Unsubscribe Podcast - 125 - THE WORST ARMY RECRUITERS ft. OnePunchDad & MandatoryFunday

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

GO ARMY GO!!! WE GOT TWO OF THE BIGGEST STUDS ON TIKTOK TO SHOW UP, CAN I GET A HOOAH??? YOU BEST WATCH THIS WHOLE EPISODE, OR ELSE YOURE ALL GONNA BE AT HALF RIGHT YOU TRACKIN???? GO CHECK OUT OUR FRIENDS ONE PUNCH DAD  @onexpunchxdad   https://www.tiktok.com/@onexpunchxdad  @mandatoryfunday   https://www.tiktok.com/@mandatoryfunday THE GREEN WEENIE Ft. OnePunchDad and MandatoryFunday - Unsub Podcast Ep125 ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS!! MANSCAPED Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code UNSUB at https://www.Manscaped.com. SHEATH Go to https://www.sheathunderwear.com and use promo code UNSUBSCRIBE for twenty percent off your order. BABBEL Get 55% off at http://www.Babbel.com/UNSUB. ------------------------------ OUR MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast JOIN THE PATREON NOW:  https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast WE HAVE A SUBREDDIT??? https://www.reddit.com/r/UNSUBSCRIBEpodcast/ CHECK OUT https://outofregz.com/  CODE: UNSUB http://gfuel.com/discount/baddie CODE: BADDIE ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o MORE LINKS! https://linktr.ee/UnsubscribePodCast ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie-            @BaddieStreams   https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -Eli_Doubletap-             @EliDoubletap   https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by GVAN https://www.twitch.tv/gvan11b https://www.instagram.com/gvan11b/ https://twitter.com/GVAN_CC unsubscribe pod podcast episode ep unsub funny comedy miliary comedian texas podcasts #podcast #comedy #funnypodcast #military #gaming  Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to Unsub 5:48 Military Talk 39:19 Being A Content Creator 47:08 Video Games & Anime 1:34:08 Woke Culture 1:41:10 Military in Media 1:52:45 Military Stories Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Camera lenses especially like when you're So because of that then knows the scientific term Did you go to school I get a little Freddie Wong and all that yeah, I dropped out of high school Yeah, my man GED squad all right I can tell you everything about cameras, even in your pocket, what it does, everything like that. What kind of cameras on my iPhone 14 Pro Max? So, actually, that has a 2.2 Pro and then 1.8 and the normal. And then you're 5.6 on the long range, which is a 70 millimeter.

And then the close one is a 16 millimeter. Hey, Eli, you know how sometimes when your son's hanging out with us, you ask him how tall the Burj Khalifa is or how far it is from this point exactly where he is to and he knows exactly what is it? Why does he... Because he's autistic. I gave my son the Spurge. Say hi.

He just went full Spurge. Life is racially ambiguous And batty That guy's fucking ridiculous And we don't know Best not to ask yourself why But my friend you've arrived Welcome to unsubscribe

He's a little spurgy I'll do a high life Yeah We're fucking American. Hey, this is the champagne of beer. I'm not going to be the only guy without a high life. Okay. All right.

Yeah. I like it. I don't think I've actually had a high life. Hey, Dad, this one's for you. This is for my son. My dad likes the high life. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

We even cheersed. We usually forget that part. I'm surprised we're not doing a shot. It's all military dudes. Yeah, Eli. I'm surprised we're not doing a shot. Yeah, Eli. This is my favorite part. I don't live here. Eli is mom around here.

He's very kind. What kind of you get? No, don't get that one. There's Jameson in the corner. What's wrong with you? And I'm dad. I yell at mom. I'm going to have to chase it. I'm telling you guys right now.

I'm a bitch with shots. That's good to know. But your name is mandatory fun day. Yeah. But you're a bitch with shots. Have you ever had alcohol at a mandatory fun day? Yeah. Wait, I've had a lot of alcoholic balls

yeah i was in the national guard man every event was there was alcohol okay active duty there are a lot more like in the past decade we've gotten more and more fun averse okay yeah so there's less and less alcohol at things there should be alcohol at yeah things that require alcohol. Yeah, you're like, I'm at the lake. I have to be here. And yet there's coke and Sprite. God, I have to be real quick. Kill me now, right? I'm heading to the recruit office right after this podcast. I am enlisting.

I would love to. We got responders. Oh, shit, real quick. Mandatory fun day. Can you read your shirt off Just so nobody gets in trouble today Does not represent the DMV You're gonna need to copy paste that Put it in your bio For this episode

That's not Jameson No this is Responders Bourbon Special blend Veterans and Leo sent this so we're supporting them by you know some days I just really hate veterans and first responders guys get them out of here

send them back who are the second responders you know what I really it's me with my iPhone that's slow rolling one two What I really it's me with my iPhone We'll pass them around that's that's dark Depression to depression it's good though it is good that's not bad that's fucking bourbon smooth see that's not bad that's not bad that's a nicer fucking we got

lost on the way here And we have our two beautiful, powerful, kind of bald, very pretty guests. We have Mandatory Funday and, of course, One Punch Dad. Both two awesome guys that we found on TikTok, which is wild. So TikTok's an app. It's new. It is. An application for your telephone. Yeah.

The Chinese. Wow, I your telephone. The Chinese. Wow, I hate that. The Chinese. Telephone. Telephone, yeah. What's a telephone? Let me just bust out my rotary real quick. This is how you ask girls in Texas.

Do you remember the phone used to have a cord and you were tethered to the fucking wall? I remember when I got my phone in my room because I had the downstairs because I wasn't cool enough to have my own bedroom but i had the the basement did you go like under the door no i didn't have a door i it was literally you walked down the stairs in the basement there that was my room like harry potter shit because my parents hated me and i had the first time i got a phone down there bro it was the coolest i was talking to chicks dude welcome to the command the guy that invented the telephone wanted people to say ahoy when they answered it. I just learned that recently. I am.

I would have been way better. The word Alexander Graham Bell. Yeah, I know. That's like the guy that just say his name. You know. Alexander Graham Bell. Ahoy. Welcome to the Instagram podcast.

I don't like it. I don't know. I tried it on. Don't like it. Abraham Lincoln. He took it out first, man. Look, we got actual military dudes. They're still in.

We're still in. Yeah. Yeah. They're still in. They're still out there. We're going to ask them all the questions they're not allowed to answer, and they're going to answer it today. Yeah.

Why do you hate the army? We're going to answer it as politically as possible. Which is not at all. You guys want green to go military, anime, nerd, video games, TikToks, champions. I killed a guy to be here.

With a samurai sword and the Red Power Ranger. Are you the Red Power Ranger? Murdered him in his fucking apartment. When you get into TikToking, they don't tell you about the Coliseum. That's a couple months soon. I got banned early in. I didn't get a chance to fight. Oh, man.

I picture it just like a Meat Canyon episode. It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, this is how the podcast goes. It's tangent after tangent after tangent. I don't know if you saw that Meat Canyon. I don't know if you guys know who Meat Canyon is. He just did a collab with Bad Dragon Dildos. And they're on their way. No, he has them. He posted yesterday. I know. They're coming here. He just did a collab with bad dragon dildos

No They're coming here you we're getting them hunter Those are the people me Canyon was like yo, what's your number? He's been on the show before but I love me Those look horror horrifying. Oh, yeah, they're Think of your penis now add a dragon three extra genetic It's real bad just throw in a sprinkle some other extra chromosome. Yeah It's not good dude. No, it's fucking dope. It's a meat canyon one if you don't know who he is Yeah, don't don't watch You don't watch them like mushrooms or something like that for sure are you taking mushrooms

but anything that's making you trip out you don't want to be you don't want to be involved in that it's good to know so how how is it my i have a man so many questions because you guys are still active in the component and then doing content on the internet and i want to know how the fuck that's possible in mind because that was a big i can't even imagine that in my time i didn't take photos like i have like eight photos of me when i was in the army i got out in 2015 and people we like it was only like the last couple years i was in where i was like oh i could take it well i think and then i want to let you answer first because i think you can articulate better but i will say because you and i were kind of in around the same time, back then having a picture taken

or taking a picture was a whole fucking ordeal. Yeah! Because you had to have a camera. It wasn't like, hey, this device, this pack of gum that I carry with me everywhere is just available. I'm going to snap a pic of everything that I do. When you took a picture back then, it was a fucking event. Somebody busted out the

digital camera, you're like, oh shit. You were like, I'll be right back I remember disposable cameras The boomer podcast But yeah like it's It's fucking shame. I'm the same way. I have like ten total pictures of my private to specialist yeah, I got I think I have one photo from basic training where I stole my phone because we all had to turn our shit in. It was like a night watch bar, the fire watch box at the end of the kill zone.

They're on a box. And I was a delinquent. So I pulled the pins off the box and took my phone out and put the empty box back in. Dirty boy. And I was just texting chicks the whole time. I was in basic training shout out my man She was so Brooke she was working the line at the defect downstairs baddies text with the girl I'm pretty much a hero right now. They're gonna promote me to corporal by the end of basic training

They've never done it before, but drill sergeants say, I might be the first. You ever heard of the MDSM? They're thinking about giving me one. They're taking pictures of the medals. The medals on the wall. And he's like,

see that top one? I'm going to get that. That's me. It's a medal of honor. Read up on it. Imagine my face up there. I was the platoon sergeant for about a month in, basically.

Not to brag. Not to, ugh. Did your pay change? Well, no, but, like. But I had responsibility for a moment before I fucked it up and lost it all. This is the weight of the world on my shoulders. Did the respect that anybody gave you change? No, it got worse.

It got so much worse. Who got it? Jake? The Jake McNasty episode? I just listened to that again from Fat Electrician. I didn't realize that dude was acting first sergeant as an E1 rank, and they paid him as acting first sergeant, though. What? Oh, Jake McNasty was like the pinnacle of a fucking badass that was a shitbag and did not care for the rules.

So they're like, put him in his own platoon. Yeah, like he ran everything and he was a, one of my favorite stories is just, they got drunk at the bar and then stole a train to get home closer to the base

because they didn't want to walk. A whole ass train. They stole a train. A whole ass train. Taking this shit. Is this Grand Theft Auto? And drove the train. You can't steal a train.

You can't steal a train. Okay, so mercenaries, maybe you guys remember the game Mercenaries? That's a good game. That's a great the train. You can't steal the train. Okay, so mercenaries, maybe you guys remember the game Mercenaries? That's a good game. That's a great game. Grand Theft Choo Choo. That's a real sleeper too.

It was. But going back to your comment about content, right? Guys like, awesome shit my drill sergeant said, guys like Vet TV, I'm probably missing some now. Of course not. No, there's no other veteran creators out there. Henry Cavill's staring at me and so I'm drawing a blank.

Look how sexy he is. We got a new one. First off, he's staring at me. But I always say. Go fuck yourself. I mean, he's looking at me. Henry likes gingers. I know that.

Fuck off. That's probably true. But I always say they walked where we could run. You know what I mean? They broke the barrier. And ultimately, it's only been a good thing for the military. We give a ton of free marketing to the military. We poke fun at things in the military in a way that makes people want to join and also bring some levity and some laughter and some happiness to the people that are in. I think a lot of senior people forget what it was like, especially when you get really high up. Because you've got guys that haven't been a lieutenant or haven't been a private

in over a decade. It'd be easy to forget. You know what I mean? They all say the same shit. I don't know how many... Not to be disrespectful. Be disrespectful. This is a comedy podcast. Yeah, nothing's real

Yes, both talk like officers The draw for this podcast They're just waiting for it's like to piggyback off what the commander says But no, I don't know how many like general officers I've heard say like hey listen I wake up I put my pants on the same way you do every morning I'm like motherfucker no you don't no you do not you have a help you have a lady that does that it's like if you have somebody that sets up your uniform we're not like we're not alike but no I think I think transparency matters everywhere you go in life. I think in the military, understandably, there's areas where we can't have transparency

because we don't want to show all of our cards. But I think it's a thing of where when you're talking about people wanting to join the military and make it a long-term engagement, for us, we've been in the Army for you know over 10 years both of us being transparent about what that experience has been for like for both of us and saying hey maybe i don't put my pants on like you do every morning but here's what i used to put my pants on like when i was a private and then i will show very hungover still kind of drunk going to formation well you lost your belt back to that after you turn 30 you feel hungover but you didn't drink anything the night before you know i had a

sandwich too with too much ham on it like now but i love i love um because now i have perspective right i have always been very loud and very opinionated right if you've watched any of the content squad then then i'm an opinionated person. And now, thankfully, my opinions are shaped by perspective. And rank. Now the privates must have your opinions. But hey, so hey, private. Hey, everyone stand up.

You know, everyone at ease. Okay, so I'm going to talk about. Rest. Yeah. Hey, you. Hey, who disagrees? You know, everyone at ease. Okay, so I'm going to talk about... Rest. Yeah. Hey, you. Hey, you. Who disagrees? One private raises his hand.

Okay, you have right face. Get the fuck down. How's that man murder? You see him? Anyone else? Anyone else? Who disagrees? Yeah, yeah.

