Unsubscribe Podcast - 29 - Superhero Jesus ft. Brandon Herrera

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

NEW EPISODES EVERY WEDNESDAY???????? MAYBE? SO BADDIE MOVED HOUSES. That means the set is "Under Construction". 1 Like = 1 Dragon Baddie gets to keep. So. Is Jesus techinically a Superhero?? Superhero Jesus? Jesus-Man? What are his super powers???? NEW GAME ALERT! Jurassic World Evolution 2!!! Baddie loves it, everyone else doesnt care. at all. Brandon played like 1 game in his life and it was Jurassic Park Operation Genesis. Donut played Sim City too much. Eli is still short and is the smartest dumb person ever. MORE SQUID GAMES?! CHECK OUT BRANDON HERRERA https://www.youtube.com/c/BrandonHerrera @Donut Operator @Eli Doubletap @Baddie Streams @Brandon Herrera ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie- https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -DonutOperator- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwkm_Wcyh0pc7UUmZZfL-6w https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator/ https://www.twitch.tv/DonutOperator https://twitter.com/DonutOperator -Eli_Doubletap- https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap ------------------------------ Edited by Fluck https://www.twitch.tv/fluck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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You did it. You opened it and put it down immediately. Thank you. Hi, everyone. Unsubscribe podcast here. Today, we have Batty Streams, Eli DoubleFap, and Brandon Herrera. Otherwise known as? A.K. Jesus. The official Brandon Herrera. Okay.

The official? You got to do that? The official? Is that the thing now? I don't know. Is it the real Brandon Herrera? Yeah, it's the real Brandon Herrera. Yeah, just in case you didn't know he was real.

Not the fake one. I keep telling you guys, like, I couldn't buy the account, like, Brandon Herrera, at Brandon Herrera from Instagram, because it like some 300 followers like skater dude in Canada he's like this is how my people know me bro I'm worth at least

10 grand I'll give you 300 dollars and a handshake I don't even want to shake his hand he's Canadian hi oh and then

we have hi everyone this is the lowest energy we've ever started okay let's rebate we're in what appears to be poverty so welcome This is the lowest energy we've ever started. Okay, let's rebate this.

We're in what appears to be poverty, so welcome. The podcast is not doing well. We owe money now. The government then took all of our D&D items. They took our swords, our helmets. Batty's like, my dragons. No, not my dragons. Not my dragons. I just moved.

Fuck off. That's all I got left. Every time we progress, as I said, one step forward, two steps back. We have working audio. Set's destroyed. Literally. It's like, they finally got got it together and they're poor. Like and subscribe, please.

We obviously need those likes and subscribes. Help Batty get his dragons back. Leave a comment below. Each like is one more dragon I get to keep from the IRS. What were you saying? There was one thing. It's like our top comment. We should just like, well, we'll give him a shout out on each podcast. Did we say that? No, we say a lot of

things and then we completely ignore them after we're done recording. You guys remember Ranch Water? You guys remember the Tinder profiles we're going to make for the female versions of us? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was the one that everyone's yelling at. Do you guys remember the Tinder profiles we're going to make for the female versions of us? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was the one that everyone's yelling at.

Do you guys remember when we were going to play Final Fantasy XIV? That's another one people keep yelling at us about. We played Destiny for 30 minutes. I have played like 200 hours. What? For 30 minutes. Brandon's. Brandon plays video.

Yeah. Brandon's here. Hi. We actually, today, and it felt i knew what cody felt like today because they were talking about rtss and fucking old school classic ship tycoon and stuff and i was like what and baddie's like it's a great topic we can go for hours on this we'll be good i'm like the fuck am i gonna talk about i honestly don't even know what he was mean i honestly don't even know what an rts means! I honestly don't even know what an RTS means.

Real-time strategy. It's that one game you were playing with the dinosaurs. No, no, that is not an RTS. Oh, what's that? It's an Age of Empires. That's like a sandbox building game. The dinosaur one was like

Zoo Tycoon, Roller Coaster Tycoon. We're talking about Jurassic Park, Operation Genesis, the OG Jurassic Park game. Fuck you, Eli, and your loud slurp. So all the kids that are Brandon's age might know this game. Operation Genesis was like... It was pretty good. It was on PlayStation 2 and the Xbox, the original Xbox.

And it was the first Jurassic Park game where you could build a park with dinosaurs in it. You could build your own Jurassic Park. I was in high school. Brandon was in kindergarten. Okay, that actually might be true though. 10 year gap. I would have been in high school 15. You would have been 5. Yeah, so while I was

playing this game you were at war. This guy's fucking cool I'm like I rag pick my buddies up dragging them off I'm never playing Call of Duty again he like got shot

while you were playing dinosaur games it wasn't my fault I didn't shoot him or did you no I didn't shoot him. Or did you? No, I didn't. A.K.A. Jesus over here. Ooh, that's true. Can Jesus teleport? Holy fuck. What?

That's a way better question. Can Jesus teleport? He does have some superpowers. He walked on water. Water to wine. Was there some healing shit? He went to hell and back. Is that a superpower though? No, it's a teleport.

