Unsubscribe Podcast - 34 - Incomprehensible Laughter ft. Brandon Herrera

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

Unsubscribe Podcast - Ep34 - Incomprehensible Laughter Ft. Brandon Herrera WE WENT TO THE BAR AND FOUND A Mr. @Brandon Herrera THERE! WE THEN KID NAPPED HIM AND BROUGHT HIOM BACK TO THE PODCAST. AGAIN. plus we spend all the podcast money on @Danny Worsnop last week. We basically just laugh incomprehensibly for an hour This week we complain about how @Garand Thumb doesnt love us, Brandon is Pissed about something, Baddie finally accomplished something and @Donut Vlogerator said something about bodily fluids. ENJOY! ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie- @Baddie Streams https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -DonutOperator- @Donut Operator https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwkm_Wcyh0pc7UUmZZfL-6w https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator/ https://www.twitch.tv/DonutOperator https://twitter.com/DonutOperator -Eli_Doubletap- @Eli Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by Fluck https://www.twitch.tv/fluck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So you're hosting the family barbecue this week, but everyone knows your brother is the grill guy, and it's highly likely he'll be backseat barbecuing all night. So be it. Impress even the toughest of critics with freshly prepared Canadian barbecue favorites from Sobeys. Why is the blackberry top black and not purple? People keep taking my mic. All the other ones are the same color as the can. Oh, I tasted your burp.

That's kind of racist. That's why. Why didn't they make the top purple? They made it black. Ketchup and onions. White Claw. White Claw. Why is it going to be black?

Oh, wait. Let me get this. White Claw. Why didn't you want to sponsor us? We could talk about that. We got the official denial at least. White Claw. I've been shooting your shit for like a year.

What the fuck? I mean, it worked for okay ready three two hi everyone unsubscribe podcast here we're with batty, Donut, and Eli Double Tap. Remember to like, subscribe, and comment below because we always forget to do this. So we're adding like a five-second segment. Yeah, wherever you're listening, whether it's on Amazon, Google, Apple, Podbean, Castro,

or that other place, make sure you do a rating of not four stars or three stars the highest numbers all of them stars like mario i didn't know we're on amazon we are that's cool are we yeah hi everyone unsubscribed podcast here welcome to us we have batty streams over here we have eli double fap and Mr. Brandon Herrera once again, just because we were all at the bar and he was like, yeah, I'll come do that stuff again. Hopefully the audio works this time. We're good.

Good. We're good. Branded brand new guests. Never been here before. Super excited to have you. Longtime viewer. First time caller. Love that joke. It is like we're slumming it and we don't have anything else to have you. Long time viewer, first time caller. Love that joke.

It's like we're slumming it and we don't have anything else to talk about. So it's like, guys, bring Brandon on again. Guys, we have nothing interesting to talk about. What's the AK guys? We can't afford. We can't afford any real guests. Who's that one fucking guy who hangs out with us? Jesus.

Jesus. He's Mexican. Slightly Arab. There we go. Mexican, but slightly Arab. There we go. Get him on the show. And here we are. With AK-47 man. Yeah.

We spent all our money on Danny Worsen. Oh, that's right. People will know we did that. That's right. Yeah, we had like Matt with great audio, by the way. Oh, no. Yeah, that came out today. Danny was on the podcast? Yeah, Danny was last week.

I didn't fucking know. That was a good one. It was a great one. Tells you how much they fucking tell me. We don't tell how much you watch our episodes. It's not out yet. When's the last episode you watched? The one with Matt this morning.

You watched the whole thing? No. It just popped up into his head he's like interrupting i watched a new video from demo i watched 100 seconds before i was like audio shit i'm gonna go have breakfast yeah sorry about that again everyone you like the light's still red it's my favorite line to say now eli double tapped the record i did not there was you were on it i have the clip of you doing it hey batty your audio sound that's gone because you were standing over there why would i double press the fucking audio because it was when we were first starting to learn how to use this you were like okay

that's how i tear them apart i hate it I'm gonna not It's alright the first time it was my fault The second time it's your fault Donut we need you to ruin the audio I'm getting a call from Garantham Let's do it We can edit it out if anything's like Meh

Hey buddy what's going on What's up fuckface how are you I'm doing great man I'm on a podcast what's up oh my god in that case i'll call you back it's all good i've got mike you i'm sorry shit eli double tap batty uh donut you know we're all just having a good time great i i opened that call up wonderfully yeah a hundred percent this is the podcast hi mike uh we were supposed to talk about video games but so far we just talked about audio problems why why am i not on this podcast why the fuck are you not on this podcast mike don't you even start don't don't even start with me i literally we have

a text conversation today about you being on this podcast sorry what this is great for the podcast this is good i already tell. This bit's getting cut out. No, it's staying. I hope all this stays. Well, when is the next podcast I can hop in on? When you're fucking not med-boarded.

Literally come to Texas. That's it. Just be in Texas. Well, be in Texas. What the fuck? Okay, well, I'll try to make it down there. That is the weakest answer. You can sleep in my bed. Mike, imagine this. Close your eyes.

Let's go to Mike. Yeah, well, yeah. Dude, Seattle's so much fun. Last time I went there, I was in the hospital. Let's move the podcast to you. We'll do it on the gun range. Yeah, this is going to be beautiful. At any point, anybody can just pull out a gun and start shooting.

Not each other but well can we duel so I have this idea never mind that I'm cutting out of this because that is a genius idea I know I know so why don't you guys all come down here we do it for one it's up there you're north

remember that secondly I am be careful what you say okay Jon Snow calm down For one, it's up there. You're north. Remember that. Secondly, I am... Be careful what you say. Okay, Jon Snow, calm down. Your last season sucked. Yeah, Juan Snow saying that. Yeah, Juan Snow says you suck.

