Unsubscribe Podcast - 17 - Gender Bender

Episode Date: June 10, 2021

NEW PODCASTS MON/WED. Todays Podcast takes a weird and genderbending turn. A lot happens, but nothing matters once you see Eli as a chick. If you are listening to this, you are going to want to head over to the youtube channel to watch this.  How many shots would it take you to bone your buds? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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exclusions and terms apply instacart groceries that over deliver i closed my eyes hoping we'd all do it at once but we didn't so that's the first time i'm glad to hear our periods aren't synced hey guys hey guys donut here bad here. Hi everyone. Batty operator here. Streams. Fappy operator. It was Fappy streams. Fappy streams.

Eli Double Nut. Boner operator. Boner operator. Fappy streams. Eli Double Nut and Boner operator Fappy streams Eli Double Nut in in boner operator there we go

that's definitely a gay porno somewhere our porn is gonna be so good speaking of gay porn oh brood in Texas ranch water

I heard there's only stairs and queers in Texas ranch water for when you're drinking with the boys ranch water broke back water broke back oh no queers in Texas. Ranch water for when you're drinking with the boys. Ranch water. Brokeback water. Brokeback. Oh no.

Carbock. Thank you. Carbock. More like come back. It's weird that our podcast isn't doing better, huh? Really taking off with these frontal ads. We should move these to the rear. Man, we have a list of things

to talk about which a majority of we're not going to talk about no no we'll get to like one or two there's a couple smaller things on here though and we're usually we can run through we can just lightning round go douchey batty stuff that's the first thing on the douchey batty stuff so batty matching tattoo fucking batty first time sleeping with man batty streams there's some good topics right now

which one do you want to start with so the other day on stream so I work with G Fuel on my stream right and I had somebody on my stream and she loves G Fuel shit genitals and she loves g fuel genitals genitals i literally i said you it's like that genitals it's genitals it's a cool it sounds like genitals yeah i'm aware she did a phenomenal she sounds like cock

and balls um and vaginas go um she loves g fuel and g fuel stopped making this one flavor and i was like oh that's crazy i work with g fuel i immediately started i opened a dm with her i was like hey and i opened a dm with my g4 i'm like can you get me this flavor it's called like nemesis tea and he's like yeah i'll send you a 12 pack case tomorrow she hasn't been able to get in forever i'm like perfect i'm gonna blow it up in front of her thanks i'm just gonna get this flavor that nobody can get and just send a DM and maybe just like shooting it with a 50. Oh, my God. Perfect. Dude, there was that.

Oh, do she batty stuff like that? That's the person. Yeah. Fuck you, Jen. That's like if they had. Okay. So I don't even remember who makes this energy drink at this point in my life, but it was my go to. You know how my science is.

Yeah. Cherry line. Shout out to Black Rifle. You need them. Shout, what are the- I don't know. Stop! It's the best.

We just watched the two brain cells Eli's have that normally connect. Just whip. They are hard to lift. They normally connect. They yeeted. I mean, they connect every now and then. There's still only two of the motherfuckers.

I'm gonna just shout out Black Rifle after everything we talk about. Yo, love Final Fantasy XIV. Speaking of which. Speaking of Final Fantasy XIV. Black Rifle Coffee, huge shout out to them for that product. No. Fucking Ranch Water. Shout out to Black Rifle Coffee.

When's Black Rifle making alcoholic drinks? There's lead slingers for that. That's true. But when are they going to make a good alcoholic drink? Hey, their whiskey's deep. I do like their main one. Matt, that's batty. You can fight him again if you want.

We know how that last fight went. I took it like a champ. Speaking of the third topic. Oh, this is going to be a fiery episode. I'm good. I'm loving it. The drinks broke back water. But there was one energy drink that I forget the fucking company.

But it was like my pinnacle. It was my science of the time guru no have you ever had a guru it's another like healthy energy drink we uh my old company used to sell them a lot like when i worked for a dealer like the the you know the fancy it we're pretending to be google we had a cafe and they only sold healthy shit they sold guru and i used to like i brought stock up in gurus i drank so much of that shit like this is my go and that's this is every time I go I get it this is in like LA text like way back in the day and then they stopped in as a big company I just forget which one made it you good yeah okay and then I started seeing it

less and less I was like well that's weird this is like the best energy drink ever why would they not have more of it and now it less and less. I was like, well, that's weird. This is like the best energy drink ever. Why would they not have more of it? And now it's completely gone. And I've not seen one in like three or four years. It's the most heartbreaking thing for me. It's like Pepsi Blue. You ever have Pepsi Blue?

Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, my God. Absolutely. Do you remember that? That's a throwback. That was 2001, 2000. God, imagine how much one of those cans would sell for.

I should get one of those. It'd probably burn through your stomach line if you tried to drink it right now. It'd be bad. That's what normal Pepsi does. Huh, you're not wrong. You're not wrong. Yeah. There's probably dog shit on that that you just stuck in your ranch water.

Because I was throwing it at the... I love you told him after he took a drink. I didn't think about it until I looked at it and was like... You just audible this is what they're going to hear. There's probably dog shit on there. I have my throwing knife board out back and I was trying to

hit it with that one day. Do you have a knife on you? Do you have a knife on you? No, I just want to cut the top off and just drink out of the can. It's fine. It's not dog shit. Yeah, it's been sitting there for a while. The poop's gone.

I mean, I put worse shit in my body. You've eaten ass before, right? Speaking of which, your girlfriend. Damn! Judy, chop to the throat! This is just going to be one of those episodes. This is why we don't drink before the episode We drink before every episode I know but to the degree

Have we ever done a sober podcast? No I mean we don't get sloshed But yeah we do get a little A little buzzy They made some good drinks at that Mexican restaurant Dude those mojitos at Al Deco

And then you can see all of San Antonio from their back patio. Oh, I know. That patio is beautiful. So when you're drunk, you can be like, oh, you're the king of the castle. And the food's good, too. It's fantastic. Okay, douchey, batty stuff.

