Unsubscribe Podcast - 83 - Family ft. The Fat Electrician & Nikko Ortiz
Episode Date: December 8, 2022Unsubscribe Podcast Ep83 - Family ft. @the_fat_electrician & @NikkoOrtizzz OH LOOK BADDIE IS BACK!!! BUT ALSO HIS CAMERA FOOTAGE GOT RUINED BECAUSE ELI HATES HIM! MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG M...INI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG MINI KEG Thanks bye ------------------------------ CHECK OUT TODAYS VIDEO SPONSORS, GHOSTBED Right now GhostBed is offering 30% off everything if you use the code - UNSUBSCRIBE at checkout or visit https://www.ghostbed.com/pages/unsubscribe EXPRESS VPN Protect your online activity TODAY with the VPN rated #1 by Business Insider. Visit our exclusive link https://www.expressvpn.com/unsub and you can get an extra 3 months FREE on a one-year package. MYBOOKIE Head over to https://www.mybookie.ag/ now and you'll receive up-to-$200 on your first deposit. Just use promo code UNSUB to claim your deposit match! ------------------------------ OUR MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast JOIN THE PATREON NOW: https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast WE HAVE A SUBREDDIT??? https://www.reddit.com/r/UNSUBSCRIBEpodcast/ CHECK OUT https://outofregz.com/ CODE: UNSUB http://gfuel.com/discount/baddie CODE: BADDIE ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o MORE LINKS! https://linktr.ee/UnsubscribePodCast ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie- @BaddieStreams https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -DonutOperator- @Donut Operator @Operation Donut https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwkm_Wcyh0pc7UUmZZfL-6w https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator/ https://www.twitch.tv/DonutOperator https://twitter.com/DonutOperator -Eli_Doubletap- @EliDoubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by Fluck https://www.twitch.tv/fluck twitchcon 2022 reaction Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
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Do we start it with a white claw still?
Yeah, I'll get them. We gotta start with one white claw
at least, which we're gonna turn into 20.
Why is there a mini keg
in here?
That was you? Which one?
I didn't do it. Purple.
I'll do purple. We can do that. I have never liked you more than I do right now. We can't I'll do per we could do that
We have never liked you more than I do right now. We can share the mini can one episode
We just drink it
Just like three beers each yeah, it's really not we have to finish that today
Are we just doing that before that's the podcast the one keg podcast feeling?
You'll feel better. I think I'm okay. Well, you're going to feel better.
All right, I'm on it.
There you go.
Fuck.
Oh, God.
What's up, fuckhead?
This went from
this is going to be nice and short
to this is going to get fucking aggressive.
We were going to drink coffee.
We were going to drink coffee.
I like this is recording
because it's's gonna show how
We gotta pull it up into the frame
I'm like
I'm hungover from last night
But this is how you get unhungover
You defeat it with alcohol
I don't know what that's called
It makes sense
Let's do it around the expensive equipment
It's not a razor you blew a fucking can up
three four episodes ago i don't know how many episodes ago that was
when you popped the fucking the ranch water and it literally went everywhere yeah but that wasn't
my fault i thought you were talking about uh chris when he blew the cup up on her brand yeah
that was pretty fucking this table brand new day one fucking Chris blows
Up a mug then baddies opening beer cans on the side of the fucking table. I was like guys it's new
Is it good
No, it's still Heineken
It's
Assumed I thought it was Heineken. Those are very different flavors. I saw a green cake. It was a Heineken cake. You just assumed.
It's a gender.
It's a fucking gender.
Well, let's just.
It's a pee pee.
I'm sticking out.
Hold on.
The little pee pee.
Don't we got to still crack?
I don't know.
I'm not.
I don't know.
The order operations.
You crack.
Just start while you're pumping it.
This is so foamy.
Is the podcast starting right now?
Yeah.
It's on.
It's been on.
They're going to get this entire intro of us switching from just coffee, water to...
This is pure foam.
Who wants the most head they've ever had in their life?
Here, Nico.
You get a cup of foam.
I don't know what shit Marines don't say.
Say hi to Eli.
He's racially ambiguous and batty.
That guy's fucking ridiculous
and don't hurt
it's harder to rhyme but he's
a really nice guy welcome
to unsubscribe
hey guys thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast
um make sure wherever you're listening
or watching whether it's on youtube
uh castro spotify apple
google amazon podbean
stitcher or
that's all of them please leave a comment uh like it Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...
That's all of them.
Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it,
give it a rating of five stars, whatever you can do.
It helps the podcast out immensely.
And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that.
And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today.
Yeah, five stars on everything.
And a comment if there is possible,
because we need to be at the top Don't it say something motivating and that's where the you come that is come subscribe. Oh great great
It's great. Let me get that here's this is not a new table is the lightest beer. I've ever had in my life
It's all phone. What do you want to get? It's getting heavy get it get a bigger cup and just get all the foam
Oh, I saw some actually I see beer in this one
No this one's for me
Never mind you get this one. I can't that's true. I can't this is I'm just letting it dribble. It's fine
Wait, what the god?
Not a god, but
Here's the towel baddie guys. This is why you shake your dick after you're done peeing.
Otherwise, you dribble everywhere.
More fun that way.
Bro, that's like what my fuck.
Shaking or dribbling.
You ever get drunk off craft beer at a brewery?
No, I don't drink shit craft beer.
I hate craft beer.
Baddie, you don't hate it.
It kills you.
There's a big difference.
Baddie's like, I hate it.
You're allergic to it.
There's a stark difference between hating and it kills you no
never mind i like craft beers just because i feel like i feel like anybody's willing to pay nine
dollars for a beer it's safer yeah he's like let me put it on the edge of the table now
you're more expensive it was foamy but now i want it more foamy we just set up this entire
sick podcast but fuck this place yeah Yeah, I think Nick just left.
Our guest is gone.
Did you just pour out my foam?
Dude, what a dickhead.
Oh.
You gave me a Dos Equis mini keg.
I'm going to call it Heineken.
It's Heineken now.
I don't give a fuck.
No, he poured it out because it's Heineken.
This is Vin Diesel's brand of beer right here. Triple X, homie. That's because this is not he pointed out This is Vin Diesel's brand of beer right here triple X homie
This is that's three. I just my lore is bad. He doesn't speak Spanish so
He just read very good mine is
Learn Mexico like a yeah
Dude, what the fuck is hot so warm quattro beer. We were talking about that earlier, dude
Yeah, I told him I was like I was like we woke up and I was like, I don't think I'm hungover
Was hot and I was like I'm starting to feel hungover, though.
I really feel like shit right now.
Maybe I am hungover.
I don't know anymore.
Hungover dehydration or regular dehydration because it's 75 fucking degrees in here.
Hey, everyone.
Welcome to the Unscratch Podcast.
Eli just left, but as always, it's me, Baddie Streams, Eli Delgert.
We have our two beautiful guests, the Fat Electrician and Nico Ortiz.
Yeah.
I put a little spice on that.
I like it.
Nico!
Is that better?
I'll just do it like that.
Do you want back to the coffee?
You already done with the foam?
Dude, it's a mix.
I want coffee.
It's pretty early in the morning.
I haven't had coffee.
Eli was kind enough to get me these dope ass fucking mugs
Where did you buy these at? Do you think I you think I bought those I went I went into the video game that they
Come from where what game does it come from bro? It looks like you know stop what game man? We're gonna play
Oh
my god mother
Fair actually Oh my god. To be fair, this is in Angry Birds.
To be fair,
I'm going to give it to him.
I can't get mad, other than the color palette's a little different.
But that's really close.
I'm surprised.
It's because we were playing Angry Birds mode at Top Dog last night.
That was fun.
I liked that one.
That one was great. I never played that one before.
Seriously though, it looks like you bought this fucking thing from the island
and misfit toys.
Why is it square?
Minecraft, motherfuckers.
Can y'all never play Minecraft?
Drink a hot liquid out of a fucking square?
Okay, it looks nothing like the TNT from Angry Birds.
Not even close.
100% not.
I got you.
Yeah, not even close.
I thought maybe it was that reddish.
It's not even a little bit.
You can't take it out.
It's a box top, actually.
And it's wood. It's wood
It's wood. Yeah, never mind. You're fucking idiot. You're an idiot
We use that Mario
But you play Mario when is Mario
Yes How old are you? Guess. 28.
No, that's me.
You're 26.
I just turned 27.
Oh my God.
On the 15th.
I could be your dad.
Are you like 30?
You want to be my dad?
I don't know, but I'll be your dad.
You're my stepdaddy.
You're stepdaddy, Batty.
Batty, are you 32?
Yeah.
I could be your dad.
Your son is, you had him at five years old, you 32? Yeah. I could be your dad. Your son is you.
You had him at five years old.
You fucking weirdo.
Your balls had sperm.
Yeah.
My balls are super potent.
