Unsubscribe Podcast - 107 - Friendly Fire ft. Jack Mandaville & Uncle Lazer

Episode Date: May 27, 2023

WE FINALLY GOT JACK ON!! WE LOVE JAAAAAAAAAACK!! Yall hear how jack had a BIG oopsie in basic training???? GO CHECK OUT JACK MANDAVILLE https://www.instagram.com/jackmandaville GO CHECK OUT UNCLE LAZER! https://www.instagram.com/uncle_lazer/?hl=en https://www.unclelazer.com/ ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS!! Adam & Eve Go to https://www.adameve.com/ and use code UNSUB for 50% off + Free shipping + Rush Processing!  GhostBed Right now GhostBed is offering 30% off everything if you use the code – UNSUBSCRIBE at checkout or visit https://www.ghostbed.com/pages/unsubscribe Kershaw Knives Use code UNSUB20 for 20% off at https://kershaw.kaiusa.com/ Orders over $100 ship for free! Babble Right now, when you purchase a 3-month Babbel subscription, you’ll get an additional 3 months for FREE. That’s 6 months, for the price of 3! Just go to https://www.babbel.com/ and use promo code UNSUB. ------------------------------ OUR MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast JOIN THE PATREON NOW:  https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast WE HAVE A SUBREDDIT??? https://www.reddit.com/r/UNSUBSCRIBEpodcast/ CHECK OUT https://outofregz.com/  CODE: UNSUB http://gfuel.com/discount/baddie CODE: BADDIE ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o MORE LINKS! https://linktr.ee/UnsubscribePodCast ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie-           @Baddie Streams https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -Eli_Doubletap-             @Eli Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm recording again! Sorry. And then I'm here recording again! This is really, really good! Sorry, bro. I'm dead! Batty was just saying a bunch of words we hadn't even heard on the clock. Ugh. Ridiculous, we don't know best not to ask yourself why but my friend you've arrived welcome to unsubscribe

Eli yeah, I'm Wolverine again That's for show what baddies trying to say curse I've been making knives in the United States since 1974 Hey Wolverine, how many employees does Kershaw have? 400 stop pointing those at me design tested manufactured in the United States Hey Wolverine, how many employees does Kershaw have? 400. Stop pointing those at me. Designed, tested, manufactured in the United States. Ching! I'm a crab.

No matter what someone's budget, Kershaw strives to offer them a value-packed product backed by a limited lifetime warranty from a $20 entry-level knife to a $200 US-made automatics. Kershaw also offers free replacement parts like pockets or screws. All the customer needs to do is fill out a parts request form from our online website. Use code unsub20 at kershaw.com to save 20% and if you spend over $100 you get free shipping. I'm Wolverine. I'm Baraka. Baraka? Our president? No. Baraka.

Mortal Kombat? The single blade arm guy? You have no idea who I'm talking about? He's the guy with the mouth that's all the teeth, and then he has the two blades that come out his arms. Oh, wait, wait, we got to pop a top. No, not yet. Not yet. Slow the f*** down. I'm sorry. Oh wait, we got a pop. No, not yet. Not yet. Sorry.

Okay. Sorry. Eli has one drink forgets everything we do here. I'm gonna do whatever you're gonna do with a guy one. We got Mr. Jack. We got Dr. laser. We have now upgraded him to a doctor doctor now. I was a knight a sir.

Yeah, he was a certain doctor like, we have to look like we're Lady and the Tramp this old podcast. Yeah, he was a sir. And we're like, Dr. Lazer. I love that we have to look like we're Lady and the Tramp for this whole podcast. Yeah. Like, as the spaghetti gets a little closer, you know what I'm saying? For the last 30 minutes, we're just gonna make out.

Well, I just had an outbreak recently, so don't get too close. So yeah, don't let your noodle touch my noodle. 30 measures. We're like, by the way, these two are gay and happy together.

This is how we announce your relationship. If you just see this throughout the show, don't worry about it. Don't ask questions. We won't tell. Can I sit in the middle? You're from Vermont. We could do a ski trip.

I remember having fun with Bernie Sanders or something. I'm just over here giving a breakdown of the bukkake. Okay. Now, Dr. Lee's going to jerk off Jack Mandeville and Betty's going to catch that in his beard. Now, Eli, I didn't tell you the entire last podcast, but you have something in your teeth right here, bubs. The entire time. I'm glad.

Thank you. Thank you. I know. I just, I figured I'd let one slide. In the comments below, if you watched the last podcast, could you guys... Got it. Got it. In the comments below, let us know when you noticed the...

in the IC. Thank you. Yeah. So, last time, this is gonna be embarrassing. Your face. Guys, in the comments below, if you noticed my face, let me know when it really offended you. Do we got everyone here?

You stay longer. What is that sound? There's dogs everywhere screeching. Welcome to the End of Scrap Podcast. I double-dip myself, batty streams, and our two beautiful, powerful, strong, sexy, look at that mustache, Jack Mandeville. And of course, Sir Doctor Uncle Laser. Do you want Mama's Boy me or Mimi? I want Jack. Oh, okay.

Let's just do it. Okay, now this is what the audience curved in. It was like, and up? The retention just went up? Dude, yeah, we look like Piglet. Let's roll them. Let's roll those chests right now. That's it, baby.

Okay, so. This is Triforce from Zelda. The Earth Stone, Power Stone, Water Stone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just. I got a little bit of the health bar. Hold on, you have a choice. Yeah.

Why here? And in the middle is the eye of truth that bleeds from the back of the dollar bill, the annular coot or whatever. It would have been way better for the swastika. Whoa! And we're good. So we're back on the podcast right now.

I'm coming up. I just like the idea. No. What do you mean you like? No. Whoa, dude. No. Slippery slope What do you mean you like? No. Whoa, dude. No. Slippery slope.

Do you have any tattoos? No. Stop this. We're going back on the Triforce. If he's like, this is my Triforce tattoo. What's the swastika in the middle? And you're like, what? You're trying to throw it off the mic.

I'm like, wait. But why? And you're like, what are you talking about? Yeah. I'm like, well, I'm confused about the nerd shit around the not nerd shit. You're like, bro, it's not. I like Legend of Zelda, man. I like Legend of Zelda.

I'm just into that video game. I'm just really into Indian mythology, you know? Yeah, Indian mythology. It's not a fucking swastika. It's not like the German kind. It's the Indian kind. Yeah, it's the good one. This is based off of Buddhism.

Wait, hold on. But what's it represent? It's something that has to do with peace. Yeah, peace and tranquility. Yeah, which is very ironic that the Arab Germans adopted that. As the non-white person at the stable, I can talk about it with no repercussion. We are all pretty white. As I look over to the pink skin,

the pigs next to me. I'm from Minnesota. I got a little color in fucking Arizona. I mean, come on, boys. Dude, you got a triforce, though, Joe. Hold my hand right up here. One of them green mountain boys. Jack, you're just naked right now. Pretty much, yeah.

I think I have the closest tattoo there is to a swastika, actually. What is it? Well, it's Kurt Vonnegut's butthole. I don't know how this works. Look at the jorts. Look at the jorts. The jorts are money. Do I stand?

Can I stand? Yeah, you can stand on that chair. Look at this. This is incredible. So close to a swastika jacket. My favorite writer is Kurt Vonnegut, and he used to doodle buttholes, so I got his butthole doodle tattooed on me. I got this.

Okay, first off, this is the first story we're going with because I know you all out there want to know this story, and I'm sure Dr. Uncle Laser hasn't heard this story yet. Sir, you've heard of the sir? Sir, Dr. And I'm sure Dr. Uncle Lazer hasn't heard this story yet. Sir. Dr. Uncle. Sir. Dr. Uncle Lazer. Jack got shot in basic training. Well, yes. Yeah. I didn't know that. Jack

got shot, and I quote, in basic training. So when you join the military and you go to marine school to become a fantastic marine, very sexy, powerful marine. Well, let's face it. Ex-marine. I have a purple heart when I got shot. Jack has no purple heart.

You don't get that in basic training? They don't give purple hearts for stateside accidental discharges. Oh, you shot yourself. No. Jack! Go on. Oh, man. The year was, okay. Jack, go on. Oh, man.

Well, you know, the year was 2002. I was a young boy, 19, ripe, fresh, pink, fresh into the Marine Corps. And what happened was, now, it wasn't basic training. It was SOI. It's the first thing out of it. It's pretty much basic training. It's your OSA, your A school, your whatever they're called, your Navy, Army, Marines.

Yeah, it's the first thing you do outside of boot camp. You're still basically in boot camp. And we, you know, totally makes sense that you'd have like, now this was back in the days, these SOI instructors now are, it's considered a B-bill. It's a coveted thing. It's good for career advancement. But back then it's like, you got six months left and we hate you.

Go babysit these privates. And I was one of those privates and there was 500 of us and about six of them. This is the most shitbag leadership that we're sending to be drill instructors. Yeah. So it's not like now in an army and everything, you still have more higher class drill instructors, teachers. Marines, apparently, in 2002, did not feel that way. The drill instructors were well-trained. The SOI instructors were not.

Again, they were like, I got six months on this bitch. I'm out of here. They're just going to hire a janitor. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And so it was our first time using the squad automatic weapon. Hell yeah. And it was a rainy day like this. Love it. And we were out there doing what's called squad rushes all day you know because we're evident we were training for the russian invasion during the middle of the global war on terrorism and and we were doing these squad rushes

and just all day long and uh a bunch of little baby privates 19 year olds using this weapon for the first time and this is a friday and it's the first weekend off we'll ever get so we're all excited to rush home with these weapons and clean them up check them into the armory and go out for the weekend yep and uh so we we get back to the armory and uh we're we're cleaning these things as fast as possible wait in you were inside at this point not out in like nope not even out not even out in the shit i don't know anything about the story i've heard it happen but i know nothing so this is back in the armory I don't know anything about this story. I've heard it happen, but I know nothing. So this is... Back in the armory, undercover, and we are... He is...

