Unsubscribe Podcast - 82 - Drunk History Part 2 ft. The Fat Electrician & Nikko Ortiz

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Starting point is 00:00:49 Oh. That did it. Ripping my ass. Crazy. What did it do? What's the longest? Thank you. The longest episode you've had?

Starting point is 00:01:03 Yeah, what is the longest episode you've had? An hour and 30 minutes. Oh, what the fuck? We're going to turn this into a Joe Rogan podcast. Six hours. Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous and batty. That guy's fucking ridiculous and donut.

Starting point is 00:01:24 It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to unsubscribe. No, no, no. You know what we're going to do? Six hours. That's what people will know you for. That's how you get number one. You always have the longest one.

Starting point is 00:01:37 We need to do one tomorrow? I've never had the longest one in my entire life. Even if I measure in metric. As you said, it does sound way cooler though oh bro have you ever heard like centimeters i asked i was working at a farm and they had a bunch of dudes from south africa and i was like you guys use a metric system down there they're like absolutely i was like how do you guys measure your genitals that's actually a really good question centimeters and i was like bro that's fucking

Starting point is 00:02:05 dope because you got a lot of numbers in wait in south africa three digits like literally everywhere but america but it's like yeah i think you said you got a lot more centimeters than you do inches believe me yeah when i say like two inches hard but in centimeters that's like fucking 200 centimeters. I had to explain to them what an innie was, but I mean, after that, they told me I was still fucked, but it was fine. They're like, what's this negative sign mean?

Starting point is 00:02:34 Okay, so it's not... It's like a reverse belly button. It's a belly button. I got two kids. They were half court shots both times. What does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? I have two kids. It was.

Starting point is 00:02:49 I just picture you about to come in. You're like, come in, Kobe. But you don't do this. You just jump back with like limp arms and the semen shoots out. It just hits perfectly. Kobe, you're just jumping backwards. Scoring, fucking come out. Scoring, come in. Oh,. Fucking come out. Scoring.

Starting point is 00:03:05 Come out. Oh, yeah. We got to do this. Oh, yeah. Hi. Do we tell them that this episode is just kept going? Yeah, we just kept going because I was mad. Because they kept harassing me and trying to make me sound like I was fucking racist the whole time.

Starting point is 00:03:21 So then. Sound. This makes you sound more racist you started a podcast Word thank God we are We got the Ortiz and the Cuevas But only the Chinese not the Japanese Respectful No, I can't do that. No, you're not Japanese. You're not Japanese, you gotta be respectful. You do it, you do it. We'll get some scotch tape. You wanna be number one, right?

Starting point is 00:04:12 Not that bad. There's a price to pay for being number one. Nick goes down and comes up with scotch tape pulled back. I did a whole fucking podcast scotch tape. I just hit you with the Corral

Starting point is 00:04:26 Jesus Corral I'm sorry I've been gone as the Designated Seventh podcast host For a minute I had a kid.

Starting point is 00:04:45 I was very busy. You did? I did have a kid, yeah. Super. And a gangster named kid. Yeah, right. I mean. A what?

Starting point is 00:04:52 I mean, he was a good name. It was, look, so my kid's got a super cool name, but more importantly, my wife decided that she wanted to breastfeed, and her boobs are enormous. Oh, bro. And I fucking love it. Did you taste the milk? I mean. It's sweet. Maybe. It is. It is. The god of nectar it is neck the god of nectar don't know it tastes like the milk after you just ate a bowl

Starting point is 00:05:10 of fruity pebbles but that's irrelevant no it's not that's just healthy issue too i never have my wife gave me a titty twister the other day that's hot i don't know but you best believe nobody on nobody on the planet nobody on the planet going to give me a titty twister and not give one back. I gave her a titty twister. It felt like it was snapping a neck. They're huge. Why are you about to come? What?

Starting point is 00:05:39 I just like the word more drunk you guys get. It's like I can watch your testosterone racing I'm seeing it I opened up in vegas. I was like Just had a son about to have another son and the whole crowd went wild and it was like Why the fuck are you applauding that super dope i did almost nothing with less than three inches in three minutes and you guys are applauding me instead of my wife that's because you're important still i guess you mad important she definitely didn't do the

Starting point is 00:06:19 majority of the work all the time and now continuing yeah continuing to do it while i come here and dick off with you guys and she gets to you know watch both my children while i'm you know getting slandered on the internet what's right well it's very wide of you what race is your wife uh my wife my wife was my wife was adopted from guatemala when she was 18 months old are you trying to validate yourself right now? I don't. Hey, listen. Nobody fucking asked that question, bro. I didn't know that I flew three hours all the way to San Antonio to not like

Starting point is 00:07:11 Sober Nico love drunk Nico love him Scribe Nico I fucking hate I want to punch this dude in the face Yep I fucking go hard on rage bro We had to sleep in this fucking house together And it's basically gonna be the thunderdome Oh god please As long as the crime scene is upstairs I don't give a fuck I need to record

Starting point is 00:07:39 We just have yellow caution tape I'm like yeah it's up there I have no doubt there's tape. I'm like dude. That's up there. Just keep it down. There's fucking cameras. I'm still crying When you when you send me this like new setup and shit, I was like there's no way They don't trust us This whole setup but there's not one fucking camera upstairs I've met Eli twice there's a 0% chance he's not trying to get blackmail on me That's what this is for Jesus Christ

Starting point is 00:08:18 I can recut this how I want Oh my god My worry I literally Because we were building his bed today and i like put it there you remember when we're like oh do we put it this way i remember that the only reason i was like yeah i remember i didn't want to put it against the wall because i was like okay if nico jerks off i don't want his headboard hitting this wall that might be kind of connected to your head your room so i was actually that's why I wanted to move it.

Starting point is 00:08:45 I'll just come in your room and jerk off. It's fine. Everybody calm the fuck down. How about, since we're sharing the shower, just know I'll shower first. You jerk off all over that fucking floor. Niko's like shower chair. It's like, there's three showers in this house.

Starting point is 00:09:04 Why are we sharing the shower there is no communal shower nico stop doing this shower time is not at 11 a.m every day but i shower like three times a day in fact i jerk off like every single time dude i hate being dirty you have to shower after every time no god yeah I jerk off three times a day. It's like... Isn't that my wrestling? First of all, you think I want to jerk off

Starting point is 00:09:29 three times a day? What are you using to jerk off? What the fuck? Horse radish? What the fuck do you got going on over there? It has horse radish. This is where the fucking... I love the texture.

Starting point is 00:09:40 The smell gets me hard. I wake up. I go running. Okay. Come back. I shower. No wonder you had to leave California. They can't have your ass showering three times a day. We didn't build for that.

Starting point is 00:09:53 Like, this dude at this address is fucking our system up. They couldn't move. Gavin Newsom killed him. Kicked him out. He's like, this motherfucker gotta go, bro. He gone. He's done. Three showers a day?

Starting point is 00:10:07 Tracking that water for Bill? Yeah, it's like two to three showers a day how the fuck i hate fucking shower this is my least like all the tiktoks if you've ever seen any of my tiktoks almost i'd say 70 plus came from just in the shower to make the. That makes sense. That's a weird comment. Dope. Hate it. I hear like an audible sound or like music and shit. And then the whole thing just pops up in my head. And then I just reenact the whole thing.

Starting point is 00:10:36 But no, I'll wake up, run, I'll shower. And then I might fight midday, shower, and before bed after shower. Do you wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy? What does that mean? It's a song. Do you know how fucking old I am? Like 12. When did that song come out?

Starting point is 00:10:55 You're like my age. We were in high school. When did the song come out? In the morning feeling like P. Diddy. Sure. 2011? 2010. about in my feeling like 2010 yeah i was gonna say i had to think where i was when that song came out i think i was a freshman i'm so old oh i hate it you thought you were gonna hit us with the age thing and just you thought you were younger dude you're not that you're not that

Starting point is 00:11:19 much younger than me i've been waiting for this to wear off you know what i for the age thing to wear off you know what i you know what i hate is this you guys are being your hands are so small i'm slightly aroused they're also very soft wait do you have thin hands make a fist make a fist make a fist okay put your fist next to his you maybe they're the same size of fist no like put them on the ground just no i was gonna say it was like for the camera bro it's got fucking beer cans and shit oh you do have a way is my my fist might be more near your size not a chance it's hey we can still find that one is still compared to nico's mine's actually closer yours has goku on it first of all. No, dude, the hand shit is hot.

Starting point is 00:12:07 Have we discussed what a bold strategy it is to get a job stopper of a tattoo of an anime character whose soul goal in life it is is to assemble balls? Yeah. Okay, good. How many dragon balls are there? I don't know, but there have been

Starting point is 00:12:24 dragon balls all over your hands for sure. Seven. Seven. Seven. Good job. And then what happens when you collect all seven? You get to bring back Piccolo or some shit. I hate you were both right because he just screamed out dragon and you said bring back Piccolo,

Starting point is 00:12:43 which technically is right cuz that is what happens Now they're clicking Piccolo's or Krillin's banging a robot. Those are the only rules you need to know in life Anger is the blonde bitch. Yeah, she's Andrew. He's the most powerful human on Earth, and it really bothers me that nobody addresses that. Who? Krillin. He is.

Starting point is 00:13:11 Like the little short dude with the six dots on his forehead. Like, everybody else is an alien, and Homeboy's just over there summoning laser discs to chop bad guys in half, and everybody's like, nobody cares. For $100, what is the laser disc called? Destructive disc. I'll. For $100, what is the laser disc called? Destructive disc. I'll give you $100.

Starting point is 00:13:28 Done. Who's the most powerful individual? I am actually surprised you fuck off. Krillin's my favorite character. You can go fuck yourself. I've watched all of Dragon Ball, all of Dragon Ball Z. You think just because I grew up in California,

Starting point is 00:13:43 first of all, then I moved to Iowa. How many forms does Frieza have? I'll tell you if he's a real fucking DBZ noon. I thought it was four. Go through them. Hey, let's go. Go through them. Go through them.

Starting point is 00:13:59 Go through the fucking normal shit. What's number two? I have to start from the back to kind of know what it is. Can we just- Can't the gold form. Can't the gold form. Oh, that's five. So then there's five.

Starting point is 00:14:10 There's not four. There's technically six now. Majin Buu's better. I said it. Majin Buu's a badass. Look. Wait, hold on, hold on. I don't give a fuck.

Starting point is 00:14:18 Fat Buu or short Buu? Oh, we're good. I don't give a fuck how many forms- Fat Buu's good. I don't give a fuck how many forms Frieza has. Fat Buu turned a motherfucker into a cookie and ate him. That's what's his pastime. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:30 That's undefeatable. Dude, that would be your superpower. Summoning people to eat him as cookies? Just turning them into cookies. Yeah, I mean, I'm good at eating cookies. Wait, hold on. Why do you think my wife married me it's my only talent It's my life you can turn this one make good cookies for sure

Starting point is 00:14:50 Your superpower is turning people in the cookies and you absorb their power if you eat them your offset is your diabetic Your blood sugar is low we're having to give him injections during the fight. Mike, he's looking pastely. If it was, I need a drink. I can't believe we drank all the Coors Light and you just spilled. Oh my God. Oh my God. Brandon, just know it's your fault.

Starting point is 00:15:24 This is all happening herrera's fault god damn it we just wanted to rub your hair that was it there you go thank you sir wait what's a better flavor uh blackberry black cherry it's pineapple not blackberry first of all black cherry or mango i don't know i feel like have we decided Have we decided if this is the longest episode Of Unsub or if this is going to be two episodes Or just a bunch I would like to see how it does A bunch that Fluck can edit out

Starting point is 00:15:53 Fluck just has to edit everything If we could edit out the I don't know like 55 minutes where you guys Tried to frame me as a racist that'd be cool There's no framing We just asked you a question and you just didn't answer. That's fine. Go ahead. Say the hard R.

Starting point is 00:16:09 I went to Utah. I was 95% sure I wasn't going to like you. I figured out I loved you. I told multiple people in my life how wrong I was and I regret all of it because I fucking hate you now.

Starting point is 00:16:27 Oh, it is to hate and love someone at the same time. Tragic. Yeah, I had to do that. Okay, first off, can I just say I'm super impressed with both of your guys' Dragon Ball knowledge? We're not done yet, by the way. Okay, well, first off, Freeza's first. Wait, first, Freeza forms. Original.

Starting point is 00:16:50 Then you had second form, which was tall form. Then you had long head form. And then you had final form, which was white form. Then you got golden form. No, because it was that thick asshole. Because she gets thick after long head, motherfucker. That's four. That's second.

Starting point is 00:17:02 Thick asshole was second. You said tall. That's tall, thick. Tall, thick. Tall tall thick tall thick okay then long head is third and then slender white is fourth and then gold and black is after that i've never seen black black is in the mango right now you won't see it for a while do you say mango the fucking guy you said that's just book form? That's some Crash Bandicoot bullshit. I have a question, though, because he said Goku. What about Goku? He said Goku. I said, who's the most powerful individual, to your knowledge,

Starting point is 00:17:34 in the Dragon Ball Z series world of everything ever? I'm going to go out on a very, very thin limb here and say the main character. A thin limb? Okay, I'm curious to see who yours is. We're picking apart English language. I mean, the main character. A thin limb? Okay, I'm curious to see who yours is. We're picking apart English language. The main character of Dragon Ball Z? Is who?

Starting point is 00:17:51 And then what's yours? I asked because I want to see what yours is. Wait, hold on. Stop. Pause. What's the first letter of yours? Stop. Hold on. Pause. I need clarification on definitions. When you see... Discover the exciting action of BetMGM Casino. Check out a wide variety of table games

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Starting point is 00:18:28 Then MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario A person do you mean character or do you mean person any human being anything with a name in that fucking anything? Definitely Goku if you meant person it's Krillin because everybody else. Okay, I see what you're saying there. Okay, okay. So Goku's the most powerful being. Okay, yeah. Goku, for sure. Okay, so you're supposed to see. I was just going to be basic and go Boris.

Starting point is 00:18:53 Boris? First of all, fuck off. Absolutely not. Here's the important question. Here's the important question. Boris legit beat the fuck out of Goku. I need your opinion. We got Krillin and Piccolo.

Starting point is 00:19:10 Okay. In one corner. And we've got Aang. Krillin and Piccolo. Aang? Like the avatar? In the other corner. Who wins?

Starting point is 00:19:18 The avatar. The avatar, yes. Krillin and Piccolo because they will fucking kill people. Aang will not fucking kill people. Aang will not fucking kill anybody. I don't know. Bro, Aang can go into the fucking Avatar state. He's still not going like... No.

Starting point is 00:19:34 Aang is not killing nobody. Okay, let me rephrase. Krillin can go through a fight. You got Krillin and Piccolo in one corner. And you got Aang not on the Nickelodeon channel in the other corner. You got Aang on Cartoon Network in Adult Swim. Who's winning? Krillin and Piccolo.

Starting point is 00:19:59 Really? They're summoning energy from literally fucking nothing. Aang has to use elements Take him outside of Earth into space. He's getting fucked in the ass. No, it's on Earth Okay, so you change the star. It's on Earth. Okay, I mean Really Dragon Ball Z never takes place off of Earth, but continue it takes place on planets and places with Earth universes universes Yeah, that's all saying I was like they off-planet doing shit on multiple planets. Okay, yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:26 We're going to pretend. We're going to pretend like every other planet in Dragon Ball Z didn't have earth, wind, water, and fire. But okay, yeah, continue. Okay, yours is who? I still think. Oh, wait, you said it's switching. It's not normal Aang. Yeah, it's like adult swim Aang.

