Unsubscribe Podcast - 12 - LOONEY CAN SHOOT

Episode Date: March 24, 2021

The theme of our podcast is now "EVERYTHING IS LATE".  Eli: "Two Episodes The Week" LOLNOPE Other than the fact we are always late what do the idiots talk about this week? Our friend Drawtism makes disgustingly beautiful shirts, Hunting hogs with a knife, Donut gets his leg tenderized by a MMA fighter, Haunted furniture, MOAR POKEMANS, Looney apparently is the perfect infantryman, silly Army stories, Get ready for the Eli dolphin laugh compilation and sooooo much! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's a way less enthusiast class this time because the audio file corrupted and everything broke. We just recorded 10 minutes of a good intro. But hey, it was only 10 minutes and not the whole podcast. Exactly. Thankfully, Batty had eyes on it and he's looking now.

I'm going to look again. We all stare at it for a minute. Do you think you're going to be good today? Well, episode 11, 12. 12 take 2. Our boy Donut's back. Hello, everyone. Donut here. I'm having some weird deja vu right now.

Mr. Boy. Batty Streams is here, per usual. Our man, our myth, our legend. Eli. It's here. I'm here too. So last week I wasn't here. Caleb Francis was on here.

We just recorded this whole thing, by the way. So we're just going over what we just did. Cliff notes at this point. Caleb was here. We love him. He loves us. He's Grizzly Puncher. Great Twitch name. I want to kiss him. Donut was here with us in spirit and in food form.

We made a joke where he was like, oh, we ate donuts. He was like, you want to eat more? And then I was like, oh, hard cut to Donut being on all fours and eating his booty yeah that was a great joke not so probably the punchlines not there it was just awkward now we're just three dudes we're gonna put on suits and act like we're getting married and do a photoshoot and that wasn't a joke in the first place. That wasn't a joke either.

We're all going to end up together forever, probably. I mean, nobody else will be with us, so... Save the date. June 15th. We should do something on June 15th. June 15th. We're going to live stream it. I'm just... Save the dates.

Or don't. Or don't. Caleb is Grizzly Puncher. Rad name. That's complete. Oh, yeah. Hold on real quick. I just want to... If you're not watching this podcast on YouTube right now,

you're really missing... Oh, my God. Something glorious. Something beautiful. Something fucking disgusting our boy drawtism doing drawtism yeah drawtism uh he drew all of us and then mine is this and you're gonna have to go watch this to see it i guess should i explain it like what's happening here i will i will you know don't no yeah they want to see what the fuck's on this shirt go to youtube yeah check out my shirt on youtube from drawl underscore underscore

tism and this is the best thing is like my shirt is me holding a gun baddie shirt is him holding a gun donut shirt is him finger fucking a donut i know but now people are gonna want to come see it because they're like wait what, what's that mean? What does that mean? It's jizzing, too. It's all well lubricated. Mary and cream. We got to take a photo with all of us in our shirts.

Doing something stupid. Oh, yeah. Maybe we can reenact what's in the photos. It was only a couple. Jonas is blasting out in the photos. Each was like... Jonas just blasted out the camera. I feel sick. That was great. That was good. Oh, man.

So that's what we've been doing. And then now we're actually going to get like two episodes this week. It's going to be crazy. What? Wild. I know. We were really bad. We've been busy.

We've had a lot going on. Donut was gone. I was jerking off a bunch. You were gone for a minute, weren't you? No, it was work. We've been filming a bunch. You were moving too. I don't have a life. I was just at home

playing video games and drinking. He sent me pictures of him jerking off. It was pretty cool. Getting his text at 3pm. I'm getting up. Breakfast? It at 3 p.m yeah i'm getting up breakfast question mark batty it's 3 p.m that's not that's dinner at this point you go to bed at fucking 9 a.m 3 p.m is breakfast okay yeah uh it's a good week man and uh oh god. That was a gnarly week, man. So I went down to Florida with the Leviathan group, and Chuck Liddell went hog hunting with me. The Chuck Liddell, like the MMA fighter, the Iceman.

The Iceman. Mohawk motherfucking Chuck Liddell. Yeah, he punched a hog to death. I don't know. I wish he would have. I thought it was real. The way we were hunting is, and I've never hunted

before. This was my first time hunting. You've never been hunting? You went the most savage hunting possible. Did you grow up in the sticks? I did, but I was scared of hunting because I got shot in the face with a bow and arrow when I was 15. I've been scared of hunting and bows and shit ever since. Basically,

these giant-ass pit bulls hold down a wild hog's face. They grab it by the ears and the snout, and they hold it down, and you come up with a giant bowie knife and just stab it in the heart. Could you imagine Chuck Liddell sprinting through a forest with a knife running after a boar? Because that's what happened.

That's a scene out of The Predator. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen but also I came a little bit. I did the same thing. The dog sailed down the pig and I went up and just shanked it and put it on Instagram and everyone was mad. Fuck you if you're mad at me because that was awesome.

Fucking hunt. Fuck off. It was a good time, man. That's your first experience hunting. Yeah, that was my good time, man. It was so cool. It was like, ah! I can't believe that's your first experience hunting. Yeah. That was my first experience. Imagine, like, it's, you know, it's all downhill from there. Unless, like, you go to Alaska and you blast a fucking goat off a mountain and it rolls down the hill.

Like, you're never going to get something as cool as that again. Yeah. Like, I can't. Maybe you can go, like, giraffe hunt. Can you hunt? Like, what's an African safari? Like, you're not going to top stabbing a boar to death. Hunting a hippo

might be the pinnacle. I heard hippos taste good. Apparently they taste the best. That's crazy. Remember gator bites? Yeah, I've had gator bites. Oh yeah, batty appies. You fuck ass some gator bites.

They're so good. It's like chicken bites, almost. They're a little chewier, but they taste really good. You get some marinara to dip them little bastards in? Oh, man. Oh, man, eating dinosaurs and shit. It was a crazy week then. Right after that, we drove to Miami, and I went deep sea fishing with Chuck Liddell, too.