No weird. No one, sir. No. This is fun. This is fun. I haven't... I'm sweaty. I'm in flashbacks. Dude sweaty i'm such good officer stories because i was like

i was such a different experience we really were kind of talking on our way to lunch but you know and i was talking specifically about warrant officers but we are a bunch of babies like we really are i'm the warrant officer the cohort well warrant officers with the officers and generals but yes warrant officers are absolutely they elaborate a huge bunch of prima donnas truck month is on at chevrolet get zero percent financing for up to 72 months on a 2025 silverado 1500 custom blackout or custom trail boss with custom trail bosses available class exclusive duramax 3 liter diesel engine and z71 off-road package with a 2-inch factory suspension lift you get both on-road confidence and off-road capability dirt road ahead let's go truck month is awesome ask your chevrolet dealer

for details you hear that that's all of you yeah. All of you. He speaks for us. I don't agree with this. I'm sorry. He said commissioned officers are better than warrant officers. You guys heard it. No, but to a degree, I think there is a preciousness. I think we come away from doing all the things that you have to do as a private and a sergeant. Normal Army stuff. You get into this flow of like you're a senior right like when i show when i pcs to a new duty station right now

they hand me a stack of papers and they're like in seven days bring us back these papers with a bunch of stamps on it god be with you you know see you later and i'm trusted like a grown adult to go handle that. Imagine. And yeah, you just grow accustomed to like, I'm being treated like an adult and it spoils you, bro. I hate that.

I, I've told this story when I got back from Iraq, I was handed the papers cause I was ETS. I was getting the fuck out. They handed me these papers and I realized as a grown adult, no one will stop me or talk to me if, as long as I have those papers. So I was like, wait.

And then my unit decided to change. They put me in a different unit once we got back. And because of that, neither you got told each other. And so I went to one formation. They called my name. And they're like, do we miss anyone? I was like, I ain't raising my goddamn hand. And so then I asked my buddies at the other unit. And they're like, I was miss anyone? I was like, I ain't raising my goddamn hand. And so then I asked my buddies at the other unit, and they're like,

I was like, did anyone call my name at the other company? And they're like, no, no one called your name. Dude, you were off the grid. You're like Blade, the date walker. Three months. Dude, for three months, I was like, no one called my name. And then two weeks later, I'm walking around with my paperwork. You just played fucking EverQuest for three weeks, didn't you?

Oh, bro, I fucking, I straight up vanished. My favorite thing, I walked up, Webster was like, what the hell is this? Where have you been? I was like, oh, bro, no one's asking for me. So I was just like straight up vanished. My favorite thing, I walked up, Webster was like, Quavis, where have you been? I was like, oh, bro, no one's asking for me. So I was just like, fucked off. And he was like, what? He was like, you're supposed to be in, I was supposed to be in Webster's company.

And he's like, you're supposed to be in my company, but no one's asking for your name or calling you out. I was like, then I'm fine. Sergeant Major walks up to us and I'm like, oh. And he's like, Webster, where the fuck are you? And he's like, sorry, Major, I'm coming. He's like what where the fuck are you and he's like, I'm sorry major I'm cut. He's like get the fuck down do push-ups. He's like Quavis. How you doing? I was like just ETS and Sorry major. It's like carry on and he walks off and he's like recover it Webster gets up. He's like you fuckhead

It was the best three months of my military life yeah so that's when you're that's being a warrant officer but it's your life when you're leaving when you're leaving a unit or showing up to a unit that's like the best time ever yeah you know it's all chill and and it's funny you're talking about like uh that like in inherent fear that like juniors have for like sergeant majors and stuff like that it's definitely not as prevalent as when i joined the military you know it was it was uh i remember distinctly like i'll never forget this we had a new private show to my unit i was a specialist right station at fort cavasas which was fort hood back then um and this private like got up against the wall at the position of attention

because like a lieutenant walked by. And like that doesn't really happen anymore. And I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. It's just an observation, but it's funny. That's wild. I was always lower enlisted. I didn't have anything else. I remember you were scared of Sergeant Major.

You were scared. That man hurt you. My first Sergeant Major that I had in my first unit, if you saw him, you executed an about face and you walked the other way. Away from the grass. If you walked into the ocean, you don't look at the grass,

he'll know. He will know. Everything you needed to do to not exist, basically, to get away from that guy. I think that's good either though Opposite end of the spectrum, but yeah like back in the late 2000s I was like I don't want to be within a hundred meter grid square them. No, I'm really good at push-ups General I was hoping up in the hell. We were in war and we had a General yeah a general.

A general came on my striker, so I'm like sitting in the hell hole. General Boozer comes up. He's a two-star. I'm like, oh, my God, you're old. He starts laughing. What are you doing here? Yeah, he was like, what the? He starts laughing. He's like, what's yours?

I was like, I'm claiming it. And I would call him every time I would see him. From that day on, any time when he'd go to art, we lived in a cob out in Sector, so any time he would be there, I'd see him walking. He was walking to Chow Hall from 300 feet. He's walking without his head here. I was like, sir, where the fuck is your head?

He's like, what? Like, he goes to grab it, and he looks, and he's like, Quavis, what the fuck? I was like, I'm just fucking with you, sir. I like run off. he's like quite Burned into my head forever my last interaction with a Sergeant Major. I was telling you guys earlier at lunch, I had the minor stroke thing as I was ETSing, and my last drill, because again, I was in the National Guard, was a...

Oh, fuck, what the fuck is it? What's the call where you go through and you get your shit all checked, head to toe, make sure you're healthy? Oh, PHA. Yeah, PHA. And I had a cavity. I forgot, because I don't go to that. One cavity.

One cavity. Like in your tooth. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're not ready to go to my brain I got a couple no so I had a cane I had to walk with a cane I was in you know in uniform old gimpy and shit ETS thing and I had a cavity so I was not that remember It's like I was like a three. It's like a one two three or four You have to be a one or two if you have a three or four. Yeah. Yeah your cat dental cat. Yeah

and I had obviously a civilian dentist as i am in the national guard and i remember like oh i'll i'll get taken care of i'll get up my dentist i have an appointment next week whatever we'll get my cabin here no you go in you in this sergeant like i i this is the only time i've ever stood up for myself in the military ever i was like oh i almost you know, trying to be, you know, on a cane. I'm all gimpy. I'm like, no, I mean, I have a dentist. You're like, no, shitty.

I have two weeks left in. Don't make me go to the dental van. Oh, God. Went to the dental van. How did that go? Because the generator running it went off four times. I was in there for eight hours. Were they, like they drilling your teeth?

Yeah. Oh, they had to drill the cavity, which this is where it gets better. They drilled the wrong tooth. Yeah. The cavity was on the right side. They drilled the left side. They're like, there's no cavity. You're not that.

They just mismarked the paper. You're not allowed in my mouth anymore. So there are certain. So go on about recruitment. This was like a 2014, 2015. That kind of stuff really frustrates me, right? Like, just leave well enough alone. If somebody's getting out, I'll never forget.

I had an E7 that I worked with. I'm not going to say where. Was it Fort Hood? I want you to interrupt. Back to Fort Hood. Now it's Tobago's. This guy comes up to me and he's like, hey, you need to make your soldier get new shoes,

new running shoes. Their shoes are not serviceable. And I was like, this soldier's getting out of the army in 10 days. I don't want... You see how stupid this is. Like, why do I need to make them purchase $50 running shoes right now?

And I get it, $50 is not a ton of money. For a private is. It's a loan. Yeah, right. It's a loan. It's an 18% APR. Yeah, it's going to hurt that private. Just leave well enough alone because that purchase, right,

could be the thing that makes that dude who gets out into the workforce among other recruitable population and say, bro, they made me spend $70 of my own money right before I got out. Fuck the Army. Don't join the Army. I think your Sergeant Major had the right idea. ETS papers? God be with you. We don't give a shit if you live or die. Like, ugh.

I just ran away. I was like, goodbye. Those papers with the wings on your back, baby. I'm flying away. Then the Army came back with his big green dick and fucked me You know how cuz they were like we're gonna pay you all this money to move back home. Well, I Fucked army because I was like what I'm packing all my stuff in order, you know, they pay based off of weight Yes, so naturally I packed my trailer safes? No, I packed a BMW M-Series.

A 7-Series on a trailer. I was like, there. It's based off of weights. Get that weight up, baby. So it was just a BMW. Put some cement bags in there. Yep. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Never seen him fill sandbags as fast as he did that day. CID will get you if you do that. Well, I moved it back home, so. But then, fucking, they lost the paperwork for one of the uh the gas thing so like hey you uh you need to this is fucking two years later this is what the army does two years later they're like hey we lost the paperwork we're going uh you owe us this money or find the paperwork to reinstate it how much money it was like two thousand two hundred dollars wow not a little That's a military

back. Can I go back in your account still two years later and be like, give us... I have a collections from the military as of last year. That's what they do. They collect... What? They double paid me my last drill and I didn't know it. Oh my gosh. I paid it off in 2000. I got out in 2015.

Yeah. I paid it off December 2015. I paid it off January 2016 They told me literally two months later. Okay, cool. They still sent it to collections Cuz somebody lost the paper I call we're called the anti recruitment and we're gonna do battle right now Department of Defense thing it still sits there even though it's paid it just sits on my credit So when I got a new vehicle last month or whatever it was like, you know, you have this like it's paid it just sits on my credit so when i got a new vehicle last month or whatever it was they're like you know you have this i'm like it's paid off department of defense i know i have so many i have like every military it's so frustrating too because the cost of running

that down i don't know what that was but it couldn't have been that much exceeded what you exactly exceeded what you owed yeah that finance that e1 finance kid who was like got him right there we fucking got we got you guys am right here get him right up give him the medal that's the most exciting thing in that finance career it's just hard cuts to obama putting a medal on him that guy's mission accomplished on the aircraft. Escorted away and cut. We want to thank you for running down

a true enemy to army efficiency, which is overpaying our National Guard soldiers one drill. Our National Guard specialists. Our E4 specialists.

You saved us $280. Fire the, where'd those two Tomahawk missiles go? Yeah. Whatever. Oh, sorry.

The F-35. Stuff happens. Oh, yeah. The missing F-35. Is it still missing? No, it's not. Fire the where those two Tomahawk missiles go Now it's not they found it they did hands across America, I'm sure The best joke So many times now, but they were like 80 million dollars and you couldn't put an air tag on it? Yeah. Military. Being the military. I love it. We have all the anti-recruiting stories. That's why everyone comes here and they're like...

Hola, Eli. Le estando gustado mi podcast? Sorry, Batty. I don't speak Japanese. Well, if you're up to date on Babbel, you know that means are you liking my podcast? Wait, how did you learn how to speak Japanese, Batty? That's Spanish, if you're up to date on Babbel, you know that means, are you liking my podcast? Wait, how did you learn how to speak Japanese, Batty? That's Spanish, Eli. Agree to disagree.

Best way to learn a language, Eli, is immersion. Living where the language is spoken natively every day. But Batty, that's not possible for everyone. So what's the second best way to learn a language? Babbel. Immersion on your phone. Babbel. Because with Babbel, you can start speaking a new language in just three weeks. In three weeks I barely speak English after 38 years of my life.

Hey, Batty, did you know we peak as children? So when people call me a man-child it's a compliment, right? Exactly. Scientists say when you're a child that's your peak of learning languages. But since you can't go back to being a six-year-old we've got the next best thing babble on your phone babble is designed by real people for real conversations hey baddie but this summer you can start learning a new language with babble why babble because it works here's a special limited time deal for our listeners that you can get started right now get 55 off your babble

subscription but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash unsub. That's babbel.com slash unsub. Rules and restrictions apply. Si aplican reglas, e restricciones ingles. See? He learned Indonesian in one day. As we're both active duty, I feel like we need to balance every negative story with positive ones. So kids,

so sometimes in the military, you will get to have a pizza party. Mandatory. Mandatory fun day. That's me. Yeah. So that's a thing that can happen.

But we'll also take your money. Yeah. Sometimes you'll go out in the forest and you'll poop in a hole in the ground and you'll do it with all your friends. And it's called trauma bonding. But in the ground, and you'll do it with all your friends, and it's called trauma bonding. But in the military, we call it shared hardship. What did you say? If you get the military... Oh, my God.

And you'll make the best friends of your life because it's just so terrible, and you're going through it together. You know what I mean? And at the end, you get a pizza party. But am I wrong? That is true. I mean, from the military,

and I thank you every day, I got shot and a Purple Heart from that. And now I get really good parking at Arby's. It was a ricochet. It's not a big deal. He barely scraped his leg. Here he goes with his Purple Heart story. Now I get to park up front at Applebee's, Arby's, a lot of places. So for that, we would order breadsticks to go with the pizza parlor.

Some crazy bread. No dipping sauce. I want to be in that. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, yeah. I want that like that that mindset of giving that person a parking spot where they're like it's the team meeting and they're like what do we do about people that just got like blown up or really fucked up in iraq

they're like just hammering in a purple heart next to the handicapped spot because they do here in texas that's a you guys seen that Purple Heart parking, yeah. It's so funny because doing anything to parking spots on post takes like a fucking act of Congress. I swear to God. We can't paint the curb any color for the most part. DPW won't allow it. They won't allow you to fabricate a sign and put it in nothing. And I'm just like, because I would love to put in a sign like,

best PT score. You know what I mean? So does anyone know anyone who's tested the efficacy of like enforcing those parts? Oh yeah. Okay. You just said a word. I need you to dumb this down. Efficacy.

Efficacy. Efficacy. Could I have that used in a pronoun... If they then were to park in a CG's parking spot... Okay. If I park in a CG's parking spot, will the MPs come and be like,

ah, busted. So yeah, will the MPs come and be like, ah, bust it. So, yeah, I want to say if it's like a DPW emplaced parking spot, yes. But if it's just the unit, then they can't do it. You're a bunch of acronym-using motherfuckers, okay? DPW is the public works. The mechanics. Yeah. Spring is here, and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost?

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See app for details. The people who claim to fix things and don't. Yeah, the plumbers, the electricians. They were the reason for the mold in your barracks. Was there mold in your barracks? Oh, my God. Virginia. I can tell you, yes. It was so bad. For the mold in your barracks was the mold in your barracks. Oh my god, Virginia I can tell you yes, so bad the bugs were so bad

That was DPW not doing their job. You can google ours They shut down our barracks because they were World War two they infested with that brag. This is Fort Lewis You know the bad side on yeah the airport Yeah, yeah, that was all my barracks that got shut down. Oh, boy. That's where we lived. I was able to shut down all those engines. Those buildings looked rough from the outside. I was at Lewis for like three years.

