Unsubscribe Podcast - 2 - We Are Toxic Gamers

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

We have't been canceled yet, and now that's your problem. Baddie, Donut and Eli are back again talking about Ranch Water, Silver Bullets, old school gaming, dead girlfriends and how Eli was a super awful toxic child gamer.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

BAM! What's up? Welcome to another episode of Unsubscribed. This is episode 763 in the docket. Only the second one we're going to release, but... Yeah, but man, we have had some trash episodes so far that we... All of them. Just thrown away. The intern died. I didn't like him anyways. Tragic gay brothel incident.

Just spill it on. Pour water! Pour water! No, I'll take that. It's fine. Oh, no. We got Eli. Donut. Batty.

Streams. Shut the fuck up. Get out of my house. Just Batty. Just Batty. This is just Batty. All right. Uh-huh.

Sure it is. Come on, man. This is how it's going to be. This is how it's going to be. This is how it's going to be. Okay. Can I sit in the middle next time? I don't feel great. No, you can't fit.

What do you mean? That's why you're on the outside. I have lost so much weight. I have lost. My feelings are hurt. Just with the jab at Maddie every episode. Why would I jab at Maddie? You're short.

Your mustache isn't that good. There jab at batty you're short your mustache isn't that good there you go there you go mustache is beautiful the soul patch i'm not sure go get fucking kings why don't you god i'm just happy this booster set gets me up by the mic it's kind of crazy how like height you are. My feet don't touch. Just dangling like a kid right now. You ever had to sit at a bar and your feet actually don't touch? All the time.

I hate I'm the average, but in a group of six foot monsters. Yeah, dude, I get shit on in my family for being the run. I'm 6'1". I'm the run of my my dad's like six fours and my uncles are like six five and six that's spice to it oh you had oh you tried the the ranch water i was not spicy branch water the spicy one has spice really i thought you were mexican i did but i wasn't expecting it you know when you're like i'll just take a big swig hold on hold on i'm trying to get up expecting it. You know when you're like, I'll just take a big swig. Hold on.

There we go. Can you stop ruining everything? There! Oh man, that ranch water sounds crisp. Ranch water. I'm going to try one of these too. The original is good. We're just drinking.

It's not a podcast if we're not double fisting. Do I need to go get the tequila I know guys welcome to a podcast so I was told the actual like actual ranch water

is like a thing like a drink where it's just like seltzer and then tequila with some agave like that's a thing so when I was

I had to go to HEB to find these because I couldn't find them at the gas station and I was like and then I couldn't find it in the

grocery store either and I asked some random dude who was buying up way too much beer random guy at hb you bought way too much beer it was like 4 30 racks and they had a bunch of seltzers and some high it was it was a lot i'm like boys getting fucking lit on a sunday should have invited him to hate his relationship probably but i was like yeah have you heard of ranch water he's like yeah do you get out of bari it's tequila and uh seltzer and this i'm like i mean i meant like the the drink and he's like oh it's usually near the seltzers and he like walked me over next to him like oh it's right fucking in front of me he knew exactly what he did did he waddle over you i mean happily walk

over so it's usually next to the bud. I don't know where it is. Let's go check actually by the Coronas. Last week it was there. Oh, there it is. Oh, you drink a lot. He drank a lot. This one. This one is good.

The original. I do like this one. I just. Have you tried it? No. Dude, just do it. Like go in thinking it's that. And do it.

I'm going to close my eyes. I want you to shuffle them up. Okay. I know you're going to give me the spicy. No, keep them closed. Close, close, arm, close, close. Just keep going. Just keep going.

Hold on. I got to find the hole. I have a lot of trouble doing this most of the time. Big sip. Big sip. Okay, put it back. Put it back. Okay.

Okay. I'm going to shuffle it again okay okay I'm gonna shuffle it again I'm gonna shuffle it again you're gonna give me the spicy this time I'm gonna shuffle no you gave me the original now you're gonna give me the spicy

no baddie I'm gonna mix it up what did you just open I'm gonna mix it up why did you I'm gonna mix it up there's the hole

this is this one's way more full this is obviously the spicy it's a big sip big sip oh I looked see I told you not to look you've just ruined

the podcast is done no give me the spicy what are we doing I'm just going to... Big sip. Oh, I looked. See? I told you not to look. You just ruined the... The podcast is done now. Give me the spicy. What are we doing? Let me just fucking... Delete. Jamie, delete that, please. Jamie, thank you.

Phew! That's that kick. I've never drank like a spicy drink before. No, that has like a... That pepper, as you're saying. Pepper. Peppa Pig. That's good. Can I have my original back too

though? Oh, guys, we're not wearing masks. Man, that... Every time it catches me, I'll go... It's like I'm drinking cayenne pepper. Is there a topic for this one? Yeah, drinking. Drinking.

Drinking in what? Ranch water. Ranch water. Hi-ya. Hi-ya. Last week we were talking about. Last week. Last episode we were talking about.

15 minutes ago. Bad. What are you doing? I had to try. That's why I can't have nice things. It's all over the microphone. Sorry. I just tried to drink through my mask.

