Unlonely with Dr. Jody Carrington - You ARE Tall Enough To Get On This Ride: Anthony McLean

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

In this episode Dr. Jody and Anthony chat about how teachers "saw him" and changed his life. Then through his life how different folks have seen him and keep guiding him on his journey.Called a 'master storyteller,' Anthony McLean delivers lively presentations on mental wellness for leading organizations like PepsiCo, Intel, Toyota, AT&T, Coca-Cola, and more. McLean shows audiences how to foster an environment of empathy and belonging to enhance individual and team performance. His first book, 'All Fired Up,' was released in January 2024. In addition to being an author and speaker, Anthony actively works in the film and television industry, and he's currently in development on two feature films. He resides in Los Angeles, California, with his wife and their two kids.Anthony's links:WebsiteInstagramLinkedInXSign up for Jody's course 'Feeling Seen' Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton.

Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. At the beginning of every episode, there will always be time for an acknowledgement. You know, the more we do this, people ask, why do you have to do the acknowledgement and every episode? I got to tell you, I've never been more grateful for being able to raise my babies on a land where so much sacrifice was made. And I think what's really critical in this process is that the ask is just that we don't forget. So the importance of saying these words at the beginning of every episode will always be of utmost importance to me

and this team. So everything that we created here today for you happened on Treaty 7 land, which is now known as the center part of the province of Alberta. It is home of the Blackfoot Confederacy, which is made up of the Siksika, the Kainai, the Pekinni, the Tatina First Nation, the Stony Nakota First Nation, and the Métis Nation Region 3. Our job, our job as humans, is to simply acknowledge each other. That's how we do better, be better, and stay connected to the good. okay everybody welcome back welcome in my fellow humans. I hope this finds you. We're recording this on a snowy day where I'm at, not where my guest is. And I got a good one for you. This one is going to warm you to the core. And I got to tell you what I'm super excited about this guest is that we haven't been in person yet, but we get to speak together in the same conference in a couple of weeks. And so this is sort of our like dating experience. We're going to get to know each other

as you listen along with us. And so listen, if you're out on a walk or you're just going to sit down with a nice mug of something, this is going to be one you won't forget. I want to tell you about this amazing human. His name is Anthony McLean and he's been called a master storyteller. He delivers, I don't know yet, I'm fixing to find out, but this is what he tells me, lively presentations on mental wellness for leading organizations like PepsiCo,

Intel, Toyota, AT&T, Coca-Cola. He's a big deal, okay? McLean shows audiences how to foster an environment of empathy and belonging to enhance individual and team performance. So you know why I would have fallen in love with him already because we say so much of the same things. But his first book just came out last week and it's called All Fired Up. We're going to learn a little bit about it because I haven't got my hands on it yet. It's in the mail. But in addition to being an author and a speaker, Anthony actively works in the film and television industry. And he's currently in

development of two feature films. He's also Canadian. Right, Anthony? And he now resides in LA, Los Angeles, California with his wife and their two babies. And I just got to tell you, I'm super excited about this because we start this every time. I think the difference, the fine line between empathy and judgment is knowing about where somebody comes from, knowing their story. And so, Mr. McClan, tell us, where do you come from? Yeah, I come from Aurora, Ontario, Canada. And for those that don't know, Aurora is a small town. Well, it was a small town. Now it's like the place to be. Now it's, it's popping. But when I was growing up there in the eights and 90s, it was a small town.

It's about 45 minutes north of Toronto. If there's traffic, it might be like four or five hours north of Toronto. And I am a biracial man. I identify as Black because I look Black, and so I've had a Black experience. Being light-skinned, I've had a different experience than some of my darker-skinned brothers and sisters, but I am Black. And growing up in Aurora in the 80s and 90s, usually I was the only Black kid in my class. And I always had this feeling of being the outsider, desperate to be let in. And being biracial, it was this experience as I got older and I made black friends, I'd be

teased because I wasn't quite black enough because I'm half white. And then with my white friends, I'm not white at all. So I had this feeling of kind of not fitting in anywhere. And I think that really shaped me a lot. So that's kind of where I come from. Oh my gosh. Tell me about the system in which you grew up in. So parents, siblings in this little, then little town in Aurora, where you're just fighting to be seen, fighting to figure out where you fit. What did that, what did that family system look like? Yeah. So my mom is a nurse and my father is a doctor. Now, he passed away back in 2008, but they met at U of T in medical school. Job.

My dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The quintessential love story. It's like Grey's Anatomy, basically. It's like Grey's Anatomy. Now, that had a little too much sex for me to think about my

parents so no it's not like that no no no totally very wholesome all the evidence was a it was a PG version of Grey's Anatomy it was a non-amandam no anatomy that's exactly right yeah so um but my so my dad is from Jamaica he's black mom, her background is British and Swedish. They got married, had three kids. I'm the youngest. So I had an older sister and an older brother and I was the youngest. So I'm clamoring for attention and I'm trying to figure out what everyone else knows where we're going this weekend. I'm always the last to find out.

