Unsubscribe Podcast - 43 - We Fired Baddie ft. Brandon Herrera & Caleb Francis

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

Unsubscribe Ep43 - We Fired Baddie ft. Brandon Herrera & Caleb Francis WE FIRED BADDIE AND BROKE INTO HIS HOUSE WHILE HE WAS IN UKRAINE TO FILM. kidding. Baddie still writes this. you cant stop me. you cant get rid of me. im a ginger plague. I AM HERE TO STAY. also @Brandon Herrera and @Caleb Francis Comedy are cute boiz. ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie- @Baddie Streams https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -DonutOperator- @Donut Vlogerator @Donut Operator https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwkm_Wcyh0pc7UUmZZfL-6w https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator/ https://www.twitch.tv/DonutOperator https://twitter.com/DonutOperator -Eli_Doubletap- @Eli Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by Fluck https://www.twitch.tv/fluck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Okay, we should be a-okay. We'll DV out these. Daddy put a curtain on the 18 year. Yeah, he did. He's doing good. He's doing good. Okay, ready? Three, 2, 1

Ahhhh Say hi to Eli He's racially ambiguous Brandon! That guy's fucking ridiculous Donut That's harder to rhyme Brandon that guy's fucking ridiculous don't I it's harder to rhyme but he's a really nice guy

welcome to unsubscribe hey guys thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast make sure wherever you're listening or watching whether it's on YouTube Castro, Spotify, Apple Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher or that's all of them please leave a comment, Podbean, Stitcher, or that's all of them.

Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top don't say something motivating and that's where the you come that is come subscribe hi everyone welcome

to the unsubscribed podcast i'm joined today by back brandon caleb francis and eli double fap can i just say it's good to have the main host back the the core three is back we're super excited um and then we'll just move on from there and then we have our special guest caleb baby puncher himself is in the house a lot of bad jokes there so many good jokes it's the good jokes brandon yes oh it's just good to look across the table Yeah, and see the future of unsubscribe somebody that you like, you know, this is got just two Mexicans two whites This is how it should be equality across separate but equal. Yeah. Well, yeah Can we get a one in chat if it should stay this way? comment below if you agree with segregation

this is the first minute uh actually just maybe there's a lot of ones in the comments here's your engagement you're welcome no i i warned batty that this was going to happen and here we are it's it's finally here Oh the best text exchange is like hey Can we use your house where you're gone so we can film an episode it better not be branded Why did baddie go to Ukraine I don't know that's what we were trying to figure out yeah does he have family is there something going on there i don't know he just up and said he was like i'm going to ukraine guys yeah it was like something's happening i don't know i don't watch the news yeah yeah he was said something he's like i didn't go to serve my country

here so something about a country someone else's country yeah ukrainian bicycle store he's been talking about those a lot Collector like you guys mock me all the time for not deploying so yeah He's I just like the idea of baddies a terrible businessman. He's like today would be the greatest time to start bicycle shop It's the bicycle part I do not endorse in any way, shape, or form. What's your price? Don't scavenge Zinico parts off the ground and send them to us. That would be awful. There's a lot of really nice unmolested 74s that, you know, when all this shit, you know, blows over,

all that were handed out to the civilians, if you guys feel like cutting those up and hooking up your boy um unsubscribe p.o box three four six and bernie texas we just send them like oh my god this is great it's like christmas every day of the week look at all these goo covered hearts those are the best. Yugoslavian cosmoline tastes the best. Did you see where they're already trading weapons in their military gear for booze and food because they're just bored and tired of shitty rations? Oh, that was a quick turnaround. Yeah.

So both sides are like, all right. Sure, this is good. Well, you have brought good. I have Ike for seven. I have a cheeseburger, but what I would really like to have is body armor. I have three cheeseburgers for your body armor. It's just like Tarkov. It's just very specific.

It's like I have one bag of IV fluid, a cigarette, two dog tags. The one slice of cheese. I have 8,000 rubles and a heavy bleed. Please, can I get the turn again quickly? I charge now, good deal. Best deal ever. Not drop ship like you have it here, right? Yes.

I don't want two-day Amazon Prime shipping. shipping I need now I will not need it anymore You guys always say that here we are 43 Don't look at me, I don't know I know, I know 42 or 43, right? I think 43, because I think we fucked I fucked Fluck up because I just put it in the old inbox, it was like 41 So we made everything for 41

And Batty's like, we already have a 41 I was like, that's on your boy Eli, right? I was just dumping shit Where it was blocked, and we're good to go Oh man So minus the crazy world shit Going down right now I mean that's

Primarily what we discussed in the morning That and some awesome superpowers Which we can go for now Or we can talk about video games first You want to do the Elden Elden stuff first since that's like hot on the that's hot on the ticker yeah okay caleb why do you think i'm fucking irate at elden just why uh hmm the most anticipated game of the year something about jumping maybe

probably because it's the same thing that it always has been. No, it's fucking what I want to play. It's because have you seen how many people can't play the game because controls won't fucking register for it? Oh, really? Somebody came into my stream last night and was saying that you were having an issue with it. Yeah, people were like, Caleb got it fixed. Ask him.

I was like, 100%. Caleb doesn't understand why the fuck his works versus why mine doesn't. Well, I use controller on a lot of games, mine is like mine worked perfectly first thing as soon as I started it was ready To go you are 50% and then the other 50 just have no so Steely it bricked his PC. Yeah, dude. He got blue screen and killed his computer And he probably doesn't stream on a cheap computer. Oh, no The one of the top streamers in the world yeah people then this is across the board and the best part is The fixes like I how an hour and a half trying to fucking unfuck that I watched almost all of it You know I was streaming all I was trying to get it fixed. He was getting so mad

I was mad you got mad at your camera and tweeted the camera people For me that first He got mad at your camera and tweeted the camera people I was like god I'm just fucking angry tonight I don't work out It crashed for me that first night After I was done streaming And I think it was just because I was sitting still for so long And then I came back and I got ready to move And it crashed but it fired right back up And everything's been working okay since

Well that's why it has mixed reviews It has the best reviews right now Other than on Steam it's mixed Because Yeah I was like It has the best reviews right now, other than on Steam. It's mixed. Messing people's computers up and people can't hardly play. Yeah, I was like, oh, this should be an easy fix. It's something.

And then it's like, go do this. I, thankfully, have this to show. I'm still stuck on Angry Eli. That's the funniest thing I can imagine. Just thinking of him just like, grabbing Sam and going to the side of the Empire State Committee. Controller not work! Camera not working! Full computer!

Just breaking everything. It's like a couple hours after you got all streamed from the controller debacle. I saw you on Twitter, you're like, what the fuck is wrong with this fucking camera? And you're tagging the company and I'm like, oh god, this is awesome. Sorry, it's been that much money and then the camera people are like, side Twitter you're like what the fuck is wrong with this fucking camera Sorry Spend that much money in the camera people are like side note if you want to use a camera You have to download this and update it and do everything yourself real quick like I I can't hit record

It's like I can't hit the fucking record button on the camera. I what this is how this works now. I'll see yeah That's like that's like Niko playing Battlefield. He has to go in and code shit into the game just to make it playable. That's how he justified. He was like, it's a playable game. But I have to go to the registry and put this code in this.

So you have to do what the developers couldn't do and fix their goddamn game. So when I buy a game, it's like a model car. You buy it and then you have to code it all together to get it to work I didn't buy an 80% game I didn't want to build it myself I just want to play a goddamn game

just mill it out you'll be fine one of the downloads is like a two year course at like a community college you don't have to finish it what do you mean I gotta learn C sharp I don't have to finish it. What? What is this? You guys spent two years coding. You can play it. What do you mean I got to learn C sharp? I don't like this. I'm sorry. Damn it.

Games, too, games. And then I got a job coding. I don't even want to play it anymore. Now I'm making money. Now I'm in debt for stupid loans. It just keeps going. I can't even play now. I can't afford this.

I learned the code. Okay. Fluck, I'm going to have you put this up. Here's how to fix the controller not working in Elden Rings. Step one. This is 19 steps, by the way. Because this is a game you want to play with a controller. So bad. Oh, my God.