It didn't work. So for everyone who says you can't get COVID through a mask, shut the fuck up. Sorry. I mean, it didn't work. I couldn't get booze through it. So you can't get COVID through it. Yeah, because those are the exact same things. I mean, it's right?

Right? Guys, right? Right? Exactly. I don't know. We're just going to transition. Hold on. Nobody talk.

Okay. Definitely not editing that out. I like that technique. I just finger fucked them. I did all the booze off of it. You know what you're calling it? I saw a little twisting action at the top there. I just finger fucked the mic to get all the booze off of it. You know what you're calling it? I saw a little twisting action at the top there. I mean, I'm getting the fucking lube up.

Hold on. Sorry, it's liquid. Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone. Okay, he's still getting the booze off. He's still, it's not. You got it all. Stop it, man. It's not. You got it all. Stop it, man. It's getting weird.

I figured this week we could just talk about, like, and I'll actually say my favorite one this time, PC games. Like, what was your first, like, three PC games? What was your first PC first? My first PC? Family PC. Because obviously it was your family's PC.

What was the first? I was one of the few that didn't have a family pc how did you would you steal one bro this is what eli did okay okay first had a shitty laptop that i traded i was so good at haggling uh paintball guns back in the day i used to play paintball so i traded from from a Tippman. You remember old Tippman? 98 Customs? Yeah. Traded that to a, oh, what were those? The pig?

Carnitas? Carnitas? Are we going to Japan? This is something about pig. What was, not the Evo. The spiders? No, it was. Was it an electric gun?

It was. It was like that three to five hundred dollar price range it was between the angels and the um silver bullets shock this was before do you do you remember the silver bullet yes i had one for everyone doesn't know what a silver bullet is it's not it's not just the vibrator heather chill it's it was like an old shitty paintball gun it was like a three hundred dollar paintball gun That was my first one. God, what was it? Oh, I cannot remember. Shocker.

Shocker. Oh, there was the shockers in it. God, you remember all of those. My family owned the largest paintball field in North Alabama. My first job ever was working at a paintball course. What was it like? Fuck, this is going to piss me off now. It was so distinct on its design.

Autococker? E-cocker? Oh, that actually. You said it's electric, right? Yes, I do believe it was so distinct on its design. Autococker? E-Cocker? Oh, that actually. You said it's electric, right? Yes, I do believe it was electric. Fuck, now I cannot remember. It was like Shocker and Angel and then like Impulses were like the big ones.

I remember Impulses. We used to have a bunch. So my first job was working on a go-kart track and a paintball course, a speedball course. We sold, we rentaled. All of our rentals were almost all spiders. We had some impulses as well, though. Oh, yeah, I did trade.

That's what, I did a 10-minute to a spider, the spider then into the whatever, the next one I got, and I cannot remember. I'm going to go home and look it up and be like, there it is, there, that was the one. Insert here, editor. No, maybe it wasn't electric. It was so, God dang it. There there's no pig there's no war there's

war maybe it was an autococker autocockers are the one with the little valves and stuff on the front underneath it like little valves and tubes and stuff into the barrel yes that's not okay so i had an autococker so i traded all those were traded up to autococker took the autococker and then i had somebody offer me a laptop for uh for my autococker i was like yeah done and done and that's when i got an everquest and those games but my first pc i built was high school and i was one of the i was the only kid that had a radeon 9700 Pro. for. Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply.

Instacart. Groceries that over deliver. My first PC was like the a voodoo for dude I don't remember those old ass an EVGA I don't remember what the fuck it was though cause I remember my first PC was like the family's my grandmother actually gave us

a brand new PC for like Christmas one year for the whole family and it was like it was an HP compact Masario I remember

this fucking brick and it couldn't play Diablo 2 Lords of Destruction so I went to Best Buy with all my allowance money and shit and I bought an

amj like one of those fucking graphics cards and i snuck that bitching out like 4 a.m so i could play video games you know my parents were like well what's this new program nothing it's not porn but i had to i had to sneak a graphics card into it so I could actually play games because it just couldn't handle anything. Dude. My buddy across the street. So I didn't have a PC. It was in 2000. 2000.

I was 10? 11? Yeah. 2000, 2001. I was one of the two. Time period. I was poor as fuck. We know, Eli.

We get it. We get it. You're poor. Poor. Okay. Dirt floor. Gotcha. Exactly. Lapt exactly laptop internet didn't exist one bedroom only two beds for 14 of us I know I hate that I haven't growing up as two bedrooms

for seven people Poverty. Whole poverty over here. But like the old PCs was like, the first one I built was high school. Radeon 9700 Pro, which was like mind blowing at that time. And I forget the AMD processor and some other shit. Like 32 megs of RAM.

Megs. This is when you had a gig hard drive. It was absurd. Massive. 512 was the standard for a long time. We just ran that. Those first games it would have been EverQuest Diablo 2

and what was the other one? For me it was was Starcraft. I played a lot of Myst back in the day. Oh, Myst. Yeah, that was good stuff. That puzzle shit. I've never been so mad at a game.

I was a stupid child, so like... I mean, I'm still a stupid child. Nothing's changed, but... You're just trying to figure out these puzzles. Dude, I was so bad at Myst because I didn't want to look it up. I didn't want to spend 14 hours trying to log into the dialogue

because I was going to get yelled at for connecting to the internet when mom needed to make a fucking phone call anyways. So I just sit there like, I'm going to play StarCraft. Offline, because I can't get online. Yep, back in the day. I played, actually, WarCraft.

