Unsubscribe Podcast - 10 - Video Game Movies Suck ft. Brandon Herrera

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

WE CONNED SOMEONE ELSE INTO BEING ON! WELCOME TO TEXAS AK JESUS! He moved here just to be on our Podcast!  Ok now lets talk about the good stuff like a Texas blizzard, Eli turning his bathroom into a toxic waste dump, the fact that Brandan's first game was CoD MW2 and Halo 3, Pierce Brosnan is the best Bond, how doga$$ video game movies are in general, Ryan Reynolds is Baddies man crush, you all are now Chat.  Kisses, goodbye! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. Quiet review. Hey, you mother lovers. Hey, you sexy YouTube mother lovers. Hey, that's my line. You can't use that. Welcome. It's trademarked. To the

unsubscribed podcast. Yeah, thanks for having a little enthusiasm. Welcome to here. Do you want to do the... I can't be happy now that I'm sad. Welcome to Unsubscribe! Hi, I'm Matt. I have Eli Double Fat. We have Donut Bopperator and we have

the AK Jesus. That's not anybody's names, but it's close enough where you can figure it the fuck out. Yeah. Batty just came in hot. He didn't even let us introduce we were writing down No, we're like we all start the podcast Ranch water. Oh, yeah, we have to talk about that. Let me put away that I just popped me here a hide the claws Momentarily a big red real great food ranch water from Lone River. Hell yeah, baby.

What do you got? What do you got, Eli? Guys, I have... Nobody cares, don't know. What do you got? Man, I got Brandon Herrera here. Hey-oh! That's what I'm talking about.

That's some real ranch right there. As good as it gets. Welcome to Texas. Brandon has just officially moved to Tejas, San Antonio. I was told we got to go to Tejas. I think his address is, what, 4369? Yeah, you're close. Yeah, you're close on that one.

Let's stop that one right there. He is in San Antonio, in case you're wondering. More towards the north side. Moved here during a blizzard. Holy shit. How's that? It was a fucking amazing time. Yeah, no.

Literally the last three hours of the drive Was like we were doing 30 in a 75 try not to slide off the road, and then we had no fridge No food, so we've been assisting on liquor and trail mix for four days. You mean ranch water and trail mix I mean a ranch water and that's what we're talking about Shout out to our sponsors that got us through this Texas disaster. Honestly, without ranch water, I don't think I would have survived three days of no real water. Yeah. I would have killed my child and ate him if it wasn't for ranch water. Honestly, I wanted to and you stopped me.

That's honestly still in the cards, though. Still there. I'm still going to kill him after being locked up with John for a week now. That's a hard one. Can't wait for school to come back, Arnona. Do you remember when your power died and you had no running water? Oh, yeah. And your best friend had both of those things?

And he lives a mile away. And we were sending hits. I could read through those things. My raptor could have easily gotten to his house a mile away. Man, Matty, it sucks not having any heat or electricity or water. Please, I'm so cold.

Batty's just red. I was like, Mr. Batty said, LOL, I'm watching anime. Yeah, literally, I'm watching anime right now. What's up, dudes? I have John in three comforters to keep him cold. You said a picture of yourself wrapped up and I was like lol.

Betty's a good friend. This is great. The other night I was like, yeah, dude, Jones is going to be or no, Squirt's going to be wearing Jones like a tauntaun. Squirt just walking around with another cat on him. Power play, dude.

This is what happens when you leave me alone, father. I have killed other cats. He was weak. It's not important. Jeeves is dead. He kills Jeeves. What? Damn, son! If you guys didn't know, my cat Squirt

is a complete fucking psychopath who kills everything he comes across and tortures them murder torture yeah it's not the good kind of murder it's not like a quick snap it's like i'm gonna rip one leg off chew on that one leg in front of you until you passed out and then i'm gonna bash you around till you wake up so i can chew on your insides again he's not exaggerating squirt does that to small creatures weekly and there's blood trails throughout my garage and like all over my driveway it's not good it's literally tortures them yeah right so you had what you were saying it's like you would have a it's two hours to

destination and it would be six because how slow you had to drive. Yeah. Because of the. It took us four, I think about four or five hours to get to our house in San Antonio. And it was 90 miles. From San Antonio. Yeah. It took four hours to get to San Antonio. Yeah, we actually had an 18. There was three 18 wheelers that turned over

in the middle of the road. And so we just sat there for like an hour waiting for it to clear. And I finally just got pissed off and said like, girls, we're going over the fucking median. Like we're just, I'm not sitting here for,

let's do it. Yeah, absolutely. So I went back to some side roads and shit, but yeah, no, it was, it was wild.

Texas isn't used to this. This is like utter, like I've been here. I was born here. 30 years or some shit. People have been saying for San Antonio, at least like, I've heard like. Once in 30 years or some shit people have been saying for San Antonio at least. I've heard like late 1800s.

It's not good. For everybody who doesn't know, there was a blizzard that hit Texas in the south. It wasn't just Texas, like Kentucky. Like a lot of states got bent the fuck over by mother nature. She just came in, lifted her skirt and literally fucked us. Yeah.

So it was a great time for any of us to move to texas from the north we're like i can't wait to escape the winter i showered for the first time yesterday after five six days yeah same same dude well my friends are coming over here to shower they came over here to shower today like clean. There's just no running water across the fucking state and shit. Like it's wild, man. Batty was dying because I texted, I don't know, like three days ago. I was like, I've shit in the

same toilet for the last four days and I am lactose intolerant. I have everything that goes against me with how much I poop a day. And both of my toilets were just biohazards. I was like, dear mother of God. You have no idea.

I've been eating string cheese for three days just to try to stop the shit flow. Dude, Eli texts us. Me and Eli don't have a text group. It was like 930 in the morning. I was just about to go to sleep, and Eli texts me like, my toilet's a biohazard. I've been shitting on the same pile of shit for three days. Making that poo lasagna.

Yeah, poo lasagna. I have a structure system to my shit right now. I'm still crying when I think about it. It was so bad. Poo, toilet paper. Poo, toilet paper. It's a shit stack. It's like a fucking shit stack, man. And I'm not crying when I think about it. It was so bad. Poo, toilet paper. Poo, toilet paper. Yeah, you got it. It's a shit stack. It's a fucking shit stack, man.