Starting point is 00:20:44 So he wants to kill and then fuck the dead body. He's not afraid to. Yes, it's like adult swim ang So he wants to kill and then not afraid to kill anybody damn I Still have to say my favorite. This is nerd talk to my degree I love it I have to say krillin and piccolo as well still just because like a news utilizes elements right like let's say earth for instance Okay, these motherfuckers be shoved through the earth multiple times getting fucked up They literally be using energy to push through earth. Okay fire wise. I've never seen any of them get killed by fire I've never seen any of them get killed by we talk about fucking out

Starting point is 00:21:18 Avatar hey, I've never seen any of them get killed by not breathing oxygen so it's krillin and piccolo again i was like you're just over here commentating what do you think well this is great about what what the fuck you got goku tattooed on your hand you have to have an opinion on this i kind of yeah who do you what is goku's best form not goku fuck. Piccolo and Krillin versus Adult Swim Aang from Avatar. Definitely fucking Krillin because Krillin during Dragon Ball Super and Piccolo fought in the universe, the tournament of power, which was the seven universes. The strongest people and individuals on each universe, I forget how many fought in this and then he would have got ang would have got his ass beat because you have piccolo's piccolo no no no no hold on let me let me start this guys here here here's how this goes so piccolo in the last movie information

Starting point is 00:22:16 he had a power up he uh wished for the dragon on earth and the nemecian dragon uh because the nemecian balls after that planet blow up they came back to earth and they're with dinde and he wished for unlocked a unlimited potential so now you have a new form of piccolo that is quote unquote rivaled in the super tier which then you have ultra instant goku you have all that the most powerful individual in all of dragon ball is xeno then you have the angels the angels are second in that power. Then you have the God of Destructions. Now, after the God of Destructions, they are teaching Goku.

Starting point is 00:22:51 They are teaching Vegeta. Vegeta learned Ultra Ego, which is a form of Ultra Instinct. Ultra Instinct is angel-based. Ultra Ego is based off of God of Destruction. Do we need to continue this path to show you who's a fucking god at knowing Dragon Ball Z? Because I'm going to fucking win. I have a very important question for you in particular. Three times I've been late.

Starting point is 00:23:15 I feel very bad for not knowing this, but I'm also very, very drunk. In Dragon Ball, what is Goku's trainer, the old guy with the turtle shell on his back? Old was Master Roshi. Master Roshi. That's what I thought it was, but then I also thought it was Mario, which was Luigi, but I'm not drunk. Listen. It's me, Mario. Goku's like Mario.

Starting point is 00:23:42 Kamehameha. God damn it. Okay. Kamehameha. Who would win in a fight? Master Roshi versus Uncle Iroh from Avatar. This is very difficult. Uncle Iroh. Really?

Starting point is 00:23:58 Go ahead. You didn't watch Dragon Ball Super, so I have to like recede that because Master Roshi did compete in the tournament in power. He got a power up too. Uncle Iroh, if you were to look at the stories before... So I have to go... Krillin and Piccolo were based off of also the ability before you twisted it up. Stop. How come you skipped B1 through

Starting point is 00:24:18 3? What the fuck is that? A drug? You went directly to B4. How come you skipped B1 through 3? What the fuck is B4? You said it drug i don't know you went directly you went directly to b4 how come you skipped b1 through 3 what the fuck is b4 you said it i don't know i never said b4 yes you did you said before and then you went on to extrapolate your idea dad joking but i'm very curious as to what oh not like the the letter and the number but like before okay i thought i said before i was like i thought it's like fucking science show i thought you skipped one through three my bad continue one through three what bb one through three and then you just jump to b4 but go ahead i see what you're saying now continue Iroh B-E-F-O-R-E

Starting point is 00:25:06 Okay In his past life Yeah Was dropping bodies And he's able to harness fire And you know Electricity And he is willing to kill people

Starting point is 00:25:15 Okay Yes And his basic knowledge And his mentality Of knowing when to And when not to do things So if he's in a fight And he realizes he's possibly gonna die

Starting point is 00:25:23 He's gonna do whatever is necessary To you know Win win, right? So then you said the other one is Master Roshi, right? Correct. Without a turtle shell. Without a turtle shell. I know Master Roshi can get yoked as fuck, okay? He's yoked, but continue.

Starting point is 00:25:40 Yoki, but doki, okay? Yoki, but doki. He's not yoked. All right. And I'm not too familiar with all of his, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Dude, that was a fucking drop. You're very specific on that. He was unable for years to penetrate the walls at Ba Sing Se. How do you feel about that? Do you feel like that still grants him the ability to beat Master Roshi? Wait, what's the other dude?

Starting point is 00:26:15 Master Roshi? Master Roshi. He is not a wall, so can't compare, unfortunately. Do you think walls work? Walls White so absolutely not wait, I'm confused now. I'm asking the fucking question I'm confused now. I'm asking the fucking question You didn't answer my question master Roche your uncle I row I row cuz that's avatar right I row Iroh. Uncle Iroh.

Starting point is 00:27:06 Why do you think he beats Master Roshi without his turtle shell? I just think we kill him. I don't think the other dude would kill him. How? With fire or electricity. Or he would punch him to death. I don't... You realize that Master Roshi is very grounded, correct?

Starting point is 00:27:26 This negates electrical power. I would know I'm an electrician. What are you talking about? I'm actually an electrician. I know most people don't believe this. I'm actually a licensed professional. I completed an entire apprenticeship five years of my life. I have no idea what this has to do with you at our dragon

Starting point is 00:27:48 Ozzie oh you're avoiding it you were no I wasn't broken you didn't tell me if walls work you didn't answer my question do walls work yes or no one word walls Walls? Yes. Oh, is this a Trump thing? And walls? No. They don't work. Okay, good. Thank you for your opinion. I said no before.

Starting point is 00:28:11 Uncle Iroh, Master Roshi. Roshi's going to fucking wipe the floor. Really? And yes, walls work. That's why the Mexicans are staying south of the border. I'm going to go the other way because this is uncomfortable now. How do you feel about Eli's very controversial statement? What was controversial about it? He's in Mexico ain't you? I'm sorry. Did you just call him a country? I'm a Mexican

Starting point is 00:28:37 We can identify however we want nowadays bro. What's up with that? Are you tell me I can't identify You can do it. Have I please you can can do whatever you want I'm a very important question most important question of luck my Bob Nico in Mexico If Niko Ortiz put your I need you to like do the fuck boy face put yourself in the right mindset If you were a pirate put yourself in Niko Ortiz pirate mode, okay? Would you inspire would you? As you try to suckle on the shirt would you keep your parrot on this shoulder or this shoulder i love this pickup line i love this pickup line how pickup line. How much does a polar bear weigh?

Starting point is 00:29:25 Not to break the ice. God, you're good. I'm so good. You're fucking great. There was a... Oh, fuck. What was my favorite? Wait, hold on.

Starting point is 00:29:35 Who the fuck wins the fight? Dude, I can't. Y'all better fucking lock it in. It's Uncle Iroh. Why? Period. Because he has fire. Master Roshi just gets

Starting point is 00:29:46 jacked. And he can fucking blow shit up. So can Uncle Iroh. Can he blow up a fucking planet? Bro, I didn't say if it was a physical fight. I'm talking about Mahjong. And Uncle Iroh fucked up Master Roshi at Mahjong.

Starting point is 00:30:01 Thank you for playing. But you lose. Those statements are true. These are facts. Thank you very much. up master Roshi at Mahjong thank you for playing myself up that I was correct two for two so fine all right fine grizzly bear versus silverback gorilla go why grizzly bears gonna win tenure Grizzly bear is going to win. Gorillas have the strength. They bite. They have thumbs.

Starting point is 00:30:30 They have strength. Okay. A lot of strength and thumbs. I would know. Yeah. So grizzly bears, they have strength as well. Correct. They have the violence aspect to them, which I think is far more than a gorilla.

Starting point is 00:30:41 Okay. Jaw power and length. Okay. Think about that. Gorillas have a a gorilla. Okay. Jaw power and length. Okay. Think about that. Gorillas have a shorter length. Yes. Okay. Claws, bro.

Starting point is 00:30:54 Okay. Okay. And if nobody has ever seen a grizzly bear stand on two legs, they wouldn't understand how massively big grizzly bears actually are. Are you insinuating that the gorilla would lose because it's a vegetarian? No. I feel like that's what you're saying. I said due to violence. Very

Starting point is 00:31:13 clearly in clause. I feel like you're calling vegetarians not violent. What was that movie called? I love we walked away from this and came back and you rose so much material to fuck on Nico. In literally 35 seconds. I know you walked away from this and came back, and you rose so much material to fuck on, Nico. In literally 35 seconds. I know.

Starting point is 00:31:28 You walked away. Continue. Dude, you were pacing about. I thought you were slinging about vegetarians. What was that movie called about being a vegetarian? About eating green or whatever? That one where the meatballs fall from the sky. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

Starting point is 00:31:42 No, no, no, no, no. There was a movie, a documentary based off of if you go green, it makes you stronger and healthier. The Green Mile. No. I think you might be on to something, actually. No. I'm on top of it. The main character.

Starting point is 00:31:55 The main character was fucking massive. You fucking were so massive. You sound like a vegetarian. No. Oh, man. It was a big one on Netflix maybe two, three years ago, and it involved going on a plant-based diet. Continue.

Starting point is 00:32:13 Basically, huge. It caused everybody to actually get rid of meat and go on plant-based diets. The facts and everything from Netflix and the science behind it was all full of shit. So, vegetarian? Meh. My assistant is vegetarian, and she now eats meat because she realizes it's not the best choice. So she was vegetarian for years.

Starting point is 00:32:31 So she's not vegetarian. Not anymore. Just to clarify. Not anymore. So do you consider yourself a rescuer of vegetarians of sorts? No. Really? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:41 You're the only one who said rescuer. Yeah, that's fine. But you just said former vegetarian after she met you, and that confused me. If people identify how they please and tell me their story, I can only reflect and say what they've said. I will not divulge into anything more. Correct me if I'm wrong,

Starting point is 00:32:56 but is there or is there not a 100% probability that if you are a vegetarian... 100% probability... That if you are a vegetarian... Or a that if you are a vegetarian and you go to work for Nico Ortiz, you will become a meat eater. No. Really? How many vegetarians have gone

Starting point is 00:33:14 to work for you? I wouldn't be sure. I haven't asked everybody. How many? How many that you know for sure? My gray white shark did great. I don't indulge in other people's. If people choose to share with me what they wish, they may. Of those that you do know, how many?

Starting point is 00:33:31 Uno mas. Dos. Uno. Because I went. What was the destiny of said individual? Did they become a meat eater? Yeah. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:33:44 We already need it. I like you turn to me and you're like, Eli's a loose cannon. Eli's a loose cannon. I'm not sure what he'll take conversations. I stay engaged. How do you feel about eating meat? I love it.

Starting point is 00:33:58 You love it? Yes. I have to have a moment of honesty with you. Okay, go. Your girlfriend, her name? Savannah. I've met her once yeah she's a very very lovely woman yeah huge ass i have been avoiding telling the internet this for a while now but she's a meteor no that's not it i am i how old is she? I'm gonna give you a chance to re-answer that. How old is she?

Starting point is 00:34:35 Remember it's the appropriate age is half your age plus seven. How old are you? Is she a Mexico? I'm 12. You're bullying a disabled man. Huh? How old is she? Hey buddy, what's your name? Are you okay? Are you okay? Is this man bothering you? Oh, God. Are you okay? Oh, magic hands. I'm going to call the police now, okay?

Starting point is 00:34:52 The point I'm getting at is... You're okay, buddy. I've met her in person. She's very nice. Mm-hmm. And she's definitely not... She's 27. She's 27 years,

Starting point is 00:35:00 so she's almost my age. I'm 28. She's 27, and I'm... The fat'm 27. And I, I've met her one time. Without a shadow of a doubt that she makes lasagna like a 70 year old Italian grandmother. It is uncanny. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:21 You had lasagna. I forgot about that. It was terrifying the best lasagna I've ever had in my entire life. I forgot about that. It was terrifying. I went to Eli's house. I forgot about this. Savannah was not there. I didn't get shit. I had never seen her. And he's like, please, Mr. Fat Electrician, sir,

Starting point is 00:35:37 have some lasagna. I forgot she made some. And then I got some lasagna, and then he's like, no, you need to get the marinara sauce with it. And I scooped marinara sauce and put it on lasagna. It was the best lasagna I then he's like no you need to get the marinara sauce with it and i i scooped marinara sauce and put it on his line it was the best lasagna i've ever had in my entire i forgot she made and then and then he and then walks in sweetheart you made wonderful lasagna and then I looked at Savannah and I was like, how does one at such a young age acquire such knowledge of lasagna? Google, yo.

Starting point is 00:36:10 Google's. No, this is beyond Google. She played a lot of Mario. He's Italian. It's impossible. It was maybe the best lasagna ever. Dude, she knocked that out. Dude, Savannah.

Starting point is 00:36:22 Because lasagna's actually my favorite food. Dude, she's a fucking cook. I got lucky on that out. Dude, Savannah. Because lasagna is actually my favorite food. Dude, she's a fucking cook. I got lucky on that one. Bro, there is an Italian restaurant in my town. Ran entirely by Italians. I've had those. Hey, I'm Italian, bro. Just like I'm a Mexico.

Starting point is 00:36:38 What's up? Dude, Savannah's getting the shout outs. She's getting back. Wow. Oh, my God. Thank you. I don't. She's like, keep doing the podcast. I She's going to be like, wow, my God, thank you. I don't.

Starting point is 00:36:47 She's like, keep doing the podcast. I support you. I literally met her for like 10 minutes. She seemed very nice. I don't know anything about her other than the fact that she cooks a phenomenal lasagna. She's my rock star. She is my favorite human. She's my healthy relationship.

Starting point is 00:37:04 She cooks really good lasagna. A rock. Really good lasagna. Really good good really good but my beef stew I need to cook you guys my beef stew I've never been less tempted to eat something in my entire life than the beef stew of a man that's been trying to convince the internet

Starting point is 00:37:21 that I'm racist for an hour and 45 minutes whoa whoa whoa he is the R word bro that's you, you convinced the internet that I'm racist for an hour and 45 minutes. I didn't have to convince the internet. That's you. You convinced the internet you were racist. That was not on me. Can I just express that before this podcast You want me to be number one?

Starting point is 00:37:35 Congratulations. Congratulations. I liked both of you and now I fucking hate both of you. Guess what? You're still hanging out and you're getting sandwiched by two fucking Mexicos. Yeah. Bitch.

Starting point is 00:37:47 We're going south of the border. We're going south of the border. Ole, bitch. Nothing will scare me. I weigh more than both of you combined. Super fat. We do need to roll, though. When y'all come out that way, we do need to roll. Fucking Christ. We need to roll though When y'all come out that way we do need to roll

Starting point is 00:38:07 We need to have sex Oh we do need to roll G or no gi Oh man I should have brought that up When we were talking about the other stuff earlier How do you feel about gi or no gi jujitsu I prefer no gi I'm a big no gi individual

Starting point is 00:38:23 That's strictly due to EP And the real what is the piece of fighting executive protection okay so what were you wearing executive protection this is a deep deep deep conversation i know so based off of the caliber of executive protection that you're falling into, long story short, if you are not making X amount of money, you're not actually an executive protection agent, you are actually just a fucking bodyguard or just a bottom bitch because people are hired based off of X amount of dollars due to skill, time, experience, et cetera. And that means you're training every week. You are doing combatives training.

Starting point is 00:39:05 You're doing firearms training. You're doing driving training. You're doing X amount of training. So in the real world of EP, you have a house team. So you have an RST, which is a residential security team. And then you have foot agents. And that's the simple way of breaking it down. And foot agents...

