Unsubscribe Podcast - 110 - GREATEST MAGIC TRICK EVER ft. Your Narrator & Wes Barker

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, I'm Tara Schmidt, a registered dietitian and host of On Nutrition, a podcast for Mayo Clinic where we dig into the latest nutrition trends and research to help you understand what's health and what's hype. There's a lot of wild stuff out there, so we'll be keeping it science-based, research-informed, and practical. Mayo Clinic's On Nutrition. New episodes every other week, wherever you get your podcasts. Mountain? What? You said you don't move. I can't sleep in the front.

Starting point is 00:00:50 I don't like that one. I can be in both frames. This is good. It's the little crisp bullshits on your face right now. It's never the mic. You're like, this is where I'm going to be. And then you're like, I'm going to sit back here and talk. I'm going to black out in the bathroom.

Starting point is 00:01:04 Hey, it was eight times. And then you're like, I'm going to sit back here and talk. I'm going to black out in the bathroom. Hey. It was eight times. You peed on your underwear. I peed onto my underwear. Have you not done that? Yeah. No, your pants. Last time I came out.

Starting point is 00:01:17 Really? Yeah. Yeah, he peed on his pants. Yeah. I got up and pissed on them. Oh, yes. I was like, why are they so wet? Chris is like, that's your piss, dude. Oh. He peed on his pants. Yeah, I like got up and pissed on them fucking ridiculous we don't know best not to ask yourself why but my friend you've arrived welcome to unsubscribe today's episode is sponsored by honey an easy way to save while shopping on your

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Starting point is 00:02:29 slash unsub did you know bears don't live in the safari if you don't already have honey you could be straight up missing out and by getting it you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting the podcast get paypal honey for free at join honey.com slash unsub that'shoney.com slash unsub. That's joinhoney.com slash unsub. This is what we do. So blacked out in the bathroom, pissed on his pants. I'm trying to think if I haven't done anything super, super dumb here. Have I? Not here.

Starting point is 00:02:55 Not here. I was at DreamHack last weekend and got super drunk and ended up climbing onto the roof of a building. I don't know how or which building, but I was on the roof When we all went back your door no no it was the first day when we got blackout drunk you guys went hard yeah We had a borrowed ludicrous. Yeah, there's a bar with ludicrous. That's pretty sweet That was kind of cool

Starting point is 00:03:20 He did like one half wrap and then he sat down and just drank a lot and he smoked a lot Like hey, what were you guys did he know you're hanging out with them? You guys are like one selfie like I Was just like it's a dude it is that next level of like stardom though, because you have Fast and Furious series and then his music. Dude, yeah. Dude, he was just like, everyone's just like standing there trying to just be like, to make eye contact with him. Yeah. Was he in Finding Forrester?

Starting point is 00:04:01 Forrest Gump? No. No. No, the Sean Connery movie. It's a movie. It's a real movie? Yeah. I think he was.

Starting point is 00:04:10 I think he was. I know you're a wizard and all, but are you f***ing with me right now? No, he was really good. I remember he played a parking lot attendant. Was he? I think I'm right. I don't know anything about the movie. Finding Forrester?

Starting point is 00:04:24 It was a the movie. Finding Forrester? Is this like the movie we're going to get a two-way? It was a basketball movie. He played the main guy's brother, and he was like a parking lot tenant. I'm pretty sure. It was the American preview of Finding Nemo. Yeah. We have to look this up now because I'm sounding really weird. It could be really racist.

Starting point is 00:04:38 It's like, bro, this is Samuel L. Jackson. He's just cut this entire segment. He was in Ghost Dog, right? Yeah, yeah. A 2000 drama. Finding Forrester Sean Connery. Thank you very much. Boom.

Starting point is 00:04:51 I still think you're lying. I'm fine. I still think you're racist. That's unrelated to that comment. Brandy, go ahead and check that. Welcome to the Instagram podcast. As always, Eli doubles up myself. Baddie streams. We have our two beautiful powerful strong glorious wonderful

Starting point is 00:05:08 Has a book guest we got your narrator and Wes Parker. I don't have a book He has a Wes has the book yeah, yeah, you're just next to me, so I'm down the line I want to say like I can't read can you sell my book for me though? So let's see let's see. Just read the back. The back, all right. Abracadumas is a collection of hilarious and inspiring stories from Wes's decade-long journey to become one of the most popular comedy comedians. Just kidding.

Starting point is 00:05:38 Magicians. Working today. Told you I couldn't read. Period. Whether it's card tricks for people at a sex club, private shows at a billionaire's castle, behind the scenes at America's Got Talent,

Starting point is 00:05:52 or the devious secrets of making magic for TV, Wes knowles bleh bleh bleh, try that again. Wes holds nothing back. You'll also get lessons from a master magician on showmanship, deception, and the power of being bold as Wes explains how he creates magic tricks, makes viral videos, fooled Penn and Teller, that's impressive,

Starting point is 00:06:13 and teaches tricks you can perform. Wow, that was really good. Boom. I had to record my audio book, and I spent the last 20 hours talking to myself, realizing I can't read out loud. So I'm very impressed by that. Now you're like like can I pay you to narrate the entire book? No, it doesn't you sound that sexy no No, oh

Starting point is 00:06:38 Wait watermelon I brought a button this time a watermelon'm watermelon. Oh, oh nice ready ready ready one two three One you dare don't you dare? What's that? That was the worst product placement you have ever done in the history of Adderies one time I had sex with it where it cuts That one got you there fucking protein bar. Yeah, is that bad? No, it's good Dude I can handle eating some fucking protein every now and then wait is your shirt Is it a rabbit? It's a rabbit. It's just grumpy on it. Oh. I don't know why. That's a good shirt. That's awesome. There's a fly in here. I'm just trying to be cool.

Starting point is 00:07:26 I'm going to kill that fly. I hate that fly. I'm just trying to be cool. I don't know. I'm going to use your book to make this fly disappear. Absolutely, man. It's got to be good for something. Oh.

Starting point is 00:07:33 Magic. Magic. What? Dude, welcome. Welcome. How you doing, buddy? You had your flight from fucking Toronto. I'm doing good.

Starting point is 00:07:42 I got up at three in the morning. And today, so far, I've had six pints and espresso martini and whatever these are I need to ask a very important question though this morning I saw an Instagram real or a sorry is grim story. Yeah, what did you pick coffee? So I started whiskey it was it was whiskey or coffee cuz I think it's 3 a.m. What the fuck you do? Yeah? Yeah, I'm with you. I hate so I was like I start with the coffee like haha Uber Airport, I don't fly the plane nothing so it's all good be like everyone when they land be like hey in town I read it my cool. Thank you for texting me. He sends me a fucking DM on Instagram. I was like scrolling. It was like, I'm here after I scrolled like multiple things.

Starting point is 00:08:33 I'm like, what the fuck? Why'd you send it here, bro? He's like, sorry, a bar kidnapped me. I low level didn't want to meet him right away. I didn't want to go to this bar. I just wanted to drink by myself. You want to drink by yourself? I get it. It's totally fine.

Starting point is 00:08:52 It's a normal thing that most men our age do. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was dying. It's been a rough couple months. Buy my book. We got bills up here. That's Parker.shop. Link in the bio.

Starting point is 00:09:09 Just fucking fly. And this almost ended my relationship. So my mom and my wife were both debating who I would write the dedication to. Did you split it? Is it me? Did you write it about me? It's me. This is to unsub my favorite podcast?

Starting point is 00:09:24 Yeah. And Bottom of the Barrel? This is to unsub my favorite podcast. Yeah, bottom of the barrel It is it is it is a bit devastating for them Yeah, bottom of the barrel podcast for sure. It should be the first thing you see when you open is it to Chris? I hope that's not the forward keep going keep going. Okay, pass the forward. Wait, keep going. No, no from why is it? Not in there yet Is it not in the book? Oh, that's even worse. Just doing it? No, it didn't get printed. I mean there's this. What?

Starting point is 00:09:49 That is gonna create a lot of issues now. No, no there it is. To Ryan Reynolds, who's up on our wall. You may be handsome, talented, charming, and tall, but I'm a better magician. Unless you buy this book, then I'm a better magician unless you buy this book that I'm totally fucked Nobody wins but run your hair looks just as good still I'm a little that's a six-year-old photo. So hey Completely forgot Sorry I was like, oh he's going for a look. I mean, to be fair, Danny wears his sunglasses and a leather jacket on the podcast.

Starting point is 00:10:31 That's true. We left Grant's food at BJ's. The food we ordered. Wait, we just got up and left it? So we left it. And then he was like, where are you? I'm at BJ's. I was like, Grant, we're at the podcast house.

Starting point is 00:10:46 And I was like, where are you? I'm at BJ's. I was like, Grant, we're at the podcast house. And I was like, wait, what? I was like, well, I'm here. I was like, fuck, wait, actually, this works perfect. Walk inside and say my name because they have your food. And they had this. I was like, hi, I might have food for Eli. And they were like, yeah, sure, we'll check. They went in the back, nothing. And I'm like, yeah, sure, we'll check. They went in the back, nothing.

Starting point is 00:11:06 And I'm like, all right, is he this name? And they're like, I'll check. Went back again, nothing. I texted you saying they don't know where it is. And then randomly they found it in the back corner on a random fucking table because they just put it back there. Was that our table? The dude on the table we were eating at?

Starting point is 00:11:24 Yeah, so they were just like oh Here you go, and I'm like cool awesome and in fairness He texted you and got no quicker response than me DMing you an Instagram so that is You have to call you really do you really do you seem like a phone guy to me? I'm a phone guy Like I like going like hi, how are you? How you doing? Yeah, what a good day? I will answer you but you get what you get That's you being like I'm gonna call him One of my buddies Josh he does that all the time he'll wait until Because he's an Australian he waits until like 4 a.m. on the weekends,

Starting point is 00:12:27 and he'll FaceTime me, and I'll be like, Josh, what's up? And he's just fucking full-blown naked, sprawled out on like an inflatable in his pool, and he's just like, I miss you so much. And I'm like, that's Josh. How do you know that guy? He's part of the little group that I'm a part of.

Starting point is 00:12:44 Oh, right on. You got friends like that. If you can't have the little group that I'm part of. Oh, right on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can count on those. You got friends like that. If you can't have a friend you can call naked, then they're not your friends. Yeah, they're not your friend. Never call me naked. Really?

Starting point is 00:12:52 You guys have never? Seriously? No. Why are we going to call each other naked? What? You're not even. See, that's just it. You're not close as I thought you were.

