Unsubscribe Podcast - 129 - OUR YOUTUBE CONTROVERSIES ft. Sniping Soup, Nikko Ortiz & Your Narrator

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

UNSUB DOES TWITCHCON WITH SOME VERY SPECIAL GUESTS!! FOLLOW OUR FRIENDS!! Sniping Soup https://www.youtube.com/@soup Nikko Ortiz https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIQYGsyTh6WOJ-k5kxj4NVA Your Narrator https://www.youtube.com/@YourNarrator ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! BABBEL Get 55% off at https://www.babbel.com/UNSUB MANSCAPED Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with code UNSUB at https://www.manscaped.com FUM Head to https://www.tryfum.com/UNSUB and use code UNSUB to save an additional 10% off your order today! FIRST LEAF Give your palate what it really wants with Firstleaf. Go to https://www.TryFirstleaf.com/UNSUB to sign up and you’ll get your first SIX hand-curated bottles for just $44.95! ------------------------------ UNSUB MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast JOIN THE PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast WE HAVE A SUBREDDIT??? https://www.reddit.com/r/UNSUBSCRIBEpodcast/ CHECK OUT https://outofregz.com/ CODE: UNSUB ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o MORE LINKS! https://linktr.ee/UnsubscribePodCast ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie- @BaddieStreams https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -Eli_Doubletap- @EliDoubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by GVAN https://www.twitch.tv/gvan11b https://www.instagram.com/gvan11b/ https://twitter.com/GVAN_CC unsubscribe pod podcast episode ep unsub funny comedy military army comedian texas podcasts #podcast #comedy #funnypodcast #military #gaming Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to Unsub 3:27 Soup's Content & YouTube 20:32 How Nikko Met The Squad 24:08 YouTube Controversies 31:57 Narrator's Almond Farm 41:15 Military Experiences 44:21 Insane Video Gamers 48:06 White Privilege 51:13 Eli's Purple Heart 54:12 Childhood Stories 1:01:02 We're Boomers 1:05:24 How Soup Went Viral 1:08:42 Accents 1:12:28 Pew Pews & Military Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why privilege be crazy? Yeah, I got almond ketchup! It's shit! Whatever, I'm hanging Mexican. I'm gonna make it to the kill. Colored is crazy. You guys are definitely gonna hear me pee on this microphone. It's a real privilege to be able to travel and to see different places.

Taking yourself out in comfortable positions and challenging yourself. No one builds a legacy by standing still. Start your journey at Remover.com. All good? Hey, we did it, guys! Are we rolling on? All the cameras are rolling. Everybody shut the f*** up!

Oh, shit! I don't want it! Hey! Oh, dad! Okay, first we've got to crack it. Three, one, two... Already cracked. Oh, shit! No, I'm kidding. I don't want it! Hey! Oh, dad! Okay, first we gotta crack it. Three, one, two... Already cracked. Hold on.

Oh, you son of a biscuit. Hold on. One, two, three. A crack! Hey! Cheers, boys. Cheers. Cheers. That guy's fucking ridiculous And we don't know Best not to ask yourself why

But my friend you've arrived Welcome to Unsubscribe Kill As I just like tilt to the side I know Just pour it out the back Just make a huge flood back there Hey guys welcome to another episode of Unsub

We're at TwitchCon Everyone's loving it It's fucking cooling s***. And we're joined by our beautiful boys. We got Mr. Nico, Mr. Grant, your narrator, and Soup. Howdy. Dallas Soup. This is the first time you've been on the show.

These guys have all been on the show. I'm a virgin. Oh, I love it. You pop that s***. Welcome. Welcome. been on the show I'm a virgin he was he's the what I know about soup so far he is the guy's like I'm almost there I'm all you're getting in the car bro about to turn right at the door yeah sorry wrong block I actually went next door, and the guy was like, oh, you're talking about the other building. So then I ran over here.

Oh, hell yeah. I appreciate you coming. I made it. When did you get in? Nine o'clock this morning. Dang. Oh, okay. Damn.

Okay. I'm so tired right now. This has been a day. I don't even know what camera to look like at right now. That one, I think. I think that one is yours. I think you're like an A6400. How's everyone's traveling?

How's everyone been? I actually had the best travel getting here, so I'm pretty fucking excited. Yeah, nice week. Because I live out here, so fuck everybody. I'm 15 minutes from this bitch. I know. Lucky. Get fucked.

And then you flew in yesterday. I flew in from Austin. Yeah. And it was pretty easy, to be honest. Just got off the flight, took a power nap, and then just woke up. I'm like, hooray, Vegas. No, flying into Vegas is fucking stressful. That's bullshit.

Nah, dude. Supes like, yeah, whatever. He's like, I'm just here, bro. What's up? You came out to the range days with everyone earlier this year. Did you go to both or just one of them? I went to both, yeah. So you a gun guy?

A little bit. I dabble. That's a no. That's a fucking no. I mean, I like guns, but I'm not super into it. I mean, I have an AR. I have a shotgun. I have two Glocks.

Okay, he's a gun guy. You lied to us. You could have just said yes, man. You have a three. I have two Glocks. Okay, he's a gun guy. You lied to us. You could have just said yes, man. You have a three-gun setup. We're not like fully autos and fucking guns and suitcases and shit. I'm not that into it. You have a three-gun setup, though. You have a shotgun, Glock, and an AR.

He's ready to run some fucking courses. He's like, I'm ready to comp right now. Let's do it. Well, John Wick over here. No, I'm not into guns, bro. It's just a hobby. Dude, your content is... First off, how did you get into...

Back in the day, when you first started, is it something you were like, hey, I want to do this? Or what was a career you were looking into before going into this? I mean, I've been doing YouTube and shit forever. When I first started, I was doing doing like Mario

videos like I was always into playing video games and shit and then as soon as I found out that you could make money I was like fuck yeah I'm full pedal to the metal I'm gonna play video games for a fucking living no doubt what was the first one that like blew up for you Hey, this is something that's actually going to make... I can make money doing this. Rust. Damn, Rust. Fuck. I could never.

Rust, DayZ. It's just not for me. Tarkov, barely did that. I'm fucking good. But yeah. Rust is balls and wieners. You've got to have some fucking tough skin to play Rust, dude. I couldn't do it.

I'd freak out. I learned very quickly that that wasn't necessarily something I wanted to do all the time. Once I started really getting into it, I was like, all right, it's time to switch it up a little bit. But I still like the games and everything. I think I'm going to just do Call of Duty like everybody else. I don't know. I was telling them before you came in, I was watching your GTA RP because you do that. And then when you were a Navy veteran, bro, that had me dying.

Thank you. I was like, yes, thank you. First off, thank you for your service. Absolutely. You're an American hero. I just feel like I need the guy with the one leg. He's an aviator. He got fucked up.

Stepped on a bomb. In the middle of the ocean as a veteran I love your humor thank you I was dying but I was like this guy gets it

this guy don't even care if he has it served or if he served that's even more gangster but he understands he gets it

yeah he gets our humor what are you going into is it RP now is your main thing that's like the big thing that everybody kind of likes but I mean I do all kinds of shit I mean I play all kinds of video games do whatever Is it RP now is your main thing? That's like the big thing that everybody kind of likes.

But I mean, I do all kinds of shit. I mean, I play all kinds of video games, do whatever. I have a second channel where I just watch fucking TikToks and shit. A reaction channel? Yeah, I mean, I do all kinds of shit. It pays the bills, man. Let me tell you. Let me fucking tell you. That reaction shit is gay, dude.

I would never do that. I would never do that. We're all reaction channels over here. I would never do that. I would never do that. I said, dude, I said the same exact thing until I started doing it. I was like, hey, it's not too bad. Hey, me too. I did a fucking reaction on it. My first ever reaction video was a Space Force boot camp video. And I was like, bro, I'm never going to make it. But they asked for this.

So I'll do it. Blows up. I'm like, this is all I have to do like are you fucking serious this guy falls off monkey bars oh my god he fell off a monkey bars ha they're like boom dude more this I'm like it's like audible subtitles what the fuck are you talking about it feels like a monetize pretty much dude it's like oh my, YouTube's been on my ass about monetizing shit, but yeah. Yeah. We did a video together.

I sent him. He's like, oh, when's that video going up? I'm like, bro, they're coming for my life. This video's not going up. Every single video we reacted to, they're like, no, that's too violent. Or you guys curse too much. Or that was rude. Meanwhile...

Oh, I got the receipts. YouTube, coming for that ass, bitch. Meanwhile, I posted the same exact one that he recorded for my channel. No problems. I'm telling you, people are like, oh, do this shit. I'm like, bro, I literally can't. I'm like, YouTube is actual politics. They will not allow me to blow up in another sector.

