Unsubscribe Podcast - 115 - SWAGGERSOULS BIGGEST SECRET

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the Ozone's Grand Podcast, it's always good to have you on, I double tap myself, Batty Streams, and holy f***, uh, Swagger Souls, the helmet himself. We'll kick this off. Say hi to Eli, it's Ray- What's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled rib-eye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool.

Starting point is 00:00:30 Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. Actually, I make you a simpati. Exclusions and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. Actually ambiguous and batty. That guy's fucking ridiculous and we don't know. Best not to ask yourself why. But my friend, you've arrived.

Starting point is 00:00:56 Welcome to Unsubscribe. Huge news! We have a massive announcement uh in three weeks time on august 4th and 5th during gcx gaming community expo in orlando florida myself and my beautiful sexy powerful co-host eli double tap will be doing a live unsubscribed podcast that's right you can go to an event you can get in line and you can come sit in the crowd and be a part of unsubscribed podcast uh batty are we might having some guests too oh yeah there will probably be a couple guests maybe it's brennan primera maybe angry mops maybe the phantom mannequin i don't know are you nervous

Starting point is 00:01:37 like i am yes it's super fucking cool oh my god this. This is freaking mind blowing because we just got word today, right now. And the seating capacity of 2,000 first come first serve. So that first row, spit in distance. We can touch you. I can spit on you. You can throw your panties at Batty. I can spit on you. He can spit on you. He can spit on you. So yeah, guys, our panel is going to be at 245 on August 5th, so Saturday,

Starting point is 00:02:12 in the Panzakula Theater at GCX. So there'll be a link in the description below. Grab tickets. You can come. You can meet us. We are going to do a big meet and greet after the show as well. We can all go hang out. We'll probably drink excessively somewhere like we do.

Starting point is 00:02:27 And we can do it all together. Come. Come. Also. Oh my God. Come. Also, we are filming it. And we're going to have a mic and camera pointed at you all too.

Starting point is 00:02:39 You guys can be in an episode of Unsub. Oh, and we'll have, we're giving away merch while we're there. We're going to sign some stuff. We're going to throw it into the crowd. Or if you you're cute i'll just give it to you wink panzicola theater 245 august 5th at gcx in orlando florida henry what do you think of this i'm proud of you henry cavill's proud of you again we're gonna be at gcx gaming community expo august 5th at 245 in the Pensacola Theater. Grab tickets for GCX down below. There'll be a link.

Starting point is 00:03:08 We're going to put a thing on the screen. It's going to be everywhere. You're going to see it for the next couple of weeks. Please, please come. We want to see you guys. This will be absolutely amazing. We are so excited. This is our massive first big live podcast.

Starting point is 00:03:21 None of it. This is insane. None of it possible without all y'all. So thank you guys so freaking much come come admin results i missed you i thought you did the whole map i haven't actually met admin really yeah never met him i don't even think i've ever spoken to him whoa my god yeah that's what everyone in the comments when i did that one range day with uh with cody and brandon it's all everyone was saying in the comments when I did that one range day with with Cody and Brandon It's all everyone was saying in the comments. You know, I should meet I should meet admin

Starting point is 00:03:49 You look really close to admin with that mask and the balaclava Yeah, I think he's admin Patty what the hell? How is it how does it oh be careful when dude be careful. What are you taking off like that? You got nose rings to you? You're a psycho How many studs are in here you just taking your nose off? Yeah, dude, you gotta be careful you take it off cheese great your nose Just catching on that ripping it off fully Yeah, I was dumb I don't think a lot don't

Starting point is 00:04:26 worry just crying I'm looking at your ear right now I didn't even notice yeah there's also a leaf man you stick this guy in an MRI machine stick him in an MRI machine and see what happens to him I think was the og Punisher and they caught the cop the guy he was to and they just ripped out every single fucking one of his... Oh, dude, I haven't seen that! It was the good Punisher. Dude, MRI machine, you're gonna look like... In an MRI machine, you'd look like Mario 64 stretching his face out. Oh, it all ripped, I just...

Starting point is 00:04:53 It looked like a fatality from Mortal Kombat. Did you... alright. Off topic, unrelated, kind of related to this, have you seen... There was a article about a guy in an MRI machine that wore a butt plug? Oh, yeah! Yes, but it was he said it was a silicone butt plug, and so he was wearing it

Starting point is 00:05:16 because it's just what you do. He was just having a good day, you know? That was Tuesday. Yeah, maybe. He had diarrhea. He needed a plug. I don't know. Maybe. I need one.

Starting point is 00:05:29 Wore a butt plug that he thought was just pure silicone. Metal core. Had a metal core. And so they turn on the MRI machine, and it goes just right into his sternum. Luckily, it was in an MRI that could take the image of the damage. So, you know, it was pretty funny. Look at the x-ray here. Hey, editor.

Starting point is 00:05:54 Right here, there's the x-ray. Oh, whoa! Oh, my God! That's a lot of damage. It's pretty horrible. Wait, so did he die? No. Thankfully, he was at a hospital.

Starting point is 00:06:08 Thankfully, he was at a hospital. Probably wishes he died. My main question. Died of embarrassment. Oh, yeah. His family disowned him. Who's like, oh, I have a doctor's appointment today? Well, it's going to be such a boring day today.

Starting point is 00:06:23 What's the funniest thing I can do? What's the funniest thing I can do? He's like this is gonna blow a fine take done the amount of like stories I've heard like that same exact scenarios except it's at an airport like going through a metal like You got something- We gotta- We gotta take you over here. We need to pat your pockets down, except for showing up on your- like in your posterior. It's like here. Right here.

Starting point is 00:06:53 Yeah, it's like right here. Are you sure you don't know what this is? Did you take your belt off? Oh yeah. Yeah. Seems to be backwards. What's going on? I don't know. Hey guys, don't wear butt plugs to the hospital or the airport. Just don't. I think that you should do whatever you want.

Starting point is 00:07:13 Oh, f***. Spoken like a true American. It's the American way. You have the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, the Third, whatever the Third one is. The Fourth Amendment? There's something about freedom of press in there, I bet. Freedom to press a butt plug into your ass. The 36th amendment.

Starting point is 00:07:28 A beautiful one. The 69th amendment. That's the good one. Skip all the other ones. It's just what are we at now? 23, 24? Don't know. I dropped out of high school.

Starting point is 00:07:38 We're stupid. That's... We know about the second amendment. We live in Texas. Any high school AP government politic people just write in the comment section what's the biggest amendment we have what's the biggest one the long surely surely the biggest one is the most important or is it like golf we're like the lower numbers the lower numbers words freedom guns i don't titties there that

Starting point is 00:08:07 you know i am very disappointed the founding fathers wrote nothing about tits in the entire the entire thing the entire fucking dog they weren't wasn't on their mind nothing not filling you out i'm like okay we are today i was watching one of your videos with like a face dude the vr and just the strippers like oh big tits i was like wait this is on like this is this is vr chat it's vr chat yeah bro it's a wild west it's a wild west out there it is insane what do you do it's like usually young guys are like, who do you strip? Yeah, so this is, so what he's referencing, I did a video where I explored like VR strip clubs with like two friends. And so like I went in just to show them like here's what it is.

Starting point is 00:08:55 And it's crazy, man. The people on in VR chat will like, they'll make a model. And sometimes they'll, you know, they'll just have full body tracking, so they'll be dancing. Yeah, I definitely don't have that. And fully, fully dancing. So they got hips, they got their arms, their legs, their ankles, their neck, whatever, and they're able to do a dance.

Starting point is 00:09:17 It's anything you want. Shrek, hot anime girls, your favorite waifu, you know, Morgan Freeman, anybody, anyone and everything, your favorite waifu, you know, Morgan Freeman, anybody, anyone and everything that is possible. And the cool thing is these ladies get like, you know, oh, if you want, you know, if you want this, you know, then it's like five dollars on PayPal. Sometimes it's an actual paid like online prostitution. And here's another kicker. A lot of them don't talk because a lot of them are male dancers makes sense and they'll never admit it girls though there's no girls we've been over this that is the loneliest cutting to like a fly on that wall which is like you see this

Starting point is 00:09:57 dancing it cuts to that room that hasn't been cleaned. It's as if it's old. That's like, that's the thing. You know, you can go down a whole rabbit hole of like VR porn, but like on VR channel, like that's just the light stuff. That's like just dancing, strip club dancing. It's fun. It's whatever. Empowering. You know, you're in your room and you're turning on a bunch of horny 17 year olds,

Starting point is 00:10:22 18 year olds that are just there with your fucking Oculus on. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Walking in on that. Oh, yeah. Honey, I'm hot. Yeah, honey. You know, honey, dinner's right. You know.

Starting point is 00:10:34 Just get it. Just get it. Shoulders gyrating. Now, that isn't too bad. You know, if I walked in, my son was dancing. I'd be like, son, you got moves. But, you know, you need to mow the fucking lawn. Son, you have moves. Son, you have moves.

Starting point is 00:10:48 Son, you have moves. Son, you have a great career ahead of you. You could be a backup dancer for Taylor Swift. Dude, you're going to be such a supportive father. I will be, dude. If my son's gay, he needs to be the gayest. He needs to. He needs to be the gayest.

Starting point is 00:11:01 If he's straight, he needs to be the straightest. There is no in-between. If he's bisexual, he needs to fuck men and women equally all the time. When he brings a boy home, he needs to bring that girl home right afterwards. Dude, you are a man of equality. It's just, you know, it is what it is. If my son is going to do anything, he's going to do it right, and he's going to do it the best to his capacity.

Starting point is 00:11:24 Dad, I think I'm gay. Come here, son. I'm lining up some pee-pees. What kind of dick do you want? I don't think I'd go that far. I don't think I'd go that far. Oh, I see you're not a good dad. Look, look, look.

Starting point is 00:11:32 You know, I would support him, you know, he'd ride home anyone, you know, and say, hey, it's nice to meet you, what's your name what you guys your buddies you guys your pals you know it's good to have a pal son it's good to have a pal you guys are studying study away you can close the door lock it I don't give a fuck you know go play that counter strike yeah dude and especially if they're young you know you don't have to worry about AIDS or anything yeah yeah it's like a getting pregnant 30s oh pregnancy is a big thing oh yeah you don't gotta worry this is a big thing fuck yeah god it's so lucky god i know man plowing out your buddy and then playing video games together yeah dude damn we're doing it wrong bro jobs man do bro jobs for a day bro jobs

Starting point is 00:12:18 check your boys boys yes dude bro jobs for life after every pocket we just hang out fucking play games it probably starts so innocently like dude i care about you bro yeah i know you care about me bro dude i care about you so much how much do you care about me i care about you dude i what if you had testicular cancer bro let me check your testes yo dude that's so nice of you bro all right dude just pull down your pants and like I've seen this before on House. You got to squat and cough. You seen House MD? Oh, yeah, amazing show.

Starting point is 00:12:51 Yeah, I like it when he takes a bike and he walks around in his game. That's the best part, yeah. The Battle of Ontario's on, and FanDuel's your home for live betting the series with features like live SGPs, build a parlay any game, any period, or stack multiple matchups onto one slip with Same Game Parlay Plus. What's better than playoff hockey? Overtime playoff hockey.

Starting point is 00:13:10 Get more from the game with live overtime markets. Download FanDuel today and get more with North America's number one sportsbook. Please play responsibly. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. So the entire show is your favorite part. My favorite part is when House says,

Starting point is 00:13:30 you need to do this drug, and then Chase goes, but we've tried the other drug. And then he goes, oh yeah, but you fucking idiot, that drug's going to kill him. That's lupus. It's lupus. It's lupus. It's not lupus.

Starting point is 00:13:41 Until one time at once. Until one time, it's actually like toxoplasmosis they got from a flea from a cat a pet in an alleyway and he has this fucking like jimmy neutron think think think fucking brain blast yeah every episode ends the same where it's like uh wilson would be like too bad i dropped that water and then house is is like, Yeah, he's like, water? He gimps away. She's dehydrated. The bacteria was in the water.

Starting point is 00:14:12 Batty, have you been crushing the gym this summer? You know the summer's almost over, and I'm going to take your silence as you haven't even went to the gym. I'm getting jacked. Abs in. Arms huge. Quadsed. Abs in. Arms huge. Quads thick. Glute juicy.

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Starting point is 00:15:25 House is a good show. I love House. House MD is a fantastic piece of media. Hugh Laurie, very talented man. The best American I've ever seen.