Grand Thumb is king of the north. I don't want to be king. What's that? Ash says hi. Oh, hello. Hello. Hi. I love you and Pokemon. I'll let you guys back to your podcast we're going up to you oh my god that is a really good idea god i can't wait to not talk

about mike's super cool idea we'll just bleep that out which is great for them because they're gonna be like now you're gonna have to wait for a future thing to watch us do something Cool with Grantham. We all have to get a fifth mic. That is actually that's true We all throw money down on it. Maybe there's a prize or something. This is why batty fangirl so hard but he's so cool not doing it bad this is a really good idea though yeah what were we doing today i don't talk about video games video games we have brandon's pissed about something batty finally accomplished something donut baddie finally accomplished something donut come come subscribe brandon great to have you back everyone always everyone always says you should be a fourth host and we reply

that's stupid but god to all the people out there who uh who keep commenting that i should be a fourth host do you really think they could afford me to the tens of people saying that the tens of people whose comments I always like. Batty's like, oh, it's that episode today. Oh, man. It's going to be such a bummer when I get fired from this podcast and they hire Brandon. Batty gets fired from this. It's cool.

Oh, man. It was just my idea. Hello, everyone. This is the Unsubscribe Podcast with Eli, Brandon, Cody, and my assistant, Paddy. I'm okay with that. No, I'll take that. Yeah, I'm fucking, I'm telling you, I gotta have a backup plan for when I finally fail. That is a weekly check.

We are all of each other's insurance plans. Like, whenever one of us gets fucking canceled, it's gonna happen. Somebody's gonna get fucking kicked off the internet, and it's probably gonna be Donut, but when we finally do, I's probably donut but why would it be telling us he's not I'm just a joke I know why we're getting canceled probably probably oh man perfect freeze frame hi everyone half the podcast i was gonna be a good episode today. I like this.

I don't. This is why we don't meet at a bar first. People listen to this on their morning commute, as we're on, like, our 6 p.m. home commute. I'd say every other episode, it's like a three-hour bar venture before the podcast. Only the good ones, though. though yeah that's what i said every other episode who is the fuck's going on betty i love your shirt today i'm not gonna lie my dd

shirt yes i'm wearing a dd shirt batty everyone out there batty did something spectacular on stream which somebody okay before giving it away someone did they clip your twitch interaction of it someone cut oh yeah dude that was hilarious i was like that was bad he's fucking reaction i was pissed for that that's why i did it you're like oh that's cool i was like oh the pokemon thing yeah so for the last 70 plus hours uh over the past 30 hours two weeks yeah on a 30 hour game i did nothing but play the same 90 seconds the same four first minutes of the game over and over and over and over again trying to get a very special stupid pointless starter pokemon and i finally got it after 2175 soft resets which is like 50 plus hours 60 hours of just the same 90 seconds took me like

70 hours because i'm slow sometimes and i got the amount of time you could have learned a language yeah honestly i could have done so much more like i could have learned actual stuff and instead i lost thought i became dumber and i got the shiny fucking pokemon it's a shiny turtwig is my favorite one fuck you i love pokemon and we've talked about this the past three yeah i've been working on this over the two weeks that's right and i finally got it and i was live on twitch when i did it and as soon as i saw it my eyes exploded for a minute i was like no i must make the internet angry and i just went ah cool ah, cool. All right, well, moving on. Cause I was wondering,

I like, had you not explained this to me prior, I was just like, well, he's like really underreacting, but whatever. Okay. So I initially had been like wearing a robe and like pretending I was a blood God and we were sacrificing my viewers to it,

trying to make the Pokemon summon. I was just banning everyone in my chat that was talking, dude. And then I saw it appear. I stood up, walked out of my room, took off the robe, came back, sat down, went, huh, cool, all right, moving on. I guess I can play the game now. And everyone was so mad.

Everyone was so mad at me. They're like, this? I've been watching for a week and a half for this? It's like the Chad meme. Yes. That's why you were, okay. I was so confused because you're like, oh, and you walk away. And that's the reaction.

It was like five seconds later. I came back, sat down. I was like, oh, all right. It's cool. Son of a bitch. Because I had that special that the second part when I walked in and sat down and clipped. I was like, oh, I got it. Cool.

I just ended it and we moved on. That was it. I fucking ended the stream like 10 minutes later after talking to people 70 hours and people waited for that exact i've been thinking about i was like i need to just i'm just how could i piss people off if i get excited everyone's gonna be like oh he's so happy of course that's what he's like but if i just don't react everyone's gonna be so mad at me 45 45 seconds later, you just walk off again. Mom! Mom! Get the camera! Lori was sleeping in the other room.

I went there. I was like, Lori! She had to wake up at 6 a.m. Lori! Lori! You're doing that. She's like. I just pictured her belly.

She's like, what, babe? Dude, I took a picture of my phone. I was setting it to be. It's a house on fire. No, I got a Pokemon. No, it's better. He sent a picture to Kings and like all capsules like, fuck you. I hate you.

I did it. Because we had a little bet in like 20 gifted subs or whatever to see who could get it first. And I screeched like a child into his ears. 20 gifted subs. Yeah, not a lot. 70 hours of work for $50. Just bought my drinks for the day. You don't understand how petty I am guys.

When somebody says you're going to quit before you get it. Well, I just cleared my next two week schedule. Here we go. Oh, I am unbelievably petty that's really what this comes down to but you did it i envy that fucking did it so proud of you bro you you pokemon did out you got your blue bush he turned into cabbage he turned into a piece of

broccoli broccoli did we ever clap at the beginning of this podcast? So we're beginning now. Right. We're like 20 minutes in, right? Yeah, Flux is just going to be like, God damn it! Which I'm going to set a timer now. Recorder's still going. Okay, the audio's good. Audio's still on!

The little red light of love. Welcome to Unsubscribe. It's the fucking SATs of podcasts I don't know how long I've been here it's the Groundhog Day of podcasts it just keeps resetting in the way that it makes me want to take a bath with a toaster

correct? is that the way you're going to go? like a bath with a toaster? I've thought about it. The sad little toaster that could. What is that entire animated hour and 30 seconds? You got two googly eyes on it. The pool with Brandon.

The last little toaster that could. Welcome to the podcast. All these chords are on my side it feels like i'm getting i i honestly do that on purpose getting raped by dr octopus over here dude oh speaking of that would be really cool in japan speaking of graping i was gonna go speaking of doc no no fuck spider-man speaking of graping uh merch is gonna be coming soon oh my god yeah great transition daddy

oh okay okay that makes way more sense speaking i was like how is this working into the segment at all so i'm getting brutally great merges on tell it astonishing price these holiday prices everything you think it might go live by this time this podcast comes out though really maybe two weeks yeah oh yeah oh yeah they're fast they're real quick we're can we say who we're with yeah we're so I'm sorry I Donut, you do it.