I have to stick with what I know. Thanks for all the views, by the way. I got you, man. Appreciate it. I put my boys on. I was able to pay my mortgage this month. It's crazy watching. Do you experience the same thing where ad monetization, where it's like, hey, man. Appreciate it. I put my boys on. I was able to get my mortgage this month. It's crazy watching. Do you experience the same thing where ad monetization, where it's like, hey, you're

flagged. It's yellow or demonetized or anything like that. Yeah. Yeah. It was more so like when it first started happening, like the demonetization shit, it was really bad. Because like when it first started happening, I had just hit the point where I was like, oh, I can like make a living doing this

shit career and then then you get fucked I was like oh never mind I need to go to college never mind no you can you just got to keep going and figure out all the loopholes and then can't apparently you can't talk about the programs you get put in on YouTube but like just keep going you get put into certain programs that'll back you up on like limited ads and stuff like that so just keep banging them out I was about to say I knew about your reaction channel now that I see your face cuz I was like hmm Let's see what YouTube's got and then one day. I see this thumbnail where this dude has like crack cocaine eyes He's gonna go home with he puts his hat off, takes his coat off, his wife's like, how was it?

He's like, they said I have crack cocaine eyes. She says the same thing. That's what I'm going for. Crack cocaine eyes right here, bud. I was like, okay, good shit. Yeah, that's on one of the range day. And I was like, oh, okay, for sure. Yeah, it's that dumb ass, yeah.

Right there. Oh my God, no, because we have um leon lush he is always the one i go off of because he has clean content he can't say the word fuck or anything he cannot cuss on any of his formats reacts or whatever and it's up to 20 minutes whereas on sub we get away with a lot surprisingly for everything for everything we talk about. And they're usually, it's like, oh, green, green. We get, out of every 50 videos, we'll have one demonetized. And it's because it's like, oh, you said, bleep that out, G-Band. An hour and 48 minutes.

Pass that. No one cares about anything we do. You have the, or you just canceled. See, the people won't cancel me. YouTube tries to kick me out the bucket but i'm like no bro eat a dick i'm not i'm not quitting y'all are gonna lose this fucking fight and they do every time so i'm like it's fine okay so what all do you do exactly like are you mainly reaction i don't fucking know at this point i do a little bit of a little bit of podcast reactions gaming shorts live channels just create a gun tube channel because i'm bored now so that'll end up popping up eventually

and then yeah i met nico because i he popped up on my twitch and he was like 90 viewers or something i was like yeah yeah i only have like 90 viewers and then i called i got your number on ig or i was like dm'd i was like oh shit i'll dm, your IG wasn't big at that time, so I was like, hey, can I get your number, he was like, oh, I don't give that out, I was like, who the fuck is this guy, because I was going, I was like, bro has 90 viewers, I mean, oh, he really thinks he's up, this is my info, bro. Dude, super fat cock, man, yeah, you're a hell of a dude, with your 90 viewers. I was like, what the fuck, Finally, we hopped on the phone. You're like, actually, here.

Here's my personal call. I had to vet Eli really quick. And I'm like, OK. Because the second you start getting in touch with following people, ask for the number 25. Oh, dude, yeah, you want to invest in my company? Oh, we should play games with me. Like, phone numbers, all this.

I'm like, no, I can't. People get fucking crazy. There's no way. And so then I was like, OK. Like, he had a massive following i was like okay he does content and then like brcc guys and business dudes and i was like okay you're well known like i doubt you're gonna fuck me hard so let's go ahead yeah well we are in a hotel room so with four cameras Literally every single egg wasp. Okay, G-Van, now it's going to hard cut to us fucking.

Nice. Hola, Eli. Le estando gustado mi podcast? Sorry, Batty. I don't speak Japanese. Well, if you're up to date on Babbel, you know that means, are you liking my podcast? Wait, how did you learn how to speak Japanese, Batty? That's Spanish, Eli.

Agree to disagree. Best way to learn a language, Eli, is immersion. Living where the language is spoken natively every day. But, Batty, that's not possible for everyone. So what's the second best way to learn a language? Babble. Immersion on your phone. Babble.

Because with Babble, you can start speaking a new language in just three weeks. In three weeks, I barely speak English after 38 years of my life. Hey, Batty, did you know we peak as children? So when people call me a man-child, it's a compliment, right? Exactly. Scientists say when you're a child, that's your peak of learning languages. But since you can't go back to being a six-year-old, we've got the next best thing.

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at babbel.com slash unsub. That's babbel.com slash unsub. Rules and restrictions apply. See, he learnedricciones ingles. Si, he learned Indonesian in one day. And then Parker back there is just hanging out.

We won't say anything. Sweat fucking everywhere. That algorithm though, you'd have the view time and be like, whoop, whoop. That retention at that one. Retention is like,

I just want to see this one part. I don't give a fuck about the video. Be sure to go to members on Patreon to see some crazy content. I don't give a fuck about the video. Be sure to go to members on Patreon to see some crazy content. All your Patreon just spikes. It's just like a freeze frame. It's two frames of just us fucking. It's just like,

why the fuck did they put that in there? I thought this was going to be funny, but it's actually just fucking. I don't know that this is gay. It's the one screenshot of you just standing like, standing like this with your legs spread, and then, like, Nico's right here.

Okay, sure. It's a Navy character. It's fine. As long as you're a Navy character. I'll fuck your dick. I'm in Method X. Yeah. So you're just like, goddammit, I signed up for this.

I should have watched it. I'm used to it now. What kind of fucking podcast is this? Well, that's why I knew you would fit right in. Like, I knew you were at the range hanging out, but then watching your content,

I was like, oh, this dude goes hard. All right. Thank you. He'll be fine. Yeah. Oh yeah.

He'll fit right in. He's hilarious. I appreciate it. What's your next, so what content are you trying to, are you just going to continue to do role playing content or are you more leaning, are you just going to continue to do role-playing content? Or are you more leaning into the reacts for your YouTube career?

I don't know, honestly. I mean, I just kind of go with the flow. I try not to stress too much about it. Because I feel like any time I overthink something, and I think that like, oh, this is going to be great, then it fucking sucks. And then any time I like, oh, I i'm just gonna shit a video out it does amazing so yeah i was telling people today i'm like the people decide like regardless of what i think like i everyone that's a creator has had this dude this video i put a whole week into it it's gonna go viral it's gonna hit like 10 million views and it fucking barely breaks a thousand and

then you have these views you're like holy shit this is fucking bad dude and you're like it's gonna be lucky it blows up a million hundreds of millions of you and you're like i and then that's when i realized on tiktok i was like all i can do is my best and i allow the people to decide what they do and don't like that's it welcome samsung vision ai televisions transform screens into intelligent solutions, from the shows that make us laugh to those that make us cry. Now, your TV knows you more than ever, whether it's reviving old memories with AI upscaling or seamless hands-free control with universal gestures. This isn't just television.

It's a whole new vision. Because it isn't just about what's on. It's about who's watching. Learn more about samsung vision ai televisions at samsung.com back to another reaction of military memes number 732 this is the only thing you guys watch so fucking awesome that's when you really hit it because it's just that catered it's like yeah no this is on these rails and we cannot get off this train yeah well that's why i started expanding my content i'm like i don't want to get stuck here so we'll do like some tiktok shit some military shit some other funny shit gaming stuff so yeah that's why

i went i started doing like oh they like reaction content i was like every now and again i'll throw like a vlog up there they're like oh we like the vlogs and i was like i'm gonna start reacting to food because i used to be fat as fuck and And then I started reacting to men with pot. It was just a dude who just cooks in the woods. And I'm like, literally just made a video with my buddy of us just salivating for 20 minutes. Going like, oh, fucking look at that cheese. And that was like a 1 out of 10. And I was like, food porn?

Why? All right, cool. Guess we're doing this now. What's always those people for me and i'd love your guys's input it is watching coming from like rocket jump corridor digital and all that stuff back in the day so working with those guys our videos would take a month of work to two months and that was my dude that was the standard though that's why i was like oh okay like yeah this is this is what we do oh we got two weeks of vf, and we'll do, like, two weeks of this,

and then we'll wrap it and then kick it out. And it's, like, in a week of filming. And then, like, a month of pre-production. So that's in my world. That was all I knew on content. Then I started working with Matt and me, started making content. And then it was, like, way – I was like, man, this is nice because we don't need the super fancy cameras.

We're breaking it down. And then I watched demo ranch Matt film his and it's just like hey guys. What's up demo here? Yeah, then it's like okay good, and it's the next round like oh you don't cut no It's just done, and then I upload it I Just want to finish Well that's how it was with the branches shit. They're like, oh, dude, like, it must take you, like, three hours. I'm like, bro, it probably takes me a minute and 47 seconds to do these videos that get tens of millions of views. And the videos that I try to go, like, 30 minutes deep on, 10,000 views. I'm like, i'm like oh my god like the secret is not giving

a fuck and just doing it so that's the key man just have fun doing it i'm like like you said stress-free shit that's when the good content comes out it really does i agree with that so you look like a very stress-free dude man i try to be dude you just look like man it's so you're just chill I love it man I love your vibe he's like go with the

I got a question what's the most stressful moment you've had as a creator ooh cause you're you're very laid back so I'm like

I would love to know like your like your career point where you're like holy fuck that was a situation I hated that

oh god uh I'm dressed up as a Mexican what's that backfire career point where you're like, holy fuck, that was a situation. I hated that. Oh, God. I'm dressed up as a Mexican. What's that backfire? No, I'm not. The Mexicans got you, bro. You're fine. The Mexicos, we got you. Yeah, we got you, man.