Oh, interdimensional teleportation. He shot a Kamehameha. What? That's Dragon Ball Z. Imagine that's one set. It's like John 316. And Jesus shot a Kamehameha and kicked his ass. You need to have a legit priest on the podcast to ask questions like

can Jesus teleport? Because honestly his superpowers are kind of fucking lame. If you're a priest, do you want to be on our podcast? Congratulations, he can multiply fish. Where is he on the Marvel tier list? Is he an S tier mutant? Okay, are we talking Hawkeye?

Are we talking Hawkeye or like, you know, Thor, a literal god. Not one of these fake water to wine gods. Wolverine could regenerate quickly, it took Jesus three fucking days. And he was only nailed up a little bit, like one little poke. This will be the episode. This is the line. how do we get cancelled this week Jesus not even a good superhero

that's the title and we're just like we're just it's Jesus comma not a good superhero cancelled by the left cancelled by the right if everybody doesn't hate us

We're not trying hard enough Right You know if the Bible Was like DBZ It would take him like Three chapters To build up That Kamehameha

It's his spirit book Every fucking chapter In the Bible Ends with nothing Like damn it When's Jesus gonna do Something cool Man this crucifixion

Is taking years To read God he's been on Like, damn it. When's Jesus going to do something cool? Man, this crucifixion is taking years to read. God, he's been on the Last Supper for four chapters. I get it. This is your body. Catholic jokes. Oh, hi. If anyone's still around and watching.

Hi, everyone. They shouldn't be. No, Batty, you had, what was, okay, we have a couple cool topics. Do we? But Batty's topic is the one I don't know. Why are you making fun of, do your topic. No, my topic's cool. We'll save that later.

RTSs, go. Okay, you can't just, okay, okay, okay, okay. Stop it. We're talking about like some classic PC era games. SimCity, first of all, SimCity 2000. Yeah, okay. Stop it. We're talking about some classic PC-era games. SimCity, first of all. SimCity 2000. Yeah, SimCity 2000. Wasn't there a 3000 and 4000?

No, I played it on PC back in like 98. Yeah, absolutely, man. Great topic. You never played anything like that? You didn't play any sort of builder game? I played SimCity on Super Nintendo. That was a thing? It's that old? My family didn't own computers.

There's SimCity on Super Nintendo? Yes. What did you play EverQuest on? A PC. Shut the fuck up then. You had a PC. I had to trade up paintball guns, and then I traded my paintball guns for a shitty laptop

that barely ran EverQuest. You could have played SimCity. 2000. Poor. I had a hamster power in the laptop. We didn't even have electricity. No, it was a chihuahua. Yo quiero

de Taco Bell. No, they had PS1. They had to crank up the fucking truck that they took the rear axle off of and spins the generator. Kid wants to game again. Thank you, Father. I just realized that on a pedal bike with the back wheel gone,

just powering a little fucking... Is the internet working, son? Si. My dad doesn't sound like that at all. No, that's headcanon now. He doesn't sound like Slow Pocra. He's like, hello, Eli. Is the game working yet?

You sound like a bad Looney Tunes villain. It is. It's the Slow Mexican. Slow Mouse. Slow mouse. Slow Pocas Ricas. I am the slowest mouse in all of Mexico. I just want to take a nap. Speedy Gonzalez.

Literally. It wasn't racist. Okay, there's the next title. It wasn't racist. Just to clarify's the next title. It wasn't racist. Just to clarify, YouTube, he's a Mexican. We got two Mexicans on this one. You guys stayed quiet as fuck during that whole thing. What else am I going to say?

Hi, I'm white. Hey, Fluck, could you... Really? Fluck, could you just edit out their laughs during that last joke? Just like just audible silence me and Brandon

that was loud as fuck the audible silence podcast I hate all of you mainly just you, Eli I love you guys, actually. Fuck you, Eli. But yeah, we had PlayStation 1 had SimCity 2000, and then Super Nintendo had SimCity,

which was over top SimCity. And like, you remember the monsters that would come in? Everyone remembers the monsters from SimCity? I don't remember any monsters. I remember there being natural disasters. I remember the weather. Yeah, they had natural disasters, plus a monster disaster would come disasters. I remember the weather. They had natural disasters plus a monster

disaster would come in. It was a robot. I don't remember a robot. And on Super Nintendo, it was Bowser that would come in and destroy the city. What? In SimCity. Yeah, I swear to God. You need to think you're thinking of the wrong game. I'm going to pull this shit out and I'm going to show

my community. Put it up, Fluck! What is Fluck putting up? Bowser and Bowser. Just put up Bowser. Just photoshop it so he feels good. Just give Eli this little win. Oh my god, there was SimCity on Super Nintendo.

Eli, you are so fucking old. That looks like shit. Yeah, it's fucking those are the games of our childhood it was 2003 oh that looks awful you'd have Bowser that was an actual that was SimCity

yeah it was all topped did it look that bad that reminds me of like Game Boy Advance honestly though yeah kind of I mean it was literally ot it's a 16-bit system so but it was you could it was actually a lot of fun it was only sim city i really played a bunch of i actually built like a i feel like i think i played sim city like 3 000 or 4 000 i think that was the thing right don't know am i crazy yeah i know there's