It's just, just get in the car, Anthony, you'll figure it out. So that outsider feeling even fit with my birth order as well. Now, my parents got divorced when I was quite young. So I think they got divorced. I was like two. So I don't actually have a memory of them together. So my dad then moved to Miami and he got remarried. And my mom raised us as a single mom in Aurora. She's white. We live

in a white town and it's, it's my brother and I. And so my sister passed away when she was 11. I was seven years old. So there was a lot in my childhood that, that, that went on that really shaped who I am today. Oh, wow. I mean, I felt you feel all of that in that little piece. My goodness. Losing a sibling watching. I mean, first of all, a Jamaican father who becomes a physician is in and of itself, um, a profound story. Yeah. Marries a white woman back in the day. Wow. They have these three babies. They lose a child. They live in two different countries.

Anthony McCombe, the layers, sir, here, are phenomenal. No doubt you are a storyteller. And an actor. You go on to be in it. Like, tell me a little bit about that piece, too, because you were a big deal with the CBC.

Yeah, that's right. And so what happens? I'm the youngest. Right. And everyone is listening right now. If you're the youngest, you get it. Like, you need more attention. There's not quite enough attention to go around.

You try to get everyone's attention. So I go to school and I'm the class clown. And I'm cracking jokes and trying to get everyone to laugh. And, you know, I wasn't rude to teachers. I was just a little bit disruptive. And so I wasn't disrespectful to, you know, teachers. But I was cracking jokes and everything. And so I used to get in a lot of trouble and get called down to the office.

And so some people kind of saw me as a troublemaker. I was just desperate for attention. As you say, Jodi, it's hard to hate people close up. And I was so lucky. And I know, Jodi, you love teachers. And I was so lucky to have a teacher, Madame Hepburn. Oh, hello, Madame Hepburn. Who changed my life. Because in grade six, when I'm getting in trouble and I'm being disruptive and there's a lot of teachers who are just annoyed by me. I walk in the room and I see them roll their eyes and they're genuinely not happy to see me. And I'm internalizing that. And I remember how Madame Hepburn was different.

Her eyes would light up when I walked in the room. She would greet me with a smile when I walked in the room. If I missed a day because I had a cold or something, the next day, some teachers would walk in the next day and they say, oh, Anthony, we got a lot done when you weren't here. Let's see how today goes. Yes. But Madame Hepburn would be like, Anthony, we missed you. How are you? She saw past my issues and she saw me as a human being. And she, she called my mom one day because we had all read a poem out loud in class. So everyone stands up, reads a short poem, sits back down. So everyone did it. I did mine.

Didn't think anything of it. That day, get home, I get a phone call. My dad had a phone call from my mom. So I'm hiding under my bed saying, mom, I didn't do it. It wasn't me, man. Someone else was doing the spitballs. I just accidentally did one but my mom says what wait wait you're not in trouble this time I said hallelujah come on praise Jesus what happened obviously yeah she said madam Hepburn said you read a poem out loud in class today and that you were really good.

And I thought, I think everybody was good. She said, no, no, no. Madame Hepburn said, you have a gift. And she said, all this energy you have, she thinks you just need a stage. You just need an outlet. And she wants me to sign you up for speech and drama classes. And she gave me the name of a speech and drama teacher, Tessa Desatnik, another teacher who changed my life. Hello, Tessa. Tessa, to this day, we're still in touch. She is. Oh, my goodness. So my mom signed me up and every Tuesday night we would drive to Thornhill, Ontario. And I studied speech and drama with Tessa DeSatnick. And she taught me how to speak in front of a crowd. And she taught me how to use, you know, vary my pitch and my pace and how to use a dramatic pause.

So the audience hangs on to every word. Yes, I love it. How old were you at this point? I was 12, so I started in grade seven. So grade six, I got the phone call that changed my life from a teacher that changed my life. Grade seven, I started studying with Tessa and that set my path and I became an actress.

Started doing commercials and TV shows and ended up hosting a show on CBC television for kids called The X. And all of that happened because a teacher in grade six, Madame Hepburn, saw past my behavior, saw me as a human being, affirmed me, called out the gifts inside of me and set me on this path. Come on. Come on. I love that. And so when you, then you develop in these like 11, 12, are you still connected to dad? Are you going back and forth to Miami at this point? Yeah. So every summer and even at Christmas, we, my brother and I will go down to Miami and get teas for our Canadian accent. Apparently I was saying sorry in a way that they thought sounded weird. And so I got teased for

that. But yeah, I had this experience of like being in Florida in the summers and then, you know, in Ontario for the rest of the year. And again, it's that outsider thing, right? When I'm in Florida, it's like, oh yeah, you're a little weird. And so that outsider thing has always been with me. And to this day, I think it still shapes me. footing because after this you stay some time in in with the cbc and then you've told me in our brief you know our first brief chat which just blew me away then you sort of become more comfortable and move behind the camera and you get into writing and to you know really telling the stories of people um does that feel safer does that feel tell me tell me about that because now you're still speaking you're back yeah yeah so i're back in front. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm back in front.

So yeah, speaking has been amazing. And so now I kind of have my foot in two worlds. I'm a keynote speaker. I love doing that work and talking about belonging and empathy and mental wellness in the workplace. And that's great. And then I'm a screenwriter. As you said, Jodi, I moved behind the camera and I love writing. I love screenwriting so much. Jodi, you've written what, three books, right? Yes.