The rain has fallen. The guns have been shot. They've road marched back. Covered in mud. Covered in mud. These are hardened veterans, privates. They've never seen combat. They've placed their weapons down.

Well, I was a veteran of boot camp at that point. Exactly. As we all are, cheers to my... They've never been given about five minutes of instruction on how to clear these fucking things. That is a very accurate... You're not exaggerating. Hey, fucking rack it. It is good.

Clean the shit. Don't look at it when you open it. Yeah, you're good. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey, an easy way to save while shopping on your iPhone or computer. Not what the bears eat. Thanks to Honey, manually searching way to save while shopping on your iPhone or computer. Not what the bears eat. Thanks to Honey, manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past. Honey is the free shopping tool that scours the internet to find the best promo codes for the items in your cart.

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If you don't already have honey, you could be straight up missing out. And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting the podcast. Get PayPal honey for free at joinhoney.com slash unsub. That's joinhoney.com slash unsub. And that's precisely what happened. I was scrubbing the barrel. I was taking the front. Okay.

And there was another Marine on the back. Okay. It's teamwork. Yes, teamwork. So he was taking the buttstock off is what it's literally called. And when he set the weapon down, it sent the charging handle forward. There happened to be a round lodged up in the chamber. And oh, a little PFC Manneville was just standing there.

Pew! Ah! Ah! Sergeant! Sergeant! Do I have permission to bleed? I took a bullet in my arm. And of course, these guys, no one is expecting that.

So I just remember that one of the instructors runs up, grabs my arm, and the other one's getting there at the same time. He's like, what happened, dude? I don't know. They're having a conversation with each other, tugging my armor. I'm like, I'm't know. They're like having a conversation with each other talking my armor. I'm like, I'm okay sergeant Yeah And you know like they were so concerned about how they even in the moment

They weren't even concerned about whether I was okay is like oh fuck we're fucked dude This is when rotting off the Rangers like this this. You're good. You're good. Remember clearing barrels? Remember that? Oh, yeah, yeah. Bet you all remember that. So Dr. Laser might not know clearing barrels at the range. When you shoot and do a range day, especially in basic training, you have to walk up to your NCO, which is a sergeant or anyone.

You show them your gun with it locked back. They have to then present a rod that they put down the barrel, kicks out any rods, and you're clear. Now, what happens when you have shit bags running in the range, you're like, yeah, I don't give a fuck, and it's rainy. Then you're trying to get inside.

You're walking up with the gun, like, we don't give a fuck, private. You're clear. You're clear. Did you clear it? Go inside. Why are you still standing out here yeah then old private jack mandeville sent gun down stands in front of it homeboy closes it sends the bolt back forward and it just boom yeah point blank range hit me right here it's still there it's still there it's a little that's still blue yeah nice little scar there uh that's when they burnt cigarettes out on me right there.

Hi, I'm Tara Schmidt, a registered dietitian and host of On Nutrition, a podcast for Mayo Clinic where we dig into the latest nutrition trends and research to help you understand what's health and what's hype. There's a lot of wild stuff out there, so we'll be keeping it science-based, research-informed, and practical. Mayo Clinic's On Nutrition. New episodes every other week, wherever you get your podcasts. That's a whole different story, yeah. You know what the best part is? Years later, I dated a woman who worked for the president of the United States of

America. So I'd be at a White House function and it'd be all these like D.C. You know, it's a terrible culture, but all these highfalutin D.C. types, you know, where they like to parade veterans around. And she'd always put me in those spots. She'd, you know, to like these like chiefs of staff of congressmen. And she'd be like, Jack got shot in the military. And then she'd walk away.

I'm like, well, it wasn't uh overseas really yeah yeah yeah i got shot inside on basic training yeah yeah and yeah and my i mean that was at the beginning of the war by the by the end of my enlistment like if you looked at her battalion parking lot it was like nothing but purple heart license plates and shit like that and then there was me the guy shot. What happened to the guy that shot you? Nothing. They just kind of let that slide. He got a medal. They brushed that under the table.

He got a Purple Heart. He got a Purple Heart. For his PTSD, obviously, from shooting a friend. E-I-B. It just goes to the back. And the best part is, I was there for the invasion of Iraq. I know, you were there. I went to the invasion of Iraqq i still had sutures in me

i couldn't even like i couldn't even bend my arm to fire a weapon yeah damn dude that's one of my favorite stories ever it's because we have two people that we know which is a very rare thing we have two friends that have been shot in basic training. Marty. My man, Marty. Yeah. To get shot in basic training is a special thing. Yeah.

He got shot in the back. I know. Doing squad rushes. I know. Yeah. And then the drill sergeant, I love his story because it was like, the drill sergeant's like, drill sergeant, I think I got shot. And he's like, you fucking idiot.

No. He's like, I think I got shot, drill sergeant. And then bloodshot shooting out. Coming out of his back. And drill sergeant's like, you fucking idiot. No. He's like, I think I got shot. Daryl's aren't. And then blood is shooting out of his back. I was like, what are you talking? Holy shit. He's like, okay, come here. You guys like that. Shut up, bro.

And when that happens, you miss a bunch of shit like PT tests and written tests, but they don't say shit because they know they all fucked up. So they just pass you automatically. I got to hang out and eat Oreos alone in my bunk while they were out doing all this stuff, and they're like, we're going to pass you. Okay. Yeah, Jack, you got passed for everything, didn't you? Well, during

SOI, yeah, because they knew they fucked up. So they're like, we're just going to push this kid through and hopefully he doesn't tell his congressman. My favorite thing about that story is thinking because you were 19, so your fucking si your instructor your di's they were all probably like what 25 to 30 tops well not 22 23 to 25 at that point yeah they were they were young they were babies themselves this is pre-war this is 9-11 a day after it happened and everyone don't give a fuck. We still had some 90s

mentality in that Marine Corps back then. Hey, we're going to beat the shit out of this kid right here. Why? Because he's a year younger than me. Because he got shot by his teammate for our lack of leadership. Did that beat up Jack?

I can hear the conversation with these guys being like, yo, we fucked up what do how do we blame him yeah he got shot no how do we make this you want to talk you want to talk if you know the military can gaslight you better than a chick with the blue hair and fucking septum ring oh yeah dude the military is wild like if if there was a leadership fuck up, they will do everything in their power to make it the lowest rungs. Like however fucking. Let's go blame it on that kid that was homeschooled. Jack got graped.

It was his fault. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He should have been so pretty looking. Yeah. Jack shouldn't have wore such slutty outfits. You're like, these are military outfits. Is he wearing like the maternity camis right now or what? His hips are

popping. He looked way too confident. That's why it's his fault. Dude, his donk was popping, man. Still is, Jack. Still is. Dude, the jorts were the fucking fashion statement. Thank you. I'm going through a midlife crisis, so I'm deriving my new fashion

sense from people I know in their late 20s, early 30s. And you love jorts and a bad haircut. I got the jorts from K. I'm sorry. I'm good here. I'm acting my age right here. That's for sure. You do every year.

And then you go like this. I mean, that's the move, baby. That's the move. Look at that. All social media is that. Oh, my Lord. we look like we look like we look like a before and after photo right now it's incredible yeah oh yeah incredible you look like a horror movie you got the top and he's got the side dude if you combine yourself

if we can morph just take a screenshot and melt it together. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, you guys combined. Or like when Trunks and them do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That Trunks and the Goat team, you're like, ping. God damn. Oh, my God. This is glorious. They just have a whole head of hair.

We didn't get any fighting powers. No, I am definitely not like Samson. That's for sure. We got our both boards. You guys hung out briefly together. Yeah, we met briefly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you both, what I love most is you both spoke so highly of each other.

Yeah. Yeah. Great guys. He was fun to hang out. You know what happened, too, is that night, it just rarely, it hasn't happened in like three years, but it was just one of those nights, everything lined up to, in my head, it was like, I'd like some cocaine right now i'm thinking that and someone said like he's the guy to have it but all night you were in such deep conversation that i didn't want to bother you

but i'm like i know he's got some i know he's no i'm so bad i'm gonna be honestly like when i go out to the you know place out there that's like i'm like all right i know i can drink no one has cocaine here so i'm not to be a piece of shit. So I usually never have it there. But yeah, I thought that too. I was like, man, I'd really like some right now. I know, that was a good night for it. We made a good video.

I mean, yeah, we had a fucking grand old time. I was just like, we had the two guests who were like, man, I just felt like you'd be a dude that did cocaine. And I like totally got along with you the second I realized. Dude, but as I get get older I'm starting to realize cocaine sucks yeah it's terrible I haven't done it like in three or four years

the night starts off so great you're skipping everywhere you go to the bathroom with your boys you jingle the keys instantly you gotta shit cause they cut it with baby laxatives instantly you gotta shit and then like you get out of there and it's cool everything's cool but then 7 30 in

the morning rolls around you're talking politics god all that stuff with a stranger on a beanbag chair in someone's garage but he delivers pizzas for a living it's a real sturdy conversation and then there's some fucking soft thick chick that looks like she's a seven you know like not even a seven and she's not a bad you know it's a high number i'm churching it up a little bit she's a four she's a four she's slightly overweight on cocaine she works at a hot topic she's in a midlife crisis too but you're like bad yet she's giving topic yeah she's giving you the friendly eyes, and you're like, I'm going to give her the best dick of her life.

And you take her inside on that stranger's beanbag chair, and that waiter just won't do anything. You realize they're stranger eyes. And you apologize to her. You apologize to her, and you're like, I swear to God, this never happens. But it happens every single time. You want to go snort some Viagra?