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Starting point is 00:13:24 We leave our pants. We just poke our dick out through like the hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No skin touching. No, no, no. We wear the butt flap. Straight up and on. We'll butt flap PJs.

Starting point is 00:13:36 It's a great time. Why did those go out of style? Now you're saying it. I'm like, let's go. You're like, wait, let's bring those back. Let's go. You have those cool zipper jeans that go from like the front all the way to the back. you're saying it. You're like, wait, let's bring those back. You have those cool zipper jeans that go from the front all the way to the back.

Starting point is 00:13:48 Open it up. You have the cool butt cheek windows. I've never seen those jeans. Have you never seen those? They're more of a girl thing. There's also some jeans that have the plastic on the butt so you can see them as people are walking by. I call it the gas chamber. It's crazy. Imagine someone forcing that.

Starting point is 00:14:04 It's not going anywhere. It's going to fog up. Oh my God, you're just going to see it. Look at it. Did you fart now? This is another thing I have never seen nor heard of. I'll show you

Starting point is 00:14:20 the ways after the podcast. I'll show you what's going on. First off, what magic tricks did you bring? Is that the only reason I get invited over fuck up. Let me ask you to speak we asked you to do fucking magic He's the frog There we go. I actually I did bring one. I could show you right now.

Starting point is 00:14:49 Can you make my depression disappear? He hands a gun. Caffeine will do it. Remember that chapter in the book I told you about? Yes. Questions like that. Oh, yeah. Remember what he was talking about on the you're going to see afterwards. Okay, what's happening? I missed an inside joke. I don't know

Starting point is 00:15:16 Whoa, he's got red solo cups. That's mental. You're just drinking in the corner. That's not it's not a trick Wes Well, I mean that's been a trick. I've been performing for years Okay, okay What do we got here? You and me buddy here. We go. Oh, I Teach this trick in the book, so I'll show you guys here all right I can still pitch my book at the same time you pour some water in a cup like this right water Yeah, and the cup and then you got to move it around like this and you take a right-handed left-handed I'm right-handed to take your right hand you're gonna hold the cup like this on top of your head, okay, okay? Might be hard. I got like a cave don't let don't don't set don't sit down hang on to it

Starting point is 00:15:44 I'm gonna go all right all right all right okay and you're gonna you're gonna do this you're gonna move it around a little bit your hand like this and I'm gonna say the magic words which is like I subscribe but also then go subscribe to Wes Barker it's fine no but Wes Parker dot shop no that's magic words yeah and then you slowly turn the cup over in the water will be vanished good luck my friend bro come on believe in yourself are you sure i think we did it right you gotta trust the magician i'm wearing white pants yeah i want you to do it you got it you want me to do it? Oh, no. Look it. I'm gonna stare you all I do It's like sex. I don't know. Yeah, I hope it works. I teach in the book about work. Let's do it

Starting point is 00:16:31 180 that makes no slowport. Hey It's a diaper I Fucking hate kids so much. It's the only time I ever bought a diaper in my life I held it above my head, and I still felt like the heaviness to it, and I'm like there's no fucking way This one you guys to see no diaper in that one no diaper right no diaper. Let's try it again. Just for fun Okay, take it on top your head like this You gotta say the magic words West Barker dot shop. Yeah Yeah, you got I got I got spirit. I got yeah, you know so nice and slow

Starting point is 00:17:14 You should turn it over should be gone this time should be gone this time. I think so Twice in a row Just fucking tip it! so confused. What the fuck? I felt the weight of the water as I tipped it. He poured it right here. But then it just disappeared. He poured it right here. That's awesome. Thanks, man. With that bottle that you put in Batty's butt.

Starting point is 00:17:58 We were talking about that yesterday on the drive home. We were like, Batty, you should just put one up there and shit it out today. I found it. And it will scare them. Yesterday on the drive home. We're like bad. You should just put one up there and shit it out Understand I still get asked every single day. That's great. Every day. Where'd the bottle go? I'm like, mother,

Starting point is 00:18:29 it's been six months. It's still up there. It's digesting. Congratulations. You've been promoted from magician to alchemist. You're a wizard now, Harry. I'll take it. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:18:41 I don't trust anything. No, you shouldn't. It's not fake. I was here for an hour before you guys got here. I said Then you yesterday I was like I Bet they're gonna be at the house or they were here before and they're hiding shit around You guys had worse security. I would have Before just a surprise with one stupid a strike, but your security is so good there to be coming us like announces you

Starting point is 00:19:21 Yeah, you use this house the fucking snitch Why is it West outside our house Oh, what was that you both just got back from Japan? Oh, you're in Japan you were to dude. Let's go So okay, we. Are we gonna make out? Maybe. That's what we do. Anyone that's been on Japan, make out. It's always on count of three. You gotta put it in three. Make out.

Starting point is 00:19:51 Now make out. Watch, we'll show you. Damn it. When I was in... Chris, I went with Chris Ramsey. Me and him were in Japan making a documentary about... Because he sells puzzles on YouTube, right? Cool.

Starting point is 00:20:03 Cool. And we were like, a lot of the good ones come from here. So we're into that town where they made them first day. We get there. We get we're just walking in middle Tokyo and we run into like half of mr.. Beast team Hey There's 29 million people living in Tokyo Yeah Why we walked down the same street at the same time and we're like like making a video or like us to buy now I would just pass each other's ass the fact that you were there does not even

Starting point is 00:20:26 surprise me now I know like we as soon as we got there we literally saw the screenshot of like him and PewDiePie though at the wheel we were all there the same time my god so it was like we were like oh well of course we have to do it so we went to that we just like recreated in a stupid way we were like who did it better? But- Most bizarre thing happened to you. What was the most bizarre thing for Japan?

Starting point is 00:20:49 Bizarre thing? Like weirdest cultural, like, whoa. Sorry. Ooh, the weirdest cultural. Okay, so I would say that like the weirdest cultural thing that I experienced in Japan is that even when the people were racist,

Starting point is 00:21:03 they were nice about it. Okay, like how? Like the cab racist, they were nice about it. Okay. Like the cab drivers, they would see that we were white and they would look at us and automatically assume that we don't speak Japanese, which is a rightful assumption. But they would see us like it was pouring rain. We're in our little umbrellas. And they would look at us and go, no, and cross their arms with an X. Be like, no, so sorry.

Starting point is 00:21:23 No, no English. No. Like we need a taxi. No, and then they drive off. Or they would skip us and then just pick somebody else up that was speaking Japanese. At first I was kind of pissed off, but then I thought about it and I was like,

Starting point is 00:21:37 you know what, number one, you're a taxi driver. That's already stressful enough. And then you have to deal with people who you can't actually talk to. I'm like, I get it. I get it. Dude, oh my God. That's already stressful enough. And then you have to deal with people who you can't actually talk to. Yeah. I'm like, I get it. I get it. Dude.

Starting point is 00:21:48 Oh, my God. Chris and I are in a taxi. We're heading out to this like Hakune, I think it's called. It's like a really smaller town. It's like way out. And we're in this cab. And it's a lot further than we think. And I look in the meter.

Starting point is 00:22:01 And the meter's going up and up and up. And I'm like, I take my Google Translate. And I'm looking at all the signs and I'm like, it's cash only. And Chris is like, yeah, yeah, I noticed that earlier. And then we're counting our money out and then I'm like, how much you got? We're all in the back and we're getting closer and closer

Starting point is 00:22:16 and I'm looking at the meter and I'm like, and stop. You were just on the drive. And then he just stops like, yeah, yeah, thank you. Thank you, here you go. I'm like this is where we are now Like it is cool cuz like when you get the yen you're like the exchange rates awesome So you're like you're thinking like wow we're loaded. We're balling here, but then the mo it goes by especially in taxis Really really fast, so you're like oh 500 yen no problem now It's a grand no price 10,000. That's $100 and it's 15 and now we're here Yeah, there's coins get you at first cuz you like I pay with coins well Canada You already have high dollar coins America's like 25 cents

Starting point is 00:22:58 Oh dollar coins or whatever they have two dollar coins right in Japan up to they they have a it's called yen Yeah, yen they have they have. $2 coins, right, in Japan? It's called yen. Yeah, yen. They have $2 coins in Japan, right? No, but they have the 100 yen. They have all the ones, but the main ones that we used were the 100 yen ones because they fit.

Starting point is 00:23:17 They used for any machine. And then the 500 yen. And then we just used 1,000 yen bills. How just use like a thousand yen bills for like everything else. How much is a thousand yen? 10 bucks. Yeah, it's a good conversion.

Starting point is 00:23:30 It's easy to do in your head. Take two zeros off. Yeah. Samsung Vision AI televisions transform screens into intelligent solutions from the shows that make us laugh to those that make us cry.

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Starting point is 00:24:26 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Magically, my conscience is clear. But, ooh, look at that. That's for you. All right. But Lawson's was like their version of, because they have 7-Elevens

Starting point is 00:24:39 and they also have like Lawson's, like a little gas station. Yeah, I've been to Lawson's. It looks like English, but it's... I had so many pork cutlet sandwiches when I was there. It was ridiculous. They were only five bucks, and it was just like every day. It was amazing.

Starting point is 00:24:53 You had these two in your hand there? What could you buy with one yen? Dude, the food. A single, like only one yen? Like a penny? Like a one grain of rice. Yeah, one grain of rice. That's probably.

Starting point is 00:25:03 Yeah, I think it's like, there's nothing. I never saw anything for less. The food is absolutely amazing. Like the 7-Elevens, we talked about that. Did you go eat at the 7-Elevens even? No. Bro. Did I miss out somehow?

Starting point is 00:25:16 Yes. I've never been to Japan. This is bullshit. Batty's the one now just like, oh, they're having fun talks. Dude, the 7-Elevens, the 7-elevens the restaurants the pizzas are the Curry's yep Just everything you missed out if you didn't why I went for Japanese food my friends Oh my god the Japanese food again sushi. Yeah, the ramen the sushi whatever rice Yeah, yo check out. This is insane. We go to the restaurant one day and Chris is like

Starting point is 00:25:45 let's just you know we're both pretty adventurous and when we're there we're like let's eat whatever right so we're like

Starting point is 00:25:49 we'll just get whatever the guy comes we're just like point at this point at that we don't read any of these words nope whatever

Starting point is 00:25:53 and buddy's like oh this this this blah blah blah sashimi we're like yeah we like sashimi sure bring it brings it out

Starting point is 00:25:59 I'm like oh this looks good I start eating it and I think it's tuna sashimi I start eating it Chris is looking at it he goes it looks like chicken dude and I was like there's no such thing what think it's tuna sashimi. I start eating it Chris is looking at he goes Looks like chicken dude, and I was like there's no such thing. What do you mean chicken sashimi? That's not thing I'm just eating it chomping on it and then Chris Lee and he like grabs his phone Google Translate on that menu

Starting point is 00:26:16 He's like that's fucking chicken dude And I'm literally just eating it what and he's like I'm like it tastes so good. How is it? Do it on them? Oh my god. It's not rubbery at all. It doesn't taste like raw chicken like you think it does. It's like just melt in your mouth, like fucking tuna, just falling apart. And I was like, but I was just like, I don't know if I can. And I already even saw it.