How many words do you know are like in your books? How many words are in your books? Oh my gosh, I got nervous. You couldn't even answer without coffee. That's how hard it is to write a listener. Jodi's putting a lot of work in these books. Oh, I'm telling you. I let words are phenomenal. So powerful. And I never, ever, I don't know about you, but I would have never considered myself a writer. I'm always, I've always to love the stage. And I didn't know why I ended up being the middle kid. I didn't know why. I ended up being the middle kid. I didn't know this because my parents had a child who then they adopted. So they had her at 17 and hid the pregnancy. She was put up for adoption and then didn't find us until I was in my 30s. Oh, my goodness.

So I grew up the oldest daughter, and she comes into the scene, just pushes her weight around. Now she's the oldest. I'm the freaking middle kid, and I wonder why I've been so loud my whole life. Oh, that's so funny. I know. It's so great. And so I, too, love this place, but I would have never considered myself, and a master is a strong word, but like a person who is good at the written word. Because I speak, I think, very well.

Sometimes, like, I can bullshit my way through anything. No worry about it. And I'm fucking funny, too, which is super good. But I'm quick. Right. But when, when you have to slow it down to write, it is like therapy for me. Because it really makes me feel the words and is the, will this land in a way that I, that I can just sort of do like this with my words. So tell me that transition between being able to sort of tell people the story

and then write to people, the story. What's that? What are those two worlds like? Yeah. Yeah. So for me, I, I, I, you know, it's funny, Jodi. I don't think I realized this until now. I was an actor all through my twenties. And at some point I started going to therapy and talking through my issues and talking through this whole journey of being a black person in a white space. And at some point when I was working through a lot of those issues and I realized, well, of course I was, you know, clamoring for attention. Of course I felt like I had to be, you know, really loud and really impressive in order to earn love. But as I realized, like, no, as a human being, my birthright is love and belonging.

And for me, that's a deeply, I'm a Christian and it's a deeply spiritual. Every human being created in the image of God, worthy of love and belonging. You are accepted as you are. Black, white, gay, straight, you are accepted. You are loved. You're worthy of love and belonging. You are accepted as you are. Black, white, gay, straight, you are accepted. You are loved. You're worthy of love and belonging. You don't have to hustle for it. It's yours. And that took years for me to like get down in like the deepest part of me. But it's funny because during that transition, that's when I transitioned from being an actor and a performer to actually, hey, I don't always have to be like the one with the spotlight on. I actually really love writing stories.

And I'll tell you what, this is like giving me joy. And when I'm not performing for affirmation, when I'm doing something just out of a place of joy, I actually prefer being behind the camera. And so I didn't actually put that connection together until now. Can I tell you one more thing I'm thinking about when you're saying that? So oftentimes in therapy, we talk about the importance of writing, of slowing it down instead of just like blah blah blah and when I look at your story I think about this little guy who of course felt like he had to be loud and be seen like I can't imagine it too watching mom and dad go two separate ways right pouring themselves into new relationships and you going like hey hey hey then you lose your your big sister And everybody, not only are they are in two separate places, they're full of

grief and regret. And so then guess what little man, you got to dance, right? Like let's get even bigger and louder. And your idea then to be able to sort of get that, garner that connection with people. I love, I mean, madam, how do I say her name again? Hepburn. Hepburn. Transitioning that. I mean, I say this all the time. It only takes one.

Do not ever underestimate your power. Because telling that story for you to get that shifted instead of somebody that just will never, ever be enough for these two different families. And now there's these broken hearts everywhere. And she says, no, no, no, no, no, my son, look at that. Come on. This is what the world needs. And you put that together and you continue to do that for people, bring them joy until you shift that and you slow down long enough to start to write your own. And you're like, gosh, where my gift is, is being able to allow other people to do that, that that little kid just had to fight so hard to do. Oh, come on. When you put it like that. Stop. You are a remarkable human. This, did you know this is going to be therapy? Did you know? Yeah, I should have known because I knew you were a psychologist, but you're sneaky with it so and then and then you're a dad like what was that like because that would have been the big

quintessential like holy moly now what happens right because what how does that go yeah yeah when do we get to that chapter well that here's what's cool about that i suzy and i got married quite young we were 24 when we got married. We got married. Yeah, she was an actor and a singer, musical theater. I'm an actor, a performer. We're like, we're going to take the world by storm. And we would have these conversations like, hey, do you ever want to have kids?

And we're both like, eh, we'll see. But eh. We're 24. We got lots to do. We got lots of time. We weren't really thinking about it. At age 27, a doctor told Susie, you might not be able to have kids. And when we heard you might not be able to, we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa. Hold on. That's nobody tells me what to do. No one tells us like that. That's going to be up to us. Yeah. And we were both like a little, a little cheese that someone told us we couldn't have kids. And so we decided, Hey, you want to just like, see,

let's just see if we can get on this ride. Let's just see if we're tall enough to get on this ride. And let me guess you, we were tall enough to get on the ride. So all of a sudden, we're pregnant and we're happy. We're like, yeah, I told you. But we're like, oh, wait. Thing, this raising humans thing. So at the same time, i did not realize this and i i hope i'm not getting too spiritual but i feel like