Yeah. That happens to me. Your clit's going to be so hard. That nine-inch baby clit. And then you're eating her out, but your mouth's numb, so now her vagina's numb. It's just not a win-win for anybody, dude.

And you're just like, and then you're going to try to make it up to her the next day. She doesn't text you for a month because she forgot she saved you and her phone is limp biscuit. So, like, it's just bad all the way around dude sorry dude i'm a piece of shit

don't ever apologize you know that was story time and i enjoyed the ride jack do you have the same feeling about i? I don't know, cocaine's with girls You know what? I've never had a sexual experience on cocaine It was always me backing some other dude Into the corner and talking about like 18th century History Topographic

The Romanovs, the Windsors They were all related Basically World War I was just one big family feud That the rest of the world had to pay for. It was such a tragedy of life. Well, I mean, to be fair, that really was what World War I was. And then the U.S. got involved.

I get really excited. They're going to get on my level of frickin' early 20th century European royalty intrigue. I wish, Jack, you are fantastic at when it comes to... Are you a big history guy? I love history. Have you never went on any adventure in San Antonio with Jack?

I've only met Jack once at one. Oh, yeah. I'm your tour guide when you're down here. Okay. I'm about it. Go on. Why should he visit three places in San Antonio? Yeah, I've been to the Alamo several times.

Do you have three in mind? No, you. My pick? Jack, you. Okay, all right. Fuck the Alamo several times. Do you have three in mind? No, you. My pick? Jack, you. Okay, all right. Fuck the Alamo. That's just a gift shop where a bunch of losers died. It really was.

Fuck the Alamo. Well, the inside's kind of cool where they got like, oh, this is where the humidity's ruining all the stones. Yeah, yeah. Actually, so we have four other missions there. So you want to talk about like, you know, for this region of the world very old beautiful architecture old spanish architecture they're in pristine condition they still run active franciscan uh services there we'll skip that part as far as nightlife goes um you know south alamo street where the locals hang out it's texas is one of those cities you live in

austin right but you're you're from a down-to-earth community yeah i'm from like a village two hours south of houston right what i love about san antonio it's the seventh biggest city in the country but you never feel like it it is truly america's largest small town and you could have a guy that makes a billion dollars sitting next to a guy that's a thousand i agree with that as somebody who only been here a couple years now, it's a very big city, but it's vast. It's not condensed at all, so it does still have the feel of a radar. I think they have the— Until traffic time.

Well, I see, but I even went that, though, because I've had traffic in Dallas, Houston, and Austin. I think San Antonio's the best one out of all four. They've been planning well for this influx of population. The infrastructure's very good there. I don't know. The third thing, doing cocaine. they've been planning well for this influx of population structure is very good there yeah i don't have a third thing um doing cocaine and it's plentiful and down here yeah no uh but one of the places i grew i grew up down and by

like my daddy used to take me metal detecting all the time like it was like oh yeah you know what like you could have told me any fact about your fucking life and i've been like huh but but my daddy took me metal detecting i'm like that is that makes so much god damn sense and we would get on one of the judges uh in the county he had some land on the brazos river and there's still like little fucking little wooden structures where santa ana's army built a bridge to cross and shit like that. And we didn't find it, but, uh,

some of his younger boys found it. They found like a bunch of cannonballs and they found some payroll, like old Spanish coins. No shit. Like under, under a big ass. Cause the oak tree had markings and shit on it. I guess when they were retreating back and crossing and they were heading that

way, they couldn't fucking, they couldn't take all this money back and cross and like that fast enough as they were retreating so they buried the payroll they buried like they found like a fuck ton of like spanish gold coins and all kind of maybe not spanish i don't know if it's gold and i don't know exactly what it was but they found a bunch of old coins from that air that were payroll for the army that's that's that's um army. Did Phil Collins buy it from him? You want to know why I made that little jokester right there? Phil Collins, the Phil Collins, is the largest

private collector of Alamo artifacts in the world. Really? That guy buys up Alamo fucking artifacts. Why? He was a little boy in England and that John Wayne, remember the Alamo movie came out? By the time he hit it big as a musician while all of his peers were just spending their money on cocaine and women, he was like, I'm going to buy some Texas history over there.

I don't know. I can't do that accent. That was good. That was a good one. I'm impressed with that. You sound like Danny Warshnot. Let's be real. Y'all need help for Valentine's Day because you're like us.

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Him. Him. He's not going to have a problem. 60 seconds. We're done. We're done. We're done. Okay.

Adam.com. Code on done. We're done. We're done. Okay. AdamEve.com. Code unsub. 50% off and free shipping. Thanks, guys. Spice up your night and life. Thank you. You're welcome. Is that a true thing, though, about Phil Collins,

where he writes that song in the air tonight? I can feel it calling in the air tonight about the boy drowning. He drowns that other boy at the summer tonight. I can feel it calling in the air tonight about the boy drowning. He drowns that other boy at that, not a church camp, it's a summer camp. What? Y'all don't know that? Yeah, so apparently

he wrote that song about he witnessed a boy drown another boy at a summer camp and then later in life he found out that that dude came to his concert

and he pulled him up on stage and sung him that song. But I never knew if that was a real action I think it's a wives tale. Okay, I think it is a wives song. But I never knew if that was a real action fact. I think it's a wives' tale. Okay, I think it is a wives' tale, too, but I just always thought that was a pretty cool...

I can feel... It's a great fucking song. When he's in that gorilla suit, he... Yeah, it's fucking awesome. I was like, that's the real story behind that. That's real fucked up. It's real fucked up.

It's real fucked up. God damn it. You were the first guys with our shirts off in the podcast. Yeah, y'all might as well just do it too. Who gives a shit? It was us. We got tattooed. That's why I said when we got tattooed.

That was a rough time. We got tattooed on the podcast. That was fucking stupid. Really? Yeah, we all did rib tattoos. Yeah, we're all. They have you laid out in like masseuse tables or something? No, we just sat there.

Oh, you were just doing like that the whole time? We talked like we were just like, all right, or something? No, we just sat there and talked. We were just like, all right, hit me. And then we just talked. So WillTattoo, Will underscore XX on IG. Oh my god, amazing artist. And he is the lightest of hands. The lightest, and he's quick. And then Batty, Cody, and me, Donut, got fucking tattooed on our ribs with our frogs.

The worst. If you go back and watch that, you know aed on our ribs with our frogs. The worst. If you go back and watch that, you know a tattoo on your ribs. It just fucking sucks. The sternum was the worst. The sternum right here. That bone right here. Have you got your back yet? I haven't got my back yet. I'm going to do the idols of March.

The whole scene of him getting stabbed. I want that whole thing across my back. I've done my chest, Patty. Yeah. Oh, just, you've done a peck. I did, oh, you did an entire. Does it touch your sternum? Sternum's bad, bud.

The pecks aren't shit. Ain't no. Damn, you don't have hair on your chest either. No, he's Asian. Fucking Asian. Asian. Mexican and Asian. Asian.

Asian. Yeah, that's what you are i have no hair anywhere my back was the worst feeling tattoo i ever fucking had the color the lining was mike you're also a heavy-handed motherfucker mike's driving a dirt bike across your lining lines and really never it's that shading that fucking changes. Yeah, but thick lining is the difference. Like, the lining you've had does not match how thick our lining is. That's like a single, that's the, that's the, that's the lining. It's a 19 needle liner.

Ugh. Like. When you, like, look at lining. I remember when you got that. Lower back, because that's, your muscle isn't, like, yeah, it's fucking. And batting, you fuckhead. The first day, I got mine already day one. And then we flew out there to get our second round.

Batty's first round, my second round. And you remember, like, fuck, I didn't get Batty's tattoo. Can I do yours first? Oh, yeah, Mike changed it. That's not on me. Don't put that on me. His date's changed. So I was drinking, having a good time. And then I got the text that's like, hey, we put that on me i know his his dates changed so i was drinking having a good time and then i got a little bit of like hey we're gonna do you day one i was like

but why and then it was eight hours of just fucking grinding on that back it's like a stonesmith well it's a night they he uses like that 22 line yeah that's that's the big one that's the fucking one yeah bo and i it's a dirt bike i'm gonna call, that's the big one. That's the fucking one. It's a dirt bike. Yeah. It's a dirt bike. I'm going to call that. It's not a rotary machine. It's a coil machine too, so it's loud. Yeah.

He's a once in a lifetime if you get tattooed by him. He is so talented. Yeah. But God damn, is it? Ow. And you remember it. It's a once in a lifetime and we haven't been back i've done three and i'm like i got two more i'm like yeah i don't know buddy just go to bali and he did a tattoo he's had a few tattoos on him and he just went full body fucking sleeve everything six days straight holy shit 12 hour sessions 12 hour sessions usually you go out there to lay out

in the sun that's what i thought too but it's cheap out there and they got good entire he did his entire body back chest arm sleeves legs everything fucking six days straight 12 to 14 hour days getting it knocked out and i'm like how because you remember when you get your shit done you got to come back if you've come back when it hasn't healed just all the way, and they have to. It's the worst, because that's when it's sore. Because when you're in it, even when you take a 30-minute break, That's what I was going to say. It's a 30-minute break.

