Unsubscribe Podcast - 51 - PAX Sucks ft. Brandon Herrera

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

Unsubscribe Ep51 - PAX Sucks ft. Brandon Herrera The boys are back from PAX East with PLENTY of stories for you. Some of them even smell a little, but at least Baddie's butt is clean! YOUR FAVORITE CO-HOST -- I MEAN GUEST @Brandon Herrera IS BACK!!! Turns out he may be a nerd after all??? MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast GO CHECK OUT BRANDON!!! Twitter: @theAKGuy Instagram: @realBrandonHerrerathe Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/BrandonHerrera Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/therealbrandonherrera CHECK OUT https://outofregz.com/ CODE: UNSUB http://gfuel.com/discount/baddie CODE: BADDIE ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie- @Baddie Streams https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -DonutOperator- @Donut Operator @Donut Vlogerator https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwkm_Wcyh0pc7UUmZZfL-6w https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator/ https://www.twitch.tv/DonutOperator https://twitter.com/DonutOperator -Eli_Doubletap- @Eli Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by Fluck https://www.twitch.tv/fluck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients. Vodka, soda, natural flavors. So, what should we talk about? No sugar added? No sugar added? Neutral. Refreshingly simple. A collection of children's toys is coming along quite well.

Nothing's changed in months. Thank you for noticing, Brandon. Literally since the last time you were here. I'm not used to sitting on this side, I don't think. You've always sat on that side. You're always sitting on that side. Are you guys gaslighting me right now? You're gaslighting yourself. I don't think you've always said on this side. You're always sit on this side literally gaslighting me right now This is literally where the guest seat oh, it's cuz you guys

Wait actually you might be right wait do you sit there now that I'm thinking about it Do you thought I was over there? No, I've always said yeah here beside bad No, I'm actually confused because when we were talking about the dino stuff, I thought I had to look over... Oh, remember because I don't talk to Batty? Right? I think I'm really being gaslit here. Fuck! No, I'm actually now gaslighting my own song. Because I'm like, wait, fuck, put it on...

Wait, now I'm actually confused. No, bro. Every other guest is here, but I'm actually confused. No, bro. Every other guest is here, but I swear I looked over there for... Dude, maybe like one of the first ones we did here, it was different. Gone. See ya. Guy's fucking ridiculous, don't I? It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey, guys. Thanks for watching Unsubscribe podcast.

Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or that's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs thumbs up it give it a rating of five stars whatever you do it helps the podcast out immensely and donut and eli will be very happy if you do that and we want to make donna eli happy today yeah for five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating. Ready? That's not bad.

That's pretty good. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribed podcast. I am joined here today by Baddie Streams, Eli DoubleFap, and Brandon Berberba. Just spill it all over you. This is the 13th reason, guys. Batty has so many 13 reasons. Setting the tone.

That's how much you hate Batty. You just spill your drink immediately when you're here with her. You don't talk to us. You pour booze on me It's all down here downhill from here folks. I Mean take that Blake So what's what's this is it too early to talk about what this Blake shit is? No, we're getting the fuck out of the way!

We're already shitting Let's just talk about it! We're already shitting on back It's fine about it! We're already shitting on bad company. It's fine! I love it. There's like... I'm fine! I want to know the lore people build between you two.

It's like, why does Donut hate baddie so much? Brandon, hi, welcome. Hi, hi. Hello, sweet prince. We got our OG host back, Brandon. What the fuck do you mean OG? Sorry, Brandon won. I'm gonna shit and piss

everywhere that was always okay that's fine you could always do that oh my god so we fuck you Greg Greg dude we've been trying to be nice to Batty no we're nice to batty yeah we had like

two episodes of niceness the one episode got like a thousand comments it was all praise and batty and they eat poop i waited for the last one minute i was like one in chat if you want to fuck in if you love batty one in chat if batty's a great human one in comments and then the last thing i said is like okay one wanted chat if you eat poop. Left it at that. A lot of Amber Herds in the comments there. Oh man, that's been going on. Woo!

So we had, um, I got a random DM. Yeah, it was like a DM on Instagram, I think, right? Yeah, it was a random DM on Instagram. God. Fucking a huge fan of unsubscribe. And he wanted me to fix his mortgage rate at the VA. I was like,

I love helping. But I was like, I do. Does this guy scream? Home loan mortgage banker right here. So he's like, but a huge fan of unsubscribe. Eli, you're my favorite. Donuts number two.

And Blake is number three. There's never been a Blake on the history of the show. No, just Blake. So we have Dave. I forget. No, but I don't know how that auto correct happened because he's been called Dave. Now they're like a huge fan of you, Cody and Blake or Dave now it's Blake there was one Instagram post was my favorite is they tag you they tagged me they tagged unsubscribe and they

just wrote Dave and then we got Brandon too same day we were sitting there at the fucking table talking about laughing about this Blake shit and some guy DM Where was I think it was a comment on on subbers. It was like a new comment Yeah, and they're like yeah, I love Eli donut and batty they spelled batty wrong Really close enough It's built donut operator, but you can't spell baddie I mean as far as percentage of letters, that's a passing grade You have Dave Bain didn't your fucking twitch chat You automatically

Sorry days Your name's Dave, fuck you. I don't like you automatically. Sorry, Dave. Braided to Dave Blake. I see you starting to get pissy about that on Twitter now. Just like, oh wow, such an original joke. I saw that. I was piss drunk, dude. Oh, well, really? Yeah, right? I was at PAX drunk as shit. I was like, look at Dave. I'm like, wow, man.

Great joke. Never heard that one a thousand fucking times today. I feel this, honestly, as somebody who deals like, oh, we're AK-50. I'm like, it's on my wall at my shop. And then just watch the light drain from their eyes. They're like, I thought I had the best joke on the planet. I fucked up my one chance to meet this person and say the joke. It's not funny.

I just picture Batty. He's like, my skin is made of animanium. Nothing will ever get under it. One Brandon Dave joke. Call me a fat piece of shit every day of the week. It won't ever bother me.

Call me Dave one more motherfucking time because I see you put up with it and all the fucking comments and everything I'm like yeah I feel that and people think like they honest to god I feel like they're just like oh this is so funny because haha I know the thing and like they think we look at it like

oh you got it you made the joke that's awesome reality we're like wow this person is like actually socially retarded. Okay, moving on. My three best friends say the funny joke, it's fine. They're my three best friends. Random person on the internet! 8,000 times! In unrelated things. Yes!

That's the thing that bothers me. It's like, okay, if we're doing like just something that's totally unrelated to that. And they just come in like, haha, that's a good one, Dave. I'm gonna choke the fuck out of this person. When I snap. Mine is, oh, you're taller than I thought you were. I was like, man, I can live with that joke. Everyone just thinks I'm like four or two. Because I'm four or six in real life.

So when they see me, they're like, man, I thought you were so much You look like a ten-year-old not a twelve six-year-old He's growing up The poor baddie poor baddies only one I'm like man those car months are rough Just 13 reasons. Welcome to episode 51. Yeah, hey, 151.

We had fucking Matt Carriker, character. Character is what we can. We had the commolition in episode 50. Ripped to that idea. We couldn't make. Did you ever see the shirt? I didn't see the shirt. He told me about it.

Yeah, it was a good shirt. And then Matt was like, nah. No. I was like, where you said that he shot it down because it had cum written on it. Well, it was his shirt font and everything. He just spray painted out the D-E and put cum. Was it I said earlier? The globalists don't want you to know this, but you can write cum on any shirt you want.