Starting point is 00:39:22 Pause, please. Hold on. Is this anything close to the foot clan from the ninja turtle ninja turtles movies i've never been part of any clan have you no okay your your deadpan is lacking continue executive protection but your ability to stare and not laugh my i hate my brain went to this this is where eli's brain really quick i was like movie scene go make in front of a fucking dummy with bells all over and he has to take them all Have you seen Ninja Turtles 2? They have to disarm the bells. This might be before your times. Have you

Starting point is 00:40:11 neither have you seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2? I've seen them all. I've seen them when they go back in time in number 3. That was the worst one. But you know when they take the bells off? I just picture that where you're like go. The lights go on and you're like and then you start it and you cut back up And you're in

Starting point is 00:40:28 Aware Shifting around in my are both of you aware that uncle splinter or master's master is the biggest troll of all time You who I would like to actually hear this okay, so check check. He's a rat. Check it out. No. What? Yes. Dirty rat. Dirty rats. You have Donatello, the smart one. Yep. He's very, very computer savvy, very tech savvy.

Starting point is 00:40:54 Both staff skills. Right. So like he's the biggest troll of all time. So what do you give to your like super tech savvy son and you're a troll? Here's a fucking stick. Yeah, nothing sharp. Just whapping

Starting point is 00:41:11 shit. Fair. But in the Nintendo NES version of the original one, Donatello was the most powerful. We're not going to be number one talking about nerd shit. Okay, sorry. Yes, we are. No. Overruled overall i hate i know that i know so i that is an interesting fact you have uh which sorry i'm very drunk and i'm bad with the

Starting point is 00:41:34 names which is one with the the anger problem is it my rafael rafael uh he has the the size yep the size are strictly a defensive weapon so he's has anger problems and wants to be highly offensive here's a defensive weapon fucking nerd i think mikey got the worst of it's like he's not even a stick here is a fucking two sticks with a chain connecting michelangelo's high energy he is he's the party boy he's not. Michelangelo is high. He's the fucking skater. Michelangelo is high energy. He is. He's the party boy.

Starting point is 00:42:12 He's given nunchucks, which take the most discipline to master, the most attention to detail, because he has the least ability to pay the fuck attention. So wouldn't you say, though, that technically it's the same thing with giving what's-his-face a fucking stick, because he has all the knowledge and all that stuff so just give him a stick because he's going to know what to do with it. I think my overall point is Master Splinter is a troll.

Starting point is 00:42:32 The fucking rat. Dirty fucking rat. That was what Master Shredder said. I disagree but continue. Actually. Wait what was Master Shredder's real name? Hanzo? Bitch. That's what we call real name? Hanzo? Bitch. That's what we call him.

Starting point is 00:42:46 Wait, Hanzo. Oh, fuck. I actually don't remember Master Shredder's real fucking name. What is it? Me either. I thought you were turning. Son of a bitch. I was like, I was so excited.

Starting point is 00:42:59 So we dove into Dragon Ball Z, Avatar, and now Ninja Turtles. I feel like I've been driving the second half of this podcast with my hard-hitting questions. No, you've been trying to. I've returned a very strong response on most of your questions other than the one question. I've got for you, though. What do you know of Lord of the Rings? All of it. Oh, have you seen the new TV series? I have not watched that.

Starting point is 00:43:26 I heard it was very bad. I haven't watched it because I'm only because I'm waiting for it to be done because I'd like to watch it all at once. I've heard it's bad. I haven't had time. No, it is very good because I think people who have not seen all of the movies and don't understand the lore behind it either, they don't understand everything. How does a wizard come to be? How does a wizard come? Because the TV series puts it together. Hob don't understand everything. How does a wizard come to be? How does a wizard come? Because the TV series

Starting point is 00:43:47 puts it together. I believe this to a young hobbit. But continue. The four wizards? I can't give more. Are you talking about the four wizards? This could be spoilers alert.

Starting point is 00:43:53 No, are you talking about the four wizards? Gandalf? There's more than four. Gandalf? There's more than four and that's stated in The Hobbit. There's Radagast the Brown.

Starting point is 00:44:03 So this is why the movies people you're gonna get so much hate right now nico no the lore because they switch the lore it's less than eight because people some people are gonna say there's eight and i was like oh no technically there's less than eight do you know okay so but do you know how a wizard comes to be off the new series well fuck no no no no based off the new series they just fall out of no, no, no, no. Based off the new series, they just fall out of the fucking sky. No, no, no, no, no. Yes, I saw that part of the new series. Okay, so then how would you connect?

Starting point is 00:44:31 This is a fun thing that I was going to put together. Because I was like, based off the lore, the original series, not the Hobbit series, it's the regular Lord of the Rings series, and then this Lord of the Rings TV series on Amazon, how would you put together bringing a wizard to place? Because if you actually look at it, if you take the first Lord of the Rings movie, the second Lord of the Rings movie,

Starting point is 00:44:54 how, oh fuck, I'm trying not to actually put spoilers out there, because I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan. So if you look at the Twin Towers and how Gandalf the Grey became... Gandalf the White. Gandalf the White. Spoilers.

Starting point is 00:45:11 And how... Literally 18-year-old spoilers. 18-year-old spoilers. But people will appreciate this. If you're a real fan, you'll appreciate those. How would you say a wizard comes to be? By fucking dying. Like, literally,

Starting point is 00:45:26 they get spawned as a falling star, and then every time they die, they level up. Can you put the movies together for the people? Because I think that is what people are missing right now.

Starting point is 00:45:40 So if you can put those together, I think people are going to go... Like, in chronological order? No, no, no. Okay, here. So based off of what you said, I think we're going to go in chronological order. No, no, no. Okay. Here. So based off of what you said, I'm going to say you're a hundred percent correct.

Starting point is 00:45:51 So what I think was cool about how they put the movies together is Gandalf the gray. He's fighting the demon. I forget the demon's name. Balrog. He, that's hot. Balrog. He. What?

Starting point is 00:46:05 That's hot. He falls. I know Lord of the Rings 2. How do you remember that? I'm fucking autistic. Where do you think my son got it from? Well, no, it's actually a bigger character in the lore. No, in the lore, he's a huge character. In the lore, he comes up multiple times.

Starting point is 00:46:21 Oh, I know. He's a massive demon. There's multiple. There's multiple. I can tell you a lot about lord of the rings well the one that's always referenced in the movie correct me if i'm the same if i'm wrong he's the same one that's in the lore and he roamed was it valoria or whatever the fuck so there's multiple years there's multiple balrogs um and how the the ain't oh the fucking wizards i have i have multiple ball rags in my room too

Starting point is 00:46:47 me too they're called socks old towels mostly but they smell like old popcorn uh that's not what they smell like but continue no so the old was i hate i have this fucking knowledge so with the new lord of the rings series they did not get uh rights to the lore of lord of the rings like the uh the jr tolkien family were like no you fucking do your own shit so they did they recreated the lore that's why we have new storylines following uh how it's progressing out to what it is that's why you had hatred towards the new series but if you go back to like the salmurilla and the way way back when he was creating all his gods his lore when the gods fought salmurillas then you get the breakdowns like the uh first not middle earth uh but the was it the first what are the time periods called because this is the third age

Starting point is 00:47:46 was during the lord of the rings was i want to say the third age and that was the fall of uh saruman and sauron before that you're the second age and the first age and those were when the angels the elves all came down then you had the splitting then you had the big ones i forget the original baller ass motherfucker. That was way more powerful than Sauron. Like he was a big motherfucker. Sauron is the fucking little hand-me-down dude who was literally like the right-hand guy. It was legit.

Starting point is 00:48:14 Like a fucking giant. Yeah. He was a fucking big fucking guy. And then he was one of those cast off of that. And then he became the strong. That's how all of that lore and we're now radagascar as you said which i'm fucking mad props to you for knowing madagascar the brown radag radag radag yeah yeah i was like wait what that's an island off the coast of america yeah i was like madagascar one of my

Starting point is 00:48:37 favorites confusing radagascar i know with madagascar, the movie, with the penguins. Radagast. Radagast, the brown. Continue. Fuck it. And I'm the racist. Whatever. Continue.

Starting point is 00:48:56 He was the brown. Bitch, them is wizards. What do you mean? Wait. And then the blue. Who was the blue? The blue was the one that was unknown, right? Yeah, fuck the blue one.

Starting point is 00:49:06 No, there's a name. Nobody cares. They have a name. I don't know what it is, but they've stated the name. Bitchface McGee. Dude, I love, man, all that lore. And in The Hobbit, they've stated the name. This is the shit I love. I'm like, what's going on?

Starting point is 00:49:15 It's like Halo. You give me Halo lore, I'll give you all the fucking Halo lore you ever fucking want. I hate Halo. All of them. Me too, actually. The whole thing. Bro, how stupid. I fucking hate Halo. It's super boring. fucking want I hate halo all of me to act the whole thing bro how do you buy fuck you halo it's super boring god it's so bad but when you read it is so

Starting point is 00:49:32 government where how they trained and then how they built the machine what do you want to know about the real government I can tell you weird shit that you've never even thought what that's what they do the miller the miller our system bro check it system. Bro, check it out. Check it out. Check it out. Here, before you go on this, I'll give you one quick showing that they captured the government very well.

Starting point is 00:49:52 So the Milner armor system, which is direct link to the Spartan IIs, which is Master Chief, all those guys, they tested that out on regular Marines first. The armor system, it is Neuralink, and it amplifies your body's movements and everything, but you have to have the process done to you, which is the genetic altering and the operation. The normal Marines, when they went into that suit, they were like, got it, okay, let me think how to move my arm,

Starting point is 00:50:22 because you just think it. I got to think to turn. It over-am amplifies everything. So it was just making fucking meat puppets out. So they'd be like, okay, rotate your back. And you have this armor that weighs 2000 pounds,

Starting point is 00:50:35 rotate your bottom on thought and you can't control it. So it's like, and so it just kills literal Marines instantly when they started using the system. We're like, oh, we fucked up. Okay, let's do, let's not put it on these guys. We have to put it on these next soldiers and then watch how they interact for it. Okay, we're good. Okay, how do we get Spartan 2 children?

Starting point is 00:50:58 Okay, we got to find the top geniuses in the world. Cool. Okay, let's go kidnap them, replace them with clones. The clones die after two weeks because their genetic malfunctions so the kids are just dying the parents will be sad no one will give a fuck so now okay we stole these kids now we have to indoctrinate them at the age of five or six to be these spartan soldiers and done hey you want your parents to die you want your family died okay that's what's gonna happen if you don't listen to us and you have the spartan

Starting point is 00:51:24 two program spartan threes was based off it's like oh we fucked up that was really fucked up we cannot kidnap kids what we need to do now is get mentally we need to get normal people that volunteer new drug makes you mentally unstable you'll go homicidal if you don't take this drug every few days okay but you can wear that milner armor it's gonna be fucking dope. So then Spartan threes were very homicidal if they did not get their shots. Dude, they captured the U S government very well.

Starting point is 00:51:55 I was going to say legit while you were telling that story. I was like, I don't know how deep we're going to the government, but you make me want to tell CI stories. What do you want to tell counterintelligence stories right now? What do you want to know about the U S government? an awful lot go on give me ci stuff how do you how do you feel about the titanic are you familiar wait what the they did about the titanic cool oh how do you feel about the finding of the titanic was it what if i told you the finding of the titanic was actually a black black ops

Starting point is 00:52:26 operation wait is this real i swear to god this uh these documents got declassified in 2018 uh the actual finding of the titanic like the dude that found the titanic was funded by the u.s government as a cover story basically this this dude's whole mission in life was to find the titanic right so the u.s government rolls up and they're like hey uh so we're in the cold war and we're trying to find this nuclear sub that accidentally sunk called the uss thresher we lost it it's roughly-ish in the same area of the ocean that you think the Titanic's in. Oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:53:11 So we're going to give you a bunch of government funding and have a bunch of high-tech shit to find. But hide it until 2018. But actually, you're going to go find the USS Thresher, a nuclear sub that we lost, and you're going to go find it USS Thresher, a nuclear sub that we lost, and you're going to go find it for us. And then after you find it, you can go find the Titanic if you want. And that's exactly what happened.

Starting point is 00:53:36 So he found the Thresher. He went and he found the USS Thresher, a sunken nuclear sub. Kept that under wraps until 2018. Kept that under wraps, but that's how he got the funding to get all the technology to find the Titanic. To me, that's just normal, though. Because you also have living survivors who and you know there's a course for this.

Starting point is 00:53:56 You know there's a course for the Titanic. But the government is still that is very government where it's like okay, so we need a good cover story. There's a nuclear sub. We don't want to tell people we lost one of those. So go find it.

Starting point is 00:54:11 It's like the, have you heard? My favorite thing is with the, what's the black, the fast jet, the black one, the SR 71, SR 71. I was, I was, I was thinking of acts. I was thinking of Elon Musk kid for a second. Cause that's how you named it. SR 71 black. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:27 Dude, the blackbird there. Yep. Dude, the blackbird, like that story you were telling that last time, whereas like none of the fuck, none of the people that created it,

Starting point is 00:54:37 they, they destroyed everything on how to recreate it. So that way there was only one guy left, right? Yeah. They cannot like the materials used everything and then they were like one dude that was like oh yeah i used to work on those that's one of the big arguments with like uh i hate to say it but like people that think the

Starting point is 00:54:56 moon landing didn't happen or whatever and like i'm whatever if it didn't it didn't it's fine like if you wanted to tell me the the American government staged it to bankrupt the Soviet Union, I'd be like, that's a possibility. That's a decent opinion. That's a real possibility. But, like, the U.S. government keeps their fucking technology so secret and so under wraps. And it's so decentralized that literally only a couple people have all the pieces to the puzzle to look at and if those people leave the picture you just have a couple dudes holding a couple pieces of a puzzle and they don't even know who else is holding the other pieces of the puzzle that's external to

Starting point is 00:55:37 the military though and that's from my time strictly being ci stuff is like because we you learn about all these things and how you know know, at least conspiracies and stuff like that. And like who to trust, who to work for. And like, you know, what is truth? What is fact? And then who shines the light to say who, what is true and what is false? Like where does information turn into data and did the proper information turn into data? Cause there's a funnel and information has to be analyzed in order to actually turn into data. That's how you have intelligence. Okay. So.

Starting point is 00:56:10 Can I stop you for one second? I was going to say it's about to get really complicated. I like this. This is my favorite. I was going to say it's about to get very complicated. I was like super anti this podcast for the first hour. And now it's like we just had a 45 minute debate on who the most powerful person between dragon ball and avatar was and now we're getting into deep government

Starting point is 00:56:29 spins with this and then like brandon brandon i think is the only other person that anybody here knows who's seen me like dwindle like me and brandon would be having like very good conversation i'll be like he'd ask me a question right about like technologies or like information and i'd be like yeah so how much how much can i tell you without you thinking i'm insane no how much can I tell you without you thinking I'm insane? No, how much can I tell you without breaking fucking the law and going to jail? Going to Leavenworth. Yeah. I got some cool stories, though. I've told Dan that these are declassified.

Starting point is 00:57:15 Dude, Eli can make me have to pee. Yeah, I agree. He got up and made me had to pee immediately. I'm going to pee upstairs. Oh, God damn it. Hi, Fluck. made me had to pee immediately i'm gonna pee upstairs oh god damn it hi flock big fan of you and your work on the unsubscribed podcast and my channel um you do a great job editing um if you could really really edit the first hour or all the parts where they try to make me seem racist, if you could get rid of that, that'd be fucking great.

Starting point is 00:57:51 And fuckheads back. Fluck, what he just said, I need you to ignore everything he just said. Just cancel that, delete that segment. You're good to go. I need you to listen to me. I'm bigger than him. Fluck will pay you more.

Starting point is 00:58:10 No, you won't. I think that says it all. Anyways. God damn it. I got to pee, but I really also wanna- Go pee, bro! Go pee! Go pee! Dude, go pee real quick! You want this to be the longest episode, you wanna be fucking number one? Dude, go pee pee! We're almost out of alcohol.

Starting point is 00:58:35 Like, we're gonna have to break into my Dos Equis keg, and I was saving that for tomorrow. We're saving that for tomorrow! We're saving that for tomorrow, and for- for- we need to force Brandon to come in. Sorry, you were saying about, uh... You need to force Brandon. Sorry, you were saying about information. You need to go pee. Go pee. I can hold it. Dude, you're pee-pee dancing.