WarCraft 3? Yes! And you play the mods. They had Battles of Helm Deep mod. I didn't have the mods bro when do counter-strike that's what i played the fuck out of counter one point was it 1.6 yeah 1.6 that's what i played back in the before steam existed yeah it's just counter do my steam account is 17 years old oh we have no shit yeah do you have like a five digit or six digit uh number on

it check it out oh i need those those are worth money really are they yeah mine's 17 years old i got a badge for it being on there 17 years check see what what your people will like straight up buy these old school steam accounts because they're so rare yeah no check i have one of the old ones too because i have like day not daisy day day of defeat day of defeat i have your your gun you have was my favorite one on there the carbine the uh and one carbine 30 yeah yeah that was my favorite gun on day of defeat old school day that's such a cool fucking gun man that's wild so i i have a 1943 m1 carbine like like original matching barrel in chat like everything

it's fucking cool shit that's a fun still zero like I was hitting at 200 with it with a fucking 30 count what

it's got like a screw drilled into it and shit where somebody fucking tried to make a sling mount like this thing is beating the fuck

up it's so cool god bless it what was your old what was your OG computer uh gateway yes yeah like with the cow box yeah the box yeah the box was a cow beat the fuck up. It's so cool. God bless it. What was your OG computer? Gateway. Yes! The little cow box? Yeah, the box was a cow. They used to have commercials and stuff. I don't know what happened to them.

They probably got absorbed into Dell or some shit. But that was my first one. Yeah, really? I guess it turned into that. My first game that I ever fell in love with on it was Anarchy Online. It was an old MMORPG and it was set in space and it had like a lot of dune themes to it it was like a desert planet oh dude I fell

in love with that game hard and of course it was back when like a lot of people listening probably didn't even have to suffer through the 56k modem days where if someone picks up the phone it knocks you off of your raid or like whatever you're doing important in the game and then you walk back in you're fucking dead and those are those old games which it was the golden era of mmos i still think that's the golden era of mmos where it was brutal you did i didn't have i couldn't get online for most of that like i i was like brood war was my first like diablo 2 and Brood War were my first games that I was ever allowed to play online. And, like, I was, I had, like, time limits. And whenever I could play, parents were like, you need the phone.

Like, it was that shit. So, like, I missed, I didn't really get into MMOs until, wow. See, there was, like, those old, like, Anarchy EverQuest Ultima were, like, the Tarkovs. They were the Tarkovs. Oh, they were brutal. Yeah, there was no, like. I know EverQuest Ultima were like the Tarkovs. They were the Tarkovs. Oh, they were brutal. Yeah, there was no... I know EverQuest, but I just... They didn't hold your hand or anything.

You're just like, oh, you died and you left your corpse for 24 hours? All your shit's gone. Delete. There goes everything. You're literally... Everything disappeared. Guess I'm playing a new fucking game now because I ain't doing that again. Like, Anarchy, how long did it take to like max

level dude there was like level 220 so to get to max level it took a long time and there weren't guides you know there weren't many internet websites that had stuff on there yeah cheatcc.com yeah just trying to find because um to be straight cheats that most of that site was guides and not cheat codes because not every all your online games early online games, didn't have a lot of cheat codes. No. So you'd go to those. Tech space. To get your guides and shit.

And you'd be reading paragraphs and essays of how to try to beat certain bosses and shit. You'll approach two trees with three rocks. I wish I could have drawn this. It's like, dude, yeah, there's no pictures. There's a lot of two trees and rocks. Two tutorials. Yeah's no pictures. There's a lot of two trees and rocks, right? Two tutorials? Yeah, no YouTube.

And then sometimes in the guides, they would use text characters to try and do diagrams. The spacing? Yeah. They're like, I see three brackets. And you're like, which one's the tree? Which one's the fucking rock? That one's got a carrot. I think that's the tree.

I did a fucking, to get the codas for final fantasy 11 these were like the best monk gloves in the game for that for that uh time period and they were worth so much fucking money so only a like the top end monks had it you knew how to farm it but i made a guide to farm it and i literally just took a drawing that i did by my hand and then i put big birds of where the thing could spawn and i was like well when the big birds start spawning here in this little area it's a good indicator that it might spawn it has a closer time period to spawn right here and it was literally big big birds i was like i think that's good enough and then it did good people like like thanks for the guide appreciate it here's how you do that. Literally before YouTube, it was so hard finding information. Did you guys have a notebook of all your guides and cheat codes and things like that?

Oh, yeah. I had my little Pokemon notebook. It was just like the top of it. It'd be like, well, this is this game and here's all my fucking codes. Because you can always get online to check cheat CC or whatever the fucking... Or cheat or code breaker or whatever the other site. Codebreaker. The lock.

That's the fucking banner. It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka. Soda. Natural flavors. So, what should we talk about no sugar added neutral refreshingly simple to try to like remember all your fucking guides and codes

you just write that shit down by hand, every bit of it, man. You print them out. Yeah. I had, Oh, look at you. I had a printer.

