Unsubscribe Podcast - 5 - Senpai Ranch Water Noticed Us UwU

Episode Date: February 1, 2021

NEW PODCASTS MON/WED You ever seen a car crash? Listening to this episode is like that. SENPAI RANCH WATER NOTICED US UWU. Thanks for the supply drop!  Topics for the day include GUN SAFTEY, some of our favorite youtubers, Eli not understanding Dungeons and Dragons, what is in a pokeball, FINDING THE MEW IN POKEMON RED/BLUE BEHIND THE TRUCK WITH THE OLD DUDE WAS A LIE!!!  Go do something productive with your day now.  Check out Unsubscribe Podcast on youtube to watch the podcast videos!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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We got it! I feel like the crack is the way to start it. Right? Not crack. Cracking a cold ranch water. We got some big news today. First off, welcome to Unsubscribe with Batty Streams.

Don't. Donut Operator. Eli underscore double tap. We're back. Big news, guys, in the world of ranch water and sponsorships. Thanks to us and you all out there for harassing them non-stop on every photo that they're posting. They have now sent us a metric shit ton

of ranch water. This isn't all of it. There's more. Tell the story. So, I hit up ranch water and I was like, hey, we would like some ranch water. We've been talking about you on the podcast and then I stepped out my front door this morning and there was this in my front door

times two times two this times two right here so now we have an unlimited supply of ranch for everybody who's listening and not watching there's like 18 cases of ranch water sitting on the table with us right now. There's a lot. A lot. They're very sweet people. I'm so happy. That being said... My liver's not. What's the new pitch for ranch water? What was it last week, Eli? Depression.

No, that's everything. That's constant. That's just me. You need water? Oh, Texas. If you're feeling down, do you know how to turn that smile upside down?

Booze. Ranch water. Ranch water. It's water in those ranches in Texas. It's like if white claw was made for men and 80 calories. So if you're looking at your figure, don't look at Batty.

As soon as he said it, I knew it was coming already. I was like... Roots in far west Texas. Okay. On with the actual show. I kind of want to put tequila in Ranch Water. What? I have the Rocks tequila in the other room. Have you had the to put tequila in ranch water. What? I have the rocks tequila in the other room.

Have you had the rocks tequila? No. Tiramon new or something like that? Actually, that doesn't sound like bad if you mix ranch water. Well, I mean, there's the mixed drink ranch water, which is like this, but with tequila already. So I feel like adding tequila to our ranch water can't be that bad, right? You want to do it for the next podcast? Yes.

We can do that. In 30 minutes. Don't tell. Next week on Unsubscribe. We're killing the lore. We're killing the lore. The secret. Jesus Christ.

What did we come up with to talk about? Oh, easy right now. Just what you were talking right before the podcast when we had to stop you was like, I just want to play Tarkov right now. Oh, man. You are hooked. I am jonesing on tarkov you're a crack fiend so i got the uh they sent me the creator edition or whatever the press

pass a couple years ago and i played it off and on and they finally tweaked the game to where it's just like it's it's pretty damn good and so i've been non-stop playing it for the past two weeks escape from tarkov if you haven't heard of it, it's a Russian-made game, right? Yeah. Battlestate Games is based out of Russia. Yeah, it's not on Steam. It's not on Epic.

It's just like its own thing. It's got their own Battlestate Games launcher. It's the freaking hardest first-person shooter ever. I mean, Fortnite's pretty hard, but whatever. That's true. Building and shooting and stuff. I know. But yeah, Tarkov, you feel so good when you kill somebody in it

because it's so hard. It is. I haven't played in a while. Like last week, I came back with Batty and then you later and it was like coming back into that world. I was like, Batty, can I have money?

You're going through your stash and you immediately like, so Batty, I'm going to need a loan of like two million rupees just looking at it and i forgot how fast i was like sorry no two million rupees because you still call them rupees there are rupees they're schmeckles this isn't legend of zelda this is escaping tarkov You're not gonna trick me. You're not familiar with Tarkov. You go in with your gun and your armor and all your stuff you need. Grenades, meds,

whatever. And if you die in the game, you lose every bit of it. Yeah, it's like when you build your Call of Duty loadout and you go into your game, your match, whatever, and somebody kills you, they can take all your loadout and if they survive that game, they get to keep your shit. But you don't spawn without loadout next round no yeah you gotta you gotta you gotta pick through all your inventory like in your out of game stash and you put

together the best kit you can or if you're a giant piece of shit you go in with nothing you sit in a corner and wait for somebody to die and then you run up and you scoop their shit like a dirty little fucking hatchling yeah speaking of my tactics so the reason I do that is it's effective, and it saves me a lot of rupees. But I haven't played in God knows how long, a year almost. It was a year, yeah. Since I started playing COD with Matt. Since you abandoned us for Matt.

I abandoned my family, my original family. I found a way more beautiful family. I'm glad you finally talked best in the streaming though. He's been crushing it. And he's such a monster at it too. It's just like, of course he's good at streaming. He's a charismatic fuck. He's good

at the game though. Can we find something Matt's bad at? Okay, so he's got a giant dick. He's beautiful. I mean, come on. Am I wrong? We've all seen it. First time I met Matt, he's like, so?