Starting point is 00:58:51 I'm like a camel. How long can you hold it for? Forever. Okay, he's holding it forever. Go. What do you want? What do you want to know? You were talking about information that you didn't want to talk about.

Starting point is 00:59:02 No, no, no. You got to be careful with that one. I'm not talking about anything classified. You were talking about recently declassified information just like I was. Okay, well back to it really quick. In my past

Starting point is 00:59:16 life, I was a counterintelligence agent for the military. Now, how close to the counter intelligence agents work to the sink intelligence agents define sink intelligence agents like like they're they're right next to the cabinets and the counters in the kitchen by the oven I was like wait, I was like you have to understand the world of CIA there's a lot of acronyms I was just like oh my god god damn it

Starting point is 00:59:46 I was like I know where this is going I was like define I know where this is going and I'm like okay here we go I was like here's a dad joke for sure I was like there's so many acronyms you have to understand It's DOD DHS etc Ladies and gentlemen

Starting point is 01:00:04 The Department of Defense, even though we've never defended shit since 1776. Well, technically 1812, but whatever. We have so many black cherries. The Department of Offense, if you will. Let's continue. What did you want to know? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:00:21 You were telling a story. I was very intrigued. After peeing, I leveled my head, and I'm'm like how much do i actually care to talk about and say so you'd have to ask a question do you guys remember that one time that we went to dinner with brandon and we're like we're gonna go film a real quick one hour podcast and then we were one hour we were two hours in to the longest episode ever and then we were going to keep going for six hours until three in the morning. Six in the morning. Let's fucking go, baby.

Starting point is 01:00:50 I want to, can we Google real quick the longest Joe Rogan episode just to beat him? Twelve hours. We'll just talk about psyops for fucking 12 hours. If you psyops, Cody, show up tomorrow and we're just talking still. We're like, keep it going. They just sit down. Four. If you think I don't have enough worthless information to fill the memory cards in that fucking camera, you're wrong.

Starting point is 01:01:14 Oh, if you don't think I do. Dude, we had just. But how long are they going to stay? Who? Who's we? Person behind that camera. Dude, there's so many training stories because with people we got oh i have so many stories training stories did you hear about the fucking uh the the navy seals

Starting point is 01:01:31 getting shit on for fucking uh abusing their candidates dude i just covered this so fucking sick of hearing it so i actually just covered this on brutally honest with a Navy SEAL instructor who's a buds instructor and He was telling me how He thinks it's bullshit and how Bullshit what the instructors did or bullshit what the news? Bullshit what the news is doing. I completely stay out of it. Do you think? Do you think you're training people who took out the number one terrorists in the world okay osama bin laden do you think they

Starting point is 01:02:13 went through the same thing yes or no and if yes do you think if they didn't it would affect where they're at now it actually fucking would because they're building and building and building and building and building and it does not. And it does not fucking stop. That training does not stop. So my biggest thing with it was they're like, oh, my God, look at how much tear gas they were putting them through. And it's like, first of all, everybody in every branch of the military gets tear gassed. Everybody. Everybody.

Starting point is 01:02:40 But when you look at a gas chamber, it looks way more mild than that video that they have. But it's concentrated. No, stop. But a couple reasons. If you look, they're like. I didn't see the video of it. It looks terrible, but they're outside. So they had to use a fuck ton of tear gas to get the same effect as like an enclosed environment like a gas chamber.

Starting point is 01:03:01 They got fucked up still. Wait, I don't know. Wait. Okay. So you guys came in. This is actually wait okay so you guys came in this is actually really interesting because you guys came in a completely different time frame than me and then before that was a different like when we did our tear gas training i don't know what they did for you we walked in then you you go you're you get against the wall in the tear gas

Starting point is 01:03:20 room yeah break seal close clear yep then i don't know about you guys then you line up on the back side of the wall everyone goes like this remove your mask you pull it off and you sit there and then everyone has to do their fucking uh social security number in a line and then you're sitting like and if you don't breathe i remember the first time i took a breath i was like i was like no just don't breathe don't breathe don't breathe, I remember the first time I took a breath, I was like, I was like, no, just don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. It's fucking sexy.

Starting point is 01:03:47 And I was like, and he did that. Just that. And I was like, it's magma. And then I was like, and I was like, and he's like, say your social. I was like, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one. And he's like, you have to breathe. I was like, this is like magma. Just pouring us

Starting point is 01:04:05 and we're just and i'm like everyone's going down that line and you're just waiting for the next motherfucker to say theirs and i'm like and then finally after everyone says their fucking number these like go on motherfuckers and you walk out what happened was that same thing yeah same experience 10 years later you same roughly this same experience except it turned out to the infantryman's creed okay yeah so like i had to sing happy birthday you had to do your you had to do the same shit right you have to say something to breathe. The Navy fucking seals. Breathing was easy, though.

Starting point is 01:04:47 For you. I literally just breathed the entire time, and I was fine. I did tactical breathing. Just breathe, bro. No, no, no, no, no. But when I left, I was in a world of hurt, and I suffered like no other. Would you guys say it was worse when you left or when you were actually It cleared up 30 seconds after. My favorite

Starting point is 01:05:08 30 seconds after was fun. No, I was fucked. I was fucked for like two hours after. And you can start this. My buddy Smith, favorite fucking story because Smith was like this. Completely fine. And they were like fucking things like

Starting point is 01:05:23 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 There's one one one one one there's always one that's how i was smokes a pack a day that's completely fine no so it was dude he walked out and they were like get out of here and he like walked out and he's like okay like walks out with this shit and the drill started that was outside of the thing they're like you didn't fucking breathe go back he's like okay he walks back and they're like the fuck is to fucking breathe. Go back. He's like, okay. He walks back in. And they're like, the fuck is wrong with this guy? He like walks in. And the other guy's like, why are you back in? He's like, oh, that dude told me to come back in.

Starting point is 01:05:50 He's like, get the fuck out of here, you weirdo. He's like, okay. He walks back out. And he's just like, hmm. It wasn't so bad. I was like, you piece of shit. So like, with the Navy SEAL thing, there's this video of them like in a formation. But they're outside.

Starting point is 01:06:14 And they've got these CS gas pellets on a fucking six-foot pole, and they're putting it in the formation, just smoking them. And it looks really, really bad. It looks way better than normal gas chamber footage. I went and I was going to do a whole video on it and uh i looked up all the normal gas chamber footage that was on youtube and the news is freaking out because they're like well they were exposed to it for more than 15 seconds and i was like fucking so was everybody and i was like to be fair i was getting tear gassed at the time, maybe it just felt like a lot longer than it was. So I went on YouTube and I looked up literally every fucking basic training tear gas video on YouTube. The shortest one, the shortest, the shortest one I could find was 38 seconds. And the news is like, you're not supposed to be exposed to tear gas for more than 15 seconds.

Starting point is 01:07:05 And I was like, these are Army basic training recruits that are like to be fucking paper pushers and whatever the fuck else. And they were in there for 38 seconds. Navy SEALs can handle a minute. Do you know why that got pushed to that level though, that caliber of the news?

Starting point is 01:07:20 Because it's clickbait. No. Because the people who reported it are people who didn't pass buds and it was a mass of people oh yeah yeah and so me and my buddy who was a buds instructor we were talking about it and we're just talking about how it's bullshit every single time it's the motherfuckers who don't make it who want to push a story to the news outlet to say this is why i didn't become a seal because of this specific incident where we sang happy birthday outside and an individual did pass out who knows what that is to come motherfucker wasn't singing happy birthday like yeah he probably pissed he probably passed out he's like i'm gonna hold my

Starting point is 01:07:57 breath and then he held his breath until he couldn't and he went and then he realized oh fuck there's half as much oxygen as normal and then he passed out yeah and i guarantee you all of us here can agree to the fact that being uh you know being exposed to tear gas and oc um from what we've experienced and what we see in the video is nothing compared to what you will experience downrange. So it is only a stepping stone, and it is necessary to get that form of training in now because if you can't cope or accept that now, you'll never make it downrange,

Starting point is 01:08:32 and others will suffer, including yourself. So the part that pissed me off is literally the lack of critical thinking altogether. So the news is like, well, if you look at tear gas training from the basic training, this looks way worse. And it's like, well, if you look at tear gas training from the basic training, this looks way worse. And it's like, well, yeah, for starters. If you look at any training that is SF, Delta, whatever, it is way worse.

Starting point is 01:08:53 So, like, yes, that as a whole. But put that aside. Pretend it was normal training. These guys were outside. When you're outside, you need way more gas to affect them the same way as if they were in an enclosed environment like a gas chamber. You need way more gas. It's not concentrated. Because they were outside.

Starting point is 01:09:16 So you need way more gas for that reason, A. B, it looks like a lot more gas than you see in all the gas chamber videos. It's potent. Because you can see it more. It looks like a lot more gas than you see in all the gas chamber videos. It's potent. Because you can see it more. When you're in a gas chamber, how much light is in that room? There's one fluorescent fixture and like two shitty little windows, right? Dude, Hitler made it.

Starting point is 01:09:39 These guys were outside, okay? And if you don't understand what I'm saying, pretend like you're driving through fog. Okay, that's gas in the atmosphere. That's water instead of CS. Do you turn your high beams on or your low beams on? Here, even better, even better. Did Hitler make ventilation camps or concentration camps? Concentration camps.

Starting point is 01:10:01 Way further than I was going to go. I'm just saying. If you've got a ventilation cam, it's not working as good. If you have gas in the atmosphere and you turn the headlights at a higher lumen level, you see more gas. Oh, yeah. Okay, like if you turn your high beams on in fog, guess what? It's harder to fucking see. Coincidentally, they were outside at noon and they had the biggest headlight in the fucking universe

Starting point is 01:10:27 shining. The sun. So it looks like a lot more gas than it was. The solar system. Fucking space, yo. Yeah, you can't say that there's many more brighter stars. I'm not gonna pretend like I understand the difference. I'm a very simple man. I know.

Starting point is 01:10:44 This is one thing i'm real good i was a junior i was a junior in high school and they were like hey check it out space is endless nothingness big yo it's fucking i was like i was like i was like dope i can grasp endless nothingness and then they were like, hear me out more. It's getting bigger. And I was like, what the fuck? There's nothing in this inside of nothingness. I haven't understood anything since.

Starting point is 01:11:12 It's expanding faster than the speed of light. When you hear that, you're like, what? The endless nothingness is getting bigger and faster than the speed of light. You know what you know? You don't know it now. One day you're going to look out at the stars and see nothing anyways i think the point i'm getting to is uh no i did a whole video i just never posted it but it was uh the cbs react video to the navy seals you should post it a hundred people are looking for information then they don't understand

Starting point is 01:11:42 that's why i had to do a video about that. It was literally like, it was three reporters. One of them was like, oh my God, this is so bad. This is wrong and disgusting. And then it was two other reporters that were like, I've never served in the military and I don't know shit. So maybe it, maybe it's fine. I just, the first report right there, when you're like, this is wrong and disgusting. It's like, where are we sending these people?

Starting point is 01:12:08 Oh, to fucking war, to fight, to kill people. To be put in the most strenuous, difficult situations they could possibly. And you think that's fucked up? Yeah. That's the line? Have you read Delta training? Do you understand that the Navy regulations say that they're only supposed to be exposed to it for 15 seconds? Great. Then the people who wrote those regulations can go back in time and take out of something.

Starting point is 01:12:31 Everyone at home. I'm going to let you guys in on a secret. As far as military, regardless of branch, as far as military regulations are concerned, they're like the pirates code. It's basically guidelines. Nobody follows that shit. You get a train i've trained with some fucking dope ass people in my life like i and i still get a i still get a train with these people it's fucking dope you see what they go through you see their thought process in and you're like oh yeah this completely different breed than i will ever be

Starting point is 01:13:01 like completely different a different breed can i get that's it can i tell a story of like the most different breed experience like the moment as a young man i realized that i was not that guy i i got many of these so in in the national guard i was gonna say i've got some bones in the national guard um you can deploy more than any other branch. And reserves, because we can drop packets in the Guard of Reserves. Reserves, yes, but National Guard is unique in that there's only one infantry unit in the Army Reserves. The Army National Guard has a fuck ton of combat MOSs, and you can volunteer to go on combat deployments as a combat MOS in the National Guard has a fuck ton of combat MOSs. And you can volunteer to go on combat deployments as a combat MOS in the National Guard.

Starting point is 01:13:48 Well, in intel, you don't have to even go on any combat deployment. You can go on any deployment fucking anywhere, as long as you're a POG, too. If you're in the intel component, you can go anywhere at any point in time. So specifically, the guy that I'm talking about, he was a combat medic, he was an infantryman, and he was a calf scout. He did all three MOSs throughout the course of his career,

Starting point is 01:14:11 and he spent 10 years of his life. He would literally go, and in the National Guard, you can volunteer to go on a deployment with a different National Guard unit. Yeah. So he deployed five times in 10 years. He would literally deploy deploy it's not bad break up 50 60 70 80 000 in pay come back party his dick off for a year go on another deployment

Starting point is 01:14:34 for a decade yep this dude was an e7 when i was in like i to this day like by far the soldier that had the biggest impact on me like as a person and we walked into his office he was in e7 he was running shit he was full-time uh i he was like full-time national guard it's it so agr agr yes correct sorry very drunk. So we walked into his office. Army Guard Reserve. You can be active duty guard. It's not, there's not a whole lot of positions like that. And this one too?

Starting point is 01:15:12 But that's what he was. So he was in E7. He was E, and we were on guard weekend, and I walked into his office with like four other E4s. This guy was in his, we were still in digicams. He had his tan. You being a bitch. He had his tan you being a bitch He had his tan t-shirt on wait. Wait, you get it. You get a wait

Starting point is 01:15:31 He had his tan t-shirt on and he had his fucking digi cam bottoms on and he had these pair of blue Crocs I've never seen a pair of blue Crocs. They look like I got eaten like a fucking alligator Like they were just destroyed He was wearing these blue Crocs and his feet up on his, on the desk. And there was this fucking private that I was with. And we walked in and like, I knew better than to fuck with it.

Starting point is 01:15:53 I knew he'd been on fucking six deployments as infantry and a combat medic. And we walked in and he's like this E two like dope Crocs. Sergeant, this dude fucking took a sip out of his coffee mug. E2. Like. Dope Crocs. Sergeant. This dude fucking. Took a sip out of his coffee mug. And he looked at him and he's like. These fucking Crocs.

Starting point is 01:16:16 Have been in more combat than you will ever be. And I was like. That's the coldest line I've ever heard in my entire life. It be like that sometimes. Dude when you. Man. I have. All the stories. I know. I was like. With the second he said be like that sometimes dude when you a man i have uh all the stories i know i was like with the second he said something this shit like that i was like i was thinking about like i'm thinking about like war stories now and i'm like like i would so when i got back

Starting point is 01:16:34 from the military this is during the surge what real quick because there was a reclass during this segment so when i got back they were okay, well you're probably gonna get called back. But let's not gonna lie, you're probably gonna get called back into- Like stop loss? I got stop loss to go to Iraq. Yeah, so my period- Wow, what year?

Starting point is 01:16:55 My one buddy got super fucked for this. This is search, this is 2007, 2006, 2007. This is a search. That's pretty fucking crazy. Shit's kicking off right now so people have no idea what that means right now you know we didn't okay you may have to explain that right now to your audience can i can you explain stop loss yeah go go you did it you you do it you have to explain that to your audience okay so there's i love you're serving and you're about to either

Starting point is 01:17:22 get out or you're about to go to a different duty station and you're not about to be involved in war anymore. You're in the clear. You just came back. Like years ago, you signed a contract with Uncle Sam and you were like, I'm willing to do whatever the fuck you tell me for X amount of years. And you got to the end of X amount of years. And Uncle Sam said, fuck you, you're going to do more. And if you don't, I will throw you in prison. That is stop loss.

