Unsubscribe Podcast - 179 - Donut Operator Exposes A Serial Killer & Comedy Is Back ft. Joe Hamric | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 179

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Comedian Joe Hamric is here for an episode of hilarity & Cody solves a murder? Watch this episode ad-free and uncensored on Pepperbox! https://www.pepperbox.tv/ WATCH THE AFTERSHOW & BTS ON PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast All live show links will be updated on https://unsubcrew.com this coming week as tickets go live. Keep an eye out! ------------------------------ FOLLOW JOE https://www.instagram.com/joehamriccomedy https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbKWPuXHYose9oOpKkdszZA https://www.tiktok.com/@joehamriccomedy https://www.facebook.com/joehamriccomedy ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! SHOPIFY Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/unsubpod MANSCAPED Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code UNSUB at https://manscaped.com EXPRESS VPN Take back your online privacy today and use code UNSUB to get 3 extra months free. Go to https://ExpressVPN.com/unsub PDS DEBT Get a free debt analysis right now at https://PDSDebt.com/unsub ------------------------------ UNSUB MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast BUY US A DRINK! https://paypal.me/UnsubscribePodcast ------------------------------ FOLLOW THE HOSTS: Eli_Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://x.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap Brandon Herrera https://www.youtube.com/@BrandonHerrera https://x.com/TheAKGuy https://www.instagram.com/realbrandonherrera Donut Operator https://www.youtube.com/@DonutOperator https://x.com/DonutOperator https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator The Fat Electrician https://www.youtube.com/@the_fat_electrician https://thefatelectrician.com/ https://www.instagram.com/the_fat_electrician https://www.tiktok.com/@the_fat_electrician ------------------------------ unsubscribe pod podcast episode ep unsub funny comedy military army comedian texas podcasts #podcast #comedy #funnypodcast #military history Chapters: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka, soda, natural flavors. So, what should we talk about? No sugar added? Neutral. Refreshingly simple. if you know what I mean. God. That's what he says. Are we going to keep any of this podcast? I didn't actually see you eat the Zin. I saw the Tated Man thing,

but you ate a Zin? I didn't. I thought it was a potato chip. We call it the Zin-cident. You thought a Zin was a fucking potato chip? It felt, okay, so she brought potato chips.

You're doing great, bud. I know. Real quick, Chase, can we get that clip From somewhere It's actually genetic Yeah it is Unfortunate

So But I do need to hear that Why did you eat his end I thought I was eating potato chips And I thought One fell off Into a little cup

And I was like Oh my dumb ass Dropped a little chip In that way And I picked it up And I was like Ooh that tato chip And then

I went So you didn't actually eat it? No, I took a bite of Nick's spit. Essentially. Did you ever have one break open in your mouth? Oh yeah, it's disgusting. Like numbs everything? Yeah. It's pretty awful.

Have you tried to shove one in your dick hole? Not yet. Yeah. Only a three milligram. Six Only a three. No. Only a three milligram. Six is too much. Six is too much. Six is a lot.

Matthew McConaughey. It's, what are we doing? Docking. Docking. Fucking uncircumcised Zen docking. Oh, yeah. It's on ESPN The Ocho, I think. That is the most unhinged thing I've ever thought of.

But just like, I'm imagining some chick just like pulling back an uncircumcised foreskin and just having four zen pouches underneath. Is she going to give a blowjob? She like feels the back of four fall out covered in goop. I've never personally seen

God, but I assume that's probably what it feels like. It would help her focus. Dear God. I think too, so that would be... I don't even think we can open the podcast like this. He says those are there for you, sweetie. Yeah. I've got a surprise.

Just pop one. Yeah. Pop one or two of those in. Oh my God. It's like a shitty tiger's mane. Forcekin's mane. Or a lion's mane. It's like the couples when they fucking share a gun

it's like a smashing pumpkins album is what it sounds like foreskin zin it's a metal band urban dictionary named the skin zins oh my god that's maybe a new podcast actually the skin zins people are going to do it to look actually

now that I think about it I have an uncircumcised penis. And Zenz. Access to Zenz. I'm going to do it. It burns all the time. Ow. How did you invent a new STD?

Well... Monkeypox was going around the DNC so we couldn't be undone. STD. Well. Monkey Pox was going around the DNC, so we couldn't be undone. Outdone, rather. No, I think this is going great so far, guys. That's exactly why I came here. You're like, this is a good one. Pick up this one. Yeah.

We're going to pop it in three. Oh, hold on. Oh, three, two, one. Oh, hi, everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribed podcast i'm joined today by eli doble tab joe hamrick one of the funniest people on instagram on their brand norrera myself donut operator and i appreciate you being here joe what just i said on earth you said on instagram okay on earth the funniest person on earth one of, okay, funniest. Have you inserted a zen into your foreskin? Answer in the comments below.

Smash that like and subscribe button and stay tuned for next week. It just came up, so I... Literally. No, I will be. That eye contact was vicious. Well, that's... Get ready, bud. You should have chosen another seat.

I'm getting all hot and hot. vicious well that's get ready bud you should have chosen another seat that's brandon c this is gonna be a good one i was like okay where do we even start on this it was a good lunch we had to hold off on some of the stories because per usual we're eating and then he's like whoa is that a good podcast story like yeah hold on to that story for now hold on now we forget what story it was oh there's plenty trust me i think we're gonna we're not gonna have any shortage we'll be fine it's the it's the so it's the one military story that i have oh yes so you served in the military i did not he's a veteran for four years sure how does it feel how does what the z's in my foreskin also that joe is now in the military you can document his military thank you gentlemen this is that brand at ease this is an actual thing that does happen at ease i'm not sure brand's like i can tell you everybody

assumes i've been in the military and then uh eli made it official where he forced valor upon me on a veterans day episode and ever since then it's been a running joke of the podcast and I fucking hate it AI chat GTP will say he's in the military chat what chat GTP GPGP now I don't even know but if you search up Brandon Herrera on chat

GBT it shows him in a plate carrier with like dog tags like we've switched AI it's a running joke like AI is gonna save him but you are the leader of humanity we've gas lit Skynet we have to kill Brandon

first he is the leader of the US military he has five congressional medals of honor the most dangerous man on the planet damn it I hate my friends so much. Friends like these. Right.

Don't need any of these. It needs them. How you been? Thank you for coming out. We're fucking stoked to have you. Doing great, man. I'm excited to be here. Dude, yours, I probably speak for all of us.

So when your content came across my page organically, I was like, wow, he goes fucking hard. And that is a lot coming from anyone sitting at this table. We do. We get hard all the time. You and your son. Yep. Me and my son get super hard. I'm so much more than others.

You know what I mean? I'm a little bit older. So I don't get quite as hard as he does. But he's 16. So that's so much worse. You got to say it. Is this worse than your age? so it is okay it's fine hi oj how you doing buddy are you at the dnc this week but anyway yeah right no like i i think i think i was one of the first people to find old joe here and i was like dude

we have to have him on we got to talk to him a little bit because his content is so fucking funny i've never seen your content uh he posted it in the uh in the unsub chat the host chat and i was like okay i've never heard of this guy and like no shit a week later it came across my feet organically i'm like oh i get it yeah chase put one up of his ones you can put up that doesn't get us flagged today in, in honor of Chinese New Year, we'll be making sushi. What the f*** are you wearing? You look like a geisha. You look like you're trying to stop geishan haze. This is drip, bro.

Yeah, post-nasal drip. You're bringing much dishonor to our families. Don't copyright. Yeah, that's going to be tough. That's going to be tough. Don't copyright. You flagged this episode. Yeah.

You just pulled the revenue. You're like, there we go. Yeah. Making the money there. How to make unsubbed podcast level revenue with one easy trick. Instantly sued. It's fine. Man, fuck that joke.

You guys are doing the Lord's work. I appreciate it. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Well, we're doing work. It feels sacrilegious to call it the Lord's, but. Well. I don't think it's going to be on the top of the list of good things we've done.

We do good things with the podcast. It still represents a shit show altogether. It's a shit show. So what? Chaotic good. How long have you been doing the content for now? Gosh, that particular content, the Single Dad's Kitchen, we've been doing for two years, maybe? Two years. two years maybe two years two years but for about four something years or so my friend and i uh

joey thompson have been doing um comedy content so he's he's got a he's got a couple characters that i actually started writing for probably right around covet right around covet and he started putting me in the videos and then it just kind of here we are it just went to shit and i'm here with you gentlemen yeah it's a dream come true a lot of us did blow up around covet everyone's at home bored and so yeah like let's write some goofy shit because we're sitting at home right i had been a struggling content creator for years before covet but same yeah it's it's so it's and if you weren't afraid to like go out in public and do stuff at that time, I mean, people loved it.

Yeah. We would film some stuff out in public and people were like, oh shit, what are you doing? We're not guys. So docking.

And then we had to tell you about this Zen trick. Then we had the docking videos and that's when it really blew up. That was, that was probably about two years busy before. Before Zen. Before Zen. videos and that's when it really blew up that was uh that was probably about two years bz before before

hey eli what you doing you're just filing taxes well that's not what my taxes look like but either way i'm here to talk to you about ExpressVPN. Why are you here? Oh, I see you're using incognito mode. Did you know incognito mode won't hide what kind of taxes you're filing? What do you mean? It doesn't matter what mode you use or how many times you clear your browsing history. Your internet service provider can still see every website you've ever visited.

Do you want people to know these are the kinds of taxes you're filing,? Wait are you in my house? What makes you ask that? It doesn't matter if you get your internet through Verizon or AT&T or your local internet service provider. In the US internet service providers can legally sell your information to ad companies. Leave me alone! Were the taxes I sent you not good enough for you, Eli? I don't want to see your taxes. Just visit the link at expressvpn.com slash unsub and you can get three months free

on a one-year package. That's e-x-p- r-e-s-s-v-p-n dot com slash unsub. Protect your online activity today with the VPN rated number one by CNET and Mashable. That's ExpressVPN.com slash unsub to learn more. Well, going back, if you want to feel awkward, I guarantee everyone at this table will say the same thing.

Filming in public, like, it is the weirdest thing. And it is not easy to get. The first time I had to do it, TV show. Fuck it, bro. I is the weirdest thing. And it is not easy to get. The first time I had to do a TV show. Fuck it, bro. I was like, huh? At least then you got big TV cameras and shit like that. That feels legitimate, quote unquote. One of my least favorite things is filming in an airport if we had to do, for example, pushing the Unsub Live shows.

I was in the Denver airport and I was walking around like a fucking douchebag filming a last minute plug. Like, Hey guys, come see our live shows, which by the way, we're doing again. And, uh,

just like, like we're, we're doing a live show. Come see us these dates. And I'm walking around and I'm just seeing like fucking normal people getting annoyed at me. I'm like, I would be you.

I don't, I didn't mean to be doing this. Like who's that douchebag right there. Fucking right. Yeah. Have you done, you've done, Fucking right. Dude, I remember the giveaway. Well, you vlog. Yeah, you vlog and then give the giveaway where you were giving money where you just were being nice.

And that Cody was like, oh. Are you talking about my highest bombing video of all time? Yes. Yeah, that one? That one. The Dungeons and Dragons thing yeah dungeons and donuts yeah i thought that was gonna work out you know sometimes you just gotta have a couple pieces of shit videos before you uh get on something good shocking that a dungeons and

dragons video was not popular yeah i'm personally shocked oh my god but it was like a mr b style like giving away money in public. Sure. You know, that sort of crazy kind of, the modern content that people try to do nowadays. I didn't think it was a bad video. Mr. Beast without, but you didn't like kids or anything. Jesus Christ. I thought of a retarded idea that didn't work out completely at all. I thought it was a fun video.