2 000 didn't they do 3 000 4 000 Yeah, they made it like futuristic. Yeah. I played the fuck out. I don't remember which one of those three I played. I played a lot of one of the early SimCities, but eventually I transitioned over to City Skylines, which was a new, it was basically just SimCity, but fucking better. It was just a new SimCity,

but better in every fucking way. I don't know why people like these games, but I did. They're pretty fun if you get into it. It's just like the planning. I don't know. It's the same reason I think people like the goat simulator, farm simulator,

semi-trucks. I don't understand it. I just raise taxes. I'm like, shit, I need this new shit. I'm going to raise taxes real quick and then I get it. But unlike the real world, I'd actually put it towards the city what a concept i know damn i'd be like yeah but it was that weird like okay i need water grids i need yeah i love to do it planning that shit that was it was kind of a weird now i think about it i was a kid enjoying planning cities like oh gotta zone this

for industrial areas this makes sense don't want to put the residential next industrial because people get real mad when they're next to factories nobody in the city of bernie has played that game bernie's just a terrible layout it is kind of like all over the fucking place huh yeah yeah and they've been apparently working on i-10 for like i don't know oh yeah that's right the interstate all near bernie is just it's been under construction since the first time i came out here yeah it's been a minute yeah it's been i know the next door neighbor that watches the views. Yeah. He said in 2018, going from I-10 from San Antonio to Bernie was a 50-minute drive. You know, this started as video games and this unironically turned into city planning. Okay, guys.

So if you... How can we fix Bernie? We're going to chop this place up and we're going to buy it. Bernie's ours. We figured this out on our podcast where we talk about cum and Jesus superheroes. It's like the lame version. How far did the podcast go? Sorry, that was the first time somebody said cum.

Of course, it was you down there. We had to cum. We had to do the cum. We had to do the cum. It's No Nut November, though, so. Yeah. Imagine doing that. Why?

Who's telling me there's, like, a reason behind that? Wait, there's an actual reason behind... I thought it was just idiots. Is it, like, a cancer thing? Oh, fuck, no. No, you're supposed to... That's the opposite. Oh, no. Yeah, because you're supposed to, like, cum to...

It's healthy to cum. Yeah, it's healthy. Weird, it's like you're supposed to let your body do its natural functions yeah i'm definitely not healthy but i come alive my natural process oh man does um so does like command and conquer count as rts yes that is absolutely star starcraft yeah i feel like the warcraft the early Warcraft games Age of Empires, Gold Edition the greatest fucking RTS ever Halo Wars, does that count?

yeah, that was an RTS oh yeah, okay that's the generational gap right there I never played Halo Wars actually but you knew of it, I would never have thought of Halo Wars they made an RTS like Starcraft but in the Halo universe. They were cashing in after Halo 3.

They didn't want to do it. Absolutely. They didn't want to do any actual work, so they re-skinned an RTS. Let's get a cheap team on this one. Lower the Paul account. Shrink them. Send it. What was the RTS with Gandhi?

Civ. Yeah. Civilization. Yeah. Civ is one of my favorite games. Civ's fun. So Gandhi and how that worked. You know how that they coded

him wrong and that's why he became that's it four yes if four or they told me about five they coded five four coded gandhi wrong so he was like peaceful super passive and tell and then it rolled back um because if you formed it's what happens when it's it's it's numbers when you hit zero it doesn't go to negative one. It like, instead of, it resets it to the highest possible aggressive count.

So Gandhi's like, I love you guys. And it's like, you have formed even, you make Gandhi even more peaceful. He's like, New government day! Straight up Gandhi's

going to be a warmongering, I can't remember what he said. There can't be no suffering if there is no life. We're going to make shit. But yeah, I remember that. warmongering I can't remember what it said there can be no suffering if there is no life but yeah I remember that was I think it was four

I think it was four yeah that's so awesome the civilization games were did you ever play any of this I know you didn't no I didn't

shut the fuck up did you ever I'll take your guest I'm just gonna go leave hey uh Eli can you move your car welcome to the podcast Brandon yeah fuck it Brandon everyone I'm just going to go leave. Eli, can you move your car? Welcome to the podcast, Brandon.

Brandon, everyone. No, Civ was... I forgot. And then there's that story of that forever war that's going on. Somebody has a civilization game that's a thousand years into the future now. He just lets it play. And they're a deadlock from nuclear war and everything and there is no progression going on right now oh that's right you can just run auto yeah you can turn you can just let let ai like you can put ai on crazy

intelligent difficulties and just let it go yeah and this one it's a cool story because they're like the dudes like he's wrote down in, transcript the entire events leading up to where they are now, which is a nuclear wasteland where everyone's at a deadlock of, like, war. Yes, exactly. So, 2030. I was like, holy shit, this is baller. But I never really played them. You guys, you played Civilization then? I did when I was in high school.

I got obsessed with it for like a couple months there. I dabble every year. So I'll jump back in and I'll play Civ for like a month straight. Like one game on, I can't remember the name of the time setting. Because there's different time settings where something that normally, like building the pyramids would take seven turns. You can turn up to like, so building the pyramids takes like 180 turns. Like it's like a

realistic time scale for how long shit takes it's wild and i'll just put on one of these long games and just go until one of the ais murder me just terribly i always lose i never win there's no winning civilization because there's multiple win conditions. You have like war, which is the easy one. Kill everyone. But then you can get like a diplomatic victory where you start like the UN and you get everybody to join and they elect you the leader. And then world peace. And then there's one that's like a cultural victory

where you somehow with art and love or something take over the world. And then there's the religious winning. And then you're going to have religious victories because they added religion. And then you're just forcing your religion upon the entire world until you take over the world. This sounds like different periods

of Earth. Weird, it's almost like it's called civilization. Different periods of Italy. Weird. It's almost like it's called civilization. Different periods of Italy. Renaissance. Let's take over the world and force Christianity on everyone. War. That didn't work. Let's try war. Alright, you know what? Fuck it. Let's join

the UN. The war thing's not going so great anymore. Fuck. That was the only RTS that in Sims, as I said. And then, I don't know any... You played the dinosaur one. Yeah, the Jurassic Park one that we were talking about earlier. Operation Genesis.