He punched a shark to death. Dude, he was just... Again, I don't know if you're joking or not. fishing with Chuck Liddell too. He punched a shark to death. Dude, he was just... I don't know if you're joking or not. No, Chuck called a 350 pound grouper. It was this fucking big. It was huge. He reached in the water

and just jerked it out. We were like, Chuck, calm down. You're making us all look bad. He just has a steel line. He's reeling it in. With his hand. He's reeling it in. With his hand. Yeah. Just wrapped around. He's just bleeding. Yeah.

I feel. Yeah. Brings out of the water in one punch, isn't it? It blew up into sashimi. Wait, wait. It was plated already. Yeah, plated. What the fuck?

Cut perfectly. But, yeah, we went to, it was cool man we went to uh american top team like the big mma gym down there we're like jorge mazda mazda doll trains and feel yeah oh okay so like there we had some camera crew there and they went and take uh hard kicks to the leg and i was like i'll i'll take one and it, uh, it was a five time heavyweight kickboxing champion of the world. I'll tell you his name here in a second. And I was like, yeah,

I'll take one. And he kicked me in the leg and I was like, okay, cool. Do another one. And he did it again. And I was like, uh,

and then Chuck Liddell and, uh, Luke Rockhold were going, do another one, do another one. I'm like, fine, I'll do another one.

And now I can't walk. Like now my leg is something wrong with my leg now do that bruise too because it's like that deep um i forget what i said it the other day it was like deep tissue damage because the place he kicked isn't bruised yeah it's not bruised where he kicked me my entire left leg knee and below is purple yeah so it's like a hematoma like a hematoma so just like everything else it's like here's the injury area and here's it's all fucked up because you let a professional kickboxer it's like when like when we were boxing yeah piss out of my fucking gut the whole fucking time he did yeah i remember. I remember that. Yep. But, Batty, you could take a hit. Yeah, of course I can.

I'm a big, dumb idiot. That's all I'm good for. We were like, man, Batty can take some punches. No, man. Can't throw. Thanks, Dad. Okay, it was the guy that kicked me is Tyrone Spong.

S-P-O-N-G. He's a terrifying man. He is a very terrifying man. Like I said, he's the heavyweight. You let that man kick you three times. The video, when you watch it, it's like when you show me,

I was like, oh, that does not look good. Especially after the third one. I was like, oh, there's donuts. I would have done the same fucking thing, though. Why? You guys are over 12. We were past that point in our life. It's not jackass anymore.

It's not like, ah, it's cool. This is going to make me cool. I don't know if I'm ever going to grow out of that jackass phase. That's my problem. I don't know if you've noticed, but. I know. There were a lot of younger guys that wouldn't do it. I was like, all right, pop a donut's here.

Kick me Tyrone. And here stepping in five seconds of glory. And now you have two weeks of an injury. Yeah. Yeah. This was around. You're like, wow,

this was over eight days ago and I'm still limping around. So Tyrone, thanks bro. He messaged me on Instagram. He's like like I'm sorry bro I'll buy you a coffee next time here in Miami buy me a new leg please even sound fun it was gonna do it but yeah it was cool it was cool meeting him and like a bunch of the pro MMA fighters and stuff down there so good

dudes yeah yeah they were all laughing their asses off so okay yeah when I it was cool meeting him and like a bunch of the pro MMA fighters and stuff down there. So good dudes. Yeah. Yeah. They were all laughing their asses off. So yeah. When I, when, when, when I was getting kicked.

Yeah. Oh man. Oh yeah. That was a good time. At least you had fun buddy. And then I did, I don't even remember. We've filmed.

It's been busy. Can you tell us what you're filming right now? No, I don't think so. No, I cannot. because it comes out this week so we're we're keeping it but that one will be good and then what moved moved all yeah the house is almost done so i just like that's why everything in a two-week time frame where like i need to decorate i need to get everything or guest bedroom stream i still have boxes in my house when i moved to you yeah yeah i'm never gonna finish i'm not at this point there's no point in the movie move again yeah you're they

only gave you a one year lease now right yeah the reason i like picked this fucking house because i was like i don't want to move again immediately and they're like cool sounds great we'd love to as long as you're good to keep you around and And then I get a fucking email the other day. They're like, so the homeowners want to move back into the house in Texas. I'm like, what the fuck, man? Literally, this is the exact opposite of what I wanted. I have so much shit. It's a fucking house. Dude, I forgot.

Like, I have now the boxes because my house is pretty much done. Now I have all these boxes that are sitting in the laundry room and i'm like what is in these i haven't even opened them because i was like chances are i'm not if i don't know what it is and i'll probably just end up giving everything away from it because i'm like i don't need this stuff this is now excess material chuck it but i hate moving so much because when you start packing the little stuff and then unpacking the little stuff you're like where the fuck yeah why do i have so much fucking bullshit yeah especially being like prior military we've all moved a hundred times and it just god damn

it gets so tiring after a little bit man i was always the dude that was able to move with a car i could load everything in like a truck or a car and that was like the max stuff i'd have and i'd just go buy new stuff well i just bought all this like nice like big new furniture like because i was like i'm not playing i'm moving again for a bit yeah fuck my ass living spaces shout out to living space yeah i'm fucking did i i don't know if i've told the story on here about my haunted furniture the lady oh at Living Spaces, I bought my TV stand in there, and she's like, so the guys in the warehouse see things sometimes, and I think it'd be a good idea to burn sage around your furniture

before you put it in your house. Wait, someone at Living Spaces? Yeah, the chick that worked at Living Spaces told me that. And I was like, do I have to pay extra for haunted furniture? Because this is fucking rad. That's awesome. Yeah, it's like that episode of Aqua Teen. She was really bad at closing a deal.