Starting point is 00:26:34 I'm like, I don't know if I can. Is that scary? Yeah, now that you know, you're like, Chris is on it. He orders a thing that comes on one of those like sizzling hot plate things. Yeah, the hot pot, yeah. He just started fucking cooking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:44 And we were pretty sneaky about it. But then one time the lady comes by I think that comes on one of those like sizzling hot plate thing And we were pretty sneaky about it the one time the lady comes by and she sees us Sashimi grade chicken and we're just burning in ourselves in this hot pan and just Great chicken it's still raw chicken though right how it's prepared because the disease E.coli is because yeah processing plants and everything I don't know I don't know how they okay when you when you're eating this and then you start Googling frantically, it says like Japan's the only place in the world they have chicken sashimi. The chickens are specially raised and it's an island. It's all isolated. They're cut off from salmonella.

Starting point is 00:27:55 Then you Google it. And all the Googles are like, don't eat it if you're not from there. Like they can eat it. Sure. Because they're used to it. Their gut biomes different than yours. Don't fucking eat it. And then it lists like 30,000 times it's gone wrong. And I was like,

Starting point is 00:28:08 so I had like one piece. I had no choice. I was already, I had already eaten it. It was good though. It was so good. See, they have, let's go back and have it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Oh yeah. I'm gonna be great. Did you get the, we got to bring, we're bringing baddie though. Yeah. Oh, a hundred percent. Baddie, will you eat it? I want to go to Japan. We'll go. They have pork. It's the shimmy-grade pork there. I never knew that. I never tried the pork yet either. So that was one of the first restaurants we went to.

Starting point is 00:28:30 It was like chicken. I was like, no, why the fuck would I ever? And then I seen pork. I was like, nope, that's even worse. We're going to pass on that, but then you get the food. The sushi is, even at the airport, is better than our four our five-star American restaurants in its fucking haze You're like god damn it. This is so delicious the 7-elevens. Did you go to McDonald's or anything you know, bro? Did you the food is no no I I did it it was still like

Starting point is 00:28:57 Yeah The McDonald's was okay I was so you could participate in the shot. Yeah, I was being cut don't drink it yet. It's water. I'm making sure it's water That's fair. No, that's a You've been to this house before Tequila smoke well, that's why I was like Choose boys guys I can't possibly. Oh, man. Why was that so bad? I don't know. I liked it. That was a good one.

Starting point is 00:29:46 I love cast iron. I normally do. Most crazy thing you did in Japan. Go. No, I told you. Was that it? Yeah, eating the sashimi was rough. The brothel. The brothel.

Starting point is 00:29:56 Never got a raw fish. Gotcha. Yeah, I think for me that was... Everything else sort of... Nothing threw me into a panic like that. Yes, mr. Miyagi I just caught it wasn't the big one was another like fruit fly buzzer I just caught it and crushed it in my hand. I fucking love that cuz the shirt we see Japan Fucking dexterity raises by 10 just camera custom bad. He has tape on his eyes like body get rid of the tape

Starting point is 00:30:46 Wings mid-flight. Holy shit. Oh, my God. I want to go to Japan, man. That is without a doubt. Australia and Japan, two of the places I've wanted to go more than anything. I will say one thing about Japan that's insane to me is it's 129 million people, right, on a little island. And they-

Starting point is 00:31:00 So respectful and clean. They don't need us. No. Okay? Like, their culture, even though it's one little fucking island like it looks like the size of New Zealand or whatever But it's like you know way more people, but they've affected our world You can't go anywhere without seeing Japanese culture whether it's fucking anime or the food or back to your back job Right exactly like look how people dress like everything fucking and it's way. It's amazing

Starting point is 00:31:23 I was so small and then it's just affected everybody they don't need us they don't care they're happy that we come they want i mean we did that too in america look at there's mcdonald's everywhere you're welcome true you're welcome yeah we affected uh obesity and no matter how fat you are in your country you're still skinny that's true that's our slogan that's to be the new unsub shirts of Merck. My wife's always like, Wes, you put on like 20 pounds. I'm like, let's move. If I put on 20 pounds and can it, let's go.

Starting point is 00:31:53 You're right. Time to get out of here. You still look great. You're in great shape right now. I'm proud. Thank you. I'll take it. I'll take it.

Starting point is 00:31:59 Yeah. Right? Dude, Japan, what's crazy is the cleanliness. They don't have trash cans outside nope and then but when you have trash you just put it in your pocket everyone carries trash with them and they don't throw it on the ground everyone's super respectful and then when you get in your your uh train systems or subways no one talks it's fucking dope i live for that yeah australians already broke that i I didn't like that at all. My group was the asshole. Oh, see, I was trying to be so respectful to everyone.

Starting point is 00:32:29 It was, yeah. Bully? Everyone. It was fun, though. I did it a little bit when we were having fun, and we were laughing and giggling, and then I got on the train, and I was like... Eli,

Starting point is 00:32:47 do you know this episode is brought to you by manscaped? Eli looks like the carpet does match the drapes. The leaders in below the waist grooming partnered with the testicular cancer society to remind you to check your golden nuggets this month for anything not so golden. His are golden, just red. And while you're down there, shave your balls while you save your balls. Support a good cause and go over to manscaped.com

Starting point is 00:33:19 and use code UNSUB to get 20% off plus free shipping. Homies trim each other's balls. Eli, did you know one guy every hour, every day is diagnosed with testicular cancer? That's ball cancer. I did not know that. That's terrifying. This is a reminder for you and all you men out there. Check your golden nuggets.

Starting point is 00:33:44 Do you know how to check for ball cancer? Well, that's easy. When you're in that shower, get that water nice and warm. Give those little nuts a little play with. Who doesn't like playing with the balls? This guy. I like it. And if it hurts, go see a doctor.

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Starting point is 00:34:18 Only 10,000 units are going to be made. So get yours today before they're gone. With the launch of their special edition purple Lawn M 4.0, Manscaped will be donating $50,000 to their longtime partner, the Testicular Cancer Society, to help those impacted by testicular cancer. Get 20% off and free shipping when using code UNSUB at manscaped.com. I repeat, go to manscaped.com and use code UNSUB to get 20% off and free shipping. Make sure you go out there and tell your buddies to go check their balls or check them for them.

Starting point is 00:34:51 Check your boys and check your boys' boys. Check your boys' boys. Check your boys' boys. That's the new saying. It's just check your boys' boys. Get no phone. You're like, put the phone. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:35:04 One time on the train, we're sitting there and this uh the seat opens up next to me and this old woman gets on old as fuck bent over she's like she's a seat she starts going towards it and this like 20 21 year old girl sees her and runs and charges and sits down and this is like i'm like whoa i call me a reverse racist but like i didn't think japanese people behave like that you know what i mean right like i i thought they were just nicer than that i didn't realize i didn't realize they were like the rest of us right so i was like in my mind i'm like wow they're like this everywhere this is crazy and chris sees it he's fucking appalled but it's dead silent like you said so no one says shit it's like it's just like

Starting point is 00:35:45 a quiet new york subway where everyone's just minding their own business all of a sudden and then chris gets up and this old lady like bows so many times to him and sits down and then and then she did she me and chris spent the rest of time just staring at this young girl just quietly it was awesome i was like this is so cool like I'm like, we're on the right side of history. You know? Finally, the white guy on the right side of history. Let's go. We looked at each other and we're like, white people. High five in the air.

Starting point is 00:36:16 No, we didn't. High five the white guy. No, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry. White guys. It's a trap. He's not white. It's a trap. You got me again this lighting Eli Eli

Starting point is 00:36:29 Eli fine racist the tequila was a giveaway but it's crazy how many times they say are you writing down

Starting point is 00:36:36 that joke I know I have to write down a joke I just can't say it out loud but they're like go minutes go minutes like already got they'll just thank you over and over I don't say it out loud. Arigato. But they're like, gomenesai, gomenesai. They'll just thank you over and over.

Starting point is 00:36:48 I don't know. I felt like, am I doing too much of the thank youing? It felt weird. No, they're so respectful. That's why one of my favorite stories when we renamed the bar in Kyoto, because if you bought the most rounds,

Starting point is 00:37:03 but if you buy the bar around for everyone in the bar, the most, you get to rename the front of the bar. Like they go outside and change the fucking thing. So we changed it to Princess Buttercup's bar in Tokyo or Kyoto. That's amazing. And we got the owner drank with us and got fucking shit. Hold on, I don't remember you ever telling me the name

Starting point is 00:37:22 that you named it Princess Buttercup. Yeah. That was the name of one of my childhood cats. Oh. Princess says Buttercup. That's literally bars name. Whoa, Princess, but Well, there we go, I did not know sister no, it was a boy just to be very clear named Princess, but it was a boy bar Dudes could be princesses. Yeah, it's 2023. People can be whatever they want, alright? As long as I can still sheave them titties, alright? Yeah, that's all that matters. Sheave them?

Starting point is 00:37:56 I think it's Sean Connery. That's the joke. That was great. That was a very... Dude, you made it. Did you guys go to the All Youyou-can-drink bars? They were like 25 bucks. No, we had a very specific list of things. Chris was shooting a documentary for his YouTube channel,

Starting point is 00:38:13 which is actually fucking good. I hate to say nice things about my friend, but it was really good. He was cute. He was very specific about what we were doing. He had all the things, sort of like, we're going to meet this person, this person, this person. We had one day off, so I'm like, we're just like in ripungi it's like a part of tokyo we're like we'll go there and just out for a drink and we walk in the first place we go into this guy's like chris ramsey and then and then he's like yeah yeah like that yeah

Starting point is 00:38:36 what's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. I didn't think he was like, hey, Chris Ramsey, it's good to see you. Wow, that Japanese guy speaks really good English.