Did I show you guys how sensitive? I didn't show you. I'll fucking show Flux. How sensitive? The mouse is. With the mouse? Yeah. It's insane. Yeah. Because there's been times like I've just like You're playing on a mouse and keyboard? No, no, no. I play on a controller but there's been times that I've just like moved it. I'm like oh my God. You guys

are like you breathe on it and you're guys like pretty wild. My stream was like You can't just turn the sensitivity down? I'm at I play on low sensitivity because You breathe on it and you're like Pretty wild You can't just turn the sensitivity down? I play on low sensitivity Because first person shooter so my DPI is like Super low and then I'm cranked it All the way down in the game like all the way down And my stream was like

Oh just turn your sensitivity down I was like guys this is the lowest it goes In game and they're like how bad is it So I just did a video where I'm like That and the cameras like what? It's just fucking whip if you just do this games just fucking broke yes, and something's up 19 steps in order to Fix it and a step 18 I wasn't sure because it has like click on view mode go to big picture mode controller settings enable xbox configure support also enable generic game pan configs now go to normal stream client click on library right click

elden ring go to property click on controller tab find override for elden rings click on enable steam inputs drop down your controller should show up here make sure it is enabled disable nvidia and steam overlays 18 i don't know what this means Unplug key You know somebody's having trouble with that right now And they're like Eli stop talking so fast Go back to the other one And then restart but yeah Number 18 just says Unplug key

Hi everyone Welcome to the troubleshooting podcast Bro I was so mad last night. And other people, and this is literally on Kotaku, where they're like, hey, this worked for one of our developers. Try this method. Unplug keyboard and mouse before you launch the game. Jesus, dude.

I'm returning it. I'm not even going to try it now. That's why you, people are like, Caleb knows how to fix that. I was like, no, Caleb's just worked. I guarantee youaleb's just worked i guarantee you stuff has always just worked like that yeah so because i use controllers so much he's one of those 50 percent yeah fucking thanos snaps your computer you get to play the fucking game where i'm just thanos snapping my computer i'm like you piece of shit you fucking work yeah so but the game's good? Yeah, it's pretty fun. I did see Symphony was

playing and it was like all kinds of goofy shit was happening for him. He was trying to open doors and he would melt through the floor. I hate it when that happens. He was flying sideways and stuff. He was just looking around. Cameron's like, what the fuck?

It's been very the same. It's just a more open world, lots of new moves, lots of cool stuff you can do version of, like, the Souls games. It looks fucking beautiful. It's been really cool. Yeah, oh, yeah, there's been a lot of times that I've, like, been climbing a mountain or something, and I'm like, oh, shit, wow.

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free of charge. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

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Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. This is great. Yeah, it's been nice. Let's go fight a boss. I mean, last night I was really frustrated, but in my head,

and even Chad was like, yeah, but I knew that's what this was going to be, so here I am. And like, it's just the stupid stuff that happens all the time where you'll be fighting like a bunch of guys, and then all of a sudden, like a random dog comes up behind you,

like bites your ankle, and you just fucking, it fucks everything. You're like, I'm going to drink this healing potion. Yeah, you're like, puts it on the ATF. This dog's going down. Bites your ankle and you just fucking it fucks everything you're like I'm gonna god! You're just having a clapper. I'm like, check it out!

He's hacking you! He's hacking you! You're vomiting mid-combat. He's like, woo! We can do this! Rubbing his belly. That's delicious! And they're like biting at you the whole time

while you're trying to get away. But, man, so many times. That would be the scariest thing ever is I'm attacking someone with a sword, and they're like, come on, take a shot. They put their sword away. I'm like, ooh, I don't know if I want to fuck with this guy. Puts his sword and shield down. He's like, let me drink this juice real quick.

It's a fucking advert the entire time. I don't even want to fight anymore. You're creeping me out. You got a fucking advert the entire time. I don't even want to fight anymore Fucking red mustache It's like a monster hunter they cook it Oh God yeah monster hunter they cook mid-battle You pull up one, two, three chickens and you flex it and you're like, man, you're fighting a dragon and you're cooking mid-combat to get health. It's kind of fucking intense. It's like Fallout where all of a sudden this dude just pulls out an inhaler

of jam. It's like, oh, wait, I don't want to fight this dude anymore. Why is he so skinny? Your eyes are bleeding. Skyrim, you eat 47 potatoes. The cabbages. Did you see how I see those TikToks? They sit there eating a cabbage.

He's like, hmm, that's pretty good. Two HP. Four HP. Eating cheese and potatoes and stuff. And the other guys are sitting there waiting. Just eating wheels. And they're like wheels of cheese, too. Takes forever.

Where does it go? Where is this going right now? Oh, God. Just super sick. Fucking barf. Just ate 18 pounds of cheese You didn't do that My biggest thing before a mission Let's have a Christmas dinner real quick Time to carb load Alright let's have a christmas dinner real quick time to carb load all right let's go like a little bit of puke running on your face like the whole time every

swing yeah i just forgot about like darsels and that the drinking slower any of those little things like it's on our nerves sometimes like i I'll be a battle and get my ass beat I'm like hurry the fuck up drink it drink it and then I always get hit man every time it cancels it Oh, they're rolling and then edges edges is so bad. You're like just like Taking a shot and then some dude whacking your hand with a sword like fuck you dude And then you go through the exact same dumbass animation though you're like fuck man what the fuck yeah let me get another one out hey that was my only one i need to play i'm so excited for it i'm so pissed it is good i did something uh i think i missed like a big part i went to like go get a drink and i started

talking to somebody outside and then i like i was sitting down at a fireplace and i went and did all this and then i came back and then this girl was sitting there talking to me and she had already did like a lot of dialogue. And I was like, oh shit. She's like, so does that sound good? And I was like, I guess. And Caleb's on his phone mid date. And he like looks up.

He's like, what? Is that good? Yeah. So it's just like real life. Yeah. Yeah. But then it was like, all right. She's like, okay, cool.

Here's your powers and your horse. And I was like, okay, I guess. Cool. Thanks. I don't know where you came from or what else you said. Caleb's on my soul. It's my crossroads to you. Yes, that does sound good.

She's like, oh, shit. Wow. Caleb's unexpected adventure. He's just like failing into these positions. It's like, well, I got a horse now. She gave me a magic horse. I'm like Forrest Gump with a sword. It's pretty fucking cool.

Man, this is dope. I love my life. I was reading it today. People were saying, like, don't go straight for the first boss or something. Like, do the side stuff and explore a little bit and get your level up. Then come back and try to do the bosses in the dungeons and stuff. Yeah, that's all I've been doing. And you find so many random bosses everywhere.

Like, you know, there was so many hidden ones in the other games, but it's fucking everywhere. Like, every random door or cave you find, there's a boss in there. And there's the giant people and monsters that are walking around all the time. Like, wow, this country really went to shit. Yeah, it's a bad neighborhood. So I've literally just quit even trying like any of them i've just been trying to beat the shit out of little stuff that way i can like level up some

because as soon as you walk out the main door there's been so many videos of it there's like a giant like golden knight on a horse like as soon as you walk out the front door he's like galloping around and i was like oh shit so who's this going to walk out? And he's like, yeah, it did. He's like, I'm lifting you up. And then, right to the right, if you jump off the hill, there's a fucking giant white dragon

that flies down. It's like all within like 20 yards of the main door when you walk out. You're like, no. Like, what am I doing?

And there's a fucking dragon and golden knight. Man, that chick's super cool. She gave me this horse. Yeah. Weird. Everything's fucking you. Man, that chick's super cool. She gave me this horse. Yeah. Weird. Everything's fucking you.

But, yeah. Everything's fucking you, Dark Souls. Two seconds after walking out the door, it's just Caleb on the ground with six dudes kicking him. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't know what this town is called. Was I wearing like crib colors or what?