I remember those so well. Can I try a tea? I've never had a twisted tea. Here, that's a cold one. One of my favorite lieutenant stories. They were in the guard. They weren't a captain. They might have been a captain. No, they were just a guard. They weren't a captain. Were they?

They might have been a captain. No, they were just a lieutenant. It was a weird. Can I get the other one? Yeah, yeah. How about it? Let's get twisted. Get twisted.

I should have gotten more twisted teeth. Fuck. Give me the warm one. We had a friend over, a fellow soldier. They were out at this time, but the lieutenant was still in. They didn't know who this person was. The stranger.

I was like, just ask for the day off tomorrow. They'll understand. You'll be fine. She's like, oh, no, no, no. I can't get off. I was like, oh, if you tell your commanders, because she was still a captain. She's like, oh, just tell them you're hanging out with this person. You'll be fine. They'll give you the day off and she's like no i've never heard it it's

like if i haven't heard him they're not gonna hear i was like okay so uh they're hanging out it's clint romo shea so we go downstairs and i was like clint do you have your uh your medal you you fucking won and he's like they love it when you tell them they want it it's india sam yeah so he goes he's like uh oh he's like actually I always keep it in fucking in one of my pockets It's all wrinkled up homeboy just keeps it in fucking like like his cargo pocket No in like a jean pocket just what dude he keeps it treats it like shit. I want Clint. You're my favorite Yeah, so he's a magnum though that is Yeah, dude we go downstairs infinite cock energy. He's like going through his pants

He's like oh there it is. He pulls it out of a pant pocket, and it's a wadded up I'm like oh hilarious, and I hand it to her and she's like. I don't know what that is. I'm like oh Looks like shit. Yeah, I was like take a picture that and send that to your commanding officers and ask for the day off She's like okay And they never spots was like who are you with right now? Question mark. It's like, what is that? I was like, ask them.

Ask them what? Because they're going to love that you don't know what it is. How do you not know? Serious internet report right there. Oh, yeah. That's so funny. Now you talk about that. Medal of honor, by the way, for the people listening that are in the middle.

So Clint Roman Shades was one of the 10. A hero. Yeah, 10% of Medal of Honor recipients are alive. The rest, the 90%, it's post-humor. They're a defect now. Yeah, like that shit, you don't fuck around. And two, just the president pins the shit on you. And he carries around like a Trojan condo.

And it is fucking God's feet on it. That's some infantry energy right there. What a flight. Oh, yeah, that thing. Dude, he's. Here, where's my wallet? Hold on. Let me just drop my metal armor, my keys, my lighter.

Oh, here's the. I mean, I would do it. A couple Pokemon cards. I would get it tattooed on me for sure. Oh, would you do the full? I'd do it right here. Oh, yeah. High... I mean, I would do it. A couple Pokemon cards. I would get it tattooed on me for sure. Oh, would you do the full... I'd do it right here. Oh, yeah. High and small, though.

And 50% to size. And it's awkward. It's a choker. Like a golf girl choker. I'm using Calibri font, not Ariel. Now, but I had... I hate you so much. I would kick you off this podcast.

Even if you had a real medal of honor, if you got that tattooed, I'd be like, get the hell out of here. With that medal wadded up in his pocket, he's like, fuck yeah. That's what I should have done. It's just a little. Sorry.

Go on. I just recently had the opportunity to do PT with the Sergeant Major of the Army. And so I let my leaders know. And then my leader called me back like 15 minutes later. And they were like, this is now a CCIR to the brigade commander. Feel free. You can go to the PT. But just to let you know how big of a ripple this is.

And I thought it was funny. They'll freak out. Those are fun. It's weird watching because you're you guys are in that um that group now that you get a hangout with like higher enlisted than you and they lay treat you with respect because it was a weird we talked about respect i need you to use that as a sentence what is that i don't know that word i don't i didn't get that one i never made it that far because we did that with it was that weird transition from oh all this like a couple years ago and they still come out is uh the delta boys will come out and train with us shoot have fun and fucking surreal experience them knowing you they're like bro fucking love watching you play video games and your videos. I'm like why?

You guys are so much cooler than me You like you want to help me think one of our favorite sponsors today you like oh god again God She she sure does make the most comfortable boxer briefs I've ever worn or you've ever worn. I'm wearing a pair of Sheath underwear every time you hear from me. And I'm taking them. It's the only underwear I own

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It's like an episode of The Expendables. You mean Gun Grabber Tim? Fuck that the expendables. Gun grabber, Tim. Fuck that guy. Tim, go fuck yourself. I love you, buddy. Did you see the thumbnail on his podcast? We put him in a red coat. Like his thumbnail is Tim in a red coat is our thumbnail.

I love it. But like, it's like the expendables. You know what I mean? Everybody that works for him is just a certified badass. And like a bunch of them walk up to me. They're like, you're so funny. You're awesome. I follow you.

And I'm like, I'm not special. You're special. Thank you for your service. You know what I mean? I'm like, it's crazy. That's how I feel about any motherfuckers though. Like I was, I was in the National Guard, and I'm hanging out with Matt Best, and he's going, I'm like, I went to sniper school once,

but I was in National Guard. I'm standing at MIM. It's like being a court jester. It really is. Imagine being the hat with the bells, and the biggest knight in the court comes up, and he's like, funny man. Hello, sir!

As I was chopping off the head of the enemy just the other day, I was thinking about your jokes. Good stuff, man. I give you this award. You made me laugh. I love it! We had a triumphant victory laughing at your shit. It's so funny because it's such a good way to put it.

That's painfully true. We're in a pink hat. Do 10 push-ups now and recover. I'm in charge of you. Never forget that. And they walk out. When I close my eyes, all I see are traumatic things. But your jokes are hilarious.

They bring me a small measure of light to a bleak world. I've experienced things that would crush you, but you're very funny. You now have an article 15. I do not like the joke you made two weeks ago. And he like walks up and was like, what is this? Hey, funny man. You said something I do not agree with anymore. I'm sorry, sir.

Yeah. That's so funny. I will adjust my entire content stream for you. We are active right now, though, in a weird time. Because I feel like it's a time that the DOD is not really sure what to do with us. You know what I mean? Okay. So on that note, I actually have a question about active.

I don't know. What was his name? Nathan. Nathan. Nate. Yeah. Nathan Freehofer. Yeah.

Yeah. He made some jokes the army didn't like. He did. So full disclosure, Nate, the homie. Yeah. Met him in real life. Good dude. I think he.

Was he an example? I think he was. Yeah. I was yeah i think he's an example like he was an example talk about being in a room and it's new it's brand new yeah the floor's just been laid out because he was already what's his handle uh it's nate it's it's yeah it's nate yeah oh okay yeah yeah yeah he was already millions of followers on tiktok when he when all this happened i would argue he was probably the first hyper famous military influencer to come post tiktok yes i'd say he tiktok launched him um he's he's 2020 exploded with him i remember that's what i watched when i was like oh i should start this um but but anyway he kind of came into it when it was i don't think he realized how much of a springboard his platform had i really don't it was insane you know and it happened really fast it happened kind of that way for all of us i think i was actually telling austin tomorrow october 1st will be three years

on tiktok about three years since i posted my video. And if you would have told me that day, hey man, three years from now, you're going to be on a podcast with two of, sorry, three of the most handsome dudes in your life. But no, you're going to have people recognizing you. Your wife is in the room. I know, I know. She understands the deal.

That's how officers lie straight to your face. It's disgusting. It's not wrong. She didn't laugh at that, so I need to borrow the upstairs bedroom. I'll be there with you. It's okay. I would argue that no one, absolutely no one who's doing what we're doing right now, got on the platform with the idea that, hey, six months from now, this shit's going to blow.

Well, that's usually how it works with any platform. You usually don't join it to, I'm going to be famous. Oh, yeah. I mean, I started streaming on Twitch as a way to, because I wanted my friends to play a game with me. None of them wanted to play with me. I was like, well, I'll stream it

so you guys can watch real quick. And if five people were in there, you were like, eh, all right. Fuck yeah. That's it, my five buddies. And then 5,000 thousand people in there, and you're like oh wow okay? Here we go. I guess I gotta do a discord now Build a community, but I go back to Nate. I think I think he just I Don't I think he just I hate to use the term sacrificial lamb because he still does great, and he makes amazing content

Yeah, oh yeah for sure, but it dudes dudes super in shape and he is super in shape he is he's great which one is this uh it's nate it's nate but he's he's a good dude i'm the worst i will like i'm the worst tiktok dude in the fucking world just because it's my girl cars like she's at 1.5 mil oh wow yeah she she understands that and she's like just learn it i'm like i'm trying i'm old i'm just gonna say i'm old and i wanna do other stuff yeah i'm just gonna do i'll help you with your stuff though and she's like okay yeah i i think i think yeah then that really like for me, like my. My biggest advice to someone who wants to do something like that is do you. And if you ends up being 50,000 on TikTok or 500,000 or a million, so be it. But it is very evident when someone is at any of those levels and they're not doing the thing that they thought was good or funny.

I'll say that you can have a million followers, and it's very evident when you get on that level and you're like, I don't think they care about any of the shit that they're doing. Well, you usually see that, though. They start it. That's it, the checkout.

They start it with good intentions, and they're having a blast, and then there's a shift at some point. We just talked about this last week, and you guys, I don't know if you're... Are you talking about your kiddos' family much? Yeah so yeah it's uh lanky box how like i i said like these kids lanky boxes with those young they're 27 27 28 they're older guys but they're they make kid content four to five videos a day all playing like games yeah and all that stuff and you can

tell like watching it because a kiddo watches it and i'm like oh they've checked the fuck out and then you're like oh okay they do this this is how many views this is why yeah i'd be checked out but i wouldn't make it 20 million views per video four times so their their salary is on their net worth right now is like $180 million just because they do, again, five videos a day at a million views a video and an hour format. Their YouTube revenue is probably $40 million a year. Just ad rev. That's without. And then they're in Target.

They're in Walmart. Their toys are all over that shit. It's crazy. And you're checked out at that point, but you're like, I can be checked out. Dude, if you told me for $40 million and six videos a day, I just had to make Paw Patrol content. Sorry, military brothers and sisters. I love you. Everyone has a number.

We've said this a million times. I'm sorry. Today, we're going to talk about the letter A. All right? Watch. You know how this is. It's not for army, brother. It's not for army.

If that deal shows up, I'll sing the theme song. Okay, yeah. Paw Patrol. Paw Patrol. There you go, man. I'll go off. We always ask this one in military grad. I already know the answers.

On camera, for a billion dollars, you'd suck a dick. Billion dollars. On camera, though. 100%. Back of the throat. Slamming back. Don't even pretend. Do not pretend you're going to say no.

Do not pretend. I would buy a country to live in that nobody legally would be talking about. I would purchase the internet and wipe that occurrence from the face of the earth. Bro, you know how much lower my number actually is? Don't say that on camera. I'm okay with it. I feel like at a billion, we're just talking how many dicks. Thank you. Samsung Vision AI televisions transform screens into intelligent solutions.

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at Samsung.com. I put a million to my advertising about that video. I'd be like, I'm going to make it viral at least. I'm going to get more on the back end. That's what I think we asked this before, but again. Everyone's going to know I suck that dick for a billion dollars. And when they ask why I'm rich. You're talking to someone.

You get more money the more people know that you suck the dick. Publicity. It's all good. He's going to get another gig after this. What's your RPD? Rate predict. A billion unless it's 500 million. If 500 million see that, you get 500 billion?

$10 million. Would you do it for 10 million? 10 million is not like, I'm not, that's where I'm like, eh. $10 million. Never have to work again. not like I'm not. That's where I'm like, eh. 10 million dollars. Never have to work again. Ever. I'm fine already. That's the number I'm like. Yeah, you're fine, but you're not never have to work again fine. A car from a year

that is newer than my car. You woke up for a meeting at 7am today. I know, but because that's for other. You would never have to wake up. I would still do that, unfortunately. I hate my brain. 50 to 100 mil? I would suck that dick for 10 million dollars so hard. 50 to 100 mil, I think is a good number. Don't act like you're fucking you guys being, oh look at me I'm an officer. I'm too good to suck dick.

Well, hey listen. You know you're doing this. You're gonna walk in that room and be like at ease. Not you soldier. And start the video right there. They call me one punch dad for one reason. He's using the handle too. He's like I'm gonna The video right there they call me one punch dad for one reason

This podcast or I'm just thinking about the future of my content stream right now You do a whole new demographic future Okay, okay, I love your shirt we We didn't get to talk about this at all during fucking- I was- I just, you know, I was like, how do you like Metal Gear? I don't like it either. Every guest we bring on that likes video games likes Metal Gear Solid, and I'm just really- I don't like it either. Okay, and we talked about it.

I love this game. It's practically a part of my schtick that I love this game. I understand why people don't enjoy it. I fucking hate it. love this game it's it's it's practically a part of my shtick that i love this game i understand why people don't don't enjoy it but i fucking hate it what do you not okay i i come to this from a position of love i want to i want to make you feel heard yeah why don't you i want to make you feel heard i will say this the story is phenomenal okay you can't start with a compliment i've got i have to i have to because I have hated every other aspect of those fucking... Okay, you like the story, but the gameplay... The gameplay I hate.

Is it the fact that it's a stealth game? Yes. Yeah. I hate that, too. I never liked the Splinter Cell games. And what's weird is I like Sly Cooper, and there's some stealth aspects. Sly Cooper! Sly Cooper is where you...