I'm like, what the fuck? No, he had a picture. He had a picture on his phone. He's like, here's my dick. I'm like, right now I feel bad. Thanks. I just wanted to beat you at one thing matt just one thing so he's he's got a giant cock the dude's fucking he's pretty what is he bad at i don't know he's apparently you know he's the hero of the war like

the war he's the hero of the war thank you for my service every time you say thank you for your service it's too mad you're saying it to mad doesn't matter who you're saying it to it's too mad crispy crispy i love oh you're not a national bestseller oh matt best is oh hey matt god he is just good. And he sings and plays music. Yeah, he's talented. All of his fingers work. Like, yeah, he can sing. He can play guitar.

He just picks up. Dude, when I was learning how to play the bass, and the first time I went over to his house again, after I was learning, he's like, oh, yeah, man, that sounds cool. Let me just pick up this bass real quick. And he's like, I've never heard that before. And he just plays it perfectly. Youuckers give me this let me have one thing dude that's it matt needs to play tarkov so we can watch him be bad he was awful at it he's

played once yeah he's not a fan of how long it takes to do anything learn the game yeah because that that when you go into that game you're just going in blind especially with no tutorials you're just like okay i got a gun and where's this quest out where's my do where's the check mark or the question mark in the map map there's no map there's no map there's no hood there's no on-screen icons that compass now i mean it only took him three years three years that encompass which you no one uses in game you're not gonna shoot an azimuth mid-battle That compass now It only took him three years Three years to add a compass Which no one uses in game You're not going to shoot an azimuth mid-battle

You're like, Batty, where are you? I'm at We all kind of made up our own azimuths We just scream ship I'm by the tree in the woods There's a lot of trees in the woods That's your own woods Eli, you're shooting me again, what?

You need to dance Oh, okay, that's you. Never mind. I'm jumping. That's literally how you know each other. Jump. God, dude. Oh, man. And that's Tarkov. Really dark game. Dude, Wellen's getting into Tarkov. I mean, he's

been kind of on it for a bit now, though. He won't play with me anymore, though. Why not? I killed him three games in a row on my team. Wait, what? Wellen, don't worry. You can play with me still. Oh, you not? I killed him three games in a row on my team. Wait, what? Well, and don't worry. You can play with me still. Oh, you just shot him? Yeah, I had a thermal on, and I was really excited to play with Wellen.

And I just was kind of nervous, but I killed him three games in a row. And he was like, well, I'm going to go. I'm like, oh, I ruined it. I ruined a friendship. You're so excited to play with someone you indie into their face three games in a row. Yeah, Eli, what's that like? I don a friendship. You're so excited to play with someone, you indie into their face three games in a row. Yeah, Eli, what's that like? I don't know. Remember that time you tried...

So Eli was newer to Tarkov still, and in Tarkov, it's super realistic. You can check your chamber to see if you have a live round in it. You can pull your mag out, and it's not like Call of Duty where you reload and all the bullets magically disappear from your mag or anything like that, or the gun be fair i was drunk wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup pick any two breakfast items for four dollars new four-piece french toast

sticks bacon or sausage wrap biscuit or english muffin sandwiches small hot coffee and more limited time only at participating wendy's taxes extra. To be fair, you're always drunk, so that's not an excuse anymore. So I was like out of ammo, and I was just clicking my empty gun towards Eli because obviously we do that. So Eli's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So he pulls his mag out of the gun,

and he points it at me. He's like, Batty, I want to do it. Hold on. I'm like, Eli. And he just pulls the trigger and what do you know? I die. There was a round in the chamber.

Forgot to clear that one. My face on screen was like, Oh, this is what gun safety is. This is why you check the chamber. When you pull a mag out of a gun, the bullet doesn't, the freedom seat doesn't magically disappear from the freedom dispenser. That's the problem that that uh that streamer had remember they got banned off of twitch

that fucking idiot he dropped his mag out and then he pulled the trigger and shot his wall dude no it wasn't even it wasn't even that he he had a mag in it he racked it then dropped then he goes yeah then he racked it a second time then dropped it like the like racking it a second time was gonna clear the chamber when the mag's still in the gun i just like he acts so surprised afterwards what do you mean i cleared it you guys watched me clear it what was his name it was sword car it was on he was on an esports team sword he got instantly he got removed from everything that's a fast no no like order for operations bud drop the mag just i got this cool new oh and even better he was drunk and screaming say i ain't

got money yeah he was showing up like into the wall i'm like bro now you ain't got no money no have fun at your old job oh man that would just suck you're just like live stream you're like delete the live holding the power button what do i do what do i do like what do you you just blast around through your monitor and through the wall like it's the people that never touch guns like i don't whoops my stream knows My stream knows. I'll put the gun down. And I know all the guns that don't have mags and have – or the mags that don't have bullets in it versus. But I still put it down. I'll pick that gun back up with no mag in it.

I'm still clear. Okay. Every single time. I have guns all over my stream room, and I don't keep any of them in my stream room. Do I have loaded mags throughout my house and shit? Of course. But not a single gun in my stream room ever has a loaded mag or a loaded gun and i live alone it's not like there's people that are magically sneaking bullets into my guns

or in mags but every time you pick it up drop the mag real quick clear the chamber put it back like look now it's a safe gun it's just it's like like us being around responsible gun owners always have like glocks and shit sitting in my kitchen and And when you guys come over, you look at it and pick it up and make sure it's clear. Every time I have a friend over, they clear my gun and put it back on the counter. But it's still on the counter. It's just everyone, it's muscle memory to clear it every motherfucking time. And then you have people that don't. Like I could not dream of like pulling that trigger without looking into the mag.