A 30-minute break, and they get back on it. You're like, motherfucker, this is terrible. But I can't imagine going there for a week long down there and getting that kind of. And this shit's extensive. It's detailed as fuck and i'm just like dude you're insane especially for not even he wasn't very much covered he had a couple spot tattoos and that was it he's i'm going to buy it's got twenty thousand dollars i'm gonna go down here and it's cheap down there and the artists are good and he got

i was like dude you're a fucking lunatic yeah i'm trying to like when i i had the back of my like calves kneecap like i have an entire legs calves are terrible too no one tells you i did hung over i got the squirtle back there oh my god right you got squirtle i got squirtle charmander and bulbasaur the three wait hold on baddie's gonna be in heaven right now i have an entire pokemon leg sleeve oh that's what i'm all the way up to my fucking hip mine are kind of just oh my god but those are yeah those were the that was my god boy those were the that was a three choices life you had as a young boy and nobody picked the fucking earth

pokemon what is the earth that's bobasaur you motherfucker i know yeah but i was i called earth because no one was getting that okay that's fair but yeah no uh dude that's dope so i did like the the healing behind the back. Yeah. And it goes, it just keeps going. It's all the way the fuck. I want to get Magikarp above my wiener. Oh, hell yeah, dude.

It just flops around when I'm on cocaine. Dude, the healing when you're doing like a joint, like elbow sucks. Knees. Yeah. The ditch. The ditch don't feel that pleasant either. Yeah. That knee. I did five, five and a half hours of full color.

I did the line work, everything on one session. Cause I knew if I started that, I wasn't going to go back. I spoke with Jesus a solid five hours when I did the color on the back of my knee, man, that,

that changed me as a human. I, my left leg will never get done. It was that I will, I'm a little bitch. Never tattooing that shit. That sucked ass. There's certain sparks on your body. When you start getting tattooed, it is the immediate checkout. Never tattooing that shit. That sucked ass. There's certain sparks on your body when you start getting

tattooed. It is an immediate check out. Lower back was for me and that's why it's still not colored because I know the pain that I have to prepare myself for. You know what I love about lower back tattoos is I can always tell when a chick's my age when you see that lower back tattoo

we graduated high school the same year together. It's a tribal tattoo. Might as well be a bullseye. When I was a teenager and in my 20s, I fucking loved older women. It was the only pornography I consumed. I dated older women all throughout

my 20s. I'm gonna cum on that arm tattoo. What happens is one day, I still watch MILF porn to this day. But one day you like wake up and you're like, oh, I graduated high school the same year as this MILF right here. So, yeah, it's a weird area. I'm not like the allure is gone now. Just like, oh, we're the same age finally.

OK, but you still look at the same age. You're like, oh, like 30s to 40s is my. Yeah, I'm like, well, I'm late 30 oh, like 30s to 40s is my... Yeah. I'm like... Mine's late 30s, early 40s. That's where I'm at. I'm like, ew, that's too young for me. Yeah, but boys, we're in a revelation now. We're like, these 30-year-old, mid-30, 40-year-old women,

they look like they're in their 20s. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah. I met a group of women that were in their 50s from Utah, Mormon sisters. They're all Mormon sisters. They're out wild hanging out. Dude, they look better than some of the

20 year olds there I was like what the fuck is going on and I'm gonna be honest I like those women too cause dude tight pussy

makes me claustrophobic yeah and they pump out babies baby I mean I wanna put my dick in a coffee can you know what I'm saying

yeah dude it's and they make babies Matt Rife comedian I love him he's actually I'm supposed to do

my podcast I love Malcolm Matt Rife dude Matt. I love him. I'm supposed to do my podcast soon. I love Malcolm Rife. Dude, Matt's coming on our show. He's awesome, dude. I fucking love him. Handsome is all get out. I'm so mad at how handsome he is.

No, fuck Matt. But you would think someone that handsome would be kind of a douchebag and not that funny. Dude's a fucking killer. That's why I hate him. He's a killer. I hate him even more because fuck that guy. It's like, oh, sorry. God's like, let's create the Mona Lisa and then give him a dash of humor, personality.

And he's tall. Wait, he's tall? I mean, he's taller than me because if I was 6'4", I'd be President of the United States. No doubt in my mind. You know what I'm saying? I think he's like 5'11", 6'0". He's taller than me. Which guy is this?

Matt Rice. I'd like to fucking Brad Pitt. Is he the? This is a good looking Brad Pitt of comedy. Is he the one that is really good at crowd work? Yes. He's in my algorithm hard. He's stud. That's when we think, one thing, I started that conversation, I was like,

fuck you for being so good looking and funny, you asshole. Imagine being good looking and funny. Well. It doesn't make sense. Why is he the chosen one? He's so good. He's funny, you asshole. Yeah, imagine being good looking and funny. Well. Yeah. It doesn't make sense. Why is he the chosen one? He is the chosen one.

But he's so sweet. One of the nicest dudes I ever met in my entire life. Kindest human you will ever meet. Yeah, he's super tight. I can't wait to figure out what, like, his vice. There's something wrong with him. I don't know what it's going to be. He's got, like, bodies somewhere.

I bet it. Yeah, probably where his credit score is just in the shitter. Yeah. We can only hope. We can only hope. 420. Adult insider. Bet you got a shitty credit score.

I bet you need a cosigner on a car, dude. Fuck you. You're a dad, aren't you? Only one credit card. You didn't max that out, did you? Dude, his mom's day post is comedy gold. Did you watch that? I did.

Where it's that 45-year-old lady that is hot as shit. And they bring that shirt that just says, like, I went to Minnesota or whatever. Yeah, and all I got was this shitty T-shirt and blowjob. Yeah, and he's like, hold up. After the show, baby. Hold up. And then they FaceTime the daughter on live on his fucking stage he's like wait this is your daughter because the mom brings it up and it's like this is your 21 year she's fucking does she

know she have competition what and then the mom's like yes and the mom's so embarrassed and then he's about to go through your picture six no no no I show there's a picture of me with my tits out he's like I'm not gonna open it but tell me why i'm not allowed to open this well me and my daughter are very close so it's my exposed and then he's like i'm gonna facetime your daughter now and then it's telling the dog it's like i seen your mom titties and it's just the most gold interaction oh it's he is so good at working the stage and his presence and he's i mean if you watched him last year how much he exploded no he did any because he did a special at vulcan uh a while a while back i did a secret show with him he's yeah he's stellar dude like you can tell like

and i thought because i thought he just got famous off the tiktok and the instagram type shit but no he was at the comedy store up in la and shit when he was like 16 17 years old so the man's been putting in work and he's one he was mid 20s late 20s i think he's i thought he's my age i thought he's like early 30s so he's he's one of those millennials that really knows how to utilize social media in its best form. Yeah, and that's the thing. You can tell he knows what he's fucking. He did this to Kate Beckinsale or something. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. Was it Kate Beckinsale they did? It was one of those. She has a history of going after younger dudes. Well, Kate Beckinsale. I love her. If you've seen his jawline, you would understand that. Kate Beckinsale, I'm here, baby.

I'll be that boy you remember when you were in that nursing home. You know what I'm saying? I'll be that one mistake. You know what I'm saying? I'll be that one mistake. You know what I'm saying? I'm not here for a long time. It was? Yeah. Yeah, but...

Dude has a jawline. But, dude, him being that good looking and that funny, he should be a fucking asshole, but he's not. He's a fucking nice guy. Okay, to be fair, this picture makes him look like a giant fucking asshole. Actually, he looks like the boy from... Was he in a boy band? That's what he kind of... What's that movie with... Oh, 100%. Look at that jawline. I'd be... Actually, it looks like the boy from... Was he in a boy band?

What's that movie with... 100%. Look at that jawline. Why is he wearing a bandana? Why is he wearing a bandana? Because he can. He's dating Kate Beckinsale. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. Anything that guy wears is like, oh man, I still want to fuck him. Yeah.

Are you questioning the guy that's dating Kate Beckinsale? You don't do that? Who are we? Who are fucking we, dude? You're bad. He's like, why is he wearing a fucking bandana? I realized that as I was mocking him, I'm like, he's still fucking Kate Beckinsale. What a douchebag next to Kate Beckinsale wearing a bandana.

Jack, he can say I stood next to Kate Beckinsale wearing a bandana. What is that, like a Levi's jean jacket? I went to the Academy Awards dressed like Rainbow Bright, man. Jack, you could be my dad, dude. This is incredible. You know, one of my biggest regrets at this point in my life is I haven't had a family, and I would love to be your dad. God damn it, dude.

I mean, it's not too late. You could adopt him. You know, I'm probably your early 30s. I'm 39. Oh, fuck, man. You don't look a day over 47. Thank you. Jack, you're one year younger, older than me?

Yeah. What's that? What are you saying? You're one year older than me? What are you saying, man? Jack, I never would have guessed that, dude. I thought, oh, man. I didn't know you were one year older than me. And you're older you're literally a I'm a millennial you're literally aging like you're literally

Jack you were aging like spoiled milk Yeah, dude. Look at my man right here, dude. My boy. Look at my man. You'd be a samurai if you pulled that back like that. The last time. Jack, when did your hair start going to the top? Is that a thing? No, it's gone. It's gone, but you got hair. Yeah, when did it just...

But hair. Is it a thing? It just one day it starts happening? I was 19. You got good hair down like... You were 19? 19 years old. No, I'm so sorry. And the coldest act was just like, it starts happening. I was 19. You got good hair. You were 19? 19 years old. No shit.

And the cul-de-sac was just like, I'm here. And I've been shaving my head pretty much most of my life until like the last five. You know what is when we did that movie years ago and I had to look like a total piece of shit by using my natural hairline.

And I was in LA. That was like the most attention from women I ever got was when I looked like a total piece of shit I'm like there's something to this yeah yeah you got a fucking killer mustache dude Pablo's law you're like fucking catapult this is getting me puss I'm getting I'm keeping this it's because I remind you of your dad huh that's cool I can be that I love the cul-de-sac. One way in, no way out. It fucking looks hot.

You have the fucking, you're glorious. I can't even. You know, boys. You've got a vibe. It's my favorite thing to see is looking on that middle cam. I'm literally not stopping at this. Look at how beautiful both y'all's. The contrast, dude.