You just have to slide into this one. What's up, nerds? Sly Cooper! Sly Cooper is where you just happen to slide in with this one. What's up nerds? Sly Cooper, raccoon motherfucker. Exactly. I literally have a Sly Cooper tattoo! Oh fuck! Why don't you like Metal Gear Solid? Well it's a huge fan of Sly Cooper. I'm like, okay, fucking shut up.

Can you go outside? I knew that was the reaction I was gonna get. I'm like, okay, fucking shut up. Can you go outside? I knew that was the reaction I was going to get. Okay, if we have a stealth games convention and someone shows up in a fedora saying like, oh, Sly Cooper. You know what's fucked up, though? Any Skyrim, Oblivion, whatever, stealth archer. Yeah, yeah. First person, third person.

Yeah, Matty's like, I hate stealth games. Yeah. yeah yeah let me just put on my gray fox mask real quick yeah oh yeah let me just drop a thousand points I'm not a third person person like gamer at all like I didn't like the other the other one I'm gonna say I hate Resident Evil so like baddie the game oh yeah it's first person hands yeah 100 okay yeah I see that I he doesn't like Resident Evil. I hate Resident Evil. You know, I like Resident Evil, and I appreciate it as a game, but I never latched onto it. Yes.

You're fine. Fuck you, Eli. He likes Metal Gear Solid. No, I don't hate it because I didn't latch onto it. Hold on. You're not off the hook, but I understand its appeal. But yeah, Metal Gear Solid. Three things Bat things bad. Hey Metal Gear Solid Resident Evil in Mexico cave i just love that when you love sly cooper in with the stealth games it's the same as telling people you've never seen star wars they're like what

like it's the same reaction, and I love it. And so I'm going to keep doing it forever. To me, that's like someone being like, oh, I love Skyrim. I don't like Skyrim, but Frozen. Public service announcement! Attention all my bearded beasts from stubble to mane. If you didn't already know, Manscaped now sells beard products. You heard that correctly.

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The Handyman by Manscaped. So get 20% off and free shipping at manscaped.com if you use code UNSUB. So get 20% off and free shipping with code UNSUB at manscaped.com. I didn't do it. That's also a fantasy property that I love it's just so opposite into the special anybody who watches our podcast if you've made it this far in

and you have played Sly Cooper in your life I'm just wondering at what point you found out you really were a furry and what that has done to your psyche comment below yeah what did congress if you've played sly cooper you might you might be the only human with a sly cooper tattoo where's oh yes oh he's in there oh hell yeah bro it's all three of them it's the trio

there's more than one real wait. Well, it's a my Cooper Cooper Dang you are huge Why did you join the military a battle gear saw Battle Gear Solid It's great When you can make Sly Cooper merch oh God, I mean, I don't want to get hit with copyright i mean it's like hooper does anybody own that anymore i'll rip it off just enough i mean i do have a raccoon for my you know my guy true right do you like like the raccoon thing i think they're cool i would own one there's the raccoon tiktok it's you can't own a raccoon on federal property

there's the ones that live in the the dumpster and he checks on them every day. No way. It's a daily dumpster. You're talking about homeless people? Are you talking about San Francisco? No. Are you talking about Portland, Oregon? At his place of work, there's

two raccoons that live in a dumpster and every day they climb in and the thing's shot on them because they're stupid fucking animals They can't get out. Oh, yeah You remember if you didn't tie down oh my god, yes Louis the raccoons would get in and they die because raccoons are such a good spirit animal for the military The trash pandas are fucking smart. Yeah, don't leave records in your trash cans that well I didn't I do not connect, you know leave the lids open time open or time shut conduct regular trash can raccoon tracks

Yeah, you have to PMCS your trash can. I'm sorry for whatever private now has to do that There's gonna be a roving guard for the trash pandas y'all better give me dog on trash Okay, oh, I know this actually get it. Oh god, please no I want a sergeant major or general out there it's like he's watching this podcast he's like that's a good guy right there so and then fast forward to Friday's safety briefs play you see what them soldiers previous veterans right there American heroes hey that boy Cuevas I bought him on his way out the army that boy Cuevas that boy and what he said about the raccoons trash can heart okay piggybacking off of what the general was saying. If we're suggesting asinine ideas for the military, I think that we should... No, no, no.

No, no, no. I think we should put guards on the shopette to make sure people have shaved on Saturday. Oh, God. You've been at Fort Cavazos for a minute. Dude, I got... I can't believe you're naming Fort after Eli. It's funny you say that because I got courtesy patrolled at... What does that mean?

That's where... That's that. What he's talking about. I was at Fort Hood back in 2011, and I am a cool guy. Duh. Duh. Duh. I'm a court officer.

Instead of buttoning my wallet pocket when I'm in uniform, I stuff it down into the pocket because I'm a real G. But you've got to deviate. And the master sergeant who was so critical to his organization. How does mustache look? That they stuck him at a PX. Oh, that was here. Yeah. On the lift.

Yeah. They stuck him at a shop on a weekday to courtesy patrol. He was like, hey, high speed, fix that pocket. That actually happened. You know what's funny? I hated that you did the fucking tooth thing. Yeah. Fix that fucking pocket.

I got corrected one time because the bottom of my top came above a certain point on my pockets. And, like, I was so flabbergasted. I actually looked it up, and he was right. But I was just like, what? How fucking in detail do we need to get into this? Bro is pooping with AR670-1. Yeah, seriously. It's his reading material.

It's his shampoo bottle. Yeah. He prints it out, puts it on a shampoo bottle. Let's see what else is in this. Yeah. Oh,1. Yeah, seriously. It's his reading material. It's his shampoo bottle. Yeah. He prints it out, puts it on a shampoo bottle. Let's see what else is in this. Yeah. Oh. Wow. Yeah.

Honey, have you read this? Yeah. Honey! Honey! Hey! Hey! Honey! Honey!

Hey! You'll never guess what section 1-6B says about pockets. We missed this. It's so funny. Oh my god! When we read it aloud to our children. This is weird. It's so funny. When we read it aloud to our children. This is weird.

It's the bedtime stories. And remember kids the mustache cannot exceed the outer corners of the mouth. Yeah. And there's going to be a family out there like that's my dad. Somebody on active video right now is crying. They're hysterically crying. There's gonna be a family out there like

Crying they're hysterically crying Okay metal gear metal gear I know that's like Cooper Cooper and your God self games Yeah, yeah, they're both That's the new merch Metal Gear My whole following that plays video games, like, seriously, it's done with me. We're talking about Metal Gear. I'm just kidding.

Colonel. Oh, no. One-punch dad. I know. Please, Metal Gear. I asked you why you didn't like it. You like the story. The gameplay is kind of rough.

Yeah, I hate the gameplay. The gameplay is what I love. So, don't get me wrong. It's like... I asked you why you didn't like it. You like the story. The gameplay is kind of rough. Yeah, I hate the gameplay. The gameplay is what I love. So I... Don't get me wrong. It's methodical. I love... Trash. ...to shoot a dude in the face so much.

Call of Duty is a longtime favorite of mine. I love a little Battlefield 2. You still love Battlefield? 2042. Kind of... You know? But I like that the driving mechanic in at least most of the Metal Gear Solid series has been you need to learn how to solve problems in a different way. There is still shooting people in the face and killing people.

It's a great way. But also, you know, like in Metal Gear 5, you get a horse that poops on command. Use that. You know what I mean? Use it. You know, employ that. MGS3 punished you for killing all the people. Yes, yes.

There's a segment. The ending, right? Well, there's a segment in Snake Eater where if you go in guns blazing, it's towards the end of the game. If you've killed a lot of people, you then have to walk through a tunnel filled with ghosts

of all the people you've killed in that game. And it tracks how many people. Did you see the hilarious one where somebody killed everyone? If you kill the parrot, the parrot's there. Why'd you kill the bird? Well, I fucking hate birds. They're not real. They're not real.

They're not real. But when they're real, I kill them. Birds aren't real. I just made a video about that Favorite video game ever We're talking about it Really? You're in it bro

Elder Scrolls Probably Morrowind I know I'm going to get laughed at for this again But it's the Pokemon Red version on the Game Boy Pocket It was such a It was just It was such a... It was just... Fundamental to my growth.

It was just enough of a grind, right? I got a Machamp tattoo as well, right? Oh, no. Did you pick Charmander as your starter? No. We have a Machamp segment. No. You have a Machamp segment?

We have a segment. This is a whole segment on Machamp. It's time for the twisted team Machamp segment? We have a segment. This is a whole segment on Machamp. It's time for the twisted Machamp segment. If you haven't cracked one, you're going to want to finish it. I want to say I always picked Squirtle. We weren't talking about that. I mean, Squirtling was involved.

Machamp's really good at one thing. That's graping. Look at those arms. Why does he got so many arms? Hold Pikachu with those top of his head. thing that's graping look at those arms he's directing traffic it's so funny because there's an account on instagram and tiktok that does the pokedex entries but like if they were real and it'll be

like pidgeot can fly at mach 6 so it'll be like some dude on the back of pidgeot he's, I'm gonna fucking die! And Pidgeot just hits the ground like a tomahawk missile. Oh my god, it's so good. What's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door.

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It's not original... No, it's literally like... It's past Mach 3 or some shit. The original Pokedex entries, like Machamp's Pokedex entries, like he can throw punches like an atomic bomb at like a thousand punches per minute

or something ridiculous. Well, that's what... Because we were like, you have these different Pokemon, but Machamp's the one who was like... The top arms are like this. these different Pokemon, but my champs the one who's like The the top arms like this yeah Pikachu Sleep for ankle to hip it's all Pokemon tattoos my other leg I have Pokemon tattoos my this entire arm is like horror Pokemon. Will is crushing. Yeah.

Like this. I love Will's style so much because it's so like, look at how he like the Pokeball. That's cool. Oh, well, and the red, they do that red.

It's all cover up. Will, thanks Will. I appreciate you. But I couldn't agree more. Pokemon is one of my favorite, like mediums out there. Especially when you're playing it on a game with no backlight and it takes batteries.

So you're just not sure when it's going to die. I don't want to talk about all the hours lost from a Game Boy dying without saving. I'm trying to play it with the streetlights in the car. Oh, did you not have the game boy the the the fucking eventually i got that hell yeah do you get that light you're like see we had you gotta get the light with the magnifier on it so you're like oh hell yeah bro i can see everything but my parents were cheap so i was literally playing with the flashlight in my mouth like so how much would it cost for you to suck a dick on camera?

Way less for you. Flashlight. Give him a flashlight. I just pantomimed it. No, favorite game ever, Morrowind. For sure. Morrowind. Which Metal Gear for you? So I had probably the most romantic experience with the first one on PlayStation 1.

It was intimate. It was. It was. We That was, it was, it was. We, you know. Gray Fox. Gray Fox. That ninja was Gray Fox. It was the first voice acted game I played. So it was, you know,

we kind of made the joke at lunch about talking about like your favorite anime or whatever. Like I legitimately like would pause it. Metal Gear Solid is my favorite anime. My man. I hate that it is an anime when you break it down. It really is. Like, if you remove all of the, whatever, the computer-generated elements, take out the gameplay.

It's a linear story, though. It is. You're not really making that many decisions. It's a linear story. It's batshit fucking crazy. And he is a... Well, not really anymore. What is it?

It's not an isekai. Is it really? It's not that crazy anymore not isekai when it is all the um the females love the male character i forget what they're a harem is yeah yeah it is because oh i was joking big time it is no that's actually right like there's not a female in that show that doesn't do the Princess Leia on the leg. Which is fun. And that's what's crazy and why. It's the one story where you realize Hideo Kojima wrote this military story and not a military dude.

Because you have Solid Snake, 38 in that game, 180 IQ. All this speaks nine languages. And all this. And a fucking the most badass soldier in the world and then he falls in love with merrill yeah 18 year old in a 10 hour window exactly in a video that that is a military no that sounds like a military guy it does it is he bought a ring from the psX. On a star card. Saw a snake driving up in a fucking Challenger.

He got a payday loan for a Challenger. But it's anime. He fell in love. He used his Eagle Cash card. It's all right. The Eagle Cash. I actually, it's funny. I recently started another,

I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, but a Death Stranding playthrough again. Oh, nice. And there is a character, it's funny you mentioned Kojima, there's a character in that game that is literally named Bridget America Strand, and she is the President of the United States. And the whole thing makes me think,

this dude has a weird infatuation with America specifically. Have you read into like kojima's story is one of my favorite stories you can on how he does the things he does and puts himself put himself in the position yeah does not know how to code straight up and is one he's considered an auteur like he did you know he learned how to code music just because Metal Gear, the original, didn't have the music that he wanted? And then certain elements, he was like, well, I'll just learn that because I want to incorporate that in my game. Why can't you guys do that? So he taught himself.

Wow. And the only reason, you know why he went to Konami in the first place? Because it was the only video game company at the time that was publicly traded. If you worked for a video game company at that time in the 80s and 90s, it was looked down upon in Japan because it wasn't publicly traded. So he was like, oh, make my mom happy because the dad died young, and he was big into movies. Oh, I'll just do this and position myself here with Konami.

It was fucking crazy. It was the move. The dude loves not even just American pop culture. If you follow Hideo Kojima on Instagram, he loves all pop culture. There will be a movie that

comes out and you're like, that looks dumb and stupid. He'll be like, so amped. Not just dumb, not just stupid. Dumb and stupid. Both together. Unsubscribe podcast., so amped. Not just dumb, not just stupid, dumb and stupid. Both together. And he's like, Unsubscribe podcast, dumb and stupid. He's amped.

