Unsubscribe Podcast - 21 - HOW ARE WE NOT CANCELLED YET? ft. Caleb Francis & Angry Cops

Episode Date: July 26, 2021

BADDIE'S MIC BROKE WHEN WE STARTED SORRY NEW EPISODES MON/WED (ok this isnt true we suck, leave us alone) We probably got AngryCops fired. Probably. We blame Caleb. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh! Okay! Hi, everyone! You didn't drink it after you opened it. Did you just open it and put it down? Yeah, he did. What are you drinking? Um, ranch.

Today, I'm drinking a delicious ranch water, brought to you by the delicious cascading waters of where that one female soldier was found. Lone River. Oh! I'm guessing it's Lone River. Poor Hood? Mm-hmm.

Was there only one? Wasn't there a bunch of people? Well, that's how we're starting this off of, and ranch water associating with it. That's a great way to get us. Hi. Oh, no. Do you want to taste? I told you I was going hard.

Tequila. In the paint. Booze. And deadwood. In a single drink. Do you know what it's like to drink the soul and literal miniature molecules of a passed away soldier who has passed away in most heinous

of ways? Drink ranch water. And you will gain their spirit. Man, so we had a solid 21 episode run. And I'm happy. I'm in a pretty good place. This is the one. Today is the one. Subscribe!

I can make everybody forget about the last 30 seconds with the power of a dragon's penis. Would a dragon's penis have a dragon's face on its penis? I carved it into the base. For those who don't know, Rich came over to my house. Hi, Acre Cubs is here. He found a...

A petrified dragon's penis. And now I'm a wizard. I'm very good at wizardry with all the penile implants. Is that a dragon's tooth behind you, Matty? Yeah. That is the shittiest dragon's tooth I've ever seen. It's like a child in kindergarten. They were like, make it a molar.

However, this penis is very real. I don't know what's happening. Rich is holding a fake dragon head sconce thing with a light on it. It's a wiener. It looks slightly phallic shaped. Could be. I'm loading it with magic. Okay, this being said,

let's start. Okay, first off, we got angry cops. We got Rich. The angry cop. The angry cop and Angry Drill Sergeant. Not to be confused with Mike the Cop because we look identical. No, you don't look. You're just both bald. That's it.

And white and cops. Identical. One of you gets what I said. One of you gets way better engagement than the other. Mike does. Oh, no. And then we have, what's your name again? Jeremy.

Jeremy. Jeremy. Nice to meet you. That was so sweet. I like it. Jeremy, you's your name again? Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy. Nice to meet you. That was so sweet. I like it. Jeremy, you do weird handshakes. That was really fingertip. Jeremy's a dainty shaker.

Jeremy, you're huge in the OF thing. Yeah. Yeah. I do a lot of OnlyFans. Oh, we can say that here. Oh, we can say it? Yeah. You can say OnlyFans on a podcast.

Yeah, but yeah. It's not like TikTok or Instagram or YouTube. YouTube doesn't like it. Oh. You can't say that here. Oh, we can say it? Yeah, you can say OnlyFans on a podcast. Yeah, but – It's not like TikTok or Instagram or – YouTube doesn't like it. Or YouTube or – Oh. You can't say that? Not true. Maybe we'll just –

We're going to bleed that out. Maybe just block this out. Yeah, that one thing that I said. YouTube, I still would still – Yeah, you can – OnlyFans! Just linking to your OnlyFans? Linking, saying anything.

They do not like that. Like to link to it from like an Instagram or TikTok, you have to have a link tree with then a link in it and even then it's still kind of how do all these female twitch gamers make money then well the twitch twitch twitch bro i mean they'll pay all kinds of money just to hear you say they're nice wait hold we're gonna okay caleb francis he does tiktok we got baddie streams he streams video games he's known as baddie streams we call him baddie streams because why bad Batty? Because I'm verified on Twitter now. Just shut the fuck up.

What's your IG? Mine? Yeah, what's your Instagram handle? No, what's your Instagram handle? Flex. Batty. He didn't get Batty on... Of course I didn't get Batty on Instagram! You know how many bitches out there have fat asses

or took batting before I could choose batty with underscore what's a great other scores daddy streams well it's still Betty mystery and they won't just call me bad they always now everybody's home yeah now everyone comes doesn't hurt at all actually just set that in with the power

it's gonna be here just prompt. We have carrot. I can make sure that all the thoughts and all of Instagrizzles no longer use the term baddie or that whenever people think of baddie streams, they think of the redjacket. That's a good. That's a good option. Baddie streams. Okay.

This is baddie streams all over making the wall sticky. Okay. Betty streams all over, making the walls sticky. Okay, we got Ranch Water, dead soldiers. And then we got... Me? Twitch streaming. Girls make money because have you ever watched... You've never seen... Yes, ASMR.

You haven't seen ASMR. You haven't seen... I haven't seen ASMR. Hot tub streams? Oh, trash. A lot of them got banned recently. I've seen one hot tub stream. The ear whispering stuff? Is she still banned, Amaranth?

So it was the yoga ear whispering, right, Batty? You know that there's naked yoga on YouTube? Oh yeah, it's crazy. Straight up spreading ass cheeks, booty hole touching naked yoga on YouTube. Anybody can watch it. There's birthing videos. There's like

doctor dissection videos. You can see a boobie about any way you want on YouTube. I like your go to's on our birthing videos. He said naked yoga. Sexual if you want that good vagina. If you want the big boobies that are full of milk. Naked yoga. I mean, it's just... Sexual. Well, when those...

Yeah, if you want that good vagina. If you want the big boobies that are full of milk. Those milkers. Those mommy milkers. Mommy milkers. That's the freshest mommy milkers you're ever going to see. So, yeah. So, if you're a little kid and you're trying to find boobies one way or another, you can

go to Google and type in birthing videos. I'm really sure the faa is going to not like what you just said hello young children do you want to know where the boobies are yeah yeah i feel like i'm in an m&m video they love me now they're like hell yeah the little kids yeah you shouldn't that's not a good thing mommy birthing videos on youtube i'm just gonna crop the video so that the tops show me their tits and the bottoms are the yoga. I don't see the baby come out and get shit on. I just want to see the big boobies. I'm still a police officer, so I cannot be associated

it's me under arrest you're under arrest I said good day I said good day he just walks all the way out completely leaves oh well I guess he really did leave oh wow he without actually broke his TOS

did I really say something and without the power of a dragon's penis I was unemployed. I mean, if you get fired, I'll send you the dragon's penis. I have no issues just sending you the dragon's penis. And I'll send you some videos. That's cool.