I didn't. And my friends would now access to the public library. Yeah. And I did. That's what I would use. Dude. I remember those old websites. This was like early websites.

Like we're not good at building them so if you needed to print something it was like it printed the whole fucking page so it's just like hey i hope you don't have any blue ink because this website is dark blue it's printing the entire background so you'd have to be like fuck i gotta copy the text into microsoft word and be like print that but then you'd run out of black ink so you'd make your ink you're the lettering like light blue and burn through blue ink, then dark green. Yeah, Cheat CC specifically had a gray background.

And it would waste every bit of black ink. Every fucking bit of your ink. I remember it, man. I remember having a binder for Pokemon Blue, and then one for Zelda, and then one for the Anarchist Cookbook. Whoa! Yeah, I think we all had that.

I was obsessed with like that back then and i i already got my security clearance i'm not in the military anymore so i don't worry about saying this yeah i love the anarchist cookbook and i had a binder for that my parents found it one day and was like how to make a how to make lsd like look at the video game mom i didn't read that until i was like 22. Really? Yeah. I read it when I was 12.

I would just make Clorox bombs when I was young. Tinfoil and shit. I don't think we can talk about the exact... Not Clorox. What goes into it. Yeah. Yeah. There we go.

It's a bit of a bee. A lot of bees are here. Yeah. And then they go boom and it was hilarious. Bye, neighbor's cat. Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Another guy? go boom and it was hilarious bye neighbor's cat am i right what was your first big games diablo 2 lords of destruction so fun i was dude i used to sell diablo accounts like i would power level i did that with wow yeah dude i powered like if you could get any kind of account above level because it maxed out at 99, I believe.

But I would usually sell them between 92 and like 96. Because going anything higher than like 95 was like work. Like it was no longer fun. But I used to... Paladins specifically, your hammered ins. And just start spinning hammers. I remember doing that fucking constantly. What was that rock?

It was the one... It's like the best item in the game that everyone wanted i think oh man fuck the biggest thing i remember because i i always mained a sorcerer and the biggest set for sorcerers was tall rasha to the point like tall rasha's sets were fucking wild you'd be socketing gems and shit for either magic item drops or fucking vitality or crit chance oh crit farming

with fucking meteors and shit mmm that's when we didn't know about RNG and how that shit worked nope

didn't have a clue when did RNG come about it was in those games it was we just didn't know about it

like EverQuest we didn't know how any of that shit worked until recently. Like they released patch notes. It's like, oh yeah, this is how this stuff worked. And we're like, RNG.

That's where this came from. I never knew about RNG until now. But RNG is so deep on like a lot of video games. Speed running and stuff like that. You get to see how they manipulate RNG to get specifically what they want. I mean, they'll wait. They're like, oh, this dude didn't spawn three inches to the right. Reset. Because it's not even worth trying to do the what they want. I mean, if they'll wait, they're like, oh, this dude didn't spawn three inches to the right, reset,

because it's not even worth trying to do the speedrun anymore because that one character isn't exactly where it needed to be. I have no idea what RNG is. Randomly. Random number generation. Yeah, so it is an item,

because everything, it's all numbers. It's all code and shit. Oh, gotcha. Which usually that means when you have RNG, you can force what needs to happen by control inputs or anything

so that's how all like your item drop chances like in Tarkov everyone's always like ugh fucking RNG

fucked me it's cause that item didn't appear you know you're trying to kill a scav boss or a boss in a game but the boss didn't appear

on that raid or you know you have certain raids where at the end they're like oh this one big item I need

RNG fucked you cause they didn't drop that white item. It's just. But now speedrunners with certain games, they know it's like, okay, if I enter this room, I do two steps to the front, one step to the right. This indicates that RNG is now this number. So I can then get into this fight. I will get the item I need and then progress further into it. And you're like, oh, you guys are fucking, like, they break down the code. That's like old school video game stuff.

Do you remember, like, Pokemon Red and Blue? Yeah, of course. Missing No, when you'd surf up and down the side of Cinnabar Fuck Island. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you'd get Missing No. And then you could do certain fucking patterns to get him to turn into certain Pokemon. Yeah. Because he was that broken string of code of numbers.

It was the one with the garbled picture, right? And you would go on the screen off the screen you would just keep going back and forth i remember that dude that was on gcc.com missing number he made me a level 255 muck yep my muck was just like i would just fight whoever and my friends like let's fight like okay my muck's just like dead because you're like max levels 99 or 100 in that case he He was like, I'm broke. Just standing there punching kids in the face. Yeah, it was always up to 100, and then it would be 255,

because that was like the max number sequence in the string. It was 0 through 255. That was just like your numbers. And it would cap you at 100 or 99, and then skip to 255. And if you got a 255... Your character's so broke. I remember there was also a thing where it would go negative or 256. Maybe it was 256, not 255.

Either way, you would get a Pokemon that was too high of a level, and it would have rolled back into the negative, so your damage wouldn't... You wouldn't be able to do damage, or you'd just die instantly, because technically you were in the negatives when you start.