I have 458 cum shirts. No, no globalists don't want you to know this but you can write come on any shirt you want 458 come shirts Which also why the fuck is come subscribe the number one selling shirt we all Never mind why those are one-time uses but keep buying by all means by the way before you're leases I in our group text. I was like guys you sure we should sell his shirt It's a novelty people will get it for his gift and sure enough it's still our number one top-selling shirt Where to therapy where to Sunday school where wherever you'd like come somewhere to pick up your child from school. Just come and do fun. Wear it to court. The judge will love you. We're going to see John end up wearing one next time.

Get them. They'll think it's ironic and quirky. You're not getting custody of your kids. Yeah. Your honor. Let's be real.

If you listen to us, you are anyways. Might as well have fun on your way out. Give that child the last thing he's thought of you. Fuck that one. It's a cum you. Son, I'm so sorry.

I'll never see you again. Come in doom font. Oh, God. See you when you're all grown up. I can't wait until we can be adult friends. Doom music kicks in. I just picture that's when you stand up

Do you have anything you say in your face? Do music? So that skit's coming soon I'll see you later See you later kid, enjoy the alimony Mommy's gonna spend it all Your new dad, Steve's is going to love it. Oh, Jesus Christ.

So we did PAX. That's the first nerdy thing we're going to talk about in a long time. Brandon, you didn't go. I didn't know what was happening. I don't think... I mean, he bought his ticket

a day before and then bought his ticket to go see his son's birthday. Can we start with that? Can we start? That's birthday. Let's just, can we start with that? Can we start? Which one? Oh, we start with Crash?

We got to start with Crash because that's the best thing. I can Google what happened at PAX. Yeah. So, yeah, I was going to go to my son's birthday party, but then I was like, well, I'm here. It's on Saturday. I'm here on Wednesday. I kind of want to hang out with Eli and Batty

and go to PAX. He struggled with your name. I did. I woke up that morning and I was like, I'm just going to go to PAX with the boys. They got me a pass and everything. So I went out there and hung out with them for a day and

that was super fun other than the enforcers but we'll get to that and then i i was like okay well it's it's friday it's time to go to my time to go and see my son's birthday party and so i get a plane ticket and i go to the airport and uh all the flights were cancelled for inclement weather. Weather. Weather. Weather. Weather. Oh, weather. And, uh, head of weather. Head of weather. And, uh, why does anyone watch this? Literally.

Welcome to an hour and a quarter of inside jokes. I was able to get to Chicago and, uh, flights got canceled. And so my brother-in-law uh just this big corny cornbread eating redneck dude's like hey man my net my buddy named crash can come pick you up in his plane from georgia i'm like okay really yeah man he'll get you and i like i i had no other

option i wasn't what was his nickname again? Crash. That's his name name. His legal name. Crash Smith. Are you actually being serious? No, I'm fucking with you. Okay, I was like, wait, I can't tell right now. I was like, wait, is this his nickname? I was like, Brandon knows Crash, that's gangster.

It's a very white name. He's my personal pilot, yes. Crash. Yeah, so they pull pull up and they drove four hours flew four hours from georgia landed in chicago and it's a single engine propeller on the front plane like a fucking cessna or something yeah it was like a cessna like the red baron fucking red yeah star flapping in the wind and they pull up to this private airport thing that i had been crashed in for a couple hours and they pull up to this private airport thing that i had been

crashed in for a couple hours and they're like hey that little guy's out there for you i'm like oh fuck me yeah i got we pile into that thing and because we were going towards the wind all the way back down in georgia it took like seven hours in that little plane seven hours in a cessna and the things like no what and so i'm trying to sleep because I didn't sleep much from us being at PAX. And I woke up like every fucking three minutes because I thought we were crashing. It was gnarly though. I made it. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard.

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different. It was my only option. I know, I know. I've seen that photo of you and it's just like, in the back of the plane. I was like, Cody had drinks. I'm pretty sure they were fucking with me when I was sleeping and I was like, in that photo I don't know if you could put that up, but

you straight up look like a fucking refugee. You do, you're like, In that photo, I don't know if you could put that up, but you straight up look like a fucking refugee No, did you drink you drank beforehand though? Oh, yeah We drank in the lobby that morning yeah, when didn and we drink that entire weekend oh yeah you guys were there for three days more oh i was good with tax after that first day yeah boston boston was cool but i was done with pax that was it i used to live near boston so i was always going to boston and i love getting pissed drunk in boston because it's a shit race the boston and that's batty in general i love getting pissed drunk. Nah.

Batty, like two weeks ago, you were like, woke up in my bathroom, water's everywhere. Not sure what happened. No, that wasn't my fault. But did you know it was your fault? No. So they redid all the plumbing in my house. Long story short. And they never replaced the filter from my well to my house.

There was just no filter. So it was just pumping rocks and dirt into all the brand new plug. So there's water everywhere and somebody's shitting my pants I just like that text. Oh, you're like, I don't know what I blacked out. It's just good stream though But you fuck these water everywhere. I fucked up something and then like eight hours later, he's like, never mind. Not my fault. My favorite part was you're like, dry countertop, but there's water under things. I'm very confused. I was so drunk. Well, at least you made it in one piece. I did it.

Fucking, you got home. That's wild. I made it to John's birthday party. It was only like two hours after we landed. So I got to take a two hour nap and then play in the sunlight with a bunch of kids with Nerf guns It was rad though. He had a good time. I just picture you punching the kids Nerf or nothing You just put Nerf gloves on Just decking little children

Those are just boxing gloves that you Sharpie Nerf on It's not a salt when you use a child's toy. Those are potatoes in a sack that just have Nerf written on them. Nerf or nothing. Don't leave bruises. Mr. Garrett, you've locked

in a sock a seven-year-old. That is why we're here today. Your Honor, Nerf or nothing. Ding! You're free to go. YouTube, we're free on jury nullification. Nerf or nothing.

Jesus. Pax was... Pax? Pax was Pax. It wasn't as bad as West. West was really, really bad, though. Pax West Pax. It wasn't as bad as West was really really bad though Pax West was true awful I think there was still more lenient on the mask shit West was way more lenient on the mask Yeah, this is the first weird. It was very this was fucking my one. It was a while ago

Yeah, last year, and it was West Coast. Yeah last year October yeah, Octoberober 3rd and uh but yeah they were they were fucking nuts uh the enforcers this year which is weird because you know obviously there's a time place mask whatever we're past that at this point like airports airplanes nothing wins it literally last week wednesday last week in boston both no masks you walk in waiting in line nut to butt no masks Going through security in the entryway of packs no masks the moment you step on the con floor Whistles are being blown. They got the fucking nerd squad waving flags and pointing in your direction being like I can't tell if you're joking. No

They have shirts on the say enforcer on the back me kenya thought we were making a joke so he thought he's been a thing for pax for like since pax began that's that's always been a thing but they really took it to heart that's my favorite part of shot show is like just watching the progression from day one to day two to day three of the the enforcers where they're like we're we're gonna make sure everybody wears their mask at all times in the thing. And like the first day they were on it like, sir, wear your mask, wear your mask. And then like halfway through the day, everybody's just like, yeah, I got one. Okay,

cool. Fuck you. And then like by day two, they were just like, would occasionally pick somebody out who was solo. Day three, they gave the fuck up. They didn't care. They're just like, like standing there with a stack of masks, just fucking dead eyes. Didn't fuck with anybody. They're just just like they're here if you want them fuck it man we're at the wrong convention for this i'm like you guys do not do the

whole know your audience thing and we got fucking gingivitis put that over it just in case sorry bud but that's that it just started the moment and then you had like they have enforcer written on the back me kenya thought we were making a joke about like we were like the enforcers until the next day he was like i thought you like made up a cute name for him until i read the back of the shirt and he says enforcer he's like judge dread was your grandmother yeah and it was they were cutting off the sleeves of their enforcer shirt you serious bro it was they were nice oh it was bad like started following us around and shit too yeah we get they gave us masks