Starting point is 00:15:33 Hugh Laurie is actually British. Dude, he's the best American I've ever seen. He plays a fantastic jaded American doctor who's addicted to his own drugs

Starting point is 00:15:43 that he prescribes. That's one of my favorite memes is like, who's Rachel flying next to, who's that British guy flying next to Rachel from France? And then it's like, and then 2020, it's like, who's that lady flying next to house? Yeah, exactly. It's pretty good. Yeah, dude. You fucking Shakespearean actor, that motherfucker.

Starting point is 00:16:01 Yeah, he's classical. She's classically trained. Him and Rowan Atkinson. Yep. Oh, you, oh, my boy. Mr. Beans, baby. Yeah, dude. Blackadder, he's classical. He's classically trained. Him and Rowan Atkinson. Oh, you? Oh, my boy. Mr. Beans, baby.

Starting point is 00:16:08 Yeah, dude. Blackadder. Look at him. He's wearing a bow tie. Of course he fucking knows. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I come prepared. God.

Starting point is 00:16:16 He dressed up for unsub. First person. Finally. It's a dinner with the king later. I'm going through all this effort, man. Dude, King Philip. King Philip. So do you watch a lot of British shows?

Starting point is 00:16:24 Not really. Okay. I was like, man, you have this knowledge, and you're like, nah. Okay, well, that's mean. I mean, the British office was good. I like dry-ass humor. Do you watch Cat in the Back? Was it Nine Lives? It's the panel show that the British do. It's the one where they have the, it's a carrot, is a carrot in the box.

Starting point is 00:16:42 Have you seen that? Bro, that is, oh, my God. Okay, we'll my god okay i have no idea what the fuck you're talking about you're gonna you both are gonna find a new show that you will love i like those i like those japanese game shows where like she gets crazy i there was this one there's this one japanese show the one where it's like chocolate or not no no no there was one there was one from like the 90s, late 90s, where these people would be put in these situations, and if they laughed, a bunch of people, like dressed up as ninjas or something,

Starting point is 00:17:13 would come out with like these big bamboo sticks and like whack them on the ass or like the back of the knees with this bamboo stick whenever they laughed. So people would try not to laugh, and they'd get fucking hit, and they'd scream in pain, and then other people around would laugh, and then they'd get hit, and scream in pain. That's as Japanese as it gets.

Starting point is 00:17:28 It was the whole gimmick was like, these people were getting whacked in the back with like bamboo sticks. I remember watching it on like, what the fuck was it? Like G4? Oh yeah, yeah. When they had G4 with the bad English.

Starting point is 00:17:41 When G4 was the thing, when they were like advertising that show, Code Monkeys on. Holy shit. Bro, I forgot about that. Yeah, you want to blast from the past? Full flashback, yeah. Damn. That was the noughties, baby.

Starting point is 00:17:54 That was the early 2Ks. That's when Mark Zuckerberg was still in startup. Yeah, he was a little kid at that point. Eh, not a little kid. There's a Japanese show. I think I talked about it one time on the podcast. It is when they took that individual. They selected a random Japanese dude.

Starting point is 00:18:12 They put him in that one apartment. And he had zero. Zero. His name was like eggplant or something. Yes, eggplant because he didn't realize this show was the most fucked up. It was cruel. Dude, the most fucked up. And real. Yeah. So absolutely ast this show was the most. It was cruel. Do the most. And real.

Starting point is 00:18:25 Yeah. So absolutely astounding. Explain the show. Okay. So they had this Japanese dude. They put him in there. You're a contestant. He's trying to break out.

Starting point is 00:18:35 He's trying to be an actor. So he's doing this contest. And they said, hey, you're going to be living in this house. I forget how they was it was you are going to live in a apartment that has nothing in it no food and just water and like heat and what he would do is he would do like mail in but they didn't tell them at first yeah it was sweepstakes so the idea would be he'd be in there for a month and he had to win like like, a certain— He was in there until he won a certain amount of money worth of sweepstakes. So he would apply for everything.

Starting point is 00:19:11 The first thing he was doing was, like, food. You know, applying for food. He got a bag, like a kilo bag of rice, and then he realized he had no way to cook it. Which is insane. So he's, like, he got, like, a bike. He got, like, all this shit that he didn't really need. But it was just anything that would increase the values that he'd win. And then when he did go over the value months later, like 10 months or something,

Starting point is 00:19:35 the TV execs would make up some excuse. And they'd move the goalposts. And they'd say, oh, yeah, let's go for a million yen. Oh, no. And it was it was like this huge thing for over a course of like two years. They just exploited this poor fucking guy. He did not know he was being filmed this entire time. When they put it.

Starting point is 00:19:55 Didn't he? No. Remember, he was like recording himself, but he was also being filmed. Yeah. He thought he was going to be edited and put on once he gets out. He didn't realize this was the largest show. Oh, it was live streamed. This was live streamed and this was the largest show in all

Starting point is 00:20:10 of fucking Japan at the time. And like, this is 20 million, 30 million live viewers. This was late 90s, early 2000s? Yeah. So he didn't realize that and then they stripped him naked so he had no clothes. Yeah, he literally had no clothes from the get-go. His eggplant. Yeah, the eggplant is the thing they would use to censor his talking cocky balls which is hilarious fucking eggplant call him eggplant so

Starting point is 00:20:29 they they did all that the birth of the emoji eggplant possibly possibly that's literally where they think you find out when the scrolls were written but they like the first time they didn't move it he they were like oh yeah just do this he finally raised the money at like the 10 month mark and they're like oh and he's like oh they blindfolded him they put him in they flew him his place and then they removed it and they had him dressed up you're like look and he's like ah you and then he takes his bandana off and he's in another apartment and then they go in they strip his clothes and he has to start again and like oh oh, you're in Korea now if you want to get back home. Yeah, so they moved him.

Starting point is 00:21:05 Yeah, they moved him to a different apartment. In a country. In the same country. No, new country, remember? Because he had to learn the language in Korea. Oh. That's what made it more brutal. Basically, it's a huge, fucked up, horrible thing that happened that nobody talks about.

Starting point is 00:21:21 And then, do you see how it ended? Yes. So here's the thing. This guy gets moved around like maybe twice. They exploit him for years. Well, they blindfold him so they would move him around for luck. Yeah. You know, when he wasn't winning at sweepstakes,

Starting point is 00:21:36 they'd move him around for luck. And so at the end, when they finally accomplished all of his goals, they couldn't justify him, you know, doing it anymore. They said, okay, we're going to move you again for luck. They blindfold him. They move him. And they built a set, which is like the same exact apartment. And he's been through this many times before.

Starting point is 00:21:55 So he gets put in this fake room. Yep. And, you know, he takes his blindfold off. He's good to go. And so he starts stripping because he needs to be naked, you know, to continue this, because he thinks he's still doing it. And then as he's finally naked, the walls fall, and he's on his stage in front of, like, thousands and thousands of people. And he had no idea, and he was scared, and it was this whole thing. It's crazy! It's fucking crazy!

Starting point is 00:22:24 I know you don't believe me, the viewers watching, you don't believe me the viewers watching you don't believe me Maybe you do. Maybe you've seen the critical video It's the only way I've seen it dude. Dude. It is asinine. It is insane It is insane when you read the story you watch what he went through and you're like, oh my god They just did this to a human being Poor fucking guy. One of the few shows I was like, that's reality TV, and that is brutal. I was like, it's some squid game bullshit, man.

Starting point is 00:22:50 Yeah. Some straight up squid game bullshit. How desperate are you for your TikTok fame? Are you going to lick an airplane toilet seat? So, you know, you could be like that fucking Mizzy guy in England and walk into people's houses. Oh, my God. Walk straight into people's homes. Take the dog and just walk out, bro. Yeah, take the dog and walk away with it.

Starting point is 00:23:08 The new... It is crazy, man. It is... Oh, that AI shit. That sensed me. NPC fetish. Your taint's dirty. Did you see my candy? I saw something candy. Dude, Hunter just went to the fucking moon with that thing.

Starting point is 00:23:23 Those are so weird. He showed it to me like three days ago, and I was like, what the fuck is this? He was like, NPC. NPC fetish, man. Yeah. I don't know. Some people grow up, you know, and they're playing video games, and there's companions that you can marry.

Starting point is 00:23:40 Some people jack off to Lydia from Skyrim. Yeah, some people. Some people, you know, I've known, for the sake of argument, you can marry some some people jack off to lydia from skyrim so yeah some people some people you know i've known i'm i'm for the sake of argument for for the for the complete sake of argument pan am from cyberpunk is a hot piece of ass for the sake of argument for the sake of argument for the sake of argument respectfully the tank scene respectfully for this for the for the sake of argument, respectfully, I never saw the tank scene. Respectfully. For the sake of argument, if I were to meld my consciousness with Pan Am in a scientific tank,

Starting point is 00:24:12 Future tank. and feel what it would be like to be her as me, myself, and fucking her, I mean, like, it's pretty groovy. I mean, I'm going to say for the sake of argument. Respectfully. Respectfully for the sake of argument. Respectfully. Respectfully for the sake of argument.

Starting point is 00:24:28 You know, there's nothing wrong with that. Just living the dream. It's just living the dream. You know, soon enough, we're going to get to the point. We can just download our consciousness, upload it into a simulation where we can fuck Pan Am every day. Oh, I can't wait. First form gave us 15 seconds to do now

Starting point is 00:24:46 50 green 50 We already have your chat fuck the new Ubisoft suit they're coming out with. The haptic suits Wait what? I'm telling you baby. It was like what last week they dropped the info Ubisoft is dropping a hat like a suit like a it's a torso. It's like a shirt you wear Oh, yeah, my finger isn't as on the pulse with the haptic stuff as it is just like the hardware Yeah, but uh, yeah dude VRr is a future is is a future man it really is trust me i 100 believe that i just want it to happen before i die you know i've only shot guns maybe like i could probably count it on my hands but you knew how to but you know going from vr

Starting point is 00:25:40 like i there's this game called hot dogs horses Horseshoes, and Hand Grenades. It's referred to as H3. And it is a legitimate simulator. It has hundreds, if not thousands, of guns, and also, like, a mod community of people that'll just, you know, put shit in the game. And you're, you know, it's a perfect,

Starting point is 00:26:00 I know, like, the manual of arms for, like, pretty much any platform of weapon a lot of exotic weapons and when I went to see Brandon in January you know I'm taking shit off of his wall and you know making sure it's clear and like folding the socks

Starting point is 00:26:13 he's like how the fuck do you know how to do any of this VR that's actually crazy when you think about it because it is the mechanics are the exact same it's 100% you got folding stocks. All the buttons are there, charging handles. It's perfect.

Starting point is 00:26:29 You can expend all of your ammo in an AR platform and smack the bolt release. Or you can, you know, I just nerd out about it. It's fun. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life. But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And, of course, you can rest assured that with Public Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans,

Starting point is 00:26:59 you'll pay the same thing every month. With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for. Public Mobile. Different is calling. It's crazy. It's a lot of fun. If you haven't done VR at this point,

Starting point is 00:27:18 it is a really good VR. It's a mind-blowing experience. It's like, as I equated to, when it first came out, it was a religious experience. Yeah a it's a mind-blowing experience it's like as i equated to when it first came out was a religious experience yeah because it is it's insane so changing i still remember the first time i ever put on a fucking vr headset i went back to my old high school tech program to talk to kids like about you know streaming and gaming and they had just got like the newest vr set this was in like 2012 so like it was a wireless? No, it was still corded.

Starting point is 00:27:46 Oh, yeah. Was it like a Vive? It was something like that. They had the cord go up to the ceiling so you could walk around with it. It was a whole school thing. And I put it on and I got to play with the paintbrush and paint around myself. 3D painting? This is the future.

Starting point is 00:28:00 You know, there was even shit like, there was this one, I don't even know if it's still around. It's called Virtual Desktop, where you would just be in a desktop stream, you know, streamed onto environments that people had. You could just be like on a beach, or you could be like in a fucking fractal fucking universe of just like never-ending geometry. You could be in like a Star Citizen fucking like... Spaceship cockpit. Yeah, cockpit or whatever. You're just watching TV or watching a movie. And your screens are there on the shit and you're watching it.

Starting point is 00:28:29 They have like a movie environment. You can watch a movie on like an IMAX 100 fucking foot movie screen. And they had this program called Milk Drop, which is like a 3D audio visualizer. So what I used to do back in the day is take drugs and and this was decades ago this is i'm talking at least days when i only took them in seattle after after everything was decriminalized he lived in that zone i lived in i was there in seattle when i did this legally 100 legal, 100% legal, full disclosure.