You do your sexy voice. Oh, so. Hi, everyone. Donut here. Why do you have to say hi? I don't know. You said do sexy voice. It's his warm up.

Hi, everyone. You get the cum out of my throat. I picture this is a quick date for you. No, we were hanging out with old Demolition Ranch the other day. And Bunker Branding is going to be the official distributor of the unsubscribed merch just to be clear matt didn't show up we had to do yeah matt would have been like no yeah yeah yeah so we went behind his back with the manager the owner of the biggest family-friendly firearms channel in existence,

we have a bunch of cum shirts we'd like to talk about. We call them cum rags. Or cum rags today. Which is one of the shirts is the T-Rex. That's one of the shirts is the T-Rex. I'm so glad. We can have Brobot draw the t-rex he has all that slutty merch anyway so this is where laura starts on a podcast oh there's already lore there there

was already the fanfic of me eli and donut fucking so that was great they had that before the pod you'll have to cut you in with the we'll cut you on with the percentage for the t-rex that was like a group number into the fucking like fanfic I'm like oh yeah so I'll be the awkward third wheel

oh god Brandon's right now watches from the corner he's got an AK watching from the corner he's got an ak watching from the corner yeah he's actually cleaning the ak he's doing vg's turn on slowly cleaning an ak was actually way more offensive than whatever the fuck we were just talking about this man will fuck dudes before he does that he's like gross i'm not touching this he just walks in he's like here we I won't. I'll fuck a dude before I clean an AK. What am I, gay?

Okay. I mean, you. Okay. You are allowed to kiss your homies if you got socks on. If you don't have socks on, you can kiss your homies. You just got to high five after. If you don't high five, you're dating. Those are the rules.

Is that the rules? Those are the rules. You can kiss your homies with socks on. If you don't have socks, you're dating. Those are the rules. Is that the rules? Those are the rules. You can kiss your homies with socks on. If you don't have socks, got to high five. So hypothetically, I fucked my buddy's wife with socks on. Did you high five him after? Yeah. Then you're good.

Okay. Well, shit. I'm all right. As long as you high five after, you're good. It's just like a team bonding exercise. Cut to notes. I'm just taking notes with a quiz those are the rules man i don't make them i just let everybody know whose fucking rules are these man this was this on the test if you can't kiss your homies why are

they your homies which one which one are you my girlfriend thanks for having me on the podcast guys this is uh shut the fuck up you're such a dick i love you I'm sorry. I don't know. What day is it? This is why we don't film after we go to the bar. Are we even, is that going to get included?

I don't know. A hundred percent. It has to be. My chest hurts. We all love you. Let's. So a big, a big portion of the podcast viewership is like, what would it be like to hang out with these guys? I would have a beer with you. This is what it's

like. This podcast is as close as you'll get. This is pretty much it. Can I ask before we put that up? Jesus Christ. Oh my God.

Fuck, Benny. That is the hardest I have laughed in a very fucking long time. Usa. So video games. Oh man. so video games oh man stop it stop laughing Donut I can't even look at you right now oh my gosh

we have to make that was like four fucking minutes of laughing that's so good Donut's like this is comedy gold minutes of laughing. That's so good. Jonah's like, this is comedy gold. And look how he's holding his face right now. He's like, is it worth it?

I don't know. I know what I have to do. I don't know if I have the strength to do it. He has a cross on. He's like, this is the cross I bear today. Yeah, you just throw that cross under your shoulder. Matty, do they get Uber out here? Oh, Jesus Christ.

That is going to have another heart attack. Matty's strong again. Yeah. Oh, Betty's strong again. Beams not just having a strong. Call the Bungilance. Everything hurts. Stratty Beams. Just call the Bungilance.

Bungilance. The badulance I'm just gonna grab another one of these The last five minutes has been completely incomprehensible We apologize No we don't Fuck Halo That hurts my soul so bad Oh my throat hurts.

Oh, my God. Jesus, fuck. Stop laughing. I know it's been like two days since I've seen you guys, but like, holy fuck, I miss you. This is fucking great. We're the three best friends. All right, fuck you, man.

Well, we're the three best friends. You're the three best friends? Alright, fuck you, man. What were the three best friends? You're the... Do you remember? Okay, okay. Do you remember the hangover when they sang the song? There was the three of them trying to save their four best friend. I'm laughing

still! They're trying to save their fourth best friend! Strati Beams. Stratty Beams. Stratty Beams is having a strunk call to batting. You're our friend stuck on the roof of the mattress. Shut the fuck up. I don't know.

Things do bear null of us. Just be completely honest. Spitting on me now? That's my job. Got it. Spitting on me now? That's my job. Got it. Gotta aim for his mouth, actually. This episode's gonna be called Incomerable Laughter.

That's it. That's the episode name. I was 30 minutes of him laughing. This episode's sponsored by the Rustic. That's a bar. So we had some topics, I think. Oh, my God. Okay, we'll move. Everyone moves off.

We'll take a breather. I don't even know if Zay left the room. Can't be in here anymore. I don't know what these white people are talking about. White people, am I right? Game review. My jaw hurts. Oh, no.