It'll be up my ass when I hang myself. I'll send you the links to some really good birthing videos. Are you getting that? The text, remember this winky face? Yeah yeah it got me fired my dm is just filled with like youtube like some early videos you see this yeah yeah i have yeah did you know that there are naked yoga videos and birthing videos on youtube there you go why don't you do a little research real quick? Get back to us in the comments.

Yeah, that's pretty cool. Let us know. I don't know what camera to look into, but if you are not over the age of 18, do not look at those videos. We suggest highly that you have. Ignore your parents. Yes. What? Ignore your parents?

You say ignore your parents? Dude, we are so liable. We are so liable on here. Have your parents type it in. This is a satire. Good one. This is satire. What?

This is science. No, it's satire. It's satire. This is not a legitimate conversation. This is puberty. This is how puberty happens. No, it's science and how children are born. All of Utah is going to sue us.

True, yeah. It's just scientific. What better way to learn about the birds and them bees than to watch some random woman splurt out a child and poop and shit in the tub? With your parents. Oh, yeah, watch them with your parents. That's what we said. With our parents.

No, you said bring your parents in like a weird way. Not like, hey, let's make sure that adults are present. You're like, hey, bring your parents. Hey, dad, I'm stuck. Bring your parents. This birthing video is on. Oh, no, stepdad. Why are we watching another birthing video?

Hey, son. I got there for the first five. I don't know what I'm getting more. You can't keep videotaping me when I poop in the tub with gallon jugs of milk to me saying, Mommy milkers, as I open up the cabs. Please stop. Dad, please. I love that now the viewer is hooked no matter what.

Everybody's just like, Mommy milkers, Mommy milkers, Mommy milkers. Yes, they're all Googling all this stuff. Yes, yes. Naked yoga, yes. Birthing videos, yes. It's going to be about gaming, and all of a sudden one man, yes. Naked yoga, yes. Birthing videos, yes. It's going to be about gaming and all of a sudden one man is afraid of being arrested even though he's a cop and everybody else

is super cool telling young children to go look up Almost Porn. Duh, easy. I mean, we just had really grainy videos on channel two at three in the morning. You're straight up saying, you want to see some fat tits, kid? I hope you like to see them fat preggle titties this is a miracle of birth but of course he could beat off to it you won't grow up to be a psycho this is how we're creating a generation of serial killers

hey i saw this really sweet stream when I was seven years old, and now I like to go to truck stops and kill hookers and scream Mamie Mommy milkers. They were already going to be serial killers. No, we helped. We're just helping them get identified. You're right. They led to the edge, and then we pushed them over. We shouldn't be held liable.

Oh, fuck. Welcome to the... By we, I mean you. You all did this. I am protesting. We've never had this type of episode. Yeah, until you got here By we, I mean you. You all did this. I am protesting. We've never had this type of episode. Yeah, until you got here. No, we absolutely have.

No, we absolutely have. Perhaps it was the power of the dragon penis. Could be. Can you pick up the dragon penis one more time? Just one more. We really need it. This phallic member has told us that we need to talk about big mommy milk kids. So the first thing you thought...

It's very easy to turn on a dragon's penis. First, you have to touch the crystal just right and spit on it. My god. It's worked. Okay. Batty, could you hand me the blue... Don't say what it is. The blue creature.

Do it anyway. Right there. Rich, explain this. Huh? What is this? The head of a dragon's penis. Oh, no. Explain it. What is that?

It's a creature from... Oh, I actually know what this is. Yeah. We talked about this. Yeah, this is one of the few creatures from D&D that I actually know. It's like an all-seer or a seeker or a viewer or a gazer. It's something like that. Gazer. An all-seer and a gazer, both things.

It's a beholder. Beholder. Beholder. A gazer is it's something like that. Gazer. It's an all-seer and a gazer, both things. It's a beholder. Beholder. A gazer is a smaller version of that. Yes. Yeah, he actually, when we first showed up and he was making fun of my entire room, he told me he knew what that was. That's amazing coming from the dragon's penis to that.

He's like, oh, this is a beholder. This is a beholder, and this whole room reeks of virginity. But with one magic wand, oh, my powers aren't strong enough. Perhaps the dragon penis seems to be stroked. You don't warm it up. If we all spit on it,

right? With our spit combined. It's going back! We need you a uniform spit on the shaft of the dragon speed. Go, Betty, go. And with its glorious goo, we're now shielded in a protective force of virgin idiom. Imperatral by sluts, thots, and onlyfans. And schmonlishmans. Schmonlishmans. Onlyfans. Yeah, onlyfans. And onlyFans. You can't say that word. Oh, no. We're past the... And Schmoney Schmans. Schmoney Schmans.

Okay. OnlyFans. Yeah, OnlyFans. And OnlyFans. Not friends. Friends. Yeah. Yeah.

God damn it. Yeah, this is... I mean... Do you guys remember when we talked about video games? No. I don't. I've never watched this. I'm fully employed.

Not for long. No, after this one, you're good. Nice. No, Eli, you're employed. You have a job. I have multiple. I love you. Love you.

It's been so long. Yeah, it's great to be back. It's nice to have somebody here like you. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm glad that everybody's here. It's just so good. even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first

three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. Yep. If we got rid of him, would anyone notice? Yeah, probably. You might, but I mean that side of the table will.

Rich, What? Yeah, probably. You might, but I mean that side of the table will. Yeah, for sure. Rich. Huh? Okay. Video games. I don't even know where you start. Why are you letting go? Wait, give me that. We have his background. We don't watch anime. You watched Toonami back in the day.

I watched Toonami back in the day. I started off with Toonami back in the day. I watched Toonami back in the day. I started off with Toonami back in the day. Are you asking me? This is a nerd cast. A nerd podcast. It's dicks and games. I stroked off a dragon penis. It's a nerd podcast.

Now we transition to the video games. Okay. Video games. I've played some. Yes. What? Okay. No, no, no.

I gotta know. What? So, anime. What? Okay. No, no, no. I got to know. So, anime. First anime ever. That you jerked off to. Oh, first that I jerked off to? Okay. Yeah, we grew up with Toonami.

So, it was one of two. Oh, that rotated on its own. You pulled that string. I thought it was The Power of the Virginiton. Balma or Faye Valentine? I don't know what you're talking about. Cowboy Bebop girl or Dragon Ball girl with blue hair? Oh, Dragon Ball Z.

You know what? I was too innocent to jerk off to Dragon Ball Z when I was younger. I wasn't. Were you ever? No. You chose Chi-Chi, didn't you, you fucking weirdo? Chi-Chi. Why do I know that name?