Moving into one of my favorite stories, which we've got to tell on stream. Yeah, we told it on stream. Were you there? Or was it me, you, and Kings? Yeah, it was Kings as part of it. Remember him? Remember our friend Kings? Me neither. favorite stories which we gotta tell on stream yeah we told it on stream were you there or was it me you and kings yeah it was kings as part of it remember him remember our friend kings i mean neither so i kind of do you want to introduce guest king's story though oh yeah it was super easy yeah i was like wait sending a picture in the thing yeah yeah that's like okay we got but baddie's story

guys if you don't know baddie is a man of many tattoos a couple one or two one or two yeah most of them don't make any sense most of them aren't good but neither of yours okay that one's really good and this cover-up's going amazing yeah but the rest are not so my entire arm half only half of my tattoos aren't good only half a bicep isn't good i was just trying to get eli self-conscious a little bit so he'd start defending all of his tattoos i don't have to i only have to and this is trash that's why we're going back batty has a heart on his tat his arm it says it's like a little candy heart like when you go to young valentine's day you can get those little hearts so like hug me uh kiss i love you suck my cock suck my cock eat me which is an actual one by the way that's what i'm getting soon but i got one

that says not you inside the heart it's like a little pink heart on my arm it's the shape of these little 3d those little candies and i got because i thought it was cheeky and fucking funny and i have plans on getting two other ones around it i don't know how do i even start this fucking story rewind so baddie was single yeah baddie was single back in like november and when i first moved here in December. I was playing the old Tinders, you know? And I had went on a couple dates, literally a couple dates with this one chick. If Tinder was bowling pins, Batty was a bowling ball. Yeah, no, that's pretty fair.

He was smashing bitches. I was fucking. I was not. I wore condoms um and I went on a couple dates with this one chick and I like it was things just didn't click 100% whatever she brought her like five-year-old kid or some shit to a date and that got weird like i'm sorry everyone jokes go out call me baddie daddy i don't want to be baddie daddy after two fucking dates and i didn't ghost her but like i semi ghosted her like i got really sick for all of january i just shut off my life for fucking the end of december january and halfway through february yeah you were fucked up yeah i was

super sick so i was like nah i don't want to see you or anybody anymore unless it's somebody else you have poltergeisted her congrats i did like we like i was like i just didn't make the effort to try to make time for him i didn't just a block her and ignore her though either way american horror story it's a ghost it's like it knocks over a table that's bad he's ghosting go on and then it gets a tattoo i'm gonna need another beer for this fucking story so either way like i think it was early it was mid-february just after my birthday i was looking at silly tattoo ideas and some some i saw a picture of a tattoo of like the little candy heart and it said the typical shit like eat me i love you whatever and i was like oh my god

and i got one that said not you like a little heart in the heart says not you because i'm funny and cheeky i'm a done cunt well fast forward fucking to last week right last week a week and a half ago yeah i had forgot i still was following her instagram and i'm just blasting through instagram stories then all of a sudden i see a fucking story of hers and it's the same tattoo exact same exam with the same wording not you the same color the the little three. I was like, oh. So, of course, I did the reasonable adult thing, and I took a screenshot of it,

and immediately sent it to Eli and Cody. Discover the magic of BetMGM Casino, where the excitement is always on deck. Pull up a seat and check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer. From roulette to blackjack, watch as a dealer hosts your table game and live chat with them throughout your experience to feel like you're actually at the casino.

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Visit bet MGM.com for terms and conditions 19 plus to wager Ontario only please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Before I had a meltdown, being like, what the fuck?

Like, whatever, maybe she just liked the idea. Cool, it's a funny tattoo. But goddamn, I just did that three months prior or some shit. I don't know how you can say that's a funny tattoo and be like, you know that guy the ghost of me semi ghosted me months ago months ago he has the same tattoo i should get this i should full send i should probably do this jesus so the level of disappointment batty that dude i was so upset like i've never had a tattoo ruined like I haven't I've dumb tattoos

all over me, and I love them, but I'm looking at this thing now like It was supposed to be a funny silly dumb tattoo now. It's just like here we go again I Hate it so much so well there. We are that's where I'm at. There's my dumb tattoo story. Thankfully, they're only permanent. Fuck! Guys, in the comments below, let us know your dumbest or weirdest tattoo incidents.

We would like to discuss that in the next episode. Also, if you want to go get a heart tattoo with not you. I posted on Twitter an hour ago. I was like, hey, who wants to get a heart tattoo with not you. I posted on Twitter like an hour ago. I was like, hey, who wants to get matching tattoos? This is perfect. There you go. We on to something.

Guys, if you want to get a little pink heart that says not you on it, I need you to do that ASAP and then post it on Instagram and Twitter and tag me in it so I can feel better about this. Help me feel better about it. I'll go, I'll go do it for you. You're going to do it. All right.

I'm not definitely not. You have a hand, a fist in the monster logo on your leg. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. See, that's you. I got you,

bro. Okay. Now what else is on the dumb list of dumb today Well I think the hot tub stream thing is really Ooh okay so Recently there has been a trend Of dumb Sorry

Other people Jesus Christ Streaming in hot tubs Whether they are men or women A lot of women doing it In bikinis on Twitch Sitting in hot tubs And when I say hot tubs, whether they are men or women, a lot of women doing it, in bikinis on Twitch sitting in hot tubs. And when I say hot tubs, I mean a little tiny inflatable pool in their fucking living rooms so they can get around Twitch's TOS guidelines and wear a bathing suit on Twitch. Yeah, because normally you can't just sit in front of your computer and wear a skimpy bikini.

But given the context of a hot tub or a body of water you can wear in your living room in your living room then it's okay it's super 100 okay i'm gonna go buy a fucking bikini and i'm gonna wear that i'm gonna sit in a small inflatable pool and just jerk off like what the fuck man i won't i will okay i never knocks like make your money do your thing you're like but own it be like don't be like defending your yourself with that mindset like just be like oh yeah i did because if i was doing that i'd fucking own it i'd be like fuck yeah i do this because it's fucking easy money bunch of dudes fucking watch me and this is how i'm gonna do this and advertise a five dollars the twitch is a lot easier than a $5 to Pornhub. That's all I'm going to say on the credit card statements.

