Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - What is The Antidote to Loneliness?

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Season 2 of Dr. Jody Carrington's podcasting career is finally here. Welcome to Unlonely where Dr. Jody aims to address the loneliness epidemic and explore ways to reconnect with others. Loneliness is the crisis of our generation and understanding and addressing it is crucial for mental, physical, and societal health. This season will feature experts and game changers in various fields, as well as unfiltered stories of humanity. The goal is to motivate action, advocacy, and behavioral change through tangible advice and perspectives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. We are not in a mental health crisis. I think we are in an understandable human response to a loneliness epidemic. This podcast, the Unlonely podcast, will be a space where I'm going to attempt to reconnect humanity, one story and one strategy at a time. I think to the core of me, what I know to be true is that we weren't meant to do any of this alone, and yet here we are. So despite many markers of societal progress, I never want to downplay that. We've never been this lonely or this disconnected from each other. And loneliness in and of itself is way more than an emotion. It can become a devastating impact on our, it can have a

devastating impact on our mental, physical, societal health, including just how long we stick around here. I think loneliness is the crisis of our generation. And so here in this space, I want to create a clear path on why we're here and what it might take to get on lonely. It might possibly be the greatest hurdle we're facing this generation. So many people have the answers and we're going to need to bring them together. At the beginning of every episode, there will always be time for an acknowledgement. You know, the more we do this, people ask, why do you have to do the acknowledgement in every episode? I got to tell you, I've never been more grateful for being able

to raise my babies on a land where so much sacrifice was made. And I think what's really critical in this process is that the ask is just that we don't forget. So the importance of saying these words at the beginning of every episode will always be of utmost importance to me and this team. So everything that we created here today for you happened on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pekinni, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakota First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. Our job, our job as humans, is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and stay connected to the good.

Hey, welcome back. Welcome in my fellow humans. This is the start of season two of my podcast career. I don't even know how we got here, but I got to tell you, we learned so much from season one, just logistically about how you do this process, but certainly how fucking hard it is and what it means to interview a guest and what it means to get people interested and motivated. And what are we talking about? And like, what do you do when you have a shitty guest? And what do you do when you have like a guest that like says stuff that you're like, I would like to throw a punch you. And then when you have conversations that you wish could go on for hours. And when we left the first season, there was a big debrief multiple

times by this incredible team, our producers, Marty and Jeff and the snack labs and our brand manager and all the things we're like, okay, that was wildly successful. We did well on Apple. We did well on Spotify. We have some super committed listeners. And are we giving them enough? And I really love some of the conversations around the table. How can we create this, use this space even more effectively? What is the biggest problems of the world? So ladies and gentlemen, fellow humans, this is the introduction of the second season of this podcast, and we're calling it Unlonely. Because my hope is, there's going to be a couple of changes around here. My hope is that we can now use this space, grow this platform into a place where we can

start to answer some of the biggest mental health related problems of the universe. I want to slow it down a bit and we've deliberately chosen 24 experts. So I'm going to do an episode once every two weeks. Okay. And they're going to be the best. The amount of prep that we've been doing that they're making me do around here is fucking exhausting. I like to wing it. I like to just like dive in and feel somebody's experience and emotion and like figure it out. Also, maybe I'm lazy, but I, we've switched a couple of things, which is really like, let's prep and be very cognizant about the guests that we bring on. Mostly it's on me to know them well and to be able to sort of figure out how I can get the best from them that will allow you in this community to really shift your insights, your thoughts, give you information to give you that opportunity to learn more about some topics that I think really contribute to the

overall mental wellness of this world. And here's how the focus on loneliness, the antithesis, of course, to loneliness is reconnection. But why we landed on this concept of loneliness, of how do we navigate this place of get to a place of unlonely in our feelings and our bodies is I say this so often these days, I don't, I don't think we're in a mental health crisis. So as a psychologist, you know, um, I think I've spent a lot of time recently talking about, um, this thing people refer to as the mental health crisis, right? We've never seen this level of anxiety in our kids, you know, particularly since the introduction of smartphone in 2006, we've seen a massive decline in the mental health of kids. We have