Go in-depth, because I have no... Maybe Cody does. I have no idea what it is. You start with an auto-generated island thing, and you basically have to clear-cut trees, build your base, helicopter pads so people can come in. You have hot dog

stands, bathrooms. It's basically roller coaster tycoon except the roller coasters are velociraptors that you can breed and shoot. That's what you breed and shoot them? Well, you're not supposed to breed them to shoot them. You can have an ox ranch situation. You start a meat farm.

You have like an ox ranch where you breed. Velociraptor burgers. Come down to Brandon's Diner. It's like Joe Exotic. Truck Month is on at Chevrolet. Get 0% financing for up to 72 months on a 2025 Silverado 1500 Custom Blackout or Custom Trail Boss. With Custom Trail Bosses available, class-exclusive Duramax 3-liter diesel engine

and Z71 off-road package with a 2-inch factory suspension lift, you get both on-road confidence and off-road capability. Dirt road ahead? Let's go! Truck month is awesome! Ask your Chevrolet dealer for details. I'll never financially recover from this. You know that that would cash flow so much better. Fuck doing like Disneyland with dinosaurs.

Are you doing hog hunts? Velociraptors! Seriously, breed them so that rich guys pay a million dollars a piece to shoot them. You will bankroll way more than a fucking like, Oh, well look, I think I can see it through the tree. Nah, we're going to fly over with a helicopter and an M60. Here's a T-Rex. Here's your thermal sight.

I'd pay to see that movie. Oh, yeah. Facebook would not like those pictures. They'd love them. They don't like what we do already. Endangered species? What would that be called? An extinct species?

You brought back and murdered and posed with i mean there's any still alive okay straight up this is the plot to jurassic world too they're like dude extinct dinosaurs we brought have rights like that's literally the plot of the movie it's the lamest one by far i loved it really the second one i'm totally okay with the whole war dinos like oh fuck nuclear weapons i'm paying two billion dollars for a velociraptor with a camera on its head well like why don't oh my god i forgot that was yeah right yeah it's like well why don't we currently use like tigers and elephants because it's the same shit yeah technically we can do skynet or let hear me out just dinos that we kind of trained with little cameras and they hunt people.

I want a pachycephalosaur with medieval armor. We're going to put a mortar on its back. It'll be okay. He just literally wanted a.30-06. That's alive. Oh, there goes $6 billion. There's a new one, Jurassic Park game where you build your own jurassic park jurassic world evolution yeah that came out last year the new one comes out in two days jurassic world evolution

two that's why i was talking about this and i was the first one good jurassic world evolution was good had some weird issues where they tried to make it less fun because games do that now for some reason um but jur Jurassic World Evolution 2 is getting great reviews already from the early release stuff. So I'm going to make a dinosaur farm. I'm going to play that. I'm going to play the fucking... We're not going to see Brandon for like the next three weeks. It's like when he first picked

up Tarkov. I'm like, Brandon, where have you been? He's like, I'm playing Tarkov. You're not streaming. I'm offline playing video games. Uh-oh, he's addicted. Next time I come to brunch, I've got like the fucking amber cane and the straw hat. My dear Dr. Grant, welcome to Jurassic Park. Why are you doing this?

What are you doing? This is the way I talk now. He gets in a helicopter and flies away. Where do you get the money for this? People pay me for dinosaur I get in that business I mean I absolutely if anyone out there is bringing back dinosaurs

let us know we have a wonderful business venue for you I know that your audience is full of smart individuals geneticists definitely billionaires watching this podcast. Elon Musk is like, oh, I love that unsubscribed podcast. They crack me up.

There's one rich dude who's furious. They talk about raping Pikachu. Listen how the pores laugh With their silly and cultured jokes Listen to this table full of millionaires Isn't that cute Wait you guys are millionaires They took everything

I am not I'm just trying to hold on to my dragons. Fuck, dude. That got dark. It's a good-ass episode, so. Oh, my God. We're almost done, right? I can see the billionaires trying to figure out which Pokemon could rape people better.

Yeah, now they're thinking about it. Machamp. I mean, it's got four arms. It makes sense. They're all sitting there like, how do we make a Machamp now? Yeah, this will be good. Epstein. Oh, no.

Epstein, champ. Machamp didn't kill himself. Champ had information on him God damn it That's a sure idea Oh my god I love this so much So the new game comes out November 9th. Are you getting it?

Absolutely. It's got one mode that I'm really excited for. It's like a challenge mode where it puts you in the... It recreates the events from all the Jurassic Park, Jurassic World movies. And you got to try to prevent all the terrible things that happen. Why?