Starting point is 00:39:17 The funnier part of the story is he is white. But he said it like you said it, it he must have been there a while and then he just took us on this bar call that was our one free night but we ended up hanging out with all Americans, Australians all tourists that night so we didn't really get into the thick of it we just went to every tourist destination

Starting point is 00:39:38 still a fun time but that was our free night so the rest of the time we were meeting up with specific people and they were taking us to places that was always very like local and important to them. So we didn't get, we missed a lot

Starting point is 00:39:48 of the major highlights. We have to go back next year. I swear to God, we're going to go back because we missed all the major highlights. Yeah, we'll go next month. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:56 We'll just pay for everyone. Now we're talking. As soon as you said that. As soon as you threw this. He's like, I can't. Okay, now I'm fine. I just freed up my schedule.

Starting point is 00:40:04 Free up a couple things. Grant, you down? Sorry to everyone who's got to down everyone's got a comedy show down you want to go for a win win whenever whenever Yes, okay Jim Carrey's fucking awesome movie. Yes, man. That's be a yes, man. Thank you. Yes there No fuck you She's hot fuck you Anyway, talk your hair does this bobble thing and then lands perfectly not doesn't come do this guys Literally, I can't have a quaff here. I never noticed that it just did it though. It was like Dude I'm popping those don't lose your hair pills every day. I think it better stay with me, man.

Starting point is 00:40:50 So appreciate you shouting it out. How many polygons you got in that hair? That's some luscious. It's beautiful. We were eating food. I was like, you got great hair. We weren't even filming. I thought you were just being normal.

Starting point is 00:41:03 I wasn't even listening to you. I was just watching your hair How many frames a second we shooting this thing Pretty shiny so did you stay in Tokyo the last night? I did two days in Tokyo two days in order rot order waru or to war Nice try Wes and then two days in Tokyo two days in order rot order waru or tomorrow Nice try Wes and then two days in Tokyo Last day was the free day was in Tokyo you probably did did you go to there's the white I just go the tourist area in That Tokyo area where all the bars are you good this Roppongi? Has the area that has a lot of the...

Starting point is 00:41:46 It's like three-seaters? Yeah, you just walk in. Yes, yes, yes. The bar's batty. The bars are three seats, and they're open to the outside. There's no wall closing. You just walk up and sit down at the bar. There's like three seats, and it'll say,

Starting point is 00:41:58 English-speaking, please come. Oh, no, I get a lot of those, please come. A lot of please coming? A lot of please coming. Oh, yeah. There was a lot of weird little nook and cranny bars, especially when I was like, all right, you guys, I'm going to head back. We got to film tomorrow morning. I'll catch you guys later.

Starting point is 00:42:16 Like, cool. I go back home about to fall asleep. It's 1.30 in the morning. Get a text from Juicy. Bing! It shows him, and he goes, I just drank seahorse and i'm like what what are you talking about and they have they just they have at this bar they have like rattlesnakes and seahorses and jars with alcohol and he's just like i drink a seahorse and he just

Starting point is 00:42:39 he actually drank the seahorse that's so fucking and it's just like i want to drink a seahorse if you go to sleep in japan you missed something okay it's not like there's no i'm great at not sleeping don't go to sleep you're gonna miss something like that that's amazing this sunday morning were you guys there on sunday morning i don't know dude sunday morning you wouldn't know because in koenji where that's where we were that was that those japanese people go fucking hard they like work really hard for those six days Yeah, and then the day of rest I walked out. I was 7 in the morning. I was like, oh, yeah There's a fucking dude in for a 7-eleven just peeing

Starting point is 00:43:13 There's a pass out on the street and there's girls walking like they're just getting home like stumbling was like, yeah Oh, this is when they let go. Oh, yes Fuck they were hard. Oh, yeah, but. But the seven 11 P guy like did not know. My people. Front of the seven 11. I'm like, Oh, that guy's peeing.

Starting point is 00:43:32 Yeah. At me. Yup. That's his penis. I want to know. Is it true? They showed it. They were showing us there every night.

Starting point is 00:43:43 They showed us like the same drinking game. You might've seen it too. They, I think they all do it. Uh, they drink as much as you can, as fast. They showed us like the same drinking game You might have seen it, too They I think they all do it the drink as much as you can as fast you can for as long as you can Yeah, that's their fucking only drinking game it. Yep, and then that's the you drink. I play it. Oh you do That's what they're doing and they're just like yeah, we're going out and then drink and you're like Oh, it's like I'm like trying to pace myself like why don't worry about Don't worry about it. I love it.

Starting point is 00:44:06 Cream pies? It started to make me wonder, what are we pacing ourselves for? They're like, let's all just drink all of it right now. And whatever happens, happens. I'm like, that is a better plan. I love that plan. Instead of accidentally getting sneaky drunk late in the night,

Starting point is 00:44:21 we know it's going to happen. We all set out together. Teamwork. I don't know. We were there during what's known as golden week. And that's when they get like the week off. Oh my God. And so it was like, as soon as we like, when we were really going in there, Tokyo became

Starting point is 00:44:35 from, it went from popular to damn near like you couldn't move without being squished. And I was, it was just insane. But we did like, the different cities were very cool because they're really different as far as like tokyo was obviously tourist attraction very big lots of people um and then osaka was like a little bit of both where it was like it still was like nice city it was pretty big but like you can move around and it was fine. Kyoto was the super traditional city where I walked around with the tattoo and they were like, whoa!

Starting point is 00:45:13 And they were freaking out. Oh yeah, you can't go in the onsens or anything, right? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. They did not allow that. But you can rent private onsens and then you can just go for it. Which is not as much fun. Most of us are learning

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Starting point is 00:46:40 No, I want to see those Japanese. How long were you there? We were there for three weeks. For filming? Yeah, for YouTube. So we were out there doing that. We did like sumo wrestling with sumo wrestlers. And they're strong.

Starting point is 00:46:52 Shut the fuck up. I want to see that so bad. What? Yeah, we did. We did that. I haven't heard anything from your team. I was like, this is perfect. We don't know anything going on.

Starting point is 00:47:01 Really quick. List off. Number one, I proposed. So now I'm engaged. So sumo wrestler loved it. Sumo wrestling. Yeah number one. I proposed so now I'm engaged so sumo wrestler loved it sumo wrestling But uh I see sumo wrestled Very rarely my maze or a dude's ring right now when he announced it, he's got to say it again. Don't touch it. I wanted to touch it. But we did, like, we fought with sumo wrestlers. We went to the...

Starting point is 00:47:32 Brothel? What is it? Not the brothel. Why? Because you just got engaged. Okay, you don't want to accept the culture? Fine. No, I know, that's fine.

Starting point is 00:47:42 That's fine. Racist. But we did... We got, like, a little card placard to put in front of who's the racist at this yeah we just move it

Starting point is 00:47:49 it's like here goes Eli making the voice again just guess who we did we did the drifting school so we

Starting point is 00:47:58 we drifted with professional drifters and learned how to drift was the drift king there oh fuck I'm gonna why can't I remember the King's name. He's what he invented from time. I'm so embarrassing. We did that is now We did play that race card to you It wasn't even in Tokyo. Tokyo Draft! The ultimate need for speed!

Starting point is 00:48:35 We did, uh... Oh, God, what else did we do? We did the Hulk's fucking Honda Element, or whatever the fuck that thing was. Come on! Oh, we ate Fugu. That was terrifying. The super poisonous fish. Oh, we ate fugu. That was terrifying. The super poisonous fish. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:49 No, Charlie, no. The fugu fish. No. Yeah, I got you. But the chef there was like, we were like, how long does it take you to get certified and stuff like that?

Starting point is 00:49:01 And he was like, 15. And we're like, oh, so you've been doing this for 15 years. That's crazy. He's like, no, 50. He's been working on one fish for 15 years. That's Japanese culture, though. That is Japanese culture.

Starting point is 00:49:13 And normally I don't eat fish, but we were doing it for the video. And I looked at this really old Japanese man, this professional chef. And I'm like, there's no way I'm about to look this man in the eye and tell him I'm not going to eat this. He'd kill you. So I ate that. I ate that fugu. I pictured this old man. No, he was He was sprouting.

Starting point is 00:49:35 Give him the racist card. Then he like tosses the fish. It just like falls into his like perfectly cut. I feel like I feel like there's going to be a part where everyone gets too old, you know? And there's going to be a tourist there being like, look how long he's been doing it. And then that'll be the day where he's like, I don't remember the moves.

Starting point is 00:49:56 And then he's like, and you die. It was the milky eyes. No, it's the milky eyes. He's just cutting the wrong thing. He's like, the feces are done. You bite it, you die. She got no it's the milky cutting the wrong thing Who's the fish is this I'm going to stick with not doing the accent myself. I like everyone's lines. It's so different. Like, a narrator does a really good Japanese accent.

Starting point is 00:50:32 Oh, he's supposed to. That's part of the job. That makes sense for me. I love it. We went to, like, this one island that was an hour flight out of Japan. It had only, like, 4,500 people that lived there. And there was, like, a haunted, was like a haunted resort that used to be there. And

Starting point is 00:50:49 we just walked in there at night time, which is technically legal. Technically legal. Why is there a haunted place there? Why would there be, right? So what it is is that the... Hiroshima there be, right? So what it is is that the... Hiroshima?

Starting point is 00:51:06 Is that what you're saying, Matty? Is that what you're saying? No, but it's like... That might be haunted. They made a... So it was a gigantic... I'm not from this country. I'm a Canadian.

Starting point is 00:51:18 I don't know politics. I'm Canadian! You're still involved in World War II, motherfucker! I don't know! I'm ignorant! Ah, fuck yeah, you're right. Bottom line, it was really fun. We did a lot of wacky scenarios

Starting point is 00:51:33 and ate a bunch of weird shit. Was it haunted, though? Yeah. Did you feel the hauntedness? There was a lot of different stuff where the most weirdest thing is that we walked into a room that was like the door was barricaded. So we unbarricaded it.

Starting point is 00:51:54 You broke in? No, we unbarricaded it. Truck Month is on at Chevrolet. Get 0% financing for up to 72 months on a 2025 Silverado 1500 Custom Blackout or Custom Trail Boss. With Custom Trail Bosses available, Class Exclusive, Duramax 3-liter diesel engine, and Z71 off-road package with a 2-inch factory suspension lift, you get both on-road confidence and off-road capability. Dirt road ahead? Let's go!

Starting point is 00:52:22 Truck month is awesome! Ask your Chevrolet dealer for details. We did in Iraq a lot. We unbarricaded doors. A couple 12 gauge slows. What was really weird is that like... That's funny, that's why the hotel's hot.