Oh, I know Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi was like the mom. No, she didn't. Chi-Chi. Why do I know that name? Oh, I know Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi was like the mom. No, she didn't. She was just sad. She was angry a lot. She's kind of a buzzkill. Yes, absolutely. Always sad and worried. You're like, I can't be attracted to you if you're worried about the guy

that kills everybody. Think about life right now. It's daddy. Cowboy Bebop. That girl. Faye Valentine. And then Inuyasha. There was like a hot sauna scene where the tops of the titties and a lot of cleavers

was out. And I was just like, Inuyasha's looking through the woods and being like, oh my god. Kingo! Yeah, sure. I like it's one specific moment, which I mean, you probably recorded that moment. I mean, it's in my brain. Like, yeah, I saw that. I was like, there's almost a titty.

And I was like. Almost a titty is just as good as full titties. Oh, yeah. As a little boy. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I have a lady friend and I tell her this all the time because she likes to flash me and

like shake her tits around, which is normal and great. And maybe not normal for us. And so I live a wonderful life. This sucks. So she does this. And I had to like scold her the other day. I'm like, listen, honey. I go, if you just shake it and go, hey, I go, you take away like what makes them great.

And that's that I can't see them all the time. So be like a little bit more shy with them. And I'm going to want to see them a lot more. And I'll be very excited when I do see them. Hear that, lady friends? Flash your guy friends. Micro bikinis. We love them. Micro bikinis or get out of the shower with your hands

hands over the hand block. If my girlfriend walked out of the shower and just dropped her towel no towel, just walked out of the shower naked I'd be like, yeah, nice. But if she walked out with a towel on her waist and her hands over her titties, I'd be like God, I'm a fool. with the power of my dragons she's covering the bed i'm gonna

spread the bed yeah i want to see that's why i like micro bikinis those bits just covered just the little piece it's the imagination it's our imagination they get us there they get us to the edge much like your weird rapey scenarios earlier that we talked about. And then our imagination pushes us over the edge. But in a very legal way, as opposed to your weird metamelia. I'm glad you compare child birthing to rapey situations. No, no, no. You talking about child birthing is a rapey situation. Oh, no.

I mean, Caleb's the one. No, no, no. You're in it. I tried to walk away. You brought me back into it. Caleb's the one that brought me the combo. No, no, no, you're in it. I tried to walk away. You brought me back into it. Caleb's face. He's looking up and he's like, who's this? It's funny that you guys asked this question, though,

because I was thinking about this recently. I think about the first anime. I remember a scene in Tenchi Muyo. It really did it for me. Because it was just him and all the girls that wanted to have sex with him the whole time. And I was like, man, this show's like pretty cool. But then there's this, I don't remember their names, but there's like the Space Pirate one that was always so like horny and hot. But then there was the really.

Yeah, that's Cowboy Bebop. That's definitely Cowboy Bebop. No, no, no. This is Tenchi Muyo, dude. Same thing. It was one dude who lived with like five hot girls. Tenshi Muyo? There was one that was really short and redheaded,

and she always had a crush on him, but she never would like approach him because she was like so little or whatever. But she was the scientist, and she'd done something to make herself like become big in one episode. She's like, I've been working on this just for you, Tenshi. And she like took this potion or whatever,

and she grew into like a full-grown woman with like giant tits and stuff, and I'm here being like, what? She was always so innocent. That's the space power girl. That cat turned into a spaceship. It would jump.

And he sold right off of this. It would jump off her shoulder and just explode into her spaceship, and then she'd jump into it and take off. It was so fucking cool. so this animal would expand and she would climb inside of it yeah and then it would meow as she was driving through space and shit no shit it would yeah grab that lever to warp speed You like pit the walls to go Go Go back What's this random bump I don't know but if you hit it this thing goes really fast

You gotta run the shit out of it and it'll go And I have to peel back the layers of the shit Don't do that Don't do that Don't peel those back And that's how the Milky Way was created Just a quick note to our editor. Maybe put a headphone warning.

Don't play this one around your family. Or do. I don't have a weird fucking family. Grandpa needs to know what happened after he left Japan. Yeah. The anime came out. It's a World War II joke. Boop.

We won it back then. Oh, man. Man, that's a good one. We're like the New England Patriots. In the past, we were great. Now? Yeah, we talked about it on one of the episodes before. The Bills beat us?

Oh. I'm a Bills fan, too. Josh Allen's looking great. Sports. Bullshit. He's from Buffalo. Yeah. We've got two sports. Football and drinking.

Hockey's there too, but we don't talk about that anymore. The Sabres. I'm from New England. I used to be a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge football guy. I can name. Patriots fan.

You're a Patriots guy because you're New England. Jets? Dallas, actually. I saw a Dallas. Okay, listen. I don't know what they're talking about right now. Giants? Listen, Giants, Dallas game when I was younger. Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith.

You don't like the Cowboys. You like cocaine. That's different. The trifucta? Exactly, man. Those three, it was the original fucking trio. James Kelly. I don't know who that is.

Yeah, he lost four Super Bowls in a row. Go Bills. I don't know sports. I hate the Patriots. Beholder, show him the ways of the Bills. I don't know sports. I hate the Patriots. Beholder, show him the ways of the Bills. Oh, he's the only person to not start crying immediately. Wow, impressive. Terrible.

Yep. That was it. That's why we drank. That's why we go through tables. Barcelona Sports did a... You see why everyone comments on all the videos of me jumping through tables going, oh, Bills Mafia. Bills Mafia.

Yes. Yes. That's really why? Yeah. I don't know anything about... Our team was so bad for literally two decades. 17 years we didn't go to the playoffs. Not...

We didn't even go to the playoffs. Okay, no joke. 20 years, did you hit 10 wins? In a season? No. You guys were like fucking winning three or four games a season. No, no. We weren't Detroit.

Oh, no. Okay. Detroit was bad. No, no. We'd get like seven, eight wins a season. No, that was it. We'd even out a lot. Losing season is nine and seven.

Or seven and nine. Seven wins, nine losses. And then we'd eight and out a couple years. And we'd get like nine and seven or seven and nine seven wins nine losses and then we'd eight and out a couple years and we'd get like nine and seven but it wouldn't be enough because in our division is the patriots so you get the patriots that are like hey we we they win the division all the time bend over real quick so we have to fight for the wild card so on and if you're fighting for a wild card i mean you better have 10 or 11 wins and be the second seed in your division and even though we had the Jets in Miami,

we just didn't have that bump. We just, we weren't there. Guys, you're making me feel so bad. I'm yet so proud though, because here's the, here's the gem. Here's how you take a negative and turn it into a positive. You take a dragon's penis

and you suck it. And that's what we did. Basically what we did was we painted this the color of the Patriots and named Tom Brady and we sucked it. And we sucked it really hard. And we got so tired of sucking it and so used to sucking

penises that we decided, let's get hammered so we don't have to remember it. And then we jumped through tables. We have a guy named Pinto Pete. His Pinto is towed in because it doesn't have an engine anymore and he he barbed car okay get ready for an urban legend this man is a legend do not disrespect his name he is a god among men pinto pete has a pinto toad in what's that going on sounds like pinto bean that's what i thought you said it for sure Sure. Pinto Bean.