and then they like walked off and we're like cool and then they came up like five minutes guys we just had this conversation We just talked to you. We're gonna have to start kicking people out if this happens again. We're like bro I don't often want to shove someone's head in a toilet The image that you're putting in my head is like oh man, I might I might have to bully I was like exactly I was like man. I'm like cool shit with people. I'm like hey just approach if you gotta approach me i'm sorry i'm doing it like be cool yeah like hey buddy i just i'll get in trouble if you guys aren't wearing this like it just if you can put it on i just don't appreciate it don't be a weird great advice to live by literally it's my first rule don't be

a cut even when everybody was like real into the mass shit and i just didn't give a fuck and i still don't give a fuck but if they were like yo dude like i know this sucks but like i'm doing my job here i'd be like all right you know what you're not being a douchebag sure whatever yeah there was like no problems with that like the entire time i was like figure it out bro but geez like this one batty streamed they isolated him and his computer ek fluid set up the they did like the pcs for the entirety of packs basically so there's hundreds and hundreds of pcs they set up so they set up a little secluded corner for me that nobody could go to i was alone there like 10 feet 20 feet whatever around me nobody else and so i could just do a stream for ek fluid at packs like gaming whatever so no mask i'm at the

computer and that these enforcers were just they kept walking up and like we had one of the guys from EK Dan Basically like being like hey leave them leave the dude alone. He's streaming get out of his camera because they kept being like What are you doing? Are you allowed to be streaming here? They kept me in fucking pieces shit They come up man. I'd see them in my Kara behind me all like gathering looking like pointing the link See that's where you got to turn their own game on and be like whoa whoa whoa you're breaching my quarantine zone I've got a compromised immune system you've got to back the fuck up

you sir you need to back out of this zone bro these guys and eventually I made it like 20 minutes before a group of them came over with gotta wear the mask and I was fucking pissed I was like we set up a space for me so i could stream for this event for the people who did all this like

doesn't matter management says you gotta wear it bring him down here bro yeah i i i need to speak to an adult please yeah and so i had my fucking mask on and then eli and hendo came by and they had their masks on another dude comes just walks up for no reason We're all sitting there wearing masks. We got a problem with masks over here. I'm like bro. I'm streaming fuck off I started swearing at him shit call on stream. Oh, yeah I was awesome. I was so they came the old dude came over He's like I heard we got a problem with masks here and hendo's like literally everyone's wearing one What are we what I stood up to take a picture with Sony because I'd have, like, fans and shit come up. Back up or I'll cough on you.

I'd get up and walk to, like, the barrier so people couldn't come near me. So I'd take a picture with my mask on and shit. And while I'm doing this, these motherfuckers kept trying to, like, walk on and see if I was streaming, like, the fuck with my computer and shit. And it was like, get the fuck out of here, dude. What are you doing, man? Like, fuck these guys, dude I was I was mad. I I don't get mad often like that That was I was you know, they got off on it so much that they you know

As soon as they got home, they would just watch the shit out of their wives. Oh, yeah Yeah, you take that you take that you dirty he's gonna buy me a PlayStation later I might get a second switch out of this We should start our own convention called come con Weird a bunch of naked dude showed up and threw semen at us. I'm here for the orgy swallowing falling This is a lot of dude shop like I'm here for the orgy. Swallow of falling. A lot of dudes show up like, I'm here for... Oh, I grossly misunderstood. Yeah, exactly.

Assholes, chaps. I'm at the wrong convention. Well, it's still an open bar. I mean, I'll stay, but... But I'm a little disappointed. Come on, the crossover from that demographic to the people that would stay for the actual unsubscribed convention, pretty high. 60-40, bro. Oh, you got Pokemon cards? Okay.

And you're talking about cum? I like where this is going. Where have you been all my life? I want to ask the chat question this time. Would you come to UnsubCon, a.k.a. CumCon? Would you arrive at and then come out? Would you? What are you going to do?

One, if you want to come to. If you punch an enforcer, we'll laugh. What are we going to have? Volunteers to get punched. UnsubCon where assault is okay. I'm just thinking like the guy checking tickets up front. What are you, an enforcer? They told us we could do this.

Yeah, episode 51. Cody said it. Like, oh, man. Yeah, they have that clipped. The staff casualty rate is like 80%. We are not inciting violence. At all. Oh, man, I'm personally liable for 27 deaths.

Uh-oh. Oh man as your attorney uh never say that on camera again oh fuck but the fucking oh he doesn't know the other story which one the fucking the last night leon and every so me leweek, you, and some other people are all at the bar at the hotel before we're going out to the last party. There's a pack of girls that walk down. Oh! And then Fuck! Yeah! This pack of girls

walk down. A pack. They're like, whoop! A pack, yeah. A horde of girls. It's a horde. A horde with a D. Yeah. A lot of D. Is that what it's called? I don't know. It's a horde. A lot of D. Is that what it's called? I don't know. It's a horde. I just went up to a free hack.

Murder of Crows, a horde of women. Alright, now give some calm down. Alright, alright, alright. All right, all right, all right. Are we fucked up for making the joke, or are you fucked up for getting it? I just put your Mel Gibson's face in the low. Yeah, he's superimposed over his face. You got the same salt-and-pepper beard thing Derailed

Okay, so a pack of girls Think you're walking out of the elevator to leave the thing. We're just closing up our bar tabs. And Leon's there and he's like, Hattie. And I just like, I'm like, eh. I just like wave because they were like, woo. We all look and I'm like, oh, cool. And we all go back to our homes. Yeah, so they all go back and I'm like, eh. Like, do that.

And one's like, eyes. And she's like, woo. And she's fucking pulls her tits out. And they're like, ha. And they run off and I'm like, holy shit. And I turn back. No they're like and they were off. I'm like Holy shit, and I turn back no one seen it not a single. I was like Did you all not just see what happened and like what happened to you? I was like Wait, are you fucking with like is everyone fucking with me right now? There's like 10 of you right here Yeah, I know like what I was like the blonde girl. Just fucking flash your tits and they're like what? Where you fuck I was like yeah, she literally

Walked out the door. They were just like and they're like and then laughs every single fucking person was looking at their phone And then Eli walks follows them to the parking lot We're basically on second base already. I was like, what the fuck? And all the guys were like, Son of a bitch, I wanna see titties! I was like, how'd y'all fuckin' I love titties, man. God damn it. Maybe stare at women more, you know? Jesus Christ! Words of wisdom.

Sigma chad moves. Stare at women in public. Alpha chad moves. Shadow boxing outside the battered women's shelter assert dominance they'll flash titties just picture people this is gonna be called canceled is this gonna be the part where we go into the sponsor segment susan that guy's outside practice shadow boxing.

Man, there's fine-ass bitches. I can't wait until the New York Times does a deep dive on our podcast. Oh, God. Racist or misogynistic? Why not both? More than six. Batty's the only one that gets canceled. The co-host man named Dave.

I'm good. Fuck it. Dave Blake. Are they coming after Dave? Yeah. Dave Blankenship. Can we call me Dave Blake for once? Isn't that like a comic book name?

David Blake? David Blaine? Blake? Blaine? David Blake? Isn't that like Thor's name or something like that? I don't think. Oh, wait.

That's Hulk. That's Hulk. Wait, Thor had a name? Yeah, Thor's like. Was his name just Thor? I thought it was Thor. Thor Odinson. But, you know, that's just what it actually is.