Starting point is 00:29:07 But yeah, I take a fuck ton of drugs. I take a fuck ton of drugs. I get so fucked up and I would just listen to an album and it'd just be these insane fucking visuals. I took Acid and booted up Skyrim VR. Swagger, you are becoming like one of my favorite peoples because you're just like, ah, doing drugs, video games, titties. titties i'm like oh man this dude is fucking dope as shit thank you man thank you i appreciate it i like shooting guns too you know i like tits i like guns i like drugs

Starting point is 00:29:34 i like rock and roll i like the constitution i like the bill of rights specifically it's the best part it's the best part of the bill of Rights. God, you are just an American hero. I may have lived in Australia for like four or five years, but it just makes me miss my homeland a little bit more. Makes me appreciate it a little bit more. True. Especially, I'm from the East Coast. No shit?

Starting point is 00:30:00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't say exactly where, but not as—. Seattle. Not as, not as, Seattle, the other, the West. The West Coast. I'm in the West Coast. Yes, exactly. Seattle. Going from a place like that to a place like Texas is almost like a culture shock in and of itself. Because I'll be walking around, I get to like my hotel and I go in an elevator.

Starting point is 00:30:23 And normally you go into an elevator where I'm from and you walk into an elevator, there's a bunch of people, you don't see anything, and then you get out of your floor and it's what it is. In Texas, you get into your elevator and a bunch of people come in and they're like an old friend that you haven't seen. A conversation will start. Yeah, it's like, oh, hey there, how are you?

Starting point is 00:30:40 Yeah, where are you from? Where are you from? Oh, really? Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah, what's your name, darling? Well, you know, and it's just like, it's just like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, and my first instinct is, what are you trying to sell me? What do you want?

Starting point is 00:30:52 Why are you so nice to me? What's your ulterior motive? Like, what are you trying to get out of me? You've been to Seattle or LA. That's how you get used to that. It's like, what do you want? Why'd you open the door for me? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:03 Yeah. I mean, I opened the door for me yeah yeah yeah i mean i open the door for someone where i'm from and they say what the fuck you don't think i'm capable to open the door for me and then you then you say fuck you and then they say no fuck you and you go okay man have a nice day man that's like how it is it's like it's weird like you know there's a there's like a weird east coast like i heard, there's like a weird East Coast, like, I heard this before, like, on the East Coast, in the West Coast, like, on the East Coast, people are really, like, people are, like, assholes, but they'll help you.

Starting point is 00:31:35 So, like, if you, if your car, you get, like, a flat tire on the road in the East Coast. Yeah, yeah. You know, someone will drive by you and go, you know, Northeast specifically, they'll drive by and go, what, you fucking asshole? You fucking blew out your tire? You don't know how to change a tire? You fucking idiot. Okay, fine.

Starting point is 00:31:50 I'll get out. I'll change your fucking tire for you. They'll literally do it. They're going to bitch the whole fucking time. Yeah, they're going to bitch the whole time and call you a moron and make sure that you know that you're an idiot because you don't know how to change a tire. Yep. But they'll change your tire.

Starting point is 00:32:00 You know, they'll say, fuck you, but, you know, have a good day and whatever. You go, you know, so they they're not nice but they're helpful and you go to the west you're in la and you blow a tire in the road you'll be like yo dude i'm so sorry that happened to you man fuck dude that's like the worst thing ever bro yo i you know i hope you get some help bro and then they drive away no they hand you a script first and then they drive you away by the way bro like what do you think of like this this crazy script i'm working on yeah yeah i work at i'm a server that's what i always when living in la it's like oh i'm an actress what restaurant do you serve at everyone's a director someone says they're an actress now, I say

Starting point is 00:32:46 only this? Not Fan House. It's one of them things. That's a beautiful hustle, man. We live in a day and age where women can become their own pimps, which is fucking sick.

Starting point is 00:33:02 Talk about empowerment for the women, dude. It's a crazy year when it's a crazy it's a crazy thing for that entire for decades that never existed and then one guy was like hey let's start a website and we'll just call all and then everyone else was like yo well only fans was wasn't even meant to be no it, it wasn't even. Wasn't that like weightlifting or like fitness? It was supposed to be for some shit. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be fitness. It's not what it turned into. Definitely not now.

Starting point is 00:33:31 And they even, remember when they considered banning it? And then everyone was like, no. And then half the fucking platform left? Yeah, they were like, okay, all right. They almost shot their golden goose. I want to know that business meeting where they're like walking with the golden goose and like they threw it on the table it's like i don't like this thing we should do the other thing think we just kill this real quick yeah let's kill this golden goose i haven't seen a single person drink bud light while i've been

Starting point is 00:33:57 back in america it's just like a similar thing i'm gonna say this i don't think i've drank bud light in like 13 years anyways i don't know last time I drank Bud Light I was probably 19- 21. It's when- oh man, when was the last time? I just don't give a fuck about- It was the weirdest drama ever. Dude, dude, that's America though. How is it- no, that's a good question. How is it watching like American drama from over the-

Starting point is 00:34:19 It is weird! It is weird! It is weird, because I don't give a shit about Bud Light. I've never drank Bud Light. Yeah. yeah it's piss it's fucking garbage i don't know there was just it's just weird man there's so much in like american culture on like the news circle that like all you see from halfway across the world is like all the worst shit and all like the asinine shit that doesn't matter that isn't like an issue. It's like a distraction. But they build it up because when people come here, even like Hendo

Starting point is 00:34:49 or like our UK, whoever, they're like, man, this place is dangerous. Like Texas, they think it's like the wild west. They think people are quick drawn in the street. Like, you know, 20 minutes after 11. Well, I mean, to be fair, every day at noon I go out into the street and just wait. You wait, you have your

Starting point is 00:35:06 dust coat on, you got the big iron on your hip. I'm surprised you made it from the driveway to this house without getting shot. It's so dangerous. I had to mow down a crowd of 100 people. You drove through them all, right? In self-defense. I felt threatened.

Starting point is 00:35:23 They were saying, stop, stop, there's a car accident. I'm not an idiot, dude. I know that's a trap. I've seen videos. I've seen those four-flip cars. I know a fake scene when I see one. They said, stop, stop, it's a car fire.

Starting point is 00:35:40 It's literally a car fire. I said, no, I don't care. I even took a video of the car fire. As you drove through it. I 100%, I literally took a photo, a video of a car fire. I said no. I don't care. I even took a video of the car fire As you drove fire I 100% I literally took a photo a video of the car fire Slamming through people. Zoom in on that. It's literally the car fire Yeah, next down the road you weren't you're not fucking lying. I'm not lying. There was a car fire right there. You have look It's a car fire. That's smoke billowing. Fake news. It's smoke billowing. Fire melting steel beams.

Starting point is 00:36:08 It is dangerous here. Can we get the community notes on that video? I think that's for 2014. It's dangerous here in Texas. It's very dangerous here in Texas. So you're just watching chaos unfold. Do people know where you guys are based? Like the town?

Starting point is 00:36:25 I don't know. San Antonio, we all know where San Antonio is. Bernie, San Antonio. Everyone knows Bernie. It was so funny. Dude, in Texas, they have a similar thing to like Australia, where they'll name something, like they'll name a suburb, they'll name a town, and it is not how it is spelt. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:43 At all. Like there's Bernie. Which is not spelt Bernie. And you're like, oh, it is spelt. Oh, yeah. At all. Like, there's Bernie. Which is not spelt Bernie. And you're like, oh, Bernie is in Sanders, that guy who should have been the president. I'm from Vermont, bro. I'm from Vermont. I literally sat down at a restaurant with Bernie Sanders. This audience, they just threw their tongue at me.

Starting point is 00:37:02 What did he say about that? The comments are just lighting up right now. I'm just kidding. Bernie shouldn't have been pregnant. It should have been Kanye. It should have been Kanye. Again, this is what I'm saying. Swagger just keeps climbing in this fucking ladder.

Starting point is 00:37:15 Kanye, you know, this video is sponsored by Adidas Yeezys. Kanye is a, just loves this, loves this podcast. He loves me. And I love him. I voted for him twice. This thumbnail is going to be dope, by the way. And I'm very, very proud to announce that I am running as his running mate. Kanye West, Swagger Souls.

Starting point is 00:37:39 When's it go? It's like 2032 or something. It's like 12 years in the future. But it's announced bright and early It might not happen. Whatever you whatever we can do to support this we we will will help very good We're here for you for you and Mr. West. What are you got this in my hands? I might as well do same little shoe II He's Australian. I mean God you are a man of just honor and greatness thank you man i can't like

Starting point is 00:38:08 the amount of shoeys i've done i just feel so good i love meeting a new guest it's like you meet these people and then they just blow like you have an image but then you interact with them and it just blows you out it blows you away you're like oh this is a good dude that's hilarious a message to the viewers. Yeah, I just talk a lot of shit. Half the shit I say, I don't even mean. Or even stand behind. I'm just, I don't even know.

Starting point is 00:38:35 I don't even know what I'm saying at this point. You're full of shit is what you're saying. You need another? I need another white one. I didn't even sip that one. Oh, you got, well, I'll sip that one. We got plenty here. I opened that one for you. Beautiful, thank you.

Starting point is 00:38:50 Cheers. Oh, dude, cheers for you. Oh, yeah, let's all you beautiful. Thank you White call like real men do bad. It was so stoked for this like it was the most random text I told that he did I was sleeping two hours ago. Yeah, Cody text. Yeah, like hey, do you guys want a swagger? So I was like what yeah, I what I truly appreciate that but he's like hey do you guys want a swagger so I was like what yeah I truly appreciate that but he's like yeah and then we started talking about Brandon's fight I'm trying to blow up Batty and I know I was I was sleeping I was like let me go piss first I'll call you right back truck month is on at Chevrolet get zero percent financing for up to 72 months on a 2025 Silverado 1500 Custom Blackout or Custom Trail Boss. With Custom Trail Bosses available, Class Exclusive, Duramax 3-liter diesel engine, and Z71 off-road package with a 2-inch factory suspension lift,

Starting point is 00:39:39 you get both on-road confidence and off-road capability. Dirt road ahead? Let's go! Truck month is awesome! Ask your Chevrolet dealer for details. So we were like, ahhh! I just realized we never finished off with that Bernie tangent. Bernie, Bernie is spelt, you'd think it's spelt B-E-R-N-I-E, but it's actually spelled fucking B-O-E-R-N-E? Born? It's Borny? And then there's, oh,

Starting point is 00:40:10 let's go to Manor, Texas. M-A-N-O-R. Manor, right? No! It's Maynor! Like, what the fuck? What do you mean it's Maynor? Where's the Y? There's no Y! Why?

Starting point is 00:40:25 Don't worry, there's a- What was your German spelling? Yeah, then you go to like- There's Buda, Texas, which is actually Buda. It's Buda. Nope, it's Buda. Buda, baby. Nope, it's Texas, Buda.

Starting point is 00:40:41 It's like there's a suburb in Melbourne. It's spelled P-R-A-H-R-A-N. How do you think that's... Wait, say it again. P-R-A-H-R-A-N. Fran? Fran? P-R-A-H-R-A-N.

Starting point is 00:41:00 P-R-A-H-R-A-N. You're talking to two idiots. I need to let you know. How did you get it? I would think Prahan. Prahan. I'm dumb. P-r-r-r-r-ran. Pran. Pran. Pran. Pran. I'm just going to get word. They've got like Wagga Wagga. They've got all these crazy names.

Starting point is 00:41:32 It's like. I like that you have terrifying creatures over there. You know, not as many as you'd think. I mean, I don't go out in the bush. Is that just propaganda? Is that American propaganda? When you're in Melbourne, you're so far down south. You're so like in the like colder

Starting point is 00:41:46 climate and when you're in a metropolitan area none of the fucking creepy crawlies really are going to be going into your house they're not really interested but you go out into the bush like yeah dude there's snakes there's spiders then you wear the helmet you definitely wear the helmet yeah for sure it makes sense wear the wetsuit and everything. Just fucking full coverage. Yeah, yeah. It's terrifying watching the size. I've had, you know, I've seen, you know, huntsman spiders have been in my house the size of my fucking hand.

Starting point is 00:42:12 I've seen fucking wolf spiders in Sydney the size of my head, which are just not fun things to look at and know that are in your house before you're about to sleep. Dude, we had just literally it was like We it was like three in the fucking morning one of the morning spider And that's I made a story about it cuz I laid in bed And I was like ah ha and it was a fucking spider just a wolf spider jumps down next to me

Starting point is 00:42:43 And my girl, Savannah Licks, she's like, what? Ha! She like, runs off the bed too. And I'm like,

Starting point is 00:42:49 what the fuck? We could cut, I do a video of it. I'm like, man, fuck, this thing's huge. And it was like that.

