Unpaid And Underrated - 157 : Sir Druthers

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

This week Joey, Keith, and Nate take an adventurous journey like never before to celebrate 3 years of the podcast. Links Ü&Ü Hoodie Massenomics x Ünpaid and Ünderrated Colab Get Your Own Keith Head Follow The Podcast On Instagram @unpaid.underrated.podcast Online UnpaidInternPodcast.com On Youtube @Unpaid.Underrated.Podcast Our Guest Big Scott On Instagram @scottsliftingpage Our Hosts @keithhoneycutt73 or his orange gym, @thenowhinecellar @joey_mleczko Special Guests: Big Chris D., Big Derek, Big Kurt, Big Matt, and Big Matt.

Our three heroes, the hosts of a couple hundred people's second favorite podcast, assemble in the lobby of the Fairfield Hotel of Western Northeast South Dakota. It's a modern-looking hotel that's clean and spacious inside. The furnishings are neutral and earth-toned. The lighting is bright enough to wake you without feeling harsh. When you get into the lobby, you see roughly two-thirds of the area on your left is a dining area. The remaining third on the left is an incredibly well-stocked breakfast buffet. From where you stand, you can see eggs, sausage, bacon, waffles, pancakes, muffins, omelets, oatmeal, juice stations, anything you could possibly want.

Toppings and fixings abound. There's almost no breakfast item here you can't find. Behind the dining area, there's a wall of windows looking out on a nice concrete patio area. There's sturdy outdoor tables and chairs and a large fire pit that six to eight people could gather around. Overall, the area looks cozy and inviting, but fresh and organized. An excellent place to start a day's adventure. I'd like each of you to tell me a little bit about your character, your name, your class, and if they're wearing anything cool. I am Joey. I am new to town.

I've never been to the dean before. And I essentially look like Joey does. I'm a monk, so I am bald, you know, because of service. I have a long beard because shaving your head in service is good, but shaving your face is not. That beard is braided. I am covered from neck to waist in the ruins of a forgotten language. But those tattoos are generally covered by robes. um basic one color will go with like a beige color uh that is just covering my body to shelter me

from the warmth um my name is nathan i am a sorcerer artifacter uh i am a lost traveler uh a man of pourovers and custom built implements uh of technology and sorcery to solve problems i'm a problem solver. I'm wearing a Cassio G-Shok DW56,000 series. I'll be carrying my handy hand grinder and travel kettle along with a Hario V60 for any problems that might need extra thinking about. I'll be prepared to caffeinate our group. I also have my handy, MacBook of spells that I keep close with me. I do like to wear a nice pair of Gap City jeans, unlike my counterpart's robes. I'm very modern and chic.

So I like the city jeans, and I'm abreasted with a shirt telling of a blipping service of far off. Hello. Hello, I am Keith. I am a paladin. I have all kinds of cool home gym equipment to, you know, use some weapons, decked out in all my massonomics gear, and ready for a good time. Right. Inside, opposite the dining and serving area is the front desk and spacious lounge area. Soon this lobby would be full of crew looking to live easy, but for now it's oddly quiet. The front lobby desk is currently unstaffed, and you have a moment to take in the sites and plan for the day. What do you think you want to do first? Check out breakfast, hit the patio, maybe something else entirely. Man, the breakfast sounded awesome, guys.

What do you think? Yeah. Well, you got to go breakfast before you go out in the... I mean, you got to get the breakfast, and then you go hang out on the deck. Yeah. What time is it? That doesn't matter, so we... Sometime between six and nine.

What kind of question? of that. Somewhere between six and nine. Uh, yeah, breakfast probably sounds good. All right. You make your way over to the breakfast station. What are you getting? Keith?

Oh, we gotta go with a little bit of protein, a little bit toast, a little bit of, you know, get some eggs, got the yogurt, a little bit of everything, a little bit of everything, whatever meat they have out there, hopefully some bacon, a couple bagels, you know, but I gotta get at least one banana for scale. Dude, how big is your plate? Well, I mean, you can make multiple trips. Can we roll a strength check for Keith's plate? You can double this plates. Can I roll to put an entire plate of syrup and butter in front of Keith? I wouldn't know. I wouldn't, I'd have a hard time to shotgun and like just shitty hotel prepackaged syrup

versus like some good waffle how, what is the hell is the place we go to in? Pancake house. Yeah. The original pancake house that is. Yeah, that's good syrup and butter there. Mm. I would like to also get a plate for breakfast. I would like exactly four eggs, six pieces of bacon.

And then does anyone see the, we have any, like, roasted potatoes that I could grab? Like a good roasted potato for breakfast. Does anyone see that? Yeah, there's all kinds of potatoes. Oh, all kinds of potatoes. Yeah, there's all kinds of potatoes. Yeah, there's all kinds of potatoes. Oh, I didn't see those.

over the regular potatoes. Oh, right, no sweet potatoes, draught. I'll, I'll, uh, less, uh, good for my glucose in the morning, but that's all right. Um, yeah, I'll grab some of that, uh, and then I will say that the coffee looks terrible here. Um, and I will be opting to stand in a corner and brew my own coffee, uh, if I can find some hot water. Uh, I will be getting my usual breakfast, uh, which will be a plate of three eggs. two sausages, a bagel, a hard-boiled egg, and a beer. Awesome.

You all sit down and eat, and as you're eating, into the room walks one of the hotel staff. You can see that he's pushing a large cart of food, replenishing all of the stations after you guys did some damage. And he recognizes Keith's shirt from that podcast that always puts up, up a billboard in town and he walks over and he asks hey you know what brings you guys to town you don't you know it's a small town and i don't recognize you so i'm sure you're just traveling he's talking to you keith don't ignore the poor guy would just ate something to him my mouth was

i had so much on my plate i was still i was still chewing you just didn't get that on the he's seeing if it was circumcised yeah yeah yeah you're done it only works if you got the pre-show um You know, we're telling them we're in town for this big power lifting meet. The Lift Hardly Easy weekend, you know, it's not just a single meet. It's not just a single day. It's an entire weekend. A crew shenanigans. We're here to hang out with the homies, you know.

You know that gym downtown that, you know, someone might know about. That's our friends. And we lift weights with them because it's easier than explaining a podcast. I'm just here because I heard there was free breakfast if I showed up this weekend. And they looked like there was some cool people to hang out with. Sir, yes, sir. I don't know these guys, and I just saw an open table and sat next to it. It's really weird.

There's nobody else here, though, and I chose this table. We like men in robes. I've always said that. Oh, that's awesome. You know, you guys sound like you know a lot about podcasting. There's just a little game that this one podcast that I listen to play. You want to give it a try? it's called unpaid and underrated.

Yeah, that sounds fun. What are the rules? How do you... The name of that game doesn't seem to make any sense. Could you explain the rules to it? Yeah, absolutely. So basically, I'll give you a topic, and then you have to explain

whether it's bad, would be unpaid, because nobody wants to be unpaid, or good because it's underrated. Now, it's important to remember you do have your druthers in this. Sounds good Sir, what's a drother?

That's true I've never heard of that Is that one of the other characters In the game today? Oh yes, Sir Druther I have experienced him on my travels Oh, he sounds like a fancy fella And we have him

No, he was a dick Oh yeah, he was an absolute dick He probably was two Is he the one that rode two horse Or the one ass? No, he throws his gum on the road He throws his gum on the road He throws his

his gum on the road and you know what, you know what, you know what, we were at a wedding together and he tucks his dress shirt into his underwear. Do you believe that? Oh! That's the worst. It gets all sweaty and then it stains along the tip? It's the worst.

We talk about the tip a lot tonight. Yeah. It's a tip type of podcast. So a name right there. Boom. All right. So the first unpaid or underrated goes to Big Nate. Unpaid or underrated, locking your phone down with air tags.

Oh, underrated for sure, my good sir. And as Sir Druthers once told me on his road to Eldorado, never leave your phone unlocked because you will lose time and lose focus. And that's what he said. He wasn't nice to Joey. He was nice to me. Maybe Joey should find some nicer robes. He was nice to me, but like, you ever just see somebody do something? You're like, that's a weird behavior.

Yeah. Yeah. Joey. Unpeater underrated. Long beards when lifting stones. Unpaid. As a monk, it is my job to go out into the world and move rocks for people. That is what I have dedicated my life to is anybody that needs big rocks moved from their garden or construction.

section side or whatever, I just pick up those rocks. And oh boy, does that beard get caught in those rocks? So I am going unpaid. Each. Unpaid or underrated. Former Cleveland Brown's quarterback. I think he's former. Cleveland Brown's quarterback, James Winston.

Ooh, okay. That's a... As a holy man, as I am, as I am. as a paladin, paladin, whatever that word is, I'm still learning. Paladine. So, James is always throwing some,

thank God for this and thank God for that out there. So, you know, I'm supposed to appreciate that, I suppose. So that already, you know, if I play it like Tanner does,

you know, that already has the perception of being good. But I think if you throw more interceptions than touchdowns over the course, you, oh, that's a good one, though,

because like, now I've got Tanner, you know, chirping in my holy ear. of people play it his way. And his clips, the clips that come out of him alone, that you get to just watch him talk. But like I also grew up when he was like doing the really dumb shit at Florida State.

So like I remember him like, standing up on a bleacher and say, grab her by the blank and stealing crab legs and shit. So like that's the guy that I know more than like the religious man that wants to fire up his teammates. So I think I got to go unpaid just from my personal history. That sounds like Sir Druthers. yeah it does

oh yeah are you talking wait is sir druthers in the table in the uh in the in the in the in the lunch room

and say screams grab her by the pussy that's that's yeah probably really nice to you but like does that stuff and you have to watch he's a weird guy unpaid

right you know that's that's all uh that's really cool you know um you said you were here for a power power lifting meat

uh i've been thinking about getting some equipment and building the home gym. Do you guys have any recommendations on how to even get started figuring out what equipment's out there? I think we have an inside man that might be able to give you some really good... Hold on.

Let me consult my MacBook full of spells across the intergalactic spell connection network. I'll be right back. Buddy, if you had the dial-up sound ready for that, that would have been freaking Be it. Oh, look here. I found on my Google spell a great, a great repository of information. It seems some boys over there have been doing some good work on this thing called Jim Radar. I don't know what a radar is, but it looks like it might have a lot of information on how to get equipment, keep equipment, and use my equipment.

Would that be something that would interest you today, sir? Yeah, that's very interesting. How do I sign up? Well, it's easy. You click the giant add my gym button on the main landing page there. You'll create an account. I think I've never used this site. I don't know who's behind this site.

But I heard they're good dudes. Surely the guy's really smart, though. This sounds great. I heard they're straight as they come as well. but I know for a fact that the Druthers Sir Druthers did not have a lick to do with this sucker I'll tell you that because that guy doesn't know Jack about spellbooks and the intergalactic spellbook

network thing he doesn't know I talked about it he's an idiot absolute idiot but yeah you just click add your gym sign up you can create a gym you can create lists about gyms I'm seeing here on this wonderful whatever a web page is someone told me about. Spiders? A great place to get started. As you finish showing the employee

Gym radar on your MacBook spellbook, your eye catches the Massonomics gym. It seems like an interesting place to go check out. So as you finish up your breakfast, however many more plates you decide to get, you all make your way to the parking lot, and you decide you're going to the gym. You're going to get a quick lift, you're going to get a good pump, it's going to be a good day.

Once you walk outside, you start to wonder how we're going to get there. Now, Keith, as a paladin, you have access to a spell called Summon Steed. So you reach into your pocket for the summoning device, a set of keys, and you click the lock button on the fob twice like you do when you forgot where you parked. You hear the horn right outside of your peripheral, almost as if it had just appeared from thin air. And there it sits, a metallic gold Ford freestyle. It's glowing ethereally in the morning sunlight with shiny chrome dripping from every line and polished glassy black tire. The passenger doors open up to each of you, but the driver's door remained. shut.