How would they name Thor Blake? Donald Blake wait yeah Thor maintained his Blake identity on earth continue blah blah yeah, Donald Oh, and he was his identity. Oh, he had a secret name. Yeah, and then like in the episode like the first movie How did you know that? This nerdom just come from yeah, I'm more amazed by this. I don't care about Donald Blake I want to know where the fuck that nerd boner just pop. He's like is it that Thor's name? I'm like What I was gonna say like I read I don't but yeah From a movie that's 10 years old

Well actually the first movie I did have like there was a like a homage to that because he had like the first Thor movie, he did have, like, there was, like, an homage to that. Because he had, like, the hello, my name is, and it was Blake. Like, Dr. Blake. God, they're gonna brand his fucking guys. Shit, I guess you can replace me, okay? You got your jobs, bro. I see it. I'm surprised. I'm hard right now.

I don't feel so bad when I 13th reason myself. Then you take over. We got a good third co-host, guys. I'll feel bad. No, you won't. Yeah, no. The fucking, the memorial merch? Mm-mm. It's gonna hit hardhost guys. I'll feel bad. Well, yeah, no the the fucking the memorial merch It's gonna hit hard guys. You're welcome. Honestly, you're welcome. We should just kill him early in loving memory of Dave

As we're strangling actively like thank you not even his face It's a random It's some other ginger It still has the lines from like Photo filter or photo bucket It's got the watermark Yeah the watermark lines As close as Just googled ginger beard water bucket Oh my god and then the fucking

I was walking by Overweight guy Oh my god An overweight guy at PAX I hate this story walking by a Overweight guy. Oh my god overweight guy packs Overweight redhead guy with long red hair Shaved and I'm like I'm like Betty watch this, but I already saw when I turned I was already mad Is you and he's like what I was like watch this and then donut walks by donuts like ten feet behind us and you see Donuts like don't know he talks and he looks he's like

I fucking hate myself fucking hate all of you We're trying to find legs a booze and I was like, oh I know it is I'll lead us there I saw the guy I'm like they're gonna say something I hear you like oh So I turn and I see like a watch and then immediately Cody Like I saw the two brain cells meet for both of them, and I was so mad about it. It's like God reaching down to humanity. The two brain cells touch. Party! Oh, fuck.

Well, Hunter, speaking of PAX, Hunter thought we were playing with all that, but then he saw two of them high five. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. They, like, gave to the enforcers. Yeah. They gave the mask to Hunter. Meat Canyon. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. They like gave to the enforcers. Yeah, they gave them mass to hunter Me canyon Yeah me canyon and they were like put it on and then they're like they like gave it and they were like they turned around

So I'd walk away they high-fived each other for stopping the gingivitis Literally they were like and then they were like fuck Yeah, you know they were they had like incentives and games to fucking get people those things, like 100%. I don't want to say what I'm thinking. Don't. Cheers. Thank you for that.

You guys are welcome. Out of all the shit I've said on this podcast, that's where I drew the line. Cody already got canceled for it. Yeah. I don't know. Different word, but if the shoe fits. It's a different Twitter now, I might go back. Oh no. He's new, like.

Thanks to Elon. I just picture all of us just selling up in a boat. It's off like F. We're running around. Oh, no. Batty's like, I'm uncomfortable. To the moon. The USS cancellation.

Remember, I'm... Yeah, oh, this Shrek thing I sent to the chat. cancellation laughing my ass off on that one. Oh Yeah, just to get a reaction watch this it's called We would guess cancel so fast for a group chat Bad not a single gamer word Except for like controller and FPS and Nintendo There are no gamer words, yeah, no people got mad at me for saying gamer word so can we do gamer word? I'm talking about in that video. There's not even... In that video, there are no gamer words. Yeah. No. People got mad at me for saying gamer word, so can we say gamer word now? Oh wait, we can.

Some motherfuckers never played Modern Warfare 2 and it shows. That's why I love when... Just pretend that doesn't exist. They're like Germany, like five years after the war, you know? They're like, nothing happened! We have arrested from the internet! It's just gone now Never ask a woman her age never ask a man

His salary never ask any German company What they were doing from 1939 to 1945 It's like we Modern warfare from 2000 to 2008 It happened guys It's a real thing It stopped in 2008 People just started giving a shit like 4 years ago

Weren't they going to do VoIP Tesla? I swore they were going to do VoIP Tesla. Yeah, I heard about that. Yeah, they were going to do VoIP Tesla. And then people, that's the face. That's why everyone's like, oh, God, modern warfare, too. No, I'm happy about it. We could go troll people in the interstate.

Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, literally. Like, you could project out with, you could just, like, hit a button, and then you could yell at other cars Just picture that be like and we're gonna truckers with the radio. We're gonna mute this button Becomes the entire just highway system becomes like a GTA boy server. Oh god. Oh my god literally modern warfare 2 counter-strike super you like Existed everyone's like no it didn't

I was a perfect saint Fuck you you're lying to yourself I want to call you a gamer word Because you're denying you ever said gamer word Like uh uh It was a different time And if you didn't you were lame Okay

You were winning You were winning I will fucking die on that hill. That's where I will make my final stand. That's fucking Brandon with Irojima. This is just a flag now. It's just a flag. And he's just lying on the side holding it. Yeah, everyone else is like They're like

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They're like They're like They're like They're like They're like works at Microsoft Tech like text but then they started letting you send voice chats to people in play oh no I had my very first what's up other than say is what's that on 360 or the original Xbox 360 yeah I had my very first gamer word Tarkov experience on the VoIP that had never happened to me before I think I've had in like the hundreds of hours I've put in since I came out maybe two bad

Interactions and one wasn't even that bad man one where the guy was like going after any you could tell he was doing on purpose His name was like Tarkov like twitch 8 or some shit like that where it's like, okay, he's trying to be a piece of shit to people on stream Yeah, he was like going after players as a scab or whatever and was like just just shouting the Carlin words You don't say kind of shit Vastly different experiences on the void that is Call of Duty when someone did dice cuz I hear all the time still to this day Well, that's I was like, oh man. They're very angry Team was very mad

did you guys ever back in the day on the young if you had a 360 have the camera that came with it like the The motion oh the big ass thing no no no that can Xbox one the connect. No the connect was Xbox one three, right? There was the original Xbox came as a little white camera. It was this it was like this fucking big I don't remember what game it ever seen it came out for but it was a small camera It was the Xbox like live or whatever must have been like one of those dance dance kind of things or whatever But you could take me as my buddy when he got like would get this Annihilated in like modern warfare games. He would send pictures of his balls the people So we got his first fucking ban on Xbox live

I'll get you arrested. Yeah. Oh, did you see the... Here were all minors, Cody. No, that's okay. Oh, God. You get the other guy arrested because it's fucking child porn. He's like, no, it's not mine. Shit. These little kids teamed up and just sent me the dick. Just a group of kids. Gone forever. Did you see a Dankulous thing on twitter where he said like okay so

technically elon has bought twitter okay i have pictures of my balls floating around twitter that are stored on their servers elon has bought the servers technically elon musk has bought photos of my balls it's a win-win i have this logic he's funny and his videos are really good But I muted him because he kept posting pictures of his balls And I would be in public looking through Twitter Like, oh, there's Dankula's balls again I missed the ball

The amount of fucking thoughts and whores I've muted on Twitter Because I'd open it on stream and be like Can't do that anymore Follow way too many girls You guys go to We probably talked about this before Go to Twitter and search Batty in the search bar. You're welcome.

Yeah, I've done that in public a lot of times on accident, trying to find Batty's Twitter. Oh God, yeah. Or if you're a minor, maybe you don't. Yeah, thank you, Voice of Reason. Oh, never mind. Bran is the Voice of Reason. That's when you know it's fucked up.

Do it and show your parents. Mom, I was looking at our at baddie on the internet? It's like yes Fuck all the time. Yeah, I didn't want to see these fat tits and ass. These pork chop pussies. Pork chop pussies. Oh, God. Dad, I didn't think I was gay, but after looking at that, I don't know if I ever want to step near one of those. Today, what is today's fucking podcast?