And I'm not going to lie. I didn't think about the toilet paper layer until you said that on the text thread. I was like, oh my God, Batty's right. Toilet paper roll. Poop. Oh, it doesn't splash now. Fucking golden. We've got the Eli Big Mac in every...

I'll take a number three, please. Oh, my God. You're like, I can't pull a stillet, so... It was pee in the back of your toilet. Just to flush down the level of shit. That was... So this is the podcast. Welcome to the Unsubscribe Podcast, Brandon.

This is why people unsubscribe. We're going for video games. Mom, check out this podcast. it's all about video games yeah then we build a fucking shit pile so you shit and you stack some toilet paper and then you shit again you gotta make sure not to piss on it cuz it breaks the toilet paper down so it's just a shit toilet paper shit toilet paper and then it's then you flush when the ice melts guys i bought monster rancher oh yeah good transition okay okay before we get to monster answer brandon uh yeah no i didn't do it what was your first venture into like gaming oh yeah what was like your starting console the first thing

that like right sucked you in and if you say this year and escape from tarkov i'm gonna punch you in the no dude so like ever like seven eight something like that you know like playstation going to xbox 360 like that i was always a console gamer that's right for everybody who doesn't know brandon's like 14 he's a child yeah he's exactly 16 years old look at his face he just said seven to eight transitioning the 360 No no no I said a Playstation But you said going into No no I didn't have an Xbox I think I was like maybe 11, 12

Something like that, 13 I don't fucking remember Brandon was born in 96 No 95 Dear God Oh my god I was in Iraq when you were 10 Jesus Eli got shot When Brandon was 10 Oh my god. I was in Iraq when you were 10. Jesus.

Eli got shot when Brandon was 10. Thank you for your service. But yeah, no, I actually didn't get into the cool kid PC gaming until like early last year. What were your first games? What were your OG video games? These were my jam back in the day. Like Halo 2, Halo 3, like COD 4. That's okay.

Those are good ones. Should I have said, oh, Brandon's first good games were COD 4? Fuck me. Halo 2, he did start off at Halo 2. I started with Dig Dug and Tetris. There we go. Eli's like, oh, let me pull up my

swivel controller for fucking Pong. You guys ever heard Rob the Robot? He did some crazy shit back in the 1980s. You don't need to know about that one. That's okay. You started off. It's fine. You started off with Halo. Did you and your friends take your CRT TVs over to your house and have the land matches?

No, we were never cool kids like that. We went over to my one buddy's house. We were at Fayetteville. You had a rich buddy. Everybody had a rich friend. His dad was a Green Beret. And so he just did not give a fuck what this kid did. So we just...

You have M-rated video games over at your house? Yo, there's boobies in that shit? Yo, you want to watch the Terminator again? Guys, I love boobs, by the way. Dude. Yeah. Why would you say

something so stunning and brave? Does anyone remember the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, Commando? Yes. Yeah. That was like the first...

Because he had the rocket launcher with the four... The four rockets. Exactly. I watched the boobies in that movie on repeat more. That was probably my first set of tits I could memorize

because I would titty scene when they broke through the wall in the hotel replay titty scene when they broke through the wall replay that was like we talked about American Pie

Brandon was four when American Pie, remember? Brandon was four when American Pie came out. Fuck, 99, that's right. I still remember, like, that was still a thing even when I was growing up. I mean, that's a childhood, I wish I had That was four. All these young guys.

Oh yeah, you know, I watched it when I was like four or five. It was like Barney, American Pie, American Psycho, you know. You know, I watched it when I was like four or five. It was like Barney, American Pie, American Psycho, you know. Good boy. American history. American beauty.

Let's go. Like a bag in the wind. Oh, man. Hi, I'm Tara Schmidt, a registered dietitian and host of On Nutrition, a podcast from Mayo Clinic where we dig into the latest nutrition trends and research to help you understand what's health and what's hype.

There's a lot of wild stuff out there, so we'll be keeping it science-based, research-informed, and practical. Mayo Clinic's On Nutrition, new episodes every other week, wherever you get your podcasts. What was your first... Well, I was going to say, did you play old... So during your time, you wouldn't play online. You just played... It was on the same platform. What was it? Split screen.

Split screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't get online gaming until way later. Did you play... This is a good one. 007. I've never played... Okay, what, 007. I've never played. Okay, what's 007?

I know it. I know what you're talking about. He just said he never played Goldeneye. I've never played Goldeneye. I know the game. And I had a Nintendo 64. There's AK-47s. Well guys, that was a great... Check out Batty Streams, Donut Operator,

and Eli DoubleTag. Don't look at him. Check out Yeah check out Batty Streams Donut Operator And now they're actually Gonna unsubscribe Don't look at him Brandon did you follow Our podcast I guarantee we can Pull up his phone He's like let's see it

Brandon let's see Follow us right now I think I No I do Motherfucker But he's never played Goldeneye I'm just I'm just saying

I'm gonna always Bring that up God I can say the word. Boom. He does. He really does. Fuck all of you. On YouTube?

No. That's what I thought. I mean, that's fair. I don't know if I follow us on YouTube. I'm going to say a word. I need a response. Oddjob. Pardon?

Oddjob. James Bond? I don't. How do you got that right? Oddjob. It's not Golden don't... How do you got that right? Oddjob. It's not golden. That's not necessarily a video game thing. But that's James Bond.

That's the movies. But he's the chief character in the video game. Pierce Brosnan. What up? Fuck yes. He was great in Eurovision. Did you really just go there? Oh, yeah.

He was so fucking weird in that, dude. He was like the hot dad, though. It was hilarious. He's like, yes, this is my father. He has fucked half the village. Do you remember the Thomas Crown, Mr. Crown Affair? What was the movie? It was right after Pierce Brosnan did his first two Goldeneye movies.

Or at first James Bond movies. Goldeneye and the World is Not Enough. Contractually, he was not allowed to wear a suit in a movie. Because of GoldenEye. Because of James Bond. So the entire movie, he's in a suit, but the tie's undone. And the top buttons are undone.