Starting point is 00:52:46 War crimes. That's funny, that's why the hotel's hot It's war crimes But me and Josh walked in and like, cause we've heard like a couple sounds you know when things move, we were like, it's old whatever, but me and Josh walked in and at the exact same time we could have swore we saw like something like run past on the ground like crawling.

Starting point is 00:53:07 Oh fuck that. And then it went into the wall and it was just gone. And you can see it in the footage because the video is up. Both me and Josh at the same time looked at the same spot and screamed because we saw it. So we were like I don't want to be here. But it was

Starting point is 00:53:23 there was also that extra level of fear where it was like, heaven forbid, we're technically not supposed to be there. And the only police that are on that island, we're at their mercy. So they could take all of our footage, take everything, delete it all, and then... They're going to arrest you. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:44 What are you laughing about? I just picture the little scary Japanese girl ghost. She's like waiting to scare you. White people. And scurries off into the wall and disappears like you terrified her instead. It was like reverse scare.

Starting point is 00:54:00 The ghost was just hanging out there to scare some Japanese people. White people terrify her though. We did the toilet ghost lore and that was funny. It's in my brain. I'm dumb. I fucking hate your brain so much. We should change the name from unsubscribe to don't cancel. Bro, we just like, we just like cancelled like, oh my god.

Starting point is 00:54:20 We had so many titles where like, we're getting cancelled. Part 3! Yeah, part 18. Like we had so many titles were like we're getting cancer Part 18 I feel like your guys's job is to like we all like run towards the canceling ledge as fast as we can then you guys Hit the brakes perfectly and then the guests try to stop Peter the line is just like hi guests go Fine That's why we feed you alcohol.

Starting point is 00:54:45 I appreciate that. I was drinking when I was recording my audio book. There's a whole hidden chapter in the audio book of me reading out the list of the 1950s most racial slurs in the hidden chapter. Wait, there's a racial slur from the 1950s? Tons of them. Wait, like normal English words or like ones that were considered bad? I don't like that Eli latched onto this. Yeah, because I saw the joke you were making.

Starting point is 00:55:07 I was making a joke and then he made it serious. And that makes it weird. And I don't like it anymore. No, no, I'm with you. We can cut that out. So where do I find this? We're going to put the hidden secret thing in this podcast right now. Remember Wes Barker.

Starting point is 00:55:19 That was meant to be silly and funny and totally obviously a joke. And Eli was like, how many can I learn? Eli said magic spells, so I'm like, calm down. I don't like how I'm sweating now. This is why I sit on this side of the table. So glad. Thank God for editing. I know AI and editing.

Starting point is 00:55:38 I could upload the secret chapter and you wouldn't. No, no, no, no. Don't put the idea out there. Shut up. My name's Matt Franco. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, what's trick two? Oh, you want another trick? Son of a bitch asshole piece of garbage. Thank you. Oh, the slingshots. I've been shooting that all podcast.

Starting point is 00:56:12 I know, but we haven't talked about the fucking slingshot. Batty, we all went to boy mode. I think I put a second on it because Chris is his first. Yeah. Chris Ramsey has a brand called First, so I went with second because second second to none, obviously. To none. Chris Ramsey is a brand called first so I went with second cuz second second to none obviously to none God that was a great shot that you almost hit that was really good you took out the tripod I'm the first time that he was actually accurate that Press himself I thought he was actually accurate. That fucking thing. Impressed himself.

Starting point is 00:56:47 I love the fact that he was like, Tee hee, this is fun. And then his whole body went, bam. Because I saw it hit the fucking. I know. That was your most accurate hit ever. It's satisfying. I'll tell you, I made a special promo code for Unsubscribe. Did you?

Starting point is 00:57:00 Yeah. So for the card slingshots and the book, 20% off for anyone who uses the promo code unsubscribe. We're going to switch it to come 20. Yeah, for real. That's so kind of you. I'm going to buy a slingshot. Definitely do.

Starting point is 00:57:14 So unsubscribe or come 20. If you switch it to come 20 because people will use that. You got it. Come 20 it is. Hey-o. How do you spell come? C-U-M? C-U-M.

Starting point is 00:57:24 And then 20, do you write the number you em see you and then 20 you've read the number You have to come 20 times and then type in whatever you want Out of regs is see you empty the men's you and that to see I mean I not be able to use that promo code for like three days. You got to give me some time. So Unsub, Outer X is the men's grooming stuff and I'm part owner of that

Starting point is 00:57:54 and we put Come20 as a joke. All you fuckheads out there, that's all the discount code they use. We had like code unsubscribed, code Unsub. Everyone's like, Come20? Come20? So always during the owners meet, the discount code they use. We had code unsubscribed. Everyone's like, come 20? Come 20?

Starting point is 00:58:06 So always during the owner's meetings, it's like, and come 20 is in first place, naturally. Being used. Everyone just slowly looks at you. Hey, it fucking works. That was a good shot, by the way. That was awesome. Dude, shake hands.

Starting point is 00:58:26 See? Dude, I didn't know he did magic. Works that's all it does a good shot by the way though awesome dude shake hands See dude Magic it's good magic Where was this I'm pregnant But if you have me the rest of those cards You're not gonna put a card in my ass Please put a car. Let's see if we can do this because I've never shown you a magic trick I don't have the whole deck here, so it's hard to do is gonna be one of those cool ones. I hate kids So I only have That's a magic trick. He just wanted to say it and he puts the cards down. So fucking much.

Starting point is 00:59:09 So I only have one trick I do for kids. Okay. But I'll show you what it is. But it's stupid because I hate kids, but I have to do it because all my friends have kids. So I have to ask a few questions. So I go like, what's your favorite color? Blue. Blue.

Starting point is 00:59:23 Nice choice, buddy. What's your favorite dinosaur? I'm go velociraptor velociraptor that's a good choice man i'm so good at this and how old are you enough yeah i don't remember to say that but that's all right okay normally if they answer me honestly 20 27 27 velociraptor blue, 27. If they answer this correctly, normally I can guess what card they would pick. Okay. Like I said, I only do this for kids, but normally if they answer those three things correctly, I can guess what card they would name

Starting point is 00:59:54 if they were to name a card. Okay. So name a card out loud. Oh, God. Seven of hearts? Seven of hearts. But it's just for the kids. You just do this one just for the kids

Starting point is 01:00:06 please cut to my reaction when you're pulling it out because I can see it this time that's why I'm like I just turned it left because I just read fuck you on the card I'm mad this is why I don't like magicians

Starting point is 01:00:23 I know you, I know Chris. I love that. I watch so many magic trick bullshits because I enjoy that. I really do. And finally being in person with magic, I'm always like, I'm going to look for the thing. I'm going to come and see you. And I can't see a goddamn thing!

Starting point is 01:00:39 Well, there's not even a trick with that one. Where was the fuck you card? Oh yeah, it was sitting there the whole was the fuck you card? Oh, yeah. It was sitting in there the whole time. I left it in that pack just to do that. Like, I just left it in there. Did you? Are you fucking with me?

Starting point is 01:00:51 No, I left it in there, yeah. Going deep, son. Bing bong. I'm upset. I don't get it. It's all subtle stuff. Like, here, I'll show you. I can probably show you one more here with a full deck of cards.

Starting point is 01:01:01 How deep are your pockets? Do you just always have a pack of cards in your pocket? This is cool. Dude, those are actually legal weapons in his hands. This is kind of cool. Show you one more here with a full deck how deep are your pockets? Do you always have a pack of cards in your pocket? Really legal weapons in his hands. This is this is kind of cool, so um Daddy say say a card out loud for real the clubs eight of clubs, okay? See now I'm holding the deck like this you can see on here every deck has a little picture on the back Yeah, this one has the ace of spades you said eight of clubs I was sort of holding like this when I asked you because sometimes you can subtly hint to people and they sort of subconsciously Yeah, I said spades or whatever, but no no so you said 8 of clubs. I was sort of holding like this when I asked you because sometimes you can subtly hint to people and they sort of subconsciously Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm stupid though.

Starting point is 01:01:27 But no, no, so you said 8 of clubs, which is fine. It doesn't it doesn't always work, but I'll show you um I don't want to get all the fucking cards out of here. If those were all 8 of clubs, I'm gonna kill you. We'll burn you on the stake. It won't be like that. No. But you can see We have all the cards here. I mean you won't be able to see on the thing, but like what I'm gonna get you to do in a second, right?

Starting point is 01:01:44 I see the 8 of clubs. Is I'm gonna get you to do in a second, right? I see the angle. Is I'm gonna get you to touch the back of a card. I don't know if this is gonna work. We'll try it. Wait, wait, wait. I got this. I got this. Can you get, can we get the good angle? Alright, we'll try it anyways. So can you, um, here just touch the back. Okay. Okay, so you touch the back of one of these cards. I'm trying to speak into the mic at the same time.

Starting point is 01:02:04 That one. This one here? Okay. Now, it's all good. We're good. So like, so can you touch the back of one of these cards. I'm trying to speak to the mic the same time that one this one here Okay, now it's all good. We're good. So like so can you remember the card? Yeah, remember the card? Yeah, remember the card? Yeah, I remember the card. Okay, so that one there You just touch the back of it, yep You didn't say ace of spades or like I wanted to you said eight of clubs You didn't touch the eight of clubs though obviously because it was just a demonstration So it's gonna be

Starting point is 01:02:33 So it's gonna be the ten of hearts that you stopped at right? That's crazy because I think you were influenced a bit by that I Think you can you turn over the box here? Could you were influenced a little bit by that, I think. What the fuck? No! No! The picture on the box always influences you, like I said before. Getcha.

Starting point is 01:02:55 The influence. Wizardry! Getcha. This is where we hard cut to him being burnt at a stake. No, we're going to hang the witch. Eli, we'll hang the witch we're gonna hang the witch Eli we'll hang the witch not burn it oh my god that's insane this is why I was like Grant has to come to this

Starting point is 01:03:14 the magic show we always bring like so far we always have like a youtuber that comes and fucking hangs out with the magician YouTubers. I am so sweaty right now. Dude, that's so cool. Me too, because of his accents, right?

Starting point is 01:03:31 I'm just afraid to get canceled right now. Did you make me pick the Ten of Diamonds? It's all in the book. It's really not. That was not in the book. Don't buy the book. Don't buy the book. Fuck that.