I know, right? She's like, hey, oh, you love this couch. Well, we have a better deal. It's haunted. Yeah. And you're like, okay, I'll take it. And it has a felony record. I don't, okay, that's really awkward why are you telling children who

did it kill why does it have children okay wait ottoman the cushions like what does that mean they're weird they open spaces it's a body you're like okay i don't want that like never mind what the fuck you remember the episode of aquatine hunger force where danzig buys the house because it's haunted and the walls are bleeding and they stop bleeding. Yeah, and they stop bleeding and he calls you and he's like, what the fuck? The walls aren't bleeding anymore. I'm in a haunted house. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is so good.

Yeah, the, what's his, oh man, I forget. Mewod Frylog. Carl. Carl. I think it was Carl's house. Yeah, it was Carl's. Is Jack Mandeville Carl? Jack Mandeville is Carl. Oh my it was Carl's house. Yeah, it was Carl's. That's what he's called it. Is Jack Mandeville Carl?

Jack Mandeville is Carl. Oh, my God, you're right. Why don't we dress him up like Carl and do live action Aqua Teen Hunger Force stuff? I'd never put that Jack and Carl are pretty much the same. They have the same hair, and he could put on a dirty wife beater. The belly part, just pull it up a little bit, get some fucking shitty sweatpants on. That's probably Jack. I bet he's in his house right now wearing that the walls are bleeding fucking house why are we here all right we're still recording right yes yes that's like that's such an og show man that like that like catapulted adult swim oh yeah what a fucked up acid trip of a show though it was so good i need to go back and

watch some of them yeah i never heard a living space is super nice uh if they want to sponsor us with furniture also guys go on their instagram blow them up uh he has to move soon he did a new furniture set yeah i need to get another guest bed living living spaces i don't know preferably haunted it's not built i don't want to build it because i'm gonna take that bitch apart oh yeah see i dude i will give living They... I bought the guest bedroom set Wednesday. They had it installed in my house Friday. Yeah. Yeah, they deliver if you spend over a couple hundred bucks.

Yeah, and it's a hundred bucks to assemble. I was like... Take my money. Yeah. Minus the nightmares and the demons in the furniture. It's a pretty good place. John, stop vomiting blood on the floor. God, sorry.

He's like... John's possessed. He's just crawling off the ceiling. He's rotating around. Stop making a scene! I'm going to call it Living Spaces Customer Service, but this TV stand has fucked my life. Sorry, no refunds.

Okay, well, do you have it in cherry okay fine I can live with this but yeah no fucking living spaces fantastic furniture and we have yet to talk about nerd stuff cuz I have no idea other than ghosts that Caleb was here I downloaded it's all my places right now haven't here. I downloaded it. It's on my playlist right now. I haven't played it. I haven't played it. Oh, my God. You need to play it.

I know. You've been talking about it. What is it? Ghost of Tsushima? Yeah. Ghost of Tsushima. That's so fucking good because Caleb came on

and he was like, man, this game's really good. And I remember seeing the cinematic mode and the gameplay and I was like, man, this game's beautiful. So I was like,

I'll give it the old call just try see how it goes i single players are really hard for me to go through now yeah that was wild like single player games were probably my favorite thing to do when i was younger like more than mmos more than pinnacle multiplayer like more than cod and halo and all that shit i'd sit down and i would just be like, well, I'm going to just turn my fucking brain off and I'm going to play the single player game for four days straight. Yeah, RPGs. And now I have the most trouble playing those.

Yeah, I think we're just so busy, man. That's what keeps me from doing it because like... You can hop into a game of COD, a game of Tarkov, whatever, knock out a few games and bounce. But as soon as you sit down for four hours of a game, then you can't play it again for like three days you sit back down what the fuck was i doing what it what was the story i don't even remember

like when i pick up skyrim right now i'm like why am i on a mountaintop there's dead goats and cheese wheels around me i don't know what i was doing what quest is this i turn on the game and then they start talking i'm like i don't even know my character's name anymore like i just don't i'm like i have no idea what's going on are we old is that what that is a hundred percent yeah i think it's being being self-employed too you know like doing the kind of work that we do it's hard to justify playing a an rpg for like six hours especially what you're saying like jumping on tarkov or a Call of Duty game. Yeah, you can stream it, and that's how we make a living. You can't stream single-player games because you can't.

I talk about this on my stream all the time, actually. You can't turn your brain off and just get immersed into a single-player game when you're streaming because you completely, at that point, either cut off your chat interaction or ignore the fact that you're streaming, which then defeats the purpose of it. And when you have new cut off your chat interaction or ignore the fact that you're streaming which then defeats the purpose of it yeah and when you have new people joining your chat they're like oh

why is he ignoring us for the entire night or you're constantly pulling yourself out of the game you're missing little dialogues you're missing what's happening because you're constantly going to a chat and it just it destroys the fun immersion theersion, the feeling. It's like getting sucked into a game. Imagine this. Aeris on her knees, Prank. Cloud walks up. Yo, fuck champ, bro. No, not yet.

Sephiroth coming down. Coming down that sword. And you're like, pause. And you're like, yo, what's up, 69 boy? Yeah, I don't know what's going on right now. Fucking Caleb, what's up, man? Thank you for the 500 bits. Yo, let's do a fucking hype train.

What? Okay, unpause. Death. Oh my God, that was so... Yo, thank you for the $5. Shout out to our boys. It destroys all of the immersion to the game. Like, you're just being pulled in and out and out to a point

then you don't care what's happening in the game. No. And that destroys single player games. Like, I will only play them offline. I tried it with red dead when it first red dead 2 when it first came out i wanted to play through the single player story i made about a quarter of the way and i just i couldn't do it anymore uh cyberpunk i ran into the same issues i'll play it offline i have so much trouble playing cyberpunk on stream like single player games just don't i can't play them on stream i can't it's hard man i've been

wanting to do a pokemon stream for a minute now like like new games coming out i want to do an old one though i wanted to like go back to blue because that was my first pokemon game i ever played was blue if you do one of those do fire red leaf green the remakes yeah yeah i have updates but it's the same game yeah i have leaf green on uh game boy advanced and i love that game so much man i need to play it. The new Pokemon is coming out. There's two new Pokemon. We have the remakes of Diamond Pearl,

which my favorite starter Pokemon out of all of them is in that, so I'm geeking fucking extra hard. I loved those games. And then there's a new thing happening with Pokemon. It is an open-world game like Breath of the Wild Zelda, but Pokemon, the Legend of Arceus is what it's called. And it's going to be like feudal style, like old school Pokemon versus like new shit too. So this is like completely new.