It's glorious. The contrast. There was a guy. That's the perfect definition of that term right there, contrast. When I was in bed. I couldn't describe it in a better word. That needs to get a steal right there. Guys, make a hot face for Cam.

That's the thumbnail. Ready? Let's do three faces for thumbnail. Ready? One, two, switch it. And three, switch it and three switch it we got we should model in tandem we should no dude in vegas the other day i was up there for a card show and this fucking guy he was he's probably in his like 60s card show i was up there for like a trading trading card for like a uh sports yeah sports sports car trading and uh

this dude came up to me he's like you know it's a little similar to you uh and he's like man we're big fans here's like i'd be honored if you'd fuck my wife for two thousand dollars and his wife looked like a fucking buick seat and i was like i'm good man and then he goes five thousand dollars i go buicks aren't that bad that's not a bad car i get on that but he wanted to wear my socks he wanted to wear my socks while i was fucking her and that's weird because i don't think he's gonna try to coach me and stuff and i i have so many questions is it a backseat driver at that point no like we're in their hotel yeah i guess yeah backseat driver like in your ear because like if he's gonna sit in the closet and be quiet, cool, man. I'll fuck your right foot.

But is it, I don't know if it's cool. It's like, I'm going to wear your socks, but stick them out. Why the socks thing? I'm going to stick them out of the closet so when you look back, you'll see a pair of feet. Yeah. Samsung Vision AI televisions transform screens into intelligent solutions. From the shows that make us laugh to those that make us cry. Now, your TV knows you more than ever. Whether it's reviving old memories with AI upscaling

or seamless hands-free control with universal gestures. This isn't just television. It's a whole new vision. Because it isn't just about what's on. It's about who's watching. Learn more about Samsung Vision AI televisions at Samsung.com. you look back you just these were christmas these were stocking stuffers man comedians fuck you because i don't know where the bullshit starts and ends because at the same time i'm looking at you i'm like no this could really just be your goddamn life dude a lot of people right like that's

why some of them comedians don't like me when i first got on the scene because they were like like he doesn't write and i mean i write a but, like, a lot of shit just kind of happens. So, I just, like, let me just tell you these shit stories that are going on in my life. Like, it just, you know, whatever. I just, you know, life's been shitting on me since I was a kid. I mean, I get it, bro. I get it. But, God damn.

It's good. I don't have a single wear my socks story. No, I ain't got a single, like, story. No, I ain't got a single like cuckold story at all. Not a single one. What about your virginity story has got to be cool. Oh, man, dude. Wait, have we told those? I don't know if I've told my virginity story, but my favorite story is my hand job story.

Oh. Yeah. So, you know, whatever. High school, however fucking old. No, not whatever start this story like you're a dm and you're fucking got it look goddamn dnd campaign tell the story like you just got the hand job and you're telling your fellow teenage friends hold on let me just there we go hey let the hair down i'm so sweat no so i So I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, but also i thought it was cool i had a futon i didn't have a bed i had a futon god you're cool now now you know like i can sit on my bed play vidya games but i could also turn into a bed that's pretty cool that seemed like a cool thing and i thought it was it wasn't that

yeah what was not a millennial flex it really was what was not a flex is i put a cover on the futon because it was a really shitty looking futon. I put a cover over it. It was a like neoprene black cover. And hand job finishes. I blow it just all over the hand. And she just hand smeared. And I, dude, at the time. What?

Well, it was come over hand. She didn't go to the bat. She walked on your bed? We were at my parents house. This is middle school, no one knows, they're just like, ew. And you're like, is this normal? Okay, okay.

They would've walked on the mom at that time. We were freshly dating, like she smeared that shit, and none of us registered the hand at the time. It was just like, oh, we're gonna wipe it off, it's gonna be fine, the blanket's moved. But cum doesn't. Dude, I remember it was just like, oh, we're going to wipe it off. It's going to be fine. The blankets moved. But cum doesn't. Dude, I remember it was the next day or when it was, but I remember seeing the perfect cum hand stain with the fingers.

Just Picasso in the corner. Bro, it was just on the futon cover. I'm like, your mom's cleaning it like Batty? Yeah, my mother called me batty and the worst part was like when the futon was in bed mud whatever playing it but when you put it up it was like me like dead center very top of it no pillow can hide it just coming like a like a one of those cave uh prance yeah literally you know lord of the rings the urca with the white hand and the the drag It looked like that but with cum on my futon cover. Like the hand in Titanic

when she puts it up on that 1920s and drags down. Sideways. Very crusty and white and cummy. What a treat that must have been. That was... still haunts me to this day. I mock you.

I will never own a black pair of sheets blanket. Never. Still haven't. Will never. Dark gray, still no. And not only black sheets, you know the sheets that everybody builds up like it's a great time,

but actually fucking... Don't say Jersey. Silk. Yeah. It's hard. You slip everywhere, dude's hard you slip everywhere yeah and it's not breathable no it's hot as fuck yeah you want even if you're on top of it like it's hot as fuck your back is sweating her back is sweating dude it just when you're sweating on it it just sits so you're sitting in a puddle you're sitting in a puddle yeah it's not the best

can you believe people in like the 80s used to fuck on waterbeds? Waterbeds, dude. Or they'd sleep on them, dude. I'm bummed I just got on the waterbed. I'm in my late 30s. I have some lumbar problems. Can't imagine doing that. And they soak up sweat because it's made of fucking plastic

rubber materials. My mom and dad. I remember that as a child growing up. My mom and daddy poked, like broke one and the water went everywhere. And we got mold, like black mold in our house because they couldn't get water out. They're fucking idiots. That probably wasn't an uncommon story back then.

I remember Tucker Who's Tucker? My friend growing up when it was like first through fifth grade Before he got kicked out. Tucker had a waterbed. You're from Westxas and we would sleep in it and be like your friend's trying he's like rolling and you're like fucking waving in the way you're like this is miserable actually i hate this fucking bed he's like you sink right down in you sink into the side of it when you think about it, you can only do missionary or lady on top.

Yeah, because doggy style, you're falling over. The balance equilibrium is too bad. And the fucking bed starts kicking up and bunking. Oh, my God. When's the last time somebody owned a waterbed? I've actually got one on order on eBay. Why? I swear to God, it's a fucking bed.

I'm kidding on that. Can god you get a water bed for the dude that actually would be all can we do a podcast on a water bed can we do put two thousand pounds above us so we pull through on this fucking studio dude well you know what is the greatest thing in life speaking of beds like in it because you you spend a third, like a third of your life. Ghost beds! Hey Eli, how'd you sleep last night after drinking all that? So good, you know why? Why? Ghost bed.

Every mattress has a 20 year warranty, sometimes 25. And you can try it out for 101 nights. If you don't like it, you can send it back, no hard feelings. After a long day of podcasting one of my favorite things about ghost bed pillows and mattresses is the cooling technology built into them to keep us nice and cool after a long day here in the texas heat ghost bed pillows and mattresses are as cool as the linoleum on the bathroom floor way more comfortable though technology so cold. It's like soft. Keep it in.

These are so freaking comfortable. Also offers bundles so you can get everything you need. You don't even think about it. Just pick from one of their four mattresses and then pick your bundle. So whether you just need a mattress and frame or you want everything like their cooling pillows and sheets, you can get the best bang for your buck head over to ghostbed.com and use code unsubscribe for 30 off everything that's ghostbed.com code unsubscribe unsubscribe and get 30 off of everything ghost bed ghost bed okay okay okay go on you spend a third of your life you're like pretty much your most of your childhood and like most of your adult life sleeping alone right 100 sleeping by yourself

has got to be the best thing in the world or do you like sleeping are you gonna be one of those weirdos that tell me sleep cuddle you're not one of those that cuddle all night oh yeah i am i would have fucking never have guessed that in 100 years dude i'm a big sweaty man i'm sweating 90 of my life i live in texas in my house sweating outside sweating sleeping sweating 100 big furry motherfucker dude just wet hair cuddling are you 100 i'm a absolutely one thing i miss not sleeping in my bed alone that much anymore I was a solo Until as of the last two years I'd

You love her you really do like Dude I'll keep my foot on you we go but the butter whatever But the but is nice I'll keep my foot on you. We can go butt to butt or whatever. Oh, they do that foot touch? You're like, yes. I'll keep my foot on you. No, butt to butt is nice. Butt to butt is great. It's fun. If you expect me to fucking roll over and hold you the whole night, you're out of your

I'm all about that life. I'm all about that life. Dude, what? I am. I arm. My arm ain't under your pillow. I haven't done it in two years. I haven't done a hardcore snuggle in two years.

Do you want to cuddle? Yeah, I'd like that. Me and you got this. All right, dude. Last night was the first time. It's a big furry man thing. I get it. And you'd be great to camp with on like Naked and Afraid or something like that.

Oh, yeah. Harder. But I'm just telling you. I just want to. I'll put a pillow in between. Dude, I want this. Wait, a pillow in between? Dude, I just don't like.

It's hard to. Because like the arm going numb thing. And I wake up and I'm like. It's like, Dude, I just don't like, it's hard to, because like the arm going numb thing, and I wake up and I'm like, it's like, dude, I just never got it. You're hot and sticky. And like, what's the perfect temperature to sleep at? 68? There's no, there's not a perfect temperature. It'd be 67.

Have you ever been little spooned? Oh, yeah. That's the only way I'll actually. It's nice. It's not bad. I call it my jetpack, my backpack. Yeah. I'm a tiny little girlfriend.