X came to my house.
He can do it.
Batty at five is smashing out 18 year olds.
Is that what's up, bitches?
I've been fucking since I was little, bro.
Let's go.
Those diapers were for me.
That's highly illegal.
It's a cool story for bad.
Very illegal, though.
Dude, baby dick bad.
That's what they still call me.
Wait, here's something.
This is something weird I found out that a lot of people don't know.
Uh-oh.
How tall did you think I was before you met me?
I always thought you were probably.
I actually thought you were shorter.
I thought you were shorter.
I didn't.
I thought he was going to be like 5'10".
Dude.
Hey, y'all got demons, but I ain't sleeping here.
That ice machine is getting mouthy over there.
For those of you that don't know, Niko is 6'9".
He's actually sitting on a five-gallon bucket, and I'm in a high chair.
It's alarming.
No, I thought you were a tall guy, to be honest, like my height-ish.
Yeah, dude, everybody, including, like, all these web forums now,
are like, Niko Ortiz, TikToker YouTuber, 5'6"- five six to five eight and i'm like where the fuck
bro you film half your content in the kitchen with counters and shit this shows you how tall
you are you've been through door frames how do people not like no no you know what it is they're
like look at like some of the reaction content well you're sitting down and like the background
looks so big so we just thought you were like and then my community is fucks with everybody because people like how
tall is nico like he's he's five four he's five four and stuff and everybody says that shit and
now it's all over the website i'm like god damn it do unsub because everyone was like now i get
wow you're taller in person because everyone like us we always play i'm super short so people think i'm like 4 11 on a good day so when they meet me and i encourage it so bad yeah weird you're taller i
was like you know shit i sit on the same yes it's a high chair but i'm on the same eyeline as my
friends you're right i have a butt pad that lifts me up a little bit but doesn't matter well because
before it was everyone thought i was taller because I was around fucking all the tall guys Matt fucking rock
It didn't matter. I was just surrounded by six foot two to six with six people
So then and I'm in the photos, which you can clearly see the stark fucking difference Yeah, they're holding Eli like, sup bros?
It's your boy. Like a little dog.
It's your boy, Eli.
Double tap.
This is when I knew you were like shorter.
Because I thought you were like 5'5", 10", 5'11".
Damn.
Yeah.
You think he's running the pumps.
You give me like two inches.
Yeah, but then on the old unsubbed, you were talking shit to Maddie. Maddie was like, hey Eli, touch the ceiling. You give me like two inches
You were talking shit about anybody's like hey Eli touch the ceiling
Most people go for a bolted feeling bad he was like what's reverse vaulted it just comes down hobbit home hobbington it was cozy you know
but no uh demo has demo finally it changed for the longest time with everything. So when you search Demo's height, it was 6'9".
No, 6'7".
6'7", yeah.
He was just a tall motherfucker, and we were all like,
and it would be the internet everywhere,
and it was for years this was happening.
He was like, I don't know where it started,
and then that's all it was.
So then when people would meet him, they're like,
huh, I thought you were 6'7".
He's like, no, why am I 6'7"?
When did I say that? When did I address this you would google and it'd be like
demolition Matt's height six seven you like I
Got everyone. I got tall. How tall is he I got the same thing with the fat electrician deal
What I said, you're not bad enough to be called the battle. I've trained you're like the I
See you're not a fat guy. Yeah, you're a fit.
Yeah.
Fit, not fat.
The thick electrician
is way better.
It's the thick
with two C's electrician.
No, three C's
all capitalized.
Whoa, no, no, no.
Are you a 2X?
Are you a 2X?
Are you a 3X?
You're a 1X?
Yeah.
He's only thick with one C.
You got it.
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Dude, the thick electrician is so much better.
Sorry.
You get extra C's the more X's you wear.
You have three X's, you're thick with three X's.
Three C's, you know?
Batty, you're at one C right now.
Yeah, I am.
Dude, Batty was a triple
I can't use the dryer. I have to hang dry all my clothes Use fucking bedding like on the setting is like where you
Try your shirt and then you wear it and you just see the little nipples all over your shirt Oh, you're like trying to stretch it out
Yeah, totally know what you guys are talking about touch the ceiling. This is a lot taller, Matty. This ceiling's way taller.
Look how tall those lights are.
Eli, did you turn the heat down in here?
I did.
I turned it down.
Turn it way down.
It's a 60. The fucking air's not even on.
It's hot as fuck.
It is.
I'm like, I'm going to pass out.
You're kidding.
It's 77.
For those of you that don't know, me and Nico have been here for a while.
It got hotter.
It was fucking 75 earlier, and we put it down to 68, and it's fucking...
No, we put it on 69.
It's broken.
We, uh...
I just want to go to this AC.
Me and Nico have been here for days.
Fucking cool.
They drugged us and gave us too much alcohol, turned the fucking thermostat to 75.
Yeah.
Made us film a seven-hour podcast where we said stuff we didn't mean because we were
drugged.
This stupid
fucker.
77.
77.
77 is bad.
It is. It's super bad.
And I don't know why.
Look at that color. Look at that clear color.
That's way better.
Nico, where you at?
Let's go.
Let's go, boys.
I need more. The most is podcast
30 minutes of talking 30 minutes of filling dose a keys up
Double X. Oh my god I can't wait for flock to edit a photo of Vin Diesel as triple X as
The double X just to see how fucked up you like skinny like never Captain America before he got buff
I want to see that but with Vin Diesel's fucking face
Well, this is feeling
I just dropped that I was like it was colder colder just put
I know I feel like flock is gonna edit all of us bald
And look like Vin Diesel is just gonna say family
family Family look at a camera and look like Vin Diesel is just going to say family. Family.
Family.
Look at a camera.
Perfect.
Now you can edit us all bald.
Oh, I don't like that.
Oh my God.
I wonder what you look like bald.
Fucking terrible.
Fucking, I remember basic.
I was a basic training.
I shaved my head the day before, just before I left.
I was like, oh, I got to see what this looks like. I just buzz cut. I was like I gotta see what this looks like Surgery Eli involved, bro. Oh, yeah, I had dude my fucking ears
They were like fucking bro out there, bro. and I did that gaming video and I saw your fucking
New windy cold days
With with how much you talk about like skydiving and stuff now that you're into it
I really wish that you would have got into skydiving before the surgery
I would have got into it after cuz you'd have to relearn everything a thousand jumps. They're like a thousand jumps
Eli doesn't need a parachute. I just go I've been just training with my ear dynamic
Land I just I up kick her right at the end of my body. I just walk it out
Dude yeah, I have wait. I might actually have surgery
Yeah, go back 18 years once a surgery
Right when I was getting the History Channel
Show because they were like yo you're gonna be on the History Channel
No, I was like I'm gonna be on national TV, and they're like yeah, and I was like I know what I'm doing first
click click click click
I ain't going on Apple gun
Just bleeding blood
Welcome to history
I double down
It hurts so bad
Where the fuck
I saved him
Just fucking Google
Eli 15 Ely Range 15 Eli is all you need watch I'm gonna find out where he gets I saved him just fucking Google
Range 15 Eli's all you need watch. I'm gonna find it where he can know I was gonna show the surgery pics because I was awake During you oh yeah, we got your awake during it man look at all these I wasn't yeah
Whoa dude, I'm talking during that like there's a
They fold the fucking you either made your vagina dude
It looks like a jam in there
But no they do local so you're like that and then they just fold the cartilage they do everything and I'm like oh like, oh, man, that's crazy. And then we're just talking.
Like, so what are you doing?
Blah, blah, blah.
I was like, oh, you know, living the dream life.
And nothing.
This year, though, they cut in.
They cut in this year and they were working on it.
This is my last year.
And then I remember the worst, the worst fucking pain ever because I felt like the local wore off.
And I just felt like a razor go like this down my ears. like first it was a small stitch i was like is it just cold
i didn't like no i was like ah that's a weird feeling i haven't felt anything and then the next
cut goes and i was like oh and i was like hey i can feel all of that and they're like oh my god
i am wait you felt i was like 100 you just cut like really down into whatever you cut.
And they're like, oh, we are so sorry.
Like local, local, local.
Two hours later, getting my food.
And then the local wore off.
And then that was the worst pain.
Daddy, are you just eating a donut?
No.
That's symbolic because he's not here today.
We miss it in memory.
We remember. Oh, my God. today we remember oh my god what the fuck is with this fucking ac you gotta fix it not at all it is a little over here it is a little bit fuck you guys it is right here like we're feeling it i'm
just amazed at how fucking i'm sweating yeah same and this says losing weight hell. Yeah, bro, dude. Yeah
It says 67 degrees cooling tube is 77 degrees, right?
The AC might have issues right now god damn it baddie
Why is it when you're coming here that your fucking house AC follows you here. Legit. That's 100%. You have ghosts.
I said demons,
but I was just saying.