You fucking... Bro, it's work for Eddie. I don't know. I'd have to really think about that. I mean, I've been doing it for so fucking long. How long have you been doing, like, what do you mean, like, YouTube stuff?

Oh, shit! When did you start? The channel that I do now, I think I started it like 2012? Yeah, see? 2012. We called it. Holy fuck! I had a channel before that, which was fucking terrible.

I used to do like stop motions with like toys and shit. Bro, no, that now, we'll go back to that. I'm peaked on that. Holy fuck. I've been doing this shit a very, very long time. Then you deserve everything that you got now. Thank you. I appreciate it.

You deserve everything you got. You deserve it to be at those fucking range days. Everything, dude dude because that's the thing i try and tell people i'm like bro you gotta be willing to suffer and just eat shit for the uncontrolled amount of time before you make it well it's hard because it is like it's impossible almost he put in like those years and years and then you have those and then you get to watch it too like uh like nico this fuck, when I called him the first time, he was at 70,000 YouTube, like 70,000 on YouTube.

In a year, he was a million. Yeah, in a year, he was in a million. I was like, what the fuck, dude? I know, I see people like that. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? I've been grinding for a decade, motherfucker. What are you doing? This is the shit that gets me.

I'm like, because he was like, because he told me this story he's like yeah i know grant's also great it was like well cove it happened and my voice is cool vr was vr was a new thing and these stupid little brush characters people seem to love t he smile well no because you were cool about it and you're like oh yeah you had like 52 000 subs on youtube and i'm like love eli but i'm i take every ounce of motivation i'm like oh you're not impressed with 52 000 oh all right bitch well watch what i see i watch what i do in a year five different play buttons in a year after just starting social media so i'm like i'm getting this like you're not gonna stop me well yeah and then i was like so what else do you you're like oh tick tock i'm at

like three million i was like what the fuck why don't you lead with that you're not gonna stop me well yeah and then i was like so what else do you you're like oh tiktok i'm at like three million i was like what the fuck why'd you lead with that you're leading with he's like yeah i'm like here's this and this he has this gigantic tiktok i was like bro sell yourself i just don't care i feel the same way though because it's like i i like meeting people for who they are that's the whole it's it's weeding people out. Meeting cool people regardless of their sub count or anything. That's the cool thing. That's why I hang out with all the people that are at Twitch right now.

Depending on how many followers they have. He's like, Nico. Little Nico. Shut up. That's what he calls him. Little Nico. You know what? How about you deep fry one of your play buttons and then come talk to me? That's the kind of content i'm running over here deep frying play buttons for fun but no like because i don't really give a shit about like channel size or anything like that if you're a cool person i just vibe with you it's what's all about 100

it really is community type it really is it really is that's why's why I thought it was so cool when you did reach out. My idol is Matt. Oh, yeah. One of the core reasons I joined the Army was Matt Best really put the Army on the map for me. And I had my own crazy experiences that led me to go into the Army. But meeting you and then being like, hey, yeah, come do this charity event. We'd love to have you. And it's like everybody that put the military on the map for me i'm like i'm in the room with donut with you with matt best gives me his plate carrier and with brandon i'm like what the fuck

just happened dude i'm like holy shit that was a oh yeah so this is when we did our big charity streams i started doing crazy streams once a year for Boot campaign and yeah that that one we did have a quarter of a million Yeah, y'all motivated the fuck and I mean do that when you motivated me again, but I like oh, that's a small donation I was like I might be the smallest creator here, but watch this shit bitch I'm gonna be I'm gonna clap everybody on on money you crap you And he crushed it because I walk over. We were at, I was at like 15 grand in a few hours. And I went over and you were at like eight.

And I was like, cute, eight grand. That's nice. Poor ass stream. And then everyone started dumping money. I'm like, fuck that shit. Like, hey, let's go. $10,000 donation. I was like, okay.

I was like, I don't ask for money for my stream. I'm like, all the content i create is free any amount of content that has cost people money i do not do it i'm like youtube's free you just might have to watch ad twitch is fucking free you might just have to watch ad so i was like i don't ask for anything once you said that i was like if you want to give me money put it towards a good fucking cause like today none of it's going towards me it's all going towards veterans people in need mental health all this shit this is where i need your money the only time i've asked for it i was like holy shit

maybe i should ask for money i'd be living much better yeah i just like stream like i was getting a text at eight or seven eight in the morning they're like yo nico got paid to take a nap and then you just took a nap in the beer can Don't look cuz they were paying me to sleep they're like dude no one's in there You're being a fucking weirdo by yourself live she was by himself. Yeah a giant warehouse Streaming you a hard on I really something I came for so I'm like we putting out like and i was like i was the small i was in a very weird unique special situation very thankful for eli and everybody else who was like welcoming i'm like we're gonna we're gonna put out we're gonna be on the we're gonna be top five on this charity donation guaranteed so it was a blast we'll have to do another one with like every they are it is

just drinking balkery yeah that is everyone gets shit faced and then just chaos everyone's live streaming so we set up all the computer ek fluid they always hook it up they give us all the computers we want we all land it and then everyone has their own stream up and it is that sounds fun it's it's no it was super fun i got so because i never had a manmosa and then you guys said you want manmosas and i'm like yeah sure let's do it i'm fucked within the first hour of being there i continue to drink i think it was when i was by myself matt came in at like six in the morning he's like holy fuck you're still awake and i'm like we're going in and then that was like yeah my wife was like hey someone's screaming

in the warehouse that like one or two or three in the morning and he's like probably just need goes and I was like I'm going in but yeah what is the most controversial oh this is for all of you but I'm gonna start with soup most controversial thing that has happened in your youtube your long youtube career uh fuck that's another hard question i don't fuck i would have to take me a minute to think everyone's i just don't give a fuck everything i tackle i'm like hey bring more next time like i do not i told you because i was getting copyright strikes every other week on YouTube. YouTube was taking all my money.

I was like, bro, y'all thinking you can give me copyright strikes, y'all thinking you can demonetize every video is going to stop me. Like my content is not for me. My content is not for making money. My content is for the veteran community. People who need to laugh, people who need to make it to tomorrow.

So I'm like, all right, I don't give a fuck, dude. Like we're going to go. So that my hardest part was probably the first time I ever came across, like, getting demonetized, not making any money, getting a YouTube strike. And I was like, dude, my world is ending right now. Like, this is it. I'm done. But then I was like, who am I? Oh, yeah.

I don't give a fuck about shit. We're good. Who am I? And we just keep going. Yeah. Nico Ortiz. Well, yeah. I just looked give a fuck about shit. We're good. Who am I? And we just keep going. Yeah. Nico Ortiz. Well yeah, I just looked at it

and I was like, I was like, my community. Part Mexico, part Asian, part white. Mexico, Chinese,

don't give a fuck about shit, boy. I was like, we're just going in, dude. I was like, I don't care. I was like,

we're just going to have fun with it. My community, like when you think about community does depend on you. Like they depend on you to just be there tomorrow, have fun on the live stream weirdly enough he has a high female i'm i always know what you're streaming because it's like

you'll raid it's like girl names i'm like always just has girls i can see that i can see that truck month is on at chevrolet get zero% financing for up to 72 months on a 2025 Silverado 1500 Custom Blackout or Custom Trail Boss. With Custom Trail Bosses available, Class Exclusive, Duramax 3-liter diesel engine, and Z71 Off-Road Package with a 2-inch factory suspension lift, you get both on-road confidence and off-road capability. Dirt road ahead? Let's go! Truck Month is awesome! Ask your Chevrolet dealer for details.

Handsome fella. Yeah! Weirdly. Look at that scruff. Look! Matt Rife over here, the military guy. Batty, what did I say about doing that in the podcast house? I'm just fuming.

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about the controversial thing and i guess it's not too controversial, it's kind of funny. I like to do weird titles and thumbnails and shit. Yeah, you do. I like to make my thumbnails and titles just fucking absurd, just because I think that I want people to laugh at the thumbnail before they even watch the video. I uploaded a Gmod RP video, and it was around when the Joker movie came out and I was acting really stupid in the video and I was like, you know what would be really funny? If I got like a thumbnail of the Joker and just uploaded it as the Joker full movie HD 2017. And so that's what I made the thumbnail entirely.

I was like that's fucking hilarious and i got a strike for it oh and it wasn't like i don't know why i got a strike i mean i guess i know why but like i could tell you nothing in the video was was the movie at all yeah just the thumbnail and the title somebody reported you bro that means you made it when you start hitting fucking copyright strike after copyright strike after demonetization after age restriction, it's literally just people reporting you in metadata. Oh, I believe it, yeah. No, it is.

And that's why I try and tell people, like, I don't think I could, like, creators who have a huge following, they're like, everything's just falling apart. And I'm like, no. Shut the fuck up. Just keep doing it. I'm like, you hit a little bit of a wall, bro. The hard shit's already done. Just keep doing it. Make a little bit less money. little bit of a wall, bro. The hard shit's already done. Just keep doing it.