I'll be the little spoon. I'll give a fuck. I didn't get little spoon until like two or three years ago. And it was like, oh my God, I needed this. I had no idea. It's healing. Will you be my mom? It's healing. Did you date... Since you said you dated a lot of older women

in your youth, right? Have you ever drank breast milk? No, I never dated fresh mothers or anything like that. Please tell me you've drank breast milk. Yeah, multiple times. What? I love sucking titties.

Well, yeah. I used to buy it from the lady down the street that I wasn't even fucking. It's protein efficient, bro. Isn't the greatest tasting milk in the world? It's so good. Hey, hey, Lazer. I'm sorry, Dr. Lazer.

Hey, which, hey, Lazer, which race has the best breast milk? Yeah, well, Marathon. Well, the Mexican Asian ladies, they taste like horchata. It's special. It's special. It's special, boys. Brought to you our next sponsor, horchata.

Like the gas station kind, the little clear tube. It's incredible. The only kind. This is written in permanent marker. Please tell me your breast milk story before we continue. Wait, who's not had breast milk? Have you? I've never had it.

I've had it. It's incredible. It's delicious. It's the best. Well, I had it as a baby. I'm talking as an adult. No, never had it. Yeah, never.

No breast milk. No. Delicious when you actually have a kiddo. Also, you have no kids. No kids. I have no kids. Eli's has kids. You're just a fucking degenerate.

Yeah, 100% with the cocaine butthole story. I mean, like. Boofling. I honestly believe I'm shooting blinks. I've never had a pregnancy scare. Why pull out with that big couch? Dude, my couch. I use the push-in method.

I go past the good shit, and I just go deeper. That's how that works. If I come past your line. Don't pull out. in it works i mean look my couch is pulled out you know what i'm saying i don't you know what i'm saying so i mean here we are but i ain't never had a scare but that's my worst fear is like getting some notoriety in life and someone from like pennsylvania ohio is yo, this is your kid. You're like, the fuck it is? It has the perfect blonde molting glasses? You're like, it's not mine. It has your tattoos.

It's born with tattoos. It has Dr. Hannibal Lecter on me. Oh, shit. Why is that kid's freaking hair bleached? No, I mean, so, baby mama with Rydon, when you test the breast milk, you're like, baby mama With Rhyden When you test the breast milk

You're like, oh Is that a normal parenting thing? Yeah They're fucking titties Do you kiss titties? You don't think you're ever gonna suck your wife's breast milk When you get married and have a kid You never would mistake

I've been married But I'm married for six years But you never had a kid No So you don't think at one point in time You suck titties I mean, I mean You suck titties. I mean, okay. You suck titties.

Yeah. Then you would drink breast milk. That's it. That's how it goes. Don't church it up now. You suck titties, you're going to suck breast milk. And then you're going to be like this. Oh, that's like...

And if you hit it just hard enough, it'll squirt. Yeah, and it's fruity lube. It's awesome. It's the sweetest breast... It's like getting cummed on. Yeah. But... You ever take it's the sweetest breast it's like getting cummed on milk yeah but you ever take it in the face oh yeah you ever got cummed on by for your friends but now imagine it's a girl and it's delicious well that was a hard left turn right there bud

hard left turn you want to drink it and it tastes sweet going and i was ready for it but but still, that would drive me, dude. You know when your friends come on you, dude? You know when you take it in the face and I'm like, nope, wasn't ready. But that's what it's like. Okay, so I don't know if I'm supposed to tell this story and it's probably going to get me in trouble in some way. Oh, you got more? Okay, yeah.

Because I've also, there was other stories after that. It was somebody that didn't realize they were done lactating they're like no I've stopped breastfeeding for a fucking solid year at this point and I was like that's dope oh so you went to suck a titty and you got an extra snack was that sour milk it was still good milk I was like

dude this is the one one I want to be like like spit back out. Like, I'm a fan. I'm like, what's that? That's called swapping. You didn't stop lactating. They just stored it.

Okay, there we go. Like, oh, I'm sorry for that. I was like, dude. It's all good. It's fine. It wasn't all good. It wasn't that okay. I'll have another.

Yeah, it tastes good. It is the sweetest meal ever. Can you put this in a freaking bottle for me? I gotta go home in a few hours. It tastes good. It is the sweetest meal ever. Can you put this in a freaking bottle for me? I've got to go home in a few hours. It tastes good. It does taste good when it's fresh. It's fucking sweet nectar. A buddy of mine growing up had obviously his friend's parents had kids and they used to store their breast milk in the fridge.

And he, sorry, he took the jug out, he was just at his friend's house, and he went, a frequenter of this house, so he'd go to the fridge, he'd bake his bowl of cereal in the morning. And he had his bowl of cereal with a jug of breast milk, not realizing it was.

I bet that was the best cereal ever. That's what he says. That was what he said every time. It's so good. It really is good. Like, I mean, there's a stigma with it, but it fucking tastes good. Have you seen the new thing for protein? It's not.

I'm not anti-drinking breast milk. I've just never come across that situation. It tastes so good. And now it's the thing with the lifting community where you can pay extra for it's the milk of titties the milk of titties would you rather drink a cow's tit or a fucking human hot i drink almond milk bro like holy shit i forgot about that that led me into what was supposed to be the the the last episode's fucking thing i I'm going to show you guys something. I need you to guess what the fuck it is because my mind

was blown by this. Why are we showing me an I said all the... Shut the fuck up, Batty. Okay. What? I don't know. I just... I leave milk in my fridge too long and it goes bad. Almond milk doesn't go bad for like six months. I'm lazy, dude. There we go. That looks like some sort of... Those are toes.

So like little apples, right? Don't swipe too far. I don't want to see... Pepper of some sort. Those are little toes, little black toes. What is happening? These are where cashews come from. Cashews come from a fucking apple.

A cashew nut comes from a fucking apple. That's really dumb looking apples. Right? It looks like a pear. Dude, these are where you get your cashew nuts. They grow on the bottom of a fucking apple. What is that? Tangleberry.

Is the apple edible? It's called the cashew apple. That's what you eat. Usually, they eat the apple and then we get the fucking cashew from it. Who's they? This is the only food product in America where we're getting the shitty leftovers. Yeah, we're getting the boogers.

Where's the cashew indigenous to? South America. It was the weirdest thing. You want the dirty part? Yeah. I want the pig's feet. I want the hog mug. Dude, that was the first like cashews come from a fruit I was like

I gotta google this and then I seen the apples it was like when cashews are fruit and I'm fucking stupid this entire time I think a cashew that's like calling an apple seed a fruit I don't think the seed itself is the fruit

Johnny Appleseed was a fruit I don't think the seed itself is the fruit is it Johnny Appleseed was a fruit I'll slap you I swear I'll come over and stick my nose And make out with you This is one of the few times I was like

What the fuck's going on If I google Is a cashew a fruit And it's wrong Watch Nope you're gonna be good Watch Watch

Eli's autism's coming over right now A Fruit And then we get asked We're gonna to wait. Hold on. Three, two, one. Let's go.

They're not fruits either. They're vegetables. No, they're not nuts either, though. Hey, you know what it is? They're droops. No, no. It's a fruit that nuts. It's a gay fruit.

It's called a droop. A droop? I'm not. D-R-U-P-E-S. It's called a droop. Droops are fruits that are flesh on the outside and contain a shell covering on the seed inside. Cashews are usually classified as nuts because they possess many of the same characteristics as nuts. But they come from a fruit.

But they are not a fruit. They are a droop. There you go. And we broke the internet today that was one of the things that broke me and i was like i have to tell the community because right now i'm that is the thing you that's your psa for the month you're like i gotta let everybody know cashews 100 percent our free comments are gonna be about the fruit that is not yeah i fucking learned like i learned something That's the biggest thing I learned today.

Uncle Dr. Laser. A doctor? Did you know that, Dr. Laser? I did not know. But there is a particular place where I'm from that calls cashews a certain type of thing that I can't see on air. And seeing those right now. When you were saying. Seeing those right now makes me realize why they're called that

is it sexist, racist, xenophobic homophobic? it's pretty racist yours are more on the idea of wait, hold on, wait, wait no, no can't do it you cannot do it in any way

I will fucking yip a goddamn full can at your face and that's why because you white people are uncomfortable over there. My white people over there are very uncomfortable. No, it's just what I've always grown,

like they've been called that since I was little, but like, you know, it was just, I never knew it came from something like that. Jack, I love your hair. God.

You were just flipping it in the fucking, the glorious light. I'm just looking back and forth this tennis match of teet to teet right here. This is what happens. This is what we do. It's normal. Jack, are you good at all history

or just like early war history? No, no, no, no, no. War history is the easiest. Jack, what nut were we talking about with what he's used to? Fucking. I love being not in the white one because I'm like, if I get canceled,

I don't. This side of the table gets canceled and it gets reaffirmed and it's like welcome to unsubscribe eli it's just gonna be eli yeah nobody's gonna watch with just eli most of us are learning a second language in high school or college wasn't exactly a high point in our academic careers. I dropped out of high school. Infantry. Now thanks to Babbel, the language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions, there's an addictively fun and easy way to learn a new language. I went from como te llama to como te llamas.

Spanish, Eli. Oh, I don't speak Japanese. Now thanks to Babbel. There's an addictive, fun, and easy way to learn a new language. Whether you'll be traveling abroad, connecting in a deeper with family, or just have a little bit of free time, Babbel teaches you bite-sized language lessons that you'll actually use in the real world. Me amo Eli. Babbel's 15 minute lessons make it a perfect way to learn a new language on the go.