You killed it. And you changed four lives like yeah yeah so i gave twenty thousand dollars away to random people five thousand dollars a piece uh and we all dressed up as like you know wizards and like barbarians super cool i'm sure they all paid their taxes yeah right but uh or their full names are good so yeah and you wrote them a cashier's check, is that correct? No, we went up to W2. Oh, God, I hate this fucking video so much because it bombs so bad. As your attorney, since Jake's not here, don't answer any of those questions. Remain silent.

Plead the fifth. We went to the Pearl downtown San Antonio, and God, do you guys really want me to talk about this? Absolutely. I fucking hate it. If it's embarrassing, I'm going to. I almost deleted the video the other day because I'm so upset about it how many how many views did it get fucking dude it was like a hunt like less than a hundred thousand it was bad you know everyone's like i wish i could do a hundred thousand video views on a video but for 20 grand and a full day

of standing in the heat it's not worth yeah it's five dollars that's so yeah five math or excuse me five views per dollar. Yeah. We went around to random people and we're like, hey, do you want to go on a quest with us? And if they accepted the quest, they got five grand. Cody got experience on, because I said something, I was like, oh, people's reactions, it's a lot harder to get people to interact or say yes to things than you think. And then immediately, when you walk up dressed in a medieval or a wizard and you're like hey what's up I'm Donald the wizard

you wanna win a prize and they're like no they walk away in San Antonio that's grounds to polygon yeah I'm sorry I fucking brought you guys into that I thought it was a good idea at the time sounds awesome

it was so fun I had fun do you wanna try it again? I thought it was a good idea. He didn't bring me. That's so stupid. Sounds awesome. It was so fun. I wish I was part of it. I had fun. Do you want to try it again? It's like my biggest regret is not my son. It's that. God. It used to be John.

One second. Hi, John. Congratulations, bud. No, I honestly, I think part of it is because it was so different because it was your vlog channel. Like they had no idea what the fuck it was. I feel like if you keep doing them, if you kept doing them, it would have been different, but

it was a dramatic shift of content. Should we go do that right now? Is the question. I'm not gonna. It's 105 degrees out. Oh, God, we were dying. You can be dressed like a wizard in the pearl all by your own. It's just some faint. I had armor on. It was like plate armor. Oh, that's right. like a wizard in the pearl all by your lonesome faint I had armor on it was

like plate armor that's right so you were a warrior yeah and I was like this sucks dick everyone was involved yeah it was dumb dude I it doesn't you guys jumped in sound great I dude I will say the the waitress though the waitress had crack but cuz she was like hi yeah I'll do it I guess and then she comes out though, the waitress had cracked butt because she was like, yeah, I'll do it, I guess. And then she comes out and the other waitress said no.

And she's like, you want to help? And she's like, no, it's not. No. She's like, oh, OK. Waitress does it. It's like, OK, here's five thousand dollars. She's like, huh? Yeah.

Wait, for real? Is it? Wait. Play money like what the fuck? Yeah, I can. This is real money. Oh, they're going to be pissed that they said no to this. So went back after her break she's like i made five grand fuck you i wish somebody i wish somebody would have recognized my life i'm retiring if somebody recognized you like

hey oh my god are you donut operator depends do you want five grand do you want to be in fucking video? I'm a wizard. I'm so sorry to rope you guys into that bullshit. So was there a quest or was it just they had to agree to it and then... It was dumb. It was like go over there, like kill the dragon

and shit like that. We got a real dragon. Would you guys get a dragon? Yeah, that's fucked up. That's a big loss. Swing and a miss. We had to borrow one from HBO. Rare miss for you guys get a dragon? That's fucked up. It was a lot. Yeah, it's a big loss. Swing and a miss. Yeah, we had to borrow one from HBO. Rare miss for you guys. My Mexican cousin, his name was Dragon.

Dragon. He was paid to a white kid to stab him. Uno reverse. Take this knife and shake it. R.P. Dragon, man. You slide him 5,000 times. It's worth it. 100,000 views.

Totally worth it. That was a good one. So now, Eli, what's the most embarrassing video you've done? I don't even know. Oh, Cody's video where I dressed up as... No. It's the same video. Damn it! I think that's my answer, too.

I didn't even know about it. Just knowing that you were associated. Now that I'm somehow associated, that's actually mine as well. mine was it was during covet i i opened up a video where i needed to go to like i was making a joke about the lockdowns and i had to film in public in a walmart during covet where like security is already crazy uh with a fucking full-on uh israeli gas mask with a uh makarov shoulder holster and like a fucking jean jacket. That could have been

taken two different ways. Well, North Carolina was an open carry state, so that was ready for me. Gas mask! It was a little weird to see for an open state. Well, not during COVID is the weird part. Oh my god, you're right. Yeah, so everybody had masks, but I'm dead serious. I was standing in line because there were capacity limits and everything. Fucking COVID was crazy but doing the uh putting the gas mask on i actually

took it off beforehand because like security was eyeballing me hard like dude this guy mixed the guns with the gas i don't know but there's like still 30 seconds of that in a video somewhere walmart security to be clear oh i could have taken them well i don't know but these guys are pretty tough that's what i hear it's the cream of the crop you get three or four of those 75 year old dudes and you got a fight on your hands i would have to hit them mildly hard to get away probably just push them just come back here sonny what about you what was it like that first time when you were filming something like okay this is fucking this is weird but i'm gonna do it anyways because

the lulz we did uh it was during covid we did a a male karen's videos which none of you guys have watched appreciate it and uh and we filmed like in front of the Fuddruckers and like in a couple of parking lots and inside a couple of places. I love how he's making the fact that we haven't watched it our skill issue. Well, here's the deal, guys. Do your research. You know what I mean? I mean, I didn't travel 5,000 miles out here for nothing.

You know what I mean? I don't think you traveled 5,000 miles. It was not 5,000 miles. Do your geography. Indiscriminate amount of miles i'm glad we were able to turn that one around because that felt real bad for a second it was a three-on-one though to be clear so all right so yeah we were we were filming out there and people were wearing masks and people were walking by us like what the fuck because we we wear these uh like you know the fluorescent vests um you know like construction workers wear whatever with sunglasses and all this stuff

it was yeah people were like what the fuck are you guys doing so if you guys have time go watch it i don't know you guys are busy but if you have a minute i feel like i watched one of those in preparation yeah put one second of that video whatever the worst one second is put that up right here's where we busted oh that's good anything over three he copyright strikes us yeah right right i've actually got a stopwatch. Did you realize? You have a stopwatch in person for the edit? Yeah, that's right. That's exactly right.

Did you realize, though, if you're wearing an orange construction vest, you can go anywhere you want to? Yeah. And no one? Oh, yeah. People might question you, but normally you can just walk through anywhere. Have you seen the one of the guys walking to the movie theater with a ladder? They're both carrying a ladder, and they're wearing the construction vest there's like nobody says a word just like

social hacking yeah that's the military dude if you're carrying a clipboard or a wrench or like anything and you're walking fast like you mean something serious look on your face like yeah like people won't bother you yeah they're not gonna interrupt i had so many naps that way in the military yeah yeah if you're walking with a wrench and you just find a nice dark spot and just lay down and take a nap i can't remember if it was you telling me or if i saw this somewhere but like the guy who like duct taped his hands up under a fucking plane so yeah we so yeah i worked in aircraft squad squadron for a while and c2 greyhounds and there was seriously like a couple of dudes who if you get underneath the airplane you lay lay down on the ground, and you look like you're working, you safety wire, like the little wires, your hands up there,

and just fall asleep. No one's going to question you because it looks like you're working. That's amazing. You've got unlimited access to music, but time? Now that's limited. The PC Insider's World's Elite MasterCard gets you unlimited PC Optima points, free grocery delivery, and time back for what matters. Save time and earn $1,100 in average value

each year. The PC Insider's World's Elite MasterCard. The card for living unlimited. Conditions apply to all benefits. Visit PCFinancial.ca for details. Value is for illustrative purposes only. That's almost too much work to fucking right it's almost like too much if you're not tired enough it's too much work but i've had fire guard watch where i fell asleep during my shift and woke up like three hours later i was like i was like oh shit yeah like i just looked at the

habit just so i was like okay hey bud yeah and then the other guy's like oh you didn't wake me up no i was awake so i just took everyone's shift everybody just kind of side eyes you're like sure yeah like you were drooling so you look super more than usual no one complains if no one's gonna narc because they're like i gotta sleep through it fuck yeah dog i hope you do it again everybody else is asleep too that's military exactly were we all asleep yeah yeah we don't talk about that though oh my god so you got into it when did you start doing content with your son uh where you're like okay this is that so yeah so single dad's kitchen thing it started off way different than it is now

it started off as more of like uh we're actually cooking we're actually making something and it kind of devolved into just now we're just saying the wildest we could possibly think of you look like the first day of school shooter oh snake smells like the river where chinese people drown their newborn dog it is wild it's and my welcome to the unsubscribed podcast yeah my son's very patient he allows us to call him gay and all kinds of stuff. And, um, but that's cause he is, well, can we talk about that in a little bit out there? Okay. Yeah. Off air. But yeah, he's, he's a, he's a very, your son's going to hate that. That was the most subtle thing I've ever seen. Not any more than, yeah. Your son's going to be like, only half a million people seeing that, dad.

Thanks. Thanks, dad. OJ, come with me next time, bud. I asked you to come. Luckily, no women watch Unsubscribe. Is that right? Zero. It's like 2%, and every time I call it out, they get really upset, but come on.

Yeah. Come on. This is like autistic men between 15 and 35. What show? 4%. 4%. 15 and 35. 4%? Oh wow, 4%! That's not bad. The other three women are somewhere we don't know. I think you're not including

like wives. It's our girlfriends. Girlfriends. I think I've got 10%. so I got you guys beat. Oh, you got us beat by a fucking mile. We're very female-centric. Hey, tell your mom's friend Brenda that her yoga pants need to stop staring at my boner. I can tell by the language.

Yeah. It's always great. Lindsey Graham's a big fan. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Speaking of gays and women. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I was going to, that's my, that's my joke is like, there's more beards here than fucking Lindsey Graham's after brunch, Easter party. We didn't even have to mention Iran and Lindsey Graham's already in the conversation. Yeah.

So back to your son. Sure. So you started doing, you're like, okay, Lindsey Graham's a huge fan of my son sure so you started doing you're like lindsey graham's a huge fan of my son if you know what i mean god that's what he says every time he's on there oh my god look at that mustache he's so big i don't actually think i was prepared for this that's all right he's very strong for his age. Lindsey Graham, not my son. Very unfortunate for your son.

It is. A lot of things are very unfortunate for my son, especially right now. Sorry, bud. We'll see you next time. Yeah. And this has been the Unsubscribe Podcast. Thanks for coming out. This has been amazing. We said that if you're funny, it'll go you next time. Yeah. And this has been the Unsubscribe Podcast. Thanks for coming out. This has been amazing.

We said that if you're funny, it'll go about two hours. But if you're not, you still owe us about 15 more minutes. I'll tack that on to... That was a fast 30 minutes. That was 30 minutes? Oh, God. I guess that's what she said. No, not to us. Jesus Christ.

Alright. So, not to us. Jesus Christ. All right. So anyway, Lindsey Graham and my son. Lindsey Graham's chasing my son around the table, right? And he's trying to grab him. And my son, he's pretty fast. And he's pretty fast. My son's pretty fast. My son's pretty fast. And Lindsey Graham's getting a little bit older.