Son, do you want me to pick up some Arby's on the way home? Uh-uh. Looks like a box of cow tongues. What do I have? Hold on. I have topics written down. We have things we have to talk about. Oh, here.

Cody, you do it. Hi, everyone. Sponsored Outer Eggs water-based pomade. They also have the donut operator cream. I just like it, and you stop right there. Check out Outer Eggs. OuterEggs.com. Outer Eggs with a Z.

A G. Baddies are so fucking dumb. Outer E-G-Z. There you go. And Baddies are going to have a beard oil soon. Or beard pomade. You guys are going to do a competition. I don't know if you're going to have a beard oil soon, or beard pomade. You guys are going to do a competition. I don't know if you're going to do a competition.

But we'll make it to Batty's scent. Maybe. You'll wear it once. Everyone just opens donuts. And then you won't, because it is just going to get you so much puss. Oh, well, that you just can't stand it. Donut, did you just jerk off into a jar? Yes.

It's like. Game of Boy cum jar. That's what I'm saying. You know, I was going to tell you beforehand that I was wearing out of regs. Like right now, I've got out of regs in my hair. And then you made that joke. And now I just feel uncomfortable with it. I mean, it's not the first time you've had us cum in your hair.

No, it's not. Won't be the last. Nope. Usually that's how I style my beard. Breath mint. Hey, don't remember that time you caused 9-11? Oh, we're talking about that again. Okay.

What is that? You build a thousand bridges. Nobody calls you a bridge builder. You fuck one pig. No pig fucker. You cause one 9-11 and all of a sudden, here we are. Oh yeah, Batty, you actually took notes for this episode? I mean, there was two.

We got drunk and talked about things we wanted to talk about. Let's hear yours. It's called an ideation meeting. Which one? Come or? 9-11. Oh, I could have prevented 9-11. We've talked about that. Did we talk about that? Yeah or? 9-11. Oh, I could have prevented 9-11. We've talked about that.

Did we talk? Yeah, we said we didn't. Twice. Twice? Yeah. Do you guys drink when you record? No. Batty, how'd you get back from the hotel to the, or from the bar to the hotel one of those nights? So Batty got kind of drunk Saturday night.

Saturday or Friday? Friday night. And One of those nights so bad he got kind of drunk Saturday Friday Friday night and I may have ended my night by taking three shots in a rapid succession like a real man Oh dear, and that third shot was like my soul left my body. It was like pop pop pop The light from my eyes the toy story gift so long partner Hando said he just seemed batty at his room trying to open the door that he's like Drop the card Enter the elevator badgesge was like this

Head on the wall Right up to his room Just trying to get in his room We did a lot of shots that night To be fair I woke up and everyone was like fucking hungover Because I didn't do that many I did like 11

Yeah EK went hard That night and I was like I was like 11. Dude, yeah, EK went hard that night. And I was like, da-da-da. I was like, man, everyone looks super rough at the booth. And they're like, yeah, everyone drank like 18 shots. I was like. See, I can drink doubles all fucking night and not get hammered. Like, I'll get drunk.

Like, I'll get like a little buzzed or whatever. But I won't be like bad decisions. Like, no eye contact on the street drunk. But you start introducing shots to the equation, like that's dangerous. It's like something my night turns into an etch-a-sketch, like you're playing, I got the whole thing sketched out, I'm like, it's gone. Then you go to the bathroom and go like, oh man, I'm kind of drunk. And then go right back out there and just keep doing it.

But you do this, you walk in the bathroom and you look at yourself in the mirror like, yeah, you got this. You do the, this. That's fucked me. Yeah. Keep it together, you're fucking this is so cool right now You finish being you're like why am I looking at a mirror? My pants are still up The bar was like 200 feet We have Cody potty time also

Oh no I'll tell my story If you tell yours So the bar was like 200 feet from the hotel It was literally across the fucking street And somehow from the bar To my hotel room literally across the street i lost my debit card as well as like three hours of time and space

so i woke up the next morning uh butt ass naked in my hotel room pants were hanging off the doorknob shirt was in the shower the clothes were in your hotel room yeah yeah inside inside and for two days at pax i didn't have any money so because my debit card i shouldn't say i had apple pay on my phone that was it so i was like afraid to cancel my card because my business account had been hacked and i had lost like a week and a half earlier so i was waiting for that card to come in and then my personal card was gone so i'm sitting here like every 20 minutes like looking at my bank out like okay nobody has it yet okay nobody has it because i was like i'm in fucking boston i've no way to pay for anything so my and i was like oh bad it's a hundred percent you're gonna find

it right before you leave when you pack all your stuff he's like no problem it was like five minutes before or it was probably like an hour before we were getting ready to leave for the airport i go back to the bar. I'm like, hey, guys, you have my card. Because I'd already been by the day before me. Like, do you have my card? They're like, we don't have it. We'll take your info and we'll call you if we find it.

I went back one last time trying to talk to the actual bartender that I was there with. We don't have it. But in other news, they refunded my entire charges off my card for the night. Oh, shit. They're like, hey, sorry you lost your card. Sorry you were a drunk idiot. And they refunded you? Question mark. They gave me all drunk idiot. I wasn't rude. I wasn't mean. I was like, I get it. It's cool. Don't worry about it. We'll just refund you

everything because they saw that. Stop. You might want to count how much that was for before you offer that. So I went back to my hotel room and started packing my suitcase. I had grabbed the shirt I was wearing, which was just like a regular black shirt, and I said, hentai on it because I'm a degenerate. And in. I had grabbed the shirt. I was wearing which was just like a regular black shirt And I said hentai onyx

I'm a degenerate and in the front pocket of this shirt like it was like a shirt with like a little tiny pocket I found my debit card. I Love drunk drinks. I love drunk. Betty was like this. Thank you This is a group he's for it open my door my card back and a free bar day Meanwhile he's swiping his debit card at the door trying to get into his room. Oh my god. Okay, Cody, so you had a flight You tell your story. I'll tell mine. You know the story. I've got one Okay, you got a story too from a few days ago all of us have stories?

I don't. That's actually the most surprising. Out of all of us, that is the most surprising. Before my flight, I went to our favorite brunch place. How old are you? I'm 34 years old. Okay, Matt, let's go.

First time Hold on this is the first time this happened in my adult life Since I was 19 years old right when I joined the Navy And I can tell you that story too Because I remembered it when we were talking about Water everywhere and shitting in a bathtub So 34

I go over by our favorite brunch place And I ordered... Why were you talking about shitting in a bathtub? I'll tell you about that one. Daddy's saying he woke up and there's water all on the floor and everything. I got a story like that, because I was trying to remember the last time that I shit myself. Way to ruin the punchline. I went to my favorite brunch place.

Our favorite brunch place, our favorite brunch place, which isn't even that good in the first place. I just need to have food before the airport. And I get bacon, eggs, toast, and the eggs got like a bunch of this yellow oil, whatever they use on it. And I'm like, all right, well, I probably shouldn't eat that, but I need to get to the airport. Get to the airport, good, hanging out, haven't drank at all.

And I'm like, I'm going to pee like two minutes before the plane takes off I'm just go pee real quick there's a long line and a fart I'm like that didn't something's wrong and I shit myself So the janitor was waiting in the bathroom Like watching Actively watching the stall Oh no So I was like I can't throw my pants away And so I was like I'm a grown man this is the worst thing I've ever gone through

The holocaust was pretty bad But at least you never shoot yourself in an airport But they start going over The Holocaust was pretty bad, but at least you never shit yourself in an airport. That's your face, Gary! That's their morning. But they start going over the intercom. That makes it more comparable, okay. Well, they start going over the intercom, because I'm like trying to figure out what to do, and like, unfortunately I had baby wives, so I was like trying to clean up and stuff,

and on the intercom it's like, Cody Garrett! Your flight! And I'm like, oh no, oh no, oh no, I'm trying to get done as fast as possible, and I'm like, oh no, I got shitty pants and underwear. They're on the intercom. Pitch it off, Cody! And then, but the little guy that has to clean the bathroom was still sitting right there,

and I was like, God, I don't want to carry my shitty pants to the trash bag and throw them away, and I just, I kinda pushed them to the side. That was so much worse. I'm sure you did it with your feet, too. I kind of rolled it up to where there's no poo showing. The guy's going to know. The guy has gloves on. He's going to know.

