Unsubscribe Podcast - 148 - War Stories & Communism ft. Veteran With A Sign & The Fat Electrician
Episode Date: March 4, 2024WATCH THE AFTERSHOW ON PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast LIVE SHOW TICKETS ➡️ https://unsubcrew.com/liveshows ALL VIP TICKETS INCLUDE MEET & GREET! FREE TO USE MEDIA (please... tag us!) https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1uppmQHMGf8uI2OuOatp932e3S2VGy0PE ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! GHOSTBED Try Ghostbed today and save 50% using code UNSUBSCRIBE! https://ghostbed.com MANSCAPED Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with code UNSUB at https://manscaped.com TUSHY Over 3 million butts love TUSHY. Get 10% off Tushy with the code UNSUB at https://hellotushy.com/UNSUB ! #tushypod ADEX https://adexconnect.com/ ------------------------------ FOLLOW ZACH: https://www.youtube.com/@VeteranWithASign https://www.instagram.com/veteranwithasign https://veteranwithasign.com/ BUY US A DRINK! https://cash.app/$unsubscribepodcast https://venmo.com/u/unsubscribepodcast https://paypal.me/UnsubscribePodcast ------------------------------ UNSUB MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast COMMUNITY SUBREDDIT: https://www.reddit.com/r/UNSUBSCRIBEpodcast/ CHECK OUT: https://outofregz.com/ CODE: UNSUB ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o MORE LINKS! https://linktr.ee/UnsubscribePodCast ------------------------------ FOLLOW THE HOSTS: Eli_Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://x.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap Brandon Herrera https://www.youtube.com/@BrandonHerrera https://x.com/TheAKGuy https://www.instagram.com/realbrandonherrera Donut Operator https://www.youtube.com/@DonutOperator https://x.com/DonutOperator https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator The Fat Electrician https://www.youtube.com/@the_fat_electrician https://thefatelectrician.com/ https://www.instagram.com/the_fat_electrician https://www.tiktok.com/@the_fat_electrician ------------------------------ Edited by GVAN https://www.twitch.tv/gvan11b https://www.instagram.com/gvan11b/ https://twitter.com/GVAN_CC unsubscribe pod podcast episode ep unsub funny comedy military army comedian texas podcasts #podcast #comedy #funnypodcast #military Chapters: 0:00 Quick Message From Eli 1:00 Welcome To Unsub 6:36 Brandon Hates Veterans 10:52 Acorn Cop 15:27 Military Camouflage Patterns 21:23 AD 22:35 British Knife Laws 27:19 Zach’s Military Experience 36:34 AD 37:46 Eli’s “Prank” 41:10 The Donkey Story 49:50 AD 50:54 Nic’s New Videos 1:10:32 The Lionesses 1:17:43 The Hurt Locker 1:24:28 Live Leak & X 1:28:19 Nic Rants About Communism 1:36:41 Aldi & Trader Joe’s 1:38:59 Stanley Cups 1:44:39 Growing Up Poor 1:48:53 TEXAS IS HUGE 1:53:16 The Chicken Tax 1:56:02 The Toyota Hilux Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Are you guys unhappy?
Ugh!
Salafi, f*** this.
Okay, shut the f*** up.
I'm not f***ing scared of you, white boy.
He is just plowing this animal.
I love you, but I didn't realize that battles that you were in had their own Wikipedia pages.
Oh, dude.
We're like this.
Watch out.
I think our accents f***ed off your shirt.
Y'all, the shows are almost sold out.
Thank you all so much.
This is an amazing experience. If you haven't got a ticket yet, go in the links below shows are almost sold out. Thank you all so much. This is an amazing experience.
If you haven't got a ticket yet, go in the links below.
Come check us out.
We are looking forward to this.
And a surprise announcement of the guests.
Angry Cops, Chris and Wes, The Magicians, Caleb Francis, and One To Be Determined.
Go check out the tickets below.
Also, launching a brand new business, 8xconnect.com.
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Been working on this business for a year, so go check it out. Truly appreciate y'all. That's
8xconnect.com. Dream it, links. That was good. I just got to get that test one in.
La, la, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la.
What do we have to crack open?
We got to get a claw to crack, too.
Bush lights.
Hmm?
Shall we grab that whole box of...
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you, show.
Fuck, we got to do white claw, too?
Yeah, you guys got to do white claw.
You do double for me.
I walk a different path.
It's all right. Oh, you're straight edge?
Fuck yeah. It's just much more
you know. Oh yeah. I don't have self
control, brain injuries, you know what I'm saying.
You get it. What's a brain injury?
Something that makes you interesting.
TB something?
TB.
I don't believe in TBIs.
Oh, there's a shirt.
I don't believe in TBIs. Yeah, that part is like... Please don't believe in TBI's. There's a shirt. I don't believe in TBI's.
Please don't talk to me.
I have a TBI.
I would be a good one.
It's like this podcast is Tibbets and Tism.
Tibbets and Tisms.
TBI's and Tisms.
Stacking them.
I didn't graduate from high school.
I got a GED.
Did you?
No.
I'm the only one that has the good enough diploma.
You got a GED?
Yeah.
Good. I'm the only one. If I could enough diploma you had a ged yeah good i'm the
only if i could go back knowing what i know now i would totally get a get at 16 move on with my life
we had people in the navy that didn't even get a fucking the good they don't need that anymore
they just made a rule you don't need a ged you don't need a diploma you can sign up in the u.s
navy enlist today look all i'm saying every time there's major global conflict, there's an economic
depression right before it.
Whenever the stock market crashes, just
go sign yourself up for the draft because
they're coming for you.
God, I didn't know that.
It just passed.
Man, that means recruit numbers are on an all-time
high.
They're preparing for something.
What was the reason they're starting to show white guys in army commercials now?
So it's like, oh God, we're doing this.
Something's happening.
Oil's back on the menu, boys.
Yeah, it's going to be great.
Welcome.
Welcome to the Unstriped Podcast.
I'm joined today by Eli Doubletap, Nick, Fat Electrician, Veteran with a sign, Zach.
And our boy, Donut Operator.
My boy, how y'all doing?
Hi, welcome, Mr. Zach.
You're finally on the fucking show.
I did it.
I did it finally.
Yeah, where's your sign?
I don't have a sign, but it worries me.
You have one job. Fuck this. Yeah, I'm out. I'm fucking gone. It's all right. We just leave. I did it finally. Yeah, what's your sign? I don't have a sign, but it worries me. You have one job.
Fuck this.
I'm out.
I'm fucking gone.
It's all right.
It's all right.
It's all right.
I wanted two hours of you writing your answers to us.
He'd be like, no.
He has a whiteboard.
He's like, come on, Eli.
This isn't funny anymore.
I don't care.
Did you see that podcast?
Which one?
With Dana White, where he walked out on Howie.
He's like, I'm so fucking tired of podcasts.
Yeah, I did some.
Was that staged?
I don't know.
I don't know, but my buddy Ginger Billy was the other guy in the room.
He was like, oh, that was Ginger Billy?
Yeah, that was Ginger Billy.
Because he didn't know what to say.
He said he'd come on here.
I'd love to have him on.
No, he's awesome.
Yeah, Dana White would be awesome.
Oh, Ginger Billy.
Yeah, he's fine.
Both.
I'm joking. Do both. Do both. all know he's awesome yeah daniel i would be awesome oh yeah he's fine both i don't think he does podcasts anymore to be honest with you he could walk off on ours i'd
be fine with that bring in the the cutout we just put a dana cut out there we're fine we're fine
it's the only five minute podcast we've ever had it's a short we just upload it as
a reel and that's it we never explain the backstory it's like well shit zach how you doing
how you been you've been wanting to come on the old podcast yeah and we're glad to have you we
ate we had a good time now now we're doing fucking just boy stuff this week just dudes being broken
real quick we skipped out on the bill i thought you know they i talked to him i thought you went
inside to pay and so i was like all right so when we walked got up and walked away no one paid the
bill and they were texted they texted brandon they don't know my number. They texted Brandon. Brandon texted me and went, oopsie, because none of us paid the bill.
We're like, what do we do?
Just send them.
No, I went back and paid it.
We drove back by.
Yeah, we hit it on the way back.
Yeah, but we totally walked out on that because they texted Brandon.
It was like, so are they just skipping out on the bill today?
It's the beginning of the villain era.
It's the villain era.
The unsubscribe.
We're getting our villain arc.
Yeah.
Side note, fucking, I don't know if we were going to say that.
We won't say the name because we want that place to continue to be good.
Yeah, don't do that.
But you need a loyalty card.
And like after 10 times, we get a free meal because we spend a good
so we get a free meal every
10 days. Yeah, exactly.
They wouldn't be able to sustain it.
They make their money off of us.
Yeah, like them.
It's just like when we go to
when we go to it's like the owner brought Heather
a nice bottle of mezcal
and it's like, oh, if we spend
$50,000 here, we get a bottle of mezcal. Hell yeah, dude. It's shit like that wherecal and it's like oh if we spend fifty thousand dollars here we get a bottle
of mezcal hell yeah dude it's shit like that where i wish it was like we could pull up a real life
like the skyrim stats sheets to see all the different shit you've done like how much time
have we spent at brunch oh god how many drinks have we had how much money and booze like that's
what i want to know no then we're to have no hosts because everyone ended their own.
We see how much time we've wasted and money.
We're like, ugh.
Medical professionals call this a problem.
Speaking of veteran sewer slides.
Sewer slides, we had a fantastic time with Brandon getting.
Where is he?
Is he not like...
There's a lot of veterans here and not a lot of Brandon.
I didn't want to be the guy to bring it up, but...
Yeah.
Seems like he's not a big fan of veterans these days.
Oh, Jesus.
It's weird that all the veterans are here and Brandon's not here.
I don't want to be that guy.
Break out the sign.
Where's Brandon?
Where's Brandon?
Where's Brandon?
Hang on.
Hang on.
The new Waldo book's got to be lit. It's just a where's Brandon sign. It's weird actually g van that's the thumbnail just cut that out yeah just
yeah get that i'm just saying it's kind of weird right he loves veterans so not that much
you know and then we'll use that as the cutout. That's perfect. Someone say he doesn't love four veterans.
I'm, you know, I'm not a mathologist, but.
Dude, he got, again, I don't know if we talked about this last time, but it is the idea of just.
Oh, yeah, we did talk about it on the last time, but it is so stupid for that battle he chose. And now, I mean, there's so many Twitter sphere.
I know you wanted to talk to Cody about.
Oh, God.
Oh, Cody being fucking hilarious on Twitter.
Yeah, I want to talk about it.
This made my week this week.
Just watch.
Cody is you're the boys and you're not butcher.
You're.
Cody's ranked.
What's your number for most influential person on Twitter?
Eleventh in the world. X, formerly known as Twitter, the 11 for most influential person on twitter 11th in the world sorry x
formerly known as twitter the 11th most influential person ever and some hell yeah somebody posted an
article trying to slander brandon oh shit wait oh yeah like 18 hours in
refreshing what did that what did he even say about brandon he just brought up the
whole thing where it's like he's celebrating or not celebrating but you know he's making fun of
veteran suicide yeah which is the opposite because of what happened yeah he took a seven second sound
bite out of a three hour podcast and like i don't know tried to sl slander Brandon with it. And Cody, I click on it. First top reply, a billion times more likes,
just completely ratioed.
And it's just, hey, is this you?
And it is a chat of this dude talking to a 16-year-old child
about being a groomer.
It was, yeah, it was grooming.
Like, he was grooming this kid.
Holy fuck.
He was 15, 16.
And then every comment underneath donut is just
gifts of fucking wood chippers and basically threats and uh i don't know it was just really
funny to see somebody be like i'm gonna talk shit on the internet and like oh no now half the
united states wants me did not exist and then his account was privated. And then three hours later, it was deleted.
That man deleted his whole account.
His whole account.
And as a Congress or running for Congress, what's that?
Yeah, he was running for some kind of Congress.
I don't remember.
It was like a county seat or some shit.
But like, I don't know.
Yeah.
We look out for our boys.
Maybe don't get on the Internet and talk shit if you're, I don't know, been established and known for grooming children.
It might come back to bite you. All the
bros that you're going to try to pick on
or start shit with, this group
is not the one you look at and be like,
pussies.
I would never look at any of you
guys and be like, this is the battle
I'm going to pick. Go through their Twitter
history, go through how they look.
I'm like, well, they could
f*** me.
They can just hold me down
and do what they want. We're definitely not like
it's going to be okay. They won't have
a crazy response
or overreact to it.
They're going to overreact. Yeah.
Fucking Homelander comes in.
Tony's just beaming
the eyes.
Ashley,
look at me.
Cody tweeted.
You know what it was?
It was a scene from fucking Austin Powers
and Goldmember when the fucking
anonymous henchman comes up to Austin Powers'
dad and you're the dad. What are you doing?
Look at you. You have a name tag.
Just go lay down.
He releases Twitter. He just erases himself
from the internet for you.
One thing I did want to talk about.
Did we talk about the acorn?
Did we talk about that?
I don't think we talked about it.
There's like the acorn.
Cody fill in
on the acorn situation.
God damn.
It was a DV, not even a violent DV, domestic violence.
Cop put the guy in the back of the cop car.
He was walking back to the cop car to get a form.
An acorn fell on the cop car.
And he took that as suppressed fire from somewhere and did two combat roles and and like
mag dumped into the back of the cop car where the guy was sitting and so the the female sergeant on
scene saw him mag dumping into the back of the cop car and he started screaming i'm hit i'm hit
they're in there so she started shooting the cop car yeah i was like god damn you gotta set my
channel back like fucking six years and the poor black guy and so i was like, God damn, you guys set my channel back like fucking six years. And the poor black guy inside was like, oh!
Just screaming as rebels are like slow motion just blasting next to him.
And afterwards he's like.
Dude, he was completely okay, wasn't he?
He was completely okay.
He was awesome.
I was like, that's the best case scenario.
He's never going to have to work again.
Yeah, he's snot.
He's paid.
His PTSD.
He has more PTSD than me.
Holy shit. He had to have like
buried himself like down, you know,
underneath the seat. Yeah, just wedged
himself all the way down on the floorboards. Yeah.
Unless he was cut. Like he's just like
Oh! Yeah, well cause he's
sitting there. Cause they already searched him
too, so he didn't have any weapons on him. That's what killed
me the most. I was like, you put, he's
Hank. Behind his back.