Who's who's getting in where? Shotgun. I'll take the backseat because I got little legs. And I'm going to get in through the shotgun door and try

climb over top of Keith. Do I need to roll into the driver's seat? Yes. Yeah, let's make an acrobatics roll for that. Uh-huh. Yeah.

So excited. Roll to seven. Lucky number. You're old at seven. Yeah, right. So as you're crawling across Keith's lap, you kick him right in the face. I'm so sorry, Keith. So good, buddy.

Keith, you take one point of damage. Okay. Oh, and I laugh my ass off the whole time. Yeah, sorry. These barefoot shoes that I was wearing, they're very soft on the outside, do the nice suede leather, though, so it shouldn't leave any scratches. But I am sorry, Keith. You can use code mass if you wanted to get a nice pair of soft suede leather, barefoot shoes at barefoot. I'm still laughing.

Just in case you wanted some, Keith. I know you're very upset right now, but in case you wanted some. You know what, actually, Keith, I'm pretty strong. I'm going to buy, let me just buy you a pair of these. Let me get on my MacBook spellbook here. I'll buy you a pair before we leave. Appreciate that. What size do you wear?

Big. Right. Big. You want black or, or, what kind of color do you like? Go with the new smoke. It's gorgeous. You like black? It seemed like a...

Well, you can have orange lettering. Black with orange letter. All right. They'll be here in six to nine business days, sir. Good. If anything got here that fast, I'd be happy. You discuss all of this as you're traveling. you know, along the route that the GPS has plotted, but suddenly it seems like you're taking a detour.

You try and correct the detour, but the car's driving itself at this point. After attempting to reroute the vehicle, it doesn't work, but you manage to change the radio station. You recognize the song, though. It's sad but true by Metallica. You realize that the car comes to a stop and doesn't seem to be. responsive. The doors unlock and open as if the car is prompting you to stop at this specific spot, and as you get out of the vehicle, you find you're at the Massonomics billboard. It's got this year's logo displayed proudly for all the residents of Aberdeen to see, and all the Massonomics fans to grab photos in front of. The rest of the lot isn't much to look at. The lot is gray-crushed gravel and has a lot of

pottles. There seems to have been a lot of rain recently, because there's a lot of standing water. The air is warm and humid in the rising sun. It's going to be another hot one in Aberdeen today. Maybe there's a podcast that'll talk about that. The air feels thick and muggy. The lot sits on the corner of a medium, busy road. Across a four-lane road, there's a gas station and convenience store. Going the opposite direction leads to a residential area.

Other than that, it's a pretty typical afternoon in western northeast south. The din of the traffic seems to lessen for a moment, as you hear a soft buzzing off in the distance. The buzzing gets louder and builds to a low thrum. The hot air stands still as you see a swarm of giant western, northeast South Dakota mosquitoes.

No, no. Coming into focus, racing to your location. Before you even have a chance to turn towards the freestyle, the mosquitoes are on you. I need you to roll for initiative. Frick! Oh, my initiative is garbage. I got a 12.

Stinking mosquitoes. Where do I roll? Just click the word initiative. Ah. Click it. Fuck! Keith roll of 14, so much. So initiative.

Good on you. I mean, I do start. I'm a self-starter. All right. Since you saw them coming, all of you get, you know, prepared to attack before they get set upon you. Keith, you start.

Oh, well, they look like they're, how far away are they based on that's six feet or is it like what's the uh they're about 10 feet or so 10 feet or so okay so i've got some pretty awesome this is it pains me every time i use these because they're so valuable but my uh my throwing weapon are york roundheads vintage york roundheads some pre-USA some uSA stamped you know a little variety you know from 0.5 all the way up to 100 with every five pound interval and a little little bit of extras in the smalls. So I take out one of those, you know, and I, uh, see, I grabbed the, uh, the 70.

And I just start huck and chucking it. I, well, I chuck it as hard as I can at the cluster of the mosquitoes and, uh, hope for the best. Okay, roll to attack. Initiative again, or? No, uh, attack roll. I, I need, you can have to help me. Open up actions. I'm in at

So just click the hit slash DC button He did it It's a big number Nice Okay you send your York roundhead Flying through the center of the Swarm of Mosquitoes

And you You hit two of them As it's flying through And they're both just immediately vaporized Into this You know mosquitoy pus Great work, Keith. The other two, they kind of swerve to the side to dodge the attack.

And that brings us to Joey. Okay, so they look a bit far away for me, but I do have a walking speed of 40. So how fast can I move towards them? You can move 40 feet in one turn. Okay, yeah, put me up closer to A. So you move to approach the Yes Mosquito on the right

Yep And what do you do then? We are going to use unarmed strike Because I have opted out of weapons I finish them off with my hands The Discord has loved to talk about It's been some good content out of that So am I rolling hit with unarmed strike

Yes BAM Oof, that's not good Oh, the mosquito manages to dodge your strike. It's very small and very quick. Yeah, but I get a bonus action. That's true, you do. So we're going to roll again.

Bam. And your second swing does in fact hit, and you swat it. It's a mosquito. You just, you know, clap your hands together and it's gone. Well, that's how Tanner would like to make you think all the mosquitoes are. You just, you know, wave them off. And they're just, they're so faint. They're not even there.

Here we are swarming, almost dying by mosquitoes. And, you know, they're not so bad guys. We're talking about. Okay. Right, Nate. Your turn. I open up my MacBook to do a little bit of research on these, this breed of mosquitoes to determine the best way to thwart its final attack as it buzzes in front of my party.

I look to that Google spell, and I find that I can use my fire bolt at great distance to stay away from the stinging, itchy nature of these terrible beasts, and I cast my firebolt spell against them. Nice. To hit. But you're too far away. It's a hundred feet.

The fire bolt. whizzes right past it going wide right. Dang it. The mosquito, the one remaining mosquito is going to move to attack the closest person to it. You're going to be key. Yeah, got

them. I'll start to research salves for your bite, potential bite. The mosquito rolled a natural one, which means, Keith, you get to roll a counterattack. It basically just flies

on you, it flies on to you, it lands on you, and then it just kind of like stops doing that weird thing that they do or it like rubs its proboscis. It's really gross because this thing is like the size of bat. So you can see every intimate detail. What do you want to do? Close my eyes. Check it with his mouth. I think, yeah, yeah.

I think I have to hit it with my trusty Rogue Ohio Power Bar. It's within range. I have a stainless steel, 40,000. pound rogue Ohio power bar. I have two of them, but only got one to one to me today. I think I'm going to have to beat the shit out of it with that and see what happens. It's on you. Well, that works too.

No, I can, uh... I'm going to hit myself with this and hope it works. I could still... Let him try it, Joey. Let him try it. I shouldn't have said anything. He's a paladin. Weapon, unorn... Not a sorcerer.

Let him hit stuff. I mean, I have a shove. Can I shove it off me? Is that something I'm allowed to do? Oh, yeah. I guess I will shove it away. Yeah, give that prolapse or whatever its thing was. Prolapse, I don't think that's what we're talking about.

That's something different. You should take it your MacBook and figure that one out. Yeah, Google Prolapse. Google it. I don't know. Oh, God, did you really? So what happened after I pushed it? So shove is an unarmed strike.

Yeah. So you go to grab it and you go to essentially grab it and throw it. I'd like you to roll a D6 just flat. But I just do hit the unarmed strike thing? Bottom right. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay, you never mind. You actually have something for.

No, he does. You actually have something for an arm strike. It just does four flat damage. So as you go and grab it off of you, you wildly overestimate the amount of force. needed. And you just crush this thing in your hand. That works. Good work, Keith.

Outstanding mark. Aberdeen mosquitoes don't even know what hit him. Reminds everybody buy bug spray before you go to Tanner's Friday. He sprays? As the last of them, yeah. I sprayed it missed. Far left. Yeah, your firebolt was actually just a can

of deep. I'm trying to imagine. So did that firebolt take out like Big Megan's apartment or anything? Like she didn't see that coming. Like that firebolt definitely after somebody. No, but an incoming car

did have to swerve to avoid it. Gotcha. Now, we'll give them a calendar. They'll forget everything. Those one lane roads will have that. As the last of the giant mosquitoes die, you feel the temperature drop as a cool breeze washes through

Aberdeen. You feel revised. and recovered despite the encounter with the mosquitoes. The freestyle's standing by ready to continue on your quests to get to the Massonomics gym. Do you depart immediately or is there anything you'd like to do here? There's a couple things that Joey and I want to do. Joey, what were you thinking? Energy drinks and a slice of pizza from Casey's.

Dude, I wanted to get some freaking pizza too. Let's freaking go. We're getting breakfast pizza from Casey's. Oh, yeah. Get three monsters and a gallon of water, be good to go. And Pete. Yes.

It's a given. There just wasn't enough breakfast at the breakfast bar. Hotel breakfast is never enough breakfast. It's never enough breakfast. The old lady at the, I swear she was looking at me when I got the bacon, and I didn't like the way she was looking at me, so I didn't get as much bacon as I wanted, if we're honest. I didn't say that earlier, but I just, I just bring me up.

Well, it's because you asked her about prolapse, and, you know, that she didn't like that. Oh, I didn't know about prolapse back then. That was old names. It was old me. I mean it was all kinds of things. Unfortunately. That's why we played

As you head to the gym. As you head to the gym, you start to reminisce. Now, a little meta-gaming here. Your characters have never been to this part of Western Northeast South Dakota before.

But, I'd like you guys to think about some personal experiences you've had at the massonomics gym. Something that sticks out in your mind as being a, you know, a good memory that you have. Okay. I have a few. I'm ready. All right.

Go ahead. But first, we need to find this place, don't we? I mean, there's no signs. There's nothing telling us how to get in there. There's a hair shop up that I see. Salon. Yeah. and then there's

an empty lot with forklifts and stray cats across the street. Do you think we should park in the grass? That's probably a smart idea. How do we find this place? It seems like a good grass lot over here. It seems obfuscated is a word I learned years ago for no reason.

Not playing role-playing games, I promise. I have so many. to Google. Why don't you guys give me your memories, your good memories first, and then I'll have your role for perception to see if you can find the place. You asked about memory.

My MacBook has 64 gigabytes of it. Oh, about the gym, about the gym, my mistake. I remember back years ago, a less obfuscated memory. I took a really good picture of Keith on a reverse hyper machine in that gym, and I think about that all the time. I also think about completely running in front of Hogan's gym equipment review that he was doing,

just right in the middle of it. I was just screaming, running through the gym, also making a video. And I still feel bad about that. Sorry, Hogan. Yeah. Yeah, Keith, you go. Do you have ended up being there several times, at least three times now.

Just the variety of different times. Like sometimes you're the first person in there and it's literally an empty gym. And that's like it's cool. Like I'm in Mathonomics gym alone. It's kind of a cool thing. And then other times you open up and there's like 30 people in there. And there's like 30 or 40 people in there for like two hours and that's really fun. So just hanging out with your friends in the gym is really cool.

I love going around and checking out the stickers because you see all your own stickers and saw all your buddy's stickers and see what new shit Tanner added. Checking out the new equipment. equipment, you know, like seeing his gym progress, even in the last three years. It's like, it's probably a 20% different gym just in the last three years, which is really cool to see. And, you know, I know he accredits that all to his gym radar, you know, reviews, reviewing of the gym radars, that is. Yeah, I'll try and keep mine short. I have quite a few, though. I mean, the first time I went, having Megan Stone show me how to lift an Atlas Stone,

outstanding, and then having Grant and Dee and Connor come in from the Strength Co and join me in it, and I'm recording for them for their content because I'm just holding the camera while Dee tries her first Atlas Stone. That was kind of big. The first time I ever lifted a log, thanks to Scants, showing me how to do it in the Massonomics gym. Oh, boy. Going outside and seeing that Build Fast formula was there, and they're introducing me to this gigantic man, and I offer him a sticker from my gym,

which is the Dilf dungeon, and he says, DILF, what's that? And I said, Dad, I'd like to follow. And he says, oh, hi, I'm Trey, and I go, Trey. Are you crew? And then I see the look on Steve's face as I clue in that it's Trey Mitchell, fucking strong, man. And then I go, oh, you're Trey, you're Trey. That was a good one.