And it's called the Thomas Crown. The Thomas Crown Affair. It's something Crown Affair, yeah. It's a great movie. I've the Thomas crown affair. I think it's something crown affair. Yeah. It's a great movie. I've never heard of this. I've never seen it. I just heard that same James Bond style character.

Well, there's, there's really, Oh, there it is. The K F seven Soviet. I forgot. That's what they call it.

That's what the AK 47. I remember the golden eye. This so vividly in my head. That sound. If I like double golden eye, I know that sound. Pierce Brosnan. I feel like is like half the reason why the crank is so vividly in my head, that sound. And Golden Eye. I know that sound. Pierce Brosnan, I feel like, is half the reason why the crank is so popular. It's because of the iconic photo of him just popping out of that fucking Soviet tank with the crank.

It doesn't even have a buttstock on it. No, it's just a pistol. The KF-7 Soviet. They knew pistol laws back then. There were different rules. It's a brace, Cody. It's a brace, Cody. It's a brace. No, they had a lot of... A weird thing

is actors, when they have those video game clauses or movie clauses, like you can't wear a suit for any movies after this. So that's why there's no video games with Tom Cruise in it. Because his likeness can't be in a video game. So you had like the mummy.

Is that like a Scientology thing or like what? I don't even know. Maybe? Question mark? But it's like the mummy. It would be like, please, the mummy. They have a generic character instead of Tom Cruise when that movie came out. Yeah, there's no Tom Cruise video game characters at a certain point.

And they were like, it just never happened because of him. Even Mission Impossible or not, wait it's Mission Impossible right? Do those video games don't have Tom Cruise do they? They have what's his name? Not Tom Cruise it's the actual character's name. Ethan Hunt. But it can't be a

It doesn't look like Tom Cruise. Weird laws that they It's like the new Avengers game where they have Avengers game, where, like, they have all the guys that are, like, close, but they don't, they're not basically Avengers. It's Wish.com Avengers. Yeah, exactly. Like, all the characters just live in the bottom of Walmart. So, that's a great point.

Like, literally, one of the notes I had for the podcast was I want to talk about video game movies. Oh, God. They're all bad. Because, no, you say that. They're not. Lord of the Rings. Video game movies or movie video games?

Lord of the Rings. So, look at movie video games? Lord of the Rings. So, did you see what was just announced? The new Mortal Kombat movie? Wait, what? No. I did hear about that. Have you guys not seen the trailer? It was announced literally this weekend.

No. The new Mortal Kombat movie looks so fucking good. But, okay. No, no, no. It's not getting all the hype right now. It looks so... Keep going. Who's got a phone available

to watch this trailer real quick? And we can cut the watching it out. There you go. Is it that good? The trailer looks so... Pull it up.

We'll watch it right here. Yep. And then come back to you guys and talk about it, I guess. Yeah. This is the riveting content

you came here for. You're going to... We'll speed... You know. I'm about it, I guess. Yeah. This is the riveting content you came here for. You're gonna, we'll speedwhip, you know. I'm gonna turn it up. Yeah. Was that slush? Slush pump. Okay. Oh, you fucking beauty. Okay, I'm excited.

Okay, so video game movies, for the most part, suck dick. I'm actually pumped for that one. Like, no matter what, no matter how awful the plot's gonna be because we know it's it's a fighting game it's gonna be awful the visuals look so fucking good all the stuff that wasn't the actual hand-to-hand combat looks like it was directed by michael bay good yeah great perfect i'm wonderful could have been a transformer's plot like kind of thing. I hate, the hardest part for me is when you have these video games. So,

Metal Gear Solid is going to be a movie and that's the one I just wanted to do. Like, if I could direct, it would be that or Dead Space. Like, those are my two changes. Those are my two,

like, Eli, you can direct anything. Here's your fucking. They've done some machinima, like, machinima anime, Dead Space stuff.

Yeah. Which were, eh. But it was like, it was fun. And that's the thing it's like these video games give you a fucking script to follow and then hollywood fucks that they're like okay listen we understand you have a story but what if we just okay we understand that there are tens of millions of people that are familiar with this plot line, but our study groups have said that this is a little thought.

It says Goku was dropped on his head. He was a Saiyan. He's a strong warrior, not the smartest, and fighting from a young age. What about he goes to high school? Okay, I like that. That's a good one. Are we really going to bring up Dragon Ball Evolution right now?

Are we really going to bring up Dragon Ball Evolution? Honestly, our marketing team has said it would be great if he was also disabled. It relates to the kids. Okay, so disabled Goku in high school. I'm loving this. Guys, this is fantastic. Okay, so this Chi-Chi character. What if

Goku isn't white? Donut, this is fantastic information. What if Goku's white and not Asian? We have Mexican Goku. That's the problem. Oh Goku's white and not Asian? We have Mexican Goku. That's the problem. Oh, there we go. What? No, Mexican Goku it is.

Okay, we'll call him Mexican. All right, so we got El Goku. I think the Mexicans hide the G. Is it? Yeah, it's Hoku. So we got Mexican Hoku. He can go super saying Hoku. Eli's a Mexican.

He can say these things. I am 100%. Super Hayan. I likeoku. Eli's a Mexican. He can say these things, by the way. I am 100%. Super Heian. I like it. Super Heian. He's super Heian. He went super Heian. These are fantastic movie ideas.

Okay, guys. What do you think of Piccolo? He's a green alien man. Alien. You can't use the term alien, man. Because he's not Mexican. That's what I'm talking about. So he cannot be an alien.

What is Piccolo now? Well, they called him King Piccolo initially. What if we remove the king because this is America and we don't have kings here? Okay, so President Piccolo. Thank you. Prince Pic. Not an alien. President Piccolo, not an alien.

I love this name. This is fantastic. So we understand he was green and really strong. What if we make him weaker than our main character? Even though he's dominated planets. Weaker. Well, everybody knows you can't be president and an alien. And now he is the bad guy, so he is going to be white.

So we have a white President Piccolo, and he is weaker. I love this. This is fantastic. Give him orange he is weaker. I love this. This is fantastic. Give him orange skin. Okay, I like this. Is there anything else that we can do? Because we have a hit. Well, he's supposed to be green, but his powers will glow orange now.