Starting point is 00:42:55 The only, everyone's like, burn it down. Oh my God, burn it down. Australians? You know, they're gonna give you shit.

Starting point is 00:43:00 Pussy. They're just grabbing. They're just like, pussy. They're like, what are you talking about, man? It's just fucking Huntsman Spider.

Starting point is 00:43:06 Who the fuck gives a shit about the fucking Huntsman Spider? They're just fucking, you know, grambling. Shouldn't be like, oh, mate, it's not going to fucking bite you. It's just going to fucking eat the mosquitoes, mate. You know, all that. See, you got a fucking, I just do an Asian accent, a Mexican accent. That's my call to fame. I'm a lot more... What's the term?

Starting point is 00:43:26 Traveled? No, not traveled. Like, integrated into an Australian society. Like, assimilated. Yeah, you assimilated that accent perfectly. Yeah, dude. A lot of practicing in front of a mirror.

Starting point is 00:43:42 A lot of hearing other people. You just pick up on it Yeah, I remember it click for you Just go on to the shower you're not gonna shampoo me hair Which also Reset. Reset. Mackies. Mackies. Mackies. Mackies. Mackies. Which also, Australia has one of the best TV shows that ever came out.

Starting point is 00:44:13 Oh, here we go again. Upper Middle Bogan? I've never heard of that one. Kent and Kim? Eli's been jerking this show off ever since we saw it. Are you talking about it you're talking about don't tell me Mr. Inbetween Ray Shusmith

Starting point is 00:44:34 pretty fucking good show fucking dope ass show and it's true slept on and it's so well done the interactions with the individuals is so realistic it's fantastic delivery it's like how australians actually talk to each other it's so fucking good and the humor dark but hilarious it's really good and then they asked him to do other seasons like

Starting point is 00:44:57 no the show ended you said the show ended yeah because you know guy he was like writing and directing and playing the main character. You know? Nuts. I remember way back, we tried to get him uh, we talked about like, Hey man, we'll fly from Australia to be on the podcast and- Nah. He's like, nah I'm good. Really? You're talking to me? What the hell? Yeah, yeah, like he was responding and everything.

Starting point is 00:45:13 What the hell, I traded! He was just like, nah I'm good. Nah, nah I'm good mate. Yeah, I'm staying here. We're like, fuck bro, I would love- Dude, you're so talented though. He's like, that's- What, like flying him out or you going to him?

Starting point is 00:45:24 Flying him out, man. Yeah. Yeah, I bet he's being like, fuck that. It's a long way. It's a long way. That dude turned down a TV show with probably lots of money. He does not care about it. Yeah, but you know, that's how you can respect the man's creative process.

Starting point is 00:45:38 Like it's not a whole, you know, it's not like Simpson's fucking episode, episode 435 or whatever. Well, that's why I praised him. I was like, this is a dude that had a story, and he's like, no, I'm not getting it here. Yeah, he's standing six foot in, and that's his character. He's a great actor, though. Dude, phenomenal actor. That entire show was just good.

Starting point is 00:45:55 And that's why I always tell people, I'm like, you gotta watch it. You gotta watch Mystery in Between. It's almost like a dry humor, too, at times, because it's just the way... It's like the show Barry Yes, yeah, like Australian fuck. Yes. What a wonderful goddamn show Barry was to hold I guess though. Well, we should

Starting point is 00:46:13 Demo ranch like two days ago. He had the pen gun And we were trying that like 25 Like 25 Cal and you know And so he's got his little pen thing and it flips out There's a little thing and schlatt goes isn't this the fucking gun from from Barry where the guys? It's like that guy's here to kill me isn't he? Up we're like oh we're about to shoot this first time Yeah, that's when you look down like Yeah, you can for the record you can't hit shit with it.

Starting point is 00:46:46 You cannot hit shit with a pen gun. That's literally meant to do this with. Yeah, basically. You touch the person. I'd rather use the fucking gun that John Wilkes fucking Booth used. Honestly, I feel like ergonomically, it'd probably be better. Makes more sense. You're not like, as Batty's saying, where you have to push

Starting point is 00:47:06 it against the chest to do it. You know, it's like, hey, let me sign the receipt. Also, what's that behind you? Like, come on. They turn around when you're doing it, and you're like... Sorry, sorry. My pen broke. They turn back around, and you're like... They're like, what the fuck?

Starting point is 00:47:23 Bro, why is my pen doing this? You know. God. Honestly, like, it was strange. Big firearm guy? Medium firearm guy. I am a nerd. So I like.

Starting point is 00:47:38 A VR firearm guy. Yeah, I mean. VR, Counter-Strike. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Counter-Strike. It's like my staple game. Our favorite ones, and you have one now. I built my first firearms based off of that,

Starting point is 00:47:51 where it's like P90, TP9, TMP. So I have a full TMP setup, full P90 setup. Fucking hell. I mean, we both got them at this point. Yeah, both chopped down, suppressed, got the cool optics. Oh, yeah, man. Stiers doing the skins from Counter-Strike for the five. I was like, yeah, I'm going to nerd out.

Starting point is 00:48:08 We each got, like, anime uwu paint guns and shit. I was going to say, you got, like, Akihabara except the Temu Kau, you know, all the good anime guys. I had one, like, custom made. My Vector's got, like, cyberpunk neon. It's got, like, a dragon and shit on it. Oh, yeah, man. Dude, that's sick. That's really sick.

Starting point is 00:48:23 You guys got skins to IRL mine looks like the the old Probably as expensive as some of the right out there Yeah, some of those skins man. You're fucking crazy The counter-strike economy is crazy especially with counter-strike to come in some kid just open a knife He's got like less than three. It was like a 100 thousand dollar knife for 140 thousand dollars less than 30 hours. It was like a $100,000 knife or $140,000 knife. Less than 30 hours. It was like 31 hours or something in CSGO. Karambit case hardened fucking minware. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:51 Something painted. Unreal for a fucking pole. 100K skin. Yeah. I know some people that really like to open cases. I like to open cases, but I've toned that back. Yeah. I refuse to do that.

Starting point is 00:49:04 I already play fucking like Magic the Gathering. I like Pogo. I don't need another fucking addiction like this and I've seen my friends do this. And it's expensive. It's so fucking expensive. You know, cases used to be three cents and three dollars to open with the key

Starting point is 00:49:18 and now the cases themselves are like a dollar or five dollars or twenty dollars or a thousand dollars for one fucking case. god forbid there's a sticker you could fucking get i buy power dude you want an i buy power uh titan hollow you know a fifty thousand dollar virtual sticker baby let's go i see i came from counter-strike 1.9 oh damn so you're you're coming you're coming before source i I'm 48. I'm ancient. How old are you? 38. What?

Starting point is 00:49:47 What? What? He's so fucking old, dude. It's Asian genetic, you know? No, it's not. Got the skin, maybe. Dude, you look like you may be like late 20s at most. Thank you. You look like 10 years younger.

Starting point is 00:49:59 Oh, my God. Don't fucking stroke him anymore. Stop it. What fantastic human being. Are you Vietnamese? I am part Asian, part Mexican. Yeah, but what does that mean? Part Asian.

Starting point is 00:50:09 What flavor? It is the poor one Vietnamese. You're the poor one? They get poorer than Vietnamese. They get a little bit poorer. Filipino. The Filipino is getting a little bit poorer. The Mexican, the Asian community.

Starting point is 00:50:21 That's what I would say. You're Mexican and Asian, huh? Yepian yep wow and then a lot of native american we found out really yeah it was like 24 well that makes sense because you know if you're like native like mexican then that's native american yeah yeah yeah so you have like spaniard mexican native american asian and then irish that's dope yeah that's pretty dope it's just the white side yeah you like rice and whiskey oh yeah it's just living the dream right on dude i am uh like italian just just italian Like, Italian. Just Italian. Straight up. My mom and my sister both did fucking 23andMe or whatever,

Starting point is 00:51:13 which I'm annoyed about because now I can't commit a murder because it'll be traced back to me. Even though my DNA isn't in a registry, theirs is. So they'll be able to track them down and then a relative. It's just unfortunate. It's just another option taken from me. Yeah, your career as an assassin has been removed. My

Starting point is 00:51:33 prospective career, my potential is gone. But, I just picture it like, have you seen this man? You know with the helmet? It's like, Mario did not think your uniform was that wanted. Yeah, they wanted Ned Kelly.

Starting point is 00:51:50 That's not me. He's wearing a bow tie. After all these years of brewing Coors Original, we've learned one undeniable truth. Any legacy is possible. You just have to start. Coors Original. how will you start your legacy celebrate responsibility must be legal drinking age like fuck they knew me they they

Starting point is 00:52:13 took their 23 and me you know my mom is like 98 fucking south iberian which is just you know like italy and sicily and my sister took is the same exact shit so I'm not gonna take it cause but you know I'm pretty sure I'm fucking Italian man what if you're not Italian

Starting point is 00:52:32 what if like you took it oh then my mom fucked the pool boy like you know you know what you're not trying to you don't want to ruin the family dynamic real quick

Starting point is 00:52:39 you don't want to throw the wrench in there yeah you should be like sorry guys mom why do we have the same mailman every time we moved? Sorry, Mom, I'm actually half Irish.

Starting point is 00:52:48 No, that would not go well. I always thought about that shit, dude. Like, when 23andMe first came out, I'm like, you know. How many families did it destroy? I was going to say, like, you know, I'm like, I grew up my entire life like, oh, yeah, we're Italian. We're Italian. We're really Italian.

Starting point is 00:53:03 You know, super Italian. And imagine you take 23andMe and it's like, oh, yeah, we're italian we're italian we're really italian you know super italian and imagine you take 23 of me and it's like oh yeah we're actually 80 percent irish like imagine like that would be it happened a lot because a lot how many yeah how many affairs were were discovered you remember my grandma on my do i remember your grandma? No, I thought I told I thought I told that story I remember Nanny's a whore His grandma remembers me Grammy was a whore

Starting point is 00:53:36 Grammy was a whore What fucking movie was that? Oh my, Beer Fest? Grandma turned out She was like smacking the strobe on the sausage It was that or Grandma's Boy Was that oh my beer fest Is that our grandma's boy where is like I should have wore a condom So we had my grandma on once how we found out a new it says like you have a new cousin I was like, oh on the Quavis I Mexicans we breathe Yeah, you're Mexican on the Cuevas side, Mexicans, we breed. So I was like, we breed? What a tagline. Mexicans, we breed.

Starting point is 00:54:08 That's Mexico's new statement. It's a slogan. So it was, oh, this side, boom, is going to be another first cousin. We have like 60-something first cousins. I've fucked them. Holy fuck.

Starting point is 00:54:21 That's a lot. That rivals the Irish. You definitely can't live in that community because then you're worried any girl you meet could technically be a second or third cousin yeah it's right there and then it was like from a the other side of the family i was like hey i only have one for because there's only one first cousin on that side. Like, we know. Yeah. And I was like, uh-oh, this isn't adding up. Started looking. I was like, oh, oh, I know what happened.

Starting point is 00:54:51 Grandma had a kiddo out of wedlock. Oh. Yeah. She had a secret kid. She was just real bloated for nine months. And suddenly she lost the weight. What the fuck? And both of my grandparents on all my sides are like they've passed so we can't ask

Starting point is 00:55:07 them it was just like they went to the grave with that shit yeah i was like oh 23 and me fucking shit up naturally i emailed the guy i was like hey do you know who your mom is and then he was like it's this person i was I was like, I don't think, I don't know. According to this, you're a first. Some fucking guy emails you in the blue. Hey, dude, you know who your mommy is? Who the fuck is this guy? Yeah, dude, no, your mom isn't actually your mom.

Starting point is 00:55:37 Who the fuck are you? Dude, this literally happened to my family. That's crazy. Bro, that's how it was like. My mind was blown. I was like, because genetics, it shows on the phone app too. It's like, you're related this way. Boom.

Starting point is 00:55:49 He's like, no, this way. I was like, not possible if you look at this little family tree right here, bro. I guarantee he's like, fuck this dude. If I was him, I'd be like, this is a scam. He's trying to Nigerian prince me. But then I never responded to him. So he's like, duh. You left him on the net. Hey,. So he's like, you left,

Starting point is 00:56:07 you left him on the genetic. Like this. Hey, bro, by the way, you're adopted. Peace out. Like, by the way,

Starting point is 00:56:14 we're related. You're adopted. Love you. Love you. This literally happened with my great grandmother, literally a deathbed confession at the very end. She's going, she's just like,

Starting point is 00:56:24 also, my sister is actually my daughter whoa damn if i were on my deathbed i would confess to like all sorts of shit and i never even did like i would just confess to like murders and like you know oh you'd make some shit up. Like, atrocities. I'd say that there's bodies buried. You'll never find where they are. No, that's what you say when you're dying. It's like, make sure you find the gold.