And it's,
well,
yeah.
Oh my.
And then everyone was like,
well,
PTSD.
Well,
well,
and I remember I replied,
I was like,
bro,
PTSD doesn't make me do two combat roles.
Getting shot at.
I've never done two combat roles ever.
You know why?
Cause they don't teach you to do combat roles when you're getting fucking shot
at ever and then someone replied and like the marines teach during for hand-to-hand combat
you know you know marine corps martial arts hey yeah it's real dude what are you saying man
it's totally real no that's real i'm just saying you know no it's not real he's got a purple heart
he's not about to spam the combat roll button.
I've never seen anyone do it.
If I saw him do it, I'd be worried if they started combat rolling,
especially if you're a National Guardsman that never deployed,
which I think is what he was.
Isn't that what he was?
He'd never seen combat, and he screamed medic.
He said, I'm hit.
I'm hit.
He did all the things that you wouldn't do. His legs gave out, and he thought he got hit in the leg or something.
That's not how it works.
I'm hit.
I'm hit.
I'm hit.
Bro, that adrenaline dump for him, that was his fucking 9-11,
was that three seconds of not combat.
And now his life.
I guarantee, after that went viral, he just turned his phone off.
He's like, sweetie, we have to move.
We have to move.
We're starting over.
We have to leave the country. we're starting over we're starting over
canada's beautiful right now ecuador what do you think about belize it's just anywhere away from
what the fuck we're doing well i see all of us like like this room combined has the most ptsd
in the world yep and you're walking up to your car and an acorn falls on it like you'd be like
oh okay can i can i say something that's
right up there with fireworks for me like remember the people that made millions of dollars off the
fireworks signs they're from texas i made it i actually one of my first internet videos was
making fun of that shit what the sign say it says something to the effect of please be aware that a
combat veteran lives here these fireworks can be triggering to the veteran,
which I don't know.
You mean the veteran's a chihuahua.
Yeah.
They're not like thunderstorms or Fourth of July.
I mean, I've never confused a sparkler with an RPG,
but that's just me.
And this guy and his wife had this huge con.
They never gave it away to anyone.
Like, oh, what was that?
Was that a Roman candle or incoming?
No, it's a fucking Roman candle.
It's not that complicated.
And they got like four million and they gave it to veterans,
which I don't even think they were veterans.
They just kept all of it.
But yeah.
We did our part.
Yeah.
We helped.
I feel bad for you guys because I only did 21 push-ups today.
It's okay.
We noticed. We're going to end. It's okay. We noticed.
We're going to end the podcast that way.
We noticed.
Well, I'm Cody.
After these messages, we'll be right.
The congressional candidate's best friend makes a joke about the congressional.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Well, Mr. Zach Zach it's fucking fantastic
I know you
Well you're a marine for people that don't know
He's a marine
And then you had a big push into
The war
But where in Afghan
I can talk about it
Yeah so I had two combat deployments
To Afghanistan one was in a town called
Garmzer in March of 2008 and it was a we were like the first marine corps unit that had
been there in a while it was kind of cool it was whatever um but the big one is um i inserted into
a town called marja it was a taliban stronghold yeah and 2009 to like july 2010 You were the closest to...
When did you get in? 2007?
2007, yeah.
He's been the closest other than Tyler and those guys.
Everyone else is like, I got in in 2016.
I'm like, fuck.
You're old as fuck.
You're so old.
I got in with M82.
I got in with Woodland.
Jesus.
I was issued Woodland.
You get issued Woodlands, they're like, we don't know where we're going.
Bro, he was issued an M1 Grand.
Pretty sure.
It was fucking, I didn't.
Talking about trench warfare and boot camping shit.
Woodland is now the cool gear.
And I fucking, everyone despised.
It's so retro.
Fucking yeah.
We fucking despised. I fucking hated that shit. we were so happy with ac and now we did you have black boots they're definitely not used to dress your boots okay
i let you iron my clothes the black boots thing sucks but the camo itself camo fucked yeah
forever forever than acu oh yeah this the worst. Who sold that contract?
They're like, we're going to make soldiers, you know.
Oh, I found it.
A billion dollars.
I did that in my, I did a video on it.
It's great.
I don't want to be that guy.
The Middle East isn't great.
We did a billion dollar study on different urban camouflages that would be the best.
Hell yeah.
And then they just came out of left field and they're like, we want this one.
And ACU Digicam wasn't even in the study for like five
years they decided on the multicam pattern from this billion dollar study okay and then they just
came out of left field or nah we're going with this one it looks futuristic yeah with no fucking
background whatsoever that's that's like the worst camo pattern of all time is the first off have you
ever watched them oh yeah the navy blue because if there was ever a time that you wanted
to be camouflaged, it was when it was like a man
overboard situation. Yeah, like you'd fall in the fucking
water. James, no!
James is gone. James is gone.
Cody belongs to the sea now.
Bro, that fucking navy,
that camo pattern was so
bad. Is it true? Someone told me if
you fell in the water, it would turn orange. No,
that's not fucking true.
They tried to tell you. That's the same
shit as like if you pee in the pool,
the cloud of color is going to fall
on you. That would be hilarious because
the fucking name is sealed. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to
wash the clothes. I know.
It's just what I was told. I was like, how does that fucking
work? They told us that and we literally
took our new uniforms and went down to
the ocean, dumped it in the water. You know how I it in the water marine yes you just asked if that was true well it was i mean it was like
a thing and i saw them and i was like surely the navy didn't make digital blue camouflage
for the fucking ocean just imagine navy seals going on a mission and they're sweating and they're like, whoo, shit. It's like they're out for beer.
Shit.
Orange all of a sudden.
I do like the new green outfits, though. Good.
The new lime acid green
color that they have, I actually really like.
Do you want the army uniforms? No, the navy.
The navy green uniform? Yeah.
Navy's going green again?
We've discussed this one time, but tiger stripe's still my favorite. that's your favorite of all time tiger i have fucking fuck with tiger i
just saw char i got a chocolate chip hoodie from americana pipe dream chunky chip is so nice it
reminds i remember seeing it on the tv for the first time we were kicking ass in iraq dude and
i was like fuck yeah chocolate chip it's such a good hoodie too my buddy has dc i was like in with
dcus if you were overseas and you'd be back into BDUs when you got back stateside.
Oh, that's the Marine Corps one, dude.
That's kind of fun.
No, that's the Marine Corps digital pattern.
They gave that to the Navy guys when I was in.
Oh, yeah, that's the original.
Yeah, I saw it.
Yeah, I was there, bro.
He was there, man.
I was there.
I don't know.
I like multicam the best. I'm going to be honest. Multicam's the best. Is that M81? That's multicam. I like multicam the best.
Multicam's the best.
Is that M81?
That's multicam.
That's like branded actual multicam.
Now, multicam tropic, I fuck with.
That's the M82 color, like the woodland.
It's a brighter green to it, almost like lime.
It really does fuck.
I like black multicam also.
I know Grand Thumb hates it and makes fun of me for it,
but I love it.
Hats up.
These hats.
Fair.
I mean, only fucking losers wear multicam hats.
It's not like I've worn that in every video I've ever filmed ever,
but it's fun.
Always, always wearing it.
But no, because I was National Guard, so we had ACUs the whole time.
And like multicam came out like six months after I got in.
And I was like, those are fucking dope.
And I spent the next six years being like, I want my unit to get the new uniform.
I want my unit.
We got it like three months before I got out.
I got to wear it like once.
I was pissed. Do we? So we got our ACUs in 2006 or 2007.
What the fuck was that?
Oh, God.
You scared me.
Oh, my God.
I thought that was a hard time.
Acorns!
I just thought it was.
It was a good time.
Let's go.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Was that a Roman candle?
Whoa.
We start combat rolling around the table.
All of us in a circle.
Duck duck goose.
You start giving tourniquets to yourself.
Fuck it, we're gonna make it, you're gonna make it.
I'm here, I'm here.
The show's like, wow, they're gay.
Blimey, they're gay.
Do you know what that is?
That is the sound of the heavens opening up when I use my Tushy bidet.
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hellotushy.com with promo code unsub um what i want to know what is it like coming from ireland
and then being friends with us i literally just asked asked her that. I asked her that. I was like, when you grew up, but we last overseas,
where you're like, one day I'll move to the Americas
and I'll hang out with a bunch of creators.
Morons in Texas.
They'll have their channels.
They'll talk about the war.
They totally won't talk about...
Imagine...
I'm sorry.
I don't want to shut on Ireland,
but imagine living in a country where you're not allowed to own a pocket knife and then moving and being friends with fucking Brandon Herrera.
I can't imagine a more drastic change.
Wait, you can't own a pocket knife?
No.
It's for your safety.
You can't own pocket knives in Ireland or Britain or have you not?
Have I not shown you the zombie knife shit that's what they call anything
That's like over like four or five
In America we have ghost guns that
People are freaking out about
In England you can pull up news
Where they're like talking about zombie knives
And it's just like shitty gas
Station knives it looks scary where people
Are getting stabbed and they're talking about them the same way
America talks about ghost guns
It's fucking hilarious Yeah it's literal machetes idris elba has like a full campaign against he's like
we don't like zombie knives he did a song yeah he has a whole song he did a whole song about
zombie he's like zombie knives are bad we aren't glad zombie knives are whatever i don't know what
is the whitest rap i've ever heard it sounds about right i mean i don't i don't know it's like a
legal loophole too with the zombie thing yeah so the zombie knife uh loophole in england is uh the the way that they define it's
just like american gun laws where people are just fucking stupid don't understand what they're
talking about but the the rule with the zombie knives in the uk is it's only a zombie knife
if it has writing on the blade so like if it has any branding on the blade where it says like zombie hunter 5000
you know all that dumb shit the gas station knives say it's a zombie knife and it's illegal but if it
doesn't say that it's completely fucking legal so people are just ordering shit off amazon and
having it delivered and the uk government's trying to shut it down it's fucking wild probably all say
that then they probably all have branding on it don't they no they don't because if you have branding it's illegal if they don't have branding it is legal
that is literally it's gun laws it's like i want you to do a video on all the uk police that have
have you i know you oh i'm shit on uk police all the pictures of dudes that are like kind of like
how american police will pose when they bust like a semi truck full of drugs and they you know pile
it up into a pyramid and they pose with
it like look at all the drugs we got off the street uk police are doing it with like some
dude's fucking knife collection and there's like fucking kitchen knives and shit in it and they're
posing look at all the knives we got off the street it's fucking wild it's like country it's
like chef's blades they have to register chef's blades or some shit like that yeah so like if
you're working over there as a chef, you have to go through some licensing process
to have chef's blades.
When the fuck did this start?
I honestly don't know how they were...
It's my $200 tax stamp.
How are they ever in charge of anything?
I just want to cut celery.
What the fuck, man?
Is that blade over 10 inches?
You got a license for that.
Yeah, you got a license for that.
Can't be putting beans on toast with that blade over 10 inches? You got a license for that. Can't be putting beans on toast with that blade.
We saw Christian Craighead yesterday, speaking of.
Yeah.
Our beautiful boy.
Yeah.
Zach and I went and toured the Staccato facility.
The new facility is amazing.
Incredible.
My God, the craftsmanship that goes into that stuff is cool.
But yeah, Christian Craighead, Obi-Wan Nairobi himself was there.
It was really cool. I haven't gotten to meet him yet i want to meet him he might he doesn't want to meet him
i'm gonna ask him i'm gonna i'm gonna see if he can be the first person that's still alive that
i do a video on i already talked to him i know okay i want to you can ask him too he's such a
dude too like he's slowly like becoming american because he's got his visa and he lives in texas
now and he's like he's like usa usa usa he walked up to us and he's like hey zach hey cody and then
he turns to heather and he's like hello darling and like touched his heart and i was like dude
please save some pussy for me like god damn christ dude anytime you're at like he like sat
he loves sav and he's like hello sav it's good to see you that's cleavage up And he's like, hello, Sav. It's good to see you.
This is how his cleavage out.
So he's like, fuck me, dude.
The British better not be coming.
This is my distraction.
This is how I'll beat you, Craighead.
I'm like, titties, surprise, titties.
He's such a gentleman, dude. He's such a good dude.
That's awesome.
Oh, yeah.
We were fucking, I love our tangents.
We were like, Zach, you joined the military.
Yeah, yeah.
Here's your bad experience.
KMO?
Yeah.
Fuck, you're Christian Christ.
Sorry.
It's like deviated.
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
I've watched, yeah, finally.
No.
Jesus fucking Christ.
No, this is great.
I really love this, and I love all of you, as everyone knows.
We love you, too.
So I can't believe I'm here.
This is so great.
But, yeah, I was in Marja.
It's like a big fucking deal.
Like, people talk about it.
There's a video from my company, Gunny.
He gives this speech.
He's like, John Glenn, first Marine to Earth and Space.
And, like, everyone's like, oh, that's so fucking cool.
They weren't there.
I was there.
It was my company.
And then, like, an hour later, we did the largest helo-borne assault since Vietnam.
And it was fucking insane.
What helo did you come in on?
53s is what we had.
The CH-53s.
The sea stallions.
The ones that fall out of the sky all the fucking time.
You know what?
Transformers 1, the one you see in the middle of the desert.
The ones with the pits.
No, those are the Ospreys.
No, Ospreys scared the shit out of me.
They barely fly.
I've done Blackhawks and Little Birds.
It's just a big bird.
Oh, yeah.
Is that the ones that look like the face?
It looks like a hind.
It looks like a hind.
Yeah, it's fucking huge.
Huge, slow moving.
Colonel, what's a Russian gunship doing here?
Yeah, no, it's basically that.
Like, we flew in, we dropped in, and, like, every day we were just out there moving and shooting.
It was a fucking infantryman's like wet dream like literally
operating out of like we go take over a place we clear out the village and then we'd like set up a
patrol base which is code for knocking holes in walls 24 hour op 24 yeah but we would just stay
there we would just make patrol bases and then just fucking shoot move and communicate it was
awesome until it wasn't so that's how combat is
yeah yeah yeah it was it was a lot it sounds so dope until it's not how do you feel about the
marines getting rid of tanks and we couldn't use them yeah over there yeah no they would have really
not over there i mean like because now like the marine corps just doesn't have tanks period i
think like they're kind of changing like how the marines have they're getting basically they're gearing up for a different type of warfare than what g-walt was for
the last 20 years it's weird it seems like they have a plan in place is that what you're saying
well no i'm not saying they have a plan in place i'm just saying like i feel like i feel like i've
seen some people really upset that the marines are losing tanks but on the other side it kind
of makes sense because like the whole marine shtick is like we're ready to be whatever you
need us to be at a moment's notice.