You don't know how fucking hard I worked for this. Honey, unflank that. Okay. This, I've been struggling, and now I find my calling. The amount of work and sacrifice I have made. And you're like, no, don't defend it. Just fucking own it, and it's okay. Don't say you're talented, though.

For the love of God, do not own that. This is talent and work and sacrifice. That's not it. You hot. It's weird. And then people were complaining about it, and Twitch came out and made an official statement, and they were like, it's not against our rules to be sexy

and like that was that was in there i was so happy they straight up said we're not gonna we're not going to punish people for being found sexy i was like i can be sexy on twitch now like what the fuck man it like i understand Twitch isn't just a gaming platform anymore. And I know there's just an insane amount, a plethora of different types of content. But if you're just sitting in a fucking little fake blow-up tub, like, fuck it. You know, an actual hot tub. Cool. You're doing that.

Own it. But if you're sitting in a little inflatable fucking pool in your living room writing people's names on your fucking ass cheeks like i don't i don't get it like it's guys sorry we're just some incels that i just i know i'm clearly mad i'm not sitting here being like i understand like i'm not mad that they're taking my subs or my followers like it's a different type of content it doesn't infringe or affect me in any way shape or form it's just

God would I do that though for those paychecks dear fuck yeah absolutely I would I would have like as big as my tits are they are not that big I would have that as my donut girl be like 20 grand to see how big we go, boys. What's the limit?

I would be an anime girl. Full through. And I'd let the boys pick how modified I am. It would be a build your own bot. Build a character at the beginning of an RPG. That would be me on Twitch. Build a own bot. No, build a character at the beginning of an RPG. That would be me on Twitch. Build a bitch workshop. Who has the shop donation.

It's a slider bar of how big my tits are. And then ass. Just like a. Oh, man. Jeez. That would have so much fun. Oh, man. Yeah.

There you go. Twitch made it. So, moral of the story, Twitch made a new category. Because normally when you're doing silly hot tub streams or spas and pools or whatever the fuck they called it, you would be in the just chatting section of Twitch, which is where people go to just bullshit online. Or do things that don't fall under gaming categories. So they made a new category called hot tubs, pools, and spas or something like that. Or hot tubs, pools, and beaches.

I don't know. So check us out in a couple weeks spas or something like that. Or hot tubs, pools, and beaches. I don't know. So check us out in a couple weeks where we will be doing that. Oh, yeah. We are absolutely going to do that. Yeah, the hot tub's actually getting fixed here at my house tomorrow. So we're going to be doing a hot tub stream here soon. Oh, God. Give me like a week and a half, two weeks.

I have like some abs. I have one singular ab. Give me like two months. He's like, I'm ready tomorrow. I'm going to wear a fucking Speedo, cock and balls, ginger fur hanging out the sides. Let's go. I just picture your beard

in your crotch. I hate it. It's five inches long. I hate it so much. You guys want to see my beard? No, my other beard. That's weird. You guys think my beard is big? What do you see?

My balls beard. Oh, I hate it so much. God damn it. Speaking of hot tubs, let's talk about the X's. Oh. X-Men First Class is probably one of the best. Dude, that's what I'm saying. X-Men First Class is probably one of the best. Dude, that's what I'm saying. X-Men First Class.

There is X-Men First Class, but the OG trilogy, really good. But Logan, which is not one of the X's. Technically, it's not one of the X's. But it's still one of the best in the franchise because they were hard art with it. Yeah, because it was hard art. He was cutting people's heads off and shit the entire movie and then you have the little girl his i don't want to ruin it uh the little girl's cutting people's heads off too like the very first scene with her she cuts a guy's head off and then takes his head out and throws it at the mercenaries oh that's how this movie is going to be now

talking about exes that suck xenomorphs i mean we can't say that aliens was one of the greatest movies of our generation which one fighting one would suck oh yeah oh okay fighting is xenomorph yeah that would that would absolutely suck i thought we're talking about like just xenomorphs as a whole like they're one of the coolest little fucking critters you know that james james cameron james cameron well the original one was the dude that did Black Hawk Down. Explosion Man. Michael Bay. No, not Michael Bay.

It was Scott. Something Scott. Ridley Scott. Ridley Scott. Scott Free. Because that's the bird. Yep. Ridley Scott did the original Alien.

Really? Yeah. So Alien was done by. I think it was James Cameron. The second one was done by James Cameron. Gotcha. Okay. So he took, Ridley Scott did the the original one which was like a horror movie and then james cameron's

like i'm adapting this to a horror uh action and that's why it's like it's completely different than the first one both phenomenal stories and really good but fighting that x would suck xenomorphs just the worst they're not great not great. Did you guys like Prometheus? I loved Prometheus. I thought it was really cool. A lot of people didn't like it though. I also...

You never saw it? Or you don't like it? I don't like it. Why don't you like it? What was the other one? Prometheus? And then there was Shows the Origin

of the Aliens? Oh, uh... Well, that was Prometheus. Discover the magic of BetMGM Casino where the excitement is always on deck. Pull up a seat and check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer.

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Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Yeah, Prometheus was the origin to Aliens, but then there was a second one which was like a sequel-ish.

Prometheus and then there was... There was another in like the Aliens anthology. Bob. That's what it was, sequel-ish. Prometheus and then there was... There was another in like the Aliens anthology. Bob. That's what it was. Bob. Bob. Prometheus and Bob. Prometheus was like that fucking like...

I liked Prometheus. Okay, the big... Like the ship rolling in a straight line. She's like... She ran in a straight line! Okay, if something's falling, it's a long singular tube like object cylinder or whatever and it's falling straight down. Left or right are your friends.

If you run straight, you're a fucking idiot and you deserve to be crushed. What was the other one? There was Prometheus and there was another one. What was the second one? There was a follow-up to it. My brain doesn't work. You had the phone. It's not working. Oh, yeah. Prometheus. Blank. Alien.