Starting point is 00:56:53 Yeah. I've got, you know. The gold is under the wooden. Like, everything in your house is made of wood? Yeah. No, you've got like saying something like... Say something super vague. Just protect the map.

Starting point is 00:57:09 What do you mean? The oak tree that falls under the North Star. Grandpa, what the fuck does that mean? Grandpa, what the fuck? It's like, no. That reminds me of like, have you ever heard this story where this guy threw out a hard drive that had like... Bitcoin? Is this the Bitcoin story?

Starting point is 00:57:29 I think it was a couple hundred in Bitcoin. A couple hundred Bitcoin. Like full. It was more than that. It was thousands or something. Yeah. He would pay this guy who owned a dump, the local dump, and he would pay him every day to go to this dump and sift through waste and rotting garbage

Starting point is 00:57:50 to find a hard drive with life-changing money. What a visual. What a better visual to display the hunt for greed. How far would you go? How long would you do it before you call it quits? You know there's $100 million on a hard drive somewhere. If you knew there was $100 million in a hard drive in a 20-acre dump, would you look for that shit every day or would

Starting point is 00:58:26 you just like get a job or pay the other guy or pay someone else to do it you can't pay someone else to do that sorry boss they're gone what do you tell the employee I'm looking for a hard drive

Starting point is 00:58:42 and there's a lot of porn I can't I can't lose. This is priceless porn. This is priceless porn. You're giving the family a hard drive. No, no, no. You're kicking some porn? You gotta hit them with the family aspect.

Starting point is 00:58:54 Family heirloom. I lost this hard drive. It's got all the pictures of my dead kids on it. It's got all the videos of my grandma's porn. Yeah. My grandma's porn? My grandma's. I need to find my grandma's porn. They're My grandma's porn? My grandma's...

Starting point is 00:59:05 I need to find my grandma's porn. They're home videos. That 1920s porn is terrible. Trash quality. You're trying to downsell the porn?

Starting point is 00:59:12 It's like 1960s grainy, horrible audio. Whatever you do, do not watch my grandma's porn. The bush is huge for some reason. Yeah, the bush is huge.

Starting point is 00:59:21 The music just makes your dicks soft. The bush being out of fashion is like okay by me. I'm fine with it. I'm also glad music is no longer a big thing in porn where it's like. Oh, you didn't like the bass?

Starting point is 00:59:35 As a bassist, I enjoy. You're a bassist. Barely. But yes. I could drop a good porn bass line. I just love barely. That's pretty good. But yes, I can drop a good porn bass line. I just love Barely. That's pretty good.

Starting point is 00:59:51 I can play Blink-182 songs. Can you slap bass? Can you like... No! I can play Blink-182 songs. That is... Where are you? And I'm so sorry. No, that's all I can do.

Starting point is 01:00:01 That is it. I can hit a couple porn lines. That's it. He's one of the Van Wooten brothers over here. If you don't know that is he's a really good Do I hated that Dude Ron Jeremy comes in a frame. He's got a big fucking mustache and a big hog. I've never Big pulsating Italian Teresa he would suck his own dick. Yeah, I mean I can't I can't A big pulsating sweaty cock. I literally have never seen Roger in my life. An Italian chorizo.

Starting point is 01:00:25 He would suck his own dick. Yeah, I mean, I can't. Wait, that's real? Yeah, I can't. He'd walk in and be like, watch. He'd be like, I don't need a fluffer. I'm my own fucking fluffer. And then he'd suck his own cock.

Starting point is 01:00:38 I don't need to look this up today. And the women there are waiting to be fucked. And they're looking at this guy like, what the fuck are you doing? I can do that. He's like, no, you don't know how I like it. And then he would just keep sucking his own dick. Are you making this up? No.

Starting point is 01:00:52 100% not. 100% really? Yeah, the ladies would go, I'm so conflicted right now. The ladies would go, Ron, Jeremy, I'm so horny, please fuck me. And he'd be like, sorry, I gotta fluff myself up.

Starting point is 01:01:01 And it'd take him an hour, because his cock was so huge. I don't need to look this up. I'm just climbing that ladder. As I said, you an hour because his cock was so huge. I don't even look this up. As I said, you just keep getting cooler. Yeah, thanks. I know. Most people don't know about the Ron Jeremy dick. It's the thing.

Starting point is 01:01:13 When you jelk for years, of course, you're going to look up to Ron Jeremy. Oh, yes. Oh, that just. When you're an ordinary jelker, you look up to men like Ron Jeremy. Batty's searching for Ron Jeremy. He's looking up jelking. He's like, what the hell is jelking? He's spelling it G-E-L-K like a moron.

Starting point is 01:01:36 It's J-E-L-Q. It's weird. It's like Bernie. Nothing from you, sir. It's like Bernie. It's German. Bernie and Pran there's the

Starting point is 01:01:47 baddie just seen it you seen it he sucks his own dick he does suck his own cock he literally just walks I he's flexible

Starting point is 01:01:54 for looking like a shorter fatter Mario well that's the thing how does Mario getting those cramped up green pipes oh no he's got to contort himself

Starting point is 01:02:02 somehow just ruined my own day that's the thing you know if I could do that it wouldn't need a woman no ramped up green pipes. Oh, no! He's got to contort himself somehow. This is ruining my own day. That's the thing. You know, if I could do that, it wouldn't need a woman. No, exactly. If women could do that,

Starting point is 01:02:12 they wouldn't need a man. That's one of my favorite shorts is the Caveman series. Have you ever seen this short? That's why I like cats. I'm jealous of them. Yeah. Can you lick your own butthole? Well, if I could,

Starting point is 01:02:22 it means I could suck my own dick, right? But I cannot lick my own asshole. And I cannot I could, it means I could suck my own dick, right? But I cannot lick my own asshole. And I cannot suck my own dick. Certainly cannot suck my own dick. If you did, would you put your leg up like a cat does, though? I mean, it would probably be the only way to get the angle. I would say whatever works. That would be the easiest way to do it.

Starting point is 01:02:37 I would rather walk him. I would have to, like, really... It would have to be flaccid, pulled taut. It would need to be, like, really stretched out for me to even get like a... If I... Control yourself. If I walk in on my buddy sucking his own dick, I hope it's like how Ron Jeremy does it. You're not a cat.

Starting point is 01:02:54 He was just sitting. Eli walks in on his buddy sucking his own dick. Oh, dude, you need some help, bro? Yeah. Oh, shit. Am I earning a billion dollars? We're back to bro jobs. Full circle. We're back to bro jobs. Wouldn't it be some help, bro? Yeah. Oh, shit. Am I earning a billion dollars? We're back to bro jobs. Full circle.

Starting point is 01:03:05 We're back to bro jobs. Wouldn't it be so funny, bro, if I pranked you by sucking your dick? Well, we had Logan on, and we were talking, because they're very wholesome creators, and they wouldn't believe we're vets. Veterinarians? Yeah. We love animals. Like Demolition Ranch.

Starting point is 01:03:23 Yeah. We're the exact same thing. He's like, for Veteran Day, we always take him to Applebee's. He gets his free meal. It's fucking dope. Just a bunch of vets sitting around tables. Just a bunch of vets sitting around. Thank you both for your service.

Starting point is 01:03:34 Thank you for your service. Of course. It's an honor, sir. I love animals. Eating them. Oh, yeah. But, man, what was it? Oh, oh my god i lost my train of thought what the fuck that never happens here veterinarians we're both vets what were we talking about right ron

Starting point is 01:03:52 jeremy sucking his own dick i came over i sucked your dick oh a billion dollars oh yeah we said that we're like and they said no okay they're gay they're gay and they haven't told anyone. What is the number for you to suck a dick? And they're like, well, it's very different if it was on camera. I'm like... What is this? It was on camera was the thing. On camera, like this guy's a dick sucker?

Starting point is 01:04:15 Yeah. Will everyone know that I'm sucking the dick for money? Yeah. For a billion dollars? Yeah. I'm sucking that dick. Dude, do you know how many dicks I would suck for a million dollars? But here's the thing.

Starting point is 01:04:24 I pay income tax. I'm paying tax dick. Dude, do you know how many dicks I would suck for a million dollars? But here's the thing. I pay income tax. I'm paying tax. Oh, no. So you're getting $600 million still. Yeah. I know. Still, yeah. Even paying it, you're like, yeah, I'm good.

Starting point is 01:04:33 You know, yeah. I'm great. I will suck that dick to completion. I mean, like, what's the catch? What's the catch? Is it covered in fucking DeBlom hot sauce? I'd still suck that dick. What's the catch?

Starting point is 01:04:45 It's like, would you smack this cute little baby for a billion dollars? I will fucking curb stomp it. I will throw that child so far. It does not have teeth, but I will curb stomp the gums. I will do what it takes to get a billion fucking dollars. It's a billion dollars. Bro, we just did a big Magic the Gathering card opening on here because we were trying to find the one ring.

Starting point is 01:05:04 The Black Lotus? No, the one ring. It's the new thing they were trying the one ring Yeah, the Lord of the Rings card fuck you One is a 101 card that MTG and Lord of the Rings Bill I know like you were only making one of these it got to two million dollars before even getting shown so is it in a pack still no no someone got it in toronto but we were we did an opening trying to find it out to canada or toronto washington that's very you definitely lived in washington knowing toronto washington no i only i was so confused when i heard of toronto washington because i was like wait toronto Toronto's been in Washington this whole time? I thought it was in Canada.

Starting point is 01:05:48 Am I stupid? Wait a minute. And I started telling people, I'm like, you know, Toronto isn't in Canada, it's in Washington. They're like, are you fucking retarded? I'm like, no, I read it. And they're like, no, you're an idiot. And they look it up. You don't get it, man.

Starting point is 01:05:59 You're wrong. And they look it up and they'd be like, oh, there is a Toronto in Washington. I'd be like, see? They go, yeah, but there's a Toronto in Canada still But it's that it's like why would it be there Toronto next to Toronto like what come on like yeah You can't have another Toronto for like at least another 500 miles It's like there's a California in in like California, but there's like there's a California in California, but then there's a California Maryland.

Starting point is 01:06:28 California, Texas, too. California, Texas. I tried to drive to California, the state, and I went to Maryland and Texas. Like, what the fuck? Where's California? I'm upset. I think Portland's... I think Toronto and Portland are right next to each other, right?

Starting point is 01:06:44 Oh, I don't know. I'm not from Washington. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino where

Starting point is 01:07:05 winning is undefeated 19 plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca please play responsibly I've only been that one time in Seattle when I was it wasn't good when you were doing all the drugs taking drugs and legally you are yeah that was your experience in Washington yeah When I was taking drugs in VR. I like that was your experience in Washington. Yeah, when I was just taking an acid and playing Skyrim. What else were you going to do in Washington? Live the dream of parents. No, no, no.

Starting point is 01:07:32 Cut down a cherry tree. Oh, riot. Riot? I forgot. You can riot in Washington now. We can live the dream out there. Are you a big anime guy? Just the hentai part?

Starting point is 01:07:44 Not super. Hentai I grew out of, if you believe that. I grew out of hentai. I mean, only every now and then. You'll dabble into the... I'll dabble into the 2D space. But to get aroused on a 2D image takes a lot of mental acuity. For me to be like, okay, I'm also 2D.

Starting point is 01:08:03 I'm going to immerse myself in this 2D universe Oh, you go really hard when you take a lot of Yeah, exactly it's like this when I you know, you need the tentacles they're a part of you, yeah I need to buy the octopi and be fully immersed No, I mean hentai isn't really my speed anime anime is a cool a cool little you know when the anime is good It's good attack on titans good like the old shit Naruto fucking one piece You know, but do I only got like like maybe 100 episodes in one piece same like i didn't casual one piece i understand very very casual all the same way um trying to think maybe

Starting point is 01:08:53 maybe there's a i grew up on like really retro ass anime actually like my dad's girl my no no some i'm talking like 80s anime man i'm talking like or ultra boy and no like asher boy gigantor yep um if you've ever heard of battle of the planets also known as gotcha man yep with the five like bird people like the the bird ninjas that are scientists and engineers that was the shit shout out to my dad. Shout out to my dad for making me grow up on Gacha Man. Old ass anime. Eli aged anime. Pretty fucking cool.