Starting point is 01:17:51 Go, go, go. You're threatened at this point. Go ahead. So finish. Okay. First off, mine was mid-tour and I got stop loss. Fine with that. Mike, they were like, hey, your fucking, your contract ends while you're overseas.

Starting point is 01:18:02 You fucking stay in overseas. You don't get out. I'm surprised they let you deploy. Oh, this is the surge Yeah, my buddy No, no, no, they did not give a fuck at this time you are going to war. Oh, you were going to this is Like you Dude, okay. So my buddy dude one of my buddies two weeks two weeks to get out. And they're like, nope, fuck you. You're going 15 months to Iraq.

Starting point is 01:18:28 Oh, my God. Oh, so you're in the time. People don't, people can't fathom, understand this. 15, 48, 15, correct me if I'm wrong, 48, 15, 12 were deployment timeframes. There's 15 months was the big one. So you had 15 to 16 months if you were. Sorry, 24. No, 24 never existed.

Starting point is 01:18:53 It was 15 was max. So they were like two over in a combat area. I know people have extended and I've seen it on paper in their 24. Fuck that, dude. I mean, I had people. I've seen it on paper and they're 24. Fuck that dude. I, man, I had people, I loved watching people when we landed in fucking Iraq and we're like, okay,

Starting point is 01:19:10 we're good. They're like, okay, here is the fucking, uh, your leave schedule. When you get your two weeks off in Iraq, you only get two weeks off.

Starting point is 01:19:17 By the way, in a 15 months, you get two week break. We had people fucking there. Like you got lucky on your schedule. Mine was right at the seven months. I was like, fuck. Yeah, bro.

Starting point is 01:19:27 I'm fucking right in between. I have buddies. Okay. You're you're you're two weeks off is in one month. And then you have to stay 14 fucking months. Bro, you don't even you don't even get used to war at that point. You're like, I'm going to go home. Okay. Now I have 14 months even get used to war at that point. You're like, I got to go home. Okay, now I have 14 months to get used to war.

Starting point is 01:19:49 And you're like, oh, my fucking God. That's where the mental issues fucking come into play. No, dude. My buddy had two weeks. Two weeks. Two weeks. And they're like, nope, you're going for 15 months. You have to train up.

Starting point is 01:20:02 So it's not 15 months. He had to do the train up, which was a four-month train up. Then 15 months. Then three months train up. So it's not 15 months. He had to do the train up, which was a four month train up, then 15 months, then three months ETS, and then get the fuck out. And I was like, bro, you were two weeks out

Starting point is 01:20:11 and you got fucked by the government. I feel like we have to still clarify some of this. So what he's saying is that he got orders to deploy for 15 months. So a year and three months. His contract that he signed was in the government. Not contract. His deployment is 15 months. So a year and three months. His contract that he signed was in the government. Not contract. His deployment is 15 months.

Starting point is 01:20:29 His contract was up in two weeks. Two months or two weeks. He was about to get out of the military in two weeks. He was about to get out of the military in 14 days. And the military told him fuck you. You're going to Iraq for 15 months.

Starting point is 01:20:47 One year and three months. One year and three. I feel like for some people who aren't military, we count shit by months. Civilians count shit by years. So when you say one year, people are like, ooh. And then one year and three months. And then you're getting back and it it's three-month minimum to get out. When you ETS, it is a three-month minimum once you come back from combat.

Starting point is 01:21:10 And what is ETS, though? That's getting the fuck out. I forget what it means. ETS is getting the fuck out of your government contracts. And they, I guess. For those of you that don't know, if you sign up in the military, period, it doesn't matter guard reserves active duty you are signing up for eight years and you're like you're like no no that's different

Starting point is 01:21:31 my son only signed up for two years my daughter only signed up for four years inactive you signed up for eight years no matter what period no matter no matter what. They have the right to recall you whenever the fuck they decide. Yeah. Because they decided it. Period. Or they will throw you in a cage and you can rot for that period of time. You will go to Livingworth. Period.

Starting point is 01:21:56 Period. And that's what's terrible. So, like, I got back. I got out. And then people were, what did I do? It was inactive reserve or whatever and they're like hey your chance yeah they're like chances are you're getting called back and then my buddies start getting called back and i was like oh fuck my life so i did an mos change most people don't know this

Starting point is 01:22:17 i did an mos change during that i was like oh sorry what was your original MOS? 11 Bravo. Okay. What is 11 Bravo? Infantry. And what'd you reclass to? And then I did a welder. I don't even remember what my fucking reclass was. You were a welder? Dude, they did. Ladies and gentlemen, this man's a fucking grunt.

Starting point is 01:22:37 I don't care what his secondary MOS was. I've met him. I've drank with him. I'm dumb. He's a grunt. Yeah. I promise you. We're retarded together. I'm He's a grunt. Yeah, I probably started together What what what year did you did you deploy

Starting point is 01:23:02 2007 during the surge What come what did your kit look like at that point? Fucking ACUs, bro. Though I came in. Did you have a plate carrier at that point? That's right on the line. There was no plate carrier. It was the ugly IOTVs. Yeah, with the side plates, the front

Starting point is 01:23:19 back, the heavies. I had BDUs though when I got into the military. You had BDUs. when I got into the military. You had BDUs. Going into the military, I was a BDU boy. You had BDUs. I had to shine my boots. You guys don't know about shining boots.

Starting point is 01:23:34 No, you had Sandy's. ACU's deploying. We had BDUs going into the military. We had to shine those boots. Stop. For those of you that don't know, BDU is going to shine those boots. Stop. For those of you that don't know, BDU is the original forest camo where it's green, black, and lighter green.

Starting point is 01:23:51 Battle dress uniform. Slight brown. A.K.A. the Lord's flannel. The best military uniform ever. Okay, unsubscribe. Next month's merch is the Lord's flannel. It is just BDU shirt. Done and done.

Starting point is 01:24:08 Thank you for that fucking merch. You're welcome. The Lord's flannel. What did you deploy with? ACUs, not the Lord's flannel. ACUs is Army Combat Uniform, which is technically all uniforms. However,

Starting point is 01:24:35 you can fight on the moon in your grandma's couch and it cost a billion dollars to digi cam, which is what you would look like if you were trying to blend in as a fucking Minecraft character. Also known as UCP, which is universal UCP, universal camouflage. Terrible. I am actually actively working on a YouTube video trying to figure out who paid a congressman to get that camouflage approved. One billion dollars. Dude, it's insane. It makes sense in Iraq. No one's going to like the fact that I'm saying this. It makes sense in Iraq.

Starting point is 01:24:54 If you were to do it yearly, yearly, yearly, 24-7, due to our on-air 15-month deployments, if you were to look at your uniform from the start in UCP, you sit there, you don't wash it, you don't clean it. How it used to be back in your time. Our day, when I deployed, we had washers and dryers. Your time. I'm trying to be as fair as possible here. Digital, it wasn't the best option.

Starting point is 01:25:16 You will never convince me. Do you know why we loved ACUs? Do you know we loved ACUs for a second? It's three army guys. I love this because it is so different in genre. Can we give a shout out? You have to be fair but stern with it.

Starting point is 01:25:31 It makes sense. Can we give a shout out to the Navy that for a period of time issued blue, light blue, and white digicams to their military. To fight on the ocean. So that they blended in with the water. That way if there was a man or woman overboard, there was zero fucking chance that you would find them. How the fuck are they?

Starting point is 01:25:58 How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they?

Starting point is 01:26:00 How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? How the fuck are they? from the ocean. God damn it. They blend in well. This is really good camo. What if the ocean joined ISIS?

Starting point is 01:26:06 What you going to do? You're not going to have to hide in the ocean, bro. What are you going to do? Dude, when we got ACUs, I remember because the privates started coming in with ACUs

Starting point is 01:26:22 and then we got issued ACUs. I was like, man, this fuck is stupid. I put them on and then I didn then we got issued ACUs. I was like, man, this fuck is stupid. I put them on. And then I didn't have to polish my boots. I was like, wait, I don't have to flat iron this shit. And I don't have to fucking polish my boots. These are like PJs and I fucking love it. We all wear an ACU.

Starting point is 01:26:37 You and Andy were fire retardant compared to BDU was not as fire retardant. You had to polish your boots. Oh, yeah, BDUs you did. You'reant You had to polish your boots Oh yeah BDU's you did You're like Gray Bush the wise I know I'm Madagascar The brown Damn bitch you old old Madagascar the brown over here

Starting point is 01:26:58 You're like it's not me We can only do Like two plus hour podcast Bro and people are going to be like who knows What the fuck they're going to talk about We can only do like two plus hour podcast, bro. And people are going to be like, who knows what the fuck they're going to talk about. It could be fucking, it could be Dragon Ball Z. It could be the war. It could be top secret classified information.

Starting point is 01:27:14 Welcome to Return of the King. Continue. Yeah. But we used to, we were so fucking happy. And then we deployed. I was like, yo, this looks trash though. No, no joke. We can blend

Starting point is 01:27:25 in with a fucking if we fight on the moon and my grandma's couch that's about it like walking around we still look fucking stupid as shit but we're comfortable thank you not polishing boots did you have a m16 or m4 an m4a2 m4a2 yeah no i'm not a marine. A dude going over during- Wait, you guys had M4s? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We had good gear. You deployed in 07? Yeah. Dude, but when I'd show up in the Marines, I'd be like, oh, they used an M16A4. It's fucking-

Starting point is 01:27:53 Bro, the bats were numb, bro. Do you want to feel numb, dude? Do you want to feel old? Do you want to know what I was doing in 2007? You were in high school? No, bro. I was in middle school. That's why I was like you both were

Starting point is 01:28:06 like beating pokemon blue 2008 was my freshman year in 2007 in elementary school and we talked about this on the last i was in a war dude i think the when i last time i was on that sub was actually a year ago yeah it was oh my have been. Oh my God. Time frame actually. No. Yes. It would have been. Yeah. November or whenever. I think it was October time frame.

Starting point is 01:28:30 No. Yeah. Yeah. Like. Super crazy. Yo. Give it any idea. How much money the U.S.

Starting point is 01:28:36 government spends on the military. Dude, you get to watch him blow it. Now. Now I loved. Man. Oh man. I've so many. Like that. So the the deployment 15 months stop loss

Starting point is 01:28:47 i got stop loss over there my buddy got stop before hand we got to watch that fuckery show and then going overseas and you're like hey sorry just to clarify did you only deploy to iraq or did you go to iraq afghanistan just iraq and then it was we we were, uh, what? Mokhtadi. No, we were in the, um, Baghdad, which was Mokhtadi. I want to say that was Mokhtadi, right? No, East Rashid. Cause we had the four corners. Then we went to Mokhtadi and the Diyala river province. So it was like these bad areas each time. They're like, okay, to put this spear. And I remember going to, uh,

Starting point is 01:29:24 Diyala river province was Mokhtadi and all that shit, which was near the border. And they're like, to put this spear and I remember going to Diala River provinces mocha D and all that shit which was near the border and like okay rules of engagement are switching So if they look super shady You're clear to engage. I was like they die. I don't like she'd where all the SEAL teams were well driving up there I didn't get was like man. We're No, not Ramadi because ramadi is obviously isis started our she'd is this another whole nother spot isis started that's isis uh breeding ground was there we found one of the first isis kill houses this is 2008 okay so we found the fucking isis kill houses before isis like was a thing we found the first kill house there. And we didn't know what it was. We're like, bro, that motherfuckers be.

Starting point is 01:30:05 Yeah. Whatever. But then, uh, fast forward, we were like, Oh, ISIS in like 2014,

Starting point is 01:30:13 2012. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, Oh, Oh. And then we were like, Oh,

Starting point is 01:30:18 Oh, Hey, I know those guys. What? Dude, that entire journey on my military thing, because it was tip of the spear, tip of the spear, tip of the spear. We were always like, you're going in first, but.

Starting point is 01:30:31 Big ass dick, bro. Driving up to Mokadia was the first time I was like, we were driving up, looking around. I was like, why has the rules of engagement changed so much? Changed. Not so much. And then seeing the moon pop. Can we talk about rules of engagement real quick? For those of you that don't understand, what were your rules of engagement when you first went?

Starting point is 01:30:57 So Baghdad, Easter sheet, four corners, everything. That was more on if they're aiming. no the first it was if they're aiming at you you cannot engage it was they have to shoot at you to engage that shifted to that wasn't like like that was your first roe yeah because we didn't know we were in a super bad area until like all the bad shit and they're like never mind fucking that switch is really quick so just to clarify if you're listening mr eli double tap here was not allowed to fire at you unless you fired at him first correct yep 100 so really cool yeah you're like so and that's also like it just it it bothers me because like i i do military content obviously yeah and it bothers me that anytime i like my whole mission is to like truth try to make people

Starting point is 01:31:52 feel good about the services they did or try to teach history whatever the case is and like the amount of people that are like well you lost in and it's like Bro like I got a buddy that did 20 years in guard. Did three tours. One in Afghanistan. Two in Iraq. He was a fucking truck driver the entire time. And he had a 50 caliber machine gun. Mounted on his gun truck.

Starting point is 01:32:19 And he also had an M4. And or a 249 saw. And he was not allowed to shoot at you with the.50 caliber unless you were in a vehicle driving towards him. You could shoot at him. What? You could shoot at him. Oh, no, dude, I've shot at people with the fucking.50.

Starting point is 01:32:36 No, this is your ROE. His rules of engagement were. I sent it. You were. I literally have it on camera, bro. War crimes. Just to be clear baby war crimes well not really war crimes but still it depends or get you in trouble but like my friend three

Starting point is 01:32:55 tours i won in iraq to in afghanistan he was in a 50 caliber turret he also had either a 249 or an M4. If he was getting fired upon by a AK-47, he was required to return fire with his M4 or his 249. He was not allowed to return fire with the.50 cal because that was an unfair advantage due to the rules of engagement at the time, which is the most absurd shit I have ever heard in my entire life. That is platoon-based. No, that is.

Starting point is 01:33:29 No, no, no. Fired upon, fired upon is one thing. Yes, 100% try. Now, when you're incorporating caliber of the weapon system, that is platoon-based because I found that out based off of my platoon leader, and that's why I engaged with calibers I did because my platoon leader. And that's why I engaged with calibers. I did because my platoon leader was like,

Starting point is 01:33:47 listen, this is how it works. Because I was just, I was young. Can we, sorry, stop. You were intel, correct? No, this is when I was infantry. Okay. This is when I was an 11B and we're down range. And they're like, listen, you are competent with the 50.

Starting point is 01:34:04 Everyone here is literally fucking stupid. We don't know why are competent with the 50 everyone here is literally fucking stupid we don't know why you're literally the youngest guy here you know how to put together you actually understand headspace and timing you know how to put the weapon in the function if it malfunctions you know how to actually disassemble reassemble put together worst case scenario i'm like roger i can do that uh and we would they're like listen roe was is is actually it's weird i feel like roe actually was changing every year or every two years engagement yes rules of engagement were changing every year every other year dependent on where you were deploying to and uh dependent on you know if you're working with soft elements which is actually a very heavy thing if you're working with soft elements, which is actually a very heavy thing,

Starting point is 01:34:45 if you were actually an asset or if you were just attached to, which are two completely different things. So that would mean if you were working as like, let's say if you were a sniper team attached to a special forces component, that would mean you were technically working as a special operations component

Starting point is 01:35:06 but if you're just attached and you're working with a special forces group you're not special forces you're not special operations you're just assisting you're an asset so that means you have to be careful with who the fuck you're shooting when the fuck you're shooting people don't understand that and i'm like you need you really need to break it down Because soft has the actual ability to shoot and figure it the fuck out later If you're not soft bro, you play the game if you want a good story This is a military story, right? Dude send it send it no I'm just gonna say your video about when the special forces was like, regular army suck. Oh, dude. That's the funniest video I've ever seen in my

Starting point is 01:35:45 fucking life. Dude. But it's so true. It's so true. That was the first time I ever worked with a... That was when I was working with... Yeah, that was when I was working with a... Yeah. So, 7222, 7th Special Forces Group,

Starting point is 01:36:01 and they were like, hey, regular army... Dude, they don't give a fuck. God damn it, bro. Regular army, guys. A regular army saw gunner. Do you have any water? A regular army saw...