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Different is calling. What were you talking about? Brandon hates the new Jurassic park. Why do you got to say it like that? Sorry, Brandon, rephrase it. I fucking hate

well so the last time i was on the podcast we were talking about jurassic uh jurassic park jurassic world evolution 2 yeah jurassic world evolution 2 um zoo tycoon style dinosaur game i paid 60 two days ago to download that game i I was very excited because I was a big fan of Jurassic Park Operation Chances. I love that fucking game. Now I'm wondering if I was a fucking retard in my teenage years. Or if

this game sucks. And I'm not sure which it is. I'm genuinely not sure. Before I throw a white um i so i played the first campaign mission yep and then i played the chaos theory mode yo cast theory mode yeah on the first jurassic park like east lenooblar yeah yeah yeah so for those who know chaos theory is where you try to play the scenarios that happen right in the movies and try to fix them that was

the most like easily new bar new blar specifically was the most miserable gaming experience i've ever had in my life i was gonna fucking kill somebody i hated it did you have you played the actual game or did just the hardest challenge setting possible because that's what that is the campaign was boring as fuck yeah yeah did you do the the sandbox where you just build a park and have fun they they claim that they're like hey this is for uh that's to learn it seasoned no it's to learn it you got to learn it that's how you learn the game the campaign yeah it was so you did the it was rainbow you did the tutorial and then played the hardest possible thing that's not fun i knew how to play it it just sucked batty's trying to defend it the best

i had so much fun playing this so what did you play what i did the play in the game three campaigns in a free mode like a free campaigns yeah because it teaches you how to do all the really actual fun so hard difficult shit i have a hard time like so i don't know sorry i only did two campaigns two games oh no only two campaigns yeah because i went right to free play after i was like the sandbox i should say i love like the fucking capitalistic like build your park the way you want it and it was like you now work for the park and wildlife service um these are free uh free reptiles that are just roaming around we're just gonna need you to tranquilize them and then like put them in a secure facility that's up the

standard i'm like fuck you like this okay okay so is your problem with the game or with the government i hate both of those things equally equally no I might hate Jurassic Park to a little a little more you might hate Jurassic Park more than the ATF

yeah that's true Jurassic Park's not gonna kill your dog I could almost say that with a straight face I hate the government a lot more but

yeah you hate the part even where you get to shoot the dinosaurs out of the helicopter well so like the only thing I hate is the interface where there was like four different tasks where you're like okay something's wrong with this dinosaur cool okay trank them okay they have a fucking ingrown toenail okay now fucking pick them up take them

to the center okay now assign a scientist to them. Okay, now put them back in. It's like, okay, I don't want eight phases for every time somebody has a fucking stomach ache. Oh, so the game's too hard for you? We know how he operates now with his animals. Like, oh, my dog's kind of sick with it. Well, I'm thinking real life. I'm like, I have these actual problems.

And you know what I do is I fucking hire people to take care of it so i don't have to do these things that's why you hire the scientists but i know it doesn't fucking matter if like i have to tell them every fucking thing they do that's called babysitting and that's what i don't want to do this sounds like actual job operation it is it's like we were talking about earlier. It's like we get on the podcast and talk about gaming and instead we do city planning for Bernie. I didn't want this part of the job! I didn't sign up

for the gym doing his goddamn job downtown! It's literally the game. It's city planning! That's the game! That's the fun part of the game! I enjoy that. I wanted to build a Jurassic Park, Casey. Now do your fucking job.

Jesus Christ. No, I see what you're saying there. You're in charge of the park. Why not delegate and be like, hey. Weird. It's like the people designing these games don't know how to fucking delegate things so they can make something worthwhile I thought the game was really fun

Batty also likes Tarkov It's true Batty also has 20,000 hours in Tarkov He needs Pokemon to get a Pokemon We can't trust Batty for fun Honestly, no, I'm not a great baseline This litmus test is fucked up bro so i would like to know why you enjoyed the game uh because i i just enjoy like

those planning building games i i literally have no issues with delegation and planning like that i you have to hire the correct scientist for the correct job because each scientist has their own stats so you have to make sure you hire the ones you can afford but also the ones that can help you then you fire the fucking the shitty ones oh i feel so good to fire those shitty scientists when you have one you have one that's it's kind of nice right it's like you have a scientist for one that's got nothing but all of his shit into like the excavation so like it's amazing to fire people and not worry about what they're going to say about you on social media. I know! It's great! Man, these Glassdoor reviews.

Oh no! Working for that batting guy is not good! That's part of the game. God damn it, this scientist is talking so much shit. It was a really great job. I was digging up fossils until he called me the F-slur. Here we are!

He's cancelled on Twitter. he called it a gamer word so Jurassic Park Jurassic World Evolution 2 was a great game guys Brandon's not doesn't like it I like it so far the uh two and a half stars out of five two out of every three gamers enjoyed it i really want to like it i do i'll give it another shot it's don't don't play chaos theory if you're learning the game okay it's not good i was so i went into the hardest like set or not the hardest but like the second hardest setting in sandbox mode immediately i played the tutorial for like 20 minutes live on stream. And I was like, you know, I can figure this out. Fuck the tutorial.

Right into sandbox mode. I was so stressed, screeching like an idiot. I'm like, shit, a dinosaur's got the flu. Dude, that seriously is what pissed me off. It's like, this is like being a manager. It's stressful. Yeah. And it was, yeah, it was, it was fun.

Yeah. But I had fun being stressed. Terrible. I don't. I'm stressed enough in my normal career. being a manager it's stressful yeah and it was yeah it was it was fuck yeah but it was i had someone being stressed terrible i don't i'm stressed enough in my normal career i'm like oh i'm unemployed so like have you tried layoff simulator 2021 it's fucking amazing oh my god and somebody made that game you just get to fire people it's a new person coming in. You're just playing office space VR. So what would you say you do here? You're just trying to keep your Glassdoor reviews high. This guy sucks, but he's also super underconfident,

so we can just not pay him anything and put him in the basement. Just take his stapler. It'll be fine. How do I make him not come back with a gun and kill all his co-workers shit shit just watch out make sure he doesn't buy a caltech sub 2000 yeah hello greg with a trench coat uh oh so you're a fan of the matrix oh god you just had to leave the conversation it was grandma's boy with a different universe oh no

it's a million dollar game I mean there's farming simulator that's why I'm saying layoff simulator we get proceeds on it bro we just auto generate NPCs yeah exactly dude they basically have that Jurassic world, though. Honestly, yeah.

Where it's like the sabotage meter. Yes. Where it's like if you piss off your scientists so much, they just start letting dinosaurs eat people. If you don't let your scientists take breaks every so many fucking jobs, they'll get mad. They'll start just fucking off.