It's always those weird video games. When we played... When a troll god i was such a wait when fantasy star fantasy star online that was the one with the little dude that would follow you around like the original destiny the original ghost yes yes did you play that i played it on xbox actually xbox uh when yeah it came came out that was when I first got on Infinity Star Online man holy fuck I loved that game that was MMO it was like you had your big room

your lobby you had public lobbies then you could go into like fights or whatever with four people four they weren't raids what were they

like missions yeah missions because it was four levels yeah but there was public lobbies and that's where you could type oh my god you could chat

that was the first chat dude be like yo any chicks in here? ASL. What's up? I will always remember the character Blackula that was always in all the servers I went to because he'd hang out there. It was just this dude. He walked around. His name was Blackula, and I would always chat with him.

But the other people I would troll because Casey and me figured out how the numbers roll over. If you did GameShark and you did a weird... Casey would just mess with the codes in order to get it to reset health so you'd heal people and it would reset them and kill them. That was a good clap. I have a clap like a motherfucker.

I don't have the clap though. Just a clap. Good thing the hospital hospitals right there guess who's editing this video to make it sound perfect I have I have clap though there's any penicillin sponsors out there ranch water oh what game was i talking about but oh oh fantasy star with a star line you yeah so you're rolling over so if you healed people it would kill them when you die in fantasy star you drop your shit it's gone you're just like bam bam bam so i kill you kill your teammates and then you take their stuff i I thought there was a cooldown.

Wasn't there a cooldown before you could take your teammates' stuff? Not, oh, gee. Oh, gee, it was like kill their weapon and their money drop. So I just snagged those really quick, and you just heal everyone. So then they're like, what the fuck? And you would be like, yo, come here. Give me my stuff back. And you're like, meet me in town.

I'll give it back. And then you wait, and then once they go into the teleporter and you see them start to teleport back, you heal them again, and it crashes their game, so it erases all their items then. Discover the magic of BetMGM Casino, where the excitement is always on deck. Pull up a seat and check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer. From roulette to blackjack, watch as a dealer hosts your table game

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1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. You were terrible. I was the worst troll ever. I mean, in case you would do this, like, and you would see how people would react to the situation. God, I was

a dickhead kid. You're still a dickhead. Nothing's still a dickhead nothing's changed i'm nice to him yeah you're nice to don't you lost weight you look good baddie you look really good yeah see we'll just hold it we'll just hold that last comment let you but no those kids would like you'd see them coming. You'd make children cry. Yeah, and then you'd go hang out and you'd see people cry.

You kids are fucking brutal. Do you think of the shit we did when we were kids? My son's mean to me. Did you hear the dead girlfriend line he threw at me? Yes. Oh, my God. My 17-year-old Steam account is named after my girlfriend in high school who died in a car wreck. And so I don't know what we were talking about. was there yeah it was a brunch wasn't it yeah it was on brunches because i was yeah we were we weren't even talking about like we weren't even

ragging on him or anything i think we were just talking about nerd shit and he just brought up i remember this time he had a dead girl well he was like well at least my steam account isn't named after my dead girlfriend and he just looked at me dead in the eyes. Like a little part of me died that day. He needs to not hang out with all these guys anymore. John shouldn't hang out with me and Eli and Batty and Matt Best and JT. Oh my God. I feel bad for the kids he has to be around that try to pick on him.

He just destroys their souls. He's never going to like a bully or fighting kids because he's just going to tear them apart with his words and that's even worse. They'll go home and cry. He tears his whole pops apart every day. You're fat, John. Your dad touches you and walks off.

How did he know? John's like, you remember scoutmaster kevin oh my god i got dark uh but yeah those old video games that like that you'd see people react to it because that was before and they come back into the room and they'd be like hey what's up i remember my favorite one was a dude like i came back, same username, same character. He was like, hey, would you like to play a game? I was like, I just took your shit. I don't know what you're talking about.

That must have been someone else. That's some sweet gear you have right there. That's yours. It's your gear. We should go do a mission together. Nah. Actually, you think this is going to work? I'm going to go do this mission with you and then the other guy was like look outside i called the sega police super serious my dad owns microsoft it's one of those like my dad works at nintendo

kids like look outside sega police right there if you don't give me my stuff back right now they're gonna arrest you I used to do that in Diablo 2 PvP matches you take people killing people like you step outside of town

in like a PvP zone and you just fucking murder somebody and then all their stuff was stuck out there yep damn and anytime they try

to go get their stuff you just pop out of a bush nuke them again just a pile of their own fucking ears cause that's how you collect in PvP in Diablo

oh man oh I was mean Starcraft I was so good at the original Starcraft when I finally started getting online

actions per minute did you have do you ever see the Korean kids play it and they do like 400 actions per minute and their hands are just doing this

I'm dumb white ginger good like oh okay not Asian good big difference Eli I'm not white ginger good. Oh, okay. Not Asian good. There's a big difference. Eli? I'm not good at that. You're not?

Not at that. You didn't do, you weren't into RTS? I was never, dude, like League, I thought League was an RTS until I started playing it. I was like,

oh, this is kind of like an RTS. I played, as I said, not Diablo 3, but Warcraft 3, which was fun for the mods and everything like that but i was never a huge rts guy dude age of empires gold edition yeah that was my life i played the fuck out of it it was age of empires 2 i believe was was the gold edition that was my holy shit i sank so many hours into that dumb fucking game that's when gandhi goes nuclear right

no that was civilization there was the bug it was a bug with like sip three right or sip four it was three or four i think where gandhi because he was supposed to be super passive for whatever reason no it was a war it was a reset that happened that why. Because it wound backwards to max aggression. It's always those reset. See, that's how you cheat stuff. Reset the numbers. And then that happens. That's what happened with Gandhi.