So we thought about doing a thing where we did a, obviously we know to catch a predator or whatever. It's like a reverse to catch a predator. Where my son. To catch a miner starring lindsey graham my son is like yeah hitting on hitting on he's like oh hey buddy you got a nice smile you need a better lindsey. Hey, buddy. Hey. You got a nice smile.

You got a real nice smile. Caleb. That sounds like Caleb. Look at you. We don't have any proof that Lindsey Graham is not Caleb's grandfather. Caleb and Lindsey Graham have never been in the same room together. That's all I got to say. Yeah. He wishes.

Hey, come over here, big boy. Hey. I'm going to pass the style. You saw what they did in the senate chambers the other day you want to recreate I got him to break when Cody started his crazy business of podcasting, you know what he didn't think about? Merchandise.

But now he's selling what? Merch. And it couldn't be easier. All because of Shopify. If you've shopped on BunkerBranding.com, you've used Shopify. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million orders exclamation point. Shopify is there to help you grow. From their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS, that means point of sale,

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trial period at shopify.com slash unsub pod all lowercase go to shopify.com slash unsub pod now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in go to shopify.com slash unsub pod so so it started how about the mess drinking and devolving yeah so it started off and it was it was a a lot more wholesome than it is now if you go back and watch the first couple ones

it's actually kind of you know structured yeah watchable well yeah sure watchable it's very good it wasn't quite as rapid fire

insults to everyone as it is now um but now we're just hellbent on offending pretty much whoever we can good so sorry nick's not here so good good good when was a lot like that is one of the questions i had was when when you're like oh let's go harder and harder and have you had pushback it's like we have an amazing community drink nope i don't know what that is but i'll do it if i say that word yeah community what if you're talking about oh fuck fuck but um we everyone's very we have they're just fucking amazing they we can do what we want say what we want and like that's

fucking hilarious but you can say retard whatever no one cares and we put back into a good cause that we always try to give back cause for retards yeah yes we put a lot of money up for that you know yeah to get that if anybody believes

in retards it's us you know what unironically i believe in your guys belief of retards if that helps that does that help thanks hey you yeah you know what you're the real hero yeah check clip it they say you know god gives his uh hardest battles to his strongest warriors so hardest battles to his strongest warriors. So. I hate that image in my head right now. It's a fact, guys. Everyone close your eyes and imagine that.

What the comic just said. It's a fact. God always gives his most chromosomes to his strongest warriors. That's what I've heard. That's part two. Part two. Oh, God, why you give me a hundred battles? I actually stopped myself

from making a joke. God gives his strongest grilled cheese to his strongest warriors. Anyways, his heartiest grilled cheese. They need their protein. Well, that's not... They're pretty fucking strong bud i don't know if they need much protein no it says something strength i don't remember what it was but something yeah it's we'll get it by the end of the podcast yeah let me think about it might be a word we can't say and haven't said 18 times in the last four minutes. Ten times, yeah.

No, but they are strong. To be clear. All right. So you were here. What was the line where you... Fucking Connor just did a spit take. I know. This is like just dad jokes and your comedic timing is fucking perfection

that reminded me of the fucking wolf of wall street where they're talking about tossing them oh yeah yeah yeah just like not just kidding but like if we uh if we sign this waiver and we consider them an act they're not people right are you fucking serious you did that jesus thank you that's what i came here for guys thanks for your service adan sorry about that bud i'm not sorry i'm not sorry i'm not sorry it wasn't you it was the massive amount of cocaine he does that's fine he also slammed his head on the table. I saw. So that probably didn't help. Did that actually happen? No, it did. Okay. That did not happen. I was like, well, I understand the nosebleed now. Yeah.

Dude, your kid does not know when you're fucking with them versus being real. My son. Yeah. He just always assumes I'm fucking with him. That's healthy. And he does, but he does it back. He does it back worse to where sometimes I'm like oh fuck dude i bet your kid has we've always said like john and our kids that we are raising are their humor is next level and how they even burn because they hang out with this yeah yeah and they learn a humor that is like combined 100 years of dark comedy and we're forcing it into these children like okay i know you we're forcing it into these children. You're forcing it into these children.

Yes. But we've talked about today I'm not winning. I mean, that was a bad It was. That was on me. I got you on that one. When John goes off to college, though. Oh my God.

Yeah, we're talking about when my son, he's, you know, he's, I've been raising him as a single dad for the past, like, 14 years. And we talk about the tell-all book he's going to do, My Seven Retarded Uncles. Yeah. And when he goes off. I'm 18 now. And, like, when he gets away from our friend group, which is comprised mostly his dad, like his dads are me, Brandon, Eli, like all of our friends, he's going to go off into the real world and try to hear the humor that people try to put down.

And he's just going to be blown away like, oh, this is not how I grew up. Oh. We probably need to do everything we can to make sure that my son and your son don't join forces somehow. Because that could be... I would watch that buddy comedy. How World War II started. Is that how World War II started?

Are you serious? Is your son Asian by chance? Not as far as I know. Cut to a picture. He's Asian. 100%. uh not as far as i know cut to a picture he's actually he is a hundred percent he's in a rice field i'm like i don't think he is yeah he looks white as shit i didn't see any warning signs he might have been Asian. So I do have a funny story about that.

So when he was little, there was a restaurant called Dragon Den, right? Why do you have a story for this? Well, I got a story for everything, my guy. That's why I'm here. So there's a restaurant called Dragon Den, right? It was an Asian restaurant. And so I would, unfortunately, he'd say, you know, let's have Dragon Den for dinner. I'd go, oh, oh, most honorable dragon den like that.

And so he's a big, he's a big video game guy. And we went into a GameStop and they had like some kind of like vending machine with like little things in it or whatever. And the girl was like, oh, we were like, what's that? And she's like, oh yeah, it's, it's from, you know, it's from China. And he was like, oh, he was like six. He's like, oh, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'll talk about this when we get in the car. Like, Oh yes. Six year old.

It was not my proudest moment. Well, you know what? It wasn't. It was a proud moment. It was a proud moment. It was inconvenient. So we make our sons roommates and they're just terrorists in the world

because they're the same age right now. Yeah. It would be... Six-year-old just doing it in Chinese accent is fucking hilarious. He's that kid, man. Oh, it's the most honorable.

Oh, it's a Chinese vending machine. God damn kid, man. Oh, it's the most honorable. It's a Chinese vending machine. God damn it, man. God damn it. Where'd he learn that from? He watches a lot of TV. This is why dad doesn't take you places. Yeah, right. Go wait in the car.

Turn it off. I'm going to bring him next time. The kid, he's a lunatic. That's why I was like, it would have been a blast him next time. The kid, he's a lunatic. That's why I was like, it would have been a fucking blast. Next time. Next time, guys. OJ, you're coming next time.

After your dad talks to you about the gay thing. Yeah. My gay thing or yours? I don't know. It's not my gay thing. I'm very open about my gay thing. Have I told John's biggest clap back to me? The Steam name thing?

Oh, God. Have I told that on the podcast? Wait, I don't even know. I might have. I don't know. We're 172 episodes in. We are deep into it. Yeah. So far, yeah.

As far as I can tell. I have one of the oldest Steam accounts. I started it the day that Steam came out. So it's like 20 years old now. And John was wanting to buy some video games on it. And he's playing video games on my Steam account. And we're all sitting around at dinner one day. Yeah, it was like four years ago.

Yeah, it was a couple years ago. John was like 12 years old, something like that like i'm just talking like i just threw something out at john like just talking shit about him just like yeah yeah yeah this this and he's like well at least my steam account isn't named after my dead girlfriend because 20 years ago i was 16 and my girlfriend died in a car wreck and John just brought that up out of nowhere. Boink? Yeah. He was just like, at least my Steam account is named after my dead girlfriend, dad. Blank

face. Yeah. I'm like, I can't even be mad at that. There's nothing I can do about this. Oh, you were mad at it? He made you go to your room. John straight up? I went to my room. John straight up. I went to my room. John's

in a position. I didn't need anything. He comes in later. He's like, hey, buddy, I'm sorry. Sometimes we say things we don't mean it's all part of growing up you know john straight up is like he is just a one-liner sniper sometimes like just when it comes to hurting your fucking feelings like you're just all of a sudden a gunshot goes off and like you

see john a mile away with a 50 cal it's like yeah where the fuck did that come from carlos hathcocked me like he got me the other day too like god he's just a fucking he's an assassin we need to actively work to make sure that they don't somehow team up i know i mean it's gonna be a problem yeah it's gonna be a problem for the entire world the world it's a good youtube channel they're gonna get canceled instantly instantly what do you do when you have a successful YouTube channel one day you want to retire what do you do with that YouTube channel that's something I've always thought about it's like John you get to choose the next spider-man it was like John you

know John hasn't been in policing but I still have like a 5 million subscriber YouTube channel like what do I do with that one day brag are you bragging then delete it for your kid oh you thought you were getting this watch this i wanted to give you this what have we learned that you get to work for your own yeah work for shit. That kind of sucks in your case because he's half of it. Yeah, well, that's... I don't know if he's half of it. The second part of that is, well, life ain't fair.

Yeah. Go fuck yourself. Sorry, bud. Does he get any pushback from school or does it help him at school? No, I think it is because he gets... You guys are crushing on like reels instagram and tiktok are your big ones right our big ones um um no i does he like it doesn't

affect him adversely um but he's such a laid-back he's such a laid-back kid that like people come up and be like oh you're in that thing. And he's just like, whatever. Yep. Get fucked. So it's an aggressive attitude for a fan. Listen, he's going to have to work on that. But I don't think he said he might say that. But I ask him that all the time.

Like, do people come up to you at school and say, oh, you're in that? He's like, yeah, they do. There's a this is kind of weird. So he plays volleyball. And there's a... Why is that funny you laugh? What the fuck? Come on, dude. Judgment? Number one, you're not tall enough to play volleyball.

Let's just put it right there. I know. Aiden, have you stopped bleeding yet? Aiden actually is tall enough. But overweight. I'm just calling him like I see him, guys. Holy shit. There's actually like a

smaller college that has a volleyball team. And it's actually like a Christian college car, like a smaller college that has a volleyball team. And it's actually like a Christian, like college. And the coach shows our videos before like practices and before film sessions to get people like loosened up and stuff like that. So I was like, really Catholic. No.

Okay. In South Carolina. Wow. No, but we don't have that. I know. So I am a lapsed Catholic, but I've still Catholic. Well well I haven't been to church in

20s yeah 40 a lot that Catholic lifestyle do you know why why I haven't been back I'm just looking at your nose twitching while you're saying it

yes I would love to know I just wasn't that sure it's not anything weird what were you thinking? Lindsey Graham, maybe. Lindsey Graham, yeah. God bless you, son. Why does this confession box

have a hole in it? Depends on what you confess. Never confess. That's what he says. Jesus fucking Christ. How's this episode going, guys, so far? It's fucking fantastic. One to ten.

I'm having a blast because no one roasts the audience watching. Unusable. 90% unusable? No, this is... Oh, no, this is... This is at least, you know. 90% unusable? No, this is... This is at least 80%.

Usable. That was the commando. You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. I don't know what that... Predator. That was your fucking... Come on. That was Predator. Commando? Oh, that was Predator. I'm sorry fucking... Come on. That was Predator. Oh, that was Predator.

I'm sorry. Well, you don't even fucking... He doesn't even know. Yeah. I did fuck that up. You son of a bitch. Do they got you pushing papers? The guy who died and the guy who was the governor.