Starting point is 01:03:44 He has his own book. He has a fucking Grim War in the back. It's true. It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka. Soda. Natural flavors. So, what should we talk about

Starting point is 01:04:05 no sugar added neutral refreshingly simple god dude what else did i plant around here i can't remember no i'm joking when you plant when you plant, when you plant. The ace. It's pretty cool, right? Yeah. To the 10. So that means, okay.

Starting point is 01:04:29 So my buddy. So I was forced to pick the 10 of hearts. Okay. Daddy, stop. No, no. Let's work it out. You had one stroke already. We don't need a second.

Starting point is 01:04:39 What's wrong? We already know this, right? We've established this for 600 years. But let's, I'll tell you straight up. Only 600 years? That's all. Before that, it was flat now it's round oh so then i was like all right this is what happens to these people they're so crazy whoever talks the most sounds the craziest so i'm like let him talk and let's not let's not be like change our mind we'll change our mind let's be like tell us why you think this do Do we encourage it? We let him talk. And you see me and Chris like, dude, he makes these whack-ass arguments.

Starting point is 01:05:09 And he's talking about this. And he's just doing math wrong, talking about compression, blah, blah, blah, all this bullshit. I throw out a couple questions like, no, no, no. And he's like batting them down with his whack-ass science. And then at one point, Chris and I just sort of sit there listening to each other. Listening to him go off. And then he starts going on. And he has like all these visuals ready to go.

Starting point is 01:05:25 He's pulling them up, and he's like, He brought a PowerPoint. Oh, yeah, he's like, look at this. He's like, you see this right here? What's that? Zoom in, flip this, and he zooms in on a logo on a shirt on NASA, flip it upside down, cut this part out, what does that look like?

Starting point is 01:05:35 We're like, I don't know what you're doing. He's like doing Photoshop in real time. We're like, I don't know, he looks like a uterus. We're like, okay, cool, I don't understand. He's like, uterus, look at this, dick, dick, this is a dick, that's a penis, here's a dick dick and he starts going on this dick rant for like eight minutes for like What is happening? He's like here's dick. There's dick dicks everywhere, and we're like yeah, I'm like hey man Can we get back to flat earth?

Starting point is 01:05:54 The billionaires man, it's all a big sex game to them and we're like what is happening? And then he just like for like 20 minutes. I'm not joking, he kind of convinced us, not convinced us, but like. That was the wrong statement? Like he was making. Valid arguments? He was making somewhat valid, like if you did math wrong, you'd understand what he'd be like, this is kind of good. But then he goes off the fucking.

Starting point is 01:06:17 You were hitting the head with a block of cement. Deep end. He starts going insane. He's like, yeah, the earth's flat, but it's not just like a disk in space. It's bigger than this. They just have us fenced off, and behind this is like the billionaires have free energy, and it's bliss and utopia and all this stuff.

Starting point is 01:06:33 It was the most enjoyable 90 minutes I've ever gone through. And Chris was like really loving it. For me, I was actually, I say enjoyable. But like, no, no, for the last 45 minutes, I was fucking irate. Because I couldn't hold it. I just started going insane back in the sky. Because it was absolutely...

Starting point is 01:06:48 And then finally, we stopped the podcast. And Chris and I just got to debrief each other. But Chris was very good at listening to me. Partly because I think Chris maybe believed a little bit more than I did. But I got fucking insane. But anyways, if you have a chance to interview a flat earther, fucking take it. It will be tiresome and hard and stressful. But like, you know.

Starting point is 01:07:08 I deal with Eli every day. Yeah, exactly. So yes, like talking to Eli every day. Every day. Same thing. It's like talking to Eli, flat earthers going to war. Right? It's in that order.

Starting point is 01:07:20 Stress levels. Yeah. No, you don't know anything about it. You've only been to war. You've never talked to yourself. And you've never talked to a flat earther. You don't know anything about it you've only been to war you've never talked to yourself and you've never talked to a flat earther you don't think i talked to you okay well you still get that level to go you blew my fucking mind i can't believe how we got on this topic oh yeah bottom of the barrel check it out dude that's correct oh man phil we've never had like a conspirious theory flat earth it's hard man. Because as you said, there's no winning the argument.

Starting point is 01:07:47 My favorite doc is that one where they tried to prove the earth is flat. And they're like, we'll use this laser. And at a certain distance, we'll go this far. And if the world's curved, it will be higher. But we know it's not. So it will hit right where we're holding it raise it up It's not hitting go up higher Higher oh, it's there

Starting point is 01:08:13 And then it just ends right there I brought it up to this guy and he and I brought that up to this guy and this guy goes like oh Yeah, they cut it too early. They cut it too early it turns out turns out um There's something in the way blocking it. Oh my God. And he's like, we only had to raise it up like seven or eight feet. And he's like, and at that distance, we technically should have had to raise it 25 feet or whatever. And he's like, so there's something in the way blocking it.

Starting point is 01:08:37 It's hard to explain right now without showing you, but like, no, totally disproved. They just cut it off too early in the documentary. Yeah, I know what was blocking the way. I'm like, oh cool, the Flat Earther documentary, they cut it off too early to not prove their Yeah, I know I'm like, oh cool the flat earther documentary They cut it off too early to not prove their own point and he's like no I said hotel hit piece false flag I was like, okay False flags steel beams melt Every now that he would drop like some of his other weird shit he believes, you know There's never one in there like if they believe in one like a flat earther if he was like yeah i believe in flat earth guys have you read

Starting point is 01:09:10 about the new chicken like trigonometry data coming out and you'd be like oh well okay i'm really yeah the math but what huh you're i love neil degas tyson i just don't believe in him you're like best way to stump these fools i found and that's why i started i'm like i can't beat him with my my videos and his videos you'll just be like yours are fake mine are real Okay, my math his math your math wrong my math, right? That's not math works, but okay, right and then So then I was like I was like, all right, how about this? I'm like give me a motive Why? Why would they be trying to come to the white of fuck that fucking round? And he doesn't have a compelling motive.

Starting point is 01:09:45 His motive sounds like billionaires are living in Valhalla and they keep us here for no apparent reason. It's fucking crazy, right? It's like all weird shit. I don't know. I don't even know. Holy shit. Is Valhalla good or bad? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:09:59 This is a Viking? Yeah, I don't know. That's always the thing. It's like, why the fuck would, of all things, we're like, the earth is flat. It's like, that's what we're trying to control. I'm a fucking idiot, man. I am dumb as shit. But come on.

Starting point is 01:10:13 Well, flat around, this guy's world doesn't change at all. You know what I mean? Like, bro, you live in your basement. You do an interview every day trying to convince people it's fucking flat. I'm like, you've never even been to fucking Australia, right? Like, you've never even seen all of this. Okay? I'll give you fuck it everything you said is right. We live in a little fucking tiny. Yes They're all fences in cool. You've never even been to all of it

Starting point is 01:10:31 It's not like they're leaving you in a room 8 by 8 right like you've never even been to all this disk You'll never see all this disk. So go fuck yourself. What do you care? I've never flown. Here's my thing also Yeah, get on a plane. I circumnavigated. Last month I went fucking. I went Toronto to Ireland to London to Japan to Vancouver back to Toronto. Fuck you. I went all the way around. I saw all of it.

Starting point is 01:10:56 I kept my eyes open. I looked out the window. I counted. You see the curvature. Do they think like every pilot's a conspiracy? I got very stressed. I'm so sorry. That's the thing.

Starting point is 01:11:04 They do. They're like, and they all look like when you meet a flat earther, they look like a flat earther. Yeah. It's like a Magic the Gathering tournament, which, like when you go into it.

Starting point is 01:11:15 Why you gotta say that? Batty. This guy was great. My MTG community. I love you. I love magic. When I go to play, it's sometimes

Starting point is 01:11:24 y'all need to wear deodorant. So my favorite part was homeboy walking. Batty, remember when we were playing that long game, I walk out to go to the restroom. There's just an awkward dude walking towards me with I don't know what's right here. And he's doing this. I was like, is he praying? And as I got closer, I noticed this was vomit and he's carrying it somewhere. Not towards the bathroom, though, because I'm going towards the bathroom. He's like, I'm okay.

Starting point is 01:11:51 And he's just having vomit and he's just cupping it. I was like, oh, his earth is flat, dude. You guys got the flattest fucking earth. So on that note, we were just at DreamHack in Dallas. There was a magic gathering section it was fucking awesome it did have a bit a bit of a smell to it that the rest of the convention didn't have we went to on sunday the last day we went to an anime convention it was in a smaller area but it was like four stories tall it was really high the top floor

Starting point is 01:12:20 was the gaming like the pc games and like the uh they had like all the dance dance revolution the arcade yeah like the the anime arcade game tough stuff the smell when you got off the escalator onto that floor was like a visible eli seven eight times worse than magic gathering it was the it was worse than a gym locker room oh but that was my favorite text from you because i was like how's the convention and baddie was like big anime titties i was like that's a good that was the first floor uh the second floor and third floor were like meeting rooms and panels the fourth floor was just like a lot of like. The dungeon.

Starting point is 01:13:06 Bro. Reverse dungeon. You flew too close to the sun, man. Like we left it as we were leaving. We're walking outside and then we heard some girls explaining the con to her friend. She's like, just don't go to the top floor. It's real stinky up there, bro. It was the worst smell.

Starting point is 01:13:22 Man, now I miss this. It was because they had a bunch of the movement games, like DDR and all that. Oh, yeah. So even worse, you had all the nerds sweating and then going and sitting at PCs and playing fucking League of Legends and shit. Gross. Why be gross and sweaty, though? It's gross. Have you ever been to an MGM Magic the Gathering? Of course not.

Starting point is 01:13:41 We'll go to Adventure. I don't know how to be cool like that. I want to know. You know regular magic. We'll teach you real magic. Yeah, no, that's what I mean. Like, I literally, I tried to get into that

Starting point is 01:13:51 and ended up doing fucking card tricks. I'm like, I want to learn magic. You can never play Magic the Gatherer with this motherfucker. He top deck every best card in the game.