And it's also the first time Game Freak is not involved. Yeah. Game Freak's been removed from the Pokemon equation. Do you know why that is? I haven't looked into it too much, but I would assume it's because the Pokemon company and Nintendo are stepping in and being like, the last two games have had some complaints.

Yeah, they've stepped away from... I forget what people were complaining about. There was... Everything. Yeah. They're removing half the Pokemon from the game. It's like, what the fuck's the point of all this shit if i can't even use them in the game like the whole point used to be like after like the third generation so after like red and blue gold and silver starting with ruby

sapphire you were able to transfer you could have pokemon from ruby sapphire from like 2003 or whatever the fuck it was all the way up to now you could have had that pokemon bouncing from every single fucking game so cool and suddenly they're like with sword and shield the ones that came out the first pokemon games on the switch oh yeah that's what the big that was the hiccup they're like oops there's like 400 of the 900 pokemon you just can't use anymore everyone's like the fuck yeah what it's like well there's i've had this Pokemon for 20 years. The fuck? So, and on top of that, there's just been weird little quality of life things. Like, they'll add something cool to the game, then they'll just remove it.

It's like, a big thing was like Mega Evolutions was this big new thing they did, which was really cool. They were adding all sorts of new evolutions to Pokemon that didn't have them initially. So, you're kind of shitty ones that never got a lot of love. We're getting all this love, and then they're're like that's not a thing anymore psych it's like my pokemon just got to the age it can drink and you're gonna take this away from me you motherfucker it's wild so i think it's not creature thing it's game freak i believe that they strapped i might be corrected here but i know i think it was game freak that just is no longer on the diamond and pearl remake or the legend of arceus which is like the breath of the wild open world style pokemon game god i hope that'd be cool yeah i'm they're also changing the

look of the diamond and pearl remake they're going back to like the old school look of the games with like the more chibi style versus i love that yeah same that's pokemon to me like i don't want a real like with sword and shield and I think Sun and Moon, they went to a real... Anime style. Yeah, yeah. More of a person. I don't want people.

No, this is fucking Pokemon. I want that little tiny, goofy little bastard that's trying to get on a bicycle and just... Exactly. And that's what they're going back to as well. So I'm...

And that's supposed to be late this year, late 2021, I believe, is when those are supposed to drop. It's what they're going back to as well. So, like, I'm... And that's supposed to be late this year. Late 2021, I believe, is when those are supposed to drop. It's what they said. I think it was just late 2021. Dude, I went in a GameStop the other day, and they were telling me about that, but they also said they're remaking Pokemon Snap.

Yes, Pokemon Snap. Oh, yeah, that's getting remade. I am so excited about that, because that was my shit. Yeah, Nintendo 64 Snap was so good. You gotta bounce the apple off fucking what's-his-fuck head so he pop out of the lava and shit Gyarados out the waterfall Yeah, I get those perfect pictures Yeah, I used to play the fuck out of Pokemon snap

There was a way to get Zapdos to pop out wasn't there there's a lot of ways me Yeah, there were all sorts of little tricks so many crazy law law I know I want to play snap going back probably looks like hammer Right that's it that's that's the like terrible curse of nostalgia like you go back to play your favorite games, and it's just like What are you doing oh my god god and it's like really terrible animation yeah dude some games just did not age well like sadly a lot of nintendo 64 games like you can stick with smash you can stick with mario kart but like trying to play like golden eye or anything like that i'm like throw up it's so bad like why did i used to jerk off to laura croft she got triangle titties you have to get the camera just right back her up you And you're like, you back up and turn.

And you're like, yeah, the camera's got perfect view. Her busted ass face in the game is like, right. Big circle lip. Kill me. She looks like a blow up doll. Yeah, but it was a good cum and that's all that matters. Got my nut. It doesn't matter. Had sex. i don't know if you guys knew we're all fucking djins and we have been for years now

yeah this is something new those games even like controls so i love metal gear uh hideo kojima was always big on hey this game he was with kunami yeah right kunami before he did his own yeah he was with kunami since... It's actually hilarious. The reason he joined Konami was because video game industry at that time was frowned upon. Being a video game developer, he was actually the... Not a director, I forget his exact position. He went there because it was the only video game company at the time that had shares. So it was an open company game company at the time that was actual had shares so it was a like open

company so you can like invest and that's the only reason he chose that because his mom his dad died young his family was big watch movies be creative his mom always pushed him to do stuff he's like but i gotta go do this did that and then homeboy's like okay here's a small game and he was like oh but i want to do this so he had ideas he started writing it out developing it and then metal gear salt metal gear came out he had a couple before but he was like well let's do this this he added these new things when he wanted music he learned how to code just to add stuff like homeboy learned to code in order to develop what he wanted does he does he have like an autobiography or anything is that where you're getting that from oh i gotta it's a really good one you guys you see his entire creation process and he would learn new things in order to make

stuff work they're like no this isn't you can't do that it's not developed he's like okay i guess i'll figure it yeah that's what he did like stealth mechanics all that stuff that's why he did that it's like oh so gangster but um he was big on controls you go back and play like Resident Evil 1 or 2 Mm-hmm. There's a tank controls and you're like stop Why is the camera angle up here? Every time when you transition you like run camera angles your characters now in a wall and like Seven camera angles to like I'm glad they got rid of that.