The time that I was waiting for Ryan to pick me up, so I went over to Target to get an energy drink. And I see Mary and the kids, and Mary offers me a ride over to the gym. And as I'm walking in, I see Tanner talking to Jack going, Joey, Joey, who? as if there's like any other Joey in town that would be riding with Mary and the kids that would be worth texting him about. I thought that was one of the funniest things I ever experienced is Tanner just trying to figure out which Joey. And I was like, how many do you know? There will be a Joey there this year. Yeah, it won't be me though.

I have a lot of great memories of the massonomics gym. Awesome. The bathroom smells will stick with me forever though. It wasn't that bad when I was there until after I was done. It's been hit or miss. There was one time you just like walk on the floor. Well, no, like you just like walk over to the cable machine and just smell shit from 30 feet away. And I'm like, oh, cool.

I'm going to go back into the freeway section. Did somebody shit on the cable machine? No. I hope it did. Not this time. As you pull into the parking lot, as you pull into the parking lot, I'd like for each of you to roll a perception check to see if you can find this place. Just a witch dice. 20

I don't know what that means Roll a D20 buddy Find perception I rolled in 11 I'd see all 12

No clue where I'm Look out Proficiency Defense conditions I don't know where No so at the bottom Are you have it on your window there I don't have a big screen

So the bottom right of the map You'll see a thing that looks like like a How do you describe it? Go into your character sheet. Okay, just the roll dice. The D20, you said? I got you.

Yeah. Skills perception. Oh, okay, I'm re-rolling. Ah. Shit. I like my first roll. So. Oh, Gary's second.

Nate and Joey, you have no idea where this place is. That's correct. You see a medium-sized two-story building on a relatively low-trafficked road. You see dusty streets. You see that the building backs up to a railroad and between the rails

and building is a small patch of grass struggling to grow. There are fresh tire tracks in the grass and the parking lot's empty. The building is brick and mortar and looks like an old railroad construction that's been repurposed. The only sign that you see is for the urban studio hair salon. Keith. So you don't need to go there. You know exactly where to.

go, just by some, call it a miracle. You find the door, you locate the gym, and as you go to enter the door, you see a note, a simple piece of paper folded over with the words, do you want to play a game written on the outside? I'm always up for a game. Does this look like this note was written by a man on a small tricycle with weird cheeks? Why are you looking at a man's chute? No, this note looks like it was written by a man with a rather large beard and a pretty successful apparel company. Is it a passive...

So I'm going to go to a limit, it's going to be a very passive aggressive game and note. I would like to take a look around to see if there are any other signs. Can we do that really quick? In the gym, you're still standing outside. Yeah, well, you know, I've heard whispers of signs, so I just wanted to check and make sure there weren't any other signs. Is the DIY belt squat still there, though? Yeah.

Is it so outside of the door? Is there anything else around that we need to be aware of? Yeah, you see a multitude of signs. You see no baby powder in the chalk bowl. You see clean up after yourself in the bathroom. Your mother doesn't work here. You see, use the your ground head dumbbells properly or don't use them at all. You say, leave your shirt on.

not that big. And you see, don't touch any extra buttons on the stereo. Nice. You decide to open up the note. And it reveals that this game is a scavenger hunt. Using Jim Radar, you will have to find

five pieces of equipment in Massonomics gym. The first prompt reads, this piece of equipment found by the cable machines was made by a former sponsor of the Massonomics podcast That's it That sign sucks Are we in the gym yet? Yeah, we walk.

Yeah, you're in the gym So we follow Keith? Okay So I'm gonna, something, something sput ink, right? Actually, hold on, I'd really like to crank the music up. What do I have to roll to do that? I guess Intelligence check

Okay, let's go Actually, we're going to call it a slate of hand Because you're not supposed to press any of the buttons So you've got to do it without getting caught Oh, it's a knob, we're fine It just said buttons You're a knob All right, rolling sleight of hand to crank the music up

Yes Okay, I rolled an 11 Yeah, you crank it up to 11 Oh, heck yeah. Yeah, I am blasting Sandstorm by DeRood on repeat. Yes, for the next, the next foreseeable future.

No one knows what that song is. Everybody knows what that song is. Never heard it in my life. Never heard of the name. You're... Maybe I've heard the song. I've never heard of either of those words you've said. Derrude.

What does that mean? I'm so mad right now. I'm so mad. I want to hit Keith. We talk to me. I'm pretty sure. strong in this game. I want to hit Keith.

How do I hit Keith? Hold to attack. All right. Stand by. I'm going to fucking counter punch you in the face. You cannot. Roll to attack. I need to go here.

Actions. I want to hit Keith. Rolling. 13. He catches your blow and he doesn't hit him. Hold on. Mosquito's giving more damage than you. Bonus attack.

Flurry of blows. Yes. There we go. He's playing in the gym the whole time we're there. Oh, is that the song? YouTube's going to cancel this. That's okay. That's funny.

Same deal. You swing at him. He catches a blow and he continues to look for the piece of equipment that is clued you by the prompt. And that's fair.

That is the outcome I wanted. I didn't actually want to hit my friend, but damn it. I don't know if I was clear about this, if you guys got it or not, but you should be using Jim Radar for this. I'm already on it. I'm judging Nate, because I'm on Massonomic site, and I can't sort by manufacturer from Tanner's list. Why can't I do that?

Control F, Sputink. The fuck does that mean? Who control Fs? Can you hear is it? Why can't I? They've got a belt squat. I see a belt squat belt, but that doesn't seem like it'd be over there. That seems like it might be on the belt squat.

A hamstringer deluxe, a reverse hyperstrap. Those are the only thing from Sputank I see around here. They were never sponsored by Grip Jeannie, but that would have been over there. Like the grip genie dick, but that's not over there. It's by the cable machine. I have the cable machine in my hand. Uh, look around Joey, would you?

I see a fucking chest machine, but that's garbage. Oh, wait, do you see the deluxe cable handles over there? No. I swear they had them in there. Last time I checked. Is that what you want to go look for?

I wouldn't mind looking for the deluxe cable handles found at sputtingstraps.com. Oh, yes, you? Okay. the sput ink deluxe cable handles and you see another piece of paper wrapped around the handle. Nice work, Nate. You open the, uh, you unroll the piece of paper and you read the next prompt. It reads, the next piece of equipment that you'll look for would have you looking to the ceiling.

The only other certified training facility on gym radar with this piece of equipment is the barn barbell. is it the wrestling toys no that wouldn't be on I mean that was what I thought too that wouldn't be on Is it Stone Colds DeVostin hanging from Oh the barn bar barbill or the Barnes I've never I've never visited such a barbell

Barnes Barbell Hold on let me open my Macbook and start to Generate some Queerty Spellers against the Postgres database I've heard that this thing runs against. Holy moly. You said it's on the ceiling.

What a riddle. No, I said it would have you looking to the ceiling. Can you take me? I'm looking at the five-stack multi-station jungle gym. You don't see any notes. Damn. Would you look in the right place, Joey? On the ceiling.

My rule for swear. my gosh, what's on the ceiling? There's so much on the ceiling. I see, I see... Well, there's those pull-up bars that are there. Is that come up there? Come with me if you want to come. Oh, that's what that sign says. I see. You didn't mention that at the beginning. I didn't see that one. Man, I don't know.

Barbell. Not the barn, barbell. Yeah, I've been to both. man on the ceiling there's just so much stuff oh no it's not on the ceiling it would have you looking to the ceiling brother I'm always looking at the ceiling have you seen how short Joey and I are is Trey Mitchellier yeah are we looking at the eccentric hooks no are these some would you like a hint I can give you a hint

I'd love literally nothing more in my life it only has two reviews see that's how I was filtering as I was looking for anything with one or two reviews is this the armor series solid urithane dumbbells it's not the technique bar who put this server a squat bar

up on the ceiling Tanner doesn't have a serverer's squat bar Oh, wait, is this an every mate weight plate holder? Too. Let me double check my... I checked him earlier, so, like, just to make sure that they were all out. Oh, no, the metal militia competition bench got flipped upside down and is stuck to the ceiling.

It's got to be one of the vintage... The ceilings. Well, I will say that you're on the right track, but it's not that one. and it's not on the ceiling. Everything I keep seeing is stuck to the ceiling. This gym's weird as heck. Joey, can we go? I don't, I looked at everything with two reviews.

Man, this ceiling is just chock a block full of equipment. They even have a Titan 3 and 1. And come. Why, why is there? This place is so weird. And gross a little bit. On my Google machine, it says this gym is as straight as they, come.

Uh, uh, the barn, man. Um, hold on, standby. I have a thing I want to do here. Is that a tsunami bar over there?

Maybe an American Olympian vintage weight plate or an I'm, can I roll insight for a question for a hint? Uh, yes.

Shit. Ha, ha, ha. I want to send this dice to the cuck chair. I demand another dice. All right. All right. I'll give you another hint so that we can move this along. The bench guess was the closest.

Why is there a bench on the ceiling? This gym. Is this gym have two floors? Yeah. Yes, but one of them is a hair salon. Is this Is this the stray dog strength alpha bench? It is.

I knew they were sticking benches to the ceiling. I just, I needed to get a closer look, so I climbed atop Joey's shoulders to read the proper brand name of the bench. They all look the same. But using Jim Radar, I have been able to determine

that it is like a 3.84. It really gets dinged on value, apparently, from these people out there. As you approach the bench, you see another note taped to it. You open up the piece of paper and the prompt reads, this next piece of equipment is the highest rated weight plate in the top 10 most owned weight plates on gym radar. I use my MacBook Pro.

to Google what a weight plate is. And it tells me there are these cast iron, smooth to grip. Wait, there's like dozens that all have five stars that are in the top ten. So it's, that's not a... I'm looking at the York Barbell-milled vintage weight plate. Oh, yeah, they're the...

That is the one. Okay, dokey. You see another note? Can you open the note? Roll for for slide of hand to see if I can sneak these into my backpack. Yes. You may. Nice.

It is a pretty good picture. They used a gym radar for that plate, too. It's pretty good. I rolled a five. You try and take it off the vintage plate wall and you just drop it. Oh, shoot. And there's a sign attached that says, don't take my plates home. Your mom doesn't work here.

The fourth prompt reads This next piece of equipment You might find on one of the rogue monster racks Holding up a barbell It was made by a fellow crew member Oh yeah Keith you know this one Yeah that's Big Darko and his anchor Believe it or not

That's actually not On Massinomics Jim Radar Are there's some premium J cups Then it's got to be Big Bricko Remy and one of his fancy Jacobs because I don't know if Tanner actually has the roller I know he's

Tanner likes to add stuff before he gets it to his gym radar so I'm not sure if he actually has him yet or not but I know he's added on his gym radar because he added some Canadian companies barbell to his gym radar before when he ordered it and then that didn't come to fruition

but no I'd like to get my hands on as you approach as you approach the rogue monster act tucked into the J-Cups alongside the roller you see another note that reads,

your final scavenger hunt your final, sorry, your final step on this scavenger hunt is less about Jim Radar and more about how well you know your more recent massanomics history. Made by a good friend of the podcast, it had a very limited run

and made its debut at the Lift Hard Live Easy 2. It's equipment? It's, I mean, it's on Jim radar. Okay. Who the hell was the... So I know, Lichard-Livisi, two of the vendors.

Do I see a keg? What? Is it a keg? A custom-made keg? Not a custom-made keg. Oh, shit. Oh, it's the Ersonomics. No, they don't have shoes on Jim Radar.