Baddy ghosts.
You've got like a haunted nose ring
or some bullshit
that makes me sweat.
When are you getting
a nose ring?
Do you go?
But you don't have,
I don't think I'm getting
a nose ring.
I'm never getting
a nose ring.
Never getting a nose ring.
Maybe.
I know.
That's why I was like, he, am I the only one without piercings here
well never mind I had huge ears I wasn't going to draw
attraction to it and put lanterns on those bitches
but you can now
yes at 38 I should be getting
earrings
that doesn't scream anything at all
I just show up to the
come on
you're 38 yeah notice anything That doesn't scream anything at all. I just show up to the door. Come on. Come on.
You're 38. Hey, people.
Yeah.
Notice anything different?
New?
Feel fucking stupid.
No, but if you don't do it, you stay old.
Yeah, I am old, motherfuckers.
If you do do it, you get a little bit of youth back.
You're 38?
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
That's fantastic. His height is deceiving, right? Yeah. Did you say that's disgusting? You get a little Yeah, I didn't know that
Did you say that's disgusting no I said
We finally actually do play D&D and record it, you're going to be Graybush the Wise. Hello. I'm Graybush the Wise.
You had to start this.
You had to start this fucking.
You have created my new character.
I hate.
He hates this voice.
I'd be like, my name is Graybush the Wise.
This is my sex slave, Batty. The Batty.
Batty the Batty.
Batty, will you accompany on my journey?
Don't forget my prune juice. This is worse than the boop.
I hope you know that.
I was just going to ask.
This is so much worse.
The boop probably smelled better.
Batty, remember that time I was searching for hot anime dolphins?
And I was searching for hot anime dolphins and I was super embarrassed.
I hate when I'm online searching up hot anime dolphins.
Me too.
It's the most embarrassing thing.
You know what?
Sometimes you're like,
just use incognito mode.
I always use incognito mode.
That's safe,
right?
Then tell the government knocks on your door.
Trust me.
They can hold up that animated dolphin.
You're trying to not turn your pants into shorts. And that's why I use ExpressVPN.
It doesn't matter who your internet service provider is. That's ISP. In the U.S., can legally tell your information to ad companies.
They can sell everything you have, even on incognito mode.
That's stupid.
They know.
They're listening.
They're watching.
They don't care if you're secret.
They don't even care right now.
ExpressVPN is an app that reroutes your internet connection through their secure servers so your ISP can't see the sites you visit.
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ExpressVPN is available on
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actually have used it it is like it's a chrome extension you just boop it's just like any of
your like uh how you have ad block or anything like that you can just turn it on or just never
shut it off because i know you're a bunch of d gens looking up anime waifu dolphins i can't wait till that's a shirt that's a shirt now anime
waifu dolphins with the little i hate it i hate it so much but hey now you can safely uh search
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You're cut off.
Get your dolphins today.
Good.
Where's my Metamucil at?
Karen!
We're on a mission!
Karen's dead!
Where am I?
I'm just old.
I want to play a campaign where I
can't remember.
How old were you at basic training?
32.
No, I was 19.
What year?
1995.
January.
You were in middle school?
You were at ACU then.
No, it was BDU's.
You were rocking the Lord's flannel?
That's it.
The Lord's flannel.
That's what we were discussing.
That was the shirt.
Boom.
That's trademarked.
Is it?
By me. For sure. 100% when I said it on camera first. Guys. Fuck. That's what we were discussing that was the shirt boom that's trademarked is it by me
100% when I said it on camera
It's just a camo shirt this is Lord's camo
Now you got both you know you can have Lord's cam all rock lords flannel see who sells more shirts
From life shirt yeah, it's out in the car. I forgot to grab it the comments on Facebook are great people are super happy wait
Wait Facebook's ask do we check our Facebook bro my wife my is like, they're getting some fucking heat in the comments section.
Oh, we don't even check.
We don't have a Facebook.
Well, I mean, it literally says,
you're like, y'all irrelevant.
We don't even check our comments.
It literally says, life unsubscribed.
I mean, I'm not saying you guys are saying that.
I'm saying that it's open to interpretation.
I don't know.
My wife was like, I just saw it on Facebook, and people are upset.
I'll tell people that right now.
Look into the camera.
Oh, my God.
Life, unsubscribe.
Wait.
No, now I got to find this on Bunker everything.
I don't know.
It's like everything goes up in the ether, and then I have no idea. Okay. I hope it did good. I love't know. It's like everything goes up in the ether and then I have no idea.
I hope it did good.
I love that shirt.
That is my favorite shirt we've ever done.
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Perfect.
Really?
Yeah.
I like the cum shirt.
Doom font.
That's great.
Yeah, dude, it's the doom font, but it just says cum.
What says cum and below it says subscribe.
Yeah, it's the doom font. It just says cum.
Subscribe. It just says cum. C-U-M
and doom font. Subscribe. Okay.
That's hot. Just aggressive doom font.
And that was our number one selling shirt.
Still, we did not expect that.
That's a good shirt.
Yeah.
A lot of people like to wear it out in public.
The amount of people that tag us in photos.
Look, I found a guy with a club subscribe shirt.
I'm like, why are you wearing that?
Look what I'm wearing.
To a Grand Canyon.
Family pictures.
Family pictures.
Well, they have that concert. Sorry, this is a Denny's like what are you doing?
They they have the concert people now that are going like that one band that always wears the cum and then they have the audience
Shouting come come come and the guy standing there in his shirt. They're just like
Yeah, he's Australian. They're on Australian. Yeah, they're Australian here over the name But yeah during their shows here like shouting come and the drummer was like standing with the club and again come
Again y'all right there. Yeah, there's people like please send in your cum photos. No don't why I want to put them up on this
In their defense, it's all they've got never mind
Do it do it it just loads on a table. I'm like oh, I don't want to know about your come box
He's like no did you're now in charge of the Twitter Twitter and Instagram. Because I'm done checking those. Are we talking about Twitter? Oh, man.
Twitter's a good fucking time right now.
I'm the worst tweeter person ever.
I don't use Twitter at all.
I'm very, like, once a month, I might.
I live on Twitter.
I don't even have a Twitter, but I love reading screenshots.
How do you not have a Twitter?
How do you not use Twitter?
I hate Twitter.
Does it look like a fucking read
shit? Yeah, exactly.
Dude.
No pictures? Out.
There's lots of pictures.
Instagram was a hard sell without pop-ups
for me.
Oh, you're good. Right there.
Stop fucking everything up, Nico.
I can tell, Nico, their baseline isn't
equal. Tism's going
off. Yeah, my Tism's going off.
Yeah, my tism's going off.
It's fucking driving me crazy because then that camera is going to have one of you blurry
and one of you not blurry because you're not on the same focal length.
Whoa.
You see Daddy Eli just get mad and I'm sorry.
Nico's got scolded.
Everyone.
Go to your room.
It's going both of them.
You're having fucking air for dinner
I am the dad in this group unfortunately
I'm old as fuck you are oh, that's what the show a show you all need to watch now
Peripheral now have you heard of it? I've heard of vision huh like the vision
No Huh like the vision No, no, this is like a peripheral equipment. Oh
Have kids no, how do you catch all these dad jokes?
Fucker couldn't catch a cold in Alaska and you catch every single one of them
I hate dad jokes so much. So every time you say what I'm like, I have two kids
I just had another one like I can't help it to get worse. My kid doesn't understand dad jokes.
Why?
He's like, father, I do not get this.
It's lost on his intelligence.
It's like, I do not care about this, daddy.
The bird's caliva is.
Yes.
Like, how many is a thousand hours? He's like, three days not care about this, daddy. The bird's caliva is. Yes, 2000. Like how many is a thousand hours?
He's like three days, 14 hours and 60 months, which I loved it.
Brandon, that one day I was just asking riding time.
I was like thousand hours.
I was like, ask him hours in a year or whatever.
He's going to tell you to a team.
That was like every fucking like, it's like how many hours are in a hundred years?
14,300. And you're like, what? And Brandon's on his phone like doing the math. He's like how many hours are in a hundred years? 14,300
And Brandon's on his phone
Doing the math
Yeah Brandon was like what the fuck
I was like I don't know
How his brain works
He was getting the number faster than Brandon
Punching the calculation
Slow down
It was wild
And he's learning heights of buildings now
And you're like, why?
What the fuck?
It's like, hey, Statue of Liberty is like 315 feet.
Dude.
He's gonna become like the world's greatest architect.
He's got numbers and fucking heights of shit down there.
Or...
Or...
Yeah.
He could be an assassin.
That's why I just play rock metal and beat his shins with metal pipes
Just like right in, become a killer
Just smacking his shins with wood
For advertising purposes that was a joke
Ben Affleck taught me
Yeah
Ben Affleck
Affleck
Matt Damon
Matt Damon Matt Damon What were you saying,
buddy?