They're like, let's just... You can rotate the camera. Yeah, that's way better. But that was because those old school games were just flat and then they just built scenery around the path you could take. Especially Resident Evil like you're talking about.

It was just art on top of shitty geometry yeah cause they didn't 3D model anything back then it was all 2D backgrounds and shit like that well you had 2D background

with 3D sprite Xenogears did the opposite which was a 3D background with 2D sprites so Xenogears was like oh we'll do this and it aged

damn like I can go back and play Xenogears cause the sprites still look fucking good and the environment looks good and you're like

oh this is... But everyone else, Final Fantasy VII, all those massive ones, they're like, no, we'll do 3D characters. And then the stage is what the stage is. For Xenogears, you could rotate the world. You could do everything. And I was like, cool, this is dope. Didn't they... Like one of the newer Final Fantasy games, you can switch between new graphics and the old school

PS1. Was it Dragon Quest that did that? Yeah, you were telling me about that. It's fucking crazy because you go back to SNES quality graphics. You just go to the menu and switch it? That's so cool. And then you're just playing the entire game like that.

What the fuck? I like old school, but them Dragon Ball Z characters, it's Akira Toriyama's artwork, so it's... That was one of those things back in the day. Dragon Quest 4 or 3, whatever it was on the Game Boy Advance.

I used to play the fuck out of those games, man. It was like, it's Dragon Ball Z, but it's a Game Boy game. God damn. Just before we go, let me shout out... it's Dragon Ball Z, but it's a Game Boy game. God damn. Let me, just before we go, let me shout out. Oh,

the fucking thing. No, no, no, no, no. Talk about that. That's cool as fuck. Yeah, we were talking about this before. Someone tweeted me. It's from Danny Mac

on Twitter, at Danny Mac 1606. He said, my review made it in the unit's newsletter. hope it gets you more listeners and it's like his military unit i think we said it's british yeah yeah so his newsletter for his unit it talks about us and i just wanted to say hey dude that's fucking rad like i don't care if the rock shouted us out tomorrow the fact that it made it into your military unit newsletter is so cool it's so odd

because it's and it's also with it's like books movies and then our dumb asses right the love child the three youtube creators imagine if i had a youtube channel that's pretty cool too i like too my favorite part of this is like he's talking about us just giving each other shit mostly when not insulting each other they talk about video games and he's like it's something we miss during these

times it's like walking into a mess and like military dudes just like fucking with each other so that's awesome man thank you so much dude so hey there you go guys if you leave us reviews they might end up in some military newsletter yeah we were soldiers i think i don't know how many times you deploy how much same as you don't say it was you we always make fun of me we don't make fun of donut youut. You can, though. I would never. I love you. Thank you. Donut was a police officer, and he served his country during that, too.

So he did... I had a stroke! Likely excuse. Did you guys ever have... I know we're getting off the nerd shit. Okay. Did you guys ever have any hardcore malingerers that would hurt themselves to, like, not be deployed or not work.

Oh, like the shin splint boys? Yeah, the shin splint gang gang. Oh, man. I have so many. I mean, I'm sure you do. You actually were in the military. Yeah, and it was during the surge. So, dude, my favorite.

Oh, I don't even remember his name. Dumbass. He even had the he was like, my family's I come from a heritage of fighters and wars and soldiers. He got the tattoo only the dead have seen the end of war.

Hold on, quit before the deployment is coming. He's like, I can't go. I'm gonna kill myself. Like, literally quit. Take your shoelaces, get the crazy vest. Let's go. Literally. deployment is coming he's like i can't go i'm gonna i'm gonna kill myself like literally take the shoelaces get the crazy vest let's go literally quit right be like two weeks before deployment like pulled the crazy card and everything i was like this boy got it's apparently only the dead have seen the end of war and soft shoe profiles like soft shoe good to go never gonna do that since I watched

good to go we had that we had quote unquote badasses that were just like they got there and then they

they came back on like their first month like they got leave really early they got fucked on the cycle of leave so one month

into a 15 month deployment they came back and they're like no I'm not going back pull a crazy card basic training we had oh who was my So one month into a 15-month deployment, they came back to me like, no, I'm not going back. Pull a crazy card. Basic training we had.

Oh, who was my? Oh, man. I don't know. There's so many. Oh, you go. You go. We had a chick that would get pregnant before every deployment. And it's not like a hard deployment. You're going to just sit on a ship for a couple months.

But she would get pregnant before every single deployment just so she wouldn't have to be deployed and everyone knew that's why she did it but you can't do anything like you know you can't punish someone for getting pregnant so she would just keep doing it and I remember she was this huge big old girl girl and she wore tennis shoes she didn't have to wear boots because she got like a chit to wear tennis shoes. And I'm not going to say the name, but her name was a planet's

name and it just fit her perfectly. Jupiter? Was she a gas giant? Starts with a V and anus. Is what I'm guessing. Everyone's just seething like, you fucking bitch. You're just getting babies pumped into you just to not go on deployment.

That's wild. I think the only really funny one I had, because I didn't fucking do anything, was we had a dude in basic who got your little pass right before you fucking graduate kind of a deal. Towards the end, it's like three quarters of the way through, whatever the fuck it's called, like, your 48 hour where your family comes and visits you, you hang out, then you go back for, like, that last, like, month of fuckery, and you got, like, the crossed

rifles tattooed on him, and then didn't graduate Basic. Why didn't he get it? Shin splats. What'd he say? I don't remember, like, he ended up just kind of like not being able to do the pt stuff and it was just like i i will i'm not gonna call his name i remember his name perfectly but he had his cross rifles on him then he didn't graduate with the rest of us that's one

where you're like and dude it was like his forearm it wasn't like up on a shoulder his back it was his forearm i wonder if he went and got a tattoo with like a red circle and a line through it i hate guns yeah he's like i don't remember if there was text with it but i know it was the image he crossed rifles i feel like he had death before dishonor or some shit with it too we had dude looney was the only one i remember two people looney because that was his actual. And he was the weirdest fucking kid ever. Like, the weirdest soldier ever. He would pee himself a lot.