Starting point is 01:09:34 Pretty cool. That's my age of anime. God, you're so fucking old, Eli. Battle of the Planets, dude, was pretty dope. My dad, Kimba the White Lion. I don't know that one. You don't know that one? It's a really good one. Kimba the White Lion. Oh, I don't know that one. You don't know that one? It's a really good one.

Starting point is 01:09:45 Kimba the White Lion is a really good one. This is the first time Eli's been stumped on anime. I need you to understand how important that is. You just did a thing that nobody before you

Starting point is 01:09:54 has done. Older anime especially. I'm usually the one that's like, what's that? Kimba the White Lion? You've never heard of Kimba the White Lion? No.

Starting point is 01:10:00 Kimba the White Lion is his name. I'm sure that was the Japanese translation Yeah, it was It probably wasn't in Japanese I didn't watch it, I didn't watch it, saw it but couldn't read Yeah, I know

Starting point is 01:10:11 I literally couldn't read But it was a good thing, there was a little white lion in the safari And it's, you know, his adventures with his friends It was a great anime to watch when I was like fucking You're lying! I'm not even lying! I put the bullshit card down! Do you not believe? About what?

Starting point is 01:10:28 That Kimba the White Lion is a thing? I'm going to look up Kimba the White Lion. I just want to know Japanese people that are like, we will make an anime about it. African Jutsu. Kimba the White Lion, known in Japan

Starting point is 01:10:43 as Jungle Emperor, is a Japanese shounen manga series written and illustrated by osama tazuka which was serialized in the manga shonen in 1950 1954 um and then it became a television it was broadcast on television the first color animated television series created in japan uhired in North America in 1966. Yeah, it's an old motherfucking anime, dude. That is the oldest anime. That's older than, like, Astro. What the?

Starting point is 01:11:14 Yeah, of course. It's Kimba the White Lion, dude. It's Kimba the White Lion. Kimba the White Lion, everybody. That's what I grew up on. That's going to be trending later. The style is so fucking. Very old. Yeah, very Astro Boy.

Starting point is 01:11:25 It's super Astro Boy. It's like before be trending later. The style is so fucking... Very old. Yeah, very Astro Boy. It's super Astro Boy. It's like before that Japanese culture hit. Yeah, I was watching fucking Gigantor when it was in black and white. Yeah, dude. You're like, oh. Did you watch Godzilla and shit go on? Disney knocked these guys off. I guess so.

Starting point is 01:11:40 Because that's very Astro Boy. Holy shit. But it was a good, it was a motherfucking good motherfucking show swagger souls those og anime i do oh it's that jeez that you know that's a fucking ancient anime like all the other new shit like 2000s animes i don't think it really got into bleach i think i may have may have mentioned it was cool yo-yo haku show oh yeah great one very very very good one that'd be hunter x hunter is another i haven't seen hunter x hunter same artist as um there were like short ones like one season animes that i've watched they

Starting point is 01:12:20 don't really get notable one punch man well i haven't seen it. That one's a Bond type. Bobobo. Bobobo. Bobobo. Holy shit. I forgot about Bobobo. Bobobo. Bobobo.

Starting point is 01:12:31 I read the manga, man. I read the manga in the toilet every day when I was taking a shit. At what age? Fuck, man. Bobobo. I would have been early teens. No shit. Yeah, reading Bobobo.

Starting point is 01:12:46 Wait, how the fuck old are you? I'm trying to place these things. Is that a secret? How old do you think I am? 30. Okay. I'll say around, yeah, 30. I'm 30.

Starting point is 01:12:56 I'm 35. You old fuck. I'm 35. 35 years old. No shit, my boy. Okay. Okay, so you have that good age of gaming. You grew up in that your first system was either Super Nintendo or Nintendo.

Starting point is 01:13:09 Yeah, it was about, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. And then you went to PlayStation for Nintendo 64. It was Atari first. Atari, but you probably only had a couple games for it? Yeah, it was like the tank games. Well, I feel like there only was a couple games for it.

Starting point is 01:13:22 There wasn't a lot of variety. There was only a couple that people played. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's the best one. There was so many, and nobody fucking played them. Nobody bought them. There wasn't really much for the Atari. It was E.T.

Starting point is 01:13:33 Oh, God. But, yeah, the Atari, I think it was, I didn't game for a while. Then Super Nintendo. Yeah, it probably just, like, yeah, it went to, like, GameCube. The GameCube was big. GameCube was fucking hell. What was your biggest road? The biggest ones that I really started getting into the game.

Starting point is 01:13:51 Yeah, you were like, hey, this is my fucking passion on a game. Yeah, it probably started, like, GameCube. Wii was cool. Xbox. You know, I didn't really get into PlayStation until, like, fucking PS4. No shit. I didn't like the, you know, well, I just didn't like holding my fucking hands like a claw. The dagger claws.

Starting point is 01:14:09 I don't have, like, very dexterous hands. You've got, like, fucking gorilla hands. So the Xbox controllers and GameCube controllers fucking worked good. That fucking big ass. Even the fucking, what was the Nintendo one with the fucking three, was that 64? 64, yeah. Three arms. That one was shit.

Starting point is 01:14:29 Whoa, okay. It was pretty shit. It was pretty fucking bad. It was pretty fucking bad. It was pretty bad. It was bad. You guys are being rude. It was bad, dude.

Starting point is 01:14:40 It was bad. It was fucking really hard. It was really fucking awkward to use Now when they went to the GameCube controller the ergonomics fucking Baddy I'm not saying that innovation is bad. I'm not saying that you don't meet your heroes guys All I'm saying is that you know, they have to innovate look Look at me. Look at me. Look at me, viewers. Viewers. You know, Nintendo had to innovate and they had to come out

Starting point is 01:15:09 with something crazy. It was the 90s. People didn't know what the fuck to expect. They were like, three fucking... What do I hold? Which one do I hold? Do I hold the middle one? Do I hold the left one? Do I hold the right one? And, you know, they figured it out. To this day, I still don't know which one you're supposed to hold yeah, dude

Starting point is 01:15:27 Yeah, you know so Nintendo. Thank you. You know you have to innovate But game to you game to controllers wish you got pretty good for them The game control was one of the great controls of all time they had the Wii They had that virtual boy the first we argued. Yeah, the virtual boy fucking Headaches yes boy the first vr unit yeah the virtual boy he's fucking headaches yes it's just just a headache let's not even you're trying to get the perfect angle for your head to slide i didn't even i didn't even fuck around with it it was just red it was red it was red and blank just terrible on your eyes red not like a soft red it was just like cutting into your little child yeah it was literally literally yeah it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't you know you have to innovate you have to

Starting point is 01:16:12 experiment you have to you have to try your best sometimes you swing and you miss sometimes you swing you mess or you swing it as a commercial success for whatever fucking reason for whatever reason your first purchase shooters are so bad on that controller. When you go back and try to play Goldeneye. Yeah, you're playing Goldeneye. Bruh. Trying to D-pad and joystick at the same time. You hold R to aim

Starting point is 01:16:31 and you're going like this. You're pushing your friend off of his beanbag chair because you keep selecting shortstop. And he runs. Oddjob. Yeah, yeah. Oddjob.

Starting point is 01:16:40 I said shortstop. We're getting Indiana Jones. You're Indiana Jones? You're selecting shortstop? God're getting Indiana Jones. You're Indiana Jones? You still like shortstop? No, I jump. He's the little Asian dude. I don't know. I don't fucking know.

Starting point is 01:16:51 I was just like short, shortstop. Something from the 80s. You guys see that new Indiana Jones movie? The brand new one? Don't worry about it. It's real bad, right? Don't even worry about it. Is it worse than Crystal Skull?

Starting point is 01:17:05 Yeah. What? Yeah. What? Yeah. I heard it was bad, but I just assumed it would be just as bad because Crystal Skull was so bad.

Starting point is 01:17:12 Go on. Look, Crystal Skull, I get it. People are like, this is kind of ridiculous. I kind of liked it because of the whole ancient aliens.

Starting point is 01:17:21 Okay. I was like, I could suspend my disbelief it was like cool shia labeouf is shia labeouf that's the you know i like even stevens i i grew up i think even stevens is a great show probably one of the best works he's ever done and i respect shia LaBeouf for that. This new movie, which, dude, I didn't even know about until my dad was like, hey, there's a new Indiana Jones. You know, you want to see him?

Starting point is 01:17:52 I'm like, there's a new Indiana Jones? He's like, yeah. I'm like, I haven't heard about it. I'm like, it's in theaters now? Did it just come out? He's like, no, it's been out for a couple of weeks. I go, that's not a good sign. I said, well, fuck it. I like Harrison Ford? He's like, no, it's been out for a couple of weeks. I go, that's not a good sign. And I said, well, fuck it.

Starting point is 01:18:08 I like Harrison Ford. He's old. And then we went and saw it. And yeah, dude, the first 15 minutes is like a deep faked Harrison Ford, which was convincing until they did some close-up dramatic shots, which did not look all that good. You could really tell. You can really tell.

Starting point is 01:18:29 They used all the archive footage that Harrison Ford at that age looked at his films. They trained the AI off of it. You couldn't have trained it a little more? You couldn't have trained it maybe for a little bit more? Just one more day of iterations. It wasn't... It would have fooled the fucking 50-year-olds.

Starting point is 01:18:48 It would have been like, wow, how'd they do this? But, you know, when you're 20, 23, you know, you're savvy with tech. You look at that and you go, that's pretty, you know, come on. That's not good. You're kind of cutting corners here. And also they had like a really annoying female lead, and the pacing was weird, and they were trying to set it up like that

Starting point is 01:19:06 she was like his goddaughter. What happened to Shia LaBeouf? Shia LaBeouf was nowhere to be seen. Don't mention of his son? Oh, yeah, Shia LaBeouf was his son. It was his fucking son. Shia LaBeouf was his son, and they did not mention it.

Starting point is 01:19:22 It's like Passion of the Christ 2, and it's about Moses or something. I honestly... Just it. It's like Passion of the Christ 2 and it's about like Moses or something. John. It has been a minute, but like I don't know, man. The pacing was weird. They did another thing with Nazis again. Who would have thought? It's like Nazis.

Starting point is 01:19:38 Wait, what jokes are made about the Nazis? Go on. I know there was some. I don't think there were any jokes more than it was just like, ha ha, you Nazi scumbag. Gonna beat the Nazis. Go on. I know there was some. I don't think there were any jugs more than it was just like, you Nazi scumbag. Gonna beat the Nazis again. That's cool, but you're gonna do that for four movies? There's gonna be Nazis

Starting point is 01:19:54 in every movie? That being said, it's been a while since we've seen Temple of Doom. Were there Nazis in Temple of Doom? I'm just gonna assume they're all Nazis. Because there has been Nazis in almost every single Indiana Jones movie. There has, because the last three,

Starting point is 01:20:09 definitely three, I think it's the first one. The second one is Temple of Doom. Ark is Nazis. Temple of Doom, I can't remember. That's the one I can't remember if there was a little interaction. If it was Nazis or some other thing. Because there's this Indian tribe.

Starting point is 01:20:24 Maybe it was the Nazis or some other thing. Because there's this sort of Indian tribe. Maybe it was like, yeah, maybe it was like the South American, like, you know. Yeah, tribe. Yeah, like death whistle Aztec motherfuckers.

Starting point is 01:20:31 Cannibals. Yeah, yeah. Monkey brain eating pieces of shit. Oh, yeah. No Nazis. No Nazis. I confirmed.

Starting point is 01:20:40 Okay, no Nazis. All right. I got the eight monkey brains in that movie. I don't know, dude. I just think the whole, like, Nazi angle is kind of like come on man We were almost there's almost a hundred years this world were to man. Are you ready?

Starting point is 01:20:51 But here's but here's what I was you because but but here's the thing with the Indiana Jones movie Look, I'm this is a spoiler This is a spoiler. So look if you if you're a viewer. I love you're passionate, right? If you're a viewer and you're going to watch the new Indiana Jones movie, Dial of Destiny, just be warned, okay? Skip ahead this, however the editor will figure it out. Spoilers. Spoilers. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to.

Starting point is 01:21:22 Indiana Jones dies. No, he doesn't. You are so bad. He doesn't. No, he lives happily ever after with his old bitch wife or whatever. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, saying that he abandoned her when like the pacing was weird dude they go back in time wait oh okay wait what the fuck they go back in time not like this isn't like it's not a flashback they travel through a interdimensional time rift and go back to and they meet Archimedes. What? I'm not kidding! What? They meet Archimedes.