Make a little bit less money. Get a little bit less subs this month. Next month, you're going to be okay. Well, I feel like my fans love that kind of shit. My fans are fucking, I mean, they're crazy in a good way. Like, everybody I've met has been super cool, and I feel like they feed off of that kind of shit. Like, they just love when fuck shit happens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They love the story. That's a genius title. Because it's your platform. You have a huge platform. You see that pop up. It's like Joker movie HD. Finally.

He was in the Joker movie? Holy fuck. I also want to do one, and I've been waiting for the right time to do it. I'm going to do one of Elon Musk and put, put like the red emoji circle and do like bitcoin live stream but it looks like i got hacked or something so that's in my that's your next one yeah that's in the bank that's the plot right there i just i like doing stuff like that because i think it's fucking funny because people like people are like what the fuck is this you know they see a notification or something well that's what happened to me i was like what the fuck is this long ass

title and crack head eyes i I'll click on it. It worked. And there he is. Grant, what about you, man? There's been so many. There was one recently that was actually really, really funny and luckily everyone in the comments

had my back on it, which I was like, whew, thank God. But I was hanging out with my buddy Internet Aaron, and I was showing him some really fucking out there memes. And of course, he's a black guy, so I had to throw some racist memes in there.

Oh, of course. Fuck yeah. And as we were... One of the ones that came up was the new Mortal Kombat game, and one of the assists that you can use, like one of the characters, is a cop. Yeah, I know. That just beats someone with a baton. And I was like, man, that's wild. Like, everyone

got, like, all the writers in the room and I said it just like this. I was like, that's so crazy. Like, how all the writers got in the same room together and looked at the roster and was like, so half the roster is white and the other is colored and and he was and he starts busting up and i was just like what he goes like colored

is crazy i was i was thinking that as you said it but i didn't say it and i was and i was like i was sitting there and i was like wait what what happened and but uh luckily he was just like i think you mean people of color. And I'm like, there's no good way to say it. And he just started laughing. But luckily everyone in the comments. I never think about it. It's like, hey, what's the color board down the street?

Like, that's what I was called. Like, there's a Mexican in the white area. Like, oh, the little wiener guy down there. And I'm like, oh, they're meeting me. That's what I thought when you invited me. I'm like, I'm going on

the colored podcast. You're going on the colored podcast. You walk in and see, it's like, there's a lot of white people in there. I'm in the wrong room.

Oh, this is bad. I can't taste the sweet tea in the air. Hold on. Oh, fuck. I can't be outside saying he can smell the rain coming.

I love that. I've never heard that one before smell the rain coming yeah you ever smell the rain coming yeah I have and then just like me growing up on a farm but like in Northern California we grew almonds but the way that we set it up there was almonds

you grew almonds? that's fucking weird Nuts than I know what to do. Yeah, but like my family's families being grown on was Nico's like You said like you were offended. You were like, almonds? I'm like, bro, wait, what? I've never met anybody like that. But yeah, but no, we called, my grandpa called them almonds.

And I walked up to him one day because I was just like, Grandpa, why the fuck do you call them almonds? Like, I say almond joy. Like, what's going on? And he goes like, well, well you see when they're on the tree and they're growing they're almonds right i was like okay he's like but when we take the shaker to the tree and we drop the almonds off the tree the letter l drops too why almonds why i don't know okay all right just to make sure there's no fucking explanation for this. What is the shaker?

So the shaker is like a giant... Mexican. They walk out. Me and Eli. There's almonds. We're just like... One has really big forearms. One has a bucket

No but But no it's essentially like a little Cab covered tractor And it's got like two big prongs In the front and you drive up to the To the tree and it clamps onto the tree And it literally just vibrates the fuck Out of the tree

And just drops all the almonds onto the ground And then you take a sweeper Same deal another big vehicle But just has. And then you take a sweeper. Same deal. Another big vehicle, but just has like, it looks like a street sweeper. Just sweeps all the almonds into like a single line in the middle of the row. And then you pick it all up.

Is this like a family generation? Yeah. Is this still ongoing? Yeah. I was supposed to take it over and then... Was your family mad when you were like Dad, I'm doing YouTube. He's like, you're going to be a goddamn almond catcher. Get off that computer. You'll be an almond farmer.

It's checking. Like your father and your father before him. It was super funny because I'm allergic to almond dust. It's fucked. It was fucked at birth. It was never meant to be. And it was literally because as soon as I was born, my grandfather and my uncle both came in completely covered in almond dust and like all the shit that makes your skin itchy during harvest season.

They're like, let me see my nephew and my grandson. And they picked me up and the nurse, like according to what the story was, my mom told me, the nurse whipped around. It was like, what are you doing? He was just born. And so they were just like coating me in doing he was just born and so they were just like coating me in almond dust and I just went were you born on the almond farm? No. It sounded like you're like my grandpappy and my uncle walked in. That sounds like a superhero origin story. Like you would become one with the almonds. I would have never been able to do YouTube if it wasn't for my grandfather giving me the ability to puff up like a state puff marshmallow man if I come into contact with almond dust.

He shoots almond milk. He's like, ah! It's a really shitty superpower. Burn your lactose intolerance. It's like some bad shit. He's like, my family's got money. He's like, how? He's like, almonds.

Yo, Deadass though, they actually got money he's like almonds get ass though they actually got money oh I bet I can't imagine that's a big industry yeah he's huge all together in California

he owns over a thousand acres of almonds so I was like oh dude yeah it's like a Bruce Wayne but almonds it's a Bruce Wayne of almonds dude

it's like an untapped market how many competitors do they have he's putting on the almond almonds, dude. It's like an untapped market. How many competitors do they have? He is putting on the almond industry right fucking now. I know. Everyone's about to start throwing almonds right now. Like, shit. They're planting almonds in the backyard. They're like, we're going to make it.

Most of the places, like after harvest season is done, we would just sell all of our almonds to like Blue Diamond. I was just about to ask if you knew. I fucking love Blue Diamond almonds. They're so good. if you knew, I fucking love Blue Diamond. Dude. They're so good. Dude. We've ate your nuts. Yeah?

Dude, that's fucking dope. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life. But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And of course, you can rest assured that with Public Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month. With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for.

Public Mobile. Different is calling. I would have never known. Your nuts are fucking delicious. Bro, thank you. You're the saltiest nuts. I didn't want to say anything but every time I see you open a bag of just a blue diamond almonds

I'm just sitting there like cha-ching not for me but my grandparents are fucking sitting pretty right now wait was it your grandpa that started the nut business? My grandfather's father, I think.

So your great-grandpa. I think my great-grandpa is the one who started it. Or it was my great-great-grandpa. So you come from almond money. Yeah. Okay, but... So, dude, he's like, no, I got that almond money, baby. Nothing but balls, baby.

Nothing but nuts. Got that nut money, baby. Nothing but balls, baby. Nothing but nuts. Got that nut money, bro. What is that? Fucking A. You got that nut money, bro. Real shit built different. I'm not sure I come from nut money. And that's an almond?

Ooh, that is good nut money. Trademark. I'm putting it right here. Nut money. Yeah. I'll give you a proceed. It'll be fine. All right.

I would love to see a video of you farming almonds put on like a hazmat suit or something because you're allergic

he's not dying I'm literally out there 110 degrees in California today we're farming almonds

dude we could hype this podcast up right now we'd be like hey listen brother we got some smushed up almonds right here. We need you to snort this fucking thing.

We're like, holy shit, he's crazy. I don't have an EpiPen. I'm so sorry. This has now turned into a LiveLeak video. From us fucking to him dying from a nut. I'm convulsing on the floor. Yeah, you can catch the last 15 minutes where he dies on our Patreon. Go check that out.

Super fucking exclusive. Narrator, death caught live on camera. Did you ever ask your grandpa or great-grandpa the story of why they started doing the almonds? Nope. I don't have to know that. He's like, I fucking love nuts, and they're great. So, almond money. Literally, all I did was just, just like i grew up on the farm so

it was just like naturally i was just like all right summer vacations here time to work wow that was it and then once i you know turned 17 i was like i don't know what i want to do when i'm graduating so i was like army sounds cool oh yeah holy i would have never gone the army route if i was you. Ever, bro. I would have been like, yo, give me these fucking nuts. I was 17 and stupid. My recruiter literally looked at me in my eyes and was like, do you want to be like Batman?

And I was like, fuck yeah, dude. Is that what he said and you bought it? Yeah. Because you're a poor Batman. You want to be like Batman? Join the army. Tell them what he sold you, though. You'll make $1,800 a month. No, no.

But guess the MOS. They sold him to be like Batman. No! Cav. Wait. Yeah, Cav. 1990? Cav Scouts.

Y'all are fucking like Batman, I guess. But okay, dude. Holy shit. Actually, it kind of is because we mentioned Bruce Wayne having almond money what the fuck it's a real life origin story

wow that's kind of weird that just came full circle right here yeah nut man nut man no nuts

no money no spurs no nothing I forgot yeah I always forget you were a fucking Cav Scout yeah I was

really good at taking things out of a Con-X and then putting it back in it. I was the king. Just living the dream. You give me a label maker and some serial numbers, I'm your guy. Public service announcement! Attention all my bearded beasts from stubble to mane. If you didn't already know, Manscaped now sells beard products. You heard that correctly.