Like, I remember in the lunchroom, we sat down. We were sitting down. This is not even in combat. You're in the lunchroom. This is basic training. We sat down eating. And then you just hear water trickling. I was like, what the fuck loony

so article body I didn't use the restroom you're like why what is it fucking just I don't want to tell the drill sergeant he would get mad fuck it's like and then every other day is like I peed the bed well it's like oh mother I've gotten the drill sergeant's like everything he's like oh i peed the bed well i peed the bed it's like oh mother of god and the drill sergeant's like everything he's just like what do you even say like weirdest looking kid too like he was such a weird little kid and then and then range day happens oh no homeboy shoots 40 out of 40 it's like this guy's a monster and i remember all the drill sergeants were like, Looney can fucking shoot. Holy fuck.

We have a killer on our hands. Thank you, Drill Sergeant. I appreciate it. And then he pissed himself. Fucking Looney. You can have cake today, I guess. I don't know. He can shoot expert every time. What the fuck, bro? It's like just a weird perfect soldier,

but not at all. I accidentally pissed on the rifle drill sergeant. That's the best looper kit. But you can shoot so fucking good. And then you're just standing over there. Just like, it's such a weird place. Just making a DPS face the whole fucking time. That's the one dude I remember like so

good at basic. Him and I remember a dude hanging off monkey. It was like a bit like he was like 6'2 radneck hillbilly guy. Yeah. I'm gonna be yourself blah blah blah. Basic training. We do the obstacle course for the first time. He makes it halfway across the monkey bars. You've seen how hard the

monkey bars are. They're not like it's a monkey bar. A little momentum and I just swear. Yeah and your how high the monkey bars are. They're not... It's a monkey bar. A little momentum and it just swayed. And your feet are hanging one foot, maybe. You're not high. It's not like you're going to fall and hurt yourself. Bro. Bro, that is when I think he figured out he had a fear of heights. Because he's like...

Dress all you want! And just the fear of terror he's frozen and just let go soldier private just let go he's like i'm gonna die and he's just like white knuckling he's like holding on and they're like he it's a foot everyone's like just let go bro it's a foot just screaming at the top of his lungs I'm going to die somebody save me drill sergeants are like they can't help it

what the fuck is going on I'm not trying to keep your composure doing that you can't even be mad at that because it's so stupid fear fear and then he's like one hand's like he's like one hit the just walks off and we're like what the fuck just happened it's like that dude

is terrified of heights holy shit never seen that oh my god the joy that brought us that day that is like okay

I saw somebody have like a straight panic attack at aerosol but you're doing just a rappel off a wall yeah but that's like you're up like 40 feet

or whatever the fuck the wall is there and this motherfucker screeching off the top like laying sideways on the wall. Because he took that first step and was like. Just kind of locked up and fell over. And they're like trying to push him down with their feet. He's like you're fine. You're not even going to fall.

Let go. Let go. He's just like. Then there's a motherfucking instructor who's got to go down the wall and try to pull him down because the dude was just like, just screeching into the rope. Dude, fear of height. I love heights. I love cliff jumping. I love doing all that dumb shit.

It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka. Soda. Natural flavors. vodka soda natural flavors so what should we talk about no sugar added neutral refreshingly simple. Seeing people who are so terrified of heights is like one of the funniest things in the world.

Dude, they lock up. I just like it happened like halfway through the monkey bar. Dude, like a foot off the wall. Yeah, like one foot off the ground. And it's like halfway through. I don't know how you went your entire life without figuring out. Without jumping. Yeah.

And that's the moment your fear comes out. You're like, I got this drill sergeant's going to be so... Brother God! Why am I so high right now? Imagine going down your stairs for the first time taking a step. How do I get off the toilet? What the fuck, man? When you were a kid you never jumped

did you like live I don't know how you get that far in life without like one time that registering this is a fear right here and even more so it's not like you're over concrete or spikes and lava it's

wood chips it's like dirt and wood chips like you're gonna be okay you're good bro concrete or spikes and lava. It's wood chips. It's like dirt and wood chips. You're going to be okay, bud. It's like it's an easier version of the Spartan race. Much easier. Hop over a log. It's like the dudes at the ranch yesterday

that we met. They did a Spartan race, didn't they? It was a bunch of veterans with out legs and arms and stuff yeah they had just done a spartan race yesterday yeah they were missing yeah bits bits they were missing some bits like really fucking rad people they were super nice super and they're like yo are you uh you should join us or i'm good but they killed it man they all completed it and they were happy about it they were having a great time it was all they were like there's a lot of hispanic dudes i was like oh shit they're all like military dudes i'm like walked in i was like oh fucking nice meet sitting there with tear because he was in charge of it i was like oh fuck yeah i was like okay so uh guys uh i think the

lawnmowers out back just start getting a trim up the yards uh maybe not the lawnmowers out back just start getting trim up the yards. Maybe not the lawnmowers are missing bits already. They probably lost it in the lawnmower accident. Yeah, Eli can say that. He's Hispanic, by the way. YouTube. That's why they like, yeah, they were all laughing. They're like, eh.

The fuck was that? It was like making the white people uncomfortable. Kings of this. Shout out Darnell. Fucking Darnell. Dude, we got so many people. Dude, Caleb's going to be moving here. I'm so stoked for that. Yeah.

Oh, Grizzly Puncher himself. The Grizzly Puncher. Who else is coming out here? Is there somebody else coming out? There is. Oh, shit. Who is it? can you say it yeah yeah yeah I just can't remember who the fuck

it was somebody else we were talking about that either wants to or is already moving out here basically everybody lives here now it's we're turning north San Antonio Bernie into a fucking little content creator we had oh the range yesterday

we had meat canyon oh the range yesterday we had meat canyon oh at the range yesterday yeah i was getting tattooed i missed that sorry oh dude one of the best cartoonists on youtube if you haven't heard of meat canyon yeah if you've never heard of meat canyon he takes your favorite childhood cartoons and just twists them into the darkest shit ever and it's hilarious and when he was talking to us yesterday, all I could hear was the SpongeBob voice when he would talk. If you haven't watched Meat Canyon, Eli, just put a second tidbit right here of just... Something awful.