I know, but they were... That does fit the criteria. It does, except it's not on gym radar. So it fits all but one criteria. Unacceptable. Oh, I got it. The Strength Co. Snap cars.

Yep, there you go. It's got to be. But that was Lifter Libby's at 1, though, wasn't it? Was it? Oh, shit, it was. They'd only had the booth three or one, I thought. I think it only had been there. When did I get mine?

If it was your one. That's on me, then. I got that wrong. That was the right answer. Yes. Yes. Yes, because I bought those. You're going to have to blame Scott Dodds on that one because I pulled that directly from his Jim Radar Review.

Dodds. Sir Dodds. As you arrive at the place where all of the collars are kept, you find one more note. And you open up the note and you see in a familiar handwriting that you've seen on at least a dozen. massinomics thank you cards. The note reads, good job on solving the puzzle. Those pieces were definitely on our radar.

As a reward, you can each take an item from the mystery box. By the way, can you guys bring some of these strength code plates to the RAMCoda to help us set up? I'd like each of you to roll a D6 for me. I'm rolling. Uh,

roll. Ah, shit. I rolled a two. I beat you. I don't see what I rolled two Keith Joey re-roll for me I don't want to do dupes

Hey So Keith you rolled a three Yeah You find a signed Gordon Lightfoot vinyl record As a bonus action in combat You can Play the record

And you can gain Bartic inspiration for six minutes and 30 seconds which happens to be the length of the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. What Bardock Inspiration does is it lets you add a D6 to any D20 roll of your choosing. And you can do that for the entire six minutes and 30 seconds of game time, not real time. That's dope. Sweet. So basically, any time you roll to attack, anytime you roll to make a check of any kind,

you can roll a D6 and add it to it. Sweet. Uh, Nate, you had it too? I did. Okay. You find obsidian ammonia, specifically the horse stall mat variant. Oh, I can smell it outside of the bottle. I almost could feel, smell it while I was pulling it out of the secret.

Sorry, that's me. That's me. As a monk, I don't shower very often. Oh, do you sleep on stall mats? You don't? In your stall, in your horse stall of monkiness. What this ammonia does is, as a bonus action, you can sniff it

and it will allow you to add a plus two to either your damage or your attack roll, but the decision has to be made before you make the role you decide. So like say you want to roll to attack and you decide you want to risk it and you roll your D20 to attack and you hit and then you decide you want to use your

use it for your attack roll, then you would add the plus two to that. Does it do anything to my mental cognition when I sniff it? Yeah, it makes everything a little hazy for a minute. Okay, I'll keep that in mind. But mechanically, no, nothing. Okay. And, Joey, you had a four? Mm-hmm.

You find a Lyme LaCroix. As a bonus action, you can drink it and gain a 3D2. 10 temporary hit points. And what that means is temporary hit points can heal you beyond your maximum hit point capacity. Live in the dream over here, boys. Can I drink mine?

Oh, sorry, may I? You want to drink your ammonia? It's advised against it, but nobody's going to stop you. Okay, I just want to know in case. I mean, it wouldn't be as bad if you haven't activated it yet. There's a lot of crew that haven't very good at activating their Ceremonia, Big Grayson, but, you know, not to name any names. Who's this Grayson guy? Does he know, Sir Druthers?

Could be. Sorry, one second. I got to get some guests on the horn. Ooh. Um. This is where we'll kick all the looky-lose out then so we can get the guess on the horn. Oh, no. Right.

Um. Oh, this guy. So now that you've gone through the Massonomic. Jim on Jim radar. You think you could get strong here? Oh yeah. Very. I could get so freaking strong here. Oh my gosh. Oh, do they have the Dini's ring set? Wow. I could get in an echo bike fee three. I could do a 50 cow challenge in here. Oh, dang. It looks like the guy we had in the waiting room just had to, he wasn't able to make it.

You know, he has, he must have some issues with his internet or something. He's just, you know, he's frozen right now. he can't, you know, go. That sucks. Episode 1 through 68. Maybe next time. So you decide that you will help Tanner with these plates, and you start to carry them out, and you load them into the trusty Pueblo of Gold Ford Freestyle.

As you're walking out... How's the suspension on this thing? Do we need to roll anything for the suspension on the freestyle? She can handle it. She can handle it. It's a freestyle. Relax over there. You know how many tubs of cottage cheese you could fit in that thing?

No, but I'd like to roll to find out. It's a handy unit, Nate. As you're walking out, you notice a strange vibe as you remove the plates from the gym, almost as if there's been an unseen force that has been unbalanced, disturbed, or awakened. These plates that are usually so smooth and easy to grip feel a little heavier than usual, and you're starting to feel a little uneasy as you unload all over the the 45s from the gym. As you walk through, you notice all of those signs again.

No baby powder in the chalk bowl. Use the York roundhead dumbbells properly or don't use them at all. Don't touch any extra buttons on the stereo. You wonder, as you're leaving, just what the hell happened here? When you finish loading up the plates, you look around one last time. Everything seems to be exactly as it should. It's clean and quiet, the lights are off, and all as well. Darude Sandstorm stopped playing about 30 minutes ago.

But still after you shut the door, you can't help but wonder if you're hearing the sound of music playing, plates bumping, and metal clanging. In the Massanomics parking lot, it's now a little past midday, and the three of you are getting a little hungry. You've just finished loading the freestyle, and you know there are some local options to pick from.

what's the best place in town to go get lunch we've got to try the circus double-dipped wings I've been there three years and three times and I still haven't got these god-dang circus double-dipped wings I haven't made it yet there's actually a really good Italian restaurant they might have like some kind of chicken farm sandwich I've heard they weren't open anymore so we'll go with that

yeah I'm going for circus double-dipped wings as well I would like to roll to dip my wings four times I don't know what that would be So just roll something And I'll tell you if it works All right, I'm rolling I'm rolling a D6 Roll a stealth check to see if you can sneak back into the kitchen

And do it yourself Yeah, that's fair I am rolling a stealth check as well No Negative They did not let you back there As you walk into the circus You start to see some familiar faces

you start chatting up with some crew and it looks like is Matt the only one in here right now? No, there's two more your screen might not be big enough. In this restaurant I see a Matt, a Matt, a Kurt, and a man

maybe, I think his name is Goblin? Dominger? Dominger's here? I don't see that one. Dillie Dillend? Dylan Dam? He still doesn't know how to unmute.

Can I roll an intelligence check to see if I can pronounce his name right? Absolutely. I don't see Dylan Dam. He just needs to unmute and undo his video. So Joey, you want to go into the participants and tell him to do that, maybe? Well, he can... Yeah, you got no idea how to pronounce it.

Okay. But he's the only one that's not. So you start talking to your friends that you've run into. ding-a-ling-off. And one-by-one, they start to ask you some questions. Mostly squats, Matt, do you want to kick us off? I didn't know. I was supposed to be preparing questions, but, hey.

Man, I told you that. I asked you. This is going great. What's with all those weight plates? The Ford Freestyle, man. That's my question. There's a competition. We got to go.

well good sir i read a note inside of a gym that i'd never been before and had asked to carry some plates and after the owner of said gym forced me to walk around and look for pieces of equipment inside of his gym to eventually lead to these plates i've thought to myself what more could i do for a man that wasted hours of my time wandering around his gym staring at his ceiling then carry a bunch of really heavy, nicely made American-made plates and my nice new Ford freestyle that appeared to his, I believe there's a weightlifting competition. Well, we're also going to need more weight this year for the warm-up room

because there's not Titan combo rack so we can actually, like, you know, load some weight on the bar this year without risk of dying. Would you like some help? Would you like me to help out with this endeavor? What kind of skills do you have to offer, sir? I've got mostly a little bit of strength and some intelligence with zero luck. It's very little charisma. It's basically filled it in from there, yeah.

Sir, I have a very important question to ask you. Yes. Do you have any takes on gratuitous butt shots? Oh, I'm a big fan. He gave us one just now, too. A couple hours ago, yeah. Well, no, like 30 seconds ago. You're inside the.

your ship just showing us your ass. Listen, I blame David for that. All right, he's the one that asked for it. I wasn't going to put it on originally. It's a cockpit, not an ass pit. Well, it depends on who's on which side. Yeah, I'll let you know that you could tag along. I guess we could have you unless you couldn't make it for some strange reason,

which I heard through the grapevine, you might be that kind of guy. I roll for prolapse. Oh no Wait So if I roll a 1 Does my anus prolapse If I roll out a 6 It depends on who's standing on which side

God I'm not gonna roll for that I would like to roll to prolapse Matt Have you Do you know what that word means yet Nate? I could awesome

This is going great Is Matt heard, brother. I rolled a five. I rolled a five for pro. It's only slightly prolapse? Just a little bit. It'll push back in.

Yeah, it'll be fine. It's like a normal morning on the shitter, pretty much. Yep. As you finish up your conversation with one friend, you see another friend. Big Kurt, do you have something that you'd like to ask the boys? No audio, brother. We got your sound.

You have to roll to unmute. You have a speech check. No, you have charisma check. Can you roll an intelligence check over here? Keith had to roll one on episode 50 to figure out. Is Nate in your allies that you can get him to technical support you? Any better? Yeah, yeah, there you are.

First time hearing you in a year. I had these in at first and then I took them off. I didn't think they were working. But such is like. I want to know what makes an S-tier level you and you guests. Someone who responds easily when we try to schedule with them, you know, they don't, you know, basically they read the questionnaire thoroughly for me.

That is like all the, all the pre-show stuff. So zero of the guests we've had. Well, we've had some guests that have like 20 submissions. A tier is good as well, Joey. But I just not DM in me the day before with 17 questions. It's all answered in the fucking doc that Nate made up that has everything outlined in like two paragraph bullet points. It's super easy to understand. That is like that is the pre-show S tier as far as the episode S tier.

Listening to our episodes being in on the joke, not asking, what do you mean? I was here the whole time. Having games repaired at the end or good solid questions that haven't been asked 20 times. just being energetic kind of flowing to where like the good episode should be we all you know the I think the guest talks 50% of the time and Joey and I talk 25% of time each

like that's a good ratio or somewhere in that I don't want to guess that Joey and I have to carry the episode and I don't want to guess that doesn't shut up either so it's kind of that fine line of like the perfect episode of everyone kind of getting their equal due what about a guess that leaves 30 minutes into the to the show. Yeah, I got a hard time out.

For me, it would be somebody that wants to be here, right? I'm not going to name any names, but there was a time where this thing came out, we're being on our podcast, like, got you some sort of checkmark or something. And then we had an influx of people that wanted the checkmark, but didn't want to be on our podcast. And I think that a lot of the guests Keith would be pointing to as not great guests were in that time. So I think that like even if you take out some of what Keith said, there are people that have only listened to maybe 10 episodes and still have an incredible episode with us. Oh, 10's plenty.

Yeah. There are there are people that have listened to every episode and we still have to drag stuff out of. There are, you know, multiple variants, but I think for me, what it comes down to is, does the person want to be here talking to us to get what being crew is? And for me, that makes a better episode. Because, you know, a little personal side of it, if the entire episode is equipment talk, that's good for Keith. Keith gets excited about that. to me that's like not a good crew episode because like we didn't get to know you right so if it's 75% equipment it's very what I would call superficial but it's when we get into like the as I like to say

where we relive trauma like where we get into that personal stuff that's like why are you here what brought you here why do you keep coming here why do you keep going to the gym why do you keep why did you join massonomics those episodes for me are a lot better than I think some of those ones where people are just trying to get a check mark. If I'm hearing you both right, it's all about the art of giving a shit. Yes, absolutely. Very, very good. Yes.

My as to your guests upload a photo that wasn't taken with a potato where you can actually see your face. And yeah, that's about it. Isn't it, Nate, isn't your favorite when I have to DM you on like Monday afternoon saying, oh, can we edit this out? I don't mind that as much. I figure the last minute in this would be frustrating, but it's all good.