Aliens. Alien 3, which was terrible. Which one was the one where they had the white xenomorph that got sucked out the little tiny hole in this battle was that three no that was alien res insurrection resurrection resurrection yeah like four because they had the rip ripley was the the mother of it yeah yeah yes that was like four four ish yeah because three was the terrible one i just remember there being a little hole in the space. Yeah. It was like. It got sucked out that bitch. Yeah. And his little skull was like.

And then. Gone. Was it Alien Resurrection? No. Maybe. I don't think it was called Aliens. Type Prometheus 2. Type Aliens movie anthology.

Or Prometheus 2. I hate that. It was Aliens. Oh, yeah. There it is. There. Roger. There was that one. That was like the more badass. That's yeah. Aliens Covenant. Roger. There was that one.

That was like the more badass. That's like the Xenomorphs coming into frame. And you're like, oh, this is gangster. Aliens. Dude, Prometheus. I will give Prometheus had the best marketing campaign out of. I didn't know it was an Aliens movie. Exactly.

Because they had like Weyland talking. He's like, who chased the fire? Or the sun, the Greek god that was Prometheus. I'm a fucking idiot. Prometheus was the god. Again, we're talking about Eli's two little brain. That right there, they're like, what was Prometheus? That god in Prometheus, I can't fucking name.

But Waylon talking about that on that stage. And then they also had the howl uh yes alien talk or the how robot the original guy yeah if you have you watched those um dude bro they are the best pieces of marketing for a movie i've ever watched uh the only time i think i've seen a movie with better marketing was the original cloverfield oh the. Like all the little mini games and websites and trailers and teasers that came up to the original Cloverfield, like the monster,

like all the shit that involved like the deep sea mining company that found the monster and trying to piece together. Like the marketing for the original Cloverfield movie was fucking insane. I love when companies do that shit.

Yeah. It's like Blair Witch. Viral marketing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blair Witch was like, yo, these people died. Yeah. For real, they died. They spent like $10,000 on that movie and ended up making

hundreds of millions. That's when you're like, so that's what happened with the... Paranormal Activity, the first one. $30,000 to make that, and they made $600 million. On the first one, not the sequels. Okay, well, let's not talk about the sequels. But the sequels still, they, like, homeboys made cash.

They still crushed it, yeah, with the sequels. They just set up a bunch of shitty fucking IP cams around the corner of the house, put them in night mode, and were like, well, do your part now, actors, because we're not actually filming anything. I'm an artist. I would never. That was a lot of zeros. Okay, whatever the fuck you guys want.

It's just like streaming a hot tub. Yep. See how we compare to streaming a hot tub. Low effort, high payout. But we would all do it. Yeah, sell out so fast. I mean, in a heartbeat. I've already said it.

I'm going to cannonball my ass into this motherfucker's lap when the hot tub is going. I don't give a shit. It's like adding those zeros. It's like how many times do they have to add one in order for you to pay what's up? Everyone's got a number. Everyone. Everyone. Mine's much adding those zeros. It's like how many times do they have to add one in order for you? Everyone's got a number. Everyone. Everyone. Mine's much lower than most.

Speaking of which. Oh, no. The app that turns your friends into females. Oh, I was just thinking that. How many shots? So we came across an Instagram post or a TikTok post, and this guy's like, he's showing pictures of his friends, and he's like, how many shots would it take to sleep with my friends if they were females? And so there's that face app. It's called Face App.

It'll basically turn you. If you're a dude, it'll turn you into a chick. If you're a chick, it'll turn you into a dude using your face structure, your bone, your hair, whatever. And it will make you pretty and or very fucking ugly. So we're going to play this little game called, how many shots would it take you to sleep with your bros if they were chicks? I don't know. So if you're listening to this, I will do my best to describe how fucking awful and or beautiful my friends are. I want to throw up.

All right. We didn't have a good picture of you without a beard. Yeah, so we grabbed an old picture of me. Let's test it with the beard, though. Did you send me the old picture? Yeah, it's in our text group. Yeah, so they use these apps. Like, tried to remove your beard app dude it adds like seven inches to my neck i have a double chin dude it's not even a double chin it's it's like a little then my neck just grows a beard it's like a neck colored beard it's a disgust my beard is

too big to do any of those the apps it just doesn't know how to function with so you want to do baddie without a beard first i don't know no let's not start with me let's start with patty okay so if you're listening this you're gonna want to go over to youtube unsubscribe podcast and check out episode 17 which is gonna be a disaster oh my god god i will say batty had a jaw i have a hell of a jawline. I really do. I still do. It's there. I had it before I had my beard, and I've done nothing but lose weight. Dude, okay, guys. If Batty worked out, homeboy. Just tell me I'd be sexy.

It's okay. You can say it. Two drinks. It hasn't turned me into a woman yet. I just need to make that very clear. Very clear. He's still a dude. We might have to cut some of this up because this is...

Wait, how long? Is this processing? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's processing the fuck out of this. This is a low-res photo, and it's just struggling. We'll just keep talking right now. Batty's jawline, super strong.

He's like an Ed Sheeran that worked out. Ed Sheeran? He's got a square face. I don't have a square face at all. I don't have a square face. Oh, there we go. What the fuck? It just put hair on.

Look at my lips. I look like my sister. You look like a dude that skateboards. Yeah. You look like Jay from Jay and Silent Bob. It like added like dips into my cheeks, pursed my lips a little bit. I'm not. Oh, man.

That's a lot. That is some drinks to go. I'm sorry, Patty. That's my sister. My sister's name is Patty. Patty, this doesn't relate to you. It looks just like you. You and your sister's redhead named Patty?

No, she's not a redhead. Okay, I was going to say, your family's fucking assholes. Oh, that's rough. I mean, I understand if you're going to say blackout drunk because that's just me. I'm going to be on that verge of blackout, and I i'm definitely you might remember me the next morning is what you're saying well my pp's not working this entire time i've definitely passed the point of my penis is functioning i look like i'd fuck you

i would oh yes I look like I'd fuck you Right I would Oh yes No Female two's not That's not awful That's a little better That's a little better I'd fuck me

This girl I'd fuck me God though Oh man That one's a little better Yeah but she's gonna to bitch about stuff. Oh, yeah. She's definitely bitchy.