It's the Dennis Nedry syndrome, basically, where they're just like, oh, yeah, they'll just steal your shit and let fucking dinosaurs eat people it's actually like I like it is there a game mode where you can track like how many civilians come in and get eaten by dinosaurs all of them yeah all of the

game modes yeah but that would be that would be rad like do you win like is there a game where you win if more civilians get eaten by dinosaurs hungry hippo they walk to a cave and it's just like... I got the most circles! Donut was the guy who played Roller Coaster Tycoon

and then set the Boomerang Coaster to launch at the entrance. Just to kill people. But you'd only have like a two foot path. So there was like a thousand people stuck in that little spiral in that one path. And if you have the high score, Pfizer hires you. Jesus.

My God. This is why I have 3,000 hours in RimWorld. I like to torture those little people. Oh, no. There was a joke there. Like, I was just like. Do all the fates is playing right now. It's like, how do I get through that?

I swear to God, you can look back on it. it's like how do i get through that i swear to god you can look back on it and like just like there's something there it's luck lay that in i want to see brain size like shooting around because i know what happens because i do the same thing with the joke i'm like it's almost there ob wants it over oh you are my brother numbers are flying across the screen nope so halo oh my god halo halo we've been here for like two hours probably like 10 minutes yeah probably halo the new halo i can so the campaign dropped yesterday yesterday and g i was i was like i called don't i was like fuck i can't

talk to you about this i talked to lightning on the way home like cosmic warrior huge beautiful face paint and he loves uh fucking halo but also i call him stop yes and yes it won't take long to tell you neutrals ingredients vodka soda natural flavors so what should we talk about no sugar added. Neutral. Refreshingly simple. Or drive to Rustic.

I was like, I had to fucking talk to somebody. It was like, this game is so fucking good. Halo. Who likes Skyrim here? Me, Batty. I've bought it seven times. It's open world with quests and you can do them whatever fucking order you want. And you can upgrade your armor

and stats on what you want. Like you're like, oh, I want a better grappling hook that now stuns and does this stuff. Oh, my shield does X, Y, and Z. The world's fucking massive. isn't it is the like it's literally skyrim with the halo world you just jump on ships and or is it are you on like okay no you can get whatever you want you can get fucking tanks you can build fucking you can skyrim across the world or not sky to get hit

on monetization oh two downed an animal on stream. Flood put two lives lost during this podcast. No, put a little like Call of Duty hit mark. Now play sad, bad recorder music. There's our strike. But not that like an off version. Slow it down 35% so it's slightly distorted like that and we're okay fluck thank you got you the game halo's good good good good so i know

infinite hours have you guys put into it i have no one's played about me how many hours you haven't played it no i haven't installed ready to go i have not played yet same i've heard nothing but amazing things i've watched a lot of infinite i've been i've been avoiding the campaign because i have hated i have absolutely fucking hated the last two halo campaigns they were fucking trashful and that's what everyone five yes yeah and it's bad bad all the i played them and i hated it is this this one the same Master Chief though? Yes. Okay. So this takes place after five, but four and five are everyone that came in the chat, actually a good viewership on playing that game yesterday.

New viewers watching me play and they were like, yo, five, here's what happened on that. Because I know a lot of the... Yeah, you're saying. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. But holy shit. The exploration exploration how big the map is the grappling hook is fun as fuck and i usually hate grappling fucking yeah we've been over how much i hate we've shit on grappling hooks to the last five podcasts yes and they've done it so good in this and it is the map size is fucking ridiculous. That's like what I can't grasp.

And you can if you make your fobs, then you can make the vehicles you want to drive around in. Oh, no shit. Oh, you get to make the weapons in campaign. No shit. It is fucking insane. I'm going to ask one question because I don't want to spoil. Is it on a singular planet or are you? Singular. An entire halo.

Oh, it's on. Okay. Okay. Which is a planet. I already know the word. That's why. So I know where. It's on a planet-ish.

Yeah. A ring. It's on a ring. Didn't they destroy all of those? No. So it was seven initially, correct? It's what wiped out the universe. If you actually know the mass weapon.

All right. Yeah. You're watching the unsubscribecribed podcast we know the fuck this is the this is the spark this is the spark snow version of halo lore there's a bunch of rings they killed one and there's like oh no there's more out of the big fucking station and now there's another newer ring that's gonna make a dead world disrupting weapon all right so we fucked up Iraq, but apparently there's Afghanistan and a few other places. A couple other places with this religion that kind of want to blow up the world. Nice. I just pictured that.

It's almost like that's when Halo 1 was written. This was the allegory. That's relatable. Weird. Master Chief's like, ring one's complete. Wait, there's oil on ring two?

Where'd it go? Man! There's oil on ring two! That's dumb. Has anyone heard of the Pakistan ring over there? Boys, Ford Undone doesn't gas herself. Speaking of Ford Undone, did you ever watch that live action they did?

Very good. Holy fucking shit. Speaking of which, next year, aren't they doing a live action thing again? There's a new Halo live action that's going to be coming out. I will watch that. Did you ever get to watch that? No, I never watched it. It's on Amazon or Netflix or something. No, it's on YouTube. Fuck.

Yeah, it's on YouTube. It's like a TV show, like seven or eight episodes 10 10 minutes per episode you can watch the whole thing like an hour yeah you get they made a super cut of it finally at the end after it was all released it's like a little mini halo movie based between the events of three and four or four and five i don't remember three and four and it is the following the cadets or the yeah it might be four and five i thought it might have been like before the fall of reach three no it was it was after reach because it was following uh the brother of an odst uh trooper so it was past it's not the officers going into because i thought it was like the the ones when they were like

putting down like that insurrection or whatever like the the human insurrection. Human act. I think it has to do with ODF's team. The insurrection actually happened before the Covenant actually attacked. That's what I thought they were doing because like the first time they got attacked was like, what the fuck is this? Well, they knew about the war,

but wait, this was actually, wait, fuck, now I'm actually confused. I think I'm correct on this, but I'm not sure. Because. Because they were looking at like these insurrectionists. Oh yeah, fuck these guys. You're actually right and then the covenant attacks them they're like who the fuck are these guys but john 117 master chief he didn't land till fuck now i'm actually confused son of a bitch and i know the i'm looking oh i'm looking i need