Yeah, it's... Once I, like... Once you just accept that you're gonna be angry, you can, like, enjoy it. Sounds a lot like Tarkov, actually. Yeah, literally. You just gotta come to the realization

you're like, yeah, I'm gonna die, like, a thousand times. But, like, that's what this is about. That's these games. Do you like cock and ball torture? You love Dark Souls. You're gonna love this game. That's these games. Do you like cock and ball torture? Well, you love Dark Souls. You're going to love this game. That's literally, you go into Elden Ring, it's like Sekiro was the exact same way.

Sekiro was like. Sekiro, I think, was the hardest one, man. Well, there was like no. I was only halfway through it, and, like, it took so, like, everything took so long, it felt like, to, like, get good enough to beat. Because the bosses also had two forms, which is the biggest bullshit. You're like, you kill it, and then it's like okay resurrect now at full health again with new moves and you're like I've already used all my juice I'm

already out of juice That game was fucking brutal. This is the fucking Tarkov of the fantasy games. Yeah, like, I guess, RPG time. It is. It's the Tarkov of those because it's the brutality. Like, Tarkov's like, you're shot in the head, you die instantly. There's not like, I got like three, I'll recover some shields. It's a good thing it only takes you fucking ten minutes to load into raid yeah and it's not nearly

as bad as it used to be that was bad do you remember playing back in the day when it was like 30 minutes just getting one raid and then you get clapped in seriously yeah fuck yeah there were like 30 minute wait times like like 20 to 30 minutes when i first started it was like 15 something like that especially on patches oh yeah you're right it would be like fucking on day of patch it would be like 10 to 30 minutes to four like you just wait yeah dude now they changed it with the cues oh yeah that's what yeah that's what it was uh because i had never played it before and i tried like uh like a month ago to play it and that's when it was like really really popular at the time yeah and i was like yeah i guess i'll get on you and check it out on off

stream dude i just had it up in a queue for like 40 minutes and then I was okay I'm just gonna play something else Real right off the bat. Yeah, it's like oh well. We do not have enough servers. Okay Well, then you have to wait three hours to play game Okay, you take a nap Hi stream welcome to the we're gonna watch it Lord of the Rings episode ones Fellowship of the Ring extended edition We'll play one game Fucking scab one shots when they auto it's like World War Z where the dude runs off the c-130 ramp and then like slips and So those T Oh yeah, I got the key here. I'm here, I'm free.

So those Tarkov servers right now, am I right? It's almost like there's something going on. Maybe. In the world. Maybe something pretty dangerous happened over there. What's not good for connectivity? Cyber attacks and bombs.

Yeah. Missiles. War and Cyber attacks. Yeah. Missiles. War and cyber attacks. Worst thing for your servers is a missile. I back the people of Ukraine and all, but I'm going to stop doing that if you guys target Nikita's servers. That's the line for my life.

That's just not cool. Now that it affects me, I'm angry about it i just picture them clipping that one segment of brandon and posting it on the news if these servers get fucked with hey listen i'm with ukraine this is a threat if you fuck with nikita service i'm going to sign up and enlist in the Foreign Legion of Russia. I will be in Kiev tomorrow. You're going to get quoted on Fox News once this week.

Yeah, that was interesting. Just for calling Joy Bear a dumb bitch. Wait, you did? Yeah, Fox News. Was it New York Post? Yeah, I just did a tweet basically because Joy Bear went on The View and was like somebody was talking about

50,000 people could die in this conflict. Oh, the Italy thing. Yeah, it's like I know, like I'm concerned. I haven't been able to vacation to Italy in four years

and God knows what that'll do to it. Like, are you fucking fucking serious? That's the worst. I'm dying for that spaghetti. Game of Scott the War. Mama needs spaghetti. Serious that's the word for that spaghetti I know you're just a Bitch but like those are your inside thoughts And you said it. You meant it with your heart.

I know you're not smart enough for satire. This was sincere. That wasn't a joke, was it? Does it sound like a joke? Yeah, it did. You sounded stupid as shit. Then it was. Then it was. Gotcha.

Cancel's flight to Italy. How's it going to be a new Mario game? I'm sorry all these refugees From a war are gonna ruin The scenery of here These refugees are making the worst spaghetti They ruined my pizza They fucking ruined my pizza

What the fuck is goulash? I hate that shit Bunch of goombas out there. I wanted spaghetti, not borscht. Take it back. This is the episode. This is the one.

Didn't make it to 50. We were close. We were right. We had a good run, though. We had a good run though. Either so baddie-less episode either going to be the most popular episode ever or the one that gets everything deleted. It's either or.

It could be both. The most popular and then it's over. More people see it, that's a problem. Oh God, please don't get this one quoted on any news. The most popular and then more people see it. That's a problem. Yeah, oh God, please don't get this one quoted on any news Quotes all of this this whole thing Brandon one of the main hosts for unsubscribed I was just made a host and I'm about to make it everyone's problem hell no this isn't the way it's supposed to go

back by unpopular demand Brandon aww fucking god damn it Batty's at the video game thingy for power up level up level up I think

I think so that looks like a good time Batty's in his element he's at a club partying he's got alcohol poisoning

yeah he's in his and poison his one text to me and Donut is my blood hurts he's like I couldn't get

into the IV bar it's booked until 6pm oh god that sounds miserable I can't do into the IV bar. It's booked until 6 p.m. Oh, God. That sounds miserable. I can't do Vegas. Because we were just at Vegas like a month ago.

Yeah, I had to get an IV on the podcast. Yeah, exactly. Which turned you into the most. Bro, IVs will turn you around. You were so positive and happy. I found my new Adderall. It's called hydration What is it called what's the what makes up IV Sailing sailing yes, just sailing in water and you should chug that shit you guys ever done that

Oh god, what no you just got like wiping the blood off your mouth Are you blood chugging? Yeah, blood chugging. You ever just chug blood? What? Oh god, what? No. Oh, you just got like wiping the blood off your mouth. You're like, I totally misunderstood. Oh god. Plasma. What? What? Yeah. It's like spinal fluid from children. It's delicious.

I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna stop. I'm gonna keep doing this. I feel really good. Use stem cells for hangover. That was fun. You're like, this isn't a good year. There's just tables and babies. We're getting into Jeff Bezos territory.

I drank too much. Well, here, we got a fresh baby in the house. Crack him up and smoke it up. Thanks, Mr. Epstein. Thanks. I feel so much better now. I feel hydrated. I'm going to drink much better now. I feel hydrated.

I'm going to drink more beer now. They're like Hillary Clinton's in the corner. Normally they just drain it. They don't do the... We're all terrible people. That was pretty scary. We're all kind of demons. That was pretty scary.

Typically the too far kind of people. Jesus, fuck. What? It's still warm. This is the way God intended it to be. God built them as little thermal heaters. They're just like little warm juice boxes. Yeah, they're little thermal cups. They trap the heat so well.

The heart is for keeping the blood warm. It circulates. Yeah, come on. We were discussing Caleb's superpowers. So we have, if you guys don't know, it's superpowers. And then what is, I mean, you don't need an offset on your superpower. Most of the time it's like. Well, I mean, that's technically an offset.

His would be. We're the worst superhero team ever. caleb's is not an offset he just kills babies that's a superpower that is it's a superpower is that is a terrible superpower all right so mine is i can fly but while i'm flying i have to shout racial slurs i put on the burger king crap While I'm flying, I have to shout racial slurs. I do that when I fly anyway. I put on the Burger King crap. Get this! The king is back. Did you see the one where they clipped that in with the Conor McGregor commercial?

He's like, I'm playing with this king. And they just clipped it to that. The king is back. But he has like Cody flying in to save minorities. He lands like 50 yards from the burning building and walks in and just picks them up. He's like, okay, guys, just fly us out of here. You guys are taking a cab. I've got an Uber coming for you guys. I'm going to walk you downstairs. Come on. Come on. Can't you just fly us?

Stay still. Just pop. Get them in the boat. Okay, now we can go. Super Cody. Can I not get rescued by Donovan? I had a nightmare about racial slurs when you were saving us. Weird. Weird. Weird. That was probably the fire getting to you.