That's a good name. That's a good name. He's got a massive beard bigger than yours. Long gray hair. He's been in the game for a while. How old is Pinto? Is it Pinto Ron? I think it's Pinto Ron.

I'm sorry. Pinto Ron. He's a living legend. I fucked up his name. Pinto Ron. Yeah. Ron. It's the Pinto.

It's the actions, not the name. Okay. All right. Everybody knows Chesty Pollard, but what did he do? Nobody knows. Nobody knows what Chesty Puller did. They're just like, yeah, he was a Marine. Cool.

Whatever. Nice guy, I guess. Love Chesty. Love him. What'd he do? I don't know. He's got tits. He's got milkers.

He's got milkers. That's right. He loves titties, so he's Chesty Puller. He pulls on milkers. Chesty Puller. But Pinto Ron, excuse me, P He's got the milkers. That's right. He loves titties, so he's Chesty Puller. He pulls on milkers. Chesty Puller. But Pinto Ron, excuse me, Pinto Ron brings the Pinto. Yeah, Pinto Pete, Pinto Ron, whatever. Pinto.

He gets it. So he'll barbecue on the hubcaps of the car. He has a bowling ball. Follow me. Just follow me here. Follow me here. All right. Don't follow up.

Listen, I'm the dungeon master. All right. Just follow me down your trail. Oh, my gosh. Hey. All right. Don't follow up. Listen, I'm the dungeon master. All right. Just follow me down your trail. Discover the magic of BetMGM Casino, where the excitement is always on deck. Pull up a seat and check out a wide variety of table games with a live dealer. From roulette to blackjack, watch as a dealer hosts your table game and live chat with them throughout your experience to feel like you're actually at the casino.

The excitement doesn't stop there. With over 3,000 games to choose from, including fan favorites like Cash Eruption, We'll be right back. you don't want to miss out. Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement

with iGaming Ontario. That's my table, sir! I just took it over, baby. It's fine. It's fine. That's what happens. It's the curse of Pinto Ron. See?

We got it. Now that... So he has... You do bowling ball shots where you pour a shot into the thumb of the bowling ball. You slam it back. Be careful.

You will break your teeth. And then you slam it on the ground as hard as you can and you create all these fucking dents in the grass. You will break your teeth. And at the end, and at the end and at the end in this glorious what would you call it uh explosion no i mean oh yeah there's debauchery

in there too but what would you call it a um when the fireworks explode the crescendo grand finale the grand finale the the peak of the crescendo is that he holds a hot dog and hamburger up to the sky as if they are either Simba but in one hand each. And there is a male and a female. Males get ketchup. Women get mustard. Yes, it is that legitimate. And they spray him with ketchup and mustard to the point where both, yes, of course, the hot dog and hamburger are covered. But so is his entire face and body in ketchup and mustard. And then he eats them.

And then we go to the game. That is the Bills Mafia, gentlemen. Would you like to get rowdy this year? Because we have a winning team. I love you can't remember that dude's name, though. Pinto Ron. Pinto Ron. I said, we're going to get those like Pinto Jorge.

I say Pinto Pete because it rhymes, but I forget that it doesn't. It's Pinto Ron. How dare I? Nonetheless, I believe I described, and there are many other things. There are many other things that he does. I just kind of gave you the trifecta of coolness. Do you have a video of this event happening? Barstool Sports.

Google it. Should we watch it now or do you want me to show you later? For the podcast or now? Barstool Sports. I got it. Okay. Oh, bad. He's name dropping right now.

Dude, I'm... No, he's the guy who looks like me. And Pinto Ron. Oh, yeah. We talk. He looks just fucking like me. We get tagged in the same shit all the time. Pinto Ron. Oh, yeah. Pinto Ron told ESPN to go fuck themselves because Barstool came in and El Presidente, I forget his name.

He was like, hey, listen, Pinto Ron. Cool. I'm just, you know, this is our first biography, I guess, of, you know, the Bills Mafia. It's our first biography ever. And we're going to do the Mafia because you guys are insane. And so everybody, including Pinto Ron and a bunch of other people that are like staples of Bill's tailgating are like, yeah, cool. Do your thing, blah, blah, blah. And other agencies, you know, ESPN and Fox Sports and NBC, whatever,

came in and they're like, hey, listen, we're all, hey, listen, Barstool Sports. Okay, we're going to do this. And we just stop trying to steal the spotlight. And Pinto Ron's like, no, no fuck those I don't give a fuck about them I don't know who they are I know you though El Presidente and you're cool you get the ketchup they wanted to give you the mustard but that's for women

and even though you're a Patriots fan we're not going to disrespect you like that oh there's heritage in this there's heritage and he's like okay and like Pinto Ron was like you can either let Barstool guy up there or you can go fuck off. And they wanted their shot, so they were like, fine. And they fucking sucked Ron's dick for a second.

And they, yeah. No shit. Yo, our two Bills fans are geeking out so hard right now. The mafia's everywhere. Let me tell you this. Oh, I'm aware. We start in Buffalo, but we spread everywhere. It's like herpes.

Sounds like an STD. But enjoyable. Like, if herpes was like those paper candies that you could peel off and eat, that would be us as an STD for Bill's Mafia. The little watermelon ones? Yeah, like the rainbow, like, strips of paper, and then you have little dots on it. Oh, shit. Wow.

Yeah. Okay. Like, it's not, we're not herpes, because herpes is bad, but if you, like, broke out around your groin with delicious little bumps of candy. Wow. I don't know if I'd like that. That's way more delicious. I'd be trying to pull my legs up.

It's a little more flavorful too. You have the dots. Then pass. Not so bad. Would STDs be as bad? They tasted good? No, they'd be great. Then you're going to crave it.

No, no, no. This is the worst episode we've ever had or the best if STDs were like candy would they be as bad? no absolutely not what would STDs be as candy though?

what are their candy counterparts? Neko Wafers a warhead that's AIDS. You get up and you're excited. You're like, what's this? Oh, my mouth is gone. I'm getting blisters.