seen a upsurgence in places like, um, burnout in particular human services professions, uh, first responders, um, teachers that, you know, the places that I read, the humans who I adore, I've never ever seen them this tired anecdotally, but also the research is supporting this. Um, despite the fact in North America, in our very privileged industrialized space, um, with tons of access to resources and research, we are now dying faster from emotional illness for the first time in history than we are from physical illness. And what the heck is going on? And I think that, you know, we are then deeming this, this conversation that comes back to, okay, this is a mental health crisis. We're seeing anxiety, depression,

you know, we've never seen kids, this many kids with the ADHD. Um, is it because it's always been there? We just never identified it. Are we over identifying symptoms or, you know, we're calling everybody depressed, everybody anxious. We use these terms so colloquially, how do we even know the difference between clinically what's happening? Um, when, you know, we have a debilitating mental health issue versus colloquially so many people are like, this kid's anxious, I'm anxious, you're anxious, everybody's fucking anxious. When we see the clinical sense of mental health concerns, it is debilitating. That's how I always differentiate the difference between sort of using these words colloquially, I'm anxious, I'm sad, I'm depressed,

what does that mean? To when it really starts to significantly interfere with your functioning. That tends to be the line around clinical disorders. And what we've seen is a lot of decline in our capacity to function well in our communities. So an increase in, you know, burnout rates, people spending time away from family and friends, increasing war globally, the difficulty with understanding homelessness, gender identity, you know, political divides, the things that sort of make us chippy, we lose access to the best parts of us around empathy, right? And so that really looks like and plays out to be a mental health crisis. But I will tell you, I don't think we're in a mental health crisis. I think we are in an understandable human response to a loneliness epidemic. And this podcast will be a space where we will attempt to reconnect

humanity, one story, one strategy at a time. Before we can fix anything successfully, however, we need to understand how we got here, how it has affected us, and then dive into just what we need to do about it. And so that might happen in every single episode. That might be sort of a transition of episodes where we, you know, some of these amazing, I cannot wait for you to see the lineup of guests. It's like, I feel like I'm really in this transitional place in my career too, where like, you know, the first season it was like, oh my gosh, yes. Like, you know, just begging people to be on the podcast. And I was so grateful. And it is now like in this position where we are running in circles that I never dreamed of. Okay. It's like, oh my gosh, could, could we really, would Gabor Mate come and have a conversation about this? Johan Hari,

who I've, you know, watched for years, would he consider, you know, contributing to this, you know, actors in New York, you know, human rights lawyers, people who have been in the trenches and watched, you know, international global conflicts, assassinations. What is your conversation around anti-terrorism? Like when this is happening on a, such a large, can we bring this understanding of humanity to a place where I'm going to do my very best to pull out the best from all of them and leave it right here so that we can start to make sense of it. That that's my dream, um, for this season. And so far what we've got built out is X episodes that are going to range from experts and game changers in health relationships, um, technology mindset to unfiltered stories of humanity that will remind you just how connected we all are. And I think that, you know, the through thread for me is always going to be back to this idea of,

you know, how do we debunk this sense of disconnection? Like in, in one generation, so much has changed despite the fact that two generations ago, I mean, you know, I say this often. Okay. So there's two rules to this human race, whoever made us Jesus, Buddha, Yahweh, creator. Um, I mean, multiple options there, whatever, you know, you sort of believe in your heart. If you believe that the great big bang theory, you know, created whatever, it doesn't matter to me. That is irrelevant. However, humans got here. Here's what tends to be true is that whoever, whatever created us, there are two basic rules to humanity, to this human race, okay? Number one,

we are neurobiologically wired for connection. You disconnect from infants, they die. We are a social species. To do best and to be at our best, we have to have some sense of understanding reciprocity, of building community. We were never meant to do any of this alone. Okay. So there is a neurobiological wiring for connection. Okay. That is in all of us, regardless of age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, gender identity. We are way more alike than we are different. Okay. And what we need is connection to each other. Two, the second rule, whoever created us, whatever created us, decided to throw a curve ball, if you will, and was like, okay, despite the fact that you're neurobiologically wired for connection, I'm going to throw, the hardest thing you will ever do is look at each other.

Now let's see, let's see if this human race can figure that shit out. Go. And we have never been more challenged than in this lifetime to be able to stay connected than we are right now. The greatest challenge of humanity is not to create world peace, is to not for have everybody live in harmony. That is required is a sense of a skill to be able to stay connected when not if conflict, difference of opinion, overwhelm, feeling unseen happens in our lives. How do we navigate that? Okay. And I think, you know, what is so true. So this is why I think this podcast is timely. And as we've unpacked this and done the work as a team to sort of figure out like, really, is this going to be useful to the world?