Or looking in the chamber dude I'd be like Whenever you hear about like a shooting accident or like I was cleaning it went off There isn't one motherfucker who has been cleaning a gun and accidentally shot themselves They were playing with it stupid and they shot themselves or they hurt somebody or they, stupid, and they shot themselves, or they hurt somebody, or they fired a round off, and they needed an excuse real quick. I was cleaning it.

I was cleaning it. You don't clean a gun with the bullets in it. This is not how that works. Okay, step one of cleaning gun. Pull the trigger with the bullet in chamber, and slap that closed. Okay, let me read chapter two. Trigger, boom.

Huh, that's weird. It went off. Maybe I didn't put enough Rem oil on top of it. Yeah. I'm like, come on, man. There are no cleaning gun accidents. Unless you're working on like a 1929 Mosin with a round stuck in the chamber. It's just not how that works.

No, we had. Was it you guys with it? No, it was one of our buddies. I won't say names right now. But they had an old Japanese World War II revolver. Now the one thing they did not know with the revolver is you usually click, click, holds the hammer back. Yeah. Pull the trigger.

Hammer goes forward. So once you do on this Japanese revolver, what we didn't know is after that first click, like if you've done that first click and you didn't just set it all the way back. Now there's no. Like a half cock or some shit? Yeah, like a half cock. click like if you've done that first click and you didn't just set it all the way back yeah now there's no half cock or some shit yeah like a half cock there was no second half cock oh that's it it was just like a halfway so he went to pull it back and he like that and he let go and it just went wham boom yeah we were out of the range good to go because it's a safe direction but he was like and we're like what the fuck and he's like i have no idea and then we tested we're like holy shit once you've done that first half lock

there is no second so it's just like you pull it back and just slams forward instantly yep holy crap i mean that's like your one exception to the the gun rule is like really old shit yeah and then you just do it out of range do it somewhere safe in a safe direction. Remember John's gun a couple weeks ago? No. Yeah, I can't go into it. Okay, I won't go into the full story, but I put a mag. It's a 9mm pistol. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rifle. Yeah. Slapped a mag in. I always aim it downrange, of course, even when you let the bolt forward. And I'm glad I did it because I let the bolt forward and it just went pow! And it shot. And I didn't have my finger on the trigger. And we were all standing there like looking around like how the fuck did that just happen?

Because everyone saw me just slap it and send the bolt forward and it shot. And I have no idea how I did that. Not going to say the manufacturer. And you're like, hi-yah! And we're all sitting around like, holy crap. We're done with that one for the day. It was a good lesson for John too because I'm like, John, this is why no matter what you're like hi y'all and we're all sitting around like holy crap we're done with that one for the day it was a good lesson for John too because I'm like John this is why no matter what you're doing you always point it in a safe direction

that could have been scary that's sketchy and that was the lesson we learned on Tarkov that day even in video games to clear the chamber otherwise your friend can die and then he panicics, screams,

I don't know how to get off the map. Help, Batty, help. That did happen. I was like, Batty, what do I do now? Okay, I'll hide your stuff in this bush real quick. I'm drunk. I don't know where to go. Run along that wall over there.

Okay. Good luck. Yeah, just have fun. Targa's fun, though. I like it. So you've got to play with Wellen. Who else have we played with? wall over there. Okay. Good luck. Yeah, just have fun. Targoth's fun, though. So, you've got to play with Wellen. Who else have we played with that was like? We played with Julian.

Julian? Yeah, that was fucking awesome. Julian's good at Targoth, too. What's her name's husband? Jenna Marbles. Jenna Marbles. That's when we played with him for a bit. We played with... I think they're married. I said that. Husband. I'm here for BetRivers Online Casino and Sportsbook with poker icon Phil Hellmuth. Thanks to BetRivers, I'm also a slots icon.

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to speak to an advisor free of charge. I don't think they're married. You don't think they're married? Oh, my bad. My bad if you guys aren't married. I'm not. I think they're just

together for a long time. They're docking. Touching tips. They're docking. Oh, no. Congrats. Yeah. We played with... Yeah, Julian was. They're docking. Oh, no. Congrats. Yeah, we played with... Yeah, Julian was really fun to play with.

Yeah, Julian was fun to play with. I don't think he plays it anymore. He got... No, no, he does. Does he? I played with him. A.K.A. Guy Brandon's been... Yeah.

Oh, man. Brandon Herrera's gotten into Tarkov recently, and he's addicted to it. He's been playing offline. That's how you know you're hooked. As a streamer, a lot of the times, you don't game as much offline anymore because you're always gaming online when you find somebody who's gaming offline like he gets into the discord with us and we're all gaming he's like can i play with you

guys like yeah man he's streaming he's like no no i just want to play a lot like oh fuck how is he because i remember early last year it was my birthday when everyone came out. And you're like, Brandon, jump. What's the jump? The space bar. Homeboy had to look down to find the space bar. He's new to PC gaming. He's bad. He's better now, though.