You're so sour. I'm getting blisters. So what are you going to do? It's got to be like syphilis, right? That's when you get the blisters? Yeah. It's easily curable. You can spitis, right? That's when you get the blisters? Yeah. It's easily curable. You can spit it out, you know, but there it is.

Creating sores. Syphilis, when you get the blisters, the rows around it. Syphilis, right, guys? Not sure about that. Rows around it? I don't know. You were going in depth. That's what I was like.

I didn't say that. No, but you were very specific. Okay, so in the couple of words, who do you think is more likely to have syphilis? Eli? Don't comment on that. That's a terrible comment section. Angry cops definitely have syphilis. I have searched some syphilitic people.

Oh, I'm sure you have. Ooh, scary. What's it look like? Syphilis? Yeah, when you're really up close and you're seeing it. Oh, no, I don't get that close. That's when you push away and you say no. So what does it look like? Syphilis? Yeah, when you're really up close and you're seeing it. Oh, no, I don't get that close. That's when you push away and you say no. So what does it look like from an arm's length?

He's a police officer, not a doctor. Unless he's your mother. Just sores? Just like a redness. You ever get hives? Okay, yeah, sure. You know where you get a large red rash and there's a bunch of bumps on it? Yeah, sure.

Now imagine each bump was like a little pussy. pussy pussy. What kind of candy would that be? Everybody's heard of syphilis, but nobody wants it okay He's got a point like, I'm going my way to buy cow tails. Somebody's got some, I'll be like... Especially if they're attached to the body. Like, oh no, bad, he gave me cow tails. Whatever, I guess I'll just eat it and in a week I'll be fine. What would that taste like? Okay, okay, okay. It would taste like used pennies at a truck stop. Oh, in the bathroom?

Used toilet bathroom truck stop pennies okay but what about aids oh goodness so that's got that's gonna be the heaviest hitter of like the shittiest candy which i like like circus peanuts or oh circus peanuts are bad that's what i'm saying what is it now they're candy corn oh candy corn. Oh, candy corns. I love candy corn. You look like you love candy corn. You look like you've survived candy corn. Yeah. Do you like candy corn?

It's like, it's okay, but I would never be like, give me that candy corn. Oh, man, is that a bowl of candy corn? Let me walk by it. You walk by it. Exactly. You're like, oh, cool. Oh, wow. I didn't know that they were rich enough to not give a shit about spending money.

I will go out of my way to buy candy. I can't even remember what it tastes like now. Wax. Wax. Wax lips. What would wax lips be? Fright trash. Yeah.

They're the worst. It's just wax. I don't even think there's a flavor. It tasted like something, but not even good. I don't even remember if it's a flavor. Candle? There's like the wax little bottles that you bite the candle. Oh, but they have the juice in it.

Those are fun. Yeah. But you gotta bite through some wax first. Yeah, but they have the juice in it. Those are fun. Yeah. But you gotta bite through some wax first. Yeah, but that's blowjob training. That's good stuff. Give it to your

girl. That's blowjob training. Here, honey, bite the tip. All right. Oh my God, there's a juicy surprise. You're welcome.

That sounds terrible. That doesn't sound like a good blowjob. A little extra teeth. Bite the whole tip completely off and suck. You guys don't feel anything when they drag

the top teeth against it and create racing stripes on the top of your cock like a Ford Mustang? Come on. How else are you going to go to 88? Gun it. Come on, Doug Brown. They buy Mustangs because they want the cock stripes? I mean, guys that really like Mustangs want the racing stripes on their dick as well.

Yeah, from other men. Wow, racing stripes on their dick. I don't like this picture at all anymore. I had a girl who scratched my back so bad that I woke up in the morning and I went out to go get some food. And my flatmate was just like, holy shit. Did you get attacked by a cat? I'm like, no. He's like, you're bleeding.

Oh. I go, excuse me? He goes, you are. I go, she scratched my back and it kind of hurt, but I was like really giving it to her. So I didn't really mind. He's like, did you enjoy it? I go, no, not really. He goes, good.

It doesn't look like your body did. You're fucking leaking, dude.'m like what and he took a photo of it and it literally looked like everything except for my spine was just red scratch marks and i was i was a little bloody should we talk about games again i'm so i'm sorry i can magically make this amazing podcast restart from the beginning, and nobody will know about the Big Mummy milkers or me bleeding or the syphilis candy. Oh, okay. Hi, everyone.

You didn't drink it after you opened it. Did you just open it and put it down? Yeah, he did. Wait, what are you drinking? Ranch. Today, I'm drinking a delicious ranch water. Can you do a ranch water ad? Oh, as a wizard?

As, with the dragon's penis. I think I can make a real one, actually. That's what I'm noting. Here we go. I'm a level 37 wizard, and when I'm parched, I reach for ranch water. Delicious. Fantastic. I'm a level 37 wizard, and when I'm parched, I reach for a ranch water. Delicious, fantastic, and it makes sure that the hordes of zombies that are coming after me are well behind. Ranch water, when you need a dragon's penis. When you need a dragon's penis, But you don't have one.

Okay. Fucking dying. I can't stop being an idiot. I can't stop it. I don't know why. It's possessed me. I can't stop. My face is blue.

Oh, my God. Wait, you need to try it, Spenish, but don't have one. Ranch one. Oh, fuck, man. I'm so sorry I ruined your podcast I love when we're like No no We're like We're ruined everything I'm sure this will work

Yeah this will work This will work out This is fine We'll figure it out It's like an ATF raid Your dog's dead And all your shit's gone What's the worst that can happen? Us. It was the worst that could happen.

Us. Us. We're the worst thing that can happen. I'm so sorry I ruined your thing. You had a great time here. You were going to be, people were going to know you more. And I didn't shut up. And now there's dragon's penis, ranch water.

I have to send that to ranch water. To be fair, at this this point The last like seven episodes Have been just about Dicks and like the Fast and the Furious So Oh yeah I never would have watched those They would have?

No Not Fast and the Furious You've never seen them I'm still a few behind I'm on Five? The Fate of the Furious Which is eight?

Seven? I lost track of the numbersious, which is eight? Seven? I lost track of the numbers. Tokyo Drift ruined me. I love Tokyo Drift. That's one of my favorites. I saw Tokyo Drift and I said... Have you watched past anything yet? No, since Tokyo Drift, I said never again.

Dude, do it! Because this is the story we talked about because, you know, Han dies in Tokyo Drift. The car flips during that wreck. The very end of the movie. Yeah, but doesn't he come back? He's back! Because he was actually assassinated

in Fast and Furious 3 by... Wait, he comes back and he dies? In Furious 7. Yeah. Those people know the power of a dragon's penis. No, Fast 5. But 3. Hold on, no.