And tanks are awfully inconvenient to fucking move around quickly.
Yes.
Well,
it's,
it's,
it's,
I guarantee Zach can speak to this.
You won't have,
you're dismounted a majority of the time,
even especially in urban environments,
bro.
The,
we always considered the striker a coffin.
We're like,
Nope,
give me the fuck out of that coffin.
I don't want to, it can be on the main MSRs. We're dismounting, we're walking a coffin we're like nope get me the fuck out of that coffin i don't want to it can be on the main msrs we're dismounting we're walking through we're doing
everything hey we got a mission how far is it fucking 1.2 miles i'm like walking fucking
walking that bitch and i would remember leading routes i would get so nervous when i had to lead
route first off because you're in front chance are you're gonna be the one shot yeah but also
i just like okay and I would just count out
in my head how many
roads I had to pass and then take a left and straight
and then take another left in my head
and then everyone would be like, are you sure we're on the right way?
I was like, yes.
My autism is just like, yes.
So many viewers have PTSD right now
from what you just said.
You said MSR and my arm got a little tight.
I was like damn i
hadn't heard this language in a minute dude i just be like you were a point man what yes
that's what i'm talking about team wedge squad column let's get out there
dude dude hey hey man no hey but yeah you don't use vehicles a majority of the fucking time
no we had we had like mraps and stuff and they were like humvees on like my first tour but we just never saw them afghanistan we were was so far like we
went out so far one time we came across this guy on my first tour this dude who had like maybe four
fingers on one hand and it turned he yelled at us he yelled at us and he goes i'm not fucking scared
of you white boy i was killing russians before you were born and i was like good to go sir it was a fucking local uh mujahideen is what he was dude like we were like all right dude you're
we're good i was killing russians before you were born it's cold as fuck yeah i mean obviously he
went a little heavy a little too heavy with the ammonia nitrate once or twice but he had my
respect and i was like good to go we'll see you around. Do you watch World Rainbow Three?
Yeah.
God.
But he was just, like, out on the outskirts.
And, like, it was just crazy because, like,
when the Russians left, they literally left stuff in place.
Like, there was this one field we came across
where there was a battalion of tanks just left, of vehicles.
I don't know exactly what they were,
but they were, like, literally just left there.
And, like, over the years, they've been eroded
by, like, some guy having, like, a plasma torch
or coming across. And so you would you would see like sickle and hammer doors or like weird metal like put
all over the place that they had taken from all the stuff that was just left there this is beer
bong that is a tank it's so yeah it's weird and then i don't i don't know it's it's hard to even
think about but yeah so the tanks question is one um they would erode the roads in afghanistan they were so small i think
the marine corps does better when it doesn't have all that stuff because they're supposed to be like
a pioneering force like that's the whole idea is they go out and drop in troops shock troops yeah
and the army comes in and backfills and holds and sustains because the size and scale the army like
at its peak was a million or something and then the marine corps was like 250
so and uh i actually have a tank story from when i was and we um the barracks of one six at that
time we had like uh left in a we had like we were like this and tanks was across the way and like
every now and then we would scream out fuck tanks like we would just literally scream out fuck tanks
at these at this whole barracks of tanks dudes and one night we all got into the biggest fucking brawl in the middle of the quad just dudes being
like oh yeah fuck one six and then like doors start opening up and then like we all met in
the center of the smoke pit like where the smoke pit was and just it was a fucking ordeal just us
banging each other our marine is an orgy banging each other well no fighting sorry sorry that was
later sorry we were fighting sorry sorry the tankers like ridiculously fucking enormous too i don't know what it is about like
the army army tankers are the biggest fucking people per capita i've ever seen in my life it's
like a clown car just the biggest humans ever getting out of the fucking abrams oh my god
ridiculous they're huge shot fucking i never thought about that shoddy one of our buddies man he's one of
the most jack he they're huge farmer boy just farmer cornfield yes corn fed that just can just
bench 315 and rep it out like naturally without lifting like just nothing and he's just walking
around like this it's super nice but you get out of the tank like you say the tankers are huge
they were huge.
Like, they're not like Jack.
They're just like big fucking humans.
You're like, Jesus fucking Christ.
Holy shit.
It's like a clown car every time.
They open the tank.
Like, the entire top part of it.
Here's what the army tankers was like.
Yeah, they were burly.
They were burly.
They were all like full back size.
Like, they were like-
They weren't made for tanks is what I'm telling you.
It looks like it's manned by Ninja Turtles.
Yeah, basically. It's ridiculous. It's like, why don't we just put armor on them? It would have worked better. They were made for tanks. It looks like it's manned by Ninja Turtles. It's ridiculous.
Why don't we just put armor on them?
It would have worked better.
It would have worked better.
It would have worked better.
I just picture Big T's walking around with his armor.
And his shitty Iron Mans.
Shitty Iron Mans.
We don't want to spend much money.
Give him a lock.
He'll be fine.
Dude, I watched that movie in
afghanistan when it came out so we were there we were at a british base um something like it's
called like new delhi and prince harry was there that's what everyone said they're like oh you know
that's prince harry that's what the they said i don't know they all look the same they're not
american you know what i mean that's true and uh we like all went and we got in queue which i didn't
know what that was for the longest time. Like get in queue.
And I was like,
what do you mean,
dude?
And he's like,
get in queue.
And we got in queue,
which is line when the chow hall and they put in a TV that was like this
big.
And some like Russian dude had cam filmed Iron Man.
And apparently Prince Harry came in there and we're all like,
it was the greatest movie ever,
but it was really surreal watching it in Afghanistan being like,
fuck dude,
I don't know how to build a robot suit.
Like we're fucked.
We need capture.
Like, that's Tony Stark.
He barely made it, man.
I'm not making it.
Fuck.
I better do it.
You're like, hard cut.
You wake up.
It's like, okay.
I'm just like looking.
I'm going to melt some crayons.
I'm looking at, like, water bottles being like, okay.
I'm still mad.
They're just full of urine.
There's one bottle.
Dude, I can pee in any bottle.
You find me a bottle, I can pee in it to this day.
Running, walking, anything. It's the weirdest
talent. It didn't help me get a job. Why do you pee in bottles
walking? You just turn around and walk backwards
while you pee. I'm just saying I could do it. It's called
tradecraft, Nick. You never
know. I just walk and pee backwards. That's what I
always did on rock marches.
Your poor friends. Just you turning around
just hosing them down? I was so far behind.
You were in the front. I was at the end. You were in the front. I was at the end.
You were in the front.
Nick's in the front.
He's just leading the formation.
I was just leaving evidence.
Just calling cadence.
Left, right, left.
Yeah.
Do we follow this?
Start zigzagging.
Believe it or not, I was actually fucking in shape once and good at ruck marching.
I fucking hated that.
You probably hated it.
I love that.
Brother, he's speaking my language.
I love that.
I would get behind some dude who's like 7'2 on a good day,
and then his strides like this, and I'm just like,
why am I not up front?
I should be up front, and he's in the front.
It's a nightmare.
And that's the dude, Habich, again, fuck you.
He was like, it's not that hard, 6'6", and he's like, one.
And I'm like, eight strides.
I'm like, jogging strides? He's like, why are you exhausted? like, eight strikes. Like, jogging strikes.
And he's like, why are you exhausted?
I'm like, and I was a buck forty at this point in my life. You're like, I was running, motherfucker.
Yes, yes.
Life fucking sucks.
Yeah.
Eli, wake up.
Huh?
I know that the GhostBed pillow is super comfortable and has cooling technology, but we're shooting
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You mean this GhostBed pillow?
That one.
Cooling technology?
Cooling technology.
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That's right, ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe and get 50% off now going back to ops so when you do your ops yeah yeah i've told the story to you sent santanos i want to say
so we did it wasn't santanos came to uh us afterwards he was part of a co b co and everyone
did a huge push through mocha dia and this is like fucking weeks of fighting yeah and in every
day's a firefight blah blah blah so they clear out the bad part in moctadilla i'm not part of this
sant as santos falls asleep you know the story so he falls asleep my buddy falls asleep
they're clearing so we're doing a break so it's like okay hey we just did a big
push okay now we're going to the next market and then we're going to do another big push
so he's like okay hey fucking everyone nap up sleep get some sleep santa's fall asleep
so naturally what his buddies did were like he's asleep okay take his gun okay take his gun brother
you told no brother take his gun okay his gun take his gun
there we go
everyone dress up as
fucking middle eastern dudes
this is
war zone
so okay
two turks go up front
so now everyone's in
fucking balaclavas covered covered up, nothing showing.
And then he's getting, by the turp, getting kicked.
Speaking fucking whatever over there is Arabic to him, kicking his feet.
And they have AKs because we gave the turps AKs.
And they're like telling the get, they're like, what the fuck?
So he wakes up, He's like guns gone
He has no fucking idea what's going on he's nothing he's gonna be a fuck on a live leak
Like freaking out.
He gets up to like fight and then they take off.
I'm like,
dude,
he's like,
fuck you all.
I thought I just got captured and you all left me.
He just thought he got left.
He almost got bird dog. You might have PTSD.
Every night he goes to sleep and he's like,
it's fine.
I'm safe. I'm fine.
No fucking way. I'm not risking it.
Not again. Not again.
Caught me once. You ever seen Body of Lies
with Leonardo DiCaprio
and Russell Crowe? Where they keep telling
each other, make sure I don't get my fucking
head cut off on the internet. That's what he was
thinking then. He's like, oh god, oh god.
I was like, man, that is so fucked.
Because I would have been absolutely that like waking up
to that when you've just been in like harsh combat oh but and you think your team just left you
you're just like oh god oh god oh no oh fuck my life i thought it was a light-hearted like we put
his we put his rifle behind the shitter story. Yeah. No.
It's something like, we hit his gun.
Hee hee.
Like, you're like, no.
Now everyone dressed up as terrorists.
We started screaming at him in Arabic.
He's kicking him.
That's so great.
Welcome to the U.S. military.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Welcome.
You can't have thin skin, dude.
No, you can't.
It's a war zone.
Well, it's a war zone.
You never know what you're going to see. And I, yeah, there's so many different things that happen from like weird trauma to like,
all right, I'm going to tell a story that I promise to only tell here and on Joe Rogan.
And it's about my friend, Matthew Gorskiewicz on his 21st birthday.
If I could tell the story.
This is going to be good.
Okay.
So we're in a town called Garmz, Afghanistan.
We're in the-
Wait, you've never told this before?
Not publicly. No. No, wait. I love you love you christy please turn this off right now please you already know
what i'm gonna say and i love you um but uh so divorced but you know i mean here we go so
children too so here's the thing we're on our first tour and like you're on what's called post
and for anyone who doesn't know it just means you're looking out of a hole and you're like
trying to stay awake so we're in a town called garms or no one ever been there in a long time
and like we had done uh so you do like the initial insert and you like see some you clear and then
you seize and you hold and build that was the technique we used in afghanistan at that time
and so we're like there and i'm talking to Matthew Gorskiewicz. It's his birthday
and he's like,
I'm turning 21
and I was 20
and I was like,
this is fucking cool.
We're like talking about
like dumb shit
that we're going to do
when we get home.
Is there anything
I can't say?
No.
Okay.
Here we go.
Yeah,
G-Bank got this.
Okay.
Do you have a lime one?
Do you have a lime one?
A lime one,
please.
And a bush.
I want both.
Dude,
hey,
no,
hey, get a Bud Light for Shane Gillis.
Get a Bud Light for Shane.
Shane's one of the boys.
Shane is a boy.
Is he coming on?
Dude, there's so much. I want to talk history with that guy.
Dude, I bet if we were to lock you two in a room, it would be like an infinity symbol.
It'd be the worst fucking history.
He's like talking about, well, Napoleon did the French war.
Stole Justin!
Fucking autistic.
Communism sucks. Yeah, no, it'd be great bouncing but so we're on post and we're like tired as hell and we can't we can't really um
do anything but like talk to stay awake you're like saying like dumb i'm gonna do this i'm gonna
do that i'm gonna do that you're like you're just saying whatever and we were watching this main
road and we we put pamphlets out we talked to the locals told everyone, like, hey, don't fucking walk down this road.
Whatever you do, don't walk down this road.
There's ID.
People are moving ID materials up and down this main thoroughfare.
If you're on this road at night, it's bad for you, right?
Cool.
Sitting there watching and he's like, oh, dude, look at that.
And two guys come out.
Two bros.
Two bros and a donkey.
Military-aged males.
Military-aged males.
Excuse me. Thank you. Two military-aged males and a donkey start moving down the thoroughfare. Definition of bros. Two bros and a donkey. Military-aged males. Military-aged males. Excuse me.
Thank you.
Two military-aged males and a donkey start moving down the thoroughfare.
Definitely bros.
It's not that unusual.
It's like 130 during day in the shade, so they'd move around a lot at night.
You hear goats and shit.
I despise the weather.
Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare.
It melted a watch I had, actually, like one of those fucking garments that would give you dope and shit.
It gets to 140.
People don't believe this on rooftops if it's like it will get to like 142 on concrete
it's like 148 it melted my watch my watch that could go deep to the bottom of the ocean that's
never been on a rooftop in july yeah anywhere and they'd put that on hell because that's like
iraq's like the sun yeah you're right and then the ground's exploding and
then there's bullets everywhere it's a bad fucking place dude so yeah not heaven no no it's not um
but we're like talking and i'm and so we see these two guys come out and we're like oh fuck yeah dude
they're on the road all right fucking get down right he's got a gun i got a gun we're waiting
so we call up to the cog the corporal of the guard, and go, hey, COG, COG is post one.
Two military-age males and a donkey right here out in front of us.
Roger, what are they doing?
And I'm like, no, they're just kind of standing there in the middle of the road.
Roger, I'm coming in.
Fuck it.
He comes over, and he puts his head through the thing, and he looks, and he goes, Roger, yeah, two military-age males.
They start doing anything.