god did a miyagi thing a karate kid miyagi thing i didn't even realize what's happening i am now speaking in schools because another teacher who was a friend of mine her kid saw me on this cbc show and she was like hey my kids know you from the show. Come hang out at the school. And because they know you, they don't believe me that I know you. Come hang out. So I went to this school and I was hanging out with kids, telling stories, cracking jokes, rapping, and it was great. Anthony, we think you're amazing. Can you come back and do a talk about bullying? And I was like, bullying? I'd love to. So I went and researched everything I could about bullying. And then I started speaking about bullying. So now I'm speaking in schools. One school I'm at, hey, do you do stuff for parents? I was like, sure. I needed the check to be honest with you. Am I tall enough to get on this ride? Jodi, I'll be real with you. I was not tall enough to get on this ride? Jodi, I'll be real with you. I was not tall enough to get on that ride, but I got on the ride anyway. Yeah, you did. And I literally, I booked the talk

and then I read every parenting book I could get my hands on. That's how we do it. Here is behind the scenes truth. We get hired for kind of all kinds of lovely things. And we're like, yes, of course. And then you research the shit out of it and hope for the best. That's basically how it goes. That's how it goes. And then here's the other thing we do. And I bet you do this too. If we're ever in a situation in a Q&A where we've shared everything we know, and then someone asks a challenging question, here's the secret. I should not be giving this out, but because it's your podcast, Jodi, I'm going to tell the people the secret. You tell the people.

When someone asks a question in a Q&A and you do not have the answer for it, you answer by saying this. You know, I have some thoughts on that, but I actually want to gauge the temperature of the room first. What does everyone else think before I chime in with mine? Anyone have any experiences? You're raising a teenager having trouble with screen time. I have no idea. What are some ideas that other folks have? Yeah. And I listen to answer. Oh, that's good. That's good. Oh yeah. And I remember this. And now I get my, wow. Anthony really knows what he's talking about. I didn't five minutes ago.

This is called bullshitting 101. And you are a master. It's a life skill. I learned about parenting through doing these parenting workshops. And then teachers and the other parents, oh, Anthony, you got to read this book. How to Talk So Kids Listen and Listen So Kids Talk. Anthony, you got to read this book about emotionally. And I'm reading all this stuff, learning about parenting. And then all of a sudden we're pregnant.

And I'm like, I think God Miyagi'd me. You had me waxing the car, not realizing I'm learning karate right now by doing this motion. I am now an expert. Susie, move over. I am now an expert, Susie move over. I know exactly what we're getting into. Oh my goodness. I love it. Okay. So you, you have a son. Is that right? Is that your, I have a son and a daughter. So now they're, they're 17 and 15. Stop it. How's that parenting expertise just kicking in now? How, how expert do you feel? Oh, oh, oh, listen, once they look, I can tell you how to parent your kids. That's how it works.

All right. For my own, I am, I am doing my best, but man, when the rubber hits the road. Oh, and I can tell you, if your kid's getting bullied, I can give you so much advice on what you should do. Yeah. But if someone messes with my kid, it's so different. Oh, isn't it?

I do and say things. I mean, I say this all the time to people. I wrote a national bestseller called Kids East East. And it is probably like the best parenting support book for teachers that I can ever imagine. Like when I reread shit that I wrote,

I'm like, you know what? That is so good. And then if you watch me with my own personal children, you wouldn't buy the book, you know, like when my daughter was in Walmart, like,

I don't know. She had been a meltdown. This was like a few months ago and she's laying, you know, flat out going, she's yelling, kids these days is a lie. I'm like, okay, okay, here we are. And then I was waving at people, of course, cause they know who I am, you know, a little bit. Oh my goodness. Oh yeah. You got it. That's not the publicity that you were looking for. You know what I mean? They say there's no bad publicity, but that may be true. Turns out. There is.

In old Alberta, Canada, you can get some bad publicity. I love it. But you know what I love about this, Jodi, is that like everyone who is a parent gets it. The holidays are coming, and nobody wants to deal with seasonal bugs making their way through the family. That's where Maple comes in. No more scrambling for open clinics during holiday festivities.

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in minutes, 24-7. Get Maple. Get well. Sooner. Get maple, get well, sooner. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not,

just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. And don't we, I also feel we don't talk about this enough. And so, you know, I feel like it's a lonely world, despite the fact that, you know, there's lots of ways that we can connect in this regard. But I think we really don't want to talk about how hard this is sometimes. And I, you know, from, you know, I think about this often, you know, raising babies and trying to navigate. I think we're the first generation of parents that have had so much access to social media. And we are often worried about our kids navigating. But I got to tell you, I, as a child psychologist, I think about this often watching parents try to navigate social media and the expectations of what you should be doing, how you should be managing your kids' screen time, how you are wrecking your

kids because you're not playing with them or you're not doing all these kinds of things. Right. Like I think the guilt and shame, and then also we never get a break from our children, which nobody really talks about. Okay. So like they can email you. We all, I mean, I have a smartwatch. Many people do like at any given moment, that little life sucking caillous can text you and you can know it. We never get a break. Yeah. And I think that changes the way I show up for them.