There's Fast... Too Fast... Okay, there's Fast and Furious. Too Fast and Furious. Tokyo Drift. Tokyo Drift, which is actually the sixth movie yeah yeah not the third oh stop it with prequels let's go with time the way that they put it out the way that they put it out is the way that it was you can't just reverse

cancer and be like well you remember when you got cancer yeah well i decided to make i decided to edit a video to look it look like you didn't have it anymore. Now it's clear, right? No, I still got cancer, Greg. What the fuck is wrong with you? You got cancer, Greg. Then there's four, which is fast and furious. Which one's too fast, too furious?

It's the second one. I'm so lost. Okay, so fast and furious. Too fast, too furious. Guide me. Fast and furious Tokyo Drift. Fast and furious. Which is Drift Fast and Furious Which is four

Then there's Fast Five Yep, that's five That makes sense Then there is The Fast and the Furious Six Which is called The Fast and the Furious Six Everywhere

But in the movie They call it Furious Six Yep, Furious Six And then there's Furious Seven I nicknamed my penis The Furious Six Because Not that good?

Alright Six inches. It was mediocre at best. I'm sorry. Just like your dick. I said it was the Furious Six. Then there's the Furious Seven. I do it for me, but that one I didn't do for me.

Which is the one where what's-his-fuck died. I was like, what? You looked around for the affirmation. No, it wasn't an affirmation. It was an affirmation that was bad. I looked around. I was like, it was that bad. You say a joke and it doesn't land.

If your own hand joke wasn't great, you're like, maybe it'll land a little bit. Say it again. No. Say it one more time. Say it again. That's what I called my dick. Holy. Oh, my God.

Goddamn. Oh, no. That just felt really bad. Now I feel like we're in a Disney movie. Making fun of the, you know. I'm in a wheelchair. You have to laugh at my jokes. I still am.

That's why we did it. Go watch the Fast and Furious. Just sit down and for like a week, binge one or two of them. Yeah, all of them every day. I don't want to do that. I have things to do. I would rather masturbate for an hour and a half.

Vin Diesel is more important than whatever you're jerking off to. I know he's all about family. Yeah, family is more important than whatever you're doing. Those memes. They got crazy. It's so good. I don't even know. Do you like The Rock? I like family. Are you DTF? What?

Dom Fernando's family? I didn't even see that one. That's fucking amazing. I didn't even see that one. I can't hate that one. No, that's a solid joke right there. That's so good. I'm feeling like, Caleb, we haven't even got to talk to you.

We got him. You just don't. Oh, yeah. I mean, I've been here before. What's the last video game you played? Oh, I play some video games, but it's usually the big ones that get rated 10 out of 10, 9.5 stars out of 10. I didn't finish, but I think I'm at 90% finishing. Death Falls, Death Stranded.

Oh, you actually played Death Stranded? Yeah, I played Death Stranded. I thought it was fun. Are you a Hideo Kojima fan? I don't care. I don't even want to laugh at that one. I don't. I fucking hate that joke so much.

I'm so sorry. I'm such a piece of shit. I'm such a piece of shit. I'm such a piece of shit. He's flailing yourself with a dragon penis. He's just whapping himself. Whipping yourself. Just jamming on your name. I'm telling you, I don't know what it is. I'm just a bad person.

I'm so sorry I ruined your show. I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. And we're going to bring Rich on. You like anime? I haven't watched it in years. Play video games? Death Stranding.

You know the guy who created it? I'm going to make a funny joke out of his name. It's Asian. That's hilarious. You guys like checkers? I do. You can touch it and feel it and move it. It's like...

All day. Just like... Okay, before death's training, what was the last game you played? Mario Kart 64? No, I'm kidding. Big time? Yeah.

That's a big game. Oh, my God. You were like, oh, it's 64. I'll buy a PS4 now. I played Warzone. I was having fun with Warzone. And then I made a mistake. I made a mistake.

I started playing Warzone. And then I watched guys like Tim the Tap Man and Nick something or other. Nick Merckx. Nicholas Merckx. And I just said, no, no, no. They're getting like 30 kills a game. And I don't have a PC. I'm just a game guy.

I like to relax. And the closest, I think I might have won one game. But it was like I was carried on the back of like definitely two PC gamers. They had like 12 kills a piece and I had like six or seven. I was like the guy that was I'll sacrifice my body to go up the stairs. Yeah. Oh, you guys, you guys down here. Are they shooting down at you?

Allow me to run up and take their fire to my fucking face. And then and then you can just hold and run up. Yeah. I'm just dead. Every time we got into a a building even if there was nobody upstairs there was me guys i'm out of the idiot more grenades give the reloading get them they shot all the bullets at me get them yeah that was they're reloading i'm dead they're reloading and they're like dead and they're like wow you're on the ground. I'm like scooting around like, I did good, boss.

I did good. I scoot on the ground because my legs don't work so good no more. I was your friend. You remember me? You remember me? All angry cops down here on the ground. And then they would lift me up. And I'd be like, oh, thank you so much.

And they'd get their dropouts. And I knew that I was bad. This is how I knew I was bad. It wasn't the not winning all the time. That's a good example. I did it for fun. All right. I did it for fun.

It's not about winning. All right. The kids have to learn. No, I'm the kids. I'm the kids. You know, the ones that always get the medals because they showed up. So whose kids are they? yeah i i was a participation trophy they said throw the participation trophy in the woods and then i grew up and here i am

no i am it i just i gained a soul god said people need to know what not to be and here i am uh no i knew i was bad at war zone when uh people would get. You know, they'd do the drop and get their loadouts. And then everybody would – it happened the one time. It was super noticeable. I was like, oh. They dropped their loadouts and then they dropped some of their guns and then they stayed there. And they just, like, looked at me and just kept, like, looking down at the weapon. I was like, oh, but I really like this gun.

And they're like – You're not – And I'm like, oh, I should really like this gun. And they're like, and I'm like, oh, I should pick up your weapon, and then I pick it up, and I go, oh, it's gold plated. Oh, this is nice. And then I started doing better, and I realized, oh, they know I'm trash because of the weapon loadouts that I'm using.

I should not be here. They're just dragging me around like a five-year-old, like your little brother that's like ten years younger. They're like, no, we're going on the big boy ride. They're like, me around like a five-year-old, like your little brother that's like 10 years younger. You're in a monkey backpack at Disney World. They're like, no, we're going on the big boy ride. You're like, I'm at the water park. Yeah, I've got the backpack leash on me.