You fucking let me know and by this so
we're living in the same area where we have um fucking marines living because it's a small
building and people are like kind of moving around a little bit and like what is it and like that's
two fucking guys so he's on a 240 i i'm on a 240 like we're we're gonna saw these dudes in half if
something happens and they just stop moving and so now more and more people are waking up the whole
platoon there's like squad leaders team leaders, and all these people were like, what the fuck? You know,
they're like looking out the hole and it's just like, all right, cool. What are we doing? And
then all of a sudden they just stopped like dead center in front of us. And he's like, if they
fucking like pull out any materials, you just fucking drop them. Cool. Roger that. And they
stop. And then the one guy looks around and he he he walks to the front of the donkey and the other guy looks around he walks to the rear the hind quarters and uh
and there was like what's going on i was like they're just standing there one's the front
one's the back and the first guy takes his shirt and he puts it in his mouth like this
and then he just starts fucking the donkey in front of us so what happens if they
pull out a dick no he just starts he just starts fucking the donkey in front of us and so all this
all you can hear in this room is holy shit and so he is just plowing this animal i'm so sorry show
he is just plowing this just slammingming. And his friend, his bro, his obviously really good friend, has it.
You would probably do it.
You'd probably be really good at this.
Has him in like a choke.
Yeah.
And he's just like, he's just like holding the donkey right there.
He has the donkey in an arm bar.
The donkey's just like, and he's just slamming it.
And it's so, he's like rubbing it.
It's the weirdest part. He's like trying to caress it. Like it's going to like smooth it over. Be like and it's so he's like rubbing it it's the weirdest part
he's like trying to caress it
like it's gonna like
smooth it over
be like it's okay
it's okay
it's okay
and he's just
he's slamming the ass
of the ass
he's slamming ass
and slamming ass
and then like
everyone's like
we're waking up the lieutenant
and he's like
what the fuck's going on
and we're like
they're fucking donkeys sir
and he's like
no they're not
and he like pokes his head
like he goes
holy shit
I gotta tell someone this so we report up that there's a guy fucking a donkey and he's like what do i do
you can't just you can't just shoot a donkey that's being fucked by a guy that'd be common
donkey everywhere nobody would believe you and so he's just slamming this animal and like
and then he stops and it just comes to an end like thank god thank you lord jesus
and then
and then he looks at his friend
and they fucking swap
and so his friend takes the donkey
cause he's their good friend
and then his friend starts fucking it
and I'm like sir please let us kill
this fucking donkey it doesn't deserve this life
it's the worst moment ever This fucking donkey, it doesn't deserve this life.
It's the worst moment ever.
And Gorshkiewicz looks at me and he goes, this is the worst birthday of my life.
You have been telling me the entire time I've known you, I need to come on the podcast and tell the donkey story.
And if I would have known that you were just going to ruin Shrek for me, I wouldn't have come. Dude, they did.
They both did.
They came.
Jesus Christ.
Imagine.
I don't care.
Like, I was just like, there's no way we're teaching these guys how to vote.
Their favorite activity.
Like, if it was us, we'd all be fucking a donkey.
Democracy's not going to work.
We're like, how do you guys feel about elected officials?
I don't know.
Do I get to fuck a donkey?
No.
No, stop fucking donkeys.
And then they left.
That's the weirdest part.
It's like they came out, they fucked a donkey in front of us, and then they left.
I think they established dominance.
I think they own us on some level. I just pictured dog it's like a movie scene you have a sniper rifle and
the zombies or this donkey just looks it's like you see the eyes like in me it's like please
please god do this i just want to know how they determined who was first you know were they like
rock paper scissoring over there that day just Just like, all right, who's going to get old girl first?
Going in the house, that's what they did before.
It's like, best of two out of three.
Before we go fuck the donkey in front of the Americans,
we should settle this first.
Who's going to fucking put in a chokehold first?
It was the weirdest.
And I was just like, man, this is too much.
Like, please just let the ground explode again.
Please let them shoot at us again.
Anything but this.
Dear Lord, please.
Hard cut to the donkey in the shower.
Sitting there in cold water.
Sitting there all day crying.
I always like to imagine.
Eddie Murphy voice.
It's something in the wind.
Poor donkey.
I can't listen to Smash Mouth anymore.
I can't watch Shrek with my kids.
Thanks, Dick.
I told you it was a good story.
You ever heard a story like that?
You gonna talk about that on Fat Electrician?
The Fat Files?
Today on the Fat Files, we're talking about the donkey sodomy that happened in Afghanistan.
You gonna do that one?
Yeah.
Today we're gonna talk about...
Today we're gonna talk about... Today we're gonna talk about. Yeah, today we're gonna talk about. Yeah, today we're gonna talk about.
I'm preoccupied.
I'm talking about the Fury movie and chickens.
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Can you talk about the Fury movie?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
It comes out tomorrow, so this'll be way after.
Oh, perfect.
What do you wanna know?
I can... This guy is a fucking hard ass. comes out tomorrow so this will be way after oh yeah what do you want to know i can uh so this guy
is a fight the fury the fury the fury movie is like semi based off of a real person um the final
battle scene is actually based off of audie murphy which is the most decorated soldier in world war
two but the rest of the story is based off of a guy named uh lafayette green pool he was a twin
he had a twin brother.
Him and his brother, right after high school,
tried to join the military in 1937,
and they both tried to join the Navy.
He got kicked out, or he got rejected
because his eyesight was bad,
and then a couple years later,
the draft got instituted,
and I think September 16th, 1940,
as we were getting ready to go to war and uh he
goes in and he's like well the navy knows that i have shitty eyesight so i'm gonna go try to
join the army he joins the army he fucking cheats the eye exam he gets in he becomes a tanker
wait rewind don't tell the story you had me dying when you explained it this story of the eyesight
is fucking amazing. Which one?
Where he's just like.
Oh, no, that was Lost in Red Ramage.
That was my last video.
Oh, okay.
So I don't know what it is, but every fucking war hero I cover was initially rejected for having shitty eyesight.
So there was this dude, Lost in Red Ramage, the first submarine commander ever to win the Medal of Honor. He was rejected for having shitty eyesight.
That's a whole video series for you. The bad eyesight of heroes or something like that so lost in red ramage
rejected for eyesight he you're not allowed to work in a submarine because your eyes are bad
because you you're in a fucking submarine who gives a fuck yeah you need to see far in a
submarine yeah so like he was rejected and then he had a Willis, Augustus Willis Ching
was his nickname. Lee
was Asian American
and he was
I should. So he his eyesight was
bad. This is a video I'm going to do in the future.
His eyesight was bad because when he was a kid
he was in like seventh grade and he was chewing
tobacco. Right. And the
teacher got
mad. This is like 1920. The teacher got mad and this is like 1920 the teacher got mad at him took his
fucking chewing tobacco and threw it in the wood furnace in the corner because that's how they
heated the fucking school at this point in time and he's like cool do it again bitch showed up
the next day and filled his fucking chewing tobacco pouch full of fucking black powder
and he was like sitting there chewing and the teacher
confiscated it and threw it in the wood burner and fucking blew the entire thing up and he was
so close it ended up like burning his corneas and causing eye damage so he had really bad eyesight
for the rest of his life but he was his dad was a doctor and he was like really gifted at shooting
guns but he had glasses. So it was fine.
He ended up going to the fucking Olympics, winning, I think, eight or nine gold fucking medals for sharpshooting in the Olympics.
And then he goes to join the Navy.
Like your eyesight's too bad.
He's got eight gold medals for sharpshooting.
And you're not going to let him join the fucking Navy.
So he joins the Navy.
He ends up being literally the greatest battleship commander
the world has ever seen he ends up being the only he so he was a fucking slade he was the commander
of the uss washington which was the last battleship to sink another battleship in battleship on
battleship warfare it was fucking dope he'd suck the uh the japanese kirishima in world war ii so
that was a huge deal anyways the. The ice, I think.
A quick synopsis of it is like,
Homeboy accidentally went through,
this is the same guy with the bad eyesight,
goes under, is in formation with everyone.
He's like, yo.
Yo, they don't know I'm here.
I'm a fuck show.
So he's just like walking.
He just blended in with everyone and just started fucking everyone up with it.
Everyone.
And then they couldn't shoot because they had tankers.
Oh, you're talking about Ramage?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Ramage, he was a submarine in World War II.
And he was initially, basically he had went out, he was at Pearl Harbor when it happened.
And he was like a radio technician and a sonar technician at Pearl Harbor. So like he had went out. He was at Pearl Harbor when it happened, and he was like a radio technician
and a sonar technician at Pearl Harbor.
So he was fucking there,
and he volunteered to go out in a submarine,
and they went out.
They sunk a sub,
and then they decided to give him his own sub,
the USS Trout.
They went out.
They ended up sinking.
I think they sunk like three ships over three.
They call them war patrols,
like three big missions.
So Pearl Harbor was his hero hero arc he's just like i was they want to do this dude dude was fucking ready so he
goes out like wanting revenge and at this point uh the the the plan with submarines was basically
like send them out go sink enemy ships period like your lone wolf operation completely he ends up
sinking three ships and but he he shoots way more torpedoes
at ships than he sinks but the mark 14 torpedo was like notoriously shitty so like he had shot
he had actually shot the kirishima which willis ching lee sinks later he had shot it with five
fucking torpedoes and all five of them were duds that's how shitty the mark 14 torpedo was accuracy
by volume the politicians were like
oh this the torpedoes are fine you just have bad aim he's like i watched him fucking hit it they
just don't blow up which is like well supported now but at the time they're like no you just have
shitty aim shut up military he ends up getting he does like three war tours and after three war
tours in a sub uh you were basically kicked out of that sub because they were worried that you'd become too conservative or too reckless at that point.
So he got kicked out and then he got sent all the way over to Maine where he got to like oversee oversee the construction of his new submarine, the USS Parchee.
And then he sailed it all the way from Maine to Pearl Harbor.
And then he went out on a mission again and by this point in time it's like 1943
1944 and they had adopted a different type of warfare whether you're not just going out lone
wolf style you're going out with like three other subs in a wolf pack so they were going out in this
wolf pack and they fuck they they encounter this huge convoy the other members one member of his
wolf pack ditched out because they had uh damage to their submarine somehow the first wolf pack guy like pops up dumps his torpedoes i think they had six in the front
four in the back 10 torpedoes right like shoots all six torpedoes does a u-turn fires the four
he bounces ramage is fucking pissed so he fucking goes in this dude by himself he like
because the first dude had shot his torpedoes they end up
abandoning and all the security forces on this japanese patrol like fan out looking for subs
and he does this evasive maneuver where he basically does a 270 70 degree turn and he
fucking pops up and he's in the middle of this japanese fucking convoy of boats and he's like
in the cargo ships and all the military ships.
He's like in the middle
of the cargo ships
that are being protected
by the military ships.
And he's like, fuck,
what do we do?
It's nighttime.
The Japanese don't fucking
have radar yet.
They have no idea he's there.
He's standing up on the deck
of the submarine like.
Target rich environment.
Fire at that one.
And it fires
and they fucking miss.
Everybody's just like.
And one of those guys is like bro they got aircraft carriers over there she's like okay so they like penetrate there's like 30 fucking ships in this cargo formation so they penetrate
deeper into this formation trying to sink these aircraft carriers they get up to them they're
not aircraft carriers they're tankers right but that's still a huge huge objective like big ship yeah very japanese or japan is already struggling with oil it's a
big deal to take out an oil tanker so like all right we're gonna take these fuckers out
so he fucking fires like a bunch of torpedoes at one oil tanker and then turns does a u-turn
fires a bunch more and at this point in time like once you fire your torpedoes like that's it like
you submerge and you you leave because
you can't just reload mid-combat they're fucking they're 20 feet long and they're 3 000 fucking
pounds like there's cranes and winches and dudes getting hernias involved with reloading these
fucking things they're like nah we're staying on top of the water reload the tubes and he's just
fucking dodging gunfire and shit as his crews trying to reload the tubes.
Cody, imagine you get that call.
You're a private.
And they're like, hey, get one to the front.
You're like, what?
No, sir.
What?
Why?
And then you're just like this.
Like you and your buddies are like, fuck, don't drop it.
You're not fucking dropping it, bro.
And this is a tight area.
So you're just like red lights.
It's shitty.
And you're just trying to get it in the fucking hole.
What does the server want to do?
What the fuck is happening?
It's backwards.
We got to go back.
Turn it around.
We're in the center.
Is he nowhere in the center?
We're so fucked.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, he ends up firing like 19 fucking torpedoes at one time.
Reloading multiple.
First submarine commander to ever reload torpedoes in mid
combat and fucking keep fighting.
Sinks five Japanese ships, takes no
fucking damage, submerges and
gets away. He ends up getting the Medal of Honor.
Pretty dope story.
Dude, I want to fuck this. Cut this.
Let's go to a fucking recruiter right now. You don't need a
GED. You don't need anything.
Dude, let's go to the Navy. Let's get some subs up, dude.
The gang goes SF.
We're doing it again.
The gang got turned away for age.
I'm not going to lie.
I've been waiting for the military to get a hold of me for a PSYOP contract.
But that hasn't happened yet.
Fingers crossed.
I'm hoping for it.
Dude, that story goes so hard.
Oh, but with the eyesight, he just memorized oh yeah so he like
he goes in he fails the eyesight exam and then they're like you fail and he's like all right
so he comes back the next day and he had memorized the chart but it was the same optometrist and the
dude's like i remember you from yesterday so he goes up and changes changes the board
ramage is like fuck and he's like all right cover one eye he so he is like, fuck. And he's like, all right, cover one eye.
So he covers his bad eye first.
And he's like, he reads all the fucking shit.
And he's like, all right, cover your other eye.
And Ramage goes.
And he reads all the shit.
He fucking gets away with it.
So he ends up joining the Navy, becoming one of the best submarine commanders ever.
It's such a dope.
Like that one, I remember texting you at like 2 a.m i was like
bro i just watched that video so fucking but but yeah no then uh the fury movie it's same thing
dude got fucking rejected so his brother joined the navy he ended up going to college and then
after that he ends up uh joining the army he cheats on the eye exam right out of the fucking
gate to get in and then so this is a funny part so i haven't because this video is not out yet so nobody knows this dude ends up training for like three
years from 1940 through like 43 he's training in a tank he trains in uh pennsylvania he trains in
louisiana he trains in the mojave desert in california and he assembles like this badass crew
gets shipped off to england he's training in England, getting ready for D-Day because he's going to go in right after D-Day in a fucking tank.