There we go. It offsets the colors. This is fantastic information, guys. Compromise. We have a riveting plot line for Dredd. What about Bulma? We understand she has blue hair. Instead of blue hair,

we just give her a lot of blue eyeliner and makeup. Wait, wait, wait. Let me read about this character. She is a smart blue hair scientist. Smart blue hair scientist. So we're going to make her a white, big-tittied dumb bitch. Who also wants to smash the patriarchy.

A lot of blue makeup, though. For the hair. Needs to have the eyeliner. There we go. This is so close to a fucking Hollywood pitch meeting. This is a real movie. No, no. Dragon Ball is so bad.

Oh, you guys are being for real. This is a real movie. It's called Dragon Ball Evolution. They made you. We're not joking about that. They made you the Dragon Ball. That's what I was saying. real. This is a real movie. It's called Dragon Ball Evolution. They made you. We're not joking about that. That's what I was saying. Goku's white high school kid. I was literally joking the entire time.

I was nodding on that. This is why we're. I've never seen it either. It's on HBO right now. I watched it like two days ago. Just to remind myself. I thought we were having a mock Hollywood meeting there. That's what's scary.

We were, but that's how the movie actually is it's awful oh no dude like even worse it's the guy from shameless and the girl from shameless like right at like right when they were hitting like their and chow young fat which is like a huge martial arts star i know they're like and master roshi's chow yong fat and he's no longer pervert because we cannot have that in this day and age no shell he also isn't doesn't wear sunglasses and they literally were just like we need a martial arts movie with some high school kids it's kind of like power rangers but let's call it dragon ball z it has nothing to do with dragon Balls until they mention the one Dragon Ball. It's so bad.

It's awful. It's called Dragon Ball Evolution. Go watch it. Hate yourself. I'm going to watch it now because of what you guys just said. I'm going to trigger the fuck out of Eli right now. You ready? What did you think of the Netflix Death Note movie?

No, I mean, bro. They had such, again, this is like, hey, here's a fucking, here is a plot that you don't have to change anything. This is perfection. It is loved in America and Japan. This is anime perfection. Here you go.

Just copy this formula. This was saved for me for the notes for the show. And then they were like, okay. Okay. Okay. Well, we got some Japanese dudes. We need to get rid of that white people. Obviously. Oh, we got a super smart guy. He can't be white. No.

Oh, yeah. There we go. We're going to switch that out. We got a black character. And then we got the dude who eats apples. Okay. Who's that guy? The William man? He dressed like a girl. Willem Daffer. William Daffer. I heard his penis is huge.

So we'll use him. Honestly, though, he does have a royal aging wing. I know. That's why I said that. That's why I'm casting him for this character. What, are you guys fucking stupid? Okay. So, Big Dick? Okay, so Big Dick William Defoe. Big Dick William Defoe. Dude, imagine that being your nickname in Hollywood.

Big Dick. We got Big Willie. Hollywood Big Dick. God, that movie is so bad. It was awful. They literally, all you have to do is follow the plot and no one like no one's gonna get pissed and be like why did they remake this it's like it's star it's anything yeah you have what the fans want video game resident evil 1 perfect example imagine the movie being what the

fucking game was where it's like a mansion wesker jill chris i will never understand why they did still like why they deviated from that because i don't care what happens as long as mia jovia shows her tits well that's a given resident evil no matter what they completely changed everything dude the resident evil movie series is so wild because i watched the movies before i ever played oh yeah and then it was just like i wasn't fuck? I wasn't a Resident Evil gamer. These are barely fucking related. There's just zombies. That's all there is.

That's it. There's a zombie. They took one word and they were like, there's zombies. Wait, you want some dog zombies and then like a big guy with a rocket launcher zombie? We got you. Where's the evil? Who's also her husband? Oh, buddy.

Doom with the rock. Oh, my. Doom. Okay my doom okay visually beautiful movie that's it i will say okay that was one of the first movies that did a fps version of filming yeah so that was groundbreaking at that time yes it was okay i would, okay. It was a decent video game movie. Decent is like the... It wasn't bad. It was a fucking movie about an FPS. Yeah. What do you want from that? It's loosely related.

When you have like... Doomguy is such a fucking bad. He's iconic. If you had... And they don't have Doomguy in that entire fucking movie. No, dude. He's fucking... You're like, here's the plot again.

I'm just, fuck. Follow this one character. Can we do a plot real quick of Doom? The Halo movie without Master Chief. That's literally how it would happen. Has there been a Halo? There hasn't been a Halo. No, they did Forward Unto Dawn.

Forward Unto Dawn was fucking amazing. It was really good. It was so good. You could tell they took their time with it because they then when chief shows up in that like you see how big he is and it's proper it's like oh this dude's like he's like yeah he's like 7 10 gut size and like yeah well he's eight like so chiefs are like eight foot tall with that suit because the suit weighs two tons so it's a two thousand or000 or 4,000 pounds. Yeah, the Mjolnir

or Mjolnir armor. Mjolnir armor is 4,000 pounds. He literally jumps out of fucking aircrafts and just lands on the ground because it's fun for him. Yeah. But you could tell when he shows up though, craters, and he's like, nah, don't worry about it. Everybody gets it though. They're just like, oh, he's big dick.

Yeah, okay, well, Roger, no one argues with it he's like get in the vehicle get in the fucking car fuck yeah bro so there's a series there's like a little series already it's fucking amazing it came out in like 2011 yeah that's awesome it's it's really really it came out with halo four and five yeah it was like the launch from the original Bungie series into the 343 Studios series. Evil Warthog. As Brandon was saying though, when they actually

come out with the live action movie, they're going to be like this Master Chief guy, we don't really need him. Who's Master Chef? He's a cook, we don't need him. Does this battle take place in the galley? Fuck you. Dude, the 4 Under dawn series by 343 was probably one of the best adaptations of a video game into a series but again we're not

talking about a movie we're talking like we're we're on the same scale of like the witcher you know like oh that was so good they fucking well i mean what do you think i think they handled the way they did phenomenal minus a few costume things with um aging uh no i see i can deal with the aging i followed it but i'm also a nerd that you read the books exactly when you go in cold turkey you're like what the because i had i had never played the games i'd never read anything same dude first like four or five episodes i didn't know about the time change i was so fucked and then like about halfway through i'm like okay time skip i was like screaming it in my house i read the book so i knew but when you are an individual and that's the directors and the editors when they edit that shit you have to be like hey this is clear cut like this is how much time because otherwise you like, I have no idea what the fuck is going on right now. Oh, dude, it was like, how fucking hard is it to do it?