Lindsey Graham. No. Thankfully not. Is he a big fan of you guys i highly doubt it yeah he's crying right now watching he's like they've never made fun of me i can guarantee you about six months ago he wasn't a fan of me those sons of bitches you trying to take out my friend so what's your goal with uh now that you're running your you're getting bigger on what tick tock instagram now you're trying to expand in too long form we had a discussion at yep breakfast lunchtime for this

that's your next progress we're like okay hey how do i tackle this whole fucking thing and then you're just going to start you're trying to do longer form we're going to yep and get those jokes if you haven't watched this content it's again really fast cuts gold but as you can tell this is some of the fun making everyone die laughing right now which is a good sign just let your jokes we try yeah um yet i mean the goal is to quit my job that i have and then do what you guys do no i mean not exactly what you know what i mean yeah we're a little cringe not exactly what you guys do obviously but um the eyebrow movement was unnecessary it was a very very expressive eyebrows that's and that's part of i actually have a sub-channel expressive eyebrows and pretty much all it is is just me kind of be like what like reacting but it's not

it's just from here up and so i'll watch like a viral video and i'll be like what makes you only like that marginally worse than most reaction channels right right i actually think it's better because you have to look at my fat ass you just have to look at this up and i'm what actually something that you which is incredibly relevant right now uh something you'd mentioned earlier is you had a stand-up joke for something and i i was kind of curious a i want to hear the joke but b uh have you ever done stand-up i have done stand-up officially just me one time okay one time ever we we've uh my buddy joey thompson comedy can we get that somewhere um show we got that joey thompson comedy great he's my

editor he's he's a great guy um but uh you say jace chase is our james i was, what the fuck? Why? I didn't even, yeah. You owe me a Coke. Where were we? Stand-up. He does a Southern character. We've done some skits and stuff on stage. But one time I did comedy. One time I did comedy.

It's not today. One time I did stand-up. That wasn't that funny connor come on thank you connor come on he's my biggest fan simmer simmer is my biggest fan he sent me a he sent me a pair of his underwear in the mail um but i did i did appreciate it they fit great so i wear it yeah you can't see the line it's a thought you can't see the lines But I did appreciate it. They fit great. So, I wear it. You can't see the lines.

You can't see the lines when I wear mine. This is the first time people in the comments have been like, dot, dot, dot. Like, what the fuck was that episode that was gold? I feel like I'm having a stroke in the middle of it. You might be. I can't for sure say that you're not.

So the joke was, you know, we've all got dead grandparents, right? Connor? So, I assume Connor probably killed at least one of them. Check my freezer, baby. Yeah, right, right.

No thank you. So we've all got dead... Connor said, check my freezer baby yeah right right no thank you but so we've all got dead connor said check my freezer that's why he responded no thank you baby so i i i have one theoretically i have one left it's my grandfather and you know i want to learn more about him you know and um before he kicks it because he's old as fuck right obviously look at me so i said you know granted you know tell me tell me a little bit about yourself a little bit about your history and he was at he was at adida he was at normandy um you know and i said man that must have been scary like tell me a little about a little bit about it he said you know you know that we really thought the war was going to turn in our favor we were confident we were excited

about it and And I said, oh man, that must've been bad. I was like, what was the scariest part? And he said, you know, when the Americans landed on the beach and they started running up towards us, you know, it was. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecue's lit, but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that, actually, they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer. So download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees,

exclusions, and terms apply. Instart groceries that over deliver it's really scary he's it's all right he's fine he um he moved to argentina right after that with some people he he met at camps and they opened a deli so it's a non non-kosher deli. They're super serious. Like they tell you that over and over and over. And, you know, the food's okay. The food's okay. The service is great. They're super good at just taking orders. So there we go.

I thought it was one joke, and then they just kept coming and coming. Just like the Americans. Yeah. Hi, great. So are you glad I saved it? You got to say, yeah,

that was, that was worth it. Him and Don Graves on you. Oh God, that was really good. So, so I do have one more and I, I'm just going gonna hijack the

whole thing so i have an idea for um a sporting goods store right and you guys are gonna like this so you know there's sporting goods stores it's mostly for men right you go in it's mostly men in there and so i thought a great idea would be dicks for women the idea is catching on in thailand it's huge in thailand right now dicks for women women's dicks and so i thought it's coming here we'll build off that it's kind of this coming here so we're going to build off that and you know there's really not a sporting goods store for kids for children god and so the idea, guys, does anybody want to say the punchline?

I don't know. It's kids' dicks. Children's dick. Kids and children's dicks. So you go in there and it's, you know, it's a bunch of, yeah. Sporting goods store. It's got, you know, like it's skiing.

It's got kids' poles. And stuff like that. It's baseball. It's got, you know, like it's skiing. It's got kids' poles and stuff like that. It's baseball. It's got kids' balls. So it's just a, I don't know. It's just, I'm putting it out there if you guys want to invest. If anybody out there wants to invest. Invest in kids' dicks.

Invest in kids' dicks. I think people are going to love kids' dicks. What's not to love about Kid Sticks? You know what I mean? Speed running, becoming a famous YouTuber. Fuck. I'm going to take off. This just feels like a... Appreciate it, guys.

I'm going to walk. That reminds me. Kid Sticks reminds you of what no my childhood yeah right right catholic my time in the catholic church yeah priest loves kid sticks scoutmaster kevin loved that yeah they get a discount actually the clergy gets a discount half off kids show their car to show up in uniform that's the synagogue discount. Half-off kids' dicks. Show their car to show up in uniform. That's the synagogue?

Yeah. Half-off kids' dicks. Thank you. I'm adding that to the joke. You're welcome. All alone? Time to trim the old pubes. Hey there, beach babe! Are you ready to soak up those summer vibes and get the perfect beach bod?

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Oh, what the fuck was I just about to say? I don't know what's happening. Oh, oh taking off oh my god yeah fuck i that that took me entirely too long to be like what are you talking about brandon we haven't traveled in a while cody's racist got it now that's true well i mean that's not not the joke but have you ever racist black kids dicks would be a great urban kids dicks i didn't think about that until just now i didn't even think about that thank you so much i'll split the revenue with you or the lawsuit please don't i love how you went black, no urban. I watched that joke develop and somehow it made it more racist. That's urban.

That's PC, right? You guys are very PC. Yeah, super PC. Urban's kids. Urban kids dicks. Rural kids dicks and it's all just golf. Yeah, right. It's like a lot of mountain climbing.

Rural kids dicks is very good. No, don't bring us into this. No, I shouldn't be adding to this joke. I don know why you are yeah i do appreciate it cody can you explain the offenders all right so we have a superhero group where you call what you think is your superhero power so you tell us your superhero power we have to figure out an offset to it Cody's superpower is I can fly but in order to fly I have to

shout racial slurs do you feel like that's normal that seems fine I can't I can't permanently die but I am constantly f***ing myself and wherever I leave wherever my body was the last time it happened is where I can't permanently die, but I am constantly **** myself. And wherever I leave, wherever my body was the last time it happened is where it stays.

And so, you know, I was just... Blurp out the that ****. That thing. Yeah. Blurp out the thing you just said again. Yeah, the sewer slide. But as soon as I... So, like, if I wake up in the morning and I just see two of me hanging from the ceiling fan, I'm like, oh, we did not handle last week very well. I like that.

What is yours? I am Crime Cuck. I'm like, oh, we did not handle last week very well. I like that. What is yours? I am Crime Cook. I travel at the speed of light. Crime Cook. Travel at the speed of light. To watch people fuck your wife. I can't interact with objects for five minutes. He's not Adam 22.

So I'll show up and be like, ha! Fight harder, madame! I can't really do anything, so you got a five-minute window. He can't interact with the world for five minutes. I'm going to say, we pick the offset. Oh, you pick the offset. You pick the power.

Don't start with the offset. I had two. We'll let you do that, too. Can I just give my offset though and well i i don't want to hear it let us pick the offset first and then you'll be like this is so keep this in your head i can be invisible okay we got one of those but we we've decided because we're at that point we're like yeah everyone has it no you're good we just like the avengers everybody with money is Iron Man now. I know.

I have money. So we get to pick the offset for if you're invisible, but in order to be invisible. Angry cops. I think he has to jerk off. Yeah, he has to masturbate in order to do it. I still think, dude, last week, just for quick references, had me dying. Ryan McBeth was, well, whenever this airs,

Ryan was like, I can find the women's clitoris. And then... Yeah, we all can. And then immediately... And then immediately Nick had the opposite. He's like, but you're gay.

Obviously. Oh yeah, Cody, and then immediately nick had the offset he's like but you're gay obviously obviously oh yeah cody you didn't know that i mean that's obviously it it was the fact that it was no hesitation instantly i was like okay well that's when so invisibility offset is... I almost want to have him yell racial slurs. So is this invisible ghost? He's yelling racial slurs. They used to have those ghosts that shouted racial slurs. I'm pretty sure they still do. You have to split it with your son, and you have no idea when the other is going invisible or revisable.

Okay. I'll do better, I guess. I'll try. Can I ask for a re-roll? Oh, yeah. We're going to re-roll. Cody, what do you got? I've never been re-rolled.

I'm trying to think of it. Yeah, you have. I'm trying to think of a good one. A good invisibility factor. I mean, I have one. Dude, I really, man. All right, let's hear the opposite. I like holding your breath because I think it's hilarious that you're not in the best shape.

So you're going to run out of breath really fast. Did you just say I'm not in the best shape? Yeah. What the fuck is this? You just called him fat. Where the fuck did it come from? He's clearly fatter than me. Right? where the fuck did it he's clearly fatter than me right i mean he's taller but he's also you got a hitler haircut look at that he's got the just coming over

um so here it is i can be invisible as he puts his hat back on yeah i so it but it takes 30 seconds and i have a tiny dick and like but i have to be naked right yeah everyone has to see your tiny and it takes 30 seconds for me to actually go invisible and have a tiny dick not like in real life someone has to stare at your tiny dick for 30 seconds literally yeah i have to get someone to stare at it like look i need you to stare at my tiny dick for 30 seconds so i can go invisible that's what i like it's like a fucking supercharger it's a solar panel i feel like you just have a humiliation kink and it's just like it just goes oh my god my dick goes from like one inch to two inch as soon as somebody stares at it right we finish the mission he's like all right i'm out guys he just goes invisible instantly

we're like wait what why did i say where does dick go that's all that goes invisible but you say that before i go invisible where does dick go that's fucking weird i really need to help these kids out of this fiery building yeah stare at it or like your dick can't work you can't your dick can't work five days after you're invisible like that five day period and you're just your name is can't man I like that but that's just more like real life without the invisible part

are you invisible except for your tiny dick show just said show fucking came with a banger it's like you're invisible but you're tiny dick that's it it's just through the air you just see you know when he's looking at you

what Cody he just sees his little leg flopping and pointing at you there's a Vienna sausage flying through the air I feel like I'm making eye contact with an hors d'oeuvre There's a Vienna sausage flying through the air. Matt, can I bring something up? I feel like I'm making eye contact with an hors d'oeuvre. Jody said you need to save some kids from a burning building, but why the fuck would you need to be invisible? I thought that too. That would not help.

Fire doesn't care if you're invisible. Hello, children. Whoever are you? A little sausage running around we have talked about kids way too much right as we put the fucking

Jody plushie why Gary why why yeah why indeed show a good one that was I think that's the winner

that is the winner on that one that was excellent you're invisible but you're tying to dicks you have a tiny dick and that's the only thing that's not invisible

well that's the only thing that's not invisible. Well, that's probably the worst one. I probably got the worst one. Oh, no. No. We got some bad ones out there. I don't even remember a majority of them. Where's Hunter's?