That's cool. That's what made the movie good. It's not a movie. Can you purposefully like feed children to the dinosaurs right i can how about the annoying they can absolutely break out and just eat people what about the annoying little kids from the first movie can we like feed them first off like right off the bat i mean there is a challenge mode so i'm assuming yeah they're gonna be in their little ball and you just stick all the t-rex's on them they're just stomping

them into fucking spaghetti they're adding all and you just stick all the T-Rexes on them. They're just stomping them into fucking spaghetti. They're adding all the aquatic dinosaurs too, so you remember that one scene? Oh, it's jumping out of the water. Yeah, and it eats the secretary chick who's getting picked apart by the fucking pterodonts or the bird dinosaurs. Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. Pterodonts.

Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. Pterodont. Pterodont. Pterodont. Pterodont.

Pterodont. The McDonalds. The McDonalds. The McDonald birds. The McDonald birds. The McDonald birds. Theactyl. What the fuck ever. I don't know. Pterodonalds. The McDonalds. The McDonald birds. You can tell because their wings make an M. That's when I use, when I do, what is it? He's not loving it.

What's it when you say it's like spelled Bob and you're like B over the phone. It's like B, breakfast, Oscar, breakfast. Your phonetic alphabet. Phonetic alphabet. I always use, for P's, I use pterodactyl. You're a piece of, oh God, you're such a dick. I'm like space, you know, like season, pterodactyl, or alpha, Charlie. Go back to the P, I'm like pterodactyl. Pterodactyl or alpha. Charlie, they're like, go back to the P.

I'm like, pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. It's right, Batty. I know it's right. Like, I understand the joke. That's why you're a dick. I know. I'm just, I hate you.

That's how in the Marine Corps you call down fire on the wrong people. Oh, no. Totally worth it. That joke was good though But he was in this grid he said Oh that's a P not a T I forgot cause the dinosaur There's no war crime if you kill everyone Is that it

No war crime if you kill the witnesses Man you guys are coming up with some great shirts today I just want a shirt that says pterodactyl it's spelled with a t though and there's just a picture of a pterodactyl so everyone would be like is that i think there's a i'm still i got my cum shirt and i'm super happy i should have wore that today oh my god no i ordered it because i've been wanting it for a while somebody made that though that you could just buy? Yeah.

You can buy that. Can we all buy cum shirts? Oh yeah, I saw your cum shirt. Yeah. And the shirt that has cum written on it as well. Yes. Oh yeah, both of them. Oh no.

This cum in Doom font is the most powerful thing ever. It looks like Doom if you first glance at it. Yeah, for everybody who doesn't know what we're talking about, Eli has a shirt that's got the Doom title. I would have been fine with like the shirt just. But it doesn't say Doom, it says C-U-M. I would have been fine with it just saying Coom. Coom. I'm a Coomer. He's a Coomer.

Wait, let's make that. Alright. Unsubscribe to Coom. Go buy our Coom shirt. What the fuck is these shirts they're making can we not call it a shirt can we call it a rag though

so it's a coom rag guys go buy our coom rags no one's ever marketed that one shirt like when you're done in bed you're looking for a shirt it's like that's the shirt it's called the shamwow

watch this you clean up the gloops there and you're just like and it flies off It's like that's the shirt it anywhere you want. Gloop it? Gloop it? That's the word for cum flying through the air. Gloop. You just gloop it. You guys talk about video games here, right? Remember Jurassic Park? We start there. You goop up the dino

coop. And that's how dinosaurs are made. And that little Jimmy is how dinosaurs are made. I just got the worst picture. They got to artificially inseminate them. But it's like hard to... Shit, I'm missed. They drive the motorcycles by them.

They're just like... I don't want to get close to a T-Rex. Gloop rag! Gloop rag! You got to yell gloop rag. On a motorcycle it's like lightning bolt Okay now I want a shirt that just says

glooprag You have the t-rex just like AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH You fucking would.

You fucking would. Can I make T-Rex? Yeah. Well, we just ruined Jurassic Park. There we go. And that's what the new game is about in two days. Go check out Jurassic Park. Jurassic World Evolution 2. Get that one.

What do we do now? So many worse jokes that I can't make. I don't know how we're ever going to financially recover from this. I mean, you're not. Oh, the people who listen to this aren't going to know. The room's empty. I moved. The room's just empty.

I don't know if we ever said that. Baron Walls. Sarah McLaughlin. For one click a day. You can get baddies D&D figurines Oh My god, okay. Well that's You want to go more into RTS? No, you ruined it. You ruined it. It's fine. I don't want to talk about video games anymore. I'm over it. I'm done.

This podcast is about cum and dinosaurs now. I fucking hate all of you. I'm so mad. I was so excited about that. I was so excited! This is what happens. I get excited about a game, Eli ruins it, and then I look at Donut for support and he's

just like, nah man, this is you. I'm just like, I mean, cum is funny, I don't know what to tell you. We're gonna have to make a shirt that says cum or something. So it's gonna be an awkward conversation at Bunker Branding. So we know you have paid graphic designers. We need a cum shirt. Actually, three variants. A lot of cum.

We got cum. We got cum shirt. Cum rag. Yeah. The glup. Glup, cum, or cum. Let us know in the comments which ones you like better. That was so close to a spit take, you have no idea.

Oh, Cody, you got a new tattoo. I did. We can talk about that for like five minutes. Cowboy Bebop. I got Spike Spiegel. Spike Spiegel. I'm going to do the whole arm in Cowboy Bebop. You're doing the whole arm in Cowboy Bebop?