But he has this weird appreciation for pop culture that really, and when you play his games, you understand like, oh, he watched these crazy dumb and stupid movies and straight up like made that assessment. He's like, oh, that's America. Here we go. That's a level in a video game. You know what I'm excited for though?

Legitimately in 50 years, our next president whose middle name actually is America, oh, that's America. Here we go. That's a level in a video game. You know what I'm excited for, though? Legitimately, in 50 years, our next president, whose middle name actually is America. Yeah, it's happening. It's coming. I'm calling it right now. That'll be one of their running points. How do you, yeah. Well, first of all, my middle name is fucking America. So, you know.

Not voting for me? Un-American, actually. You want to put America first? Yeah, that's me. Vote for me. Literally. Because I'm him. America approves this message.

Yeah. What's your name? America, America, America Junior. America, America, America Junior. Call me Triple A. I'm America, America Senior. And my son, America, America Junior, is this nation's next president. Oh, my God, dude.

Dude, I think America Junior has a good chance of winning this race. Thanks, Paul. I really believe it. There is an E2 right now who's going to name his newborn son America, America. No, it's already happened. I'm 100% sure it's already happened. Oh, no. I'm sorry if you feel like we're making fun of you.

It's because we are. We are. No, 100%. Oh, my God. Your name is a joke. Animes? Favorite anime? Don't ask me.

No, we're starting with you. It's like Cooper. I'll give're starting with you, Sly Cooper. I'll give you the most answer you've ever heard. I don't care. Sly Cooper. I'm just gonna say Dragon Ball. I knew it! Dragon Ball or Dragon Ball Z? Dragon Ball. Okay, that's fair.

That's respectable. The shift there was amazing. Yeah, honestly, so I got started on Dragon Ball Z, right? As we all did as children So I got started on Dragon Ball Z, right? As we all did as children. And then I watched Dragon Ball. Toonami? I liked Dragon Ball better because the story in Dragon Ball Z was always more geared around the transformations.

And it's like as soon as they transformed, it was like, we just murk everybody. But Dragon Ball was more of like a struggle. You know what I mean? I don't know. That's how it felt to me. Color me surprised that the show that legitimately you got made fun of for watching after school in middle school. Oh, yeah. Because of like the fact that it took 20 episodes for transform for saying to become super

your energy. Yeah. I'm still here. Yeah, yeah We got made fun of for Dragon Ball Z drag on escape you remember runes get Pokemon used to get you Your combat load actually I'm. You can have this one. That's awesome. That is rad. But yeah, RuneScape 3, and I get it.

You fucking know that. You fucking disgusting. You bottom. I gotta get back into it because they just released the 29th skill. Necromancy. I don't know what that means. It sounds awesome. I don't either because I haven't know what that means. I don't know what that means.

I don't know. It sounds awesome. I don't either because I haven't played it in months. It's like a worse version of Roblox. It's like the Borg's graphic. RuneScape is the adult Roblox, right? RuneScape is the adult Roblox. It is. Actually, yeah.

That's a really good way to describe it. Yeah. Roblox is a fucking... Woodcutting 99. Roblox is wild. I play Roblox with my kids, and I'm like what yo yeah fuck are they like what what is going on? So my my kids play roblox or at least my oldest does and it is they take anything that happens in pop culture And they beat it and they have to turn it into a nightmare scenario. They curse it. But literal nightmares. They just curse it.

Like scary. Like it scares. I'm a grown adult. I'm 30 years old, and it scares me. I'm literally watching my son play Roblox, and he's running from a giant PNG of Peter Griffin. He's like, meh. And he's like, Dad, who is this?

He's trying to get me. There's one of Michael Jackson, too, and it goes, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, he and it goes and you're like you don't understand any of these references and it's awful because you turn around and there's michael jackson like and then you run again and then like you turn around again you run like he's right there and he's ready for it i've never played roblox in my life roblox is all games that on tiktok when you scroll and it's like a scene from a movie, half the screen and the other half the screen is some fucking bullshit from Roblox. It's that type of shit.

No, I don't have kids. I have kids but I'm not a kid and it's just not for me. It's not for you. Roblox is a whole thing. When they're not playing Roblox, they'll watch YouTube videos about people making Roblox is a whole thing. They show me, when they're not playing Roblox, they'll watch YouTube videos about people making Roblox.

I get that, though. Transformers, Fall of Cybertron, I don't know if you guys ever played that one. It's pretty old at this point. But I used to watch that for hours. I don't know why. I don't know why, but I loved it. It was my heroine.

Don't trust my judgment on games, guys. We don't know why okay, but I loved it good. It was my hair. It was my hero like Yeah, don't trust my judgment on games guys. We don't Actually The slide was infamous was a great Actually infamous came out for the ps4. Yes, I was the second son was rad. Yeah, goodness really good Hours it was a ps3 or ps4 exclusive never touched it What's funny is it when you're playing that game the main character runs just likes like Cooper so, you know Did they use the same animation I just picture you like super in the side in the room did he use his glands to mark his mate I'm telling you guys earlier about like meeting Hideo Kojima he's like fucking bro I gotta be three years like you break the bulls out his phone he's like scrolling through pictures, I gotta meet the creator of Slay Cooper. He pulls out his phone.

He's like scrolling through pictures and it's not one or two. It's like a lot. It's like, here's him. He was like, and this is when he was

talking to his other guys. The creator's like wearing a gag. He's like, tie your chair. He's like, I'm like, I found him.

The thing that's made me successful with content is leaning into the things people make fun of me for Are you excited for Metal Gear Solid 8 collections, yeah, I baddie. That's I was asking you so yeah I bought it for you on steam. Yeah, you have to accept it and not make it off Betty is not playing that I'm like um I am amped I'm amped for the the the legacy collection part one as well as the remake of snake eater I think that's going to be dope.

Snake Eater 3. Yes. Correct. Good job. Fuck yeah! Yeah! You do it! I did it!

I don't. I don't know. The hard one, Betty, is Metal Gear Solid 1. Do you like the GameCube version? Because people either like it or just hate it. I appreciate them both. I think there are some things in the GameCube version. That are better, but suck.

That are better. The tiny disc was the best part. Okay, hang on. I will say this. As an appreciator of the PS1 version for nostalgia, the ninja sequence in the hallway for Twin Snakes on the GameCube is unmatched.

That is... What language are you speaking here no i'm not doing it for the folks at home i have this is on my review okay my review i did the exact same statement you just said there is there is a scene in in the hallway in the twin snakes where the cyborg ninja makes his debut uh that is on the level of of. It is one of the coolest character intros in video games for sure, but also it contends with cinema. Oh, I love it. Buddy, I'm here for you.

You're supposed to be my friend! Well, we bond on different things. Well, so that is, I always say the reason I love the GameCube version is that segment when you walk into that hallway with Snake and he looks through that window. It's one of the things I always talk about. And there's a scene where he's never seen it.

Okay, so Batty. Boom. I'm ready. Fucking, he walks up. Snake, you just. Interior. The hallway. Interior.

You just shot Nikita to blow up the electrical thing because it doesn't work! You walked over the electrified floor! You've crossed over the barrier! You run in and it's like... I am amped up right now. Hell yeah! The snake's like this. He's like... There's a door. So calm. In tow. He's got his.45. He's got the LAM device, the suppressor. Yes! Let's go! The Mark 23!

I own all of the real stuff. I have a real LAM. We need to talk after this. We'll go see it after. Yeah. I have a real lamb. We need to talk after this Yeah, I have the original Never been fired Wow is the price to be it. I just got hard under the table batty walk up doors like there's a window Yeah, and then I'm looking blood. What what what is that? You just hear the rifles going off. Oh, no. What kind of rifles?

They're FAMAS. Five, five, sixers. They're French. Yep, French. I can't buy one of those. They're very expensive. They're like $100,000. Yes, trust me.

The last one sold for $80,000. You know what you saw on Instagram? I saw a shopping cart filled with FAMASs, and it made me think, why can't I just have one? It's the one I want so bad and then because one just went the PSG one just sold and a FAMAS just sold and it was 110 or 80 European is specifically a house is used to cost Now it's the price of a Camaro. Depending on the situation. If you're looking for a good Camaro, head outside your base. I'm looking to get into a good Famas.

It is an anime scene. That is the one moment that is just anime. Because you have this invisible soldier. God, you two are such fucking nerds. Specifically, there's a part. He's down to the last guy. I have a video game sleeve. Half sleeve.

Okay, shut up, Sly Cooper. No, no, no. We love Sly video. It's a sleeve half sleeve and I okay shut up sly cooper. This is Okay, so it's an L shaped hallway. Yeah sly Cooper's there with this so Watching this whole window and the ninja character walks around the corner and he's covered. He's you see through right now. It's like who boo's brother. Yes People at home are writing He's covered in blood and he just walks to the end of the elf shaped hallway and he just is There's a hard look and it through the bloody window through It's hard dude when he gets covered in blood most gangster. Yes, they the genome soldiers are just There's so much backstory

We don't okay Betty back at your private you're shooting at a fucking wall Last last real thing I want to say to hype this scene up when he's walking towards that last dude bullets are going like everywhere because i'm missing because you barely qualified last last real thing i want to say to hype this scene up when he's walking towards that last dude and he's just walking but the guy's shooting at him and you hear the like he's blocking the bullets with the sword but he's moving as a sword yeah never mind i agree it is the most gangster fucking like i like more games than Sly Cooper. It's become my personality here, but I like other things too. It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients.

Vodka, soda, natural flavors. So, what should we talk about no sugar added neutral refreshingly simple i do a uh like ratchet and clank i like that you can't rebound with ratchet and clank man you gotta you gotta come out with like a halo or something now jack and daxter you're big in a platform game you are literally a platformer banjo and kazooie is probably one of my that's my second favorite game you guys ever heard of Super Mario Odyssey? You might know my friend Donkey Kong.

We go way back. Okay, real quick. Hold on. Did you own an original Xbox 360? Yes. The white one. The white knight. Yes.

God, I'm... I'm making an assumption here. Did you ever play the game Cameo Elements of Power? No. What? What? Damn. I thought about starting a Cameo account.

Is there a ninja in an L-shaped hallway? No, it's, so I actually won my first Xbox 360. Whoa. Wow. Do you remember way back when? What's the game called? Cameo. Elements of Power. I won an Xbox 360 off a Mountain Dew bottle cap.

I don't know if you remember back in the day that every 10 minutes... That's the fucking dream. I was... It was 2005, so I was, what, 14, 15? Oh, my God, Benny. I remember this botch art. Yeah. Cameo with a K.

Show me. It was the first original Xbox 360 game ever. Ever made. It was a release title. Oh, I remember that too. Batty. Wait, you J-O'd to this? That's a goth.

That is a batty. I know. I can look at her instantly like Batty J-O'd. Batty positioned the camera one or two times. I want to say I know exactly what he meant by J-O'd and I don't like that. Eli doesn't say jerk off. I've never heard that. He won't say'd and I don't like that. Eli doesn't say jerk off. I've never heard that. He won't say piss.

He says pee pee. And he won't say jerk off. He says J-O. I don't know why. He has trauma. We just leave it at that. I just hate this is what I envision. You're controlling character.

She walks up to a wall and then you just. You turn the camera so it's real close. Yeah, you went like this and then upped it. Her fucking Xbox 360 eyes looking off in different directions. 100%. I didn't want her to know I was doing it anyways. I won an Xbox 360 off a Mountain Dew bottle cap. And that's what you did with it?

100%. I know Batty's time. No, no, no. The second I seen that, I was like, Batty J, who did that first? That was the only game you could get. Because I won the Xbox three weeks before it came out in stores. Did you play Sneak King? I don't even know what that is. That's the Burger King game that came out.

No, I didn't. You didn't play Sneak King? No. I was busy playing Cameo. It was the only game that your options were you get Cameo or you could wait like a month and get another game so i was like okay i can get the xbox he's like nope i'll take that he's like 16 one month he's like he's ready well there was no other games out i had it before it was out in stores

you guys remember going to showtime Video and renting a video game? What? Yeah. You couldn't do that because it wasn't in stores yet. In another life. So the only thing I could do was get cameos because it came with the fucking Xbox I won. So I had to play this fucking dumb game with a hot goth girlfriend fairy. Did you?

Okay. Did you roll credits? Yeah. What was it? What was it? Give me, give me like this. My favorite part. There was a, so the whole point of cameo was she was a little fairy that could summon spirits or turn into spirits i don't remember which i didn't i didn't care because she was a fairy and she was hot yeah that's hot there was a fairy that could uh there was one thing she turned into

that was a termite carrying a lava bucket it was called thermite and that motherfucker lit everybody on fire that's all i remember it was there was there was also like a yeti but those are the only things that stand out there was her tits i get into the thermite lava bucket bug and a yeti that beat the shit i'd be willing through ice cubes yeah that's all that matters there was like eight more things doesn't matter i feel like in 2023 you can't get a game like that made no well it's funny because in 2023 too like when a new system comes out there's already dozens of games for you know there was what there was there I think There was three games that launch of a there's probably more right well there was three games

My buddy brought home the first Xbox 360 I ever got close to yeah, and he had oblivion yeah That was chosen It's weird think think of Oblivion was 2005. Oblivion was the ground level of the Xbox 360 to PS3. I'm going to say six. That's an old ass game. It had fucking Patrick Stewart in it, man. Yeah.

The Emperor. I remember the Gladiator scene from the Gladiator fighting is what I remember from that series That was like the first guild that you could do and not be very high level. I feel like yeah, and then you is just fun You're like yeah Yeah, yeah Cuz you have the announcer there the announcer that also was the voice of the guards that also was the voice of the dark brother I'd like to every voice like you imagine getting hired as a voice actor and like it was beginning just you're gonna voice this entire fucking Game also Patrick Stewart's's here don't get nervous he's gonna die and then nothing else matters well

it's better than what used to take place and we've i don't even know if we've ever talked about it it's like the bad voice acting that yeah we have so back in the day when playstation and this first 3d cd games came out it was they would be like oh steve Steve. Yeah, my cousin. You read before. You talk. You know English. Can you just say in the mic this? And it's, and to a T. Yeah. The lines are delivered like that.