She's going to be very angry about everything. You aren't eating me, Jamison. Make sure you take screenshots of both of those so we can put them up on the YouTube video. Oh, God. You know, who's the fucking? I look like I snowboarded the Olympics, but I'm still kind of a bitch. Who was the UFC fighter girl? Oh, my God.

Ronda Rousey. Ronda Rousey. Oh, shit. That does sound like Ronda Rousey. It's the strong jawline. Yeah. Like, female baddie's going to tap you out at the bar. It's like, what do you mean you're already blacked out?

More shots. Oh, man. Here is baddie with a beard. So, that last photo was from... Oh, man. Here is Batty with a beard. So that last photo was from... Oh, my God. Holy shit. So Batty is majoring in gender studies. You guys remember that movie Brave from Disney?

You look like... I look like Brave from Disney. I'm Merida, but I'm majoring in women's fucking studies or some shit. Gender studies. It's gender studies. God damn it. Oh, my God. We got a screenshot.

Let me see it again. It's so good. Merida goes to college. Okay, but how many shots? How many shots? I would sleep with other baddie before I slept with this dude. I think I would sleep with second baddie before i think it was second baddie before okay but you have to how many shots i'd have to be close to blackout for that and then again like

you said my pp probably wouldn't work no she'd make it work god you know she had i mean she wouldn't make she wouldn't care she has she'd fuck herself it looks like i hate myself. It's like she gives a bomb head. You know she works for it. It's a rare thing. So she's really... That's one of the girls my dad used to tell me practice on. Practice on this one. Oh, no.

That one's a little better. That one adds the hair on the left side. Yeah, okay. That added a little hair. Okay, screenshot that. We need all of these. Okay. Batty with a beard, two.

Yo, she's definitely not a batty. I would definitely sleep with that one over the first one. I think so. Holy fuck. My face hurts. Oh, my God. Okay, who's next on the list? Okay, moving on. Are we going to do donut next?

Can we do donut? I want to do donut next. Oh, man. Okay. This is fucking awful is fucking you screenshot that one. Yeah I'm making video about this Call me so of God. I was not expecting that. I was like, wow. I Don't like the picture you took of me, but we're gonna go with it. You look beautiful. No, I don't.

You look so beautiful. Stop it. Just watch, though. I'm so ready. God give you... I want you to have, like, a bob haircut. Turn into Karen. I just feel like you deserve to be called a Karen after how many Karen fucking bingos you've done. Oh, God, no.

Is that your sister? No, my sister is way bigger than that. Yeah. All right, Eli, how many shots? I haven't seen it, really. I caught a glimpse. It's like a shitty Lady Dimitri, like a Walmart version of Lady Dimitri.

You got big cheeks. Why did... Let's go to... Let me go second. Let's go second. We need to pick like... Okay, but you need a number. You need a number for donut one.

How many shots? Oh, see? Donut two. That one's a little better. Makeup donut. Like, this is what you wake up to. That's what you're taking home to the bar, though. It's like...

How many shots? Whoa. God damn it. What? Let me see. Like, legitimately, how many shots? I know. I'm doing the math. I'm doing the it. Let me see. Like, legitimately, how many shots? I know. I'm doing the math. I'm doing the math. Drinking math.

Okay, where am I at right now? One, two. I'm at three drinks right now and I want to sleep with her. I mean, so that's not counting. Mathematically speaking. Oh, man. That's where I've been drinking a lot today

and you don't look that bad, don't I? I'm going to need a cup. We're talking like maybe it depends on the person. Does it have your personality? Absolutely. Yes. Like eight drinks, I'm definitely banking. Yes! That's what I want to hear!

That was not too bad. You have beautiful eyes. I just need to point that out. You have wonderful eyebrows and eyes. You definitely get them worked. The lips. Ooh, girl, you suck a mean dick. Yeah.

Dude. I mean, I'm with Eli. If she's got your personality, six, seven shots. Yeah. I'm going to be like Buzz walking up and she'll be like, yeah, I fucking love Pokemon and anime. I'm like, you know, let's go one more. I've been in a drought recently. Let's see where the night takes us. Another bitch was talking about gender studies, so I'm over that one.

Yeah. God fucking Christ. I'm just kind of curious. I want to try one more from a different angle. Oh, we got another one? Oh, the bandana? I'm curious to be... Wait.

Number two. That looks exactly like John's mom. Screenshot that. We're going to need that one. All right, come on. Number two. Okay, this is like three or four. Okay.

Okay. Three or four. Like, that'd be a mistake I'm willing to make. Those piercing eyes. It's the piercing eyes. Okay. Okay. Three or four. Like that'd be a mistake. I'm willing to make those piercing eyes. Yeah. I'm like that. And then you're waking up to that. You're like,

Oh, the makeup came off. Two has been better than number one this entire time. Yes. It's the makeup. Oh, that's makeup. See,

that's crazy. That women are prettier with makeup on. I'm sorry. I didn't say that. I didn't. That was bad. I'm a piece of shit. But like that one?

Yeah, that's like four. That is a mistake I'm willing to make. That looks just like John's biological mom. Does it? Yeah, basically. Oh my God. It's a dream. We got that one.

We screenshot that one. Let's screenshot the fuck out of that. Who do you want to do next? Who do you want to do, Matty B? We got to do Eli. We got to do Eli. We gotta do Eli. This is the, we gotta do the trio first. See what picture we're gonna do.

Eli's gonna look beautiful. It's not even fair. I already know it. We'll see. There we go. Right there. That's a pretty shit. Oh wait, we did take bad pictures of that lighting.

Yeah. Eli is in convenience. We'll go back and get a, I got another picture of Eli, but let's, let's try it. Let's try it. Let's try it. Let's see what we got here with Eli. Unmakeup to get a mingling. We'll go back and get a... I got another picture of you, Eli. But let's try it. Let's try it. Let's try it. Let's see what we got here with Eli. Unmakeuped Eli. Here we go.