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Wait,
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I watch UFC and boxing.
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Have you bet on?
Well, is it just UFC?
It's everything, right?
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Wait, what was the two fights?
We had the Patty one.
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Just knocked out because that's a good one.
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What, what, uh, Conor McGregor and Anderson Silva.
I don't think they fought.
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What about those other two guys?
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I thought you made up somebody's name.
No, those are real people.
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Bo Baskins.
Those are both.
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peripheral good fucking show holy shit on amazon haven't heard of it that was the one that was
like hey uh babe check this out it's like really highly rated fucking it's vr it's like every time
you put your hands up now i think you're doing this shit you could be pointing at something and
just imagine you doing this i do it now like i'll be at my desk and i'll be like yeah guys
you just totally at home you're not doing anything,
and then you're just, like, watching TV and you're...
No, no, it's always when I'm talking about Eli,
or I'm like, man, this is fucking...
It's contagious.
I caught his tism.
Tism.
It's the tism touch, man. Damn. It's contagious. Oh my god.
Tism.
It's contagious.
Don't touch me.
I don't want to catch anything.
Put your mask on.
I don't want to catch anything.
Oh shit.
It's way too early to be drinking.
I know.
Is it though?
Is it?
We brought a keg.
Well, I'm getting on a plane today, so I need this.
I know.
You guys are all going.
I can't wait to get on my plane.
I'm not.
With Sun Country.
I thought it was good.
I did research beforehand.
Sun Country?
Have you heard what he did to me?
Bet he was great.
I paid $39 extra for the seat with extra leg room And there was nobody Sitting next to me
And I was like
This is gonna be the dopest flight ever
This is the first time
This is gonna be the first time
I've ever been on a flight
Where it was me
And nobody
Like every other flight
I've ever been on
I'm in the middle
With two dudes bigger than me
It was like
This is gonna be dope
They're like
The cabin is now pressurized
I look up
There's no TV on the headlight
There's a seat in front of me
I was like
Okay I have my phone
And I have wifi
No fucking wifi Three hour flight Just TV on the headlight the seat in front of me I was like okay I have my phone and I have Wi-Fi no fucking Wi-Fi just you know like a game on your phone you can
like know he deleted I can only I can only play risk against the computer so
many fucking times I got so bored I started deleting old pictures and
screenshots 1.7 gigs
of fucking pictures I deleted
over a three hour flight.
Side country.
He played half a game in the Monopoly.
What? You fly in Southwest?
Hell no.
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I did American
and then
I spent some money on you
and then
no he got it himself
I bought my own shit
fuck me
yeah you deserve
some country
nevermind
Eli's like
I'm gonna send you
an Uber
as a fucking
covered wagon
it's a bunch of
fucking pilgrims
I did smoke
signals to the
Amish
the Amish
got the smoke
signals
Roden picked him
up
for those of you that don't know I'm actually a full time member of the unsubscribed The homage got the smoke signals, wrote it, picked him up. Please smoke cigarettes when you pick him up.
For those of you that don't know, I'm actually a full-time
member of the Unsubscribed Podcast.
They just only pick me up via
a fucking covered wagon.
I have a three-week journey here
and back, so that's why
I'm only here every other month.
You journey back home
just crossing the Mississippi
on your a trail.
Man, I hope Nick doesn't die of dysentery.
Fucking rattlesnakes.
He's on family three.
Buffalo hunting.
Sorry, cholera.
Cholera?
Family three for Nick.
For fuck's sake.
You're literally playing War Gun Trail every time you come out here.
That's great. Love it. I didn't know.
I did the research.
No, you didn't.
Yeah, I did because he was at first.
How did you not know?
How the fuck?
Why would I fly to fucking Iowa?
How did you not?
Have you not heard of Sun Country before?
No.
That's your first time?
You ain't heard of it?
Don't take it.
Let me ask you a question.
You ever buy a gun that you've never heard of, like the brand name?
Have you ever heard of Staccato?
You ever walk into the gun? Yeah, I have. Before, did you because did you hear i've known about it for years oh okay yeah if you
haven't heard of an airline it's probably not great well when i read it and googled it they
said really good that's the only reason because i did first i was like fucking reddit for advice
that was a troll comment it was google and reddit i literally was like because my it looked
shady i was like i feel like it could have been a diamond in the rough it could have been a diamond
in the point that i feel bad like everything about that flight was fantastic except no wi-fi and no
tvs yes like it was just, it gave
me three hours to reflect on how
great everything else was.
You have to pay for a bigger seat.
You have to unplug and just live life.
Yeah.
See, if you left a review, you'd be like, super
happy. No Wi-Fi, no TV.
Kind of suck. Everything was a really good experience
though. I should just shit on and be like, worst
shit I've ever taken in my entire fucking life. I will really good experience though. I should just shit on and be like, worst shit I've ever taken in my fucking life.
I will not be flying again.
Man.
Put some motherfucking
technology on this bitch.
I don't care what airline it is,
it's always the worst shit
of your life
if it's on a plane.
I haven't pooped on a plane
in a long time.
God, it's the worst.
I will make myself shit
before I leave that airport.
Dude, the whole time.
I'm too big.
The whole time,
don't poop on planes, man.
It's hard enough peeing on a fucking plane because I pee like this.
Oh, that cracks.
Your neck just shattered.
You were like,
I'm paralyzed.
We're wheeling you around.
Dude, but peeing on a plane
like this and then like,
god damn it, I'm like, can't wait to get out of here. And then you're done and you're like, god damn it. I love peeing on a plane.
It's like a grand hall for me.
Bathrooms when I walk in, it's like, it's this, it's this studio space when I walk in
the bathroom, I'm like, ah, I jog to the urinals, the door closes.
I get like self-conscious cause like Just like everybody everybody just everybody
Oh my gosh, and I need feel like you need look those beds comfy upstairs. Yeah, right
Great you're right. That was your bed mattress. He has a very nice man. That's a great mattress. Okay
You have an issue like like I don't know why I like like hard hardcore PTS, right? You just like I'm on the bed tonight. I'm on the floor, dude. I legit would just lay on the floor
I'm so
You the count to Monte Crisco you just can't find a fucking comfortable bed
It's like me like man this dirt looks really nice. What was that reference?
Kind of money you just you've never watched that? I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about.
I know you did, you're not old enough.
You probably are an old dude.
That's a fucking huge ass book.
It's a book.
The Count is on Sesame Street. I don't know what a Monte Cristo is.
It's a...
First off, a one, a two...
It's like
powdered sugar sandwich.
That was such an obscure reference.
I'm impressed.
One in chat if you're impressed.
Chat.
One in comments.
One in comments.
If you're impressed.
I'm so used to chat still.
I'm like, hey, chat, what's up, motherfuckers?
Dude, count on me.
Monte Crisco, go home and watch it.
First time I met you, you slept in the van.
Oh, yeah.
Dude.
I was fucked up. That's we got taken out to salt lake city together
and that was the first time i met him and the first night that he we slept in salt lake city
he like apparated in the morning and we're like hey what's up nikki it's a good just woke up in
the van i was like why i left the house right what i don't even know what it was like two in the
morning three in the morning i left the house and i was walking to the other house because
my bedroom was there sitting in the fucking basement and then i was like yeah and i don't
know why i saw the vans we were being transported i was like it would be funny if i slept in the
back of that tonight i legit did you say that out loud to yourself?
I like you like no one was around you like dude. This is hilarious
And I was like is it open and then I like put my shit down I'm like oh
Cool, and then I ran inside grabbed a couch pillow and a blanket that was on the couch and i ran back outside and i was like the back looks terrible
it's just metal in the back put a pillow there and i had to sleep in a ball because there wasn't
enough room no you didn't have to you could have went inside so let's readjust the word have to
that's a word you didn't have to use at all you could have slept inside so let's readjust the word have to that's a word you
didn't have to use at all you could have slept the fuck inside when you realize you have to be
in a ball leave dude no dude and i slept in there and i woke up and chris was like where were you
this morning because they brought everybody breakfast and i was like in the back of the van
yo i was like no he's like doing what and i I was like, I slept there last night. Nico's waiting all day for them to laugh about it.
He was like, I just sit in the back of my head like, man, I hope somebody comes and checks on me.
Dude, this joke is going to hit so hard.
It's funny now that I know you, but like only knowing you for 11 hours, you're like, bro, I slept in the van last night.
I'm like, no, y'all are like, what are these pillows doing in here?
They're like, what are these pillows doing?
I was like, I slept in the van last night.
My bad.
I'll put them back in the house.
Because they're like, what the fuck?
Silver, you're like, that wasn't funny.
They go from your character online to meeting you to that.
I was like, oh, he's retarded.
Retarded.
When I was out with Brandon last night, bro.
Oh, God.
Bro, tell me you didn't go to Little Woody's.