And fucking while he's in England in 1944, like early 1944, like January, February, Joe Lewis, the world heavyweight boxer.
Yes, the boxer.
One of one of like the greatest, all the greatest time greatest pound for pound everything like a fucking monster
and also joined the military
so he was there doing a fucking
tour going around every
day going to a new unit boxing an army
guy just like for morale shit
beating the shit
he's being cool
are you guys unhappy
so Lafayette Pool
I just saw a German guy fuck a donkey i don't get beat up
lafayette pool war daddy had been boxing his whole life at this point he was fucking 40 and
oh in boxing hell yeah he got put in to go up against joe lewis and he's like previously to
this while he was in the mojave desert in california he had won the california state
golden gloves championship and had the chance to go to chicago for the national title but he's like nah i gotta stay
with my fucking dudes we're going to war whatever so he he turned it down he goes to england like
six months later now he's got a chance to box the world heavyweight champion so he's like
fucking here's my shot right lafayette pool goes in joe lewis being completely cool he's boxing a
new dude every night this is a glorified sparring match. Damn, he's not trying to hurt nobody.
He's being cool as shit. He's a little dog and pony.
Yeah, he's just doing Lafayette
pool goes in and fuck just throws a haymaker
and connects. It staggers him.
Oh my God. Joe Lewis
locks up with him
leans in. He's like, I'm going to teach
you a lesson and then beats the
fucking shit out of
Lafayette pool for the rest of the match.
But he doesn't get knocked out.
So everybody's like huge win by Joe Lewis.
That's incredible.
Joe Lewis got like 95% knockout rate and he didn't get knocked out.
Huge win.
Right.
And then literally two months later, he's on the beaches of normandy two weeks after d
day and goes into world war ii he's in combat for 81 days he goes from normandy drives all the way
through france through belgium up to the siegfried line and in 81 days this dude fucking is credited with taking out over a thousand german infantry soldiers 12 tanks uh 200 some
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Complete fucking animal.
And then at the Siegfried line,
at the Siegfried line, his loader,
so John Birdthal from the movie Fury,
his loader, Jailbird.
I'm not dumb.
His brother was a tanker,
and his brother had died in combat.
So because of that,
he had been sent all the way to the rear
for like an eye exam,
which was bullshit. The command did it just to get him out of combat because he was been sent all the way to the rear for like an eye exam, which was bullshit.
The command did it just to get him out of combat because he was the last son in that family.
And they didn't want anything to happen to him because like they were two weeks away from getting sent back to America because they were the best tank crew America had.
And they were going to send them back to be heroes and sell war bonds.
And so they sent that guy to the rear and they sent Lafayette pool had been spearheading all of France,
all of Belgium.
He was the first fucking tank in and they finally set him to the rear.
And that night a German tank unit snuck past the line and ambushed them.
And they were the first fucking tank they hit.
And the fucking first round,
this Panther tank fired fucked up.
Their tank was called in the mood.
It wasn't called in the,
it wasn't called fury.
It was nicknamed In the Mood.
It was the name of their tank.
It's a porn title.
That's why they named the movie that.
It was fucking great.
No, it was from the song.
But yeah, anyways.
Dude, you're a fucking wealth of information.
Go, go, go.
What song?
In the Mood.
In the Mood?
Yeah.
You know the song In the Mood.
I'd play it for you, but it's copyrighted.
I don't know it.
You would know it as soon as I played it for you. In the Mood. I don't know music. I'm in the mood. I'd play it for you, but it's copyrighted. I don't know it. You would know it as soon as I played it for you.
In the mood. I don't know music.
I'm in the mood with my gal.
So the dude that replaced Jailbird
ends up...
Bull orders fire.
They return fire on this German panther
tank, and then he orders
fire again, but this new guy that they just
got fucking fumbles, ends up jamming
the gun. Just like in the movie.
The Panther tank gets a second shot off on him
and fucking fucks up the tank.
Poole gets ejected from the tank
and his
leg is just fucking shredded by shrapnel.
And he lands, he has
a, you know what a morphine serret is?
It's like a single serving morphine dose they had in World War II.
He fucking injects himself with a morphine serret
and tries to cut what's left of his leg off with a pocket knife.
Holy shit.
Yeah, and the other American tanks start hitting this Panther.
They knock the Panther out.
Poole is fucking trying to cut his leg off with a pocket knife,
yelling to get back to his tank.
And another tank crew commander runs over to him,
hits him with another morphine syrette,
and then calls the medics.
And Poole's trying to get back to his tank. The medics come, hit him with a third morphine syrette and then calls the medics and pools trying to get back to his tank the medics come hit him with a third morphine syrette and
he passes out he ends up fucking waking up in a hospital in texas and dude spent 22 months in the
hospital didn't get out till 1946 is wild damn god damn dude that those wars were so, like that level of combat, I cannot envision in my head.
Zach knows.
You were the, your unit lost, like, I was like, holy shit.
10 guys.
Yeah.
I think 10, 12 guys.
I would have to look at it.
And that's crazy.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
For reference, Zach, like having 10 guys to 12, it's insane for a battalion, right?
Yeah, battalion.
Battalion to lose that, because it is
a very rare thing
for battalions to lose that
many guys. With Zack said that, I was like,
different era of warfare, though.
And that's why you're losing
entire battalions.
Pools units. So when they
first landed in France, they had what was called
hedgerow warfare. So the
German crop fields, or not German, the French crop fields were basically separated by what they called hedgerow warfare so the the german crop fields
or the not german uh the french crop fields were basically separated by what they called hedgerows
it was basically like uh bushes and trees and shit separating the different fields of who owned what
that's what's in afghanistan right literally yeah so uh they were they were going through that and
in they were in theater for six days before they went on their first mission.
They cut through.
They went through their first couple of fields.
And they got ambushed by a German anti-tank unit with German 88 anti-tank guns and Panzerfaust,
which is basically an early version of an RPG.
It means armor puncher or tank puncher.
It was the one with the giant shield, right?
No, it just looked like a big fucking it looks like
a fat man fuck it looks like an rpg it's like an ancient an antique rpg basically and um i know
they walked right into this fucking ambush and pool's battalion lost 25 percent of 177 dudes
and 18 m4 sherman tanks in like minutes. That's war so different, man.
It's fucking gnarly.
Because 10 is like 10.
10's a lot.
10's a lot.
We lost, I mean, like,
so what happens in Afghanistan in particular is-
It stays in Afghanistan.
Yeah, well, it's the graveyard of all empires.
It's a graveyard of all empires.
But 70% of the world's opium comes from there.
And so they would harvest it.
And so what I would do when we would walk through a field
is I would squeeze the poppy plants to see how close they were to
being harvested so like if they're like hard they haven't like bloomed yet so you got like two months
and then if they started to get like swollen kind of like an orange you got like another month and
then if they start having scratches on the side of them you're going to start having problems
because they've already taken the the opiates out of it but it was uh the spring offensive and all that dope would go out and all that cash would come in and it was it was it was
rough i mean we had the a and a there they were worthless um they were just they would like walk
off all the time that was a big thing they did um no no there was one time i think the time's up on
it uh i did commandeer a toyota hylux once that was pretty cool i'd use that to drive down the
road and pop some rounds i of a Dushka.
I'm not allowed to own one because of chickens.
It's incredible.
I own one.
I don't know why you don't have one.
I can tell you.
I didn't know Toyota was a big sponsor of the war, but they are.
They might need to look into that.
They're really upset about it, actually.
They're really mad about it.
I mean, they're...
Why are these containers using our vehicles?
I'm telling you, dude.
Like, my bolo list was like
be on the lookout for it, it'd be like Toyota Corolla
white, Toyota Corolla red, Toyota Corolla brown
and then every color of a Hilux
that was available
the Hilux
dude it was
you can do it, I'm not doing it
I'm not doing it
I'll have a real unsubscribed situation
if I do that
you'll started floating there
I own an 81 Toyota
Hyrix
Every time I look at it
My hands start to sweat
Where are the Taliban
I start asking where they are
It was a gnarly time
I got to do
um a lot of different stuff there i mean we even took so many casualties uh that they had to
reorganize our whole company and i ended up becoming a squad leader because of it so i
finished out my last my last tour uh the last three months roughly as a squad leader so what
rank did you leave at um corporal e4 and then i got in the irr and five e4 mafia but then it's god like losing
again it's it is i will just i want to fucking nightmare this like 10 people is you don't
realize when a battalion or anything like that loses that many individuals and how much that
is because a lot of units are like oh we lost one or two and then like we had 16 you had 10 the second you said 10 i was like holy fuck you probably had a bunch of purple hearts
because it is if you're losing dudes you are losing usually it's not like uh one or two it
goes from like one or two to like 10 to 30 guys just good it is a huge difference on your combat
zone and where you're going so when you hear that and i guessed i was like you probably had like 40 50 purple hearts he's like yeah 50 oh yeah we put them out
there yeah there's a few of them um and like the thing was it wasn't because of like incompetence
or anything like that it was just a lot of war war is like a number of game of uh it's a it's
a game of numbers so like the more patrols you do the higher chance you are that you're going to you
know get hurt get injured and then just like increase we were doing two patrols a day like it was it was fucking gnarly and like we were out there and
like just making it up as it went i remember like we but like it was it was so fucking weird they
sent us these uh so they sent us these girls they were called lionesses they're called like female
engagement teams now but we called them lionesses wait you had what they so they were for like if
you came across like women or children.
And so according to like their culture, so we wouldn't touch them or get them like literally tossed out and stoned by their community.
So they got attached to us.
And so like we took them out.
It didn't go well.
They only went out with me once.
They got really scared and like, I don't know, they just didn't know what they were doing.
Did they shoot somebody in an apartment? No that wasn't mine thank god did they mag
dump three times yeah well like they they i was told my co's like hey i gotta take this girl
these girls out and i was like i don't want to do that it's fucking dangerous i don't i don't
know anything about them i'd never seen them before and i'm not going to take them on a
fucking patrol on god's most austere environment and he goes i'm the fucking company commander and i go good to go sir i i will take them out
yeah you're you're a sir so i took him out and they're like this one speaks posh too don't worry
she'll translate for you and i'm like cool i go to this elder i've known him for a while i come
in there you know i peel off a few you know ben franklin's for him he's like yeah talib they're over there bro they
don't like you and they he would tell me give me information mister there you got mister yeah we
go talib talib whoa right there yeah so i go up there and i'm trying to talk to him and i'm like
hey send me so-and-so up here send me whatever lance corporal jones whatever her name was and uh
i get up there and
like he starts talking and I've got enough like lingo or he's like blah blah blah over there in
that village I'm like all right cool and then he's she looks at him looks at me and she goes I don't
know what he's saying and I go what do you mean you don't know what he's saying she goes oh I
that's a weird dialect I go it's not a weird dialect that's what doesn't like fucking speak
around here this is Pashto she goes She goes, um, I don't,
I don't,
I don't know that language.
I go,
what do you,
what do you mean?
You don't know posh too.
She goes,
you see corporal.
I only know the language of the Navi.
And I was like,
what the,
what the fuck did you just say?
She goes,
corporal.
I only know the language from the movie after I go,
no,
I know where the fuck it's from.
I swear to God,
I was like,
I'm going to sound retarded and I'm going to get mean,
but is that the people from avatar?
Yes.
Yes.
I go,
didn't you go to language people?
I go,
didn't you go to language school?
She goes,
yes,
corporal for three years.
And I go,
and all you picked up was the language.
The guy who made Titanic made up.
She goes,
yes,
corporal,
get in the back of the fucking patrol right now.
They sent her back after that. Get in the back of the fucking patrol right now. They sent her
back after that, and the rest of the day
I had to talk to four people in my
chain of command. They're like, Belle, what did she tell you?
Well, you see, sir, she told me she only knows the language
of Avatar. And he goes, the fucking blue
people?
And I was like, yeah.
I'm going to stop.
That was what she
told me. We were covered in sweat.
We had just been shot at for an hour.
And she's like, I don't know what he's talking about.
I know a lot of you right now is like, he's making that story up.
This is wartime military.
If you think they gave a fuck on what they were cycling in.
I told many stories of the people that got let into the infantry with me.
That is a hundred percent
dude it was so it was i was so mad i was like i can't leave her here but like all she's gonna do
is be like you know my my name's jake i'm a marine from like she was a spook no she was she was uh
part of this female engagement team and she allegedly they the other two girls were actually
pretty cool but her thing was that she was the language person.
So they sent her to the military language school for three fucking years.
So she was an Afghani national?
No, she was an American.
We had dumped like hundreds of thousands of dollars into teaching her Pashto,
but on her off time, she was just like learning language that was probably on Reddit version one in 2009 being like,
ah, whatever the fuck it is.
Tax dollars well spent. 2009 being like ah whatever the fuck it is tax dollars will spin they needed females to interact with the with the women and the kids local females because men aren't allowed to touch women yeah if
you touch them they'll get fucking ostracized taken out of their culture right yeah they'll
get fucking stoned to death and if i know i'll be shout out to i will give a shout out to the
females that had to be because you had females and males.
The only thing that I would never do, which was checkpoint security, and I'm glad I was on missions all the time because that was the only time I was like, that is a fuck.
Like, you are either having a V-Bid pull up or you're a sniper target because you are sitting there, Cody.
Standing still.
You are sitting there letting vehicles in checking the vehicle letting them
pass yeah out in sector yeah so so every every time you're like is this my day is this my day
holy shit there's a story the two guys who i got one yeah holy shit i forgot about this
uh this was uh i want to say this was wajanowski. Alphabet, I think this was you. We were doing a sector clear.
Alphabet went to
a vehicle lock. We were just going through each
sector. It's like, oh, there's a bad guy at house.
So he fucking opens the trunk. It's locked.
We're like, fucking get it. The rest of the guy,
you won't open it. Fucking get it.
Trunk won't open. We're like, what the fuck? So he just shotgun clears it.
Opens it.
Veeb it.
It's just 200 pounds of explosives
he's like
what the fuck
run run run
oh my god
so many stories like that
literally he's like trunk open
someone call Jeremy Renner
and then you close it we're good we'll just mark it on the FBCB2 stories like that. Literally, he's like, trunk open. Someone call Jeremy Renner. Someone call Jeremy Renner.
And then you close it.