Right. Because there never is a place where I get to put it down. How did, what do you think about that? I'm so glad you're saying this because when I was in school, if I was having a tough day, I had to get through the day. And then at the end of the day, I can go home and share or not share with my parents. But kids these days, as you say, for better or for worse, the reality is when they're having a bad day, in the middle of it, they'll text us and say, I'm having the worst day ever. And what happened for me in high school is, you know, in second period, someone spreading a rumor about me and it's horrible. And it's like, oh, my goodness, I never want to come to school again.

This is the worst day of my life. It's awful. By fourth period, someone spreading a rumor about someone else. Everyone forgot about me. I'm fine. I forgot about the rumor. And by the time I get home from school, I'm just hungry. I'm not thinking about anything.

The same thing happens today. But in second period, when I'm feeling like this is the worst day of my life, I'm texting my mom and my dad saying, this is the worst day of my life, period. Now my parents are carrying for the rest of their day. There's a crisis. They're having the worst day ever. And then sometimes the kid comes home at the end of the day and is like, no, I'm fine. What are you talking about? I was fine. Yeah. Stop asking me about it. I don't want to process my feelings. I was like, listen, sit down. I need to process my feelings. Okay. Because you, you i mean and i think that's it that

is so true and then also the comparative suffering that we sink into because we've never been this busy in our lives okay so then we wake up in the morning the inundation of data is there i often ask people you know who charges their phone by their bed and many people use it as their alarm clock or you know their do work or they watch some crime scene killer drama right where they go to bed trying to relax you know relax with some true crime so good that's basically so good for your cortisol and so then we shut that off we try to lay there and we start to think about all the ways we're screwing up or all the ways that people are screwing up in this world we don't really rest well and then we wake up and we just before we

pee even we're checking. Let's just get an email. Oh, shit. Look at this. Oh, my gosh. She's drinking a collagen. Oh, they got him in band. We got to get we got to get Nathan in band.

You know, you're doing enough. Nathan is useless is what Nathan is. You know what? He's taken after you. That's the problem because your drunk father got us into this mess before you even put your pee on the floor. Do you understand? And then we step out, get them ready for school or do whatever we do, go to work, have the

weight of our parents, our siblings, our mental health, the requirements of our work. And we're inundated usually in many of our human services professions with other people's biggest worries. Then we come home and we're inundated usually in many of our human services professions with other people's biggest worries then we come home and we're exhausted the anticipation is we're supposed to sink into each other i mean that's where we refuel find your people you refuel the last thing i want to do at the end of a day like that after i've saved the mental health of children in central alberta and written another book or did whatever is to look at my husband, you know, because likely he's going to want to talk about who's taking who to hockey practice. And if I just avoid him, I might not have to go. So then by the right, we finally get the kids to bed. And instead of,

I mean, think about my grandparents, you know, they'd play three games of crib or they'd, cause they didn't have anything else to do now. We don't even read books yeah we just watch shows and um yeah and then we're jacked we can't sleep so we use substance sometimes and then like you know and it's this perpetuating wheel that i think we worried about kids but i gotta tell you it's it's it's us generations of parents that i spend the most time because our kids don't stand a chance if big people aren't okay it is like your teachers, your, you know, you can identify those, those women who were just so pivotal and, you know, our, our siblings, our parents, our step-parents at any given time have moments that remind us of our worthiness.

And if those big people aren't okay, collectively, the data would kind of suggest to a start, they're not, you know, high-street suicide has been alleged men. Our kids are going to suffer because of that. Not because they're not all right. The kids are all right. I've never heard such conversations about, you know, anti-racism and inclusive. I know. You know, gender identity.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mental health. Right. When I become an asshole, which is actually my job as a kid. Okay. I'm going to be your kid.

If you own a child or you love a child or you're responsible for a child, they will become assholery-ish. Full stop. That's their job. Because their prefrontal cortex is not that big. That's actually really good to hear. Their job is to be asshole. Because sometimes I feel like a bad kid when I see that in my kids. No. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's good. The chaos is necessary to learn the calm i just need somewhere to put it so when your kid's talking about somebody in the back seat or speaking about

their partner in a way that you know you know isn't great our job is to be like look at my ass and when they get in fights at school you know and like this is the the issue with the anti-bullying rhetoric in my mind is that you can't talk about it enough. I need people, big people present to walk kids through their fights, their disagreements, the way that they call kids names or they engage in racist behavior. You can't tell them how to be anti-racist. You got to show them. I mean, you're the expert in this way. How, like, what do you bring to organizations and to schools these days when you're, when, I mean, I'm sure you get this question all the time. Like, what do we do when kids feel like on the outside, like you did? Yeah. That's why I think storytelling is so important. And that's why I think when you can see yourself in stories and that's why I think when I think about books and I think about what kind of books are we giving kids to read, right? I'm so glad you brought up reading.

And when I think about the books I was reading when I was in school, books are so amazing because they're an engine of empathy. They allow you to look through someone else's eyes, walk in someone else's shoes. And what would it be like to be this person? So I am now living and I'm imagining what it would be like to be a 12-year-old blind girl in France in the Second World War. And now I have more empathy for someone who's blind, for someone who is going through life as a girl in a world that often attacks girls. I'm understanding more about history, so now I understand what my grandparents were going through life as a girl in a world that often attacks girls. I'm understanding more about history. So now I understand what my grandparents were going through and what my mom was. So it's, it's, it, it opens a window to the world.