I cannot tell you the amount of prep that has went into like really, and, you know, thank you to this incredible team because they make me think about things. I just want to, as I've already said, I just want to wing shit. I just want to be like, fuck it. Let's see who we can get. Like I'll ask them questions. Let's see what we'd. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. We need a strategy. Okay. And James Clear's words always come back to me and kick me in the ass, right? You will not rise to the level of your goals. I want to be a global thought leader. I want this podcast to be a media phenom that will replace the massive contributions to society that Oprah did and Jerry Springer did and the social and good morning America and, uh, the today show, which is one of my favorite places to land these days. The holidays are coming and nobody wants to deal with seasonal bugs

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Get Maple. Get well. Sooner. mastering a strength program. They've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. I want to, I'm going to play. I'm going to play in that field. That's what I'm gonna do. Okay. That's, that's the goal. Now, ridiculous because I, you, you can't do that without prep, without strategy. Okay. So great that you have all these goals. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. How are we going to do this? And there's been a painstaking process in figuring out who needs to be at the table. What is our strategy behind this? What does it mean to, um, truly get the best out of people?

And what does this community deserve? If they're going to invest their time and money in listening to my diatribe, what does that look like? And so here's the why for me, okay? We were never meant to do any of this alone, and yet here we are. Despite many markers of societal progress, we've never been this lonely and disconnected from each other. And what is powerful for me in this word loneliness, right? It is much more than just an emotion, right? And people often confuse, of course, alone, being alone with lonely. And you can feel lonely. Alone is a state. Feeling loneliness is a feeling. And you can feel alone when you're by yourself. Sorry, you can feel lonely when you're by yourself on a mountaintop. You can feel lonely when you are giving birth to your baby and there's 16 people in the room. You can feel lonely when you are at the transition of giving your baby to dad for the

weekend. You can feel lonely when you're the most celebrated human in the world. When you're on a stage of 2000 people and you're getting a standing ovation, I can attest to this personally, you can feel lonely. And I think lonely can come with a devastating, a devastating impact on our mental, physical, and societal health, including significantly thwarting our lifespans. And this year I will step into my 50th year, my 50th trip around the sun. And despite the fact that I'm like pumping the brakes on the aging process, like I'm like, no, it has been this massive rethinking for me around what it means, what health and vitality means to be able to, you know, as you know, or maybe you don't know this, but I had kids, Aaron and I, my personal husband and I had kids later. Okay. So I got, we both got our PhDs. Um, uh, we both

had jobs, all the things before we even met. Okay. Finally, like I thought I was going to, I still have nightmares actually, then I'm going to be like, um, 48 and I don't have children. Like what am I going to do with that? Like still, honestly, that's in my head all the time. Okay. The idea about this is that I really am coming to terms with the fact that like, I need to look after this vessel of my own. Um, certainly from an emotional standpoint, if I'm going to continue to serve, if I'm going to continue to be the mom that I want to be, if I'm going to keep my marriage together, um, if I'm going to be able to be, um, to, to nourish the relationships that I can still have with my parents while they're here,

you know, stay connected to my siblings, the longest relationship you will ever have. And it's fucking exhausting. All of these relationships that you got to keep going when we have so much noise in the background, right? That the technological advances have allowed for so many beautiful things, you know, the societal progress that we love, but like a smartwatch, the things are dinging, the notifications are coming in on our emails. The team snap things are happening. The fucking moms are making all plans to tie dye shirts and I don't even have a bra on. And the three kids are in school and they're growing up and they're vaping and they have access to people and like, why are we going to Sephora? And like, holy fuck, what do you mean you're going to drive? I don't know, not happening. Plus then clients, the general public, we are

viewing other people's highlight reels constantly. And the ability to feel connected in any of those ways is significantly compromised by first an overwhelmed nervous system. And second, an attempt to comment that was established for a world that no longer exists. Okay. Hustle harder. Don't take breaks. You got this. It's going to be fine. We just don't have a place to slow down and rest. And so I think that loneliness is the crisis of our generation. A clear path on why we're here and what it might take to get unlonely is quite possibly the greatest hurdle facing this generation from my perspective, from this chair. I do think so many people have the answers and I do think that we

have the capacity to bring them together. I do think that with any mental health issue, this will be much more pronounced in marginalized populations. Although interestingly, I think the answers lie in people who have the least amount of privilege on this planet. People of color, people who have survived multiple generations of abuse, neglect, and trauma have survived is such a shitty word for coming through an attempt at a cultural genocide. There are answers in the lived experiences of so many people. And the point for me over these next 24 plus episodes is going to be to gather some of those beautiful insights. And quite honestly, I mean,