You know those joint dreams people have sometimes? It's fucking weird. Crazy. I've heard that before. What would be your offset? He doesn't have an offset. He generates babies and just fucking throws them. It's like baby shoes.

It's already offset. You're talking about the bad part? Yeah. Super power. That's a bad thing. There's no good part. What is the good part of his superpower? That's a bad thing. There's no good part. What is the good part of the superpower? I'm saving people.

I can save any situation. You're saving adults. I'm saving people who can speak. Contribute to society. I'm saving people who matter. I'm saving taxpayers. That's him on the news defending himself. I'm paying the listen. listen babies can't pay taxes

no one gives a shit all of a sudden the politicians are like okay okay sounds like peacemaker yeah pretty much uh but yeah basically i can just i have some sort of tool or i like the baby generator yeah my body either makes it out yeah i don't like your body making babies just like caleb's just giving birth every fucking few and then i use it as a weapon but he's like really good at using yeah yeah i've got uh some kind of tool on the back it's like like a baby generator. Okay, good. Because it sounded like a kidney stone from hell. Pretty much, yeah. But it's just babies, and I use them as weapons or like defense.

So, you know, I'm generating a baby, pull it out, got it on my arm like a shield, tie some rope to their legs, swing them around like nunchucks. Just kind of like the Captain American thing. You put your hand like through the baby. Yeah, through it, yeah. And I'm just like punching people with like boxing gloves gloves I just picture the babies are super malleable So he gets to form them. Yeah, baby here Clamps on to the other baby

It's just like babies like making baby noises You have baby arms reaching up around Caleb Connected with baby arms in the back You have shoulders You have shoulder blades They have no neck muscles You're redefining what it means to have a cry plate carrier Oh god

Yeah it gets shot up you know Caleb keep your fucking babies down Defining what it means to have a cry plate carrier Once their hands are locked and you mush their heads, it just stays there. It's a fucking pause button. It's a pause button. All right, and lock. None of you motherfuckers can say I'm the reason this podcast got canceled. Ever. Ever. He sent all the hostages.

That was horrifying to watch. Oh, God. You know what? He killed a hundred babies before he also just made those babies. Ever. He saved all the hostages. That was horrifying. What? He killed a hundred babies? Well, he also just made those babies. But he saved 12 people. He saved 12 adults.

That's the name of it. There are more people alive than there were. Yeah. It's just a little fucking baby generator. Oh, there's so much baby parts everywhere. Don't worry about it. They didn't even have names. That's what they say about Kony 2012

I'm so sorry. This is the one this is Everything goes wrong. That is like I leave for one week and you guys get us canceled. He's like in podcast Watching the episode on the plane. No, no, no. So why'd you get canceled? Casual infanticide. Caleb started talking about Danny. Caleb talked about his new superpower. I wish he had.

Shouldn't have brought those tiny wines. He's chugging tiny wines. Swinging babies around. He's getting fired up on tiny, swinging babies around. What? He's getting fired up on tiny ones. That's your spinach? It's your pipe pipes? I know you graphic design artists are out to. Yeah, smooch their heads. Fucking mosquitoes.

All of my enemies need therapy once they're out of prison. Oh, my God. All of them. They don't want to do any more crimes. Because they're sad. They're praying now. These men are praying men now. They either find God or kill themselves. They've seen true evil.

They find God or they themselves. They've seen true evil. They find God or they meet him. Either way. So Brandon, what's your power? I don't know how to follow that. What's your power, Eli? Oh, yeah. I don't think we ever heard of it.

I can run really fast. I get like, I had this shit every time I run. Like I have no control over that. Is that the entire time you're running? Yeah, any time I'm actually sprinting. So I can travel like speed a lot, but I have uncontrollable bowel movements. Damn. So you're going to, like, dehydrate. That's what I'm worried about, not showing up covered in shit.

Yeah, I mean, you've got to stay alive, though. I mean, technically, the shit would be... Well, just drop your trowel beforehand, and then, like, you'd just show up. Just run naked. Have a backpack with pants in it. Run naked. I just can't... Winnie the Pooh that bitch. Yeah. You're just blasting in shit everywhere. Have a backpack with pants in it run naked

Around the world there's just a line of random shit everywhere a circle of shit around It's like the poor guy who has to clean Spider-Man's webs off the fucking glass. Just like, oh, Eli was here. I forgot about Spider-Man. I never even thought about that. It's as strong as titanium or whatever. Yeah, true. They're like, how the fuck do you get that off anything?

She's everywhere. She's like cutting through. Little fucking high schooler over here jizzing everywhere. Jesus Christ. Hanging down in front like cars when they're driving so it's like snagging them up and destroying them it's just like splitting through the cars cutting people's heads off I saved the day

yeah he's left us I never hurt anyone I never kill anybody alright that's my one rule look what you've done like kids all sliced up one kid fell through my one rule spider-man look what you've done his helicopter is like your turn okay he has like kids all sliced up one kid fell through one was like a greater cheese grater kevin just always goes back to kids and it's always the saddest

that's why you take pleasure from it sure so brandon yeah oh i i god i don't know maybe my superpower would be the ability to kill myself go on and i need you to unpeel that no just like the ability to just like kill yourself brand's the worst superhero cody flies in yelling racial slurs I run in covered in shit Caleb's killing babies And Brandon's like I'm here God that's super I thought this was the suicide squad

Okay so we're just going We're just icing yourself I misunderstood the instructions What if you just always want to kill yourself but you regenerate every time Oh your head goes back. You just have crippling depression. What if you can regenerate? Well, turns out, I don't need a superpower for that.

What's your superpower? Crippling depression. And I regenerate. I ain't done it. It's like dead. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I just, man. Oh, I'm back. I got a headache. Hey, no, it's like Just the worst shit ever okay, you guys been playing Tarky yes, yeah, and then I've not been playing at all in forever I need to get back on to it

This is probably very sure this patch is actually pretty fun. It's really fun. I'm enjoying it You're at how many Ruples you a rich bitch? Oh, yeah Well, I mean not compared to fucking will or anything by the way. My son's gonna beat will up Willers about the same size Yeah 12 yeah he's gonna turn 13 just 12 right oh yeah this is a 12 year old boy and this is a grown man 587 pounds yeah i love will the death he's gonna have will like in a doggy costume on a leash like an hour yeah but uh yeah we've been doing the turkey i'm just scavenging for rubles i don't know why that's my play style and i'll'll get in a fight when I get in a fight. Brandon's like level 40 now.

Well, I'm like 33 or something like that. Brandon's been playing a hardcore. I've been questing. That is my guilty pleasure. He's been playing it off stream too. That's always, you know, that's how we've said it before. That's when you know you're addicted to said video games. Like,

you know what? I'm not even going a kick on the stream for this guy. We're just going to. This is for my own pleasure. I say a lot of gamer words when I'm playing with friends and things. So I turn it on the stream and some of my friends are not going to dare. You count how many bottles are next to you before you hit play. Some of my friends, employees, whatever they're like Oh, why do you never stream it? I'm like

Listen to fucking ten minutes of our conversation Yeah, we're canceled Past go do not collect $200. That's always been an issue like you mean it's not an issue That's because I think that's like a lot of the reason that There's some like some people come to my stream is to hear us talk about the shit we do but uh every now and then i'll play with like random people who like you know they do other content so like hey man i'd love to play with you i'm like y'all sure

and it doesn't mesh very well because me and my like friends i grew up my friends i grew up with pretty much have the same exact humor i have. So it's all three of us. Dead babies. I see you're a man of quality. It just keeps spiraling. I don't give a shit about their skin color. I just hate babies. I hate them all. I just fucking hate babies.

Oh my God. They're fucking talking about punching your sperm. You hate your fucking babies so much. I hate babies so much. She's jacking off onto a table like a hammer. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life, but you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And of course, you can rest assured that with Public Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month.

With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for. Public Mobile. Different is calling. And like magnifying glass fucking die. You called it baby batter before. Oh, just wait. You fucking spur.