Pineapple, put that in right now. Oh, yeah, pineapple. Because you're editing this one. Pinocchio, what are you doing? I must consume your soul to become a real boy. Dear God, where's that fairy?

But, yeah, he's never gonna hang out with us again, probably. He lost his wallet at the range, and then, like... It is gone. Were you guys, like, how did he... Were you guys doing, like, drills, or were you just... Nah, we're just chilling. He just happened... He was wearing sweatpants, shorts, and he just... They just they just fucking fell out dude we'll find it one day yeah we'll find it man i'm sorry hunter i'm sorry buddy we were trying to show you the best time which i

think you had a really good time because he doesn't shoot often and we had like machine guns out there brandon herrera came out with us and brought a fully a fully auto mp5 and it was a fucking good time so mp5's got some fun. I need to clean my work. We were talking about how much we don't clean our guns yesterday. Yeah, because he asked about that. That was like one of his first questions. Hunter was like, how much do you clean these?

We're just like... Do you remember the last time you cleaned a rifle, Eli? Like cleaned a rifle. Not just throw some lube on it to make it shoot better but cleaned like you said we can give someone 20 bucks and they'll do a three hour clean on it will bucking does do it because i will show up at bucking does with a probably fucking armory so here's my 50 here's my 300 here's the 65 oh here are the 45 here's the 300'5". Oh, here are the 4'5". Here's the 300 black. Here's a shotgun. Like, I will show up with cases.

Yeah, dude. Buckendose is a local shop here. Buckendose Mercantile? Yeah, I think that's what it is. I just, Buckendose. Yeah, my favorite thing about that is, like, the main archery dude there, his name is Hunter Meadows. I'm like, wow, you were born.

You were born to have a TV show. He is a, no, that is a D&D character. My name's Hunter Meadows. I was a wood elf. Is it a redneck? I swear to God, Eli. Is he a redneck? My name is Hunter Meadows.

I'm a wood elf. My family was murdered by dark elf Dro. Now I work at Buck and Doe's. I shoot a bow real good. I teach the kids to come in, sell some things. You can catch me Monday through Friday. I'm definitely going to text him and be like, hey, Hunter, listen to this podcast.

God damn, dude. He'd be a good guest. guest hunter if you want to be a guest that'd be fucking rad man we talk about hunting and stuff oh yeah we need more nerd people we still got to get what willers on we gotta get old bill yeah matt matty b needs to get on definitely not jt i'm just playing jt on me thanks for kidnapping Caleb by the way he's a really rad dude we love you JT I have streamer friends too in Austin that we could have come out to I'm sure they'd love to come jerk off with us for a little bit

jerking off is so fun and then we could do the podcast yeah welcome to unsubscribe oh no Welcome to Unsubscribe. Oh, no. That one got me. That one got me.

Okay. Okay. That was funny. Those little zingers. That was too much. A little soggy biscuit. The podcast really is just like us saying some bullshit and then laughing for 45 seconds i can't wait for the eli oh my god you do not even know listen tell everyone about that maddie so i was bullshitting with one of my mods who lives here in san antonio and we were making fun

of you because we call it the dolphin laugh now the cackle yeah the flipper so throughout the 12 or 11 episodes whatever whenever eli goes on his little cackling sprees it's usually like there's certain points where he peaks it it's just so fucking great so i'm having one of my moderators for my twitch channel make a super cut of just Eli dolphin laughing throughout. It's going to be like five minutes of just... It's that one. The elevation is like... And I'm so fucking excited for it.

You're just inviting the dolphin rape into the house at this point. We're going to have dolphins busting the door down. Just an army of dolphins standing outside pissed off. We've got SeaWorld San Antonio. It's only like five miles away. That's why I don't go there. I actually just found out there was a zoo in San Antonio like two days ago. Have you gone there?

No, I didn't know it was a thing. Yeah, I haven't gone there yet. You want to go sometime? Do you want to go to the zoo together can we wear rompers that just found out there's like six five and star no cuz he's like wait there's six flags and SeaWorld and we were like yeah there's everything like literally everything yeah just when you go there don't have guns in your truck yeah yeah yeah yeah don't do guns in your truck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that.

Yeah. Yeah. Did something happen? Why are you? No, man, nothing happened. No, we good, dog. We good. When you're on the way to the range, though, just don't pull over in that area ever.

Ever. Unload everything. Log in. And if you have a Ford Raptor or a Ford truck, your vehicle's very easy to break into. Yeah. if you have a ford raptor or ford truck your vehicle is very easy to break yeah f-150s for the past 15 years i think because richard ryan had a raptor and that happened to him five like five times it's terrifyingly like because once the dude you thought you left your door unlocked yeah because i was like i always lock my door and then i was like they got into it so easy the alarm

didn't go off the app my app didn't say anything not go off on your truck i don't know who doesn't know donna had his truck yeah we were uh i'll tell the story um i got a lot of shit for it because people were like well your truck isn't a gun safe but like leave a range sometimes you don't go immediately yeah i was on the way to the range and john was like hey let's stop by andretti's go-karts and it's on the rim in san antonio like high tourist area don't don't keep in your truck and i pulled up 2 30 in the afternoon broad daylight cameras everywhere and i was like i'll be okay to go in and play games with john for 15 minutes we go in there for like 15 20 minutes we come out someone pulled up to my truck with a crowbar popped my just just stuck in the door handle with us that's yeah, you were waiting to meet with us.