By Kenneth from the grocery store. Yeah. Talk. What is, what games are like truly bad? Because I have one I'm going to find. Mega Man 8. Mega Man 8 is probably a prime example Because they had dr. Wiley voiced by someone's fucking uncle Legitimately mega man eight trust me mega man eight voice acting those guys are a lot more into video games from Sega's wait

This is one of my favorite Vios you have it. It's for Sega oh boy here we go baddie I know I would feel my Arctic blast now feel my Arctic black good good Good delivery Steve. That's good. Derek from accounting. We need Derek from accounting down here. We got an arctic blast. Feel my arctic blast. Feel my arctic blast. Yeah, it was just whoever was around. You? You, the master of video games?

I win. You're like, oh video games are so bad back in the day. We got lucky with Unreal. Fatality. But that's why Metal Gear Solid. Oh, here we go. Kojima cared about that? If you listen to the voice, the English voice performances in that game, they really are Shakespearean, man.

I mentioned Vulcan Raven at lunch. Shakespearean. You immediately were like, Vulcan Raven. Like, he is like you said, boss. A man who is feared and bad. General Ivan. I would rather play Sly as a man who is feared and bad. It's more entertaining.

For sure. As is possessed by a demon. By a demon. Welcome, Cossack. You can quote all the Metal Gear dudes. I feel like old video game one-liners are just better. If I say, do a barrel roll, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You know what I mean?

Stupid rabbit, let's go slippy. And the names apparently were better too, because yeah, they were all like that. Meanwhile, Link fans are like my favorite one is in like breath of the wild era is when you do something that's kind of like good but like calming he's like huh oh at lunch we we i told everyone that uh link is left-handed link is left oh and also mandatory fun day is left-handed that And also Mandatory Funday is left-handed. That's true. We need to talk about the revelation. Oh, man.

I'm not trying to put you on the spot. Put me on the spot. For those of you... This is a podcast and a video portion, right? But for those of you listening, not watching, Batty... We hate our listeners. Looks Rad has the Hylian shield.

Hylian shield. And the Master Sword. A Master Sword on the right thumb. The right, what do you call it? My right thumb. Yeah, we'll call it my thumb. Fuck it. The top of the thumb. The shaft. The shaft of my thumb. The shaft of his thumb. Yes. And on the other

shaft. The left, my left thumb is the Hyl his thumb. And on the other shaft, my left thumb is the Hylian shield. But Link, if you remember playing Breath of the Wild, Tears of the Kingdom, Link draws all Links. Except for Twilight Princess Link. That bitch. Yeah, mine are from the Twilight Princess era.

Batty, what system did that come out on? Wii. Which one? The Wii. The Wii 1. Wii Bowling. It was the The batty who did you what what system did that come out on? We we which one The we with the we won we we bowling it was in a kind of game. Yeah, it was the we nice pair Don't don't come with me like that. I know which one it it's not the we yeah, you remember we steal on we Yeah Wind Waker was I were seven. Oh, I don't Actually, I remember

Wind Waker was GameCube. I played it. I remember you shooting and you could feel the controllers. Was Twilight Princess GameCube? No, I'm actually like, wait. Was Twilight Princess GameCube?

No, Twilight Princess came out on GameCube, but it was marketed for the Wii because it had... Yes, yes. Okay, both. Yes. Okay. What was the... I was like, actually, like, what was the...

The Wiimote. No, it was the Wiimote, but what was this guy called? Did you guys have the... The Nunchuck. The Nunchuck. The Nunchuck. Yeah, it was the Nunchuck. Did you guys have the rubber thing for the Wii?

I didn't have a Wii. The Wii condom? The Wiimote condom? Yes, yes. I wasn't cool enough for a Wii. The Wii Bra. You don't want a bunch of those things running around. You know, you put a condom on them.

I would wad it up in my pocket like it was the goddamn Medal of Honor. So, I like Legend of Zelda. I have a bunch of Legend of Zelda tattoos. I have the Skull Kid and Moon from Majora's Mask on my arm. I have his health bar on my knuckles. And then I have the Highland Shield and Master Sword on my thumbs. Highland Shield on my left thumb, Master Sword on my right. I'm right handed, that's where a sword goes, right?

Because you're right handed. Because nobody in the world would be left handed unless they're born backwards and wrong. Not Link. It's fine. Link is left handed, I just found out! I found out in Japan's defense. Unless they're born backwards and wrong not link. It's fine If you I found out a way to manage the fit we did the research he draws my bow Handed left-handed left-handed fucked me up. Okay to be fair. There is a the box art shows link right-handed I bet you had to a fight. That was a That was a mirror. Somebody fucked up. Well, dude, I mean, like, I was just doing research, and I wanted to know this. Why are you doing research about that?

Because the Link video. You're a piece of shit. Did you Google how to upset my friend with his elbow tattoo? I was like, yep, yep, yep. So it was just like Link's fighting style. I was like, oh, what is it technically called? Bullshit, that's what it is. And then it was like Link's holding his shield in his right hand

I'm legitimately playing like tears the kingdom like I need to know this no we're doing a video So I do a legend of Zelda video. Oh sure. I had a new Easter on the table Oh, so I had to do the research yeah, also the fucking master sword that we get and that we have fucking Gigantic yeah, it's way off unwieldy a shit Yes, very much like we have the replica version the real version the blade is fucking five feet long Wow Eli's only five feet tall. Yeah, and I can't even jump over. It's like the big Goron Yeah, it's literally the Gordon's were weird. They are they're very weird they go runs Weird sex very just a lot of just fucking dust

Dirty yeah, but yeah, so bad left-handed in I have again the sword and shield tattooed on my thumbs there The wrong hand well none of us would have never known ever like offer. I don't know how that never registered I do I do feel like like you're among friends here, but if someone goes up to you is like You're gonna throw like chop them like that Yeah, my dad did me when I used to mouth off you. Oh my god. I used to throw China Actually that he's a piece of shit fuck you this is a good example Maddie how long have you had those tattoos I got them in 2019 2019 how many times it was Breath of the Wild like the driver like yeah I'm getting that no I actually I Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time are two of my favorite games of all time but that's fucking crazy think about that in those years how many people have actually told you

I've never heard that one like exactly my. That's how fucking ridiculous. One. One. My 38 years of life. I was like, huh? What the fuck? Is this an actual thing? And then you see him charging, and he's like this, and you're like, mother fucker. That does bring up a good point, because a lot of people don't realize this, since we're talking left and right, and since he hates Metal Gear Solid. Big Boss's eye patch is on the right.

Right side, yeah. But if you take aim, if you do a do a cheek to sock weld in any of the games He's still aiming down that right eye He can't see shit He can't see shit He's always like this Majora's Mask Left handed

Myth confirmed Some people say left handed Some people say correct handed Nobody says that. 90% of the presidents do left-handed. Are they really? 90% of the presidents have left-handed.

Dude, you are the left-handed keeper of knowledge. I'm autistic. Are you left-handed? I'm not a joke. He really is. I don't know whether I should laugh or be like, that's very cool, bro. I have useless knowledge in my head. I don't know whether I should laugh or be like, that's very cool, bro. Okay.

All right. Thumbs up. Man, you're doing so good. Man, good for you, bro. Good for you. I was like, that's more offensive now. When you say good for you. That's way more offensive.

Boy, you sure are trying. Ow, that hurts more. Oh, Lord, he's trying. Oh, Lord. I'm proud you made it this far. Ow, that hurts more. I love you guys are active today. You know, uncomfort. I hope they're offering jobs after we get kicked out. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. made a joke. He made a joke that was admittedly important. It was a bit of a World War II offensive-ish joke. Yeah. World War II happened a while ago. What's his handle? Wait, did he side with one side? No, no, no, no. He didn't do anything that was overtly.

It really wasn't. But it was kind of in that. He made Nazi-G jokes. Yeah, along the lines of like a concentration Yeah, he will not anymore not anymore. He was an artillery lieutenant Yeah, I say like and I don't know why it's like that weird for like Jewish jokes I'm like, you know, you have to be Jewish to make those jokes Where's Harley Harley? Harley? Come here Harley epic mealtime to be jewish to make those jokes where's harley harley harley come here harley epic meal time wow that's crazy is this good or not what do you so he just made a he made a joke like that and

it was it was kind of in the like when i say the ground level like 2020 tiktok is just starting to like come to prominence i don't think he really. The biggest military TikTok guy. Can you repeat the joke as if you find it funny? No. No. We'll just hard cut it exactly like that. When we are really far away from the microphone, I will. Dude, that's.

It's a weird spot because I've. The History Channel kind. Like, I got that. Hey. Eli had a TV show on the History Channel. If you didn't know that, now you know that. There you go. You guys have a show on the History Channel? No, I don't. I don't. Fuck all. TV show on the History Channel. If you didn't know that, now you know that. There you go. You guys have a show on the History Channel?

No, I don't. Fuck all. I play games on the internet. He had a TV show. So they had very control on that shit. That's when I learned how sensitive media is. Yeah, media. And you're like, what the fuck?

Well, it makes sense. Because once it's out, you can't put the genie back in the bottle. We've talked too because we don't just want to make videos on the internet forever. So we've talked about, hey, what would it look like to make a show or make an episode of TV or make a movie or something like that? Like us, other creators. Of course, we're looking to do more and grow.

You know what I mean? But also reconciling that with the fact that Hollywood and the landscape has changed to the degree of like, I don't really know what's okay anymore. You know what I mean? And they're going to, well, back end is. And it's going to continue to change. And it is. You can have a vision sticking with it but then like even though you might have military experience on how you like let's say you had a fucking amazing war story

unless you are one of the top tier directors they're going to change that story to how they see fit and you're going to be like well this is the how it actually happened it's a really compelling story and you're like that's fucking dope instead yeah here's what's going to happen listen you had a girlfriend uh she joined war with you you guys got deployed together it's like the like the outpost for instance like you like we know the pilots that flew in at the end of that movie to save the day they were guys in the movie it's ladies and you know someone had to in that boardroom had to be like what if they were girl pilots you know what someone in that boardroom had to be like, what if they were girl pilots? You know what I mean?

Absolutely. Which is cool. I know a lot of female pilots, and they're rad. But also, like, are we throwing the baby out with the bathwater, you know, trying to shoehorn certain things in? You've never heard that? Never. That is a staple military phrase.

If you were an officer, you'd be using that on a daily basis. I'm actually, this is the first. I come from old. You know what's cool? There's a red book called the Army Officer Guide, and it's like the size of a phone book. You know what the first thing in the Army Officer Guide says? Don't use first names.

Don't throw the baby out with the bat. And that's what we all do. My buddy, Lieutenant Leonard, that's Tim. I don't think that that's necessarily a bad thing. I can't find the book. That is the thing that makes me wonder

what would it be like to try to get any kind of IP made on a national level. So you have to it's extreme it's why my contracts when i do my contracts for like content creation or directly if i'm directing commercials or blah blah blah it specifically states eli has final say in the process of uh art so like you cannot argue with me on when I'm, hey, here's the product, and they can't say no, and they can't make changes.

If I agree with the changes, I will add them. If I disagree with them, I will fucking take them out immediately, and I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. Contract states that for a specific reason, because I've seen how corporate is, and then on the national level, on TV.

And when you leave things open to interpretation, that's bad. It will be interpreted differently. For us, that's bad. Yeah, every time. And so I think on that level of trying to do damage control, I would say if I was going to make something like a show,

my experience in the military has been extremely diverse. Oh, yeah. Men doing women, or women doing men's job, men doing women, or, you know, women doing men's job, men doing women's job. There's this mix of all these people that you never thought of. What are women jobs?

Yeah, what do you mean? Women jobs, you know, like... Go on on that statement. I'm gonna go... I'm gonna miss you when you lose your... What are women good at? I'm reporting you. I texted the...

He's like this, he's like... I texted the AFL commander. I'm gonna bat him. You guys talk about women's jobs. I texted the NFL commander. You're done. He's like presidents. You know? No, but I am curious. Can you elaborate on that? I didn't come out exactly the way I meant to.

God damn it. We're all doing jobs regardless of the you're saying any job regardless of gender we're all doing yes we're all doing jobs regardless of the traditional gender that's been assigned to it like male nurses sure yeah oh okay i got you that that makes good save bruh i get what you're saying i get what you're saying because like like stewardesses are seen as a stereotypical female job like the idea okay so like my grandfather's hyper traditional so if i take that i don't have any interest in anything like medical or working in the medical field but if i told him like hey i'm going to join the army and i'm going

to be an army nurse he would he would he's alive so he wouldn't roll over in his grave but if he was dead he would roll over in his grave like he would be like a boy nurse he wouldn't like he could not reconcile that's why isn't that wild yes mom mom did you see my race of course i did darling, you did your best. You tried. The thing is, it's not about winning. It's about taking part. Next year you might do better. But I did win, Mom. You did? When it's sunny, make sure you can still see. At Specsavers, get two pairs of glasses from $149 and one can be prescription sunglasses. Hey, the sun won't wait. Visit specsavers.ca for details. Conditions apply.

Yeah, I mean, all my grandparents are dead, so I can't reconsider. They're all minor. In the graves. Gone. They're all rolling over in the graves. But anyway, all that to say, I want that to be represented, I think.