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the handyman by manscaped so get 20 off and free shipping at manscape.com if you use code unsub they'll get 20 off and free shipping with code unsub at manscape.com but it'll do it everyone's military experience differs greatly. Yeah. Do it again. Do it again. Do you want to go to Poland for seven months and just eat horse's soup for like, I don't know, most of your meals?

Fuck yeah. What's horse soup? They kill a horse and put it in soup. Ooh. Pita's gonna not like this episode. Is it good? It was fine. Yeah. It was's gonna not like this episode. Is it good? It was fine. Yeah.

It was fine. It's not good. Well, no. It wasn't like, Gordon Ramsay five-star meal. But it was, you know,

it was food. I've never had horse. Have you had horse soup? I haven't, no. I've had kangaroo. How's that? Kangaroo's pretty good. It's alright.

Gator tastes like chicken. Gator does taste like chicken. It's chewy. Bison's okay what else now we're just listing exotic meat so we I know I'm like what human I'm in the mood for a thigh Jesus Christ no cuz you're military military no military did you have any other like military, you're like... No, military. Military.

Oh, yeah, Navy. Navy veteran. Absolutely. Thank you, sir. Absolutely. He's like, yes, Navy, sir. He's an honorary military member now. I did have a little bit of an interest in EOD when I was growing up.

No shit. Hey, that would have been the move in the Navy. Navy got the best EOD. But then I learned exactly what you do, and was like, ah. First to die, huh? You were about to blow up and act like you didn't know nobody. You're like, this job sounds cool and then you watch a video and you're like, hmm.

This is badass, dude. Like when I was in high school. They had like little pamphlets or whatever and I was like, this is cool. Go on the internet, oh, it's not that cool anymore. The first time I ever saw EOD do basic training this is cool on, you know, go on the internet. Oh, it's not that cool anymore. It's sound. The first time I ever saw EOD do basic training, uh, one, uh,

when you do the hand grenade lane, dead, dead grenade, dead, dead hand grenade, literally EOD dude comes up. Uh, we're like, Holy shit. They're going to pull out all these robots, put on a suit, disarm it. Cause the whole class is just, well, that's what I thought they'd only do right yeah he literally just walks up there it rolls he's like it's dead we're fine i'm like ayo that was cool mom but fuck that what are you gonna do kick a nuclear warhead like fuck are you talking about dude it's fine if it's not beeping shit no legit he looks at he's standing over it

goes does that he goes I'm like that's it that's all of your training holy fuck dude you stand no shot cool dude respect good luck Jimmy and nubs that's his wife and him it's crazy cuz she she got the name nubs because uh TV. They took she was carrying the bomb They're like okay. It's good. You're good. She brought it back to the Humvee and when she set it down fucking blew up No So she goes by nubs now She's fucking me and one of the most awesome humans and she is a fucking monster at video games with her feet I don't know how you do that you crazy son of a bitch. She have robot arms. at video games with her feet. I don't know how you do that, you crazy son of a bitch. Does she have robot arms?

No, she plays with her feet. She just gains them. She does everything. She's a fucking monster with it. I saw someone beat Dark Souls on a fucking VR dance pad. I've seen it with the rock band drums or guitar drums. People play beating demons also with rock band drums. Or like a piano or something

at the end of the day someone actually I saw this recently someone was able to code and program a thing where

they had their camera looking at their fucking goldfish and everywhere the goldfish would swim up and down or whatever

it'd be a different button because they made it like a grid and he beat Molina from yes the goldfish did it was hilarious it took them like down whenever it'd be a different button because they made it like a grid and he beat Molina from me. Yes, the gold, the gold, the goldfish did it. It took them like what?

Like almost a week, but a goldfish beat Molina. When the goal when the lean is at this, it's a sliver and they're like, go screaming in the golfers. Yeah, they finally hit it. They're just screaming and the goldfish is like... And they're just... Yeah, they finally hit it. Hit the RB button and everyone's like... It was like when... Do you guys remember when Twitch played Pokemon Red?

No. Fuck your story. You guys don't... You've never watched this? Oh, no. Go for it. It was based off of chat. So chat had specific commands that it could do up down left right a B so like

that's it that is it so then that was all and you're looking at at this time this was 2016 or 15 yeah a while ago and you had five to ten thousand people giving command so it was and they didn't slow chat so it was just like and it was entered in that command it beat it after i think it was a month of playing but this storyline lore and anime they built out anime for this because of how the storyline developed because it would be uh you remember the part of pokemon where you had like that one you have to go down and up just one hedge it took them two Weeks for something ridiculous

Okay, they'd be like down down in the Pokemon drop and then you have to do the whole maze again and on that You're just like just walking in the water. No sir One person that was like alright guys listen Let's just get through this fucking maze. We got a band together really quick. The shit is fucked Everyone needs to calm down and work together they started praising different pokemon they call them like the god pokemon there was like religions dude it is a full lore that is amazing to read because it they went in uh through all of that they actually used the proper stone to uh create one of the best pokemon like and then automatically deleted deleted because the commands are like delete Pokemon

Yes, got rid of it This fucking guy he's gonna eat on It's not here damn are they fucked you i actually farted it smells really close to wow bro that was my fart i literally uh yeah so okay so it literally says it was delivered but i'm like oh you probably got like it don't wear it no like nah we ain't walking that far where the fuck is where where the fuck is this at did they put it in the front is that the front is that the lobby oh yeah that's probably probably the lobby miller light the light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer

and the perfect pairing for your game time when miller light set out to brew a light beer, they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can. They chose both because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time tastes like Miller time. Learn more at MillerLite.ca. Must be legal drinking age. is when someone goes and gets me food and it's my buddy I also had fucking something funny happen I literally got pulled over in my car

I was literally just about to pull into my house and I was like ah I was speeding and the cops saw the car I rolled my window down and put my hands here and I just kind of sat there and as soon as he walked up he goes good morning and I was just like morning officer and like he's like yeah it's pretty cool car just uh slow it down just gonna give you a warning and uh I'm gonna let you I'm just

gonna go back I was like oh okay sure and I sat there and I was like damn white privilege be crazy white privilege be crazy that's amazing that's wild because literally the reason I say that and the reason I said that at the time was literally right before he pulled me over I saw someone else getting pulled over and they were on the ground

and they weren't white so I was like whoa god damn I was like, whoa. God damn. I was like, all right, cool, here you go. I always give them, like for BRCC military and everything, and then I do have the Purple Heart plate, which does help tremendously.

Definitely helps. Definitely helps. The police officer's like, I, I, I was. You have that cool heart on your license plate. Well, I was bad at my job, so I got shot. Hey, Batty, do you know what time it is? I think four o'clock. That's right, it's hot boy summertime,

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I actually didn't know in Texas you have to have a front license plate. Yeah. Yeah, no, I've been driving the Shelby the entire time for like a year and a half. Just no front license plate. Porsche I like a year and a half just no front license plate Porsche I don't do like just no one told me no I was like the way this yeah I like it the way it is but we I hit I hit a trailer I was I forget what I was doing I was in a rush I was clearly and I was like god damn it and I was waiting and then I stopped I was like okay I let my foot off the

brake used to my car will stop itself. And it just kept rolling forward. And it was like, light, light tap. It was like, like that. You were like. I was like, fuck! Exactly. And I was like, fuck!

Homeboy gets out the front seat. And it's a trailer, old trailer and truck. He is pissed. He's like, oh. And I was like, whoa. And he got a nice car. Automatically he's going to see me. He's like, this guy's a piece of shit. And he's like, what the like automatically he's gonna see me he's like this guy's a piece of shit and he's like what the fuck and i rolled it i was like hey let's calm down like it's fucking accident he's like oh you're not fucking you fucking cut me off that i was like hey

like i don't think so you're in front of me but like if i did i apologize he's like what the fuck i was like hey let's pull into the garage let's not do this at a stoplight nope we'll pull into the parking lot and he's like oh, oh, so you can drive? I was like, no, I'm not going to. He's like, I'm getting your number. So he walked back. And he was a veteran. I could tell by his demeanor.

Yeah, everything. Walks back. Walks back out. Gets out. And we get out of the vehicle. I'm like, hey, man. Like, sorry. Both him and his buddy get out.

His buddy's like, Jack. He gets out. He's like, oh, OK. Accidents. I was just like Jack. He gets out. He's like okay accidents happen. I was just like if my kid was in the car I was like I got it. Maybe not come out heat. I was like if I had a gun or like it was something bad If I had a gun lift shirt.

Yeah I know. That's the first thing I told him. Hey let's calm down. I'm not trying to figure out right now. I'm just I have a gun. So let's just chill. Yeah and I was like hey let's chill it out. And I was like okay hey I'll just make him now. I'm just, wait, no, I have a gun. So let's just chill. Yeah, and I was like, hey, let's chill it out. And I was like, okay, hey,

I'll just make him laugh. I was like, you're a veteran, right? And he's like, yeah, yeah. I was like, what do you think the second you walk back and see my plate?