hopefully i i saved you guys a lot of hateful comments otherwise i got a bunch of hateful comments for fucking you guys i mean you're gonna get hateful comments no matter what that's fair but it is actually really good that because they portray master chief as like an eight foot fucking dude as he should be yes because all the soldiers that went through the um fuck what's the word uh could augmentation so at 13 you went through the um fuck what's the word uh augmentation so at 13 you went through the augmentation which made you like an eight foot fucking giant and that's girls or guys who just monsters it's 31 days before 31 years before halo 4 okay so the early days of the human covenant war early days right yeah all right i didn't expect to be right on that one awesome there you go that's after reach still isn't it i i think it

might if it was after reach i think it was because reach was early right reach was uh i'm gonna go back and read all the rings happened master chief went off reach was happening at the exact same same time covenant found out about reach's location went there attacked reach they had the infinite though that's where a lot of people hid during the reach uh the fall of reach they went into the infinite the covenant didn't know how to get into the infinite blah blah blah we are actually nerds 100 dude it's crazy to think about almost 20 years ago playing this game with my friends taking crt tvs over to their house and playing halo 1 on the original xbox oh i fucking love this and it's like the og has come it's so cool that was the size of this table

the biggest xbox i'm like, I'm coming. And I'm like, you got to run back to your dad's truck. Cause you couldn't fit it in the cab. So the old Xbox controllers, we called them meat hook controllers. Cause you had to have meat hook fingers to get under there. And the first year that they came out, it was released before Christmas.

And there were children that couldn't play their Xbox because their fingers weren't long enough to get underneath the controller. I just treated it like I was driving a Tonka truck. Whatever it was. I was 10 and 2! You were driving a truck. When I was 9 years old and my dad asked me to just drive

a truck home from the farm. From mowing the lawn? You know his last name right we had a lot of the same uh rare and claim it's over here i got lucky when i got my xbox uh it was used i bought it off a friend i think i traded it for like a paintball gun or some shit but i got a mad cats controller with it i'm sorry oh no it was amazing because it was small and it fit my hands you mac has used to be the shitty controllers back in sega no no no we're talking original xbox mad cats controllers it was the only usable controller for xboxes unless you were already 30

years old and had man hands the duke yeah that's what they called them it was called the duke yes oh shit yeah they're called the duke their original controller was called the duke for this fucking gigantic welcome to the unsubscribe of vintage video game podcast mike i remember all of this suddenly i don't know any of that shit dude that that is because you were just born you're a child probably i i did not ever game on the original xbox what year were you born 95 the xbox was out when you were six 2001 yeah it was 2001 that was lit 2005 so 2005 was the xbox 360 right yeah i remember that first i remember that. I remember the 360, but that was about it.

That was in high school. You were in kindergarten. You're like, I know you were learning to read. I'll put it this way. When it came out, I wasn't allowed to play shit like Halo. Like no,

still did. But you know, Oh my God. That's my brain is trying to wrap around this no we're still trying to figure out what was like cross-playable between like halo 2 halo 3 like uh shit can that play on the xbox 360 god yeah that's right he's like baddie feels how i feel a lot of the time old Old as fuck. Yeah. The majority of the time. I'm pretty sure the majority of your audience is like right where I'm at. So like, this is how you feel.

Our audience is old. Hey guys, in the comments below, put how old you are. Yeah. What's our question? Just up 40 minutes into the podcast. Tell us your engagement question. We're not good at this. Make sure you like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell. 41 minutes into the podcast.

For the 31% of you still here, our average viewership time, 24 minutes. We got this down to a T. I swear to God, we all do this for a living. Oh, I don't. I i don't i'm still learning uh i'm not even learning i'm not trying they use my house i'm just here so i can find so last time you were here the irs hadn't given his dragons back i got a couple dragons by a. Glad to see that you give good head. Yeah, that shelf wasn't here last time you were here, was it? No, no, none of this. Literally none of this.

There was none. It was just this, right? It was an empty case behind me. If that. It was boxes. It was right after I moved in. Yeah. No dragons.

That map's new. Yeah, we just put that one up. Okay. Is it a Ouija board? No. No. What the fuck, Brandon? You're not joking.

Fuck you. You summoned the Dark Lord. Jesus Christ, Brandon. Yeah, it's how you sacrifice animals. You guys can't even see the Shaman. Podcasts are great because they help us make the most out of our routine. We learn about the fall of the Ottoman Empire while we drive, keep up with news while we take the dog for a walk, or turn folding laundry into a comedy show.

Make the most out of your time with the PC Insider's World's Elite MasterCard, a credit card that can get you unlimited free grocery delivery and the most PC optimum points on everyday purchases. The PC Insider's World's Elite MasterCard, the card for living unlimited. Conditions apply to all benefits.

Visit pcfinancial.ca for details. Some sketchy shit over there. There's a lot of weird shit in shit in this house i mean you might be able to do this one nobody cares that one i don't they're listening most of our audience is listening but halo play it like literally everyone at this table play the fucking campaign because i'm probably i played a game offline i don't fucking do that i'm like turning on and today i was like god i guess i gotta play video games for money i know gross uh today i woke up early i was like make coffee i'm gonna do this without making money and i was like a little kid i was just like i'm fucking happy right now grappling hook grappling hook get in the tank drive it this way shoot covenant

for whatever reason i want to so we were just talking about this earlier it's like i feel like it's a different experience when you play something like campaign live versus playing like multiplayer something mindless like multiplayer whatever but campaign like that's if it's a hard good game you don't want to you don't want to play that live because you want to just be like organic in experience literally it removes you from the immersion of the game absolutely like especially if it's a really good game i had this problem last night where i was like listening to part of the story i got a 10 gifted subs it's like shut up and take your money back and then i got like my kiss uh whatever the kiss points and all that and i was like i was like give me a second

because the cinematic's going i'm like sorry i'm gonna fucking watch this first i don't care i will give you 50 to fuck off just shut the fuck up it's's like Master Chief dying. This doesn't actually happen. He's like dying and I'm like, Hey, thanks, Lightning 345. That was really specific. No, he doesn't. No, I'm in the first three hours of the game. That's why I made it up.

Eli? You're good. You're good. You just made that up? Yeah. That's actually... Yo, Eli's sus right now. I don't know about this shit.