That's just a landmine. He's going to be like, no, that's shitty. IED, bro. IED's in an airport. Way to go, Cody. Yeah, and then I sprinted into the plane and I got to Boston. You know that one's pretty bad, never mind. Mine on severity is not even... My jaw hurts.

Holy shit, I died from that one. Because I remember you were texting me about it. You're like, bro, I just shit my fucking pants. Or no, you were like, we don't need to go back to eggs ever again. You said, after that, I'm like, well, at least now you look and smell like a homeless person. I just like, your brain was just like,

looking at a guy there, he'll respect this more. Like, that dude would have been so much more happy. You salute him. It totally wasn't my underwear that shit in. You just, dude, you just walk out. You walk out.

You're a good man, Theon. You just tip him. Here's the 20. Christ, I'm sorry. See, my poop story is fucking, I just remember getting shit wrecked at the, there's a bar that was across the street from my condo in LA. Like, fucking fantastic whiskey bar. Eli, how old were you?

30. I was younger than him. Okay, okay. This is the only time this has ever happened in my life. I tried to help you. Thank you. But the bartender, anytime, I i was a regular there and they were super nice i tipped well so anytime i'd get a drink they would offer me a shot or two shots for free they'd be like boom and then immediately um tiga so i still talk to tiga the bartender he's like bro how you doing i'm like fucking what's up

he's like oh fucking did a drink instantly he pour one out and he pour one for himself and me because they're allowed to drink there with their sure guess and so i was like i drank way too much way fucking too much i remember leaving i remember walking home and then i woke up on my toilet i just woke up on my toilet. I just woke up on my toilet. I was like, oh, no. And I'm covered in shit. I'm like, uh-oh, what happened? Why is poop on me? I know.

Yeah, literally. I was like, uh-oh. My hands. Autistic hands. I know. And I was I look over And the toilet paper

Just has shit on I was like How the fuck Did I miss this Where are my Why am I Poop everywhere Who shit my pants

Who shit my pants So I'm just covered And my pants Are covered I'm just covered In shit And I have no shirt on You don't have the emergency

wipe. The shirt. And I'm just like, oh no, what's my bed look like? That's all I can think of. I was like, if I look like this, that poor room out there. It's four in the morning, so I'm fucking still

drunk as shit. Thankfully that bathroom was like all hardwood or uh tile yeah so i was like well just like hardwood that's not good i'm doing and i didn't have baby wipes at that time it was like one of the times i didn't have baby wipes so i'm like fucking like shoveling shit together with shitty toilet paper and throwing in the toilet and then washing myself off and i just burnt the pants and i'm like and i just remember standing in that water looking down disappointed in myself brown shit's running down i'm like this is a low life this is a low time in my life i was just thinking like if you burn it i'm like

god the smell of fucking burning shit in la oh wait hold's L.A. And then I'm like, oh, here it comes. Like, open the bathroom doors like this poor bed. Pristine. I was like, wait. I didn't even go like I like I fell asleep, woke up. I was like, I need to poop. And apparently I was like upside down. Just like, oh, that's how I shit.

You were the guy in the gas station bathroom. Just cover. Yeah. That's like, fuck my life. That's the only time I've done it and is the worst like just Had no fun of me for waking up piss drunk and my bathroom was covered in water Fuck you What's your poop story? It's nothing compared to either I was just thinking me and Cody got fucking poison poisoned because i remember thinking it was fucking hilarious when you text me about that and then it was three two three days later it was the same fucking thing where i like i just like went to fucking brunch with my family god forbid and uh yeah no it's

just that that same thing where i'm fucking know 26. This has never fucking happened my entire adult life I'd like I laughed my own code is getting old whatever Because it was the same thing It's like you know you feel like a fart kind of like just pop like there was no pop And it was like oh no excuse me one moment yeah go to the bathroom thank god like it was like after hearing the story nowhere in the same plane like it was just like just a little just a tiny tiny bit where it was like okay i'm good i can drive home this is good that was a warning i think a warning from Hey, maybe shut the fuck up and stop making fun of your friends

They usually you get there like And you know that last part in like it was nothing it was just like there was there was no any Texture to it at all. It was just kind of like grease and Fine I had to go up stay was at the boiler room of the pearl. I had to go up the stairs for the restroom Brandon looks jet That moment you don't know how bad it is you're panicking and you can't ask anyone So you're just like okay until I can do like a systems check here I'm just gonna assume my pants are currently full of shit Thankfully they were not but it was

Terrifying I haven't shit myself as an adult yet. I'm so terrified right now cuz I'm let's let me show yourself It's coming at all. I mean I mean Like a final destination shit every time I've got food poisoning It's only been me vomiting profusely everywhere. With like a little bit of shit maybe at the end of it. But like, I was already in the bathroom, so. Well, the problem is with this, like at least for me, probably for you, you feel fine. Like there's not, like I wasn't drinking.

Like I was just totally good. And then all of a sudden it's just like, oh no. It's already happened. Like you don't feel bad. Like I didn't feel bad. Yeah, no. I shit myself bad I'm laughing at my friends I haven't done it in 15 years so I was pretty proud of myself what was the bathtub story

oh 2009 SEC championship Alabama won I remember this one because me and my stepdad sat and we drank yingling black and tans all night and then I had this shitty little apartment. It was like my first year in the Navy. And it was the first year that Nick Saban played for Alabama,

or he was coaching for Alabama. And so we were super excited because we were both big Alabama fans and we got hammered. And I remember going home and I don't remember getting in the bathtub, but I woke up in the bathtub and There was shit everywhere and the water was overflowing into the floor. Oh, and it had flooded almost the entire apartment Yeah Yeah, there's poop just like like just floating everywhere. I just imagining this is a comedy movie you're woken up by a turd floating. Because I was almost drowning, and I woke up and was like, I'm 19 at the time.

I'm like, oh, no, my first apartment ever by myself. And you've annihilated it. I just annihilated it. Goodbye deposit. But this is the weird thing. We tried to clean it up as best as possible, put towels down. I cleaned up all my shit. The next day, a pipe burst on the hot water heater and flooded the entire apartment that same day. It was like serendipitous.

It was insane. And I didn't have to pay for anything. I was just like, oh, no, a pipe burst. I totally didn't fall asleep and shit. Why is there shit here? It seemed to have overflowed the toilets, too. It's crazy. Weird.

Jesus Christ. A hot water pipe burst and pipe just hot shit water I hate when my hot shit water gets everywhere you know you probably could have even just used that line in the flooding in general if you just broke a pipe

and they would have just gone with it yeah probably I'm not teaching anyone out there how to sabotage your landlord's shit but but between 19 and 34 I didn't shit myself so did you just look at the turds floating around like oh no? I must have a good diet then cuz they were just like solid floaty turds. Yeah poking you It's like that not now uncle Kevin Don't look up me where it's like I've slept with three presidents. You know I own these paintings whatever

What have you done? I didn't shit myself between the age of 19 You know my street must be it's going good right now. Oh, man. I'm real proud of myself You gotta tell us when it happens. I am so excited to tell the story announcer to do it like double kill kill kill Jaro yeah, it's gonna be bad what happens next week Double kill. Triple kill. Kill-tacular. Kill-a-min-jar-o. Kill-a-min-jar-o. Yeah, it's going to be bad when it happens. Next week.