The problem is a lot of the books that I was reading when I was in school, the window I was seeing the world from was usually through the eyes of a white man. White, straight, able-bodied. Right. And so that's looking through. And so for me, I think it's such a great opportunity right now to go and look at what are the books we want kids to be reading? Because if we can, like empathy is the antidote to bullying and we know that. So what are we doing to help kids become and to develop more empathy?

To me, that is the most important thing. Yes, I love that. And can I just tell you too, this idea about reading, I mean, as we both talked about as authors, people assume, you know, that I would also read a lot. I don't, I, I often would like listen to a podcast or I'd be more inclined to like, what is my next thing? What is my next over this last year? This is my, been my focus is to sink into the stories of other people. And I'm reading a Barbara, a King solver book right now called demon copperhead. And it is,

Oh my goodness about a baby in foster care. And I am just, I sink into them. And do you know what? It feels frivolous. I know it feels like I'm wasting my time. I've got so many things to do and to write and to prepare for, like, how dare I think that I can despite the fact that like I have watched 87 Netflix series, this feels frivolous yeah but you know what it does is that it is very reading a novel gets your cortisol to be down very different than watching a show and so we try to encourage our kids so much and even i said to my husband like this has got to be our new plan charging the phone outside and we can stay up as late as we want if we're reading you're reading yeah but not if we're sinking into some other show and like and we can stay up as late as we want if we're reading you're reading

yeah but not if we're sinking into some other show and like and we don't have to do it all i mean you can love shows i mean this is not like any prescription hey i work in film and tv there's nothing wrong with with you know enjoying a show especially together with other people and it's part of that connection that social time cuddle up on the couch, but reading, there's no substitute for it. I'm with you. It stimulates the mind. It allows you to regulate your emotion. And I think that that's what's so critical when we spend all of our lives with our shoulders up, right? The watch dinged. Oh my gosh. It's somebody on team snap. Tell me shit. Oh my God. Oh, school's closed. No. What am I going to do now? Okay. Then this, then this, then this,

and then emails dinging, dinging, dinging, dinging, dinging. And I'm checking my watch to see how many steps I got. And guess where your shoulders are? Uncertainty, fear, no end in sight are the ingredients of emotional dysregulation. And we are so inundated by data every single day that we spend a lot of time like that. On purpose, I think the healthiest amongst us, and this is adults I'm speaking to because you can't tell your kids, you got to show them. If we find things in the day that on purpose allow us to drop our shoulders, even if it's a direct request of ourselves,

drop your shoulders, we will be better able to serve. And I mean, tell me about All Fired Up, because this book is intended to pull the best out of people. It is intended to get us back to our best parts of ourselves. Hey, and that's, I mean, that's why I just so fell in love with you, because I was like, yes, what this human is saying is what we need to hear. So tell me about it. It's new and it's a baby. It's new. It's a baby. It's in the world, but it was birthed out of a problem. And the problem was, you know, I'm a screenwriter and I'm also a keynote speaker and I need a lot of energy for both a lot of creative energy, a lot of physical energy. And what was frustrating me was sometimes I was showing up for my work and I was, I was all fired up. I was ready to go. I was energetic and focused and ready to do my work. And then other days I'd show up and it felt like I had nothing in the tank. It felt like I don't care. Even though I know deep down I do, I just felt so lethargic. You know when the coffee doesn't hit and you're like, is this decaf? Why am I not getting that pep in my step. And for me, I came to a place where I was

so frustrated by not knowing who was going to show up. Was it going to be the Anthony that has a purpose and that wants to help people and wants to serve and make a difference and wants to be creative and have fun and be a fun dad and a loving husband? Or is it the Anthony that's like, I don't have enough to give to anyone. I have nothing. And so to be honest with you, when I set out to discover like what's going to work for me so I can do my best work, so I can be my best at home with my wife, with my kids, and so I can be my best when I'm showing up to work, both creatively and professionally. What's going to work for me? I just wanted to know what would work for me. But as I started diving into that, I realized

there are tried and true mental health habits that you can implement that do not take that long that will change the way you show up in your personal life and your professional life. Some secret sauce. You got some secret sauce, right? And here it is. Buckle up humans.

For example, now, now here's the thing, Jody, you know, what's about to happen. I'm about to drop some wisdom and someone's going to be like, I tried that.