You fucking baby. You fucking baby. Bloody knuckles. Over it, like drooling. Look what you could have been. You could have been this. I hate that. Opening a window for the sun to come in, magnifying it. And my mom comes in.

Your sandwich is ready. Oh, thank you, mommy. And then that slow turn around. One of the cameras is always the sperm He developed his powers. Yeah. It's like his early years. He created a machine just to kill him. And runs off of my own cum. There's a... That sounds like... There's a hose from the backpack that's like into my dick.

So it just goes in. You just see it like a motor. It just goes like... That sounds like being in a loving relationship. The whole time, it's just like, they look like me when they come out. And I was like, oh, God.

They're all my kids. You understand, this is just how reproduction works. They're all my kids. It's just a machine. It's called a wife, Caleb. It's called a wife. It takes too long. It sucks you off.

You put your seed in it and babies come out. This is how sex works. You have Batman's awesome outfit. You have Superman. You have Caleb with his fucking dick plunge. She's going back into a tube box. And it's just popping out babies. He just looks like a dude from Mad Max Fury Road.

Except the tubes don't leave there. He's just walking. You just constantly hear like a churning sucking noise all the time. And we're just like finally like kill all the bad guys. You hear. It's like an intense moment. I did it. I killed him.

A fucking bullet flies in and grazes and hits a tomb. He turns and he looks at me or he looks at the bad guy and then like all of us are just getting covered in his fucking Android from aliens he just gets cut Chugging Gatorade You see how many babies I made I'm just like constantly chugging Gatorade I'm like fucking dehydrated I made like a hundred babies Did you see how many babies I made? I'm fucking sick man

You're just constantly sweating I'm fucking raw I'm sweating You sound like a homeschool parent Sick man This is the worst superpower This is not a superpower You created that

There's no superpower It's like a people genius You literally spent billions to create this We're super power superpower You created that there's no superpower genius Literally spit billions to create this so much work to make this could have made the Iron Man suit Babies it's so lame He can fly what gives a fuck about that. You know another guy who can fly? Mr. Rachel slurs Associated with that. Yeah, gee whiz.

Old gamer words over here. Chuck and Ninja Star baby. Every time I pop one out, you hear the engine starts firing up. I hate... I hate... I fight with baby nun chicks while I'm like real jeez. Die evil dragon. I hate- I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, sweat. What'd you just say to me?

Nothing. Shut up. Time to die. Pop another baby. You stab him with that. You shake him. I smush the baby's head into like a sharp edge. It's like an axe. You just slowly shake. Shape it into an axe.

You just slowly shape it into an axe. You swing it by the legs. You put its arms in the legs and then put its little axe and then smush to lock it into place. I was thinking of the fucking Aria in the Night King from Game of Thrones. Just drop it and stab it in the face. Drop a bee in the king King from Game of Thrones just UGH Just drop it and stab him And he drops a baby and then turns his arm And he's like The fuck? The baby's hand is just inside like squeezing him

It's like the Mortal Kombat kill cam Like the 3D Like he just grabs his heart Oh god oh god He's like trying to pull it out He's like clawing it It's a pretty cool superpower

The more that we've developed Baby maker yeah, oh my god. Mmm fucking baby Sinister semen something You had five listed out already already I don't know if I had a list Definitely wouldn't it be maybe Sinister semen What are you guys saying The abortionist

Just so many to go through It's a pretty cool super What was that chick that Killed her kid like the Amanda Yeah Yeah, yeah That's a great joke wasn't it yeah, I couldn't remember the name Those are the strongest jokes Brandon

Your job Brandon joke Laugh louder Google the name really quick your job back. Everyone laugh at Brandon's joke. Laugh louder. Google the name really quick. Message it to him. Yeah, we'll save this and we'll re-edit the podcast for this specific joke. Cut this and then

all around me are familiar faces. And then a laugh track for that part. Live studio audience. Ba-doom, ba-doom, ba-doom, ba-doom. It makes way more sense, Brandon's superpower of just wanting to kill himself. If I was in this

fucking Justice League, I would definitely went off myself. Like, why can't I just get away from this? I had a normal superpower before I saw Caleb in action for the first time. It's like, oh. What is this feeling? Oh, oh my god Oh, right

Brandon's the leader, we forced him to be our leader For this Yeah, everybody else's powers is like Corrupt him, and all he does Is kill himself He has to give the news interviews and stuff And explain it, we're never there All he does is kill himself

Shoot himself, hate babies And shout racial slurs We're never there. He does is kill himself shoot himself Hate babies and shout racial slurs and come That's all I do anyway, so I actually The offenders the offenders that's what the other people are super power clan is the offenders Yeah, like oh, this is great. This is comedy gold Brandon gives his news interview And then they like get him in an alley shooting himself She's fucking Christ this is fucking gold. Okay, what? Where do we go from there?

I don't know. We just talked 40 minutes of getting canceled. So how do we cover for the last 20 or 30 minutes? I'm not an easily offendable man, but I'm like a little sick. Brandon goes to church after this. Brandon just gets sick. Wait, it's tomorrow, Sunday? I think I'm going to church in the morning Hey God it's me Brandon Yo B-Dog

You were there yesterday I feel it I'm so sorry I feel your eyes gazing at me I don't know they're not my friends I don't even know the big one It's more of a mutual relationship I'm so sorry for him

God why'd you create someone like him Why'd you make that guy You kind of made all of us So in a way You can't really blame us You have this deep fucking Why'd you do this It's just like super offended.

Oh, well, at least... There we go. We got the Christians now, finally. Batty's gonna listen to this and just be like, really? Really? Who would have thought Batty was the adult in the room? Well, okay.

Let's hold on. We are in his room. This does not look like a room of an adult. Nope, this looks like a 14-year-old boy's room. There's 69 on the top of that pentagram over there. Nice. And it's fucking Batty's room. Is that 69?

I mean, no, but... It's 68. 68? No, no, no. The top middle. Oh, oh, oh, I thought you were talking about the thing. Like, I saw the 5-2. I'm like, that's a 7. I was like, Brandon, what are you talking about?

Brandon, the thing that looks like 69 is what 69 That's not even 69 68 is that 68 it was it would be 67 except that's not what it is 17 My god No one's yelled this entire time. It's weird. Like, headphone users aren't going to have their ears decimated. Yeah, but they got my dolphin cackle. Oh, that's true.

Oh, Brandon. Yeah. What gun did you make recently that's really cool? Oh, the VSS. Oh, my God. Yeah, you have a known. Yeah. You're like one of three people in the United States that has one or something legally

Yeah, yeah, I can only imagine how many like you know Basements with a Russian mob have like fucking six stacked up somewhere, but you know that's pretty neat that guns trash I don't like it. No really yeah, it's it's quiet I mean about it quiet is like a rough honey badger. Yeah, that's pretty much it look It's distinct, but you then you look how it's built and you're like How to grip this is very awkward how to yeah? When you let me hold it it's like holding a Nintendo 64 controller I only have two hands The Russians do a lot of like magwell grips

That makes sense but like the American Or really any modern Way of holding a rifle you like Want to like go out on the suppressor Which is great for the first round Yeah and then you're just going to burn yourself Yeah Every round is one eight eight degrees temperature change

I think so you need to like I think they're issued with like a little d-ring with a pair of mechanics gloves like hey You're gonna need these Makes sense. No that was a joke So they're just fixing the gun they just give you some gloves the VALs and the VSSs are streamer loot. Oh, yeah. That picture. I thought you were talking about Tarkov as a guy. Oh, yep.