He's better for not having played PC games. Love, Brandon. Love you, Brandon. He knows the guns, though. You're awful next time he's here he's gonna be on the podcast

for sure oh yeah he's moving here in two weeks like three weeks something like that and we're just gonna be out in Texas

oh we're gonna have the whole crew here this is gonna be good times so now it's it's us three it's Clean Mr. Bleen

we got Willers one of the best Tarkov players in the world. Bill Z. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. We're getting Brandon Herrera is going to be out here. We got Demo, Matt. Demo, Matt. Yep.

Matty B. My best. Who do we have? I'm forgetting. Crispy. Crispy. Crispy's out here. I'm forgetting somebody.

Oh, I'm forgetting. Well, Jared, like all the Black Rifle people. Yeah, Black Rifle. Black Rifle people. Jared Taylor. Logan, Heather all those folks it's such a good crew man it is stacked

it is a stacked little community down here of content creators especially content creators like us pieces of shit I'm just happy you're still wearing your helmet I forgot it was on there until you said something oh we don't talk about Oh we don't talk about it Ranch Water Armor

Unsubscribe podcast featuring Ranch Water Armor Dude Every week we're going to build a new piece We'll make you a shoulder piece next week He's in tier 3 ranch water dude This is untouchable He's played Nexus for that A staff made out of cans

You shall not The stats are unbelievable What the fuck is wrong with us You're gonna have to become the ranch water wizard though You're gonna have to do that Oh my god And draped in ranch water Like a cloak is wrong with us. You're going to have to become the Ranchwater Wizard, though. You're going to have to do that. Oh, my God. Gladly. And draped in Ranchwater.

Like a cloak. Oh, man. That'll be the next post we do. We'll take all the cans out of these cases, and we'll build Ranchwater armor. Just the most gangster thing. We need to get... We've been playing Tarkov do i'm the only one that does

cod with matt and them but we need to start getting dnd going for sure oh man oh man oh you're trying to rustle my jimmies right now you want to feel my nips tingling bro like fuck you need this man i love dnd. The whole crew, all the personalities. You're not allowed to play your character. You're not. Dude, he's a redneck. I hate it. What's he, redneck drow?

Drow. He's a redneck drow. He's a simple man. He's raised by halflings, okay? You know? I need to do a dexterity check on that there creature of darkness. That doesn't make any sense. You don't do a dexterity check on that there creature of darkness. That doesn't make any sense. You don't do a dexterity check on a creature of what?

Dexterity is mobility. I don't. Don't. Don't. Backstab. I was just making up words at that moment. I know. I hate you.

I just know the lore. I live D&D. I know the lore. We went to get Pokemon in Batty Vault, $200 worth of D&D figures. Okay, stop. At the store. You don't need to bring Batty Vault, $200 worth of D&D figures. Okay, stop. At the store. You don't need to bring this up right now. It was cute.

I can't say anything because that packs. I have D&D figures, so they come in these, the random ones. Yeah, the blister, the boxes. Yeah, the boxes. They come in four random ones. And that was me and Dee were trying to get them for a, one had a red dragon in it. Red dragon was worth, I think it's still worth a good chunk of change. But one, it's on the box.

So it's like, there's definitely a red dragon in one of these. And then it was listed. There is a red dragon. I bought three and I didn't, or four. And there's usually about 50 to 70 different minis in those. Yeah. It's like magic cards and shit, man. Yeah.

And I was like, I didn't get it. You know? And I did get a Necro dragon. Not a Necro, but a Lich dragon. A Lich dragon. Yeah. I got a Lich dragon. I was like, fucking get it.

I'm good. I got my dragon figure and I got like some halflings and a drow and all that stuff. Cool. D, he bought like five or six and he didn't get any of the ones. He got a gold dragon. And then finally I was like, oh D, get that last box right there i just pointed because they had a whole bunch i was like that one that's the one he didn't get it and i was like well i have to get that one okay and i was like grab that open it red dragon and he's like you motherfucker i was like i told i literally

said get that fucking box did i not dean he's like He's like, you did. And I did not listen. I was like, and now I'm the one with the red dragon. And it's gangster because it's a fucking gangster-ass little D&D figure. Dude, these D&D minis are awesome. So I probably have close to like a thousand different D&D minis. How big are they? You said minis. I mean, so they, from an inch tall to, I have some that are like two feet tall. Like I have, because when i used to run home games of

dnd i would build terrain i would go all out with like castles and trees and we used to have a buddy who vaped whenever i needed smoke he would just vape across the thing it was super cool but you play along with the figures while you do the yeah it's like so it's usually role play like theater of the mind stuff until like you get into a fight or a battle then you can battle map the entire thing stop laughing at me eli stop it this is very serious you i don't know how i don't know how any of us got laid just from that statement it's like yeah one of my friends when he dnds he when he dms he's he blows smoke across the no i i'm the dm i am the dungeon master your friend blows smoke across the table he was one of the players just I oh man well I had a smoke machine too and I broke it I just picture like bring your friend over that does dig vapes well he was already in the game so it worked out he blows

fat clouds he would do the spin first and do a smoke pit and have fat clouds across the table just bringing a girl over you guys walk into a decrepit mansion. Smoke fills the room. I wish I could say that hasn't happened. Did you have fun when I ran that game for us? Oh, we had a blast.