Hunter picked his own offset instantly because he didn't know. We didn't even give him a power, I don't think. He's like, oh, yeah, I guess I'm fucking super strong. No, he's a stretch. Yeah, super stretch. He's like, I'm super stretch, but I have to beat my wife. We're like, okay, wait, first off, we have to get the offset. Jesus Christ. Well, no, we were all sitting around.

We're like, all right, Hunter, you're a superpower. What is it? Like, I can stretch. I can just stretch around. Like, all right, we got to think of an offset. I beat my wife. Yeah. And I'm talking about, like like chipped tooth and black eye.

I don't know if that's an offset or a confession. Hunter, is everything okay at home, buddy? Obviously not. He could be upstairs and his wife didn't do the dishes or whatever. He just like, arm go down to the kitchen. Oh, that would be great if he could start to stretch

if he knows he's gonna do it yeah he stretches upstairs just to fucking yeah he's taking a shit and he just opens the bathroom door sends the arm down to make sure dinner's ready dear god do you make sure how is this the worst podcast we've done i don't know hey you invited me you know what i mean this is not i think it's going great i'm jen i'm genuinely in awe i appreciate that i've heard that a lot i get that a lot not with my superpower yeah no not anymore but i did people like your dick's not as small as it oh her it was here yeah going through the air holy shit it's not as small as i thought it was

that's your superhero name the small wiggle yeah no no it's the small wiggle the wee wiggle the wee wiggle the wee wiggle that's it right what's your uniform and there's no uniform yeah it's naked or you put a little go ahead all right no go ahead nope you got it i want to hear yours first you put like one of those little uh what do they call those like the decency whatever like if you're what do they call those? The decency, whatever. If you're doing acting shit. Decency sock. Yeah, you just have that covering up the little wee wiggle.

It's like an ankle sock, though. Yeah. Wee wiggle, yay! I was thinking more like the assless chaps, but in the front. Dickless chaps? Dickless chaps. Okay. Yep. So you're familiar your familiar oh yeah yeah the reverse thong you guys should have the unsub dickless chaps

that'd be fucking i hate that they would probably we did the come in doom fought and we're're like, this will never sell. That was our highest selling merch of all time. It's just come and doom font. We're like, we don't know what anyone's going to buy at this point. We see how highbrow our merch is. So who's Terry? Well, fuck him first of all. Yeah, fuck Terry.

How about that? That's who Terry is. I gathered that. Terry is, in reality reality a conglomerate of several people that I dislike quite a bit. Name them. No one in particular.

Well. No one in particular, but I can't name them. Lindsey Graham. No, I'm just kidding. I'm actually a big fan. A small fan, I guess, right? With the fucking tiny dick. Which he likes, I'm just kidding. I'm actually a big fan. A small fan, I guess, right? With the fucking tiny dick. Which he likes, I heard. He doesn't like it too big.

Just keep it tight. So he doesn't want to get stretched out too bad. I don't even know what to call this episode. Shell shock. I know shell shock PTSD in shell shock what did you guys think was going to happen when I came on here

not this no should have known pleasantly surprised though I am I'm loving this dude I'm chaotic neutral. I'm enjoying the fuck out of this. You're saying all the things I can't publicly laugh at.

Yeah. Well, you did, though. You just. Oh, I completely did. You blew that. 300,000 people just watched me laugh at this. Well, that's like, what is the one skit or what was the first skit? And then what is the worst skit where you got pushed back on where you're like, huh?

Maybe that was that was the first skit and then what is the worst skit where you got pushed back on where you're like, huh, maybe that was the line. We had people get really mad at some of the Matthew Perry stuff we did where we said, what's the difference between... Go on. What's the difference between Ross and Chandler? I did see this. What is it? One of them's a swimmer.

So. Side note, actually. Fucking did not know this. His assistant got tried for... Ketamine. Ketamine. Oh, no, D. Oh, yeah, recently.

Yeah, he was shooting him up. He was shooting him up. That's why he drowned. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that was the thing. I was like, what the fuck? His assistant just got tried for murder for that stuff? Yeah. I think he pled guilty, too. Yeah. way drowned yeah yeah yeah i didn't know that was the thing i was like what the fuck his assistant

just got tried for murder for that stuff yeah i think he he pled guilty too yeah yeah so that's that was that was like maliciously or no i think he was trying to help him yeah and it went yeah it's a michael jackson situation yeah not that michael jackson situation right the other one the other yeah the drug one um our valentine's one got a lot of pushback um wait wait so we said um the first line is uh what's up my picnickers why did it get pushed back why did it get pushed back yeah what happened i don't i honestly don't see why that's funny there's a he's trying so hard he's got a furrowed brow i act with my eyes there's a there's a like

a myth that picnics originated with um lynchings or whatever in the south um which is not true picnic is an old french word I didn't even know that was a myth I've never heard that in my life well trust me some people have trust me you look at the comments section there is myths on that

and that's the most what do you call it on tiktok when you do a like a duet or a stitch or whatever people but it was so weird so it's all we're just all urban people and it's but but they would watch it and they would just go and like make a face blackout they would nobody they wouldn't say anything they just like look and be like disapproving look and i'm like is that

good is that bad i don't understand what that is but picnic is actually um it's a french word originated as a french word which means to lynch a black person jesus christ not at all they didn't have any of those in france no there's don't exist in france Is that for real? No. No. Jesus Christ. Not at all. They didn't have any of those in France. No, they don't exist in France. But it is. Well, they didn't.

Not anymore. Oh, I held it together. It's a French word. It's a French word. And Snopes, which is super reliable, as we all know, discounted that whole thing. And here's the thing. When people get mad in our comments,

I never respond because our fans instantly, like if somebody says something like, this is stupid, the first comment after that is, shut the fuck up. They go and look on their page and they're like, you're a fat fuck or you're stupid or whatever it sounds like our fan base that weaponized autism never have to comment on anything that's negative we just i let them do it it's great well i used to before i had uh sponsored ads uh before like you know have to you know put something in the the pin comment blah blah i would use that as a weapon where if somebody pissed me the fuck off saying something stupid i would just pin the comment and just watch them be

annihilated until they deleted it yeah i love it so that was okay so you have one that you're like oh okay well the valentine's video got a little well and so we've when we did the male care and things which you guys haven't watched again to just to be clear um there was a couple of connor missed that entire segue there's a couple things where we said um so those so my buddy joey thompson comedy put that up again uh he he's um what does he say he um he does uh he films um class like he goes to schools during christmas and he films their Christmas plays and stuff. He's an active school shooter.

People didn't love that. When you come onto this podcast and catch us off guard for content, it's fucking fantastic. I'm like, damn, yeah. There was a Christmas i'm like damn yeah there was a christmas joke where it was about eggnog do you know where i'm going do you want to say it no i actually have no idea connor just did did you know where i'm going connor no it's the fact that you think we

don't know where you're going we love eggnog and we're huge we're huge noggers sorry that was weak get the fuck out of here really i mean it wasn't the best picnic you know it's not the best thing retards we did you hear that one did you see that one no i did not what's up my sang retards we always try to start it with uh uh we, we did chicken nuggets. What's up my nuggers. Um, we always try to, let's try to start it off with something really shocking and then go from there. You're kidding. Why is that shocking? Well, just it's chicken nuggets are a very divisive because not everybody likes chicken nuggets.

You know what I mean? It's not, they're not healthy. They're not healthy guys. So it's people. This is probably. A lot of health food aficionados got really mad on that one. This is probably the driest. I have a very dry sense of humor.

It's dark and dry. Dude, I love this episode. Just like I like my women. Dark and dry. I set you up for that. I'm glad you took it. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Connor, come here. Connor. Come on. Come on. Step in. Come on. I'm like having an aneurysm trying to keep this shit together. What is it? I guarantee you. Sorry. I guarantee you there's a lot of people who arem trying to keep this shit together.

I guarantee you, sorry, I guarantee you there's a lot of people who are not going to find this episode funny. Probably. You are like right on my fucking funny bone and just speed bagging it. Everyone's having a blast. I can think of segments of people that will not enjoy this. Chicken nugget enjoyers. Well, anti-chicken nugget enjoyers for sure the health food industry you enjoy chicken nuggets right it's a no shit bud imagine this being your fucking dad i know you've only got him to break like twice too

having to live your entire life with like this being a thing without you pissing your pants when you're when you're doing this with your like when your kid's hearing these jokes he's like dad that might be the line or he's like whatever no he doesn't care oh that's what he doesn't give a shit it's like constantly doing heroin. It's like, how do you fight dopamine after this? You can't watch heroin. Heroin. It's the only way I can feel normal.

What? I'm sorry. What did you say? Our sponsor for this video is PDS Debt because everything is really expensive right now. I spent $400 at the grocery store i don't even know what i got milk he got milk one milk you may be in debt right now because the economy is in shambles you know what also comes with debt stress anxiety existential doom pds debt has a solution for you help is available whether it be medical bills, collections, credit card debt, they have customized options for you.

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You can get a free debt analysis right now by going to pdsdebt.com slash unsub. It takes 30 seconds. Go to pdsdebt.com slash unsub. Go now. I'm going. When you were at the hotel, did you just like, were you just on vacation? Like, hey, we have to film a video. So we're filming.

Oh, the ramen one? Yeah. So that was the peanut butter. Ever feel like your WordPress site is moving in slow motion switch to kinsta's managed hosting for wordpress and watch it fly host your site on google cloud's fastest servers with worldwide data centers so your pages load instantly need help wordpress experts respond in under two minutes and will migrate to your site for free. Try it yourself. First month free at Kinsta.com. That's K-I-N-S-T-A dot com.

Kinsta. Simply better hosting. Well, there's two different ones. So the first one, the peanut butter one was not popular. You like that one better? No, I'm just saying when you're doing those ones,

are you just like, oh, I'm out on vacation with the kiddo and I have to film a video. That was not vacation, my guy that that was our dishwasher blew up so we were we had i lived in a fucking hotel resident or whatever that was for like two weeks your dishwasher blew up it just flooded our deal go ahead no shit yeah you lived in a fucking hotel for two weeks because of the dishwasher. It flooded our box. My dishwasher is very dry.

Yeah. So it was actually pretty funny. So they put these huge machines in there to try to dry it out. Anything? No. And they were super loud. So we're sitting there trying to watch the TV on like a hundred and he's like all day. So they came and they had to strip out all the floors or whatever. And so they said they paid for us to live in a hotel for two weeks. Thanks a lot. So we did that ramen video, which was our biggest, our biggest video today. It was like 6.5 million on Tik TOK brag,

right? And so then we had, maybe it was a lot, but 6.5 million. Well, I'm sorry. You guys are fucking huge. I'm sorry.

That's a different joke. Very different joke. Yeah. Are you getting a clue, man? Think about it. Why is that funny, Brandon? Go back. I usually recognize jokes. Oh, different joke yeah are you getting a clue man think about it funny brandon go back i usually recognize jokes oh yeah i'm sorry your grandfather would have found it hilarious yeah he was right

there so i missed that i can't believe i missed that i'm sorry i apologize to you i apologize to you wholeheartedly sorry i'm sorry. I keep interrupting. That's all right. I wish you would. You should interrupt more, probably. And then the second one we did was the shining for poor people. And that one, I thought that was hilarious. And it just fucking tanked. Nobody cared. Nobody cared. I also almost broke my back because I walked into a pool thinking it was deeper. And I guess it was only like five feet and I just walked

in and when I walked in my foot hit the bottom of the pool and just sent like a shockwave up my spine. I was like, oh, this is where it ends. This video is going to get a million views because I'm going to drown. How many? Not a lot.