And also... No, you're talking about the murder. Yeah, yeah. That's also streamer loot. Speaking of death, babies. I love killing them. Welcome to death, babies. Noggin. Welcome to Denny's. I was talking about the empty

Noggin parking lot photo with the VSS. Yeah, that's pretty scary. Well, they switched the VSS is a was it? Wait, hold on. Don't say anything, Brandon. I'm going to get it. It is a 9x39. Yes, you're correct. Got it. Subs on don't say anything brand. I'm gonna get it is a nine by three nine. Yes. Yeah, correct Got it subs on the ground very good run. No, it's actually yeah ballistic

Otherwise it hits harder than the 300 blackout. Yes, just cuz has more energy, but holistically speaking It's also like a 45 ACP. Yeah, it's a slow. It's a fat hog round just Exactly like 45 ACP because it's similar bullet weight same velocity and you're like hey wait a minute so I could have just had like a 1911 Yeah, and then Less recoil probably yeah, but you know as long as you don't think about that. It's a good gun It's a wait Tarkov. You said the new

How does that compare in like Tarkov where it's the new recoil system? It used to be a laser You know we all used to run that when I played I had run that Yeah, the VSS and the Val were monsters in Tarkov because it was like I said a laser Val was the fucking 20 rounder That had a 20 rounder right 20 or 30. Yeah, and you can just run that sir like 50,000 50,000 rubles. They're so expensive. They're expensive IRL. I just bought one. Like the big 30 rounders. Yeah. I got it for like.

It was like 300 bucks. So yeah. It translates about the same. Yeah. Right. Yeah. For a magazine it's 20 bucks. Well they don't exactly import them.

Oh that is very true. Yeah. Forgot it. Yeah. I got them from somebody who got them in ways that I don't care to know about. Legally. They're here. Sure. They were airsoft. Oh that I don't care to know about Legally they're here sure they were airsoft

Not my fucking problem yeah nice man now But the recall says now they suck now they're garbage and dark oh yeah, they nerfed the hell out of them This is just a recoil pattern on there. Just like the pop recalls and saying it goes straight up No, it's not like it used to be have either of you shot the VSS. Hmm. I was you let me do it Remember when yeah, yeah, cuz it doesn't recoil. I mean really bad. I've never had the 9x39 I think I fired two Different versions of that gun and it's never been It's not like oh my god. It's just like oh, yeah, cuz you shot our other one. Yep. Yeah, like never been it's not like oh my god it's just like oh yeah cuz you shot our other one yep yeah like it's it's not a high

recoil gun I don't know why they did that well I mean a full auto is probably different too though yeah it's like less than a K close range is great but like he had passed like 10 yards it's it's not like it used to be used to be able to pop people across the map but then with the fucking thing but which that doesn't make sense either though. Yeah, well it wasn't introduced as a sniper rifle so I've been told multiple things one is like it's like a dog popper But the other is like it's meant to take out like equipment like if you've got like that's Brandon's other superpower

Oh, just being completely autistic. Hi. I'm dog popper You have a baby killer dog popper He generates dogs to shoot Hi, I'm Dog Popper. Oh, Dog Popper. You have Baby Killer and Dog Popper. Brandon's into ATF now. He generates dogs to shoot. Brandon, this isn't even super power. I'm a black rifle's a CIA, so I'm actually an ATF undercover. What's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully

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He's super accurate if there's a dog in front of it. So he just chucks them and shoots through them. 50% damage buff. He can't miss once they're a dog thrown in. It's the new Fallout skill buff. It's like ATF agent. You can get that like, oh, 50% damage against animals.

Mostly domestic. I hate this. You both walking around with a fucking baby generator backpack and you have a dog generator backpack. Oh, no. I thought you said this was a no-kill shelter. Wrong. Where do we find him?

The Humane Society. Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Batty and Fluck. Have fun! I can't tell if this is actually funny or just fucked up. A little bit of both. We're going to find out in the comments below. Yeah, we will. I was going to talk about Outer Eggs today.

I'm not going to. We're going to push that it you guys come after all just fast-forward past the baby dead stuff you'll see the dog stuff is right after that Give a really good shout out for this model. We tell companies to pay us not This infanticide brought to you by Pringles Called blackmail is it? Yeah, there's literally an email saying pay us this much or we're releasing this episode We didn't agree you discussing our product. It's an advertisement. I mean, it's an advertisement. We're helping you, really. You're not helping us.

Well, that's, you know, in the eye of the beholder. Fine, here's the money. We're hurting down our factory. Twitter canceled us. The money is also less than you'd pay your attorneys to fight this. Throw it out there. Have fun, my friends. I'm not saying it.

I'm just saying God damn it Okay, so Go back on track on Tarkov It's gonna be one of these episodes How's the meta now When it comes to actually like Hey, here's how the guns fucking work What's the best, is it like the AR platform?

Yeah, it's the SR-25 And then the 7.62x51 bullpup Those things are like the AR platform? Yeah, it's the SR-25. And then the 7.62x51 bullpup. Those things are like the Metas right now. The what? It's a... Javor? Fuck, no.

I didn't know there was one. The NBR? No, it's that stupid brand. Kel-Tec. It's a Kel-Tec. Oh, the RFP. Yeah, yeah. That thing's like the Meta right now.

I was thinking 54R for some fucking reason. It's pretty quiet, too, when you put a suppressor on it. That's the fucking... And there's no recoil not big and shotgun Because it's tight like a bullpup whatever although the RFP is kind of fucking stuck in real life I don't like him anyway most bullpups aren't they feel mechanical, but it's that linkage system you like Here's a dog shit. I wish I wish there was a way to to have good and bad triggers in Tarkov. Like, ducking your shot just a little bit. Oh, that'd be cool. I hate that they added the mechanic that guns fucking jam

now. You can get stovepipes in your gun if it's not properly maintained. I just found out yesterday. Yeah, you have to repair them and shit. If you use them for like ten raids in a row, the durability will go down. Especially if you use fucking hot ammo and things like that it's actually pretty realistic but it's annoying as fuck yeah there's like a new button for clearing your gun cuz you'll

get a you'll see a stovepipe and your fucking gun you had to hit I think it's like why or something to clear it they added that shit yeah and there's different types of malfunctions it's like there's one it's like check your gun okay and then it'll tell you what kind of malfunction or what key bind you need to do to clear it. I'm trying to slide cancel. You guys have fun clearing your gun. I'm slide canceling.

Yeah, this is how I play. I can't do it. I just found out yesterday that durability burn, like durability, like if you're low durability, like your gun's going to jam or whatever, it also affects jam or whatever it also affects accuracy like Emma Wade goes up like crazy That's why my scabs miss sometimes when I'm like I got that headshot because there's a scab you always spawn with a weapon that's Like 50% durability yeah like you never spawn with anything brand new you using like old burned-out guns Yeah, and so those are the ones that are gonna like have malfunctions and shit so when you're playing a scav now like one out of 10 times you'll have

a malfunction on your gun no shit it's nutty i need to download and just play with you guys and just get back because i could play better now because i played so much war zone at least i'll be comfortable with the the movement mechanics cuz of war zones like hey We can drop fucking Caleb's a monster of war zone. I can't sometimes like it's just so ADD and I'm like and I that's why I'm killed by 11 year old Korean kids man It's like you get good enough to not lose to those little kids Sounds like a lot of work. I Don't know. I just like I like that

Like speed you know I just like i like that like speed you know what i mean like being able to like run and jumping around and you're like the battles are always like fucking crazy you're like jumping on a roof you're shooting down they're like sliding through a door you know okay jumping after them it's just i love that i'm not gonna lie like after playing warzone for an hour or two yeah i always just like start getting a fucking migraine oh yeah dude it's it's work man like i i get like tarkov is work as in like there's a lot to know and to like a lot like you know it's more realistic that's methodical yeah playing uh warzone it's like the movement is like we're getting it down you're like

like when you like it's so much information yeah there's a lot going on like people behind you people in front of you teams coming somebody's coming through this door you're trying to slide and dodge and go up these stairs real quick, somebody's behind you, like. And your teammates yelling at you. Yeah, your teammates are like, watch out, behind you, move, move, move, move. I'm here, and I'm tagging this guy over here. You're like, okay, okay.

You're, like, looking at your mini-map. Like, sometimes I, like, see, watch my. I marked him red, and you're like, where the fuck's the red mark at? You're just like. I, like, watch my, like, clips sometimes, and I, like, see my stuff, and I'm like, I'm like, my eyes are, like, looking left. I'm like, what the fuck am I looking at that's over there? And, dude, it's just a lot.