And we've talked about the absence of a really good military backdrop show that represents like what we look like now i feel like this is a good representation holy man that show makes me so angry that's the pinnacle of military lifestyle god that show is the problem is that like i feel like the first episode of that show I watched had someone with the collar, the fucking Velcro collar on the ACS. It was that Paw Patrol. Oh, God.

It was the Who of Paw Patrol guy. I know what scene you're talking about. I have not watched that show in a long time. All my life, man. My wife binged it at one point when I went away for a month-long field probably. We deserve better than that. Do you feel like military representation in TV commercials? TV?

Okay, I will state this outright. Like I've lived in L.A., worked on that side. Did TV? Like I've got to watch how everything functions on mindsets and everything. And that's where it's like when you ask me, it's like, hey, military representation, how is that in Hollywood or TV? It's like, cool,

you have Band of Brothers, you have Saving Private Ryan, and then you have Black Hawk Down, and as your bygone eras, where they don't. 13 Hours did a fucking, okay, 13 Hours.

That's pretty good, probably my favorite movie, my favorite movie of all time, and it's not even really a military one, it's like adjacent. but I mean, they were like, hey, here's this, Benghazi, here's how the story unfolded, this is the chaos. Probably my favorite movie of all time. And it's not even really a military one. It's like adjacent. Yeah. But I mean, they were like, hey, here's this Benghazi. Here's how the story unfolded.

This is the chaos that took place. Those are like good representations. Military Jason's a good way to describe that. It's really good. But outside of that, then it is very random on like Hurt Locker where you're like, people thought the simple fact that- Where he picked up the bombs, right? The hundred pound bombs. why did he have a sniper

won awards and then he walks up to like all like they left the humvee unattended yeah they just ditched their everybody just ran and went like you're like there is certain aspects of military culture that they leave out and it it does it's nitpicky i'll acknowledge that but it's so fundamentally it's just i don't it's just fundamentally i feel like because we and i'll tell you as somebody who makes content that people from almost every nato military force have messaged me and said we bro in the french military we are just we do this thing yeah absolutely and it's like it's the cult it's a culture it military is a culture and there are differences right us in the us in the british military or whatever but there are also a lot of similarities and you can't leave those out

because it just leaves so much of the story out it just changes yeah it changes the picture it really is what it is. And some of it's necessary. I don't want to get into that. I think it truly, because if you're a military. The trauma bonding. Yeah, the trauma bonding.

Civilians aren't going to understand the suck. But when you are doing a military movie, you're at least 10% of your audience base is going to probably be veteran or military and watch it. So to cater towards that, it's like, just show a little of the suck. Yeah.

And then every military dude is gonna be like, yeah, that right fucking there. I, and it's so can know that. It's so funny too. Cause when you're going through the suck, right?

You're like, you're like F this, this sucks. But then, and I want to ask you guys this, do you see it now in a different way than when you were in? I have a lot of suck stories. I have.

I was in the National Guard, and I was a piece of shit. So I got a lot of suck stories, too. Mine are different, I think. Mine were because I was deployed in Iraq during the surge. Mine were because we went and got drunk one night when we weren't supposed to. So. Get it. I'll share one with you. Oh, dib dibs. Nah I'm dibs. That's fine. There. Oh no no no I like these. No we got three. I actually want to try that.

We'll do a beer for the last one. Can we all trade? I'm still more than half full. I'll do this one with you guys. I don't drink beer so. Wait do we want to all crack one at the same time? Oh you already did. The final you're the final crack the final crack Crackdown good job ready three two what fucking amateur Wow call me Justin Timberlake that was in sync, but I think the scene was that backstreet boys Phenomenal and I'm gonna use that and I'm gonna claim it as my own cuz there's Invented a new piece of officers. Oh for sure

Call me Justin Timberlake cuz I usually say call me the mailman cuz I'm just gonna fucking send it Cuz you fucked up my mail and lost it All the magic cards I'm waiting for right now got run through a machine and they got all fucked up Call me the mailman Call me the mailman because you're gonna raise a child you thought was yours for ten years Whoa My dad made that joke every moment he could He's like it's so weird we moved three times and had the same mailman Why do you why are you a ginger and I'm not oh?

Thanks, dad all your pool boys were ginger that it was deployed while you were conceived But like think of what are your top three favorite military shows movies shows movies. Oh fuck everyone has Troll movie Yeah The poster for that movie because my wife worked in a movie theater at that's and I was in basic training I was gonna say congrats. We all have Amazon 2012 okay Congrats, we all have Amazon. When did you go to basic training? 2012. Okay.

I'm thinking about that one. I really, like, I don't feel like any of the military movies I watch. I mean, I know my three. I also like American Sniper. Go, go. I mean, but that's kind of like. I mean, it's Band of Brothers, Saving Private Ryan, and 13 Hours. I'm going to go 13 Hours. I'm going to get another big reaction for this, but I haven't watched Band of Brothers yet Saving Private Ryan, and 13 Hours. I'm going to go with 13 Hours. I'm going to get another big reaction

for this, but I haven't watched Band of Brothers yet. Really? No. I'm going to. I'm going to. I will say, I'm not going to dog you. I know. I'm not going to dog you, but as a... Doggone. Doggone. I'm not doggone you. But there's

a big part of that that has to do with company grade officers that I think you really latch on to. And also the movie of the conscientious objector. Oh, Hacksaw Ridge. Yes. Very good. I get emotional when I watch that movie. It's a good movie.

I mean, it's amazing. It's hard for me not to listen to Black Hawk Down 2. That's four. Black Hawk Down is a rough watch. That was one that made me join the military. I'm also a Christian, so I don't know if it resonates more because I'm religious too, but I mean, it's

a good one to me. And also seeing Spider-Man as a soldier that doesn't want to carry guns, I don't know. It just does something for my loins. Hacksaw Rage is... Yeah, Hacksaw Rage is good. You know, I feel like a lot of my favorite movies don't really

like, I don't watch, like I love Band of Brothers. I'm with you. I saw, I literally had it recorded on VHS from HBO. VHS. If you own a VHS, you might be entitled to compensation.

Hey, be kind to one. That's all I'm going to say. Welcome to the Boomer Podcast. I used to go to Showtime Video to rent video games. Here we go. This episode of the Boomer Podcast brought to you by Life Alert. Back in the day, we put a quarter. Are you at risk for a fall in your home?

If I had to do one fucking segment from this podcast on your stupid fucking TikTok. With the deuce bags. With the Eliuce bags. With the Eli and Batty. Thank God that one's only slightly blonde and not ginger. You remember when we had to put quarters in the phones to call people? If you got you three in-ear plugs,

you may be entitled. I honestly should check into that. My left ear's gone. There's nothing left over here, man. They'll give you 10%. Baddie's 10%. Could you speak into my stroke ear, please? It's crazy.

I don't have 100% for how fucking ruined I am. 10% is what you get for ears. Yeah. Is it really? God. I want more than that. Trust me. I got to get more fucked up before I get out.

Zero percent. Honestly, one punch dad for Congress. That's what I'm saying. Make some change. Yeah. You'd have good hair. I could be a bald congressman. No, that's what I'm saying. Make some change. You'd have good hair. I could be a bald congressman. No, you couldn't. All right.

Why? Is that a thing? I was listening. Okay, movies, go. The show. I love Band of Brothers. What I was saying, I love Band of Brothers. I love a lot of, I don't see any of my experience in those shows, so I don't watch Band of Brothers

and be like, ah, yeah, it is like that, right? Because that happened 80 years ago It's funny because all of this all of the things that I watched that remind me of my service are like fucking dodgeball or Super troopers Tropic Thunder like watching yeah, I can't drop it on it exactly like joke joke movies I watched them and I'm like I Fucking live where nobody is taking anything serious who hasn't been in a barracks or barracks room organized yeah yeah or like stack the beds up and be like we have so much more room for activities where nobody's taking anything

serious even the things we should be right the life the life threatening things precisely so this is a good example of a lot of people think they watch one war movie and they think even this day i get people coming in like i'm joining the infantry i'm like why you're not good bro if you think you're gonna see combat yeah no if you join during the surge it still was a smaller percent to see the i was in from 08 or sorry 09 to 14 they canceled our one deployment. I never deployed. I literally,

I still don't have a combat deployment. I volunteered for deploying units. I volunteered for SOAR, 75th, YS task, like everything I could. I did deploy, and I played a lot of Madden 2010. And that's what people, it's this fucking absurd realization

because they think like, oh, everyone's been in a gunfight or anything like that. And you're like, no, no, no, that's like. Those are the stories you hear on the History Channel. What does Chicago want? Yeah, yeah. Like, it is an absurd story. If you want military stories though,

or it is the office, it is those like what you guys are saying. It really is. Oh, this is more military than anything you, or it is the office. It is those, like, what you guys are saying. It really is. It's like, oh, this is more military than anything you're going to do. The gun fights. Yeah. Your career is literally lived out in these, like, colloquial situations where you're like, oh, hey, did you get the thing? Oh, no, I didn't get the thing.

Oh, here's the thing. Oh, thank you. Okay. Have a good day. You got the thing? You doing anything this weekend? It's so funny. It's very, like, subdued. Yeah very subdued in this way that we're not.

This is the typical. And I want you all out there to realize that. It is not. You're just walking out and getting shot at. A majority. Unless you're that fucking, again, a very small percent. It's not going to happen. And that's why it feels so silly when our leadership gets us all in a formation.

And they're like, hey, y'all are out there giving 110% some of the finest soldiers in this unit. And you're like, I printed some stuff. I collated them. I found that Kyle guy who owed us $250 back in 2014.

Got him. I saw him major. Hero of the week right here. Bring him up. Bring him up. Round of hero of the week right here. Yeah, bring him up. Bring him up. Hey, round of applause for this young soldier here. Hey, big, big, big bad guy over here. Can I tell you guys a story real quick? I don't think I've ever sold this on the podcast.

The best and worst day for me in the Army. Okay. I had just gotten an AAM. I don't remember. It was after Jared T. No, not Jared T. Do we have to stand at parade rest for this story?

He said stand. He said stand. No, sorry. It was after sniper school. I got in a lot of trouble at sniper school. I was there

with two other guys and both of them didn't have Gubby travel cards. I did. I paid for everybody's food and stuff because Arkansas

doesn't have a chow facility. So everything was on my card so when they saw like a hundred bucks a hundred bucks they thought i was out just getting pissed drunk shammered whatever um and so i almost got kicked out of sniper school right after second phase because they saw all these charges on my gun i was buying meals for everybody every night because there's no chow facility every night you're allowed to leave barracks go are allowed to leave and go get food. I forget what it's called. And the difference is these guys come out of pocket. And the big thing was I was an E3 or an E4 at the time.

An E5, that was one telling me to do this, who was from my same unit, who told me I had to pay for it. I was like, oh, so you were directed. I literally was. So I got this call. Hey, you're getting kicked out. You got to come home. The financing sergeant major found out all your fake fraudulent charges. And I was like, I was told.

It's like 2 in the morning. I'm covered in face paint. I'm like, I just got back. What? I had to have this guy go on a phone call and like vouch that. He was like, yeah, no, he's paying for us all. I'm like, got home. I had the dog shit smoked out of me the worst i've ever had like gymnasium dragged my face across until i was bleeding and you passed this is after i graduated

sniper school this is the military i was an honor student graduated dragged my face um and i got home literally bleeding on the face from a gymnasium back and forth sniper wrote low crawling because my section sergeant didn't like Me so that the best part was the passing sniper school. Yeah, the worst part was getting snow. Not yet. We're not there yet Oh, we're not even there. We're in the military Sorry, so I'm getting you know smoked back and forth in a gymnasium until my face is bleeding my uniforms ripped All this shit your face is bleeding yeah i was sniper low crawling across the gymnasium with rocks and just the the gravel and shit ripped my yeah and this was pre-formation before we were getting uh dismissed and finally we called the formation

so i'm standing there all fucked up because for like it was like four or five hours just back and forth and told oh and then i get called to the front of the formation by lieutenant colonel to receive an award for how good i was doing so i'm all like fucked up they're like giving me awards and shit i'm just bleeding him like yes sir did he like come in for like a handshake he's like you better not say a fucking word no they had no idea what's going on yeah so i'm telling you right now he had no idea what was going on no idea no so disconnect the naivete yeah you know in intrusive leadership i make fun of that term right because usually what ha what usually what people say is intrusive leadership is let's get in the barracks at five in the morning let's do some barracks it's like no can you fuck off like it's intrusive intrusive

leadership to me is like hey let's make sure we actually know what's going on. Yeah. Right? Like, let's make sure we know our people aren't being abused. What did you say earlier? Transparency? Transparency. None of that.

But if you don't want to, if you're a senior officer especially, like, you don't have to have any. I got an award. My name was spelled wrong on it. Gave me the challenge coin. All this shit. I got a hoodie. My name was spelled wrong on it. Gave me the challenge coin. All this shit. I got a hoodie. My name. Special company uniform shit.

All this cool shit. My last name is 12 letters. Not a single baseball trophy has ever been spelled correctly. Yeah, 10 letters. I get it. All fucked up. It's just totally wrong. And we got out of formation.

They're like, what's wrong with you? I'm like, I don't know what I did Yeah, I got they said I did a thing wrong, but then they said I didn't do the thing wrong Then it got no, but I embarrassed somebody so they beat Cuz I didn't deploy and I went to sniper school you couldn't go to sniper school unless you're deployed well I did course you could yeah. Well I did and they didn't like that my favorite thing the military the gatekeeping i will say this like i hate there's people out there if you're this guy it still helped me god i'll fucking slap you in the goddamn face if these people like because they have not

seen combat it'd be like me being like fucking fucking pussies. You've never seen fucking... You know what I think? I'm like, man, I wish I was that smart. My dumb ass had to get shot at so many times. I'm so stupid. I have so many dead friends from this. Because there's a standard. We're all about the standard.