How much hair is he going to give you? I don't know what his glass is. At least... Okay, so this is also a thing to remember. Eli's already short. So, like, he's already the perfect size to be a woman. Four foot one. Hey, you don't actually look bad at all.

What? This is bullshit. And that's the un-makeup? Screw you. Are you fucking kidding me? I don't think I would have to... I would take like two shots to get the butt going. I'd drink a beer and I'd be like,

you're hot. Oh my gosh, she's hot. Damn. What the fuck? I know, I'd sip on a beer for that. Jesus, Eli. Eli, would you fuck yourself? Yeah.

God damn. Guys, Eli's hot. Okay? That's a... When Eli finally transitions... Minus the traps. Yeah, minus the traps. You just go to the gym.

It's fine. She's fucking a skier. She's good. I'm mad. I'm so mad. Why did I give you the... You have a beautiful jawline. You do.

The perfect woman's chin in that too. So we were saying that clean is going to be the hottest out of all of us. I don't know. It's going to come down between I think clean and Eli. I'm so mad right now. I want to see. This isn't fair. I didn't set a chance.

I have a massive beard. This is bullshit. Okay, let's get one more. We'll get Eli without a... Yeah, just one more. Okay. Oh, you had that one. I'm mad.

I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad. Yeah, I got that one just because that was a good front picture of you. Yeah, I love a good full frontal. Yeah, that one. You want to try that one? Yeah.

Let's try that one. Let's see what we got. Again, if you're listening to this right now, you're going to want to make your way over to YouTube to find this. Oh, yeah. It's still hot. Not as good as the other one. It as good as like aged yeah you're a little bit aged in that one you're an older you're an older eli still pretty good looking man good

job good job i was trying a man dude see my hot tub streams would fucking smash yeah i'm gonna get you a wig for christmas ours wouldn't mad Maddie definitely would be like why do I have two viewers? No, I'm good. I still do I still pull a solid 20. I'm a ginger. We're rare. I want to hear it Oh my god, ugly ginger and still pull viewers Okay, so now we're doing with who I don't want to go through any of those Yeah, we don't want to look through those phones a lot of dick pics in there Go to gallery we have maddie b let's do clean no clean okay yeah okay so we got caleb in here caleb oh man caleb could be this could go either way guys this is this

podcast is just this is where we so we got caleb francis oh he's a big girl. Well, right now, Batty would be hit on before. Suddenly, Batty ain't looking so bad. We found the grenade in the group. What's the chick's name from Shrek? Fiona? Shrek? Shrek. He's just a big old girl.

Sorry, Caleb. Still kind of pretty, but. No, he's not. big old girl sorry kayla kind of pretty but no he's not it's a meaty jaw there was a lot of power in them jaws i would have to be blackout drunk like i which isn't saying a lot i black out a lot i am not fucking her yeah you have to no she's good yeah my penis is not... It's not functioning? Yeah, I'm black. I'm asleep. She's literally smothering you with your earth eyes.

There's just a flaccid penis in a tub of peanut butter. A jar of mayonnaise. Yeah, and a box of cow tongues. It did not go well for you. Screenshot. God. I'm going to throw up. All right.

Caleb, you definitely have a stinky puss. Sorry. Can you bathe every three days according to that app? All right. Let's see. You want to do Evan? Yeah, let's do Evan. All right. Let's see. You want to do Evan? Yeah, let's do Evan. All right, let's do Evan.

Oh, Evan. He's got a serious look. That's a serious... I mean, Evan always... He should be really angry, bro. Mr. Evan Hafer. Oh, my God! Evan wants to see my manager right now!

He's such a fucking character. Oh, my God. If a look ever had a personality, that is it. Oh, my God. He wants to talk to every manager. He's calling. He is calling the manager. He is on the phone with your manager right now.

We are posting this online right now. After this podcast, I'm sharing this. We're all going to... It's like Evan wants to call your manager right now. Someone needs to edit just this little bit down. Oh my God. How many? I would have to be so fucking drunk.

It's the same for Caleb. Eli, you remember that margarita I showed a picture of on my Instagram the other day where it looked like if I was holding a margarita to be normal, then I handed it to you and it's a giant bowl that you could swim in? I would need to be able to swim in a margarita to finish that. Like, so...

I hate it. Makeup Evans is a little... No, she's still a cunt! Look at her! She's still a very mean, mean bitch. She's still calling the manager. Look at her. A hundred percent. Very mean, mean bitch. She's a mean person. She's still calling the manager. She made somebody cry today. Some poor service rep teenager. She's the girl that's like,

I'm so freaking in bed. And then she does missionary. Evan. She lifts one leg up though. Yeah. She's like, yeah, you know what I'm saying?

I'm flexible. Yeah. Yeah, Danny. Yeah. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. it stop it get off of me i'm done i need matt let's give us give me matt matt is a woman so we've all seen matt in wigs with makeup on in shorty shorts does it hold up though i'm glad this is where unsubscribe is that right the picture from his book cover yeah that's the that's the yeah perfect we can photoshop some tits in there instead of a plate carrier it'd be great

oh man come on come on maddie how many shots eli i need a number right now. Like five, five, six. He's just, he's thick. Wait, he's a,

wait, wait, let's see if the makeup. Wait, what the hell? Pretty face. The more Matt is definitely, no, the full hair definitely fixes.

Oh yeah. Matt is still a five foot fucking 11 woman though. Like he's a big not fat but a tall yeah that i mean there's an amazon it yeah but that one that's that's it wouldn't take that vinnie probably like five six yeah she would take me home from the bar yeah and i could live with it i live with that for every woman that takes you home from the bar exactly carry you home exactly that's what i'm saying like four but like technically one because she can carry me out that much i don't like brunette's that much what i don't know i'm gonna say like seven or eight for

me i would sober matt is hotter than girl matt sober sober baddies having an issue right now. Did you save that one? Oh, no. Can you save that? Just, yeah, I already did. Oh, those are... Oh, my God.

This is where the podcast is right now. It's like, hey, guys. Welcome to Unsubscribe. We're talking about nerdy stuff and fucking our friends. I mean, we've been beating around the fucking our friends bush for 17 episodes. I kind of want to see something real quick. Oh, yeah. Is it going to make you both women?