So shut the fuck up. You had fun because you got a DM for Freddy. I have not fangirled that hard in a long time. you got a DM For Freddy I have not Fangirled that hard In a long time I got a DM A game for Eli Clean

And Freddy fucking Wong And as somebody who I was like Ah Internally screeching The whole time Pretty much Outside you did

Really good I was like I'm cool man Internally he was just like Ah Straight up Yeah Dude is Freddy coming down

Anytime soon Yeah We need to I need to text him And actually invite that boy out For an adventure but internally he was just like straight up yeah dude is freddie coming down anytime soon yeah we need to i need to text them and actually invite that boy out for an adventure oh yeah he could drink ranch water we could have freddie wong we could put some armor on him he'll bring his own armor let's be real yeah corridor digital is here all the time with brcc working on your guys yeah we need to get dnd going soon dude it was great meeting them because i came to the the shoot that you guys had at bass pro shop and so john like has worshipped them for three years and we get in an elevator i can't remember his name without the pinky oh uh sean jane okay so he he rides uh a one wheel into the elevator

and i look at john and john's like, like mouth agape. And I'm like, Hey John, how'd he get that? Uh, that finger there. Cause John loves the video where they make him a finger. They 3d print him a finger. And John just was like, there are very few things that you can be certain of in life, but you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink.

And, of course, you can rest assured that with Public Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month. With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for. Public Mobile. Different is calling. That was so cool. those are good guys i think ren made uh it's jan i think they call him jan yeah jan but i always call it i just forget he has that weird one it's j and e that's always what i remember but yeah uh ren printed that 3d finger because he's missing his pinky so he just operated off of the mechanics of how your hand work and now it works perfect.

Just a string field. Such a cool video too. So good. But yeah, we had D&Ds off of the figures go from like this. Like your humans and your standard figures are about like here. Like an inch tall.

You guys are making me just want to collect them. But my dragon. Dude, come over and see my D&D collection sometime. I kind of want to. My dragon. Can I come see your D&D collection? Oh my God. So we can go play D&D collection sometime. I kind of want to. My dragon. Can I come see your D&D collection? Oh, my God. So we can go play D&D.

Let me get my recamer out. Yeah, man. D&D minis are so cool. I used to paint them. So that's like how I got it. I used to paint and do art. It is. Straight up.

I actually have some Warhammer minis I use for D&D stuff. I love. Can you hand me another Ranch Water? I love painting. I used to do those paintings. Yeah, I remember those. That's what we need to do. A painting stream? You guys want to get drunk and paint D&D minis?

There's the paint and sips and you paint your stupid fucking can. Fuck that! Let's get drunk and paint D&D minis. If I'm drunk, I'm painting dicks on everything. You can paint as many dicks on everything. But you're a mini. You can paint as many dicks as you want. Fine.

I'm going to have Sir Dicksalot of the Space Marines. Here's my halfling space marine with dick armor. You're like, Batty's like, I am going to. Stop mixing your fantasy and your sci-fi right now. I hate this so much. Dude, when I do D&D shit, I'm super serious about it. My halfling rogue has a 9mm pistol. I hate you.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Space bullets. Space bullets. Space bullets. He was given to them from a time wizard from the future. He's in the chaos.

Is that mixing it? Yes, it's mixing it. I know, but a wizard should technically do time travel. Is there time travel in the chaos. Is that mixing it? Yes, it's mixing it. No, but a wizard could technically do time travel. Is there time travel in the Dungeons & Dragons universe? Yes. So technically, there could be a sci-fi aspect there. If they go into the future and find a Glock for their wizard or rogue. Rogue.

What? Was it chronomancy? how the fuck don't i oh like when you have like the illith they don't even do they just do hoods yeah your uh your mind players yeah those are like the most powerful magic in there not really i mean on okay you're okay you're coming from forgotten realms dritz doherty, and your old school D&D versus your... There's lots of other... It's the... Oh, my God. What's it called?

Not the forgotten realms. The multiverse. There's multiple planes of existence. You have the different planes. That's what I'm saying. It's different. World planes, like the Illithid, are fucking powerful.

The Mind Flayers, because they have the psionics. They're stronger as shit. They have psionics, yeah. Yeah, psionics. They're stronger than shit. They have psionics, yeah. Yeah, psionics are like... Psychic shit. Yeah, and they're considered only a few. There's Dark Elves and the Illithid that can use it.

There's more now. Giants and shit as well. There's giants that can do it? Yeah. No shit. Most giants can. It's weird. So psionics is like a weird...

Oh, man. We're getting deep into D&D shit right now. Yeah. Psionics has always been like an additive to D&D. There's... It's opious. Yeah. Every time they try to add psionics to D&D, it usually breaks the game somewhat in a little way.

What is it? Like psychic powers. If I can be like this, hey, you're dead. Like I can control what you do. Fuck you. I can control what you do. Fuck you. I can control you. I can... And then I have... Like, if you attack me with a blade,

I can then use that as against you because I can absorb it through psionic powers, turn it around, touch you, and then all that energy is expended into you. It's fucking powerful. And there's tons of different ways psionics work. So D&D, the fifth edition, the current edition of Dungeons & Dragons

just started playing with psionics again in the last few books, it was and it's still like play testy but they're trying again to bring psionics and it like three five i think it was you know pathfinder does it three five did it i don't know if fourth edition got too much into psionics i believe there's a couple books on it but every time that's always like a later addition to the game because it's always a little fucky it's just not quite dnd but at the same time it is always like a later addition to the game. Cause it's always a little fucky. It's just not quite D and D, but at the same time it is cause some of the enemies use it. But when players start using that shit, it gets weird.