Comparatively. That's content. Content as a whole is very much the one you are most proud of yeah are the ones that and you spend the most time on those are going to fucking bomb and the ones you do like oh this is shit that is going to head to the stratosphere that is the one thing i've always like seen about every content creator ever is the one thing you're the most proud of does shit every time. That hits home super bad because we did a video a long time ago where this was my idea, so I

take full responsibility. Oh, my voice keeps cracking. You hear that? I hope. It's got to come sometime. About time your dick got bigger. I think we're past that. Careful, Lindsey Graham's going to come sometime. About time your dick got bigger. She said, yeah. I think we're past that.

Careful, Lindsey Graham's going to get interested. Yeah, more interested. So we had a thing where we invented, we're two like bros that we invented TikTok. And it was like something tick and Rick talk. And we were just like broing it up. Just like, yo, we invented it. And people universally hated it. Just hated.

It was probably their fault. That's what I say every time one of our videos is due out. What is wrong with these fucking people? That was great. That was executed perfectly. No self-reflection. It's everyone else's fault.

Not our fault. Not our fault. Shadow ban, et cetera. Right? We've made that joke quite a lot. Algorithm fucked us. This was gold. Fucked us.

It was gold. I saw somebody super bitter about that on Twitter. They were just like, well, in the words of Brandon Herrera, apparently I'm not shadow banned. I'm just boring. I'm like, yeah, probably. That's probably right. I'm just boring. I'm like, yeah, probably. That's probably right. I stand by it. That's the case.

Way too much, unfortunately. Yeah. I could go on a fucking tangent on that. Do it. Shadowbanned your content. Prove it. Your content sucks. Rant. No, that's it. That's my short rant. I have a very short rant. Shortest rant I've ever heard. It's not your rant. I have a very short rant. Shortest rant I've ever heard.

It's not a shadow ban. Your content sucks. Brandon Herrera. How the fuck? Well, I mean, I get why you deferred that to me, but yeah. That's what you said. You just said, I could go on a tirade. And then he's like, do it.

And you're like, no. Yeah. I'm just going to quote Brandon and we're done. I'm fucking terrified to speak because Joe will get me. I'm not going to quote Brandon and we're done I'm fucking terrified to speak because Joe will get me I'm not going to get you on I haven't been this exhausted after a sparring match with Eli I know I think I'd rather do that

I don't know where to go I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare everybody Lindsay Graham well I don't think to scare everybody. Lindsey Graham. Well, I don't think he's scared by what I'm packing, bud. You know what I mean? Not your... A little too old for his type. Yeah, oh my God, yeah.

So, you know, it's obviously like an open secret. What do they call him? Miss Lindsey or something like that? He is like a... What is he? Hearing about his ladybugs? Oh, forgot about this like what say it oh so apparently allegedly uh he has uh hpv on his asshole and he calls yeah on his dick oh oh is it on his dick yeah you said dick the first time you told me this story, so now I think you fucking made it

up. Could be both. Allegedly. It could be both. But he calls the warts his ladybugs. They're his ladybugs. He's got some nickname. How did that get out there?

He's got some nickname. It's like Lady something. Lady Lindsay or something like that. It's like his open secret. Isn't he your senator? He's not my Senator. I think that's what he is. He's a Senator from South Carolina.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're still based out of South Carolina. Still. Yeah. We're super proud of it. What's my home address?

I'm putting it out there for the people. 69 fake street fuck you South Carolina some dude who's got that address like what the fuck dude it's mine fans showing up at his house all the fans that I have

so did you I mean you're getting millions of views you're not fucking hurt you got to the pinnacle of your career of unsubscribed. Yeah. This is it, guys. Same, brother. Listen. You have peaked.

If this doesn't work out, what are you doing? Night, night forever. Sorry, all the rest of us peaked a long time ago. Did you have any fears where you're like, ah, this might get canceled? Because you seem like a dude, you're like, I don't fucking care. I still have, because you still have your nine to five which is thanks thanks a lot for that yeah sorry we can cut that out if we want that's your call anyone to know he manages the applebees still have it still at arby's oh i'm arby's i wish bro dude he's got the meat. I have the meat. I have the meat.

I'm going to resist the temptation for another Lindsey Graham joke. Do it. I'd do it. He deserves it. He's got the meat. We got the meat. So you big hunky man, you look like you got the mates. So we got that. Lindsey Graham.

2024. You guys do whatever you want to do. I don't give a fuck. I don't. I don't give a fuck. I don't worry about that because we don't really... I mean, it's hard to say. You guys haven't watched the videos. But we don't outwardly say,

oh, you're whatever. You're this or that. We say it. I hope not. That's a hate crime is it what hate crime what i'm done cut cut the cameras uh so no i mean i don't think i don't think we intrinsically say anything bad it's just you know what's the word edgelord

is that the word is that it something like that edging is edging a thing yes yeah okay that's what we do we do edging you edge your audience yeah we edge our audience as much as we can to get it cancelled ruined punchlines.

Brennan, do you have anything to say about that? I think I'm having a stroke. Fair enough. But yeah, no, I mean, you know, it's we we don't we don't hate one

group of people we hate everyone so there's nobody I mean I don't think there's anybody that we haven't made fun of I really don't know

if you guys can name somebody go ahead name a race that we should make fun of Brandon what's your least

favorite race Talladega thank you alright I made that joke like two years joke that's a shit joke that's a joke that's my bad no it's chinese i fucking love you so much no i'm just kidding oh my god go check him out he has exactly the same fucking sense of humor as me. I don't have a least favorite.

Every race is my least favorite probably. Including whatever you guys are. Meaning you. Whatever you are. He's got more in there. He's something. He's something. I don't like it.

Yeah. I just like your kids still in school and he's like well dad's leading the way yeah yeah he doesn't say much in the videos you notice that most of what he says is back at me or whatever but i'd like to go to college one day yeah well we all would bud you know we all would so now he's a superstar he's a bright shining star i don't know if you're being sarcastic it's kind of his thing yeah no he's a great he's a great kid. You're going to leave the podcast. People are going to go, oh, how was he?

What does he do? I'm not sure. Well, you guys haven't seen the videos. If you guys just go watch the videos, they're right there for you to watch if you just watch them. It's not, you know what I mean? Just go on fucking social media

they're all right there i can't wait for audio guys this has been unsubscribed awkward pauses are you a fan of leslie nielsen i'm a huge fan of leslie nielsen i can fucking tell r.i.p leslie nielsen that is i i used to grow up on like the airplane movies and the naked gun naked gun is just so funny dude what's the fuse so funny not fugitive um not definitely not fugitive no what's the one he made fun of the fugitive god damn it oh we've had this exact same conversation before i love it through the woods with the train yeah the train follows him it peaks out from the tree

it's like it's like that that that sort of fucking slapstick very dry humor like seems to be right up your alley that's still my favorite shit absolutely favorite who's your favorite comedian and why is it norm mcdonald smoking gun yeah right yeah it could be norm mcdonald i don't know who my like favorite all time i used to watch um you guys know kids in the hall do you remember that it's canadian holy shit yeah i used to watch the out of that when i was a kid like over and over yeah yeah no no that was fuck what was one of the big ones that... That wasn't related to the conversation. That was just a threat from Eli. What do you mean? That's fucked up.

They had all kinds of stuff. They did the thing where they'd crush the people like this, and the guy was playing squash, which is a very not American sport, but he was called the Eradicator, and he would play, and he would wear a mask. He's, I'm the Eradicator, and he was climbing up the ladder like the local gym.

Not at all funny when I say it. If you watch it, though. You could have fooled me. Could I have? No. You're in the wrong seat, man. I know, dude. Look how you looked at his mouth after you said that. Wrongfully accused.

That's the Leslie Nilsson fugitive movie oh that's what was that movie leslie nelson was one of the few actors i actually got sad when he died yeah because even to the end he was still doing like comedy bits in other movies that were just really fucking funny he's got a funny what's his headstone say it's he's got a very funny headstone it's something it's like a fart joke isn't it yeah yeah i know when he would he would do interviews like press stuff he would bring holy shit you google it and like play farts let her rip let her rip yeah yeah his headstone was a fart fart joke i mean come on he just says let her rip that That's amazing. Right? And Airplane, I mean, he was like a non-comedic actor before that.

Yeah. Really? That's why they cast him. Yeah. I did not know that. And Airplane, I think, was his first comedic role. Yeah. Right?

He just did Deadpan so fucking well. Well, based on what I have heard, I'm guessing that's what you're touching on, is that, yeah, he was a serious, dramatic actor for decades and decades. And they cast him because he was in the original movie that they made the parody. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. And he read the lines as a serious dramatic actor so well that it came off fucking hilarious because he didn't realize it was a comedy. Yeah. We're all counting on you.

Good luck. Yeah. hilarious because he didn't realize it was a comedy yeah we're all counting on you good luck yeah do that when they when they one of my favorite things of all time is in um naked gun where they're like the guy from fucking peewee herman the guy from peewee's big adventure jumps up he goes it's enrico palazzo do you know what i I'm talking about? No, I don't think so. So you know like Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventure? Yeah. The fat guy. So in Naked Gun, he dresses up first as the guy

singing the national anthem, Leslie Nielsen does, and does a shit job. And then they put him in and then he goes in as the umpire. And he saves the day and he takes off his umpire mask. And the guy from Pee Wee's Big Adventure jumps up and goes, look, it's Enrico Palazzo. Because that was the name of the opera singer or whatever that was singing the national anthem. This is going fucking nowhere, guys. No, Bill.

We're done. No. No, that's it. Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Yeah. He gets his bicycle back. Yeah. Yeah.

It's out the whole time. Yeah. And then. Large Marge. Large Marge. Tell him Large Marge. The scariest thing in my childhood was Large Marge. Large Marge is actually fucking terrifying.

It's good to show me. Dude, I forgot. Like the freaky animation they did. It's like a meat cannon. A lot of that 70s, 80s, and 90s stuff where it's like, this is for kids. It's absolutely terrifying. It's terrifying. Terrifying shit.

And you're like uh my son's taking a film class in high school and that is one of the movies that they're watching peewee's big adventure yeah they have a brilliant i mean until he jerked off in a public movie theater and got arrested for it it was a it wasn't yeah everybody was jerking off in public movie theaters which is a weird thing dude that's how you watched back in the day. Bleed that word because it's about... Terrifying. I remember the makeup and everything on it.

Connor, have you seen Large Marge? Yeah, I remember the movie from when I was a kid. Tell them Large Marge sent ya. Be sure and tell them Large Marge sent ya. And it's like, that was the most horrifying thing in my childhood was Large Marge. That and Thriller. Actually terrifying as a fucking child. As a child, I was terrified of Michael Jackson as well.

Three. I'm broken! I'm broken! Chase, zoom in on his face! It was warranted. The trucker! Yes! Holy shit. When they finally pulled the driver's body. Chase, look at Large Marge. Burning wreck.

It looked like this. Bro, that was so horrifying. Beetlejuice style. It was Beetlejuice style. It's so cartoony now. It was like Tim fucking. What's his dick? Tim Burton? Yeah, Tim Burton with Beetlejuice.

Hurting for some Burton. This. I remember. That was that old 80s style when it was very much Claymation mixed with that. It was so horrifying, dude. I love that stuff.