I want to see. Yeah, I want to see. Would you guys have a threesome with us? Oh, yeah. Okay, so we have a photo of... Oh, my God. We have a photo of Donut with Matt. And it made...

It's like half a beach. It's half a beach. It literally was just like... So we have a photo of Matt and Donut together. And it just peeled off exactly half of Donut's mustache. It like did half of Donut's face and half of Matt's face. No, Matt's is full. No, but his hair is huge too.

No, but Matt is pit. She does cross fit. Yeah, Matt's boyfriend just cut off half his mustache. I just think Donut is just like. He's got some shit on my lip right there. Oh, geez. I mean, that one's not bad. It's not good either. that's like a cute couple that's like that is not donut i just love that's like my girlfriend put makeup

on me and shaped half my mustache those are fucking gold holy shit i don't like this episode went in a weird dark way and I'm not drunk enough for this. This might be one of my favorite. This is clean. All right. All right. Clean. We're doing,

we're going right in on clean right now. Yeah, this is it. This is the last one. We said you were going to be, we thought clean was going to be the hottest slut. I don't know that jawline. Clean's got some real housewives shit going on.

You look like Michael Jackson. Cleen's had some work done. That's the best way to say it. Cleen has had work done. Oh, Cleen's a bitch. We need a better picture of Cleen, though. What if we get a better picture of... Wait.

I mean, I'd still... I wouldn't fuck Cleen as a woman. Matt? Yeah. That's a three or four shot. It's a wish't fuck clean as a woman. Yeah. It's like a, that's a three or four shot. Wish.com Angelina Jolie. Yeah. Hmm.

It's got cleans eyes and nose still. And it's really bothering me that I can just see clean with makeup on right now. Clean. I'm going to need, yeah, bro. I'm going to need you to shave your beard and stuff. I want to see another. We need a different, we need another picture of clean. Who else can we do? Oh your beard and stuff. I want to see another picture. We need another picture of Clayton. Who else can we do?

Oh, there was Heather. We got Heather. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got to get Heather lined up for sure. Are we doing Heather's just a female or dude that? And how many shots it would take to sleep with dude Heather? Both. Dude Heather?

I mean. Oh, that's Heather as a female. Let let me see it so we have heather lynn blackout blackout drunk i would fuck my friends as men before sleeping with her oh god which one is it impressions sizes go away which one is it go Go away. Is this the button? Oh. Make Heather a man. You want to see? Would we be bros with Heather as a man?

Ooh, would we be bros as Heather? Let's do it. As with. Feminine. Let's see feminine Heather. What is Heather going to look like as a girl? Heather, you're apparently perfect. Heather, you're apparently perfect.

You bitch. It's got a male though. Okay. Let's make Heather a dude. Oh, you're apparently perfect. Heather, you're apparently perfect. You bitch. Let's go to Mel, though. Let's make Heather a dude. Oh, you're a douchebag. Why does Heather have such big hairy tits? I don't like the hairy tits, Heather. Why does Heather have big hairy tits? Heather has big hairy tits. This is a very visual episode of Unsubscribe Podcast.

If you're watching this or listening to this,'re gonna need to watch this one yeah well otherwise we have to go to us laughing and screeching i mean heather's a good looking dude but fuck okay get her now bikini heather so we can have some hairy tits no i don't want hairy tits i really hate that they just add hairy dude tits to the situation. Oh, God. All right. I'm uncomfortable right now. What were we going to talk about today? What happened?

How did we get here? We talked about video games for like three seconds. Guys, how about Sea of Thieves? Sea of Thieves. Do you like that one? Oh, yeah. That's a really good one. Oh, ginger wait what is that not ginger who is that wait wait wait what baddie who is that she's a reporter she's a reporter baddie she's a cosplaying a reporter

baddie you piece of shit you don't know who that is? Donut, who is that? It's the chick from Ninja Turtles. April O'Neil. I don't remember April O'Neil. How old are you? 31. You didn't do the Ninja Turtles? I mean, I did a little bit of Ninja Turtles.

I was not a Ninja Turtles kid. Guys, speaking of which, we're also going into the new segment, finding a new host. Guys, speaking of which, we're also going into the new segment, finding a new host. Oh, no. What did it do? Oh, no. It just made Heather have big, burly eyebrows. I hate her hairy titties this time.

I hope you guys aren't. Did we screenshot the last one with the hairy titties? Okay, we'll be posting hairy titty, Heather. That one's not that great. Yeah, this one's lame. Is is that it who else do we got uh i think that was everyone can you think of someone you're gonna look up i'm trying to think of one last person that would be a good mix brandon herrera chocolate opera no brandon already has the hair he's got beautiful hair Brandon Herrera. Chocolate operator. No. Brandon Herrera. Brandon. Brandon. A.K. guy. He already has the hair. He's got beautiful hair.

He's got a good jawline. A wonderful complexion. All right. This is true. So am I winning as a female? Yes. 100%. Oh, yeah.

Because that looks like. Oh, yeah. That's a dirty girl. That's a dirty gun girl right there. Eli, you're definitely winning as a chick. Like, yeah. Yeah's a dirty girl. That's a dirty gun girl right there. Eli, you're definitely winning as a chick. Yeah. Yeah, Eli's killing it. But at the same time, chick Eli didn't look anything like normal Eli.

Every other girl we've done, I could have been like, that's Cody. That's Batty. That's clean. You are a new bitch. And then afterwards, I'm like, what's up, bitch? It's like that scene in the Halloween skit y'all did last time where you're like, and you're pulled off the face. No.

Oh. Wow. Brandon is weird. Might be in last place. Why did it make you so pale? Okay. Caleb is still in last. But this is below me.