Yeah. I don't know. It makes me think of Pokemon with psychic Pokemon. Like why don't they just stop your heart? They're muted. Pikachu's like Pika and then falls over dead. Cause average. Oh my God.

There's just the darkest side duck. Pika's heart explodes. Pika, Pika, Pika. Just like holding his heart. Abra's so cute. Side duck's so cute. Yeah, they're just like, stop it. Darkness consumes me.

Force choking Pikachu. Stop ruining. You're ruining my childhood. Stop it. Ash is crying in the corner. Let my Pikachu go. Let my Pikachu go. Psychic.

Okay, so like psychic things aside, they should be able to just crush other Pokemon souls with their minds. I never understood how like Ash, he's got this little mouse that has electricity. And then you put it against an 8,000 pound dragon Charizard. And he's just like, go Pikachu. Like how does the dragon not just... Machamp, I choose you. Machamp, rape. Whoa!

All four arms? Pikachu just... Little Pikachu just held out. Pikachu, come back. He never leaves his Pokeball again. Batty's getting tequila. Batty has left the building if you think about it my champ was made for that four arms two legs oh my god the darkest episodes of pokemon that's just part of the game.

These kids were like, this took a turn for the dark. Oh man. That's literally how Pokemon would be. We lost Batty. Okay. So when they go into the Pokeball, are they suspended in time or do they have a life inside of the Pokemon?

Do you think they're conscious inside of it? Do they have a house, like a nice living area? Do they hate leaving that? Is it a job to them? Like a nine to five? Yeah. I don't know.

Like, oh, thank God. I just get to get high right now, watch the anime. And Pikachu, I choose you. Shit. They're on the couch. Ash, not now. Not now, Ash. He's just like out and about.

He's like, ah. He's looking at Pikachu. Pikachu. Exactly. He'd be like, I'm sitting here drinking and suddenly it's like fight to the death. And we're like,

don't know. I choose you. Donut's gone. Drunk. Donut. Donut operator. Donut. Donut.

Maybe a fist fight with somebody. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it right now. Could you imagine that, Batty? Stop it. No, it's like, are they just chilling? Like, what's in a Pokeball?

We're just talking, it's like your day-to-day life. It's like your house. So like, you guys are just getting drunk. Like Batty midstream hammered. I'm like, Batty, I choose you. And you're like, fat and hot. And you're like, fuck! And you're like thrown out into a battlefield. Batty! Batty, Batty! Batty!

It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka. Soda. Natural flavors. So, what should we talk about? No sugar added? Neutral. Refreshingly simple.

You're suddenly in a fist fight with a giant dude. Well, a giant dude, it would be like, I feel good. And it's like, you come out and you're like, huh. And it's like a 12-year-old girl. And I'm like, Batty, punch. And you're like, huh, huh. Batty punches Catherine for 12 damage. It's highly effective.

It's like, you bring your level 60 Pokemon against a level 1 that you just happen to run across. It just looks at it and they die. They can't say no. They know they're absolutely going to wreck this thing. In human terms, yeah, that's horrible. It's a baby. It's like me and a baby. Donut uses intimidation.

Donut, you stomp. It's highly effective. But I can't stomp myself. My trainer told me to. Donut has leveled up. You get the murder badge. What the fuck? Man, today got dark.

You just teleport back home after the fight and you're like... You're like... Crack open a cold ranch water to wash it off. I just picture that you come back you're just teleporting back home you're like covered in blood you're like you open the fridge you grab a beer you're like the door closing of you in the shower you're stripping it's the water running down you're like don't i choose you you come back as a naked

still covered in blood yeah you have no control over your life man pokemon's dark i know fuck think about it dude it's horrendous it's a horrendous thanks for ruining my childhood today, guys. God damn. How did we get here? How did we get here? Escape from Tarkov. People we were gaming with. Well and Julian. Freddy. D&D.

To minis. To murder and Pokemon stomping. Before we get off the Pokemon, we need to get with Corridor and skit what we just talked about. Oh, this is a glorious skit. Just like... The whole thing.

Yo, Meat Canyon, it's your boys. It's your boys. He came out with a new video today. He just released a new video. That dude has some gold. Terrifying gold. Shout out to Meat Canyon. If you want to ruin your childhood, canyon that's where you go on youtube if we didn't just ruin it yeah you did

you did just a little bit how oh dude how has he not done pokemon when i would love to see him do a pokemon because he did spongebob and it got like nine million views was number one on trending it was dark well they have you have meat can you have um get flash flash gets yeah the pokemon one it's like steve steve steve he like stabs the dude in the neck he's like steve then he grabs the corpse and brings it into the pokemon ball and like shows it and he's like steve steve it's like all kinds of fun i haven't seen this i completely forgot about that it's so good good. And then you have. We're just going down the rabbit hole of terrible YouTube things.

Well, I mean, what's his name? Game Grumps, Aaron. Egoraptor. Egoraptor does that really good Pokemon. He's like, Pikachu, I choose you. And he's like, Pikachu. And then it's Bulbasaur. He's like, Bulba.

He's like, man, what? I don't. Why are we fighting? He's like, Bulba. He's like, man, why are we fighting? He's like, Bulbasaur, use solar beam attack. He's like, I mean, could you? Okay, solar beam attack. And he's like, charging. He's like, god damn.