He's like, I actually was like, fuck, please get out with two legs. Because he was like, instantly, he's like, oh, I hope I didn't, oh, man, please stand out with both legs. I get out, he's like, oh, I hope I didn't, oh, man, please stand out with both legs.

I get out, he's yelling at me, and I'm, like, wheeling out to him. He's like, fuck, I'm an ass. It comes out the car, it's not legs, it's just you see a wheelchair falling. And it's you crawling in your wheelchair. I'm like, sorry, sorry I hit your vehicle, sir. He's like, fuck, I can't be mad! Shit! Wait, even better, you have the prosthetic legs that, like, aren't the full legs, they're just the nubs.

And you're just like... Yeah, they can't... Oh my god, man! Top, top, top, top, top! And you have to do, like, a high-pitched voice when you get out, so you're just like... Hey, what are you doing? Nah, you just get all over him you doing yeah dude I always like bro my heart stopped once I like walk back there and just see purple he's like fuck I'm gonna fuck that defuse the situation went

about our ways I'm like oh thank god i just said with that i'm retarded so that's what you did everybody gets a little with thought sometimes okay i freak i i hooked up a toro like a little uh which is like a little go-kart truck looking deal so i would use that go up and down the orchards to for ant bait, all that shit. It was literally- Wait, what? For what? Spreading ant bait for the almond trees. Cause like a lot of ants go up the trees, don't want that. Oh yeah, we would know this, obviously. No, excuse me.

Common almond knowledge. This is day one stuff, Eli. You guys are definitely gonna hear me pee on this microphone. I like how you your like, duh, so they don't go up the tree and eat the almonds. I didn't know that. Peeing ASMR. Climbing up there and bringing them back down.

I don't know what I was saying now. I want to know more about ant bait now. Spraying ant bait for almond tree now. Yeah, you would drive a go-kart. Oh, right. So, yeah, no, I drove the Toro once, and I hooked it up to a little trailer to the truck, and apparently I didn't hook the front hook on

because there's a little latch. A Toro? It's a type of go-kart slash truck looking thing. Imagine a golf cart without the top. Is it like a type of like go-kart slash truck looking thing imagine imagine a golf cart without like the top is it like a gator yeah oh okay

yeah gator got it gator but that is usually I hooked I hooked that up to the trailer me and super

me and super trying to look you're just throwing words at us you're like man the ant bait with the gooper you hooked the thing up to the toro with the ant bait I'm like you're just throwing words at us you're like man the ant bait with the gooper you hooked the thing up

to the toro with the ant bait I'm like you're naming Pokemon right now toro shoot man that's a four dollar word right there

shit I'm so confused my fucking southernisms are coming out but uh no but I I tried to hook that up and I was like

alright we're all good and then I just took off onto the main road and I watched cause I heard, and it wasn't hooked on all the way. So it, uh, it literally just popped off of the Toro.

And I just watched in the rear view mirror as I'm driving around a corner, the, the, it comes off the trailer, smacks the back of the trailer, hits the fucking back gate. And so it's just like drag, I'm dragging it along the highway, or along the freeway, fucking sparks flying everywhere,

and then the tour just goes, and I'm like, and I pulled over to the side of the road, and I had to like, run into the middle of the road of all this traffic, like, please don't hit me, I have to grab this! That's high quality ant bait in there. I can't go home.

I'm in traffic. Stop asking me what ant bait is. I'm farming almonds. Hold on. Oh, no. Get my Toro over here. Grant, your story is... If these trees die, I don't eat this winter, okay?

Yeah, you're... Now I'm winter, okay? God, yeah. Now I'm like, okay, this is Grinch childhood to his entire life. Dude, my shot was weird. Yeah, it's completely different. I also stole a Toro to drive into the small town when I was like 10 because I was really thirsty for a Mountain Dew. And then my uncle found me and he goes like, ha ha, you're fucked.

So that was fun. I have all kinds of stories. Soup, did you grow up poor white you grew up white pretty fucking fat poor white not gonna assume which one bro

which one I was a rich Mexican you're asking him like he pulled up Michael Jackson yeah yeah halfway through he's like

man I wanna be country in case your skin color Is not the one You were born with How did you grow up Fucking sicko And shit I mean yeah

I grew up In a small southern town You know Typical Where'd you grow up Uh Uh Do you discuss

Where you grew up Not really Just South Carolina Small town Like 700 people Damn Oh damn So your high school was like 10.

Well, my high school was sort of like, it's kind of hard to describe where I grow up because it's like- Outer towns and then you have like the country cities. Bigger towns sort of around, but yeah. I did the same. It's called the woods. Yeah. The woods.

I did the same. My high school was 80 was the graduating class, I think. If I graduated, it would have been like 80. I don't know if mine was that small. It was like 85, 90 for me. Yeah. Yeah, 95. 95 for sure.

I don't know if mine was that small. Mine was like 500. Probably not much bigger. But that was all... Sounds like you're from the city. All Montgomery County, which is like 12,000 people. So, real shit. Right. Where'd you go? Yeah, what? Brentwood, California, but up in the city. All Montgomery County, which is like 12,000 people. So real shit. Right.

Where'd you go? Yeah, what? Brentwood, California, but up in the bay. So it's literally called Corn Town because it's literally just corn crops where everybody grows up. But my graduating class was like 500 fucking people. If something didn't go your way, would you look into your corn crop and go, oh, shucks. I didn't have a fucking corn crop, but that's just like with the outsides

of all that Brentwood was. So it's like, oh, welcome to fucking corn town. There's nothing to do there. So, yeah. Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap,

biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's taxes extra No, I'm retarded jokes don't work on me Pretty much dude pretty fucking much You know, uh shucks What it's a corn joke shucks what it's a corn joke shucks You are funny. Funny man. Funny man. That's a funny man.

You graduated high school, okay? Give me some fucking slack here, man. I graduated with a D minus in English. When you guys graduated, did it tell you what you were ranked amongst your class? Yes. Based off your GPA? I did not graduate. I dropped out.

Did you? Yeah. Oh, dude, fuck yeah. I've been trying to tell people, I'm like, school just get through it college education is what's making you poor i'm sorry i have to tell people that i didn't do college either all youtube university i got to very last semester of getting a bachelor's degree and then said fuck it you were going for film yeah i was going for film i was going to get a bachelor's in film and uh covet hit and right when covet hit i was doing the youtube

thing and i was like and that took off sorry mom no bachelors she was like how dare you are you the first one and then i bought a house and she's like you're doing so well and I was like thanks mom appreciate it you're never gonna fucking holy shit hey you're my favorite son I'm your only great you are one of the few people that call I'm not used to that like well no you're texture soup I don't know if you're a texture I don't know well well for to texter or a call text. I prefer to call. I prefer to call.

I always pick up the calls when you call. But I don't. Texting, I'm just like, I know people are busy. So I just keep to myself. But that's why if you text me, it just turns into a phone call. Yeah. It's just easier that way. It is.

Way easier. That's so weird to me because I came from that generation right before that. I'm like, why do they call so fucking much? Like, it's call. Call. Like, you're going that generation right before that I'm like why they call so fucking much Call yeah Cuz it's also like with text messages they do the whole like you'll hear a sentence and you'll be like they'll be like yeah I don't care what we do whatever. Oh my god. I don't care what we do whatever Who the fuck is this guy and I'm just like just you if you're to text me man just use emojis like when

you texted me earlier you texted me something I was like it confused the fuck out of me high school dropout you texted me what did you say? Oh, you're about to get fucking exposed. I'm pulling up the receipts. See you later, haha. Bitch, fucking where? Fuck, holy shit. Like, no information or anything like that? Eli, you sent a picture of your dick pointing at a world map? Yeah.

X marks the spot is the fucking question. And it says that? It's your dick in a globe. I've been trying to tell you for a long time, bro. You play GeoGuessr really weird. Is it here? Stop doing it that way. But is it right?

Yeah. What did he text? He said... Let me pull it back up. It was in... Fuck. He's like, well... We'll never move it.

That's a podcast. He said, My man was talking to Brandon last night and he said, Eli, y'all have met at the range day. Then I looked at you again and said, Welp, I'm an idiot. He is a good dude.

I remember him now. Are you drunk? I remembered you. There's no context to that though. Where are the periods at? Where's your commas? That's a run on sentence. It is a run on sentence.

Grammar's overrated. Grammar's overrated. It's fine. Yeah, fuck it Grammars have a rate. Grammars have a rate. It's fine. Yeah, fuck it. I just talk in all of my text messages. I talk. But you deciphered it? I deciphered it.

Exclamation point at the end. See? When you type, he said, I was expecting like a comma. Oh, yeah, in parentheses. That's doing way too much. Never in your life. Which you should never do that in a text. But in my fucking brain, my dumbass brain, like read that like three or four times and i'm like

is this dude you've got smart from that hold on i think i'm a genius he's like you did it wrong that's a gfc moment right there a great comma let me tell you. I suck at texting. I'm not up to date on new lingo either. What was it? Do it to the him. Do it to him.