You are definitely a gun girl trying to make it in the 2A community. Oh, you're not doing well. You're sliding into my DMs wanting to collab with your podcast that no one listens to. She definitely wants to be on Demolition Ranch. She will not be on Demolition Ranch. Don't tell Mare. Oh, my God. It's so good oh god she's just oh we gotta tell we gotta do matt now oh yeah we gotta do character i think character's gonna look good he's gonna

look oh i mean i thought brandon was gonna look real good what masculine it just takes his hair screenshots all of it. Oh, my God. We just did a masculine version, like a man version of Brandon. Just took his hair away. Oh, my God. Okay. There we go.

Demo, and then we're good. Holy shit. This is just an episode of listening to us laugh. This is just screech laughing about fucking our friends this is great this is where we went today today's episode is going to be called how much do you love your friends literally video games am i right guys guns games and girls i don't know what you think about that one wait let me let's look at some good we need some good some good demo ranch demo matt pictures i want to see is there any photos of him holding like a puppy

like his vet days it was back when he killed kittens back when he killed kittens oh my god i've killed so many kids the the best quote i've ever heard from matt i've killed so many kittens. The best quote I've ever heard from Matt. I've killed so many kittens. I've been wanting to get some mixed tiles. The little... Oh, I thought you were going to say kittens. No, no, no. Holy shit. Where's this going?

The square picture thing is going to run offline. Yeah. And put pictures of my friends in quotes and then put them all over my wall. So Matt's going to be like, I've killed so many kittens. Oh, no. Where's Matt matt looking like matt's always looking good he's looking burly he's a good looking he's been cutting recently too right he's got some nice abs imagine going to the gym gross oh that's too fun i'm just gonna drink all this beer and then work out after the podcast okay this if you zoom in i think that would be a good one because it's a little bit of spice that tongues out oh a little tongue

tongue action matt we should start tinder profiles with our female characters and see how many contest oh my god that is not fair eli will, I'm going to smash so many dudes. Eli's going to just roll through. So, okay, we're going to make female Tinder profiles for the chick versions of us. Betty's going to have one like. I'm going to take a different picture. We have to actually work hard on it. Oh, now everyone's like, we're doing a photo shoot. Let's make it as hot as possible.

We're not even using the app at this point. We're just dressing up like females. Makeup's going on. We start dating guys. What do you mean you don't love me? I'm winning, guys. I don't want to play anymore. Oh, this is going to be my favorite episode of all time.

Oh, Carriker has fetal alcoholism syndrome. What happened to his face? I don't know. It looks like Matt. Oh, see? I'd fuck Matt. I would. I'm saying five shots. Maybe. See? I'd fuck Matt. I would. I'm saying five shots, maybe.

Matt's a slut. Matt's a... No, Matt. That girl's definitely... Matt is a slut. I'm sorry, Matt, but... She has a decent-sized Instagram following in the 2A community. Small tits, fat ass. Yeah.

Do they add boobs? No, that's just his tits. Oh. I mean, I... It's just traps. She's got some big old traps she does crossfit yeah i mean that's like three drinks for dude that's what i'm saying that's not a lot that's pretty good looking like from what i've drank today it's 10 i'd fuck matt you're like that's why that's why i sleep with matt okay this makes me way more. No, Matt's pretty cute. Don't tell Mayor.

Oh, no. Today got dark. I don't like where today went. I feel uncomfortable. I'm jittery. I'm going to throw up. No one's going to be expecting this episode. I wonder what video game they're talking about today. The last two episodes, they've talked about puke and shit.

Where are they going today? Yo, you want to fuck your friends? Like, what the fuck, man? Jeez. This is why we can't hang out anymore, guys. We got to break up. I love the idea of a contest that we were just trying to get Tinder dates. We create our Elizabeth.

Oh, we have to have names, don't we? Yeah. You would be Elizabeth. Oh, are you Elizabeth? Yeah. Straight out of fucking... You lie. Elizabeth.

I'm going to be Corey. I mean, I got Kyla. I'm good. Kylie. Kylie. Oh, that's a whore name. Kyla. Nah, it's Kyla.

Kylie's a whore name? I think so. If your name's Kylie, you're a whore. That's my baby mama's name. Jesus. Did she watch our podcast? I hope not. I'm not sorry.

This is a gold episode. This is just laughing. This is going to be a 55-minute episode of our podcast, and it's going to be 43 minutes of laughing. Oh, my God. Sorry, you're listening to this. Cody, what's your chick's name? So, obviously, Kyla, Elizabeth.

Probably Corey. Ooh! What would your profile say? I love dick bros. Okay, so... No, no, no, no no no no no okay now point here to fuck what's some whiskey no no no if we're gonna do this do you like control my profile i control cody's and he controls my like you know what i mean he has yours because if we if we're just trying to like who can get the most likes or matches or whatever the fuck we're obviously all just gonna put in the chat dtf i want to suck that dick that is still only getting one like it's crazy

seriously we'll sleep with you no matter what please swipe right it's just baking i don't know why I feel insulted. Like, I'm not a woman. Why am I upset about this? It's just like, eh. And now he's needy on top of that. They really swipe left. My feelings

are hurt. So are Kyla's. I don't even know how to do this. Yes, we have to do each other's first thoughts. But who's going to do whose? I mean, just fucking counterclockwise. I'll do you. Eli can do me. I don't want Eli to do mine.

I'm doing Eli. you like you do no I don't even know what to say to win with his it's like playing the game and fucking hard mode I'm starting life in extreme mode this isn't fair but I think you're the best at flirting, so you have to have a handicap, which is bad. Wait. I'm hurt. I'm so hurt. Sorry, Kylie. It's Kyla.

Oh, I'm going to had to try so hard. Oh, fuck me, dude. This is, I mean, we can edit on this. And do we do this? Is this the game we play? I guess we'll report back in next time. Leave a comment below if you want us to. Oh, dude. This is going to be fun. This fun this is a good challenge oh this is the best challenge holy shit well uh that's my this is now my favorite episode of all time i think

don't it closes up guys thank you for tuning into the unsubscribe podcast where we talk about poop shit and fucking your friends it's very great to have you here for this video game podcast that we do. We have Batty over here. Wonderful streamer. Eli Double Tap. Wonderful streamer also. And I'm Dullnut Operator. Please have a fantastic day.

We love you. We love you.