, you know,

I mean, again, we spoke on the same day. We did the thing. and, you know, he's in the front row. And, you know, everybody I think, I mean, he's in a wheelchair. He struggles to sort of, as you met him, right? Like, you want to, people try to be very gentle sometimes.

And so my approach to him was just really like, okay, like, hey, you know, how was it today? Because you took my limelight and thanks a lot for that. And his response was like, yeah, I mean, I kind of survived. I mean, I did this. It was great, but I have one more dream. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, what could that be?

He's like, be on a podcast. And I was like, you fucking name. make call your shot i said so do you want to be a my podcast yeah okay done like i just i just adore that so much and there's no mountain too high like that's what i you know no mountain he's like i'll just do it and so he he just he says to me can i get a tattoo and i'm like do you want to tell because i told him he'd never be able to do it he hates needles so then he comes home with a roman numeral one i don't know if he told you what it's for but it's he's he's the first brother but it's one one life, like, you know, all the stuff that goes with the number one.

And then he said, can I get a Phoenix tattoo? And I went, what? So he texted me while I'm waiting. He goes, I know what I want to do for my birthday because it's his champagne birthday, 31st, on the 31st, 4th, 31st, and he wants to get a Phoenix rising. I'm like, chance, you know how many needles that is? And he's like, yeah. Okay.

So he's doing it. Oh, my, of course he is. Of course he is. Oh, and you're going to be right along there. No stop. No stop. And I cannot wait. I cannot wait to have a front row seat to this like Toter dynasty that is fixing to happen here. So I am, I'm all in. I'm all in. I will be sending a birthday message on January 31st. You can frigging guess that's for sure. Oh, I love that. He will love it.

Oh, well, listen, thank you. Thank you for your time for your boy, for your story for, you know, just your resilience. It is, it's an inspiration and it's an honor. Thank you for being brave enough to sit with me. I know you didn't. It was a big story. and I'm super proud of you. I know so many people are going to just really soak in your words. So thank you. Thank you. Well, and I thank you because your words are what we listen to.

We hold on to. And I tell you, you reach into homes where, and you, I know you know that you do good work, but you have no idea that there are times that we've just had to open the book. Even this morning, our worker said the sentence that you said about if you could take away everything, but leave me with one thing is empathy. And he's like, this woman's fucking brilliant. I know. I know.

And it's that. There are times where you just need those words. And I know you know you're doing good stuff, but wow, you have touched and changed so many lives. And we don't even, you won't have met them all. But from every medical mama out there, I have to tell you, I'm so glad you're on all of our teams, whether you face to face or just in your book, you are there. and it's one that every time I hear that one of our friends is going through something, they get the book.

Oh, that's true. So, yeah, it's something you need. I am. I'm your biggest fan and all of your fans, and I just, I'm grateful. So thank you for that. That means the world to me today, especially. And oh, everybody, you follow this little Tota family right into the abyss like I'm going to. And in the meantime, look after yourself, look after each other.

And I'll meet you right back here next time. You know, the more we do this, people ask, why do you have to do the acknowledgement and every episode? I got to tell you, I've never been more grateful for being able to raise my babies on the land where so much sacrifice was made. And I think what's really critical in this process is that the ask is just that we don't forget. So the importance of saying these words at the beginning of every episode will always be of utmost importance. and this team. So everything that we created here today for you happened on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pekina, First Nation, the Stony Dakota First Nation,

and the Métis Nation Region 3. Our job, our job as humans, is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and stay connected to the good. The Unloney podcast is produced by three incredible humans, Brian Seaver, Taylor McGilvery, and Jeremy Saunders, all of Snack Lab productions. Our executive producer, my favorite human on this planet, is Marty Pillar. Soundtracks were created by Donovan Morgan, Unloney branded artwork created by Elliot Cuss, Our big PR shooters are Desvino and Barry Cohen. Our digital marketing manager is the amazing Shana Haddon.

Our 007 secret agent from the Talent Bureau is Jeff Lowness. And emotional support is provided by Asher Grant, Evan Grant, and Olivia Grant. Go live! I am a registered clinical psychologist in Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice. The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, education, and the one thing I think we all need the most. A safe place to land in this lonely world. We're all so glad you're here.