That is cinemas. Are you into cinema? Are you a big movie guy? Wait, are you? Yeah, I like, yeah. What's your favorite direct, like, are you action, comedy, love, romance? I mean, it's mostly comedy. If I had to pick my favorite movie

of all time, it's been Apocalypse Now for a long time. Love that movie. If I had to pick my favorite movie of all time, it's been Apocalypse Now for a long time. Fucking love that movie. Are you into James Cameron and stuff too? I've never seen Avatar.

That's fun. Have you seen Avatar 2? I did watch that. You skipped it. He just skips it. I did watch that. You skipped. I was like, you skipped. Why would I skip? I was like, yeah, he just skips. He's like, ah. Dude, we're really into two, though. I've seen one, but yeah.

Skip the first one. I always watch this. I've seen Speed 2, Empire Strikes Back. Never saw the first. Yeah. Never saw the first ones of any of that. Big sequel guy. I'm a huge sequel guy.

I only watch Police Academy 2. Yeah. One of the better ones. Yeah. It's got Bobcat in it yeah um citizens on patrol i believe was three or four i'm not sure if you remember uh i think it was four david spades in that one briefly oh that had to have been five then i think five was assignment miami you might be right i don't know chase fact check that yeah but yeah no i never watched the original

movie i just wait for the sequel. Yeah, they fuck it up the first time. The second one's always better. Yeah, because it's like a trial run. It's like this. It's like, this is terrible, but next time I come on. You have no idea. Are you excited for Passion of Christ 2?

Passion of Christ Schindler's List 2 is supposed to be really good. I heard that's going to be really good. He gets revenge on the Jews for crucifying him. Yeah. In which one? In Schindler's List? No. Passion of the Christ.

God damn it. I can't keep up with you. Wow. They're actually making it. There's an actual sequel coming out for Passion of the Christ, too. It's not a joke. Spoiler alert. Yeah.

Yeah. He died. What happens? I can't wait to see. Titanic 2 is going to be good the book is the book is better it's a little preachy i mean there's a reason they call it good book yeah best-selling book of all time for real though are you into movies i don't know anymore yeah who knows i don't know what

you want me to say i don't fucking know do you like comedy you like yeah i like mostly comedy but yeah i i i dip my toes into a little drama every once in a while telling novellas or telling novellas mostly yeah mostly where i can't understand it that's what i like mostly spanish your big facial expression language yeah yeah i do it's me and then like yeah the girl comes out with a tits or whatever. It's like a penguin running across the stage or whatever and it's juggling. That was Mary Poppins. Part two, Mary Poppins two.

Dick Sargent was in that. Lost in New York. Dick Sargent was in that, yeah. It wasn't Dick Van Dyke because they changed it. Yeah, it was Dick Sargent. Yeah, second Dick. Whole different Dick. Gary, Indiana.

That face. You. Eli, Eli, don't drink from that. Okay, I will not drink from that. We don't want a second Zincident. I know he's a big sequel guy, but. Zin Laden. It's a Zin Laden.

Sir, a second Zin has hit I know he's a big sequel guy, but... Zinladen. What was Zinladen? Sir, a second Zin has hit the E-line. Never forget. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life. But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And, of course, you can rest assured that with Public

Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month with all of the mysteries that life has to offer a few certainties can really go a long way subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for public mobile different is calling forget what to drink out of i'm not even gonna I'm not even gonna this is the one I had like I had a I had a press for the show and the prep was like

you know what this is I noticed you haven't looked at that much no I was like these notes aren't it's like it's just your

I had notes I was like fucking notes built out and I was like you know what it's just your homepage now you gotta hit Eli with the look at me

I'm the captain now. Yeah, well. So I actually had a thing with Cody as far as I bet you did, bud. That's an open thing. Not open as in you can have him, but open as in we acknowledge it.

Can you kick this way? I can tell by the camera. Sorry. You guys were talking a little bit at brunch about growing up in the same area or living in the same area where he policed. Yes. And there seemed like some stories there. Oh, do you want me to tell the...

Should I do the big story that no one's ever told before? Wait. Which one? Which one? The one you would get in trouble for? Yeah. Absolutely. We can edit it out as much as...

We can what? Edit it out. I don't know. I don't know, Big Attorney Man. Do you want to listen to this one? I don't... Jack, I could use that. No, that's a great idea.

P.S., when you say Big Attorney Man, that is the biggest attorney I've ever fucking seen in my life. That's the most jacked attorney I've ever seen. He's going to say not girth-wise, but he's actually... No, he showed me his dick earlier. I signed the NDA. Fuck. I did sign that NDA. Jake, why are your

fucking pants rolled up and you have your feet out? That's how I roll when I'm in houses, dog. Are you reading Huck Finn upstairs? Just wait until he talks about Jim. Dude, someone's got a J-O to that. They're going to pause that screen grab. There's Jake's screen.

If someone's that weird, I guess they can... What's your favorite character? Fuck, Jake. You could have just called him Jim. There's not another Jim in the book. mean you could have just said we know which one you're talking about yeah i'll tell you a funny story about that later why later chick as an attorney as your attorney i advise you yeah as my, he advises me to shut the fuck up. That's what attorneys are for, right? Pretty much. Holy shit.

Anyway. Oh, yeah. Cody, you have a story. Policing in Spartanburg. There was a certain hill you guys had. Oh, yeah. Behind. What was the restaurant?

The Beacon. Yeah. That burger restaurant. The Beacon. I chased so many people down that hill. What kind of people did you chase down the hill so criminals it's funny like i suspects i was perps i was introduced to your content because i thought it was funny as fuck you and your son just just messing around we met each other and it turns out that you spent a

lot of time in the same place that i policed in area yep yeah and uh you got to talking about the beacon i was like holy shit i used to fight people behind the beacon all the time like i i i have so many stories where i i chased people through the beacon parking lot and arrested them. So that's just wild that we just came together. It was like 10 years later to hang out. I had to Google, like, Chase, put up a picture of the beacon in South Carolina in Spartanburg. I'm like, yeah, all right. Well, that looks like the kind of rundown place

that you would fucking fight people behind. It's famous. It's like, right? Yeah, yeah. No, the beacon is like very famous it's been on like a lot of cooking shows a lot shit is it really like as a good actually like no it's horrible we don't know we're not from here it's like it's like i don't know how to explain it's a crazy like yeah yeah if you've lived in spartanburg forever you're like oh we'll go to the beacon and then i have diarrhea what has it been on cops probably yes just their cops has been in the parking lot of the beacon before what's the other one live pd yeah i think that was columbia

too like they did columbia and greenville yeah greenville really yeah i didn't think it was that bad it's not that bad but it's they they definitely had a live pd in grayville yeah it was mostly uh financial crimes it was mostly just a white collar live pd everybody goes quietly yeah just get my call to their attorney no views in that yeah no it was yeah it was very unpopular yeah i can I can tell the story. It was a lot of mail fraud. It was told to you? I'm the only one that knows this story. Understand, it was freely told to you.

Jay, our lawyer's interpreting this for us. It was freely told to you by somebody who was volunteered to you. Yes. The information was volunteered to you. I did not inquire this information. You have no ties with any of the people whatsoever, whether it's in life or business, other than just knowing them as people. I did not inquire this information Are they in any business? No Not one bit

10 years ago Okay I will say there is no statute of limitations In South Carolina I just want to make that clear Really? For any crime? There is no statute of limitations in South Carolina. I just want to make that clear. That is true. Really? For any crime? For nothing.

There's no statute of limitations. No shit. Dude, I am going to jail. Do you want me to tell it and you tell me? Yeah, and then we can decide if we're going to cut it or not. Hold on. Let me get my phone out. Go ahead.

You laughing at that? That's my daughter that that photo i was like is that good photos like back screen yeah all right i won't say names how about that okay i won't say names oh that yeah that's a great yeah all right you should can you say a name you can please make up funny names for everyone that you're talking about? Ah, yes. The infamous pee-pee-poo-poo killer. Yes. I would love it. So rhyme it really close.

Yeah. Schmandish Mermay. No, don't implicate me on this. So in Spartanburg, Schmandish Mermay. One day. I don't know if you're... There was a guy. I think we missed the assignment, but okay.

So there was a guy named Bob Bullhip. Sure. He buried a bunch of people on his property and killed them. Opposite order. He killed them, then buried them. Yeah, he killed them, then buried them on his property.

His name was Bob Bullhip. thank you for fucking yeah and he had a uh a bonn x box and he kept a girl in there chained up and i made a video about it one day and don't laugh at that part. So, they ended up figuring out that he was a burial biller. You can say these words. You're putting out the wrong word. Cody's like, so John Smith was a burial biller. It's like, yeah,

I think you missed this. I like it this way. I like it this way. This is much better. Mr. Ballin went, brew prime. Alright, I'm going to have to go back. I like it this way. This is much better. Mr. Ballin went, Brew Prime. Alright, I'm going to have to go back. I'm going to have to go back a little bit.

There were some killings called the Booper Bike Billings. Sure. Where five people were shot and killed near Spartanburg, South Carolina. In a business. In a business. There were five people shot and killed.

They've never been able to figure out who did it, who went in there. Because they were dead. They couldn't figure out who did it because they were dead. Exactly. So they killed all these people. And so a couple years later, there's a serial killer, burial builder in Spartanburg, South Carolina.

You can say serial killer. Okay, serial killer. What year, by the way? So the super bike, the boober bike, sorry. Bleed that chase. The boober bike murders happened in the early, I think it was early 90s. Yeah, it was early 90s. I was not born for the record. I was implicated in that.

That was not me. No one knew who went in and just shot all these people in this store where they sold motorbikes and they sold four-wheelers and shit like that. And here comes along. Rich in that. Bod Bolpep comes along. And he ends up having a bunch of dead bodies on his property. They're missing their feet, which no one knows that. But hey, here we are.

And they never found the feet. They never found. Yeah, they never found the feet they never found yeah they never found the feet but but there was the girl who was chained up in a con xbox not even hot xbox not even hot at all yeah she was even hot she was in a bomb xbox and i made a video about it back in 2017 18 something like that and so uh the sheriff at the time uh sheriff sheriff sheriff sheriff a sheriff comes along at the time who is the sheriff of bartonburg bounty yep and so he goes in the room with the serial killer they just called him because they found that girl in the con xbox and all the dead box and all the dead people on the property and all that stuff.

And he's like, hey, I'm trying to get re-blected again. You know what this feels like? This feels like the little awkward kid at fucking first grade who's like, hey, teacher, can I go pee in the corner? And like, yeah, great. And then he points toward the class and pisses in the corner it's like well anyways we kind of fucking told you yes but yeah like i think it's going great proceed all right so so this guy he's on trial for murdering a bunch of people on his property. He had a girl locked up. Bass birder.

Bass birder. He's on trial for bass birder. Right. And he's like, shit, I don't want to go to death row. And so the sheriff at the time goes in there and he's like, hey, if you confess to these boober bike birders, then you're not going to be on death row anymore. I like you're using pig Latin to hide something. And it's all. And so Bob bull pep at the time,

he's like, all right. Yeah, I did the booper bike murders. And then Bob bull pep isn't on death row anymore. And the new sheriff gets elected. And around the same time, after I made my video, an FBI forensics Beck-spert. I heard you say FBI clearly.