We adapt. Yeah, I adapt, improvise and overcome. What I can adapt is when they blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur, blur. Can I roll a intimidation to intimidate future guests? Yes. Yes, but you're also. going to need to act that out and show me what that looks like.

Yeah, I rolled a 10. What do I do? Do I act out now? What's a 10? How should I act? Oh, do I need to act? And then you tell... Okay, okay. I understand now. Yeah. Play it by your heart. You bunch of punk. Stop put your photo on the right way!

Thank you. I thought that word photo was going to be a totally different word. Yeah, I know. I thought he was going to cuss. I didn't know. You can curse on this thing. Right. Did it work? Okay. You keep chatting with some crew that you run into at the circus. And you start talking to someone new, someone who's new to crew, but has very much ingratiated himself in there pretty quickly. Big Matt, do you have a question you want to ask?

Oh, yeah, I do. Can we curse on this thing? Yes. Okay, I'm not going to. You have to roll a religion check. Okay, laps Catholic Camel I'm so Oh my gosh

Oh my God Let me put out my readers real quick So let's just go off of the crew one Who was the first guest host Thanks for you and you And for bonus points That go right in my pocket That I'll keep safe for you

For later Who all has done guest hosting Oh Who was the The first guest host I think it was an episode I couldn't make. No, it was because, yeah, it was the week that my phone was fucking MIA and you, I told you multiple times, don't text me on my phone because it's at the

freaking store getting fixed and then I didn't realize you needed to not be there. I don't think he told us that. He said, I'm sending in my phone, and that was it. Well, no. I don't recall every hearing, I will not get your messages. No, it was given. I had two phones, and all the messages went to both phones. Yeah, my work phone does not get. my personal phones. I know the answer. It's big,

oh yeah, it was it, was it Hogan or Big Joey? That's the, I can't remember. It was one of those two for sure. Yeah. It was neither of them.

Really? What? Neither of them. Who the fuck did I get on there? Oh, episode five. It was early. Oh,

it was Big Kevin. Good job. You guys did it. So you named three. What are the other people that have hosted a four? Oh. Like co-hosted in place?

of one of us or had their own episode? You're not talking to, yeah. Either or. Jeez, man, that's like 14 people. Jeff and Jen ran their own episodes. Yep. Yes, yes. Do you have the total? Like, or are we just?

I did no extra research, so I can't confirm or deny my answers. I want to say Jeff and Jim are the ones that ran. Joey. I think you're missing one. Yeah, got it. Good job. And if you want to find it more information like that, you can head home. over to unpaid internpodcast.com, where I tirelessly keep all of that information mildly up to

date when Hogan yells at me and says, I have it wrong, as he re-listens to the backlog. He said, kudos to Kogan. I think he's almost up to date, so he can actually keep those crew cards coming as we hit each 50. It's on episode 146. It's good stuff. Right. So you start, you know, you make your way, you're eating your life. lunch and you start talking to the last friendly face that you haven't

spoken to yet. Big Chris, do you have a question you'd like to ask the boys? The old dingalinger himself. Hi, Chris. I got to do something. So I'm doing it from my friends. Just give me one second. You're good, buddy. What's going on, Joey and Keith?

Howdy, howdy? Just to the two of us here. Yeah. Oh, and there's Nate. Sorry. Peace somewhere. Perlapse in the corner. I'd like to roll prolapse on Dimmie-Ding-It-er, dingin-er. I don't think you know what that word means.

I rolled a one. He rolled a one. Nope. One. That's great. What's up, buddy? What do you got for us, Chris? All right, so I don't think any of these questions are going to work, to be honest.

But, uh, because you guys are just, start and do it live, buddy, do it live. All right, so all right, we'll go. If the podcast itself were a D&D character, what would be its class,

alignment, and dumps that? Is there a pooping class? Yeah. Is there a way too much share-your-trauma class? That would be a bard. Yeah, actually, what? Something about bringing people together.

What is, what's a class that brings people together? Glue. Paladans. I think it, would it not be considered an artifacter? Because it, uh, artifacts information. We archive and we have a massive archive. Yeah, an artifacter. And, and we, uh, um, yeah, that's all I got.

Yeah, what was your, that's, that's the best answer you're going to get, Chris? Yeah, I think so too You got anything else for us, Chris? No, that's pretty much all I got Okay Everything got to deal with D&D, so it's not going to make any sense I'd like to roll for prolapse again Do you have any questions just about the podcast?

I mean, you were the first guest, weren't you? Oh, yeah, something about how it's changed over the years Yeah, what's the last episode you listened to? Are you up to day? I listen every week. Are you kidding? I wouldn't. You never talk in our Discord.

I wouldn't know that. He doesn't talk in any Discord. I don't have this. Well, I do have the dink life, but I'm a little too busy to keep up with it. I feel you. Well, yeah, you're building that future gym, I think. Yeah, I'm trying to. So anyway, is there any chance that few or older guests that were on within like the first 10 episodes

get the chance to get back on and do the new updated, like, style and format of, the podcast. What do you say is he wants a good episode? I will actually, I will answer this because I was the one that brought this up recently in our little text chat. Yes. And there is somebody specifically that I want to start with. Without giving too much away, she reached out to me and said, I think I'd like a chance to talk about some things. And we started talking about the possibility of having past guests on. I think I know who you're talking about, but I will not say that.

It will not be Siri. Yeah. Because I think I had that same discussion with the same person. Yeah. Yeah. So we won't mention their name. But I guess if you know anything, you can probably clue into who we're talking about. Yes.

And I would love to get her on to talk about whatever it is she needs to tell us and let loose, but that would also open the door to having past guests and doing catch-up episodes. It's not on the, what do you call it? Like, it's not on the whiteboard yet, but it's on the table. Does that make sense? Yeah. It's on the table to whiteboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to go table to whiteboard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll take that offline and circle back. Nothing, nothing else on my end. Jesus Make sure to say over I'm gonna Go-me in guys Say later

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ta-ta-ta-ta-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- And literally thought some moments behind me the way that audio came in like It came in like the back of my fucking headphone That was the weirdest thing ever I thought my wife was right behind me Like I burnt my neck Doing that voice

Well it was it was just something It hits some certain decibel that it literally came out of like a different Frickin' hole in the ear in the headphone or some shit came out and he first said, not used to hearing dudes from behind him, and then he's talking

about different holes and I don't know if I want to be a part of this guy. I don't think you know if you think about what a decibel is. That's a hot. Shut up.

I actually, while I still have at least Matt on here, well, one of the mats, I want to point out that Nate has failed every prolapse role he's made,

which is a very, like, long playing classic small deck joke. I'm very proud that that is still on going. Listen, I didn't come here with a question, but thank God I brought the prolapse anus reference. I think we were talking about that well before.

Oh, that's been going on. Oh, well, never. I brought nothing then, all right? I have nothing. This episode isn't called the prolapse episode or the story of Sir Druthers? I think we screwed up. I think Sir Dr. Yeah, Sir Dr.

Brothers is good. We can share that to Facebook. Sir Dr. Brothers making it out of the prolapse dungeon. Whoa. All right. Thank you, everybody. Well, it's usually simultaneous, kind of.

That's how that works. After paying your tabs, depart, you leave your friends behind, or you can dance if you want to. You find yourself... But if they don't dance, you find yourself near the...

You find yourself near the Monarchs. Across the street, you spy something particular. That is quite the journey. from the circus to Menards. I'm sure Derek walked it like seven times. I actually have not. Fucking sandals.

Yeah, like that is the long, I think that's a very long trip. Are we in the car right now? I think we have to be. There's no way you drove because you got the, you got the strength coat plates still. Are we still in the car? So that was the end of the Q&A segment.

Joey, I know you were worried about it devolving into chaos. It did. Yeah, which it did. But to prevent that, if you guys want, you can kick everyone else out. No disrespect. I appreciate all of you guys joining us. I appreciate that we had.

I'm going to let them leave willingly. But, again, amazing. Thank you for me. I am reporting them to the prolapse police. Make sure to report them for being absolute sickos. The prolapse police. Oh, my God. Don't report.

That made me want to gag. Did Derek have any questions for us? Oh, Derek, do you want to ask something? Before we leave the circus? Yeah. No, I actually... I forgot my wallet. I got to go back.

I found this guy. Hey, sir, do you have any questions? Sorry, I didn't even think about that. Been here so quietly the whole time. No, you know, honestly, guys, I'm just kind of hanging on the back of the wall and join all the conversation back and forth, honestly. Appreciate you. I really think Big Kurt's question was my favorite so far.

It's just y'all's answers I thought were very thoughtful nuance. Nate, of course. I found this Derek guy hanging out on the wall, and I would like to roll for Ploaf. Yes. And the fact that you consistently roll the D6 so that it always fails, like there's no chance of winning. I rolled a three. I don't think I want to know if you hit a 20, what you're going to get?

Okay. In the sunlight of the afternoon, across the street from the Menards, you see a fluffy tricolor dog with a well-groomed coat of brown, black, and gray curls laying on top of a long, low, flat rock. I love him. The rock sits in the median at the entrance to the parking area. As you approach the, as you approach Brock the rock, you realize that you recognize that you recognize that you recognize that you recognize. recognize this dog. It's the Defei family dog, Bernie. To your surprise, as you approach, Bernie starts talking to you, with a voice that sounds very much like George Clooney. Welcome to Aberdeen, he says. And as he says it, time seems to stop. The cars driving past are

frozen in place, and the sky becomes an inky black cosmos illuminated by countless galaxies and stars. You see as ten playing cards appear in front of Bernie. hovering in the air with their backs to you. The rules of this game are as follows, he says. I will read the description at the bottom of these crew cards, and you'll each get one guess as to who this crew member is. That's three total guesses for your party. If you can get five correct, then you may leave.

If you can't, then I'll lay claim to your steep. Additionally, if you get the first five correct, the game ends early, and I'll bestow upon on you a powerful blessing. Wait, this dog's about to steal our car? The dog's talking, too. You've never met Bernie.

Yeah, he's a crazy dog. He's, uh, my wife's favorite part of the podcast when she watches the YouTube video with me. Um, can I roll for animal handling and, uh, pet the dog before we start? Uh, absolutely. You don't even have to roll. You can just pet him. He's a good boy.

I rolled a seven. I don't know if I would, I don't know, if I would, you don't pet him very well, that. Oh no. I'm going to make them mad before we start. All right. Okay, hit me. So we're guessing crew, right? That's the game. Based on their crew card, apparently. Based on their crew card.

Ooh, okay. I got you. So the entry for this crew card, Strongman, 385 pound axle press. Fastest time from supporting members start to Hall of Fame status, eight months. Scants. No, Scans can't press. 385.

Oh. There's 385. That's, it's Tyler. That's my guess as well. That's two wrong guesses. The fuck. Oh,

Brick! Who else can almost... It's been labbed by a dog. Who else can basically overhead press 400 pounds? That's, uh... Oh, man. I did hear you, right?

The 385 pound overhead press. Is that what you said? 385 pound axle press. That's, that's like... It's a Jake? No, Jake's... It is Jake. Oh, yeah, Jake.

Yeah. Good job, Jake. I just compared you to Tyler and over it at Brits. You should be ecstatic. All right. I'm glad I gave you guys three guesses. That's one correct.

Oh, man. We got it, guys. We got to. Never mind. Was it three guesses total or three guesses per card? Three guesses per card. Oh, I'm like, thank you, Bernie.