Oh, well, we are until we're not. Yeah, we are until we want to add to it. it's like bro there is literally a written standard just if somebody meets the standard and i get it if they're borderline maybe then that person doesn't need to go but like i i don't know it's so frustrating when i see service members get held back from opportunities because they don't meet somebody's subjective standards. Yes, absolutely. I will tell you, I'm an air defender. I work in air defense.

Thank you for your service. We assume you work in air defense. Okay, okay. Right there. Right there. You motherfucker! I'm an air defender and I work in air defense. Right there. I say that Fucker! I'm an air defender and I work in air defense.

Right there, like I say that, like I've been in serious conversation like I'm an air defender. People are like, oh, yep. It's understood that what we do, a little bit silly. It's not though. It's really not. It isn't. It's real. real but because you want them to shoot down helicopters yeah well we don't want that especially not our helicopters the enemy helicopters uh we have gatekeeping well like like every branch has gatekeeping yeah this way that's just like like it's weird to think about like the admin guys like how many packages you file this yeah people need to feel superior they

do that they need people feel they need to feel superior yes you see it like i see in jujitsu oh yeah i'm sure yeah any like so my my favorite thing is obviously we're me and elia we're both guys we're both 11 bravos the amount of times you see me like oh i was in bravo this guy fuck oh he worked in the s shop fucking Fucking put. It's like, motherfucker. Every amateur makes fun of cat scouts. Every time you ever got a ride in your life. Every time a cook comes up with hot chow. A motherfucker comes up to fix your shit.

Or Doc comes up with some band-aids. Did you ever mock that man? Did you ever complain? No. No. Okay. I don't normally hype up my own content this way. I did a top five

of the top five people you don't want to piss off in the military. I'm curious what y'all's ranking is. So number one. Number five would be your head cooks. You can't start at five. I'm an infantryman.

Start from least important. Least important, but you don't want to piss them off. I can't count backwards. I'm an infantryman. Okay. Start from least important. Least important, but still you don't want to fuck up. But you don't want to piss them off. Drivers of any kind. 88 mics. Okay. 88 mics. Would you include that to include mechanics?

Yes. Okay. Drivers and mechanics. Yes. Okay. Drivers and mechanics. Solid number five. Now I'm going to the motor pool.

I don't want to do fuck all, but get my fucking book and go. Yeah. I was in a logistics unit, so those are just two different log to me But look yeah, but log is like what I do. I get all lot all log is honestly Why is a solid number four? Yeah, I agree with that. I'm going specifically for shit tickets G's please bring don't just take my rifle. Don't make me clean my star chamber again. Please. What's number three? I'm just realizing how different of a military

I was in versus you guys. Okay, what was your number five and four? Okay, so what you guys are saying right now. So supply and arms room. For him, it was the guy sharpening spears. So even those were 11 Bravos in my unit you have to understand well my unit

This is necessarily their branch, but their function right like okay, so of those people like would would you consider? Okay, your supply and your armor both infantrymen really which would you throw off the boat if it was gonna sink? It was a dude. This is like surge. It was every like if you're a tree. You're just everyone's yeah additional duty. Yeah, it was a weird time. Okay, so. It was a weird time. So you got to kill one.

Who are you killing? So we didn't fucking deal with supply, and then fucking. Oh, wait. You didn't get an extra roll of toilet paper for your rucksack, man? Come on. No. Like, dude, like, come on. This was a weird, like, that's what my mind is blown right now.

I'm like, my mind right now, I, that's what my mind is blown right now. I'm like, my mind right now, I'm like, what the fuck is your guys' army? I was like, what is, because we had our. Some extra shit tickets. When were you in, when did you get out again? I got out. I got out. In 08.

Okay, you got out in 08. Okay. I was out, out. I came in in 08. I know, so I was out, out. This army is the goddamn army right now, man. I know. Could have been. I'm an in a way. I know. So I was out out. You're the sergeant major of the goddamn army right now, man. I know. Could have been. I have my eyes open.

But so when I was like even, I mean, cleaning guns probably. So weapons, the two people that were on weapons maintenance. So you had a weapons cleaning guy? No, we had to. No, fuck. Okay. No, we had to phase three clean all our fucking guns. Right, yeah.

All the fucking time. Scrub-a-dub-dub, yeah. So like, I don't know if you all did this during blank firing exercises. They would be like, we're doing this for two days. I wouldn't shoot a single round. I would just yell bang as loud as possible. Pop, pop, pop. And I'd be like, I'm out of ammo.

I came in. And I would literally get rid of, I would throw all my blanks and have blank empty bags. You're a piece of shit soldier. So then they would be like, Quaves is out. So when I came back, I'd be like, they'd be like, clean your weapons. Clean Big Star. I came in. Clean Big Star.

It's done, baby. Fuck you. It's called entrepreneurship. We would yell budget cuts. Budget cuts. Budget cuts. Budget cuts. Yeah, that has been the big sequestration.

Sequestration. Use it in a sentence, please. Bravo over here. Can I have country of origin my number 3 was the combo guy so I was lucky I was the combo guy for cypress so like I could do whatever

I wanted with combo you had to learn it too well yeah the infantry guys you guys crossed train a lot. You had to redo it? I remember, yeah. SKL or ANCD? Oh I don't know if that was one. Nope.

The SKL? SKL. Loading crypto. Dagger. The daggers! O8254, your ASIP, your inbidder is a plugger. O8254, inbidder. Yes, okay.

The ANCD was what predated the SK SKL SKL is how you loaded your crypto You didn't do it by hand and typing it in well you had two ways you have the box Reader dude Can with the stream ah? That's oh yes, you baddies is that you have that National Guard? I typed it in bro Betty you had a green box was like a tiger the Green Gameboy look at your GPS. What was that? No, what was the GPS was the dagger dagger the plug?

To yes Now it's now it's JVC Like I'm sweaty Yes, thank you. That's Blue Force Tracker. Now it's JBCP. Now it's JBCP, but it was Blue Force Tracker. I'm sweating. They keep changing the names of systems like PLDC. What is that? WLC is now BLC. Okay, I was saying it was WLC when I was there.

Yeah, me too, but it's BLC now. Radios. Radios are- Stop making shit up. Radio operator. I got my first AM from learning how to do tax ads. Listen, to make Sergeant First Class, you got to go to Wingardium Liviosa. Thank you. Yeah, we're good.

All right, Gandalf, chill, or else you go to Askerman. Dude, a lot of the jobs it was, as you guys are saying, like you would just cover down. So radio, we learned, because i remember uh brown our uh forward observer he was our calm guy for a deserver he was still infantry yeah it was quavers dial this and we have to call for fire and it was like but that okay and i remember on that mission we were in the fire this is like oh here we go i got shot in the leg this is this is different and. And I was like punching it. I was like, I remember Brown asking. He's like, this is important.

We need to thank Coy of Skittles. This is important. I was like, fuck. I'm like, what was that? It's an eight digit. Are you sure? I was just like, Tism, please pull this out. And I hit it.

I was like, Tism. And he was like. I'm assuming Tism wasn't a soldier. No, that's me. And he was like, I'm assuming TISM wasn't a soldier. No, that's me. And he was the radio transmission bag. He's like, boom, boom, called for fire. And he's like, Quavis fucking knocked out of the job. I was like, right.

Fucking shit. I did it. Okay. No, this is not a joke. There's a waveform that is oncoming in the army. It's called TISM. TSM. I'm not even kidding. There's a waveform that is oncoming in the army. It's called TISM. T-S-M. I'm so happy. I'm not even kidding.

Are you serious? They have to do this on purpose, though. RISM with the TISM. No, just TISM. The TISM RIS. That's a... Call for TISM. That's genuinely wrong, though.

You know what I mean? Like... I love the army. I love how quiet it is right now. No, I love it. Comparatively to everything else. We're talking about that. I was like, oh, they know about that.

No. No, we don't know. We don't know shit. They're talking about a different kind of TISM. We're going to make, I love it. Comparatively to everything else. We're talking about that. I was like, oh, they know about that. No. No, we don't know. We don't know shit. They're talking about a different kind of stuff. We're going to make a shirt of it. We got mechanics

and drivers. Number three was Camo. Camo. Yep. See, drivers. Drivers 11 Bravo. That's it for me. I wouldn't even put Camo

on the list because I never had that issue. But see, I was the Camo guy. You never had comms go down? I was the guy who fixed it. I was the Camo in the list because I never had that issue, but it see drivers drivers like you Fixed it It's a good thing we got four mics. Just cut the noise on a few of them. But your drivers were

11 Bravos. Yeah, they were. Whose drivers are not 11 Bravos? People who are not 11 Bravos. Literally anybody else. They get 88 mics for that shit. Usually if you're a bad shot, you're a driver. You're the driver.

The bad child? Bad shot. You're the driver. Wow. The bad child? Bad shot. Or the newest guy. For us it was our newest guys. Our newest guys were made drivers. That's the only school they have. And if they come from New York they don't even have that school. I would say number two medic number one is cooks.

I was going to say doc. A hot plate of food. And it's funny. It's funny because doc and the cook is definitely interchangeable. Yes. Is cooks I was gonna say doc is hot plate of one hundred percent Doc in and the cook is definitely interchangeable. Yes, it's a close. We didn't have What if you did okay? Well you have a doc. Did you have a dog? Oh dogs were our number one Okay Yeah, you are a good day where nothing happened and you had a doc if a dude showed up and he had some hot chicken

Nuggies would you not be like doc? Yeah I say warm, not hot. Cargo pocket warm. It's so funny that you say that because I had a major at one point that would stuff MRE cheese down with his feet in his sleep system. That's how it loosens up. In his sleep system. It's nacho cheese after that. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Warm in the morning. Fuck, that's a good idea.

Yeah, nacho cheese. It's not a bad idea, but it's a disgusting idea for sure. Stop. Don't you dare tarnish. Velfita. I wish I remembered the jalapeno cheese. The jalapeno cheese. idea for sure stop stop i mean it makes sense to me dare tarnish vilfita i wish i remember jalapeno cheese the jalapeno i can't even eat the jalapeno cheese anymore it makes me because i'm like doesn't dude you missed out on the best mre which is the veggie egg omelet

mexican style chicken stew is my favorite no this is the hands down the worst mre that has ever existed it is just like a clump of matter wait wait wait it's not a thing anymore no it's been gone he doesn't know what it is literally just an obelisk of mad i've seen it but i've not eaten order one right now it is so god we need to do favorite mres what's your favorite chili mac south You can't do it. We need to do favorite MREs. What's your favorite? Chili Mac. Southwest. Don't do that because that's the classic. That's the Sly Cooper of that answer.

How dare you tarnish Chili Mac with Sly Cooper's bullshit. Southwest chili and beans is unmatched. Never had that. Southwest chili and beans. I'm not going to have a majority. Restaurant quality. Mexican style chicken stew is my favorite. Never had that one either.

Eli had rocks and dirt. Yeah, mine was... He had the old cane and ankle. It was deer. Oh, deer. I like this. This is a great cow. It was an Iraqi cat. That was his MRU.

I think this is a dog, right? They have lunchable pizzas. You can get lunchable pizzas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have pizza emeralds. You know one of the ones that was newer when I left? It was peanut butter and jam. It was two pieces of wheat snack bread with peanut butter and jam.

It was blackberry jam too. That blackberry jam is really good. It goes hard. I love it. Did you have the chicken breast emeralds? Yes. With the grill marks that are... jam is really good. It goes hard. Did you have the chicken breast MREs? With the grill marks that are... There was the other one that had the grill marks. There was like the pork...

Oh, the pork rib. The pork rib, the fake pork rib. It's a McRib. It's not a McRib. We have McRib at home. That's still around. Why can't I say Chili Mac? That was the best one. Chili Mac's good, but it's the one that everybody's...

Because it was the best. Chili Mac is the most protein and calorie dense. I eat one pouch of Chili Mac, and I'm ready to go another 10 hours. Oh, God. But every time we would run up to that box, the veggie egg omelet, that is the only thing that would be sitting in that box. And I just didn't eat on

Those nights when I go to me. It's the side You've eaten memories long enough like you just don't want to eat anymore. No Long enough you never poop again. Yeah, sometimes you look at an MRI and you're like, you know what? I'll just go I have turns in me from 2013 You can cut into them account the rings One of those pizza combos. Look at that. It's a calcified pepperoni. We didn't even chew it. It's just whole.

You know what? I think it's a wonderful place to say it, but thank you for watching the episode. As always, we have Eli doubled up by some baddie streams. And our two beautiful, powerful, very bald guests. We have mandatory fun day and, of course, one punch dad. We will see you guys over on Patreon for the after show. What? Where can we find him? Well, we got to get there. We got see you guys over on Patreon for the after show. What?

Where can we find him? Well, we got to get there. We got to get there. You got to stop cutting me off when I'm in the middle of the- Where can we find him? Where can we find you Mandatory Funday? Mandatory Funday. He hates your name.

Mandatory Funday. Sly Cooper sucks. Listen, Sly Cooper is awesome. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. Mandatory Funday? Mandatory Fun Day. Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, also Reddit,

slash, fuck Sly Cooper. Thank you. Do you like anime by chance? Mandatory Fun Day? Or One Punch Dad? Do I like anime? Do you like anime? One Punch Dad? One Punch Man is goaded. It's awesome. It's the best anime. It's a good anime. It's amazing.

You know what's awesome? His tattoo. It is. That is the soldiers creep. It's awesome. You're welcome. Start getting cash back at Sephora, Uniqlo, Expedia, and other stores you love. You can even stack sales on top of cash back. Just start your shopping with Rakuten to save money at over 750 stores. Join for free at Rakuten.ca or download the Rakuten app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N.

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