It doesn't work. Just don't judge it yet. All right. Just hear me out. When I started working from home and finding work-life balance, when I was working from a kitchen table and I can see the dishes in the sink and I can see my two kids about to get into a fight and I can see everything going and I'm working here and life is right there and I couldn't find the balance. What would happen is I would get a funny mail or an exciting opportunity and it'd be like, oh, this is great. And then I try to share it, but now I've got good news and someone else in the house has got bad news and there'd be this clash or vice versa. I'm dealing with something difficult. I shut my laptop. I walk

over to the bathroom and I, and you know, I'm already upset. And someone's like, dad, I'm like, what? And nevermind. Wow. I was having such a hard time. And then I realized what I have to do is I have to create a transition between my work and my home. And even if it means I'm going to go for lunch now, I have to have a transition that signals to my brain we're putting work away. We are now going to do our personal life. And so before I shut my laptop with headphones in, so it looks like I'm still in work mode, I will spend three minutes doing box breathing. Breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds. Three minutes of box breathing,

my cortisol levels go down, my shoulders dropped, and now I'm back in the world and I'm ready to be attuned to what's happening in the home. You're regulated. Nice. I am regulated. So now I can go with the flow of what's happening in the house. Beautiful. There are certain tricks that you can implement in your day. Music is another one. I have a horrible day at work. It's awful. I can't bring that energy to home. So I need a palate cleanser. You ever go to a fancy restaurant, they give you a palate cleanser and just wash that taste away. Just wash it away. For me, music, I use as a mental health hack to wash away my day so I can show up for the people I'm doing life with and I can be ready for whatever they're going to bring to the table. Yes. And so things like breathing, things like music, things like going for a walk,

getting daylight, getting vitamin D, getting omega-3 fatty acids. For me, practicing intermittent fasting. If it doesn't work for you, don't even worry about it. For me, I get more energy when I eat my meals in an eight hour. It's not because it's like trendy. It's actually, oh, that actually gives me more energy in the afternoon. So finding what works for you and being open to that is what this book is all about. Oh my gosh. And how, okay. So how's it been received so far? What's that been like watching it go live? I'll tell you what the book is called all fired up. And I have been all fired up since it released last week because the feedback I've been getting has been overwhelming. And you know how it is when you're sharing an idea with the world, you're sharing your baby

with the world. So what I did is I made a book trailer that's all about kind of making fun of hustle culture and kind of the woo-woo self-care squad. And these two camps that seem to be at odds with each other, the hustle culture, you know, wake up at 4am and have a cold shower and just crush it until 11 and just relentlessly productive. And there's something there that actually I find very alluring because I am a type of person where I have big goals. I want to live a big life. Yes. Let's eat 50 pounds of tuna and get in a cold plunge pool and not answer your emails till whatever time. Yeah. It's just so beautiful. Like let's rock it. Let's rock. Right. I want to be that guy. I just like, I'm just tired. Well, that's the thing is that's, that's the thing. And so my book show is kind of teasing, like that goes too far.

If you were to really do that, you'd end up in burnout, right? So if you're just about being productive, productive, productive, you're living a life that isn't balanced. But there is some value in the hustle culture movement. And then on the other side of the equation, we've just got like the self-care woo-woo that just goes into navel gazing and it's all about me. And I don't think I'm going to go to work today because I just need a day where I'm in the bathtub all day and I'm not going to do, you know, I had a challenging conversation. I don't like challenging conversations. So I'm just going to withdraw from that and never put myself in a situation that might be difficult. And it's like self-care is good. Like there's some real important value in self-care, but it's about balance. And for me, this book All Fired Up is about bringing those two camps together, practicing self-care so you can go crush your goals.

That's what it means to be all fired up. Oh, my gosh. I love it. And there's some practical things I'm assuming at the end of it that you leave your readers with. So when we get into this, I mean, what a great time to release a book in January when people are like often looking for answers. And I think we, you know, we set ourselves up for this, like, yep, these are our new year's resolutions. Here's what's going to happen. And then now it's February or March. And you're like, come on, come on. Just give me a couple of things I can do.

And I love that about like dropping your shoulders, finding some breath, like getting a playlist, do this. What are those things like? The other thing is for me, like I've realized your brain is wired for connection and belonging. So use what you got. Your brain's already wired for connection and belonging. So use what you got. Your brain's already wired for connection and belonging. You can hack that to be more productive and to get your goals accomplished by getting around people whose normal behavior is your desired behavior. So I heard James Clear say this, Atomic Habits. I love that book. And I just think there's a lot

of wisdom there. And he shared this idea that if you get around people whose normal behavior is, I write 30 minutes every day. Every day I write for 30 minutes. And you get into accountability with them. And this is what I did with with a writers group I had to get more pages done and I realized I'm not doing it on my own so I started a writers group with my dear friend Megan Warby and now we've got a third writer with us right now Alicia Richardson and the three of us get together every Monday and every Monday we get together and we share what did you work on this week? And we trade pages back and forth

and then we give each other feedback. And then we say, what are you going to be working on this coming week? So what are you gonna be working on? Then we circle back, did you do it? Let me read what you did. I'll give you feedback. And then we do it again and again and again.

And we are getting project after project after project done because I'll cheat on my own deadline. Like, Ooh, I wanted to get this. Ah, there's a lot going on. It's okay. But when I know I'm facing Alicia and Megan, and I want that belonging, I get my pages done. I've never missed a deadline because I partnered my need for belonging and connection with the goal that I have to be a writer. Oh, I, you know, because that's so lovely. And I talk a lot about this in the burnout space when I speak to organizations, you know, because they're like futility sets in where you're sort of like, what's the point? There's

too much to get done. I'm never going to meet it anyway. And I think I remember studying this in grad school and I don't know where this came from, comes from, but I remember reading this so clearly. Misery does not love company. Misery loves miserable company. Oh, that's good. Isn't it? And so if you're in a place where you're like, I just can't seem to move or I want to, you know, I'm watching everybody do this or I want to change my body or change my mindset or do whatever that thing is. It's like, gosh, we love miserable company. So it's like, oh, yeah, you too. Like, we're so dumber.