So gracious. What a beautiful dog. I'd like to roll animal handling again. He's a, he has a, I roll a 15. it's if it's talking yeah you pet that dog

no don't don't don't pet animals that talk that's like it's like an animal I don't want to pet yeah but you have to ask permission first it's like it has like consciousness and stuff I rolled a 15

I don't have to do jack you can't roll that okay next card you weirdos Power Lifter has spotted loaded and competed at the Lift Hard Live Easy Hall of Fame Master

completer, Massonomics episode 413. Diet Tanner. No? No? Nope. That's, no, he's not a master completer? So that's, there's only like three master's. One of the Minnesota

Oh, no, it's, uh, the, oh, yeah, fuck, what is his, what's Tommy Schneider? Schneider? That is correct. Ah, see, I had one of the either. They showed up on our episode at the same time. that was well close it was one of the three two of the three did the other one but yes good answers what's you number three what we got power lifter one time deadlift state record holder stronger grip than big key

oh i know who that is i'll let you guys guess but i know who that is no just tell us so we can get through this and keep our car it's someone i like to spend saturdays with and it's not chris mark Oh, Stephanie Honeycutt There you go I was like Chris Mark and then you said not Chris Mark Well it's because I do a strong man I do Strongman Saturdays with Chris And it's not that's not the Saturdays that I'm talking

Man you do all that one day good for you Oh no It's the Saturday bit just it's usually a weekend thing But Saturdays just kind of became the joke But oh well TMI I'd like to We're three for three Investigation to get more out of Keith

No It failed I wrote an eight I got two How'd you get a 8? Why'd you roll a D20? Because that's what it says to Yeah, that's fair

And I have a plus six I did so poorly I think the fact that we're doing So good on the cards Just shows how much we appreciate Hogan and how much we like our fellow crew Because we know a lot of these facts How many do we have to get right

Sir Bernie. If we get the first five in a row... Five, okay. All right. We're three for three. So we need five out of ten to keep our car, but we need five out of five to get the prize. Yeah, we're going to get it.

Okay. Bernie, come on, little boy. Good boy. Powerlifter. Stronger Jefferson over conventional or sumo. Lift Hard Live Easy, two. Big Men winner. Lift Hard Live Easy Three strongest couple.

He's Cody. Yeah. Yes, because they beat up the Cessneys. Unless it's... Yeah. Who won year two, strongest couple? That doesn't matter. It's year three, so...

I think it was, well... It wasn't Cody that one... Well, year one was just like the... The Sergeant Anderson, I think, and year two was... I don't remember who year two was, but... Was year two the Cessnais? No, because they would... I don't remember who year two was, but the year three was definitely Scar.

Because I had a picture of Scar and Cody with the Cessonys right beside him as a kind of a... joke. Yeah, it's got to be Cody. If it was year three, strongest couple, then it's, what was the first two parameters, though, just to make sure it isn't SCAR? Powerlifter, stronger Jefferson over conventional

or sumo, lift hard, live easy, two, big men winner. Oh, well, big men, do it. You're right, it might be scar, make you, yeah. Cody, the Birdwatcher, final answer. That is correct. Oh, yes! Come on, Bernie. We are four for four.

You are at four for four. One more, and you get to keep the car. And get a prize. Give me my prize. I want a prize so bad. It makes me want to hunt out real bad. Power lifter. Best female lifter, lift hard live easy two.

SBD total 810.2 pounds. Crew Jefferson Deadlift contest winner. Oh, that's a big list. yeah 100% yeah it's mirf yep yes we are five for five

Bernie yeah you rolled so hard to pet that dog I'm gonna roll a pro lap don't make me roll a prolapse I think we've only even like collectively

I think we've only had a couple misguesses throughout the whole game too which I'm pretty happy with please don't prolapse Bernie okay that's that that crossed the line no beastiality no fuck dad

oh I didn't say that's the line yes Okay, so what's our prize? Give me it. That was fun. I hope it's more strength co plates. Just to load down the freestyle.

So I'm pretty sure they're like waiting for us for these plates. I think the warm up room is already, you know, I think we're missing the meat. I think it's already going on. We're just late with a car full of place. Missing the meat, roll for prolapse. Bernie starts wagging his tail Bernie starts wagging his tail Bernie starts wagging his tail

visibly excited Looks like you guys know your crew You may leave But before you leave I grant you the blessing of the woolen one All of you have All of you have heroic inspiration and what that does is you get one re-roll.

Any D-20 roll that you don't like, you can re-roll. Hell yeah. You look around as time picks back up, and you can see as if a veil was lifted, the mangled wrecks of cars that have come before you, crumpled fenders, bent wheels, cracked motors, and bent shocks litter the landscape around the rocky dais. Bernie continues to sit atop the rock,

no longer speaking and just barks back to a normal dog Oh no You're not sure if what you experienced was real Or a dream Or some Obsidian ammonia induced hallucination

Well we were hanging out with spicy pizza after breakfast So we're still probably riding that high You hop back into your Pueblo Gold Ford freestyle And you head to the Ramcota It looks like a somewhat dated interstate motel. It's a large two-story building laid out in a large square with a dark brick exterior. It's situated on a large property with easy access to the road and grassy fields behind it.

The front entrance leads to the lobby and a wood-paneled restaurant and bar. The bar feels less like a hotel bar and more like a cozy pub to grab a pint. It has dark wood furnishings that are embellished with polished brass. It's lit with soft, warm lighting. In the center of the Ramcota is a courtyard, which is half outdoor space and half indoor space. The indoor space has a tall ceiling and wide open spaces, with floor-to-ceiling glass panels to look in. Inside the pool area is a large pool and two hot tubs that are elevated and towards the back wall. There's ample space to eat, read, and lounge all the way around the pool.

While looking in, you see still more crowsy. You can see families in the pool and crew in the hot tubs. Frankly, it's alarming how many large men can fit in that hot tub. Question, can I roll to see if I can go down the frog slide? Yeah, roll acrobatics. I'd also like to roll that if you don't mind. Oh, wait, I rolled the wrong thing. Hold on, don't take that.

Actually, maybe you can't. Yeah, I rolled a 10. Okay, I'd also like to go down the frog slide. All right, yep, acrobatics. Seven. Nate, you make it down with minimal issue. Perfect. Joey, you just, you get, like, halfway down and you just kind of get stuck.

It's not, it's not, like, wet and it's not lubricated properly. It's so short. I'd also like to point out, I have plus three animal handling. Why didn't I pet that dog? He, that slide is so small, and Joey's stuck halfway down. ripping that chest hair out. Oh no! My chest hair.

I would like to... Is there a strength check? Can I pull them out? Wait, was I going down on my stomach? I don't know. Where are you? I don't know. I heard my chest hair is being ripped out on a slide.

Are you just kind of like dangling with your head stuck in the water right now? Hilarious. I'm dying. Keith, help. Help, Keith. Okay. Keith, roll an animal handling to get him out of there. So I'm just dying.

Are you going to get them out? Keith? I don't know what fucking... Get him out of the pool, Keith. Do something. Oh, damn. Yeah, he absolutely did, yep. Thanks, Keith. Keith, Rolden 19. Get some out of the... I know. I have healing if I needed to,

too. I can do all kinds of healing stuff if I need to. I have a pool of healing power, which would be ironic if Joey drowned in a pool when I used my pool of healing power to replenish him. Shit, where was I? We are so good at derailing, D-Di-Di-D-D.

D. That's what the D's for. Yeah. Legitimately, legitimately, this has been a blast. A blast,

would you like me to roll for pro laps? Please tell me you googled that already or you're just, okay, you know what it is. Of course he knows what it is.

I don't know. He's sheltered. I don't know what anyone that leaves shitty underwear on the counter with a note saying, fix this to his new wife.

Yeah. Probably. He doesn't. I don't trust his knowledge of certain things. I don't know. Medical knowledge? I don't know. I have plus five insight.

That's you relax. Plus three and ten. Yeah, roll an insight check for me. Oh, you got it. Yeah, prolapse is outside anyway. Nine. As you're carrying the strength code plates through the hotel, they start to feel

way heavier than they should It's suddenly all you can do to just hold on to them Despite being so smooth and easy to grip As the plates slip from your hand They suddenly are drawn away like giant frisbee's towards an unseen magnet The plates shatter through the glass windows Whizz over the pool area And get sucked through the back wall of the inside

door space. Everything goes silent as you and the other crew look in stunned silence, still puzzling as to what just happened. A low rumbling and metal clanging can be heard. All of the fun has stopped, and the still waters of the pool are vibrating with the approaching stumps of some unknown, unseen force. The ripples get more intense, the drumming louder, the scraping more shrill. Oh, fuck. Is it tangle away? It almost was. I'm not going to lie. Crew scrambled away from the back wall As a sense of dread washes over the arena The bricks of the back wall explode inward

The sound of falling rock is Muffled by a cloud of dust that slowly settles And you cannot believe your eyes Staring at you with malice and determination Is what you can only describe as A steel golem made entirely of gym equipment It's a massive amalgamation of powder-coated steel posts, benches, kegs, logs, and bars.

It's as if someone welded their home gym into an automaton and powered it with old cable machines. There's no end to the level of detail. You see in the grippers, weight plates, cables, and pulleys that make up the hulking 15-foot golem. It's holding a max monster bar like a sword, and it recalls two strength coat plates to its other arm, recharged, reloaded, and ready for battle. I'd like all of you to roll initiative for me. Ah, shit.

Is this what happens when, like, someone hacks Jim Radar, and they just, like, I rolled a nine. Oh, boy. Same. Same. I rolled a nine. Someone enrolled in eight. You didn't roll.

Oh, shit. There you go. That's the second time I ruled. It rad. Let's hit him in this Chinese plate nut sack All right As the Golem enters the pool area Joey, you're the first to react

What would you like to do? I'll say it's approximately 25 feet from you Well, there actually isn't a ton I can do with that Because you can You can move first Yeah Yeah, we're going to move forward towards him, the maximum amount.

All right, you rush forward towards the Iron Golem. Go get him, Joey. Your movement speed is 40. Yep. And it's about 25 feet away. So it's no problem to get up close and personal with this thing. Outstanding. Do I get to attack as well?

Yes, you do. Okay. So we are going to hit with... First on arm strike, which is going to be an attempt at an RKO. We're going to nail him with Randy Orton's finisher move. So we're going to swing that. We're going to fail that fucking miserably. All right.

But I get a re-roll. Yeah, I get a re-roll. But that's a natural one. Oh, yeah, that's right. You have heroic inspiration. You can re-roll it. Yes, I do. Boom, boom, boom.

And we hit an eight. So 15. You leap through the air to all. RKO this creature, but it's 15 feet tall and you can't quite reach its head. Okay. So then what is the next step? I get a bonus attack. So we're going to swing with Flurry.

Yeah, that's going to hit. All right, that definitely hits. Roll me some damage and explain what this looks like. Because this is such a definite hit, we're going to hit him with Sister Abigail, which is the Fiend's finisher move. which is a side headlock into a spinning DDT. Wonderful. How much damage did I do there?

You did 10 points of damage, sorry. Do we have the HP of this guy? You do not. Okay. I'll give you hints as the combat goes on as to how it's looking, though. Of course. I screwed up the order. Keith was supposed to go first, but we'll just...

Oh, Keith, you go ahead. Keith, you're up to attack. Keith, do something really cool. Does channeling divinity do anything worthwhile? Am I too far away for magic? You can move first and then attack as well. Sure, yeah, let's move. Let's go into Joey's left, I guess.

Right up here? Yeah, whatever. Grabbing by his grippers and pull him down, Keith. I got to figure out, I got to do some... Grab his grippers and Twitter. Yeah, grab his grippers and twisting, Keith. Yeah, you're going to have to help me. Your grip twist.

Give him the grip twist. Well, you moved closer, so use your strongest close range attack. Well, I want to do Channel Divinity, whatever the hell that is. Don't. I read it like four times, and I just keep getting confused. But sure, I can hit him again with a power bar, I guess, because that's... I don't know. Stick a power bar into his power bar.

Yeah, you have to roll. There we go. that didn't do much but I get a roll again right because I don't want that one let's roll it there we go that's better

sure so I hit him with the power bar and hopefully for the best swing your power bar oh sorry hold on let this part out I gotta look up what channel divinity does

it's alright he didn't use it well I said it like seven times and then you guys kept telling me I didn't so I was like okay I don't know It was confusing I think it pairs with Is that what you rolled? Did you roll divinity?