We're good. We'll just mark it on the FBCB2.
We'll walk away. Speaking of Jeremy Renner,
well, you don't like...
No, I have a friend. You don't like Hawkeye?
I have a friend. He's actually a really
popular influencer. I can't say who he is,
because he'd be fucking furious at me, because nobody
knows he was even in the military, but
I have a friend that was... Oh, Brandon. No. was even in the military. But I have a friend that was... Oh, Brandon.
No.
You said it in the military.
I have a friend that was...
It's obviously fucking Brandon.
I have a friend that was Marine EOD...
Brandon?
...in 2003.
Brandon's like, shut the fuck up.
I probably know who it is.
No, you don't.
I bet I do.
I bet you don't.
General Mattis?
No.
Fuck, that's all I got.
Anyways, he was Marine EOD in 2003 and this is when like eod was not a
refined science yeah no it's it's not and he talked about you know the shit he i asked him
about hurt locker he said it was one of the most realistic movies he's ever seen in his life which
hurt locker is pretty renowned as being one of the most unrealistic veteran movies ever and he's like
no for an eod guy that's exactly how we got he's like, no, for an EOD guy,
that's exactly how we got. He's like,
we were allowed to do whatever the fuck we wanted.
Not in my time.
Maybe back when Eli was there
and the M16 was 15, but in my
time, we had a little more refined rules
like... Leaving the... You can't leave the gate
with one vehicle. Yeah, he left. He like
leaves at one point. He's like, fuck it. I'm taking a local
and like take someone hostage. And he's like, I take bombs out of the fucking ground.
You can't leave.
You can't do that.
We had to have eight people.
You had to have vehicles.
You had to have, like, how many vehicles are in this convoy?
One, two, three.
Because you cannot, you have to check out when you're leaving a FOB, unless you're in a COB.
And he wasn't in a COB.
He was in a fucking FOB.
So when you're like, hey, you drive up.
If you pull up in a Humvee with fucking one of your bros but hey they'd be like get the fuck back yeah you
just turned around and ran back because again and then uh all the dumb shit when they pull up
and there's just abandoned humvees in that movie because they just pull up and they're like the
humvees are abandoned and then they walk around the corner and the soldiers are there i'm like you don't
abandon vehicles ever there's just too much there's too much technology as a serialized gear
i mean like the only thing all my ud friends told me about that movie that did made the most i made
the least amount of sense to them is like putting on the bomb suit they're like dude it only protects
you up to like five pounds of like regular uh dynamite or something he's like fuck that he's like i'm gonna die i'm gonna die
like rod techs were fucking gnarly in afghanistan they were crazy bros and so the way it works is
one guy looks for the bomb and then one guy like sweeps around it and like this one i can't remember
his name let's just say his name's sergeant smith he's like you want to see how this is done and i
was like fuck yeah i want to see how it's done he takes out his knife and we have an idea where it is and he just starts fucking digging
while his like a team leader guy's just sweeping around him because they're looking for a trigger
a charge and then trigger charge and then a power source if you find one you can find all three
and there was no science other than him with the fucking k bar just like scooping it up and
just cutting wires and i was i'm pouring sweat and he's just talking he's like yeah you just
fucking you just look for it and if you hit it whoops there it is and like he just kept going it was insane have
you seen the fucking the the filipino eod guys are still like unearthing landmines from world
war ii yeah fuck that those goods are out there with a fucking uh the what's the fucking shovel
yeah fucking swinging at the ground and like he's like dude they're like hitting a landmine from
world war ii just grab it throw it over their shoulder like it's no big fucking deal it's crazy how
much are they getting paid you know not enough sandwiches sandwiches anyways this guy uh
he basically said that he had like he got he got blown the fuck up he's got one lung
anyways but jesus yeah he got blown the fuck up bad. But he was there in, like, 2003, like, super early on.
And he was at a fucking bar on his, like, on leave.
And whoever was manufacturing all the fucking bombs in his area met him at a bar and knew his name and knew who he was.
He's like, it's the scariest moment I've ever had in my fucking life.
I'm like, Jesus Christ.
Was the bar, like, Jesus Christ. What was the bar like overseas?
Yeah, no, it was like in theater,
but it was like in a city that was like safe or whatever.
Like green zone type shit.
And the green zones were fucking huge over there too.
And he's like, he just like came up to him at the bar and was like,
hey, and like said his full name.
And he's like, what the fuck?
And he's like, literally just like, I know who you are basically.
And he's like,
it was one of the weirdest fucking things that ever happened to me.
But he was like,
they had a conversation.
It was like some dude that was a fucking,
not a,
not a chemist,
but like an engineer that had been like trained out of college.
And like,
now he was building IEDs.
It was like the craziest conversation he's ever had in his life.
Holy fuck.
What do you call broken beer bottles when you stab someone with them?
Weapons of opportunity.
Weapons of opportunity.
He's like, I was on LinkedIn one day and now I'm here.
It's good to meet you.
That's funny.
So Battle of Bacaba, that was our last fight.
Last fight in the deployment.
Enemies killed 382. This is just my battalion 382 enemies killed a hundred detain
That was the last few months of my deployment
But I didn't realize that battles that you were in had their own Wikipedia page
Mind us have their own wikipedia pages mine does mine does i was like whoa because we caught like in
iraq and uh and what year is this this is the surge jesus yeah of 708 this is you guys didn't
even have an up-armored humvees you're just like rolling out aluminum foil out the window
you're just like remember what i said earlier when i said hey there's always a major economic
crisis before a big war you Remember when I said that?
Yeah. You know what happened
right before World War II? What?
The Great Depression.
What was that surge you did?
What year was that?
It was right before. Oh, really? What happened
in 2008 in America? When I got out of the military,
the economic collapsed.
Oh, yeah. Exactly.
Literally the day of the thing.
When I got out.
You mean the housing crisis?
If you wake up and the stock market crashed, we're going to war again.
I'm just throwing it out there.
Get those shares back.
Yeah, watch the big short if you guys haven't seen it.
Such a good movie.
But yeah, I forgot about all, like, I never, like, wars, we tell them every once in a while,
but it is always to that level.
I always forget.
I'm like, wait, what is the battle of, like, Mokhtadi battle like moke the d like all those areas i'm like oh yeah we did war
like four corners war war and moke the d was probably the lighter compared to baghdad because
we lost a majority of our dudes in baghdad every day every day and i i forgot because i always say
i'm like did we have a firefight called my buddy ennis like last week i haven't talked to him in
years and he's like man we were getting shot at it was like, did we have a firefight? I called my buddy Ennis, like, last week. I haven't talked to him in years.
And he's like, man, we were getting shot at.
It was like, we did a firefight once a day for, like, at least 90 days on that break-in period.
Yeah.
That was our break-in period.
It was just war.
I was like, huh.
Oh, yeah, that was right.
Yeah.
That's pretty fucking cool.
Yeah.
It was fucking dope.
And because of all of you guys, like, that's one of the final pushes that, like, made me want to enlist.
Was because that was such a weird
time in the world like 2006-7 era because i was getting ready to enlist but all that shit was
going straight to live leak like it's like what's the war like dude live leak enlisted more people
than the fucking war bonds tours in the 40s used to be like ramadi and he would like pull it up
baghdad you'd be like guys with like bad taste in music would like upload videos and be like
dum dum dum.
Dum dum dum.
Killing in the name of
And it's just me like this
putting in a dip being like, hell yeah, dude.
I fucking turn on Toby Keith and I'm just fucking
working out in my garage like a psycho.
In high school.
Trying to pass.
Trying to get that diploma.
Dude, LiveLeak was like the best website ever.
It was literally, and then it took, I don't even know if it's still around anymore.
Cody has a story for that one.
No, they just, they shut it down.
The guy said, I'm like, I think the founder of LiveLeak came out and was like, I'm sorry I ever made this website.
But now we have Twitter, so we're fine sorry I ever made this website. It was something.
But now we have Twitter.
So we're fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Twitter's fine.
We're fine.
AKA Chinese people getting fucked up in machines.
I lost track of the running total of seeing people die on the internet between X and Instagram,
but it's,
it's been a while every single day.
It might've been better when it was on websites like lively.
Like you knew where it was.
It was kind of like a door.
If you opened it,
you knew what was going to happen. But now you're just like, I what cody's doing on twitter today and then it's just like death death the worst one i've ever seen
is there you it's it's gone now but there used to be a subreddit called r how it feels to chew
five gum and it was just people getting fucking murked. It was bad.
Jesus Christ.
That's a great name.
Cause it was every time anybody uploaded anything, it was like dude getting literally blown into nothing.
How it feels to chew five gum from the fucking commercials.
It was horrible.
Dude.
I think our slash people dying is still around.
Oh,
and it's,
it's like the,'s like the Chinese factory incidents
where you see the LiveLeak logo in the corner coming down.
You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Just getting spun around machines and shit like that.
There's one that's our real combat footage.
That's one that still exists.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know if it's good to have these things.
I kind of liked it there,
but it,
it heavily influenced me seeing like guys like Eli,
like literally like on rooftops,
just like winging it with like deuce gear.
And they're like running around shooting RPGs and RPGs and grenades.
It was fucking gnarly.
Yeah.
I think the,
uh,
the leading,
the leading people for that now is like the Funker guys,
Funker five 30,
Funker five 30.
So fucking cool.
Yeah. It's, it's so good. I love 530 is so fucking cool. They got their own app.
Yeah, it's so good. I love all that stuff.
They're always botting people in the comments.
It's pretty epic actually.
X. A lot of that U-word country going into
that now.
Dude, X is wild on
the content that gets fed to.
Well, mine. I'm like, cool.
I'm like, oh, there's bully.
Cody's bullying.
I love it.
I get a lot of Fight Haven stuff.
I got the Fight Haven guy.
The fucking creepy.org.
Cody just bodying people.
Brandon bodying people.
I know.
I have like my friends.
I'm like, yep.
Yep.
Okay.
There's somebody dying.
Yep.
Somebody dying.
And I follow.
I'm very bad. I still need to learn X. I, somebody dying. And I follow, I'm very bad.
I still need to learn X.
I've said it before.
I have like 37, I'm following 37 people because I'm just bad. But still, my algorithm is nothing but my friend bullying people in death.
I really need to figure X out.
Yeah, we all need to learn.
I'm scared.
We need to learn from the master.
I don't have the temperament to handle being on that app because I'm going to see.
You bully your fucking high school or your college.
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Bro.
The people you're in college with.
48 hours of my life.
Fucking just raging
communism simps
because Donald Trump
We just haven't done it right yet.
Donald Trump had that
fucking comment about how like,
oh, Russia beat the Nazis
and now it's weird
because like Donald Trump,
right,
but like communist
sympathizers left
and now all the communist
sympathizers are like,
yes,
Russia beat the Nazis
by themselves
and I'm just shitting
on all of them and it's
i i can't handle being on x i'm gonna get canceled if i go on there and have to argue with these
fucking people what is it as you're saying it is this quick history lesson you're going to see yes
russia threw a fuck ton of bodies and helped stop the war machine that was not germany yes but if
your claim to fame is we had the most people die, that's a really shitty stat.
I'm sorry.
Imagine if I was in the NBA finals and LeBron dunked on me the most amount of times.
And I was like, I deserve to be MVP because I gave up the most points.
No, no, no.
That's fucking stupid.
Did you know about the NBA?
That's impressive.
It's more like league of
legends or call of duty like war zone it is you and your three buddies are at the top and that
fourth person on that team has a kd of 0.006 he's died 80 times we got one kill he's like this is
my fucking you get all these fucking dudes to simp over. Did you know the USSR actually manufactured more tanks in America during World War II?
Oh, did they?
Did they really?
You're scaring me.
Really?
Interesting.
That's cool.
Who did America send to the Soviet Union in, I don't know, like fucking 1929 and started
their entire industrial revolution when he founded the Stalingrad Tractor Factory?
Who?
Oh, it was Albert Kahn, a.bert khan aka the architect of fucking detroit literally
america started your entire manufacturing capability you're gonna sit here and try to
flex on me like that's a fucking big big w for communism how much fucking money did america give
to the soviet union in the early years of world war ii like what fucking what 11 billion dollars
you're like oh that's that's not a lot that's not a lot of money it's like fucking 246 billion ish dollars what's fucking what's uh what's russia's military budget right
now 86 billion oh you gave them 40 times the annual military fucking budget and you're gonna
come to me and be like oh communism's the fucking best yeah when it's funded by fucking capitalism
sure it is why the fuck wouldn't it be okay the same reason you hear everybody like no did you
know that fucking cuba has the best health care system in the fucking world and the
only reason that cuba isn't a communist fucking paradise is because america put an embargo on
them and refused to do business on them yeah maybe but explain to me in logical fucking reasoning
why it is that a communist fucking utopia can't exist because capitalism isn't going to work with
them. It can't exist on its own. They need capitalists to fucking work with them for them
to fucking survive. Okay. At the end of the day, I've never seen the fucking capitalist trying to
build a fucking raft out of shitty broken fucking tires to swim across shark infested water to make
their way to Florida to fucking escape. Okay. Get over it.
Communism fucking sucks.
You're never going to convince me.
Otherwise you're fucking wrong.
If you think that the USSR single-handedly beat the Nazis in world war
two,
you're fucking wrong.
Objectively speaking,
I can't fucking help you.
Okay.
Did they help?
Absolutely.
I'm happy to admit that they contributed to beating the Nazis.
If you think they did it on their own,
it's because you're breathing through your mouth and you're objectively fucking retarded.
Those are the only fucking reasons that you would think that.
OK.
Furthermore, the only reason that World War Two even fucking happened is because the Nazis and the USSR had an agreement that they were going to go ahead.
They're like, oh, go ahead.
Invade fucking Poland.
We're going to have separate spheres of influence and then we're not gonna fight and then the nazis attack the ussr anyways
and then they join the fucking allies okay so the ussr is the reason that world war ii even
fucking happened you don't get to claim credit for being the only ones that fucking won okay
shut the fuck up i can't fucking handle it like i got two sons and people are and people are like, oh, you do jujitsu. You're a big fucking
tough manly man. What if
your kids grew up, what if one of them was gay?
I don't care at all. They can be gay
all they want. It's not going to bother me at all, but if
my child grows up to simp over
the USSR or the German
military, I'm going to consider myself a fucking
failure as a father because my
kid's objectively fucking retarded.