Babbel's expertly crafted lessons make it a perfect way to learn a new language on the go. Babbel's expertly crafted lessons are built around real life. You learn how to have practical conversations about travel, relationships, and business or podcasts. With Babbel you can choose up to 14 different languages. This includes Spanish, French, German, and Italian. What? Plus, Babbel's speech recognition technology helps you improve your pronunciation and Italian. What? Plus Babbel's speech recognition technology

helps you improve your pronunciation and accent. I love a good accent. Right now, when you purchase three months on Babbel, you'll get an extra three months for free. That's six months of learning language. Let's go to babbel.com and use promo code unsub. That is babbel.com slash promo code unsub. You know, my favorite thing to do with like, uh, creating history, like content or whatever is

people really don't understand that how everything is connected in one way or another. Like, like people don't realize like what Genghis Khan was doing in the, in the 15th century, or I'm sorry, the 13th century. Um, It was somehow connected to the Romans and to modern day. So I love like taking a topic and you can do it. It's like a 20 degrees of separation thing. You can do with almost anything. You could take the fall of the Roman Empire and connect it to why the Romans are responsible for 9-11.

He's not joking either. Jack. I could do it. I could pull it off. I need to do it right now. Jack. Don't put me on the spot. I could...

No, you know what? I know you can't just say, don't put me on the spot. Okay, let me give it a shot. Okay. So when the Roman Empire fell, it created a complete break in fiefdoms and kingdoms in, we'll say, modern Europe. Yeah. And what happened was that led to the growth of the modern aristocracy in Europe.

Okay. Right? No. You had a growth in the families in Europe, right? And this carried on through the years, right? Many years. Yeah. And those families eventually, you know, they became the Windsors and the Gothen Saxenbergs and all them into the

early 20th century so at the end of World War I when that was all divvied out the Ottoman Empire fell and that split up and then obviously Italy and Rome it was all connected everything went into different states

and then you had of course there were the sanctions imposed on the German public, which led to a rise in nationalism. And, of course, then a bunch of socialism, Nazi socialism, which led Europe into World War II there. And then after World War II, they realized, oh, man, we can't let this happen again to those people that have been living here. So they're like, we're going to create their own state. Okay? And that was the state of Israel.

And then, of course, at the same time, those Arab nations were having their borders restructured. A lot of craziness going on over there. Former European colonials out. And then, of course, there was the fight between the Palestinians and the Israelis, which had the backing of much of the West as a result of World War II. And on the opposite side of the Palestinians, you had the backing of Iran. Iran. Which at the time was going through a wild restructure of religion. Well, that happened in the 70s, yes.

Yeah, we're getting there. And so, of course, now flash forward a few years later, the Russians invade Afghanistan, which had nothing to do with what we were talking about earlier. I'm really losing track. It's a very important thing. It was a travesty what they did. True. And they were the only country that ever

invaded Afghanistan and lost there. It's never happened any time ever but basically a certain young Saudi with a little money saw what was happening over there and went over there got his licks in over there got his training in over there

and when that fell and the American government backed out he had a little bit of anger towards what happened. How they were left behind. But he had the weapons that were left behind. And then eventually 9-11 happened. Done. And that is how you connect all that together.

Jack, that was beautifully done. Beautiful. And that Arab was named Saddam Hussein. Nope, Osama Bin Laden. We hadn't opened this. No. Arab was named Saddam who's nope Osama bin Laden we still haven't found those weapons of mass destruction no no which one is that the Yellowstone okay did I make this overly political I was trying to be funny about it no you did no no what happened is you put me on the spot. That's why I did it.

You put me on the spot. And then I was like, I have a whole thing for this. I'm I can't do it right now. I'm not in the mood for it right now. And then I had to keep going. And I was like, you're sweating. I know you put me under so much pressure. And I'm like, oh, this got too deep.

Now people are going to just hate me in the comments section. And I'm such a people pleaser. You are. Can I write it out? On the next episode, can you read a 500-page? I will. Okay, thank you. Jack.

Jack, they already left. I love you, and the people will love you. You're not wearing a shirt. I need you to understand that. Everything you're saying right now, they're agreeing with and understanding. And he has the Triforce. Hey, here's a nice segue jack every every river in the world runs north to south but there's one river in the world that runs south to north do you know what that river is that is the uh it's in egypt it's the uh fucking it's the oldest river of time. Come on. It's not the Euphrates. It's not the Euphrates.

It's not the... Nile or Ganges. It's the Nile. It's the Nile, yeah, yeah. You know why? That's a whisper. Shut up, Eli. Why?

Do you know why that people... Because it's gay. ...in America... What's wrong with the gay river? ...have sunburn on one side of their face? People in Australia have sunburn on the other side of their face? Why? It's because sunburn on the other side of their face why it's because they drive on the other side of the road hello we got cheers to that what no what jack you what the fuck it's a shot within a shot here's to never above you, never below you, always beside you. Yes, that's what I say to all my comrades every time.

Oh, buddy. That's not for that ass right there, son of a bitch. I haven't had that one. Yellowstone, that tastes like Kevin Costner. Jesus Christ. My Lord. It tastes like Kevin Costner. He has a sweet butthole, too.

Hold on. Okay, Kevin Costner. I want to go into this thinking of Kevin Costner. Hey, but not the postman in Waterworld, Kevin Costner. No, Yellowstone Costner. Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Kevin Costner. Okay, but what about Vulture, Spider-Man, Kevin Costner? I haven't seen him.

Okay. Bro, you're... I quit watching Kevin Costner after Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Hey, you know Matthew McConaughey's going to be in the next Yellowstone? Dude, you were not joking about that fucking bike. That boy has a little ass on it, boy. That reminds me of the old wild turkey. Holy shit.

That reminds me of my step-uncle. I do what I hate most. Nice. I lost my virginity to him when I was 28. I wasn't drunk, but I am now. Dude, we have the nicest whiskeys. We shouldn't do that anymore. And every time we

try one of those nice whiskeys those nice whiskeys cost more than anything and every time we do a shot of them i'm like this is a disappointment bourbon whiskeys everything is a single batch bourbon we have that up there we hate i don't man i don't do that stuff anymore i do a shot of that i'm like oh that's i'm upset i'm physically upset god that made me ill oh god fuck you you're sad it was no that was i know he's from kentucky though yeah fuck you scott just doesn't like on another level that was awful who that tastes like kevin costner it tastes like kevin costner it was like cigarettes and kevin costner yeah no everyone always brings a new bottle of whiskey when they come and visit lately so we have we got the two knob creeks from scott so these are like scott

who scott who uh kentucky ballistic scott no because we had what did um wes and chris bring did we drink that already oh they brought the rumble, I think. Wait, is this the way y'all tell me I should have brought a bottle of whiskey? Yeah, you piece of shit. I didn't get the email. I'm sorry. They didn't either, but they just showed up. Okay, well, you know.

That's how they come back. You're like, well, fuck me, bro. It's okay. You feel that? There's hair on that back because that's a fucking strange back. Why was it so soft? Dude, I don't know what it is. You said you worked in the oil fields.

Dude, I don't know what it is. You worked in the oil field? Yeah, for 13 years. What'd you do? He knows Midland. I was a directional driller for ConocoPhillips. Oh, no shit. Did you ever work out west?

Yeah, when we worked in Hobbs, New Mexico. Oh, I worked in Hobbs. Did you really? I worked for Oxy. Did you really? Yeah, I did. No shit. Yeah, I worked for a contract for Oxy really? I worked for Oxy. Did you really? Yeah, I did. No shit. Yeah, I worked for a contract for Oxy, but I was with Oxy the whole time.

Yeah, I worked for a contract for ConocoPhillips, and then ConocoPhillips bought the directional company, so we were in-house. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. It's an oil field talk. I don't know what's going on right now.

So this is the only way I know Jack. But I was a completions guy. Oh, so you're on the back end. I did fullbacks, and I was a pumper and shit. Yeah, so I actually drilled them. Yeah, I did the pussy side. Okay. Wait, did we do. Have you ever had...

You do. He would have been a driller. Directional. I was a specialist. I actually steered the wellbore. What was the guy that did the clamping shit that you see on all the fucking... That's a lead tom.

We'll talk after the show. I want to hear what leases you worked on. Did you work you remember we'll talk after the show I want to hear what leases you worked on because I did you work around Midland in like 2010 and 2013 the only thing

I did a lot in New Mexico and a lot in a lot of oil filled stores like military I want to hear this a lot around

Pecos and shit like that they wouldn't they wouldn't move me to Midland because there was bars and we'd be too close to town. They were scared I'd lose my job.

Oh, there's bars. It's my family's there. He knew my family before I met him. I got chlamydia for the only time. His family owns one of the biggest local chains in that area out there. Roses Tacos? So there's roses.

Oh my God. So you have roses and you have Jumbo Rito. Oh, Jumbo Rito's a vibe. That's his family. Oh, dude. I'd already known Eli for two years when he said, oh yeah, my uncle and they're the ones that own Jumbo Rito.

I'm like, oh man, I want to suck your dick, dude. Really? I used to eat there all the time. Dude, it was weird because I remember oh fuck fuck this is going back way back this is like 2006 going to a bar in fort lewis this is washington state and there was this cute mexican girl and her friends there and they were talking to another guy blah blah i gotta watch their interaction they're like oh and the guy asks like how much does a polar bear weigh and i leaned over i was like just say enough to break the ice

and say your name catch him off guard and she said that and she was like oh my god you knew that pickup line i was like yeah blah blah blah who the fuck uses that pickup line that's a good pickup line it's not a good pickup that's not i mean in 2005 is a very good pick hey what's up what's enough to break the ice boom a polar bear done that's a good that's not a good pickup line i got laid with it well yeah but you're handsome you got something in your teeth this is a good pickup line but and that wait so you got to talk to this young lady but that was she was like how do you know the uh the pickup line i was like i use that fucking shit bag pickup line all the time

it's a really good one yeah 100 this is before reddit this is 2006 that's prime reddit 2006 daddy i don't think red Reddit existed at that time. No, YouTube literally was in year one back then. 2006 was YouTube at its infancy for the very first year. This is pre-everything. IRC. We were all rocking MySpace back in the day. 2005.