I would have liked to But then I was told I had to hit it with something else You bullies I think it pairs with it though I think it's the whole thing Um Yeah so Channel Divinity does pair with your Um

Nice With your attack So you swing your rogue Ohio bar And it hits this behemoth in the leg with a loud clang dealing no damage darn however your channel divinity

essentially grants you a divine smite so nice that'll be good roll your divine smite 2D8 radiant damage which this sucker

Come on Oh Oh yeah Roll one more for me Oh That's what you meant by two I don't have to open the whole thing again Sweet

Better All right As you swing your barbell With a loud clang It strikes the creature Dealing no physical damage But As it hits

Ah A A holy orange light emanates from it, enveloping its entire body, dealing 12 points of damage. Yeah. Yeah, sucker. Nate, it's your turn. Due to my low hit points in armor, I'm going to stay back and attack from Long Range boys. I'll let you get in there and just don't hit us.

I am going to use my chromatic orb. which will, can it can be dealt with for, like, poison damage. And reading here and my rules here, the poison can cause prolapse. So that's really what we're hoping on here. That would definitely expose weakness. Someone a roll step by hit. Ooh, it's a big prolapse. That definitely hits.

Oh, roll your... Finally, your prolapse dies something. Roll your prolapse damage. Let's go. 4D8s. Take this prolapse of ass. Oh my gosh.

How the hell is rolling at the same time? Oh, my God. So, you're not even sure what this creature has that can prolapse, but it does. And in a very disgusting manner, it takes

23 points of damage. It's looking, It's looking rough. It's not slowing down yet, but after just this first round of combat, it's looking pretty rough. Yeah, it is. Yeah, prolapse. Yeah, prolapse. Joey, on your next turn, I need you to grab the prolapse and rip it all the way out.

Grab his prolapse and rip it. Yep. Yeah. But I think Keith is actually next if we go by initiative. Well, we have the Iron Gollum is going to strike back, and I'm real scared what he's about to do. I have a thing for that. The Iron Golem is going to swing its max monster bar with a

and it hits both Keith and Joey. It has the multi-attack feature, so it can attack twice, so it's going to swing at both of you, and they both hit. Okay. Okay, but I do have a deflect attack. Can I roll that?

Yes. Read that to me. does that work? I have a deflect attack, which is 1D10 plus 6, and I have a deflect attack redirect attack 2D8 plus 1. So it is one of my reactions that I can essentially dodge shit. Suck it, gold. Okay, let's go.

Yeah, absolutely you can do that. So I'm going to roll damage, and then you're going to roll your 1D10 plus 6, and it's going to deal that much. less damage. It would deal seven points of damage, but how much do you deflect? 8.14. Okay, so you perfectly deflect its blow and it deals no damage.

Yes. To Keith, it deals 10 points of damage. The max monster bar comes down and lands hard on your ribs. Not the ribs. He needs those I'm strong I can take it I still got 28 points a hit I can take And that brings us back to the top of the order

Keith this time it is your turn first Oh I don't I want to get some distance between me and him So I'm going to push him away with my great club That pushes him 10 feet away from me I guess I think

I don't Yeah your great club is your Ohio power bar So roll to attack initiative. I don't. It should just be your power bar. Gotcha. Okay. There you go.

So you rear back your Ohio power bar and you swing it. And this behemoth just catches it right in its hand. No good. Joey, that's your turn. Okay, my rolling. for action or am I rolling for initiative here? Action. All right.

Initiative only happens at the start of combat and once you do it once you're good. Okay. Now I would like to remind you guys that you've got your special fancy magic items for solving the scavenger hunt. The 3D 10 temporary hit points? I have ammonia. Can I drink it? Oh, I got a... It's not your turn.

Lightfoot's song that does something. Yeah. I get plus two to any roll I have to decide before I roll. Then I get a little hazy. But I don't need any temporary HP because I haven't hit any damage. No, you don't. Not at the moment. I'm just saying in general.

All right, cool. So I guess I have to do the one action I have, which is unarmed strike, martial arts. Do it. Do it again. All right, yeah. So this time we're going to go for the stone cold stunner. We're going to hit him. We're going to go for a kick in the gut.

and we're going to, well, first we're, yeah, we're going to crack the beers and everything. Well, only if it lands. Okay, so we're going to, we're going to go for that. This is the kick in the gut to start the stunner. Roll. And I got a 15. That does hit.

Nice. So am I rolling, oh, and I want to hit with my bonus action, Flurry of Blows. Nice. Yep, that one for sure. That was definitely hits. Yeah. Which damage would you like me to roll?

Your unarmed strike, roll that twice since you landed both of your hits. Okay, bludgeoning, damage. Fucking one. And then second time, also one. Ooh, snake eyes. Yeah, not a ton of damage. But I hit. So we're going to kick him in the gut.

We're going to hit him with the stunter. Then we're going to get on our hands and knees. We're going to flip them the bird, call them a piece of trash, drink a damn beer, hell, yeah. What? What? All right, you do all of that dealing 10 points of damage. Yeah, buddy. Heck yeah.

Nate, what would you like to do? I'm consulting my MacBook Pro to determine our odds of winning this battle, and I see them as very high due to Keith's ability to swing Ohio Pile bars and Joey to be able to be able to. recite finishing moves from old wrestlers. I've got them all. He's got them all. I feel like our likelihood is very high. I'll still stay back and I will continue to

send raining terror onto this iron golem. But this time I choose to use my blipping firebolt to attack him. And I roll a 12. And that does not hit. It gets right up close to him.

And it just kind of fizzles out at the at the start and that brings us back to the G20 Oh not a D20? Dang. No. That was an accident

I did the blip of the finger. It's the golem's first attack will be, it raises its left arm. Uh-oh. Aiming past Keith and Joey

and it launches 45 pounds strength co-plate at mate. Oh, frick, Grant. And it does hit catches you. I would like to use animal handling. Do I use that here?

I don't think it does. And it hits you for nine hit points. As this plate goes soaring through the air, it catches you right in the gut, and you double over. Just for a moment, though, you're able to regain your composure. Second attack, it's going to swing on Joey, having just insulted it

calling it a bitch and drinking it a beer in its face. Not a bitch, sorry, a piece of trash. A piece of trash. It's going to swing its Max Monster Bar. Okay. And it will hit. I deflect. Oh, you haven't? Yeah. Awesome. You deflect.

Rolled that. Still took some damage. Yes, you take seven points. of damage is it? You go to deflect it and you catch it hard on the arm. Hey, that's still fantastic. So we'll just call that like one of those, use the cane under the arm, roll out of the ring and still get a little damage. So I'm down to, all right. Just back to Keith.

Yeah, I want to, I don't know what my Gordon Lightfoot album does, but I'm going to play it. All right. this one? So every time you roll a D20 and as same thing with any ally within a 10 foot radius of you. So any ally within a two square radius of you that's within

hearing range of this. Once you roll a D20, you can roll a D6 and add that to your D20. Okay. So like say you rolled a hit and you roll 10 plus your attack modifier, and it still doesn't hit, you can roll your D6 to try and break the threshold.

Okay. So that makes sense? Yeah. Just walk me through it once. I guess I'm going to hit it with the Ohio Power Bar again, but the two-handed style this time. So I'm going to double-handed bar. I'm going to roll for that.

Oh, it's a big one. Is that double overhand? Yeah, yeah. No hook grip. So I got 14 on that. And then 20. That hits. They need to roll a D-C.

Six, that hits. 14. What are you talking about? You got 20. I don't know that. Plus six. Cool. To roll your damage?

Oof. That wasn't good. We got a five. It's better than missing key. You draw your barbell over your head and you bring it down hard. And as it makes contact with the Golem, you can see that it chips off some of the, some of the smaller pieces of equipment. as it deals five points of damage. Take it.

And now, Joey, it's your turn. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, Joey, it's your turn. Well, I guess, again, we're going to hit an arm strike because that's what I do best. And this is going to be the... We're going to go for an attempt at the people's elbow. That's what we're going to go from an attempt at, yeah. Classic.

Yeah. So first we're going to try and hit the spine buster with the first roll. And we are going to hit. That does hit, yes. Yep. And then we're going to use the bonus attack of flurry of blows, which is the running back and forth in the ring, and then pointing to each direction, taking off the elbow pad.

And we're going to go for a bonus roll of, oh. That hits. Yeah. Heck yeah. Yeah. So which, which attack should I, which damage should I roll for here?

Well, they're all the same. So we'll do that. But I think what I have here, no, we're not going to do that. What is that? What is uncanny metabolism? That's, you can eat a lot, hopefully. You use that for breakfast.

Yeah. No, it's... Why, you can't gain weight. No. Damn it. No, we're going to roll for the deflect. No, we're going to roll for that. Okay, and the damage is 11.

Rolled again because you hit twice. Oh, yeah. Get them, Joey, get them. Yeah, and that elbow drops. The crowd goes wild. Somehow you hit this 15-foot steel, behemoth with the spine buster and you follow it up with

the people's elbow because of course you know you just hit him with this absolutely gnarly combo and you deal 23 points of damage. And now this thing is this thing is staggering it's stumbling

pieces are falling off there's gym equipment scattered across the floor and it is looking very weak. What's the total damage we've inflicted so far? I know we don't know what his threshold is, but what's the total we've gone through so far? Because I think I have a number of what it needs to be. 80.

Oh, my guess was wrong. 73. I don't know. I'm not big math. Yeah, some of us are. All right. Nate, it is your turn, my friend. All right. Inspired earlier this morning by the sound we heard

within the gym. I reach for my chromatic orb again but this time powered with the thunderous sound. YouTube's going to cancel this. Of us, uh, we're not, we are not monetized. They can suck it. I'm talking over this.

We're going to roll to use chromatic orb with thunder power. Ah. I roll a 13. It was not hit. Oh, but luckily I've been granted with the blessing of the woolen one. I'm blessed with the re-roll, correct? That is correct.

Oh, heck yes. I hope this is better. I have not. It is. It is better. I roll a 16. Wonderful. Roll me your thunder damage. Oh, my thunder damage.

No. Oof. Oh, my God. As you send this chromatic orb of thunder out, ACDC's thunderstruck can be heard coming from your MacBook. And from the Masanomics gym playlist that is on repeat constantly. Yeah, you hear it also off in the distance. And every talent you deal 20 points of damage.

This creature looks like it's making its final stage. I'm killing Derek. I just, I'm noticing like every time my talk, he's dying. Derek's having a time. All right, Keith, can you just not miss with your barbell this time, daggone it? Oh. Iron Golem. having just taken the nastiest combo of spine buster to people's elbow.

It's going to swing both of its attacks at Joey. Oh, hell yeah. The first swing with its barbell does hit. The second one does not. Okay. I'm going to redirect attack for the first one. Okay. Yeah, and that's my role.

So that damage goes to Keith. I'm Tongue, I can take it. Okay. Keith would have taken seven points of damage. Is that how much you redirect? It doesn't neglicate any of that. It says if you reduce the damage to zero via deflect attacks, you can expand one focus point to redirect some of the attacks force.

Choose a creature you can see within five feet. If it was a melee or a creature, you can see within 60 feet. That isn't behind total cover. The creature must succeed on it. So you have to roll a DC 11 decks, saving. throw or a DD 8 plus 1 damage of the same dealt by the attack. So essentially, I'm going to deflect that attack right back to him. So whatever I just rolled, he has to outroll me. Me? No. He's rolling for him because he put it at me.

No, no, no, no. I thought it did, but no, it's a redirect right back to the... Can I hit Keith? I just... You can try, fucker. Okay. You're all out in the outskirts like a little bitch. The golem roll to 19 on its dexterity. Oh, 18, sorry. It has a minus 1, so that still succeeds.