I've definitely pissed myself. Shit yourself. Wait, you've pissed yourself? Absolutely. Pissed drunk? You've never fucking pissed yourself? No. No, I've never.

There you go. I have way more control. The poop is a hard one. You can fart and it can slide out. Pee, you know when you're peeing. You say that like it's happened a lot. Okay. I'm going to poop myself orange. I'll add to the story so welcome to our gaming podcast did we say a single other than gamer word

is there anything game related in this entire box no you know what reminds me of paxies shitting yourself baddie you peed yourself i i so i actually had a time in my life It was twice that I got very drunk and instead of getting up to go to the bathroom To the like a toilet like a normal person. I got I just pissed all over my curtains Your curtains both time long curtains. You don't have to explain longer short Not the determining factor of this story curtain you pissed of the curtains was not the determining factor of this story. You pissed on the curtains twice. Two times.

Two times I've pissed on the curtains. What made you like... I don't know. I was very drunk and woke up the next day to a very unhappy ex-wife. Oh, that was that one. Ex-wives usually are unhappy. Weird you're divorced only peed on two sets of curtains, babe. Why are you leaving me? Ten years to be two curtains pissed on that weren't even nice. Good curtain pissing streak is fantastic. It's almost as good as you're not shit

I pissed like her twice. I've had friends like oh fuck. What was the name? One of our buddies in the military. That's what he's notorious for it's like if he got like blackout shit face He would just stand up Fuck who isn't it was a garrison? Yeah, like you out this man real quick yeah real quick thank you ruin his life it's something it's his last name he'll live and then he he's done it twice it was

he got pissed drunk and then he woke up our buddy peeing on them oh no yeah he's just like and they're like what the no. Yeah, he's just like And they're like what the fuck are you doing he's like And then we have one buddy of pee in closets I Knew a chick that being I have actually heard of dudes that peed in closets too.

Yeah, in my adult life I've never peed anywhere I didn't intend to. I've never done it, but I've heard of stories of people Some people have closets. Curtains. Couch. Couch. Never pissed on a chick.

Yet. Yet. You're only 26. never pissed on a chick yet yet you're only 26 there's time to piss there's a time to piss there's a time to piss there's a time to kill that movie there's a time to piss

gotta know when to hold him know when to hold him oh this podcast is no way to walk away no way to piss dude the closet thing is apparently a normal shit apparently fucking Oh, this podcast is fucking... No where to walk away, no where to piss. Dude, the closet thing is apparently a normal shit. Apparently fucking... Isn't that like a...

Maybe I couldn't get to the closet and the curtains were the next step. I don't know if it's just drunk like... In barracks rooms, the bathroom a lot of times is right across from the closet. Easy mistake. In a lot of barracks rooms I've been in. Well, I mean when you're hammered drunk, I think... That can make sense. sense you just you think you're getting to the urinal and boy oh boy them white curtains Curtains don't make sense Betty now. What if I walk to a urinal be like move this car out the way? No, I know but usually it's there's a reason your eye your brain

Fucking blackout drunk brother was attracted to the light and that's just like a Guy piss here now. This is this is my bathroom for sure. What color would both said sticker? I do not remember at all yellow. I Yeah, no, what led up to you like we just is the night to be honest. I don't remember What is the cleaning process like of a curtain that you have pissed on? You throw them in the carpet or whatever beneath it. I mean, carpets are easy enough to clean up. To be honest, I don't think there was carpet.

I think it was hard. Most of my apartments have been. I don't know if that's better or worse because then you could see the just volume of the piss. All I knew was both times my ex-wife awoke as i was pissing on the curtain so i didn't sit wait so you did in the bathroom or the bedroom each time yeah yeah bedroom curtains i got out of bed to go piss and made it to the curtains do you remember her yelling at you no i got nothing until the next morning she was very disappointed that's a common theme for my marriage. She gets to watch this. Very disappointed.

She's watching this unfold at 2 a.m., looks at her finger, sees a ring on it, and be like, I married this. I signed up for this. Torbjorn mean to Batty again. For the views. I think you're handsome and people piss sometimes. Sometimes you shit. Sometimes you shit. Sometimes you piss.

Not always in the bathroom. Because that is the born to shit forced to wipe. I don't need to wipe anymore though. Wait, why? Oh yeah, you got the bidet. I got a bidet. And boy oh boy.

What pressure setting are you on right now? Oh, I straight up, I sat down. So first of all, I'm kind of like a nice one. What's it like for Poseidon to finger your butthole? I would let him do it every day of the week. As a matter of fact, I'm going to let him do it every day of the week going forward. I'm glad this relationship is going well for you. When you have it on the highest setting, it doesn't spray poo anywhere? It just... Nothing. It... On a scale of

like fountain to pressure washer, what are we looking at? So, no joke, I don't remember who said it in my chat, because I've had this thing for a minute now, but I haven't been able to hook it up because my house piping's all fucked up and I didn't want to destroy my brand new, slightly expensive bidet, because I bought a nice one too. And I was like, if I'm going to treat my

butthole, I'm going to treat it. Honestly, the thing in the world. I can imagine is a cheap bidet. Yeah But it's got a heated seat heated water That's nice. Yeah Is that the music settings? No? It is that a music like it goes to water like it goes to just colors Let me just put on Linkin Park real quick I'm the killer! I'm the killer! I'm the killer! Guys But I read it, I remember

I think it was chat, somebody, I was talking about how I had it And they were like, yo when I got mine I put on the High setting first and it was A mistake so I was like, alright Sat down and put on the Strong button, I ain't no button daddy. No daddy raised no pussy strong When you push ones like but ain't like I don't like that

And boy cheers. I'm a fan Days like you hear baddie flush then all of a sudden It's got a dryer It's got like a blow dryer What the fuck It's like So do you use it like I'm curious about how the other half lives in Europe I suppose How do you pee

Well that's I'm sat down peeing Is it like in tandem with toilet paper Or just like what You don't have to touch toilet paper after you use it So I've heard a lot of people say I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I'm still- I mean, that's like a verification system I just picture I also I picture a wind tunnel like Let's go you sit back down. What the fuck just happened The first time I used it you have to like adjust the settings so there was like like I made a funny tweet I was when I just blast blast my ass for 10 minutes

I legit was just like a judge cuz it's got a nozzle and you want to make sure it's oh, yeah You got a name I wanted one of those I connect things where it's just like Just tracks and like Auto like the API determines where my butthole is at any point that I can like move Brown I confirmed Confirmed Clean button, but it's also got a front clean button. Oh no. Oh, yeah for my My balls got wet. Why'd you try that's for vagina? If you got it No, no, no

It's got rear then it's got strong The fuck is that strong is the pressure washer the end, but that's the good good. That's the good good man Even more so warm water warm seat. It hits the back, but not the front, but just the front The strong button is like after you shit yourself and you need to really get a full Do you mind if I shit in your house like at some point absolutely you can Try oh god, we're shame today's that sounds super Day a heated toilet seat Normally you got to go to a public restroom for that. Oh, I hate it. It's still funny. I hate it. They don't know I made that joke before. It's still funny. It's okay to fucking call me out like that.

I hate it. They're nice, though. The fucking bidet is fucking... I've never used one. Get a bidet. I will. I managed to install it myself without spilling that much water. We can take a break right now.

You can go shit. You can talk about it. Someone on Twitter, we asked the question of like sitting or standing when wiping and someone was like someone's like you savages you still wipe it's like oh yeah but that fucking 70 30 what was it oh yeah it was ended up being like yeah ended up being 70 30 out of 30 000 votes people stand up and wipe and brands like yeah I do Yeah, I Don't know when it switched over I used to sit and wipe and then I like now it's just like I've got the quad strength

Who cares your cheeks go like? No, do you? What no you don't use your hand what the fuck Who cares? But your cheeks go like... No? Do you... What? No, you don't use your hand- What the fuck? I'm just- I'm like, What do you think he's on all fours?