It was going to be really annoying. That came with the game. It was just happening. It was broken. We'll make Gandhi super passive and we'll be good. So then you progressed. It reset his aggression because he was, like, super low until it went to 99. It rolled 99.

Yeah, and then he's like, I need nukes. And he just drops them on everyone. Gandhi just nukes you? Yeah. I think it was Civ 3 or 4. I don't remember. But, yeah, that was – Civilization was another one of those games where I – like, I still play Civ 5 and Civ – a lot of people don't like civ six as much but i i said five i've played

like what was it called oh my god the the long version of the game where you could turn up to like so turns you know like a single thing would normally take like five turns it would take like 300 turns to make something jeez how many hours What's the game that you sunk most hours in? World of Warcraft. How many hours? Oh, days and days and days, man. You're looking at like 30 to 60 days. Yeah, like a lot.

My first character, my first account got banned actually because I used to, you said you used to sell, what did you sell? Diablo 2 accounts. Yeah, I would sell World of Warcraft accounts in Vanilla Well.

I would buy a character to 60 and sell it for like 400 bucks. So by botting, I would turn this program on and my character would run around all night and just kill things and loot, kill things, loot, loot, while I'm not even at the computer, which is very frowned upon. And so I sold like, damn, I made like four grand in high school off of selling World of Warcraft accounts. But I made the mistake of not closing my botting software one time and opening my primary account. I had since like day three of Vanilla.

And it was my, I had the most powerful shadow priest on the server on Bloodscalp, like highest PVP rank. And I logged on and I was on there for five minutes and went boop. And I'm like, oh shit. I look at my, like what I have open. I'm like, oh, shit. I look at what I have open. I'm like, oh, fuck. The botting software is open. So, like, my baby account. How old were you?

I was 14 or 15. Yeah. Soul ending. Dude, this is – I'm never going to recover from this. Dude, I had the best gear on the server. But, I mean, that's what I get. That was the risk I had taken. I was just stupid about it.

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That just hurts the soul to even think about. Thankfully, that never happened like EverQuest or anything. I never lost an account like that. I give them away at the end. I think an account like that. I was just like, I'd give them away at the end. I think we discussed that before, where you're just like, I know my Final Fantasy 7 or 11 dude, whoever got all my shit, because there was multiple,

those dudes got, they got paid. Just turn my level to unknown, and then just strip my guy naked, and just walk around, be like, hey, could you guys help level what? They'd be like yeah come on buddy but what weapon should i get we'll come to this little thing but where is it and

they're like oh come here they follow me they're like i'm like well these level four gauntlets look really cool i can't afford them like man here's three thousand gil go buy them i'm like okay thank you so much here's five hundred 000 codas because they're like the best i can't i can't take this dude no i can't why are you giving these i was like they're yours man and that's how i just like throw money around they'd be like why are you giving me two million go i can't you just watch the reaction like just uh well thank you so much i don't know what to say thank you thank you thank you like you're I don't know what to say. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Like, you're welcome. Somebody else.

They didn't. No, they probably just took that shit. So this is after you were a dick to everyone on Star. I had to redeem that. Yeah, you had to build your karma after killing people and crashing their game. Young Eli

needed to redeem himself. Reign it in a little bit. I mean, EverQuest, I didn't do too much. We do... No, never mind. I was a shithead in EverQuest. Never mind. That cost time and effort into people's lives.

That was like... I think we talked about it. Half a bubble of experience when you're in the higher levels is you're looking at like five to seven days when you die never quest you lost experience right you lost a half a bubble which is five to seven days of grinding yeah yeah i remember this shit and i was just like i know i do at lower levels it's not that bad but it's still work but i would be like well i'm going invisible and i'm going to run by the specters in this low level area i'm going to train all of them to do the noobs and you have four specter i think it was four these four specters are level 46 because they guard the tower and you're in a level 10 to

20 zone how do you remember this so perfectly like i remember a lot and you just run by invisible if you didn't hit them they would hit anyone else along to try to kill you so i just run by them and they couldn't catch me and i just be like where are all the noobs at you run by them and you have you just and they're like fighting these orcs they're like okay jonathan heal me i need and then a level 46 mob comes i'm like death death death death and then i just run to the zone and zone out i'm like and then i go back and just be like who trained the specters because they can't see you because i was invisible oh man i love everquest back in the day that's how anarchy online worked too and if you go into a dungeon everyone's in the dungeon

i was never this bad yeah so like i would be like hey man can i join your your team they'd be like no go away noob and so i would uh i was hey, man, can I join your team? They'd be like, no, go away, noob. And so I was a fixer, and you could turn on speed buffs, and I would run to the very end of the dungeon, pull every mob. I'm talking like 300 mob train, and then run past them at the front, like wherever they're at, and be like, fuck you guys,

and then run out of the dungeon and instance out. And so all the mobs would stick at the front of the dungeon, and they would turn, and they would look at that team and just that's exactly like every question you train them to the zone wall and when they like you zone out all the mobs at the zone was like all right we forget about death and they would just start murdering on the way back oh my god i have because they would they wouldn't disappear. They would reset themselves back to where they were standing. And so they would just walk.