No, they went to a gay club.
No, we actually did. I'm not did. We went to a different the dude
Zeus Texas is like I'm gonna go into the gay club. It's a Sunday and I'm like
Yeah, you can't be
He forgot it Sunday, he's like I'm like yeah we're happy again bro I was in Vegas the last trip
we went to a gay bar
best fucking bar experience
ever
gay bars are the best bars
yeah
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Different is calling.
Like nothing, nothing is even close. I had a lot of drinks
while we were in Vegas, you know.
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, you know.
I see your eyebrow.
No.
Dude, I was walking
You know.
God damn it. Stop it, you're putting me on the spot. I was walking
Or is he likes to call his come slide? Oh you're you're come drainage ditch
Spider web prevention technology. It drains. It's like, it all just runs down here.
Keeps it out of his eye.
Now that you brought up the van life, I have to show you this image that I sent.
Oh, don't say van life.
Hashtag van life.
Hashtag van life.
I remember growing up as a child watching Chris Farley making fun of people that lived in vans because they were poor.
Now you have to have a fucking trust fund to live in a van down by the river.
Bro, Vans are just Vans though.
Because Brandon always says, brother, never let me walk anywhere ever again.
And at 3 in the morning...
Oh, no that's yours.
Okay, that was yours.
At 3 in the morning he's like, oh god, did you actually manage to get back to the house?
And I was like, nah, but this grass mad soft can you screenshot these and send them to me because holy shit
but this grass is mad soft
read those texts out loud That's awesome. Look at the time. Look at the time. I know.
Read those texts out loud.
Please. How old is your iPhone?
It's even funnier.
This is a new one.
You have the smallest little iPhone.
I have tiny hands, bro.
Oh, he does.
They're smaller than mine.
No, they're smaller than mine.
Eli, no, fuck this.
I don't care about you.
You're a big dude. Eli, hands. No, his are small.
This is why people think you're small.
Man, that's a hand part-time job.
How big is your dick?
Dude, my shit trickles so thick, dude.
That's why I don't care about my hands.
I'm like, it's fine.
We've talked about it. It's like taking a pic with your dick.
You just use a Barbie hand.
You want to look like a mammoth? Those little things you put on your fingers. You're like... with your dick you just use a Barbie hand and that soft text message thread
is even funnier because Brandon was there and salt like also and knows that
he slept in the van so like it, it's believable. He just said, fuck it, this yard's nice.
Well, guess what?
The place we're at, Brandon's like,
I'm going to get a fucking Uber.
We'll go back to my place.
We can like crash and be safe there.
And I was like, how far away am I from the house?
And I look at my home, like 13 miles.
And I was like, I'll catch you later, brother.
He's like, Nico, no.
I was like, okay, okay. And I literally just started sprinting across the street. I was like, good later, brother. He's like, Nico, no. I was like, okay, okay.
And I literally just started sprinting across the street.
I was like, good night, bro.
And I just was running for like two miles.
And I look at my phone like, fuck.
Still 12 miles.
I was like, 11 miles.
I was like, holy shit, dude.
You were just deciding to walk home.
Yeah, I thought it would be fun.
What is your brain? It's going to be hilarious when I wake up in this hot hard van. Dude, I thought it'd be fun. What is your brain? It's gonna be hilarious when I wake up in this
hot hard van.
Dude, I'm 12 miles out.
The guys are gonna find this funny too.
I'm gonna run home at
3 a.m. It was funny until
it was like 3 o'clock and I was
like, I fucked up.
I definitely fucked up.
I'm halfway.
The booze wore off?
Yeah.
I was like, man, Dan.
I was like, don't ever let me watch it again.
And then, bro,
he's like, obviously,
he's like, did you make it back? And I'm like,
no. I just picture you, like,
jogging. It's that two-mile mark, and you're like,
dude, I'm running like this. It's dark.
I'm like, I still have, like, it's dark. I'm like I
Still have like I'll come in like this so I just picture that dark highway road though with lights illuminating it
So many times you're coming to that stop you like Mike, huh? Huh? Huh?
You look up and you're like
10 miles you hear a coyote howling you're like oh man no i'm drunk dude i was i was so dude cars
were like going by because it's like a freeway right it's like a sir the frontage road yeah yeah
yeah and yeah it's a fucking freeway walking on the side of the freeway yeah were you walking
to kmart like i've never seen anybody do that dude i was just walking i'm like who gonna stop me nobody like i hope people were driving by their lighting nico ortiz and they just kept driving dude that dude's hitting
it roughly three just fans homie peaked and he died yeah his man his tiktok career is dying by
the way there's no fucking lights on that like road. So I'm scared of all these cars hitting me, right?
Because they go by and it's like.
Should have had your PT belt.
And then there were no cars for like 30 seconds.
And the last car went by and then it was like pitch black.
And I was like, what the fuck?
I was like, oh my God, my eyes.
I was like, what the fuck?
I'm like, I can't see shit, dude.
I was freaking out for a minute.
So that was fun.
You just unlocked a fucking core memory.
I like almost forgot about PT belts for a second. How did, haven't you done a video on PT belts? I don't know
Oh my god
Reflective contraceptive
Dude, I was researching I was trying to find out like where PT belts came about and like why they happened
I cannot find it to save my life
Like man, I had to know like
there's a reason actually for pt belts is it really like pt belts is literally just
the equivalent of like one person shits we all gotta wear a diaper
one time and now mcdonald's cups say this is hot coffee
uh that's fake, actually.
That's a completely different story.
Stop it.
Don't.
I swear to God, do you want to know this?
It's a good story.
I love that story.
Oh, I know it.
You want to know it?
So, like, they created an ad campaign that they spilled hot coffee, or somebody spilled
hot coffee.
Old lady.
Old lady.
In her 70s.
That's the whole thing.
It was, they didn't put the lid on all the way, and they handed it to an old lady in
her, like, her 70s or her 80s, and when they handed it to an old lady in her, like her seventies or her eighties.
And when they handed it to her,
it spilled on her lap and gave her third degree burns all over her thighs and
genitals and genitals.
And she was in the hospital for a very long time and it racked up all these
health bills.
So she's only to get money to cover her health expenses.
And McDonald's literally said,
well,
she's so old.
We're just going to tie it up in litigation
until she dies and the problem goes away.
And then they created that marketing campaign
to that of how ridiculous it is.
So yeah, there's that.
They fucked that old lady
because she literally was like,
all I want.
So it was the coffee also was well above boiling point
because it's supposed to be like 90 Celsius,
92 Celsius.
Fuck is that?
I don't fucking know.
Talk like your country went to the 60 Fahrenheit.
I don't know how hot it is.
Coffee supposed to be because on my little thing, 202 your tea is tea.
I love tea.
I'm sorry.
He is tea.
He's great. What's worse, the metric system
or tea?
It's the same.
It's the same thing.
I drink my tea at 202 degrees Fahrenheit.
It's just metric leaf water.
I fucking hate it.
That's terrible.
That's a shirt for you. Metric leaf
water? That's such a good.
But no, that lady,
it was well above boiling point.
So they had all those fuck ups.
And then as he said,
not lit on, spilt on her fucking genital,
like everything, fused it shut.
It was a bad thing.
And she was just like,
yeah, she had to have reconstructive surgery.
And then it was just like, Target built to have reconstruction surgery and then it was just like
target built the shit fucking just fuses so you know the dust and then she won but she did win
money from it because she did just go against she was like i just want my bill pays mcdonald's like
fuck you like they made the conscious decision to tie it up in litigation like writing it out
until their plan was to write it out and tie it up in litigation until she passed away.
Like it's pretty fucked up.
Yeah.
Fucked up.
Yeah.
Now people are like, oh, here's the real story behind that.
And you're like, oh, man.
Fuck.
Because I remember little.
It was just like you just learned.
It's like this old dumb lady spilled coffee.
Yeah.
You can sue anybody for anything in America.
I give it like the first one. So people like, oh, she just took it just call it but knowledge. It's like that's my comment section all the time some but knowledge too, but it's very different
I
Also have that but no
Baddies but knowledge let's go
Nick here
Just tap it just tap it before we would start this ad read
This is the ghost bed pillows like baddies saying right now. We want more because
These things are bed send me another pillow roseos for reals though this is a mattress
it feels so comfortable you like toss your trash pillows now the second my head hits something i
know it's not right i'm like sav i don't want your shitty ass pillow from walmart these though
it's cool dude have you do you put yours in a pillowcase oh Oh, yeah. No, don't. Wait, what? That's the fucking case.
The pillow's inside.
It's got a zipper.
What?
Use the outside.
It's legitimately, like, cooling as fuck.
Really?
Bro, I'm telling you, just rock that shit.
Raw dog your pillow, bro.
So nice.
Oh, yeah, I'll hold it up here.
All right.
Every mattress has a 20-year warranty.