If you're three hours in the game and fucking Master Chief dies and someone donates 10 gifted subs. this shit if you're three hours in the game and fucking Master Chief dies and someone donates ten gifted subs well if you're really bad at the game then ten gifted subs that's a lot just imagine it's like Final Fantasy 7 like fucking Sephiroth comes down

fucking kills Aerith and then you're like yo fucking Cocksmoke 320 gifted 25 subs thank you so much bro hey rebels come man thank you for that 20 gifted sub ball and you're watching like your favorite character die you're like my instrument might not be i know we know and no one agreed with you i know a lot of people i know this reference also i do too great i'm glad we both played final fantasy i'm so glad we got so many podcasts where they're like yeah this fucking bitch did this and i'm just

like oh yeah oh yes random japanese bitch did that thing i fucking glad i'm here i'm trying so hard not to be offended right now halo's awesome that's all i gotta say who's next no that was our that was the that was the whole list right we sat together for three hours talking about podcast topics i think that was everything that was three hours pokemon halo what's happened? Something happened. You had something. You had come and something else. It's come and... Yeah, you had come, but there was a second topic. Oh, Jones, June... Yes, that was it. Don't VR.

Don't VR. Don't ruin it with this. Donuts got VR, guys. You had come and something else. I like you, Love. We keep Donuts topics very narrow. It's come and usually like... Okay, talk about come for five minutes. this isn't about final fantasy but have you heard of come dude revolutionary new

product that's gonna save the human race is this the 2003 version or 99.5 of come of come The 95 version was so much better. I don't know. The late 80s cum wasn't that great. The 21st century has really ruined cum. This update sucked. The 63 Tomahawk download for my cum. I hated it. I guess in the Dallas Buyers Club DLC of cum. Dude, have you ever noticed computers have really updated year after year to hold more data, but cum stays the same?

It's the same amount of data every year. They're just selling you a different cum. Yeah, it's fucking rip ripoff these programmers get it right I just got a migraine You guys I just figured it out. It's you guys you guys give me migraines God really needs to drop a come 2.0 Yeah At God on Twitter. Fuck you I'm doing it right now

I'm verified I can do this hey oh you're verified what's that like god fuck you sent I don't know who's got that handle but sorry

those preachers are never coming on the podcast now only little have we told them that they reached out to us all the preachers all the priests and preachers and they reached out to us? Wait, what? All the preachers, all the priests and preachers and stuff reached out to us. After the like Jesus superhero after hours. No shit. Yeah. Yeah. We had a lot of people actually

like reach out and be like, yo, we can actually give you a breakdown. You guys are bad preachers. Why are you listening to this? But not like the Catholic bad, like the Christian bad. You most likely don't Christian bad. Yeah. You most likely don't fuck kids. Yeah. But...

Well, that video just went limited. Nah. Big ol' yellow fuckin' dollar sign now. Hey, what's that like? Algorithms not looking 50 minutes into the podcast. Oh, God. The Pope's listening to this. He's like, I'm sending out a memo. No one should listen to this. The Pope comes on.

We're like, we're just sitting here quiet. The Pope's on. We're like... Because you know all those Catholics in Silicon Valley. I don't know. This episode is like... Remember when this... Remember when this podcast was about video games we had a solid 15 minutes okay shut the fuck up 15 minutes of video games 30 minutes of laughter and then like five minutes of jokes we're gonna have to fucking remove from the podcast or are we

it's gonna be a lot of weird blank empty space. It's going to be a lot of like, no, no, sweetheart. The red blinking light means the camera's off. The red blinking light means it's off. Oh, fuck. What do we even name this one? Oof. I said said what did I say like incomprehensible laughter

what did you snore it just snore it baddie snorts incomprehensible laughter help oh my god well that's just like your stream announcement isn't it just help it is honestly my stream whenever i go live on twitch my announcement because you're allowed

to change whatever it says when you go live mine has been help it just the simple just help so like if people are on their phones and they get notifications as bad he says help like what mine is stab bro i'm stuck it's weird he has engagement on this fucking go live notifications it's really literally been mine for so long and everyone comes the first word it's like i'm here step oh no that went through very well okay now off to fucking i have so many jokes i can't make on the podcast oh no send it no i can't oh no what was that oh the jones situation vr yeah don't it got vr guys yeah i got the valve index it's fucking awesome, by the way.

I have one, too. I've been using it a ton. Yeah, I've used it a lot. A lot. So much. I got the Valve Index, which is $9.99. That's why your Discord always says, Batty playing Valve Index Pornhub. Yeah. Yeah. VR on 4K.

Your title should be, help me, Stepbrill. 11 monitors. You think I use my VR? My employees hit be help me step. 11 monitors. You think I use my VR? My employees hit me up about that. They're like, I just got hit with a steam notification. It's 2 a.m. You're playing Jurassic Park evolution too.

And I'm like, didn't expect to get called out like that. Forgot it. Sent that out to the people I played with, but you should probably turn those off. I do private on everything. King's sends me random hentai anime games like porn games all the time He'll just be like hey man. I gifted you a game. Can you accept that? That he is playing

I've had to remove daddy porn 3 Like daddy dating simulator, I'm not even joking. That's a real thing. He sends me the most fucked up narwhal fucking sim. It's so much weird. I don't know, man. That's good for the gaming thing. Also, if you want us to do a gaming

what would we call it? If you want all of us to do Daddy Dating Simulator put one in chat. It's called daddy dating simulator, put one in chat. It's called our Tinder profile. Press one in chat. Comment one. What are you talking about?

We'll do hot Brandon. Hot Brandon. Brandina. Donut VR, please. Yes, sorry. We keep interrupting our boy. Can we tell him about our new idea that we were talking about?

Not to tell him about VR. I love you interrupt your own conversation. Batty's like, donut story. He's like, can we talk about this instead? While you're interrupting me, let me interrupt myself. Go. About which one?

Yes, both right now. No. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to interrupt myself real quick because I think this is a rad idea. We're talking about doing the podcast, but we also play a video game. And you guys see all of us sit around and do this same thing, but we're playing a video game. And it's going to be an actual gaming podcast.

Yeah, and it's some obscure fucking games. Anyways, VR. And do you guys want faces or not? I don't want to look at any of you. We got to have our faces in there. They're at three. We have to get on three. Slides White Claw back to Brandon.