Two years, ten years, fifty years, three years, ten years, fifty years. I had no idea. How hard is it to do an intro cut like five years later? Boom. Your audience is not fucking lost anymore. Magicians don't age. You never fucking knew that. Yeah.

No. Witchers age really slow. You didn't fucking know that. I didn't fucking know it. And that's where it's like the director. But still, Witcher know it the director but still Witcher phenomenal good man as much as you want to yeah Henry Cable do you think he stepped in like when they were fucking it up was like no because he's a nerd he's a huge nerd do you think he ever stepped in and was just like no no no this scene should be like this is what

happened I'd like to hope so cuz he's done a lot for gaming like if you look at his accounts and his social media he because he's done a lot for gaming. Like if you look at his accounts and his social media, he's pushed a lot of nerd bullshit. He's like, hey guys, I'm playing World of Warcraft today. That's right,

Superman. You might know me. That's the big... World of Warcraft. The big story about him is he almost missed his Superman audition because he was raiding in World of Warcraft. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh my God, really? Yeah. He's a nerd. That was the thing because he was like super hyped world of warcraft yeah he's a nerd that was the thing because he was like super hyped about witcher he was just like i fucking played this game so fucking much like when you talk about like ryan reynolds and deadpool yeah that was the same like there's not a lot of video game like adaptations good like and that's when you have creative control because he was like i'll pay i will do the fuck i will put the money in and that's what ryan reynolds does yeah no one wanted to give it to him yeah they said literally it was gonna fail yeah it's a rated r superhero movie it's not gonna do

well so he put all his money in he had creative control 100 and then the trailer got leaked and that's what pushed it to the original which i think he admitted to leaking it oh yeah which is genius oh yeah super dude the the the car chase on the highway with the truck he jumps down in the fucking that was it which is almost like shot for shot in the fucking movie yep absolutely because that's what they were leaked they're like this is what needs to happen and that's when you have a perfect fucking movie because that's like you have to have that that's lower that actor that that is involved or like has that that emotional attachment to it yeah where you have something like that that's lower that actor that that is involved or like has that that

emotional attachment to it yeah where you have something like henrik who's been like i want to be in the witcher ryan reynolds who wants to be deadpool yes they have that that that more emotional attachment so what i think what i can't fucking understand is that all these like big big baller uh movie studios and shit they're they're like obviously they want to look after their investments so they're like we want to make sure we do a lot of studies whatever like and figure out make sure we don't lose our ass if we're dumping 60 million dollars into this project but they can't seem to figure out like okay as soon as you start fucking getting involved that's when you lose your ass on the project working with execs is the hardest fucking part because it is you can have this awesome i've

never talked about like this well you've been on a major television network show and that's what you're talking about working with exactly exactly exactly yeah this is like as you're saying it was the being on the TV show you get to see how everyone or execs put their hands and shit the first season that aired on the History Channel was a completely different of the show uh brothers in arms okay and that was rocker yeah and that was so different than season two which aired because the gun stuff and once they seen season one season one was like i remember watching

that and be like this is fucking perfect we should not change a thing i'm super happy i watched all the episodes like holy shit watching season two was the first time i was like ah like i just check out i was like i don't give a fuck about this this is and then you see the notes that these execs would send in and they were straight terrible most of the time because you have people it's like well kevin from marketing thought this would be a fantastic joke okay eli listen you're sitting on that motorcycle okay now you look down and you're like someone's like eli look what's below you what happens if they shoot the gas tank because it's a world war one vehicle world war ii motorcycle it would explode and your balls might get blown off so can you like play off that joke and i just read it

and be like i'm not saying that like that's fucking stupid i'm sorry let me let me just double check how much you're paying me no no i really i won't say that no and that was like our director who's fantastic but he would like read it and he'd be like eli they want you to say this and i'd be like fuck no he's like okay thank you i just need that to say you said. Because they just want to be able to say that was their idea. That was their hand in the pot. Yes, and that's how video game movies get fucking ruined. Dude, that's how a lot of shit. Like, okay, I know this is completely off track, but, like, the military.

Like, going from, like, a wartime to a peacetime army. Like, this was a big thing that had to do with me wanting to get out. Dog and pony shows? Dude! Holy fucking... You want to talk about drilling ceremony real quick? Dog and ponies?

Dog and ponies! Some fucking colonel, some motherfucker who, you know, a higher up on the officer who just needs his name on some doctrine that's going to ruin

everyone's lives for the next four years. Do you remember the tattoo ruling that came out in like, I think it was like 2013 2014 because you couldn't have anything below the cuffs uh above the neck or below the knees or below the elbows what would they do with people who already had it so you were semi-grandfathered in where you could have it but you couldn't semi-enlist oh you couldn't become an officer. It was insane.

It was like, and it only lasted like three months, but there was a three-month period where some of the best enlisted soldiers in the army were like, well, I'm fucking done. And it's the same thing. It doesn't matter what, honestly, medium you're in, whether it's the military, whether it's the movie industry or gaming, there's always somebody who doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about. That's like, I'm going to put my hand in that. Exactly. I want to be part of this. I want my name there. I need to put my name on something. And it's wild.

So that was actually kind of the more, I've started to get to know Glenn Fleming. The guy, he works at Drive Tanks now, but he used to be on Sons of Guns. He was one of the big gunsmiths there fucking cool ass dude did he get in a lot of trouble? one of them did

the big guy didn't do a thing the kiddie diddling the grapist the grapist a lot of grape Glenn for the record did not do any graping. Oh my god!

That's gotta suck to be attached to Riley. Dude, I've met a couple of those dudes, like fucking Joe and Glenn and whatnot. They're just like, were you with Red Jacket? And they're like, yeah, yeah, but he was talking about fucking TV execs and everything

like that. I'm like, oh yeah, because they never fabricate anything for TV. And Glenn is like fucking, he's like the Tommy Chong of gunsmiths. Yeah. He's fucking, you know Glenn, right? I've never met him. You've never met him? Oh, dude, he's fucking hilarious. Because I'm like, yeah, it's like they never fabricate anything for TV.