This is old, old school. I remember talking and she's like, oh, yeah, I'm from Midland. 4chan and IRC. Oh, you're from Midland. This is fucking amazing. One of my uncles, Jose, he runs a restaurant there, Jumperito. I work for Jumperito. I was like, what the fuck?

Get the fuck out of here. You know Jumperito? She's like, yeah, Uncle Jose. Because there's a lot of locations now. Uncle Jody. Uncle Jody is separate from Uncle Jose. here you know jim burrito she's like yeah uncle jose there's a lot of locations now uncle jody uncle jody is separate from uncle jose jose is the businessman yeah jose is the businessman she's like no and she's a very attractive girl she's like yeah uncle jose is the person i know this is uncle jody for me she's like hi what's up yeah Hi. Oh, yeah.

You kept for money. I'm like, no, I'm in the military for a reason. No, I'm poor as shit. My dad did not do that. My dad didn't construct. The moral of the story is your pick-up line didn't work. It did. No, that's not what got you in.

Did you fuck? Well, it worked. By the way. We just explained the whole Uncle Jose, Uncle J're gonna be like no it was the pickup line but initially it's like my uncle's rich no i did a story i did a story out in uh in midland uh last summer i it was like i was out there too for like a week and betting with the police department. But every time these cops, or they'd pull into the Jumperito thing,

I'd be there with them with my little notebook and camera. I'd be like, you know, I know the nephew of the guys who own this place. You know that? Dude, you're going to watch the... What's up? Because Uncle Jody, Uncle Jose, still texts me to this day.

He's very... I like fucking Uncle Jody. Can they sponsor the podcast? 100%. Dude, Chomperito is good shit, man. I've never heard of it. I've never heard of it. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

It's specifically a West Texas thing. It's probably in New Mexico. I've been more times hungover than anything in my life. It's so good. The hardest part is my family's associated with that, and I have to coordinate with that. And they're like, Eli's weird as shit.

But, yes, he is part of this fucking thing. West Texas is where dreams go to die. It sucks out there. You got everything you need as far as like there's a mall but do you and then uh you know you know you know it's one of the richest communities in the country it is you know the average the average income the average income in west in in midland texas is like 89 000 a year not even fucking with you there's so much money out there but there's nothing to do and in a house like this a house like this and fucking like midland odessa it's like a six hundred thousand dollar home and like in texas like how's that like in you know but they don't have top golf they don't have six

flags they don't have fucking it's literally i want to go i want to go to six it's tumble it's tumbleweeds and dude you should take 18 Six Flags. It's tumbleweeds. Dude, you should take 18 grams of mushrooms and go to fucking Fright Night at Fiesta, Texas. It's the best time. Let me hear you out. We will do that together as a group. Hey, do roller coasters make y'all sick?

I will die. Batty, you'll be fine. I have brain issues. So actually, you can only take a certain amount of mushrooms, and after that point, there's not much harder of a trip. So you're good, man. It's past six or seven grams, and after that, it doesn't matter how much you ingest

because the chemical in your brain that reacts to psilocybin is depleted so much from a certain amount of mushrooms, and after that, that's why if you take mushrooms the next day after you've had a trip, it won't affect you because your shit hasn't reset. That dopamine gland hasn't reset to like, you have to wait for like at least a week before that shit refills and you can trip again.

So like if you ever take, if you ever take, you ever take a bunch of mushrooms and you have a fucking great time and you take them the next day, you will not have the same fucking effect because that shit is drained and it interacts with that. And that's what makes you hallucinate and trip and shit like that and we're good i love boys i got some right now if you want to go yes yes baddie on the after show we'll talk about

no baddie stop you just say yes i will literally go to the fucking moon with you if you want to do that dude let's do it hey i have i literally have... I've never wanted to trip mushrooms on another human being in my life. We're in space. We're on the moon. Does that TV work over there? Yeah. I'm spending the night.

We have three bedrooms upstairs. Yeah, there's beds. No, I'm a couch guy. Oh, really? I was at my parents' house. The house I grew up in, I was there last night. I slept on the couch. I'm a couch guy. Oh, really? I was at my parents' house. The house I grew up in, I was there last night. I slept on the couch.

I'm a couch guy. I love the couch. Bro, in my bed, I can't sleep 90%. I'll just lay there and I can't sleep. I can't sleep. You put me on a couch?

I'm in my element. Four to five minutes. I am done. I'm going to wake up with the worst thing in my life. But you're going to bed. I'm just running in the background.

Yeah. I get it, Jack. What do you guys think about the Amish? Fucking weird. Yeah, I get it, Jack. What do you guys think about the Amish? I grew up around them. Yeah, I get it. I grew up around... Dude, I grew up around the Amish.

In West Texas? No, Indiana. Oh, that's right. You're up there with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then... No, no, no. Please, write...

No, no, no. Tell me about your Amish experience. I'm going to tell you mine after this. Horif, imagine. Hey, no, no. Tell me about your Amish experience. I'm going to tell you mine after this. Horif, imagine. Hey, they're businessmen. They're fucking businessmen. Imagine this. You're going 30.

You have to slow down 10 in your Mitsubishi Eclipse 1995. You look like you drove a fucking Mitsubishi. With a spoiler on the back. That's taller than the entire car. How low was this car? This was the spoiler. It was the original. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's taller than the entire car? How low was the car? But, dude, this was the original. Oh, you had the curvy. Okay.

Did you have the ruffled door one or the smaller coupe that had the hood bump on the left side? What? The hood bump? Yeah, they made these smaller Eclipses. There was the original ones that were, like, fast in the fairy school that had the door ruffles. And then you went to the newer Eclipses there was the original ones that were like fast in the fairy school that had the door ruffles and then you went to the newer eclipses that had the uh oh yeah actually i know exactly that were smaller but had a scoop on the driver so the 95 to 99 eclipses you had the gst gsx and the gs these ones the only difference was the turbo all-wheel drive and two-wheel drive front wheel and the GS, which had no turbo or anything like that. The GST and the GSX had a dumb spoiler in the back.

So this was the one that had the hood scoop on the driver's side. There it is. Not the door ruffles. If you go older, they had the door ruffles. Yeah, the door ruffles were like 90 to 94. 90. Dumb 95 GST turbo built up. And then you drive in the country and you had a lot of Amish people.

A lot of Amish people. This is what we did in the 90s. You drive around and you'd be like, hey, we're going to drive out to the country. We'll see their Amish heritage and do that stuff they sell to as they call them the English us normies and they do incredible woodwork

that's all they cared for they did not give a fuck about anything else you're buying what you're buying and it's top notch we're trading you off So a majority of that Was Like Fast and Furious

In that time frame Yeah My GST By the way it was After the night It was 2000 It was when the door ruffle started I swapped them

Yeah Okay I didn't know that I didn't I had to know Look it You're gonna tell me You're gonna see her and tell me Those aren't door ruffles

Those are door ruffles I knew exactly what you're talking about I was confused Cause a girl at the snow cone stand Look it. You're going to tell me. You're going to sit here and tell me those aren't door ruffles. Those are door ruffles. I knew exactly what you were talking about. Because a girl at the snow cone stand had that fucking eclipse, and I fucked the shit out of her, and I love it. Those door ruffles. It's a lot of the guy door ruffles. I love it.

I don't know what he's talking about with the door ruffles. I know the girls I fucked in high school. They had the door ruffles. I could tell when they were made of ruffles and when they had door ruffles they're like the ruffles chips it was a great time why are we coming after me right now this is your fault

why'd you fuck this up you piece of shit the ridges were good those were great chips dude and when they were cheddar and they had a yeast infection what a treat what a time The ridges were good. Those were great chips, dude. Yeah, and then when they were cheddared, they had a yeast infection. What a treat. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about?

What a time. Thank you for watching the Instagram. My name is, as always, me, Eli. Don't thank myself. Patty streams on our beautiful, powerful, strong, sexy. Look at those hairlines. Jack, man to villain, of course. Uncle, sir, doctor, laser. Thank you, guys. Where can weville and, of course, Uncle Sir Doctor Laser.

Thank you, guys. Where can we find you, Jack? Everywhere people are looking for you right now. Go. I don't know. I just really do Instagram and J-A-C-K-M-A-N-D-A-V-I-L-L-E. And that's about it. I don't do all that other fun stuff.

Not yet. Okay. And Sir Uncle Doctor Laser. Uncle Laser slash underscore. Or Uncle slash underscore Laser. Hey, just get your cat sped and neutered, okay? We got a big homeless problem as there is. Shout out Bob Barker.

You know what I'm saying? Rest in peace. That's all we need. I'm Uncle Laser. You'll know where to find me. Wait, where's your next show at? I got some shows in Austin this weekend, but I'll actually be in San Antonio on the 27th. I think you boys should come out at that.

Can I say, that's where you'll find me, at his show. At the Blind Tiger. I'm in a little showcase doing 20 minutes with a couple other good homies. It's going to be a great time. It's not one of my headline shows, but the 27th, Saturday, at the Blind Tiger down here in San Antonio. It's going to be a fucking great time, I tell you what. These are the ones we need to talk to with these boys

about doing a live stream with on top of yeah roger before we end can i just tell the amish story because it's bothering me please please finish your own and i'll just finish it here wait no on the patreon after you can get uncle laser's amish story if you really want to hear what she wants to tell i mean you might as well head over that way because it needs to be it need there needs to be self-awareness. People need to know that they're cucks and that they're after your money and you. They need to know. A lot of people don't talk shit on the Amish because they all don't have TVs. But I tell you what, they're not that great of people.

They're great carpenters. And with that, we'll see you guys next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. I'm so excited!