Yes. Uber comes to my house. Don't worry. Yeah. With faces or without, but like a gaming podcast. Yeah. Game grumps. Go blow them up.

Okay. Now we're good. I heard that you fucker might be my favorite podcast he's done you said that two times in a row i know every time we just keep upping the ante this is the hardest i've laughed hands down we've had some solid moments. It's probably because every time I come on the podcast, you guys are drunk enough to invite me on.

Before, Brandon got here, he was like, weren't we going to do one with just us three? And the guys were like, Brandon. I'm like, okay. Guys, Patty, meet us at the bar. I'm like, all right. Bad influence. I fucking love it

VR I got a valve index this story's gonna be crazy don't forgot VR I got valve index that's it that's the story that's it thank you the story thank you for watching

thanks for being here guys wait is that the actual end thank you for that though that's what's going to cause a 10 retention dip. I'll give you some advice. Never say, wait, is that the end? I still had a lot on our podcast. Wait, it's done? Wait, are we ending?

Is this the end? Should people click off onto the other thing they want to watch? Which is that like, subscribe, and notification button that was awful vr and favorite and five star review and or thumbs up on your favorite platform that's right you like you say spotify grinder nope oh good we're only like you just said nope we're only 45 minutes into the fucking podcast like subscribe fucking everything leave comments on everything you don't need to say this we have a clip we just put okay donut go vr vr all right it's played in the first 30 seconds of the podcast we have a clip we put there hey we do this for a living drink yeah yeah yeah i got the valve index all right all right here we are here we are they said this is what it's like to be stuck in the mud

you're such a rude guest i'm just thinking about it in my head i'm like this isn't even interesting anymore this is the last time i'll be on on some shit right fuck bro don't know sorry about our guests who i suggested be brought on today. I was like, you guys want Brandon? They're like, fuck no. I'm like,

no, no, no, no, but he's our friend. Every time he comes on, he interrupts you. Really?

Every time. See, I hear you got the valve index. Oh no. Okay. Oh no. I get the valve index, right? Yep.

You got the valve index. I can't today. I'm so excited to play it. That's where part two comes. How excited? I'm so excited to play it. I'm so excited to play it That's where part two comes I'm so excited to play it I'm super excited It doesn't come with the face gasket That sticks to your face It's VR

And I put it in my head and I'm like it's plastic and it hurts really bad How long did that take to figure out It took me a minute Why are my eyeballs touching the little glass things Inside the fucking VR I just picture it's too close Super uncomfortable people like it I'm like why are my eyeballs touching the little glass things inside the fucking The Clorox glass wipe every time he goes left right Some thing they're adjusting this fucking thing i'm like why can't this is not working and so i finally google it after 30 minutes of trying to get it to work and i'm like oh it's

missing something so valve sent me the thing without the fucking padded thing and so i'm like shit so uh you can order one from valve but it's weeks out because christmas is coming up and you can't order shit from them. And I get one off Amazon and it ships a couple of days later and I finally get it and I'm playing it and I'm 15 minutes into it. I'm playing Blade and Sorcery. A classic. Very cool. I got this guy by the back of his head and I got a dagger and I'm like stabbing him in the eye.

I'm like, yeah. And you realize, oh shit, that adapter hasn't come in yet. I'm doing this in real life. John! John, no! Guys, we're Zay. I haven't seen Zay recently. There's a reason.

So that adapter hasn't come in yet. I needed to get this out a week ago. Yeah, and the shit goes blank. It's black screen. And I'm like, what the fuck? Okay, I probably just jerked it out of my computer because I'm violently killing people. So I take it off and I'm like,

oh, I'll go hook it back up. And I look over and my cat Jones is laying on top of the cord. Just like... Fucking Jones has chewed through the whole thing. I played it for 15 minutes. It's a thick ass cord too. Yes. He's chewed through the whole thing i played it for 15 minutes it's a big ass cord too yes he's chewed through like almost the entirety of cord because i was moving it so he's like oh fucking toy let me go play with that thing and so i got 15 minutes in my valve index before

my cat chewed it up and you can't order another headset until like next year so So I got to play VR. It was cool for 15 minutes. That's how Jones died. Put up a rest in peace of Jones. Do you know how expensive of a tool you have to order off Amazon to be able to chew through a quarter inch of copper? My man did it. My man did it.

15 minutes. Bad kitties go to the microwave though. I mean, we don't know where Jones is anymore. He ran away. Where Jones ran away? This reminds me of the Shawshank Redemption. Jones chewed through a

quarter mile. He crawled through a mile of shit and came out a free man on the other side Joe's just looking at you with a mouth full of copper you piece of shit cat God I looked at him and was like

go away you need to leave right now get out of my office bro I'm not feeding you for half an hour. I hate you so much. God, aren't cats cute, guys? Oh, they're so cute. He jumped in my lap like an hour later.

I was like, and then you snapped his neck like Rambo. Yeah. And then you blame PTSD. The PTSD got to me. I didn't know what to do. That's something war veterans get, Brandon.

None of us have it, except for Eli. Your father and me know what we're talking about. What? I thought your dad was... No, he was an army brat. Both of my parents were army brats. So I was like, I don't know what war my dad was in but

That was the one that Texas Texas Texas Texas Mexico fought right like Alamo do That was that was most autistic thing I've ever seen you do. That was the one. That was my last two brain cells bouncing around in my head. I was like, I'm really confused. And then they finally met in the corner like the DVD sign. Like, you know, the DVD screensaver. Those are my brain cells connecting. Guys, don't do Pokemon.

Not even once. Thank you for watching the Unsubscribe podcast. It's over. We have Eli Doubletap, Donut Operator, and my terrible self, and then our wonderful guest slash co-host slash a person I hate, Brandon Herrera, the AK guy.

Please go show them all love on their social medias, things everywhere. That's it. I don't know. Play Halo. The camera died. I don't think they're alive. The audio's working. Yes.

Yay. We. Yay. We did it. Roxanne. Thank God. Thanks God. Of course. I fucking, I'm just,

it's just ignoring. I didn't realize you were old enough to know that song. Excuse me. I'm sorry. I didn't realize they played that shit on kids. Bob 25 or whatever the fuck you listen to oh god it's only like 307 now fuck you