Pikachu. He's like, use lightning bolt. He's like, just destroying this fucking Bulbasaur. Eagle Raptor was fucking insane. I remember him back on Newgrounds. Newgrounds was like my childhood terrible internet place. I think this is all. You did Newgrounds, right?

Yeah, of course. Ebon's World. Ebon's World, Newgrounds, yeah. And Eagle Raptor was huge on Newgrounds. God, man. I have videos dating back to like 2002 off of Newgrounds. You do? That you did?

Yeah, that I've done. I'm going to need to see some of this. Guys, go to Newgrounds and search up Eli something. I'd have to look up the user. I don't even remember my username from back then. I can't wait to see. I'll find that and we'll post those. We need a podcast of us talking about your old videos.

I've got a YouTube channel from 2007. Oh, what? Oh, yeah. I need to see this. Wait, like a secret YouTube channel? podcast of us talking about your old videos i've got a youtube channel from 2007 oh what oh yeah i need to see wait like a secret youtube channel with like old content that i posted what six 2007 we have to do a collective of all these because i have casey has them um my buddy that i used to do stop motion cartoons with with action figures with dragon ball and resident evil so was that like your intro to content creation? Yeah, that was like,

and was that your intro to content creation? Yeah. No shit. See, I don't have, mine is a cool old school. Yeah. Like I,

I wasn't into it until fuck 2015. These are seventh grade, eighth grade, like 2000, 1997 and eight. When I'm doing like, you are so old. I'm doing like,

record stop, record stop, because I'm trying to make stop motion. You were so old. I'm doing like, record stop. Record stop because I'm trying to make stop motion. There's no editing. So you edit on the fucking camera. Just clip it. Clip it. Clip it.

Okay, I got to do VOs for these. Record. Goku, you can never stop me. Stop. That was beautifully done, Eli. You executed that flawlessly. This is amazing. Your 13-year-old voice is very pronounced and strong right now.

I can tell I hit puberty. Okay, let's get this energy. I remember doing an energy blast, and it was literally cut out pieces of paper. I just made the circle bigger. Recourse. Recourse. Recourse. That's so cool, though.

That's awesome, man. Old days. We used to do that stuff back in the day. We'll have to find your old stuff. We need some OG baddie streams. No, your baddie YouTube. Your OG YouTube videos. I've deleted most of it.

There has to be something old of baddie. Nope. Had to delete it all. Had to delete it all. Okay. Won't ask questions. Had to delete it all. to delete it all okay won't ask questions it broke tos ranch water well at least we can get these like pokemon uh shorts in the in the works i think that'll be a really fun thing to do i just i love the idea of just like live action too yeah oh yeah

absolutely just like the fear and the like getting yanked out of your like you just sit down on your couch and you pop a beer open and it's just mid-shower jerks you out of the shower's like i'm a water type yeah sir i am so happy to be interviewed for this job I've been workless for about 12 months so I'm super just ripped out come back

and you're just covered in blood you're like shirts all ripped up and just shaking on a first date I haven't been out with anyone in months

and this it's wonderful to finally meet and she's like oh it's wonderful to finally meet. And she's like, oh, it's wonderful to finally meet you. Better yet, you drop on the battlefield. She gets dropped on the other side. The mist slowly raises.

Best first date ever. You guys both end it down. Jonah, use light attack. Uh-uh. best first date ever. You guys both. Don't use bite attack. Don't hurt himself in the confusion. Don't use his bite. It's not very effective. So what happens when they hurt themselves in confusion?

Like they, it's when they're resisting. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's okay. That one always video games back in the day. It's like, you were confused. Boom. Or you hit your teammates really hard. You're like, that's okay. All video games back in the day. It's like, you were confused. Boom!

Or you hit your teammates really hard. You're like, how did... What? How do you hit yourself like that? You stop hitting yourself. There's some dark things going on up here that I'm not going to say. You're like, I'm going to turn you on to this. I'm going to hold that. We're going to hold that one in.

Get all inside thoughts. Which Pokemon did you start with? Blue? You did. No, you did what? I had red. Red version. I was blue. I was blue too. What Pokemon did you start with? I wanted a Charizard, dude. Bulby. Oh, I did Squirtle. Sorry.

You actually did Bulbazaur. You did Bulbazaur? Squirtle. And Charizard. Charmander. Yeah. That's awesome. The trifecta right here. This is why we're the three best friends that anyone's ever had. Like anyone's ever had. Ever. That's awesome.

Ever. That's actually, most people don't pick Bulbasaur. I don't know. I didn't know anything. I didn't even have the strategy guide then. I didn't even know what Pokemon was. I went to Sears. Oh, yeah.

Same. Because Sears, the hardware store, They had the biggest video game store inside Sears. I went to Sears Hardware and got Pokemon Blue. We had to drive 45 minutes to get out. I lived in a little rural town. I remember playing it non-stop for months. Oh, man. Absolutely.

No idea what I was doing. My Game Boy Pocket. Like I said, I had the red Game Boy Pocket with Pokemon Red. I had the red Game Boy Pocket with Pokemon Red because I wanted the matching one. I had the red pocket too. Dude, those were like,

not having the strategy guy playing through those and then it was just, it was a metric shit ton of fun. And then, I don't know if you guys did the 150 Pokemon. That was a mission.