Some even have a 25-year warranty.
You can even try it out for 101 nights.
If you don't like it, you can send it back.
No hard feelings.
Who does that?
Perhaps GhostBed?
Is it GhostBed?
Boo!
The pillows you've been talking about this entire time?
One of our favorite parts about GhostBed is that each mattress has cooling technology,
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Batty, thanks for having me here by the way, guys.
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read these prices are scary boo that was awful. Okay, Nick. Nico.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Favorite video game ever.
Favorite video game ever.
I just want to know.
Fallout 3.
Ooh.
The Fallout series and the Assassin's Creed series,
but if I had to pick, like, from childhood that I wish they continued,
it's actually Jak and Dexter.
I like that.
You have a great choice.
I got to talk to you about assassin Creed real quick
Go they don't suck
You said Jack and Dexter and it like literally unlocked a core memory of me playing Jack and Dexter on my PSP
Bad happening trials that you're a lot of things recently
I just want to reflect on how ahead of its time and how fantastic the PSP was I
Never had a died because everybody hated it. I thought it was amazing. I hated it I loved it all my friends had it and I played it one time. I was like I have a PlayStation
Dude in Iraq the PSP was fucking Joe on my down
Yeah, no, no I had yeah, but I had
Do always the zoom the zoom halo edition you guys remember the zoom
Dude, this is before your guys's time
Microsoft put out the zoom which was just the same as the original iPod but better in every fucking way
But it didn't have the marketing of an iPod and it failed
It's not that it didn't have the marketing it didn'tod and it failed miserably. No, no, no. It's not that it didn't have the marketing. It didn't have an insane fucking cult that thinks anything
that Mac puts out is the best. Okay, that's true.
That's also true. The Zune was so fucking awesome.
Dude, I beat off that Zune. Right, exactly.
Just like how I am.
That's the name of this episode.
Sticky Zune.
Dude, I just would be like, time
to go to the port of john have my zoo
walk in walk out hashtag sauna fap dude jack and dexter and did you guys ever play conquerors if
you have oh bad for a day oh my god if you like jack and dexter or jack and dexter you would love
conquerors bad for a day it's n64 so yeah it's n64 right didn't they remaster it They should I think they did you guys like Jim. Yeah, Jack and Dexter was a
Shows the third one
The first one was very confusing when they traveled through time though
And they were in the future with like hovercrafts and guns and shit on the second one though. They did the second one. Okay?
like that was is nerdy oh i know you're gonna hate
this i don't care after uh you're gonna get this point just go back in time and do a cup counter
on everybody i'm curious yeah yeah just start putting i have to be drinking all day or you
guys already know this right now i will freak out on the fucking planes oh yeah he's not a freak out
on the fucking plane i have i'm gonna have to drink all day till 9 when my plane takes
Yeah, I have to drink all day or I'm gonna fucking freak out
I've uh, good. I've been around Nico for about five days cumulative in my life right now, and it's never been dull
He's a great guy
I love I know all of your I can tell your personality trace by you guys just staying here
And I'm noticing that with guests when they come here
I'm like I'm telling you right now like your wife cleans a majority of your house. She's the clean one
Why it is my wife's mission to make it look like I don't exist in the house like I have my one office where my
Computer is that's where my shit goes period but it's if they organize
It's getting fucking heated down the stairs
Your shit is ugly get it out of my house like I don't want your Carhartt bullshit hanging on the shelf your dirty work clothes
eat
Cuz I was like oh like nickel like the coffee maker right now
It's pulled out from the thing and I'm always that pulled out right now
I wasn't it
Sorry, this isn't you being dirty. I apologize. This is Eli's tism kicking. It's flaring up
Left a coffee maker out cuz it's still on so I know he's a fucking slob Yeah, Nick did Nick open the charging cables and left the open package next to it
Yeah
Did you would you prefer that I opened the garage door over there and threw it into your garage?
Yes, please.
A fucking ocean of Amazon boxes?
I swear to God, the entire two-bay garage, completely full, six feet high, nothing but empty Amazon boxes.
He's right.
Everything.
It won't take long to tell you Neutral's ingredients.
Vodka.
Soda.
Natural flavors.
So, what should we talk about?
No sugar added?
Neutral.
Refreshingly simple.
Truth.
I'm going to throw it in there.
I'll do it right now.
I like to cosplay as Scrooge McDuck, and that is my coins.
When people talk about compartmentalizing, that's not what they meant.
They didn't mean to shove all your fucking shit in the garage.
You, that garage is...
We'll take a picture and post it.
Because this house is fucking spotless.
You go to that garage, though, it's like...
It's a whole hoarder.
You're, like, moving stuff around.
There's a little path through it.
It's a maze.
We're opening it with a corn maze.
It's just a cardboard maze.
Kids can come in.
There's four skeletons in there
Nico to the sleep in there The dudes are going to laugh their ass off. I'm like, dudes, there's nobody around.
I'm like, this is going to be great, dude.
Smashing cardboard and making a cardboard blanket.
I'm like, Nico, no one finds this hilarious.
Ever.
I'll be like, I'm going to laugh about it tomorrow.
Going to the bar with Nico?
Best experience.
Oh, God, explain.
If you get in a fight at the bar and Nico is there with you,
he could not know what's going on.
And if you get in a physical alter,
he's going to come out of left field and double leg drop kick whoever's
fucking with you and then ask questions later.
Like he's just like, this guy just tried to find me.
I was like, where the fuck is this bitch?
Take me there right now.
And then fucking, uh, he walks up and he's like so this
guy right here and I looked at like I'm not trying to like throw a first punch
right like that's the elite that's where like shit is like that's where the crime
happens he's like so this guy the dude turns around and then like I gotta go
like this I'm like like trying to make
Fighting him right and then they like this to do that back me. I was like oh, oh no he didn't like he's cool
An inch from death it's crazy. You know
You know microwaves have a fucking popcorn button yeah, like there's no reading instructions
Nico's got a fight button
Go and chances are I'm like it's sober
Remember when you were playing a fallout and you're like companion dog or your ogre whatever the fuck Something that's like seven eight feet tall like this Deathclaw Shooting the dog in the leg.
You're slowing you down for the death claw.
So you are a popcorn button.
That's amazing.
Chances are it's not going to work, right?
So it's just hitting people.
Yeah, death claws have that ATF perk.
Extra damage on dogs.
Oh, no.
God, I haven't played a Fallout in God knows how long.
This is a good, like, best.
We were arguing with Cody and Brandon yesterday.
We think that Fallout 3 is the best,
and they are thoroughly convinced that Fallout New Vegas is the best.
I'll go with 3, 100%. Yeah.
I like 2 and 1. Here was our argument. I'll go with three. A hundred percent. Yeah. I like two in one.
Here was our argument.
He's old, guys.
He's fucking 80.
You play in the back of your covered wagon, you fucking pilgrim.
Jesus Christ.
Fallout.
I don't even know what Fallout 1 and 2 look like.
Sorry.
Seven minutes.
A six-minute audio. Do we say something we're not supposed to say? I
We didn't crack a beer usually sinks over beer cracks now. We didn't crack a beer We didn't cloud folks gonna hate us for this one you
There's a sync button
But we were saying that fall out of fallout 3 was like the last big game that came out when?
Gaming companies would just release a complete fucking product and not released 40% of a complete game and then sell you the rest as a DLC
Fallout 3 map is massive
The true open world experience. Yeah, like it's fucking huge an interaction for the entire way 2005 or 2008
eight oh
Man, I saw that I can time I was a I can guess
Game is ahead of its fucking time. Then you guys didn't play. That's why you would have loved Fallout 1 and 2. I've seen the gameplay on that
and I'm like, this is not for fucking me.
If somehow you're an adult and you're watching
this podcast,
let your kids play RPGs. It's really
important when they become an adult because you really learn
how to interact with a lot of fucking NPCs
walking around in this planet.
Very important.
Niko's a quest giver. You can tell.
Still an NPC, but like like an important
one yeah no he's definitely giving a question it's like i misplaced my three pillows i slept
in a trailer last night can you find that trailer and you're like why why are you
not going decker cane for that good job that's nico's voice what i don't know it's not he's
not steak sauce right now what all right you're giving quests. You're in you give a mission. Yeah, you're an embassy
But you're like a boss bot you're like a rich bot you handed out you a quest giver
You're an NBC but like it was giver was giver no fucking We gotta talk to three bots before we get to you. He's like, I don't know what's going on. That's like the nicest way to insult somebody.
Like, you're an NBC, but like, you're a ghost giver.
Ghost giver.
No fucking.
Fallout 2 was the first.
I love the Fallout series.
So, Fallout 2 came out in 98.
It's isometric.
Did you have to plug that game console into AC or DC electricity?
DC.
I'm crazy.
Edison come out with it? Edison come out with it?
Edison come out with it?