Oh, I can't. I'm not a right love. You will stay. You will love that. You'll be like, sort of inclined to do that. But it also does not like optimism. So when you then started, you know, as you said, sort of be careful about who you surround yourself with, because that can really indicate that account or, you know, sort of kickstart that accountability to be like, okay, and don't go big, right? Like here's the problem. It's like, I'm going to run a marathon tomorrow or I'm going to like, I'm going to get a publishing deal. I'm going to, right. In this idea of starting small, like all I want you to think about today, right. Is to move your body. You don't even have to do it. All I want you to think about is two more glasses of water than you did yesterday. Just two, two baby ones. Okay. All I want you to think about is like, I don't know, open your laptop and give me five sentences. That's it. It doesn't even have to make sense. And it's like sort of that, like starting that movement,

whatever that is, to be able to pick something that, you know, you know, want, you want to be better. You want to give this world, you want what we need to know a little bit more from you because all we need is a little bit more of everybody. And that's where we, you know, that's how we get all fired up. No, that's it. That's the key. And I love that starting small thing. That's everything right there. Start small and be consistent.

If you I'm telling you, small, consistent actions will add up the compound interest. It works. And I realized when I first decided I'm going to write a book, I went on Google, do not do this. People do not do what I did. I went on Google and I said, how many words is it? An average nonfiction book. And Google told me 40,000 to 70,000. And I was like, okay, forget it. I'm not going to write a book. And then I didn't do anything for months because I do not have the time or energy to write 40,000 words. But then I learned little by little, you will get there. If you just commit to writing 200 words a day, that's a little less than one page and it doesn't have to be good. Just 200 words a day. I started doing that. And after a while, the first time I wrote 200 words, it was like,

oh, this is kind of hard. This is kind of hard. But I got to the end. Next day is kind of hard, kind of hard. By the end of like two weeks, I'm i'm like i think i'm gonna bump it up to 250. i think i can do 200 that's only one page but guess what after a while i went to 300 for i got up to 900 words a day it was okay i can do it and i'm telling you you can do it the big thing you want to do, if you break it down to manageable chunks and you surround yourself with other people who are doing that, you have no idea what you can accomplish if you start small. Amen. Listen, here's the title of this episode. You are tall enough to get on this ride. Oh, I love it. Maybe that might even be our next book title. Anthony McLean, you are tall enough to get on this ride. My friends, my humans, and you have just got to spend an hour with one of the most incredible humans, Canadian now living in LA

master storyteller, author of this phenomenal book that everybody needs to go out and get all fired up and stay tuned because, um, probably by the time this airs, you and I will have been together, but, um, you will want to see some, um, what happens when we get in the same room. So I can only imagine, uh, I cannot wait to meet you in just two weeks from today, uh, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for doing this. I know that there's so much on your plate right now. And I'm just so grateful that this community got to meet you. Where can they find you? I'm going to put most of this in the show notes, but where's the best place for them to land with you? You know, I'll be honest. I could give you my Instagram and I can give you my LinkedIn and my Twitter, but can, you know,

I just think I would rather you buy a novel that sounds exciting to you and just sit on a couch with a novel. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I'm probably on a couch reading a novel too. You need more time for you. So get a novel, sit down, take care of yourself, practice mental health as best as you can. Take one step to being a little bit better today. And if anything, check out the book. It's called All Fired Up. Yes. Oh, I love that. That's the best thing I've ever had in all of my podcast career. Oh, okay. My fellow humans, take care of yourselves, take care of each other. And I cannot wait to meet you right back here again next week. Hey, after this episode, if you're thinking about what do I do?

Where do I go to do the work? Where do I land? I'd love to listen to Jodi's voice more. Gosh, I wish she had a course where I could just do the work with her on my own time whenever I'm ready. Guess what I created? It's called Feeling Scene, the course. And it's so fucking good. I got to tell you that it's really good. If you want to have a place to land where you want to think a little bit more, you know, we talked about some really important things on this episode. And if you want to dive a little deeper with me, you can go to drjodekarrington.com and check out my courses. Feeling Seen is one that I think I created for everybody who wants to just sink in

a little more in this time of disconnect. So go there. I'll put a link in the show notes and I'll meet you there when you're ready. The Everyone Comes From Somewhere podcast is produced by the incredibly talented and handsome team at Snack Labs. Mr. Brian Seaver, Mr. Taylor McGilvery, and the infamous Jeremy Saunders. The soundtracks that you hear at the beginning of every episode were created by Donovan Morgan. Our executive producer is Marty Piller. Our PR big shooters are Des Veneau and Barry Cohen. Our agent, my manager, Jeff Lowness from the Talent Bureau. And emotional support, of course, is provided by, relatively speaking, our children.

For the record, I am a registered clinical psychologist in Alberta, Canada. The content created and produced in this show is not intended as specific therapeutic advice. The intention of this podcast is to provide information, resources, education, and maybe even a little bit of hope. We'll see you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton.

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