Okay, for a big old iron boys. Pretty dexterous. So I take how much... Joey, what does that mean? Does it just... I think it just means that that fails and you take the damage that it was going to... We'll go with that just for the ease of making this.

How much shame is that is... So you take seven points of damage as you attempt to deflect this... this swing, but the max monster bar that this creature's wielding like a sword is moving entirely too fast for you to catch this time. Yeah, but I get to roll a... Is it?

I have a 3D10, a temporary HP attempt. So what does that mean? Roll 3D10. I can roll a D10. Yeah, roll that three times. Oof. Roll four. I don't know how Nate rolled them all at the same time.

Oh, there it is. Nope, I figured it out. No, I don't see it. Okay, so you'd heal for 18 points of damage or 18 health. To do that in your character sheet right next to your current hit points, the temp. Yep, just hit 14 in there. 14? Or 18, 18, sorry.

Okay, I did. I'm up. I'm up. But I've spent that, right? I only get that once. Yes, you chugged your lime, LeCroy. Keith, you're up.

I want to put this fucker out of his misery, and I don't want to get all his blood and gore over me. So I'm going to step back 10 feet or so and then launch my York roundhead directly at him and hope for the best. Oh, you moved me. You moved me, Scott. And so I'm gonna

roll for that. Ooh, that's a big one. That does hit. Nice. Yes. Come on, Keith. Right in the nuts. Keith, which one did you throw an expensive one?

What size, yeah. What size York roundhead did you throw? And is it legacy pre-USA or USA? It's going to be the, it's, going to be the 0.5 salesmen's because they're so small that like, you know, I can probably throw them harder because they're smaller. I'm going to

throw them through the fucker. At least that's the goal. Roll your damage. Yeah, roll your damage. You hit. Nice. You throw this tiny little palm-sized dumbbell and it hits the

gym golem. Right in the grippers. You're only five points. of damage. It is not down yet, but the way it's looking, it might as well be. I love to point out. I don't know if I'm picking it up one or not, but his main weapon is a strong arm sport deadlift bar that no one will ever see. Is that where we're going with it? Because if that was, that's, yeah, that's what I thought. That makes me really, really, really. Thanks for playing the joke to the David's there.

Yeah. Well, he kept calling it a Mac. It's not listed as a Max deadlift bar anywhere. That's why I was confused. At least where I saw it, but maybe it is on Jim Raider. I don't know. On the website, it's not. But I had to get that out there. Joey, you're up. Okay, rolling on our strike.

Last legs. Put him to sleep. Yeah, so what move are we going with now? We miss the sister Abigail. We hit the people's elbow. Oh, we hit the people's elbow. We hit the RKO. Like a submission or a choke old.

No, I think you're right. We're going for the sharpshooter to see if we take this guy out here. So we're going to roll for the spine buster, which is a modified spine buster where he just grabs, sweeps the legs. And we're going to roll for that. And we are going to fail that. I don't know.

Oh, damn. That is a natural 20. Yeah. So what that means is when you roll damage for that, roll it twice. Okay. So he is, this thing is on its back.

And I am putting my leg between the legs. getting ready to lock in that sharpshooter. So the first amount of damage is... Step on his prolapse? 18? It rolled twice for me. Yes, that's correct. Hell yeah.

18 points of damage. Explain what it looks like as you deliver this final killing blow. Yeah, it's going to look like when Brett Hart had stone cold in the sharpshooter, And Stone Cold was just bleeding and bleeding and bleeding, but refusing to give up and eventually passed right out. He is so done, but he refuses to acknowledge that he's done. But you have to acknowledge the power of the sharpshooter.

And the sharpshooter or the scorpion deathlock, depending on who you're a fan of, I guess does this in. And I take down the Iron Golem? Yes. Yes, you do. Yes. You hear a snap as whatever piece of gym equipment that was making up its spine just splits into. All of the rest of the pieces start to fall around you, littering the floor with gym equipment and rubble and steel and... And the creature's been defeated.

Good. Once defeated, the crew that had assembled in the pool and the game hall began to gather around you. With so many crew on hand to witness the epic course. of events. Everyone can hardly believe their luck that no one was in. The Golem lay in a twisted pile of equipment. It slowly became

apparent that they would be getting their massonomics workout in here. As the plates, bars, kegs, and combo racks would need to be replaced into the, repacked into the cellar into the cellar gym without creating any new signs from Tanner.

Crew all load fresh crispy boys into their drink, spotter, chills and load the gym equipment under the trailers, careful to account for every item. The crew worked together tirelessly, but after all the fun was had and all the weights were moved, the gym was back just as it was before the crazy day began. In that sense, the only record of today was going to be in your memories. So the real treasure was always the friends we made it along the way. I was waiting for that.

Hell yeah. Nice hit. And the prolapse we made along them. Damn perverts. All right, good job, boys. You did it. You saved the Lord of Live Easy. One other thing.

I had invited MoFo to join the Q&A segment, but he couldn't do it because of family obligations. He instead sent me a video to play for you guys. Oh, hell yeah. So I am going to share my screen. Oh No one, I'd do that

Just press share Yep And that's how you DJ They're They're Keith Nick Joey Nick Nate Scott had asked me to

Actually get on For a little bit And Ask you have a question About your three-year anniversary Unfortunately I'm being a little preoccupied Probably be driving home from work

As you have the same before also will be doing a whole bad thing and enjoying my son's concert. So I decided that I will make a recording to see if I can at least just congratulate you guys on making

three years of reporting. It's been fun to be a part of it. Happy that you guys have let me fill in on some of the episodes. Glad that people actually want to listen to them. But also listening to all the crew that have been on. Love getting to know everybody.

you know it's a big part of my weekly drive to work yeah congrats on three years it's been a fun ride can't wait to see what else comes out of it and I'm hoping to be on a few more I've got to stay in the lead as the number one crew guest so congrats guys love you guys I love the crew hell yeah there was no question though yeah yeah no there was no question it was just a message We do have to break it to you at Maren.

That will not count as having your voice on this week's episode. We'll go ahead and not tally that one up for you. But we do appreciate the heartfelt message. I had to, uh, that was, uh, very nice to hear, friend. Yep. Um, I rolled a 20. Still rolling for a lapse. Very mofo.

Uh, well, we got to give Scott his credit and his due here. Hell yeah. We can still include that part in the past episode. So big Scott, let us know why you, uh, you know, wanted to do this and, you know, how you thought it worked up? Well, I would not have been able to do it without Big Derek. He basically wrote the script. You know, I made the puzzles and I ran the thing, but Big Derek did so much work for this.

And I cannot understate how much I appreciate that. To be honest, I've wanted to do some. some like d and d homebrew stuff for a while now um but i'm not the best of creative writing uh i mean i don't do it often so i could get better if i tried but i just don't um so when nate put it into one of the episodes you know a month or two ago yeah i kind of just like i almost felt like it was just a joke but you know Derek messaged me and was like hey you know they said that they wanted to do this like

we should we should uh see if we'll do it see if they'll actually do it and we jumped on it and I'm glad that we did this was a lot of fun this was so stupid this was so stupid in the best way like it was oh it went off the rails so quickly and in the best way I could have

yeah I think the Sir Druther stuff I hope I hope Sir Druthers becomes a thing. We didn't circle back to him towards the end though. No, we should have. We should have. Like, I should have, like, tagged him in for the sharpshooter. And, like, Sir Druthers delivers the stink face or something, like,

where it's just like he's still a piece of shit. What will come of Sir Druthers? We'll have to find out on another episode. Yeah, if we ever do this again. Or if the crew picks it up and they're just like, let's create the lore of Sir Dr. others and he's just the nicest guy to your face but also just does that shit you don't like. Oh man, that's really good.

Awesome. So Scott, just for the listeners, where are they going to find you at? You can find me at Instagram. Scott's lifting page, no punctuation, no underscores, no spacing. Spelled exactly as it sounds. Oh, yeah, you're missing out on underscores, man. Underscores are where it's at. Well, we got to hear from the man himself that did a lot of the heavy lifting but didn't want to take any of the credit.

Eric, just sum up how tonight went for you, you think, and how much effort and how much work did you actually... It seems like it would have been a lot of work to put this together. Am I mistaken? Like, this seems like you've spent, like, more than a couple hours building this game. Yeah, you know, it was a lot of fun. You know, Big Scott has been running the crew D&D for a while. And so when I heard y'all mention it, we kind of talked back and forth. And, yeah, just decided to jump in.

Kind of very similar. like I enjoy creative writing, but I don't really make time to do it. And so it's like, okay, this is a good thing to kind of jump in with. I mean, like, Scott, as you can tell, like, he does, like, you know, he improv quite a bit of that. And just like his ability to kind of like guide and get you like the whole idea was like set you up, you guys up for like whatever we kind of get you to talk about some stuff and, you know, see his friends and that kind of stuff. Right.

So you guys took it, ran with it and he did a great job just kind of moving. It was really interesting for me seeing like the background. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun to write because it was just like, you know, doing a visual tour, a mental tour of like what a day in Aberdeen. It was probably going to be like for, you know, minus all the fun. Have you bit to Aberdeen? You can't go from the circus to the Nards? Yeah, well, you know, some of it is like some hand-waving.

It takes hours. Hour. It's just right. Well, to be fair, there's also now, there's also no giant gym equipment golems in Aberdeen. There's a little bit left up to creativity. Yeah, it is. It's in storybook land, actually. Madsnomics has their own section of storybook land, which is an iron golem, weirdly. It's where they put all that stuff.

I really wanted to say that the spine of this iron gullum was made of nylon ropes for pulleys, because everybody hates nylon ropes on pulleys. It snaps so easily. You know, I thought the visual image of your character just kind of flipping around like Yoda doing all these like movies. moves on the iron goal. Yep. Well, I think at some point they mentioned the discord that it was going to be like a wrestling type character. And I was like, well, yeah.

Like, why wouldn't die? Right? Since I have zero weapons, literally my character and it didn't even come up, is a brewer. Oh. Yeah. My character is a wrestler and a brewer. And that's why I had a beer for breakfast because I should have said it's my own brew. Yeah.

And it's brought with me and made. right here on the spot, but I just never lean into that. Hey, yes, that's so much going on. But then, um, Keith, what was the one? I'm sorry. I just lost it. No, it's, uh, but I just wanted to, you know, put the spotlight on you guys. You guys did all this work.

So I just want to make sure anyone listening has a chance to go find you on the, the social media. So Derek, where are people going to find jad if you want them to? I mean, you can find me through the discord, a big mister the law, um, or, uh, Instagram is the steam machine. But yeah, you find me around. But yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was fun. You guys had a rich, I made a fun story.

Beautiful. Oh, I don't know what I was in the Samson. I am so glad you picked Circus Circus. I was like, I think that's where they could go for lunch, but like, I don't know. So I was like very happy. It was that or Schwannis. Like there wasn't in between. I haven't met of Schwannies yet, though.

Me, yeah. I wanted to go. Well, I haven't also been to the circus, but also the circus is more. I think Schwanties is going to be a big hit this year. I think I think I'm going to get drunk at Schwanties on Friday night after the Strongman show. I'm pretty sure. That's happening. I think Jake

I'm making that a thing for everybody Where did we eat breakfast? What's that place? The 321 kitchen? Oh no. Yeah, I didn't get to bring up my stupid shirt.

No, no, no, no, no. You're talking about the family. It's got a rooftop patio now. You should just drive to Wisconsin. There's a better place there. Not that one. It's not that one.

It's the one we waited forever in. I can, man, I actually did research. You guys want to finish the outro's and then we can finish them post show just so it's a, cohesive podcast so we can

What part of this was cohesive The fact that I wanted to be like It's our normal ending People aren't going to listen this anyway I'm gonna roll for I'm gonna roll animal handling on Keith Alright go find Keith Joey And Nate at unpaid and underrated.com

See you next Tuesday Hong Hong