He's like, yeah, man, it's not why I fucking left it or anything. Because they make like the fucking motorcycle. That's what that motorcycle story. Yeah. They wanted us to jump through the fucking.

I remember they were like, oh, what happens if you had a motorcycle and you jumped it through a flaming ring? I was like, what the fuck are you guys talking about?

Does that have to do with guns? Well, a machine gun there's a uh what was the og um wait wait what the koleshnikov is based off it's not but it's the original german the stg 44 stg 44 yes the Sturmgewehr yep so the Sturmgewehr SDG 44 old it was like one of the first assault rifles hence the name assault

is the very first yeah Sturmgewehr actually means assault and that's a rifle so it's a storm rifle yeah

history that is part of that you fuckers learned something so what you mean it's not from AR assault rifle that doesn't

but you had to mount that and then they were like we can jump it through a flaming hoop and then also how you reverse engineer shit i've showed you guys on you buy the vehicle this broke down old vehicle and it's not that way so on the show it's like oh we bought this rusted piece of shit, and then we had to restore it. What you're actually doing is, hey, I bought a new thing. I'm taking it apart. I'm putting chocolate and cinnamon on it to make it look like it's rusted and broken up. And then I take pictures and film that, and we scrub it off and then it's back together

so it's like the fucking before after photos the diet shit where they're just like they take a photo in the morning post gym like shredded

and then they just fucking gorge themselves on like potato chips and just get big and they're just yeah they reverse filmed that yes

and that's everything everything that's why like my dad watches a bunch of reality TV and he's like man look at this it's so cool I'm and that's everything. Everything. That's why my dad watches a bunch of reality TV and he's like, man, look at this. It's so cool. It's fake? It ruins. It's not real? What? Honestly, that was

a wake up call because I knew a lot of it was bullshit. You just don't love how much of it was bullshit until you showed me the before and after pictures and explained how that bike breakdown went. was like oh my god tank everything you're just like what the ever yeah that's right you guys did the tank thing as well everything's just sent if you need rust and to look decrepit and shitty cinnamon and chocolate all you need and it is these guys would never

have known no i saw the show the show before you told me. See, I've never watched the show. Good. Don't. Don't. But, well, you said season one you thought was. Season one that didn't air. Oh, what?

I have all that. Yeah, like. No shit. The one that aired is completely different than what aired. Like, what I have. So, they did an entire season they didn't fucking release? Yes, because the gun stuff and all that happened. Because it was initially all about guns.

And then it changed to like. History. Gun, but like motorcycle. Yeah. And that's where it like completely shifted. But you see how executives work. And you see how like networks and all that stuff. And they're so archaic and behind the times.

That's the main issue. And then you have old people and these people with terrible ideas video games anything you're like you could have metal gear solid and you'd be like oh okay main character is solid snake and he fights metal gear rex and uh gray fox liquid snakes the bad guy boom here's your concept what do you want to do with it okay well let's just cross out solid snake immediately yeah that sounds like a penis and i don't like it so we we will go with... The Rock. Rambo.

We don't want our young... That's fantastic. Our young audience is thinking about Solid Snake, so that's... It's business people who are good at business, but they're not creatives like we are. Yeah. And there's such a separation. You can't come into our creative world and fuck this in the ass. And that's why...

Well, they do, constantly. But they do, constantly. If you want to run the accounting side of things, fantastic. You're probably better at it than the creators. Exactly.

But let us fucking write it. Maybe that's why The Witcher did so well. No one's going to go to Henry Cavill and tell him to his face like this is not how it should be

because he would say the same thing. Also like, hey, this is a fucking jacked dude on a lot of steroids who's been training with a sword for six months.

Like, I'm not going to tell him shit. I mean, he's got a sword with him right now. I'm not going to say no months. I'm not going to tell him shit. He's got a sword with him right now. I'm not going to say no today. We're not going to tell him. Todd, for marketing, you go, and he's mid-swing. It's like the scene from The Mountain. He's like, what's up, Mark?

He's like, so, Henry, we've had a slight change. I've heard you wanted to fuck with my idea. I had a slight change. Yeah, he's just swinging. Yeah, so, Henry, this change in the script, you might. And he was just like. Yeah, you just hear that. Swinging it back.

What was it? What did you want to say? Mark's just like. Feel free to say no. Really? You keep doing what? Oh, my God. You do you, Henry. You do you. Never mind. It's cool. You keep doing what Oh my god You do you Henry

Never mind it's cool It was just an idea we had in accounting Keep with the lore of the show Henry Honestly this was a fucking intern We're firing them tomorrow Just terror Just panic What we're saying is stop fucking up our cool shit oh man because you can look at any video game i mean like dead or oh my god dead or alive don't if oh oh have you guys

why every i'm fighting it house wire house of the. House of the Dead. Okay. Have you seen this? That's the shooter game, the arcade game, right? Have you seen the movie? No. I heard it was fucking awful. Can we? Okay, we're going to do another Posse Posse, and we're going to watch the trailer for this real fast

because it's completely worth this reaction right now. Oh, no. Okay, so this guy, what's his B-Lo, Balo? This guy, the director. he bowl you yeah we both i know yes i that fucker i don't understand why he has any clout in hollywood it's so weird they give him millions of dollars per movie and his movies all suck they all bomb like so fucking bad and that's why they're like this guy has to be be a money laundering or something. Because there is not one where it's like, oh, it was slightly decent. It's like, these are fucking...

No. Like in the Rampage movies that he made. Wait, he was the new guy that did the Rampage series? He directed the Rampage series. And then after two and three, it was all just like, eat the rich. I've never seen this movie. I want to watch this now. I think I'd rather watch Ranch 15.

Equally is terrible. Okay. I'm not watch this now. I think I'd rather watch Range 15. Equally is terrible. I'm not going to lie. I watched Range 15 like two weeks ago just so I could find the picture, the scene of Eli to send him a picture of it. That's why I sent it to you. It was awful. I couldn't finish it. It was so bad.

I didn't want to let it work. But Tim Kennedy was in it. He's so badass. Way to go, JT. Thanks for that, bud. Oh, God. That is literally House of the Dead trailer right there. That is how bad video game movies. Like, you just have a concept.