Starting point is 01:22:13 Does he go back and make sure he doesn't have a son? So that's why we don't talk about Shia LaBeouf anymore? No, no, they literally, they, so the Nazis kidnap them, they take the Archimedes fucking relic or whatever, and they find it and put it together, and the Nazis go into it. The Nazis want to take this thing, travel back in time, kill Hitler, and win the war. Hell yeah. Which is, you know, I can appreciate.

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Starting point is 01:23:27 please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. But they realize that they're going back in time too far, that there's continental drift, and they go back in the wrong location and they're going back in time too far, that there's continental drift, and they go back in the wrong location and they're in Italy, and it's like Greece, and there's a bunch

Starting point is 01:23:53 of, like, fucking Roman ships shooting fire and arrows, and there's, like, Romans stabbing Greek people, and then Archimedes is like, dragon, dragon! And, like, there's the two fucking planesbing Greek people, and then Archimedes is like, Dragon! Dragon! And there's the two fucking planes in the sky, and...

Starting point is 01:24:10 Don't watch it! Don't! If you go to watch Indiana Jones' Dial of Destiny, go high as fuck, it's the only way that the movie is going to make sense, pacing-wise. I never thought Crystal Skull would sound good. Crystal Skulls is, like, amazing compared to Tile of Destiny.

Starting point is 01:24:31 I don't know why. This has been the official Swagger Souls review of Indiana Jones. Tile of Destiny. If you would have just started and said, like, guess this movie, and just started there, I would have had no... You wouldn't have guessed. I would never in a million years be like, obviously. You would have said, what the fuck are you talking about?

Starting point is 01:24:50 Are you making this up? I thought a child wrote a story or a play. It wasn't good. Yeah, fucking sounds terrible. But if you're a fan of Indiana Jones and you want just to waste money and eat some popcorn and watch a shitty little movie, go check out the new Indiana Jones. Check it out. Harrison Ford was paid $25 million to do that movie.

Starting point is 01:25:13 That's why he did it. He was paid $25 million? Yeah. No wonder he was smiling. I was just thinking, like, Harrison Ford's that old. What do you need $25 million at his age? But here's the thing. He's like, $25 million.

Starting point is 01:25:24 He didn't even have to do any acting for like the first 15 minutes of the movie. It was all deepfaked. It was all deepfaked. I guarantee you, you probably got the script. He's like, what's this? He's like, that's a villain. Dope. What's in my line?

Starting point is 01:25:36 This? Yeah, he's like, he literally just recorded the voice lines. I can do that. Yeah, all right. $25 million. And it's just weird. You can't take Indy seriously. Like, you know, it's like Indiana Jones is the badass.

Starting point is 01:25:46 Harrison Ford is hot and sexy and capable and a man. And now he's reduced to this old geriatric bumbling fuck who's just being overshadowed by this just kind of... Look, the female lead, as a a woman i'm sure she's great like as like a like a like a person i'm sure she's fine but like her character sucked was so annoying and like overshadowing and just like you know they go to like the middle east like in morocco and she's like trying to sell like this ancient relic you know indiana jones would never sell an ancient relic you know and so they're trying to portray her as like this this you know oh like i i i'm a treasure hunter

Starting point is 01:26:30 but i sell the relics for money and like i'm a little you know i you know i'm i'm i'm like an independent woman who's capable yeah and yeah and for some reason she has this little Moroccan boy who's like a sidekick who's got curly hair. Short round. Yeah, basically. Odd job. But not even. Shortstop. But not even.

Starting point is 01:26:53 Almost looks younger than shortstop. And he can fly a plane and shit, too. Dude, it's a lot. Bring back Shia LaBeouf. It's a lot. Bring back Shia LaBeouf. Honestly, if Shia LaBeouf was there as the lead instead of that woman, it probably would have been a bit more palatable.

Starting point is 01:27:10 Because it was, I don't know, man. Look, I'm not like, look, I'm not a misogynist or anything. I love women. But like her character, her character was not good. No, it was not good. The movie was not good. They go back in time and meet Mark and Mideast. That's all you have to say right there.

Starting point is 01:27:26 Give me a break. Give me a fucking break. Like, the ancient aliens I could understand. Sure, dude. Aliens, yes. Remember when all the crystal skulls started spinning and shit? What the fuck was that? They're going to declassify so many documents in the next year or two years

Starting point is 01:27:42 that we're going to know that aliens as a thing are real. Yeah, I mean statistically. So that immediately is going to make the stocks go up on that movie. We're going back to watch Crystal Skulls. Goddamn, those motherfuckers

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Starting point is 01:29:40 big movie guy are you like i a fucking... I don't know. I'm going to list off movies that are in my top five. Interstellar. Yep. Okay. It's pretty much my number one. Interstellar is really good. Oh, bro, trust me.

Starting point is 01:30:01 Then horror-wise, I'd say Hereditary and Midsommar are good. My boy. Fucking Hereditary, man. There's a new movie coming out by these two Australian YouTubers, which are really good friends of mine. They're called Danny and Michael Filippo. They're Raka Raka. I don't know if you've heard of them. They're very, very Australian.

Starting point is 01:30:17 So Raka Raka, a big shout-out to Raka Raka, one of the most fantastic. And they changed the game on how youtubers created fight sequences at that time because they did it very visceral and they actually know it's amazingly they you guys yeah i fucking love there are the people that are behind the fbi open up and the fbi people like fucking busting through the walls and going down the ropes and shit no shit they made that thing yeah mcdonald's uh power rangers power rangers they have a ton of these crazy you know cinematic videos over like the last 10 15 years so when i was with rocket jump freddie wong that was one team we wanted to collab with was rocka rocka so they started that conversation back in the day this is like 2000

Starting point is 01:31:01 yeah 12 to 14 like through that time. They're incredibly capable. Dude, they're so hot. And also, like on a personal level, really, really cool people. Like Danny and Michael, they're twins. They're like the same person. They have this crazy energy. And they're just fucking. Talented as fuck.

Starting point is 01:31:17 I mean, they don't turn off. They're super talented and really cool. They're coming out with their own movie. They directed a movie called Talk to Me. And I saw an early screening of it last year. It is fucking great, dude. Really? Okay. It is up there with Hereditary. It's up there with Midsommar.

Starting point is 01:31:33 It's like that miserable, like, just fuck with your brain to the end. Yeah, it's really good. It comes out in like a month. Oh, no shit? Okay. I think it comes out in like, I think it comes out this month. It comes out in like 10 days. It's called Talk To Me. Definitely look into it.

Starting point is 01:31:50 If you're a fan of horror movies, talk to me. I'm doing a note to that. It has a really good premise. It's based in Australia. It opens with this crazy one take. Like a seven minute one take. Really? Okay. It's so good. wait wait hold the fuck

Starting point is 01:32:06 on they did a fucking what it was like it was like a seven minute one take and it and it was it was fucking so immersive you'd like and it sets the tone for the entire movie look I like movies but like seeing like a horror movie yeah or a straight-up or a... In a horror movie too? Yeah, a horror movie. A straight up horror movie. A one take, like five to seven minutes or something. And it was insane. It sets the tone. Talk to me.

Starting point is 01:32:34 In theaters in like... I don't know when the hell this is coming out. Probably be in theaters by the time this episode is out. If it's out in like two weeks. Two weeks. Just for reference. Just fucking Google it. A one take in a horror movie.

Starting point is 01:32:46 So you're relying on acting, blocking, making sure all the actors hit their marks, and then you're creating that suspense and that time frame is insane to do a single one take. That means there's no cut for seven fucking minutes, which is ridiculous. And the cool thing is, you know, the whole thing is like,

Starting point is 01:33:03 I don't even want to spoil it, man. No, please don't. The premise. The premise. Fuck Indiana Jones. We'll spoil that. Don't spoil the good shit. I'll spoil the shit.

Starting point is 01:33:12 I'll spoil the shit that you don't want to watch. You're saving us. Thank you. Yeah. What about the other? Let me think. Fuck, man. I need a genre.

Starting point is 01:33:24 Throw some genres at me. Live, Die, Repeat? Live, Die, Repeat? Oh, Groundhog Day. It is Groundhog Day. Violent Groundhog Day. Violent Groundhog Day. I haven't seen Live, Die, Repeat.

Starting point is 01:33:35 You should. With Tom Cruise? You haven't seen that? No, I haven't. Check it out. Edge of Tomorrow? Edge of Tomorrow. No.

Starting point is 01:33:45 Okay. I promise you you'll be like that dude does no movies because right my favorite movies fucking horror movie Hereditary. Hereditary.

Starting point is 01:33:54 Pretty good. That's his second fucking movie ever. Mid-summer ever. Mid-summer opening with that like 12 minute sequence

Starting point is 01:34:02 could have been a short film all on its own. It goes so fucking hard right out out to get you're like oh this and that director he captures human emotion and response i talked to someone this is funny i talked to someone like a day or two days ago and i forget who exactly it was but it was I was talking about my favorite movies and horror movies and I brought up Midsommar and they were like

Starting point is 01:34:28 I've never heard of that I'm like you've never heard of Midsommar? and they're like no no and I go you need to watch it like really high I said go to Washington you piece of acid

Starting point is 01:34:38 high on marijuana for one I said you either need to take an edible and watch it or you need to smoke like two joints and then watch it but and i said just don't take shrooms do not take mushrooms and watch and watch because the whole fucking movie's premise is like this cult fucking brainwashing people on mushrooms oh and and dude they got it they nailed that they nailed what it's like to be on mushrooms. Dude, that is crazy.

Starting point is 01:35:07 Oh, my God. Yeah, so, like, you will... Oh, man. Livedar, he's fucking amazing. I'll watch it. I'll watch it. That one is Groundhog Day.

Starting point is 01:35:14 I like those kinds of... Essentially, Groundhog Day. Other movies would be, I don't know, like, action, what are your favorite? Like, Raid 2 or... Action. John Wick.

Starting point is 01:35:22 Wick is great. I haven't seen Wick 4 I wasn't a fan of 3 3 was alright It's just action fatigue Action fatigue is a great word for it 4 is worse with action fatigue 4 has a 15 minute sequence

Starting point is 01:35:41 You are tired I remember they are in the desert In 3 They have a 5 minute gun fight With dogs 15 minute sequence. You're tired. You're like, bro. I remember they're in the desert in 3 and they have a 5 minute gunfight with dogs and I'm like, maybe 3 minutes in, I'm just like, when is this going to end?

Starting point is 01:35:55 How many times are we going to watch them do some crazy jiu-jitsu, tactical, reload shit? But that being said, 2 is fucking dope. 2 and 1, I love both of them. 1 is so... No, no, no. John Wick 3 with the horse is pretty cool.

Starting point is 01:36:12 John Wick. I'm not even going to talk any shit. John Wick's fucking great. Look, you know, action, action. As far as action goes, John Wick. Saving Private Ryan. Yeah. He's pretty good, too.

Starting point is 01:36:22 Oh, Saving Private. Very, very good. There's some old, like, I mean, now we're talking about Band of Brothers. Band of Brothers. Fucking Christ. Classic Batman.

Starting point is 01:36:29 Any Christopher Nolan movie. Oh! Oh, dude, Memoir? Oh, yep. Memoir is good. All the, yeah, dude. My man's a movie? You know your movies, too.

Starting point is 01:36:39 Well, it's funny, man. I went to college to, like to do computer science and then realized you didn't like computer science and then did radio, television, and film and then realized, oh, why are we even doing this? And then it just wrapped out. And then you're like, I'm going to do YouTube

Starting point is 01:36:56 and do this on my own and learn on YouTube. Yep, and it worked. Hey, Batty, do you know what time it is? I think four o'clock. That's right. It's hot boy summertime. And you know what time it is? I think four or so. That's right. It's hot boy summertime. And you know what that means? Eli, is this an ad read? How dare you? Oh, okay. I just, sorry.

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Starting point is 01:38:31 You know, I did a podcast for a while, which was really good. What happened to the podcast? It's still going. It's just like in a, we have like three, it's in a big lull. We have like three episodes that are like ready to go. Just haven't been put up. I don't know. There's a lot with that.

Starting point is 01:38:50 But yeah, it's been a while since I've like filmed one. So this is fun. I love it. I love your energy. I know. It's like the knowledge. You're also super cute. He's very cute.

Starting point is 01:39:02 So pretty. I don't have any more flakes on my eyebrows, do I? It doesn't matter. You you know why you're the last person I'm gonna see with these eyes I'm getting eye surgery tomorrow Yeah, I forgot you battery Now I gotta get my eyes I'm men and blacking this motherfucker He's seen the sun. He's seen the sun. You walked in, Batty's like, I'm blind. So why?