Yes. Well, I mean. You had to have a couple of red. Back then, I didn't have any friends. I don't think any of us did. That was like mission. Yes. Well, I mean. You had to have a couple friends. Back then, I didn't have any friends. I don't think any of us did. That was like your strategy guide back then, too, was talking to friends. Yeah. You know, your buddy Josh would be like, well, Kevin knows where this certain Pokemon is and how to get it.

And you're like, fuck, Kevin. Dude, do you guys remember the Safari Zone? Oh, yeah. That bullshit? Do you remember where to get Mew? Bro, if you go behind the truck. Oh, yeah. That bullshit? Do you remember where to get Mew? Bro, if you go behind the truck. Oh, man. It was the truck.

You had to go through the rock. You had to surf from the right place. Then you go behind the truck. Yeah. And you hit A. And after you talk to the one dude, it was like the old guy on an island. And then you come back. If you do it all right, you get Mew.

You find him right there. And he's under the truck. And you just get the Pokemon. It's absolute horse shit. It was never real. Never. Never real, but everyone remembers the same thing. Everyone.

Because that was the rumor. Well, my buddy Jordan had Mew. Probably got it from the missing no glitch shit. No, he got Mew through the Pokemon event. Oh, yeah. The mystery gift. Yeah. All that shit, yep.

He was one of the few kids that got me through that you had to go you had to go to a physical pokemon event and you would plug in your game boy with the old school trading cables dude how cool is that and he was like yeah i got me i was like bullshit and he like it was like 151 pokemon i was like wait wait how the fuck did you did you go behind the truck was Was he really behind the truck? Dude, every... That's the shadiest shit. There's a guy behind the truck who will give you a mute.

No, you had to talk to an old man first and then go behind the truck. Oh, man. You got it. John, don't do that. You hear a kid. It's like, Dad, someone told me if I go talk to this old man and then go behind the truck, he'll give me something. Dude, every kid that ever played the original Pokemon right now is screaming in their chair like, I did that too and it didn't work. No.

And now they actually have a way to get Mew. There's actually a way in those old games to get Mew. There was. Oh, it's the in those old games to get Mew. There was. It's the random number generation shit. No. You have it in the first 10 minutes of the game. Yeah. It's all about moving in a certain pattern. It's random number

generation. Is that what it is? It's doing a certain string of things to unlock 151. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's it. It only took them 20 years to figure that out. Literally them 20 years to figure that out literally like 20 years to figure it out a lot of those games it's like nothing gets found out until like well until until after you're in the code and you're fucking with the shit so really cool thing when they did the remakes i believe it was the remakes like fire red leaf green i think it was

those ones you could actually go talk to that same old man character who was in the game and i'm pretty sure he said something about the truck, about the, the me and the truck thing, just as like a play on. I don't remember. It was exactly that, but I know they,

they dropped a little Easter egg about that in, and I think it was fire red and leaf green, which was the remake of red, blue, and yellow. Yeah. I love reading about those old games, the old secrets that were just never discovered in video games.

Because you have stuff in Goldeneye, a few years later, where you could unlock these secret characters. People didn't know about that shit for years. We're like, oh, there's a whole bunch. Arcade, Mortal Kombat, there was an actual debug code on the arcade games where you could unlock everything.

And people were like, holy shit, this actually exists in the arcade. What the fuck? And they're, Pokemon's a good example. There's a lot of those. I always find that super interesting. Like,

like Final Fantasy VII. There is. Oh my God. So much. What were the, the giant, oh, I can't remember the names.

Ruby and Emerald. Ruby and Emerald. Yeah. Why do I know that donut? What is it? Those are the super bosses. The super in final fantasy it's like you got to do some some specific shit to get them to come out or no they'd come out but they're you i mean now fighting them on the other hand if you do not have a gold choker bow knights of the round you're gonna you have to

you have you have to have everything on your side to make these fucking things die are they the final bosses or no they're extras just like bonus bosses yeah they have a million hp and then like ruby takes away if you don't kill your party before entering the if you do not kill your own party you have one alive so you kill them so they're two down he instantly put his uh claws into it and then they come up behind and then they attack you have to kill your own party to beat him? Well, if you don't, what sucks is you go into the battle and if you don't kill your own party, he then completely gets rid of him so you can't res him.

Yeah, that's one of his attacks. He's like, eh, that one's gone and that one's gone and it's random. They're just removed. Yeah, so now you can at least resurrect them and now you have a million HP to go through once he puts his arm in. I think it's his arms in the ground. you can actually uh attack him jeez and it's all based on your materia emerald has a fucking move that's it detaches his body flies over you blast and kills nine nine nine

nine and you're like okay dead but then well i lost yeah you have your materia that brings you back to life with fuck it was i don't't even like final. Phoenix rising or whatever. Yeah. Phoenix. Final attack in Phoenix. So then it brings you back to life as a summon. Oh, man. There's all the tricks of the trade.

Don't it? It's a refined boy that never got laid when I was young. It was a good life. Nothing has changed. Still a refined boy that never gets laid. I think we're This episode's about I think that's this episode

Yeah pretty much That was a good one For everybody who wants to witness what happened You can actually find all of our podcasts now On YouTube Just search the unsubscribe podcast Is it the? Unsubscribe podcast

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