Because I'm going to get, I got Spike here, I'm going to get vicious on this side. Oh, yes. And then just go up with maybe some of their Where's Faye's titties going to be?

Because if you don't get Faye Valentine's titties on your arm, I am never going to talk to you again. You mean the real Faye, not the Faye that they're doing on the show?

We don't talk about this. Stop it. Not frumpy Faye? She's not even wearing the thing, the vagina onesie, man. We got to see that moose knuckle,

that Faye, that Faye moose knuckle. got to see that moose knuckle that famous famous famous knuckle i thought of moose knuckles with dudes no it's a camel tail it's camel toes and camel tails and a moose knuckle no camel tail i thought that was just a big just a just a big hole yeah that's what i'm on with you no you have camel you have camel toes and you have camel tails i've never heard camel tails that's awesome yeah'm on with you. Now. You have camel. Do you have camel toes and you have camel tails? I've never heard camel tails. That's awesome. Yeah, that makes sense. It's very intuitive It's exactly what you think it is. It's a camel towing the camel tail It's a cock. It's a dick

It's a register finally Called nice cock Jason oh dude it's called nice cock hey jason hey man nice cock nice cock nice cock this will be a dope ass sleeve though when you get it done now we're all anime you got an anime leg you have zero anime you have zero tattoos in general virgin skin guys leave i have a tattoo machine in the garage oh we were gonna do that for a podcast i I forgot about that. We were going to tattoo each other. Thank God we had Will here to save us from that disaster. Any tattoo that starts with breaking a big ballpoint, like, I'm out.

It's an actual machine. It's pink. Oh, yeah. If you can go on the real Brandon Herrera and tell him he needs a frog tattoo to join the company, we would appreciate that, because he doesn't want to get one. Pussy. because he says i'm not getting no frog for my first tattoo as a tattoo in general i'm like

first tattoo it's like oh yeah no that's the frog especially on the ribs dude holding up an ak like wolverine style we did it on the podcast like we were like being recorded. We it's not that bad. You were drunk. No Stone colds over but not drunk you can if you want to get we make terrible decisions. What do you mean? Why have you not listened to the last 30 minutes of what we've been talking about? Oh, I've been here for it, unfortunately I'm a participant. It's like I'm never coming back to this crack house podcast again. Doesn't look like a crack house. Cody, how many doors like that have you kicked down? What does that door mean?

The answer is more than one. Oh, no. I don't know exactly how much force I need to get into your bedroom right now none because the door

will be open for you nicely yeah coom oh my god wait for one of you to be giving like a serious speech somewhere or something

be like front row you guys are like glue brag he just left me no he was just Brandon speech somewhere or something be like front row I just meant the gesture not Oh, you're not actually gonna throw cum at us? I thought I was just gonna do this gesture, the whoosh. I thought you were actually shooting cum at us. No, I'm not gonna shoot cum at you. I mean unless you want me to, I can. Only consensual cumming from Brandon here. What a little scamp, that Brandon. He got me. I'm speaking at my brother's funeral and, oh, cum in the face.

Please do that at my funeral to one or the other i'll give it to your to your casket that's funny you think he's gonna be alive after you that's fair true yeah you got a dog you're asking for it now all right that's true well no yeah she's gonna die you're gonna coom on your no why do you co come on your dog? Like reaching for the rag princess dump truck No wonder she doesn't like to be held.

Call her little dumpy. Princess cum truck. Your cat's crunchy. She's trying to bed it. It's like... The pages are stuck together on your cat. Ow, my jaw. The laughing.

Cat walking around with stiff arms. The cat bend its fucking little elbows. Neat. There's no way we're gaining viewership. What'd you guys do today? We laughed for 45 minutes. Welcome to the Comcast. Okay. Video games are cool. Every time I come on you guys' podcast, you're just like,

oh, yeah, well, this is the last one we ever do. Because every time we're like, this is it. You know, like a cat has nine lives. We have 29. Every episode, we're like, cross it out a new life. Apparently yours has thousands of lives on it. Too far?

Oh, this might be my favorite episode now. Good luck, Fluck. I keep trying and it's not doing anything. Why aren't there more princess dump trucks? Patty, that's not how it works. No! She needs a friend. I sorely misunderstood sex ed.

It don't feel so good, Mr. Stark. And science. Oh, no. Oh, my God. So, Eli. I don't know. I just fucking end it. We hit gold. No, we got into the Squid Game thing.

The Squid Game thing. Okay. Serious face. Everyone's watched Squid Games. I think. Not Donut, but the costume. Not Donut, Squid Game. Yeah.

The Korean show. Is Donut Squid Game. Not, yeah. The Korean show. Is it Korean? Yeah. South Korean, I think. North Korean. That seems North Korean. We tell from the games they play. South Korea, I think.

Compared to you had a 50-50 shot when it was releasing on Netflix. There were a couple fat guys in the show, so it can't be North Korea. Those were the leaders. Oh, no. So what we discussed today was actually, it's like, okay, the games are, spoilers, if I could turn this skip forward or something.