Starting point is 01:36:18 Dude, they're literally just prone like this with their behind the rifles. They're like, Hey. Hey. Hey. Regular army saw gunner. They're just prone like this with their behind the rifles. They're like, hey Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Regular Army Saw Gunner! Regular Army Saw Gunner!

Starting point is 01:36:29 Hey! Regular Army Saw Gunner! His buddy on the other side is like He's like, y'all got water? Dude, I'm like yo dude I was fucking dying like everyone else was like today, today

Starting point is 01:36:52 now in age offended bro offended as fuck I was dying laughing on the inside bro, Private Ortiz was dying laughing I was like they got us they got us bro because I recognize my place like you know it is what it is these dudes are wearing fucking jeans and fucking polo t-shirts I'm out here sweating my dick off and these motherfuckers are here a regular army hey yo give me water hope i love it so much just curtsy just yes as you please

Starting point is 01:37:31 i shall get the water i do they don't fuck it oh i love it it was fucking uh dude when we oh my god because my i don't know if i've ever told my fucking we've worked with I did shit with SAS and then Green Berets and then like some little bird people. But it was it was showing up to first off fucking the SAS dudes. I remember meeting them overseas for the first time. I'm like, why the fuck are these kids and these guns around? These are all suppressed and fucking gangster. Then I'm like walking around doing shit. I'm like walking up to the tent and they're like, hey, what's up, mate?

Starting point is 01:38:10 And I was like, what the fuck? Can you define SAS for the people, though? It's the British Special Forces Unit. They are fucking high. Special Air Services. That's like running into SEAL Team 6. Yeah, they're like they're special special dudes the sbs also but their sbs is like running into regular navy seals sas is like running into

Starting point is 01:38:32 seal team six sbs is the most underrated sf unit no dave put it in the comments right now bro that's a lie i'm telling you right now sbs regular every british person when i'm like bro sbs is dope as fuck they're like oh my god an american that knows about sbs sbs literally just got pulled because of where they were at with their specific unit and just got pulled together what does sbs stand for you don't fucking know you have to ask real sbs people who i've worked with before they're just like we just got pulled in and lucky. It stands for Special Boat Service. And American Special Forces. American Special Forces trusts them more all the time.

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Starting point is 01:39:40 It's about who's watching. Learn more about Samsung Vision AI telev televisions at samsung.com dude okay first off let me let me just clear the air okay work with sas really gangster dudes didn't even know this is 2007 and they're like yeah we got these fucking track things we gotta go take these fucking cunts out i was like that sounds dope i don't know what and they're like you want to drink beers on a tan i was like these guys are fucking dope as shit i'm gonna tell you a story down to earth guys it is sas and sbs both are british yes correct this is this is a country literally the size of fucking michigan that almost took over the entire planet because they wanted to trade spices and now they have bland food anyways.

Starting point is 01:40:25 Okay. These guys are gangsters. Fuck. Be careful of the line you're walking. These guys are on a gangster level that you can't even comprehend. Christian Craighead. One of my favorite humans. Dude, that guy is a badass.

Starting point is 01:40:40 Maybe the, maybe, maybe the most gangster. Dude, he was the first guy. I remember when me and Matt were talking, he was like, like yeah when I got my first diska kill and I was like You got a diska kill, bro The first I know

Starting point is 01:40:57 Both me Matt were like you got if you don't know diska is like the the Russian knockoff of a 50 Cal Yes, yeah, do create. Oh, I love Christian. He's such a gangster dude, but like me okay If you don't know, Dushka is like the Russian knockoff of a 50 Cal. Yes. Yeah. Dude, I love Christian. He's such a gangster dude. But like working. Okay. So SAS overseas working with them, watching them like, and then they get a drink and I'm

Starting point is 01:41:15 like a young fucking dude. I'm like, well, you can drink over here. You have beers. And like, yeah. And I was like, they're like, yeah, we can drink at 16. I was like, well, you can drink over in iraq this is what and then we're running missions with um green berets that's when i found out rules of engagement completely changed because it was different totally different because it was like one of

Starting point is 01:41:37 the green beret dudes got shot and he got shot through uh he got a fucking side plate went through both lungs and then he dropped they went in it was a doctor and the bad guys in the compound and I just remember it was like we were out of court on pulling security while they ran the mission I was like okay ain't no bad guys out here there's a lot of gunfire

Starting point is 01:41:58 for in that house a lot of gunfire okay the house they still shooting that's weird okay well the house is on fire. Okay. They'll put that out. And then I just watched them. Expo.

Starting point is 01:42:09 Okay. They're not putting that fire up. Okay. They're getting in the vehicles. Okay. And they're leaving. We have, uh, there's a fire. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:42:17 Fuck him. They can put it out. Okay. That's the new rule. Uh, we're not going to question that. The fire will put us. And I was just like, man, what the fuck? Why was there so much gunshot?

Starting point is 01:42:30 We shot everyone multiple times because they shot our guy multiple times. I was like, that makes sense in my head. Okay, that's a gangster call. I will not fuck with these dudes. The SAS, and then correct me if I'm wrong, working with Brits as well in general, I've never seen hazing to that caliber when hanging out, talking, operating with those games. 100%. Hazing? I, okay.

Starting point is 01:42:58 I'm kidding. I have, oh, hold on. Can I or do you want to go first? They actually, I've actually seen another man have to eat human shit due to hazing. No, no, no. I'm being dead-ass serious. Another man, a leadership, a superior, took a shit, and they said, Hey, you're going to eat that.

Starting point is 01:43:22 The individual in this soft component grabbed it, picked it up and ate it and laughed, chewed it, took another bite, spit it at the group of other dudes. And they were laughing. No disgust. They were not insulted.

Starting point is 01:43:37 They were not upset. Human shit. A human shit. So like two seals, one cup. i've never experienced anything like that in my life nowhere near that degree as a fucking national guard fucking nerd i cross trained with a bunch of british guys at an annual training one time and we went through i was a medic i was attached to infantry oh my god and we went through went through and we talked about and we trained how you evaluate a dead body that you come across. Basically, like how you verify that they're dead.

Starting point is 01:44:15 Muzzle check. Ours is this muzzle check. They didn't afford it. Chuck A. We're next one. How do you verify that they're dead and then how you like search their body to make sure basically like how you land on them and you roll over to make sure that they didn't trap their body with their grenade. Correct. So we were with this British. I look like I will never.

Starting point is 01:44:41 Your statement is so like I will never forget it in my entire fucking life. Like we went through how American infantry would do it. And I'm like, I'm just watching. I'm the medic. I'm there basically like answering questions from the infantry because they're all like, Hey doc,

Starting point is 01:44:55 can I eat this plant? I don't know. Fucking try it. I only got two EpiPenzo. So only one of you try. Like that's my whole job. These guys are like, so they go through, they do it,

Starting point is 01:45:06 and then they ask this British infantry guy to do it. And he's like, okay. So I walk up. I give him the good news. He kicks this fucking E3 directly in the fucking nutsack as hard as he can. Yeah, that's what you did. I just said that to you. I'm going to kick him in the nuts.

Starting point is 01:45:22 Like, he's trying to hit a 60-yard fucking field goal. This E3 goes. And then he literally, as soon as that guy's breath leaves his body, he fucking body slams this fucking guy. Yeah. Directly on his back. So he doesn't come off the grenade. That's the concept.

Starting point is 01:45:46 So he doesn't come off the grenade that's the concept correct so so he doesn't come off the current grenade correct he's belly down and this guy body flops onto him this guy had baby powder in one of his double mag pouches on his uh iotv or his body armor which everyone he had at the time the fucking baby powder exploded and just covered his face. And then he rolls and exposes the grenade. And this E3 is just fucking crying in pain because his testicles are in his throat. And he's got baby powder all over his face. Look, of all the militaries on the planet, I have the most respect for the British military. Dude, I agree with you. For sure.

Starting point is 01:46:30 Wait, okay. First off, did any of you do training for, did you do cadet training? No. Oh, you missed out. So, oh, this is my favorite story time. Go, go, go, go, go. This is my favorite story time. So cadet training.

Starting point is 01:46:42 And then we had the British cadets coming in. So the British officers, American officers training at Fort Lewis. Oh, they shit all over the American officers. Oh, yes, they do. They're like a British fucking. They're different, man. They're fucking built different. And the females, super fucking attractive.

Starting point is 01:46:59 We didn't know that. Like coming in, it was like we had. They are harsh, bro. Dude, attractive female british shoulders i've never seen they would pat us down he's going hard for a shot bro they are bro dude these girls so fucking attractive and then they were it was so weird because they were flirty too i was like what the fuck but they would like when they were searching my body they're like how do you feel about the metric system and they were like grabbing i was like what the fuck? But they were like, when they were searching my body, they're like, how do you feel about the metric system?

Starting point is 01:47:25 And they were like grabbing. I was like, what the fuck? They go in. They don't give a fuck. Yeah. And they don't just make jokes about it. I was like, what the fuck? Now with the American soldiers, oh, dude, we have a good time.

Starting point is 01:47:36 Cause I had a ambush area. So they had to set up an ambush and then fucking attack it. So we had a, sorry, we had a fortified fighting position in woods and they had to set up an ambush and then assault it. So fucking here's the main, we have the flanking unit, start shooting, cross objective,

Starting point is 01:47:56 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now, our cadets were fucking, American cadets are some of the dumbest people you ever meet. They're becoming officers. It's because they're kids. They're becoming officers. It's because they're kids. They're kids.

Starting point is 01:48:09 They have not graduated high school, to be fair. American cadets, yeah, have not graduated high school. These are no cadets. Or college, sorry. College. These are college kids. These are cadets in the college. These are going to first. Collegiate level?

Starting point is 01:48:18 Yeah. Yeah. And we are fucking, because the first sergeants and the, the not the majors but the the next step down they are like cadets aren't shit no oh and then when you're when you're for when they're first sergeants like fuck with the cadets i was like i was like it's me and ross we can do this all day so i'd be like okay it's a fortified fighting position. Ross, fucking just fucking shoot some blanks off. So he'd be like, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. And they'd be like, oh, my God, we got to fucking take cover.

Starting point is 01:48:50 Okay, assaulting objective, we got to go for it. And I knew where they would go. So I just wait behind a tree. I go, and then they start assaulting the objective this way. And I walk up behind one of the cadets, and I point a gun. I was like, hey, flagging, safety, danger close. Put the gun to his head. And he'd be like like you're surrendering right now you're my hostage and like he's like okay so then i'd have a hostage i walk up pop rounds off watch all the cadets turn

Starting point is 01:49:15 start shooting their butt and then the first one's like y'all fucking failed you idiots why did you engage your own friend there was a fucking enemy that took him hostage. I'm like, if you don't know, a cadet is an officer in training. Oh, they're technically not even in the military. They're literally college students. I had a cadet. This is actually a funny story. Cadidiots.

Starting point is 01:49:40 Cadidiots. I had a cadet who was these cadets intern with active duty military. Okay. Cadidiots. I had a cadet who was... These cadets technically can... These cadets intern with active duty military, okay? All the time. So we had the full circle cadets. If you've ever seen the icons for them being in the military. Oh, yeah. A full circle cadet.

Starting point is 01:50:02 They're working in the company, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I forget exactly how this came about. I'm in the arms room. I check everything out. I'm like, hey, my dude's got new suppressors. We got to make sure we get new rings on the muzzle brakes or else it's not going to work properly filtering gas. The suppressor is going to pop off, whatever. I come off out of the arms room. I go

Starting point is 01:50:25 and see this cadet there. I'm like, hey, what's up, man? And I go start talking to this squad leader from another platoon. And based off the conversation we're having, this cadet acts like they know what the fuck's going on.

Starting point is 01:50:42 Like, they're running this platoon. Of course. And I look at them, and I'm like, I don't say anything, because they know what the fuck's going on. Like they're running this platoon. Of course. The cadet. And I look at them and I'm like, I don't say anything. Cause I do understand my place. Like I'm just a regular E five. I'm a Sergeant at this point.

Starting point is 01:50:52 I'm talking to the staff Sergeant. I'm just like, I continue this conversation. I leave the cadet gets up, walks out. And this is when I'm the squad, a squad leader for the, uh,

Starting point is 01:51:04 reconnaissance platoon or the sniper. leader for the reconnaissance platoon. Or the sniper platoon. Yeah, reconnaissance platoon. So my boys are always with me. They never leave me because I had a really tight squad at the time. And this cadet gets out and he's like, listen, man, make sure when you're talking to that squad leader, you know, you're always going to the position of. Parade rest.

Starting point is 01:51:23 Yeah, you're going to parade rest. And I was like, he called at ease the second I went into the room because, you know, I understand I need to do that. And I'm not going to argue with this civilian. At that point, you're a fucking civilian. You're not a butter bar yet. Yeah, I'm not going to even get mad at you. I'm going to be like, you know, I understand that. They're like, well, listen, if you need respect,

Starting point is 01:51:45 you'd also know that I'm a future officer. The second he said future officer, one of the sniper dudes in my platoon literally hit him in the face. And he's like, you talk to my NCO with respect. He's like, you fucking civilian pussy. He's like, do not talk to him he's like if you want to go into the office and talk to

Starting point is 01:52:08 Sergeant Ortiz you do it at the position of parade rest he's like you know what fuck that you do at the position of attention I just walked away I let my squad was very squared away I'm fully competent in their capabilities as future leaders and soldiers at the time

Starting point is 01:52:24 and I walked away went to my office that cadet not coming to my office all I heard from the commander which is actually the captain of the company when we said did you guys hit one of the cadets and I was like he did sir and he's like dude that boy was scared

Starting point is 01:52:40 never heard anything more than that actual comment from the fucking commander super scared shot like that the XO who was like the never heard anything more than that actual comment from the fucking commander super sketched out because I guess the XO who was like the lieutenant of the company if I was to break it down for people who don't understand the lieutenant of the company he said he saw my soldier hit them I went and backed my soldier I was like

Starting point is 01:52:56 no no no like my soldier is backing me up he's installing discipline but also you know my soldier shouldn't have done he's like the commander was just like hey listen we're not even going have done. He's like the cat. The commander was just like, hey, listen, we're not even going to double this conversation. He's like, we're not talking about this anymore. I'm just gonna let

Starting point is 01:53:12 you know. It's very funny that that cadet was scared and I was like, man, I have a great fucking squad. I hate cadets or civilians. You're civilians. I'm sorry. I have like so many stories that can blow especially you guys are military guys and I can blow your minds with my stories and that's what I love most is because I have no no here Have you ever had a lieutenant colonel quit during a deployment?

Starting point is 01:53:41 How do you quit a rank if you deployed between 03 and 010, I believe you. That was all I was going to say. Dude, having a look. Lieutenant Colonel quit. I would love to know about that story. My battalion commander quit during deployment four months in.

Starting point is 01:53:59 What happened, bro? You had to talk about that. That's not a big thing. I have very important questions. Did he give a two weeks notice? I know. He's like, he's like, he's like, I can't do this. Dude, what we, and everyone else enlisted, we're like, wait, we can just quit. Like, at that time, I was like, that sounds like really a dope man.