I fucking hate you for how old I am. What?
You hate him for how old you are.
You're the reason I'm old.
But for 98, those are the first games that broke.
Did you just say 98?
Yeah, that game came out in 98 or 97.
That was fucking four.
Nico was born.
98.
It might have been 97, actually.
I was three.
I'd like to get money.
Do it.
This or this.
It's old as fuck.
That was the first game, though.
You're old as fuck.
You could, yes, 100%.
Marry somebody and then prostitute them out.
And that was, again, in the 90s.
You're like, what the fuck is this game?
And you could kill entire cities.
It's Fallout.
That didn't change. Oh, in the video game. I was're like what the fuck is this game and you could kill entire cities it's fallout like that didn't change video games i was like what are we talking you have like i was like that blackout
for a second i was like what the fuck just changed you can literally marry people in fallout one uh
fallout one and two and then you can prostitute them out to make money. The games are really
fucked up and you're like, oh, and then they're like
Fallout 3. They're like, yo, let's make it
first person now.
That was highly successful for the PC
market space. Let's make it this.
And then it turned down to the fucking Fallout series
which is, again,
fucking cream of the crop because the
choices you make in the game actually
change. It's not like, yeah, it's not the lines of dialogue well that was in the
time of fall throughs in the time of like your elder Scrolls in time of what
was the Star Wars one mass mass mass effect
yeah oblivion was 2006 I think oblivion is fucking amazing. That was all new stuff.
Making choices in games. Holy fuck.
That didn't exist.
Now I think it got watered down
because the new Fallout,
they didn't change.
You can change the fucking...
The text doesn't matter what you say. You'll still get the same line
of dialogue, and that's what I hated because the old ones
it did. You literally...
Oh, fuck. People are complaining about shit, did. You're like, you litter. Oh,
fuck.
No,
cause people are complaining about shit,
bro.
They're like,
Oh,
I don't,
I made a mistake and I want to go back.
It's like,
you can't go back.
You're like,
welcome to life.
Motherfucker.
So fallout,
I forgot about this fallout one and two.
This is my favorite mechanic that they didn't incorporate.
Uh,
what is the best stats in fallout three,
four intelligence?
Did it matter matter i don't
know well you guys fuck what i remember that yeah maybe you would eli what stats are important
what's that because i want to be able to carry all my shit lock picking is always one that i
really went for well not lock picking hacking hacking and oblivion and skyrim So your stats really mattered in Fallout.
Let's say you took all your stats away from Intelligent
and then you put it in Strength, you did whatever.
In Fallout 2 and 1, if you did that
and you put your Intelligence at 1
and you put everything else everywhere,
the stats came like this.
Your guy in conversations, it would be like,
hey, you are the chosen one.
You have to ooga booga
booga booga re redo your guy couldn't speak english so people would be like yeah that's
fucking weird and you had to play the whole game as a fucking idiot and it has the best lines of
dial because you go up to the kingdoms and it'd be like ooga booga do do goo and the king would
be like i don't understand what the fuck you say you guys like
Like shoot them in the head you're like ah, this is a chaos mission. I like this so much trying to talk to
Oblivion was super cool because I remember you could like opt to become a fucking vampire
Yeah, it's just like you could literally only play the game
when it was fucking dark outside.
Because you were a fucking gangster in the dark.
You were like unstoppable in the dark.
But the best strength, the magic was insane.
But like you could only play at night.
Yeah, and then you had to dig into the guts of the game
to find like the cure.
Dude, the vampire cure in the old games was wild.
Yeah, I remember I was like
And then like the first like a bowl of onions knows like so bitch Because in oblivion I want to play the game, but I can't. Dude, that's so good.
Accidentally becoming, because in Oblivion.
Accidentally becoming. You would.
You would fight a vampire, and you would get hit by them, and they would pass you.
Vampirism.
Vampirism, yeah.
And, like, if you don't have the cure, go fuck yourself.
It was just like any disease, because I don't.
Yeah, well, there was a way.
There was diseases and shit in the games.
You can cure it, like, right from the get.
Like, through, like, sleep or, like. A cure disease, but, like, right out of the like through like sleep or like a cure disease
But like right if it lasted a day if yeah, if you passed up that opportunity
You were a fucking vampire and you had to like do google research
To try and figure out how the fuck to not be a vampire and you're like this quest barely fucking exists
The homeless dude in the middle of the woods. He has the cure. What the fuck?
No, that was the thing in oblivion, which was much better than Morrowind still,
if you caught vampirism or anything like that,
it would be like, all right, here's how you cure it,
but it wouldn't direct you to how to cure it.
No.
Like, once Skyrim hit, that's when it really put quest markers
on every single objective to find every little thing you needed.
I was going to say, I think Oblivion is better than Skyrim.
Dude, I'm not going to argue with you.
The Shivering Isles was probably the greatest expansion I have ever played of a game. I think oblivion is better than Skyrim dude. I'm not
Was probably the greatest expansion I've ever played of a game ever to this day, and you're unlocking so many
Fable 3 never played fable
That was again a game change I know the next fable got delayed like a year. I had a so y'all know I had a buddy is the best man My wedding he did you know, you could like do blacksmithing to raise money
Yeah
And like you had like running the kingdom you had you had choices that you had to make where it was like the kingdom ran
Out of money and now these people are gonna be mad at you because you didn't give him fucking money to do there
Whatever the fuck he would literally just go on blacksmith for like six hours and like hit combos and he
raised like millions of dollars and he like gave everybody all their money and he had like the
highest charisma and morale i'd ever seen in the game and it was like a special xbox achievement
oh fucking awesome do chris i always charisma luck those are always my stats i pour into games
like that
I'm like in fable dude. Oh no lucky enough. I was was another thing to luck in most games
Yeah, lock lock in that one where you could like speak to people and like you can persuade them charisma charisma
Yeah, yeah, the charisma that's so you can great great great question for an influencer to ask
Yeah, we're saying when, you like win people over?
Yeah.
Is that intelligence?
Which one is it?
Ooga Booga.
It's strange, right?
Fucking, it might be luck.
Oh my God, I forgot.
Fallout 2, you could get,
what was the drugs in Fallout?
Can you stop talking about that?
What's the drugs?
Nobody played Fallout 2.
What's the drugs?
In Fallout, it's the same drug they've always used.
Meth?
I don't, what message drugs like it's like
Yeah, right
the red
Jet is the drug so you can get
Him so yeah, I'm addicted to it
Yes
You can't so in the fallout 2 you would get addicted to it where you looks like an adrenaline. Yes, an inhaler. You can't.
So in Fallout 2, you would get addicted to it where you had to continue to do it.
And then your character transformed into Hulk weird creature.
And so you'd have to do it.
Yeah, I was like, he's literally turned into a fucking super mutant.
Yeah, you turn into a super mutant.
You have to play the game as a super mutant addicted to Jet.
And you go, oh, if you don't have it, rage, berserk.
This is a 90s game. It is fucking mind blowing on the shit they did what did you play either skyrim or uh oblivion as what
class or morrowind no yeah i want to know uh like which class you didn't play them person human
human yeah human which human that's like four different kinds a draw yeah i
know it's like were you a drought no one was in a drought the god i don't even remember it's like
a breton or nord is one of the two humans uh breton was the big red guard breton red guards
were magic the north yeah adrenaline they could sprint they check mark shivering
no I played and then naturally the first time I played.
I was a Khajiit named Chester.
Oh, Khajiit.
The Khajiit.
I couldn't do the Khajiit.
I was like, you can see in the dark, and you're kind of fast.
Cool.
Fuck you.
Fireball.
You're dead.
Brands were the way.
You'd take more damage, but then you'd just, you'd use your star sign to make it to the
Atronauts
Whatever the fuck they were so that you would absorb magic half the time instead of getting out by it
I remember I was like if I'm gonna play okay. We have an abjuration wizard here, okay?
No, okay. I'll let you know in a second continue. No. I was just saying like if it was magic and light armor
That's that's what the fuck I was doing i was like okay i'm gonna become the i'm gonna be the master fucking mage like let's go here hear me out
khajiit max out stealth arrows
stealth melee and fireball fireball and then you go and you join the brotherhood of assassins
you go all the way the dark brotherhood Assassins. You go all the way.
The Dark Brotherhood.
You get their fucking their dagger at the very end.
That's like if you hit them with stealth, it's like 900 times.
I was literally walking up in Skyrim like to a fucking dragon dead.
Whole dragon.
That's why if you did that and then also with the arrows, because I accidentally did that my first playthrough.
And I was just like, oh oh I'm a god now you like a dragon could be like the most powerful dragon in the
lands is up on that Mount Pekin you're like punch a dude in the face and then
squat down on your knees, where'd you go? And you're right in front of him. Where are you?
Reveal yourself! Stop, you violated the law!
Yeah, so...
Huh?