Starting point is 01:13:59 You can cheat like a motherfucker. Dude, it's so fucked up. People don't understand. Even, I got hired to do a scene for the show Riverdale or whatever, and wanted a guy a guy to be like a blackjack dealer but he's a crooked dealer and he's doing like all these like gambling deals and whatever and i was like okay so they hired me to do it and i'm doing all these like sneaky deals and they're

Starting point is 01:14:16 like yeah we can't see it on camera i'm like yeah no i know yeah no shit i'm like and they're like well i'm like well i don't know what you what do you want me to do like? This is how what do you think you can see it? See like the director all the people all at once just be like oh, yeah, we're fucking idiots The script they wrote on paper makes no sense because the camera will not see this so I have to do these like obnoxiously flashy fucking Yeah, yeah, so on the camera like It's like flipping the card Spinning in there you catch it slide it up top you gotta get

Starting point is 01:14:57 You got the cinematic show you make me play fucking any magic gathering card. I will fuck you for sure And then I will cheat at the cards. Oh, no. I wonder what I find magical since we were talking about the flat earth things. They always talk about the same things like we're fenced in. I have never, ever,

Starting point is 01:15:17 ever had one flat earther on any forum in real life anywhere. Show me where the fence is. Yeah. Where's the fence? Show me a photo, you fucking idiots. Where's the fence on supposedly this grand fence on the edge of the world?

Starting point is 01:15:33 Yeah. It's like the, what is it, Game of Thrones? Bring the boat, brother, just go. Yeah. The Game of Thrones, what was that? The wall. The wall, literally the wall. The wall.

Starting point is 01:15:41 But that's what they describe it as. Yeah, they think it's just a bit, because that was one of the. PTSD as being Mexican. The wall. But that's what they describe it as. Yeah, they think it's just a bit, because that was one of the... PTSD as being Mexican. The wall. Yeah, I was like, ah, ah, I ran away from it. Well, that was one of the arguments, because at first people were like,

Starting point is 01:15:54 well, if it's a fence, freaking why, if the earth is flat, why isn't all of our water just spilling into space? And they're like, well, there's a wall. And I'm like,

Starting point is 01:16:03 who built this wall? And why has no one seen it? And also, I get back to, they gave us so much earth then. I couldn't care less. I've been to 31 countries. I will never get to the other 170 or wherever the fuck there is. You're not going to get to 200 countries in your life. You're never going to get there.

Starting point is 01:16:19 And most of the ones I've been to, I've touched down and run around for three days. I haven't even seen all of it. You'll never see all the earth. So they gave us way too much space to play in. I don't give a fuck. But is it like a thick disk? Like we dig real deep a lot. How does that work?

Starting point is 01:16:33 Oh, dude. Wait. Do you think they think the earth is flat because they have smooth brains? There we go. Smooth brain. No, think. No, think. no, think, strong together,

Starting point is 01:16:46 devolve to monkey. We start walking just like this. This guy, this guy was fucking ready for us. Actually, I got to say, go back to this guy real quick. He was like,

Starting point is 01:17:00 cause Chris and I had recently just met Chris Hadfield. He's a fucking Canadian icon astronaut. Been in space so much time. I like, you'll say hisfield. He's a fucking Canadian icon, astronaut, been in space so much time. I like you'll say his name. You will not give the flat earther any credit. Just fuck him. Google a flat earther.

Starting point is 01:17:13 Who cares? They're all the same. So this guy, so he's like, we like mentioned, like we met Chris Hadfield and we asked him about living in space and like he didn't lie to us. We could tell. Yeah. And then he's like, and he hits, because we're doing this on could tell. Yeah. And then, and then he's like, and he hits,

Starting point is 01:17:26 because we're doing this on Zoom, right? And he hits this button and he's fucking, those like glasses come down, the cool guy, he's like, cool story, bro. And then he's like,

Starting point is 01:17:34 he's like, and then he's like this and like a fucking montage, like to his point, pretty fucking dope. He's like, here's photos of Chris Hatfield. And they start coming in

Starting point is 01:17:44 and he's like, he's like, this one's green screen. Look at do do do and they start coming in and he's like he and they're This one's green screen look at the wire like he had it like it was like he knew we were gonna say it and he Assumes we said he hit a button and just went on this like nine minute tirade of like just like see the wire see the wire This is that a green screen. Oh Penn goes through space greet. It was that like look at this Oh, he's looking the wrong place to be and not gonna lie. That was part of the podcast My we should not have mentioned Chris Hadfield. I'm like, let's get back to math. These are pretty good.

Starting point is 01:18:12 Look at this imaginary equation you've got going on. Chris Hadfield was definitely in a pool on this one. You started doubting. He has a point. Yeah, that is a pretty good video. Wait, wait, wait. Let him cook. He's like, explain this one. I'm like, good video. Wait, wait, wait. Let him cook. Explain this one.

Starting point is 01:18:27 I'm like, well, they're your videos, dude. I don't know what you did. No, they're NASA videos. All right, bud. I'm going to go travel anywhere and be happy. Go fuck yourself. I'm going to go look at a mountain real quick. Did we visit the moon for...

Starting point is 01:18:42 Not noon. Jesus Christ are you? That's a whole nother so the moon and the Sun are local like they just rotate around. They're not very big They're not that high up They're like they're like you did that spot Literally, they're that spot float around like they're not They're like you know tens of thousands of feet in the air, but they're not that high Of course yeah, and the moon so. And it's all bullshit, dude.

Starting point is 01:19:07 We're fucking fools, all of us. And this guy knows the truth. The title's going to be Wes Barker's A Flat Earther for this episode. It's all in the book. It's all in the book. I tell you. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 01:19:20 Okay. Okay. I know. Just have him on. Flat Earth Dave. I'll shout him out. Fuck it. Flat Earth Dave. Flat earth Dave. I'll shut him, fuck. Not doctor.

Starting point is 01:19:48 Anything. Just flattered baby. F.E.D., man. He's a fucking fed. He lives in his parents' fucking basement. No, he's got over 100,000 subs. He has an app that he runs. It has 100,000 people on it.

Starting point is 01:19:57 They pay $3 a month to be on it. The guy probably makes half a mil a year flat earthing it. So I don't even know if he believes it. Do you think he walks there? He's like, thank you. He's like, fucking idiots. He kicks off his robe, gets on his private jet, flies to wherever. Flies around the globe and just laughs.

Starting point is 01:20:15 Look at the curvature. One direction, same location. But his wife walked in the background one time, flat titties. I'm like, I get it. Circles aren't real. I'm like, I get it. Circles aren't real. She's pretty hot still. I believe that. Yeah, for sure.

Starting point is 01:20:34 Circumferences don't appeal to me. This is amazing. Oh yeah, Diablo 4. Who's playing it? Let's go. Me and Batty are. I'm almost to a Paragon level. I'm 47, 48ty are I'm almost to a paragon level I'm 47 48 so I'm almost to you wait you're 47 yeah and you're 52

Starting point is 01:20:51 and moving up I'm gonna stick there and then what game are you playing right now I gotta learn this shit man sorry it's like king of spades you're getting good at this that's freaking me out that's freaking me out everybody Sorry, it's like king of spades That's freaking me out everybody oh

Starting point is 01:21:15 The king it was a Diablo 4 is the only I've been playing a long time Let me see these let me see these don't talk about Diablo 4 no I just talk about Diablo 4 eat your protein bar. He Eat your protein bar. Fucking weirdo just eating on the podcast. Yeah. Whatever do that. He's ate on the podcast. That's why I was looking at him. I know. I was making a joke. Blame him.

Starting point is 01:21:31 Batty, blame him better. Make a joke, Batty. Where's the Mexican holy water? Mexican holy water? Tequila? We got that right here. Puka. Puka, puka, puka.

Starting point is 01:21:38 No, Diablo 4 is like, I have, we talked about it quickly because we have to maintain being a gaming podcast. Yeah, yeah, of course. Where at? I hit 40 last night. You have to maintain being a gaming podcast. Yeah, yeah, of course. You guys are already last night? Yeah, we're always top one, two, and three in the world of gaming. Which is nuts. We've never once talked about gaming in the four times we've been on the podcast. Yeah, you guys.

Starting point is 01:21:57 Four times? Three times? Three times. I was going to say, I don't know, did I block that? He's like, I mean, it's possible. Sometimes I listen to you guys at home and I'm like, I'm there. And I say things, you know. My wife's like, stop talking.

Starting point is 01:22:10 We wish you were there. But yeah, we had, we're technically a gaming podcast. What was the other? Anime. And we're in the top five in the world in anime podcasts now. Which is nuts. That was a new one. That was a new one.

Starting point is 01:22:21 We recently got put into that top five category. That didn't make any sense to me, but I was like, Demon Slayer, Anime Titties, Hentai, let's go. We're done. We don't need to talk about anime for the rest of the box. Check the box for us. Big ass anime. We're talking about Japan. We hit our quota.

Starting point is 01:22:37 We're good. 100%. Then you get Diablo. You just touch base. You're like, fucking great game. If you haven't played it, go get it. It's the first time I'm actually motivated to play it. I get excited going home yesterday what's your level all 40 we got a sorcerer a barbarian and a necromancer yeah dude and a wizard this i are you see i'm saying we got a sexy ass party right there we got a sexy-ass party right there. We got a sexy... Wes is like, I don't know what they're talking about. I'm about to buy a computer.

Starting point is 01:23:08 Once I get this $3,000 appearance fee, I'm buying a computer. I'm going to start gaming right now. Today. I'm going to go to Blockbuster, rent Diablo 4. Rent Diablo 4. I'm going to rent that Diablo 4. Diablo 4. I read Diablo 4. I'm going to read that Diablo 4.

Starting point is 01:23:27 It means fine chicken in Spanish. Oh, boy. If you haven't done gaming, do you game much? No, I don't. I never have. I don't know how to. I never knew how to start. And then once I sort of had the understanding of what it was, I'm like, I'm too old to do this, I felt like.

Starting point is 01:23:45 He's older than you. I know, but he's always been cooler. I don't know. I was literally hoping the words would come to me, and then they failed me. You know what? You're pretty cool. I have enough things to do, I guess,

Starting point is 01:23:57 that I just feel like, what if I like it? No, I'm afraid to like it, because then what am I going to squeeze in on my drinking? You can drink while gaming. I like it. No, I'm afraid to like it because then what am I going to squeeze in all my drinking? You know? You can drink while gaming. Oh, well. As a matter of fact, it's great.

Starting point is 01:24:10 I think I... I don't know. I just don't know where to start. It's like I didn't do a single drug until I was 31. Not a single anything. Was that a rough year for you? It's been great ever since.