And they were like, Beck-spert. Clearly FBI. Federal Bureau of Investigation's Beckspurt. This Beckspurt hits me up via email, and she's like, hey, the way that Bob Bulbap

described these murders, he never did them. He never did the Booper Bike murders. I'm like, that's that's weird and uh so it all comes down to Bob bulb up never did the Bupa bike murders but the sheriff at the time wanted to be elected again so he got him to confess to it so he didn't go to death row and it's like a decades old bold decades old bold base yeah and it's accepted there that that's the truth you mean a politician bide to be bebected yeah he wanted to be bebected

so he bide i thought and i thought that was the truth until you told me earlier. Yeah, but this... Exactly that way. Well, that's... Yeah, it was... He told... Yeah. It was a weird... Chase in the audience, they're like,

Chase is just like, I don't know what to edit in this episode. You want to know what it's like to have a stroke? Welcome to my world. Yeah. Anyways, new sheriff, or the current sheriff was re-elected and still sheriff by bull hip

didn't go to death row because he admitted to the booper bike birders anyways that's uh i'm gonna get fucking murdered for that but you know yeah bird you get birded no you're gonna get murdered murdered no you're gonna get excuse me murdered but yeah hi unsubscribe podcast hello that's a great that's a it's a great story if anybody

could piece the part out what yeah I just like you're like the FBI Bexpert dude I am just I'm sitting there like just thinking of like the uh the dude from the hangover uh zach galifianakis just like the fucking equations going by like our audience like

there's a cold case here i'm gonna find this out i just have to change every b word i can figure this out really easily are we gonna keep any of this podcast? I mean, we got a good portion. We can keep a majority of this. Just maybe two, three minutes. I wanted to talk about just like some of the places that you guys knew together. Fuck, you went into like an active investigation where somebody still who likes

feet is fucking at large. He's not at large. No, he's in federal prison right now. And I think he got the death penalty because he admitted to the booper bike birders yeah and i think mike's feet is probably an understatement if he ingested feet maybe at some point right probably i thought it was the guy who uh i thought a guy who did other burial birders um had confessed to something he didn do, and that's where the feet were missing.

No, he already had the feet missing on his property. The feet were missing on his property. Yeah, unrelated. Yeah. Was there any more bodies showed up with feet missing? They didn't find them. But there are definitely more bodies on his property but because he because he confessed to the boober bike birders

a new bear if was belected all of this I will say, that I heard earlier from somebody who wasn't him and told him this morning. Yeah. That's all beer say. So bad for audio listeners on this episode. They're just like, they giggled a lot. Yeah. There was awkward pauses, a lot of dry humor. I don't know what's going on.

That's what I do, bud. That's why I'm here. I'm going to get booed so hard yeah it was all my money because i get booed can you come ruin our podcast would you mind flying out here and ruining our podcast yeah we'll ruin it oh fuck actually going back to your first comedy show you've done a live show right yeah we've done we've done a bunch of live shows but i just did the stand-up you did once yeah why did you never do it again that's what i said i

know i'm fucking i'm understanding why you didn't do it again you know what never right now you know no it really wasn't that long ago it was like two weeks ago honestly that i'm not even kidding yeah how'd it go yeah yeah i get it i had a lot of family there they did not care for it they did not care for it oh speaking of eli wait we go on gertie sorry i just want to know like I was like a serious question how was it doing a live show for your first one were you nervous and you're like family was there yeah no

no thanks for explaining the joke Eli I just wanted to know like actually like fucking know like hey was it hard he's rubbing off on me I'm sorry I think it's hard he said was it hard and he's rubbing off on me. I'm sorry. I think it's hard. He said, was it hard? And he said, rubbing off on me too.

Yeah. Was it rubbing off on you hard? You tell me, bud. You still haven't put your hand on my leg. Oh, it's very hard. It's your tight jeans. Yeah. You're big for your age.

You're big for your age. No, so to be clear. No, so we went on first and we did the thing with the male Karens. You guys have not seen again. Not one person has watched. It's my favorite show. Tell me your favorite part of it. Yeah? The part where you and your son walk around with the safety vests.

That's not my son, bud. You're a business partner that writes jokes with you. You guys should probably watch it um so we did that first so no i wasn't i wasn't like nervous because we'd already done that and it was i mean i knew you know you wake up in the morning and you piss excellence right and so it's just like i knew how it was gonna to go. Terrible. It went terribly. Terrible. It went terribly. It was very quiet.

It was very quiet in there. Small venue, but it was still really, really, really quiet. I could hear the cash register of people buying beers. Doing live shows is fucking terrifying. We did our first tour. We're about to do our second, but it is the most for everyone. We've never done live tour. That's why I was asking when you're getting on stage and like, I'm going to just do comedy.

That's fucking horror. It's a lot scarier than, yeah. Than being able to say something and be like, don't. Yeah. Edit that out. Cut that. Cut that. Yeah.

It's fun. I mean, it's a huge rush, right? But it's... Yeah. And I cheated a little bit, too. I had my set list sitting at the edge of the stage or whatever. Nazi joke. Kid's dick joke. You know, racial

insensitivity in general was the last part. Crowd work. Crowd work, including racial insensitivity so same set list here you just mixed up the order a bit this is all just recycled

he's just bouncing back and forth I'm like what's the next one racial insensitivity so hey guys I love those Jews right all of your bullet points are just like George Carlin's seven words you can't say on radio yeah exactly but yeah no it went terrible no no it went great it went great my son and i actually

did the single dad's kitchen live one time and that actually did not go did not go perfectly because he was supposed to come across the stage and like kind of trip and spill this whole box of like ingredients and shit all over the ground and he tripped and did it and the box landed like on its side and miraculously somehow like flipped right back up to where nothing spilled and he kind of looked at me like i was like let's just go bud i don't know we'll just carry on but it's i love doing live shit but it is like it can be nerve-wracking dude if you bomb we thankfully god thank god i don't even know if i not like i don't want to jinx it so i'll just stop the sentence or fucked either way keep going yeah it is it's still one of the most terrifying things. You're like, oh, man, if we get up there and everyone's just staring at us, we're like,

oh. But the good thing is, like, same with us, with you guys, like, it's your fans. Yeah. It's not like somebody's like, oh, shit, unsubscribe podcast. Let me go check that out. It's, you know, you're going to know the people there, right? More or less. The wives don't, but.

Whose wives? The fans. The fans' wives? Yeah. What? Fucking women. Oh, these four retards that you put on? Women don't.

I mean, come on. Who's doing comedy for what? What are you, fucking Matt Rife? Apparently, you got 8%, so... It's a little bit more than 8%, but yeah. Oh, flex on it harder. But it's mostly the 65 and older group. They love it. That's hilarious. They love mostly the 65 and older group. They love it.

That's hilarious. They love it. It's huge. They love it. My 65 and older female audience is fucking rabid. Rabid. They send me pictures. They send me nudes.

I like you can't even finish it. All the time. Yeah. No, we have a even finish. Yeah. No, I have a, we have a huge senior citizen following, mostly women. So shout out.

Esther. So sweetheart, but are you planning on doing any more live shows coming up? Uh, yeah, we, I mean, we don't have a specific plan to do it but i'm sure we i'm sure we will the i we would like to do more outside of the little fucking greenville spartanburg anderson's simpsonville area where we live so hey maybe we could collab with you guys and do it i think agreeing right now to do it on the here's the contract spot if you guys want to do it right now in fact i'll take my money up front if you guys in fact uh can you guys put my memo up our attorney jake uh said that actually any contract we sign right now is 0.08 bac way too far to actually be admissible. Is that right? Yeah.

Fuck. Perfect. So sign it over. We're good. Sign it over? Yeah. You and I are having a very weird dynamic today. It's all in your eyebrows, brother. I like the I like doing that. Very uncomfortable.

So what do you guys do for your live show? We do this. This is it. For an hour. We don't really do this necessarily. So we'll have the hosts and then two. Nick does history. Yeah, Nick does a history bit.

And then we have two guests. We always rotate in guests. And then with crowd work angry cops fucking rich knocks out of the park but we're going into bigger theaters this time which is gonna be fucking ridiculous because we have like boston san diego maybe atlanta dallas i don't know if you do atlanta i have to i gotta come to that one. Do you? Send me the paperwork. Do you? Do you?

I actually know if you would like to come to that one very genuinely, we'll send you the link to buy a ticket. Okay, I appreciate that. He's like, he brings everything down. I'm fucking stoked. I didn't get a ticket. Have you ticket served? Fuck.

But those ones are gonna be weird. I'm sure it's not sold out I can buy a ticket at the gate You can get one at the door Buy a hundred if you want We'll see When they go live we'll see We sold out last time 500 seats now we're going to 1100

Which is going to be fucking terrifying That's insane yeah that's a lot 500 dude when you walk out to Cody's probably the most nervous 500 seats. Now we're going to 1100, which is going to be fucking terrifying. That's going to be wild. That's insane. Yeah, that's a lot. 500 dude. When you walk out to like Cody, Cody is probably the most, most nervous. I can really, yeah.

Yeah. Nothing bad. It's like, it's all of us are very much introverts on not interacting. So you're not, so you're not extrovert. So you're not, you're not like outwards.

You're introverts. So you're more like inwards. Yes you're not outwards. You're introvert, so you're more like inwards. Yes, thank you. Yes, we're all inwards. You guys are huge inwards. I knew that. Chase, put that up on the screen. Yeah.

That's from the Mail Karen's videos that you guys. Could you put up a series pronunciation of that? We're going to bring you to the line. I don't want and just force you on the stage in front of fucking 800 people. I'm like, there, there. Force me to do what on the stage? Say the N words. He has the best laugh, doesn't he? He has the best laugh I've ever heard in my entire life.

That's why we have to turn that little knob down. I just figured he's so excited. The stage comes up and goes, say it. Fuck, huh? All the lights dim. Except spotlight. We brought him out to say one thing only.

Go ahead. Fuck. Where are the cameras? In Atlanta. Yeah. the cameras are in atlanta i can tell you they're not huge fans in atlanta of that of us or honestly i don't know man maybe not i don't know which which part of atlanta are we talking about like the urban part you're talking about Buckhead maybe Buckhead's a nice the urban part no

I don't I don't think so I don't think anybody lives there I think it's mostly like cardboard boxes and shit that people live in I don't think they have the capacity to watch a podcast Jesus fucking Christ right

I mean you guys keep going you're doing great you're not on train yeah you guys aren't on transistor radios you can't listen to it on that right or boom boxes probably so it's not i feel so bad for chase chase i'm gonna get so many notes show good luck with this one too again yeah it's gonna be like a three minute it's our shortest podcast it's a real twice as long but it was half as it's a real yeah you'd be surprised if we keep a lot i stand by everything i said and on that note we'll go to the after show i had a great time. I will say this was honestly one of my favorites to film.

I've enjoyed it very much. I haven't laughed that hard. There's been like three episodes where it's like actual like cackle laughing. Are we doing an after show after this? Yeah. Okay. We're doing a 10. You want me to close it out?

Yeah. Guys, thank you so much for joining the unsubscribed podcast. I was joined today by Eli Double Tap, Joe Hamrick, Brandon Herrera, myself, Donut Operator. Please check out the Patreon after show. Joe, where do we find you and your wonderful son? I'm on all platforms. Oh, my God. My voice cracked again.

We're on TikTok. We're on Instagram. We're on Instagram. We're on Facebook. We're on YouTube. Go watch our YouTube. Please, it's pathetic. We have so few followers on YouTube. I'm begging you. I'm begging you.

And you can follow Lindsey Graham on pretty much every social network. Get right behind him. He loves it. Guaranteed. Follow right behind him. We'll see you in the after show.

Kisses. Hi, I'm Tara Schmidt. You won't know what... to type. There's a lot of wild stuff out there, so we'll be keeping it science-based, research-informed, and practical. Mayo Clinic's On Nutrition, new episodes every other week, wherever you get your podcasts.