I forgot about that shit.
I'm sad that Oblivion ended that, man.
Was there any cheats that you guys took advantage of in like, uh, Fallout or Oblivion?
Nope. That was one of the...
I never cheated in that.
I cheated my fucking ass off would I would exploit stuff by
Enchanting maybe but I would never
For office one day answer ever I didn't cheat I exploited you could crack potion
Cool I got a glass
Oblivion there was this glitch where you could take a bow and you could draw your arrow and then I know you open your inventory
Whatever you show whatever you click on it with an item and how other than you could fire and whatever however many
Say you had like 500 fucking apples you could fucking open it draw
Select 500 apples and then select a different item. And then when you let go, it would make 500 of that other item.
So, like, if you had an item that was worth a fuck ton of money.
Oh, you could do gems.
Yeah, gems.
Greater soul gems with a greater soul in it.
Whatever the fuck it was.
And it would, like, but your game would be, like, three frames per second.
You could feel your Xbox vibrate.
You could feel it.
You could hear your Xbox go.
Trying to generate 500 new fucking items. It's taking off. Again. You can hear your Xbox go They wanted me to do this. New COD, the new Modern Warfare, we found out there's two good exploits
to level guns really quick.
Nico, Modern Warfare or Battlefield?
Battlefield.
You're a piece of shit.
That's entirely...
The new COD is...
I do the old COD compared to this one.
The thing that pisses me off is the hardcore.
There's no hardcore.
Yet.
They're dropping it, are they?
This month, they're dropping it.
Yeah, they're dropping it.
That's my main issue.
DMZ and that, or whatever it's called.
I'm weird.
I like to go semi with my rifles in Call of Duty.
100%.
I love doing hardcore.
And I'm like, when I have to shoot you with 15 rounds, I'm not having fun.
Oh, you're just not good.
I can be the best player in the world.
It's not going to be fun by doing that because I love types of games.
I love a realistic aspect to it.
Just fucking come play Darko with me.
EBR in.
I do play Darko with you.
I'm trying to learn the game better so I can keep up. It doesn't matter. Just come play Darko with me. EBR in... I do play Dark with you. I'm trying to learn the game better so I can
keep up. It doesn't matter.
Just come play Dark with me. Dude, I fall and die
immediately. I'll be like, guys, we started
and I'll be like, why is my guy fainting?
Oh, fuck, you don't have any water or food.
Shit. I would
play if my PC sponsor would get me
a PC. Do we rip into
one? No, I'm joking.
I'm about to just go buy one you should just buy one do the
The EBR I will say in the campaign is nice because it is like one shot to the head and they are fucking
Dropping to the great sound it has to that's the only time in that game
We like oh even the armor guys if they have full armor you and for it's gonna take at least 30 rounds
EBR one round they. They'll be like,
everyone else is
a bull mag.
Bull mag to the head.
I just wish we could go back to Call of Duty
Modern Warfare 2.
One or two.
That was
the best game ever.
And now it's like,
X, power slide, 30 30 fucking feet around a corner
Mag dumping it's just it's jump 17 feet in the air
We've never come back from advanced warfare. Yep. That's the one I quit playing up. That's literally
rough and then advanced warfare was
The end let's add running on walls because titanfall did it they literally
we gotta do we gotta do the run thing and put them in a meg suit and they did now you remember
there was megs the exoskeleton yeah and people were like this this actually kind of sucks cock
let's not let's actually go backwards from where we're at right now and i do modern warfare i do
think they um they turned
it down like slide you can't slide cancel and that shit anymore it's a little slower it's not
i can't but you can slide yeah dude i actually i did slide in combat multiple times getting shot
at like if it was up i'm see me i'm down i would actually slide i would use my knee pads the only
time i'd pull them up from my butt my my boot sides was if i was like doing
that shit i'd slide them up i'm like i'm probably gonna have to do like knee slides or something
like that or hit the ground hard only time i do it because i'd be like i'm up i'm sitting and i'm
down like if it's slick grass i'm like and i lay back down yeah i don't encourage people to slide
please stop it i hate this conversation I used it a lot
Yeah
Just if you're watching at home they patched that in real life. It doesn't work anymore
Like a dumbass in a video I just put out because I was like dude
I was like oh like I'm making fun of game. I was like I ran and I said no like oh by the way
This is honest. I really didn't notice.
I was like, oh, look, cool. I slide canceled.
They're like, what?
You can't even slide cancel in this game.
I was like, what are you talking about?
I literally just ran and slid and I ran and slid again.
They're like, oh, you're an idiot?
You don't know slide canceling? I was like,
it was like I saw a flash of my entire life.
I was like, why did y'all always slide so fast? I slid so slow. It's because I was like, I was like every it was like it's all flash of my entire life I was like, why did y'all always slide so fast and I slid so slow?
It's cuz I was literally just run and slide and run and slide you weren't canceling
I wasn't I was like, I didn't know there was a separate thing our 15. She's kicked
The I would run slide hit the ground shoot and then let other person bound for sure like a smart person
Yeah, I would be like, run, slide.
Not cancel the slide because I want to lay down in the prone.
So I have.
Return fire.
Then I'm like, go, buddy.
I'll engage firing now.
Rotate.
It's what happens.
War.
It's fun times.
War.
What a good time.
I really like how you guys don't do in-video ads anymore.
You do them after the fact, ever since the Outer Regs one that got out of hand.
Outer Regs?
No, we did them after that in for a lot, actually.
Yeah, depending on what's the schedule and the timing.
Yeah, it all depends on who the guest is, too.
Sometimes they'll be talking and we don't want to interrupt them with,
Outer Regs, Put cum in your hair!
Though, yours did really good.
Give me an outer eggs pitch.
No, one. Just a quick one.
Why? Do it. I have a beard oil.
This is not beard oil. This is fucking
pomade. Oh, no.
You have a pomade? You're doing it for us. It's not for you.
Stop it.
Gross. You ain't getting nothing out of this.
Let's hear your best ad.
Sorry, I'm not either.
That one smells good.
This video is brought to you by Outta Rags Basic Operator.
If you wanted to dress like Han Solo every October,
it smells like pumpkin spice in Starbucks.
It's fantastic.
That was a great start.
Now finish it.
Yeah.
Finish me.
I'm already finished. No, that was a really good one finish it yeah finish me i'm already finished no that was a really good i'm here to disappoint you were that was like i was having the best sex ever and then it went
just south and you gave up and then she's finding harder nope that was it Adam Riggs use code on something
Or com 20
Use code com 20
Nico let's hear your pitch now
What's in your hair right now Nico
Uh
You don't want to know
No you're supposed to say
Fucking Adam
Whatever weed killer that person uses
In their yard
Adam Riggs Untouched bro Tastes delicious whatever weed killer that person uses in their yard.
Out of rags.
Untouched, bro.
Tastes delicious.
Wait, hold on.
We got a new, okay.
No, it actually tastes like pumpkin.
Tastes like pumpkin delicious.
There's a new out of rags that says it's peppermint.
Yeah.
Bro, I want to smell like a fucking candy cane.
Oh my God.
Smell that, smell that.
Oh my God, it smells like gingerbread cum.
It's amazing. Smell that. It's peppermint. Oh my God, oh my god, it smells like gingerbread come it's amazing
Oh my god, you just
Oh my god
Come 20 what what the fuck why the fuck what the fuck what the fuck is going on what the fuck is going on what the this is the ad read you sucking on thumbs fucking eating pomace
starting with a solid fucking ad you're now picking your goddamn teeth bad he's offering his thumb delicious guys have you tried baddie cereal? Baddie, stop eating your fucking shit
What the fuck
I think Aderex is going to hire me to help
But we're going to go ahead
We're going to start a petition
That the White House actually has to respond to
To let our military grow fucking beards
And then you're going to sell more products
Can't you just be Norse now?
It's not like a thing
I'm a Viking
You can, but they really bully you
from what I'm seeing. Really?
Like, NCOs bully the shit out of you.
Why? Who gives a fuck?
It's a commander's discretion thing.
Commander's discretion?
Every other military
on Earth gets to grow a beard.
But they're not back-to-back
World War champs. They literally are, though.
You can say what you want, but Canada, Britain, India, Canada, they're all back-to-back World War champs. They literally are, though. You can say what you want, but Canada,
Britain, India, Canada,
they're all back-to-back World War champs with us.
It's a team effort.
How many nuclear warheads did they drop off?
So fascinating.
Fascinating thing.
Thank you for watching the
M2I podcast.
As always, Eli
Doublesap, I'm Matty Streams. We have our
very special guest, Nico
Ortiz.
And the Fat Electrician. Where can
we find you? What's up with you, Nick? Where can
we find you? TheFatElectrician.com.
Perfect. Nico, where can we find you?
Don't come find me. In my bedroom.
Thank you guys.
We'll see you next time.