Starting point is 01:54:24 That's not a thing. I was like, wait, like really a dope idea. That's not a thing. I was like, wait, we can just quit. That's really dope. Can I put that in? Because I'll go home right now. No. You extinguish command, but you can't do it. I told you specifically on the first time I did this podcast,

Starting point is 01:54:38 why did you enlist in the military? Because Metal Gear Solid. Poverty. Mostly. Poverty. Metal Gear Solid and and poverty very strong running peasants aren't allowed to quit a ghost voice in my head a ghost voice an actual ghost voice in my head an actual ghost voice in my head do metal gear solid now lieutenant colonel

Starting point is 01:55:01 kryku that's close enough I just rhymed his name. I don't want to get in trouble because he wrote a book after getting out naturally because that's what you do when you quit the military during war. What was his book on? I fucking quit in the war. I don't know. You wrote a book? Dude,

Starting point is 01:55:16 I might. Oh yeah, I have. I have so many good stories about book. Dude, I have. Is it on Amazon? I'm not trying to brag,

Starting point is 01:55:23 but I'm like, no, don't, don't, don't plug his fucking book. Fuck this guy. No, on Amazon? I'm not trying to brag, but I'm like. No, don't, don't, don't plug this fucking book. Fuck this guy. No, go. What happened?

Starting point is 01:55:29 Stop. What happened? I'm the guy that Eli brings on when he wants to talk shit about somebody. This is 100% true. Dude, so. I get results. Lieutenant, I have, man, I haven't told you. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 01:55:40 I always forget, like, I never tell war stories because one of the things like or the fucked up after part so lieutenant colonel kriku uh he quit like four months in the deployment because everything's going to shit and it was just because we were in a bad fucking sector it wasn't his fault but he like he was like i'm not in phony's right and i have to go home what so he flew home and quit the military and i was like what the fuck we can just quit and then i love it because sart major called if you wanted to quit he was like don't pull a fucking kriku literally after that he would use the lieutenant colonel's name as a verb to not pull in combat he He's like don't be a fucking Kraku If you're Kraku you're a fucking quitter. We fucking hate you if you do that I was like wait where were you at at the time? I'm very curious. This was Rashid and Moktadir

Starting point is 01:56:35 Okay, so that's where I was mentioning the SEAL teams and stuff where they were like at so these you know This is an active point in time This is an active point in time that a lot of people don't know about where shit is very operational shit is an active point in time. This is an active point in time that a lot of people don't know about. This shit is very operational. This shit is very active. Yeah, we had like 16 KI-48 Purple Hearts. And then we've had fucking like 24 suicides. Stop that, guys. Please.

Starting point is 01:56:57 That's way too many. This is my battalion by itself. Not a good battalion. They were like, here you go. Fucking tip of the spear and uh but when we bad leadership all this stuff uh he quit we got a new one fucking way more gangster and then all the roe changes like depending because we were like where are we doing what are we doing like this is a bad area you just gotta do this then when we get back another story i am i

Starting point is 01:57:26 am getting ready for a spec miata race in portland oregon i can remember this is my favorite memory i like was about to do a scca uh national race for a spec miata like i walk into the gas station morning i'm like time to get a fucking red bull or something an energy drink i'm like, ah, time to get a fucking Red Bull or something, an energy drink. I'm like, I'm fucking thirsty. News is playing on the fucking, on the TV at the gas station. I'm like, doo-doo-doo. And they're like, Lieutenant Wynn has been charged with embezzling money during. I was like, that's hilarious. Military is so stupid.

Starting point is 01:57:58 He embezzled fucking $4 million on his Iraq deployment. What kind of lieutenant? Oh, my God. That's, oh, I know's oh i know that and i was like lieutenant went what the fuck it was it was the it was the xo of the uh the not a co but uh not a co b co what's the uh hhc it was the fucking exo of hhc headquarters he stole fucking four million dollars that you're supposed to give to iraq he was supposed to give that money to iraqis took it home bought a home being like a porsche a giant mansion you have to break down how money worked during your time you have have to break that down. I have a question. For those of you who don't know how money worked during your time, and correct me if I'm wrong,

Starting point is 01:58:54 this is when the agency was running things very effectively and things were going smooth and there was abundance of financing during the war. We gave it away for everything we fucked up. Physical cash. Bricks of money. Bricks of money. I was just going to ask if you've seen the movie war dogs where they show up in iraq that's a perfect and there's literally a warehouse where dudes have fucking pallets of cash how close is that to reality that's how it goes a hundred percent you're like

Starting point is 01:59:22 what the fuck and then i was like how this because i didn't realize until i looked i was like homeboy got how much away and i'm sitting there like with my red bull and my morning energy bar like just watching the news at a gas station ready to go to race i was like you can pocket money if you have fake tickets to do uh receipts for money and finances in the military would you guys believe me if I told you that's still a thing? We sell warehouses full of money. Because CI, when I was running sources, so when I was a counterintelligence agent and I was running sources,

Starting point is 01:59:54 I've only ever run enough of sources. Not a lot. I've run a few sources. I've done my few field trips. So very, very, very short deployments. Running sources. Yeah. On those field trips.

Starting point is 02:00:11 And this is when... Find the magic school bus. I'm trying to think. Sorry. I'm trying to think of how I'm able to word this. So if you guys have ever... He's like, ah. Yeah, I was like, I don't want to go to jail.

Starting point is 02:00:23 If you actually run really good sources, people who have intelligence on terrorist cells or information that provides actionable intelligence for operations to be conducted, CIA usually comes and just takes that over. And what they do is they just fund money. So what you'll do is you get these tickets and you can go to these warehouses.

Starting point is 02:00:45 And literally, I would just walk around with these bags. I've started with tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands to a couple million dollars. And I remember one time we were driving around. We actually hit a person. And I just remember seeing someone from the agency, the Central Intelligence Agency. the agency the Central Intelligence Agency Someone from the Central Intelligence easy kick to open the door because they actually hit a pedestrian

Starting point is 02:01:14 It's like 10 grand of you if you do an assistive illness like 10 to 50 grand or barrel comes out dude literally Gentle bag of money placed convoy continues on bro yep so that bag of money shit is still a thing as is probably one of the most craziest things i've ever seen yeah oh i got corruption could not be more true do i remember my favorite story is uh when we got back it was when people drop when the ammo depots dropped off ammo, guns, rockets to us for fights, they were just like chuck this shit out there. Like, okay, you're loaded back up and drive off. We lived out in cobs and sectors that we were in battle.

Starting point is 02:01:55 People understand, like, my ass was in a firefight every day for the first 60 days. Like, there was a gun fight every day that's crazy average uh average engagement length roughly uh so again that buried very i remember a dude i remember my first time fucking like okay first fucking deploy first patrol we drive out the the fucking strikers getting shot by bullets i was like oh this is my life i was like mission one got it it's getting shot by bullets. I was like, Oh, this is my life. I was like, mission one. Got it.

Starting point is 02:02:27 It's like dismount left. And I was like, I was like, tank, tank, tank. I was like, Oh man,

Starting point is 02:02:33 this is my life now. And then it was every day. And it fucking, anyone from B co fucking, you guys know, you guys fucking know it was every day was that it was second mission. We went on. That was when Goddard ham down

Starting point is 02:02:46 i got shot in the leg we had a fucking eight hour sustained gun battle we got rpg shot ass and then uh we had the fight across i think senators guys call that out what uh uh and that was that was battle two that was like day that was mission two and we're like oh here we go that's crazy what doka gosh what caliber did you get hit in the leg with a fucking ricochet ak off the wall we know got shot in the fucking dome

Starting point is 02:03:15 sitting on us and he was we were on our fucking call i love this story because it was on the cop kadoka's up on the cob to kadoka fucking he's like what's up just fucking dropped homeboy you think homeboy's day sits back up he's a whoop he's like i just got shot in the fucking head on undertaker dude he yeah he was like whoop i just got shot in the fucking

Starting point is 02:03:38 head we're like what the fuck pulls his helmet off fucking fucking bullet entry, bullet exit. It rides the rim of the fucking helmet. Oh, it rose. Yeah, and punched out. And he got to keep the fucking helmet. For those of you who don't know, the reason, so we have to explain that. Wow. I have so many stories. That's really rare.

Starting point is 02:03:59 Because they're thinking of a helmet like this. That's really rare. For those of you who don't understand. The reason soldiers don't climb on walls when you're walking is because bullets, because of the way they're. Rifled. They're rifled, they spin this way, right? So you don't climb on the wall,

Starting point is 02:04:17 or you're not hugged up against the wall or touching the wall because rounds can travel up walls. If they connect, they can travel up the wall. So therefore you keep space off so this rifle this round once it's spent out hit the helmet and it literally was spinning and it was riding his helmet and then it went out exited out so that's why you don't travel it because rounds are basically walking because they're spinning on your helmet and then they come out. Did he have any cuts on his head? No. It literally stayed in the kevlar. It went in one side.

Starting point is 02:04:47 And any of the guys can vouch for this. Fucking hit right on the entry point of the goggles on this side, rode the ridge and exited on the goggles on the left side because it was fucking in out, boom, out. And then he, that's when I realized I went to the

Starting point is 02:05:03 wrong aid station because i got shot in the leg had a fucking damn with bruce fucked up didn't get a day off kadoka got three days off and i was like i went to the wrong aid station because i was on a mission the next day and i remember dude i remember that mission like so vividly because we got in the strikers were like we just lost two everybody's it was all this and then the next day like hey you got a mission sorry we were thinking you got downtime nope sorry so i was like fuck go in the striker sit down ennis goes to climb over me he puts his hand to step over me i feel my bruise where where my

Starting point is 02:05:41 bullet shot i was like ah sorry! Was it like just a fucking through and through or what the fuck was it? No, it fucking, because the ricochet slowed it down enough, it just barely entered and fucking stopped. Like a fucking super leg kick. I can actually show you. Right there.

Starting point is 02:06:01 Barely tell anymore. That was it. That's it. That's it. That's all that's left from that. That's literally it. So a round just ricocheted and then bitch slapped you in the thigh. And barely stopped inside me because I was like, ah. Like, I remember engaging.

Starting point is 02:06:17 I felt warm. Looked down, seen blood. And a hole. And I was like, ah. Because my brain thought was like, I'm bleeding out right now. That was my biggest fear is bleeding out. Yeah, I was like, ah, because my brain thought was like, I'm bleeding out. That was my biggest fear is bleeding out. Yeah. I was like, oh, are you applying it?

Starting point is 02:06:30 But I looked down. I was like, ah. And I was like, what the fuck? And then I was like, oh, good. We pulled back. We got an I can remember that day like to it. I was like, oh, OK, we're good. OK, sweet.

Starting point is 02:06:41 And everyone's like purple heart. And we're like high fivefiving, laughing about it. Holy fuck. And then fucking all that. The next day, we're going out on a mission. Literally, we're going on a mission the next fucking day. And Ennis goes to climb over me on the striker, pushes. I was like, ah.

Starting point is 02:06:59 He's like, oh, I'm so sorry. My leg is fucking bruised. Like a giant fucking bruise. He climbs over. We get in. We go. We're running a mission on is fucking bruised. Like a giant fucking bruise. He climbs over. We get in. We go. We're running a mission on that fucking next house. And I remember I just hear a fucking machine gun going off as I'm like moving up to the house.

Starting point is 02:07:16 I was like, what? I had dips on my face. And they're like, sorry, breaching house. I was like, what the fuck? Why are you using the saw? I forget. i think it was kadoka actually it's like oh it's all we had i thought we were getting engaged from the house i was like holy fuck i thought i was getting shot again stated about your time in the military

Starting point is 02:07:36 because people will not understand this and i feel like it has to be stated now before it's lost in time back when you were deployed in your time in the military you guys were walking were working at a soft capacity so special operations capacity you guys back in your time are seeing more activity more firefights more everything than... It would be unfair if maybe 50% of special operations now. So what was crazy is what we found out afterwards is like however much percentage makes up the infantry of the military, then only 3% of that actually sees real combat. It's less than that now.

Starting point is 02:08:20 Yeah, and you're like, what the fuck? It is 1% of the 1%. And there's the 1% inside of that, which is soft, and the 1% inside of that, which is tier one. So the stat is 1% of people in the United States will join the military. 1%. Of that 1%, that is every job in the military. Every job.

Starting point is 02:08:40 Of that 1%, there's 1% that will have a combat MOS. And that's what he did. And then inside of that, there's 3%. 3% that will be soft, right? And then inside of that soft component, there's 3% that will be part of the 1% that is tier 1. So Delta, SEAL Team 6, DevGuru, STS. Yeah, 1%. one so and those delta uh seal team six you know dev grew yeah zero zero sds yeah one person yeah those are the and that was the capacity you were working at that time and i think a lot of people

Starting point is 02:09:14 don't recognize and or uh appreciate you to that well we did what i loved is not knowing because i never fucking these guys will tell you i'll never tell war stories it was my buddies when we were coming back and they started getting it because i was a big on therapy i was like you've got to do therapy you'll fucking hell with ptsd and then watching them and then give him calling it's like bro what the fuck are these group there's a i don't do that because i fucking hated him they're like yeah none of these bitches been in like gunfights and i was like i was like wait he was like no one believes all the gunfights i've been in i was like that was our day-to-day what and he's like yeah like no one thinks that we were in these many

Starting point is 02:09:55 gunfights i was like oh i was like yeah buddy you have to understand like what you experience is a very rare thing calling for fire fucking watch jDams getting dropped live. Like, it seems didn't happen. It's like a movie, dude, for a lot of people. Yeah, I remember calling J-Dams. And I told that. We were all out of strikers like this. They're like, don't watch the explosion. A hundred percent.

Starting point is 02:10:19 A hundred percent. We're blowing up a fucking road. If you don't think I'm watching this you're fucking stupid All of us are like I want my eyes to burn Boo I could just do the ordinance goes off. You just like, Oh, bro. And then fuck it. I have,

Starting point is 02:10:48 I have, Oh my God, dude, I forget. We had, I won't say his name. Sorry. A word.

Starting point is 02:10:55 I'm not going to say is one of my favorite. I have so many good stories. Fucking win. We hated this Sergeant with a fucking passion. And he went to fucking clear. He went to shotgun breach a door. He was like, I need to get in this fucking house. Not my squad.

Starting point is 02:11:12 This is a completely different squad. And they fucking, he goes like, boom, shotguns at a distance. One of the BBs reflects, hits him in the leg. Whatever. He's like, ah! Drops to the ground. Ah! And the sergeant hated. And he's like, the doc was like, why? He's like, oh, drop the grass. And then started to hate it. And he's like, the doc was like, why?

Starting point is 02:11:28 He's like, that's a fucking shot. Wait. No, he was like, save the morphine doc. And the doc was like, yeah, I'm not giving you morphine. It's fucking shock a BB. Like one of them in your life. You did that to yourself. He's like, am I going to make it?

Starting point is 02:11:44 Yeah. It's like, am I going to make it doc? And he's like, i gonna make it yeah it's like am i gonna make it doc and he's like yeah it's like it's literally like one and your thigh that barely went in what he was hunting for a purple heart dude dude a hundred percent did he get it do you know the stat on purple hearts what is it i'm really sorry for this oh please go on because i have really gangster parking now from it i don't know if i'm doing my parking so no no the the stat is every purple heart that has been given out post world war ii was made during World War II. This is actually a true stat. Because of the anticipated American casualties of invading Japan

Starting point is 02:12:36 had we not dropped a nuclear bomb. Yeah, two. Yeah. What were those bombs called? Crazy fucking story. Oh, my gosh. Fat Man and Little Boy. Yeah. Dude, What were those bombs called? Crazy fucking strong. Oh, my gosh. Fat Man and Little Boy. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:12:46 Dude. And where were they dropped? Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Boy. Arigato gozaimasu. You're not going to get me wrong on this. No. Well, I was going to say, how do you guys feel?