Okay? That's not acceptable
to me. I fucking hate it.
Dude, going to college with you must be a
fucking nightmare.
Try being a fucking professor.
Your teacher's like, this is college algebra.
We just asked you to help us
with the problem. So this is art 101?
Bro, it's terrible.
Everybody in your class is like this.
You guys should see
the fucking diatribes
that Nick writes.
And he sends us
like arguing
with college kids.
He bullies college kids.
That's your Twitter.
Yeah, you do
in-person Twitter.
You do Twitter and IRL.
Like, oh my God.
What's the last battle you've been in on your college frontier?
It was that, actually.
Somebody was like, actually, you know, the Soviet Union manufactured more fucking tanks,
and it was me just going off.
Like, actually, the only reason they could manufacture tanks is because America sent
their best fucking engineers to the USSR
to teach them how to manufacture tanks
furthermore your tanks are shit
also America gave you like
4,000 fucking Sherman
tanks and 400,000
trucks did you know that
in 1945 over
fucking three quarters of all
the vehicles that the USSR
military had were fucking manufactured
by America.
Go fuck yourself.
If you're going to sit here and be like, communism's better because it can manufacture more shit.
Only because America's funding you.
Okay.
The only reason that you motherfuckers were running proxy wars in Afghanistan in the eighties
and nineties were because America taught you how to do it because we did it to you in world
war two.
Go fuck yourself. Communism sucks. Jesus Christ. Just some kid like this. the 80s and 90s were because America taught you how to do it because we did it to you in World War II.
Go fuck yourself.
Communism sucks.
Jesus Christ.
Just some kid like this, just being like.
What was the response?
That wasn't real communism.
Oh, fuck.
I'm sorry. Okay.
Every problem you have with capitalism, that's not real capitalism.
Go fuck yourself.
Get out of here.
We just haven't done it right yet.
Yeah, exactly.
Fuck you, bro.
Like, fucking one, two, maybe three.
Three tops.
Three more genocides, and we're going to hammer out this whole communism idea.
Okay, look.
Communism is fucking stupid.
Communism is perfect on paper.
Okay?
It's the greatest way to live that's ever been devised. The problem with having
a perfect work of art is you're trying to
apply it to an imperfect canvas,
and that is humans. Humans
are greedy, arrogant,
stupid assholes. Everybody is
at some point during the day. It's just a matter
of how often you are that person.
Everybody's a stupid, arrogant, greedy...
This is why fucking roundabouts don't work, right?
Roundabouts are basically communism, right?
They're the communism of road structures, okay?
Are they better on paper?
Absolutely.
They're way more efficient.
Except for Janet is in her fucking minivan
trying to hand little Tommy fucking Cheetos
while she's trying to take a fucking roundabout
at 65 miles an hour,
and it doesn't fucking work, okay?
Get over it.
It's the redistribution of pavement.
Humans are dumb,
and you have to take it into account
when you're trying to build a civilization. I'm sorry,
but that's just the way it works. God, I love
you, Nick. I fucking hate communism.
Have I brought this up? I don't know.
Roundabouts or communism?
Yes. I love that. 100%.
That's a shirt.
And now I get it because
people stop it. You have people
that go through it. They're like,
Oh no,
one's coming.
I'll go.
But some people yield and they'll just stop.
Just sit there.
Go on.
And you are right.
It is individual.
It's perfect on paper,
but people fuck it up.
Yeah. It's exactly like returning your fucking,
your carts,
your shopping cart back to the little fucking stall.
You can't rely on everyone to do that.
No,
you cannot.
And it gets that great internet video. one dude that throws those fucking stickers on people's cars and make it so he's still he's still out there right isn't he like
fighting a good fight dude he gets it'll be all right
going to russia being like how fucking fucking Russian grocery stores are so great.
You have to put 10 rubles into the grocery cart, and then that incentivizes you to return the grocery cart back to where it was.
Yeah, fucking America does that, too.
It's called Aldi.
We invented it in West Germany in 1946, right after World War II.
Yeah, we do that, too.
I literally wrote a paper on that in business school.
It's the most successful grocery store chain in the world.
Aldi's the greatest grocery store on the planet.
I did a case study on it for like a month.
You want to know the number one consumer rated best grocery store in America?
It's Aldi.
You want to know the number two store?
H-U-B.
It's Trader Joe.
Guess who owns Trader Joe?
Aldi.
Aldi.
Okay, because the Aldi brothers were two German soldiers right after World War II.
I want the open-stick grocery store. They started their World War II. I want to open the grocery store.
They started their own grocery store.
Okay.
Do you understand the fucking...
Let him cook.
Do you understand how hard it would be to open a fucking grocery store in West Germany in 1946?
Yeah.
They're playing on fucking hardcore mode.
Okay.
They founded a grocery store.
It worked great.
Two brothers.
And then in the 1980s, they're like, I want to have cigarettes. And the other brother's like, I don't want to have cigarettes. And they're like, cool. It worked great. Two brothers. And then like the 1980s are like, I want to have cigarettes.
And the other brother's like,
I don't want to have cigarettes.
And they're like,
cool,
let's separate.
You run half the Aldi's all run the other half of the Aldi's.
And then we'll just have two separate businesses,
but we'll work together.
And that's what they did.
And all they had Aldi North and Aldi South in Germany.
Right.
Then they came to America.
You can't have Aldi and Aldi in America due to trademarks.
So they're like, fuck it, we'll be Aldi and Trader Joe.
And that's fucking what's going on in America right now.
They're the greatest grocery store ever.
They divided right down the middle.
They just divided it.
Germany was very divided.
Germany was very, it was like East.
Was there a wall or something?
There was a wall.
He had the Berlin Wall.
They had East and West, like capitalism, communism, hungry, fed, that whole shtick.
But then they had North and West, which is Aldi North, Aldi South.
The two brothers, one had cigarettes, one didn't.
One became Trader Joe's.
The other one's just Aldi.
It's the greatest grocery store ever.
No big deal.
Yeah.
I mean, it's the number one thing that you studied in business school about a company
and understanding scale.
It's literally, I studied all the economics of it.
Everything he says is right.
That's insane.
I didn't know there was two brothers who were like, hey, we're going to start both of these
fans. Well, they started together
and then separated because of cigarettes.
Brothers, they want the tobacco. We have to give it
to them. Nah, I'm not buying it.
You have a master's in what? Master's in business.
Oh, okay. Debating.
Who is the
individual that, what are the
Tumblr, what are the new
Yeti? Stanley. Who's the guy? Is what are the new? Yeti. Stanley.
Who's the guy?
This is Stanley Cups.
I don't know.
That dude, right?
Stanley Cups?
Stanley Cups.
Those are the ones that are hot right now, yeah.
That is the same dude that did.
Crocs.
Crocs.
This dude has two.
He made Crocs fucking awesome.
And if you are our age, you remember when crocs were the dumbest shit possible so he was like he this
one individual became ceo or marketing yeah he was the head of the head of product i think it was
at crocs and like croc was actually started by like uh guys on fucking fishing boats like crab
fishers because it doesn't slide or whatever and then someone's like i can sell the fuck out of
these so he marketed it and he crushed it and then stanley they hired him he's like i can make that cup popular this is non-existent and this is like
i got you and within a fucking year he turned that company into a multi-billion dollar company
marketing's fascinating are we talking about the the burned car situation yeah they did that too
yeah there's no there's no way that fucking thing survived in a fucking burned car.
No, no.
I saw that it survived in the burned car.
Oh, I bet it did.
They actually did test.
It's a solid chunk of metal.
It is.
So it didn't keep the one thing, but he just,
and that was one of the marketing ploys.
That is the same.
The burned cars?
Yeah.
It's been burning customers' cars.
They show up and they're just like.
But he took opportunities.
The show is over sweating right now. She she's like you better get this right i love my stanley cup car fire show is huge on the stand that's how we pay her is in stanley she gets an allotment each month
damn dude there's a full there's a full secondary market on that yeah Yeah, we send her $200 a month and she's good. My fucking...
So Stanley Cups
had like the limited edition
collaboration with Starbucks
and my wife is like,
I want one.
I'm like, cool.
I'm going to show up
at fucking Target
at 8 in the morning.
I will stiff arm
a middle-aged woman
to get one of these cups
for my wife.
I showed up.
My wife had no idea
that I did this.
I'm in there
just fucking like,
oh,
I'm going to show up at fucking stiff arm and middle-aged women.
We get up.
I'm front of the line.
I was like,
where are the Stanley cups?
They're like,
I live in the middle of Iowa.
There's like,
there's a,
it's like the one target.
And it's like a 50 mile radius before the next fucking target that has these
goddamn Stanley cups.
I just fought a bunch of mostly nurses and cnas to get to
this fucking spot in line right nick's just a monster in there he started at the back
these four nurses are in scrubs on their way to work trying to get this fucking cop i'm like nah
anyway so i get to the front of the line and they're like um we fucked up. And our new employee accidentally put out all the Starbucks Stanley Collaboration cups last week.
And they sold out before they were even here.
So I didn't get one for my wife.
So that was unfortunate.
I went to three targets.
Had a very similar situation.
Yeah.
Dude, if you come home, especially with.
Was it for your wife too?
It was for my wife and two daughters.
God, you guys
are way better husbands than me well no i need to step my fucking game up stab there i am so sorry
i didn't i am now in better present than i need to be a better man because watching you guys
nah just play they got lead in them they're getting i knew that i cared about you tell her
that they've already got a bunch of stanleys all three of them they're like my grandfather's They got lead in them. They're getting sick. I knew that. I cared about you. Tell her that.
They've already got a bunch of Stanleys, all three of them.
They're like, my grandfather's rolling over in his grave.
Yeah, no, this one's special.
My grandfather used to make one every day for going to work construction.
Now it's just something my daughters have like color-coded to their outfit.
So the whole premise was like, if I show up, if I show up with three of these things,
I've got like a good year of getting away with whatever I want.
I'd be like, yeah, I fucking fought through like a sea of Lululemon just to get these for you.
But like nowhere had them.
It's absolutely insane.
It's wild.
They were going up on, I think one sold for $15,000.
I saw one for eBay.
Cody, one dude did this.
This is one guy.
The same dude that did Crocs is the one that took over and did Stanley Cups.
That's fucking marketing. Marketing is wild.
Yeah. And you have one dude that
just comes and he's like, bet I can
help you all out. Bet I got this.
He put a handle on it. He put a
handle on it and he made it fit in cup holders.
But he put it in cup holders
and cars. He's like looking at it and he's like
make it pink.
You guys thought about handles?
And they're like,
what the fuck?
No.
What?
What?
What?
Hey.
There's that.
Get Jeff.
If you thought about handles,
we're making,
we're fucking,
make them hand,
what about if they fit
in a cup holder in your car?
Holy shit,
it's him.
The prophecy's real.
It's the guy flying out the
window.
He's just like, that'll be four million
dollars.
Done. Yeah, just
approved. Yeah, they're so big, they
literally are a weapon of opportunity. That's what I've been
teaching my daughters. Someone gets too close,
boom, boom, just fucking let them out.
I've been talking so much
smack to my wife about the Stanley Cups.
Whoa, easy.
I've been with my wife forever.
And I'm five years ahead of whatever trend she's about to hop on.
And I talk so much shit about it.
When we were first together, I was like, Lord of the Rings is the best movie series ever.
And she's like, that's some nerd shit.
She goes to college three years later.
Her roommate loves Lord of the Rings.
Guess what my wife loves?
Fucking Lord of the Rings now.
Okay, everything that I've loved my entire life
is just five years ahead of the fucking trend.
Carhartt, been wearing Carhartt
since I was in eighth grade.
Dude, it bothers me.
You're talking about shit that bothers me right now.
You're talking about shit that bothers me right now.
Yeah, we were talking about this earlier.
Yeah, like when I was poor, my father's name, his preferred name was Bubba.
Like, his father and his father before him.
At one point, they called me, like, Bubba Jr.
That was, like, the nomenclature that's passed down with my trauma, my pack of Marlboro Reds,
and drinking at way too young of an age.
But that was, I was being cool.
But, like, everyone I knew that had basketball.
I can picture you walking
around you have no idea you're dying for best friends a little doctor smoking a red i was 10
years old the first time i had tobacco like i was so fucking cool i lived in trailers like
dude you can play you can play nerf guns in a trailer.
You can be in one bedroom and in the kitchen just fucking sniping a guy off.
All this stuff happened.
All this stuff that poor whites did.
And now it's fucking fashion and it makes me insane.
If I see one Bass Pro Shop hat and that motherfucker can't tie a fishing line,
I'm going to take it from him.
Carhartt, all of it.
They're stealing our culture and we've got to take it back.
Hayden Cullors before was cool. You said that. You said that. I was talking our culture and we've got to take it back. Hayden Cullors before it was cool.
You said that.
I was talking with him and he's like,
man, my dream car is
an F1. What was it? A McLaren. Oh my god.
This conversation is amazing. Jesus Christ.
My dream car, McLaren F1.
I love a McLaren. It's my dream car.
It's an Eli dream car. A fucking supercar?
Ultra car? Ultra car. Mega, mega, super ultra.
A fucking race car super, mega car.
How much do those cost?
$37 million.
He's like,
yeah,
that's my dream car.
And I'm over here like,
fuck,
I wish you were my great Nick.
What is your dream car?
My dream car has been an 87 Monte Carlo since I was like 10.
I was like,
I am fucking my one.
I was like,
I was like,
look,
as I want an 87 Monte Carlo or I want like a 2003, 2004 Monte Carlo.
The Dale Earnhardt Intimidator Edition.
That's what I want.
That's what I want in my life.
It's like, shit, I got to up my game.
The number three pulling out like 180 horsepower.
Hell yeah, dude.
Isn't that the training day car?
I think it is. I think that's what he's driving. Carlo. Yeah, I mean you said Monte Carlo. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, but I love that car. I just become best friends
Fuck I want to I've been trying to find a deler and heart
intimidate your version
Intimidator to us three to four editions Monte Carlo Dale Earnhardt Intimidator
that's the fucking
trailer park
ultra car
black
the number 3
it's fucking hot
that was like
that's the fucking
meth mobile
I was joking with him
I was like
you guys are all
gonna buy your
you're gonna have
an F1
you're gonna have
your fucking
badass truck
I'm gonna pull up
in a fucking
Fiero
it's got a motor
in the back
and a truck in the front.