So they would go follow the path you took back to where they were supposed to be passing every single person in the dungeon. Y'all are terrible humans. Killing everything.

They should have let me on their team. And you walk back in and you're like... Did you guys die? What happened? What happened? Weird.

Should have let me on your team. I feel like I was the noob that got bullied by you guys like i didn't do anything this bad like holy fuck like diablo 2 pvp like that was something else but oh my god next level with that fuck man yeah we used to be i mean that was that was how it was hey man noobs would Noobs would be like, hey, can I have some platinum? Of course, it was frowned upon to ask for platinum. Even to inspect somebody, you would ask to inspect somebody.

It was such a weird thing. I remember that. Yeah, yeah. You had to get permission to inspect other people's gear. Well, you could do it automatically, but it was rude. I thought it was a request. Really? Mm-mm.

It was rude if you did it. So people would back up and be like, yo, what the fuck are you doing? They'd get up and move their character back because you inspect her without looking so you'd always ask permission it was fucking really weird so but when noobs would come in they'd be like i didn't platinum you'd be like oh yeah fuck yeah i got a lot of platinum how much do you need like okay like how do i trade slash d in my name like d vinda did it her like uh joe schmoe challenges you to a duel do you accept yes kill him then you're like there you go there's your platinum and you walk away piss on him

you god that's like such a like as bad as it got for me. Hey man, how do I do this in Starcraft? Yeah, I'll F4 real quick, bro. Classic. It's funny when kids come into your chat on Twitch and still try to get you to do that. That joke is so old. I was there when the magic was written, witch. I was there when the magic was written, witch.

There's the first t-shirt. You are Noah. The Ten Commandments were made for you. they were handed down to me by my older brother when he gave me his games it's like we were trolling 15 years before these kids were even thought of they didn't even know god dude uh then baddie just is like i wasn even that bad. I was just like playing video games. Dude, I wasn't like, even then, I mean, we get into like the early Call of Duty days. Like Call of Duty 2, like early console gaming. So I went from PC stuff to console because I just couldn't afford a better PC to keep up with PC gaming. So I was like, I got an Xbox.

I started working. I did console shit. And, you know, I had my voice chat bans from all the Xbox Live when I'm being reported. I had some words for their mothers. Let me tell you why. Every time. God, I never got Xbox. I took a hiatus from consoles.

The Xbox 360. I don't think I touched that or PS3. You mentioned you traded a paintball gun for a laptop. Yeah. I did too. I traded a paintball gun for a PlayStation 2 though. Oh, dude, PlayStation 2. That was how I got my first PlayStation.

Because I always used to borrow or use my buddy's PlayStation to play like Final Fantasy and things like that. Because I was a nintendo guy and 64 gamecube um and then i moved over to playstation playstation 2 then xbox xbox 360 and it was like man i was rude yeah that's why i'm glad the internet didn't exist yeah to the degree i not me i never said anything that bad youtube didn't exist yes facebook any of that stuff god the emo things i would have posted probably dude my myspace was like a gold mine for emo pictures yeah i did that to myspace i wish i wish i had them at one point like back in like 2014, I finally went back and deleted it all. But for the longest time, man, I remember – because I had my Mohawk back then. This was pre-Armian.

There was just a picture of me wearing a glove that I had soaked in lighter food and lit it on fire. Oh, God, man. It was a train horse. Dude, I was – like I was trash, man. I was such a scene kid, like lip ring that i had done my mohawk oh yeah you were an ethot i mean i wish i i dreamed to be i definitely wasn't but i wish i was i don't think that word existed back then there's no way it did i mean now i am i i've i have achieved my goal of being a thought i believe i think so right think so, right? Yeah? We all have.

I think so. I mean, definitely. You have. Yeah. Click of the teeth. What all the hot dudes do. Games, guns, and guys. Here we are. Ranch water. I don't even know what we had, like, what? PC, PC, here we are in ranch water I don't even know what

we had like what PC, PC, PC and now the PCs we have are all of us just have monster PCs so we can play what we want when we want and now we have Tarkov, Tarkov

COD and then we don't branch out much now. I'll do the flavor of the week. Like, what a new game. Like, I did Cyberpunk when it dropped. Like, Cyberpunk was fun. I had so much. People fucking raged over that shit. I had so much fun playing Cyberpunk.

I didn't beat it. I didn't play that much of it, actually. Really? Mm-mm. I still haven't played it. I haven't played it. I had a blast playing it, man. It wasn't a Witcher.

Witcher 3 was like. See, you can't. I mean, you're right. Of playing it, man. It wasn't a Witcher. Witcher 3 was like... See, you can't... I mean, you're right. Of course it's not. You can't compare a futuristic game to a fucking medieval game. Like a fantasy versus sci-fi. They're different. They'll never...