Your loadout's a level five weapon. I'm okay. I want to go to Kory. We're going to the airport. It's literally, I loved Kory because I would stand in that building building I was very comfortable with going around the corners and doing well I was really good in Corey that's how I describe my warzone experience

I feel comfortable in a warehouse you remember the layout do comfortable around corners he's making fun of you Rich punch him in the face I don't know how he's making fun of me I'm so done with gaming I don't know

are you saying camping? Are you calling me a camper? I don't camp. However, I do know how to sit and wait for an abode. It's called tactical sitting and it worked for World War II. Ask your grandfather. We just threw flags in the fucking house. I'm okay with this.

I'm as forgiving of this as I can can. I started to get better when I started to try and do the daily or weekly challenges. Like, hey, use the 50k. Get this many hits with it. And I started to play around with it. But that was right up. It was fun. Because it gives a little bit more of a challenge to the game.

And you try and get different goals. It makes you do other things. Correct. We win. Become a lot more well-rounded. I don't. You hear that, kids? Just go for the win.

It's that easy. Just go for the fucking win. Can you just win? Oh, I think of that. Eli, thank you. Wow. Caleb, did you know that? Just go for the win.

I love you have one win. You're like, I remember that. This specific team of random people got me that one W. I jumped up and down. I think I might have won twice, but the first one was, yeah, very exciting. Why is that? Why are you laughing at me? Caleb, how many games have you won at Call of Duty?

Don't say it. Don't make it. I'm only at like a hundred and some. We have you doing challenges and quests. We've never done those. And you have two wins. I might have... Like a shitty hero that's doing everything to level up to save the princess.

And we're like, we already got that princess, bro. That's how cleaning your store lights work. That's how they work. We're not laughing at you. We're laughing with you. No, you're laughing directly at me to my face. He's spitting on me while he laughs. You wondered why I grabbed the dragon penis.

Because the only thing I could do to try and save me and make me better at gaming is hoping to God that magic is real. Shut up. Shut up. Try not playing the game so that it's fun for me and just getting shot in the face by assholes with 120 wins. You're not an asshole.

You're a nice person. He's an asshole. An asshole face by assholes with 120 wins? You're not an asshole. You're a nice person. He's an asshole. An asshole's friend that's got 120 wins? I'd rather just try and shoot a.50 cal through three buildings and hit a guy in the head. I love playing. That would be the greatest thing playing with. What are you doing with that shitty gun?

I have this quest right now. It just makes you a better player. How many wins do you have two? Okay. Maybe don't do those quests. Play the game. But I get a new shiny gun if I do. Is it helping you?

I'm not sure. I don't know what the stats on it are. That's why the people look at you and they're like, oh, that's your gun gun. MP7. That's a good gun You you looked at him and I was like oh I fucked up He plays Tarkov which is really difficult if you If you want a hard game... What a stupid game. I don't even need to play it to be like...

Yes, please dig into Tarkov. I would love this. I need to eat 13 fucking apples to get healthy. Do I need to do this mundane shit or can I play the fucking game? I don't want to be super realistic because I'm escaping reality into your fucking game, you

dirty Russian. You don't want to choose what ammo you have to put in your weapon. I don't even know how the game works. I just know you're trapped in some sort of fucking Ukrainian death land where something exploded and now there's radiation and now idiots just decide that you can only go one-on-one

for against the world. And now leave a bag in the middle of the street so your friends can go up to it and be like, oh, free shit, and then they die. I've definitely done that. You just throw a bait bag down. Yeah. You go to the living room.

Gotcha. Yeah, but you did that in real life too. You're like, that's a pretty nice hole in the ground there. How many deployments he has? I'm saying none. They spent that much money on him. He's still cooler than me, though. Like, he is.

Did you deploy? Yeah, twice. Where? Iraq. You? No. Oh, really? What's your M.O.S.?

I'm a sniper. You deployed, though, right? Yeah. He's still cooler than me. I tried. They canceled the deployment. It's not my fault. You're right.

Who needs snipers? Useless. The brigade. You know what? Never mind. I knew a command that got canceled on getting a deployment, and they got so fucking hammered, they drove through Fort Drum with a boat in tow getting hammered on the boat because they weren't allowed to go in the

water because they were getting ready to deploy and they didn't want them to drown so instead of getting on the water and drowning they just they just had their friends drive the boat around on land in the in the in the lift and just got hammered in the back of the boat and then they got they were told hey your sergeant major's like fucking an e4 you can't you can't deploy anymore oh it was the new unit standing up yeah i yeah i remember those so what happened we were at uh xtc and like we or no we were at drum actually because we're used to go for a bunch of shit and we there was like if you want shit drums full of it watertown and there was like eight units and they were gonna deploy seven or six or it was like the top six out of them after XTC or whatever.

And our Sergeant Major came to all of us. You know, he was talking to the scouts that were doing it. He was like, all right, guys, so what are we going to do? We're not going to be the best because if we're the best or even the second best, we're probably going to end up deploying. And you know what? If we're third or fourth or sixth and we don't deploy, that's not so bad. I'm just saying you're standing.

It's 2014 or 13. It's 14 or 13. When did you join? 2009. Oh, okay. I was 9 or 15. I joined during a deployment year, so I missed it. I joined in 09 or 10.

You missed the surge and then it was after. My reservist unit got deployed and activated more than your active component? No missed it. I joined in 09-10. You missed the surge, and then it was after. My reservist unit got deployed and activated more than your active component? No, no. I was in the guard. I was in the guard unit. Oh, were you? Yeah. Vermont?

Yeah. Oh, God bless those gentlemen. But, yeah. They couldn't deploy because they all pissed hot. Fucking Bernie Sanders is out there handing out weed brownies. I don't want you to go to fall. It's bullshit. Here's a brownie.

I was like, what? The amount of guys that are into that joke about a poke over a weed was... Oh, God. It was a very strange ratio. Jesus. But yeah, Sergeant Major was like, don't do that good.

Just like, all right. And we're like... The Sergeant Major was the one that was actually like, yeah. Our Sergeant Major. Your snipers look really nice, but they miss half the time. That's not what a sniper's supposed to do. The HHC company, who are border guys, just to get to the scouts.

The snipers and the HHC, just the regular fucking admin people. It was just like, you're saying this right now? Are you supposed to be the motivated hoo-ha fucking motherfucker? I kind of want you to be a dungeon master for a game of D&D, but each one of us that picks a different character has to be also in the mindset of a different level of rank. We just replay a military unit and you're the D. Oh, that is so good.

Private Eli gets a DWR. Sergeant Rich has to come bail me out on a Friday super pissed. Drill Sergeant High accidentally punches his daughter in a drunken super. We're rolling for real.