It's the same fucking thing.
It's got an Iron Duke with 180
horsepower. It's got the same motor
as the fucking, the mail truck.
Fucking sure it's going to catch
on fire, but it'll be fine. It'll be fine.
It'll buff out. Best job I've ever had.
Best job ever.
Dude, I remember just being excited growing up. Cars had
air conditioning. I remember when my mom had a Thunderbird that my grandfather gifted her and had air conditioning.
I thought technology had fucking peaked.
Man, fuck you guys.
There's Brooks and Dunn on the radio and AC blowing out the stuff they don't.
What is it?
The one that's bad for the environment, allegedly.
Oh, the Freon.
Yeah, it would come out and it would freeze everything.
Dude, Freon was so cold.
It was so awesome.
Dude, it was like 100 degrees outside and 30 inside.
You could get your cube of ice.
R14.
Is it R14 or R13?
Because it's 134A now.
It was fucking shooting pollution that erodes.
Yeah.
With our lighted gas.
It's just spewing.
With the wood paneling on the side. Oh, dude. You don't have wood paneling on the side.
Oh, dude.
If you don't have wood paneling on your station wagon.
I was so embarrassed as a child.
I would have my parents drop me off a few blocks early.
Oh, hell yeah.
And then walk to school.
You know how much those things are fucking worth now?
That's all Fred Durst posts on his Instagram.
His fucking wooden panel station wagon.
Is this Fred Durst?
Yeah.
Yeah, you want to know why?
I didn't see that coming.
It's because of fucking chickens and Lyndon B. Johnson in 19...
You boys ever heard of cafe standards?
Are we getting into this?
No.
I want to hear it.
I want to hear it.
Let me tell you a story.
You ever notice how trucks are, I don't know, fucking enormous now?
You want to know why?
It's because emission standards are like, hey,
we got to save the
environment. Your vehicle
is only allowed to emit
CO2 and pollution
in relation to how
volumetrically large
the truck is. And the goal
that the government had in mind was like,
okay,
they're going to make the vehicles more efficient.
But what actually happened was the government was like,
all right,
hear me out.
Let's emit the same amount of emission and just make the trucks fucking huge.
Hell yeah.
So that's why all the American trucks are fucking huge.
Now that's why I like the Tacoma is the site.
I'm not shitting you.
The Tacoma and the Ford Ranger are the same size as a full size truck in the
1980 eighties. The Tacoma and the Ford Ranger are the same size as a full-size truck in the 1980s.
And those are considered a mid-size to small-size truck now.
And a fucking full-size F-150 right now is like retarded large compared to a truck in the 1980s.
So that's why.
I agree.
It is better.
Is that what we're saying?
What?
What does that have to do with chickens?
I don't understand.
Is it because they used to run on chickens?
Let me tell you a fucking story.
It's fine. It's fine. Don't yell at me. Don't yell at me. Don't yell at me run on chickens? Let me tell you a fucking story. It's fine.
It's fine.
Don't yell at me.
Don't yell at me.
Don't yell at me.
Don't yell at me.
Chickens.
You ever heard of the chicken tax?
Wait, real quick.
Real quick before the chicken tax.
It is...
How many...
The vehicle size,
if you look at why American trucks
aren't over in Japan and Europe,
it is because how fucking massive
the trucks...
They don't fit on the roads.
They will take up... You cannot park them. that's fine they don't deserve them that's why i have
to listen all the you don't fucking deserve it dude america doesn't have anywhere near as much
public transportation as europe does it's like yeah because britain's the size of fucking michigan
and michigan's like what the 38th smallest fucking state get the fuck out of here yeah who gives a shit oh no I don't
sit next to homeless people oh no
like oh my god what is it
Ukraine's the biggest country
in Europe by like a lot and
Ukraine is almost
as big as Texas get the fuck
out of here the UK is
six if you go the longest amount
of distance that you can drive in a straight line
in the UK it's six hours from in the UK, it's six hours.
From fucking tip to tip, it's six hours in a car.
Let them cook.
I can leave right now, drive six hours, still be in Texas.
You'd be in Dallas.
Sleep, drive another six hours, still be in fucking Texas.
Sleep, drive five more hours, and i'll just barely be in
oklahoma get the fuck out of here that's why we don't have public transportation well they they
also people for the live show they were like oh you're only it's a it's a live tour and you're
in texas yes each fucking city is goddamn six hours. I'm flying there.
We are all flying to the same state.
We're not driving because it's
six hours, six hours,
three hours, three hours.
Joe.
You're pan.
How insane.
No, I mean, well, you know.
It's a goddamn bad idea.
How ridiculous does it sound if i say that like my commute to
my job was an hour and a half in a car going 70 miles an hour from ireland and like in europeans
perspective yeah calculate that european time yeah that's a lot i would say max in Ireland In Ireland if someone was like
Oh man I just drive like
If Tweek was like
Gotta go to work it's an hour and a half away
Would you be like baby you need to quit
You're driving to the other side of the country
Gotta go to work
30 minutes is
That's max
She's saying 30 minutes is max
First of all,
show some respect.
No, I like her. If you're going to make fun of her
in her accent, at least get a little fucking shit off your shirt.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you every time.
God damn it.
I was waiting for it. I was like, wait.
That's why I was like, you switch now.
That's the only reason I said switch.
You fucking got me, dude.
You fucking got me, dude.
I'm so upset right now.
You know what I was on for.
I know.
Two hours ago.
Two hours ago.
All this bullshit about chicken taxes was just leading me down the road.
Oh, no, the chicken taxes.
Please, God, no.
Don't yell at me.
I'm not the problem.
I'm not the problem.
I like veterans.
I'm not Brandon.
Please don't yell at me.
In the 1960s, after World War II.
Brandon hates us.
Please, we need to unite against him.
America was really good at making cock, right?
We had so many chickens.
We were so good at making chickens.
We were so good at raising chickens.
We could raise chickens in America, slaughter them here, ship them across the fucking ocean,
and it was still cheaper than Germany and the rest of Europe could make chickens.
Yeah.
So they were eating all this American chicken.
Right.
And then one day the Europeans were like, this is fucking up our own economy and our own chicken farmers are going bankrupt.
Yeah.
We're going to tariff the American chicken.
Twenty five percent tax on American chicken basically ruined the American chicken market.
Right.
And this was like that.
Then we killed a city or something.
This was the pinnacle of American politics.
1960s, the chancellor, a.k.a. the president of Germany, was like,
bro, I had more conversations with the Kennedys about getting us to buy chicken
than I did about the pending nuclear war with the ussr
literally said that he's like you guys were so mad about this lyndon b johnson gets an office
and he's like we're gonna try to settle this normally and they're like no and he's like
fuck it fine i'm gonna put a tariff on you guys for uh potato starch dextrin and fucking some
other food product and then cargo vehicles cargo vehicles is defined as two seats
or less and hauls cargo right the only reason he did the cargo vehicles was because the president
of the uaw the united automotive workers union was mad that germany was importing so many type
twos which is the love bus remember that fucking thing oh yeah it was like it was the love bus
they were super popular in america it's all
over san diego yeah and the uaw was super mad about it so they're like hear me out we're about
to go on strike and cause a major economic fucking problem when you're about to get re-elected because
he became president after jfk was assassinated and he's like or if if you if you can figure out
how to quit getting so many german type twos imported into America, I'll make sure we don't go on strike.
So we did that.
In exchange, they tariffed all imports on cargo vehicles, and that's what basically led to the love bus going extinct because we weren't importing them anymore because it was too expensive.
Because Germany wasn't buying enough chickens, so we retaliated by taxing cargo vehicles, which extends to pickup trucks.
And that's why I can't get a Hilux because it's a 25% tax on fucking anything imported.
And it's like still to this day, all the other things we were taxing, fucking potato starch, Dexter, all that shit, all that shit went away.
It's just we're only taxing cargo vehicles.
And that's why I can't have a Hilux.
I'm really mad about it.
You can buy my Hilux if you want to.
Is it manual or automatic? I'll just give it to you. It's manual It's manual. Yeah, 81. I look hot. I want a new one now
Sorry, you got a fucking
I just want to be able to fucking buy a new Hilux. Why it's all I want to do is it huh?
What you gonna do with it? Nothing? I think I'm just a habit
Have you seen the Toyota champ?
It's a flatbed
Manual. Oh, no, I have see I knowota champ it's a flatbed manual oh no i have seen i know something about
it it's like 10 grand yeah i was like that's the guy in my gym has one like i have a forerunner
like that's what i like to drive like it's fine but then like i was like i need a truck to do
truck stuff i also don't want to buy a new f-150 for fucking 85 000 so i just want this flatbed
piece of shit for whenever i need to haul a piece of furniture because i don't like calling in favors to other grown-ass men because then i owe them a
favor and my wife doesn't understand it and it pisses me off god we're so oh that's why i get
along none of us ask each other to move i think this is the worst it's for that reason i will
never ask my friend to help move because i'm like i will then i owe him a favor yes i'd rather pay somebody to ask my friend and be like
hey man you got a pickup truck can i inconvenience you for two days my life is always like why don't
you just call your friend so and so and it's like because then i'm gonna owe him a favor and then
when i have to repay that favor you're gonna get mad at me and ask why i have to go help him move
for a whole fucking weekend it's because I owe him a favor.
It's kind of your fault.
When you think about it.
I won't even call you,
the owners, the other co-hosts
for this podcast, to do ads
because I feel like I owe you a favor
if I ask
you to help do an ad read
because I'm like, nah, they're probably
busy right now.
They don't want to do it.
Fuck.
That's my brain set for that entire thing.
I'm like, nah, I don't want to do this.
Inconvenience then, bro.
I know what my next vlog is going to be about.
It's going to be like giving Nick my Hilux just so he'll be happy.
It's funny because I talk smack about you in particular in that video.
Goddamn millennials buying all the transit vans
and trying to live in them,
and I can't get a work truck.
Well, and the Hilux or the Toyota.
I've shot a few Hilux.
What?
See, I'm a truck of warfare.
Brother, they blow up real good.
Sponsored.
Toyota, let's go places.
Sponsored by the... For sponsor for war mostly but they had
if you haven't seen the video we talked about in the drive here is the top gear episode of watching
how durable those fucking it's the hylux right yes yes they're way too durable they this vehicle
they they dump it into the ocean so i didn't remember how long it was in the ocean. How long? Eight hours. Eight hours in the fucking ocean.
In pure salt water.
Here's a pool of salt.
And then it floated back.
Let the tide bring it in.
They let the tide bring this fucking vehicle back in.
This mechanic fucking blows it out with an air compressor,
puts more oil and coolant in it,
and gets it started in 15 minutes.
It's insane. that's all you need
fuck we can't kill it what else can we do they jump it through a b rv there's nothing they drove
it through an rv they drove it through a building still started they're like fuck they light it on
fire it still started they're like fuck it let's put it on top of a seven-story building and then
control demolition the building with this truck on top.
They dug it out of the rubble and the motherfucker still started.
It had a broken chassis.
It cracked the chassis and it's still.
They're like, can it move?
And he's like.
It's broke and it still drove off the fucking rubble.
It's our curse for the portable stars, man.
They're like, could their battleships get submerged underwater and make it?
Absolutely not.
After that, they figured out how to make a truck do it, though.
Let me tell you.
God, imagine if they just did fucking.
That's what we see.
Their super carriers and their battleships are just fucking giant Toyota.
Out at the sea.
They're just 2,000 feet.
They're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's where we want to get all the fucking people on the internet.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
The Chinese military is better than America.
They're going to win in a war, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It's like, I mean, we're probably not going to have to fight.
We're just going to have to
give Japan like, alright, fucking
go ahead and do it again.
It's all a bunch of games until you're going up against
the IJN Hilux
battleship here, Elu.
That transforms into a Gundam.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Damn, that's kind of cool.
Just beaming across
China.
You'd see American sailors would be like yeah holy shit it's a condom what the fuck i don't care i want that's why i like the forerunner
like it's like forerunner or tacoma tacoma is made in mexico forerunner made in japan i'm buying
the forerunner it's indestructible i don't care what you say that thing's gonna run forever It's like 4Runner or Tacoma. Tacoma's made in Mexico. 4Runner made in Japan. I'm buying the 4Runner.
It's indestructible.
I don't care what you say.
That thing's going to run forever.
Dude, I just picture their entire military fleet.
It's just the high leaks at the front and the rest is whatever.
It's like a supercar.
It don't matter.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
It's a tank after the helix in the right.
This is what we do now.
Stamp the Toyota.
We're fucking golden.
Toyota's so good.
So people fuck goats.
Yeah, no, I saw that too, actually.
But the main one was the donkey.
If you're a hooved animal in Afghanistan, I'm sorry I didn't kill you.
I'm so sorry.
I tried my best.
I tried my best.
You had no good life.
It's the worst class to be a lacroix.
If you're a hooved animal, Afghanistan mad time.
I always think about like the guy.
They're watching this podcast mad.
Yeah.
Mwah.
It sucks.
It sucks.
Just raging right now.
No, yeah, it was rough.
Yeah, that was good stuff.
But yeah, that's what happened.
I'll never forget it.
It was my friend's birthday.
It was a good time.
It's a big takeaway from this podcast.
Like, don't be a hoofed animal in Afghanistan.
Don't be a hoofed animal in Afghanistan.
Chickens are preventing good automobiles.
But I think, Cody, is it time to close this out and move to the after show?
We'll close this out.
Guys, please check out the after show on Patreon.
I am ending the unsubscribed podcast right now.
Like I said earlier, I am joined by Eli Double Tap, Nick Fat Electrician,
Veteran with a Sign, Zach, and myself, Donut.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Go to Patreon.
Zach, where can we find you at, you beautiful, sexy mofo?
Veteran with a Sign everywhere.
I've also got a YouTube page, which I'm trying to launch,
and I have a podcast on there, After Action Podcast.
It's really fun.
It's hard.
I interviewed the cop who took down the school shooter in Nashville,
and Christian Craighead is my most recent episode.
But, yeah, it's fun.
It's After Action Podcast on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
wherever it can go.
So, yeah, thank you all.
This is fun.
This has actually been great.
Where's Brandon?
Brandon.
We miss Brandon.
I love Brandon.
Brandon.
Brandon. Brandon? Brandon We miss Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon
Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon Brandon We'll see you again.
We'll see you again.
You won't know my...
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