Do the thing that you guys made me do. Bro, that's I don't know what this means. All these youngins are like, Eli, you don't know what this means. I don't either. All these youngins are like, Eli, you don't know what shit means. I'm like, no, what the fuck does that mean?

That honestly doesn't have to mean shit. You just got to do it and everything's fine. It takes me a minute because I've had people be like, bro, I fuck with you heavy. And I'm like, yeah, wait.

Sorry. You call me fat or something? No. Like, what are you saying? How heavy am I on a scale of pounds? Can you tell me? I'm still on Eli's freaking do it to the him. Do it to the him.

Do the poo. The poo. I mean, I've seen people do that, but I still have no fucking idea what it means. It was just something people did years ago. I don't know the context, but I know it's a shish. Shish legit just means damn. If you want me to just dumb it down to shish like oh fuck or damn like oh fuck I'm just understanding like the damn Daniel meme some oh way back dude. Yeah How old are you fuck 25? I turned 26 in a couple days. Do you start doing YouTube before you were nice?

Were you like 10? Probably. Doing stop motion? Holy fuck. Bro, that's dedication. We gotta... That's all he deserves. We gotta pull out some fucking Vine memes, like some free Shabakadu kind of thing. Free Shabakadu? Yeah, see? Damn, that's crazy. So what age were you

when you blew up? Fuck. I think I had just started to sort of like get a good following kind of like i would say like maybe 10 000 20 000 subscribers when i was a senior in high school okay cool aren't you glad it didn't happen like oh when you were young and you just become the biggest and honestly like because whenever i was young i I was like, what am I doing wrong? Like, why can't I not get all these subscribers? But looking back, it would have been bad.

You needed it. You needed it to happen the way it happened. Yeah. Did you ever have anything go viral when you were, like, younger and trying? You were like, oh, fuck, this is it. And then you're like, fuck! It was like seven more years. So I had a flip camera, if you guys remember what that was.

Yeah, you know, razors? Fucking USB pop out the side or whatever. I had one of those, and I played, I set it on a tripod, like how these cameras are, and I, like, zoomed it in on my TV, and I did, like, a Mario, like, new Super Mario Bros. on the Wii video where I was like, hey, guy, this is how you can get infinite one-ups. Is that the younger you voice you're doing right now well i had way more of like a country accent when i was a kid okay okay okay yeah i was like hey

guys this is how y'all can do it yeah which is actually like i back in the day i had a lot of people comment like you're a fucking stupid redneck like all this kind of stuff fuck them and so that's when i was like oh i'm gonna start playing into the like redneck character a whole lot more like going into it yeah because i was realizing like oh shit there's not many like southern people doing this kind of shit so that's when i was like no that's my niche sort of and you nail it cuz it's like your video they pull up on GTA it's like well I'm Nellie cuz it's true I'm from the fucking house almost like he's Southern you go actually you lean into the oh yeah fucking hilarious like they pull up in this like my is it is this been this was, a gas station on the GTA? He's like, have you guys robbed this place yet?

He's like, fucking National Guard, pussies. He's like, watch out, Navy coming through, seal team seven. I'm dying. I'm just saying, team seven. Seal team seven. Shit. That and then when you're talking about the other one that got me, I was telling Sav about it.

You were talking about the babies need the babies suck because they haven't evolved into being able to be in a car like a hot car yeah oh yeah he's a man when these babies gonna evolve so they can just survive in a hot car with the windows up yeah i think that was like me and my buddy yummy if you guys know who yummy is yeah yeah yummy's funny as fuck i love doing videos with that guy. Dude, you guys are tiring. We bounce off of each other so well. The energy is perfect. And your accents and everything.

I'm surprised you guys haven't done more because you do the accents. I've actually watched Soup for years. So I just didn't want to come off as the Hey, what's up, man? I've seen you

for a while but no it was really cool watching his his growth and like all the funny accents and stuff that you

did in your videos I was like this guy is really funny and I did thank you when you do accents it's like Grant you have no

you don't mind doing like an Asian accent white accent whatever accent you like kick him out yeah exactly

which I love you tell me to do, I do it now. Got to go. Got to go. Do this. Say, bang, bang, ow. Have that Asian eye. Did you watch Onage Pranks?

Yeah. Dude, so Onage Pranks was like one of the big influences for me because he would do like the prank call videos or whatever and call like Asian restaurants and be like, how you doing? I would just fucking die watching those. You're in middle school, you're like, oh, I'm gonna do this with my friends this weekend.

Yeah, literally. And so like the Asian voice I do is straight up like a rip off of Onage Pranks. Like it's, I literally do it. Yeah, you have the, oh, that is a, not Filipino. No, that's a Filipino slice. It's something.

The one who took the rice. It's got the variety. It could be a plethora of things. It's got the throat gugs is what I call it. You got the big boy. The big boy. That's Chinese. Oh, my God.

I love the one where he calls the one restaurant. He's like, I want the suck a dick chicken. Yeah. Like, dude, it's still so funny. Still so fucking funny. That was the other one. He put fucking two restaurants in the same call. He just let them hash it out.

They're like screaming at one another. This is, what was it? It was like Domino's and Papa John's or some shit. She's like, no, this is Papa John's. No, this is Domino's. And it just fucking got heated. And then eventually it got to the point

where they were like, you know what? Fuck Domino's. Man, pizza hut, your pizza's trash. It turns into a gang war. A gang war? Literally,

we got heated. Fucking pizza drive-by shit. I get so angry at each other. They're throwing 12 inches out of the car. Special delivery, bitch. Chucking that shit.

Throwing like a frisbee. So you're good on like, you're like, hey, accents, I'm fine with doing whatever. You actually treat comedy as comedy. Absolutely. Yeah, and dude, I have so many people that are like, you know, I'm black and I think this is the funniest shit ever. Or, you know, I'm and i think this is the funniest shit ever or you know i'm asian i'm mexican whatever i mean i'll like i'll be like dude if you get this kill i'm gonna hang a mexican and then they'll get the kill like just saying like just wait is youtube okay with you putting that out i guess so dude fuck you you bitch i say so much fucked up shit all the time

and then i gotta bleep out what i say i mean mean I get away with a lot of- And since over here is like five subs and I'll hang a Mexican kid. Yeah. And like dance in there. If I say fuck, YouTube's like, hey you're too big now man. You say that again we're gonna demonetize your whole channel. I'm like you fucking cock suck dude. What the fuck? Look Paul it's real life piñata.

I do get away with a lot but yeah good on you. That's fucking hilarious. You're just like yeah cool for you. No's people think you're just like yeah for you No, no, no because I used to be able to yeah, just run it Why you can't cuz one day they're gonna you're gonna get huge you're gonna blow up cuz you're doing great And then you're gonna get fucked hard so just That's only you brother it comes no no it comes and goes and then you get past it And then yeah cuz it's every single platform, I've hit a wall

and I'm like, my asshole and then I just roll on past it. TikTok is bad though. I feel like TikTok is way more strict on that kind of shit. TikTok is the worst. YouTube is way fine compared to TikTok. TikTok, you can't really. I'm surprised to get my accounts back from TikTok.

I've had a ton of community guidelines strikes. I don't know what they're called on TikTok. Fuck them. That's what they're called. Fuck you, TikTok. Eat a dick. They're called no-nos. Yeah.

Oopsie whoopsies. Oopsie whoopsies. Oh, my God. TikTok's the only one where it's like, especially gun content. Big no-no on the TikTok. I don't even fucking get it. It doesn't even make sense. That was the one thing that threw me for a loop, like, after I left California, where I was, like, I don't know.

Maybe it was just because I grew up on a farm, but it was really weird to, like, show up to different places and be like, what do you mean you've never shot a gun before? What do you mean you don't know how to clean it and, like, take care of it and, like, how to respect it? What are you talking about? None of you shot a gun before? And I was like, what is going on? But that was, like, one of the things for me where i was like what is happening if firearms is a weird thing because like all everyone here owns one or two firearms and it is but i will say my military experience and then after i didn't have the weapons no i my weapons zero yeah I had my platform

but not to now I have every fucking weapon platform so I'm like well this is how this works this suppressor is an old fucking shit

where like back in the day it was like M14 or the EBR and an M4 that was the only weapons and then the M2 and the Mark 19

the grenade I love that thing I love that thing it's so fun the full auto grenade launcher the Mark 19 yeah you were the only. I love that thing. I love that thing. It's so fun. No, the full auto grenade launcher. The Mark 19? Yeah.

You are the only person I know that loves that thing. I fucking hate that weapon. You cannot tell me. It's the biggest piece of donkey shit I've ever used in my entire life. You can't tell me you were sitting on top of that truck and going...