I said, you know I'm going to bed. Roll a twirl. I roll a ten. I roll a ten, do I have to blow? Oh, no. Do I get arrested or does my MP buddy let it slide? Roll a natural 20. I can go home. Caleb sleep with a Sark Major's daughter.

Does he find out? Does he get herpes? Yeah, you roll a D1. You get herpes? Yeah, you roll a D1 you get herpes and Damn it. Oh no. Double whammy. Pregnant at one that's pregnancy. Oh god. Herpes, she's pregnant and the commander finds out. But because it's D&D

it's like an orc she's pregnant with. Oh shit. She's an orc. That's it. I'm a staff sergeant paladin. Holy shit. You're a captain, but it's like... She's sleeping with the orcs. Oh, fuck.

That there is blood magic. I don't want to be funny. Yeah. That's such a good one-off campaign where we just play soldiers. Dropped into DNA. I'm an 87-year-old E7. Sergeant first class. Shooter retired 25 years ago

but I'm a cook 15 year E4 I haven't been retired for 30 years but they brought me back for the initial push I'm Sergeant First Class Dusty Bones I'm having so much fun not even playing D&D

just thinking about it we're not doing the deployment leading up to the deployment that's all we're trying to get to is to deploy that is you never can though every time something happens there's always like a oh a bunch of girls went missing

you open up the app order you're going to NTC in Louisiana. What do you do? Suicide awareness program. We need three of you to take your life so we don't have to go to trading. But I'm a mage, so I can bring you back to life.

It is the perfect sham. I roll. Natural 17. It's a run. We back to life. It is the perfect sham. I roll. Natural 17. One, you all die. It's a one. We've been caught. We're in the brig. But a new game has elapsed.

We must escape Fort Leonardwood. There's a minotaur. A minotaur. We're in Leavenworth, in prison. There's a minotaur guarding the gates. He's an MP. A military police minotaur guarding the gates. He's an MP. A military police minotaur. An MM.

MMP. Military Minotaur Police. He has a large swath of keys on his hip. Front or back. One's a decoy. Which one do you grab? You. The... You. The battalion jester.

You have a sniper. You have a sniper in the brig. You are a sniper. And yet you are very brilliant. What do you roll? Let's see what Batty goes with. I want to see what enchantment he's going to do. Against the Minotaur, military police officer.

Batty, this takes a D20. Are we rolling a D20? What are you rolling for? The camera shut off. What are you rolling for? Hold on! Jeez, that's crummy. Batty's just moving that fucking camera all about.

Shut off, you. I should fuck up. Check the screen. Fuck it up. You fuck it up. Dude, I'm not going to lie. It's been 40 minutes. I got to make sure I leave it three.

I've been crying laughing. Like three times. Three times I've cried. Here we go. Here we go. Battalion sniper Rose A six You're fucked You grabbed the wrong keys

You reached for the keys Not only is it the wrong one Still It's a It's a military That's like bad He's just like A military police minotaur

Don't look at me He Grab the front You squeeze the That was your penis. He horns you in the face. The sniper. He punches you in the face.

With a hoof. He hooks you in the face. As a sniper, you roll a nine. For insight, you see the right keys. You grab the keys, but the minotaur is very much awake. And he stomps your face in with a hoof punch. Roll for damage. I need to roll for damage.

He's like a D12. I'm rolling for damage. It's a five. You're unconscious. He laughs at you and immediately walks away. He's used to beating idiots. End game.

You're in the break. Oh my god. Oh, that hurts myself. We need to do that 100%. My face hurts. You can't do that because you're unconscious. That's from the punch. I want that animated.

But you're raised from the dead because of the beautiful powers of the dragon penis. I just want that animated fucking baddie reaching for keys in both punches. Oh, my God. I'm Minotaur. And you're unconscious it's so realistic it's like jiggle jiggle has he turned into a zombie?

No, he's just that fucked up. You need a fucking potion. Yeah, Zebra have a potion. You now wear the mark of a scar. You now wear the mark of... You wear the mark of the horse. Plus two magical powers. Zero brain skills.

I already had zero. Oh my fucking god. You lose minus two for insight because you're now retired. You had to talk with the speech you're petting with the rest of the game. You had to talk with the speech. I'm a sniper. That's all he repeats over and over. That's his three words.

Patty, I need you to go to the top of the mountain and I need you to shoot. I'm a sniper. Yes, I know, but shoot the mountain. I'm a sniper. Yes, I know. But shoot the Taliban. I'm a sniper. Yes. They're 100 meters below us.

I'm a sniper. But the windage is 230. I'm a sniper. He understands. I speak. I'm a sniper. I'm a sniper. I was close enough to the entry, man.

I know how to speak sniper. I'm a sniper. I'm a sniper. He says that he's got 350 rounds. He's ready to go. 50 caliber. Already trained on target. He's got a 1,200 meter range.

I'm a sniper. 1,500 range. 1,500. 1,500. 1,500. He shoots your teammate. Oh, damn it. Oh, damn it.

Give me the die. Give me the die. Give me the die. Give me the die. Give me the die. Oh, yeah, Batty has to roll the shot. Batty has to roll the shot. No, no, no. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. You walk into the compound. You have a negligent discharge. It's a negligent discharge. You fire a 50-kkill sniper rifle directly into Caleb. It offers two damage. You're alive.

He grazed you. However, super pissed off. Batty, take a shot at the enemy forces. He sees two Taliban moving an RPK. It's a three. He misses horribly.

Everybody makes fun of them. You've got a three. And throws their MRE packets at him. You shoot Caleb in the chest. I'm a sniper. Then you shoot Caleb for 16 damage. I'm a sniper. There's a truck.

My whole leg's gone. There's a truck. Do it. He still gives a thumbs up. Got him. legs gone. There's your truck. Do it! He still gives a thumbs up. Got him. Your only confirmed kill is your battle buddy. Blue on blue.

How do we end this? What's it? I don't know what happened today but I apologize I apologize three times already we incorporated probably almost a couple more apologies mommy milkers

you might owe the world a couple more yeah I do Rich can you roll a d20 for the apology see how effective it is I have to offer an apology. One. I'm scared because there's an army of nerds waiting to dox me. Yeah, grab your dragon penis.

With the power of the dragon penis, I curse to die in my favor. It's a three. You're canceled. Oh, no. Thank you for watching us subscribe. We have Eli DoubleTap. We got Caleb French. We're going to punch our Twitch.

And Angry Cops. Newly fired. Newly fired. He's just angry guy now. If anyone has any job opportunities, Angry Cops is going to need one very soon. Bat bad stream security detail for you it'll be great