Yes, it's the same developer, but it's just not the same type of fucking games. What? I didn't realize that. Shut the fuck up. I didn't even... Hi-ya! Hi-ya! How about that Henry Cavill all right dude guys how many times I've watched the witcher it's a good fuck like that's the best part of it him saying fuck fuck fuck it's so good and when isn't the next season coming out this year I hope so

I'm almost positive it got pushed back because of COVID but I cannot fuck you away I've read the books I'm a book nerd when it comes to that shit not like a Dred Stoward and Forgotten Realms book nerd

shut the fuck up Eli but just books in general I read a lot of books i used to have a library before i moved i threw away all my books before i moved so i have a kindle uh i broke my last kindle get another one probably should it saves them all it's nice to just have that one book like literally it's just this it looks and feels like paper and you're just like that that nice like off to and can read it in the middle of the night. Do you have a Kindle? No.

I have books. Kindle. Fucking nerd. Real paper. When you can compress everything into like a small fucking book. And the fact that it doesn't hurt your eyes to read. It's so nice. Witcher books.

Can you look at hentai on those? I mean you could read hentai on those? I mean, you could read hentai. I think. The tentacle slowly wrapped around her leg. Oh, my God. We need to read fucking. What's it called? Fan fiction.

Fan fiction. Like the Sonic the Hedgehog fan fiction. Some of the bad ones are so good. It's like, Sonic has saved Peach. Peach looks down at Sonic's hard cock. Sonic says, why don't you grab it princess like there's actually like fan fiction about this stuff and you're like what the fuck promise i'm not that fast exactly can somebody write fanfic about me eli and donut thank you we'll read it. I will read it.

Batty looks down at both Eli's and Donut's cocks and gets on his knees and says, I've never had two hot dogs at once. I just never really know that I'm taller than Eli. Ranch water. Ranch water. Oh, glizzy. Oh, god dang it. But yeah, those old...

Fuck, I just went off. The Witcher books are really good. And that's what people were surprised going into the series. They were like, this isn't the video game. This isn't the video game. Which I will say, they did a very terrible job at conveying the timeline. See, I didn't have an issue with the time skips. Because you knew the fucking book.

As a director, you should go i have an issue when it comes to watching tvs and movies of over analyzing shit like i am terrible to watch tv or movies with because you've seen me when we watch mandalorian i'm like this that look at these little things all these little enjoyed it so as soon as like the witcher started they did that first time so i'm like that was the time skip yeah immediately and not because i knew the lore because i i am a psychopath when it comes to analyzing tv shows and movies which is like but it was they definitely made it hard like the witcher is something you watch twice yes because they skipped it where it was like going in if you didn't read the books and you're like what are these time skips everyone stays the same age age. Because they don't explain, like, witchers, wizards.

They don't age like that. They don't age. And then you had Dandelion not aging either. Not much. He, they didn't show, Dandelion should have been the only thing that they aged more than they did. Exactly. And that's what they did. He did, but not enough.

But on that series, it's like, oh, this is how many years ago. But there was also, like, fuck, five different timelines running through. And Dandelion was in fuck five different timelines that running through and dandelion was in the last two timelines that were close together so there wasn't that much you what you needed to pay attention to what was that the king the the king guy that had that fucked his sister the og one no i don't remember his fucking name anywhere i'm too ranch water banister are we talking about Game of Thrones that transition right there but yeah

Game of Thrones I'm super excited for season 2 that is one of my and coming out anytime now

anytime now well COVID fucked up filming think about how many good movies came out this year

there was or last year no movies came out almost yeah I mean anything creative like video games too man like video game studios were completely it is like i've been sitting on my couch and been like man why the fuck is there nothing new to watch then it clicks i'm like oh yeah that thing oh yeah everything's fact yeah the whole hbo is releasing like five movies at one time though dune dune's gonna come out the same day as like a bunch of other movies but fuck everything else dune's coming out shit yeah it's a two-part movie right good i don't i think it's i think it's a two-part

movie i think dude the worm in the trailer have you seen the trailer for the new dune no dude danos is gonna josh brolin going to be in it and like Aquaman what's his name Jason Momoa is going to be in it like there's a lot of big people in it it's going to be fantastic I mean I hope it is because if it's not

who's the director HBO does good work though they're not like they have a good studio behind them we're not like Game of Thrones yeah well that was those two

last two seasons of Game of Thrones that was those two directors that just shit D&D yeah D&D was those two directors that just shit the bed on. D&D? Yeah, D&D. Literally D&D. They just shit the bed on. The last episode made no sense whatsoever.

I just like you have this slow fucking build up. The slowest fucking build up. No. We're not going to end this on a terrible note. Okay, we'll do that next time. No! It was trash. Let's move on

and talk about how much Eli loves me. Okay. Well, next episode will be in a week and that will be a fun one. We'll be talking about anything else than what Batty just said.

Brought to you by Ranch. Not really, but... Maybe? i don't know if they officially sponsor us yet but we like ranch water no they just messaged me they're like you guys want some free ranch water i was like yeah so do they sponsor us i don't know after this episode especially after the sonic the hedgehog fanfic we just forced a sponsorship onto our company. We do not align with their beliefs. BRCC joining. We're also sponsored by Well.

Okay, you close it out this time I love you guys say it back say it back love you man thanks guys