Starting point is 01:39:28 How bad is your eyesight? I'm blind. Oh, dude. There's nothing. I also wear glasses. Oh, geez, dude. I can't see. Bro, it's rough.

Starting point is 01:39:40 There's no doubt. Are my eyes like two times bigger? Yeah, you look like... My eye like bubbles? You look good with that glasses, too. You look good with that glasses, too. I didn like, I use like two tongues. Yeah, you look like bubbles. You look good with that glasses too, man. You look good with that glasses too. I didn't wear glasses most of my life. I just, I got a bad pair of contacts one day.

Starting point is 01:39:51 I went back to glasses. I'm lazy. Don't fucking lie to him. I'm like, he has to wear glasses no matter what. Fuck you. He was like, I'm getting glasses. Cause I was like, Brady, you have to wear, I'm not calling you Kyle. And I'm not seeing you with glasses on.

Starting point is 01:40:03 Like, those are my rules. Kyle. Kyle? Yeah. I'm like, those are the and I'm not seeing you with glasses on. Those are my rules. Call Kyle. Kyle? Yeah. That's okay, man. Monster energy, Mountain Dew. I've known many Kyles in my life, and I don't think I've ever known an asshole Kyle. I think that stereotype of Kyles hating their dads and punching holes in their walls

Starting point is 01:40:19 and drinking monster energy is completely unfounded. In fact, I would attribute that more of like a, look, I knew one Lamar in my life, and I hate Lamars. He stabbed me in the leg with a pencil because I didn't let him copy my homework. You still have a. Oh, you got the lead still in it? I've got the, yeah, right there. Dude, I had a kid stab me. It's under my tattoo.

Starting point is 01:40:45 Same thing. Michael. I remember it was Michael. Wow, you really actually know somebody when they stab you. That name actually repeats in there forever. You know, if there's a viewer watching by the name of Lamar, I know it's a rare name and it's no fault to you, but the only Lamar I! The only Lamar... Fuck you, Lamar!

Starting point is 01:41:06 The only Lamar I've ever known in my life caused me a permanent scar. You know? And I don't appreciate that. I had a problem with Tylers. Tylers can be... Kind of douchey, right? Tylers can be slippery folk.

Starting point is 01:41:22 Tylers can be a little... Tylers can be... You a little Tyler's can be polarizing. Peter. I just I fuck with Pete's. Pete's cool. But I don't fuck with

Starting point is 01:41:35 Peter's as much. If you make me call you Peter. Peter's. I have a real problem with a fucking You know, if you go Hey dude, my name's Peter

Starting point is 01:41:42 I go I lost. I just like everyone picking white names. Well, I mean, you know, Lamar, look, I feel like... I know one Lamar. I'm guessing he's

Starting point is 01:42:04 not white. He's not white. He's not white. My Lamar... I have a white Lamar in my life. My Lamar was kind of white. Kind of? He said kind of. I did say kind of. He said kind of.

Starting point is 01:42:18 Look, I'm not saying he was like Irish or a wasp or anything. But I mean, he wasn't like... But like on the chart. On the chart? He's getting arrested. Or his hands on the wheel. Yeah, if he got pulled over he would have both hands on the wheel. Yeah, you're like, huh?

Starting point is 01:42:37 Yeah, yeah. But I don't like him because he stabbed me with a pencil. That's fair. He stabbed you with a pencil. Not because of his color. It's because he stabbed me with a pencil.

Starting point is 01:42:51 And he wanted to copy my homework, and I said, yeah, that's too bad. You should have done your homework. And so he stabbed me in the leg. And I was like, what the fuck? I think I would have been like 12. I would have been like 12 years old. Yeah, that weird age where he's like oh you don't want to fucking help me stab me you look over and like bro you need to

Starting point is 01:43:10 learn how to process your emotions I think I look at I'm like wow are you serious and I scooted over and we were in the gym bleachers if I remember correctly it was it was in gym class mine was was in math. Wow, you really do. Those are like core memories. They stick with you. Those are like core memories. It was a math class. I got stabbed. I was facing, like, yeah, I remember everything about that core memory. It's called trauma.

Starting point is 01:43:34 It's called childhood trauma. I had a math teacher. Fuck you, Mr. McConnell. I remember you. I don't give a fuck. Wait, can you say that? He failed me. Oh, what a. Wait, can you say... He failed me. Oh, what a...

Starting point is 01:43:46 Yeah, you didn't fail yourself? No. To be fair, I got a 69.7. Needed a 70. Everyone in school in Vermont needed a 65 for passing. That's bullshit. But I went to a fancy school, which I barely graduated from. I've had some real asshole

Starting point is 01:44:05 I've had some real asshole teachers that were just like I don't know dude, there's some teachers that are just like out to get you. Like straight up I agree. Like from the get go they'll be like Just jaded assholes that have to work with kids still. They'll be like who's the kid in the class that like I'm going to

Starting point is 01:44:21 ruin? Yes. Like I'm going to fuck them. I need a target for some impression i had an eighth grade english teacher um dude and i was like i don't really give a shit about writing back then i'm a good writer and when i like want to write about shit that i'm interested in but they would never give us an opportunity and like i would write like an essay and she would pick my essay out of everybody in the class to read out loud as an example of what not to do and she would and she would be like yes like you know she's like she'd be like i'm not shaming anybody but she'd look at you straight up straight up glance over in my direction and then read it.

Starting point is 01:45:07 And then at the end of the class, like give it back to me. In front of the class? In front of the class. I don't want to point out who this is. Which is. Swagger souls? Yeah, which was unbelievable. She just looks at you.

Starting point is 01:45:18 And let me tell you, man, this one time, I will never forget this. The worst. Like probably. man this one time i will never forget this the worst like probably it was the one experience in school that made me like the angriest like ever i was like seething mad so so yeah yeah so this was in middle school this was the year before graduating to high school. And the one thing that those fucking bastard teachers love to love to stick in your head was when you go to high school, you're not going to be able to get away with this kind of behavior. They're going to be so much more strict. They're going to be so much more hard on you, which, you know, no. So this is this is funny. My first period was math. And then my second period was this bitch teacher's class.

Starting point is 01:46:07 Right? And so, get this. We had to write like a five-page essay on this book that we were reading. I read the fucking book. I wrote a good essay. And I wrote an essay that I spent days doing. It wasn't a last minute thing. I spent, I put a fucking ton of work in so that that shit didn't happen again.

Starting point is 01:46:32 So she didn't read my shit in front of everybody again. So I worked on this. I put my folder for that class under my desk as I do all the time in first period. First period ends. I walk literally, literally the classroom next door forgot my folder in the other class and so i'm sitting there class hasn't even begun like the bell because there's time in between and i and i say hey miss i'm not gonna say your name because i'll ruin her miss bitch head miss miss miss um yeah uh i left my

Starting point is 01:47:08 folder in in like my last class right next door i'm just i'm just gonna run and grab it no you're not and i'm like what do you mean she's like uh you know you should know like you know you leave your stuff in another class in high school the teachers aren't gonna let you aren't gonna let you grab it uh and and she said, you know what? I'm going to give you a late grade on it because you didn't bring it with you. And you need to go to the library and write another essay apologizing to your parents.

Starting point is 01:47:39 Apologizing to my parents for forgetting that I, you know, forgetting my notes of being irresponsible. And I got so red. I got like, and you're like in that part of your life where you're going through puberty. And you're like at a moment's notice

Starting point is 01:47:59 ready to like fuck. Murder. Like turn a guy. Punch or fuck. Like you're ready to like turn a guy. Punch or fuck, yes. Basically, you're either about to bust a nut or you're gonna turn like your peers head into hamburger meat in like the lunch line like that's basically 12 14 i am literally like shaking in rage like shaking ready to like blow up i grab the paper and the pen she gives me i go to the go home oh i don't go home i go to the library and i write out this bullshit essay and the first letter of every line was like miss blank is a big fucking i made sure it said like if you read the first line all the way down, it was like, miss, her name is a, is like what I wrote.

Starting point is 01:48:50 And yeah, dude, I remember, and it was so funny because I give, you know, she's like, make sure you give that to your parents. Your parents have like put a note on it to like verify that they've read it. And like, I go to my dad, I'm like, dad, this is what happened. And he's like, what? He's like, dad, this is what happened. And he's like, what? He's like, what? You know, and he, dude, like, we had to have, like, this whole, like, parent-teacher fucking conference.

Starting point is 01:49:10 How did that go? Oh, my God. So embarrassing, dude. It was so embarrassing. Because she was a fucking psycho, man. She was a fucking bitch. I love how passionate you are, right? You remember these things.

Starting point is 01:49:20 And it upsets me. And it upsets me. Because I'm a good guy. I don't want to fuck with anyone. I don't want to step on anyone's toes. And she has a very recognizable last name. But I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that.

Starting point is 01:49:33 I did that. I'm not. It's right there. You're talking about it. You're like, ooh. Yeah, I feel like so bad. Like, look. And the shitty thing is, like, her daughter was in my class, and she was very cute.

Starting point is 01:49:46 Is she a fucker? No, no, no. Shut up. Well, that's the thing. I think she, I was 12, so I thought everyone wanted to, you know, it was into me. Yeah, you're 12. You're like 12, 13, so, you know, 14, so, you know. I don't think I was 12.

Starting point is 01:50:04 Yeah, I was 13. Oh, you definitely, 14th, you know. I don't think I was 12. Yeah, I was 13. Oh, you definitely. So I was definitely, you know, you're thinking like, oh, yeah, this person's into me. Or that person's into me, whatever. I thought her daughter was into me. She would talk to me a lot. And I would think, you know, she was like a horse girl. And she was like a really, really academic, like a really, like a fucking big achiever and i think and i think her mom was super

Starting point is 01:50:29 fucking strict on her and i think she really hated her mom so i think she was into me as a way and as a way to get back at her mom because her mom fucking hated me she probably talked to her daughter about how much she hated me so probably talked To me so Like seething like what the fuck I wrote I wrote the fucking essay dude I'm sitting there in front of like my classes we We had like, we went to such a big school. There was a principal for every grade. Oh, okay. And yeah, I remember being there and the principal's there.

Starting point is 01:51:17 And they're like mediating between like my dad and this teacher. And I'm sitting there like so embarrassed that like, you know, because I don't want to like. You're ready to expire. I don't want to be to the principal, like, this person is mean to me. Like, they're, like, unfairly treating me like shit because I'm 13. Who the fuck's going to believe me? But my dad's there, like, why are you doing this? Like, my son's coming home and, you know, telling me all this shit.

Starting point is 01:51:37 Like, why are you being a little to my son? And her excuse was, like, oh, he's just overly sensitive. And she, like, did this whole, like did this whole straight up, played a different role. Yeah, man. It's like when you have a babysitter that tortures you, and then when your parents get home, go, oh, he was so sweet. Like Timmy Turner and Vicky, like straight up. She put on this other personality.

Starting point is 01:52:02 Yeah. Anyways, enough about my childhood trauma. Wonderful. Thanks for watching this other personality. Icky Vicky. Yeah. Anyways, enough about my childhood trauma. Wonderful. Thank you for watching this great podcast. As always, we have Eli Doltz, not myself, Badest Dreams, and the fucking awesome, thank you for joining us today, Swagger fucking Souls.

Starting point is 01:52:15 Jesus, man. Holy shit, bro. Just thank you so much. Yeah, of course. Beautiful fucking man. Anything else you wanted to touch on? Any questions? We have some very important things to ask you,

Starting point is 01:52:25 but that's going to be on the after show, which is for Patreon. So if anybody wants to watch that, you go to Patreon, you can check that out. Yeah, cough it up. He's going to take his mask off. He's going to show his face. It's true.

Starting point is 01:52:34 I'm going to do that. He's going to do it. He's going to fucking do it. I am going to do that. He's going to test me for hernias. I am going to do that. He said cough. I am going to do that.

Starting point is 01:52:43 Oh, can you do it to me too? Cough it up. I'll just be squatting on the table. Cough up your hernia. Oh shit. You cough and a intestine comes out your mouth. Yeah, this is fucking fantastic. One thing, real quick, we just got touched on this. It has nothing to do with you, but thanks for being here. Eli and I are gonna be at GCX in Florida, Orlando, Florida. GCX in Florida, Orlando, Florida. Our first live podcast. Their first live podcast. 2,000 seats somehow we have to fill. What? 2,000 fucking seats?

Starting point is 01:53:10 What? Your narrator's joining us, so that's cool. Okay, that's kind of crazy. So maybe you should go to that. August 5th, 245, GCX. We'll see you all there. Okay, there it is. See you there, GCX. We'll see you all there. Okay. There it is. Yeah, GCX. We'll see you all there.

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