Yeah, I was waiting to meet with you guys. We were busy, so you needed a person to talk. Or a screwdriver or something. Yeah, they just popped the handle off. Alarm didn't go off, and they reached into my center console and took my Gucci Glock, my Skate Shop Glock, and my Triarch 2011 and my bow in the back

and skirted off. I was in there for five minutes because we saw the security footage, and they fucking pulled up, pop, boom, boom, boom, out. It's crazy. It's literally, you can see where the mark, because the cop's like, oh, it's right here. Yeah. Mother.

They just went, boop, and took my shit. Left. That's why I got a Volvo. Most Volvos have that problem, too, and I don't know yet. I'll regret this. I love Volvos, man. Absolutely. Absolutely love them. They're amazing. I used to, before I that problem too and i don't know yet and uh and i'll regret this i i love all those man absolutely absolutely love them they're amazing i used to when i before i did integration i worked in car shit and one of the companies that i like managed all of the shit was fucking volvo and

they're they're great fucking cars man so comfortable it's my rich white girl car it really is i have like a husband that's a doctor. This is my backstory for my car. My husband's a doctor. I'm just a bougie wife. I drive around in it. He got it to me. That's why it's white. Steve's at work today.

Steve? His name is Steve? Yeah, we have two kids. Do you know what's not comfortable whatsoever? Shout out to MVP Miami. Thank you. They gave me a Ferrari for two days while I was down in Miami. A super car's not comfortable. Dude, Ferraris are not comfortable at all.

Because I drove from Miami to Key West with a Ferrari, and it is fucking not comfortable. And this was the day I got my leg fucked up by that kickboxer so I could barely get in the car because it's this high off the ground. You have to crawl in it. You're like here. Funnest car ever

but not comfortable, man. Supercars are not comfortable. They look pretty. They look fast. They look comfortable kind of. They're not. They look comfortable, kind of. They're not. No. It's when you get Bentley.

Then you're like, especially with a broke-ass leg. Yeah, yeah. So they rented me the Ferrari. They gave me a fucking huge discount. Shout-out, again, MVP Miami. They gave Chuck Liddell the Rolls-Royce that they had. Oh, see. And so Chuck was rolling around in a bright purple Rolls-Royce that weekend. Super comfortable. they had and so chuck was rolling around in a bright purple rolls royce that weekend and super comfortable yeah so i rode back from miami in the rolls royce with chuck and that was like like sitting on a fucking cloud it was amazing you're like this is stupid why would

you ever spend this much money and then you sent like a rolls and you're like yeah the angel wings come out it made stitched leather yeah dude we're driving down the road and it made me a fucking sandwich. It was awesome. Jarvis, sandwich, please. Yes, daddy. Jesus. If I had a Jarvis, I would want it to call me daddy, I think. I'm just throwing that out there.

Vacation soon. Yeah, we need to go on a vacation. We've been talking about Japan for a minute now. Well, the world shut down, so. Can we travel to Japan on a vacation. We've been talking about Japan for a minute now. Well, the world shut down, so. Yeah. Can we travel to Japan? Not yet. We can.

We'd have to wait two weeks before getting out. So it's like, oh, no. But what's that stuck in a hotel room? And you're like, I'm in with you guys. They deliver everything, apparently. Like, all your food, everything's delivered. But you have to just quarantine for two weeks. Oh, you have to stay before you can do anything in Japan.

Yeah. Oh, never mind. Fuck that. That's why I was like, why do you like that idea? I thought you meant you were just stuck in Japan for two weeks. No, you're stuck in a room without moving for two weeks. No. I don't know, but at least we get some kick-ass sushi delivered to us.

Every day. Every day. I don't like sushi. at least we can get some kick-ass sushi delivered to us. Every day. Every day. I don't like sushi. Oh, my God. Okay. Maybe I should try fishing again soon. I don't know. I did a little bit a couple years ago, but I didn't like fish.

I used to work in seafood, and it fucking ruined fish for me. We need to go to a nice sushi place. We can do that today. Yeah, we got a nice sushi place up here. On the rim. On the rim. Yeah. The place fucking Maddie B took me to is amazing. We got a nice sushi place up here. On the rim. On the rim. Yeah. It's fucking high enough.

The place fucking Matty B took me to is amazing. And they got that blue fin. They got that blue fin. They got the razor cut blue fin. What's it called? Oh, shit. Sushi place. Yeah, sushi place.

Roger. Sounds good to me. Perfect. Okay, everyone. I think that's good for that episode. That's a solid episode 12 yeah not much nerd stuff but you're welcome for the stories

we're at like 40 minutes wait really? we're just at 24 on this one we did 30 on the other one oh my god then we have to keep going that's what I'm saying I'm going to find the sushi place's name so you guys can go there wait should I tell you guys?

because you're going to take up all our reservations I can't tell time baddies over here he's like that's 40 minute podcast like this is 54 minute podcast that's what I said no you just said oh carry the two you're right that's what I said that he's pulling out his fucking what is the little Texas instrument TI-84 calculator fuck I'm gonna get John down here to do this math for us

dude I don't do math I mean I do I'm terrible at anything everything yeah you're not great at it except you know what you are really good at lighting so that's the podcast today

please make sure you go and follow the unsubscribe podcast on wherever you listen to your podcast whether that's Eli Double Top shut the fuck up names and places you can listen to our podcast oh shit Seattle America Japan I think they have the internet there where else can you listen to our podcast

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Go leave that love especially on like itunes and i don't know spotify spotify yes uh itunes is the big one spotify does um but also youtube comments all that shit i we appreciate it and we read them yes we actually we usually just kind of giggle about them to ourselves alone in bed wait wait wait big shout out to that savage fucking one yeah oh i know what you're talking about oh with caleb here that was amazing i know i remember it's like huh weird eli didn't make many fat jokes on this episode reply from fuck what's it like justin or something like that was that's because he's outnumbered four to one bro i started crying i was like this is the most savage burn i've ever worked fucking perfect fuck eli double fap batty streams

doing an operator okay go follow the shit fuck you all love you guys