Starting point is 02:12:58 I recently have had a big awakening with those because I. Nuclear bombs or Japan? No. a big awakening with those because I nuclear bombs or Japan no just the United States as a whole and those particular points in time how do you feel about that do you think it was necessary yeah give me more context if you were President Truman right now during that point in time after Pearl Harbor would you have sent that declaration to them and said, you guys need to surrender right now or there will be imminent? And I do not, I'm not quoting these words, not quoting,

Starting point is 02:13:32 but it's like there will be immediate destruction and like fucking blah, blah, blah. To be fair, that's not what happened. We definitely dropped nuclear warheads on the ass. No, we did. I will say, you know what's worse, but the firebombs did way more killing than the nukes that is also true the firebombs did do more casualties than the nukes however president truman did not sign off on either of the nukes who did president truman gave authorization

Starting point is 02:13:58 if necessary to use them and they used them it's the same and then he was like bro chill and then they used him again and he's like you motherfuckers need to stop like literally it's the same you sign the paper you give the authorization so this is super interesting and this is actually why i want to start my own podcast because i teach i teach brazilian jiu-jitsu one of my students grew up in japan moved here after he graduated from high school in japan to take care of his grandmother and talking to him about the difference in culture is a stark starkly different amazing dude like it's such a an earth-shattering difference in what what they're taught in history compared to what we're taught in history this is interesting i would like to know they don't know

Starting point is 02:14:52 about like they don't know about so japan even though they've taught what they did to china like when you have the they're taught for sure like uh he was oh they talk about name he was taught in in very very vivid detail about the massacre at Nanking. Okay. That's rough. He was taught for sure. Did you guys see those photos? No, I did not.

Starting point is 02:15:12 No, no, no. The new ones that they didn't release in those new books. The ones that got leaked on TikTok? I had a buddy who saw the book that just got released about the photos. Were they legit? You may never see them. You may never see them. I have no idea. Everybody was saying

Starting point is 02:15:26 they were fake for a minute. For those of you that don't know, there's two photos I've seen. On TikTok, I'm big on TikTok. He's bigger on TikTok. There's a gentleman that owns a pawn store on TikTok that had a degree in history.

Starting point is 02:15:42 I don't know if it's from him. Somebody brought in a leather-bound book from world war two into his shop and basically asked him what, what it was. And he identified pictures from the massacre at Nanking that had not been previously known to history. These are those pictures, not unknown,

Starting point is 02:16:03 but unknown images. they're just unknown images they've never been released these are from a photographer who was there during the you know we won't say it of nan king but uh very big thing during nan king yeah if you google nan king it's gonna pop up yeah what i love is as you're saying, it's the culture behind Japan because they've changed completely now. But you have to understand, during these two nuclear bombs, these two atomic bombs, they had like 18 kilotons. If you don't know that to nowadays nukes, fucking 18 kilotons, fucking babies compared to what we can do now. I mean, we can do 500. At the time, still crazy.

Starting point is 02:16:47 Maybe not. So most people don't understand the gravity of the situation when we talk about nuclear bombs. Oh, but so before, real quick, these made the emperor of Japan, who was a fucking god at this time talk on a radio this was the first time anyone in japan and it was broadcast over japan they heard an individual they revered as a king or god talk ever like this was this is the first time ever and that is the only reason the surrender happened go on um So to give you guys a scale on nuclear bombs Everybody knows about like the Moab bomb that was dropped in 2017 2016 17 20 the Moab bomb stands for a massive ordnance air blast mother

Starting point is 02:17:47 The mother of all bombs it is the largest non-nuclear bomb ever dropped in combat, period. It is equivalent to 11 kilotons of TNT, 11 kilotons being 11,000 pounds of TNT. It's big. It's very big. It's a big mofo. That bomb weighs approximately 180,000 pounds, and the only known method of delivery is to literally push it out the back

Starting point is 02:18:06 of a C-130 cargo plane. It's like guys like, now stop. 180,000 pound bomb delivered 11 kilotons of TNT bomb. The smallest nuclear weapon that America has ever had in use

Starting point is 02:18:30 was the Davy Crockett weapon system. Oh God, the Davy Crockett. It was a 76 pound projectile. If you don't know, it is the Fallout 3 video game, The Fat Man. It is the inspiration for that. Metal Gear Solid 3. Metal Gear Solid 3 also. It literally the inspiration for that. Metal Gear Solid 3.

Starting point is 02:18:45 Metal Gear Solid 3 also. It literally looks like it is a little missile this big. Portable. It is 76 pounds. That 76 pound bomb was nuclear and it had a kiloton rating of 15 kilotons, which

Starting point is 02:19:01 is 4 kilotons larger than the Moab and it was 76 pounds versus 180 000 pounds to give you a clear idea of the difference between a conventional versus a nuclear warhead nuclear warheads are non-fuckable you don't but they're nasty though that's what i'm saying they're like the only issue is they're nasty. So you would then have the Japanese Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1942, 1944. 1944 was 18 kilotons. Now, how many kilotons do equal a megaton? Is that 1,000?

Starting point is 02:19:35 1,000. I couldn't. 1,000 kilotons do equal megatons. And then you have the TESAR, which is the largest explosion ever to happen. SAR bomb. SAR, sorry. SAR. Was 50 megatons because it's a 100 megaton nuclear explosion, but they reduced the size by half.

Starting point is 02:19:53 100 megaton is only theoretical. 50 megaton is actually what happened. Because they dropped it. 50 megaton is what actually dropped. That is the largest that has ever been officially tested on the planet Earth. The 50 megatonnes will actually fall out. That is the largest that has ever been officially tested on the planet Earth. The 50 megatonnes. The 50 megatonnes, correct. That was tested in northern Siberia, and it shattered windows in Finland, which is over 1,000 miles away.

Starting point is 02:20:18 This is hitting the atmosphere for a mushroom cloud. Google it. It's fucking insane. To give you an idea. What's more terrifying? D are you guys familiar with the? Poseidon Weapon no it is the the new Russian

Starting point is 02:20:37 nuclear Weapon it's actually terrifying so what it does is I love do this it is it's not a nuclear warhead like an icbm what it is is it is can you define icbm for the people an intercontinental ballistic missile it can go anywhere fuck you up um the the the poseidon weapon is 300 megatons more than double the sarbamba and instead of deploying out of a submarine through the water through the air and hitting a target it is a leecher uh torpedo so they can deploy it and it is water it is no it stays underwater the entire time that's what i'm saying it goes it stays underwater no it never goes up so the torpedo

Starting point is 02:21:25 will actually robotically it will crawl at a rate that is so so slow that no modern uh radar identifying technology can spot it it will literally crawl at tenths of a mile per hour for years or months they're nuclear powered it is a nuclear power torpedo that is a 300 megaton bomb and what it is designed to do is it's designed to come up on a major coastal city 50-ish 50 to 100 miles off the coast and it will detonate 300 megaton nuclear bomb and this will create a 1500 foot irradiated tidal wave yeah no no that's not tsunami i create a tidal wave correct that will level a coastal city with radiation water correct flow it yeah well well that and that also is going to have a thermonuclear effect. Correct. But this weapon has never been. So this was in the news a while back, like literally a couple weeks ago.

Starting point is 02:22:32 So it was first deployed by a Russian nuclear sub, and it went missing for about nine days. And then it resurfaced in the very northern portion of the ocean and they're saying that the russians were testing it about month and a half ago do you believe that is something that could truly be capable do i think it's capable yeah yeah sure i don't or i will always say i do not believe it russia when you have an arms I will say this When you have an arms race You have to understand The

Starting point is 02:23:07 The SAR bomb Was created in 1968 Right A minute ago Roughly And we've come far since then That's what's terrifying You had a 100 megaton bomb

Starting point is 02:23:16 So that's Created in the 1960s And you're like Is this possible Yeah 100% I don't even know America spent 748.11 billion this year on the military.

Starting point is 02:23:30 Do you know what 49, 48%-ish of that budget went to? What? ICBM defense. So this isn't an ICBM. I have a feeling we're going to end this. I have a feeling we're gonna end this podcast with the CI fact God and I will get I will get real but we have to end it on that and we can't go further than I like it I like it I'm

Starting point is 02:23:56 gonna go pee pee but yes I feel like me and you combine a terrifying amount of information I have to say yeah it's upsetting I know a lot of secret stuff that I wish I really honestly honest to god I wish I didn't

Starting point is 02:24:21 it just makes me paranoid same did we get left off Honest to God, I wish I didn't. It just makes me paranoid. Same. Did we get left off? Dude, Brandon ditched us, bro. That's legit as fuck. He didn't even text any of us. It's fucking... Bro, we did a one-hour podcast.

Starting point is 02:24:37 I should text him. I'm going to text him right now. We're two and a half hours into the next podcast. We've done three podcasts. Eli, like legit, what the fuck are you going to do with this? It's three and a half hours. Oh, my God. Holy shit.

Starting point is 02:25:01 This is going to be the world's longest. Let's keep going. No, we were talking about the Sarbamba. Do Sarbamba? We're not stopping, by the way. We're going to be the world's longest let's keep going no we were talking about uh the sar bomba uh bomba we're not stopping by the way we're going to keep going okay i was talking about how you talk about a nuclear warhead crawling right yep and then detonating do you think that's true and it could happen right now i do i uh so uh so what i've read which granted is not this is what a journeyman electrician from Iowa that used to be in the National Guard can find on the internet. But the, from what I can find, which I cannot stress this enough, is not a valid source

Starting point is 02:25:35 of information. It is estimated that at least five might be in place already on coastal cities somewhere in the world waiting to be detonated. Okay, so you really think that, you know, these nuclear warheads that are crawling on the ocean floor for months to years is a possibility? Potentially.

Starting point is 02:25:58 Why? Anything is a possibility. You don't think there's any possibility we could possibly detect it? Oh, I do. Like I just said, anything is a possibility. You don't think there's any possibility we could possibly detect it? Oh, I do. Like I just said, anything is a possibility. I think we do spend a lot of money on our defense measures. And when you see what we do.

Starting point is 02:26:17 America, my favorite statistic is how long has America been at war versus any other country? All of it. Isn't it like seven years we've not done war we are back to back world war motherfucking champs baby you can't 16 years i want to address this with 16 years going 16 years first every fucking time i say we're back to back world wars, everybody gets butt hurt and they're like, America joined late. It's like, first of all... We are back-to-back World War fan... First of all... We're the world

Starting point is 02:26:51 fucking police. Maybe not right now, but we were, okay? And guess what? Whoever the fuck wants to start some shit, no one's starting it with us. No, for sure, right now. What do you mean, not right now? Are you on crack? No, no, no. But we have to accept the world as how

Starting point is 02:27:08 it is. People are deciding who they want to pick fights with and it's just like And it's never America. It's not going to be us. You're not going to do it. They're not poking this bear. They're not. Okay, so. You're staying far away. There's several levels to this. Every time I say America

Starting point is 02:27:24 is back-to-back World War champs, I get a bunch of shit and people are like, America's not the... Like, look, if you're British, Canadian, Indian, French, literally any other country on the Allied side, and you say we're back-to-back World War champs too, I'm never gonna

Starting point is 02:27:40 disagree with you. I'm gonna fucking high-five, chest bump, fucking up top. Yeah, back-to-back World War champs we are all day every day however everybody wants to pick number one and who got first place and i've heard so many arguments everybody's like well america joined late well america joined late because it ended as soon as we got there because we finished shit. I can't help that. Okay. Now, hear me out.

Starting point is 02:28:13 Like, I've heard, like, the worst, first of all, we'll start with the worst argument. Actually, the Soviet Union won because the most people died. Not a great stat. That's not how it works. That's a terrible KD. Not a great stat. That's not how it works. That's a terrible KD. Not a great stat to rely on. Okay. Terrible KD.

Starting point is 02:28:34 That's 100%. Get your skills up, my boy. There's like 20 million. I think my overall point is I personally don't want to pick an individual winner. I'm happy with having it be a team win. No. But if you wanted to pick an individual winner and you were to get rid of the names of the countries and you were to just write down the stats of how many people did you lose,

Starting point is 02:28:55 how much damage to your infrastructure was caused, who came out on top? There is nobody on the planet that's being unbiased that will not pick America. We came out on top on that one. America came out on top every time. And you can be like, well, America didn't join on time. Well, it's like, I mean, it worked out. Hey, guess what? It finished when we fucking showed up, bitch.

Starting point is 02:29:21 You're done. Sorry you lived in a shitty location. Can't help it. Geography is a motherfucker. Listen, just call us direct next time, K. I think my overall point I can hear it now

Starting point is 02:29:35 and they're going to be like America's not the greatest country ever. Fuck off. What is great? All of it. America's done fucked up shit. I'm not gonna lie to you. Hey, who's leaving? We're probably gonna continue to do that.

Starting point is 02:29:51 Niggas are like, who's getting the fuck outta here? Fuck you, Neil! I'm not leaving, but fuck this place. America's done fucked up shit. It's gonna continue to do fucked up shit. I can't help that. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it's gonna happen.

Starting point is 02:30:03 Okay? Don't trust the government. No, yeah. That's science. If I yeah hitch out with this shit y'all gonna be on some next level shit but but look everybody's gonna be like bah oh yeah well america doesn't have free health care you want to know why america doesn't have free health care i'm 100 percent team you want to know why america doesn't have free health care there's 30 members in nat, okay? In order to be a member of NATO, you have to spend 3% of your overall GDP on defense, right? That's the fucking rules. Can we all agree?

Starting point is 02:30:34 Those are the fucking rules. 3% GDP. If you're a smaller country. Dude, you forgot to click the record button. Fuck. I was like, uh-uh. We're spending 3% on GDP. Okay.

Starting point is 02:30:47 That's a lot of money. If you don't know America. Oh, okay. So there's 30 members of NATO. Only nine of them spend 3% of their GDP on defense. It's America, Britain, and all the countries that neighbor Russia. Basically. That's essentially what it is.

Starting point is 02:31:05 Now, if you have a bigger GDP, you spend more fucking money because that's how percentages work. Hashtag math. Global defense percentage, correct? Wait a minute. Global defense percentage, correct? Global defense. Gross domestic product.

Starting point is 02:31:21 No, no, no. There's another defense product, though. No, that's not it. Nico, gross domestic product. No, no, no, no. There's another defense product, though. No, that's not it. Anyways. Nico's like, no. It's 3% minimum to be a NATO. America does eight, and we're the largest fucking GDP on the planet to begin with. So we spend way more than anybody else.

Starting point is 02:31:38 And everybody's like, but you don't have free health care. And it's like, well, yeah, because we're subsidizing your defense. That's how you can afford free healthcare, because we're paying to defend you. Defense numero uno, bro. Just saying. And then, you want to know the best part about this? I love Nick when he's drunk.

Starting point is 02:31:55 He's like, we're paying to fucking defend you. And then that allows you to afford free healthcare. And you want to know who develops new health care? Who? America. America invents 60, 65% of all pharmaceutical innovation happens in America. So not only are we subsidizing your defense, which subsequently subsidizes your free health care, we're also subsidizing modern medicine. And you want to know the best part about all of this?

Starting point is 02:32:28 Everybody's going to get butt hurt, and they're going to write an angry fucking comment, and they're going to do it on their fucking cell phone, which is an American invention. The phone, Alexander Graham Bell. Or they're going to do it on their fucking computer, which is also an American invention. And they're going to type that on their fucking computer. Oh my fucking God. Which is also an American invention. And they're going to type that angry comment on their keyboard,

Starting point is 02:32:48 which is also an American invention. And they're going to send it through time and space via the fucking internet, which you guessed it, also an American invention. And then I'm going to be able to read it any day of the fucking future that I feel like in the comment section on YouTube, which is also an American invention. So not only are we subsidizing your defense, we're subsidizing your free health care and modern medicine and your ability to talk shit about us. You're fucking welcome. Thank you for tuning in to Unsubscribe. And that is all we need for this episode of Unsubscribe.

Starting point is 02:33:32 Jesus Christ, where do we find you? Thefatelectrician.com. Nico! Brutally honest with Nico Ortiz. That is... brutally honest with nico ortiz that is nico that is how i close the next podcast and we'll roll into the first podcast

Starting point is 02:33:57 which is now a four hour podcast dude i can't wait to upload this and be like everyone's gonna be like holy shit it's four hours this is my work day we definitely be at number one this got violent really quick quack bang hey tune into the next one i'll tell you guys uh top secret information let's go tune into the next episode when i tell you whether or not nico is circumcised or or not Nico is circumcised or not. My dick fat.

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