I've thought a lot about this and this is the research for the next book for me. I continue to be very clear on what I know to be true about human relationships and connection, that the body, the emotions live in the body, that integrating our experiences with where we feel it, where it lands subconsciously, emotionally in our body is one of the greatest impacts we can ever offer in this mental health space, mental health practitioners. Our job isn't to heal anybody. It is to integrate the experiences in this very noisy, often traumatic world so that people then have the freedom to not stay stuck at the scene and not stay stuck in, you know, the worst chapters of our lives, but just really file them as chapters, as memories and continue to be very present in our relationships, which of course

is significantly related to Unlonely. So, you know, full disclosure would suggest that I, um, I'm very opinionated in this space. Um, and I am, I'm also going to try to be so painfully aware of my biases as, um, we carefully curate these guests who have done remarkable things in business, in human rights work, in their careers as actors and physicians and therapists and parents and grandparents and trauma survivors. And I just, I mean, I'm already curating the final episode, which will be, you know, throughout this season, I want to pull little pieces of like, here's what I learned from this. Here's what I learned from this. Here's what I learned from this so that, you know, it's easily integratable.

We've talked about doing very specifically pulling out the clips that I think, you know, will serve us the best as a community. And so the intention behind the season, I, I, I can't wait for you to sort of see in, in the purpose to it all. Um, I think if I were to sort of nail it down into one or two things is to motivate action, advocacy, behavioral change through tangible advice and perspectives can, that my hope is that, you know, not only can change lives, but can save them. So, you know, as I said, you can expect bi-weekly episodes or by monthly episodes. I never know how to say that. Like, why, why do people ever say bi-weekly? That means it sounds like two times a week to me. That's not what I fucking mean. So it's like two times a

month. We are still dropping on Thursdays. And, um, what I would love is if you were jumping in with me for this season, I would love your support. I would love you to subscribe. I would love you to share the shit out of this. I would love you to any episode that resonates with you or anybody, you know, it send it to them specifically, just the invitation right now in being very clear in creating our communities is going to, I think, be one of the things that is going to land out of this season is that like, we have to do this on purpose. So if this resonates at all with you, like bring your people to me. I want your people to be a part of this community. And I, I just feel so privileged to be able to use the things that

I've been given, like an education, like access to people who know the things and to create a space where this world's going to be better for my children and yours. And I have an incredibly motivated team, which I, some days I cannot believe how excited they are about this project. And, um, I just cannot wait to tee it up to the best that it's ever been for you. And, you know, when we sit in this chair, you know, after the next 24 seasons, um, I hope this is just getting started. I hope this is where we're just going to get started, you know? So logistically it's, uh, subscribe to all of wherever you get your podcast. It's going to be an Apple and Spotify and YouTube and all the things. And so, um, I think it's so critical in this space, which I didn't realize, right.

Is when you're subscribed, you like, you share, you do all that shit. That's where the metrics land. That's where then places like the big companies, um, will do a great job of promoting it and putting our thoughts and the messages in the comments. I mean, send me notes on this. If you, if you think of anybody who, you know, would be great to, um, for this community to know, I know, and I know there's going to be way more than we will ever be able to have on, but I want to hear about them. I want to know about them. If you have contacts that you think like, Oh, this is really necessary. Do it do it. We, you know, the feedback for the episodes, if you want more or less from me,

I just really, you know, on any of our social media platforms, drop us an email, you know, welcome at drjoeycarrington.com. I would love to create this as space for us. And so we can create it together. And, you know, for all intents and purposes, we are still winging it. I feel like I in no way am a podcast expert. Um, but man, I'm loving it. I'm loving this opportunity to have these really, really important conversations. And I am just so grateful that you will come on this journey with us. And, um, I hope you will tune in and share and like, and, um, I can't wait to hear what you think. So in the meantime, uh, I'll meet you back here for the first episode, but, uh, in the meantime, drop your shoulders, lean into the people you love the most. Um, because we were never meant to do it. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era,

dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power.

Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.