It makes me really tired for sure. It's super chaotic. Yeah. Are you fucking vlogging on the job? Dude, yeah. Cody's just pulling up the vlog thing. I'm doing it every episode. Are we?

I haven't noticed. No shit. Yeah, we do an episode. I'll just get a little clip of us during the episode. I'm a piece of trash. Does nobody else have peripheral vision? No. Or hearing.

I am. It's like recording. Donut now recording. No, no, sweetheart. The red blinking light means it's off. That's why like Warzone, it's that. That's why like war zone it's that that's why i love it like we had a dub uh was it two days ago we were playing thursday and it was like last circle there's five teams remaining it's me and zack's mass down and we're at nine kills ten kills yeah and zack's pushes the opposite side i'm like

he's like no don't go that way i was like dude there's a guy in here and then there's two in the other house and one's gonna run up a guarantee He's like I don't know and I like walk by the door He's looking at the opposite door fucking murder him peek out back dude sprinting kill him kill the guy running out back dive in slide and We get the dub at the end and it's just fucking an open circle. It's one of those circles where it's like just Yeah, and everyone's just shoot you for your service. Yeah It's hard. I'm more proud of my cod service than I am my Don't think you could play cod so well that you don't have to pay property

I like I Don't know. I feel like like I want to play Warzone tonight. Like, it's probably what I'm going to do. Like, I might play Elden Ring for a little bit. But, like, if I go a couple days without playing, I'm like, man, I need to fucking play Warzone. Like, even though, like, very rare, maybe, like, win one game every, like, day or two, something like that sometimes. Like, I still, like, want to fucking play it because it's i feel like my fucking brain is like going like not like insane when i'm playing it like my like just so much to like think it and

process dude i fucking love it and that's like the only uh battle royale game that i played that like fucking makes my heart race dude like no matter what like especially if it gets to the like last circle i'm fucking like sweating dude like i can feel my like like zoning in and my pits are like getting sweaty i'm like okay okay i'm like sliding and going like doing stupid shit and i love it that's like tarkov when you're at the end when you have a whole bunch of gear and you're like trying to what evac yeah and you hear footsteps on the other side of the wall yeah Just listening to you talk about that has made me realize how fucking stupid I sound talking about Tarkov to people who don't play video games. I'm just like, well, yeah, man, none of this matters. This is all pixels and ones and zeros on a TV screen that have nothing to do with my life whatsoever.

But I'm like fucking like taking years off my heart. Yeah. Fucking adrenaline. Trying to play it. The passion in your guy's eyes. It's like you talking about it's like the camera's slowly pushing your eyes are like fire and you're like this is what's going on that hard cut to anyone the girlfriends are when you're talking about it and they're like oh dude

no yeah you're a fucking idiot yeah a lot of girls are like what you moron i got a text from my girlfriend like the other night while i was playing like because i just i shouted something because i absolutely fucking dunked on two dudes yeah like i was not geared i was on shoreline i'm just trying to survive i fucking dunked on two gear dudes she said uh i hit pause to check something and all i hear is get fucked nerd good to see you're playing nicely. Yeah, it's always good. I think I was screaming the worst things on Elden Ring a few nights ago. Like that first night it came out, I was just like just anger. It's like, oh, fucking bullshit.

One thing that gets me about those games, man, the one thing that gets me about the games, and they say, like everybody's like, oh, these games are so hard. These games are so hard. I know. I've beat most of them. And it's not that they're hard it's that like all of the bosses and even the fucking like little mini dudes you fight they have moves that just track you they have like a weird oh yeah yeah well they can jump up in the air and be about to swing like their giant weapon on the ground and

it'll like follow you like just like yeah you do a dodge roll and but in the middle of the air they're able to like swing it and still hit you somehow so like that does their entire like body like kind of yeah all of it moves and chases you it's like so annoying this is like all dark souls games yeah dude all of them are like that and like i get it they're hard or whatever but it's not even that they're like hard it's like the it's bullshit yeah it literally is the bosses and the mini dudes i compare it to this every time i play i'm like it's like you're playing a fucking street fighter game with like your like six-year-old cousin who's learned one move and they get you knocked down in a corner and they just tap that same move over and over and over until you're fucking dead i hate this fucking game it's all broken i'll be playing

it tonight yeah you're like i'm gonna fucking play it until i beat it and that's literally what happens all the time you get stuck uh like i was fighting a boss a couple nights ago and there's like four mini dudes in there with him and they just run so fast and they all like just spam attacks and if you get like especially early oh they chain it and you're fucked oh you're fucked uh especially early in the game when you don't have like a lot of like good stats if you get knocked down sometimes, it stuns you. So your guy takes a whole five seconds to stand back up. So you're like, oh, owie, that really hurt. And the whole time they're like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

You're smashing your hand with an hammer the whole time. And then you're just dead. So you're just doing the same animation where you're just like, hold on, fellas. And then you hear the, and your soul's pop up. And you're like, fuck, I couldn't even stand up. Like, it's, oh, that shit happens all the time. Well, those, and that's why it's like so, I feel the best when you beat a boss in Dark Souls or Sekiro. Like, Sekiro, the butterfly girl, that first super hard boss, the chick that's on the wires, she's the first main boss on Sekiro.

I'm not sure Fucking is like a full day of yeah Right up until I actually beat her could you have to beat first form then second form first form you kill him and then they resurrect full health and I don't even know if I streamed it, but it was the down to like most of you're playing something off stream you fucking nerd Yeah, and it's that last liver and you're like go go go go you're just trying to spam out just swing your sword i just want to hit you one time oh god yeah i've never played a dark souls game dude they're it's annoying i played dark souls 3 i went to the first boss i beat him after like 10 tries and was like i'm never playing this shit ever again yeah like

the memes are true Oh, yeah Yeah, like literally hundreds of time like within like a hour of playing last night like to the same guy And it's like the same thing It's you collect a bunch of loot and shit right and like it's like your souls or whatever like a level up coins or some shit To level up and if you die one time that shits all dropped in a spot You have to get back to that spot without it up without dying or else it completely vanishes so it's like if you've been alive for a long time killing all kinds of shit you know uh you've got a lot of points to

level up and it'll be like the most random stuff you get there like the whole game no no no it's like i mean it's every time you die so it's it's like tarkov imagine you go out and you die. So it's like, imagine you go out and you die with everything. And then instead of, what's it say, proper being like, I brought your stuff. You have to go then back out. To where you died.

To get your stuff. But you get to keep it all forever once you get to a certain point. Once you, no. You gotta just use it. You gotta use it. Oh shit. It's like points to level your shit up and to buy new shit.

So as long as you use it and put it on your dude or level up, buy weapons or whatever. Got it. Okay, then you keep it. Then you get to keep it. But those points are just in your pocket. So you just fucking lose them all. You're like, oh, I got all these Ruples. So you want to use it basically ASAP.

Yeah, you want it. Basically what I do is I'm like, okay, I need this many points to level up. Once I have that much, I'm going to go somewhere and and fucking level up you have to make it to a flame though yeah and every time you go to a new flame all the enemies respond yeah once you sit down on that like you could kill a giant fucking boss like right behind not like the boss bosses oh it's so annoying and shit everywhere as soon as you like oh I'm gonna take a rest now and and get better like okay well we're gonna make a rest now and get better like okay Well, we're gonna make every single thing you just killed alive again three every time yeah every time is a behind or in front

This is what I imagine hell is like yeah. Oh, yeah. It's just like that. You're doing just removing your progress. Yeah pretty much Yeah, you're just a hole Stronger now, but also every single monster is alive again, dude Oh man demons i don't demon slayers was worse because in demon slayers the first dark souls when you died that initial time you went from full health to half health permanently you always have health so in your brain there's items that can bring you back to life so then you're reset what they don't tell you in game is the second you use that you make the game harder so yeah yeah so and then there's six capstones sort so you have like difficult settings you can go one way or the other so if you resurrect yourself six times you are now

playing in the hardest version of demon souls and it or yeah and it is i remember doing it because i was like oh i'll resurrect boss, I'm dying to tower. And I was like, what the fuck? Resurrect myself. Okay, I'm going to beat tower. And I resurrect myself. I was like, I'm out. I was like, why the fuck are the dogs one-shotting me now?