Have you ever set it up, shot it, then dismantled it? Yeah. No, fuck you. You're a liar. There's no way. Everybody hates the Mark 19. So, soup, a Mark 19 is a full auto grenade launcher. It sounds cool to me. It, fuck you. You're a liar. There's no way. Everybody hates the Mark 19. So, soup, a Mark 19 is a full

auto grenade launcher. It sounds cool to me. It doesn't work! It doesn't ever fucking work! It takes fucking forever to set up, forever to take down and use it. But it's a fully auto grenade launcher. Yeah, but you're never able to use it when you want to use it. They only let you use it at ranges and you're like,

I fucking want to just blow everything up with this thing. I mean, they're cool though. They're like, I fucking want to just blow everything up with this thing. I mean, books are cool though. They're cool. Yes. Shout out to Storrs. Storrs, this is my buddy out there.

We were over in Iraq. They were pulling up. This is the one time it malfunctioned. Mark 19. Oh, the one time it malfunctioned? Well, this is the bad.

Are you sure about that? This was the bad malfunction. Okay. I was going to say, there's bad ones. Legally, the only one. When you pull into, when you're like rolling streets,

you have to pull into your FOB or COBS. They were pulling into a FOB, which is like a forward observation base, full military, blah, blah, blah. And it was a big one. Pull in, you have to go in lines. Then you're like, oh, okay. They check the front driver and everyone goes in.

You're in a safe U.S. military bases military base stores was clear like everyone cleared the weapons they put the mark 19 on the strikers you put them upright you have all the weapon systems pointed upright stores cleared it put it and then uh he was like okay we're good and then they drop it like you're supposed to uh racket or leave one out, or I forget how the clearing procedures work. No. Weapon malfunction. He goes like, thump. The second it touched that thing, boom.

I fucking turned into a murder. Stores listening? I didn't do that. Like stores instantly got down. We're like, uh-oh, we don't know where that went. It shot straight up in the air? It shot somewhere in the back. It's just you're just like huh you're just waiting for that one little you're all just like this just friend the distance hear the little pop so bad

oh it might I wonder if they took it to the other one no no fuck it I'm getting food later it's fine

no it's fine I got you I'm gonna buy you food I'm a thingy we're about to wrap guys just so you know I'm gonna take care of you oh okay

also like you could have picked like a studio closer to the front office cause like dude not even the Iron Dome could hit that distance. Good lord, it was a walk. Anyway.

Fuck, dude. Fuck. Fuck. But yeah, that was a Mark 19 round that just soared off in a bad way. Dude, you're telling me no officer. Because I already fucking know any officer downrange is a fucking little bitch. He would have been like, I'm writing you up! Because they want to get a fucking medal, so

fuck that guy. So everyone wanted to demote him and give him an article 15 until they had a weapon specialist come and look at him and be like, nah, the weapon actually malfunctioned. Like, full-on catastrophic malfunction where it launched that. That's a catastrophic failure. Yeah, it just launched that

bitch into space. Now, is that something that would blow up on impact yeah yeah it was hard that's always like they're definitely out there listening just make you when you shoot the the mark 19 all you really wait for is just a it's a grenade like this and then once it rotates like 20 something times it's just a grenade as a 15 meter primer so once it travels anything further than 12 to 15 meters then it can blow up so boom and then you just go and you just wait for the because that means it's exploded fucking however fucking far away so that guy was like get the fuck down or something no i was i was like well it's not gonna be so it didn't go like immediately like straight up it were like, well, it's not going to hit the base. So it didn't go immediately straight up.

It's angled at 45 and it's going out. Okay, I thought you meant it went straight up. Oh, no. Literally the way all weapon mounts are set up is they will not go at a total vertical angle because we're all retarded and we're all on weapon systems. So everything has this cant where it won't go straight up it'll go straight down it's like

someone else will die but you're still going to get in trouble after it's kind of how it works I was still laughing at your corn joke

you said earlier oh shucks nope I get it now when you have to take your on the long strip of road you have to drive

into the cob oh you son of a bitch. Fuck it. You're like, hehehe, got it. We had one, oh my god, I forgot about that. Thank you for core memories. We actually had an S- Some core memories?

We had, god damn it, Grant, I'm going to throw this fucking white claw at your head. He's like, just stop. We had an S-Core MPs to base. They had to go from like balad to a uh another base i forget where that's gay so it was just a quick yeah it was just a quick drive we were behind them and in front so it was like hey our two units we'll just protect and fucking roll in you guys in your humvees do that we pull in we clear our weapons go fucking a dumb person in the 50 cal like pulls up to clear the weapon and look he's the mp they probably don't leave bay so they're super nervous about this shit and look okay we got to clear the boom just straight into the dune not like up yet like

pointed next to the gate why when you're coming into the gate bro i'm like i'll tell all my retards i'll talk i'll be like drop the fucking system i'll be like just let go because it's gonna go like this and point upwards at an angle so you're safe if you're at a base you do not need to be pointing the weapon system fucking anywhere nowhere i'll be like drop it and they'll be like you're 30 drop it this one did not was just like, we were in the strike. It was like, okay, everyone just, bam! We were like, what the shit was that? And then they're like, well, that's not my company, so I'm good.

You guys have fun with that. That's a problem. That's way worse than the Mark 19 incident. Oh, yeah. I mean, but we had a lot of those. Did he get in trouble? He definitely got in trouble. I was a different unit.

We were escorted, so we didn't even care. We were like, well, that's not our unit. They can go fuck themselves. This is my new salute. How bad do you have to be? Officer Doofly reported to the police. Who, sir? Who, sir?

You're so bad at your job, you have to arrest yourself. That's fucking crazy. Oh, shit. That's hella true. Damn. Because there's a bunch of MPs. Yup. That's crazy.

I mean, you've seen all the dumb shit that will happen. You can't avoid the dumb shit. It's actually, the problem is that you can't avoid it. Signing up, you're like, I know I might get super mega fucked on this, but we're just going to go in there and do it, get it done. I'm going to deal with some dumb people in the military. There it is. Think of how dumb people can be.

And then remove 10 of those IQ points. Why'd you go southern when you said that? Because I'm southern. Well, no, it makes sense. He's trying to explain it to me. Yeah, I was explaining it to you. I was speaking English to you. Now I get it.

Now I get it. You went to White's Soup and you were like, all right, so here's the skinny. You know, I feel like that because this is the thing. No, this is the thing. Everybody in the military is either from Texas. 90% of the military is you're either from Texas or you're from fucking California. So people from Texas are dumb. Or the South.

That's that other 10% fucking percent. But hey, this is the thing about Texas. Oh, I know guns. I've been hunting with my dad since I was seven years old. I know the bam! You're like, holy fuck, you're getting arrested, dude. You're going to jail. I was, drill sergeant's the first thing you say.

It's like, who's fucking Southern? They know how to shoot and everything. And then you see all the hands go. Yeah. It is the first thing. And drill sergege is like, fucking we got to un-teach you everything

and then re-teach you on how to fire a gun. Which was super fun because they were like, all right, show me how you shoot. And I shot good. And they were like,

all right, you don't have to relearn anything. What was that? You grew up on a farm? And I was like, my dad's a Marine. Also, almond farm,

but yeah, sir. Call me Bruce Wayne. I'm real good at Almond Farm. I don't come from that. And so whenever I was out there with Donut and Brandon and everybody, I was like, please don't fuck up. Do not do something stupid.

When I got invited out to the range, especially the first time, I'm like, please, God, do not do something stupid. I was like, I think that's the crackhead eyes guy. I think I've seen him. That's when the crackhead eyes came out. He's like, the 240 bar was like, pow. He's the crackhead eyes guy. I think I've seen him. That's when the crackhead eyes came out. He's like, the 240 bar was like, 50 cal. Yeah, he's like,

Oh, shit. Did I use that belt then? Hey, Eli, I'm leaving, brother. Let's go do the podcast right now. Are you kidding? I'm kidding. No, dude, I would not blame you at all. You're good, you're good.

Those are terrifying weapons. They are. They are. Oh, shit, man. You've never fired a full auto belt weapon? That is a scary thing. I've never shot a full-auto belt weapon? That is a scary, terrifying... I've never shot a full-auto anything. And they're like, here. Wait, how?

You've been to the ranges. Now he has. That was my first time. Oh, okay. I was like, bro, I need you to fix that on my behalf. Like, what? Yeah, he's good. He's fine.

But we didn't get to it because most people have never fired a full-auto. Before the Army, I'd only fired a pistol one time because my dad took me to the range shot it he didn't clean it

for like five years his his Beretta the 92 Foxes just went and pepper bombed me

with a little bit of metal and I was like and then I joined the army like fucking six months later you're like I love this shit I'm like bro

this shit's fucking scary as hell I can smell it it's in my eyes yeah that is so bad dude never fired a weapon system like truly

until basic so yeah on that note we're gonna call it that was a fucking fantastic episode thank you guys so much for joining us

where can we find you all don't the internet man that cool little blue lighted box you got in your den. The almond farm. The almond farm internet, which is, you guessed it, non-existent. The viewers are like, I don't know how to type in anything. Like what the fuck did you say? I really want to know where their links are. Use that pretty blue box to get your dates. They're like, I don't know how to find them. That's how it is.

It's just like, sorry guys, you're not getting any of their information. They're like, how do we find you? I'm like, don't find me. Nico Ortiz, your narrator, and the beautiful soup. Thank you guys so much. Go buy our soup. He's doing good. Everyone salute! Mmm!

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