Starting point is 01:24:22 My family would say it's been sad and bad. but I think it's been wonderful. I've tried the ball game. It's all that matters. I was just like, I've gone so fucking far, and now what am I going to do? In the last six years, I've been trying all the drugs. Maybe I'll try gaming too now. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:24:37 But I just, I don't know. I had such a narrow, grew up on a farm. We didn't even have a fucking TV. Drink some weed, play some video games. Yeah, and just very specific. Oh yeah, both grew up on farms. So then when you got out of the farm, you're like'm gonna fucking see what the road has to offer and I'll be like Oh, yeah farm life, but now I pay for it. Like I didn't know what else

Starting point is 01:24:54 And then we all join the military No, you're you're a veteran right you came in with your army uniform on Stolen valor right here. I just get you in trouble in America No, that's my special out there. It's called stolen valor Yeah, no, it's gonna go super book you should Abracadabra, yeah come 20 get 20% off come 20 times use that in the video give you 100% off come 20 times send me the video give you 100% off should have said that send it to baddie well you know what that is magical and I

Starting point is 01:25:32 think you as far as magician goes you are the ace of hearts in this group in fact check your pocket my pocket yeah my pocket which one oh this motherfucker just put pocketed me with the ace of goddamn hearts that was really good I didn't say coming at all check your

Starting point is 01:25:51 butthole then you would have been more impressive like no one's laughing what once I'm what's up what's up I was doing a corporate event where you like just get hired to walk around and do bullshit and so I was walking around doing all and I'm feeling pretty good I've been lighting people up pretty good, and then I get this one group do this card trick grab the card This is your card miss. She's like no I look at it sure enough. It's not her card. Yeah, and I'm like Take this and put it under your pillow and tomorrow. It'll change into your card. She's like thanks. She walks away. I grab her husband Find her card. I'm like you thanks. And she walks away. I grab her husband. I find her card. I'm like, you know what to do.

Starting point is 01:26:28 You know what to do. And I was like, I don't think anything of it. We had a laugh. It walks away. I do the rest of the night. Next day, I wake up to an email like fucking this long. Like, bro, she's freaking out right now. She thinks that you came into our house last night.

Starting point is 01:26:39 And I was like, dude, you tell her if you want. Don't ruin your marriage on this. It was the greatest magic trick I never got to see you guys magic. I never watched dude. I bet she was foot He broke into her Violate that! And we're still in there. Fuck! Fuck, Wes Barker! You know that man's just like inside dying laughing, but sometimes he's like, oh, did I make a mistake? Yeah, no, he ripped his pants open and everything.

Starting point is 01:27:12 He's like, I think he got me too. He lied. He lied right to her. Oh, shit! That's when he pulls out your book and goes, we gotta know how we did it. Speaking of happily married people, I said I would tell the story on the

Starting point is 01:27:25 podcast because uh somebody uh sent me the greatest dm i've ever received of my life justin you're wonderful uh he sent me a message i read it while we were uh eating dinner i said theoretically theoretically if someone were to have their ex-wife's pokemon collection from their late 90s and sent to a p.o box you had access to would you be interested in? This motherfucker has his ex-wife's Pokemon card collection was like yo you want this shit She stole my magic cards when we got a divorce fuck her I'm like you good Why not just burn it film it and send it to it to her? He's been hanging on to these cards for five years. Dude. He loves her still.

Starting point is 01:28:10 Let her go, bro. Let her go. Send it to the P.O. Box. That's what he's doing. He has to let them go. I'm helping him move on. I'm a therapist. Send him to Batty. We'll take him over the ice wall.

Starting point is 01:28:18 Who did that? Oh, God. Oh, shit. Were you around with the one person that just got those Pokemon cards from the 90s? They were, like, first gen? It was on a fucking email. Or he found them on Facebook Marketplace. He just DMed them.

Starting point is 01:28:35 He's like, hey, are these cards still available? Yeah. You want them? They were first gen, like, all fucking sleeve perfect. Like, all of them. Like, first gen. And he's like, how much? He's like, oh, I'm just giving them away.

Starting point is 01:28:47 I just need them out of my house. Oh, yeah. He's like, yeah, if you hold on to them, I'll be there today. Yeah, a lot of people are emailing me about, yeah, ignore them. I'll pay you if they offer money, though. He went and got them. It was fucking, they had like Charizard's everything in there. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:29:03 Oh, yeah. What a shitty person. Yeah. Should have paid them real money Why she didn't know? Yeah, even I don't know I would go I just go pick them up do that's the thing though, okay So as an expert on this topic, I would say none of its worth fucking dog ass It's this unless you get shit graded. You're never going to find that $500,000 million card. That doesn't exist unless it's what's called like pack fresh.

Starting point is 01:29:34 I mean, you would have to open the pack, sleeve it, put it away safely, and then mail that shit up to get upgraded. Because a nine is not worth $500,000. A nine, which is like the next step down from like a perfect 10, is worth maybe $20,000, $50,000. Which, don't get me wrong, is still a lot of money. But to even get a nine or a 10 is so unrealistic from like an old collection. Realistically, you're looking at like a five or a seven, which is like 100 bucks. There's only five hollow Charizards. Wrong.

Starting point is 01:29:59 You're 1,000% wrong. Level 10? Or 10 rating. There's only like five. You're wrong. You're so 100%. you are so unbelievably wrong there are hundreds of them that are rated tens what was uh which which one because there's first edition shadowless charizard yeah who are the two classifications with gary v and uh logan paul are the only ones with a majority no they have

Starting point is 01:30:22 pikachu illustrators which there's only 20 of in the world. Or like 26 of or 19 of. There's another Charizards that they have. There's only rated by that company because Logan Paul popped. I mean, okay, maybe BCG, which it doesn't matter. Now that BCGs are the 10 rated in there. Yeah, but I'll look up a PSA.

Starting point is 01:30:37 Yeah, that doesn't matter. I had a friend hand me his... He has a 9 point whatever of a... It's a Superman comic, one of one, whatever. And he paid $1.4 million for it. And he handed it to me and I was holding it. It's a rich friend. Oh, yeah, I know.

Starting point is 01:30:53 He's my billionaire friend. Oh, okay. And I was looking at it and I'm being like, I don't understand why this is. I was like, cool. And he's like, do you want a photo with it? I'm like, okay, because I can tell you want to take a photo with it. I was like, thank you. I'm like, this is neat, but I don't understand what I'm looking at.

Starting point is 01:31:06 124 perfect tens. 124. That's way more than five. What do you say to that Eli? I'm wrong. That's why I didn't say it. That's why I'm telling you. People think there's like this such shortage.

Starting point is 01:31:17 Like there's a lot more than people expect. 120 is still pretty. But only five of them have E. coli. Yeah. God damn it. That's true. Oh my god. True. I'm going to slap you.

Starting point is 01:31:29 Salmonella. Fucking Christ. That's just one company. There are at this point, there's five major grading companies. Yeah. And that's just one that has 124. Sure, there may only be five of another company but that doesn't

Starting point is 01:31:45 mean it's any more rare just means nobody sends it to that company because they're not worth shit with that label it people look for cards graded by certain companies and that's where they're worth more like magic cards graded really aren't worth as much sure you can find some like the black lotus is worth five hundred thousand dollars but the majority of magic cards are worth more raw 20 to 40. And it's only specific cards. And then they vary on if they're playable or not. Speaking of... Sounds like cryptocurrency to me.

Starting point is 01:32:12 Well, the fucking... Trading cards are the original NFT. Right, okay. That's all it is. That makes sense, actually. Magic the Gathering is releasing a Lord of the Rings set and they are doing one, one singular card. A one of one. A Gay Lord of the one a gay lord of the rings gay lord of

Starting point is 01:32:27 the rings yeah it's happy it dances it's it's merry so magic's been doing this thing where they release serialized cards like it will say like one out of 500 or one out of center one out of 900 or whatever they're doing a one of one card that is going to be the one ring from like the lord of the ring series and they're just supposed to be just dropping it into circulation and as of right now there's a million dollar bounty on the card it doesn't come out till june 23rd that's when the set releases holy shit like what i like there's how do you release a card like that into circulation without people knowing where exactly the region the distributor the carrier the store it's going to. Like there's.

Starting point is 01:33:06 I think MTG will know or Wizards of the Coast will know exactly. Of course, Wizards will know. The distributor will know. The factory where it was printed will know. Yeah. What the fuck? Wizards actually might go grab it and then do it. How do you secretly do that?

Starting point is 01:33:20 Well, it's. Like realistically, we can't do secret. Like any person is going to be compromised is that what you're saying every single part yeah oh this is a card that is already it's not even really it's gonna be a fucking five you have there are hundreds of hundred thousand dollar bounties on it oh my god like multiple people offering hundreds of thousand dollars and there's one company already offering a million dollars for a card that isn't even out yet there is zero there's no way this p and it is made from this it is worth a million dollars for a card that isn't even out yet. There is zero, there's no way. And it is made from this.

Starting point is 01:33:47 It is worth a million. Imagine that. Just because they're printing a single fucking magic card that is special and serialized. That has a gold stamp on it. This is one of one. One million. I guarantee that gets to, dude, in a decade,

Starting point is 01:33:59 that's going to be like a 10 to 20. It's going to go to Joe and Wizard of the Coast's son. Yeah, right. Think of like the, we talked about this before, the Monopoly game for McDonald's of the Coast Sun. Like, how do you... Yeah, right. Think of, like, the... We talked about this before. The Monopoly game from McDonald's for the longest time. Yep. Where all of the winners for, like, fucking seven years were the friends of somebody who worked at a factory because he gave them the pieces. That was a whole...

Starting point is 01:34:16 Like, Pokemon cards is going through a huge issue where people that have been working at factories have been stealing hits or have been taking special sheets of certain cards. Like, how do you, like this card is gonna exist in a vacuum and a fucking vaulted car is gonna drive to a factory, they're gonna put it in a pack. That pack is gonna be randomized with other packs. No. It's gonna be. We need AI, man.

Starting point is 01:34:37 Like how do you realistically do that? I hope a child gets it at five years old and shits on it. Yay! And he walks away. And it's an unboxing video of it. So he gets like 10 million videos. Why does the child have to be autistic, Eli? Because my son has influenced me in all aspects of life.

Starting point is 01:34:58 True. I picture all children as autistic. That's that one! That's that one! That's that one! Thank you for watching the Unlocked Podcast! Eli, I double-tipped myself by the name. He's, of course, your narrator. And Wes Barker, please.

Starting point is 01:35:12 He's got a new book out, African Dumbass. Go check it out where? WesBarker.shop. Use code COME20 or unsubscribe. Both save you a little bit of money. Also, where can we find you? Your narrator on YouTube or the boys?

Starting point is 01:35:24 Perfect. Boys.store. Thank you very much. We'll see you on patreon for the after show uh otherwise go away You won't know you

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Unsubscribe Podcast - 110 - GREATEST MAGIC TRICK EVER ft. Your Narrator & Wes Barker

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