I couldn't understand why. They don't say it at all. No, there's no warning. I was online reading. And they're like, oh, you're resurrecting yourself. That makes the game harder by X amount every time you do that until it caps at six or four. You know what's weird? We've been talking about video games this podcast.

I mean, we did do like a 40-minute segment about baby killing. Baby killing would come. Those are strong. To be expected, frankly. Oh, fuck. I did get a, frankly. Oh, fuck. I did get a new computer. Oh, yeah. Nice.

That's fucking gorgeous. Fuck. Put it up on screen if I remember to send it to you. It's fucking gorgeous. They got a logo. It's water-cooled. 3090. That thing's a goddamn monster.

You have a 3090 also? Yeah. You have a 3090. Two 3090s. Two 3090s. You have the most gangster Yeah, I got the sleeper PC So I work with ek fluid gaming's for mine and they did a phenomenal bad

He does the same you worked with Idax is yours and they built a fuck that sleeper computers so fucking It looks like an old it's it's a 20 year old compact PC case and you can never tell what's inside of it from the outside It's like almost yellowish. Yeah Computer lab aged plastic Like snot Yeah, you open it up and there's a water-cooled 3090 in there. So gangster. Pretty cool. The best processor

you can get right now. Imagine just going to a foreclosure or something like that and you're just tearing all the shit out. You're like, this old fucking junker PC. You toss it in the pile. It breaks open. You see what was inside of it. You're like,

as it's being grinded up. You toss it in the pile it breaks open you see what was inside You couldn't afford to pay the bills for your house Jesus Christ Fucking 39 is your expensive shit. Yeah, you can actually get it for him. Are yeah if you them for msrp yeah msrp right now it's like three or four grand if you can get it from factory 1600 everything else is three to four grand you're like holy shit what like two for mine yeah like and that was like that was a buddy buddy hookup yeah fucking crazy and then you run a uh i have a 2080 super in mine which is we were discussing that like 20 1080 TI you can almost run any games max Max performance, and then you're like 2080 super or TI and you're like you really can run everything 144 frames it yeah 1440p like on ultra yeah that computer the top flight built me that was a 2080 ti i never had

any fucking problem yeah man yeah yeah because it's a the 2080s a fucking monster yeah 3090s are oh sorry there's like it's a lot and then the new ones are about to come out the 40 the 40 series what are you what are people using these for fucking uh swing pools it's like well you don't really need it yeah i'll be interested in seeing if those like numbers are true of double 3080s yeah, because that's a bold statement. They said the new series is double the speed. How do you power that? They're getting more efficient though really you gotta like put that what's that size? It's like for your dryers and wash What do you need to run three-phase power to your fucking office. Well, you have the radar detector. Is that... I feel like mid-game. I feel the cancer forming.

Halfway through the game, tufts of hair are falling out. But look at these graphics. It looks beautiful. That's what it looks like. Why is your skin bubbling? Your face is like Melt it's like poltergeist

Fucking ghoul from Fallout 4 What happened to you I played with the 4090 It's crazy the new graphics cards is to double the speed of Not even needing double the speed as we're saying like the 28 is you can run max on everything easy 39 30 80s if it's double that in a year is the most ridiculous thing ever because no games what are we going to do?

What is ever going to be that great in the next couple years? They're just going to keep doing this and it's going to be like this is way better than the 4090s You understand you're describing the other song. Yeah, basically but it's just better and better and better. But for what?

What am I supposed to watch on this? I'm going to be real live. Brandon's like, look at this thing that you use in your pocket and you upgrade every time. Unless they're going to start making some VRs that plug directly into the shit and that quality comes over. I don't think they're quite that awesome. I think the graphics on some of the VRs are pretty good,

but I don't think they stack against monitor graphics. That's hard. Alexa. Yeah, for sure. What's it? Half-Life looks real. Have you played the Half-Life? I've seen it played.

I played demos and I played one of the friends, but I never beat them. Well, the Half-life vr is oh the new that one looks that's one where you're like oh yeah okay they know valve always valve knows what they're doing when they create their products they're like they put money into they put time and like even the spray paint part it's just time they put a lot of time a lot they put a lot of time a lot of time into all three video games Which is ridiculous when you look at it It's like they made Half-Life

Half-Life 2 Half-Life 2.5 Do you remember the orange box? That's what I was saying because you had the orange box You had Team Fortress Was it Day of Defeat? Yeah it was Team Fortress, Day of Defeat, Half-Life 1 of course Portal

No that was before Counter-Strike and Blue Dave was the day defeat. Yeah, it was seen for just day defeat half-life one of course No, that was no it was blue really counter-strike and blue force no it was where you play as Barney the security guard Yes in Black Mesa. It was blue blue is on blue shift was it was blue fuck wait portal wasn't in any of that No, that came out after that was the half-life 2 engine. Mm-hmm Okay, hey, that's why I'm thinking about it Do day defeat back in the day you would have day of defeat? Source before there was day defeat then day to be soar source was a half-life 2 engine. Oh, yes I played the fuck out of day to feed that was much fun. I can remember those maps They look like fucking butthole now. Oh, yeah, dear God your ass God before your guys's time You like for I didn't get into fucking PC gaming until like two years ago.

Maybe a year and a half ago. I remember the first time you played PC at my house. Oh, yeah, that was right. We dropped the gamer words with Matt there. It was your birthday. I had to delete that behind. Yeah. He's like, what?

What? I got the PC. I can say that. I've been to war. You can't say that. What? Yeah, you're like what what? I can say that I've been to war You can't say that what? Do that I didn't realize it at the time that was apparently a big deal Yeah, and you were trying to learn keyboard and mouse brain is like not a keyboard a mouse guy He's just out the gate just like here have fun. He's like um Okay, just you're like he just had to look at the space bar oh yeah you did yeah brandon looks down for the space

it's like hit the space bar he's like like oh this is great he's set up for success he's a monster now i actually started getting pretty good because i would hunker down in one spot with a pkm so i didn't have to reload or do anything. Just like, alright. I'm gonna wait for somebody. Alright. This is why these are popular in Syria. Jesus. What were y'all playing?

It was Modern Warfare. Oh, okay. Multiplayer. This is a birthday two years ago? I think so. Dude, this is great. You missed this birthday. It was my favorite birthday. We didn't know you then. Yeah. It wasn't even real.

I wasn't even a real boy then. You weren't even a real boy. You weren't even a part of the team. You didn't come out of the machine. No. I didn't even come out of the machine until just like last year. You replaced old Caleb with new Caleb. Yeah.

You disappeared. It's the Django Boba Fett thing. Caleb 1.0 dropped me, didn't remember me, and I grew up to a strong boy I killed him and I grew I climbed inside that person I fed off their innards and just imagining baby baby Caleb taunting like a grown-ass man I think you have cancer. Is that a tumor? No, that's a baby. That's a baby.

Your face pushed against the skin. She's trying to escape. Hello. It's me Daddy is that you Oh gosh Okay well I think that's gonna be it Brandon you get to close it out Oh do I oh cool

Well cause I'm the new host Yeah The normal host Okay well everyone Oh, do I? Oh, cool. Well, because I'm the new host. Yeah. New, the normal host. Never coming back. Okay, well, everyone, thank you for watching this episode of the Unsubscribe podcast with myself, Eli DoubleFab, Donut Operator, and Caleb Francis. Caleb, thank you for coming. Hey, thanks for having me, of course.

Brandon, great to have you back as a main host. We'll just keep this going. Like always. Like always. From now until forever. This is normal. This is new normal. Guys, see you probably not next week. We're going to get canceled.

This is the one. This is it. Bye. Bye. Fucking fuck. You fuck fuck. Oh, no. Not a fuck fuck.

I hate fuck fucks, dude. God.