And that was a $5 million or $10 million budget. Oh, my God. They paid that man. Jesus. But the $10 million budget for the movie? That's super low budget. I mean, yes, relative. But for that

quality, for that quality... We could do that better with like $30,000. Yeah. What if someone gave us a million dollars and said make a Hollywood movie? Oh, that's never happened before in this crew. Range 15. How, that's never happened before in this crew. Range 15.

How'd that go? Yeah, I'm going to talk like this the entire movie. Dan all the way. That's not Dan. Or whatever his fucking name is. Ross. Yeah, Ross. Ross Patterson.

Yeah, guys. It's so, you just so... I don't know. Macho man, Randy Savage. It's so bad. You're just like, why? Why do these movies cost so much to do this? That.

That is impossible. The story for House of the Dead was already pretty cool. It was two investigators, a man and a woman. They were just going in and figuring out why people were missing. And suddenly it's like, oh fuck, there's like creatures here. You could have done something with that. And the start of that, there was a wave

and a party on an arch of kids trying to have premarital sex. Zombies wanted one thing. And then it cuts to the weird pirate scene. Yeah, what the fuck? So I haven't seen...

I didn't. I was lost. Good experiments are not of God. I thought I accidentally did some acid when we watched that trailer. When you're confused by the trailer, that is a good sign. Can we watch shitty movie trailers? Dude, we need to do a react. Like a movie react.

We just need to watch shitty movies. Period. Bingo. We can do bingo. Like a movie react. We just need to watch shitty movies. We can do bingo. Bingo night with bad trailers. That's perfect. But all video game movies go down that terrible... So terrible. Someone with money and no creativity gets a hold of it and just

fucks it in the ass. So Hollywood. Oh, Hollywood. We've quarantined them to one section of California. fucks it in the ass. So Hollywood. Hollywood. Oh, Hollywood. That's what it is. Fantastic. We've quarantined them to one section of California. It's too bad they have creative control

over all of our movies. Yeah. Disney's doing it right. They have, what's it, John, John, John Favreau.

John Favreau is a little Star Wars god. Well, he's the one that created the mcu oh yeah yeah yeah absolutely iron man and then that just catapulted everything to was the first good superhero movie ever yes like oh okay okay spider-man one and two we told you amazing all right spider-man 3 got weird with the Like that was weird Pizza time Pizza time

Like Spider-Man 1 and 2 With Great William Dafoe Big Dick William Dafoe Yeah Big Dick Daddy Like those were good James DeFranco

Like early in the Yeah Those were fantastic movies James DeFranco Yeah you're right That was Yeah William Dafoe's son

And Green Goblin's kid Whatever his fucking name was I don't remember But those were good But you're right that was yeah William and the son and green goblins kid whatever his fucking name was I

don't remember but those were good but you're

right like the Iron Man movie was like

the re-inventation of like superheroes in Hollywood yeah like holy fuck

the first time they've ever done like an overarching plot on fucking 20 movies oh yeah

that's insane too back over the whole Avengers universe and shit like that there's like three phases planned out overarching plot on fucking 20 movies. Oh, yeah. That's insane, too. Back over the whole Avengers universe and shit like that. There were, like, three phases planned out for, like, 10 years prior to anything happening. Yeah. Like, dude, the nerdy part of me, like, fucking thanks God that fucking Endgame

came out six months before COVID. Could you imagine that? Oh, yeah. I need to think about it. Waiting an extra year for it. The DCU is royally rushed can we i just don't even wanna they're like see what the mcu is doing they're like these guys are like 40 what if we make it all muted blue colors and we try to be serious but we're not put it all into one real quick okay we'll do like one movie for each one and that's good enough. And they're like, what about The Flash and Wonder Woman?

And the robot guy, Cybertron. Cyborg. All those movies that suck. Yeah, and they're like, okay, well, so bad. Because every time you separate one piece of the Justice League they're like, ooh, that's going to bomb.

Because they write it so edgy. What about Suicide Squad? Oh, man. Look, I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. Oh, I hated it. Suicide Squad with Will Smith. That Suicide Squad. I just don't like Margot Robbie in that fucking movie.

I feel like they could have done a little better. I don't know. We should talk about the Joker real quick. We're just pretend that what was that Joker Joker like the new one Not no not that one. Oh Lead singer of 36 hours. Yeah. Yeah amazing singer. Holy Leno Jared Leto Yeah, but I'm sure it's not his fault the Joker sucked, but the creative control of that Joker

was... Hold on real quick. He's got his stupid tattoos everywhere. Twisted. And I almost liked where they were going with it with the fucking cartel Joker kind of shit, but it just didn't work.

They didn't set it up. They just dropped it. This is the thing. Good luck. Enjoy the background that doesn't exist. tell joker kind of shit but just didn't they just fucking they didn't set it up they just like dropped it's like this is the thing good luck enjoy the background that doesn't exist that's when a studio rushes the idea like hey this is what we want to do we're just going to rush this out to market in order to try to make some bucks off of what so we know we had superman movies and we had that one batman movie but like here here are the villains. They're all dead now. And you're like, it's good, right? But then you look at the Thor.

Was Thor a Ragnarok? It was so fucking good. That writer, because that was when he took over directing. I forget his name. Taika Waititi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm cultured, motherfucker. New Zealand.

He was the rock guy. He is the rock guy. I'm cold. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I'm maded motherfucker He was the rock guy He is the rock guy I'm cold I'm made of rock It's a rock paper scissors joke Like one of the greatest characters ever Amazing And he wrote that in

Because they were like Hey we gotta do this I'm a rock But you know some exec was like That's a stupid fucking idea And he's like No it relates to people And people are gonna love it And he's like no it's gonna stay in and there was a battle

And there was a fight. He's a goat with knives for hands He's alright, it's a circle, but you can't really go around on the circle Alright peace off guys It's so good Like all the one line Every line was perfect. That's when you let someone who's creative have their fucking creativity in a superhero movie.