He's like, AHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHH There's a table in front of me, guys. You don't spend-

Do you lean? Okay, no, Well, let me preface. You don't stand stand. You just kind of like, Lightly get off the seat. Potty squat? Yeah, just like,

Just like, Raise yourself off the seat, So you got more operating space. You don't stand up, And then just like- You don't leave like, One cheek on? How seat. So you got more operating space You don't stand up and then just you don't leave like once you gone How the fuck do you guys do it? You leave your like you lean the lean good. Yeah Think it's still sit. Yeah Brandon feels weird You do the lean like

Still a savage if you stand like all the way up My body is supposed to be Squeeze your cheeks and you squeeze the He's wiped the engine you do enough squats you can just self-cleaning organ. What are we calling this episode? Who lays down and wipes? I don't know what we're calling this episode. Baby poops? We all poop.

Every time. If everybody poops. If everybody poops. Oh no. Pax was fun though. Pax was fun. By the time we all laid in all laid together drunk. Yeah, me too. Good up right there look I just picture like if any of us run for who is the one just any Represent a gun of a position're like look at what these dudes

did and we're like oh I would yeah that's our day-to-day it's me with it's us three with purple light in a bed going three best friends they might care everyone does that the politicians just don't want to say so the poly well at least we do it with people who are over 18 unlike

the politicians suicide yourself later. Well, maybe time to move on to a new segment before I end up hanging from a ceiling fan. Brendan just fucking 13 breathing himself. We'll end it with actual video

games. Are you playing anything other than Tarkov? I actually seen you were playing, I think you said you were playing video games, I forget, or you tweeted it maybe. What was it? Tarkov? I actually seen you were playing, I think it said you were playing video games. I forget. Or you tweeted it maybe. What was it? Tarkov.

Yeah, I was playing Tarkov. I was like, that's the only game you play. Yeah, I was playing Tarkov. I've given up on Halo Infinite and I've been told that the story like is not really there. Like there's no, like you don't spoil Halo Infinite.

They didn't really do anything. There's no exploring. It gets empty. You're like, it looks super, cause you probably had a blast like repelling. Yeah, dude. Like first like three, four hours, I was fucking into it. I're like, it looks super... Because you probably had a blast, like, rappelling. Yeah, dude. Like, first, like, three, four hours, I was fucking into it. I'm like, this is the best Halo ever.

And then I just got fucking bored and left. Because you explore and you're like, there it is. Unlike Elden Rings, which is like a world that you get to explore. Trash game. Did you call Elden Rings a trash game? There's our engagement. You're welcome. If you wonder why we...

It's actually your podcast. It's like our podcast, buddy. We share this role. We're both like two dads. One in chat if you hate Dave. Two in chat if you hate Blake. Twelve. Twelve in the chat.

It's just twelve. Isn't the wipe coming? Or the wipe was supposed to come or like won't talk about it probably the next two months did they stand or sit oh yeah the wipe Nikita

Nikita stand or sit well it's like keep fucking that Halo I gave up on that I haven't beat it I just like made it a few hours in and then I was like

oh exploring doesn't reward me yeah at fucking all it's like dumb ass missions or you find those radio things and then it's like find the radio thing and they're like wait so what i would love in halo is if they had like if you could get guns like cool ass guns right like the rocket launchers the like big fucking one-shot weapons, and store them somewhere. Because you can only hold two guns. Like a stash. Yeah, like a stash.

Because it's an open world game where you can only hold two weapons ever. Yeah, it's kind of stupid. Well, Halo is just Far Cry in space, but worse. Well, the new one is. Yeah, the new one. Yeah, the new one. The mobility on that grappling hook is like one of the funnest things like you get to explore that world is just fucking empty And the ability to throw shit at people is so cool. Oh like throw in those basically fuel bombs or whatever the fuck Yes, and you can fucking grab the shit chuck it and you're like oh this fucking dope and then it just

Starts the word backpack guys stop it. You can't store stuff. Oh, yeah I just like stick it in the pelican or some shit like I don't know Didn't battlefield blame halo for its failure. Yeah, and then halo failed. I don't know if halo fail It just wasn't I don't know if it's good as we wanted. Yeah, I don't think I've heard anything about halo and Since the month that came out I think everybody got bored like it was cool And then it was like I'm bored of a game in the first two months but not battlefield so halo was like hey story with some multiplayer multiplayer did okay it wasn't battlefield bad battlefield's only game that was like here's a fucking triple a game

that has 1500 online players at any given time but nico was in the top 10 yeah out of 1500 Like oh poor Nico in the top 1% but it's fucking and so I mean battlefield And there was no new games at PAX PAX was just a fucking like other than ek and we got a Barrington studios had a crazy booth. Larian Studios, they do Dragon Age, Divinity, Divinity 2, Original Sin. Baldur's Gate? RPGs, Baldur's Gate. They do Baldur's Gate.

They were the ones with the Baldur's Gate. Yeah, they had the big castle and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had a legit one. They showed up. They really did. They had probably the most poppin' booth other than Intel at all of PAX. Oh, and then Cody bought a Magic card.

Go. Oh, my God. Don't stop it. I was like, Batty, what'd you buy? You bought a shit ton of something. I bought so many old magic cards. Thank god I lost my debit card for two days. Oh god. I got a magic card. It's a $100 magic card. Yeah, where'd you pull it

out of? My wallet. Where's your wallet usually, Cody? I sit on it. Show. Fluck. You're not going to be able to see it probably, but it's the Lake of the Dead. Let me see it. I'll hold that bitch up.

This is his. It still has the $100. That is reminding me. I haven't seen even playing cards up close in a long time. I used to do that Yu-Gi-Oh! When I was like... Yu-Gi-Oh! was my shit when I was a kid, bro. I was like 97.

This is an old magic card. But it was my favorite one growing up. I remember that art. And now it's my lucky card. Stop it, dude. I told you I offered to trade it for you. Yeah, but it's your favorite card. I'm not gonna...

No matter how much I want to protect that card from your ass cheek. And then Cody was a true friend. What did he buy you? A $200 pack of Magic cards. It was one of the original Tempest packs, which, by the way, I opened. Not a cent. The best card was like four bucks. God damn.

Yeah, it was a buck bag. I tried. Best investment ever. You know what? We did open it at better than investing in Netflix right now. Oh god. Yeah, I don't know man What's to say like a lot of these little car dealers don't like you know cut it open carefully and like I mean you just peel the top slide and Recruit seal it wouldn't be hard. It's a huge problem in magic and Pokemon right now resealing

They just take out like the good cards put in a real shitty card like it's a huge thing I'm sad you all you all you have to spend like $100 on equipment, and then you fucking can do that all day There's no reason you can't do that like at home yourself Yourself if there's I'm sure there's YouTube videos linked in below Chaotic evil Which we need to start doing D&D We might be getting Oh my god, I thought you were gonna say

We need to start fucking resealing How does Batty keep his house from NAR? As well This story I stopped stealing from the government and started stealing from you guys. Oh, no. Okay, Batty. Close us out.

Thank you for watching the Unsubscribed Podcast. As always, we have Donut Pop Writer, Eli Double Fab, and my other half, Brandon. One. Thanks for... Brandon won. Fuck off Brandon Thanks for Brandon one Go follow the socials do the ratings all that stuff shit cock. I hate you Come I hate So much I actually fucking

My belt for that joke on accident. Wait, what? When I stood up like, oh, you actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't notice it until two minutes ago. I was like, oh, shit. Well, keep that in. Discover the magic of BetMGM Casino, where the excitement is always on deck.

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