Just listen to it, fuck you. It's been like a month. That's like 10 years of internet time. It's a good bit. It's a good bit they play stop red light green light yep they play um the licky licky lick game licky lick game where they have those like the scratchy cookies home yeah honeycomb lick game um well he's the only one that started licking it though yeah but you they have the little uh a needle a needle yeah and they

gotta like carve the shape out without breaking the shape oh it's like sugar right it's like caramelized sugar or something yeah it's like honey yeah like a honeycomb something pancakes sure um crepes and then there's the jumpy game on the well first before tug of war tug of war with tug of war was brutal yeah i. Marbles. Oh, marbles. Yeah. Marbles was brutal. Holy shit. Marbles, like, all the character development, all that.

Everyone died. The husband and wife. Oh, my God. Yeah. That was bad. Didn't he hang himself? Yeah, I think so. Spoilers.

We already warned him. Yeah, yeah. And then... Everyone dies. The glass one was the one I was like fuck that

like okay I'm gonna I'm not gonna I didn't I fell asleep during that one I missed that entire section

yeah I've seen did you see the layout of it though okay I've seen all the spoilers but I just didn't go back and rewatch that one

bro and they like they went they died kind of instantly but like like dying on the ground like when they were they died kind of instantly but like like dying on the ground like when they were collecting them up later there was like a couple still alive twitching shit yeah you're falling like you're not falling from a fucking airplane you're falling

from like an uncomfortable distance where you're shattering everything it's like you're hurting real bad it was like 80 feet so like pretty good chance you die immediately but also pretty good chance you don't because you're trying to land your feet. So you're not like rotating to like Yeah, he just dolphin dives and eats a pane of glass. Insert Eli Dolphin. Yeah, he went and said, oh, hey. Just blood smeared. No one else can make it across because they jump and slip on his blood. Like, phuh, phuh. No, just imagine, like, on the pane and falling forward off of it.

Just flipping onto it and just keep sliding. The reason people watch it. What's wrong with him? Is he stupid? But yeah, that one was the fucking brutal one to me. I was like, fuck that. And then it was kill each other. Yeah.

Or the squid game was like the final one. Yeah, where they just murder. What would you consider the dinner game? Was it? Remember when they were at the dinner? Oh, no.

They were just eating and then they had knives and it was like, you can kill each other if you fall asleep and then no one well, one did. Well, yeah.

And it was the squid game where it was like they called that game and it was really just murder each other. That's my favorite game. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it was the squid game where it was like, they call that game. It was really just murder each other. That's my favorite game. Yeah. Here's two. Murder.

Fun. Like, okay, cool. What games would you come up with if you had to? Like if each person had one, because we got four people. How'd it go? Why do I got to go first? Because. Thumb Wars.

How many rounds is like a one time and you dead no we did best out of three i think it's fair oh man the nerves of that person because you gotta say the thing you have to one two three four and you got sweaty hands and shit got thumb wars oh my god mario party would be a great one you have to play 2 3 4 and you got sweaty hands and shit got thumb wars Oh my god, Mario Party would be a great one. You have to play Mario Party with people Jesus because my party is violent not the switch one though Yeah, it's for you and anyone can win at the end cuz it's randomly like you get five stars for yes We're talking Oh gee like Mario Party 1 or 2 where Nintendo 64 and Mario Party.

Yes, Nintendo 64. Your palm was bleeding. Oh god, this is my favorite game. The Bowser spin thing or whatever. Oh my god. Brandon. What would be your game? We were talking about paintball. I think paintball, but with real guns.

So combat. War. Although I think it would be hilarious with real guns. So combat. War. Here's an AR. Although I think it would be hilarious with a bunch of just people off the street who've never fired a gun before. It's like, oh, I'm good at this game. I can do this. You don't even tell them how to load the AR. Oh, that's good.

Have it on safety. No magazine. Yeah, they have mags on their vest. Are the rounds in the mag already, though? Yes. What if they gave? What in the mag already, though? Yes. What if they gave, what if, no, okay, but come on. Pocket full of bullets, mags. You have somebody who's like, 7.62 round, 300 blackout, 5.56 gun, though.

You got a guy next to you who's loading mags. You just load one in the chamber, pop him in the head, take his mag. You're like, oh, okay, this worked really good. God, that, what would be the environment, though? Yeah, how do you stop it at the end? Because now you have people with guns in the game where you control them with guns. You gas them just like they did everyone else.

That's true. Fair. Oh, I think it is hilarious. Like, they have to play paintball if they get shot, and then they just get shot. I mean, actual paintball, it's a red pellet. It's like, oh, no. Boom!

Why not just give them guns at this point? I can see it. Or dodgeball. Dodgeball. Oh, dodgeball. See, that's a good, like... With those shitty foam dodgeballs you had when you were in the gym one, gym class, yeah? Not like when we were kids, when we had the rubber ones that you could...

I had a mixture. It was... We either had the rubber ones or those shitty foam ones that you Can throw and they just like hardcore right like this go find the red with the with this stir Yeah, the sound that they make when they Can you got fucking whacked yo By the time I was in middle school, too many fat kids have gotten bullied that way,

so they swapped them out for the foamies. Yeah. That was in the transitional period. They swapped them out or something like that. Because there was always those one or two kids that would just run right to the face. And that noise, dude. It's the sound.

The sound of those rubber balls hitting flesh is perfect. Do you ever play Top Gun on the Nintendo, the original Nintendo? Nope. Oh, yeah, trying to land it? Yeah, you have to land on the aircraft carrier. So everyone dies. But you have to use the power glove. So everyone definitely dies.