I think it was Thor 2 where they realized the current Thor didn't work all that well. Then they're like, alright, we need somebody to change this shit up a little bit. Bring in someone new. That dude just slayed it. Ragnarok is one of my favorites. It's visually fucking in your face it's vibrant it's wonderful everything's got some fucking cyberpunk vibes

yeah oh yeah that's what i'm saying it's visually like everything about it is just like and the community right yeah and the comedic beats are on fuck it's like why deadpool works it's the comedic beats for deadpool are on fucking point you can's like why Deadpool works. It's the comedic beats for Deadpool are on fucking point. You can go back and watch that every time. Every single time you're going to laugh. It doesn't matter. I'm going to watch it tonight when you guys leave.

Jeff Goldblum is a bad guy. Dude, right? And he's such a sweet man too. Even though he's evil. God, see, everything about that. It's just movies when they take themselves too serious or anything like that. They just go downhill. Video game movies, unfortunately, just follow that trend where it's just movies when they take themselves too serious or anything like that they just go downhill video game movies unfortunately just follow that trend where

it's like we got to be serious silent hill i think that's why we're all here is because we don't fucking take ourselves that seriously no because it's like as soon as you start taking yourself super seriously you'd be like you cross the border into cringe yeah you're a grinch bag hey well i mean like i'm sorry i love you i'm sorry hey i didn't say that he doesn't lift weights i have i haven't passed him on youtube yet so i can't i can't say anything i love him i'm kidding i love you i love you nice yeah we don't none of us like i'll never be the serious gun guy like i was we can't no i was like i want to be nerdy anime weeb dude that does gun stuff every once in a while you're not gonna see me at the fucking gun range like

doing hardcore fucking trial runs and yeah you were talking you were talking about company last night a company an ad wanted probably all of us before but you were saying specifically a company wanted you to just shoot still yeah like like that literally isolates me from my that's like me being like donut do anti-police videos you'd be like wait you don't do those did you want to suck on my wiener like you have that mix but it's like it's doing the exact opposite of what it's like ak guy run plates also or do some ar-15 videos like i've done that for money super serious with shaking if they pay me enough i'll fucking do it i'll do anything suck any dick for that and if you give me an mp7 hk i will fucking i I swear to God, I'll swallow all you want.

I will gargle balls. I'm going to punch in on that one. Swallow the gravy. Exactly. Jack Black and Tropic Thunder, dude. Such a good movie. Look at that one too.

God damn it. You couldn't, you can't have shit like that anymore, man. That type of comedy is just. Dude dude did you see the fucking joe rogan where uh robert downey jr was on it talking about tropic thunder like i was in blackface in that movie and he's like my mother's like oh bobby i don't think that's a good idea he's like i was so fucking paranoid about it and then like as soon as the movie came out, everybody got on Ben Stiller for making fun of retarded people.

And he's like, whoa. All right. Fuck. Thank Christ. I forgot. Yeah, because you have that. It's a perfect example of, like, you're just like, is it going to go? Is the hate going to go to me or somebody else right now?

It's the kind of humor that's gone away, man. hate that like in the last 10 years we've talked about it it's not existed anymore man you don't get that that raunchy fun comedy anymore the shitty part is that it still exists you just can't do it publicly no exactly still fucking does it it's just We don't. I mean, we don't. We don't. Because we're... They're partnered. Fuck Batty. Consensually. Unrelated idea, but...

I let him... Oh, man. That's why our humor is slowly dying out on YouTube, especially. They're starting to fucking get us all, bud. Yeah, that's the hardest part, watching a lot of those content creators. A lot of people like to hide that. They pretend like that's not how they act with their friends anymore, man. I know so many creators on YouTube who just can't say how they feel. Yeah, comedians do.

I mean, comedians have actually done broadcasts about this. They won't go to colleges in specific states anymore because they know they will get hate for their jokes. So they stay away from certain colleges because of that. It's like Dave Chappelle, Bill Burr. All those guys are like, yeah, we just won't go to those areas anymore. Because we'll get crucified for

nothing. Nothing. Making a fucking joke. Weird. It's a joke and And it's now taking literal. And you're like, when, like, Dave Chappelle got heat for all his last couple of shows. And you're like, what? This man's just a comedian. And now comedians start it with, it's like, I'm going to get in trouble for this.

I'm going to say it. Here we go. Yeah. Hey, this is a joke. Cancel culture. I know you're coming for me. I think that was Bill Burr's last fucking Netflix special. He's like, all right, well, now this is going to be my fucking,

my last comedy special. Here we go. Oh, Brad, it's wild, man. Bill Burr is so good. That one was shit, but yeah. It's perfect. It's beautiful. Oh, thank you.

People don't know how to just laugh anymore, I feel like. No, just don't take yourself serious. Have fun. Laugh at what needs to be... The people that we're talking to right now aren't listening, so that's great. Executives, stop fucking with our superhero in video game movies, okay?

Henry Cavill, if you want to come on to this podcast and people listening, go bug him on his stuff. Not while he's holding a sword. Outside of that. But just definitely bombard him with joining this podcast. Does he live in Texas?

I don't know. I feel like he does. Henry Cavill, we love you. So much, honestly. Thank you. Eli will suck your dick if you come out here. So much, honestly. Come hang out. Thank you. Or Ryan Reynolds. Eli will suck your dick if you come out here. That's your thing. Ryan Reynolds.

It's a good podcast. We won't be on the podcast. You can just talk on your own. We'll leave. That's the end of the show. He sits down. We leave. Any monologues for an hour?

Just text us if you need some DoorDash. Henry, can you clap for me? Thank you. Okay. Have fun, Mr. Cavill. Over in the corner, just fucking jerking off. Henry Cavill just talking about the Witcher and just a bunch of shit in the corner. I mean... You ain't wrong.

Taint wrong. What are we on time, enough good close it out baddie so mr akg uh mr brenner on the ak guy thank you for coming on to unsubscribe where can we find you to watch all your bullshit uh don't for the love of christ perfect okay so i'm baddie streams we have eli double tap hereOperator and of course the AK guy. You can find him everywhere online as TheRealBrandHera or TheAKGuy. Please give him a follow on all his dumb

shit. And now on Twitch. Yeah! TheRealBrandHera because the fake one was taken. Yeah, and he plays Tarkov when he's not streaming, which is really weird. You know he's addicted. I am addicted. It's not healthy. Hear that chat? Video games not... I called everybody

chat. End it. you