I feel like one's got to be video game related. Like the worst video game. Like Frogger Kong would be a good one where it's just like two people just a single joystick you have to use it needs to be a giant

oh god a giant Dave and Buster's version of like whatever the game is so intense the lights the kids running around like ahhh knowing you and you're like oh god actual just kids running around while people you and you're like oh god actual just kids running around while people are getting capped left and right and then the screaming gets worse and it's more stressful god what about like a claw game like you know the oh no like speaking of damon

buzzer's like the vending machine claw things it's just got a bunch of like stuffed animals but one one on there has like you live grab the ball with the you live oh jesus or you just i got a stuffed animal bang or you get really depressed and just go for the you die one yeah i win god that oh man i'm trying to think of like good school games that we played growing up what was the one with the the thing it had like the big the tarp umbrella you had like i would just do it to make that competitive yeah oh yeah the people left outside the parachute just get capped automatically i forgot did you ever play that goose dude i would do something like heads up seven up and we're like how do you play heads up so i don't even remember the rules all right. All right, heads down, thumb up your butt.

I don't know. What is it? What was head? Where did you go to school? Catholic school. Oh, yeah. Makes sense. Yeah, see, we came back around to the Jesus thing.

How was it? You put your head down, and somebody would tap your thumb or something? And there was one person. Keep the conversation going. I'm going to look up how to play Heads Up 7 Up. Did you know who the... I don't know how to play Heads Up 7 Up anymore. Why was it called Heads Up 7 Up?

Because I don't... I feel like it's really shitty like elementary school's Secret Hitler. Was that it? Okay, seven students stand in front of the class. The rest of the students put their heads on their desk. The seven then move about and each touches a student. Once touched, a student sticks his or her hands up. Then seven say, heads up, seven up.

The students who were touched then get a chance to guess which of the seven touched each of them. This is sounding worse and worse. The kids close their eyes and get touched and then they have to guess which one of the adults touched them. Welcome back to Kitty Dittles podcast.

Grape and Gittles. Gittles. God damn it, man. Maybe I want to pick that one. Kittles podcast. Kittle diddles. Grape and kittles. Kittles diddles. God damn it, man. Maybe I want to pick that one. I pick like croquet. I was a 180. You don't see it come and you walk up.

You're like stressed out. I'm like, okay, well, you got to play your co-cray. It takes two hours. No one's having a fun time. They've got like the cart girls too Selling you drinks and shit while you do it I'm like oh fucker I'm gonna lose anyways Okay this is the game

I can't think of anything else Oh god you get slammed doing that You win somehow and the next game is a balancing game Shit Shit You're on the glass panels. Yeah. You just missed.

Go. Good comedy beats right there. So there's your comment. This is what we need you to put in the comments. What would be your game that you would play for the Squid Games? Like what shitty fucked up game would you choose? So the Squid Game? Like, what shitty, fucked up game would you choose? So you do the engagement plug at the end of the podcast. Well, normally

plug, put this at the beginning. Don't do that. I asked the question at the beginning. Did you? Yeah. I wasn't listening. It's your podcast. You wonder why. He's selling his D&D figures.

Because he puts his plug at the end. What do you want me to say? I wanted to start with this. I wanted to start with this, and you said no. Two hours later. I wanted to start with this bit, and you're like, no. Let's talk about your shitty dinosaur game. Which turned into gold.

Which. game turned into gold subscribe He's driving off. Just a little motorcycle guy. Yeah, just a little ragged man. See, Batty? That's why we started with that. Because it was comedy gold. I can't show this to my family. My father watches this. He's so proud of you for it. No, he's not.

He just makes fun of me. You and all your... Never mind mind I can't say that word oh no you and all your laggy friends doing your stupid show again you and your husbands I was like that one

oh yes figureheads oh my god this is comedy gold do we have any other time no we need to go we need to end this right now this isn't safe anymore is it hot in here?

Brandon, you want to sign us off? Absolutely. Is there anything you guys particularly do to sign off? Or is it just like fucking goodbye? Where do we find you at? Oh, you can find me on YouTube at my name. We'll put that somewhere here. Very cool.

People are just like, my name? It's not popping here. Very cool. People are just like, my name, it's not popping up. My name, yeah, Brandon Herrera. That's our audience, though, so. That's true. Be very specific. None of them are going to be making dinosaurs for us anytime soon.

All of you fucking. I'm going to show them I'm making dinosaurs right now. All of you fucking suck, except the geneticists that want to talk to us about that. I just got this email from Elon Musk at Oh man. Well I was going to invest but

then he said we fucking suck. Yeah. You said we wanted my champ to rape. No you didn't mean it. It was a joke, Eli. Satire. Alright, everyone.

You can find us all at weird places. Eli, Daddy, I'm Donut. Thank you for watching the Unsubscribe Podcast. Thank you for watching. Listening.

We got fucking Donut Operator Batty Streams, Batty Streams. Are we all going to do a sign off? I guess. We got a real brain Herrera and Princess Cum Truck. Batty's Cum Rat. Thank you. Have a good night. I'm going to throw up.

That's how it ends. I'm going to throw up. That's how it ends. I'm going to throw up. The other ones are still on. Can you put your teeth in there? I can't do it. That hurts. I don't want to watch my friends do this. Brandon.

No, I can't. I was going to try.